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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:07,406 [♪♪♪] 2 00:00:16,083 --> 00:00:18,428 ♪ Love and marriage ♪ 3 00:00:18,452 --> 00:00:20,897 ♪ Love and marriage ♪ 4 00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:22,699 ♪ Go together like ♪ 5 00:00:22,723 --> 00:00:25,168 ♪ A horse and carriage ♪ 6 00:00:25,192 --> 00:00:29,172 ♪ This I tell ya, brother ♪ 7 00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,108 ♪ You can't have one ♪ 8 00:00:31,132 --> 00:00:34,011 ♪ Without the other ♪ 9 00:00:34,035 --> 00:00:36,313 ♪ Love and marriage ♪ 10 00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,915 ♪ Love and marriage ♪ 11 00:00:38,939 --> 00:00:40,317 ♪ It's an institute ♪ 12 00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:42,719 ♪ You can't disparage ♪ 13 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:46,490 ♪ Ask the local gentry ♪ 14 00:00:46,514 --> 00:00:51,028 ♪ And they will say It's elementary ♪ 15 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:55,832 ♪ Try, try, try To separate them ♪ 16 00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,536 ♪ It's an illusion ♪ 17 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:04,674 ♪ Try, try, try And you will only come ♪ 18 00:01:04,698 --> 00:01:08,111 ♪ To this conclusion ♪ 19 00:01:08,135 --> 00:01:10,235 ♪ Love and marriage ♪♪ 20 00:01:18,045 --> 00:01:20,912 Al, come on down! It's time for work! 21 00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:25,862 Come on, honey. 22 00:01:25,886 --> 00:01:28,865 I'm making you a nice, hot breakfast. 23 00:01:28,889 --> 00:01:32,391 Just listen to that bacon sizzle. 24 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:35,838 [DOORBELL RINGS] 25 00:01:35,862 --> 00:01:37,274 Keep it hot, Peg. 26 00:01:37,298 --> 00:01:38,775 I'll be down in a minute. 27 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,477 Sure, I will. 28 00:01:40,501 --> 00:01:42,479 Peggy, I've got some great news. 29 00:01:42,503 --> 00:01:44,981 Two men came to our house... 30 00:01:45,005 --> 00:01:46,983 Al, I'm going over to Marcie's! 31 00:01:47,007 --> 00:01:48,373 They're gone now. 32 00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:52,155 Al, Marcie's here. 33 00:01:52,179 --> 00:01:55,158 Nice try, Peg, but I'm still hungry. 34 00:01:55,182 --> 00:01:56,659 Where's my breakfast? 35 00:01:56,683 --> 00:01:58,261 The dog ate it. 36 00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:02,865 I see he put the pots and pans away too. 37 00:02:02,889 --> 00:02:06,869 Al, I was just telling Peggy about this great idea. 38 00:02:06,893 --> 00:02:09,872 You know that little hole in your driveway, 39 00:02:09,896 --> 00:02:11,874 the one all the neighborhood children splash and play in 40 00:02:11,898 --> 00:02:13,876 after it rains? 41 00:02:13,900 --> 00:02:15,479 These guys just finished a major repaving job 42 00:02:15,503 --> 00:02:17,380 a couple of blocks from here. 43 00:02:17,404 --> 00:02:20,883 And they offered to redo both our driveways for only $500. 44 00:02:20,907 --> 00:02:22,452 Isn't that great? 45 00:02:22,476 --> 00:02:23,953 I don't know. 46 00:02:23,977 --> 00:02:26,956 I tried to get Al to fix the driveway a long time ago, 47 00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,458 But his philosophy is 48 00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:32,451 "Why improve a home you're only going to live in anyway?" 49 00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:36,133 Al, can you think of a better way 50 00:02:36,157 --> 00:02:38,001 to raise the value of your home 51 00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:39,603 and save a little money in the bargain? 52 00:02:39,627 --> 00:02:41,960 Sure. Pack your bags, hon. 53 00:02:43,697 --> 00:02:45,675 Look they said we have to do this right away 54 00:02:45,699 --> 00:02:46,676 or they'll be gone. 55 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,378 And I think it's a great deal. 56 00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:51,014 Uh-huh. What does Steve think? 57 00:02:51,038 --> 00:02:53,517 Well, he's in Buffalo at a meeting 58 00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,352 of Tellers Against the Penny. 59 00:02:55,376 --> 00:02:56,753 Steve firmly believes that the one-cent piece 60 00:02:56,777 --> 00:02:57,920 is a thing of the past. 61 00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,624 Well, I'm sure the feeling is mutual. 62 00:03:00,648 --> 00:03:02,125 Come on, Al, make a decision. 63 00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:05,094 These guys are leaving the neighborhood. 64 00:03:05,118 --> 00:03:06,296 Of course they're leaving the neighborhood. 65 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:07,430 These guys are crooks. 66 00:03:07,454 --> 00:03:08,831 First you gotta believe they just happen 67 00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,333 to be in the neighborhood. 68 00:03:10,357 --> 00:03:12,469 And second, we have to believe 69 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,836 these two guys see Marcie, 70 00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,300 and they're willing to come back. 71 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,376 I mean, is there nothing so stupid 72 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:21,545 that some woman won't fall for it? 73 00:03:21,569 --> 00:03:24,009 I fell for you, sweetie. 74 00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,550 How could you marry 75 00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,552 such a chauvinistic, sexist man? 76 00:03:28,576 --> 00:03:29,908 A dare. 77 00:03:31,278 --> 00:03:32,622 Look, I'm not sexist. 78 00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,625 I'm just saying women don't know nothing. 79 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:38,628 Asphalt and finances are male-oriented fields. 80 00:03:38,652 --> 00:03:43,132 Since Steve is as close to a male as you have, 81 00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,168 he should be in on the decision. 82 00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:47,537 I'll have you know I have a degree in economics 83 00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:51,040 and work as a loan officer in a bank. 84 00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,475 So if anything, I am more qualified 85 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:55,245 to make financial decisions than you are. 86 00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:58,915 As good as you bankers may be at saying, 87 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,417 "We're sorry, Farmer Brown, 88 00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,419 we're foreclosing. Go sell pencils," 89 00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,921 in this house, I'm the boss, 90 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:07,490 and I make the financial decisions. 91 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:11,294 And what a shrewd financial decider he is too. 92 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:14,464 Come on, honey. Tell her about the time 93 00:04:14,488 --> 00:04:16,633 you shrewdly decided not to buy into that property 94 00:04:16,657 --> 00:04:20,970 that some sucker built the Sears Tower on. 95 00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,472 Don't forget, Peg. 96 00:04:22,496 --> 00:04:24,474 The money we saved there 97 00:04:24,498 --> 00:04:27,477 allowed us to buy that 2/3 acre 98 00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:28,978 on lake Chicamacomico. 99 00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,480 It may not look like much now, 100 00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:31,681 but when they figure out how 101 00:04:31,705 --> 00:04:34,484 to keep plants and animals alive there, 102 00:04:34,508 --> 00:04:36,219 that's gonna be quite a little paradise. 103 00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:39,922 I'll bet. But Al, I know a good thing when I see it too. 104 00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:42,125 And even without you, the deal is still a good one, 105 00:04:42,149 --> 00:04:43,893 and I'm going to do it. 106 00:04:43,917 --> 00:04:46,718 Well, you are woman. Go out and roar. 107 00:04:48,822 --> 00:04:50,422 Mmm. I'm full. 108 00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,926 Peg, as usual, every day's Thanksgiving. 109 00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:58,875 I'm going to work. 110 00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,510 Marce, I'll see you tonight. 111 00:05:00,534 --> 00:05:01,878 What for? 112 00:05:01,902 --> 00:05:03,280 Well, after these guys rip you off, 113 00:05:03,304 --> 00:05:05,148 you'll be back to tell me I was right. 114 00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:06,616 Because I will be. 115 00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,252 You're that sure of yourself? 116 00:05:09,276 --> 00:05:12,389 Marcie, I'd bet my retirement property on it 117 00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:17,026 if the Army didn't have it padlocked. 118 00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:20,163 Peggy, I cannot for the life of me understand 119 00:05:20,187 --> 00:05:21,598 how you live with that man. 120 00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,767 Well, in Al's defense, 121 00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:27,337 what with overtime, television, and the bathroom, 122 00:05:27,361 --> 00:05:29,628 I really don't see him very much. 123 00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:32,464 See you later. 124 00:05:35,035 --> 00:05:37,747 Mom, big news down the block. 125 00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:40,049 The cops just arrested these two guys 126 00:05:40,073 --> 00:05:42,285 trying to pull the old asphalt scam. 127 00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:43,486 They what? 128 00:05:43,510 --> 00:05:45,087 Yeah, you know the one where they offer 129 00:05:45,111 --> 00:05:46,356 to redo your driveway real cheap, 130 00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:48,358 but they just use oil, 131 00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:51,361 so when it rains, it all washes away. 132 00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:55,387 You have to be a real feeb to fall for that one. 133 00:06:00,694 --> 00:06:02,138 Who are you calling? 134 00:06:02,162 --> 00:06:05,642 Al's mother. I told him I'd invite her for the summer 135 00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:07,477 the next time he was right about anything. 136 00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:09,379 Well, how do you think he'll take it? 137 00:06:09,403 --> 00:06:10,447 Take what? 138 00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,248 Hello? 139 00:06:12,272 --> 00:06:15,051 My having to tell Al he was right. 140 00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:18,020 You're not seriously going to do that are you? 141 00:06:18,044 --> 00:06:19,121 Hello? 142 00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,023 Well, I have to. He's bound to find out 143 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,592 if he hasn't already. 144 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,627 Marcie, let me tell you something. 145 00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:25,962 Peggy, is that you...? 146 00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:29,932 In the 16 years that I've been married to Al, 147 00:06:29,956 --> 00:06:31,934 I've learned there are certain things never to ask for. 148 00:06:31,958 --> 00:06:35,271 Never approach him for sex during Wide World of Sports. 149 00:06:35,295 --> 00:06:39,976 Oh, unless women's gymnastics are on, then you got a shot. 150 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,979 Never approach him for sex in the morning. 151 00:06:43,003 --> 00:06:44,981 He thinks that is just disgusting. 152 00:06:45,005 --> 00:06:47,450 And never ever tell him he's right. 153 00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:48,585 Why? 154 00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:50,820 Because he's a man, Marcie. 155 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,088 And the only thing uglier 156 00:06:52,112 --> 00:06:56,659 than a man who thinks he's right is Al. 157 00:06:56,683 --> 00:06:59,496 Believe me, I know this from experience. 158 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,898 Let me tell you a story. 159 00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,299 A few years after we were married 160 00:07:03,323 --> 00:07:06,002 I told Al that I could hold up a fender 161 00:07:06,026 --> 00:07:08,137 so he could fix the flat tire. 162 00:07:08,161 --> 00:07:12,008 He said, "No, let a man do it." I said I could. 163 00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,511 So to make a long story short, 164 00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:17,514 a man had to set his leg that night. 165 00:07:17,538 --> 00:07:20,950 But, to this day, whenever I ask Al to do something for me, 166 00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:22,151 that he doesn't want to do, 167 00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,454 he lifts up that leg and says he can't 168 00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,456 and that it's my fault. 169 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,459 The worst part about it is, he's right. 170 00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:32,851 Marcie, don't let him lift his leg on you. 171 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:43,139 AL: Guess, I'll see you tonight, Marce. 172 00:07:43,163 --> 00:07:44,307 MARCIE: What for? 173 00:07:44,331 --> 00:07:46,242 AL: To tell me I was right. 174 00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,244 PEG: You're not seriously going to do that, are you? 175 00:07:48,268 --> 00:07:51,314 AL: Tell me I was right. 176 00:07:51,338 --> 00:07:52,816 I was right. 177 00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,560 STEVE: Marcie, I'm back! 178 00:07:57,177 --> 00:07:58,655 Steve? 179 00:07:58,679 --> 00:08:02,158 I thought you weren't due back till tomorrow night. 180 00:08:02,182 --> 00:08:03,548 I missed you. 181 00:08:06,687 --> 00:08:08,665 I'm sorry I didn't call. 182 00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:11,367 So you want to fool around? 183 00:08:11,391 --> 00:08:13,859 Well, sure. 184 00:08:16,697 --> 00:08:19,063 I'm so glad to hear that. 185 00:08:26,373 --> 00:08:27,739 [DOORBELL RINGS] 186 00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:35,124 I haven't slept in 18 hours. 187 00:08:35,148 --> 00:08:39,428 Oh, Steve's not back yet. 188 00:08:39,452 --> 00:08:41,631 You have those empty bed blues, huh? 189 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,433 Well, yes and no. 190 00:08:44,457 --> 00:08:47,036 Peggy, do you ever dream? 191 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:50,361 Nah. Why dream, when I have all this? 192 00:08:54,001 --> 00:08:56,980 No, I mean do you ever have dreams? 193 00:08:57,004 --> 00:09:00,349 Nightmares? I had a real doozy last night. 194 00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:01,851 What about? 195 00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:02,852 Al. 196 00:09:02,876 --> 00:09:04,020 Al? 197 00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,555 My Al? 198 00:09:05,579 --> 00:09:07,891 Yeah. See, I was asleep... 199 00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:09,380 Did he have feet? 200 00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:12,361 Beg pardon? 201 00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:13,663 It's funny. 202 00:09:13,687 --> 00:09:16,666 In my dreams, Al never has any feet. 203 00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:19,502 Oh, well. Go on. 204 00:09:19,526 --> 00:09:21,905 In my dream, Steve came in 205 00:09:21,929 --> 00:09:27,143 and asked me if I wanted to fool around. 206 00:09:27,167 --> 00:09:29,345 And when I said yes, he turned and it was Al. 207 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:30,479 My Al? 208 00:09:30,503 --> 00:09:32,582 Well, then what happened? 209 00:09:32,606 --> 00:09:33,750 Nothing. 210 00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,640 Yep, sounds like my Al. 211 00:09:38,344 --> 00:09:40,590 I hope you're not upset, Peggy. 212 00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:43,092 About a dream? Don't be silly. 213 00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:46,596 Plus, if you dreamed that Al was in your bedroom, 214 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:49,265 I should be apologizing to you. 215 00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,569 Thanks, Peggy. 216 00:09:51,558 --> 00:09:54,037 Oh, but could you do me a favor? 217 00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:56,505 Please don't tell Al about this. 218 00:09:56,529 --> 00:09:58,007 Oh, don't worry. 219 00:09:58,031 --> 00:10:00,509 But could you do something for me? 220 00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:03,012 If you ever dream about Al again, 221 00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:06,015 could you check and see if he has any feet? 222 00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,516 That really bothers me. 223 00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:08,807 Sure thing. 224 00:10:10,243 --> 00:10:11,721 Hi, Marce. Hi, Peg. 225 00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:13,979 Bye, Peggy... Al. 226 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,361 What's with her? 227 00:10:19,385 --> 00:10:22,553 She had a dream she slept with you last night. 228 00:10:25,191 --> 00:10:26,557 Oh, yeah? 229 00:10:27,694 --> 00:10:29,060 She's a lucky gal. 230 00:10:34,534 --> 00:10:36,254 STEVE: Marcie, I'm home. 231 00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,615 Steve? 232 00:10:38,639 --> 00:10:39,804 Yeah. 233 00:10:41,041 --> 00:10:42,451 Sorry I'm late, honey. 234 00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:45,476 The pro-penny people pelted us with nickels. 235 00:10:47,547 --> 00:10:48,992 Did I wake you? 236 00:10:49,016 --> 00:10:51,293 Steve, it is you. 237 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,795 Of course it's me. 238 00:10:52,819 --> 00:10:54,152 Give me a hug. 239 00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,199 Did you miss me? 240 00:10:57,223 --> 00:10:58,367 Mm-hmm. 241 00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,535 Don't worry. 242 00:10:59,559 --> 00:11:01,492 Daddy's home. 243 00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:06,430 And Daddy's going to make it all better. 244 00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:13,458 STEVE: Marcie, I'm home. 245 00:11:15,075 --> 00:11:19,210 Hon, you wouldn't believe the traffic over O'Hare tonight. 246 00:11:22,348 --> 00:11:23,760 I swear... 247 00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:27,752 Someday that's where they're going to find Amelia Earhart. 248 00:11:30,691 --> 00:11:31,723 But... 249 00:11:32,859 --> 00:11:34,525 The eagle has landed. 250 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:39,630 You want to fool around? 251 00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:54,057 Pizza's here. 252 00:11:54,081 --> 00:11:57,226 Kelly, you know that's not the way to hold a pizza. 253 00:11:57,250 --> 00:11:59,428 Mom, have you ever tried to carry one of these things 254 00:11:59,452 --> 00:12:02,131 sitting on the back of a Harley going 60 255 00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,233 while trying to hold onto a fat guy 256 00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:06,202 who's wearing nothing but chains and black leather. 257 00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:10,128 Yes, I have, and that is not the way to do it. 258 00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:17,246 Mom, are we gonna do anything different this summer? 259 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:20,249 Well, Daddy got seats for the ballgames again. 260 00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:21,417 Oh, puke. 261 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,119 I thought you liked the Cubs. 262 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:25,121 I do, I just hate watching them from the roof 263 00:12:25,145 --> 00:12:28,424 of that apartment building where Dad always gets his seats. 264 00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:29,826 Well, honey, maybe someday they'll forget about 265 00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:32,595 that fan interference call 266 00:12:32,619 --> 00:12:35,598 that kept the Cubs out of the World Series 267 00:12:35,622 --> 00:12:38,134 and let Daddy back into the stadium. 268 00:12:38,158 --> 00:12:40,336 I hope so, because it looks so stupid 269 00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,606 with just us and the Polaskis doing the wave. 270 00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,130 [DOORBELL RINGS] 271 00:12:52,739 --> 00:12:54,217 Marcie, you're a wreck. 272 00:12:54,241 --> 00:12:57,253 Oh, I see. 273 00:12:57,277 --> 00:12:58,755 Steve got back, 274 00:12:58,779 --> 00:13:02,759 and you two were at it all night, huh? 275 00:13:02,783 --> 00:13:04,227 No. 276 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:07,618 I had that dream again... With Al. 277 00:13:10,757 --> 00:13:13,136 See, this is the part where you're supposed to make a joke 278 00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,737 about Al being quick in the sack 279 00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:16,139 so I can laugh and see that 280 00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,506 you're not really mad or anything. 281 00:13:17,530 --> 00:13:18,908 Marcie, that's two nights in a row. 282 00:13:18,932 --> 00:13:22,078 Al hasn't been quick in the sack with me 283 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:24,647 for two nights in a row in years. 284 00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,682 Hey, you think I'm enjoying this? 285 00:13:26,706 --> 00:13:29,051 I was throwing up all night. 286 00:13:29,075 --> 00:13:31,943 Well, so did I at first, but it passes. 287 00:13:36,283 --> 00:13:39,061 Whatever happened to "It's only a dream. Don't worry about it?" 288 00:13:39,085 --> 00:13:42,064 Peggy, can't you see what hell my life's becoming? 289 00:13:42,088 --> 00:13:44,566 I haven't slept in 48 hours. 290 00:13:44,590 --> 00:13:46,068 Steve's mad at me 291 00:13:46,092 --> 00:13:49,038 because every time he brings up sex, I get sick. 292 00:13:49,062 --> 00:13:51,007 And now you're yelling at me. 293 00:13:51,031 --> 00:13:52,508 And why not? 294 00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:55,477 You're the one dreaming around with my husband. 295 00:13:55,501 --> 00:13:57,313 Hey, Peg. 296 00:13:57,337 --> 00:13:58,369 Ha! 297 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:01,820 Hey, Marce. 298 00:14:05,078 --> 00:14:07,645 I tell you, what a day. 299 00:14:13,253 --> 00:14:16,232 All day long, it's pick up the shoes. 300 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:19,235 Put down the shoes. Pick up the shoes. 301 00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:22,738 Tomorrow ought to be a good day for you. 302 00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:26,630 Tomorrow I wash the car... in my t-shirt. 303 00:14:27,934 --> 00:14:31,580 I can't believe you told him. 304 00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,449 I can't believe you dream about him. 305 00:14:33,473 --> 00:14:35,473 I can't believe everybody doesn't. 306 00:14:38,111 --> 00:14:39,822 I'm mortified. 307 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:41,212 Well, get happy. 308 00:14:47,787 --> 00:14:50,699 Well, Peg, it looks like another little filly 309 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,590 in the old Bundy stable. 310 00:14:53,726 --> 00:14:55,504 Get me a beer, will ya? 311 00:14:55,528 --> 00:14:58,140 Al, what are you doing in Marcie's dream? 312 00:14:58,164 --> 00:15:00,531 Ruining her for all other men. 313 00:15:02,502 --> 00:15:05,181 You are doing something to cause those dreams. 314 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:08,184 Now I don't know what it is, but I want you to cut it out. 315 00:15:08,208 --> 00:15:10,486 I'll cut it out, Peg, just tell me what to do. 316 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,321 What should I do, stop wearing t-shirts? 317 00:15:12,345 --> 00:15:15,992 Stop oozing sex from every pore? 318 00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:19,228 That isn't sex, Al. 319 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,264 What should I do, Peg? 320 00:15:21,288 --> 00:15:23,266 Well, you could come upstairs 321 00:15:23,290 --> 00:15:26,269 and be my dreamlover for a while. 322 00:15:26,293 --> 00:15:27,770 Peg, not tonight. 323 00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:30,161 This leg has been acting up. 324 00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:34,576 Ever since that night with the car... 325 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:35,644 Fine, fine. 326 00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,079 Then let's discuss who else's dreams 327 00:15:37,103 --> 00:15:40,082 you've been gallivanting around in. 328 00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,584 Perhaps Mrs. Pritchard across the street. 329 00:15:42,608 --> 00:15:46,588 I've seen how she looks at you over her walker. 330 00:15:46,612 --> 00:15:48,413 If you think... 331 00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:56,899 ♪ If you want my body ♪ 332 00:15:56,923 --> 00:15:58,867 ♪ And you think I'm sexy ♪ 333 00:15:58,891 --> 00:16:02,093 ♪ Come on, sugar Let me know ♪ 334 00:16:04,897 --> 00:16:07,176 ♪ If you really Need me ♪ 335 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,211 ♪ Just reach out And touch me ♪♪ 336 00:16:09,235 --> 00:16:11,713 Steve, please. I'm trying to read. 337 00:16:11,737 --> 00:16:13,582 You don't have to stop. 338 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,484 Just get me a hammer and I'll just nail 339 00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:16,668 that sucker to the ceiling. 340 00:16:17,743 --> 00:16:18,720 Steve! 341 00:16:18,744 --> 00:16:20,222 I have a question. 342 00:16:20,246 --> 00:16:21,958 Do you think it's possible 343 00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:24,226 to dream that you're interpreting a dream 344 00:16:24,250 --> 00:16:25,928 or must you be awake to do this? 345 00:16:25,952 --> 00:16:27,930 And what are dreams anyway? 346 00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:30,499 Could we just be the dream of some greater sleeping being? 347 00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:34,258 And if so, are we then in fact real? 348 00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,462 I want sex, Marcie. 349 00:16:41,267 --> 00:16:43,134 I think I'm getting nauseous. 350 00:16:44,770 --> 00:16:46,582 All right. That's it. 351 00:16:46,606 --> 00:16:50,819 Look, I've asked more than a couple of women 352 00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:53,222 to go to bed with me in my time. 353 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:54,623 While I admit some of their responses 354 00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:56,592 may have been somewhat cruel, 355 00:16:56,616 --> 00:17:02,131 not very many jumped up and stuck their heads in the toilet. 356 00:17:02,155 --> 00:17:03,966 Now something strange is going on here, 357 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:06,268 and I demand to know what it is. 358 00:17:06,292 --> 00:17:07,769 Don't toy with me, Marcie. 359 00:17:07,793 --> 00:17:10,661 I'm horny, and I've been to Buffalo. 360 00:17:15,135 --> 00:17:17,779 Well... okay, I'll tell you, 361 00:17:17,803 --> 00:17:21,283 but you have to promise not to get angry. 362 00:17:21,307 --> 00:17:22,784 Fine. 363 00:17:22,808 --> 00:17:25,143 Well, it's like this... 364 00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:28,793 STEVE: Al?! 365 00:17:30,483 --> 00:17:32,061 And where are you when I dream, huh? 366 00:17:32,085 --> 00:17:34,596 Where were you when I dreamt I was drowning? 367 00:17:34,620 --> 00:17:36,232 How could I swim? 368 00:17:36,256 --> 00:17:38,689 You said I have no feet. 369 00:17:40,326 --> 00:17:43,194 If you loved me, you would have paddled. 370 00:17:45,498 --> 00:17:46,975 [DOOR SLAMS] 371 00:17:46,999 --> 00:17:48,310 Ah. 372 00:17:48,334 --> 00:17:49,745 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 373 00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,247 Who is it? 374 00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:54,305 Steven Bartholomew Rhoades. 375 00:17:56,609 --> 00:17:57,675 Bartholomew? 376 00:18:00,613 --> 00:18:04,982 Al, I'm horny. What are you going to do about it? 377 00:18:08,788 --> 00:18:10,099 Get in there. 378 00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,101 Don't go yelling things like that. 379 00:18:12,125 --> 00:18:15,438 I've got kids up there Or out there... 380 00:18:15,462 --> 00:18:17,982 Somewhere. I don't know. 381 00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:20,476 Did she tell you, Steve? 382 00:18:20,500 --> 00:18:21,665 Yes, Peggy. 383 00:18:24,304 --> 00:18:25,781 He's an animal. 384 00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:29,151 I don't know what happened, I go out of town for one day, 385 00:18:29,175 --> 00:18:31,287 I come back, my wife's throwing up 386 00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:34,123 and dreaming she's sleeping with your husband. 387 00:18:34,147 --> 00:18:37,826 I guess that's why they call it the blues. 388 00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:39,795 I'm getting out of here. 389 00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,797 You two can go on blaming me 390 00:18:41,821 --> 00:18:44,800 for the dreams of an insane woman. 391 00:18:44,824 --> 00:18:46,635 I'm going to a hotel. 392 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:48,637 Better make it the Y. 393 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:51,395 I don't want any women to see me. 394 00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,135 Well, look who's here. The dream weaver. 395 00:18:58,771 --> 00:19:01,750 Why can't you have normal dreams like me? 396 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:04,253 You know, where you're Maharajah Bundy 397 00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:07,845 and women with four breasts feed you ding dongs? 398 00:19:10,450 --> 00:19:12,128 Is Steve in there? 399 00:19:12,152 --> 00:19:14,930 No. There are no other men in my dream. 400 00:19:14,954 --> 00:19:17,933 Just Phil Donahue, and we feed him to the lizard people. 401 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:21,303 No, I meant is Steve in your house? 402 00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:22,605 Oh, yeah. 403 00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,773 He and Peg want me dead. 404 00:19:24,797 --> 00:19:26,164 You just want me. 405 00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,467 Sit down, Al. 406 00:19:32,505 --> 00:19:35,083 You're not going to be looking at my butt or anything, right? 407 00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,286 I think I can guarantee that. 408 00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,820 Sit down, Al. 409 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:39,844 All right. 410 00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:44,793 What is it? 411 00:19:44,817 --> 00:19:48,964 I know now why I was having those dreams. 412 00:19:48,988 --> 00:19:52,401 Remember the driveway repavers you said were gonna rip me off? 413 00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,404 They were, Al, but I never told you. 414 00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:59,241 And the guilt I had manifested itself in my dreams. 415 00:19:59,265 --> 00:20:02,244 I thought that... That I desired you? 416 00:20:02,268 --> 00:20:03,312 No, Al. 417 00:20:03,336 --> 00:20:06,382 I was being punished, 418 00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:10,752 much as sex with you must actually be like. 419 00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:14,590 So now, in order to rid myself of the guilt 420 00:20:14,614 --> 00:20:16,592 and those horrible, horrible dreams, 421 00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:19,495 I've come to say you were right. 422 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:21,263 You hear that, Al? 423 00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:23,599 You were right, and I was wrong. 424 00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:26,435 You're the man, and I'm the woman. 425 00:20:26,459 --> 00:20:29,271 And in this case, the man was right. 426 00:20:29,295 --> 00:20:32,107 The man knew better than the woman. 427 00:20:32,131 --> 00:20:34,142 The woman should have listened to the man. 428 00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,944 Satisfied, Al? Is that what you want to hear? 429 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,946 Wait a second, hold on a second. 430 00:20:37,970 --> 00:20:39,837 You didn't desire me? 431 00:20:41,807 --> 00:20:45,175 You didn't even have feet. 432 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:50,058 Marcie, I thought I heard you out here. 433 00:20:50,082 --> 00:20:51,393 What's going on? 434 00:20:51,417 --> 00:20:54,330 Nothing. Just purging myself, that's all. 435 00:20:54,354 --> 00:20:56,898 Oh, honey, not again. 436 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,234 Not that. 437 00:20:58,258 --> 00:20:59,901 Everything's fine now. 438 00:20:59,925 --> 00:21:01,737 Let's go home. 439 00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,905 You mean home as in... 440 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,464 Last one up has to read the ceiling. 441 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:11,068 I'm going to have sex, Al. 442 00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:18,754 What's everybody talking about? 443 00:21:18,778 --> 00:21:20,144 I got feet. 444 00:21:24,617 --> 00:21:26,928 Al, Steve and I were talking 445 00:21:26,952 --> 00:21:29,565 about you being in Marcie's dream, and... 446 00:21:29,589 --> 00:21:33,269 I was right about it being stupid to blame me. 447 00:21:33,293 --> 00:21:36,405 You're not gonna lord this over me, are you? 448 00:21:36,429 --> 00:21:38,540 Sure, I am, Peg. 449 00:21:38,564 --> 00:21:40,376 Well, I'm going up to bed now. 450 00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:41,400 Good. 451 00:21:44,637 --> 00:21:46,415 Why don't you come on up and show me 452 00:21:46,439 --> 00:21:49,050 what dreams are really made of? 453 00:21:49,074 --> 00:21:51,942 I'll be up in a little bit, Peg. 454 00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,021 Well, at least it's all over. 455 00:22:06,926 --> 00:22:08,236 PEG: Al! 456 00:22:08,260 --> 00:22:09,905 Al, you coming up? 457 00:22:09,929 --> 00:22:13,297 I said I'd be up in a second, Peg. 458 00:22:25,778 --> 00:22:28,479 I said I'd be right up. 459 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:33,462 Well, don't wait too long... tiger. 460 00:22:33,486 --> 00:22:36,987 AL: Aah! 461 00:22:48,668 --> 00:22:51,301 [♪♪♪] 30365

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