All language subtitles for 3rd.Rock.from.the.Sun.S02E08.Worlds.Greatest.Dick.720p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DD+5.1.H.264-SiGMA

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,042 --> 00:00:10,679 COME ON, DICK. I WANT TO GO TO THE MAGIC SHOP. 2 00:00:10,712 --> 00:00:13,047 HARRY, SALLY, GO GET SOME CHANGE. 3 00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:14,583 WE'LL WAIT HERE WITH THE CAR. 4 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,022 OH, I GOTTA GET SOME NEW SNEAKERS. 5 00:00:21,055 --> 00:00:22,957 MY TOES ARE BURSTING OUT OF THESE THINGS. 6 00:00:22,991 --> 00:00:25,059 I JUST BOUGHT YOU THOSE THREE MONTHS AGO. 7 00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,095 YOU KNOW YOU'RE A FREAK, DON'T YOU? 8 00:00:27,128 --> 00:00:28,730 LEAVE ME ALONE. I'M GROWING. 9 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,632 OH, IF IT WERE JUST THE GROWING. 10 00:00:30,665 --> 00:00:34,202 BUT FOR EVERY INCH YOU SPROUT, YOU BECOME THAT MUCH MORE INSOLENT. 11 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:35,737 YOU DO THAT MUCH WORSE IN SCHOOL. 12 00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:36,705 SO WHAT? 13 00:00:36,738 --> 00:00:39,207 YOU'RE GONNA BECOME THE WORLD'S TALLEST IDIOT. 14 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:41,142 WHY ARE YOU ON MY CASE? 15 00:00:41,175 --> 00:00:42,911 BECAUSE I CAN'T STOMACH ANOTHER ONE 16 00:00:42,944 --> 00:00:46,214 OF THOSE INTERMINABLE PARENT/TEACHER CONFERENCES. 17 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:49,050 LOOK, I DID NOT ASK TO BE THE TEENAGER, OK? 18 00:00:49,083 --> 00:00:50,652 YOU MADE ME. 19 00:00:50,685 --> 00:00:52,353 "LONE STAR DRILLING COMPANY." 20 00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,321 I'LL BET THEY HAVE CHANGE. 21 00:00:53,354 --> 00:00:55,389 YEAH. OILMEN ARE RICH. 22 00:01:00,028 --> 00:01:01,663 WELL, CHECK YOU OUT. 23 00:01:01,696 --> 00:01:03,531 YOU LOOK JUST LIKE A REAL WOMAN. 24 00:01:05,166 --> 00:01:07,936 THANKS. 25 00:01:07,969 --> 00:01:11,005 THAT'S WHAT I WAS GOING FOR. 26 00:01:11,039 --> 00:01:13,241 I STILL CAN'T GET USED TO THOSE MOOD SWINGS. 27 00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:16,678 WAY TO COMMIT, GIRL. 28 00:01:16,711 --> 00:01:18,479 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 29 00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:22,183 HELLO. 30 00:01:22,216 --> 00:01:26,888 ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH THE ART OF ILLUSION? 31 00:01:26,921 --> 00:01:29,257 HI THERE. 32 00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,992 HI THERE. 33 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:32,827 COULD YOU CHANGE A DOLLAR? 34 00:01:32,861 --> 00:01:35,964 FOR YOU, I COULD CHANGE ANYTHING. 35 00:01:35,997 --> 00:01:39,200 I DON'T SEE A LOT OF MEN AS GOOD-LOOKING AS YOU. 36 00:01:39,233 --> 00:01:42,070 I DON'T SEE A LOT OF MEN AS GOOD-LOOKING AS YOU. 37 00:01:49,010 --> 00:01:52,080 WELL, WE'RE FABULOUS, AREN'T WE? 38 00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:53,381 OH, YEAH. 39 00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,350 HELLO, HELLO, HELLO. 40 00:02:29,383 --> 00:02:31,219 YOU GOT A VISITOR. 41 00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:33,955 DR. SOLOMON, I'M CANDACE BALLARD. 42 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,456 HELLO. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 43 00:02:37,826 --> 00:02:41,495 I'M TOMMY'S GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. 44 00:02:41,529 --> 00:02:42,430 BY THE WAY, 45 00:02:42,463 --> 00:02:44,733 MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR MIGHT STOP BY TONIGHT. 46 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:52,006 DIDN'T I TELL YOU TO BECOME THE MODEL STUDENT? 47 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:53,407 I DID! I'VE ACED EVERY TEST! 48 00:02:53,441 --> 00:02:54,375 THEN WHAT'S SHE DOING HERE? 49 00:02:54,408 --> 00:02:58,346 I DON'T KNOW. I'M BRILLIANT, NOT CLAIRVOYANT. 50 00:02:58,379 --> 00:02:59,347 IS IT TOO MUCH TO ASK 51 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:03,017 YOU JUST ONCE MAKE ME A PROUD FATHER? 52 00:03:03,051 --> 00:03:05,219 IT'S NOT MY MISSION TO MAKE YOU PROUD. 53 00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,187 IT IS IF I SAY SO. 54 00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:07,321 IT IS NOT. 55 00:03:07,355 --> 00:03:08,022 SAY IT'S YOUR MISSION. 56 00:03:08,056 --> 00:03:08,656 NO! 57 00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:11,092 SAY IT! SAY IT! 58 00:03:11,125 --> 00:03:13,661 IT'S MY MISSION. 59 00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:16,064 IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT? 60 00:03:16,097 --> 00:03:16,865 EVERYTHING'S FINE. 61 00:03:16,898 --> 00:03:17,766 THEN I'LL SEE YA. 62 00:03:17,799 --> 00:03:20,769 COME BACK IN HERE AND SIT DOWN. 63 00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:23,404 SIT DOWN. 64 00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:25,539 THANK YOU. 65 00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,440 GIVE ME YOUR COAT. 66 00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,109 OK. 67 00:03:44,292 --> 00:03:48,329 HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LEARN IF YOU KEEP LETTING ME OUT? 68 00:03:53,902 --> 00:03:57,806 WELL, I HAVE SOME NEWS. 69 00:03:57,839 --> 00:03:59,841 MAYBE YOU BETTER SIT DOWN. 70 00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:06,147 TOMMY SCORED HIGHER ON THE NATIONAL MERIT QUIZ 71 00:04:06,180 --> 00:04:07,982 THAN ANYONE IN OHIO'S HISTORY. 72 00:04:08,016 --> 00:04:09,250 IT'S NOT MY FAULT! 73 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,986 NO. THAT'S A GOOD THING. 74 00:04:12,020 --> 00:04:13,888 YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. 75 00:04:13,922 --> 00:04:16,825 YOU'VE RAISED A VERY BRIGHT BOY. 76 00:04:16,858 --> 00:04:19,193 SORRY. COULD YOU REPEAT THAT? 77 00:04:19,227 --> 00:04:20,962 YOU'VE RAISED A VERY BRIGHT BOY? 78 00:04:20,995 --> 00:04:23,731 NO ONE'S EVER SAID THAT TO ME BEFORE. SAY IT AGAIN. 79 00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:24,866 WELL, ACTUALLY, I WANTED TO TALK-- 80 00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:27,836 NO. JUST SAY IT. I LOVE THAT, THE BRIGHT BOY PART. 81 00:04:27,869 --> 00:04:29,904 BRIGHT BOY. 82 00:04:29,938 --> 00:04:31,806 IN FACT, HE'S DONE SO WELL, 83 00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:33,241 I THINK HE SHOULD TRANSFER 84 00:04:33,274 --> 00:04:36,010 TO THE PICKNEY COUNTRY DAY SCHOOL FOR THE GIFTED. 85 00:04:38,412 --> 00:04:40,514 BECAUSE I RAISED A GIFTED SON. 86 00:04:40,548 --> 00:04:42,016 YES! 87 00:04:42,050 --> 00:04:43,784 LOOK AT WHAT YOU'VE ALREADY GIVEN HIM. 88 00:04:43,818 --> 00:04:46,287 THE STIMULATION... 89 00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,755 THE NURTURING... 90 00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:50,558 AND NOT TO MENTION THE GENES HE INHERITED. 91 00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:54,462 YOU'RE RIGHT. I DO GIVE A LOT AS A FATHER. 92 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:56,397 UHH! 93 00:05:00,902 --> 00:05:02,370 [POP] 94 00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:07,175 SALLY. 95 00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:13,014 THERE'S SOMETHING I HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT YOUR BOYFRIEND. 96 00:05:13,047 --> 00:05:17,351 HE COOKS, HE LOVES THE ARTS, HE WEARS GREAT SHOES, 97 00:05:17,385 --> 00:05:19,687 AND HE'S SINGLE. 98 00:05:19,720 --> 00:05:21,489 YEAH, WHAT'S YOUR POINT? 99 00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,357 SALLY... 100 00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,693 MARRY THIS MAN. 101 00:05:26,895 --> 00:05:28,897 TOMMY! COME IN HERE! 102 00:05:28,930 --> 00:05:29,931 TOMMY! 103 00:05:29,964 --> 00:05:33,001 GREAT NEWS. I'M SENDING YOU TO THE PICKNEY SCHOOL 104 00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:34,702 WHERE OUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS WILL BE RECOGNIZED. 105 00:05:34,735 --> 00:05:37,238 WHAT? NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO. 106 00:05:37,271 --> 00:05:38,839 I'D HAVE TO LEAVE ALL MY FRIENDS. 107 00:05:38,873 --> 00:05:40,741 STOP THINKING OF YOURSELF. 108 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:43,577 THINK OF ME! HOW PROUD I'LL BE. 109 00:05:43,611 --> 00:05:45,413 HE'LL GO. 110 00:05:45,446 --> 00:05:46,915 WONDERFUL. 111 00:05:46,948 --> 00:05:49,250 A LITTLE SOMETHING TO GRAZE ON. 112 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:58,026 I'M OUT. 113 00:05:58,059 --> 00:05:59,994 I'M OUT OF THE CLOSET. 114 00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,833 I LOVE THIS FAMILY. 115 00:06:11,305 --> 00:06:12,740 WHAT IS DICK'S PROBLEM? 116 00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:15,076 I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE PICKNEY SCHOOL. 117 00:06:15,109 --> 00:06:16,177 OF COURSE YOU DON'T. 118 00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,545 YOUR FATHER'S A PROFESSOR. 119 00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:20,915 BY REJECTING EDUCATION, YOU'RE REJECTING HIM. 120 00:06:20,949 --> 00:06:23,284 REJECTION'S THE MOST POWERFUL WEAPON THERE IS. 121 00:06:23,317 --> 00:06:24,953 WELL, MAYBE ON EARTH. 122 00:06:27,188 --> 00:06:30,258 I KNOW THIS IS GONNA BE MISERABLE. I ALREADY HATE IT THERE. 123 00:06:30,291 --> 00:06:34,495 YOU KNOW, ALL THOSE BRAINY GIRLS ARE GONNA BE UGLY. 124 00:06:34,528 --> 00:06:36,064 ARE YOU SAYING THAT 125 00:06:36,097 --> 00:06:40,034 INTELLIGENT GIRLS ARE BY DEFINITION UNATTRACTIVE? 126 00:06:40,068 --> 00:06:42,203 YEAH. MOST OF THEM ARE. 127 00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:48,676 OH, WHUH--HEH, NOT ALL OF THEM ARE. 128 00:06:48,709 --> 00:06:52,913 I MEAN--IN FACT, ON THE GRAPH OF SMART GIRLS 129 00:06:52,947 --> 00:06:54,482 AND THE GRAPH OF PRETTY ONES, 130 00:06:54,515 --> 00:06:56,417 YOU'RE THE SOLE INTERSECTION. 131 00:06:56,450 --> 00:06:58,086 THE SINGLE POINT OF PERFECTION 132 00:06:58,119 --> 00:07:01,489 IN AN INFINITY OF STUPID AND HOMELY. 133 00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:05,960 WOW... 134 00:07:05,994 --> 00:07:07,761 YOU ARE GIFTED. 135 00:07:10,564 --> 00:07:12,500 * AS LONG AS I KNOW HOW TO LOVE * 136 00:07:12,533 --> 00:07:14,268 * I KNOW I'LL FEEL ALIVE 137 00:07:14,302 --> 00:07:16,237 * I'VE GOT ALL MY LIFE TO LIVE * 138 00:07:16,270 --> 00:07:18,339 * I'VE GOT ALL MY LOVE TO GIVE * 139 00:07:18,372 --> 00:07:20,141 * I'LL SURVIVE 140 00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:22,977 * I WILL SURVIVE 141 00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:27,915 YOU'RE SMOKIN'. 142 00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,952 I GUESS MY BODY JUST RESPONDS TO THE CLASSICS. 143 00:07:31,986 --> 00:07:34,622 THEY'RE HAVING A DANCE CONTEST HERE NEXT WEEK. 144 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,157 WE'D BE UNBEATABLE. 145 00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:38,226 ESPECIALLY IF WE TARGET OUR KEY COMPETITION 146 00:07:38,259 --> 00:07:40,328 AND SEVER THEIR ACHILLES TENDONS. 147 00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:42,696 WHAT? 148 00:07:42,730 --> 00:07:44,398 YOU'RE JUST SO GREAT. 149 00:07:44,432 --> 00:07:46,634 YOU'RE A WARRIOR IN A WORLD FULL OF PHONIES. 150 00:07:46,667 --> 00:07:48,369 YOU'RE NOT AFRAID TO BE WHO YOU ARE. 151 00:07:48,402 --> 00:07:51,139 YOU'RE IN THE MILITARY, AND YOU WEAR A DRESS. 152 00:07:51,172 --> 00:07:54,708 I JUST WANT TO BE ALL I CAN BE. 153 00:07:54,742 --> 00:07:56,810 YOU'RE THE STRONGEST PERSON I'VE EVER MET. 154 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,415 I KNOW. 155 00:08:05,619 --> 00:08:08,089 OH, YEAH, WE'RE THRILLED TO HAVE YOU HERE. 156 00:08:08,122 --> 00:08:11,292 OH, DR. SOLOMON, AS A PARENT AND EDUCATOR, 157 00:08:11,325 --> 00:08:12,593 KUDOS TO YOU, 158 00:08:12,626 --> 00:08:14,995 YOU'VE RAISED A VERY SPECIAL BOY. 159 00:08:15,029 --> 00:08:16,230 YES, I HAVE. 160 00:08:16,264 --> 00:08:18,632 AND YOU'VE HAD THE FORESIGHT TO BRING HIM TO THE RIGHT PLACE. 161 00:08:18,666 --> 00:08:20,834 WELL, I AM THE HIGH COMMANDER. 162 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,507 YES, WELL, PEOPLE OF BRILLIANCE 163 00:08:26,540 --> 00:08:31,112 CAN'T BE EXPECTED TO FUNCTION IN A SOCIETY RUN BY INTELLECTUAL MIDGETS. 164 00:08:31,145 --> 00:08:32,846 THAT'S WHAT WE ALWAYS SAY. 165 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,982 HA HA HA HA. 166 00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:39,153 [BOTH CHUCKLING] 167 00:08:39,187 --> 00:08:42,756 YES, YES, YOU AND TOMMY HAVE FOUND A HOME HERE AT THE PICKNEY. 168 00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,458 IT'S NOT JUST FOR EXCEPTIONAL STUDENTS, 169 00:08:44,492 --> 00:08:46,327 IT'S FOR EXCEPTIONAL PARENTS. 170 00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,862 THEN YOU MUST BE DELIGHTED TO MEET ME. 171 00:08:51,199 --> 00:08:52,966 [KNOCK ON DOOR] 172 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:55,536 AH, ARAMIS, THANKS FOR STOPPING BY. 173 00:08:55,569 --> 00:08:59,107 TOMMY, CONSIDER ARAMIS PICKNEY'S WELCOME WAGON. 174 00:08:59,140 --> 00:09:03,411 I'M HERE TO SHOW YOU WHAT'S WIRED AND WHAT'S TIRED. 175 00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:06,180 SOMEBODY SHOOT ME IN THE HEAD. 176 00:09:06,214 --> 00:09:09,283 WELL, DR. MENARD, NOW THAT THE CHILDREN ARE AWAY, 177 00:09:09,317 --> 00:09:12,220 LET'S DISCUSS ME AT GREAT LENGTH. 178 00:09:12,253 --> 00:09:15,389 [BOTH CHUCKLE] 179 00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:31,839 OH, HEY! HOW WAS YOUR DAY? 180 00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:34,608 GREAT! I AM THE KING OF DORKOPOLIS. 181 00:09:38,579 --> 00:09:40,248 MY LIEGE. 182 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,956 TOMMY. 183 00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:52,126 LOOKIN' GOOD. 184 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:53,261 DICK... 185 00:09:53,294 --> 00:09:56,564 FEELIN' STUPID. 186 00:09:56,597 --> 00:10:00,368 OH, DICK, YOU GOT MONEY IN YOUR SHOES. 187 00:10:00,401 --> 00:10:01,969 OOH! 188 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:04,572 YOU'VE GOT MONEY IN YOUR SHOES. 189 00:10:04,605 --> 00:10:06,707 I WANT MONEY SHOES. 190 00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,511 HARRY, NO. MONEY SHOES ARE FOR PICKNEY STUDENTS 191 00:10:10,544 --> 00:10:13,681 AND PICKNEY PARENTS ONLY. 192 00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:16,217 RATS! 193 00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:24,024 TOMMY, LOOK AT THIS. 194 00:10:24,057 --> 00:10:25,993 FIRST IN YOUR CLASS. 195 00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:27,661 YOU'RE A GENIUS. 196 00:10:27,695 --> 00:10:30,097 YOU'VE MADE ME SO PROUD, SON. 197 00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:31,332 IS THERE ANYTHING YOU NEED: 198 00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:33,967 MONEY, A RIDE SOMEWHERE, CUFFLINKS? 199 00:10:34,001 --> 00:10:35,269 CAN I BUILD YOU A DARKROOM? 200 00:10:35,303 --> 00:10:37,505 ANYTHING YOU WANT, NAME IT, IT'S YOURS. 201 00:10:37,538 --> 00:10:40,040 I WANT TO GO BACK TO MY OLD SCHOOL. 202 00:10:40,073 --> 00:10:41,809 CUFFLINKS, IT IS. 203 00:11:11,272 --> 00:11:13,907 DON'T PUT BUMPER STICKERS ON MY CAR. 204 00:11:13,941 --> 00:11:15,776 WHY DO YOU THINK IT WAS ME? 205 00:11:15,809 --> 00:11:19,713 "I'M THE PROUD SECRETARY FOR THE FATHER OF THE SMARTEST KID AT PICKNEY." 206 00:11:21,515 --> 00:11:23,317 IT MAY HAVE BEEN ME. 207 00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:33,327 DICK, DID YOU SEE THIS ARTICLE ABOUT TOMMY IN THE PAPER? 208 00:11:33,361 --> 00:11:34,295 TOMMY? 209 00:11:34,328 --> 00:11:35,396 MY SON? 210 00:11:35,429 --> 00:11:36,930 THE CHILD GENIUS? 211 00:11:36,964 --> 00:11:37,931 YES, THAT TOMMY. 212 00:11:37,965 --> 00:11:41,435 "FINEST TO COMPETE IN PICKNEY'S KNOWLEDGE BOWL. 213 00:11:41,469 --> 00:11:44,438 SMARTEST..." [MUMBLING] 214 00:11:44,472 --> 00:11:47,541 AH! HERE IT IS. 215 00:11:47,575 --> 00:11:51,545 "TOMMY'S FATHER, DR. DICK SOLOMON, 216 00:11:51,579 --> 00:11:54,982 "PHYSICS PROFESSOR AT NEARBY PENDELTON UNIVERSITY, 217 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:58,919 "REMINDS PEOPLE THAT GENIUS IS 1% PERSPIRATION, 218 00:11:58,952 --> 00:12:04,292 AND 99% BRILLIANT FATHER." 219 00:12:04,325 --> 00:12:07,795 YOU DON'T THINK I OVERSTATED MY INFLUENCE, DO YOU? 220 00:12:07,828 --> 00:12:09,363 NO. 221 00:12:11,865 --> 00:12:15,769 AND HIP AND HIP AND HIP, HIP, HIP. 222 00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:20,107 NOW THE ARMS AND ARMS AND OUT AND IN 223 00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:25,479 AND, SALLY, YOU'RE LEADING AGAIN. 224 00:12:25,513 --> 00:12:27,715 I KEEP FORGETTING. I'M THE GIRL. 225 00:12:31,151 --> 00:12:35,923 YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT TO GO. I'M GETTING MY CHEST WAXED. 226 00:12:35,956 --> 00:12:37,825 HEY, YOU WANNA COME? I'VE GOT A COUPON. 227 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:40,961 UH, NO. I PREFER TO TWEEZE. 228 00:12:40,994 --> 00:12:42,830 OUCH! 229 00:12:42,863 --> 00:12:45,098 YOU KNOW, I'M NOT USUALLY ATTRACTED TO YOUR TYPE, 230 00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:47,535 BUT YOU ARE SOMETHING SPECIAL. 231 00:12:47,568 --> 00:12:50,804 WELL, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. 232 00:12:58,979 --> 00:13:00,581 YOU'RE PRETTY INTO HIM, HUH? 233 00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:03,451 I THINK HE MIGHT BE THE ONE. 234 00:13:03,484 --> 00:13:06,387 HIP, HIP, HIP, HIP, HIP. 235 00:13:08,789 --> 00:13:12,926 WHY WOULD I WANT TO WAX MY CHEST? 236 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:17,030 OK, TOMMY, I READ THAT YOU'RE COMPETING IN THE KNOWLEDGE BOWL. 237 00:13:17,064 --> 00:13:17,965 SO WHAT? 238 00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:19,500 SO, WE HAVE TO REVIEW. 239 00:13:19,533 --> 00:13:21,569 WHAT? DICK, THAT'S STUPID. 240 00:13:21,602 --> 00:13:24,171 I'M THE INFORMATION OFFICER. I KNOW EVERYTHING. 241 00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,139 MAYBE...MAYBE NOT. 242 00:13:26,173 --> 00:13:27,541 WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? 243 00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:31,879 HOW ABOUT PHYSICS... IN RUSSIAN? 244 00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:38,686 [QUESTIONING IN RUSSIAN] 245 00:13:38,719 --> 00:13:40,421 [ANSWERING IN RUSSIAN] 246 00:13:40,454 --> 00:13:42,456 WRONG. 247 00:13:42,490 --> 00:13:43,724 IT'S... [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 248 00:13:43,757 --> 00:13:44,825 NO. YOU ASKED THE QUESTION WRONG. 249 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:45,859 IF YOU WANTED... [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 250 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:50,398 YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED... [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 251 00:13:54,735 --> 00:13:58,271 FAMOUS ONTOLOGISTS IN GREEK. 252 00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:03,544 [SPEAKING GREEK] 253 00:14:03,577 --> 00:14:04,545 [SPEAKING GREEK] 254 00:14:04,578 --> 00:14:06,213 BRYANT GUMBEL. 255 00:14:08,716 --> 00:14:10,350 IN THE FORM OF A QUESTION. 256 00:14:10,384 --> 00:14:12,420 [SPEAKING GREEK] BRYANT GUMBEL? 257 00:14:15,956 --> 00:14:18,926 POETS OF THE LI RIVER DELTA. 258 00:14:18,959 --> 00:14:23,296 COMPLETE HUANG PO'S CLASSIC COUPLET OF LOVE AND BETRAYAL. 259 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:26,366 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 260 00:14:28,869 --> 00:14:30,904 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 261 00:14:33,707 --> 00:14:36,444 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 262 00:14:38,446 --> 00:14:40,481 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 263 00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:44,418 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 264 00:14:44,452 --> 00:14:47,688 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 265 00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:51,391 [SPEAKING CHINESE] 266 00:14:51,425 --> 00:14:52,626 AGGHH. 267 00:14:52,660 --> 00:14:54,962 HA HA HA HA HA HA! 268 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,277 THIS ISN'T EVEN A SO-CALLED LIFE. 269 00:15:10,310 --> 00:15:14,081 OH, WELL, AS HARRY HOUDINI ONCE SAID, 270 00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:16,884 "PICK A CARD, ANY CARD." 271 00:15:16,917 --> 00:15:19,219 IT'S MY MISSION TO BE A TEENAGER, BUT RIGHT NOW, 272 00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:21,221 I HATE MY FATHER, I HATE MY SCHOOL, 273 00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,124 AND MY LIFE SEEMS HOPELESS. SOME TEENAGER I AM. 274 00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:25,659 CUT THE DECK. 275 00:15:25,693 --> 00:15:28,061 IF I'M GONNA DO MY JOB, I'VE GOTTA BE IN A REAL SCHOOL, 276 00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,931 ONE WITH METAL DETECTORS AND PREGNANT CHEERLEADERS. 277 00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:35,669 FOLD THE EDGES OF YOUR CARDS EVER SO SLIGHTLY. 278 00:15:35,703 --> 00:15:37,938 WHY AM I EVEN PUTTING MYSELF THROUGH ALL THIS, 279 00:15:37,971 --> 00:15:40,541 SO DICK CAN FEEL PROUD? 280 00:15:40,574 --> 00:15:43,644 PICK ANOTHER CARD, ADD THE VALUE, MULTIPLY BY 4. 281 00:15:43,677 --> 00:15:46,079 SO, I MEAN, SOMETHING'S CRAZY. 282 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:49,416 I'M NOT DICK'S SON. I'M THE INFORMATION OFFICER. 283 00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:51,084 I GOTTA BRING THIS MISSION BACK ON COURSE. 284 00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:53,821 WRITE THE NUMBER ON YOUR ARM SO I CANNOT SEE IT. 285 00:15:53,854 --> 00:15:55,489 THERE'S ONLY ONE THING LEFT TO DO... 286 00:15:55,523 --> 00:15:56,857 SHUFFLE. 287 00:15:56,890 --> 00:15:58,826 SABOTAGE. 288 00:16:00,994 --> 00:16:06,867 ALL RIGHT. WE'RE OK, AS LONG AS NONE OF THOSE ARE CLUBS. 289 00:16:06,900 --> 00:16:08,368 PICK A CARD. 290 00:16:11,204 --> 00:16:12,973 TA-DA! 291 00:16:16,744 --> 00:16:21,982 REMEMBER TO PHRASE YOUR ANSWER IN THE FORM OF AN ANSWER. 292 00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:23,684 OK. NEXT QUESTION. 293 00:16:23,717 --> 00:16:28,455 "TABULA RASA IS A LATIN TERM MEANING WHAT?" 294 00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,390 TOMMY KNOWS THIS ONE. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM? 295 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:31,525 [DING] 296 00:16:31,559 --> 00:16:34,828 "TABULA RASA" MEANS BLANK SLATE. 297 00:16:34,862 --> 00:16:35,629 THAT IS CORRECT. 298 00:16:35,663 --> 00:16:36,296 JAA! 299 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,831 HE'S PROBABLY JUST NERVOUS. 300 00:16:37,865 --> 00:16:43,236 RELAX! DAMN YOU! RELAX! 301 00:16:43,270 --> 00:16:48,475 "WHICH IMPRESSIONIST PAINTER IS KNOWN FOR HIS SERIES OF WATER LILIES?" 302 00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,677 [DING] 303 00:16:49,710 --> 00:16:51,645 THAT'S A VERY EASY ONE, DR. MENARD. 304 00:16:51,679 --> 00:16:54,114 THE ANSWER IS... 305 00:16:54,147 --> 00:16:56,283 PICASSO. 306 00:16:56,316 --> 00:16:58,919 NO!! 307 00:16:58,952 --> 00:17:00,320 [DING] 308 00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:03,657 THE ANSWER IS CLAUDE MONET. 309 00:17:03,691 --> 00:17:07,227 DR. SOLOMON, COMPETITION IS ESSENTIAL TO LEARNING. 310 00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:10,530 BITE ME! 311 00:17:10,564 --> 00:17:15,302 "WHAT IS THE OUTER ENVELOPE OR ATMOSPHERE OF GAS SURROUNDING THE SUN CALLED?" 312 00:17:15,335 --> 00:17:17,337 [DING] 313 00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:18,706 OOH, HMM... 314 00:17:18,739 --> 00:17:20,007 THAT'S A TOUGHIE. 315 00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:21,809 YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS. 316 00:17:31,384 --> 00:17:33,353 Dr. Menard: 5 SECONDS. 317 00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,356 3...2...1. 318 00:17:36,389 --> 00:17:37,958 IT'S CALLED THE CORONA. 319 00:17:37,991 --> 00:17:39,026 YOU'VE BEEN THERE! 320 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,695 YOU KNOW THAT! 321 00:17:41,729 --> 00:17:43,063 DICK, COME ON, HE'S TRYING. 322 00:17:43,096 --> 00:17:44,331 HE'S YOUR SON. 323 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,533 SON? HE'S NOT MY SON! 324 00:17:46,566 --> 00:17:48,435 I HAVE NO SON! 325 00:17:52,673 --> 00:17:54,174 AY! 326 00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:55,408 OH! 327 00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,983 LET'S GO WIN US A CONTEST. 328 00:18:03,016 --> 00:18:04,918 WHY DON'T YOU WEAR THAT LITTLE RED NUMBER YOU'VE GOT? 329 00:18:04,952 --> 00:18:06,386 IT'LL LOOK BETTER WITH MY OUTFIT. 330 00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:07,788 BUT I LOOK SO HOT. 331 00:18:07,821 --> 00:18:09,456 YOU MUST HAVE SOMETHING FLASHIER THAN THAT. 332 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:10,557 LET ME SEE YOUR CLOSET. 333 00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,959 FINE. HELP ME WITH THE ZIPPER. 334 00:18:11,992 --> 00:18:13,426 DON'T WORRY. I'M VERY GOOD AT THIS. 335 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,595 SLIP OUT OF THAT DRESS. 336 00:18:15,629 --> 00:18:17,430 AAH! 337 00:18:24,638 --> 00:18:27,240 OHH! 338 00:18:27,274 --> 00:18:29,576 LOOK, I MADE A BIG, BIG MISTAKE. 339 00:18:29,609 --> 00:18:30,944 WHAT'S WRONG? WHAT DID I DO? 340 00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:31,979 HOW CAN I PUT THIS? 341 00:18:32,012 --> 00:18:35,448 I EXPECTED MORE... 342 00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:39,019 WHAT, I'M NOT YOUR KIND OF WOMAN? 343 00:18:39,052 --> 00:18:41,388 OH, SALLY... 344 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,758 YOU ARE A WOMAN. 345 00:18:48,528 --> 00:18:51,031 WH-WHAT DID YOU THINK I WAS? 346 00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:06,546 WOW. 347 00:19:07,815 --> 00:19:10,317 I HAVE NEVER SEEN SUCH REPREHENSIBLE BEHAVIOR. 348 00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:13,086 I DON'T BLAME YOU IF YOU HAVE TO EXPEL TOMMY. 349 00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:16,489 DR. SOLOMON, WE STILL CONSIDER TOMMY PICKNEY MATERIAL. 350 00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:20,127 IT IS YOU WHO IS BANNED FROM THE PICKNEY. 351 00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,695 I'M BANNED! 352 00:19:21,729 --> 00:19:22,930 WELL, GUESS WHAT? 353 00:19:22,963 --> 00:19:26,266 TOMMY DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO COME TO THIS ROBOT FACTORY OUTLET. 354 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:29,602 I MADE HIM! ME! ME! ME! 355 00:19:29,636 --> 00:19:33,006 AND NOW I'M PUTTING HIM BACK IN A REAL SCHOOL WHERE HE CAN BE HIMSELF. 356 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:34,507 THE KIND OF SCHOOL WHERE KIDS AREN'T JUDGED 357 00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:37,544 ON HOW WELL THEY TEST OR HOW MUCH THEY KNOW. 358 00:19:37,577 --> 00:19:40,513 WHERE THEY AREN'T JUDGED AT ALL! 359 00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:43,216 WHERE THEY HAVE THE FREEDOM TO STAY FACELESS AND NAMELESS 360 00:19:43,250 --> 00:19:45,152 FROM FROM "K" THROUGH 12, 361 00:19:45,185 --> 00:19:48,488 CARRYING THEIR DIPLOMAS STRAIGHT THROUGH THE GOLDEN ARCHES 362 00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:52,292 AND ON INTO THEIR WAITING McJOBS. 363 00:19:52,325 --> 00:19:54,394 COME ON, TOMMY. WE'RE GOING HOME. 364 00:19:57,097 --> 00:19:57,765 [SMACK] 365 00:19:57,798 --> 00:19:59,867 AHH. 366 00:20:03,403 --> 00:20:06,473 DICK AND TOMMY WERE THE BEST OF PALS. 367 00:20:06,506 --> 00:20:09,642 BUT THEN ONE DAY, DICK USED TOMMY 368 00:20:09,676 --> 00:20:12,112 TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK GOOD. 369 00:20:12,145 --> 00:20:15,182 NOW, TO GET BACK AT HIM, TOMMY USED DICK 370 00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:18,318 TO MAKE DICK LOOK VERY BAD. 371 00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:21,889 NOW, APART, THEY WERE JUST TWO SEPARATE HANDKERCHIEFS-- 372 00:20:21,922 --> 00:20:23,556 SHUT UP, HARRY. SHUT UP, HARRY. 373 00:20:25,425 --> 00:20:28,361 BUT THEN MAGICALLY THEY GOT BACK TOGETHER. 374 00:20:33,834 --> 00:20:35,702 WHY DID YOU DO THAT TO ME? 375 00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,905 I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS... 376 00:20:37,938 --> 00:20:40,540 BECAUSE YOU MADE MY LIFE SUCK. 377 00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:42,142 WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST TELL ME THAT? 378 00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:45,078 WELL, I TRIED TO. YOU WERE IMPENETRABLY HAPPY. 379 00:20:45,112 --> 00:20:47,347 WHAT IS IT ABOUT THE FATHER/SON RELATIONSHIP 380 00:20:47,380 --> 00:20:50,583 THAT MAKES COMMUNICATION SO DIFFICULT? 381 00:20:50,617 --> 00:20:52,519 IS IT THE FATHER USING HIS SON 382 00:20:52,552 --> 00:20:55,255 TO MAKE GOOD ON HIS UNFULFILLED DREAMS? 383 00:20:55,288 --> 00:20:56,857 OR IS IT THE SON, 384 00:20:56,890 --> 00:20:59,893 DEFINING HIMSELF BY REJECTING HIS FATHER? 385 00:20:59,927 --> 00:21:01,261 IT'S NEITHER. 386 00:21:01,294 --> 00:21:02,996 IT'S BOTH. 387 00:21:03,030 --> 00:21:06,033 IT'S MEN. 388 00:21:06,066 --> 00:21:08,435 AND HOW DID YOU ACQUIRE THIS NEW EXPERTISE? 389 00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,838 YEAH. WHAT HAPPENED WITH GLENN? 390 00:21:10,871 --> 00:21:15,408 REMEMBER WHEN WE SAID TWO SEXES MUST BE SO LIMITING? 391 00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:18,078 I THINK GLENN FOUND A LOOPHOLE. 392 00:21:27,254 --> 00:21:28,922 YOU'RE A PRECOCIOUS KID, 393 00:21:28,956 --> 00:21:30,590 BUT THIS IS A GAME OF WISDOM. 394 00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:32,525 ALL RIGHT, OLD MAN, 395 00:21:32,559 --> 00:21:34,661 LET'S SETTLE THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL. 396 00:21:43,036 --> 00:21:43,403 CHECKMATE! 397 00:21:43,436 --> 00:21:45,438 OH! DAMN IT! 398 00:21:47,007 --> 00:21:49,042 OH... 399 00:21:49,076 --> 00:21:50,944 OH, WAIT, LOOK. 400 00:21:50,978 --> 00:21:53,213 MY ROOK CAN TAKE YOUR... 27491

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