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All language subtitles for Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human 1999 (David Hyde Pierce, Mackenzie Astin, Carmen Electra, Lucy Liu)_720p (fzmovies.live)

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:33,909 We will begin in ten seconds. 2 00:00:33,993 --> 00:00:37,246 Please ad just your universal translator to the language of your understanding. 3 00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:40,041 We will begin in five seconds. 4 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,129 We will begin in zero seconds. 5 00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,594 Of all the creatures in the universe.... 6 00:00:51,635 --> 00:00:55,973 none possess the mating ritual as complex, as perverse... 7 00:00:56,057 --> 00:01:00,603 as tragically beautiful as the earthbound human. 8 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:04,440 More passionate than the Orktamus of Centali Five... 9 00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:07,610 more neurotic than the Sleekanda of Sleewa... 10 00:01:07,651 --> 00:01:09,653 it is a wonder that these furry creatures... 11 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:12,656 have not gone extinct millennia ago. 12 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,117 But in spite of their self-inflicted paradox... 13 00:01:15,159 --> 00:01:17,328 their numbers grow at a rapid pace... 14 00:01:17,411 --> 00:01:19,663 over-consuming their tiny planet. 15 00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:23,167 It is from these creatures that we have acquired the universal expression... 16 00:01:23,209 --> 00:01:25,586 "fuck like people. " 17 00:01:37,139 --> 00:01:41,310 The young male begins his sojourn along with others of his pack. 18 00:01:43,562 --> 00:01:48,025 Their bellies are full from a hearty meal of plant and roasted animal flesh. 19 00:01:50,236 --> 00:01:53,864 The male hides his nervousness from the rest of the pack. 20 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:57,660 He has tried this a great many times before with limited success. 21 00:01:59,787 --> 00:02:02,373 His cerebral cortex pounds with anxiety... 22 00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:05,793 his loins, with hyperactive semen. 23 00:02:08,754 --> 00:02:12,925 The male gives the Great Warrior sheaths of thin, green tree bark... 24 00:02:13,009 --> 00:02:15,177 hoping that the color will satisfy the Great Warrior... 25 00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,304 and he will allow the male to enter. 26 00:02:18,389 --> 00:02:20,975 The Great Warrior is pleased. 27 00:02:21,058 --> 00:02:24,020 He places a symbol of ink upon the male's hand-- 28 00:02:24,061 --> 00:02:28,232 proof to the world that the male is ready to mate. 29 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:35,573 His new surroundings are pleasing to him, familiar. 30 00:02:39,452 --> 00:02:43,539 He has been to sacred meeting grounds such as this before. 31 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,379 He makes his way to the long, elevated surface... 32 00:02:50,421 --> 00:02:53,424 where he will consume small amounts of fermented grain... 33 00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:57,094 in the hopes that it will make him more appealing to a potential mate. 34 00:02:58,220 --> 00:03:00,681 In fact, it has the opposite effect. 35 00:03:00,765 --> 00:03:04,977 The fermented grain makes all females more appealing to him. 36 00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:09,774 Well, almost all. 37 00:03:11,359 --> 00:03:15,946 This one, he feels, lacks the correct genetic stock for motherhood. 38 00:03:16,947 --> 00:03:20,242 This one would make a better father than mother. 39 00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,244 The male would be redundant. 40 00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:40,471 This one is clearly reserved for wealthy tribal chieftains. 41 00:03:42,473 --> 00:03:46,894 To prepare for mating, she sways her hips and flails her behind... 42 00:03:46,977 --> 00:03:50,398 in an attempt to dislodge her egg from her uterus. 43 00:03:54,318 --> 00:03:58,406 The male exhales sadly. He knows his place in the pack. 44 00:04:04,495 --> 00:04:07,623 The female feels the male's gaze upon her... 45 00:04:07,707 --> 00:04:11,585 and marks him as a potential father of her future cubs. 46 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:20,344 Her ovulation complete... 47 00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:23,597 the female ceases her gyrations and returns to her pack. 48 00:04:23,681 --> 00:04:26,350 It is the male's opportunity. 49 00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:28,644 Like all creatures of the universe... 50 00:04:28,728 --> 00:04:31,439 the male and female begin by examining each other. 51 00:04:37,153 --> 00:04:39,196 Tentatively... 52 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:44,827 carefully... 53 00:04:47,705 --> 00:04:50,207 not willing to reveal too much... 54 00:04:52,043 --> 00:04:53,961 or commit too far. 55 00:04:57,256 --> 00:05:00,551 The female bares her teeth to show she wants to mate with him. 56 00:05:01,677 --> 00:05:03,346 The male mimics this gesture... 57 00:05:03,429 --> 00:05:06,640 to show that he, too, would like to mate right now. 58 00:05:08,059 --> 00:05:10,644 Encouraged, the male attempts the next step. 59 00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:13,731 It is a long walk for him. 60 00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:17,526 He must make the perfect greeting if he wishes to be fruitful. 61 00:05:21,238 --> 00:05:24,992 If you're not a professional dancer, you should be. 62 00:05:25,076 --> 00:05:26,535 What? 63 00:05:28,788 --> 00:05:32,083 If you're not a professional dancer, you should be! 64 00:05:33,084 --> 00:05:34,377 What? 65 00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:39,006 - I think you're a great dancer! - What? 66 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:59,735 But his introduction was flawed. 67 00:05:59,819 --> 00:06:02,780 There will be no fruit for the male this evening. 68 00:06:04,615 --> 00:06:06,617 The female, for her part... 69 00:06:06,701 --> 00:06:08,744 uses her time in the sacred meeting ground... 70 00:06:08,786 --> 00:06:13,541 fending off the advances of all but the right males. 71 00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:16,752 - This one lacks intellect. - Bye. 72 00:06:21,674 --> 00:06:24,593 This one lacks a warrior's spirit. 73 00:06:24,635 --> 00:06:26,887 He would be devoured on the first hunt, she feels... 74 00:06:26,971 --> 00:06:28,931 Leaving her to raise her cubs by herself. 75 00:06:28,973 --> 00:06:30,766 Nice meeting you. Bye. 76 00:06:33,102 --> 00:06:35,980 - You're very sweet. Thanks. Bye. - This one just smells funny. 77 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:46,115 But like the childhood story of Goldilocks and the three-- 78 00:06:46,157 --> 00:06:50,453 - Hey. Remember me? - this one is just right. 79 00:06:50,494 --> 00:06:54,081 Look, I'm sorry. I just wanted to say you're a good dancer. 80 00:06:54,165 --> 00:06:58,002 I wasn't being crude. I'm just a bad mime. 81 00:06:58,085 --> 00:07:01,255 A guy apologizing. 82 00:07:01,339 --> 00:07:03,507 Now that's the way to start a relationship. 83 00:07:04,508 --> 00:07:05,634 Jenny Smith. 84 00:07:05,676 --> 00:07:07,762 The male and female rub their paws together. 85 00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:12,141 The female studies the male... 86 00:07:13,309 --> 00:07:15,770 as he, in turn, studies her. 87 00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,273 - Channel. - Shampoo. 88 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:22,485 Well, it's nice. It suits you. 89 00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:26,822 - Brut. - Channel. 90 00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:31,202 Do you often wear women's perfume? 91 00:07:31,285 --> 00:07:34,121 Yeah. It's my way of showing how I understand women. 92 00:07:34,205 --> 00:07:36,123 I'm going for that sensitive, '80s-guy kind of thing. 93 00:07:36,207 --> 00:07:38,668 - Does it work? - No. Not since the '80s. 94 00:07:38,751 --> 00:07:41,712 But, oh, man, in kindergarten I was hot stuff. 95 00:07:41,754 --> 00:07:43,798 The female exhales rapidly... 96 00:07:43,881 --> 00:07:47,468 to show that her lungs are strong and she can bear many children. 97 00:07:47,551 --> 00:07:49,970 The male exhales rapidly as well... 98 00:07:50,054 --> 00:07:54,183 to show that he has endurance and can impregnate her many times over. 99 00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,103 She lets him know that she is pleased... 100 00:07:57,186 --> 00:07:59,522 for that is what she is looking for in a mate. 101 00:07:59,563 --> 00:08:01,816 He is pleased because all his blood has rushed to his loins... 102 00:08:01,899 --> 00:08:04,860 - and he doesn't know any better. - Look, I want to keep talking to you... 103 00:08:04,944 --> 00:08:09,990 but I, you know, I was on my way to use the facilities. 104 00:08:11,492 --> 00:08:13,411 All right. Have a nice life. 105 00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:15,621 Wait. I'm just going to the bathroom. 106 00:08:15,705 --> 00:08:18,165 Yeah, right. Like I haven't used that one a gazillion times. 107 00:08:18,249 --> 00:08:21,377 Come on. You think that I'm blowing you off? Are you nuts? 108 00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:23,212 That's a really nice way of putting it, but still-- 109 00:08:23,254 --> 00:08:25,548 Okay, I'll tell you what. I'll hold it in. 110 00:08:25,589 --> 00:08:27,591 - Really? -Yeah. 111 00:08:27,633 --> 00:08:29,635 That's so sweet. 112 00:08:39,812 --> 00:08:42,273 - You're screwing with me, right? - Yeah. 113 00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:43,774 Okay. 114 00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,528 The female is pleased. 115 00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:51,198 The young male has great potential for fatherhood, she feels. 116 00:08:51,282 --> 00:08:53,242 He'll provide well for her cubs... 117 00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:56,412 and stick around long after she is fat and bloated. 118 00:08:58,164 --> 00:09:01,625 She consumes fermented grain to celebrate her good fortune. 119 00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:07,256 - See? I came back. - Groovy. Let's dance. 120 00:09:07,298 --> 00:09:10,384 Oh. I don't know if that's such a good idea. 121 00:09:10,468 --> 00:09:14,388 - You don't dance? - No, I do, but like a white guy. 122 00:09:14,472 --> 00:09:17,475 I don't know if you're impressed enough with me yet. 123 00:09:17,558 --> 00:09:19,101 Risk it. 124 00:09:24,148 --> 00:09:27,151 Okay. Just remember I would've held it in for you. 125 00:09:34,158 --> 00:09:36,118 And so the male and female see their way through the intricate dance... 126 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,495 of the mating ritual. 127 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:39,955 Both sides must play their roles perfectly... 128 00:09:39,997 --> 00:09:42,124 confronting an infinite barrage of obstacles... 129 00:09:44,043 --> 00:09:46,003 necessitating the involvement of countless other humans... 130 00:09:46,045 --> 00:09:48,506 in order for the species to reproduce. 131 00:09:48,589 --> 00:09:51,008 We don't know if they will succeed. 132 00:09:51,050 --> 00:09:55,012 And if they don't, we will film another couple who does. 133 00:09:58,766 --> 00:10:02,103 - Hey, you want to get some coffee? - I have to get up early tomorrow. 134 00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,146 - Sorry. -Jenny! There you are. 135 00:10:04,230 --> 00:10:06,982 - We've been looking for you. - Guys, this is Billy. 136 00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,527 Billy, these are my two best friends, Lydia and Lana. 137 00:10:09,610 --> 00:10:12,822 - Hi. - Lydia? Hi. Lana, right? 138 00:10:12,863 --> 00:10:15,991 - It's the other way around. - I meant it the other way around. 139 00:10:16,033 --> 00:10:18,536 The female shows the male to her pack... 140 00:10:18,619 --> 00:10:21,163 but the male is not interested in the female's pack. 141 00:10:21,205 --> 00:10:24,500 He wants to be with the female alone. 142 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:28,004 There is still something he must get from her-- 143 00:10:28,045 --> 00:10:30,506 something without which the mating ritual will come to an end. 144 00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:32,717 Panic sets in. 145 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:35,636 It is difficult to achieve with the female's pack present... 146 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,264 but he must ask for it in order for the species to go on. 147 00:10:38,347 --> 00:10:40,641 Can I get your number? 148 00:10:40,725 --> 00:10:42,852 I was wondering when you were gonna ask. 149 00:10:42,935 --> 00:10:45,229 - He's cute. - Yeah, he is cute. 150 00:10:45,312 --> 00:10:48,733 Shut up. Turn around. 151 00:10:48,774 --> 00:10:52,862 The female scratches numerical symbols onto a white sheath of tree bark.. 152 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:55,656 hoping the design will please the male. 153 00:10:57,241 --> 00:11:00,536 - Great. - The male is pleased by the design. 154 00:11:00,578 --> 00:11:03,539 To him, it is the prettiest of all pictures. 155 00:11:03,581 --> 00:11:05,708 I'll call you in-- 156 00:11:05,791 --> 00:11:07,835 - I n a while? - Yeah. I'll call you in a while. 157 00:11:07,918 --> 00:11:09,879 Great. Yeah, I'll call you in a while. 158 00:11:09,962 --> 00:11:12,298 In a while. 159 00:11:12,381 --> 00:11:14,008 Sorry. 160 00:11:14,091 --> 00:11:15,718 Tell you what. Hmm? 161 00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:17,928 - Bye. - Bye. 162 00:11:18,012 --> 00:11:21,057 - Bye. Nice meeting you. - Yeah. You too. So long. 163 00:11:21,098 --> 00:11:24,101 The male is happy with his new mate. 164 00:11:24,143 --> 00:11:28,230 It has been a goodnight at the sacred meeting ground. 165 00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:33,069 The humans of this hemisphere of the planet... 166 00:11:33,152 --> 00:11:38,032 spend most of their time at play, in tall, steel huts of their own making. 167 00:11:40,785 --> 00:11:44,372 The male busies himself with numerical symbols... 168 00:11:44,455 --> 00:11:46,582 and electronically enhanced intelligence to create a picture... 169 00:11:46,624 --> 00:11:49,627 pleasing to those superior to him in the pack. 170 00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:52,713 This game he calls "accounting. " 171 00:11:55,800 --> 00:11:59,637 He plays with a toy named after one of the small rodents of his planet. 172 00:11:59,720 --> 00:12:02,640 He presses his fingers against the rodent's buttocks... 173 00:12:02,723 --> 00:12:06,143 and gently taps upon its cheeks. 174 00:12:06,227 --> 00:12:09,105 Still, he prefers the female of his own species. 175 00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:17,446 The male is not pleased with his picture. 176 00:12:20,408 --> 00:12:23,119 He finds the female's picture much prettier. 177 00:12:24,829 --> 00:12:27,456 He wants to know how she can make such a pretty picture. 178 00:12:30,835 --> 00:12:32,670 Hi. This is Bill Waterson. 179 00:12:32,753 --> 00:12:35,464 Oh, yes, Mr. Greenwood. 180 00:12:35,506 --> 00:12:38,009 Well, we'd love to help you, but... 181 00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:40,803 gosh, I tell you, we're really booked solid. 182 00:12:40,845 --> 00:12:44,015 Let me see if there's any openings here. 183 00:12:44,098 --> 00:12:47,643 Boy, we're just-- we're just swamped here. 184 00:12:49,020 --> 00:12:52,648 Oh! Here's a cancellation at-- 185 00:12:52,732 --> 00:12:56,110 How's Thursday at 3:00? 186 00:12:56,193 --> 00:12:59,697 Or now. Yeah. We could do now. 187 00:12:59,780 --> 00:13:03,492 Now is fine. Yeah, great. We'll see you. 188 00:13:03,534 --> 00:13:05,953 - We got a client? - Looks that way. 189 00:13:06,037 --> 00:13:08,205 - Torrance referred us. - Torrance is a deadbeat. 190 00:13:08,289 --> 00:13:10,791 Yeah, but he's our deadbeat. We got three clients. 191 00:13:10,875 --> 00:13:13,502 - I think we ought to embrace him. - All right. 192 00:13:15,212 --> 00:13:17,214 - What are you doing? - Nothing. 193 00:13:21,218 --> 00:13:23,179 - You're going to call her, aren't you? - No. 194 00:13:23,262 --> 00:13:26,015 - Tell the truth. - Okay. You're developing... 195 00:13:26,057 --> 00:13:28,726 a serious body odor problem, but I don't think that's relevant. 196 00:13:30,770 --> 00:13:33,522 You just met her last night. If you call her now, you'll scare her off. 197 00:13:33,606 --> 00:13:37,360 - Come on. I don't play those games. - Don't do it, man. 198 00:13:37,443 --> 00:13:39,862 - She'll think you want her. - I do want her. 199 00:13:39,904 --> 00:13:43,532 I know, but if she thinks that, she'll find somebody else. 200 00:13:43,616 --> 00:13:46,077 Someone who doesn't want her? 201 00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:48,412 - Someone cool. - Oh, but I'm not cool. 202 00:13:48,496 --> 00:13:51,332 Exactly. That's why you got to wait a few days before you call her. 203 00:13:51,415 --> 00:13:55,044 And when you do ask her out, act like you're doing her a favor, you know? 204 00:13:55,086 --> 00:13:57,213 Like you don't give a damn if she says yes or no... 205 00:13:57,254 --> 00:13:59,548 'cause you got all these other chickadees waiting for you. 206 00:13:59,632 --> 00:14:04,345 - And that'll impress her? - Right into the sack. 207 00:14:04,428 --> 00:14:07,014 Please do not adjust your universal translator. 208 00:14:07,098 --> 00:14:09,350 We are not experiencing technical difficulties. 209 00:14:09,433 --> 00:14:13,187 This is a human thing. It makes no sense to us either. 210 00:14:15,439 --> 00:14:17,608 Heed my words, Grasshopper. 211 00:14:17,692 --> 00:14:20,111 Be patient. Be a champion. 212 00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:22,196 You know, Jimmy, it occurs to me... 213 00:14:22,279 --> 00:14:25,908 that I haven't seen you with a woman in about three years. 214 00:14:25,950 --> 00:14:29,954 Right. That's because I always phone them the very next morning. 215 00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:47,304 The great hunting and gathering ground. 216 00:14:48,848 --> 00:14:50,933 Check this out. 217 00:14:50,975 --> 00:14:54,812 The female finds an animal skin To shelter her from the cold. 218 00:14:54,895 --> 00:14:56,939 - Way too obvious. - Yeah. 219 00:14:56,981 --> 00:15:00,651 The pack feels it will not keep her warm enough in the harsh winters. 220 00:15:02,820 --> 00:15:05,906 The female's task in this initial part Of the mating dance... 221 00:15:05,990 --> 00:15:08,659 is to wait for the male to contact her. 222 00:15:08,743 --> 00:15:13,289 This causes some anxiety, but she is confident in the wisdom of nature. 223 00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:15,958 - What do you see in him, anyway? - He seems like a nice guy. 224 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,002 He's an accountant, for God's sake. 225 00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:23,341 Yeah, he's cute, but what are you gonna do with an accountant? 226 00:15:23,424 --> 00:15:26,677 I think you should call Mike and beg him to take you back. 227 00:15:26,761 --> 00:15:29,472 Yeah, Mike was gorgeous. 228 00:15:29,513 --> 00:15:32,683 - And I'm not telling you again. - There's sure no denying that. 229 00:15:32,767 --> 00:15:36,437 And before him, remember Ed? No one was cooler than Ed. 230 00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:40,358 I don't need cool. 231 00:15:40,441 --> 00:15:43,486 And Robert was like the smartest guy I'd ever met. 232 00:15:43,569 --> 00:15:47,656 But he'd humiliate me every chance he got. There's got to be better. 233 00:15:47,740 --> 00:15:50,451 I think it's time for a nice guy. 234 00:15:56,540 --> 00:15:59,543 The male's sleeping hut. 235 00:15:59,585 --> 00:16:01,796 Fuck! Fuck! 236 00:16:01,879 --> 00:16:03,714 Fuck, fuck, fuck. 237 00:16:03,798 --> 00:16:05,841 The male is now ready to mate. 238 00:16:05,883 --> 00:16:09,970 Fuck. How could I lose her number? 239 00:16:10,054 --> 00:16:12,014 Billy, look on the bright side, man. 240 00:16:12,098 --> 00:16:15,810 If she was that fine, she probably Gave you a bogus number anyway. 241 00:16:17,687 --> 00:16:21,524 - I'll help you find it. - The need for the female is harsh. 242 00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:24,026 The male's body tenses with anxiety. 243 00:16:24,068 --> 00:16:28,072 A bodily liquid called "sweat" is transferred through his pores. 244 00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:32,326 A foam called "saliva" dribbles out of his mouth. 245 00:16:32,410 --> 00:16:35,871 This condition will not pass until he has mated with his female. 246 00:16:35,955 --> 00:16:38,416 The best-looking girl that ever talked to me, and I lose her number. 247 00:16:38,457 --> 00:16:40,501 - I blew it. I'm an asshole. - All right, wait. 248 00:16:40,584 --> 00:16:43,421 Let's just retrace your steps. Where was the last place you saw it? 249 00:16:45,006 --> 00:16:47,008 - Work. - Right. 250 00:16:47,091 --> 00:16:49,552 I was gonna call her, and you talked me out of it. I put it in my pocket. 251 00:16:49,593 --> 00:16:52,221 - Did you check your suit? - It couldn't be in my suit. 252 00:16:52,263 --> 00:16:54,223 My suit's been at the dry cleaners this whole time. 253 00:16:54,265 --> 00:16:56,225 I just picked it up this morn-- Oh, shit. 254 00:16:58,686 --> 00:17:02,273 The male searches through his animal skins. 255 00:17:02,356 --> 00:17:04,775 Perhaps the female is inside. 256 00:17:09,488 --> 00:17:11,782 Blinded by his need to procreate... 257 00:17:11,866 --> 00:17:16,120 the male shows some lint to the other member of the pack. 258 00:17:16,203 --> 00:17:19,915 "Is this the female I seek?" he asks. 259 00:17:19,957 --> 00:17:23,377 Yep. You're an asshole. 260 00:17:23,461 --> 00:17:26,964 "No, it is not, " responds the other. 261 00:17:28,632 --> 00:17:30,760 The male finds solace in a bound collection... 262 00:17:30,843 --> 00:17:32,887 of sheaths of white tree bark. 263 00:17:33,721 --> 00:17:37,266 Perhaps he will find the female inside. 264 00:17:37,308 --> 00:17:40,644 You're gonna call, like, every J. Smith in the entire phone book? 265 00:17:40,728 --> 00:17:42,813 It's only, like, four or five pages. 266 00:17:42,897 --> 00:17:44,940 Face it, Billy. You lost her. 267 00:17:46,359 --> 00:17:49,320 The male will not forego the mating ritual. 268 00:17:49,403 --> 00:17:51,447 The species must prevail. 269 00:17:51,489 --> 00:17:55,076 It will be very difficult for him, but he will not give up. 270 00:17:55,159 --> 00:17:59,455 For the human male is among the horniest Of creatures in the known universe. 271 00:17:59,497 --> 00:18:03,250 - Hi. May I speak with Jenny Smith? - There's no Jenny Smith here. 272 00:18:03,334 --> 00:18:06,295 - Is this "J. Smith"? - This is John Smith. 273 00:18:06,337 --> 00:18:08,339 Oh, never mind. 274 00:18:10,424 --> 00:18:12,301 Yeah, this might take a while. 275 00:18:13,344 --> 00:18:16,138 The male uses a rudimentary communication device... 276 00:18:16,222 --> 00:18:18,265 to seek his mate. 277 00:18:18,349 --> 00:18:20,685 "Have you seen my female?" he asks everyone. 278 00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:23,854 "She is mine. You cannot have her." 279 00:18:23,938 --> 00:18:27,858 - Hi. May I speak to a Jenny Smith? - Yes, this is Jenny. 280 00:18:27,942 --> 00:18:29,193 Oh, Jenny, great. 281 00:18:29,276 --> 00:18:32,321 Did you meet a guy named Billy at Cachet the other night? 282 00:18:32,405 --> 00:18:36,492 About five-ten, brown hair, nice smile? 283 00:18:36,575 --> 00:18:40,037 Mmm. Do you like leather Or chains? 284 00:18:40,079 --> 00:18:42,623 - What? - I'd love to meet you. 285 00:18:42,707 --> 00:18:45,543 - Come on by. - Maybe another time. 286 00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,839 Maybe another time. 287 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,676 - Hello. Is this Jenny Smith? - Yes, this is Jenny Smith. 288 00:18:53,759 --> 00:18:57,888 Hi. Are you about five-five, 110 pounds... 289 00:18:57,972 --> 00:19:01,809 brown hair, really nice boobs? 290 00:19:01,892 --> 00:19:03,060 Hello? 291 00:19:03,144 --> 00:19:06,230 Hello. Is Jenny Smith home, please? 292 00:19:06,313 --> 00:19:08,691 I didn't think so. 293 00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:15,031 Ring. 294 00:19:16,741 --> 00:19:19,869 Ring now. Okay, in five seconds. 295 00:19:19,910 --> 00:19:22,830 Four, three, two, one. 296 00:19:22,913 --> 00:19:25,875 Ring. Okay, that was zero. 297 00:19:25,958 --> 00:19:28,878 Ring now! 298 00:19:28,919 --> 00:19:30,921 Ring! 299 00:19:34,342 --> 00:19:38,262 - The female in heat. - This is ridiculous. Ridiculous! 300 00:19:38,346 --> 00:19:42,600 Why would you even take my number If you're not gonna call me? 301 00:19:46,645 --> 00:19:49,106 It's because I didn't put out, isn't it? 302 00:19:49,148 --> 00:19:52,234 You saw me dance, and I was looking kind of hot... 303 00:19:52,318 --> 00:19:55,404 and you just figured me for a quick, easy lay. 304 00:19:55,446 --> 00:19:57,698 Well, I've got news For you, mister. 305 00:19:57,782 --> 00:19:59,742 If you just want some cheap slut... 306 00:19:59,825 --> 00:20:03,537 you've come to the wrong gal! 307 00:20:03,621 --> 00:20:05,247 Ring! 308 00:20:08,834 --> 00:20:10,878 I'm such a loser. 309 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:14,882 If he was gonna call, he would've called by now. Come with us. 310 00:20:14,965 --> 00:20:17,385 I just want to give him a little bit longer. 311 00:20:17,468 --> 00:20:19,804 Jen, it's been like five days already. 312 00:20:19,887 --> 00:20:22,264 - He's just playing it cool. - Cool? 313 00:20:22,348 --> 00:20:24,392 The man is a fucking accountant. 314 00:20:24,475 --> 00:20:27,103 Could you show a little sensitivity? She liked the guy. 315 00:20:27,186 --> 00:20:30,773 I just called him a fucking accountant. I didn't say he wasn't cute. 316 00:20:30,815 --> 00:20:36,654 - He is cute, isn't he? - Yeah, he was. I'm sorry, Jen. 317 00:20:39,532 --> 00:20:41,659 The female wonders How the others in the pack... 318 00:20:41,742 --> 00:20:44,453 have so forgotten the mating ritual. 319 00:20:44,537 --> 00:20:47,289 Perhaps they have never felt the thrill of mating... 320 00:20:47,331 --> 00:20:51,460 and have not awoken these maternal instincts within themselves. 321 00:20:51,544 --> 00:20:54,005 I 'm just gonna give him a little bit more time. 322 00:20:54,046 --> 00:20:56,507 Okay, but if you change your mind, we'll be at the Dresden. 323 00:20:56,590 --> 00:21:00,136 - Okay? So meet us there. - Okay. 324 00:21:00,177 --> 00:21:02,972 - Good luck. - Bye. 325 00:21:09,854 --> 00:21:13,607 The female grows anxious. 326 00:21:13,691 --> 00:21:15,651 The male has not shown himself... 327 00:21:15,735 --> 00:21:17,778 nor does it appear he will. 328 00:21:19,530 --> 00:21:22,324 The female is ready to find a new candidate for mating. 329 00:21:22,408 --> 00:21:24,452 Hey, guys, wait up! 330 00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:41,510 Hi. This is Lana. 331 00:21:41,594 --> 00:21:43,637 Jenny and I aren't here, so leave a message at the beep... 332 00:21:43,721 --> 00:21:45,681 and we'll get back to you. 333 00:21:45,765 --> 00:21:50,853 If this is a guy, Jenny maybe cuter, but I put out. 334 00:21:55,775 --> 00:21:58,319 Hi. I'm calling for Jenny Smith. This is Billy. 335 00:21:58,402 --> 00:22:01,030 We met at Cachet a few nights ago. You threw your drink at me... 336 00:22:01,113 --> 00:22:03,866 - then gave me your number. - The male calls out for the female... 337 00:22:03,908 --> 00:22:06,369 searching the ether for his true mate... 338 00:22:06,410 --> 00:22:09,372 but she doesn't answer his cry. 339 00:22:09,413 --> 00:22:12,708 All seems lost for the species. 340 00:22:12,750 --> 00:22:15,544 ... took my jacket to the cleaners, and you got shredded. 341 00:22:15,628 --> 00:22:17,797 Anyway... 342 00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:20,549 I've gone through the whole LA phone book trying to find you and-- 343 00:22:20,633 --> 00:22:24,220 Well, okay, not all of LA, just 21 3 and most of31 0. 344 00:22:24,261 --> 00:22:26,555 God, I hope you don't live in the Valley. 345 00:22:26,639 --> 00:22:28,724 I mean, okay, nothing against the Valley. 346 00:22:28,808 --> 00:22:30,851 I just don't think I have the strength for 81 8. 347 00:22:30,935 --> 00:22:35,356 So if this is you, give me a call at 555-7754. 348 00:22:35,439 --> 00:22:37,733 I'd love to have dinner With you or something. 349 00:22:37,817 --> 00:22:39,902 If it's not you... 350 00:22:40,986 --> 00:22:43,948 Leave me alone. 351 00:22:44,031 --> 00:22:46,742 - Is Jenny Smith there? - Hi. Is this Jenny Smith? 352 00:22:46,826 --> 00:22:50,371 -I met a girl at a club the other night. -Thank you. 353 00:22:55,209 --> 00:22:58,421 It was a dreary day For the male. 354 00:23:08,431 --> 00:23:11,225 He listens to water beating against a ceramic wall. 355 00:23:11,308 --> 00:23:14,645 It is a soothing sound for him, with a calming effect. 356 00:23:14,729 --> 00:23:18,816 Hi. This is Jenny. I got your message. I knew you'd call. 357 00:23:18,899 --> 00:23:20,985 - I told every one you'd call. - Yes! 358 00:23:21,068 --> 00:23:24,905 I can't believe you went through two area codes just to find me. 359 00:23:24,989 --> 00:23:28,284 I'm really, really flattered, or very, very afraid. 360 00:23:30,494 --> 00:23:34,582 Anyway, I'd love to have dinner with you. Now that you have my number... 361 00:23:34,665 --> 00:23:36,459 - you better use it. - Wait. That was a random shot. 362 00:23:36,542 --> 00:23:39,170 - I'll be waiting by the phone. - No, leave it! Leave it! 363 00:23:44,258 --> 00:23:48,637 The male weeps as the female's mating cry comes to an end. 364 00:23:48,679 --> 00:23:50,222 Billy, this is your mother. 365 00:23:50,306 --> 00:23:52,224 I haven't heard from you in almost a week. 366 00:23:52,308 --> 00:23:55,269 I'm wondering If you're living or dead. Call me either way. 367 00:23:55,353 --> 00:23:58,397 Hi. It's Jenny again, on the off chance... 368 00:23:58,481 --> 00:24:00,399 you didn't keep track of which number was mine. 369 00:24:00,483 --> 00:24:02,401 I know no one can be that dumb. 370 00:24:02,485 --> 00:24:06,697 But just in case, it's 3 1 0-555-01 81. 371 00:24:06,781 --> 00:24:08,824 - Now use it. - Yes! 372 00:24:08,866 --> 00:24:10,868 But it is the second Of the female's mating cries... 373 00:24:10,951 --> 00:24:12,995 that causes the male to go rabid. 374 00:24:13,037 --> 00:24:15,164 Mating is imminent, and he knows it. 375 00:24:17,875 --> 00:24:21,712 The female prepares carefully for her next encounter with the male. 376 00:24:21,796 --> 00:24:24,965 She paints her face with berries and chemically processed colors... 377 00:24:25,049 --> 00:24:27,176 hiding from the male her natural state-- 378 00:24:27,259 --> 00:24:30,012 which she hopes to show him at a later time. 379 00:24:31,222 --> 00:24:34,642 She uses chemically altered forms of vegetation to cover parts of her body. 380 00:24:35,893 --> 00:24:38,354 Then other forms of vegetation over those. 381 00:24:38,437 --> 00:24:41,190 She leaves much of her body uncovered... 382 00:24:41,273 --> 00:24:44,568 but is careful to cover the first layer of vegetation. 383 00:24:46,821 --> 00:24:49,490 She puts the excretions of small, sea-dwelling creatures... 384 00:24:49,573 --> 00:24:51,909 through holes in the lobes of her hearing organs... 385 00:24:51,992 --> 00:24:54,036 which she had mutilated long ago... 386 00:24:54,120 --> 00:24:56,997 as a symbol of her entry into womanhood. 387 00:24:58,124 --> 00:25:00,710 She pulls a bone out of her skull. 388 00:25:02,962 --> 00:25:06,007 She is ready. 389 00:25:07,842 --> 00:25:11,262 The male has a much more arduous task. 390 00:25:11,345 --> 00:25:13,556 He must appear strong to the female-- 391 00:25:13,639 --> 00:25:16,434 so strong that he doesn't care how he appears. 392 00:25:16,517 --> 00:25:19,228 It is this appearance he must strive for. 393 00:25:20,604 --> 00:25:24,233 He uses a hydrogen and oxygen mixture with some animal fat... 394 00:25:24,316 --> 00:25:27,194 to remove the planet's nourishment from his body. 395 00:25:29,196 --> 00:25:31,907 He debates over removing the fur from his face... 396 00:25:31,949 --> 00:25:34,243 with an artificial tooth of steel. 397 00:25:34,326 --> 00:25:36,370 He ponders this for a long time... 398 00:25:36,454 --> 00:25:40,374 before deciding to keep the fur as a display of his masculinity... 399 00:25:40,458 --> 00:25:43,252 then changes his mind again. 400 00:25:44,337 --> 00:25:46,380 Meticulously, he combs his hair... 401 00:25:46,464 --> 00:25:49,884 making certain that it appears uncombed. 402 00:25:53,012 --> 00:25:56,766 He covers his body with the same vegetation as the female... 403 00:25:56,807 --> 00:26:00,061 then his upper torso with the hair of one creature... 404 00:26:00,144 --> 00:26:02,396 and that with the hide of another. 405 00:26:03,564 --> 00:26:05,608 Now he is ready. 406 00:26:05,691 --> 00:26:07,735 I shouldn't have shaved. 407 00:26:16,494 --> 00:26:18,454 The male and the female feed on a meal... 408 00:26:18,537 --> 00:26:21,040 of dead Earth creature and vegetation. 409 00:26:22,833 --> 00:26:24,835 Both herbivore and carnivore... 410 00:26:24,877 --> 00:26:26,837 the human is one of few animals in the universe... 411 00:26:26,879 --> 00:26:29,256 that will eat just about anything. 412 00:26:37,682 --> 00:26:40,976 I mean, come on now. "I n computers" could mean anything. 413 00:26:41,060 --> 00:26:43,145 It doesn't matter. 414 00:26:43,187 --> 00:26:45,189 All right, if you won't tell me what you do... 415 00:26:45,272 --> 00:26:48,025 will you at least tell me why you won't tell me? 416 00:26:48,109 --> 00:26:50,945 Because guys find it a turn off when girls... 417 00:26:51,028 --> 00:26:54,615 babble on about themselves on the first date. 418 00:26:54,699 --> 00:26:57,118 - Tell me about your accounting firm. - Oh, I can't. 419 00:26:57,201 --> 00:26:59,954 Government work kind of stuff? 420 00:27:01,706 --> 00:27:03,666 Girls find it a turnoff when guys babble on... 421 00:27:03,749 --> 00:27:06,168 about themselves on a first date. 422 00:27:06,252 --> 00:27:09,130 - We definitely have a problem. - Well, rules are rules. 423 00:27:09,213 --> 00:27:11,841 When you think about it, it's amazing when people actually get together. 424 00:27:11,882 --> 00:27:14,051 Is that really one of the guys' rules? 425 00:27:14,135 --> 00:27:16,637 Well, not so much a rule as a guideline. 426 00:27:16,721 --> 00:27:19,974 Good. 'Cause you're the first guy I ever met who follows it. 427 00:27:22,977 --> 00:27:23,144 I like coming up here. 428 00:27:23,144 --> 00:27:24,895 I like coming up here. 429 00:27:24,979 --> 00:27:29,734 Even on a drab, smoggy night it's nice. 430 00:27:29,817 --> 00:27:32,028 It's real quiet, you know? 431 00:27:32,111 --> 00:27:37,074 - It's peaceful. - Yeah. It's a beautiful night tonight. 432 00:27:37,116 --> 00:27:39,076 Guess we got lucky. 433 00:27:41,120 --> 00:27:43,164 I guess we did. 434 00:27:43,247 --> 00:27:45,166 Yeah, I guess we did. 435 00:27:50,504 --> 00:27:53,549 The male and the female open their souls to each other... 436 00:27:53,632 --> 00:27:56,260 sharing their pain and sadnesses... 437 00:27:56,344 --> 00:27:59,764 each lessening the burden on their partner. 438 00:27:59,847 --> 00:28:03,225 Many experts cite this as the most beautiful part... 439 00:28:03,267 --> 00:28:05,686 of the human mating ritual-- 440 00:28:05,770 --> 00:28:08,606 other than the copulation. 441 00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:11,067 My little brother was born blind... 442 00:28:11,150 --> 00:28:14,570 so when I first got into computers... 443 00:28:14,612 --> 00:28:18,783 he'd come hang out with me and ask me questions about it. 444 00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:20,659 He was so into it. 445 00:28:22,203 --> 00:28:24,246 It made me want to cry. 446 00:28:25,831 --> 00:28:28,584 So, where I work now... 447 00:28:28,626 --> 00:28:32,755 we're trying to create this special monitor for blind people. 448 00:28:32,797 --> 00:28:37,385 But, I mean, we're years away from getting it-- 449 00:28:37,468 --> 00:28:39,762 if it's even possible. 450 00:28:42,306 --> 00:28:44,767 You'll get it. 451 00:28:55,986 --> 00:28:59,448 I worked my butt off to get through school. 452 00:28:59,490 --> 00:29:01,742 I held every shitty job There was. 453 00:29:01,826 --> 00:29:06,288 But I knew that if you're not a professional, then you're nothing. 454 00:29:06,372 --> 00:29:11,460 So there I was, making a decent living at a big firm... 455 00:29:11,544 --> 00:29:14,005 but... 456 00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:18,134 I was still getting pushed around by assholes. 457 00:29:18,217 --> 00:29:22,638 So one day, about seven, eight months ago... 458 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,808 my friend Jimmy and I decided to start our own firm. 459 00:29:25,891 --> 00:29:30,438 We pooled everything we had. We moved in together to save on rent. 460 00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:33,315 We got a "fancy-schmancy" office in Century City... 461 00:29:33,399 --> 00:29:36,819 and Waterson-Connors was born. 462 00:29:36,861 --> 00:29:39,321 That took a lot of guts. 463 00:29:39,363 --> 00:29:41,490 It's horrible. 464 00:29:41,574 --> 00:29:45,077 If we don't get any more clients soon, we're gonna have to go crawling back. 465 00:29:46,746 --> 00:29:48,873 That'll take a lot of guts too. 466 00:29:53,294 --> 00:29:55,338 Whoa. 467 00:29:57,298 --> 00:29:59,216 So, what are your parents like? 468 00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:02,845 My parents? Oh, they're great. 469 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:04,930 That's one place where I got real lucky. 470 00:30:05,014 --> 00:30:07,850 You know, typical Leave It to Beaver kind of deal. 471 00:30:07,933 --> 00:30:10,269 Just thinking about them makes me happy. 472 00:30:13,606 --> 00:30:16,859 What the hell you doin' inside? It's a beautiful day! 473 00:30:16,901 --> 00:30:19,028 My father was A soft-spoken man. 474 00:30:19,070 --> 00:30:22,531 And look at this room! It's spotless! 475 00:30:22,573 --> 00:30:25,159 What kind of kid Are you, anyway? 476 00:30:25,242 --> 00:30:28,204 - But he always had a kind word for me. - Be a kid, goddamn it! 477 00:30:28,245 --> 00:30:32,333 - Have some fun! - Always urging me to enjoy life. 478 00:30:34,418 --> 00:30:36,379 Like that! 479 00:30:36,462 --> 00:30:40,049 And he taught me the things he knew most about--real man stuff. 480 00:30:40,132 --> 00:30:42,385 But still, he was never afraid to get a little mushy. 481 00:30:44,595 --> 00:30:46,722 And I love you. 482 00:30:50,267 --> 00:30:52,520 It was a magical time for me. 483 00:30:54,689 --> 00:30:57,900 And my mother? Mom was the queen of style and fashion. 484 00:30:57,983 --> 00:31:00,569 Was your father in here? 485 00:31:01,696 --> 00:31:03,948 Well, don't worry about him. 486 00:31:04,031 --> 00:31:07,785 But she always had that mother smell, you know? 487 00:31:07,868 --> 00:31:11,372 Chicken soup and floor wax. 488 00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:15,626 You're Mama's good little boy. 489 00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:17,878 Mama loves you. 490 00:31:17,962 --> 00:31:20,047 Yes, she does. 491 00:31:20,131 --> 00:31:24,260 Mommy loves you... 492 00:31:24,343 --> 00:31:26,929 loves you, loves you. 493 00:31:26,971 --> 00:31:29,890 She loves you. 494 00:31:29,974 --> 00:31:31,934 Dad! 495 00:31:32,018 --> 00:31:34,770 Yeah, I was real lucky. 496 00:31:35,980 --> 00:31:37,940 The male's task... 497 00:31:38,024 --> 00:31:40,985 is to determine if the female is ready. 498 00:31:41,027 --> 00:31:45,072 Moving too soon or too late May result in disaster. 499 00:31:45,156 --> 00:31:48,909 But the human female emits no odor to let him know. 500 00:31:50,995 --> 00:31:53,622 - What? - Oh-- 501 00:31:55,750 --> 00:31:57,752 What were your parents like? 502 00:31:58,586 --> 00:32:00,921 They're great. 503 00:32:01,005 --> 00:32:03,299 The female is ready. 504 00:32:03,382 --> 00:32:06,594 But she must wait for the male to figure this out on his own. 505 00:32:06,677 --> 00:32:08,637 She can emit no odor to help him. 506 00:32:08,721 --> 00:32:12,808 In fact, to do so would be disastrous. 507 00:32:18,397 --> 00:32:20,483 They move toward each other-- 508 00:32:20,566 --> 00:32:23,819 slowly, cautiously. 509 00:32:26,364 --> 00:32:30,993 The future of their species dependent on the next few seconds. 510 00:32:37,708 --> 00:32:40,670 - The male wonders how he can... - Are you okay? 511 00:32:40,753 --> 00:32:43,130 - make her think he did this on purpose. - Yeah. 512 00:32:43,214 --> 00:32:46,676 Is it too late to point out how romantic the stars look at night? 513 00:32:48,135 --> 00:32:51,430 - But he fails. - I'll race you to the water fountain. 514 00:32:51,514 --> 00:32:52,473 Man. 515 00:32:55,601 --> 00:32:59,063 Like so many creatures on so many planets... 516 00:32:59,105 --> 00:33:01,399 nothing gives more pleasure than a simple run... 517 00:33:01,482 --> 00:33:03,693 through the darkened vegetation of one's habitat... 518 00:33:03,734 --> 00:33:06,654 toward a pure, crystal spring. 519 00:33:06,737 --> 00:33:09,073 - Beat you. - Oh, would you? 520 00:33:19,417 --> 00:33:23,504 They move toward each other and they brush lips. 521 00:33:24,797 --> 00:33:26,841 Ready for procreation... 522 00:33:26,924 --> 00:33:31,220 the male slips his tongue into the female's mouth. 523 00:33:33,806 --> 00:33:37,226 But her egg is not in her mouth, he discovers... 524 00:33:37,268 --> 00:33:41,105 and even if it were, his semen is not in his tongue. 525 00:33:41,188 --> 00:33:45,609 The human reproductive organs are in the pelvic region. 526 00:33:45,693 --> 00:33:49,613 Just like a human male not to stop and ask for directions. 527 00:33:51,490 --> 00:33:55,202 Over many encounters spanning an entire lunar revolution... 528 00:33:55,286 --> 00:34:00,082 the male and female feed on more dead animals and vegetation together. 529 00:34:08,466 --> 00:34:10,926 They return to the sacred meeting ground... 530 00:34:11,010 --> 00:34:15,306 and experience together the metallic vibrations oftheir first meeting. 531 00:34:15,389 --> 00:34:18,100 Let's go all the way 532 00:34:18,184 --> 00:34:20,227 Every day 533 00:34:20,311 --> 00:34:22,938 To a distant world 534 00:34:26,108 --> 00:34:29,487 They ride mechanical beasts that invoke nausea and fear. 535 00:34:34,075 --> 00:34:36,994 They watch their sun disappear in the horizon... 536 00:34:37,078 --> 00:34:39,955 hopeful that it will return and not go supernova... 537 00:34:39,997 --> 00:34:42,958 causing an instant suffocation and death. 538 00:34:47,004 --> 00:34:50,800 They watch moving shadows in dark caves together. 539 00:35:13,864 --> 00:35:18,619 Human females enjoy stories about one person dying slowly. 540 00:35:19,745 --> 00:35:23,332 The males prefer stories Of many people dying quickly. 541 00:35:36,554 --> 00:35:38,848 But they stay through the other's shadows... 542 00:35:38,931 --> 00:35:41,183 for it is not the shadows they desire... 543 00:35:41,225 --> 00:35:43,894 but the companionship. 544 00:35:48,274 --> 00:35:50,317 And at the end Of each night... 545 00:35:50,401 --> 00:35:53,696 they brush their lips against the other's once more... 546 00:35:53,779 --> 00:35:55,823 and taste the other's tongue... 547 00:35:55,906 --> 00:35:58,868 growing closer to true mating. 548 00:35:58,951 --> 00:36:03,539 This time, the female allows the male to touch her bulbous chest... 549 00:36:03,581 --> 00:36:06,292 which contains the infant's milk. 550 00:36:12,506 --> 00:36:14,508 But no more. 551 00:36:17,762 --> 00:36:21,098 This time she allows him to taste of the infant's milk... 552 00:36:21,182 --> 00:36:24,894 checking for poisons or impurities on behalf of the child. 553 00:36:27,938 --> 00:36:29,899 But no more. 554 00:36:33,778 --> 00:36:37,239 The female must take things in stages. 555 00:36:39,617 --> 00:36:41,952 It is her task to test the male... 556 00:36:42,036 --> 00:36:44,580 to find the level of frustration he can endure. 557 00:36:44,663 --> 00:36:47,750 Male frustration being an integral part... 558 00:36:47,833 --> 00:36:51,796 of the life together she calls "marriage." 559 00:36:53,214 --> 00:36:57,218 The female is ready. 560 00:37:19,824 --> 00:37:24,120 The female removes all vegetation from the male's body. 561 00:37:27,164 --> 00:37:29,125 He from hers. 562 00:37:40,511 --> 00:37:42,471 They lay upon one another... 563 00:37:42,555 --> 00:37:45,933 their bodies tense and moistened. 564 00:37:46,934 --> 00:37:49,437 Unable to stand it any longer... 565 00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,274 the male reaches for a thin, red square of tree bark. 566 00:37:55,234 --> 00:37:58,279 He bites into it and produces its true fruit... 567 00:37:58,362 --> 00:38:01,157 a tubular form of vulcanized vegetation. 568 00:38:01,240 --> 00:38:06,328 The male places the tubular vegetation upon his seed shooter. 569 00:38:09,623 --> 00:38:11,625 Okay. 570 00:38:11,709 --> 00:38:14,628 He mounts the female. 571 00:38:28,642 --> 00:38:31,520 He uses friction to release his seed. 572 00:38:37,818 --> 00:38:42,239 The mating ritual of the humans Of Nocturis Five would end here. 573 00:38:42,323 --> 00:38:44,325 But the earthbound human-- 574 00:38:44,408 --> 00:38:46,911 Like only six other creatures in the known universe-- 575 00:38:46,994 --> 00:38:50,706 uses artificial means to delay procreation. 576 00:38:50,748 --> 00:38:54,335 For the vulcanized vegetation that the male placed on his seed shooter... 577 00:38:54,418 --> 00:38:58,756 will prevent his seed from ever reaching the female's egg. 578 00:38:58,839 --> 00:39:01,550 Like so-- 579 00:39:14,855 --> 00:39:18,234 Wow. Oh, I guess it's true. 580 00:39:18,275 --> 00:39:20,403 Nice guys really do finish last. 581 00:39:22,613 --> 00:39:26,951 The male arrives at his playground, contented. 582 00:39:28,285 --> 00:39:30,871 A sense of well-being surrounds him. 583 00:39:40,297 --> 00:39:42,758 The female is contented as well. 584 00:39:44,885 --> 00:39:47,638 Jennifer, would you terribly mind doing a little work today? 585 00:39:47,722 --> 00:39:51,642 I'm sorry. It's just such a beautiful day. 586 00:39:57,857 --> 00:40:00,651 - What's going on? - Nothing. 587 00:40:04,822 --> 00:40:08,284 - A gift from the male. - Oh! He didn't! 588 00:40:08,325 --> 00:40:11,620 Raw vegetation For the female to eat... 589 00:40:11,704 --> 00:40:14,999 so she may keep up her strength for motherhood. 590 00:40:15,082 --> 00:40:19,128 He is so sweet. I just can't believe how sweet he is. 591 00:40:22,173 --> 00:40:25,134 The female plans to eat the vegetation at a later time. 592 00:40:25,885 --> 00:40:27,970 You slut. 593 00:40:28,054 --> 00:40:30,056 You've only been seeing this man for a month... 594 00:40:30,139 --> 00:40:31,807 and you give it up just like that? 595 00:40:31,849 --> 00:40:33,851 Stay out of this. You're embarrassing her. 596 00:40:33,893 --> 00:40:36,479 I just don't want her to develop a bad reputation. 597 00:40:36,562 --> 00:40:38,773 Who are you, her mother? It's none of your business. 598 00:40:38,856 --> 00:40:41,317 The females of the pack discuss the mating dance. 599 00:40:41,359 --> 00:40:44,820 They are happy for her, For the propagation of their species. 600 00:40:45,738 --> 00:40:49,158 Males of the pack sense the progression of the mating dance as well. 601 00:40:49,200 --> 00:40:50,785 - Fucked her? - Fucked her. 602 00:40:50,868 --> 00:40:53,996 - Cool. - The pack rejoices. 603 00:40:54,747 --> 00:40:57,833 - Yes! - Over time, the male and female... 604 00:40:57,917 --> 00:41:00,670 continue to practice the physicality of mating. 605 00:41:00,711 --> 00:41:02,421 - Oh! - Yes! 606 00:41:08,803 --> 00:41:13,140 It is difficult for them, causing them pain and anguish. 607 00:41:13,224 --> 00:41:14,225 God! 608 00:41:17,561 --> 00:41:20,064 But for the good of their species, they endure. 609 00:41:27,822 --> 00:41:30,032 And endure... 610 00:41:34,745 --> 00:41:37,415 and endure. 611 00:41:56,142 --> 00:42:00,563 But still they feel they have not perfected their craft. 612 00:42:03,607 --> 00:42:06,736 You get a better price If you buy them in bulk. 613 00:42:10,781 --> 00:42:12,950 Like my cousin, she had this big, old-fashioned wedding... 614 00:42:13,034 --> 00:42:15,453 with hundreds of people-- lots of brides maids... 615 00:42:15,536 --> 00:42:17,788 a band, ushers, flowers. 616 00:42:17,872 --> 00:42:21,959 I was only about ten, but I always dreamed of a wedding like that. 617 00:42:22,043 --> 00:42:24,086 Sounds great. Hope I'm invited. 618 00:42:27,673 --> 00:42:30,426 - Oh, God. - Hey, Jenny, wait up! 619 00:42:30,468 --> 00:42:34,096 Other males see the female and want to mate with her as well. 620 00:42:34,138 --> 00:42:36,140 -Just walk away. - Who are these guys? 621 00:42:39,018 --> 00:42:42,063 - Hey, I've been meaning to call you. - Hi, Mike. 622 00:42:42,146 --> 00:42:44,106 Mike, Tony, this is Billy. 623 00:42:44,190 --> 00:42:46,233 - How ya doin'? - Shut up. 624 00:42:46,317 --> 00:42:48,277 You dumped me for this fag? 625 00:42:48,361 --> 00:42:50,613 No, I dumped you Because you're an asshole. 626 00:42:50,696 --> 00:42:52,907 I found this fag on my own. 627 00:42:52,990 --> 00:42:55,493 Don't you just love her? 628 00:42:55,576 --> 00:42:58,412 Look, a lot of time has passed. 629 00:42:58,496 --> 00:43:00,790 I know I made some mistakes, but can't we just talk about it? 630 00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:03,250 No. I found somebody else now. 631 00:43:03,334 --> 00:43:06,962 - Come on, Jen. Just give me a chance. - Let go. 632 00:43:07,004 --> 00:43:09,799 - Hey, look, we don't want any trouble. - Fag. 633 00:43:09,882 --> 00:43:12,802 -Just come with me, please. Calm down! - Let go of me! 634 00:43:12,885 --> 00:43:16,472 The male must protect his mate And defend his territory. 635 00:43:16,555 --> 00:43:20,643 The male is overwhelmed with an urge to attack, but he is frightened. 636 00:43:20,685 --> 00:43:23,854 There are more of them, and they are bigger. 637 00:43:23,938 --> 00:43:26,273 - Relax, will you? - Let go! 638 00:43:26,357 --> 00:43:31,153 The male attacks, but he is no match for them. 639 00:43:31,195 --> 00:43:35,991 The mating ritual may come to an end for him after all. 640 00:43:36,075 --> 00:43:37,576 Hey, Tony-- catch! 641 00:43:44,208 --> 00:43:46,627 The female makes her choice. 642 00:44:00,891 --> 00:44:03,978 He taught me a few things when we dated. 643 00:44:09,775 --> 00:44:13,904 They retreat to the tranquility Of the male's sleeping hut. 644 00:44:15,990 --> 00:44:17,992 Thank you. 645 00:44:19,827 --> 00:44:23,164 I don't get it. You're beautiful. 646 00:44:23,247 --> 00:44:26,917 You're smart. You can beat the crap out of people. 647 00:44:27,001 --> 00:44:30,671 You're the perfect woman. What do you see in me? 648 00:44:30,755 --> 00:44:33,883 That you think I'm the perfect woman. 649 00:44:33,966 --> 00:44:37,595 You knew you were gonna lose, and you defended me anyway. 650 00:44:37,678 --> 00:44:40,264 You're incredible. 651 00:44:47,772 --> 00:44:50,858 I don't think I can. It kind of hurts. 652 00:44:50,941 --> 00:44:54,278 You don't have to. I will. 653 00:44:57,990 --> 00:45:01,452 The female attempts To swallow the male's seed... 654 00:45:01,535 --> 00:45:04,872 for only through the sense of taste can she know that his seed is healthy... 655 00:45:04,955 --> 00:45:07,750 and will produce a strong child. 656 00:45:11,170 --> 00:45:13,756 Oh! God! Oh, God! 657 00:45:13,839 --> 00:45:18,636 The male prays to his deity to make his seed strong and healthy. 658 00:45:23,557 --> 00:45:26,060 - Where's the egg? - It's a blow job again. 659 00:45:26,143 --> 00:45:28,813 - Oh, man! - What do they expect us to do? 660 00:45:28,896 --> 00:45:31,107 - Where are we supposed to go? - Aw, come on! 661 00:45:31,190 --> 00:45:33,984 - Where's the egg? - This is bullshit. 662 00:45:34,068 --> 00:45:37,071 - Let's go back. - What a waste. 663 00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:45,579 His seed is strong. He passes her test. 664 00:45:46,580 --> 00:45:49,291 Thanks. You're the best. 665 00:45:49,375 --> 00:45:51,961 Keep telling me that and one day I might believe it. 666 00:45:52,003 --> 00:45:54,255 Oh, you should believe it now. 667 00:45:57,425 --> 00:46:00,636 Are you ready to take this relationship to the next step? 668 00:46:00,678 --> 00:46:03,597 We just got to this step. 669 00:46:03,681 --> 00:46:06,142 I think you'll like it. 670 00:46:07,935 --> 00:46:11,856 Okay, sure. If you think so. 671 00:46:11,939 --> 00:46:12,106 Yikes! An AIDS test? You said I'd like this. 672 00:46:12,106 --> 00:46:15,693 Yikes! An AIDS test? You said I'd like this. 673 00:46:15,776 --> 00:46:17,778 You're the one who's always complaining that using a condom... 674 00:46:17,862 --> 00:46:19,864 is like taking a shower in a raincoat. 675 00:46:19,947 --> 00:46:21,949 This way I'll have my diaphragm... 676 00:46:22,033 --> 00:46:24,035 and we won't have to worry about anything. 677 00:46:24,118 --> 00:46:28,456 - I wasn't worried until we got here. - It's just a precaution. 678 00:46:28,539 --> 00:46:31,167 Besides, you said you haven't been with that many women. 679 00:46:31,208 --> 00:46:33,836 Yeah, but they were all sluts and drug addicts. 680 00:46:33,878 --> 00:46:35,880 Don't look at me like that. 681 00:46:35,963 --> 00:46:37,965 Waterson, William? 682 00:46:38,049 --> 00:46:40,051 I don't want to be dying. 683 00:46:40,134 --> 00:46:42,136 They say you start dying the moment you're born. 684 00:46:42,219 --> 00:46:46,015 Well, I want to stay dying for another70 or 80 years. 685 00:46:49,643 --> 00:46:52,355 As true mating grows ever nearer... 686 00:46:52,438 --> 00:46:56,400 the male seeks medical advice from the large female. 687 00:46:56,484 --> 00:47:01,155 Instead, she sticks him with needles and sucks out his blood. 688 00:47:01,238 --> 00:47:04,575 "What a bitch, " thinks the male. 689 00:47:04,658 --> 00:47:07,161 Not to be outdone by her partner... 690 00:47:07,244 --> 00:47:10,748 the female puts herself through the same ordeal. 691 00:47:10,831 --> 00:47:14,710 But she, too, thinks that the large female is a big, fat bitch. 692 00:47:16,504 --> 00:47:19,048 The male worries. If his blood is tainted... 693 00:47:19,131 --> 00:47:21,842 he will not be able to propagate his species. 694 00:47:21,926 --> 00:47:24,887 He takes it upon himself to contact the large female... 695 00:47:24,970 --> 00:47:28,849 making sure to keep his concerns well hidden. 696 00:47:33,771 --> 00:47:37,274 The female shares these concerns as well. 697 00:47:37,358 --> 00:47:40,569 She, too, decides to contact the large female. 698 00:47:48,619 --> 00:47:51,080 Hi. This is Jenny Smith. 699 00:47:51,122 --> 00:47:54,792 I'm calling for the results of my HIV test. 700 00:47:58,295 --> 00:48:00,631 Thank you! Thank you very much. 701 00:48:00,715 --> 00:48:04,093 You're so nice. Bye. Whoo! 702 00:48:04,135 --> 00:48:06,137 Oh. I see. 703 00:48:08,264 --> 00:48:09,807 Are you sure? 704 00:48:11,017 --> 00:48:14,145 All right. Thank you. 705 00:48:19,859 --> 00:48:22,945 The male tells the pack the horrific news. 706 00:48:23,029 --> 00:48:25,072 His blood is unclean, he has learned. 707 00:48:25,156 --> 00:48:27,158 He can mate no longer. 708 00:48:27,241 --> 00:48:30,411 No human cub will ever Carry his genes. 709 00:48:30,494 --> 00:48:33,622 - What exactly did they say? - What's there to say? 710 00:48:33,706 --> 00:48:35,750 They got the results. It's negative. 711 00:48:35,833 --> 00:48:37,960 Negative? 712 00:48:38,044 --> 00:48:41,297 Negative. My whole life is one big, fat negative. 713 00:48:43,215 --> 00:48:45,634 Jimmy, come on! That's not funny! 714 00:48:45,718 --> 00:48:47,762 You yutz. 715 00:48:47,845 --> 00:48:52,141 Billy, negative means you don't have it. 716 00:48:52,183 --> 00:48:55,603 No. Negative means-- 717 00:48:55,686 --> 00:48:58,481 - Are you sure? - I'm pretty sure. 718 00:49:02,026 --> 00:49:04,278 Hallelujah 719 00:49:07,031 --> 00:49:09,283 The dance moves onward. 720 00:49:09,367 --> 00:49:11,786 The male sheds the vulcanized vegetation... 721 00:49:11,869 --> 00:49:16,165 as nature deems it no longer necessary for mating. 722 00:49:19,210 --> 00:49:22,630 The female prepares her self a circular form of vulcanized vegetation... 723 00:49:22,713 --> 00:49:25,299 proportionally fitted to her cervix. 724 00:49:26,717 --> 00:49:29,845 She spreads cream on it for added taste. 725 00:49:35,101 --> 00:49:38,020 This is still not mating. 726 00:49:38,062 --> 00:49:42,400 The cream in question contains an active ingredient known as spermicide... 727 00:49:42,483 --> 00:49:44,985 which preys on the chemical makeup of semen... 728 00:49:45,069 --> 00:49:49,865 destroying it before it can reach the female's womb. 729 00:49:49,907 --> 00:49:54,370 A microscopic view of the inner workings Of spermicide may look like this-- 730 00:50:14,140 --> 00:50:17,935 "Sperminator"-- enemy to all semen. 731 00:50:26,110 --> 00:50:29,613 Mmm. I love you. 732 00:50:29,697 --> 00:50:33,242 I know what you mean. The hits just keep on coming. 733 00:50:35,453 --> 00:50:37,413 How come you can't say it? 734 00:50:37,496 --> 00:50:40,124 - Say what? - I love you. 735 00:50:40,207 --> 00:50:42,209 Oh, come on. I say it all the time. 736 00:50:42,293 --> 00:50:44,295 No, we've been together for almost a year... 737 00:50:44,378 --> 00:50:46,380 and you haven't said it once. 738 00:50:46,464 --> 00:50:49,884 Why not? I know you do. 739 00:50:49,967 --> 00:50:53,220 And that's the important thing. 740 00:50:53,304 --> 00:50:56,098 I love you. 741 00:50:56,140 --> 00:50:58,225 You're the best. 742 00:50:58,309 --> 00:51:00,561 You'll say it. 743 00:51:07,318 --> 00:51:10,905 - You gonna be long? -Just another minute or so. 744 00:51:10,988 --> 00:51:13,407 That can mean anything. You know what,Jen? 745 00:51:13,491 --> 00:51:17,119 I feel pretty comfortable with you. I think-- 746 00:51:17,161 --> 00:51:20,748 Are you ready to take this relationship to the next step? 747 00:51:20,831 --> 00:51:23,459 That's funny. I was just thinking the same thing. 748 00:51:23,501 --> 00:51:25,670 I've been wanting to-- 749 00:51:28,506 --> 00:51:32,426 The male takes the mating dance to a higher, richer level. 750 00:51:33,511 --> 00:51:36,263 Got 'em. Third row. 751 00:51:36,347 --> 00:51:39,767 On the floor. Lakers-Bulls. You, me, tonight. 752 00:51:39,850 --> 00:51:44,105 Sorry, man, I can't. Me and Jenny got a thing. 753 00:51:44,188 --> 00:51:47,650 No. No, no, no. You have the thing. 754 00:51:47,733 --> 00:51:49,777 Don't go getting whipped on me, buddy. 755 00:51:49,860 --> 00:51:51,821 I'm not whipped, all right? 756 00:51:51,904 --> 00:51:54,657 It's just, I'm supposed to meet her parents tonight. 757 00:51:54,699 --> 00:51:56,117 Whipped. 758 00:51:56,200 --> 00:51:59,495 The pack prepares themselves For the male's departure. 759 00:51:59,578 --> 00:52:02,623 He will soon leave them to start his new life with his mate. 760 00:52:02,707 --> 00:52:04,667 Hey, I'm not whipped, all right? 761 00:52:04,709 --> 00:52:07,169 I've been stalling for three weeks on this thing already... 762 00:52:07,253 --> 00:52:09,005 and it's important to her, so I gotta do it. 763 00:52:09,046 --> 00:52:11,298 You're whipped. Good as married. God help you. 764 00:52:11,382 --> 00:52:15,219 I'm not whipped. I'm considerate. 765 00:52:15,302 --> 00:52:18,681 I've seen it a million times. Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. 766 00:52:18,764 --> 00:52:21,475 I'm warning you, Jimmy. I don't want to hear that word again. 767 00:52:21,559 --> 00:52:25,062 Okay, but which? "Pussy," or "whipped"? 'Cause I-- 768 00:52:25,146 --> 00:52:28,149 Oh. Oh, we're pushing now? 769 00:52:28,232 --> 00:52:32,403 They embrace, sadly, perhaps for the last time. 770 00:52:40,953 --> 00:52:45,332 The male meets the female's parents. He is nervous. 771 00:52:45,416 --> 00:52:50,087 Without parental approval, the female may choose another mate. 772 00:52:50,171 --> 00:52:52,173 I still think it's a little early in our relationship for this. 773 00:52:52,256 --> 00:52:56,093 I told you not to worry. Come on. What are you so worried about? 774 00:52:56,177 --> 00:52:58,179 - It's no big deal. - I just don't do parents well. 775 00:52:58,262 --> 00:53:00,264 Relax. They're good people. 776 00:53:00,348 --> 00:53:02,350 I'm sure they'll feel the same about you as I do. 777 00:53:02,433 --> 00:53:05,102 Come on. 778 00:53:05,186 --> 00:53:07,772 Hi! We made it. 779 00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:11,525 - Mom, Dad, this is Billy. - Hi. Nice-- 780 00:53:11,609 --> 00:53:14,612 Eddie! Your sister's here. 781 00:53:14,695 --> 00:53:18,532 Wanting everything to go perfectly, the female assures the male... 782 00:53:18,616 --> 00:53:21,744 that her family is loving and happy and normal. 783 00:53:21,827 --> 00:53:24,413 Humans call this a white lie. 784 00:53:27,041 --> 00:53:29,960 Why do I smell gunpowder? 785 00:53:30,044 --> 00:53:33,381 Oh. You must be Jenny's boyfriend. 786 00:53:35,841 --> 00:53:38,427 I got this in 'Nam. 787 00:53:38,511 --> 00:53:40,554 Killed myself so many gooks with it... 788 00:53:40,638 --> 00:53:42,807 the captain said I could keep it. 789 00:53:42,890 --> 00:53:45,810 I bought this at an auction in London, England. 790 00:53:45,893 --> 00:53:48,104 It's an antique. 791 00:53:48,187 --> 00:53:50,231 I never fired it, not once. 792 00:53:51,816 --> 00:53:54,443 I guess I'm kind of waiting for a special occasion. 793 00:53:54,485 --> 00:53:57,571 You know why I keep this around? 794 00:53:57,655 --> 00:54:00,491 - It can't be traced. - Oh. 795 00:54:07,039 --> 00:54:08,874 The breaking of bread. 796 00:54:08,958 --> 00:54:13,295 The female's family nourish themselves in silence, and stare at the male... 797 00:54:13,337 --> 00:54:18,300 - because it scares him. - Well, to be honest... 798 00:54:18,384 --> 00:54:21,387 these days it's, you know, it's really tough. 799 00:54:21,470 --> 00:54:24,932 I think we're lucky. It's really tough to find somebody you can make it with. 800 00:54:27,018 --> 00:54:30,813 I mean, someone you can have a relationship with... 801 00:54:30,896 --> 00:54:32,940 and have the relationship make it. 802 00:54:36,694 --> 00:54:39,321 Mom, he has his own accounting firm. 803 00:54:39,405 --> 00:54:41,449 Isn't that great? Tell her about it. 804 00:54:41,532 --> 00:54:45,828 It's nothing, really. It's nothing. It's small. 805 00:54:49,790 --> 00:54:51,792 Isn't he cute, Mom? 806 00:54:51,876 --> 00:54:55,546 - Look at those little cheeks. Oh, I-- - Stop. 807 00:54:55,629 --> 00:54:57,882 - Stop. - Okay. 808 00:55:00,259 --> 00:55:04,305 Another obstacle is overcome, and the mating dance goes on. 809 00:55:04,388 --> 00:55:08,142 I... love... you! 810 00:55:08,225 --> 00:55:12,563 I... love... this! 811 00:55:12,646 --> 00:55:15,149 Bas... tard! 812 00:55:15,232 --> 00:55:18,694 Because it's manipulative. 813 00:55:18,736 --> 00:55:21,864 Nobody says "I love you" unless they want something from you. 814 00:55:21,947 --> 00:55:24,992 My parents used to pull that crap on me all the time. 815 00:55:25,076 --> 00:55:27,078 "I love you. I didn't mean to yell at you. 816 00:55:27,161 --> 00:55:29,163 I love you. Clean up the kitchen. 817 00:55:29,246 --> 00:55:31,707 I love you. Don't rat us out to Child Services." 818 00:55:31,749 --> 00:55:34,418 - They never said that. - But my point still stands. 819 00:55:34,502 --> 00:55:36,504 - When do I get to meet them, anyway? - My parents? 820 00:55:36,587 --> 00:55:38,589 I don't think that's such a good idea, Jen. 821 00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:40,675 We've been together for over a year. 822 00:55:40,758 --> 00:55:42,760 - Are you embarrassed of me? - No, of them. 823 00:55:42,843 --> 00:55:43,010 Mom, Dad, this is Jenny. 824 00:55:43,010 --> 00:55:46,013 Mom, Dad, this is Jenny. 825 00:55:46,097 --> 00:55:48,349 It is so nice to meet you, Jenny. 826 00:55:48,432 --> 00:55:51,060 We've heard nothing But wonderful things about you. 827 00:55:51,102 --> 00:55:54,897 - Thank you. The pleasure's mine. - Can I offer you a drink? 828 00:55:54,980 --> 00:55:57,191 We just opened a chardonnay that'll knock your bra off. 829 00:55:57,274 --> 00:55:58,776 - Mom! - It's okay. 830 00:55:58,859 --> 00:56:00,778 Chardonnay sounds wonderful, Mrs. Waterson. 831 00:56:00,861 --> 00:56:04,240 Please-- Margot. And this is Tom. 832 00:56:04,281 --> 00:56:06,367 Go! Help yourself. 833 00:56:08,160 --> 00:56:10,204 We'd serve it ourselves, but the pouring... 834 00:56:10,287 --> 00:56:12,748 is just a little bit too much temptation for us. 835 00:56:12,832 --> 00:56:15,751 - We're in a program. - Oh, God. 836 00:56:15,793 --> 00:56:17,712 Step 11. 837 00:56:17,753 --> 00:56:20,214 - I'll get the wine. - No, no, no. It's okay. 838 00:56:20,297 --> 00:56:22,258 I'll get it. 839 00:56:23,592 --> 00:56:27,221 What's wrong with you? They're charming people. 840 00:56:29,974 --> 00:56:32,476 She's so nice! 841 00:56:32,560 --> 00:56:34,812 Yeah. Yeah, she is nice. 842 00:56:34,895 --> 00:56:37,732 - She has beautiful eyes. - Thank you. 843 00:56:37,773 --> 00:56:40,401 - So, did you fuck her? - What the hell's the matter with you? 844 00:56:40,484 --> 00:56:41,944 What did I say? 845 00:56:41,986 --> 00:56:44,363 - I asked if he fucked her. - Of course he's fucked her. 846 00:56:44,447 --> 00:56:46,407 Wouldn't you fuck her? I'd fuck her and I'm not even into that. 847 00:56:46,490 --> 00:56:47,700 - Mom! - What? 848 00:56:47,783 --> 00:56:50,286 I'm defending you. Your father's the one causing trouble. 849 00:56:50,369 --> 00:56:52,288 I just wanted to know if Those were real hooters or not. 850 00:56:52,371 --> 00:56:54,623 Of course they're real. You can't buy hooters like that. 851 00:56:54,707 --> 00:56:56,751 Okay, if you two continue to embarrass me, we're leaving. 852 00:56:56,792 --> 00:57:00,463 There's just no pleasing you. Come on. 853 00:57:07,428 --> 00:57:10,765 It's an honor to have you in our home, Jennifer. 854 00:57:10,806 --> 00:57:14,685 The male's parents take an immediate liking to their cub's mate... 855 00:57:14,769 --> 00:57:17,188 and welcome her into the pack. 856 00:57:17,271 --> 00:57:19,774 For the female, it is like gaining a new father and mother... 857 00:57:19,857 --> 00:57:21,817 in addition to her own. 858 00:57:21,859 --> 00:57:25,613 How happy she is. 859 00:57:25,696 --> 00:57:28,324 Her new father examines her milky chest. 860 00:57:29,450 --> 00:57:32,870 He is pleased that his grandchildren will be well fed. 861 00:57:33,913 --> 00:57:35,956 Another hurdle overcome. 862 00:57:38,125 --> 00:57:42,004 - God, you are so pretty. - You're so pretty too. 863 00:57:42,088 --> 00:57:44,715 That's a horrible thing to say to a guy. 864 00:57:44,799 --> 00:57:47,677 I'm handsome. I'm maybe cute. 865 00:57:47,760 --> 00:57:50,805 - And very, very pretty. - Oh, yeah? 866 00:57:50,846 --> 00:57:53,307 What if I do this? 867 00:57:56,727 --> 00:57:57,687 Yuck! 868 00:57:57,728 --> 00:58:00,189 I think we know who the pretty one is in this relationship. 869 00:58:00,231 --> 00:58:02,316 Oh, yeah? What if I do this? 870 00:58:04,902 --> 00:58:06,904 Okay, then I would have to do this. 871 00:58:10,408 --> 00:58:12,702 Yeah? Well, I'll have to do this. 872 00:58:12,743 --> 00:58:15,663 Oh, yeah? Then I would do this. 873 00:58:20,167 --> 00:58:22,378 That one's pretty good. 874 00:58:22,420 --> 00:58:24,588 - It better be because it's real. - Oh, God. 875 00:58:24,672 --> 00:58:27,550 Oh, boy. Ohh! 876 00:58:30,261 --> 00:58:33,556 "Sperminator"-- protector of the uterus. 877 00:58:36,767 --> 00:58:39,311 - Bye, Jen. Have a nice weekend. - You too. 878 00:58:46,527 --> 00:58:48,863 - Here you go. - Thanks. It's Mr. Hatfield... 879 00:58:48,904 --> 00:58:52,241 - from Entertel. - Damn. Can you just tell him I left... 880 00:58:52,324 --> 00:58:55,077 and the reports were faxed to him about five minutes ago? 881 00:58:55,119 --> 00:58:57,621 -Jenny, that is dishonest. - Please? 882 00:58:57,705 --> 00:59:00,082 Me and Billy are going to Montelido in a half an hour... 883 00:59:00,124 --> 00:59:04,086 - and I haven't even packed yet. - What's Montelido? 884 00:59:04,170 --> 00:59:06,047 It's in central California. An old hippie town. 885 00:59:06,088 --> 00:59:08,591 Billy's friend has a house in the woods... 886 00:59:08,674 --> 00:59:10,217 and he lent it to us for the weekend. 887 00:59:10,968 --> 00:59:12,678 Please? 888 00:59:14,055 --> 00:59:16,599 Mr. Hatfield? I'm sorry. She just left. 889 00:59:16,682 --> 00:59:19,560 But she wanted me to tell you that she faxed your reports. 890 00:59:22,563 --> 00:59:25,441 Yeah, everybody's left. 891 00:59:26,734 --> 00:59:28,611 Is your wife still there? 892 00:59:29,612 --> 00:59:31,614 The male and female go to the woods... 893 00:59:31,697 --> 00:59:35,076 planning to mate in their natural habitat. 894 00:59:35,117 --> 00:59:36,952 The female is anxious. 895 00:59:36,994 --> 00:59:38,913 She knows the burden motherhood will bear. 896 00:59:38,954 --> 00:59:42,625 Relax. It's not like we have to be there at a specific time. 897 00:59:42,666 --> 00:59:46,462 We said we'd leave by 8:00. It's 8:30. I hate being late. 898 00:59:46,504 --> 00:59:49,048 - You're always late. - Doesn't mean I like it. 899 00:59:49,131 --> 00:59:50,925 Come on, Jen. Relax. 900 00:59:50,966 --> 00:59:53,969 - We're going there to have a good time. - I know that. 901 00:59:54,053 --> 00:59:58,307 So don't put any pressure on yourself. If we're late, we're late. So what? 902 01:00:00,351 --> 01:00:02,603 I suppose you're right. 903 01:00:05,981 --> 01:00:09,151 - Well, that's it. I'm ready. - Great. 904 01:00:09,193 --> 01:00:11,487 I feel like I forgot something. 905 01:00:11,529 --> 01:00:14,824 Oh, don't worry. Everyone feels like that when they travel. 906 01:00:14,865 --> 01:00:17,326 Yeah, but I really feel like I forgot something. 907 01:00:17,410 --> 01:00:19,620 Then we'll rough it. That's what the woods are for. 908 01:00:19,704 --> 01:00:21,622 - Don't worry. It'll be fine. - If you say so. 909 01:00:21,706 --> 01:00:23,332 Trust me. 910 01:00:24,333 --> 01:00:27,461 How could you forget Your diaphragm? 911 01:00:27,545 --> 01:00:30,006 I told you I forgot something. You said it didn't matter. 912 01:00:30,047 --> 01:00:32,299 - You said we could rough it. - You can't rough that. 913 01:00:32,341 --> 01:00:36,470 Ready to mate, male and female discuss the virtues of parenthood. 914 01:00:36,554 --> 01:00:39,265 - You can always pull out. - That's a little too rough for me. 915 01:00:39,348 --> 01:00:42,768 So this is all my fault? You're not willing to sacrifice? 916 01:00:42,852 --> 01:00:45,396 I'd love to promise to, but I wouldn't be able to. 917 01:00:45,479 --> 01:00:49,483 You're the most beautiful thing in the world and I'm a stupid, horny schmuck. 918 01:00:49,567 --> 01:00:51,694 Be realistic. 919 01:00:51,777 --> 01:00:55,156 Well, I guess that's that. 920 01:00:55,197 --> 01:00:56,699 Want to play cards? 921 01:00:58,576 --> 01:01:02,329 You know, there are Other ways to rough it. 922 01:01:02,371 --> 01:01:03,914 How? 923 01:01:08,919 --> 01:01:10,880 Bracey ourself. 924 01:01:28,981 --> 01:01:31,025 As mating grows ever nearer... 925 01:01:31,067 --> 01:01:35,404 the male uses his tongue to explore the female's womb... 926 01:01:35,488 --> 01:01:38,741 clearing the passageway of any debris so that the infant will have... 927 01:01:38,824 --> 01:01:40,826 an easy voyage into their world. 928 01:01:43,079 --> 01:01:45,081 Oh, God! 929 01:01:45,164 --> 01:01:46,916 It is painful for her... 930 01:01:46,957 --> 01:01:49,543 but for the good of their child, she makes the sacrifice. 931 01:01:49,627 --> 01:01:52,088 So this is nature? 932 01:01:52,171 --> 01:01:54,090 Ooh, nature's good. 933 01:02:25,204 --> 01:02:28,332 Young humans often have difficulty discussing the mating dance... 934 01:02:28,416 --> 01:02:30,167 with those more elderly. 935 01:02:30,251 --> 01:02:32,503 - Can I help you? - Here, an embarrassed male... 936 01:02:32,586 --> 01:02:35,256 tries to secure from the old, wise woman... 937 01:02:35,297 --> 01:02:39,969 a slice of vulcanized vegetation to place on his seed shooter. 938 01:02:40,052 --> 01:02:42,096 Do you have any-- 939 01:02:46,392 --> 01:02:48,936 You know, condoms? 940 01:02:49,020 --> 01:02:52,314 Oh, sure. We got ketchup, mustard. 941 01:02:52,398 --> 01:02:54,942 My man Thor makes a mean homemade marmalade. 942 01:02:55,026 --> 01:02:58,529 No, not condiments, but condoms. 943 01:03:00,489 --> 01:03:01,615 Prophylactics. 944 01:03:02,408 --> 01:03:04,744 Male birth control? 945 01:03:07,371 --> 01:03:09,790 Rubbers. Why didn't you say so? 946 01:03:09,874 --> 01:03:13,461 Of course we sell rubbers. What do you think we are, backwards? 947 01:03:13,502 --> 01:03:16,005 Great. Let's see. That's three in a pack. 948 01:03:16,047 --> 01:03:20,217 We're here for another day. We'll take two packs. 949 01:03:20,301 --> 01:03:23,095 - We'll take five packs. - I don't have that many left. 950 01:03:23,179 --> 01:03:26,349 - We'll take whatever you got. - That'd be none. 951 01:03:26,390 --> 01:03:28,976 Those rubbers sell like hotcakes up here. 952 01:03:29,060 --> 01:03:31,395 Do you have anything? 953 01:03:31,479 --> 01:03:33,856 Diaphragm, sponge? 954 01:03:33,939 --> 01:03:36,400 - The pill? - They don't have that here. 955 01:03:36,484 --> 01:03:38,486 Funny thing about that expression. 956 01:03:38,527 --> 01:03:41,489 Hotcakes never sold near as good as rubbers. 957 01:03:41,530 --> 01:03:45,701 The expression should be, "Sells like rubbers." 958 01:03:45,785 --> 01:03:47,912 Who needs hotcakes? 959 01:03:47,995 --> 01:03:50,456 - Is there a store nearby? - Nope. 960 01:03:50,539 --> 01:03:55,711 Ever since the government unleashed AIDS on our unwitting society... 961 01:03:55,795 --> 01:03:58,047 those rubbers have sold like rubbers. 962 01:03:59,674 --> 01:04:03,886 Well, thanks a lot for your help, and I guess we'll see you soon. 963 01:04:03,928 --> 01:04:05,930 Yeah, real soon. 964 01:04:06,013 --> 01:04:08,724 Unbeknownst to the male and female, the old, wise woman... 965 01:04:08,766 --> 01:04:11,352 is really a citizen of the planet Pierkov. 966 01:04:14,230 --> 01:04:17,024 Who would have thought there's not a store in the entire area... 967 01:04:17,108 --> 01:04:19,026 where you can buy a condom? 968 01:04:19,110 --> 01:04:24,198 - Well, this is nice anyway. - Yeah, it is. 969 01:04:24,240 --> 01:04:26,283 Kind of reminds me Of when we were first dating... 970 01:04:26,367 --> 01:04:29,537 just holding each other, not being able to do anything. 971 01:04:29,578 --> 01:04:33,374 Yeah, only then we didn't Know whatwe were missing. 972 01:04:33,416 --> 01:04:35,418 -What are you saying? - I can't stand it. 973 01:04:35,501 --> 01:04:36,919 Good answer. 974 01:04:36,961 --> 01:04:38,629 - We should be okay. - Yeah, I'll pull out. 975 01:04:38,713 --> 01:04:41,590 - It's a safe time in my cycle. - I'll pull out. 976 01:04:41,674 --> 01:04:44,135 Some people never use anything at all, and nothing ever happens. 977 01:04:44,218 --> 01:04:46,721 - I'll pull out. - You said you couldn't do that. 978 01:04:46,804 --> 01:04:49,223 - I thought you said I'm too beautiful. - But look at you. 979 01:04:49,265 --> 01:04:52,226 You're not wearing makeup. Your hair's a mess. You're a skank. 980 01:04:52,268 --> 01:04:53,894 You sweet talker, you. 981 01:05:03,487 --> 01:05:06,449 Now, this is mating. 982 01:05:09,869 --> 01:05:12,204 More than a year After they have met... 983 01:05:12,288 --> 01:05:14,915 a year of practice and preparation... 984 01:05:14,957 --> 01:05:18,794 countless other humans guiding them and keeping them on track... 985 01:05:18,878 --> 01:05:21,964 reproduction is ready to take place. 986 01:06:24,235 --> 01:06:26,028 Conception! 987 01:06:33,953 --> 01:06:36,747 - I think we're all right. - Absolutely. 988 01:06:39,959 --> 01:06:44,171 But believe it or not, the mating dance is still not complete. 989 01:06:44,255 --> 01:06:47,341 Conception is only an important stage for humans. 990 01:06:47,383 --> 01:06:49,885 Much can still go wrong. 991 01:06:51,303 --> 01:06:53,055 I think that's the one. 992 01:06:54,056 --> 01:06:56,392 It's nothing. All that clean air in the woods... 993 01:06:56,475 --> 01:06:58,978 just threw off my cycle, that's all. 994 01:06:59,061 --> 01:07:01,522 Then the test will show negative. At least this way you'll know. 995 01:07:01,605 --> 01:07:04,942 - I already know. - Then what are you worried about? 996 01:07:05,026 --> 01:07:07,695 You just shouldn't have bought me the test. 997 01:07:07,737 --> 01:07:11,240 Billy should have bought you the test, But you don't have the guts to tell him. 998 01:07:11,323 --> 01:07:13,242 There's nothing to tell him. 999 01:07:17,788 --> 01:07:20,499 There's something to tell him. 1000 01:07:23,002 --> 01:07:26,005 I'm pregnant. 1001 01:07:26,088 --> 01:07:28,090 I'm gonna be a mother. 1002 01:07:30,426 --> 01:07:33,137 I'm gonna be a mother! 1003 01:07:40,770 --> 01:07:44,815 The itsy-bitsy spider went up the waterspout 1004 01:07:44,899 --> 01:07:48,903 Down came the rain And was hed the spider out 1005 01:07:48,986 --> 01:07:52,114 Good morning, Mom. Hey! What smells so good? 1006 01:07:52,198 --> 01:07:55,618 Your lunch, son. Tuna fish on whole wheat and fruit... 1007 01:07:55,701 --> 01:07:59,538 so you'll grow up healthy and strong. 1008 01:07:59,622 --> 01:08:01,999 My favorite! I love you, Mom. 1009 01:08:02,083 --> 01:08:04,794 I love you, Billy Junior. 1010 01:08:08,756 --> 01:08:11,926 Hi, honey. I'm off to work. 1011 01:08:11,967 --> 01:08:14,220 - Have a nice day, sweetheart. - Bye, Daddy! 1012 01:08:14,303 --> 01:08:17,223 - Who do we have here? - I'm your child. 1013 01:08:17,306 --> 01:08:20,309 - No, I don't have a child. - Yes, you do. 1014 01:08:20,393 --> 01:08:24,313 No, I pulled out, remember? Sorry, little boy, but I pulled out. 1015 01:08:24,355 --> 01:08:25,648 - No, you didn't. - Did. 1016 01:08:25,731 --> 01:08:26,649 - Didn't. - Did. 1017 01:08:26,732 --> 01:08:28,150 - Didn't. - Did. 1018 01:08:28,234 --> 01:08:29,985 - Didn't. - Did. 1019 01:08:30,069 --> 01:08:31,779 - What are you saying? - Did. 1020 01:08:31,821 --> 01:08:33,948 Billy! 1021 01:08:34,031 --> 01:08:36,200 Look, I refuse to accept this. 1022 01:08:36,283 --> 01:08:39,954 You're gonna have to accept it, because it's true. 1023 01:08:39,995 --> 01:08:43,040 No! I will never accept it! 1024 01:08:43,124 --> 01:08:44,625 Never! 1025 01:08:54,176 --> 01:08:56,804 I'm gonna be a mother. 1026 01:08:56,846 --> 01:08:59,974 The female is thrilled by The prospect of her motherhood. 1027 01:09:00,057 --> 01:09:02,018 You'll be okay. 1028 01:09:06,022 --> 01:09:08,065 What am I gonna do? 1029 01:09:08,149 --> 01:09:10,276 How am I gonna tell Billy? 1030 01:09:11,861 --> 01:09:14,196 Billy, we're pregnant. 1031 01:09:15,865 --> 01:09:17,408 I'm pregnant. 1032 01:09:19,076 --> 01:09:21,662 Remember when you said you'd pull out? 1033 01:09:21,746 --> 01:09:23,748 You bastard! 1034 01:09:25,666 --> 01:09:27,668 Listen, you're not alone. 1035 01:09:27,752 --> 01:09:31,047 We're totally gonna be here for you. It's gonna be fine. 1036 01:09:31,088 --> 01:09:33,049 Nervous about the male's reaction... 1037 01:09:33,090 --> 01:09:35,259 the female tries to mate with her own pack... 1038 01:09:35,343 --> 01:09:37,345 but that's a whole other movie. 1039 01:09:38,679 --> 01:09:41,390 The female conveys the good news. 1040 01:09:41,432 --> 01:09:43,893 Their efforts have proven fruitful. 1041 01:09:43,934 --> 01:09:45,895 I 'm pregnant. 1042 01:09:50,566 --> 01:09:52,109 Whoa. 1043 01:09:55,654 --> 01:09:57,782 Whoa. 1044 01:09:57,865 --> 01:10:00,284 The human male now does a peculiar thing... 1045 01:10:00,368 --> 01:10:03,079 indigenous to those of his species. 1046 01:10:03,120 --> 01:10:05,081 After months of mating... 1047 01:10:05,122 --> 01:10:08,417 he determines he is not interested in the dance he has danced. 1048 01:10:08,501 --> 01:10:12,254 He has not mated. He never met her. What's her name? 1049 01:10:13,464 --> 01:10:14,799 Say something. 1050 01:10:19,011 --> 01:10:21,597 It is mine, isn't it? 1051 01:10:21,681 --> 01:10:24,100 Say something better. 1052 01:10:24,141 --> 01:10:26,477 Okay, okay. I'm sorry. That was wrong. 1053 01:10:26,560 --> 01:10:28,479 Of course it's mine. 1054 01:10:30,272 --> 01:10:31,232 Whoa. 1055 01:10:33,943 --> 01:10:37,530 Okay, okay. I got to stay strong here. 1056 01:10:37,613 --> 01:10:40,616 I gotta do the honorable thing. 1057 01:10:43,661 --> 01:10:46,664 I'm gonna do the honorable thing. 1058 01:10:46,747 --> 01:10:49,333 "I'm gonna do the honorable thing"? 1059 01:10:49,417 --> 01:10:51,585 What is that? Some kind of pity proposal? 1060 01:10:51,627 --> 01:10:55,256 I've waited my whole life for a man to ask me to marry him. 1061 01:10:55,339 --> 01:10:57,633 But I sure as hell don't need your pity proposal. 1062 01:10:58,759 --> 01:11:01,262 By honorable thing, I meant I was going to pay for the abortion. 1063 01:11:01,303 --> 01:11:02,430 What? 1064 01:11:02,471 --> 01:11:04,765 If you don't want my pity proposal, I understand. 1065 01:11:04,807 --> 01:11:07,435 I don't believe you. 1066 01:11:07,476 --> 01:11:10,146 - What do you want me to do? - I don't know! 1067 01:11:10,187 --> 01:11:12,440 I just wanted you to be happy about this. 1068 01:11:12,481 --> 01:11:15,026 I wanted you to p-- 1069 01:11:16,152 --> 01:11:17,153 Forget it. 1070 01:11:19,155 --> 01:11:21,532 So you do want me to propose. 1071 01:11:21,615 --> 01:11:25,953 Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. Pussy, pussy, whipped, whipped. 1072 01:11:25,995 --> 01:11:28,122 The male is trapped. 1073 01:11:28,205 --> 01:11:32,043 You planned this thing real well, Jen. Real well. 1074 01:11:32,126 --> 01:11:34,712 What? I didn't plan anything. 1075 01:11:34,795 --> 01:11:36,672 You've been calling the shots from the beginning. 1076 01:11:36,756 --> 01:11:38,674 "Let's get an AIDS test. Let's go meet my family." 1077 01:11:38,758 --> 01:11:41,010 They embark upon the uniquely human characteristic... 1078 01:11:41,093 --> 01:11:43,679 of saying things they will later regret... 1079 01:11:43,763 --> 01:11:46,640 one of the more dangerous steps of the mating dance. 1080 01:11:46,682 --> 01:11:50,311 You asshole. God, I thought you were a nice guy. 1081 01:11:50,353 --> 01:11:52,355 Come on. Deny it. Look me in the eye... 1082 01:11:52,438 --> 01:11:55,858 and tell me this wasn't some part of a grand scheme to trap me. 1083 01:11:55,941 --> 01:11:57,985 - In the eye? - In the eye. 1084 01:11:58,069 --> 01:12:01,655 - Get out of my home. - Yeah. That's what I thought. 1085 01:12:09,372 --> 01:12:12,083 The male retreats to the comfort of the pack. 1086 01:12:12,166 --> 01:12:14,001 Only with his own kind, he knows... 1087 01:12:14,043 --> 01:12:16,921 can he be safe and healthy and strong. 1088 01:12:17,004 --> 01:12:19,924 It's, like, I don't even have a choice anymore. 1089 01:12:20,007 --> 01:12:23,844 It's gotta be her way or the highway. 1090 01:12:23,886 --> 01:12:26,263 Well, I don't take to ultimatums. 1091 01:12:26,347 --> 01:12:29,225 No man does. 1092 01:12:29,266 --> 01:12:31,477 And I'm sure as hell not ready to get married. 1093 01:12:31,560 --> 01:12:33,354 - No man is. - No man. 1094 01:12:33,396 --> 01:12:36,524 They force him to consume large amounts of fermented grain... 1095 01:12:36,607 --> 01:12:38,109 in an attempt to kill him. 1096 01:12:38,192 --> 01:12:41,487 Unwilling to mate, he is no longer Of any use to their species. 1097 01:12:41,570 --> 01:12:45,616 Since it ended, I got this feeling in my stomach... 1098 01:12:45,700 --> 01:12:47,618 Like an empty pit... 1099 01:12:47,702 --> 01:12:50,705 Like, I don't even know-- 1100 01:12:50,788 --> 01:12:54,041 I don't even know how to live anymore. 1101 01:12:54,083 --> 01:12:56,919 I know. I know. Now, drink up. 1102 01:13:01,966 --> 01:13:04,260 The male tries to validate his existence... 1103 01:13:04,301 --> 01:13:07,430 and prove he doesn't need a female to mate. 1104 01:13:07,513 --> 01:13:09,932 He attempts to devolve into a hermaphrodite... 1105 01:13:10,016 --> 01:13:13,185 and give birth to offspring on his own. 1106 01:13:13,269 --> 01:13:16,147 Oh, God. Oh, God. 1107 01:13:16,230 --> 01:13:19,817 For the male, this will prove ultimately unfulfilling. 1108 01:13:19,900 --> 01:13:22,778 Although genetically equipped to deliver the placenta... 1109 01:13:22,820 --> 01:13:26,615 he is unable to produce the infant itself. 1110 01:13:26,699 --> 01:13:30,453 The female retreats to the comfort Of her pack as well. 1111 01:13:30,494 --> 01:13:32,538 Now expectant mother... 1112 01:13:32,621 --> 01:13:35,958 it is within her power alone to erase the past year... 1113 01:13:36,000 --> 01:13:39,754 or allow the mating dance to come to fruition. 1114 01:13:39,795 --> 01:13:45,259 I mean, there is no way I'll bring that asshole's baby into this world. 1115 01:13:45,343 --> 01:13:48,262 Listen, if you want to do this, we'll back you up. 1116 01:13:48,304 --> 01:13:51,807 We'll take you there, but don't do this because of him. 1117 01:13:51,891 --> 01:13:56,020 - Do it because it's what you want. - I don't know what I want. 1118 01:13:56,103 --> 01:13:59,690 I definitely don't want another one of him running around. 1119 01:13:59,774 --> 01:14:01,609 So what time? 1120 01:14:02,818 --> 01:14:05,696 No, I've got to do this myself. 1121 01:14:05,780 --> 01:14:07,782 Oh, honey. 1122 01:14:07,865 --> 01:14:09,992 The dance ends. 1123 01:14:10,076 --> 01:14:13,621 It is as if the male andt he female Never crossed tracks. 1124 01:14:14,830 --> 01:14:18,876 Appreciating the male's futile attempt to devolve into a hermaphrodite... 1125 01:14:18,959 --> 01:14:23,547 the pack welcomes him back in with support and sympathy over his loss. 1126 01:14:23,631 --> 01:14:26,842 You did the right thing. I mean, she-- 1127 01:14:26,884 --> 01:14:29,136 She was playing you for a sucker the whole time. 1128 01:14:29,178 --> 01:14:31,097 - I don't know. - Come on, man. 1129 01:14:31,180 --> 01:14:34,141 You saw the guys she went out with. What would she want with you... 1130 01:14:34,225 --> 01:14:36,811 other than the fact that you're the only one who would stick around... 1131 01:14:36,852 --> 01:14:39,647 after her biological alarm clock buzzed? 1132 01:14:39,689 --> 01:14:42,191 Now the joke's on her. 1133 01:14:42,274 --> 01:14:45,569 I suppose. I mean... 1134 01:14:45,653 --> 01:14:49,156 I knew she was out of my league from the moment I first saw her. 1135 01:14:49,240 --> 01:14:51,826 - She's beautiful. - Exactly. 1136 01:14:51,909 --> 01:14:54,745 - And smart. - Right. 1137 01:14:54,829 --> 01:14:58,624 Kind, caring... 1138 01:14:58,708 --> 01:15:02,169 supportive, successful. 1139 01:15:02,253 --> 01:15:04,547 My point is made. 1140 01:15:04,588 --> 01:15:06,674 And I love her. 1141 01:15:06,716 --> 01:15:08,384 Maybe you didn't get my point after all. 1142 01:15:08,467 --> 01:15:11,554 What am I, crazy? She's the greatest Thing that ever happened to me. 1143 01:15:11,637 --> 01:15:14,223 She's the greatest thing that ever will happen to me. I've got to talk to her. 1144 01:15:14,306 --> 01:15:17,393 I gotta beg her into taking me back, whatever it takes. 1145 01:15:17,476 --> 01:15:19,687 Don't let her talk you into getting married. 1146 01:15:19,729 --> 01:15:21,522 I'm not going to let her talk me into getting married. 1147 01:15:21,564 --> 01:15:26,193 -I'm going to talk her into marrying me. -You're falling for it! 1148 01:15:26,277 --> 01:15:30,239 I fell a long time ago. I was just too stupid to realize it. 1149 01:15:30,322 --> 01:15:34,160 - I'm outta here. -Just hear me out first, all right? 1150 01:15:38,414 --> 01:15:40,791 Congratulations, man. 1151 01:15:40,875 --> 01:15:43,586 The two of you make a wonderful couple. 1152 01:15:43,669 --> 01:15:45,963 - I thought you were against it. - I'm your friend. 1153 01:15:46,047 --> 01:15:49,550 - Whatever you want, I want. -Thanks, man. 1154 01:15:49,633 --> 01:15:51,677 You'll make a great daddy. 1155 01:15:51,761 --> 01:15:53,888 Now, go. 1156 01:16:08,110 --> 01:16:10,571 - What do you want, asshole? - Where's Jenny? 1157 01:16:10,654 --> 01:16:13,616 - That's none of your business, prick. - I gotta talk to her. 1158 01:16:13,657 --> 01:16:16,452 Well, she's not talking to you, dick wad. 1159 01:16:16,535 --> 01:16:19,497 Fine. Then I'll wait here until she gets back. 1160 01:16:19,580 --> 01:16:21,499 Fine. She'll be back in a week. 1161 01:16:21,582 --> 01:16:23,668 Lock up at the end Of the night, scumbag. 1162 01:16:29,757 --> 01:16:32,635 What is your problem? 1163 01:16:32,677 --> 01:16:35,471 I checked home; she's not home. I checked here; she's not here. 1164 01:16:35,554 --> 01:16:37,139 I screwed up. I want to fix things. 1165 01:16:37,223 --> 01:16:40,476 I suppose you want to marry her now, huh? Ya freakazoid! 1166 01:16:40,518 --> 01:16:45,106 Yes, and I want you to be the maid of honor because of your warmth and charm. 1167 01:16:46,315 --> 01:16:49,110 - You really wanna marry her? - Go away. 1168 01:16:50,528 --> 01:16:52,988 - Really, really? - Leave me alone. 1169 01:16:54,323 --> 01:16:56,742 Oh, God. 1170 01:16:56,826 --> 01:16:59,453 Oh, God. This is one Of those crisis moments. 1171 01:16:59,495 --> 01:17:01,664 What would Jenny want me to do? 1172 01:17:06,836 --> 01:17:09,797 Okay, I'm gonna tell you where she is. But if you go and she gets upset... 1173 01:17:09,839 --> 01:17:12,550 you have to tell her you just guessed. 1174 01:17:12,633 --> 01:17:15,803 But if you go there and she's happy to see you, you can tell her it was me. 1175 01:17:15,845 --> 01:17:18,305 I'll tell her I like you If you tell me where she is. 1176 01:17:18,347 --> 01:17:21,892 Okay. She really hated your guts Because you were a prick. 1177 01:17:21,976 --> 01:17:24,353 Like so many others before her... 1178 01:17:24,395 --> 01:17:26,397 this female joins the mating dance... 1179 01:17:26,480 --> 01:17:28,983 and helps the male arrive at its completion. 1180 01:17:29,066 --> 01:17:31,068 Oh, my God! 1181 01:17:44,832 --> 01:17:46,917 Move it! Come on! 1182 01:17:47,001 --> 01:17:48,711 Let's go, lady! Let's go! 1183 01:17:48,794 --> 01:17:50,046 God! 1184 01:17:53,382 --> 01:17:55,217 What? 1185 01:18:37,009 --> 01:18:39,929 Hello! Hello? Hell-- 1186 01:18:39,970 --> 01:18:42,056 Oh, hi. I need to see Jenny Smith right away. 1187 01:18:42,139 --> 01:18:44,558 - I'm sorry, sir. You can't go in-- - It doesn't matter. 1188 01:18:44,600 --> 01:18:47,561 The large female tells the male he is too late. 1189 01:18:47,603 --> 01:18:52,233 The past has been erased. The mating dance did not take place. 1190 01:18:54,902 --> 01:18:55,820 Fuck. 1191 01:19:12,712 --> 01:19:16,507 There are no human sounds to express the sadness felt... 1192 01:19:16,590 --> 01:19:19,719 by the entire species on the verge of extinction. 1193 01:19:25,266 --> 01:19:27,143 - Thank you. -Jenny? 1194 01:19:27,184 --> 01:19:29,645 What are you doing here? 1195 01:19:29,729 --> 01:19:31,772 Never mind that. 1196 01:19:37,737 --> 01:19:41,532 Look, I'm sorry I forced you here. 1197 01:19:41,615 --> 01:19:45,745 I'm sorry I wasn't with you. I'm sorry about everything I said. 1198 01:19:45,828 --> 01:19:48,330 But I want you in my life. 1199 01:19:48,414 --> 01:19:50,750 With or without a child, I want you in my life... 1200 01:19:50,833 --> 01:19:52,793 for the rest of my life. 1201 01:19:52,835 --> 01:19:56,839 I--you know-- 1202 01:19:58,007 --> 01:20:01,344 I need you. 1203 01:20:01,427 --> 01:20:05,389 I love you. I love you. 1204 01:20:05,473 --> 01:20:08,851 I love you more than anything. 1205 01:20:08,893 --> 01:20:11,437 We'll make another kid If you want. 1206 01:20:11,520 --> 01:20:15,316 Not that that'll make up for it, and If you don't want to, you don't have to. 1207 01:20:15,358 --> 01:20:17,401 It's up to you. Whatever you want. 1208 01:20:17,485 --> 01:20:20,571 We can start planning that big wedding you always wanted. 1209 01:20:20,654 --> 01:20:22,907 Just say that you'll marry me. 1210 01:20:25,785 --> 01:20:27,995 I couldn't go through with it. 1211 01:20:28,037 --> 01:20:30,039 But the nurse said That you were already-- 1212 01:20:30,122 --> 01:20:33,417 At the last minute I figured that you've been great for this whole year. 1213 01:20:33,501 --> 01:20:36,087 You only messed up once. 1214 01:20:36,170 --> 01:20:39,340 I do want another one of you in this world... 1215 01:20:39,382 --> 01:20:42,510 especially if it's got a little bit of me mixed in it. 1216 01:20:45,137 --> 01:20:47,598 Still want to get married? 1217 01:20:49,725 --> 01:20:52,770 Okay. You? 1218 01:20:54,563 --> 01:20:55,773 Okay. 1219 01:21:10,871 --> 01:21:13,916 As a final symbol, the male and female cement... 1220 01:21:13,999 --> 01:21:16,419 the completion of the mating ritual. 1221 01:21:16,460 --> 01:21:18,754 Gathering together the entire pack... 1222 01:21:18,796 --> 01:21:20,965 the male and female must first bore... 1223 01:21:21,048 --> 01:21:24,885 then feed all who participated in the great dance. 1224 01:22:20,649 --> 01:22:25,946 A human male speaks of the couple's undying love for one another. 1225 01:22:25,988 --> 01:22:29,450 No one knows this person, but they pay him well for his thoughts. 1226 01:22:31,202 --> 01:22:34,538 The pack rejoices at the male and female's good fortune... 1227 01:22:34,622 --> 01:22:36,999 and at their own good fortune... 1228 01:22:37,041 --> 01:22:40,211 for the species has been propagated-- humanity will live on. 1229 01:22:41,587 --> 01:22:45,007 And as a testimony of their affection for one another... 1230 01:22:45,049 --> 01:22:48,552 the male and female make promises they don't know if they can keep. 1231 01:22:48,636 --> 01:22:51,514 - I do. - I do. 1232 01:22:51,555 --> 01:22:55,393 They make speeches that sound like sweet roses in bloom... 1233 01:22:55,476 --> 01:22:58,020 before they die and get all crinkly and yucky. 1234 01:22:58,104 --> 01:23:01,148 I don't know why you've chosen me. 1235 01:23:01,232 --> 01:23:03,693 I only know that I will spend the remainder of my days... 1236 01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:06,195 trying to prove my worthiness... 1237 01:23:06,237 --> 01:23:09,031 even though no one could ever be truly worthy of you. 1238 01:23:10,032 --> 01:23:14,745 I will love you, cherish you and nurture you. 1239 01:23:14,829 --> 01:23:19,834 For without you, my life is empty and my soul is barren. 1240 01:23:19,875 --> 01:23:25,339 I will stay with you and keep you with me for all eternity. 1241 01:23:25,381 --> 01:23:30,720 Forever and ever and-- Uh-oh. 1242 01:23:30,761 --> 01:23:34,265 Get away from me, you bastard! 1243 01:23:34,348 --> 01:23:39,520 "I'll pull out," my ass! Fuck you! Fuckin' prick! 1244 01:23:39,562 --> 01:23:42,064 And at long last... 1245 01:23:42,106 --> 01:23:46,444 the female experiences the joy and pleasure of birth. 1246 01:23:46,527 --> 01:23:49,697 It is a euphoric experience for her. 1247 01:23:49,739 --> 01:23:52,241 Having had to suffer the pain of orgasm... 1248 01:23:52,283 --> 01:23:55,077 she is now entitled to reap nature's reward. 1249 01:23:55,161 --> 01:23:56,912 Fuckin' piece of shit! 1250 01:23:56,954 --> 01:24:01,042 It is a state of ecstasy the male will never enjoy. 1251 01:24:01,083 --> 01:24:02,418 Breathe, honey. Just breathe. 1252 01:24:02,501 --> 01:24:05,713 The female attempts to describe her euphoria to her true love. 1253 01:24:05,755 --> 01:24:08,591 - Breathe. - You breathe, motherfucker! 1254 01:24:08,632 --> 01:24:12,595 - Breathe. Just keep breathing. - Fuck you! Oh, fuck you! 1255 01:24:12,678 --> 01:24:14,096 Fuck! 1256 01:24:14,138 --> 01:24:17,933 The mating habits Of the earthbound human. 1257 01:24:18,017 --> 01:24:21,062 From meeting in a bar to conceiving on a floor... 1258 01:24:21,145 --> 01:24:22,938 to proposing in an abortion clinic... 1259 01:24:23,022 --> 01:24:27,068 so it goes with all earthbound humans. 1260 01:24:27,151 --> 01:24:29,945 With a mating ritual so complex and intricate... 1261 01:24:30,029 --> 01:24:32,740 that their mere survival defies all logic... 1262 01:24:32,782 --> 01:24:37,620 one can only feel for them a sense of respect and admiration. 1263 01:24:37,703 --> 01:24:40,081 So let's not blow up Their planet after all. 1264 01:24:42,124 --> 01:24:44,627 They don't like the looks ofthe child, so they beat it. 1265 01:24:46,045 --> 01:24:47,338 Thank you. 1266 01:24:49,632 --> 01:24:51,884 Please turn off your universal translator... 1267 01:24:51,967 --> 01:24:54,095 and mate according to your own custom. 102566