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1
00:00:19,610 --> 00:00:24,274
"It's that time
Christmas time is here
2
00:00:25,315 --> 00:00:29,945
"Everybody knows
There's not a better time of year
3
00:00:30,954 --> 00:00:32,945
"Hear that sleigh."
4
00:00:53,577 --> 00:00:58,241
"Gonna make this holiday
As perfect as can be
5
00:00:59,149 --> 00:01:02,482
"Just wait and see
This Christmas vacation.
6
00:01:04,922 --> 00:01:09,586
"This old house
Sure is looking good
7
00:01:10,494 --> 00:01:14,988
"Got ourselves the finest snowman
In the neighborhood.
8
00:01:16,500 --> 00:01:17,933
"Ain't it fun?
9
00:01:18,936 --> 00:01:22,929
"Always on the run
That's how it's done
10
00:01:23,173 --> 00:01:25,505
"On Christmas vacation.
11
00:01:27,377 --> 00:01:29,174
"Let's all deck the halls
12
00:01:29,446 --> 00:01:31,277
"And light the lights
13
00:01:33,016 --> 00:01:34,677
"Get a toasty fire
14
00:01:35,118 --> 00:01:36,949
"Burning bright.
15
00:01:38,622 --> 00:01:40,385
"Give Saint Nick
16
00:01:40,624 --> 00:01:43,525
"The warmest welcome
That he's ever had
17
00:01:44,294 --> 00:01:47,695
"We're so glad it's Christmas vacation.
18
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:51,961
"And when the nights
19
00:01:52,536 --> 00:01:54,902
"Are peaceful and serene
20
00:01:56,540 --> 00:02:01,204
"We can cuddle up
And do our Christmas dreamin'.
21
00:02:04,147 --> 00:02:05,944
"Peace and joy and love
22
00:02:06,016 --> 00:02:07,847
"Are everywhere
23
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,484
"You can feel the magic in the air.
24
00:02:15,325 --> 00:02:19,625
"Let the spirit of the season
Carry us away
25
00:02:21,398 --> 00:02:24,060
"Hip, hip, hooray
For Christmas vacation."
26
00:03:14,518 --> 00:03:16,042
That was beautiful, honey.
27
00:03:30,701 --> 00:03:31,793
Take it, Russ.
28
00:03:34,972 --> 00:03:37,497
Dad, can you explain again
what we're doing?
29
00:03:37,941 --> 00:03:41,308
We're kicking off our fun,
old-fashioned family Christmas...
30
00:03:41,578 --> 00:03:44,843
...by heading out to the country
in the front-wheel drive sleigh...
31
00:03:44,915 --> 00:03:47,975
...to embrace the frosty majesty
of the winter landscape...
32
00:03:48,318 --> 00:03:51,151
...and select that most important
of Christmas symbols.
33
00:03:51,388 --> 00:03:54,949
We're not driving way out here
so you can get one of those stupid ties...
34
00:03:55,025 --> 00:03:57,255
...with the Santa Clauses on it,
are we, Dad?
35
00:03:57,561 --> 00:03:59,461
No, I have one of those at home.
36
00:03:59,997 --> 00:04:03,660
What we're looking for today
is the Griswold family Christmas tree.
37
00:04:13,944 --> 00:04:16,538
- What's the matter?
- Some jackass is riding my tail.
38
00:04:19,850 --> 00:04:21,750
Slow down and let him pass.
39
00:04:35,298 --> 00:04:36,788
Don't provoke them.
40
00:04:37,734 --> 00:04:39,361
Hey, kids. Look, a deer!
41
00:04:59,356 --> 00:05:01,722
Clark! Slow down!
42
00:05:02,392 --> 00:05:04,917
You want to ride behind
somebody like that?
43
00:05:05,195 --> 00:05:08,892
I'm going to pull around them...
burn some dust, here.
44
00:05:09,433 --> 00:05:10,798
Eat my rubber.
45
00:05:11,501 --> 00:05:15,403
Dad, I think what you mean is,
"Burn rubber" and "Eat my dust."
46
00:05:15,706 --> 00:05:16,730
Whatever, Russ.
47
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,406
Eat my road grit, liver lips!
48
00:05:29,586 --> 00:05:30,985
That's enough of that.
49
00:05:35,492 --> 00:05:38,290
Speaking of Christmas trees,
can one of you tell me...
50
00:05:38,361 --> 00:05:41,387
...what the first kind of tree
displayed at the White House was?
51
00:05:41,465 --> 00:05:42,454
They're back.
52
00:05:47,871 --> 00:05:50,772
Stop it! I don't want to spend
the holidays dead.
53
00:05:51,641 --> 00:05:54,166
Honey, please. I'll do the driving, okay?
54
00:05:54,778 --> 00:05:56,302
Will you just take it easy?
55
00:05:56,680 --> 00:05:58,443
I'm in complete control.
56
00:05:59,950 --> 00:06:01,781
I'll get around this egg timer.
57
00:06:05,989 --> 00:06:07,547
Uh... Dad?!
58
00:06:18,401 --> 00:06:20,369
We're all right! Thank God!
59
00:06:20,570 --> 00:06:22,731
Clark, we're stuck under a truck!
60
00:06:22,939 --> 00:06:24,804
Do you honestly think I don't know that?!
61
00:06:24,875 --> 00:06:26,706
Come on, you guys. Don't fight.
62
00:06:26,843 --> 00:06:29,175
For Christ's sake,
I didn't do this on purpose.
63
00:06:32,482 --> 00:06:34,677
Our Father, who art in heaven...
64
00:06:34,985 --> 00:06:38,421
...hallowed be Thy name.
And forgive my husband.
65
00:06:38,755 --> 00:06:41,485
- He knows not what he does.
- Amen!
66
00:06:59,609 --> 00:07:01,338
We made pretty good time.
67
00:07:08,318 --> 00:07:11,185
Dad, didn't they invent
Christmas tree lots...
68
00:07:11,288 --> 00:07:15,418
...so people don't have to drive way out
to nowhere and waste a Saturday?
69
00:07:15,859 --> 00:07:16,757
They invented 'em...
70
00:07:16,827 --> 00:07:20,263
...because people forgot how to have
a fun, old-fashioned family Christmas.
71
00:07:20,330 --> 00:07:24,460
They're satisfied with scrawny, dead,
overpriced trees with no special meaning.
72
00:07:24,534 --> 00:07:25,466
My toes are numb.
73
00:07:25,535 --> 00:07:27,560
This is what our forefathers did.
74
00:07:27,771 --> 00:07:29,636
I can't feel my leg.
75
00:07:29,806 --> 00:07:32,240
They walked out into the woods,
picked out that special tree...
76
00:07:32,309 --> 00:07:33,742
...and they cut it down
with their bare hands.
77
00:07:33,810 --> 00:07:35,710
Mom, I can't feel my hips.
78
00:07:36,279 --> 00:07:37,303
- Clark?
- Yes, honey?
79
00:07:37,447 --> 00:07:39,881
Audrey's frozen from the waist down.
80
00:07:39,950 --> 00:07:42,077
That's all part of the experience, honey.
81
00:07:44,287 --> 00:07:45,151
There it is.
82
00:08:04,474 --> 00:08:06,499
The Griswold family Christmas tree.
83
00:08:13,083 --> 00:08:14,516
Isn't it a little big?
84
00:08:15,185 --> 00:08:17,517
It's not big, it's just full.
85
00:08:18,121 --> 00:08:20,282
That thing wouldn't fit in our yard.
86
00:08:21,258 --> 00:08:24,785
It's not going in our yard, Russ.
It's going in our living room.
87
00:08:29,799 --> 00:08:32,427
- Look at it.
- It really is beautiful, Clark.
88
00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:35,602
- It's something else, huh, Russ?
- Yeah, Dad.
89
00:08:35,839 --> 00:08:37,033
Isn't it a beaut, Audrey?
90
00:08:37,173 --> 00:08:38,663
She'll see it later, honey.
91
00:08:39,075 --> 00:08:40,303
Her eyes are frozen.
92
00:08:41,344 --> 00:08:44,211
The most enduring traditions
of the season are best enjoyed in...
93
00:08:44,281 --> 00:08:46,977
...the warm embrace of kith and kin.
94
00:08:48,418 --> 00:08:51,979
This tree is a symbol of the spirit
of the Griswold family Christmas.
95
00:08:54,457 --> 00:08:55,981
Did you bring a saw?
96
00:09:41,071 --> 00:09:44,837
Looks like the toad overestimated
the height of his ceiling.
97
00:09:56,519 --> 00:09:57,645
Hey, Griswold!
98
00:09:58,455 --> 00:10:00,389
Where will you put a tree that big?
99
00:10:02,225 --> 00:10:03,954
Bend over and I'll show you.
100
00:10:05,228 --> 00:10:07,526
You got a lot of nerve
talking to me like that.
101
00:10:07,630 --> 00:10:09,325
I wasn't talking to you.
102
00:10:26,449 --> 00:10:28,917
Do you think there's
enough room for the angel?
103
00:10:29,185 --> 00:10:33,383
Sure, honey. I have a little more trimming
to do, but that won't be a problem.
104
00:10:33,656 --> 00:10:34,486
Ready?
105
00:10:35,158 --> 00:10:38,059
I give you
the Griswold family Christmas tree.
106
00:10:46,336 --> 00:10:48,236
There's a lot of sap in here.
107
00:10:50,573 --> 00:10:53,041
It looks great. A little full.
A lot of sap.
108
00:11:15,532 --> 00:11:17,762
Did I tell you I talked to my mother today?
109
00:11:19,202 --> 00:11:21,932
They've decided they're coming
for Christmas, too.
110
00:11:23,039 --> 00:11:24,563
It's not too late to change our plans...
111
00:11:24,641 --> 00:11:26,233
No, no, that's great.
112
00:11:28,578 --> 00:11:30,637
I think you're forgetting
how difficult it's gonna be...
113
00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:33,147
...having everybody in the house
at the same time.
114
00:11:33,383 --> 00:11:35,977
They're family,
not strangers off the street.
115
00:11:36,252 --> 00:11:37,879
All they do is argue.
116
00:11:39,122 --> 00:11:41,090
Christmas is about resolving differences...
117
00:11:41,157 --> 00:11:43,921
...and seeing through
the petty problems of family life.
118
00:11:43,993 --> 00:11:47,986
And it's about my mother accusing
your mother of buying cheap hot dogs.
119
00:11:48,198 --> 00:11:52,658
And your mother accusing my mother
of waxing her upper lip, and...
120
00:11:52,902 --> 00:11:55,530
...then they don't speak to...
- Your mother waxes her upper lip?
121
00:11:55,605 --> 00:11:57,266
She has for years.
122
00:11:57,740 --> 00:11:59,105
It doesn't show.
123
00:12:00,076 --> 00:12:03,136
I don't know, Sparky,
I just have this feeling it's not...
124
00:12:03,213 --> 00:12:05,511
I want to have Christmas here,
in our house.
125
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:07,378
It means a lot to me.
126
00:12:07,750 --> 00:12:10,913
All my life I've wanted to have
a big family Christmas.
127
00:12:14,557 --> 00:12:18,015
It's just that you build things up
in your mind, Sparky.
128
00:12:19,662 --> 00:12:23,325
You set standards no family event
can ever live up to.
129
00:12:24,634 --> 00:12:26,124
When have I ever done that?
130
00:12:29,806 --> 00:12:30,830
Parties.
131
00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,033
Weddings.
132
00:12:33,977 --> 00:12:35,808
- Good night, honey.
- Anniversaries.
133
00:12:36,446 --> 00:12:37,538
Funerals.
134
00:12:39,015 --> 00:12:40,039
Holidays.
135
00:12:40,350 --> 00:12:41,681
Vacations.
136
00:12:42,051 --> 00:12:43,348
Graduations.
137
00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:09,507
Guess you'll be lookin' at
a nice fat Christmas bonus this year, huh?
138
00:13:09,579 --> 00:13:11,410
Word is you're an excellent choice
to be named...
139
00:13:11,481 --> 00:13:13,278
...Food Additive Designer of the Year.
140
00:13:13,349 --> 00:13:15,544
- Nah...
- I'm not kidding.
141
00:13:15,952 --> 00:13:18,352
What's that new thing you got
over there at Food 'N' Dry?
142
00:13:18,421 --> 00:13:22,152
The crunch enhancer?
That's a non-nutritive cereal varnish.
143
00:13:22,225 --> 00:13:23,817
It's semi-permeable. It's not osmotic.
144
00:13:23,893 --> 00:13:25,622
What it does is,
it coats and seals the flake.
145
00:13:25,695 --> 00:13:27,094
It prevents the milk from penetrating it.
146
00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:29,427
Yeah, it's a beautiful product.
147
00:13:29,632 --> 00:13:30,360
I like it.
148
00:13:30,466 --> 00:13:32,934
What are you gonna do
with that big bonus check?
149
00:13:33,036 --> 00:13:34,367
You're gonna blow it on yourself, I hope.
150
00:13:34,437 --> 00:13:35,734
Me? Heck, no.
151
00:13:36,773 --> 00:13:38,263
Take a look at this.
152
00:13:43,179 --> 00:13:45,409
I just hope my Christmas bonus check
will cover it.
153
00:13:45,481 --> 00:13:48,143
Oh, my God. You're putting in a pool.
154
00:13:57,994 --> 00:14:01,293
I went ahead and I put
a $7,500 deposit down on it.
155
00:14:01,531 --> 00:14:03,556
You're the last true family man.
156
00:14:05,368 --> 00:14:06,096
Mark.
157
00:14:07,270 --> 00:14:08,202
Clark.
158
00:14:10,106 --> 00:14:11,095
That's Bill, sir.
159
00:14:11,507 --> 00:14:14,704
Are you the one who's working
on that non-nutritive cereal varnish?
160
00:14:14,777 --> 00:14:15,641
Yes, sir.
161
00:14:15,812 --> 00:14:19,043
I've got to give a speech to a trade group.
I'd like to mention it.
162
00:14:19,115 --> 00:14:22,278
Write up a brief summary
and have it to me by the end of the day.
163
00:14:22,352 --> 00:14:23,376
My pleasure.
164
00:14:23,620 --> 00:14:27,784
Layman's terms. None of that inside,
bullshit jargon that nobody understands.
165
00:14:28,224 --> 00:14:29,452
Yes, sir.
166
00:14:32,762 --> 00:14:34,320
Oh, Mr. Shirley...
167
00:14:34,697 --> 00:14:36,631
We got your Christmas card
the other day, and...
168
00:14:36,699 --> 00:14:39,964
...my family and I are very flattered
that you remembered us.
169
00:14:40,570 --> 00:14:41,696
Corporate cards.
170
00:14:46,276 --> 00:14:47,834
Don't forget that report, Bill.
171
00:14:47,910 --> 00:14:49,434
Yes, sir. Merry Christmas.
172
00:14:51,648 --> 00:14:55,243
Merry Christmas. Kiss my ass.
Kiss his ass. Kiss your ass.
173
00:14:55,618 --> 00:14:56,846
Happy Hanukkah.
174
00:15:22,945 --> 00:15:24,708
Can I show you something?
175
00:15:31,854 --> 00:15:34,516
I was just smelling... smiling.
176
00:15:35,825 --> 00:15:37,315
I was blouse... browsing.
177
00:15:38,594 --> 00:15:40,585
For your wife or girlfriend?
178
00:15:42,598 --> 00:15:44,361
What? What happened?
179
00:15:50,973 --> 00:15:52,907
I guess it wouldn't be any...
180
00:15:54,377 --> 00:15:55,901
It wouldn't be
the Christmas shopping season...
181
00:15:55,978 --> 00:15:59,573
...if the stores were any less hooter
than they... Hotter than they are.
182
00:16:00,616 --> 00:16:01,776
It is warm in here.
183
00:16:01,884 --> 00:16:04,045
- When you have your coat on.
- Do I?
184
00:16:04,220 --> 00:16:06,415
- How did that happen?
- Because it's cold out.
185
00:16:06,489 --> 00:16:08,582
Yes. Yes.
186
00:16:08,658 --> 00:16:11,491
It is. It's a bit nipply out.
I mean, nippy out.
187
00:16:12,061 --> 00:16:13,790
What am I saying? Nipple?
188
00:16:14,630 --> 00:16:16,791
There is a nip in the air, though.
189
00:16:16,899 --> 00:16:18,992
Can I take something out for you?
190
00:16:28,144 --> 00:16:29,839
I was just, uh...
191
00:16:30,747 --> 00:16:33,147
I was looking at something for my wife.
192
00:16:33,416 --> 00:16:34,815
God rest her soul.
193
00:16:35,017 --> 00:16:36,609
Oh, God, I'm so sorry.
194
00:16:36,753 --> 00:16:40,086
Oh, no, no, she's not dead, yet.
We're just divorced.
195
00:16:40,857 --> 00:16:42,154
She's history.
196
00:16:42,225 --> 00:16:44,022
Obviously, she doesn't wear underwear...
197
00:16:44,093 --> 00:16:48,462
...there are plenty of shopping days
left until adultery... adulthood.
198
00:16:48,598 --> 00:16:52,034
Which is to say, Christmas,
as in Yule. Yule log.
199
00:16:52,368 --> 00:16:55,360
Not a log. I don't have a log, but I mean,
you know...
200
00:16:55,438 --> 00:16:58,737
...if I had a log. Not in the sense
you think I said I did.
201
00:17:00,543 --> 00:17:01,669
Good golly.
202
00:17:02,612 --> 00:17:04,443
'Tis the season to be merry.
203
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:05,908
Well, that's my name.
204
00:17:05,982 --> 00:17:07,142
No shit.
205
00:17:23,199 --> 00:17:25,394
These are cut really high on the hip.
206
00:17:25,468 --> 00:17:29,029
Look, I'm wearing something similar.
See? You can't see the line.
207
00:17:29,205 --> 00:17:32,231
- You can't see the line, can you, Russ?
- No.
208
00:17:39,582 --> 00:17:43,746
Look, Daddy, teacher says
every time a bell rings...
209
00:17:43,986 --> 00:17:46,147
...an angel gets his wings.
210
00:18:19,789 --> 00:18:21,051
Folks!
211
00:18:21,691 --> 00:18:22,851
Merry Christmas.
212
00:18:33,102 --> 00:18:34,933
Look how big you've gotten.
213
00:18:35,371 --> 00:18:37,032
Merry Christmas.
214
00:18:37,373 --> 00:18:38,704
Mom.
215
00:18:39,208 --> 00:18:40,698
Knock on the door.
216
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:45,572
Doesn't Nora look old?
217
00:18:45,715 --> 00:18:47,205
You promised, you promised...
218
00:18:47,283 --> 00:18:49,410
They took a pint of fluid
out of my lower back.
219
00:18:49,485 --> 00:18:52,818
You see this mole? This mole on my neck?
You think it's changing color?
220
00:18:52,889 --> 00:18:55,323
No. You keep touching it.
It's getting redder.
221
00:18:55,391 --> 00:18:56,756
I got hemorrhoids.
222
00:18:56,926 --> 00:18:57,824
Could you believe that?
223
00:18:57,894 --> 00:18:59,691
- Oh, Mother.
- Isn't that terrible?
224
00:18:59,896 --> 00:19:02,421
- You're not getting the space...
- After what you did to my car?
225
00:19:02,498 --> 00:19:04,659
I'm doing the parking.
Come and help me with the...
226
00:19:04,734 --> 00:19:07,862
Mom, they're not sleeping in my room.
I'm gonna go crazy...
227
00:19:07,937 --> 00:19:11,338
Sweetheart, your grandma Nora's got
a real painful burr on her heel.
228
00:19:11,407 --> 00:19:13,807
If you rub it for me,
I'll give you a quarter.
229
00:19:13,910 --> 00:19:16,743
- A quarter.
- And I'll give Audrey a quarter, too.
230
00:19:16,812 --> 00:19:19,440
I'm going to put my car in the garage!
231
00:19:19,515 --> 00:19:21,415
I'll park the cars.
232
00:19:22,818 --> 00:19:25,184
This is what Christmas is all about.
233
00:19:25,988 --> 00:19:29,981
I'll park the cars
and check the luggage, and...
234
00:19:30,426 --> 00:19:32,758
I'll be outside for the season.
235
00:19:36,432 --> 00:19:38,957
We'll have the best-looking house in town.
236
00:19:39,035 --> 00:19:40,866
I've always wanted to do this.
237
00:19:40,937 --> 00:19:42,666
That's a lot of lights, Dad.
238
00:19:42,738 --> 00:19:45,673
I'm sure it's a lot of work,
but if I'm out in the cold...
239
00:19:45,741 --> 00:19:47,971
...and I'm committed
to decorating the house...
240
00:19:48,044 --> 00:19:50,877
...l'm gonna do it right
and I'm gonna do it big.
241
00:19:51,781 --> 00:19:54,477
You want something
you can be proud of, don't you?
242
00:19:54,550 --> 00:19:55,949
Yeah, I guess so.
243
00:19:56,285 --> 00:19:57,946
Sure you do.
244
00:19:58,354 --> 00:20:00,788
You think you might be overdoing it, Dad?
245
00:20:00,856 --> 00:20:04,223
Russ, when was the last time
I overdid anything?
246
00:20:07,363 --> 00:20:09,354
Come on, unravel these.
247
00:20:10,633 --> 00:20:12,498
You have to check every bulb.
248
00:20:12,568 --> 00:20:15,230
A little knot here. You work on that.
249
00:20:17,139 --> 00:20:19,164
I'll get the other box.
250
00:20:31,988 --> 00:20:34,013
I hope he falls and breaks his neck.
251
00:20:34,090 --> 00:20:38,720
I'm sure he'll fall. But I don't think we're
lucky enough to have him break his neck.
252
00:20:41,163 --> 00:20:42,494
Let's go.
253
00:21:09,859 --> 00:21:14,694
These gusty winds appear to be playing
havoc with the giant nutcracker float.
254
00:21:14,930 --> 00:21:18,889
At this point, I can't even see the nuts.
They must have blown away.
255
00:21:19,301 --> 00:21:23,567
But nothing is going to dampen the spirit
of this holiday crowd, I can tell you that.
256
00:21:23,639 --> 00:21:26,130
Oh, here they are. Here come the nuts.
257
00:22:43,219 --> 00:22:46,985
Would it be indecent
to ask the grandparents to stay at a hotel?
258
00:22:48,224 --> 00:22:51,022
Can we at least forbid them
to answer the phone?
259
00:22:51,093 --> 00:22:53,857
Alexander called this morning
and Grandpa Clark told him...
260
00:22:53,929 --> 00:22:57,160
...I couldn't come to the phone
'cause I was going to the bathroom.
261
00:22:57,233 --> 00:22:59,394
We're all making sacrifices, Audrey.
262
00:22:59,735 --> 00:23:00,633
Everybody?
263
00:23:00,703 --> 00:23:04,730
Do you sleep with your brother? Do you
know how sick and twisted that is?
264
00:23:04,807 --> 00:23:08,971
I'm sleeping with your father.
Don't be so dramatic.
265
00:23:09,545 --> 00:23:13,914
I have nightmares about what he does in
bed alone when I'm not lying next to him.
266
00:23:14,150 --> 00:23:17,483
I don't know what to say
except it's Christmas...
267
00:23:17,920 --> 00:23:19,751
...and we're all in misery.
268
00:23:20,656 --> 00:23:23,216
Ellen, are you smoking again?
269
00:23:24,126 --> 00:23:25,559
No!
270
00:23:36,806 --> 00:23:39,274
Dad, where do you want these reindeer?
271
00:23:39,575 --> 00:23:41,770
Just put them on the lawn, Russ.
272
00:23:44,013 --> 00:23:45,913
I can't find the Santa Claus.
273
00:23:47,183 --> 00:23:50,084
It's in the basement. We'll get it later.
274
00:24:46,075 --> 00:24:48,407
Clark? Dinner's ready.
275
00:24:49,411 --> 00:24:51,641
Okay, honey. I'm starving.
276
00:25:10,766 --> 00:25:15,135
Obviously something broke the window.
Something hit the stereo.
277
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,542
And why is the carpet all wet, Todd?
278
00:25:27,683 --> 00:25:30,049
I don't know, Margo.
279
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,123
You wanna hurry this up, Clark?
I'm freezing my baguettes off.
280
00:25:41,196 --> 00:25:45,496
Two hundred and fifty strands of lights,
100 individual bulbs per strand...
281
00:25:45,901 --> 00:25:49,496
...for a grand total of 25,000
imported Italian twinkle lights.
282
00:25:51,907 --> 00:25:53,067
Twenty-five thousand.
283
00:25:53,208 --> 00:25:55,403
I hope nobody I know drives by...
284
00:25:55,577 --> 00:25:59,206
...and sees me standing in the yard,
staring at my house in my pajamas.
285
00:25:59,281 --> 00:26:02,409
If they know your dad,
they won't think anything of it.
286
00:26:02,484 --> 00:26:03,974
Fire it up!
287
00:26:05,220 --> 00:26:09,418
I dedicate this house
to the Griswold family Christmas.
288
00:26:12,628 --> 00:26:13,993
Drum roll, please.
289
00:26:16,632 --> 00:26:17,656
Drum roll.
290
00:26:32,448 --> 00:26:36,111
"Joy to the world."
291
00:26:50,466 --> 00:26:51,899
Beautiful, Clark.
292
00:26:52,868 --> 00:26:55,029
Talk about pissing your money away.
293
00:26:55,871 --> 00:27:00,274
I hope you kids see what a silly waste
of resources this was.
294
00:27:00,542 --> 00:27:02,533
He worked really hard, Grandma.
295
00:27:02,778 --> 00:27:04,541
So do washing machines.
296
00:27:09,485 --> 00:27:11,385
Let's get in where it's warm.
297
00:27:12,054 --> 00:27:16,718
Clark, baby, I can picture it
in my mind and it's breathtaking.
298
00:27:20,195 --> 00:27:21,355
Thanks, Mom.
299
00:27:22,064 --> 00:27:27,092
It's probably a bad bulb. You know, if
one goes out, the whole thing won't work.
300
00:27:27,336 --> 00:27:30,499
If I were you,
I'd personally check each one.
301
00:27:30,739 --> 00:27:32,070
I did that, Dad.
302
00:27:32,307 --> 00:27:36,175
If you need any help, give me a holler.
I'll be upstairs asleep.
303
00:27:38,247 --> 00:27:42,581
I'm sorry, Daddy. It looks good,
even if they're not lit.
304
00:27:44,186 --> 00:27:45,778
Thank you, sweetheart.
305
00:27:52,261 --> 00:27:54,923
Well, Dad, it was a good try.
306
00:27:55,264 --> 00:27:56,595
Thanks, Russ.
307
00:27:59,268 --> 00:28:01,634
We checked every bulb, didn't we?
308
00:28:03,338 --> 00:28:05,533
I'm sure of it.
309
00:28:08,644 --> 00:28:10,635
Maybe we ought to go up there and just...
310
00:28:10,712 --> 00:28:12,441
Geez! Look at the time.
311
00:28:13,348 --> 00:28:14,838
I have to go to bed.
312
00:28:15,350 --> 00:28:17,250
Brush my teeth, feed the hog.
313
00:28:17,352 --> 00:28:21,584
I still got some homework to do,
do the laundry, wash the car...
314
00:28:27,563 --> 00:28:29,622
Don't stay up too late.
315
00:28:51,153 --> 00:28:53,519
Get off me, you little fungus.
316
00:30:54,710 --> 00:30:57,201
Where the hell is that cold coming from?
317
00:31:20,235 --> 00:31:23,227
- I need just a few more...
- Pay by check, if you can.
318
00:31:23,739 --> 00:31:26,731
- Not a card?
- No, it's a hassle if you have to return.
319
00:31:33,749 --> 00:31:34,579
Help!
320
00:31:34,650 --> 00:31:36,914
Daddy. Is Clark coming?
321
00:31:36,985 --> 00:31:38,247
How the hell would I know?
322
00:31:38,320 --> 00:31:39,287
Is he in the house?
323
00:31:39,354 --> 00:31:42,255
If he's not farting around
with the lights, he must be.
324
00:31:42,324 --> 00:31:45,191
I'm sure he wants to come shopping
and have lunch with us.
325
00:31:45,260 --> 00:31:50,163
He's got another car. He can drive.
I have to eat so I can take my back pill.
326
00:35:52,374 --> 00:35:55,138
I want to take off these clothes,
sit with a glass of wine...
327
00:35:55,210 --> 00:35:57,144
...and kiss every inch of your body.
328
00:35:57,212 --> 00:36:00,045
- After you shower, of course.
- Of course.
329
00:36:16,398 --> 00:36:18,832
- Sparky?
- Yes, honey.
330
00:36:27,876 --> 00:36:31,334
Are you out here for a reason,
or are you just avoiding the family?
331
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:34,513
I still have a couple hundred
more bulbs to check.
332
00:36:35,450 --> 00:36:37,350
Meantime, I can light the Santa...
333
00:36:37,419 --> 00:36:40,684
...and the eight tiny reindeer
and the "Merry Christmas" sign.
334
00:36:40,755 --> 00:36:43,246
That should look good. Ready?
335
00:36:43,525 --> 00:36:45,186
Want me to do the drum roll thing?
336
00:36:45,260 --> 00:36:47,353
No, it's okay. Here goes nothing.
337
00:36:55,103 --> 00:36:56,730
I don't understand it.
338
00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:01,671
The house lights don't work,
the floodlights don't work.
339
00:37:03,945 --> 00:37:05,435
Is it plugged in?
340
00:37:05,780 --> 00:37:08,613
Do you think I would check
thousands of tiny lights...
341
00:37:08,683 --> 00:37:11,743
...if I wasn't sure
the extension cord was plugged in?
342
00:37:13,622 --> 00:37:16,113
You used more than one cord, didn't you?
343
00:37:18,460 --> 00:37:22,328
Maybe the kids have been fooling around
with it. I'll check in the back.
344
00:37:43,251 --> 00:37:44,218
Clark!
345
00:37:46,821 --> 00:37:48,550
- Todd!
- Sorry!
346
00:37:52,193 --> 00:37:54,593
Honey, I think I know what's wrong.
347
00:38:10,178 --> 00:38:11,338
I can't see!
348
00:38:30,031 --> 00:38:31,430
This ought to do it.
349
00:38:45,180 --> 00:38:46,169
I fixed it!
350
00:38:49,718 --> 00:38:52,551
Everybody! Come out quick!
Look at the lights!
351
00:39:01,596 --> 00:39:03,564
- Get a towel.
- Okay!
352
00:39:07,302 --> 00:39:09,065
Wait a minute! I don't believe this.
353
00:39:09,137 --> 00:39:11,435
What's all that yelling about?
354
00:39:13,241 --> 00:39:14,833
What's going on here?!
355
00:39:16,911 --> 00:39:18,742
Twenty-five thousand twinkle lights.
356
00:39:20,582 --> 00:39:22,072
What's he doing?
357
00:39:22,317 --> 00:39:23,944
I haven't the foggiest.
358
00:39:26,154 --> 00:39:27,746
What the hell?!
359
00:39:28,490 --> 00:39:30,549
What is wrong with this?!
360
00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:33,818
Damn it!
361
00:39:38,500 --> 00:39:39,899
You goddamn thing!
362
00:40:12,801 --> 00:40:14,359
Dad, it's beautiful!
363
00:40:30,318 --> 00:40:32,218
Oh, my carpet!
364
00:40:41,896 --> 00:40:43,830
Clark, it's so lovely.
365
00:40:47,168 --> 00:40:50,001
You deserve a home like this
to spend Christmas in.
366
00:40:53,174 --> 00:40:55,665
It's a beaut, Clark. A beaut.
367
00:40:57,846 --> 00:41:00,838
You taught me everything I know
about exterior illumination.
368
00:41:00,915 --> 00:41:02,678
Thank you, thank you.
369
00:41:03,918 --> 00:41:05,317
Russ. Audrey.
370
00:41:09,691 --> 00:41:12,023
Dear... Francis.
371
00:41:14,863 --> 00:41:17,696
I hope this adds
to your enjoyment of the holidays.
372
00:41:18,032 --> 00:41:20,023
It's just wonderful.
373
00:41:22,370 --> 00:41:23,530
Arthur.
374
00:41:24,539 --> 00:41:25,528
Art.
375
00:41:27,208 --> 00:41:28,368
Dad.
376
00:41:28,877 --> 00:41:30,435
Thanks for being here.
377
00:41:30,712 --> 00:41:33,146
The little lights are not twinkling.
378
00:41:33,214 --> 00:41:35,876
I know, Art, and thanks for noticing.
379
00:41:40,388 --> 00:41:42,879
The house sure does look swell, Clark.
380
00:41:42,957 --> 00:41:44,288
Thanks, Eddie.
381
00:41:44,726 --> 00:41:48,890
I hope it enhances your holiday spirit.
Dear Catherine.
382
00:41:49,230 --> 00:41:50,857
Eddie?
383
00:41:52,133 --> 00:41:54,624
The house is gorgeous, Clark.
384
00:41:55,737 --> 00:41:56,897
Eddie?
385
00:41:57,405 --> 00:42:00,397
I hope you didn't do this
all on our account, Clark.
386
00:42:00,742 --> 00:42:04,337
Kids, come on out here and see
what Uncle Clark's done to the house.
387
00:42:04,412 --> 00:42:05,470
Eddie?
388
00:42:12,921 --> 00:42:13,888
Eddie?
389
00:42:16,758 --> 00:42:19,750
If you don't remember, this here is Rocky.
390
00:42:20,995 --> 00:42:24,431
- Have you got a kiss for me?
- Take a rain check on that, Art.
391
00:42:24,499 --> 00:42:27,332
He's got a lip fungus
that ain't identified yet.
392
00:42:30,038 --> 00:42:32,029
You remember Ruby Sue?
393
00:42:34,442 --> 00:42:36,273
Oh, my gosh!
394
00:42:38,112 --> 00:42:39,909
Her eyes are not crossed anymore.
395
00:42:39,981 --> 00:42:41,448
That somethin', ain't it?
396
00:42:41,516 --> 00:42:43,609
She falls in a well, her eyes go cross.
397
00:42:43,685 --> 00:42:47,121
A mule kicks her, they go back to normal.
I don't know.
398
00:42:50,792 --> 00:42:52,953
And this here is our pride and joy.
399
00:42:53,027 --> 00:42:54,460
Snots.
400
00:42:55,363 --> 00:42:56,523
Pretty name.
401
00:42:56,631 --> 00:42:59,691
We named him that
'cause he's got this sinus condition.
402
00:43:00,468 --> 00:43:03,801
Snots, you roll over
and let Uncle Clark scratch your belly.
403
00:43:05,974 --> 00:43:09,307
You never seen a set on a dog
like this one's got, Clark.
404
00:43:10,144 --> 00:43:11,771
That's okay, Eddie.
405
00:43:12,146 --> 00:43:14,808
That's somethin', ain't it?
You pet him on the belly...
406
00:43:14,882 --> 00:43:17,077
...and he'll love you till the day you die.
407
00:43:17,151 --> 00:43:19,745
I really shouldn't.
My hands are all chapped.
408
00:43:20,321 --> 00:43:24,985
We were going to call,
but Eddie wanted to make it a surprise.
409
00:43:25,226 --> 00:43:26,557
You surprised?
410
00:43:26,828 --> 00:43:27,852
Surprised, Eddie?
411
00:43:28,162 --> 00:43:30,460
If I woke up tomorrow
with my head sewn to the carpet...
412
00:43:30,631 --> 00:43:33,065
...I wouldn't be more surprised
than I am right now.
413
00:43:35,336 --> 00:43:37,327
We have plenty of room.
414
00:43:39,507 --> 00:43:43,068
Plenty of towels. Plenty of everything.
415
00:43:44,679 --> 00:43:48,672
We're pretty well set up here in the RV.
It's a little tight but...
416
00:43:49,250 --> 00:43:50,774
...we didn't come to impose.
417
00:43:50,852 --> 00:43:52,683
There's plenty of room.
418
00:43:53,121 --> 00:43:55,180
Quit being so damn polite, Ed.
419
00:43:55,990 --> 00:44:01,257
Catherine and I are pretty comfy in there,
but maybe you folks wouldn't mind...
420
00:44:01,329 --> 00:44:03,024
...the youngsters shacking up with you.
421
00:44:03,097 --> 00:44:04,928
After that long drive...
422
00:44:05,033 --> 00:44:07,695
...we could use
a little private time together.
423
00:44:08,536 --> 00:44:13,803
Honey, why don't you get the kids' things.
Don't forget the rubber sheets and gerbils.
424
00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:15,706
I'll show you the home.
425
00:44:53,815 --> 00:44:55,806
That's a honey of a tree, Clark.
426
00:44:56,751 --> 00:44:57,911
Is it real?
427
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:00,683
I dug it out of the ground myself.
428
00:45:00,755 --> 00:45:02,086
Is that a fact?
429
00:45:02,590 --> 00:45:04,285
Get out of there, Snots!
430
00:45:04,358 --> 00:45:05,347
Don't worry about it.
431
00:45:05,426 --> 00:45:07,951
A little tree water ain't gonna hurt him.
432
00:45:08,096 --> 00:45:11,031
Before we left, he drank
a half a quart of Pennzoil.
433
00:45:11,099 --> 00:45:13,932
He lifted his leg the next mornin'...
434
00:45:16,304 --> 00:45:19,171
If he drinks the water out of there,
the tree's gonna dry up.
435
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:20,935
Come on out of there.
436
00:45:22,276 --> 00:45:26,770
Get out of there. Go in the kitchen
and get something to eat.
437
00:45:27,515 --> 00:45:29,210
He's cute, ain't he?
438
00:45:29,283 --> 00:45:33,185
Only problem is, he's got
a little bit of Mississippi leg hound in him.
439
00:45:33,454 --> 00:45:37,686
If the mood catches him right,
he'll grab your leg and just go to town.
440
00:45:38,960 --> 00:45:42,794
You don't want him around
if you're wearing short pants.
441
00:45:43,965 --> 00:45:45,455
A word of warning, though.
442
00:45:45,533 --> 00:45:48,764
If he does lay into you,
it's best to just let him finish.
443
00:45:51,472 --> 00:45:55,067
I can't believe you're actually
standing here in my living room, Eddie.
444
00:45:55,343 --> 00:45:56,810
Never thought the day would come.
445
00:45:56,878 --> 00:45:58,709
I'm excited about it, too.
446
00:45:59,814 --> 00:46:02,647
It's a cryin' shame
the older kids couldn't make it.
447
00:46:06,387 --> 00:46:08,821
I'll get that.
Don't worry about it. It's okay.
448
00:46:13,127 --> 00:46:17,325
I got the daughter in the clinic
getting cured off the Wild Turkey.
449
00:46:18,266 --> 00:46:22,066
The older boy, bless his soul,
is preparing for his career.
450
00:46:22,670 --> 00:46:24,228
- College?
- Carnival.
451
00:46:25,339 --> 00:46:26,601
You gotta be proud.
452
00:46:28,176 --> 00:46:32,374
Last season, he was a pixie dust spreader
on the Tilt-O-Whirl.
453
00:46:32,680 --> 00:46:35,843
He thinks that maybe next year,
he'll be guessing people's weight...
454
00:46:35,917 --> 00:46:37,976
...or barking for the Yak Woman.
455
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:41,454
- You ever see her?
- No.
456
00:46:41,522 --> 00:46:44,855
She got these big horns
growing right out above her ears.
457
00:46:45,092 --> 00:46:47,583
She's ugly as sin, but a sweet gal.
458
00:46:47,662 --> 00:46:48,856
And a hell of a good cook.
459
00:46:48,930 --> 00:46:51,626
Can I refill your eggnog for you?
Get you something to eat?
460
00:46:51,699 --> 00:46:54,190
Drive you out to the middle of nowhere
and leave you for dead?
461
00:46:54,268 --> 00:46:56,429
No, I'm doing just fine.
462
00:46:57,004 --> 00:46:58,369
Just glad to be here.
463
00:47:00,041 --> 00:47:02,703
When did you get
the tenement on wheels?
464
00:47:03,544 --> 00:47:06,377
Oh, that? That's an RV.
465
00:47:07,848 --> 00:47:09,543
I borrowed it off a buddy of mine.
466
00:47:09,617 --> 00:47:12,450
He took my house, I took the RV.
467
00:47:13,387 --> 00:47:15,378
It's a good-looking vehicle, ain't it?
468
00:47:16,057 --> 00:47:17,991
It looks so nice parked in the driveway.
469
00:47:18,059 --> 00:47:21,392
It sure does.
Don't you go falling in love with it.
470
00:47:22,129 --> 00:47:25,223
We're taking it with us
when we leave here next month.
471
00:47:35,076 --> 00:47:37,909
Get Ed Leftic up here
to look over these figures!
472
00:47:38,479 --> 00:47:40,640
Retooling. That's a great excuse.
473
00:47:42,750 --> 00:47:45,082
Retooling?! I'll retool you!
474
00:47:48,089 --> 00:47:50,080
Mr. Shirley, Merry Christmas.
475
00:47:50,491 --> 00:47:51,753
Who's that?
476
00:47:52,693 --> 00:47:54,354
It's me, Clark Griswold.
477
00:47:54,595 --> 00:47:55,994
What do you want?
478
00:47:57,098 --> 00:48:01,432
My wife and I just came up with
a little something special. It's a gift.
479
00:48:02,503 --> 00:48:05,097
Put it over there
with the others, Greaseball.
480
00:48:15,783 --> 00:48:20,243
By the way, I hope my report helped out
at the trade show.
481
00:48:25,126 --> 00:48:27,117
I'm sure it did, Grisball.
482
00:48:27,862 --> 00:48:31,195
If you'll excuse me,
I'm in the middle of an important call.
483
00:48:32,133 --> 00:48:33,498
Get me somebody.
484
00:48:33,634 --> 00:48:34,862
Anybody.
485
00:48:36,570 --> 00:48:38,231
And get me somebody while I'm waiting.
486
00:48:51,218 --> 00:48:55,382
This is a new non-caloric,
silicon-based kitchen lubricant...
487
00:48:55,489 --> 00:48:56,820
...my company's been working on.
488
00:48:56,891 --> 00:49:00,588
It creates a surface 500 times
more slippery than cooking oil.
489
00:49:00,661 --> 00:49:03,095
We'll fly down the hill with this stuff.
490
00:49:03,497 --> 00:49:05,556
Has anyone ever used it on a sled?
491
00:49:05,633 --> 00:49:07,100
Not that I know of.
492
00:49:09,670 --> 00:49:12,662
Don't go puttin' none of that stuff
on my sled, Clark.
493
00:49:13,007 --> 00:49:16,340
- You know the metal plate in my head?
- How could I forget it.
494
00:49:16,510 --> 00:49:20,344
I had it replaced. Every time
Catherine raved up the microwave...
495
00:49:20,481 --> 00:49:23,314
...l'd piss in my pants
and forget who I was.
496
00:49:23,684 --> 00:49:26,585
Over at the V.A., they had it replaced
with a plastic one.
497
00:49:26,854 --> 00:49:28,845
That ain't as strong, so...
498
00:49:29,357 --> 00:49:31,518
I shouldn't go sailing down a hill...
499
00:49:31,592 --> 00:49:33,856
...with nothing between
the ground and my brain...
500
00:49:33,928 --> 00:49:36,158
...but a piece of government plastic.
501
00:49:37,698 --> 00:49:39,461
You really think it matters, Eddie?
502
00:49:39,533 --> 00:49:42,366
The plate runs right underneath my part.
503
00:49:44,372 --> 00:49:46,704
Over here is nothing, but...
504
00:49:47,041 --> 00:49:51,876
...if this gets dented,
then my hair just ain't going to look right.
505
00:49:54,548 --> 00:49:56,015
I know the feeling.
506
00:49:57,385 --> 00:49:59,853
I better try this first. See how it works.
507
00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:01,751
Be careful there, Clark.
508
00:50:01,822 --> 00:50:03,756
Nothing to worry about, Eddie.
509
00:50:03,891 --> 00:50:08,294
Going for a new, amateur-recreational-
saucer-sled land-speed record...
510
00:50:08,729 --> 00:50:11,220
Clark W. Griswold, Junior!
511
00:50:11,899 --> 00:50:15,232
Remember, don't try this at home, kids.
I am a professional.
512
00:50:18,406 --> 00:50:19,737
Later, dudes.
513
00:50:21,075 --> 00:50:23,066
Let her rip. Hang ten.
514
00:50:40,795 --> 00:50:42,228
It's great! I'm dead!
515
00:51:28,476 --> 00:51:29,636
Bingo.
516
00:51:42,656 --> 00:51:44,590
- You're staying late?
- Hi, Bill.
517
00:51:44,658 --> 00:51:45,989
Yeah. Just...
518
00:51:46,660 --> 00:51:50,152
...finishing up a few things.
Last day of the year for me.
519
00:51:50,831 --> 00:51:53,664
Have a really Merry Christmas.
520
00:51:55,002 --> 00:51:56,060
You, too.
521
00:51:58,572 --> 00:51:59,698
You okay?
522
00:52:00,774 --> 00:52:01,763
Yeah.
523
00:52:03,511 --> 00:52:06,002
Bill, did you get your bonus yet?
524
00:52:06,347 --> 00:52:08,247
Just talked to my son.
525
00:52:08,616 --> 00:52:11,449
Company messenger just brought
something to my house.
526
00:52:11,919 --> 00:52:14,319
Nothing like waiting
till the last minute, huh?
527
00:52:15,523 --> 00:52:16,785
You get yours?
528
00:52:18,859 --> 00:52:21,555
If it isn't at the house,
I'm sure it must be on its way.
529
00:52:21,629 --> 00:52:25,463
If I don't get that bonus,
I'm in it up to here.
530
00:52:25,866 --> 00:52:27,629
Don't sweat it. It'll come.
531
00:52:27,701 --> 00:52:28,963
Merry Christmas.
532
00:52:29,036 --> 00:52:30,264
Same to you.
533
00:52:50,391 --> 00:52:54,225
"'Mele Kalikimaka' is the thing to say
534
00:52:54,895 --> 00:52:56,886
"On a bright Hawaiian
535
00:52:57,131 --> 00:52:58,792
"Christmas day.
536
00:52:59,900 --> 00:53:02,061
"That's the island greeting
537
00:53:02,236 --> 00:53:05,296
"That we send to you
From the land
538
00:53:06,073 --> 00:53:08,405
"Where palm trees sway.
539
00:53:09,376 --> 00:53:11,367
"Here we know that Christmas
540
00:53:11,612 --> 00:53:13,341
"Will be green and bright
541
00:53:13,814 --> 00:53:16,078
"The sun to shine by day
542
00:53:16,250 --> 00:53:18,241
"And all the stars at night.
543
00:53:18,652 --> 00:53:22,816
"'Mele Kalikimaka' is Hawaii's way
544
00:53:23,157 --> 00:53:26,320
"To say 'Merry Christmas' to you."
545
00:54:41,568 --> 00:54:42,899
Santy Claus?
546
00:54:44,004 --> 00:54:46,336
Uncle Clark, are you Santy Claus?
547
00:54:46,607 --> 00:54:47,471
What?
548
00:54:51,345 --> 00:54:52,835
What? You scared me.
549
00:54:54,915 --> 00:54:56,849
No, I'm not Santa Claus.
550
00:55:00,354 --> 00:55:01,582
I wish I was.
551
00:55:03,857 --> 00:55:05,984
What are you doing up, sweetheart?
552
00:55:07,695 --> 00:55:09,356
Rocky bit my thumb.
553
00:55:10,030 --> 00:55:12,863
Him's nervous
because Christmas is almost here.
554
00:55:14,034 --> 00:55:15,501
Nervous or excited?
555
00:55:16,036 --> 00:55:17,367
Shittin' bricks.
556
00:55:18,706 --> 00:55:20,196
You shouldn't use that word.
557
00:55:20,274 --> 00:55:22,765
Sorry. Shittin' rocks.
558
00:55:25,546 --> 00:55:29,004
Him's nervous because he don't know
if he's gettin' nothin'.
559
00:55:31,985 --> 00:55:35,216
I don't think he should be nervous,
and you shouldn't be, either.
560
00:55:35,289 --> 00:55:38,122
'Cause if you're good, Santa knows it.
561
00:55:38,959 --> 00:55:41,325
If you believe in him and in your mom...
562
00:55:41,395 --> 00:55:43,090
...and you believe in...
563
00:55:43,397 --> 00:55:44,728
...your dad...
564
00:55:45,899 --> 00:55:50,461
...and you've been good all year round,
Santa Claus will bring you something.
565
00:55:51,071 --> 00:55:54,234
Sometimes I think
all that Santa crap is just bull.
566
00:55:54,742 --> 00:55:58,075
If he was so real, how come
we didn't get squat last year?
567
00:55:58,312 --> 00:56:01,748
We didn't do nothin' wrong
and we still got the shaft.
568
00:56:01,915 --> 00:56:05,908
Well, I happen to know for a fact
that Santa Claus is real.
569
00:56:06,653 --> 00:56:08,746
And in the next couple of days...
570
00:56:09,256 --> 00:56:11,588
...somehow, I'm gonna prove it to you.
571
00:56:12,926 --> 00:56:15,986
Every year, he comes to our house.
I've seen him.
572
00:56:17,264 --> 00:56:18,322
It's true?
573
00:56:18,599 --> 00:56:19,930
Cross my heart.
574
00:56:23,670 --> 00:56:25,865
It's a good idea you came to stay with us.
575
00:56:25,939 --> 00:56:30,103
I love it here. You don't gotta put on
your coat to go to the bathroom.
576
00:56:30,277 --> 00:56:33,110
And your house is always parked
in the same place.
577
00:56:36,617 --> 00:56:38,949
I think you better go back to bed, now.
578
00:56:42,790 --> 00:56:44,917
Okay. How come you ain't sleeping?
579
00:56:46,627 --> 00:56:48,788
I was looking for something.
580
00:56:52,466 --> 00:56:56,527
You didn't notice if a man came here
and delivered a letter today, did you?
581
00:56:57,204 --> 00:56:59,035
Nope. How come?
582
00:56:59,306 --> 00:57:00,967
Just wondering.
583
00:57:06,647 --> 00:57:08,808
Now you get back to bed. Come here.
584
00:57:15,622 --> 00:57:18,420
Are you sure you ain't Santy Claus?
585
00:57:19,660 --> 00:57:20,684
I'm sure.
586
00:57:26,033 --> 00:57:28,001
I can't even afford to be an elf.
587
00:57:39,179 --> 00:57:43,343
I had two containers of K-rations...
two containers...
588
00:57:43,684 --> 00:57:47,120
...and I had Spam until
it was coming out of my ears!
589
00:57:58,365 --> 00:58:00,230
Aren't you having any breakfast?
590
00:58:00,300 --> 00:58:01,961
No. Not in the mood.
591
00:58:03,537 --> 00:58:05,232
What are you looking at?
592
00:58:07,708 --> 00:58:10,871
The silent majesty of a winter's morn.
The clean...
593
00:58:11,044 --> 00:58:13,137
...cool chill of the holiday air.
594
00:58:13,313 --> 00:58:16,976
An asshole, in a bathrobe,
emptying a chemical toilet into my sewer.
595
00:58:22,289 --> 00:58:23,813
The shitter was full.
596
00:58:24,725 --> 00:58:26,659
Have you checked our shitters, honey?
597
00:58:26,727 --> 00:58:29,218
Clark, please.
He doesn't know any better.
598
00:58:29,563 --> 00:58:31,758
He ought to know it's illegal.
It's a storm sewer.
599
00:58:31,832 --> 00:58:36,235
If it fills with gas, I pity the person
who lights a match within ten yards of it.
600
00:58:58,759 --> 00:59:00,420
Merry Christmas.
601
00:59:00,861 --> 00:59:02,385
The shitter was full.
602
00:59:17,277 --> 00:59:21,646
I have this suspicion that Catherine and
Eddie don't have presents for their kids.
603
00:59:21,715 --> 00:59:26,379
Rocky said Eddie told him
Santa Claus wasn't coming this year.
604
00:59:28,455 --> 00:59:33,392
Ruby Sue said the same thing last night.
How can they have nothing for their kids?
605
00:59:33,460 --> 00:59:35,553
He's been out of work
for almost seven years.
606
00:59:35,629 --> 00:59:37,893
In seven years he couldn't find a job?
607
00:59:37,965 --> 00:59:41,799
Catherine says he's been holding out
for a management position.
608
00:59:45,806 --> 00:59:47,569
So, how's the live bait business?
609
00:59:47,641 --> 00:59:50,474
I can't complain. How you doing?
610
00:59:51,144 --> 00:59:52,805
Not that good, actually.
611
00:59:53,080 --> 00:59:56,743
Your company kill off all them people
in India not long ago?
612
00:59:56,984 --> 00:59:59,248
No, we missed out on that one.
613
00:59:59,753 --> 01:00:02,244
You're pretty set so far as shopping goes?
614
01:00:02,656 --> 01:00:04,988
Well, I can't lie to you, Clark.
615
01:00:05,325 --> 01:00:07,919
The truth is, things ain't goin'
too good at all.
616
01:00:07,995 --> 01:00:11,431
You know I told you I borrowed
the RV from a neighbor?
617
01:00:12,065 --> 01:00:13,054
It's mine.
618
01:00:13,633 --> 01:00:14,827
We live in it.
619
01:00:15,102 --> 01:00:18,663
I had to sell off the house,
the barn, the ten acres...
620
01:00:19,673 --> 01:00:24,167
All I kept was a 50-foot plot,
the pigs and the worm farm.
621
01:00:26,513 --> 01:00:30,176
If I only had back the money
me and Catherine sent that TV preacher...
622
01:00:30,250 --> 01:00:32,650
...that was screwin' the hockey players.
623
01:00:33,854 --> 01:00:35,185
What about the kids?
624
01:00:35,655 --> 01:00:37,680
His kids can fend for themselves.
625
01:00:37,958 --> 01:00:39,289
Your kids.
626
01:00:40,594 --> 01:00:43,324
That's the bitch of it.
I don't know what to do.
627
01:00:43,363 --> 01:00:47,857
We coasted into town on fumes.
The gas money give out in Guerney.
628
01:00:52,105 --> 01:00:55,302
Ellen and I want to help you
give the kids a nice Christmas.
629
01:00:55,375 --> 01:00:57,536
No, Clark, I couldn't do that.
630
01:00:58,078 --> 01:00:59,136
We insist.
631
01:00:59,379 --> 01:01:01,813
No, I'm not one for charity.
632
01:01:02,049 --> 01:01:05,485
I know that, Eddie.
This isn't charity. It's family.
633
01:01:07,721 --> 01:01:09,655
I don't know about that.
634
01:01:09,890 --> 01:01:13,883
Now, come on, if you don't tell me
what they want, I'll get it on my own.
635
01:01:19,066 --> 01:01:20,897
This is a surprise, Clark.
636
01:01:21,568 --> 01:01:23,729
This is a real nice surprise.
637
01:01:24,671 --> 01:01:27,231
Just a real nice surprise.
638
01:01:32,479 --> 01:01:33,503
Here's a list.
639
01:01:33,580 --> 01:01:36,071
Alphabetical, starting with Catherine.
640
01:01:36,583 --> 01:01:40,417
If it wouldn't be too much,
I'd like to get something for you, Clark.
641
01:01:40,554 --> 01:01:43,045
Something really nice.
642
01:02:00,740 --> 01:02:02,537
Is your house on fire, Clark?
643
01:02:02,776 --> 01:02:04,801
No Bethany, those are Christmas lights.
644
01:02:04,878 --> 01:02:06,675
Don't throw me down, Clark.
645
01:02:06,780 --> 01:02:08,111
I'll try not to.
646
01:02:08,782 --> 01:02:10,613
Is this the airport?
647
01:02:10,884 --> 01:02:12,112
We're here!
648
01:02:12,219 --> 01:02:15,780
Me and Bethany figured out
the perfect gift for you.
649
01:02:15,889 --> 01:02:18,722
Uncle Louis, you didn't have to
buy me anything.
650
01:02:18,792 --> 01:02:21,124
Damn it, Bethany, he guessed it.
651
01:02:21,795 --> 01:02:23,387
That was fun.
652
01:02:23,797 --> 01:02:26,129
I love riding in cars.
653
01:02:27,134 --> 01:02:29,466
When did you move to Florida?
654
01:02:32,572 --> 01:02:34,938
Are you still dating Clark?
655
01:02:38,578 --> 01:02:40,739
You know you shouldn't have done that.
656
01:02:40,814 --> 01:02:43,305
Oh, dear. Did I break wind?
657
01:02:43,984 --> 01:02:48,011
Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany?
Hell, no.
658
01:02:48,155 --> 01:02:51,249
She means presents.
You shouldn't have bought presents.
659
01:02:51,324 --> 01:02:55,260
It isn't every day somebody moves
into a new house.
660
01:02:55,428 --> 01:02:57,589
They didn't move into a new house.
661
01:02:59,900 --> 01:03:01,128
In the living room.
662
01:03:03,170 --> 01:03:05,502
This house is bigger than your old one.
663
01:03:07,240 --> 01:03:09,401
Is Rusty still in the Navy?
664
01:03:10,677 --> 01:03:15,011
Why don't you go into the living room
and say hello to everybody?
665
01:03:15,348 --> 01:03:18,442
Hello, everybody! I should say it?
666
01:03:22,722 --> 01:03:24,121
- Mom?
- What?
667
01:03:24,524 --> 01:03:26,355
This box is meowing.
668
01:03:33,166 --> 01:03:34,793
She wrapped up her damn cat.
669
01:03:35,035 --> 01:03:37,970
- Take it in the kitchen. Open it up.
- And have a cat running around?
670
01:03:38,038 --> 01:03:39,471
We can't leave it in the box.
671
01:03:39,539 --> 01:03:42,030
Why would somebody wrap up
a cat in a box?
672
01:03:42,375 --> 01:03:44,343
She gets confused. She's old.
673
01:03:44,444 --> 01:03:47,538
They don't have much money,
so she takes things from the house...
674
01:03:47,614 --> 01:03:49,775
...wraps them up,
gives them away as presents.
675
01:03:49,849 --> 01:03:51,407
Can't wait to see what I got!
676
01:03:51,484 --> 01:03:53,145
This one here...
677
01:03:53,386 --> 01:03:54,648
...is leaking.
678
01:04:00,794 --> 01:04:01,522
Lime.
679
01:04:01,995 --> 01:04:03,462
It's her Jell-O mold.
680
01:04:03,530 --> 01:04:07,728
I'll take it, Eddie. Go into
the living room and enjoy yourself.
681
01:04:11,004 --> 01:04:12,733
Let's go find your sister.
682
01:04:33,960 --> 01:04:35,120
Before we begin...
683
01:04:35,795 --> 01:04:38,423
...since this is Aunt Bethany's
80th Christmas...
684
01:04:38,932 --> 01:04:41,901
...I think she should lead us
in the saying of grace.
685
01:04:46,039 --> 01:04:47,165
What, dear?
686
01:04:49,242 --> 01:04:50,072
Grace!
687
01:04:51,611 --> 01:04:55,012
Grace? She passed away 30 years ago.
688
01:04:56,049 --> 01:04:58,279
They want you to say grace.
689
01:05:01,121 --> 01:05:03,282
The blessing.
690
01:05:20,173 --> 01:05:21,572
"I pledge allegiance...
691
01:05:21,808 --> 01:05:25,471
"...to the flag of
the United States of America...
692
01:05:25,912 --> 01:05:27,573
"...and to the republic...
693
01:05:27,814 --> 01:05:32,080
"...for which it stands,
one nation under God, indivisible...
694
01:05:32,652 --> 01:05:35,985
"...with liberty and justice for all."
695
01:05:38,158 --> 01:05:38,886
Amen.
696
01:05:45,165 --> 01:05:49,101
Catherine, if this turkey tastes
half as good as it looks...
697
01:05:49,336 --> 01:05:51,930
...I think we're all
in for a very big treat.
698
01:05:56,109 --> 01:05:57,940
Save the neck for me, Clark.
699
01:06:14,461 --> 01:06:15,621
I'm sorry.
700
01:06:16,663 --> 01:06:17,721
Why are you crying?
701
01:06:17,797 --> 01:06:20,288
I told you we put it in too early.
702
01:06:20,934 --> 01:06:23,198
It's just a little dry. It's fine.
703
01:06:25,939 --> 01:06:26,997
Here's the heart.
704
01:07:28,001 --> 01:07:29,298
Aunt Bethany...
705
01:07:30,937 --> 01:07:33,064
Does your cat happen to eat Jell-O?
706
01:07:35,375 --> 01:07:37,275
I don't know about the cat...
707
01:07:37,677 --> 01:07:39,042
...but I'm enjoying it.
708
01:07:52,392 --> 01:07:53,222
Kids...
709
01:07:54,127 --> 01:07:55,219
...I heard on the news...
710
01:07:55,295 --> 01:07:59,925
...that an airline pilot spotted Santa's sled
on its way in from New York.
711
01:08:05,805 --> 01:08:07,033
You serious, Clark?
712
01:08:10,076 --> 01:08:13,568
Load me up with a little more there.
It's good.
713
01:08:24,424 --> 01:08:26,153
What's wrong with the dog?
714
01:08:29,829 --> 01:08:34,596
He's just yackin' on a bone.
He's got it up. He's all right now.
715
01:08:36,402 --> 01:08:38,962
Maybe if you wouldn't feed him
from the table...
716
01:08:40,507 --> 01:08:42,168
No.
717
01:08:43,009 --> 01:08:46,001
He's probably just nosing
through the trash.
718
01:08:56,155 --> 01:08:58,521
If you're not doing anything constructive...
719
01:08:58,591 --> 01:09:01,219
...run into the living room, get my stogie.
720
01:09:02,695 --> 01:09:05,630
Is there anything else
I can do for you, Uncle Louis?
721
01:09:06,065 --> 01:09:08,431
He's an old man.
This may be his last Christmas.
722
01:09:09,636 --> 01:09:12,366
He keeps it up,
it will be his last Christmas.
723
01:09:46,105 --> 01:09:47,402
That should be it.
724
01:10:03,823 --> 01:10:06,383
I told you, you had
too many plugs in one outlet.
725
01:10:08,962 --> 01:10:09,894
What is it?
726
01:10:12,165 --> 01:10:15,100
Nothing. Let's go in
and finish our dessert.
727
01:10:17,870 --> 01:10:20,930
If that thing had nine lives,
she just spent them all.
728
01:10:25,945 --> 01:10:29,938
If you don't mind,
I'd like to try to fumigate this here chair.
729
01:10:30,650 --> 01:10:32,447
It's a good quality item.
730
01:10:34,554 --> 01:10:38,615
If you don't mind me askin',
how much it set you back?
731
01:10:39,659 --> 01:10:41,251
Do you smell something?
732
01:10:43,529 --> 01:10:44,962
Fried pussycat.
733
01:10:47,700 --> 01:10:51,329
It's not the chair, it's some kind
of gas coming from the sewer.
734
01:11:41,320 --> 01:11:42,617
My tree!
735
01:11:44,824 --> 01:11:46,849
So, what's the matter with you?
736
01:11:47,860 --> 01:11:49,953
Look what you've done to my tree!
737
01:12:05,344 --> 01:12:07,312
It was an ugly tree anyway.
738
01:12:08,147 --> 01:12:10,206
At least it's out of its misery.
739
01:12:10,883 --> 01:12:12,908
- Dad's gonna flip out.
- Nobody's gonna flip out.
740
01:12:12,985 --> 01:12:15,453
We're gonna have a wonderful Christmas.
741
01:12:19,025 --> 01:12:20,424
What the hell do you want?
742
01:12:20,493 --> 01:12:23,291
I have a delivery for Clark W. Griswold.
743
01:12:23,463 --> 01:12:25,693
I was supposed to deliver it yesterday...
744
01:12:25,832 --> 01:12:30,166
...but it fell between the seats
and I didn't see it. I'm sorry.
745
01:12:37,343 --> 01:12:38,674
Merry Christmas.
746
01:12:39,912 --> 01:12:41,243
Merry Christmas.
747
01:12:45,184 --> 01:12:46,947
- I can't believe it.
- What is it?
748
01:12:47,620 --> 01:12:50,453
A letter confirming your reservation
at the nuthouse?
749
01:12:51,090 --> 01:12:52,284
It's from my company.
750
01:12:53,092 --> 01:12:53,888
Your bonus.
751
01:12:54,627 --> 01:12:55,525
My bonus.
752
01:13:01,300 --> 01:13:03,097
Open it, Clarkie. Open it.
753
01:13:03,770 --> 01:13:05,931
I hope it's a fortune.
754
01:13:06,606 --> 01:13:07,868
I bet you do.
755
01:13:12,745 --> 01:13:13,769
I was afraid...
756
01:13:14,046 --> 01:13:17,880
Are you going to bawl all over it,
or are you gonna open it?
757
01:13:20,119 --> 01:13:23,987
I was gonna wait till tomorrow
to tell you all this, but what the heck?
758
01:13:24,857 --> 01:13:28,224
With this bonus check,
I'm putting in a swimming pool.
759
01:13:32,565 --> 01:13:34,795
That's it. That's the big one!
760
01:13:37,236 --> 01:13:38,294
Open it!
761
01:13:41,040 --> 01:13:44,476
I'm sorry if I've been
a little short with everyone lately.
762
01:13:45,044 --> 01:13:46,841
I've been waiting for this bonus.
763
01:13:47,113 --> 01:13:49,240
To make sure the pool goes in
when the ground thaws...
764
01:13:49,315 --> 01:13:51,306
...I had to lay out the money in advance.
765
01:13:51,384 --> 01:13:55,548
Until this arrived, I didn't have enough
to cover the check.
766
01:13:55,888 --> 01:13:58,083
Tear the sucker open, Dad.
767
01:13:59,826 --> 01:14:00,656
Drum roll.
768
01:14:09,569 --> 01:14:13,665
If there's enough left,
I'll fly you all down to help us dedicate it.
769
01:14:17,777 --> 01:14:19,335
I can't swim, Clark.
770
01:14:20,713 --> 01:14:22,010
I know that, Eddie.
771
01:14:36,996 --> 01:14:38,190
What's wrong?
772
01:14:41,534 --> 01:14:43,866
It's bigger than you expected?
773
01:14:47,573 --> 01:14:48,540
Smaller?
774
01:14:51,377 --> 01:14:52,537
What is it?
775
01:14:54,347 --> 01:14:58,147
A one-year membership
in the Jelly-of-the-Month Club.
776
01:14:59,318 --> 01:15:03,311
That's the gift that keeps on giving
the whole year.
777
01:15:05,057 --> 01:15:06,524
That it is, Edward.
778
01:15:07,493 --> 01:15:08,653
That it is, indeed.
779
01:15:09,562 --> 01:15:10,722
I'm sorry.
780
01:15:12,899 --> 01:15:17,734
If this isn't the biggest bag-over-the-head
punch in the face I ever got! Goddamn it!
781
01:15:18,771 --> 01:15:19,567
Son.
782
01:15:33,019 --> 01:15:34,680
It's good.
783
01:15:43,629 --> 01:15:47,224
If any of you are looking
for any last-minute gift ideas for me...
784
01:15:47,300 --> 01:15:48,597
...I have one.
785
01:15:49,368 --> 01:15:52,098
I'd like Frank Shirley,
my boss, right here, tonight.
786
01:15:53,105 --> 01:15:57,439
Brought from his happy holiday slumber
on Melody Lane with all the rich people.
787
01:15:57,610 --> 01:15:59,601
I want him brought right here...
788
01:15:59,946 --> 01:16:04,280
...with a big ribbon on his head and
I want to look him straight in the eye...
789
01:16:04,550 --> 01:16:08,042
...and I want to tell him
what a cheap, lying, no good, rotten...
790
01:16:08,120 --> 01:16:11,317
...low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating,
inbred, overstuffed...
791
01:16:11,457 --> 01:16:15,985
...ignorant, bloodsucking,
brainless, dickless, hopeless...
792
01:16:16,462 --> 01:16:20,125
...heartless, fat-assed, bug-eyed,
stiff-legged, spotty-lipped...
793
01:16:20,299 --> 01:16:23,291
...worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!
794
01:16:23,636 --> 01:16:24,967
Hallelujah!
795
01:16:25,404 --> 01:16:27,804
Holy shit! Where's the Tylenol?
796
01:16:41,420 --> 01:16:43,354
He has that crazy look in his eye.
797
01:16:43,422 --> 01:16:45,754
I told you we should have gone to Hawaii.
798
01:16:46,092 --> 01:16:48,652
Turn that thing off and get in the house!
799
01:16:49,428 --> 01:16:51,089
I'll talk to him, Mom.
800
01:16:54,667 --> 01:16:56,032
You know, Dad...
801
01:16:56,168 --> 01:16:57,760
...l've been thinking.
802
01:16:59,338 --> 01:17:00,771
Good talk.
803
01:17:06,612 --> 01:17:09,581
Aren't you a teeny bit sorry
we didn't get a Christmas tree?
804
01:17:09,682 --> 01:17:12,845
Even though they're dirty and messy
and corny and clichéd?
805
01:17:13,352 --> 01:17:16,515
Where are you going to find a tree
at this hour on Christmas Eve?
806
01:17:35,841 --> 01:17:36,739
What's the matter?
807
01:17:39,045 --> 01:17:40,307
Was that really necessary?
808
01:17:42,815 --> 01:17:44,077
We needed a tree.
809
01:17:44,150 --> 01:17:45,811
May I remind you that...
810
01:17:45,985 --> 01:17:49,148
That this was all my idea?
No, no. I'm well aware of that.
811
01:17:49,889 --> 01:17:53,222
Could you just keep it in mind
the next time you go berserk?
812
01:17:53,559 --> 01:17:56,722
I didn't go berserk.
I simply solved a problem.
813
01:17:58,998 --> 01:18:00,556
We needed a coffin.
814
01:18:01,901 --> 01:18:05,496
A tree. There are no lots open
on Christmas Eve.
815
01:18:05,905 --> 01:18:09,841
Louis burned down my tree
so I replaced it as best I could. Voilà...
816
01:18:10,409 --> 01:18:11,637
Are you okay?
817
01:18:11,744 --> 01:18:13,336
I'm fine, honey.
818
01:18:37,937 --> 01:18:39,598
I fixed the newel post.
819
01:19:02,661 --> 01:19:04,060
What's that sound?
820
01:19:25,985 --> 01:19:27,316
Do you hear it?
821
01:19:28,320 --> 01:19:30,754
It's a funny, squeaking sound.
822
01:19:31,490 --> 01:19:35,984
You couldn't hear a dump truck
driving through a nitroglycerin plant.
823
01:19:37,496 --> 01:19:38,793
I hear it, too.
824
01:19:47,806 --> 01:19:48,830
I don't hear it anymore.
825
01:19:54,180 --> 01:19:55,511
Squirrel!
826
01:20:03,289 --> 01:20:05,189
What was it? Oh, my God!
827
01:20:11,530 --> 01:20:12,861
Quiet! Shut up!
828
01:20:26,545 --> 01:20:27,876
Mom, don't move.
829
01:20:30,382 --> 01:20:32,509
We can't let it out of the living room.
830
01:20:33,686 --> 01:20:36,553
Where's Eddie?
He usually eats these goddamn things.
831
01:20:36,889 --> 01:20:40,484
Not recently, Clark. He read that squirrels
were high in cholesterol.
832
01:20:41,727 --> 01:20:42,989
Thank you, Catherine.
833
01:20:44,496 --> 01:20:45,724
I'll try and trap it.
834
01:20:45,898 --> 01:20:46,956
Russ!
835
01:20:47,199 --> 01:20:48,223
We're here, Dad.
836
01:20:48,867 --> 01:20:49,891
There you are.
837
01:20:51,070 --> 01:20:52,469
Go get the hammer.
838
01:20:52,738 --> 01:20:54,672
What do you need a hammer for?
839
01:20:54,907 --> 01:20:58,673
I'll catch it in the coat
and smack it with the hammer.
840
01:21:06,085 --> 01:21:07,677
I'm going in with him.
841
01:21:11,423 --> 01:21:12,583
Nora?
842
01:21:16,195 --> 01:21:17,184
Is it gone?
843
01:21:17,263 --> 01:21:19,754
It probably got scared
and ran back into the tree.
844
01:21:20,532 --> 01:21:22,261
Squirrel!
845
01:22:01,006 --> 01:22:05,136
You just march right over there
and slug that creep in the face.
846
01:22:05,311 --> 01:22:06,835
I can't just attack someone.
847
01:22:06,912 --> 01:22:11,144
All right, then. If you're not man enough
to put an end to this shit, then I am.
848
01:22:32,938 --> 01:22:33,632
Gone.
849
01:22:39,178 --> 01:22:40,770
Oh, my God.
850
01:22:43,949 --> 01:22:45,439
What happened to you?
851
01:22:58,364 --> 01:23:01,026
Where do you think you're going?
Nobody's leaving.
852
01:23:01,367 --> 01:23:04,234
Nobody walks out
on this old-fashioned family Christmas.
853
01:23:04,303 --> 01:23:06,703
No, we're all in this together.
854
01:23:07,039 --> 01:23:10,031
This is a full-blown,
four-alarm holiday emergency.
855
01:23:10,309 --> 01:23:13,642
We're going to press on
and have the happiest Christmas...
856
01:23:13,812 --> 01:23:16,645
...since Bing Crosby tap-danced
with Danny fucking Kaye.
857
01:23:16,715 --> 01:23:19,741
And when Santa squeezes
his fat, white ass down the chimney...
858
01:23:19,818 --> 01:23:23,811
...he's gonna find the jolliest bunch
of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
859
01:23:24,022 --> 01:23:25,250
You're goofy.
860
01:23:25,557 --> 01:23:27,218
Don't piss me off, Art.
861
01:23:28,394 --> 01:23:31,488
- It's over.
- Not according to Santa's watch, it isn't.
862
01:23:31,563 --> 01:23:32,825
Stay out of this, Dad.
863
01:23:32,898 --> 01:23:35,992
Clark, I think it's best
if everyone just goes home.
864
01:23:36,335 --> 01:23:37,927
Before things get worse.
865
01:23:38,003 --> 01:23:40,995
Worse?! How could they get any worse?
866
01:23:41,240 --> 01:23:45,233
Look around you, Ellen.
We're at the threshold of hell!
867
01:24:03,262 --> 01:24:04,251
Son.
868
01:24:06,098 --> 01:24:08,430
I love you. We all love you.
869
01:24:08,767 --> 01:24:12,259
But this is a terrible night.
Nothing's gone right. It's a disaster.
870
01:24:13,038 --> 01:24:15,871
But losing your temper
only makes things worse.
871
01:24:16,108 --> 01:24:18,770
You're too good a father to act like this.
872
01:24:20,779 --> 01:24:25,443
In years to come, you'll want your family
to remember all the love you gave us...
873
01:24:25,717 --> 01:24:28,777
...and how hard you tried
to make the perfect Christmas.
874
01:24:29,388 --> 01:24:30,980
You just cocked it up.
875
01:24:33,959 --> 01:24:36,291
It's okay. It happens.
876
01:24:38,397 --> 01:24:40,729
All our holidays were always such a mess.
877
01:24:42,801 --> 01:24:44,598
How did you get through it?
878
01:24:45,471 --> 01:24:47,462
I had a lot of help from Jack Daniels.
879
01:24:57,149 --> 01:24:58,480
I love you.
880
01:25:03,088 --> 01:25:05,249
Will you recite
"The Night Before Christmas"?
881
01:25:05,324 --> 01:25:07,656
No. It's your house.
882
01:25:07,926 --> 01:25:09,484
It's your Christmas.
883
01:25:10,662 --> 01:25:12,254
I'm retiring.
884
01:25:13,632 --> 01:25:16,499
"The children were nestled
All snug in their beds
885
01:25:16,835 --> 01:25:19,827
"While visions of sugarplums
Danced in their heads
886
01:25:20,439 --> 01:25:21,929
"And Mama in her kerchief
887
01:25:22,007 --> 01:25:26,000
"And I in my cap, just settled our brains
For a long winter's nap
888
01:25:26,278 --> 01:25:29,770
"When out on the lawn
There arose such a clatter
889
01:25:29,882 --> 01:25:32,112
"I sprang from my bed
To see what was the matter
890
01:25:32,184 --> 01:25:34,311
"Away to the window I flew like a flash
891
01:25:34,486 --> 01:25:36,818
"Tore open the shutters
and threw up the sash
892
01:25:37,022 --> 01:25:39,013
"The moon on the breast of
the new-fallen snow
893
01:25:39,091 --> 01:25:41,616
"Gave a luster of midday to objects below
894
01:25:41,793 --> 01:25:44,125
"When what to my wondering eyes
should appear
895
01:25:44,229 --> 01:25:45,924
"But a miniature sleigh..."
896
01:25:47,666 --> 01:25:48,530
...and Eddie.
897
01:25:48,867 --> 01:25:51,529
And a man in his pajamas
with a dog chain...
898
01:25:51,703 --> 01:25:54,137
...tied to his wrists and ankles.
What the...?
899
01:25:56,542 --> 01:25:57,702
Stay here.
900
01:26:04,049 --> 01:26:06,108
Merry Christmas, Clark.
901
01:26:07,386 --> 01:26:10,219
You about ready to do some kissin'?
902
01:26:11,890 --> 01:26:14,654
Officer, it seems
my husband has been abducted.
903
01:26:14,893 --> 01:26:18,556
The man was wearing a blue leisure suit...
904
01:26:20,065 --> 01:26:25,002
...and the plates were from Kansas.
He was a huge, beastly, bulging man.
905
01:26:25,337 --> 01:26:27,669
I have never been treated
like this in my life.
906
01:26:27,906 --> 01:26:30,238
I'm sorry.
This is our family's first kidnapping.
907
01:26:31,276 --> 01:26:32,504
You're fired.
908
01:26:32,911 --> 01:26:34,742
Where's the phone? I'm calling the police.
909
01:26:34,813 --> 01:26:36,804
Just hold your wad there, fella.
910
01:26:37,082 --> 01:26:40,916
Clark had nothin' to do with this.
This here was my idea.
911
01:26:41,186 --> 01:26:44,747
All right. He's still fired
and you are going to jail.
912
01:26:46,592 --> 01:26:48,184
It was my fault.
913
01:26:49,261 --> 01:26:53,425
I lost my temper when I got my bonus
and I said a few things I shouldn't have.
914
01:26:53,599 --> 01:26:58,263
Bonus? How did you get a bonus?
I cut out bonuses this year.
915
01:26:59,438 --> 01:27:00,962
Thanks for telling us.
916
01:27:01,039 --> 01:27:04,372
I was expecting a check.
Instead I got enrolled in a jelly club.
917
01:27:04,943 --> 01:27:08,936
In 17 years with the company, I've gotten
a bonus every year, but this one.
918
01:27:09,281 --> 01:27:11,215
You don't want to give bonuses, fine!
919
01:27:11,383 --> 01:27:13,749
When people count on them
as part of their salary...
920
01:27:13,986 --> 01:27:15,715
What you did just plain...
921
01:27:15,854 --> 01:27:16,912
Sucks.
922
01:27:18,790 --> 01:27:20,121
Thank you, Russ.
923
01:27:23,795 --> 01:27:26,628
My cousin-in-law,
whose heart is bigger than his brain...
924
01:27:26,898 --> 01:27:28,456
I appreciate that.
925
01:27:29,801 --> 01:27:32,895
...is innocent. I'll be more than happy
to take the rap on this...
926
01:27:33,305 --> 01:27:37,298
...on behalf of myself and every other
employee you rear-ended this Christmas.
927
01:27:59,431 --> 01:28:02,332
Sometimes things look good
on paper, but...
928
01:28:02,601 --> 01:28:06,503
...lose their luster when you see
how it affects real folks.
929
01:28:07,506 --> 01:28:09,997
A healthy bottom line
doesn't mean much if...
930
01:28:10,075 --> 01:28:13,169
...to get it, you have to hurt
the ones you depend on.
931
01:28:15,347 --> 01:28:19,841
It's people that make the difference.
Little people, like you.
932
01:28:22,454 --> 01:28:24,445
So, Carl...
933
01:28:26,191 --> 01:28:28,216
...whatever you got last year...
934
01:28:28,860 --> 01:28:31,192
...add 20 percent.
935
01:29:24,249 --> 01:29:26,240
Go away, Todd.
936
01:29:27,385 --> 01:29:31,913
If you want to come in, you are gonna
have to break down the goddamn door!
937
01:29:43,101 --> 01:29:46,264
Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night!
938
01:29:57,783 --> 01:29:58,943
Freeze!
939
01:30:01,119 --> 01:30:02,950
Not you! Them!
940
01:30:12,798 --> 01:30:14,129
This way, please.
941
01:30:17,135 --> 01:30:19,069
I think you've made a terrible mistake.
942
01:30:19,404 --> 01:30:20,894
I told you to freeze, mister.
943
01:30:21,139 --> 01:30:22,367
May we blink?
944
01:30:29,147 --> 01:30:32,139
- Thank God you're all right.
- I'm fine. I'm just fine.
945
01:30:32,484 --> 01:30:34,475
There was a big
misunderstanding tonight.
946
01:30:35,020 --> 01:30:39,457
Excuse me. Would you and Mrs. Shirley
like to step outside so we can finish here?
947
01:30:40,492 --> 01:30:43,086
- Don't bother. I'm not pressing charges.
- What?
948
01:30:44,162 --> 01:30:45,459
It was a mistake.
949
01:30:45,530 --> 01:30:48,260
Mistake? Honey, you were kidnapped.
950
01:30:48,600 --> 01:30:50,659
I did something I shouldn't have...
951
01:30:50,836 --> 01:30:55,432
...and these people called me on it.
This is Clark Griswold and his family.
952
01:30:55,841 --> 01:30:57,331
Welcome to our home.
953
01:30:58,677 --> 01:31:00,076
What's left of it.
954
01:31:00,178 --> 01:31:01,543
Release B Squad.
955
01:31:01,847 --> 01:31:03,280
What's going on here?
956
01:31:03,515 --> 01:31:07,849
Remember how I was toying with the
notion of suspending Christmas bonuses?
957
01:31:08,520 --> 01:31:09,851
You didn't.
958
01:31:10,121 --> 01:31:13,454
Of all the cheap,
lousy ways to save a buck!
959
01:31:13,692 --> 01:31:15,125
That's pretty low, mister.
960
01:31:15,694 --> 01:31:17,286
If I had a rubber hose...
961
01:31:17,362 --> 01:31:19,694
I changed my mind.
I'm reinstating all the bonuses.
962
01:31:25,303 --> 01:31:26,964
Look!
963
01:31:29,374 --> 01:31:30,534
Look!
964
01:31:37,215 --> 01:31:38,876
It's Santy Claus.
965
01:31:42,721 --> 01:31:44,882
Uncle Clark, it's Santy Claus.
966
01:31:46,391 --> 01:31:48,086
It's the Christmas star.
967
01:31:48,560 --> 01:31:50,391
And that's all that matters tonight.
968
01:31:52,063 --> 01:31:55,897
Not bonuses or gifts or turkeys or trees.
969
01:31:56,501 --> 01:31:57,832
See, kids...
970
01:31:58,837 --> 01:32:01,237
It means something different
to everybody.
971
01:32:03,508 --> 01:32:05,305
Now I know what it means to me.
972
01:32:07,245 --> 01:32:09,577
That ain't the frigging Christmas star.
973
01:32:09,748 --> 01:32:12,911
It's the light
on the sewage treatment plant.
974
01:32:13,184 --> 01:32:14,515
Sewer gas.
975
01:32:16,521 --> 01:32:17,886
Don't drop that!
976
01:32:27,933 --> 01:32:30,424
"And the rocket's red glare
977
01:32:31,436 --> 01:32:34,599
"The bombs bursting in air
978
01:32:35,373 --> 01:32:37,603
"Gave proof through the night
979
01:32:38,710 --> 01:32:42,202
"That our flag was still there
980
01:32:43,281 --> 01:32:45,442
"Oh, say does that
981
01:32:45,517 --> 01:32:50,113
"Star-spangled banner yet wave
982
01:32:52,457 --> 01:32:55,449
"O'er the land of the free
983
01:32:58,129 --> 01:33:02,122
"And the home of the brave?"
984
01:33:06,638 --> 01:33:08,230
Play ball!
985
01:33:16,314 --> 01:33:18,305
Merry Christmas, Sparky.
986
01:33:19,317 --> 01:33:20,944
Merry Christmas, honey.
987
01:33:50,048 --> 01:33:51,174
I did it.
75393
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