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1
00:00:05,874 --> 00:00:07,275
YOU KNOW, MR. RANDALL,
2
00:00:07,308 --> 00:00:08,910
WE'VE ONLY BEEN OUT
ON 6 DATES,
3
00:00:08,943 --> 00:00:11,746
BUT ALREADY I FEEL
COMFORTABLE WITH YOU.
4
00:00:11,780 --> 00:00:14,248
YOU MAKE ME FEEL
SO FEMININE,
WHICH IS IRONIC,
5
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,718
'CAUSE I COULD
SNAP YOUR NECK
LIKE A TWIG.
6
00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:21,790
THANKS.
7
00:00:21,823 --> 00:00:23,491
OH, MR. RANDALL...
8
00:00:27,328 --> 00:00:29,030
[SIGHS]
9
00:00:32,734 --> 00:00:36,137
SALLY, DO YOU
WANT TO GO BACK
TO MY APARTMENT?
10
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:37,572
OH, HO!
11
00:00:37,606 --> 00:00:41,275
I KNOW WHAT'S GONNA
HAPPEN THERE.
12
00:00:41,309 --> 00:00:44,545
WE'LL CONTINUE
TO KISS AND TOUCH
AND KISS AND TOUCH,
13
00:00:44,579 --> 00:00:46,648
JUST LIKE THE MOVIES,
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
THE SCENE ENDS,
14
00:00:46,681 --> 00:00:48,950
AND WE'RE IN THE PARK
EATING HOT DOGS
AND LAUGHING.
15
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:56,658
THAT'S SUCH A SALLY
THING TO SAY.
16
00:00:56,691 --> 00:00:58,059
YOU'RE NEVER WHAT
I EXPECT.
17
00:00:58,092 --> 00:01:00,328
YEAH! LIKE THAT TIME
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
PAY FOR DINNER
18
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:04,699
'CAUSE I GOT US THROWN
OUT OF THE SIZZLER!
19
00:01:04,733 --> 00:01:05,700
LIKE THAT. YEAH.
20
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:07,268
BUT THAT'S WHAT
YOU LIKE ABOUT ME,
RIGHT?
21
00:01:07,301 --> 00:01:09,037
RIGHT? RIGHT? RIGHT?
RIGHT? RIGHT?
22
00:01:09,070 --> 00:01:11,272
YEAH.
23
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:13,341
BUT NOW IT'S
STARTING TO, UH...
24
00:01:13,374 --> 00:01:14,776
I DON'T KNOW...
25
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:16,410
IRRITATE ME.
26
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:22,383
I'M NOT
THE PERFECT WOMAN?
27
00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:23,718
THIS CLOSE. REALLY.
28
00:01:23,752 --> 00:01:27,689
JUST A COUPLE,
3, 4 THINGS
YOU COULD CHANGE.
29
00:01:27,722 --> 00:01:30,424
MAYBE LET ME BE
IN CONTROL SOMETIMES,
30
00:01:30,458 --> 00:01:31,626
JUST A LITTLE.
31
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,397
YOU'RE GONNA SEE
A WHOLE NEW ME.
32
00:01:36,430 --> 00:01:38,532
[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYS]
* WHAT ABOUT TOMMY?...
33
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,669
NOT THAT AGAIN.
34
00:01:40,702 --> 00:01:42,270
IT'S GONE!
35
00:01:42,303 --> 00:01:44,205
* ...WHEN YOU GO--
36
00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:53,481
OH...I SHOULDA LET YOU
DO THAT.
37
00:01:53,514 --> 00:01:55,149
WHOOPSIE-DOODLE!
38
00:02:27,716 --> 00:02:30,018
GOOD-BYE,
BASKET OF KITTENS.
39
00:02:30,051 --> 00:02:32,320
I CAN ONLY PRAY
THAT NEXT MONTH'S PHOTO
40
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:37,091
WILL BRING US A FRACTION
OF THE JOY AND WHIMSY...
41
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:38,760
THAT YOU DID.
42
00:02:45,266 --> 00:02:49,137
THANK YOU,
BANK OF RUTHERFORD!
43
00:02:49,170 --> 00:02:51,472
WHAT? THAT'S A MONKEY
PLAYING GOLF.
44
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,808
I KNOW,
BUT HE'S PUTTIN'
WITH A DRIVER.
45
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:58,212
YOU KNOW, YOU NEVER
SEE YOURSELF CLEARLY
46
00:02:58,246 --> 00:03:01,783
UNTIL YOU SEE YOURSELF
THROUGH YOUR LOVER'S EYES.
47
00:03:01,816 --> 00:03:04,318
I AM RED FREAKIN' HOT!
48
00:03:06,020 --> 00:03:06,855
GOOD FOR YOU.
49
00:03:06,888 --> 00:03:08,322
BUT I'M A LOUD,
DESTRUCTIVE,
50
00:03:08,356 --> 00:03:11,059
IRRITATING
PAIN IN THE BUTT.
51
00:03:11,092 --> 00:03:13,361
MR. RANDALL'S
NOT CRAZY ABOUT ME
ANYMORE, DICK.
52
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:15,930
SALLY! DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE FAILING AT
YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
53
00:03:15,964 --> 00:03:16,530
HOW COULD YOU?
54
00:03:16,564 --> 00:03:17,832
I DON'T KNOW!
55
00:03:17,866 --> 00:03:20,568
I THOUGHT I HAD
THIS WHOLE WOMAN
THING ACED!
56
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:24,338
MY PERFORMANCE
HAS BEEN TECHNICALLY
FLAWLESS.
57
00:03:24,372 --> 00:03:26,274
HE WANTS ME TO CHANGE.
58
00:03:26,307 --> 00:03:27,575
WELL, SALLY,
HERE ON EARTH,
59
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:28,943
HUMANS CHANGE
FOR THEIR LOVERS.
60
00:03:28,977 --> 00:03:30,378
AUGUST AND I
ALWAYS ACCOMMODATE
61
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:32,146
EACH OTHER'S WANTS
AND NEEDS.
62
00:03:32,180 --> 00:03:34,248
FOR EXAMPLE,
I STOPPED WEARING
OLD SPICE,
63
00:03:34,282 --> 00:03:37,986
AND SHE STOPPED
TELLING ME TO STOP
WEARING OLD SPICE.
64
00:03:38,019 --> 00:03:39,153
OH!
65
00:03:39,187 --> 00:03:42,223
DON'T COMPARE
MY MATURE RELATIONSHIP
66
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:45,193
TO YOUR LITTLE
TIGER BEAT TRYST.
67
00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,227
SHE'S RIGHT.
68
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:49,697
TOMMY, ADULTS HAVE
FAR MORE COMPLICATED
PROBLEMS.
69
00:03:49,730 --> 00:03:51,032
ALTHOUGH,
COME TO THINK OF IT,
70
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:52,200
DR. ALBRIGHT AND I
ARE ADULTS,
71
00:03:52,233 --> 00:03:53,835
AND WE HAVE NONE.
72
00:03:53,868 --> 00:03:55,937
I'VE STRUCK GOLD WITH HER,
73
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,572
GRABBED THE PRIZE,
HIT THE JACKPOT!
74
00:03:58,606 --> 00:04:01,109
BING-NING-NING-NING-NING!
75
00:04:01,142 --> 00:04:04,245
YOU'RE A WINNER!
76
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:06,380
YOU DIDN'T WIN.
YOU LUCKED OUT.
77
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:08,249
LOVE DOESN'T JUST DROP
INTO YOUR LAP!
78
00:04:08,282 --> 00:04:11,585
YOU'VE GOTTA
FORCE IT THERE!
79
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:14,555
I DON'T KNOW.
I'M BEGINNING TO WONDER
IF I'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
80
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:15,890
OF COURSE YOU'VE GOT
WHAT IT TAKES.
81
00:04:15,924 --> 00:04:17,458
YOU'RE A WARRIOR,
LIEUTENANT!
82
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:19,760
AND THIS IS THE BATTLE
OF THE SEXES!
83
00:04:19,794 --> 00:04:21,963
YOU CAN WIN IT!
84
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:23,097
YOU KNOW, I ENVY YOU.
85
00:04:23,131 --> 00:04:25,934
EVERYBODY IN THIS HOUSE
HAS GOT SOMEBODY
EXCEPT ME.
86
00:04:25,967 --> 00:04:30,972
BUT WHEN I DO MAKE
MY LOVE CONNECTION...
LADY BEWARE.
87
00:04:31,005 --> 00:04:33,674
I CHANGE FOR NO ONE.
88
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,609
HARRY, YOU KNOW,
YOU SOUND LIKE
AN IDIOT.
89
00:04:35,643 --> 00:04:37,511
AND THAT WILL
NEVER CHANGE.
90
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,917
TOMMY.
91
00:04:42,951 --> 00:04:46,988
LET'S SAY I GOT INTO
THIS HORRIBLE CAR CRASH
92
00:04:47,021 --> 00:04:48,689
AND I WASN'T REALLY HURT,
93
00:04:48,722 --> 00:04:51,292
BUT MY HAIR FELL OUT
FROM THE SHOCK.
94
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:54,228
WOULD YOU STILL LIKE ME?
95
00:04:54,262 --> 00:04:55,229
WHAT ABOUT THE EYEBROWS?
96
00:04:55,263 --> 00:04:57,165
GONE.
97
00:04:57,198 --> 00:04:59,333
OH, YEAH, YEAH.
SURE, I'D STILL
LIKE YOU. OF COURSE.
98
00:04:59,367 --> 00:05:01,069
IT'D TAKE A COUPLE
DAYS TO GET USED
TO AND ALL.
99
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:04,772
DID YOU SEE THE...
YEAH, I SAW
THE MONKEY.
100
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,141
WHAT IF MY SIGHT
WENT NEXT?
101
00:05:07,175 --> 00:05:08,476
I'M BALD...
102
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,044
WITH NO EYEBROWS...
103
00:05:10,078 --> 00:05:11,779
AND I CAN'T SEE.
104
00:05:11,812 --> 00:05:13,514
WOULD YOU STILL
GO OUT WITH ME?
105
00:05:13,547 --> 00:05:16,817
I'D STAND BY YOU.
106
00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:19,287
OF COURSE,
YOU WOULDN'T KNOW IT.
107
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:23,757
HARRY, WHY DON'T YOU
GO OUT AND FIND
YOUR OWN GIRLFRIEND?
108
00:05:23,791 --> 00:05:29,230
AH, WITH MY SCHEDULE,
WHERE WOULD I
FIND THE TIME?
109
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:30,664
OH, MY GOD.
110
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:33,567
I HAVE GOT THE MOST
BRILLIANT IDEA.
111
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:36,004
YOU SHOULD CONTACT
A VIDEO DATING SERVICE.
112
00:05:36,037 --> 00:05:37,171
OH, YOU THINK?
113
00:05:37,205 --> 00:05:38,772
YES! AUGUST,
THAT'S GENIUS!
114
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:42,877
IN FACT, HARRY,
I BET THEY'RE OPEN
RIGHT NOW!
115
00:05:42,911 --> 00:05:44,678
YES.
116
00:05:44,712 --> 00:05:46,847
YES. YES!
117
00:05:46,881 --> 00:05:48,082
THERE'S A WOMAN
OUT THERE
118
00:05:48,116 --> 00:05:51,752
WITH MY NAME
ON HER!
119
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,687
I WILL FIND HER,
120
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:56,390
AND NOTHING'S
GONNA STOP ME.
121
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:59,327
UNLESS I GET DISTRACTED
BY SOMETHING SHINY.
122
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:06,500
YOU LOOK LOVELY
TODAY.
123
00:06:06,534 --> 00:06:08,102
THANK YOU.
124
00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:10,204
AND DO YOU LIKE
EVERYTHING ELSE
ABOUT ME, TOO?
125
00:06:10,238 --> 00:06:11,139
YES.
126
00:06:11,172 --> 00:06:12,974
HAVE I DONE ANYTHING
TO UPSET YOU?
127
00:06:13,007 --> 00:06:14,142
NO.
128
00:06:14,175 --> 00:06:17,011
GREAT. 'CAUSE I'M REALLY
TRYING TO CHANGE
FOR YOU, KEVIN.
129
00:06:17,045 --> 00:06:19,880
I HAVE BEEN SO BAD!
130
00:06:19,914 --> 00:06:21,882
HAVE YOU DECIDED
ON A WINE?
131
00:06:21,916 --> 00:06:23,051
WHAT DO YOU
FEEL LIKE,
RED OR WHITE?
132
00:06:23,084 --> 00:06:25,987
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE.
133
00:06:26,020 --> 00:06:28,689
WE'LL HAVE A BOTTLE
OF MERLOT.
134
00:06:28,722 --> 00:06:30,558
WE'RE OUT OF BREAD.
YOU WANT MORE BREAD?
135
00:06:30,591 --> 00:06:34,195
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE.
136
00:06:34,228 --> 00:06:35,930
IS IT COLD IN HERE,
OR IS IT JUST ME?
137
00:06:35,964 --> 00:06:38,866
MMM. I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE.
138
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:40,101
SALLY, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING?
139
00:06:40,134 --> 00:06:41,502
I DON'T KNOW.
140
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:44,372
YOU DECIDE.
141
00:06:44,405 --> 00:06:46,007
IF THERE'S A PROBLEM,
JUST SAY SO.
142
00:06:46,040 --> 00:06:48,209
THERE'S NO PROBLEM.
I'M JUST TRYING
TO PLEASE YOU.
143
00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,677
WOULD YOU JUST
DROP THIS, O.K.?
144
00:06:49,710 --> 00:06:51,012
SOMETHING'S WRONG,
ISN'T IT?
145
00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:53,948
YOU PLAY NAIVE,
BUT YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE DOING.
146
00:06:53,982 --> 00:06:57,551
O.K. BACK UP!
IS NAIVE IN A WOMAN
GOOD OR BAD?
147
00:06:57,585 --> 00:07:00,488
ARE YOU TRYING
TO DRAG ME INTO SOME
NEOFEMINIST DEBATE?
148
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,223
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU DECIDE!
149
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:06,560
FINE. I'VE DECIDED.
150
00:07:06,594 --> 00:07:08,462
LUNCH IS OVER.
151
00:07:11,632 --> 00:07:12,733
OH, LISTEN, HON.
152
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:15,303
THERE ARE OTHER FISH
IN THE SEA.
153
00:07:15,336 --> 00:07:18,206
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR
ABOUT THE SPECIALS,
LADY.
154
00:07:22,310 --> 00:07:26,014
HI. MY NAME IS
HARRY SOLOMON.
155
00:07:26,047 --> 00:07:28,016
MY TURN-ONS ARE SUNSHINE,
156
00:07:28,049 --> 00:07:29,250
BEACH HOUSES,
157
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:32,920
AND BAKING BREAD
WITH MY BLOUSE OFF.
158
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:33,587
I WASN'T ROLLING.
159
00:07:33,621 --> 00:07:35,956
OH, I'M SORRY.
160
00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:36,924
ALL RIGHT, HARRY,
161
00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:39,793
THIS IS ALL ABOUT
JUST BEING YOURSELF,
O.K.?
162
00:07:39,827 --> 00:07:43,164
SO JUST RELAX,
ACT NATURAL, YOU KNOW?
163
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,332
AND HAVE FUN! O.K.?
164
00:07:44,365 --> 00:07:47,235
ALL RIGHT.
HERE WE GO.
165
00:07:47,268 --> 00:07:51,439
[SPEAKING SOUL MAN]
I WAS BROUGHT UP
ON THE BACK STREETS.
166
00:07:51,472 --> 00:07:53,107
LEARNED TO LOVE...
167
00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:54,842
BEFORE I COULD EAT.
168
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:55,809
EVERY PAYDAY...
169
00:07:55,843 --> 00:07:58,312
OW!
170
00:07:58,346 --> 00:08:02,116
* I'M A SOUL MAN!
171
00:08:02,150 --> 00:08:03,751
FRIDAY WOULD BE FINE.
172
00:08:03,784 --> 00:08:05,219
YEAH, I SEE
NO PROBLEM WITH--
173
00:08:05,253 --> 00:08:09,023
FR--FRIDAY.
I'LL CALL YOU BACK.
174
00:08:12,026 --> 00:08:15,096
[RING]
175
00:08:15,129 --> 00:08:16,030
HELLO?
176
00:08:16,064 --> 00:08:18,666
HEWOO!
177
00:08:18,699 --> 00:08:21,335
DIS IS MR. POOPIE BEAR.
178
00:08:21,369 --> 00:08:23,604
IS THIS MY WITTLE
BUNNY FACE DOLL?
179
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:30,611
HI, MR. POOPIE BEAR!
180
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:31,845
IS WOO HAPPY?
181
00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:34,248
I'D BE HAPPIER
IF I WAS IN A BIG
SNUGGLE BUGGLE
182
00:08:34,282 --> 00:08:36,984
WITH WOO!
183
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,152
[KISSING SOUNDS]
184
00:08:38,186 --> 00:08:39,453
SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE,
SNUGGLE, SNUGGLE.
185
00:08:39,487 --> 00:08:41,489
SNUGGLE,
SNUGGLE.
186
00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:42,823
OH.
187
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:45,025
HEWOO?
188
00:08:45,059 --> 00:08:46,927
HEWOO?!
189
00:08:48,429 --> 00:08:49,963
OH. HEWOO.
190
00:08:51,765 --> 00:08:53,501
DICK,
I NEED TO TALK!
191
00:08:53,534 --> 00:08:54,868
WHOA, WHOA. SURE.
192
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:56,537
I JUST HAD A HORRIBLE
LUNCH WITH KEVIN!
193
00:08:56,570 --> 00:08:57,505
TELL ME WHAT
HAPPENED.
194
00:08:57,538 --> 00:08:59,873
I TRIED TO CHANGE,
BUT HE STILL
GOT MAD AT ME.
195
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,242
I THOUGHT I'D DONE
EVERYTHING RIGHT!
196
00:09:01,275 --> 00:09:02,143
I'M SURE YOU DID.
197
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:03,477
WHAT DO YOU THINK
HE NEEDS FROM ME, DICK?
198
00:09:03,511 --> 00:09:08,782
SALLY, SIT DOWN.
HONEY...I'M A MAN.
199
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:11,285
AND HERE'S SOMETHING
THAT I'VE LEARNED.
200
00:09:11,319 --> 00:09:12,920
HOW CAN I PUT THIS?
201
00:09:12,953 --> 00:09:14,555
MEN ARE...
202
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:16,990
COMPLETELY
INCAPABLE OF...
203
00:09:17,024 --> 00:09:18,292
TALKING ABOUT...
204
00:09:18,326 --> 00:09:19,427
RELATIONSHIPS.
205
00:09:19,460 --> 00:09:21,729
HERE'S TWO WOMEN.
DUMP ON THEM.
206
00:09:28,869 --> 00:09:30,571
[INHALING]
207
00:09:30,604 --> 00:09:32,706
AHH!
AHH!
208
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,308
WHAT DOES THIS
REMIND YOU OF?
209
00:09:34,342 --> 00:09:35,309
THAT TIME
IN VIENNA.
210
00:09:35,343 --> 00:09:37,378
MM-HMM.
211
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,214
THAT WAITER.
212
00:09:40,248 --> 00:09:41,682
THOSE LONG WALKS.
213
00:09:41,715 --> 00:09:42,883
AND THIS COFFEE.
214
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:44,985
TCH. YEAH.
215
00:09:47,855 --> 00:09:48,989
WHAT'S GOING ON?
216
00:09:49,022 --> 00:09:51,259
SALLY'S TENSE.
I'M TAKING HER AWAY
WITH FLAVORED COFFEE.
217
00:09:53,194 --> 00:09:54,428
OH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
218
00:09:54,462 --> 00:09:57,798
I'VE NEVER EVEN
BEEN TO VIENNA!
219
00:09:57,831 --> 00:10:00,000
WELL, THIS IS AMARETTO!
220
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,835
A BROKEN HEART DEMANDS
MOCHA MINT!
221
00:10:01,869 --> 00:10:03,036
I'M SORRY!
222
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,239
YOU KNOW NOTHING
ABOUT THIS!
223
00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:06,407
SALLY, WHAT'S WRONG?
224
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:09,177
THESE CHAIRS!
I DON'T KNOW IF IT'S
THE FABRIC OR PATTERN
225
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:12,112
OR THAT MR. RANDALL
HATES ME, OR MAYBE
WE JUST NEED A COUCH!
226
00:10:12,146 --> 00:10:13,181
THE FABRIC
IS A BIT LOUD.
227
00:10:13,214 --> 00:10:15,183
IT'S MR. RANDALL!
228
00:10:15,216 --> 00:10:16,817
PLEASE STOP BEING
SO SAD.
229
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:18,219
I'M NOT SAD.
I'M ANGRY!
230
00:10:18,252 --> 00:10:19,387
THEN WHY ARE YOU LEAKING?
231
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:24,057
I DON'T KNOW!
IT'S A WHOLE NEW LEAK!
232
00:10:24,091 --> 00:10:26,727
MY RELATIONSHIP
WITH MR. RANDALL
IS BROKEN,
233
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,263
AND NO MATTER WHAT
I SAY TO HIM,
I CAN'T FIX IT!
234
00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:31,532
STOP SAYING
AND START DOING!
235
00:10:31,565 --> 00:10:35,303
YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE
MORE SEX!
236
00:10:35,336 --> 00:10:38,372
MORE? I'VE NEVER HAD
ANY EVER!
237
00:10:38,406 --> 00:10:39,373
EVER?
238
00:10:39,407 --> 00:10:40,274
WELL, PFF!
239
00:10:40,308 --> 00:10:42,075
THERE'S THE BLACK FLY
IN YOUR CHARDONNAY!
240
00:10:45,746 --> 00:10:49,750
YOU'VE GOT TO START.
SEX FIXES EVERYTHING.
241
00:10:49,783 --> 00:10:53,721
IT'S THE NEOSPORIN
OF AMORE.
242
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:54,688
DICK, I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT THAT.
243
00:10:54,722 --> 00:10:56,557
AUGUST SAYS
IT'S VERY IN NOWADAYS
244
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,025
TO SAVE YOURSELF
FOR MARRIAGE.
245
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:00,361
EXCUSE ME.
COULD WE PLEASE NOT
TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE?
246
00:11:00,394 --> 00:11:02,196
I CAN'T EVEN GET
THROUGH DINNER
WITH THIS GUY!
247
00:11:02,230 --> 00:11:03,697
SO YOU'LL JUST
GIVE UP?
248
00:11:03,731 --> 00:11:05,733
HE'S JUST NOT HAPPY
WITH ME ANYMORE, DICK.
249
00:11:05,766 --> 00:11:07,235
YOU THINK YOU COULD
JUST WALK OUT
250
00:11:07,268 --> 00:11:10,238
AND FIND ANOTHER MAN?
I MEAN, REALLY!
JUST LOOK AT YOURSELF!
251
00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,406
[GASPS]
WHAT?
252
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,575
THOSE COMICALLY LONG
LEGS.
253
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,477
THAT BLINDINGLY
SHINY HAIR.
254
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:17,745
THOSE UNRULY BREASTS!
255
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:20,348
ALL RIGHT!
I GET THE PICTURE!
256
00:11:20,381 --> 00:11:22,983
SALLY, HE SEEMS LIKE
A NICE GUY.
257
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:26,620
MAYBE HE'LL DO IT
OUT OF PITY.
258
00:11:26,654 --> 00:11:28,556
ARE YOU SURE?
259
00:11:28,589 --> 00:11:31,024
I KNOW THE THOUGHT OF
260
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:32,493
GIVING YOURSELF
TO SOMEONE
261
00:11:32,526 --> 00:11:35,296
IS AT ONCE FRIGHTENING
AND EXCITING,
262
00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:37,130
BUT EMBRACE IT.
263
00:11:37,164 --> 00:11:39,933
LET GO OF YOURSELF.
264
00:11:39,967 --> 00:11:41,635
DR. ALBRIGHT
DOVE RIGHT IN,
265
00:11:41,669 --> 00:11:42,670
AND IT WAS
HER FIRST TIME.
266
00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,204
PFF! HA HA!
267
00:11:45,906 --> 00:11:46,974
OH. AHEM.
268
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,609
COFFEE, ANYONE?
269
00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,044
LOOK...
270
00:11:51,078 --> 00:11:54,682
MAYBE YOU NEED
A LITTLE SOMETHING
TO, UH...
271
00:11:54,715 --> 00:11:56,350
TO GET YOU IN THE MOOD.
272
00:11:58,185 --> 00:12:02,189
I HAVE A MOVIE
THAT YOU CAN BORROW.
273
00:12:02,222 --> 00:12:04,492
HOMEWARD BOUND.
274
00:12:05,926 --> 00:12:07,127
IS THIS SUPPOSED
TO HELP?
275
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:08,161
COULDN'T HURT.
276
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,332
THE SCENE WHERE
THE CAT FALLS OFF
THE WET LOG...
277
00:12:13,534 --> 00:12:16,604
YOU'LL NOTICE
THAT PART OF THE TAPE
IS A LITTLE WORN.
278
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,474
HERE.
MOCHA MINT FOR YOU.
279
00:12:20,508 --> 00:12:21,609
OH, THANKS, TOMMY.
280
00:12:21,642 --> 00:12:23,176
YEAH. AHEM.
281
00:12:23,210 --> 00:12:24,278
YOU KNOW, PERSONALLY
I THINK
282
00:12:24,312 --> 00:12:26,914
DICK'S GOING
A LITTLE OVERBOARD
WITH THE WHOLE THING.
283
00:12:26,947 --> 00:12:29,249
YOU HAVE TO REALIZE
MAKING LOVE TO
MR. RANDALL
284
00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:31,485
IS YOUR DECISION.
285
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:33,220
YOU'RE RIGHT.
286
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:34,788
I'LL DO IT.
287
00:12:34,822 --> 00:12:36,223
I MEAN,
WHAT DO I HAVE TO LOSE
288
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:39,026
EXCEPT MY VIRGINITY?
289
00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:43,431
GOOD-BYE, MR. HYMEN.
290
00:12:43,464 --> 00:12:45,533
YOU'RE FIRING
OUR ACCOUNTANT?
291
00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,703
OH!
292
00:12:54,408 --> 00:12:55,208
Man: WHAT DO YOU
LOOK FOR
293
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:56,910
IN THE OPPOSITE SEX,
HARRY?
294
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:59,046
BIG BOSOMS.
295
00:12:59,079 --> 00:13:01,148
AND TEETH.
296
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:02,850
HARRY,
YOU'RE SO NATURAL,
297
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,885
AND SO SINCERE...
298
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:07,555
NOT TO MENTION
YOUR FEATURES ARE
POSITIVELY CHISELED!
299
00:13:07,588 --> 00:13:08,789
YEAH. I HAD NO IDEA
300
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:11,124
THAT YOU PREFER
ONE LARGE MEAL A DAY
301
00:13:11,158 --> 00:13:13,093
OR THAT YOUR
FAVORITE COLOR IS CLEAR.
302
00:13:13,126 --> 00:13:14,428
YEAH.
303
00:13:16,464 --> 00:13:18,599
TOMMY.
304
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:21,802
BAH! AAH!
AAH!
305
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,404
WE HAVE TO TALK.
306
00:13:23,437 --> 00:13:26,574
AUGUST, WHAT--
ARE YOU O.K.?
307
00:13:26,607 --> 00:13:28,175
I'LL BE ALL RIGHT.
308
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:32,680
FORTUNATELY,
THE HAMSTER
DIDN'T HAVE RABIES.
309
00:13:32,713 --> 00:13:33,947
UH...THE HAMSTER?
310
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:36,750
THE HAMSTER
THAT BIT MY NOSE OFF.
311
00:13:36,784 --> 00:13:39,052
YES. THAT'S RIGHT,
TOMMY.
312
00:13:39,086 --> 00:13:43,357
MY NOSE...IS GONE.
313
00:13:43,391 --> 00:13:46,427
SO...I SUPPOSE
YOU WANT YOUR RING BACK.
314
00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:47,895
UH...
315
00:13:47,928 --> 00:13:49,229
W-WELL, NO.
316
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:50,931
UH...
317
00:13:50,964 --> 00:13:54,201
CAN'T THEY, LIKE,
STICK IT BACK ON
SOMEHOW?
318
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,769
AND THAT WOULD BE
THE ONLY WAY
319
00:13:55,803 --> 00:13:57,438
YOU'D CONTINUE
TO SEE ME,
320
00:13:57,471 --> 00:13:59,673
WITH MY NOSE BACK,
THAT IS?
321
00:13:59,707 --> 00:14:04,111
NO. I DIDN'T SAY THAT.
322
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:08,882
I GUESS WE'LL JUST
WORK THROUGH THIS WHOLE
NOSE THING TOGETHER.
323
00:14:08,916 --> 00:14:09,517
NO!
324
00:14:09,550 --> 00:14:12,653
SURPRISE!
325
00:14:12,686 --> 00:14:15,155
I NEVER SHOULD HAVE
DOUBTED YOU, TOMMY.
326
00:14:21,662 --> 00:14:23,731
[CONTINUOUS
KNOCK ON DOOR]
327
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:28,402
[POUNDING
ON DOOR]
328
00:14:28,436 --> 00:14:29,302
YEAH.
329
00:14:29,336 --> 00:14:30,771
[THUD THUD THUD
THUD THUD THUD]
330
00:14:30,804 --> 00:14:32,172
YEAH!
331
00:14:35,242 --> 00:14:36,109
HI, SALLY.
332
00:14:36,143 --> 00:14:39,413
H--
333
00:14:39,447 --> 00:14:40,714
I WASN'T EXPECTING
TO SEE YOU.
334
00:14:40,748 --> 00:14:43,050
WELL, YOU KNOW ME.
335
00:14:43,083 --> 00:14:46,520
LITTLE OLD IMPULSIVE
SALLY.
336
00:14:46,554 --> 00:14:48,088
I'VE DECIDED WE NEED
TO TAKE THINGS
337
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:50,190
TO ANOTHER LEVEL.
338
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:51,759
SALLY...
339
00:14:51,792 --> 00:14:53,260
I THINK WE HAVE
A LOT OF ISSUES
340
00:14:53,293 --> 00:14:54,161
THAT NEED TO BE
RESOLVED.
341
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:56,096
BY ANOTHER LEVEL,
I MEAN THIS.
342
00:14:59,567 --> 00:15:02,302
WE COULD PUT THOSE
ISSUES ON THE BACK
BURNER FOR A WHILE.
343
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:03,704
UH!
344
00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:09,409
I REALLY WANT TO
PLEASE YOU, KEVIN.
345
00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:11,645
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO STOP
TO TELL ME THAT.
346
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:14,147
I'M SORRY.
347
00:15:14,181 --> 00:15:16,083
THIS IS GONNA FIX
EVERYTHING, RIGHT?
348
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:19,720
WELL, IT'S GONNA FIX
A COUPLE OF THINGS.
349
00:15:19,753 --> 00:15:21,021
IF IT'S NOT GONNA
FIX EVERYTHING,
350
00:15:21,054 --> 00:15:22,956
WHY ARE WE
DOING IT?
351
00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:28,662
O.K.
352
00:15:28,696 --> 00:15:30,363
THIS WASN'T MY IDEA,
SALLY.
353
00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:33,767
IT WASN'T MINE EITHER.
IT WAS MY FAMILY'S.
354
00:15:33,801 --> 00:15:35,603
YOUR FAMILY
CONVINCED YOU
TO SLEEP WITH ME?
355
00:15:35,636 --> 00:15:38,038
YEAH! WE REALLY THINK
YOU'RE WORTH IT.
356
00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,673
WHAT AM I, SOME KIND
OF EXPERIMENT?
357
00:15:39,707 --> 00:15:42,676
YOU MAKE THAT SOUND
LIKE A BAD THING!
358
00:15:42,710 --> 00:15:44,878
WHY IS EVERYTHING
SO DIFFICULT WITH YOU?
359
00:15:44,912 --> 00:15:46,013
IF I'M SO DAMNED
DIFFICULT,
360
00:15:46,046 --> 00:15:47,214
WHY DO YOU WANT
TO HAVE SEX WITH ME?
361
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:48,482
BECAUSE YOU'RE
LAYING ON TOP OF ME!
362
00:15:48,516 --> 00:15:50,350
THAT'S YOUR ANSWER
FOR EVERYTHING!
363
00:15:50,383 --> 00:15:52,520
I GIVE UP!
GOOD! I WIN!
364
00:15:52,553 --> 00:15:54,221
NO, YOU DON'T WIN.
365
00:15:54,254 --> 00:15:55,088
YOU WIN?
366
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,289
I DON'T WIN, EITHER.
367
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,290
NO ONE WINS.
368
00:15:57,324 --> 00:15:59,092
NO.
369
00:15:59,126 --> 00:15:59,993
THIS REALLY SUCKS!
370
00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,862
YES, IT DOES.
371
00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:02,996
I DON'T WANNA
PLAY ANYMORE.
372
00:16:03,030 --> 00:16:03,764
NEITHER DO I.
373
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:06,166
I THINK ONE OF US
SHOULD LEAVE!
374
00:16:11,371 --> 00:16:13,306
AND SINCE THIS IS
YOUR APARTMENT,
375
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,076
I GUESS THAT WOULD
BE ME.
376
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,678
GOOD-BYE.
377
00:16:25,352 --> 00:16:27,921
YOU KNOW, I'VE...
378
00:16:27,955 --> 00:16:30,090
NEVER LOST BEFORE.
379
00:16:30,123 --> 00:16:31,559
I'M SORRY.
380
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,201
TELL ME
WHAT HAPPENED.
381
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:42,903
I WENT OVER THERE
TO FIX THINGS,
382
00:16:42,936 --> 00:16:45,606
AND INSTEAD,
I RUINED EVERYTHING!
383
00:16:45,639 --> 00:16:49,943
AND THE WORST PART IS,
I'M STILL A VIRGIN!
384
00:16:49,977 --> 00:16:51,378
OH, MY GOD.
YOU'RE A VIRGIN?
385
00:16:51,411 --> 00:16:53,614
YES, I KNOW!
386
00:16:53,647 --> 00:16:54,715
IT'S HORRIBLE!
387
00:16:54,748 --> 00:16:56,316
NO! NO, NO, NO, NO.
388
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,619
IT'S WONDERFUL.
389
00:16:58,652 --> 00:16:59,720
IT IS?
390
00:16:59,753 --> 00:17:01,421
OH, YES.
IT'S PERFECTLY
ALL RIGHT
391
00:17:01,454 --> 00:17:03,056
SO SAVE YOURSELF
FOR THE RIGHT MAN.
392
00:17:03,090 --> 00:17:05,158
LIKE YOU DID
FOR DICK?
393
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:15,636
YES.
394
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:20,540
THE POINT IS,
BREAKING UP WITH KEVIN
WAS SMART.
395
00:17:20,574 --> 00:17:22,509
HE WANTED YOU TO BE
SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT,
396
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:25,045
AND YOU'RE FINE
JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
397
00:17:25,078 --> 00:17:27,715
I LIKE YOU, SALLY.
398
00:17:27,748 --> 00:17:30,117
I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU LIKED ME.
399
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,752
WELL, I DO.
400
00:17:31,785 --> 00:17:33,654
YOU'RE A STRONG,
OPINIONATED,
401
00:17:33,687 --> 00:17:35,889
INTELLIGENT YOUNG WOMAN,
402
00:17:35,923 --> 00:17:38,225
UNPREDICTABLE AT TIMES,
A LITTLE SCARY,
403
00:17:38,258 --> 00:17:40,628
BUT, HELL, THAT'S YOU!
404
00:17:40,661 --> 00:17:42,395
THAT IS ME.
405
00:17:42,429 --> 00:17:43,731
I LIKE ME, TOO.
406
00:17:43,764 --> 00:17:46,233
BUT WHY DIDN'T
MR. RANDALL?
407
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:48,468
HE'S JUST NOT
THE RIGHT GUY FOR YOU.
408
00:17:48,501 --> 00:17:49,970
BUT YOU'LL FIND
SOMEONE.
409
00:17:50,003 --> 00:17:52,472
JUST LOOK AT YOU--
THOSE LEGS,
THAT HAIR--
410
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:55,542
PLEASE! I'VE BEEN
DRAGGED THROUGH THE MUCK
ENOUGH TODAY!
411
00:18:00,614 --> 00:18:03,250
JUST CHOCK THIS UP
TO EXPERIENCE.
412
00:18:03,283 --> 00:18:05,719
THANKS.
DR. ALBRIGHT.
413
00:18:05,753 --> 00:18:07,688
YOU'RE SO NICE.
414
00:18:07,721 --> 00:18:09,923
I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU WERE SUCH A BITCH.
415
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,929
OH, I AM.
416
00:18:15,963 --> 00:18:17,597
BUT, HELL...
417
00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:19,432
THAT'S ME.
418
00:18:43,456 --> 00:18:45,025
WELL, HELLO.
419
00:18:45,058 --> 00:18:46,526
HI.
420
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,561
I GOTTA SAY,
I'M SHOCKED.
421
00:18:48,595 --> 00:18:52,599
THAT VIDEOTAPE
DID NOT DO YOU JUSTICE.
422
00:18:52,632 --> 00:18:54,001
WHAT VIDEOTAPE?
423
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,538
OH.
424
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,341
THAT MUST BE LYDIA.
425
00:19:01,374 --> 00:19:05,078
LITTLE MORE KNUCKLE HAIR
THAN I'D HOPED FOR, BUT...
426
00:19:05,112 --> 00:19:07,380
A GUY'S GOTTA START
SOMEWHERE.
427
00:19:14,688 --> 00:19:16,523
[INHALING]
428
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,825
AHH.
AHH.
AHH.
AHH.
429
00:19:17,858 --> 00:19:20,360
YOU KNOW WHAT
THIS COFFEE
REMINDS ME OF?
430
00:19:20,393 --> 00:19:22,863
THAT LITTLE CAFE
IN AMSTERDAM?
431
00:19:22,896 --> 00:19:24,164
NO. THAT I USED
THE COFFEE POT
432
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:27,768
TO DRAIN THE FREON
OUT OF THE AIR
CONDITIONER.
433
00:19:27,801 --> 00:19:29,870
[EVERYONE, DREAMILY]
YEAH.
434
00:19:29,903 --> 00:19:31,739
IT'S A BEAUTIFUL
MORNING, ISN'T IT?
435
00:19:31,772 --> 00:19:34,207
THE BIRDS
ARE CHIRPING.
THE SKY IS BLUE.
436
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:35,142
YOU'RE AWFULLY
CHEERY,
437
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,744
CONSIDERING
YOU JUST LOST
YOUR BOYFRIEND.
438
00:19:36,777 --> 00:19:38,278
I'M O.K.
439
00:19:38,311 --> 00:19:40,513
YOU KNOW,
I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU.
440
00:19:40,547 --> 00:19:42,649
THIS AFTERNOON,
I'M GOING SHOPPING
FOR DRAPES
441
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,385
WITH DR. ALBRIGHT,
AND YOU'LL BE ALONE.
442
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:48,555
AND TOMORROW
I'M TAKING DR. ALBRIGHT
TO THE RECYCLING CENTER,
443
00:19:48,588 --> 00:19:50,323
AND YOU'LL BE ALONE.
444
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:53,393
THE WAY I LOOK AT IT,
DICK, I'M EMBARKING
ON AN ADVENTURE.
445
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,863
THE DATING WORLD
IS LIKE A HUGE
FOOD COURT FOR ME,
446
00:19:55,896 --> 00:20:00,000
AND I CAN TAKE
MY LITTLE RED TRAY
ANYWHERE I LIKE.
447
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,601
I DON'T FOLLOW.
448
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,504
WELL, YOU SEE, DICK,
IT'S LIKE, WITH YOU,
449
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,675
YOU KNOW YOU'RE GONNA
HAVE GRILLED CHEESE
EVERY DAY.
450
00:20:08,708 --> 00:20:13,781
DAY AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.
451
00:20:13,814 --> 00:20:16,316
BUT ME, TONIGHT
I MIGHT GO ITALIAN.
452
00:20:16,349 --> 00:20:18,752
TOMORROW, GREEK.
NEXT WEEK, WHO KNOWS?
453
00:20:18,786 --> 00:20:20,320
MEXICAN, CHINESE.
454
00:20:20,353 --> 00:20:22,355
HOT DOG ON A STICK.
455
00:20:24,057 --> 00:20:26,459
HEY, HARRY.
456
00:20:26,493 --> 00:20:29,196
COME ON, IT'S
SINGLES' DAY
AT THE MALL.
457
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,697
LOCK AND LOAD.
458
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:32,132
[GUN NOISE]
459
00:20:34,634 --> 00:20:35,535
GRILLED CHEESE.
460
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,604
HA HA HA HA!
461
00:20:37,637 --> 00:20:38,906
TOMMY.
462
00:20:38,939 --> 00:20:40,941
WE'RE LATE.
463
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:42,843
ENJOY YOUR LUNCH.
464
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:49,149
YEAH, YOU, TOO.
465
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,357
GOD, I LOVE
GRILLED CHEESE.
466
00:21:00,060 --> 00:21:03,130
[SMALL VOICE]
YEAH.
467
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:07,134
I COULD EAT IT
EVERY DAY.
468
00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:10,003
DAY AFTER DAY
AFTER DAY AFTER DAY.
469
00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:12,572
MMM.
470
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,542
HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY SLICED TOMATOES?
471
00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:19,046
YES! YES, WE DO!
472
00:21:31,324 --> 00:21:33,060
LET'S GO.
473
00:21:33,093 --> 00:21:34,427
MY NAME IS SALLY,
474
00:21:34,461 --> 00:21:36,696
AND I'M STRONG, LOUD,
OPINIONATED,
475
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,132
AND AGGRESSIVE.
476
00:21:39,166 --> 00:21:42,970
I'M A BIG, ANGRY VIRGIN,
AND I'M HAPPY ABOUT IT!
477
00:21:43,003 --> 00:21:44,972
OH, AND I ALSO ENJOY
WALKING BAREFOOT IN THE SAND
478
00:21:45,005 --> 00:21:47,740
AND, UM, THE POEMS
OF ROD McKUEN.
479
00:21:47,774 --> 00:21:50,010
SO, IF YOU'RE MAN ENOUGH
FOR ME,
480
00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:51,778
LET'S MAKE A DATE.
32226
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