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1
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:07,106
Oh! Is Oscar home yet?
2
00:00:07,174 --> 00:00:08,751
Do you see
anything on the floor?
3
00:00:10,277 --> 00:00:11,810
Is that what I think it is?
4
00:00:11,879 --> 00:00:13,445
Yes, I got exactly
what you wanted.
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,074
Oh! Oh, we've got to hide
it before Oscar gets home.
6
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,161
But I thought Oscar
already had a smoking jacket.
7
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:21,536
A bathrobe with cigar butts in
the pocket is not a smoking jacket.
8
00:00:21,605 --> 00:00:24,205
Well, why don't we
hide it in the closet?
9
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:25,919
That's what I did last year.
10
00:00:25,943 --> 00:00:28,622
It was the one day of the year
he chose to hang up his coat.
11
00:00:28,646 --> 00:00:30,378
He'd never find it in his room.
12
00:00:30,447 --> 00:00:31,727
Neither would we.
13
00:00:33,483 --> 00:00:34,916
What are you doing? What?
14
00:00:34,985 --> 00:00:36,930
Do you know what the odds are
15
00:00:36,954 --> 00:00:39,349
against his hanging up
his coat two years in a row?
16
00:00:39,373 --> 00:00:41,451
Why don't you just
hand it to him directly?
17
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:42,775
"Happy Birthday, Oscar."
18
00:00:42,843 --> 00:00:44,520
But that would cut out
the element of surprise.
19
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:45,989
That's what makes
it all worthwhile.
20
00:00:46,013 --> 00:00:48,524
We can't give him a surprise
party without a surprise.
21
00:00:48,548 --> 00:00:50,894
Now, what we need... is a theme.
22
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:53,418
A surprise and a theme.
23
00:00:53,487 --> 00:00:56,555
That's the way you build
great moments in birthdays.
24
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,540
Great moments for who?
25
00:01:00,110 --> 00:01:02,244
Hey, Miriam. Hi, Felix.
26
00:01:03,580 --> 00:01:05,397
Oscar!
27
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:06,976
How come you're home so early?
28
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:09,384
They shortened the hallway.
29
00:01:15,091 --> 00:01:17,069
What are you doing? I'm
gonna hang up my coat.
30
00:01:17,093 --> 00:01:18,872
I'll hang it up for
you! Oh, no, no.
31
00:01:18,896 --> 00:01:21,496
I wanted to see if you hid
my birthday present in here.
32
00:01:21,565 --> 00:01:24,265
Aw, figures... Here...
33
00:01:26,403 --> 00:01:28,453
I hope it's not a
smoking jacket.
34
00:01:29,639 --> 00:01:30,783
There's only one thing
35
00:01:30,807 --> 00:01:32,285
I hate worse than
a smoking jacket.
36
00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:33,575
What's that?
37
00:01:33,644 --> 00:01:35,377
A surprise birthday party...
38
00:01:35,445 --> 00:01:37,379
with a theme!
39
00:01:42,536 --> 00:01:45,637
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
40
00:01:45,706 --> 00:01:47,773
from his place of residence.
41
00:01:47,841 --> 00:01:50,475
That request came from his wife.
42
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:52,877
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
43
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,381
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
44
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,350
With nowhere else to go,
45
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:01,153
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
46
00:02:01,221 --> 00:02:02,420
Several years earlier,
47
00:02:02,489 --> 00:02:04,067
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
48
00:02:04,091 --> 00:02:06,775
requesting that he never return.
49
00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:09,294
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
50
00:02:09,363 --> 00:02:11,323
without driving
each other crazy?
51
00:02:41,011 --> 00:02:43,946
♪ ♪
52
00:02:58,579 --> 00:03:01,847
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
53
00:03:03,250 --> 00:03:04,416
Felix, I'm warning you.
54
00:03:04,485 --> 00:03:06,284
You try to throw a
surprise party for me,
55
00:03:06,353 --> 00:03:09,153
I'm gonna throw a
surprise funeral for you!
56
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,556
Ah! Here it comes.
57
00:03:11,625 --> 00:03:12,625
Look at this.
58
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,008
Mr. Martyr.
59
00:03:14,077 --> 00:03:15,394
Now he's hurt.
60
00:03:15,462 --> 00:03:17,245
But if Felix gave a,
gave a surprise party
61
00:03:17,314 --> 00:03:18,746
for me, I'd be tickled to death.
62
00:03:18,815 --> 00:03:20,760
Good. You can have my birthday.
63
00:03:20,784 --> 00:03:23,651
Look, every party he throws
for me is embarrassing.
64
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:25,598
He never surprises me,
I'm always ahead of him,
65
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:28,239
and when I try to act surprised,
he says I'm not convincing.
66
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:30,402
Well, you're never
effervescent or bubbly enough.
67
00:03:30,426 --> 00:03:31,838
You want effervescence
and bubbly?
68
00:03:31,862 --> 00:03:34,996
Throw a surprise party
for a bottle of seltzer.
69
00:03:35,065 --> 00:03:37,510
Does that mean you
don't want a party?
70
00:03:37,534 --> 00:03:38,774
Miriam, you tell him, will you?
71
00:03:38,802 --> 00:03:41,503
You can do it without
hitting. No party!
72
00:03:44,207 --> 00:03:45,640
Thanks.
73
00:03:47,177 --> 00:03:48,610
Well, that's that.
74
00:03:48,679 --> 00:03:51,412
Now he'll be totally surprised!
75
00:03:51,482 --> 00:03:53,359
Now, we must
come up with a theme
76
00:03:53,383 --> 00:03:54,994
that will make this
an unforgettable party.
77
00:03:55,018 --> 00:03:56,968
You can't be serious.
You just heard him.
78
00:03:57,037 --> 00:03:59,215
I heard him, I heard
him. I hear him every year.
79
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:00,850
Last year, I even
complied with his wishes.
80
00:04:00,874 --> 00:04:02,006
I didn't give him a party.
81
00:04:02,076 --> 00:04:03,520
Was he happy? He said he was.
82
00:04:03,544 --> 00:04:06,010
He went out, he stayed out
all night, he said he had a ball.
83
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:06,995
Maybe he did.
84
00:04:07,064 --> 00:04:08,580
I know better.
85
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:11,766
I know the Madison mind.
86
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:15,636
Deep within, there's
a small, pathetic voice
87
00:04:15,705 --> 00:04:17,605
saying, "Surprise me!
88
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,341
"Throw me a party, Felix.
89
00:04:19,409 --> 00:04:20,541
You know how."
90
00:04:24,881 --> 00:04:27,282
Where'd you get the jacket?
91
00:04:27,351 --> 00:04:28,917
Why? You want to take it back?
92
00:04:28,985 --> 00:04:31,065
No, I want to get a
pair of pants to match.
93
00:04:38,428 --> 00:04:40,222
Okay. Let's start
hunting, Murray.
94
00:04:40,246 --> 00:04:41,813
Yeah.
95
00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:50,772
They're all empty.
96
00:04:50,841 --> 00:04:52,721
How does he
drink them like this?
97
00:04:54,327 --> 00:04:56,378
Hey, Felix, what
am I looking for?
98
00:04:56,447 --> 00:04:57,678
I don't know.
99
00:04:57,747 --> 00:04:58,780
Do I know?
100
00:04:58,848 --> 00:05:01,148
No, Murray, neither of us knows.
101
00:05:01,217 --> 00:05:02,784
We're looking for something
102
00:05:02,853 --> 00:05:05,337
that will give us the
theme for the surprise party.
103
00:05:11,445 --> 00:05:13,878
Isn't this nice?
104
00:05:13,947 --> 00:05:16,481
Petrified tuna.
105
00:05:17,685 --> 00:05:19,851
"James K. Polk High School."
106
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:21,536
This is it!
107
00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:24,822
Oscar's high school yearbook...
this will give us the theme for the party.
108
00:05:24,891 --> 00:05:27,170
We're all here to plan a
surprise party for Oscar.
109
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,239
Where's Myrna? MIRIAM:
You sure you told her
110
00:05:29,263 --> 00:05:31,480
my apartment, not
yours? Of course I told her!
111
00:05:33,316 --> 00:05:34,961
Myrna, Myrna,
you're late. Hi, Felix.
112
00:05:34,985 --> 00:05:36,228
Come in, come in. Hi, Miriam.
113
00:05:36,252 --> 00:05:37,613
Hello. Hi, Murray. Hi, Myrna.
114
00:05:37,637 --> 00:05:39,804
Hi, new person
without a wedding ring.
115
00:05:41,124 --> 00:05:43,708
Myrna, this is Monroe.
116
00:05:43,777 --> 00:05:44,987
Monroe is the super's son.
117
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,389
Hi. Myrna Turner,
Monroe Hernandez.
118
00:05:46,413 --> 00:05:47,857
Now that the
social amenities are
119
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:49,826
out of the way, can
we start the meeting?
120
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:52,116
Eenie, meenie, minie, oatmeal.
121
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,951
I think I'll have an oatmeal.
122
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,931
Excellent decision, Murray.
123
00:05:55,955 --> 00:06:00,041
Now Myrna, Miriam,
Murray, Monroe,
124
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:03,778
myself...
125
00:06:03,847 --> 00:06:08,150
I think I've come up with a
great theme for Oscar's party,
126
00:06:08,218 --> 00:06:11,302
and if I say so
myself, it's a biggie.
127
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:15,674
But I can't tell you about
it till the night of the party.
128
00:06:15,742 --> 00:06:17,859
Now, you all must
help me with this plan.
129
00:06:17,927 --> 00:06:20,712
How do we help you with the
plan if we don't know the plan?
130
00:06:20,781 --> 00:06:23,498
You'll see. You'll
each have a job to do.
131
00:06:23,566 --> 00:06:26,301
Each of you must find out
something about Oscar's life,
132
00:06:26,369 --> 00:06:29,121
but nobody tells anybody
else what he's found out.
133
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:32,790
Or else we self-destruct?
134
00:06:32,859 --> 00:06:35,293
Myrna, your job is to find
out everything you can
135
00:06:35,362 --> 00:06:38,563
about Oscar's childhood
from birth to age ten.
136
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:42,100
All right. I'll just look for a
teddy bear with ketchup stains.
137
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:45,587
Monroe, you're from 21 to 30.
138
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,154
Find out everything you can.
139
00:06:47,223 --> 00:06:49,774
Uh, well, what do I do?
Just go up and ask him?
140
00:06:49,842 --> 00:06:53,327
No, you, you talk to him. You're
subtle, you use your ingenuity.
141
00:06:53,396 --> 00:06:55,108
I don't have to go
into his room, do I?
142
00:06:55,132 --> 00:06:56,948
Whatever.
143
00:06:57,016 --> 00:06:59,178
Murray, you find out
everything you can
144
00:06:59,202 --> 00:07:00,868
from 11 to 20.
145
00:07:00,937 --> 00:07:03,154
I got the puberty section!
146
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:10,562
Here's the boxing story.
147
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:13,565
"Huvyweight...
muddle huvyweight"?
148
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:15,116
I create, you correct.
149
00:07:15,185 --> 00:07:18,970
I can't correct a
foreign language.
150
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:22,207
I'm sorry, Mr. Madison.
151
00:07:22,276 --> 00:07:24,742
But I wanted to remind
you about filling out
152
00:07:24,812 --> 00:07:27,646
your new payroll form;
you haven't done it yet.
153
00:07:27,714 --> 00:07:30,181
Wait a minute, will you? I'm
trying to finish another story.
154
00:07:30,249 --> 00:07:32,383
You want to write
a story, or get paid?
155
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:35,353
All right, let's hurry up.
Come on, I want a beer.
156
00:07:35,421 --> 00:07:37,166
Okay, first, your
place of birth.
157
00:07:37,190 --> 00:07:39,256
Our Lady of the Angels
Hospital, Philadelphia.
158
00:07:39,325 --> 00:07:41,403
What's the attending
physician's name?
159
00:07:41,427 --> 00:07:42,961
Dr. Max Greenbaum.
160
00:07:43,029 --> 00:07:44,913
Was it a normal birth?
161
00:07:47,584 --> 00:07:51,669
No, I was spawned upstream.
162
00:07:51,738 --> 00:07:52,738
What is this?
163
00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:55,590
Payroll wants this
information, not me.
164
00:07:55,659 --> 00:07:58,960
What was your fondest memory
between ages one and ten?
165
00:07:59,028 --> 00:08:00,039
The summer of eight.
166
00:08:00,063 --> 00:08:01,095
I'm serious.
167
00:08:01,164 --> 00:08:02,730
Who was your best
friend at that time?
168
00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:04,593
Chubby London.
He... Wait a minute.
169
00:08:04,617 --> 00:08:06,462
What's that got to
do with the payroll?
170
00:08:06,486 --> 00:08:08,586
Must be a credit check.
171
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:12,323
I gave Chubby back his marbles.
172
00:08:12,392 --> 00:08:13,569
Now, what's going on here?
173
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:14,793
Let me see the form, come on!
174
00:08:14,844 --> 00:08:16,189
Nothing's going on
here, Mr. Madison.
175
00:08:16,213 --> 00:08:17,623
What are you so
suspicious about?
176
00:08:17,647 --> 00:08:20,025
Everyone your age is
always so suspicious.
177
00:08:20,049 --> 00:08:21,415
Like I'm a devious person.
178
00:08:21,484 --> 00:08:24,718
I'm not a devious
person, am I? No!
179
00:08:24,787 --> 00:08:27,605
And it's my lunch
hour. And I'm, I'm...
180
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:31,242
I'm lunching, and I'll
be back after I lunch.
181
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,728
I hate suspicious people.
182
00:08:38,585 --> 00:08:40,151
Hey, Oscar...
183
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,754
did you know I've been
studying to become a detective?
184
00:08:42,822 --> 00:08:44,133
No, I didn't. How's it going?
185
00:08:44,157 --> 00:08:46,791
Well... last week I
flunked disguises.
186
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:50,328
Mmm... I don't understand it!
187
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,649
Everybody knew it was me.
188
00:08:58,288 --> 00:09:00,221
Must be your walk.
189
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:01,823
Oh, yeah.
190
00:09:01,891 --> 00:09:04,926
This week, we're taking
interrogation lessons.
191
00:09:04,994 --> 00:09:06,594
Hey, could I practice on you?
192
00:09:06,663 --> 00:09:07,774
Sure, make me talk.
193
00:09:07,798 --> 00:09:09,664
Okay...
194
00:09:14,504 --> 00:09:16,955
All right, Madison, sit down!
195
00:09:24,431 --> 00:09:27,566
Where were you on
the night June 14, 1942?
196
00:09:27,634 --> 00:09:28,567
1942?
197
00:09:28,635 --> 00:09:29,968
You heard me!
I want it straight!
198
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,917
I want the truth and
none of your lying stories!
199
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:32,887
Now, where were you?!
200
00:09:32,955 --> 00:09:34,055
I don't remember.
201
00:09:34,124 --> 00:09:35,789
Ah, that's better.
202
00:09:38,711 --> 00:09:40,857
Now, who was your
best friend in high school?
203
00:09:40,881 --> 00:09:44,883
Chubby London... Wait a minute.
204
00:09:44,951 --> 00:09:47,029
Why is everybody asking
me about my childhood?
205
00:09:47,053 --> 00:09:47,935
I don't know.
206
00:09:48,004 --> 00:09:49,482
Sit down, Murray. Oscar...
207
00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:52,240
Please, sit. Come on, sit down.
208
00:09:54,844 --> 00:09:56,822
Now, Murray, I want
you to tell me w...
209
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,946
Felix made me do it!
I didn't want to do it!
210
00:09:59,015 --> 00:10:01,198
I'm a nice guy! I got
nothing against you!
211
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:02,867
He wants to know
about your childhood!
212
00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:05,470
I'm telling you the truth!
213
00:10:05,538 --> 00:10:06,682
Oh, please, Oscar,
give me a break!
214
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:07,938
Let me off the hook!
215
00:10:09,926 --> 00:10:11,893
You're a tough nut
to crack, Murray.
216
00:10:17,967 --> 00:10:19,817
There he is!
217
00:10:19,886 --> 00:10:22,437
Mr. Sportswriter!
218
00:10:22,505 --> 00:10:26,024
Look at him... ready to
go get 'em, aren't you?
219
00:10:26,092 --> 00:10:27,403
Feeling like a million...
220
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,809
Ah, shut up!
221
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,363
You don't mean that.
222
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,376
I know you. You don't mean that.
223
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:35,520
What?
224
00:10:36,770 --> 00:10:38,670
What's this sudden
hostility? What is it?
225
00:10:38,738 --> 00:10:41,506
It's not sudden, it's been
building up for years.
226
00:10:41,575 --> 00:10:43,519
I know about your
so-called surprise party
227
00:10:43,543 --> 00:10:45,054
and the secret
meeting Surprise party?
228
00:10:45,078 --> 00:10:46,444
Of the Macaroon Society.
229
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,224
I'm warning you for
the last time, Felix.
230
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:49,342
Drop the whole thing.
231
00:10:49,366 --> 00:10:50,710
I don't know what
you're talking about.
232
00:10:50,734 --> 00:10:52,211
This is all in your
fevered imagination.
233
00:10:52,235 --> 00:10:53,885
I told you there was
no surprise party.
234
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,698
Like you told me you
were only moving in
235
00:10:55,722 --> 00:10:57,700
for a couple of
weeks 50 years ago!
236
00:10:57,724 --> 00:11:00,441
Oscar, if you don't want
me to stay here, just tell me.
237
00:11:00,509 --> 00:11:03,144
I tell you every month!
238
00:11:05,181 --> 00:11:06,941
Come in. The door's open.
239
00:11:08,618 --> 00:11:10,818
Well, Miriam, my former friend.
240
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:12,820
Come down to reminisce?
241
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,700
No, no, I've got to
talk to you, Felix.
242
00:11:14,724 --> 00:11:16,657
Really? Feeling a little guilty?
243
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:18,570
No. I just think you should know
244
00:11:18,594 --> 00:11:20,222
that Murray spilled the beans.
245
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:22,830
Oh, it was Murray who cracked.
246
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,843
Yes, and Oscar offered
Monroe five dollars
247
00:11:24,867 --> 00:11:26,329
to tell him your party plans.
248
00:11:26,353 --> 00:11:28,603
Well, he's barking up
the wrong tree there.
249
00:11:28,672 --> 00:11:30,521
I can trust Monroe.
He has character.
250
00:11:30,590 --> 00:11:33,591
Enough to turn
down a bribe offer.
251
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:35,337
Monroe wants to know how much
252
00:11:35,361 --> 00:11:38,629
you're willing to
offer him not to tell.
253
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,225
What about Myrna? She
was supposed to call me.
254
00:11:40,249 --> 00:11:41,515
Oh, she called me.
255
00:11:41,584 --> 00:11:43,951
She got a few things,
and then lost her notes.
256
00:11:44,020 --> 00:11:46,180
She turned them in to
the payroll department.
257
00:11:48,191 --> 00:11:50,574
It's hard to get good spies.
258
00:11:50,643 --> 00:11:52,505
I just feel awful for you.
259
00:11:52,529 --> 00:11:54,061
Well, how do you think I feel?
260
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,164
All I want to do is
show Oscar a good time.
261
00:11:56,232 --> 00:11:57,309
I know. Hi, Miriam.
262
00:11:57,333 --> 00:12:00,613
Oh... Where're my clean socks?
263
00:12:01,121 --> 00:12:03,504
You don't have any.
You buy them dirty.
264
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,034
Hello.
265
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:17,969
Yes. Yes!
266
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:19,770
Just a minute, please. Hold on.
267
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:20,959
It's for you! Long distance!
268
00:12:21,007 --> 00:12:21,940
Paris is calling!
269
00:12:22,008 --> 00:12:22,941
You're kidding.
270
00:12:23,009 --> 00:12:24,358
Hello?
271
00:12:24,427 --> 00:12:26,839
Hey, it's good to
hear your voice!
272
00:12:26,863 --> 00:12:27,940
How are you, Ma?
273
00:12:27,964 --> 00:12:28,964
It's your mommy?
274
00:12:28,999 --> 00:12:30,609
How many people do I call Mom?
275
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,711
Yeah, it's my mom.
Say hello to her for me.
276
00:12:32,735 --> 00:12:34,713
How are you? Hello from America!
277
00:12:34,737 --> 00:12:37,538
Yes, Mommy, that was
Felix. Skinny Felix, yeah.
278
00:12:37,607 --> 00:12:39,185
What? What hotel's
she staying at?
279
00:12:39,209 --> 00:12:40,886
What hotel are you
at? She heard you!
280
00:12:40,910 --> 00:12:42,955
The Plaza! How's
your world tour, Ma?
281
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:44,912
How long you
going to be in Paris?
282
00:12:44,981 --> 00:12:46,747
No kidding!
283
00:12:46,816 --> 00:12:48,049
Why are you laughing?
284
00:12:48,118 --> 00:12:52,487
I found my spy... the
French connection.
285
00:12:56,759 --> 00:12:57,936
Hello!
286
00:12:57,960 --> 00:12:59,305
Yes, Mrs. Madison,
this is Felix Unger.
287
00:12:59,329 --> 00:13:01,695
Thanks... Miriam.
288
00:13:01,764 --> 00:13:02,764
What are you doing?
289
00:13:02,832 --> 00:13:04,232
No, I'm waiting here
290
00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,011
for Oscar's mother to
call me back from Paris.
291
00:13:06,035 --> 00:13:08,535
Yeah, she was
out; I left a message.
292
00:13:08,604 --> 00:13:10,115
Well, it's 9:00 here,
it's 3:00 over there.
293
00:13:10,139 --> 00:13:11,672
What's the difference?
294
00:13:11,741 --> 00:13:13,152
Yeah, well, I've got to
keep the phone free, yeah.
295
00:13:13,176 --> 00:13:14,887
I'll call you back as
soon as I know anything.
296
00:13:14,911 --> 00:13:15,943
Right. Bye-bye.
297
00:13:20,766 --> 00:13:21,766
Oscar!
298
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,169
Oscar.
299
00:13:25,238 --> 00:13:26,381
Oscar.
300
00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:29,257
Your memory for
names is astounding.
301
00:13:31,027 --> 00:13:32,204
But I, I thought you had a date
302
00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,572
with crazy Rhoda
with the overbite.
303
00:13:33,596 --> 00:13:34,645
You're back so early.
304
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:36,864
I did. She had to
go to the dentist.
305
00:13:36,933 --> 00:13:38,682
The dentist at 9:00 at night?
306
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,835
She broke a tooth
opening a bottle of beer.
307
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:43,721
Crazy Rhoda!
308
00:13:43,789 --> 00:13:46,574
Oh... Well, you're
back so early.
309
00:13:46,643 --> 00:13:48,560
It's not that early; it's 9:00.
310
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:50,528
Yeah, you're right.
311
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,407
No, it's not, that's
not early at all, is it?
312
00:13:52,431 --> 00:13:53,531
It's late.
313
00:13:53,599 --> 00:13:56,467
Oh, boy, I'm tired.
314
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,580
9:00 already, huh?
315
00:13:58,604 --> 00:14:01,172
Oh, boy, I didn't realize
I was so bushed, huh.
316
00:14:01,240 --> 00:14:04,408
Wow...
317
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,356
I guess I'll turn in.
318
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:08,641
You look bushed, too.
319
00:14:08,665 --> 00:14:10,393
You going to turn
in? No, I'm not tired.
320
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,478
Well, you were just yawning. I was
yawning because you were yawning.
321
00:14:12,502 --> 00:14:16,170
I was... I was yawning
because you look so tired.
322
00:14:16,239 --> 00:14:17,871
Why don't you go to bed?
323
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:19,685
Because it's too early, I...
324
00:14:19,709 --> 00:14:21,676
Why is the pillow ringing?
325
00:14:21,744 --> 00:14:23,388
No, it's not. No, it's not.
326
00:14:23,412 --> 00:14:26,024
What is there under there?
No, it's not. No, it's not.
327
00:14:26,048 --> 00:14:27,593
It's a wrong number. How do
you know it's a wrong number?
328
00:14:27,617 --> 00:14:28,961
Some silly woman's
been calling all evening.
329
00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:30,084
Let me straighten her out.
330
00:14:30,152 --> 00:14:32,392
It's the wrong
number. Call back!
331
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,473
You can cut the act, Felix.
332
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,257
I know exactly
what you're doing.
333
00:14:37,326 --> 00:14:38,559
You do?
334
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:40,294
Yeah. You're expecting
a call from a girl.
335
00:14:40,363 --> 00:14:41,562
You didn't want me to know.
336
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:44,515
You're afraid I'll tell
Miriam or Gloria, right?
337
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,801
I can't fool you.
338
00:14:46,870 --> 00:14:48,150
Ah...
339
00:14:48,187 --> 00:14:52,656
Ah, you don't have to
worry about me, buddy.
340
00:14:52,725 --> 00:14:54,091
I'll just go in my bedroom.
341
00:14:54,160 --> 00:14:57,061
You won't hear a
peep out of me, huh?
342
00:14:57,130 --> 00:14:58,996
You little devil.
343
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,782
Don't worry, I'll read a book.
344
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:05,553
At least one of us'll
get lucky tonight, huh?
345
00:15:05,621 --> 00:15:07,972
You animal, you.
346
00:15:09,309 --> 00:15:10,574
I can't help myself.
347
00:15:13,246 --> 00:15:16,581
Felix Unger, fate
is on your side.
348
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:18,277
Hello!
349
00:15:18,301 --> 00:15:20,661
Go get her, you
tiger! Right, Osc!
350
00:15:20,686 --> 00:15:23,270
Yes! Yes! Put her on.
351
00:15:24,407 --> 00:15:25,417
Hello, Mrs. Madison.
352
00:15:25,441 --> 00:15:26,986
Thanks very much
for calling me back.
353
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,478
Listen. I'm throwing a
surprise party for your son.
354
00:15:31,431 --> 00:15:33,264
Yes, Oscar.
355
00:15:33,333 --> 00:15:36,700
And... and I want a
few quick questions.
356
00:15:36,769 --> 00:15:39,604
Who was his
childhood sweetheart?
357
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,239
Who was his best friend?
358
00:15:41,307 --> 00:15:43,141
Who was his idol?
359
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,710
Well, besides you.
360
00:16:32,408 --> 00:16:34,225
Ah!
361
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:42,466
Happy Birthday!
362
00:16:44,286 --> 00:16:47,604
Well, what kind of day did
you have today, big guy?
363
00:16:47,673 --> 00:16:49,707
Great, little guy.
Nice and quiet.
364
00:16:49,775 --> 00:16:51,486
No surprises, and that's
the way it's going to stay.
365
00:16:51,510 --> 00:16:52,443
You bet.
366
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,356
This is your birthday, huh?
367
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:55,574
Forget it. Did that
girl call you back?
368
00:16:55,598 --> 00:16:57,632
Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
369
00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,244
We made some
very interesting plans.
370
00:16:59,268 --> 00:17:01,769
We'll be able to see a
lot more of each other
371
00:17:01,838 --> 00:17:05,006
now that her massage
parlor is closed.
372
00:17:05,074 --> 00:17:06,340
Look at that.
373
00:17:06,409 --> 00:17:08,209
Look at that birthday boy.
374
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:10,355
Look at that picture. You
know what I'd like to do?
375
00:17:10,379 --> 00:17:11,823
I'd like to make a
portrait of you at my studio
376
00:17:11,847 --> 00:17:13,213
for your birthday.
377
00:17:13,282 --> 00:17:15,817
Sure. Then everybody'll
jump out of nooks and crannies,
378
00:17:15,885 --> 00:17:17,185
say "Surprise! Surprise!"
379
00:17:17,253 --> 00:17:18,464
No. Forget it, Felix.
380
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:20,688
I'm celebrating my
birthday watching television,
381
00:17:20,757 --> 00:17:22,301
The Outlaw, and I'm
going to drink some beer.
382
00:17:22,325 --> 00:17:25,192
No, you don't mean
it, you don't mean it.
383
00:17:25,261 --> 00:17:27,239
Do you mind, please? Aah! Oh!
384
00:17:27,263 --> 00:17:29,129
Oh! Oh, Oscar! Oh!
385
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:31,515
Oh, something...
something hurts.
386
00:17:31,584 --> 00:17:33,217
I may need... my medicine.
387
00:17:33,286 --> 00:17:34,330
My medicine's at the studio.
388
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:35,447
You better, better help me.
389
00:17:35,471 --> 00:17:37,248
Felix, get out of
the way, will you?
390
00:17:37,272 --> 00:17:38,338
It's my birthday.
391
00:17:38,407 --> 00:17:40,607
I'm going to do
what I want to do.
392
00:17:40,676 --> 00:17:42,359
You know something?
393
00:17:42,428 --> 00:17:43,711
You're a selfish man.
394
00:17:43,779 --> 00:17:45,062
What are you talking about?
395
00:17:45,131 --> 00:17:47,051
Never mind. You're
not interested.
396
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:48,882
You're right.
397
00:17:48,951 --> 00:17:52,386
Selfish guy.
398
00:17:52,455 --> 00:17:54,788
Selfish, selfish, selfish guy.
399
00:17:54,857 --> 00:17:56,017
Felix, will you cut it out?
400
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,353
I don't like people
that talk to themselves
401
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,387
when I'm in the room.
402
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,326
Now, what is it?
403
00:17:59,395 --> 00:18:01,679
You're a selfish man.
404
00:18:01,748 --> 00:18:03,314
This party isn't for you.
405
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:06,784
It's for everybody waiting there
at the studio for you to arrive
406
00:18:06,853 --> 00:18:09,153
so they can jump up
and yell "Happy Birthday"
407
00:18:09,221 --> 00:18:11,199
and their little hearts
will beat a little bit faster
408
00:18:11,223 --> 00:18:13,101
and there'll be some
excitement in their humdrum lives.
409
00:18:13,125 --> 00:18:15,565
That's the truth. That's who
the party's for, your friends.
410
00:18:17,263 --> 00:18:18,529
Hey, you know something, Felix?
411
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:20,731
For once in your
life, you're right.
412
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,277
That's the best
argument I ever heard
413
00:18:22,301 --> 00:18:23,918
for doing something I hate.
414
00:18:23,986 --> 00:18:25,452
You're right! I'll
go to the studio!
415
00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,633
Let's get dressed. Come
on, come on, come on.
416
00:18:27,657 --> 00:18:29,167
You know what? What?
417
00:18:29,191 --> 00:18:31,169
I'm going to do some of the
best surprise acting you ever saw.
418
00:18:31,193 --> 00:18:32,743
Show me, show me.
419
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,912
Oh, what a surprise!
420
00:18:35,915 --> 00:18:37,915
Act, eh... try humble.
421
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:39,061
Humble? Humble, yeah.
422
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:41,319
Aw, I don't deserve this. Gee...
423
00:18:41,387 --> 00:18:43,098
No, no, no. I think
bubbly is better.
424
00:18:43,122 --> 00:18:44,166
Bubbly? Bubbly, yeah.
425
00:18:44,190 --> 00:18:46,524
What a surprise!
Put your hands...
426
00:18:48,127 --> 00:18:49,407
Gee, Felix, I don't know why
427
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,607
we have to come
down to your studio...
428
00:18:51,631 --> 00:18:53,830
Surprise! Happy Birthday!
429
00:18:53,899 --> 00:18:55,348
Oh, what a surprise!
430
00:18:55,417 --> 00:18:57,601
Oh, my! You got me!
431
00:18:57,670 --> 00:18:58,814
I thought we had to come down
432
00:18:58,838 --> 00:19:00,549
to put out the red
light in your darkroom!
433
00:19:00,573 --> 00:19:05,076
Aw, gee, I don't
really deserve this.
434
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:06,521
How am I doing?
435
00:19:06,545 --> 00:19:07,839
Remember, we threw
that out for bubbly?
436
00:19:07,863 --> 00:19:10,464
Oh, yeah. Oh, well... Yes! Yay!
437
00:19:10,533 --> 00:19:13,333
This is the best
surprise I've ever had!
438
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:16,370
So I guess the only thing to
do is to blow out the candles,
439
00:19:16,439 --> 00:19:19,006
you sing "Happy Birthday,"
and then go home, huh?
440
00:19:19,074 --> 00:19:20,652
Not so fast!
441
00:19:20,676 --> 00:19:23,977
Not so fast, Oscar
Madison, my friend,
442
00:19:24,046 --> 00:19:27,381
my very, very close friend.
443
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:32,419
Because Oscar
Madison, this is your life!
444
00:19:37,360 --> 00:19:40,944
Yes, Oscar Madison,
this is your life.
445
00:19:41,014 --> 00:19:42,391
Felix, I get the feeling,
446
00:19:42,415 --> 00:19:43,825
I'm going to be embarrassed.
447
00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,082
You were born in Toledo...
448
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:47,296
No, no, no. No, no. My
brother was born in Toledo.
449
00:19:47,320 --> 00:19:48,535
I was born in Philadelphia.
450
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:50,771
And your family shortly
moved to Philadelphia,
451
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,674
where you were born
on a warm, sunny day.
452
00:19:53,743 --> 00:19:57,511
And now... remember this voice?
453
00:19:57,579 --> 00:19:59,725
Hey, get me out
of this darkroom!
454
00:19:59,749 --> 00:20:01,415
Get me out of here!
455
00:20:01,484 --> 00:20:03,818
A voice out of your
past, Oscar Madison.
456
00:20:03,886 --> 00:20:04,902
Remember...
457
00:20:04,970 --> 00:20:07,705
Salty's Soda
Parlor? Oh, I sure do.
458
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,055
You guessed it.
459
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,236
After all these years, we've
brought him here tonight.
460
00:20:11,260 --> 00:20:12,604
Unfortunately, he was stacked up
461
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,205
over Kennedy
Airport for three hours.
462
00:20:14,229 --> 00:20:16,280
But here he is, in the flesh,
463
00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:18,382
Arthur O'Reilly!
464
00:20:18,450 --> 00:20:21,051
Who's Arthur O'Reilly?
465
00:20:22,338 --> 00:20:25,239
Boy, did we have
fun on that plane!
466
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:28,308
We went around and around
and then we had another...
467
00:20:28,377 --> 00:20:30,644
Oscar Madison!
468
00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:33,947
Oh! I see you had
your nose fixed.
469
00:20:34,016 --> 00:20:37,101
Who is this? This isn't Salty.
470
00:20:37,170 --> 00:20:40,604
Salty couldn't make it tonight,
but we did manage to get Arthur.
471
00:20:40,673 --> 00:20:42,751
This is the man who
used to fix the jukebox
472
00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:45,926
in that very
self-same soda parlor!
473
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,275
I don't remember him.
474
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:49,747
I don't remember you.
475
00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:53,500
You're both so overcome,
you can't remember each other.
476
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,320
Come, sit down, Mr. O'Reilly.
477
00:20:56,388 --> 00:20:58,333
Felix, I'm predicting
embarrassment.
478
00:20:58,357 --> 00:21:00,490
Yes, Oscar Madison.
479
00:21:00,559 --> 00:21:04,177
You've gathered a friend
from the past to your bosom.
480
00:21:04,246 --> 00:21:07,130
Do you remember your
first childhood sweetheart?
481
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,344
You promised each other
that when you grew up,
482
00:21:09,368 --> 00:21:10,918
you'd get married.
483
00:21:10,987 --> 00:21:12,303
Judy Skelton is here?
484
00:21:12,371 --> 00:21:15,289
Judy Skelton in the flesh!
485
00:21:20,529 --> 00:21:23,163
Judy Skelton, Mr. Birthday Boy!
486
00:21:23,232 --> 00:21:25,672
Hey, Judy! You lost weight!
487
00:21:27,303 --> 00:21:28,714
And I've got tickets
for the two of you
488
00:21:28,738 --> 00:21:34,692
to go ice-skating all
week at Rockefeller Plaza!
489
00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:39,513
And now we come to
the piece de resistance.
490
00:21:39,582 --> 00:21:42,083
Last but not least,
Oscar Madison,
491
00:21:42,151 --> 00:21:45,186
remember this sound?
492
00:21:47,123 --> 00:21:48,054
No.
493
00:21:48,123 --> 00:21:49,974
No.
494
00:21:50,043 --> 00:21:51,976
Here she is, Oscar Madison,
495
00:21:52,045 --> 00:21:54,895
the deep, dark secret
of your early youth.
496
00:21:54,964 --> 00:21:56,413
Your dancing teacher
497
00:21:56,482 --> 00:22:00,200
from the Langley Tippy
Tap Toe Dancing School,
498
00:22:00,269 --> 00:22:02,720
Mrs. Irene Langley!
499
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:11,462
And now, for the
cherry on the sundae!
500
00:22:11,531 --> 00:22:13,497
The moment we've
been waiting for!
501
00:22:13,566 --> 00:22:17,868
You will relive your
fabulous, your unforgettable...
502
00:22:17,937 --> 00:22:21,338
Shirley Temple dance!
503
00:22:21,407 --> 00:22:24,107
Here's a pair of tap shoes.
504
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:27,110
Here is a cane...
Your original cane!
505
00:22:27,179 --> 00:22:30,314
And here is Shirley Temple!
506
00:22:34,520 --> 00:22:36,120
I surprised you, didn't I?
507
00:22:36,188 --> 00:22:37,588
I got you, didn't I?
508
00:22:37,656 --> 00:22:38,805
All right, everybody!
509
00:22:38,874 --> 00:22:41,792
Let's toast
Mr. This-is-Your-Life himself!
510
00:22:41,860 --> 00:22:46,529
Come on. Get some
punch for the birthday boy!
511
00:22:46,598 --> 00:22:47,964
Here we go, everybody.
512
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:49,099
Here we are, now.
513
00:22:49,168 --> 00:22:50,484
A big toast.
514
00:22:50,553 --> 00:22:52,319
Here we...
515
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,147
Hiya, Felix.
516
00:23:04,216 --> 00:23:05,883
Look, I'm sorry I
ran out like that,
517
00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:07,184
but if I'd have stayed,
518
00:23:07,252 --> 00:23:08,853
I'd have to punch
you right in the nose.
519
00:23:08,921 --> 00:23:11,104
Why didn't you do it?
520
00:23:11,173 --> 00:23:14,107
I always try to do
great big things
521
00:23:14,176 --> 00:23:16,042
and they always end up rotten.
522
00:23:16,111 --> 00:23:18,496
But why do you try so hard? Why?
523
00:23:18,564 --> 00:23:19,713
Why? Because I'm a nut.
524
00:23:19,782 --> 00:23:22,015
I'm an obsessive
person, that's why.
525
00:23:22,085 --> 00:23:25,118
Try so hard to make people
happy, and I always ruin it.
526
00:23:25,187 --> 00:23:27,538
No, not always... Yes, always.
527
00:23:27,606 --> 00:23:30,541
Once I made my mother
a beautiful bed lamp,
528
00:23:30,610 --> 00:23:32,787
but I crossed the wires,
and I blew up her night table.
529
00:23:34,146 --> 00:23:35,212
Come on, cheer up.
530
00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:36,447
Look, light the candle,
531
00:23:36,515 --> 00:23:38,110
I'll blow it out and
then go to bed.
532
00:23:38,134 --> 00:23:39,861
Would you do that for me?
533
00:23:39,885 --> 00:23:41,496
Sure. You can even sing a
chorus of "Happy Birthday,"
534
00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:42,653
but only one chorus.
535
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:43,654
Really?
536
00:23:43,722 --> 00:23:45,333
Sure. Okay. Okay.
537
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:47,591
You ready? I'm ready.
538
00:23:50,762 --> 00:23:52,229
Blow out the candle!
539
00:23:52,298 --> 00:23:54,598
Surprise!
540
00:23:54,667 --> 00:23:57,434
I surprised you!
I surprised you!
541
00:23:57,503 --> 00:24:00,604
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
542
00:24:00,673 --> 00:24:02,872
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
543
00:24:02,941 --> 00:24:06,443
♪ Which nobody can deny,
which nobody can deny ♪
544
00:24:06,512 --> 00:24:09,946
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow,
for he's a jolly good fellow ♪
545
00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:12,182
♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow... ♪
546
00:24:16,355 --> 00:24:17,955
Oscar? Yeah.
547
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:19,323
Everybody's gone home.
548
00:24:19,391 --> 00:24:22,192
Good. 'Cause I'm
really exhausted.
549
00:24:22,261 --> 00:24:24,239
You know, that Shirley
Temple dance tires me out.
550
00:24:24,263 --> 00:24:25,740
Well, you were
great in it though.
551
00:24:25,764 --> 00:24:27,926
Tell me, did you have a
good time at the party?
552
00:24:27,950 --> 00:24:29,183
Yes, I did. I really had fun.
553
00:24:29,251 --> 00:24:30,184
Oh, great.
554
00:24:30,252 --> 00:24:31,185
And I really surprised you?
555
00:24:31,253 --> 00:24:33,653
You did. I didn't
think you could.
556
00:24:33,722 --> 00:24:35,434
You don't know
what it does for me
557
00:24:35,458 --> 00:24:36,901
just knowing I
could do it to you.
558
00:24:36,925 --> 00:24:38,136
Good. Now, I want
to get into bed.
559
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:39,571
I want to read Murray's
birthday present to me.
560
00:24:39,595 --> 00:24:40,705
Really, what'd he get you?
561
00:24:40,729 --> 00:24:43,213
Athletes Who Have
Served Time in Jail.
562
00:24:43,282 --> 00:24:44,676
Ah. That's very,
very interesting.
563
00:24:44,700 --> 00:24:45,632
Yeah.
564
00:24:45,701 --> 00:24:48,435
Well, good night, birthday boy.
565
00:24:48,504 --> 00:24:50,170
Good night, Mr. Surprise Party.
566
00:24:50,238 --> 00:24:52,639
I really fooled you? Yep.
567
00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:56,910
Surprise!
568
00:24:56,979 --> 00:24:58,256
♪ For he's a jolly good fellow ♪
569
00:24:58,280 --> 00:25:01,148
♪ For he's a jolly
good fellow... ♪
38510
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