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1
00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:07,241
OH, MY GOD!
2
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:10,244
[PANTING]
[PANTING]
3
00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:14,382
ALIENS ARE NOT LIKE THAT.
4
00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:15,717
THE SENSELESS VIOLENCE.
5
00:00:15,750 --> 00:00:17,185
THE MINDLESS GORE.
6
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,687
THE INCREDIBLE
SOUND SYSTEM.
7
00:00:18,720 --> 00:00:20,855
THERE MUST HAVE BEEN
30 SPEAKERS IN THAT PLACE.
8
00:00:20,889 --> 00:00:22,557
THAT MOVIE
KICKED BUTT.
9
00:00:22,591 --> 00:00:23,792
HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?
10
00:00:23,825 --> 00:00:25,860
THEY PORTRAYED ALIENS
AS VICIOUS MONSTERS.
11
00:00:25,894 --> 00:00:28,096
THEY BLEW UP THE DEPARTMENT
OF TRANSPORTATION.
12
00:00:28,129 --> 00:00:29,197
Man: HEY, HEY,
DO YOU MIND?
13
00:00:29,230 --> 00:00:30,431
WE HAVEN'T
SEEN THE MOVIE YET.
14
00:00:30,464 --> 00:00:33,034
WHAT DO I CARE?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.
15
00:00:33,067 --> 00:00:34,368
YEAH, BUT DON'T
YOU THINK IT WAS COOL
16
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:38,807
WHEN THAT THING'S TONGUE
SPLIT OPEN AND STRANGLED
THOSE 8 ARMY GUYS?
17
00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:40,308
YEAH. OK, THAT WAS COOL,
18
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,409
BUT ONLY THAT.
19
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:44,746
ONLY BECAUSE
IT MADE ME SCREAM
LIKE A LITTLE GIRL.
20
00:00:44,779 --> 00:00:46,815
DICK, THEY HAVE TO MAKE
THE ALIENS SCARY.
21
00:00:46,848 --> 00:00:48,149
THAT'S ENTERTAINMENT.
22
00:00:48,182 --> 00:00:50,084
SUCKING THE BRAINS OUT
OF ALL THOSE ZOO ANIMALS
23
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,686
IS NOT ENTERTAINMENT!
24
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:57,191
Man: HEY, WILL SOMEBODY
MAKE THAT GUY SHUT UP?
25
00:00:57,225 --> 00:00:59,127
IT'S HOW THESE PEOPLE
THINK OF US.
26
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,029
THEY DIDN'T CARE
WHETHER THE ALIENS
WERE GOOD OR BAD,
27
00:01:01,062 --> 00:01:02,330
THEY JUST
WANTED THEM DEAD.
28
00:01:02,363 --> 00:01:03,231
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
29
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,134
MARY--SHE'S ALREADY
SEEN THIS MOVIE.
30
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:09,537
SO? SHE DOESN'T KNOW
YOU'RE AN ALIEN...
DOES SHE?
31
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:10,805
OH, PLEASE.
32
00:01:10,839 --> 00:01:11,706
DOES SHE?
33
00:01:11,740 --> 00:01:14,142
I SAID, "OH, PLEASE."
ISN'T THAT ENOUGH?
34
00:01:14,175 --> 00:01:15,043
DOES SHE?
DOES SHE?
35
00:01:15,076 --> 00:01:17,578
NO!
36
00:01:17,612 --> 00:01:19,480
ATTENTION,
TICKET HOLDERS!
37
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:21,049
LISTEN UP.
38
00:01:21,082 --> 00:01:22,283
AT THE END
OF THE MOVIE
39
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:27,656
WHEN THE PRESIDENT
TURNS OUT
TO BE AN ALIEN
40
00:01:27,689 --> 00:01:30,692
AND HE BARBECUES
ALL THE CONGRESSMEN,
41
00:01:30,725 --> 00:01:31,660
DON'T BELIEVE IT,
OK?
42
00:01:31,693 --> 00:01:33,828
BECAUSE ALIENS
HATE BARBECUE!
43
00:01:33,862 --> 00:01:35,997
IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP,
I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!
44
00:01:36,030 --> 00:01:36,831
ALL RIGHTIE.
45
00:01:36,865 --> 00:01:37,999
AND THAT GOES
FOR ALL OF YOU.
46
00:01:38,032 --> 00:01:39,433
DID YOU HEAR THAT GUY?
47
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,770
HE HASN'T EVEN SEEN
THE MOVIE YET, AND ALREADY
HE WANTS TO KILL US!
48
00:01:41,803 --> 00:01:43,638
WE ARE IN
BIG TROUBLE HERE.
49
00:01:43,672 --> 00:01:45,940
WE'VE GOT TO LAY LOW
UNTIL THIS MANIA
PASSES OVER.
50
00:01:45,974 --> 00:01:47,441
MAYBE BUILD
A BUNKER!
51
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:49,778
NO! WE CAN'T HIDE.
52
00:01:49,811 --> 00:01:52,080
I SAY WE COME OUT
OF THE BUNKER
AND INTO THE STREET.
53
00:01:52,113 --> 00:01:56,384
I SAY WE HOLD
AN ALIEN PRIDE PARADE.
54
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,586
WE'LL ALL GET TOGETHER,
55
00:01:58,619 --> 00:02:02,824
AND WE'LL PROVE
THAT WE'RE ALL...
56
00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:03,958
HUMANS.
57
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:38,092
HELLO, RUTHERFORD BUGLE?
58
00:02:38,126 --> 00:02:40,528
I'D LIKE TO SPEAK
TO YOUR FILM CRITIC, PLEASE.
59
00:02:40,561 --> 00:02:42,496
OH, WELL, THEN
WILL YOU TELL HIM
60
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,332
THAT I JUST SAW
DAWN OF THE ALIENS
61
00:02:44,365 --> 00:02:47,435
AND IT WAS NOT WHAM-BAM.
IT WAS NOT A SLAM-DUNK.
62
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:48,602
I WAS NEVER ON
THE EDGE OF MY SEAT,
63
00:02:48,636 --> 00:02:51,105
AND THE SPECIAL EFFECTS DID
NOT MAKE MY EYES POP OUT!
64
00:02:53,274 --> 00:02:54,675
THERE'S NO CREAM
IN HERE!
65
00:02:54,709 --> 00:02:57,678
WELL, YOU DON'T HAVE
TO BITE MY HEAD OFF.
66
00:02:57,712 --> 00:03:00,114
NINA,
WE DON'T DO THAT.
67
00:03:02,116 --> 00:03:03,217
HELLO, DICK.
68
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,618
OH, MARY.
69
00:03:06,755 --> 00:03:07,922
YOU NOTICE
HOW I'M BEING GENTLE
70
00:03:07,956 --> 00:03:08,990
AND NOT
SQUEEZING YOUR BODY
71
00:03:09,023 --> 00:03:12,761
UNTIL YOUR SPLEEN SHOOTS
OUT OF YOUR MOUTH?
72
00:03:12,794 --> 00:03:15,496
YES. I NOTICED THAT.
THANK YOU.
73
00:03:15,529 --> 00:03:17,698
OH! SPEAKING OF SPLEENS!
74
00:03:17,732 --> 00:03:19,400
DID YOU SEE
DAWN OF THE ALIENS?
75
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,435
OH, WASN'T
THAT MOVIE GREAT!
76
00:03:21,469 --> 00:03:22,871
IT WAS 2 HOURS
AND 4 MINUTES
77
00:03:22,904 --> 00:03:26,340
OF HORRIBLE,
HORRIBLE LIES.
78
00:03:26,374 --> 00:03:27,241
I LIKED IT.
79
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:29,243
ME, TOO. I WAS ON
THE EDGE OF MY SEAT.
80
00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:33,481
WHY WOULD
THEY PORTRAY ALIENS
AS HIDEOUS, EVIL MUTANTS?
81
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:36,017
WHY CAN'T THEY BE SWEET
AND WELL-MANNERED?
82
00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,251
WELL, I DON'T
PAY 7 BUCKS
83
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:38,887
TO SEE AN ALIEN PLAY
WITH A PUPPY.
84
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:41,089
AT THAT PRICE,
HE BETTER EAT IT.
85
00:03:46,761 --> 00:03:48,196
TOMMY?
86
00:03:48,229 --> 00:03:49,263
TOMMY.
87
00:03:49,297 --> 00:03:52,266
THEY'RE HAVING A SCI-FI
CONVENTION IN CLEVELAND.
88
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,536
"MEET ALL THE ALIENS
FROM YOUR FAVORITE
TV SHOWS AND MOVIES
89
00:03:55,569 --> 00:03:58,039
"AND STAR TREK'S
MR. SULU, GEORGE TAKEI,
90
00:03:58,072 --> 00:04:00,208
"WILL BE SIGNING COPIES
OF HIS NEW BOOK,
91
00:04:00,241 --> 00:04:05,713
WARP SPEED, DAMN IT!
THE COMPLETE RANTS
OF WILLIAM SHATNER."
92
00:04:05,746 --> 00:04:07,048
THIS WOULD
BE A PERFECT PLACE
93
00:04:07,081 --> 00:04:08,282
TO HELP PEOPLE
UNDERSTAND
94
00:04:08,316 --> 00:04:11,485
HOW WRONG
THEIR IMPRESSIONS
OF US ALIENS ARE,
95
00:04:11,519 --> 00:04:13,788
OR WE COULD JUST BLOW
THE WHOLE DAMN PLACE UP.
96
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,192
WOULD YOU GUYS
LIFT YOUR FEET,
PLEASE?
97
00:04:18,226 --> 00:04:19,794
LIFT YOUR FEET.
98
00:04:19,828 --> 00:04:22,196
LIFT FEET!
99
00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:24,732
WHAT IS
YOUR PROBLEM?
100
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:27,601
SALLY, TURN OFF
YOUR SUCKING DEVICE.
101
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:31,572
WHAT IS IT?
102
00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,341
I NEED YOUR SUPPORT.
103
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:36,677
I'VE MADE THE MOST DIFFICULT
DECISION I'VE HAD TO MAKE
SINCE COMING TO THIS PLANET.
104
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,746
YOU'RE GIVING UP
TIDY WHITIES
105
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:43,417
AND SWITCHING
TO BOXERS? NO!
106
00:04:43,451 --> 00:04:46,354
IT'S NOT ABOUT
UNDERWEAR, HARRY,
107
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:47,355
ALTHOUGH I HAVE SWITCHED.
108
00:04:47,388 --> 00:04:50,624
OH!
OH!
OH!
109
00:04:50,658 --> 00:04:52,160
I'VE DECIDED TO TELL MARY
110
00:04:52,193 --> 00:04:57,465
THAT I AM WHAT HUMANS
WOULD CALL, IN THEIR
GALACTOCENTRIC WAY,
111
00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:58,732
AN ALIEN.
112
00:04:58,766 --> 00:04:59,934
ARE YOU CRAZY?
113
00:04:59,968 --> 00:05:01,002
DICK, WHY
ARE YOU DOING THIS?
114
00:05:01,035 --> 00:05:03,171
YOU'VE NEVER
BLOWN YOUR COVER
ON ANY OTHER MISSION.
115
00:05:03,204 --> 00:05:04,939
I NEVER FELT
THE NEED TO.
116
00:05:04,973 --> 00:05:06,674
I KEEP HAVING
THESE FEELINGS.
117
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:09,677
AY-YI-YI!
AY-YI-YI!
AY-YI-YI!
118
00:05:09,710 --> 00:05:13,714
IT'S THIS FLESHY
HUMAN SLIPCOVER.
119
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:18,252
OH, SURE. IT'S DASHING,
TALL, MANLY...
120
00:05:18,286 --> 00:05:20,855
WASHABLE...
121
00:05:20,889 --> 00:05:23,357
BUT SOMEHOW IT JUST
MAKES ME FEEL SO AWFUL
122
00:05:23,391 --> 00:05:25,193
ABOUT DECEIVING
THE WOMAN I LOVE.
123
00:05:25,226 --> 00:05:26,527
ALL RIGHT. OK, LOOK.
124
00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,696
LET'S JUST THINK
THIS THING THROUGH, OK?
125
00:05:28,729 --> 00:05:29,763
HERE. I'LL BE HER.
126
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:33,001
HERE I AM. I'M MARY
SITTING AT MY DESK.
127
00:05:33,034 --> 00:05:35,169
YOU COME IN
AND TELL ME.
128
00:05:41,976 --> 00:05:43,544
HELLO, MARY.
129
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,347
DICK.
130
00:05:46,380 --> 00:05:47,681
YOU LOOK HANDSOME TODAY.
131
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,918
YOU LOOK MORE BEAUTIFUL
THAN EVER.
132
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:55,356
WHOA!
EW!
OH.
133
00:05:55,389 --> 00:05:57,525
ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!
ALL RIGHT!
134
00:05:57,558 --> 00:05:59,327
LET'S JUST START OVER.
135
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:08,102
HELLO, MARY.
136
00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:10,338
DICK.
137
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:15,043
I CAN'T KISS YOU TODAY
BECAUSE I'VE GOT THE FLU.
138
00:06:15,076 --> 00:06:16,610
AS DO I.
139
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:18,312
MARY...
140
00:06:18,346 --> 00:06:19,981
I AM AN ALIEN.
141
00:06:20,014 --> 00:06:21,815
AAH!
142
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,187
SHE'S DEAD!
143
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,993
YOU KILLED HER,
YOU ALIEN BASTARD!
144
00:06:32,026 --> 00:06:33,794
WHY?
145
00:06:33,827 --> 00:06:35,163
WHY?!
146
00:06:35,196 --> 00:06:37,398
THIS IS NONSENSE!
I'M GOING TO TELL HER.
147
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:38,366
YOU'RE GOING TO
GET US ALL KILLED.
148
00:06:38,399 --> 00:06:39,767
I'M ONLY TELLING
ONE PERSON.
149
00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:41,669
SIR, AS SECURITY OFFICER,
I FORBID IT.
150
00:06:41,702 --> 00:06:42,570
AND AS HIGH COMMANDER,
151
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,373
I HAVE TO SAY TOUGH
TOENAILS, LIEUTENANT!
152
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:46,840
FINE. LET IT
BE ON YOUR HEAD.
153
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,176
WHICH IS GOING TO BE
SITTING NEXT TO OURS
154
00:06:48,209 --> 00:06:51,179
ON A TRAY SOMEWHERE
IN NEW MEXICO.
155
00:06:51,212 --> 00:06:52,180
I'M TELLING YOU, DICK,
156
00:06:52,213 --> 00:06:54,282
HUMANS CANNOT
HANDLE THIS KIND
OF INFORMATION.
157
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:56,550
MARY CAN.
158
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:58,252
I'LL JUST
HAVE TO FIND THE
RIGHT SETTING,
159
00:06:58,286 --> 00:06:59,887
THE RIGHT ATMOSPHERE,
160
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:02,957
WHERE THE ELEGANT BEAUTY
OF OUR MAGNIFICENT
SURROUNDINGS
161
00:07:02,991 --> 00:07:05,359
HELP HER TO
EMBRACE THE TRUTH...
162
00:07:05,393 --> 00:07:06,360
AND ME.
163
00:07:06,394 --> 00:07:09,530
THEY'RE HAVING A SCI-FI
CONVENTION IN CLEVELAND.
164
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,065
PERFECT!
165
00:07:11,099 --> 00:07:12,133
PACK YOUR BAGS,
KIDS,
166
00:07:12,166 --> 00:07:13,434
WE'RE GOING
ON A ROAD TRIP!
167
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:14,702
SWEET!
168
00:07:21,409 --> 00:07:23,044
I--OOH!
169
00:07:23,077 --> 00:07:24,078
OH!
170
00:07:24,112 --> 00:07:25,646
AHH!
171
00:07:25,679 --> 00:07:28,116
OHH! LOOK
AT THIS PLACE!
172
00:07:28,149 --> 00:07:28,882
OHH!
173
00:07:28,916 --> 00:07:30,918
OUR FIRST
HOTEL ROOM!
174
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,153
WOW!
175
00:07:32,186 --> 00:07:35,623
WHY DO I SUDDENLY
HAVE THE URGE TO TRASH IT?
176
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,292
HEY, YOU GUYS, LOOK
AT THIS TINY BOTTLE
177
00:07:38,326 --> 00:07:40,794
I FOUND IN THE BATHROOM:
178
00:07:40,828 --> 00:07:44,432
EVIDENCE OF A SUPERIOR RACE
OF TINY PEOPLE.
179
00:07:46,500 --> 00:07:47,935
HOW CAN YOU TELL
THEY'RE SUPERIOR?
180
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:51,205
BECAUSE IT'S A SHAMPOO
AND CONDITIONER IN ONE.
181
00:07:51,239 --> 00:07:53,207
AH.
182
00:07:53,241 --> 00:07:58,546
WOW, A TINY FRIDGE
FILLED WITH TINY
BOTTLES OF ALCOHOL
183
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:01,049
AND TINY BAGS
OF MACADAMIA NUTS!
184
00:08:01,082 --> 00:08:02,883
WOW, THESE PEOPLE
MIGHT BE TINY,
185
00:08:02,916 --> 00:08:04,752
BUT THEY KNOW
HOW TO PARTY!
186
00:08:04,785 --> 00:08:07,221
HOW DID THEY GET UP
ON THE BED?
187
00:08:07,255 --> 00:08:09,957
ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY'RE
ALL DRUNK AND FAT ON NUTS.
188
00:08:16,730 --> 00:08:18,832
JUST TELL ME WHEN.
189
00:08:18,866 --> 00:08:20,034
WHEN.
190
00:08:20,068 --> 00:08:23,771
WHEN I'VE POURED ENOUGH
TO SLAKE YOUR THIRST
FOR CHAMPAGNE.
191
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:24,605
WHEN.
192
00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,874
WHENEVER
YOUR HEART DESIRES.
193
00:08:26,907 --> 00:08:28,109
WHEN! STOP NOW!
194
00:08:28,142 --> 00:08:28,609
NOW?
195
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:29,843
YEAH! YES, NOW! NOW!
196
00:08:33,013 --> 00:08:35,549
WITH HALF A BOTTLE
FOR ONE GLASS,
197
00:08:35,583 --> 00:08:38,286
YOU ARE A WILD WOMAN,
198
00:08:38,319 --> 00:08:40,321
BUT, THEN, I ACCEPT THAT.
199
00:08:40,354 --> 00:08:43,157
I MAY BE WILD, BUT
I'M NOT GOING TO BITE.
200
00:08:43,191 --> 00:08:46,160
AND NEITHER WILL I,
AND THAT'S THE WHOLE POINT.
201
00:08:46,194 --> 00:08:48,162
THERE WILL BE NO BITING,
NO BLOODLETTING,
202
00:08:48,196 --> 00:08:50,264
NO CRANIAL EXPLOSIONS.
203
00:08:50,298 --> 00:08:52,666
WHAT'S WITH YOU?
204
00:08:52,700 --> 00:08:53,634
ALL RIGHT, MARY.
205
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:56,170
YOU'VE SNIFFED ME OUT.
206
00:08:56,204 --> 00:08:58,739
I BROUGHT YOU HERE
UNDER THE GUISE
OF A ROMANTIC HOLIDAY
207
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:02,076
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
ABOUT MYSELF.
208
00:09:02,110 --> 00:09:03,211
THIS IS VERY DIFFICULT.
209
00:09:03,244 --> 00:09:06,247
I--I DON'T WANT YOU
TO JUDGE ME.
210
00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:07,681
I NEVER JUDGE YOU.
211
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,352
SOMETIMES I DO...
212
00:09:11,385 --> 00:09:12,753
OFTEN.
213
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:14,855
ALWAYS.
214
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,923
I'LL TRY
NOT TO THIS TIME.
215
00:09:15,956 --> 00:09:19,827
MARY, BEFORE I MET YOU,
I WAS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
216
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,630
I WAS FAR,
FAR AWAY FROM HERE,
217
00:09:22,663 --> 00:09:24,165
AND EVER SINCE
I LEFT THAT PLACE,
218
00:09:24,198 --> 00:09:27,201
I'VE BEEN FIGHTING
SO HARD TO FIT IN,
219
00:09:27,235 --> 00:09:30,504
AND IF EVER
ANYONE FOUND OUT,
I'D HAVE TO GO BACK
220
00:09:30,538 --> 00:09:33,741
BECAUSE I
COULD NEVER LIVE IN
THIS WORLD ANY LONGER.
221
00:09:33,774 --> 00:09:35,476
OH, DICK...
222
00:09:35,509 --> 00:09:36,910
WERE YOU IN A...
223
00:09:36,944 --> 00:09:38,179
CLINIC?
224
00:09:41,182 --> 00:09:42,383
CLINIC?
225
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,118
IT'S OK.
226
00:09:44,152 --> 00:09:46,120
SO WAS I!
227
00:09:46,154 --> 00:09:47,755
OH! OH.
228
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:07,708
WAKE UP, EVERYBODY!
229
00:10:07,741 --> 00:10:11,212
WE'RE GOING TO
THE SCI-FI CONVENTION.
230
00:10:11,245 --> 00:10:13,547
[IMITATES HEARTBEAT]
231
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,988
WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT
ABOUT THIS SCI-FI
CONVENTION ANYWAY?
232
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:22,156
WELL, DON'T YOU SEE?
233
00:10:22,190 --> 00:10:25,092
IT'S
A PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
TO TAKE A STAND,
234
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,429
TO PROTEST HOW
THE REST OF THE WORLD
IS TREATING OUR KIND.
235
00:10:28,462 --> 00:10:30,731
SO YOU WANT TO
BE SOME KIND OF ALIEN
MARTIN LUTHER KING?
236
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:33,133
EXACTLY.
237
00:10:33,167 --> 00:10:36,937
BECAUSE I, TOO,
HAVE A DREAM,
238
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:40,208
AND IN THAT DREAM
I'M NAKED ON
A FERRIS WHEEL.
239
00:10:42,976 --> 00:10:44,345
I'LL MEET YOU GUYS
DOWN IN THE LOBBY.
240
00:10:44,378 --> 00:10:47,080
I'M GOING TO
MAKE SURE DICK
HASN'T BLOWN OUR COVER.
241
00:10:47,114 --> 00:10:50,951
OH, SALLY, THERE'S A NOTE
FOR YOU ON THE DOOR.
242
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,020
"PLEASE MAKE UP ROOM."
243
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:01,128
ALL RIGHT! I'LL DO IT
WHEN WE GET BACK!
244
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:03,431
WE'RE GOING TO
THE SCI-FI CONVENTION!
245
00:11:08,736 --> 00:11:10,504
I'VE NEVER TOLD
ANYONE THIS BEFORE,
246
00:11:10,538 --> 00:11:13,207
BUT WHEN I
WAS A LITTLE GIRL,
247
00:11:13,241 --> 00:11:14,475
9, 10...
248
00:11:14,508 --> 00:11:16,977
17...
249
00:11:17,010 --> 00:11:18,145
I WAS FAT.
250
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,147
HOW FAT?
251
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,550
FAT ENOUGH
THAT EVERYBODY
MADE FUN OF ME.
252
00:11:22,583 --> 00:11:24,785
FAT AS A COW?
IS THAT HOW FAT?
253
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:25,353
THAT'S
NOT IMPORTANT.
254
00:11:25,386 --> 00:11:27,821
NO. NO.
SORRY. GO ON.
255
00:11:27,855 --> 00:11:29,857
ANYWAY, INSTEAD OF
REACHING OUT FOR HELP,
256
00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:33,261
I TURNED INWARD
AND BECAME BITTER
AND DISILLUSIONED
257
00:11:33,294 --> 00:11:34,362
WITH THE WORLD
AROUND ME.
258
00:11:34,395 --> 00:11:35,896
300 POUNDS? 400?
259
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:37,164
DICK!
260
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:39,433
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
GO ON.
261
00:11:39,467 --> 00:11:41,935
MY PARENTS
JUST MADE IT WORSE.
262
00:11:41,969 --> 00:11:43,003
THEY HAD THIS NOTION
263
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:46,274
THAT I WAS GOING
TO BE AN OLYMPIC
FIGURE SKATER.
264
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:49,343
THEY FORCED ME
INTO A LEOTARD.
265
00:11:49,377 --> 00:11:53,381
I LOOKED LIKE A SAUSAGE
IN PURPLE VELOUR CASING,
266
00:11:53,414 --> 00:11:55,215
AND WHEN I SKATED...
267
00:11:55,249 --> 00:11:56,917
THEY CALLED ME
THE ZAMBONI.
268
00:11:58,652 --> 00:12:00,220
THEN ONE DAY, I--
269
00:12:00,254 --> 00:12:01,589
I CRACKED.
270
00:12:01,622 --> 00:12:02,723
THE ICE?
271
00:12:02,756 --> 00:12:04,492
MENTALLY!
272
00:12:04,525 --> 00:12:05,726
I CRACKED MENTALLY.
273
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:08,429
MENTALLY. MENTALLY.
274
00:12:08,462 --> 00:12:11,865
MY PARENTS SENT ME
TO A SPECIAL PLACE...
275
00:12:11,899 --> 00:12:14,302
CAMP KNOCK-A-LOT-
O'-WEIGHT-OFF.
276
00:12:14,335 --> 00:12:16,036
OH, MARY, THAT'S
JUST TERRIBLE.
277
00:12:16,069 --> 00:12:17,004
I'M SO SORRY.
278
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,473
OH, NO, NO.
IT'S FINE, REALLY.
279
00:12:19,507 --> 00:12:22,476
THANKS FOR LETTING ME
CONFIDE IN YOU.
280
00:12:22,510 --> 00:12:24,378
NOW...
281
00:12:24,412 --> 00:12:26,780
WHY WERE YOU
IN A CLINIC?
282
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:29,149
OH, UH,
WELL, FUNNY STORY.
283
00:12:29,182 --> 00:12:32,553
I WAS, UH...
HOW CAN I PUT THIS?
284
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:33,521
NOT.
285
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:34,154
WHAT?
286
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:35,356
HERE IT GOES.
I AM--
287
00:12:35,389 --> 00:12:36,390
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
288
00:12:36,424 --> 00:12:39,527
JUST HOLD
THAT THOUGHT.
289
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:40,594
SALLY!
290
00:12:40,628 --> 00:12:42,363
HI. I NEED TO TALK
TO DICK FOR A SECOND
IN PRIVATE.
291
00:12:42,396 --> 00:12:43,331
DON'T YOU HAVE SOME
LITTLE GIRLIE THING
292
00:12:43,364 --> 00:12:44,732
YOU NEED TO DO
IN THE BATHROOM?
293
00:12:44,765 --> 00:12:45,699
NO.
294
00:12:45,733 --> 00:12:47,134
THEN JUST GO SIT
IN THERE.
295
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,001
EXCUSE ME?
296
00:12:48,035 --> 00:12:48,902
YOU'RE EXCUSED.
297
00:12:48,936 --> 00:12:50,671
WHAT? UH...
298
00:12:50,704 --> 00:12:51,672
WELL!
299
00:12:51,705 --> 00:12:52,072
I JUST WANTED--
300
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,674
SHH!
301
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:54,775
THIS HAD BETTER BE GOOD.
302
00:12:54,808 --> 00:12:56,243
I WAS THIS CLOSE
TO POURING MY HEART OUT.
303
00:12:56,276 --> 00:12:57,210
THEN I ARRIVED
JUST IN TIME.
304
00:12:57,244 --> 00:12:59,647
SHE JUST TOLD ME ONE
OF HER DEEPEST SECRETS.
305
00:12:59,680 --> 00:13:01,114
SHE USED TO BE FAT.
306
00:13:01,148 --> 00:13:02,450
FAT AS A COW,
IS THAT HOW FAT?
307
00:13:02,483 --> 00:13:03,517
THAT'S NOT THE POINT!
308
00:13:03,551 --> 00:13:05,719
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THE POINT IS SHE
CAN'T KEEP A SECRET.
309
00:13:05,753 --> 00:13:06,687
I MEAN, YOU TELL HER,
AND THE NEXT THING
YOU KNOW,
310
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,456
THE AIR FORCE HAS SEALED
OFF THE NEIGHBORHOOD.
311
00:13:08,489 --> 00:13:10,090
THAT'S A RISK
I'M WILLING TO TAKE.
312
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,793
OK, HOW ABOUT THIS ONE:
313
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:13,994
YOU TELL HER
YOU'RE AN ALIEN,
314
00:13:14,027 --> 00:13:16,263
AND SHE FREAKS OUT,
RUNS AWAY,
315
00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:20,300
AND YOU NEVER
SEE HER AGAIN...EVER.
316
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:21,869
OH.
317
00:13:21,902 --> 00:13:23,136
WELL,
IN MY SCENARIO,
318
00:13:23,170 --> 00:13:25,406
SHE COMES RUNNING
INTO MY ARMS.
319
00:13:25,439 --> 00:13:30,444
WELL, IT'S JUST A RISK
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO TAKE...
320
00:13:30,478 --> 00:13:32,245
ALIEN.
321
00:13:49,497 --> 00:13:51,031
IT IS FASCINATING,
THOUGH, ISN'T IT?
322
00:13:51,064 --> 00:13:52,232
WHAT?
323
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:55,536
WELL, HOW THESE PEOPLE
FULFILL THEIR LIVES
THROUGH FANTASY.
324
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:57,638
IT'S LIKE THOSE GUYS
THAT SPEND
ALL OF THEIR TIME
325
00:13:57,671 --> 00:14:00,508
READING THOSE FAKE
LETTERS IN PENTHOUSE.
326
00:14:00,541 --> 00:14:02,009
THEY'RE FAKE?
327
00:14:04,412 --> 00:14:06,213
CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT
THESE PEOPLE WOULD DO
328
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,649
IF THEY MET
AN ACTUAL ALIEN?
329
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:11,218
THEY WOULD COMPLETELY
FREAK OUT.
330
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:11,952
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
331
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,422
IN A WAY,
AREN'T WE ALL ALIENS?
332
00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:17,425
I MEAN, WE EMERGE FROM
WEIGHTLESS ENVIRONMENTS,
333
00:14:17,458 --> 00:14:18,859
SEEING EVERYTHING
FOR THE FIRST TIME
334
00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:22,796
WITH CURIOUS NEW EYES,
EVERY EMOTION BRAND-NEW,
335
00:14:22,830 --> 00:14:25,933
ALWAYS DISCOVERING,
ALWAYS LEARNING?
336
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,668
YEAH. YOU KEEP
OVERTHINKING LIFE.
337
00:14:27,701 --> 00:14:30,170
I'M GOING TO GO GET US
A COUPLE OF SPACE CHURROS.
338
00:14:32,573 --> 00:14:34,608
SEE? SOMEBODY BROKE
INTO THE ROOM!
339
00:14:34,642 --> 00:14:36,276
LOOK AT THIS PLACE!
340
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:40,481
LOOKS CLEAN TO ME.
341
00:14:40,514 --> 00:14:42,149
EXACTLY! THEY
CLEANED EVERYTHING,
342
00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,151
MADE THE BEDS,
REWRAPPED THE SOAP,
343
00:14:44,184 --> 00:14:46,353
SANITIZED THE TOILET
FOR MY PROTECTION.
344
00:14:46,386 --> 00:14:49,690
LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!
345
00:14:49,723 --> 00:14:51,825
THE MAID WAS HERE.
346
00:14:51,859 --> 00:14:53,326
THE MAID?
347
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,394
THERE'S A MAID?
348
00:14:54,428 --> 00:14:56,029
HOUSEKEEPING.
349
00:14:56,063 --> 00:14:56,964
HERE.
350
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,832
IT'S A WHOLE BOOK
OF SERVICES
351
00:14:58,866 --> 00:15:02,302
THE HOTEL
HAS TO OFFER.
352
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:04,171
"DRY-CLEANING,
WAKE-UP CALLS,
353
00:15:04,204 --> 00:15:05,639
IN-ROOM DINING"?
354
00:15:05,673 --> 00:15:06,707
YES, MA'AM.
355
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:09,142
ROOM SERVICE.
356
00:15:09,176 --> 00:15:13,514
ROOM SERVICE.
357
00:15:13,547 --> 00:15:16,750
ROOM...
358
00:15:16,784 --> 00:15:20,153
SERVICE.
359
00:15:20,187 --> 00:15:21,955
DO YOU KNOW
WHAT THIS MEANS?
360
00:15:21,989 --> 00:15:23,056
NO, MA'AM.
361
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,826
WE'RE IN HEAVEN!
362
00:15:25,859 --> 00:15:26,760
YOU, MY GOOD MAN,
363
00:15:26,794 --> 00:15:30,498
ARE THE ASSISTANT MANAGER
OF HEAVEN!
364
00:15:30,531 --> 00:15:31,632
THANK YOU, MA'AM.
365
00:15:31,665 --> 00:15:32,466
BYE-BYE.
366
00:15:39,673 --> 00:15:41,241
HI. YES, UM...
367
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,512
THIS IS SALLY SOLOMON
IN ROOM 605.
368
00:15:44,545 --> 00:15:47,314
CAN I GET
A TURKEY SANDWICH?
369
00:15:47,347 --> 00:15:50,718
I CAN?
370
00:15:50,751 --> 00:15:52,452
CAN I GET 10?
371
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:57,424
[APPLAUSE]
[APPLAUSE]
372
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:01,829
LIVE LONG AND PROSPER!
373
00:16:01,862 --> 00:16:03,797
HAILING FREQUENCIES
OPEN, EVERYBODY!
374
00:16:03,831 --> 00:16:05,833
I'M GEORGE TAKEI.
375
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:11,672
SEEING ALL OF YOU HERE
376
00:16:11,705 --> 00:16:13,541
MAKES ME FEEL
LIKE A KID AGAIN,
377
00:16:13,574 --> 00:16:16,810
ALMOST AS IF,
AS MR. SULU ONCE SAID,
378
00:16:16,844 --> 00:16:20,413
"MY CHRONOMETER'S
RUNNING BACKWARDS."
379
00:16:20,447 --> 00:16:22,616
HA!
380
00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,852
YOU PEOPLE
ARE LIVING A LIE.
381
00:16:24,885 --> 00:16:26,453
LOOK AT YOURSELVES:
382
00:16:26,486 --> 00:16:29,489
EMBRACING NEGATIVE
ALIEN STEREOTYPES.
383
00:16:29,523 --> 00:16:30,658
DID YOU EVER
STOP TO THINK
384
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:34,361
THAT MAYBE ALIENS
ARE FRIENDLY, KIND,
ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE?
385
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:37,130
UH, SECURITY?
386
00:16:37,164 --> 00:16:41,401
HATH NOT AN ALIEN
EYES OR BUTTOCKS?
387
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,335
IF YOU PRICK AN ALIEN,
388
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:45,539
DOES IT NOT SAY,
"OW! OW! OW!"
389
00:16:45,573 --> 00:16:49,509
WE SHOULD NOT
EMBRACE SCIENCE FICTION.
390
00:16:49,543 --> 00:16:51,579
SCREW SCI-FI!
391
00:16:51,612 --> 00:16:57,818
INSTEAD, WE SHOULD
EMBRACE SCIENCE FACTS...
392
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,653
SCI-FAC.
393
00:16:59,687 --> 00:17:01,354
UM, HARRY,
LET'S GO.
394
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,991
LONG LIVE SCI-FAC.
395
00:17:05,826 --> 00:17:07,094
YOU THERE,
FORGET THE WINDOWS
396
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:09,496
AND SCRUB THAT SINK
UNTIL I SEE MY FACE
IN IT. THANKS.
397
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:10,230
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
398
00:17:10,263 --> 00:17:14,001
OOH! COMING!
399
00:17:14,034 --> 00:17:14,835
GOOD AFTERNOON,
MA'AM.
400
00:17:14,868 --> 00:17:15,669
GOOD AFTERNOON.
401
00:17:15,703 --> 00:17:16,570
I'M HERE TO PICK UP
YOUR DRY-CLEANING.
402
00:17:16,604 --> 00:17:17,838
YES. THAT PILE OVER THERE
ON THE LUGGAGE.
403
00:17:17,871 --> 00:17:19,840
HELL, DO
THE LUGGAGE, TOO.
404
00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:22,042
SALLY, I JUST
FEEL TERRIBLE.
405
00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:24,177
OH, WELL, YOU'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING
406
00:17:24,211 --> 00:17:26,146
BY NOT TELLING HER,
HONEY.
407
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,015
DARLING, WHEN YOU'RE
DONE WITH THE BATHROOM,
408
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,883
DUST THE CREDENZA
AND FERTILIZE
THE POTTED PLANTS!
409
00:17:29,917 --> 00:17:33,053
I WANT THEM BLOOMING
AND MAKING ME HAPPY!
410
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,322
I CAME HERE
WITH THE SOLE PURPOSE
OF COMING CLEAN,
411
00:17:35,355 --> 00:17:37,324
AND NOW I
JUST FEEL SO DIRTY.
412
00:17:37,357 --> 00:17:38,992
JUST TAKE A BUBBLE BATH.
413
00:17:39,026 --> 00:17:41,528
YOU KNOW, THE TUB'S
GOT BEAUTIFULLY
POSITIONED JETS,
414
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,130
AND THE SHOWER
TURNS INTO A SAUNA.
415
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:44,932
"DIRTY" WAS A METAPHOR,
LIEUTENANT.
416
00:17:44,965 --> 00:17:46,266
I'M SURE IT WAS, HONEY.
417
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:49,637
HI. YES. COULD WE
GET SOME EUCALYPTUS OIL
UP HERE
418
00:17:49,670 --> 00:17:52,039
AND A COUPLE
OF BIG FAT LOOFAHS?
THANKS.
419
00:17:53,741 --> 00:17:54,441
SALLY?
420
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:55,876
HELLO, BOYS.
421
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:57,277
WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF?
422
00:17:57,310 --> 00:18:01,448
ROOM SERVICE.
423
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:05,385
ROOM SERVICE.
ROOM SERVICE.
424
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:06,954
IF I WANT A TOWEL,
THEY SEND IT UP.
425
00:18:06,987 --> 00:18:08,355
IF I WANT A RADISH,
THEY SEND IT UP.
426
00:18:08,388 --> 00:18:11,759
THEY SENT UP A LAPTOP,
A FAX, A VCR, AND WHY?
427
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,226
BECAUSE UNTIL
CHECKOUT TIME TOMORROW,
428
00:18:13,260 --> 00:18:16,529
I'M THEIR QUEEN!
429
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:17,998
I'M GLAD YOU'RE
HAVING A GOOD TIME.
430
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:18,598
I AM!
431
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,233
I'LL BE DOWN
IN MY ROOM.
432
00:18:20,267 --> 00:18:21,902
OOH! ARE THESE
CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES?
433
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:24,437
HEY! GET YOUR OWN
FRENCH SAMPLER.
434
00:18:29,509 --> 00:18:31,712
HOW CAN YOU
LOOK AT YOURSELF,
435
00:18:31,745 --> 00:18:34,447
DECEIVING THE PERSON
YOU LOVE FOR THE SAKE
OF A MISSION?
436
00:18:34,481 --> 00:18:36,817
LOOK AT YOU!
437
00:18:36,850 --> 00:18:38,652
YOU'RE GORGEOUS!
438
00:18:41,121 --> 00:18:42,155
Mary: DID YOU
SAY SOMETHING?
439
00:18:42,189 --> 00:18:43,556
OH, NO. NOTHING.
440
00:18:43,590 --> 00:18:45,092
Tell her! Tell her!
441
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,459
BUT HOW?
442
00:18:50,764 --> 00:18:54,067
STAND BACK, EARTH MAN,
443
00:18:54,101 --> 00:18:56,303
AND PREPARE
TO BE DEMOLECULARIZED
444
00:18:56,336 --> 00:18:59,372
IN WAYS YOU'VE
NEVER IMAGINED.
445
00:18:59,406 --> 00:19:00,507
MARY?
446
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:02,042
I'M NOT MARY.
447
00:19:02,075 --> 00:19:06,814
I AM UMA
FROM THE PLANET THURMAN.
448
00:19:06,847 --> 00:19:10,050
REMOVE YOUR EARTH PANTS!
449
00:19:10,083 --> 00:19:13,086
ANY RESISTANCE
WILL BE FUTILE, HUMAN!
450
00:19:13,120 --> 00:19:15,756
"HUMAN."
451
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:18,525
BUT I'M NOT HUMAN.
452
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:21,161
I'VE BEEN DECEIVING YOU.
453
00:19:21,194 --> 00:19:24,564
I'M AN ALIEN FROM A PLANET
IN THE BARRED SPIRAL GALAXY
454
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:28,035
ON THE CEPHEUS/DRACO BORDER.
455
00:19:28,068 --> 00:19:31,271
I WAS SENT HERE
BY OUR LEADER,
THE BIG GIANT HEAD,
456
00:19:31,304 --> 00:19:34,141
TO EXPLORE THIS PLANET.
457
00:19:34,174 --> 00:19:36,609
DICK SOLOMON
IS JUST A FACADE,
458
00:19:36,643 --> 00:19:39,412
HIDING, A QUIVERING
PURPLE TUBE.
459
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:41,815
I AM THE HIGH COMMANDER,
460
00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:44,317
AND THIS IS MY SALUTE!
461
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:55,162
OH, REALLY?
462
00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:57,430
I'VE SEEN YOUR PLANET.
463
00:19:57,464 --> 00:20:02,235
IT IS A SAVAGE PLACE
AND MUST BE CONQUERED.
464
00:20:02,269 --> 00:20:04,137
OH, MARY.
465
00:20:04,171 --> 00:20:05,973
OW! OW!
466
00:20:08,075 --> 00:20:10,277
AH! OOH!
467
00:20:10,310 --> 00:20:10,978
OH!
468
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:14,782
THIS IS
HARRY SOLOMON.
469
00:20:14,815 --> 00:20:15,983
I'D LIKE TO GET
ANOTHER MASSAGE
470
00:20:16,016 --> 00:20:20,287
'CAUSE I'M STARTING
TO FEEL A LITTLE
TENSE AGAIN.
471
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,455
HEY,
LOOK WHAT
I FOUND.
472
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:23,891
OH, WHAT IS IT?
473
00:20:23,924 --> 00:20:25,092
HMM. LOOKS
LIKE A LIST
474
00:20:25,125 --> 00:20:25,859
OF EVERYTHING
WE GOT
475
00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:26,794
WHILE
WE WERE HERE.
476
00:20:26,827 --> 00:20:30,230
"LOBSTER, LOBSTER,
LOBSTER, LOBSTER--"
477
00:20:30,263 --> 00:20:32,232
HEY, HEY, WHAT'S
THAT NUMBER RIGHT THERE
AT THE BOTTOM?
478
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:33,767
THAT'S PROBABLY
THE POPULATION
OF CLEVELAND
479
00:20:33,801 --> 00:20:36,369
OR SOMETHING
LIKE THAT.
480
00:20:36,403 --> 00:20:41,875
UH, THAT'S YOUR BILL.
481
00:20:41,909 --> 00:20:44,544
OOH!
OH, MY GOD.
NO WAY.
482
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,079
OH, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO?
483
00:20:46,113 --> 00:20:48,849
HARRY, GET ME
THE LAPTOP,
THE MODEM,
484
00:20:48,882 --> 00:20:49,783
THE MAGNETIC
STRIP KEY
485
00:20:49,817 --> 00:20:52,019
THAT GOT US
INTO THIS ROOM,
486
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:53,954
AND
A SHOWER CAP.
487
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:56,924
GOOD MORNING,
MR. TAKEI.
488
00:20:56,957 --> 00:20:58,725
GOOD MORNING.
I'M CHECKING OUT.
489
00:20:58,758 --> 00:21:00,961
OH, OF COURSE.
490
00:21:00,994 --> 00:21:02,395
HERE'S YOUR BILL, SIR.
491
00:21:05,298 --> 00:21:08,035
$3,000?
492
00:21:08,068 --> 00:21:10,003
WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
I CAN AFFORD IT.
493
00:21:10,037 --> 00:21:12,705
I'M A FAMOUS ACTOR.
494
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:13,473
I'M SORRY.
495
00:21:13,506 --> 00:21:18,879
THAT'S $30,000,
MR. TAKEI.
496
00:21:18,912 --> 00:21:27,120
OH, MY.
497
00:21:27,154 --> 00:21:29,022
"14 BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE"?
498
00:21:29,056 --> 00:21:30,390
"SHRIMP COCKTAILS"?
499
00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:32,459
"HUMMUS ON PITA CHIPS"?
500
00:21:32,492 --> 00:21:35,295
LOOK, I HAD A TOBLERONE
AND 2 GINGER ALES.
501
00:21:35,328 --> 00:21:37,130
THAT'S IT!
502
00:21:37,164 --> 00:21:38,531
"7 MASSAGES"?
503
00:21:38,565 --> 00:21:40,100
HOW COULD I
GET 7 MASSAGES?
504
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:43,670
DO I LOOK RELAXED? DO I?
505
00:21:43,703 --> 00:21:45,305
WHAT'S THIS?
506
00:21:47,307 --> 00:21:50,043
ALL RIGHT,
SO I TOOK ONE TOWEL.
507
00:21:50,077 --> 00:21:51,744
ONE TOWEL!
508
00:21:51,778 --> 00:21:54,081
I'M GEORGE TAKEI,
DAMN IT!
34262
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