All language subtitles for rick.and.morty.s07e09.1080p.web.h264-nhtfs[EZTVx.to]_Track03

Hello? Hello?

- Hello, Jerry.
- Nana!

Are you ready to come to the light?

I’m not sure. Where’s Pop Pop?

He’s not coming out to meet you anymore

because honestly Jerry,
this is getting annoying.

It’s not my fault! My father in law
asked me to help him gather data and...

Not again!

Okay, run diagnostics.

Holy shit, this is consistent.
This is real.

What have you done?
You’ve got my grandparents

- pissed at me.
- They’ll forgive you because...

they’re zero mass fields
of consciousness preserved

by a paradimensional layer
of infinite energy.

Morty, there’s kind of a heaven!
Kind of!

I mean there definitely is for
a neurotypical like your father.

His conscious connection
to a localized cultural model

of infinity functions like a wick,
sucking his little mind

straight towards a source of energy
strong enough

- to support collective projection.
- Great, so there’s a heaven.

Glad you could learn that
by murdering me eight times.

He’s got kind of a point, Rick.

If you want to get into heaven,
can’t you just stop being an asshole?

First of all, I don’t want to
“get into” anywhere,

I want to tap
this paradimension’s energy.

Secondly, you wouldn’t catch me dead
in Jerry’s generic-ass nineteen eighties

concrete and fog machine heaven.

Well guess what,
you aren’t welcome there!

You raise a good point, Jerry,
obviously by accident.

My intact consciousness is too atheistic

to get channeled
to any afterlife worth robbing.

It’s a paradox.

Unless...

Morty, pack your parka.
We’re going to Norway.

Or I can augment your skin
with subdermal heaters...

I’ll pack a parka.

Infinite energy, Morty. You don’t even
know how to appreciate that

because you’ve never been
in energy debt.

Fuck you, I’ve been tired.

Perfect!
I’m going to Valhalla, Morty!

Your grandpa’s
going to be the first Valhallanaut!

Feel the excitement!

Getting back will be easy.
Once the machine turns on,

I’ll have set up
the other side of the relay.

Phoenix protocol initiated.

Just hit that big red button
to pull me into this body.

But how are you getting there?
I refuse to kill you again.

I’m desensitized, Rick.
I took some kind of test in school

and the counselor
had to call Homeland Security.

Not your problem, Morty.

I need to die in glorious battle
against a mighty enemy.

That’s why I got Bigfoot
in this Pokeball.

Bigfoot is your enemy?

Well, I doubt he’s a fan,
I stuffed him into a ball.

I mess with him all the time.

These Vikings don’t have
real tight bylaws, Morty.

This is basically their equivalent
of Native American burial grounds.

Bigfoot’s dumb enough
to attack whatever’s in front of him.

And all I gotta do is die.

What happens to Bigfoot after?

Morty, Bigfoot is a B story. The A story
is he kills me and you hit the button.

- Got it?
- Got it.

Alright, let’s do this!

Oh snap, I did it! Valhalla baby!
I’m Dead Rick!

Oh, shit, I’m dead Rick.

Welcome to Valhalla, brother.
We thought all Vikings had perished.

Nope. I was a straggler.
How’s it work here again?

We fight! We die! We feast!
And then we fight again!

Cheers everybody, cheers!

So, is there a time window
between battles

where a guy could go off
and, I don’t know,

gather resources?

Yes, now you’ll receive your armor.

Knock knock.

You’re a new arrival.
What do you require?

Honestly, I’d love to take
most of your tools.

I’d planned on starting from scratch,
but you’re, like,

way past the Iron Age here,
saves me a lot of time.

I make only the finest for Valhalla.

Beautiful hammer.

So, in Valhalla, what happens
when we get knocked out?

- Then we’re just knocked out.
- Cool.

Is that a thing Vikings love?

Oh God, brutal.

Wait, what?
Bigfoot, do you have religion?

You understand me, don’t you?
Does Rick do this to you all the time?

He messes with me too.

Easy there, big guy. Easy.

Oh, shit!

Look at this little one!

You must be made of piss and dragon
balls to reach Valhalla at your age!

Yeah, man! Dragon Balls all day.

Have you seen
an old skinny guy around here?

Of course!

But wait, where did that guy go?
He should have his armor by now.

What in the mighty
whale’s wooden cock?

The old man!
He’s some kind of witch!

A friend of yours?

What? Why would I be friends
with a witch?

- I was just asking!
- Well...

that’s really offensive, man!
What is this, Judgmenthalla?

I don’t know until I ask, alright?

Somebody around here
gonna make me some pants

or do I have to call the feds
on this place?

Surrender, witch!

Easy, guys.
This was all a test and you passed.

I’m actually Odin.

- Odin?
- Yep!

Thor’s father, Spiderman’s uncle,
et cetera.

I came here to do like
an undercover boss thing,

making sure Valhalla's running smooth,
which it is, and as your reward,

I’m assembling this
majestic transdimensional energy relay

which none of you should ever touch
or it’ll make your...

goats have hemorrhoids, understood?

And you need nothing from us?

I’m only here a few hours,
but since you’re asking

I’d kill for a beer and a sandwich.
Beef, cheese, no onions.

- is someone writing this down?
- Ow my balls!

- Ow my balls, ow my balls!
- Morty? Why are you here?

You are friends with the witch!

What the fuck, Morty!
You’re my ride home!

Bigfoot killed me!
He killed you, he killed me,

and he was going to kill your clone.

No, Morty no!

I opened the cage.
Bigfoot was burying your body.

- He was mourning you!
- He does that.

Morty, any big idiot can
pretend to believe in the afterlife,

that’s why we’re dealing
with these fucking guys.

They’re just Norwegian Bigfoots.
Jesus Christ!

Run this cable over there.
We don’t have much time.

Hull breach imminent.
Initiating survival protocol.

We’ll take it from here.

And who are you? CIA? Interpol?

We work for the man upstairs.

Hello, Bigfoot. I’m The Pope.

I’m sure you don’t know
what that means.

Which is why I’ve been so eager
to acquire you.

The Church, you see, has many enemies,
but also many rules.

We can’t kill.
We can’t command a man to kill.

But you are not a man.

You are a thinking beast
from outside God’s domain,

which will make you
the Vatican’s greatest weapon.

Your holiness, he is wild.
He can’t be controlled.

But we know what he wants.

Yes, my child. Yes.
You will have your naked imbecile.

But first you will work for me.

Morty! Heads up! Incoming wave.

Clear!

- They’re sending more every time.
- It’s fine!

I’ll upgrade the turret’s rate of fire,
but I need to finish this relay.

You need to figure out
how to get us back to life!

Without my infinite energy?

I don’t think you’re thinking
this through, Morty.

If we manage to get home,
we don’t get another shot at this.

You think the next time these idiots
see a naked man on the battlefield

they’re gonna give him a beer?

So you’d rather stay dead until
you win than live as a loser?

Maybe you belong here
with these idiots.

Yeah! I could probably teach hem
how to hit a red button!

I said I was sorry.

And I said keep killing them
while I finish the relay.

And I will get us back home. Okay?

Okay!

Okay, I’m done here.
Ready to get back to living?

Yeah, but how?

Morty, infinite energy
means infinite energy.

All I have to do is pull a lever
to send us back home into new bodies.

Then voila! No more need for crystals.

But the second we turn our back those
guys are just going to trash this place.

Morty. Ye of little faith.

Do we even need to attack him?

I told you I was Odin,
you faithless heretics!

And I’ll keep blowing you
up in this pit forever

unless you follow these commandments.
Spiderman?

There’s ten of them,
but they basically

revolve around not going
near the energy relay.

Is anybody going to go near
the energy relay?

Okay. You have pleased me.
I’ll get you guys...

some kind of a ladder.

Target is in sight.

Excellent. Release the bait.

I just love worshipping the devil
with you guys.

Who are you? Only The Pope
wants to kill us but he can't kill...

Yes. Very good.

But we can do even better.

You work for the Vatican!
Our enemies are your enemies!

Yes! Yes!

Here, my sweet.
This will help you communicate.

I traded a Predator
three muskets for it.

So it is their currency?

Give me what you promised.

Yes, child, you’ve earned it.

Alright, Morty!
Wanna grab a mead for the road?

- I’m good.
- Then, here we go!

Man, I take back everything bad I said
about clone vats.

There’s a method to the madness, Morty.

And now... infinite energy, baby!

What the...

Someone’s hacking into the Earth
bound side of my relay, Morty.

Pretty crazy! Whoever’s doing this
would have to be a spiritual leader

with limitless resources.

In fact,
I guess there’s only really one.

You’re fucked.

It is over. My torment ends now.

What the hell? Are you seriously
working for the Pope?

The pope saw my potential.
Prepare to be crushed by bigfoot.

Don’t worry, Morty.
I’ve got this under control.

Jesus Christ, Rick, just apologize.

You assumed Bigfoot was dumb.
Which was dumb of you.

You’re right, Morty. Underestimating
people only gives them the high ground.

Admit why you bullied me.

Because I thought it was funny
that you were stupid.

People are intelligent
in different ways.

I know, I know! I’m clearly stupid at
knowing when other people are smart.

Listen! I know you
can’t tap your gauntlet,

but I’ll take a guess
at what you’re saying.

You hate me because I tortured you
to get what I want.

- Rick!
- But I only used you to kill myself!

How many people
have you killed for the Pope?

Help me stop him
and I’ll make it right.

For starters, here.

That hurt. Wait a second...

Yeah, hands-free.
Also upgraded that voice.

Thank you. In a world,
where time actually is money.

I think I know this movie.

You guys can do this
bit at the Vatican. Let’s go.

Hey, Bigfoot.
Whatcha got back there?

Rick and Morty.

Dead. For pope.

Aye, that’s them.

Alright, last thing!
I just gotta take a sharp stick

and stab them both.
That’s just the rules.

Sorry, Morty!
So much for the quiet way.

- I appreciate that we tried.
- It’s a fucked-up rule.

Pope!

It’s over, the Pope! We got you.

See, this is why religion sucks.

Infinite energy and the Pope uses it
to levitate like Criss Angel.

Alright, wow!
Not how I saw that going.

I guess getting killed by the energy
sent us up the conduit to its source.

Hey guys.

- Oh fuck!
- No, no!

Just need some clothes and horses.
Maybe not for Bigfoot.

Unless he wants clothes?

Excuse me, Lord Odin...

- Is this a test?
- Yup yup! You passed!

Feet so small.

Why is he in a clone of Summer?

Statistically speaking,
she’s the third most likely to die.

Alright, let’s kill that sonofabitch.

Hold on,
I can see where this is going.

Pope!

I gotta admit, Morty.
I didn’t really fight that time,

I wanted to make sure this worked.

- Hand-some.
- You like that? Bigger feet!

Even gave your brain
a little more lobe.

- Thank you! Me love it. Me...
- Dial it back!

You don’t wanna come across
like a Muppet.

Pope!

Maybe we just portal
right up close to the guy

instead of doing the guards
every time.

Yeah.

Maybe bigger chin?

Look at this.
He’s fucking giving notes.

Bigfoot, come on, we need you
to put a little more fight in.

If need help,
Bigfoot do know some guys.

Pope has... other monsters captive.

Man, you guys really don’t quit.
I can do this all day.

Yeah, but these guys can do it.

All night!

Big anti-climax!

Mummy, you look good!

This afterlife smells like beer.

I guess this is what
infinite energy looks like. Fuck.

Really wish we had time to unpack all
of Frankenstein’s parts making it here.

Bigfoot, take these guys up to
the relay and prepare for a siege.

What are you gonna do, Rick?

Listen, I’m not really your god.

Just an old man
who wanted to cheat your system.

Guys like me think
we can run the joint

because everyone is so dumb.
But it’s a dumb universe.

I work for you.
The customer is always right.

Gimme ten Viking minutes
after we leave,

and then pull the plug on
that windmill we made over there.

And this isn’t a trick?

Is your mother’s pussy a trick?

- Kick his ass!
- Go Morty, go!

Why the hell did you do that?

The only way to end this
is by turning off the power, Morty!

- But we have to get home!
- That’s what these guys are for!

Monsters, hold the line!
Everyone but Bigfoot!

That wasn’t them leaving, right?

No way. That vould be cold-blooded.

Pope!

Who do you-a bring this time?
The Harlem Globetrotters?

That’s actually a good pitch.

It’s over for you, Pope!

Time to atone for your sins.

Bigfoot,
you were God’s greatest assassin.

Now look at you.
Hairless. With normal feet.

Yes!

Rick, the energy relay’s still up!

Shit, was really counting on
those monsters to lose faster.

That’s more like it.
Pour one out for the Wolfman.

- I don’t-a understand.
- Ya know what they say...

When God closes an infinite energy relay

No! Goddamnit!

Alright, I’m just gonna say it
so nobody else has to say it.

- Popey ball. There.
- Okay.

If I didn’t say anything,
someone was gonna be like

“You missed Popey ball,
it was right there”.

I thought about not using a Pokeball
because of that,

but it’s the right tool
for the right job.

What, am I supposed to not use it
and shoot the Pope in the head?

I was gonna say it.

Wait, why are we at the woods?

Time to go on home, big fella.

- Okay.
- You’re free. Just go!

- You guys are being weird.
- Stop making this so hard for us!

Go on! Why can’t you go back
where you came from?

You don’t have to throw things at me
to say goodbye.

Just go!

I’m not an animal anymore,
I was hoping I could...

I could get a job and...

- Go on git!
- Get out of here!

I’m going, okay?
Stop throwing things!

- Go!
- Okay, I’m leaving.

- Get out of here!
- Go on, get!

- What kind of sick sons of bitches...
- These things are trained to fight.

I don’t want to hear it, Henderson.

What year is it? Who’s the Pope?

Shit if I know. Lemme check.

This guy, apparently.

No!