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1
00:00:03,604 --> 00:00:06,807
Benji: You wanna talk
the greatest of all time?
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:08,676
The fifth
"Land Before Time"...
3
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:11,479
...was the quintessential
"Land Before Time."
4
00:00:11,512 --> 00:00:13,147
You're being an asshole,
all right?
5
00:00:13,181 --> 00:00:14,748
It's the third film.
6
00:00:14,782 --> 00:00:17,351
Oh, everyone says
the third.
No, it's the third --
7
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:19,487
Yeah, 'cause it's got
the raptors in it,
8
00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:22,323
and the pterodactyl in it
has got kinda nice breasts.
9
00:00:22,356 --> 00:00:24,192
I'm just saying I've seen
hundreds of kids' movies.
10
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,427
I have sat through hours.
You don't even
watch the movies.
11
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:27,728
You're just sitting there --
12
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:29,363
you're just staring
at kids' butts.
13
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:30,664
Sometimes they're ugly,
14
00:00:30,698 --> 00:00:33,067
and you've gotta sit
through the whole film
15
00:00:33,101 --> 00:00:35,002
and wait for
the next batch to come in.
16
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:36,337
You know, my mom used to
17
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:37,838
drop me off at the theater
by myself all the time,
18
00:00:37,871 --> 00:00:40,040
and I'm just really glad
that I never ran into you.
19
00:00:40,074 --> 00:00:41,509
Wait a minute.
Where did you grow up?
20
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,377
'Cause I was crazy
about redheads.
21
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,780
Nah.
I would've remembered that.
22
00:00:46,814 --> 00:00:48,549
Maybe you blocked it out.
23
00:00:48,582 --> 00:00:51,185
The mind
is very incredible
24
00:00:51,219 --> 00:00:54,722
when it comes to erasing
traumatic memories.
25
00:00:54,755 --> 00:00:56,857
Ask anyone
I've ever made love to.
26
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,026
Hey,
Abbot and Fat Stella,
27
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,894
quit grab-assing
and get back to work!
28
00:01:00,928 --> 00:01:02,263
I can only gut the souls
29
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,365
that are in front of me,
Mr. Boss Man.
30
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,699
So, rather than
get a supervisor,
31
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,301
you just shoot the shit
for three hours?
32
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,436
Well,
he's got a movie blog.
33
00:01:08,469 --> 00:01:10,138
I know
he has a movie blog.
34
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,940
You're right about
"Land Before Time 5."
35
00:01:12,973 --> 00:01:14,908
Excellent flick.
36
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:17,711
Must be a blockage.
37
00:01:17,745 --> 00:01:19,147
Oh, God.
38
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:20,414
Must be a couple of
39
00:01:20,448 --> 00:01:22,883
660-pound
Learning Channel fatties
40
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,652
just gumming up the works.
41
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:27,255
**
42
00:01:27,988 --> 00:01:29,657
Whee-hee-hee!
43
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:33,427
Welp, there's your problem
right there.
44
00:01:33,461 --> 00:01:35,396
Claude: Yeah, obviously.
45
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,498
There's a huge beaver dam
blocking the river Styx.
46
00:01:37,531 --> 00:01:39,233
Oh, look at that.
That's so cute.
47
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:40,901
They got, like,
a little community.
48
00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,503
Just grab the dynamite.
Let's blow this shit up.
49
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:43,904
Yeah,
let's annihilate 'em.
50
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:45,973
Wait!
I need those beavers!
51
00:01:46,006 --> 00:01:47,641
We must not
hurt the beavers!
52
00:01:47,675 --> 00:01:50,744
What do you give a shit
about beavers, Dr. Mengele?
53
00:01:50,778 --> 00:01:53,080
Gary!
54
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,015
Look at this rag!
55
00:01:55,048 --> 00:01:57,251
Well, I can't really see it
'cause it's all --
56
00:01:57,285 --> 00:01:59,153
Down, down.
57
00:01:59,187 --> 00:02:01,121
**
58
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,858
What have you done to me?!
59
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:06,494
Dr. Mengele: Don't worry.
60
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,696
What have you
done to me?!
Everything's fine!
61
00:02:08,729 --> 00:02:10,864
I just sewed your head
onto a beaver body.
62
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:11,932
Oh, my God!
63
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,501
Ohh!
64
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,769
What did you do to Claude,
my best friend?
65
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,938
What did you do?
Nothing. I'm fine.
66
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:19,273
I know
not to look at a rag
67
00:02:19,307 --> 00:02:20,941
when a Nazi shoves it
in my face.
68
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,476
You look sweaty, Claude.
69
00:02:22,510 --> 00:02:25,012
You sure you wouldn't like
to take a shower?
70
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,181
I have a shower.
For the last time,
Dr. Mengele,
71
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,782
I'm not interested
and I never will be.
72
00:02:28,816 --> 00:02:30,851
Oh, don't be like that.
It feels so good.
73
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:33,454
You sure
you wouldn't like --
Not interested.
74
00:02:33,487 --> 00:02:35,323
Oh, give it a go!
No, thank you.
75
00:02:35,356 --> 00:02:38,792
It has one of those
pulsating massage-heads.
76
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,461
You're being very polite
about it, but no.
77
00:02:40,494 --> 00:02:42,663
The water is refreshing!
No, it's not.
78
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:44,798
You'll love it!
Thank, but no, thank you.
79
00:02:44,832 --> 00:02:47,000
You're welcome,
but please.
No!
80
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:49,303
I want a shower.
You're not allowed
to take a shower.
81
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,305
Because
I'm just spraying you
82
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:54,074
with some some very potent
beaver pheromones.
83
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,476
That's beaver piss.
84
00:02:55,509 --> 00:02:58,712
Now, I want you
to run into the beaver dam
85
00:02:58,746 --> 00:03:00,648
and shake it around
a little bit,
86
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:02,216
you know,
the way the beavers like it.
87
00:03:02,250 --> 00:03:03,551
No. No.
88
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,486
And then you'll
run out of there
89
00:03:05,519 --> 00:03:06,820
on your little beaver legs
90
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:08,689
and you lure them
into these cages.
91
00:03:08,722 --> 00:03:10,491
I hate to break it to you,
Dr. Mengele,
92
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,025
but nobody's gonna want to
have sex with that.
93
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:13,327
Not even an animal.
94
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:15,162
I'm sick of your criticisms,
Claude.
95
00:03:15,195 --> 00:03:17,365
Benji said
if I was 20 years younger,
96
00:03:17,398 --> 00:03:19,667
he'd have no problems
molesting me.
97
00:03:19,700 --> 00:03:20,834
All right?
98
00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,069
So put me in, coach.
99
00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:27,508
**
100
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:28,742
You have to
at least admit
101
00:03:28,776 --> 00:03:30,678
that Spielberg's
a great director.
102
00:03:30,711 --> 00:03:31,712
Who?
103
00:03:31,745 --> 00:03:33,013
Oh, God!
They're following me!
104
00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,081
Oh, God!
105
00:03:34,114 --> 00:03:36,717
No! Help! Help!
106
00:03:36,750 --> 00:03:38,018
Oh, my God, no!
107
00:03:38,051 --> 00:03:40,020
No! No! No!
108
00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:43,291
**
109
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:47,928
Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
110
00:03:47,961 --> 00:03:48,929
Dr. Mengele?
111
00:03:50,097 --> 00:03:51,765
Are you cloning Hitler?
What?
112
00:03:51,799 --> 00:03:53,701
No.
Gary: Oh, they've got
duck penises!
113
00:03:53,734 --> 00:03:55,068
You're crazy!
114
00:03:55,102 --> 00:03:56,270
Just because I'm German,
115
00:03:56,304 --> 00:03:58,205
everything's Hitler,
Hitler, Hitler!
116
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,040
That's very hurtful.
117
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,909
You're wearing
the armband!
118
00:04:01,942 --> 00:04:03,210
That is heritage,
119
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:05,145
not hate.
[ Gary groaning
in distance ]
120
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:07,481
Look, everyone loves
121
00:04:07,515 --> 00:04:10,150
pure adrenaline
thrill rides.
122
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:11,952
Why not
pure race of men?
123
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,220
Eh.
124
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:15,222
People are so PC
these days.
125
00:04:15,255 --> 00:04:16,390
Hitler wasn't like that.
126
00:04:16,424 --> 00:04:18,091
He would speak his mind.
127
00:04:18,125 --> 00:04:19,560
He was a great man.
128
00:04:19,593 --> 00:04:21,762
He deserves to be cloned!
129
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,798
But I'm definitely not
trying to clone Hitler.
130
00:04:29,036 --> 00:04:30,338
Heil Hitler!
131
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:31,972
I knew it!
You're cloning Hitler!
132
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,107
No, no, no, no, no.
133
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,744
Why would Hitler
heil himself?
134
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,680
I'm going to give you
a t-shirt.
135
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:44,452
I know you people love
free, gaudy trinkets.
136
00:04:44,485 --> 00:04:47,287
"The fourth reich,
reich back at 'cha."
137
00:04:47,321 --> 00:04:49,357
You would be required
to wear that
138
00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,291
if we were ever
to take over Hell,
139
00:04:51,325 --> 00:04:54,862
which we are
definitely not doing.
Definitely not doing.
Right. Okay.
140
00:04:54,895 --> 00:04:56,697
I'm gonna get, and um...
141
00:04:56,730 --> 00:05:00,434
I actually left my fiddler
on the roof.
142
00:05:00,468 --> 00:05:02,135
So, adios!
Have a good one.
143
00:05:02,169 --> 00:05:03,671
Auf Wiedersehen!
144
00:05:05,473 --> 00:05:06,807
What the --
145
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,610
**
146
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,445
Dr. Mengele:
Be sure to tell your Satan
147
00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:12,780
we are not cloning Hitler
148
00:05:12,813 --> 00:05:14,948
to take over Hell
with a giant robot.
149
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,485
Okay, well, good luck
not cloning Hitler.
150
00:05:17,518 --> 00:05:19,353
Mengele is cloning Hitler.
151
00:05:19,387 --> 00:05:21,221
Oh, cool.
That should be fun.
152
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:22,523
He told me to tell you
153
00:05:22,556 --> 00:05:24,291
that he has no interest
in invading Hell,
154
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,394
which is exactly
what they told Poland
155
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:29,196
and Czechoslovakia
and Russia.
156
00:05:29,229 --> 00:05:32,466
So you've come to Satan
to stop a genocide?
157
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:35,135
When you put it that way,
it sounds silly.
158
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:37,405
Hey, uh,
where is my body?
159
00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:39,973
'Cause I don't want to eat
any more wood,
160
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,976
and I don't want to be
forcibly group sexed
161
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:44,645
by animals anymore.
162
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:46,580
But how will you lead
the army of Aryan beavers
163
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,348
in the overthrow of Hell?
164
00:05:48,382 --> 00:05:50,418
Well, that's something
I'm not gonna do,
165
00:05:50,451 --> 00:05:52,853
because that is something
that we did not discuss.
166
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:54,655
It --
it may have escaped.
167
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:57,658
Because I attached
the beaver's head to your body.
168
00:05:57,691 --> 00:06:01,429
You'll just sew any
two goddamn things
together, won't you?!
169
00:06:01,462 --> 00:06:04,031
Gary, give me back
my three-hole punch!
170
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:05,065
Oh!
171
00:06:05,098 --> 00:06:06,400
Holy!
172
00:06:06,434 --> 00:06:07,935
Okay!
You can just --
173
00:06:07,968 --> 00:06:10,438
You -- no!
You can add it to your home!
174
00:06:10,471 --> 00:06:12,406
Dr. Mengele: Mein Fuhrer?
[ Hitler clone shouting
indiscriminately ]
175
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:14,442
Would you like to make
a rousing speech
176
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,076
to inspire our loyalists
177
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:20,213
to rise up against
the demon oppressors?
178
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,281
Yeah.
179
00:06:25,986 --> 00:06:28,622
No, no, no.
You -- you talk into it.
180
00:06:28,656 --> 00:06:30,057
I'm no history buff,
181
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,359
but Hitler's only
supposed to have two arms.
182
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,927
I had some leftovers.
183
00:06:33,961 --> 00:06:36,063
I gave him
10 testicles.
184
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,197
Gary: Nice.
185
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:38,966
Stop playing
with your testicles!
186
00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:40,367
Heil Hitler!
187
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:41,735
That is it!
Stop that now!
188
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,705
Because you will pilot
the Schaden-Fuhrer!
189
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:49,710
[ "Ride Of The Valkyries"
plays ]
190
00:06:49,743 --> 00:06:52,446
Heil Hitler!
You're walking
into the lava!
191
00:06:55,315 --> 00:06:56,784
Gary:
Hey, hey, Dr. Mengele,
192
00:06:56,817 --> 00:06:58,719
maybe you should be
piloting the Schaden-fuhrer.
193
00:06:58,752 --> 00:07:00,420
That's a good idea!
194
00:07:00,454 --> 00:07:03,824
Here, take a sippy,
let daddy steer.
195
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:07,094
[ "Ride Of The Valkyries"
resumes ]
196
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:26,814
Hitler Clone:
Heil Hitler!
197
00:07:26,847 --> 00:07:29,249
Dr. Mengele:
No, you say "Sieg Heil!"
198
00:07:29,282 --> 00:07:31,084
I say "Heil Hitler!"
199
00:07:31,118 --> 00:07:32,786
Heil Hitler!
200
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,159
Hello, Satan.
201
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,294
Doc. Gary.
202
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:42,863
I'm not
part of this shit.
203
00:07:42,896 --> 00:07:45,265
We've come
for your surrender.
204
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,434
Here are our terms.
205
00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,969
Okay.
206
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,538
Uh...
207
00:07:51,539 --> 00:07:54,508
"Bow down
to the Fuhrer."
208
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:56,844
Is...
Is
209
00:07:56,877 --> 00:07:59,312
Yeah, and I --
I'd also like, uh,
210
00:07:59,346 --> 00:08:01,048
some of those porno discs
211
00:08:01,081 --> 00:08:03,984
where the woman
takes the dump on the man.
212
00:08:04,652 --> 00:08:06,787
Yeah,
we got some of those.
Hitler Clone:
Yay!
213
00:08:06,820 --> 00:08:08,589
Is -- is --
is that the Fuhrer?
214
00:08:09,923 --> 00:08:10,958
No!
215
00:08:10,991 --> 00:08:12,325
Don't play
with your buckles, my --
216
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:14,562
This goofy shit's
been going on all afternoon.
217
00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:16,296
No, no.
Stay right where you are.
218
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:17,998
It's too high!
No, Hitler!
219
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:20,067
Aah!
220
00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,468
No!!
221
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:25,505
[ Indiscriminate
muttering ]
222
00:08:28,676 --> 00:08:29,877
Right into
the acid fountain.
223
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,211
I just had that put in
last week.
224
00:08:31,244 --> 00:08:33,681
Dr. Mengele:
Oh, well.
225
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,719
Buddy,
you don't gotta cry!
226
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:41,221
You got the arm.
We can clone another Hitler.
227
00:08:41,254 --> 00:08:43,256
I don't know why you keep
cloning Hitler anyway.
228
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,324
You know he's here.
229
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,160
What do --
what do you mean?
230
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,563
Adolf Hitler
is here.
231
00:08:49,597 --> 00:08:50,898
That's impossible.
232
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:53,400
He would've
reached out to me.
233
00:08:53,433 --> 00:08:55,068
We were good friends!
234
00:08:55,102 --> 00:08:56,303
Really?
235
00:08:59,072 --> 00:09:00,641
Josef?
236
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:02,576
Mein Fuhrer!
237
00:09:02,610 --> 00:09:04,511
No, Josef.
238
00:09:04,544 --> 00:09:05,846
I am no longer that man.
239
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,681
I changed my name.
240
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:09,917
To Cody St. Clair.
241
00:09:09,950 --> 00:09:11,685
It's an anagram
for Adolf Hitler.
242
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:13,286
No, it's not.
I'm rebranding myself.
243
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,022
You probably could start
with shaving the mustache.
244
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,389
I mean,
that's where I would start.
245
00:09:16,423 --> 00:09:19,192
But I've been building
the Fourth Reich in your name!
246
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,128
What about the
No, I know.
247
00:09:21,161 --> 00:09:23,530
I moved on, Josef.
People change.
248
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:26,533
When they pour fire ants
up your dickhole for 70 years,
249
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,401
you have time to reflect.
250
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:31,872
I learned that we have to
love one another,
251
00:09:31,905 --> 00:09:33,240
because --
252
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:36,977
[ Gunshot,
bullet whizzing ]
253
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,613
Claude! I think he's
trying to save me.
254
00:09:39,647 --> 00:09:41,148
Claude!
Claude, I'm okay!
255
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,616
Gary" We're safe!
256
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,084
Claude! Stop shooting!
257
00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:47,287
I'm telling him I'm okay
and there's still bullets.
258
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:49,723
Transform into Beaver-Man!
259
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:52,392
Go, Gary, go!
260
00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:53,493
Transform!
261
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:55,162
This is not working.
262
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:57,064
Uh let's see,
next item of business here.
263
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,333
Ah, yes. I am promoting
Beaver-Headed-Gary-Body
264
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,736
to Senior Vice President
in charge of splinters,
265
00:10:02,770 --> 00:10:04,304
so you'll be
reporting to him directly,
266
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,505
Gary-Headed-Beaver-Body.
267
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:07,107
He's not
management material!
268
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:09,242
He just stacks shit
all day!
269
00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:10,410
He doesn't talk back.
270
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,012
He's chewing
the damn table!
271
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:13,413
Knock knock!
272
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:14,915
Doc!
273
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,584
I just wanted
to apologize again
274
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,920
for cloning Hitler
275
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:23,757
and putting him
inside a giant Aryan robot
276
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:26,293
and trying
to take over Hell.
277
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:32,199
So, I made some gifts
as a kind of apology!
278
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:36,103
There's a candle,
made from tallow --
279
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:40,273
not Jewish tallow,
random tallow!
280
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:43,376
And there's some soap
for the shower.
281
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:45,779
This is wonderful.
282
00:10:45,813 --> 00:10:46,780
Totally uncalled for,
283
00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:48,515
but yeah, yeah.
Shalom!
284
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:50,617
He's crazy!
285
00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:52,285
I never noticed
the shower heads
286
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:53,320
in the ceiling before...
287
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,828
Ah!
288
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:02,129
Oh, the doors locked.
289
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,898
**
290
00:11:05,933 --> 00:11:07,701
Is that your clone?
291
00:11:07,735 --> 00:11:10,137
Satan. Satan!
292
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:11,538
Yes...
293
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:14,241
Whatchu talkin' about,
Mengele?
20255
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