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Louise Belcher,
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the myth, the legend,
the fourth grader.
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00:00:09,631 --> 00:00:13,167
And just possibly,
the best archer in the world?
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00:00:13,671 --> 00:00:15,306
I first encountered her online,
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00:00:15,418 --> 00:00:16,820
performing incredible
trick shots,
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00:00:16,926 --> 00:00:19,561
and I was like, "Whoa."
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With millions of views
and a rapidly growing fan base,
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00:00:25,317 --> 00:00:27,252
this Internet hotshot
is right on target
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to become the most
famous archer on the planet.
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00:00:30,250 --> 00:00:32,451
In her most-watched
video by far, she performs
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this near-miracle of a
shot, which she calls
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00:00:34,839 --> 00:00:37,341
"The Off-the-Wall
Flipparoo How-Do-You-Do."
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00:00:41,072 --> 00:00:42,140
Wow.
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00:00:42,202 --> 00:00:43,437
But for many of us captivated
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00:00:43,537 --> 00:00:44,939
by her amazing talent,
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00:00:45,012 --> 00:00:47,047
"Who is Louise Belcher,
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00:00:47,169 --> 00:00:50,205
and how is she so good?"
which is actually two questions.
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Louise works here,
with her parents,
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00:00:52,135 --> 00:00:54,671
in this dingy diner in a
shabby seaside town.
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00:00:54,841 --> 00:00:57,010
Our documentary crew...
Who is unrelated to her
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00:00:57,136 --> 00:00:59,037
in any way because
she is an only child...
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00:00:59,156 --> 00:01:00,958
Visited her here,
to see firsthand
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00:01:01,109 --> 00:01:03,411
how Louise is able to
pull off her incredible shots,
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00:01:03,609 --> 00:01:06,011
and to learn more about
the woman behind the bow.
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00:01:06,144 --> 00:01:07,912
Or bow-hind, um, if you will.
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00:01:08,061 --> 00:01:10,697
Before I was a world-class
archer... not my words,
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00:01:10,836 --> 00:01:13,039
just repeating what I see in
the comments on my videos.
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00:01:13,165 --> 00:01:14,500
Anyway, before all that,
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I was, and still am, just
a girl whose family runs
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00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,948
a weird-smelling
burger restaurant.
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00:01:19,056 --> 00:01:21,091
Yeah, I'm
getting that. Is that normal?
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It's normal, but
it's not on purpose.
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00:01:23,166 --> 00:01:24,801
But yeah, even
though now I'm famous
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00:01:24,912 --> 00:01:27,215
and people everywhere
envy me, I lead a humble life.
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I go to school, I work here, I
refill ketchups and mustards.
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00:01:31,317 --> 00:01:34,253
I don't mind the ketchups,
but I'm not a mustard person.
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00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:35,801
And I don't respect
people who are.
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00:01:35,907 --> 00:01:37,275
So interesting.
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00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:39,649
Anyway, back to archery.
How'd you get into it?
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00:01:39,845 --> 00:01:42,014
My mom and dad bought me
an archery set as a present.
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00:01:42,141 --> 00:01:43,996
It's kind of the best thing
they've ever done for me.
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00:01:44,127 --> 00:01:46,397
They finally figured out
how to be good parents,
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and I'm proud of them for that.
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We told her, "Please never
shoot it in the apartment,
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or the restaurant."
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I-I don't know why we
aren't enforcing that rule.
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I think it's fun.
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00:01:55,704 --> 00:01:57,172
I like a little indoor
restaurant archery.
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00:01:57,279 --> 00:01:58,380
That's our thing now.
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00:01:58,478 --> 00:02:00,146
And burgers. Also, burgers.
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00:02:00,259 --> 00:02:02,661
So how long have
you been archery-ing now?
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00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,161
Gosh.
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00:02:04,266 --> 00:02:07,002
Ba-ba-ba.
A month, at least?
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00:02:07,177 --> 00:02:08,913
And you're already so good. Wow.
55
00:02:09,027 --> 00:02:10,962
Wait, Gene, let me
give you another "wow."
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00:02:11,082 --> 00:02:12,651
Wow. Okay, yeah,
let's use that one.
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00:02:12,829 --> 00:02:14,717
That's for the documentary
about this documentary.
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00:02:14,849 --> 00:02:16,738
Everyone's doing those
now. It's called a "double-doc."
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00:02:16,871 --> 00:02:18,239
Or a "tur-doc-en."
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00:02:18,377 --> 00:02:20,379
I call it a "stalk-u-
docu-rockumentary"
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00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,421
for reasons that will
become clear when I release
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my rock-opera podcast
about the making of this doc.
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00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:27,915
Have I properly
introduced my bow?
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00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:29,739
- This is Greta Gar-bow.
- Yes, you have
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00:02:29,885 --> 00:02:31,520
introduced us to
Greta. A few times.
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00:02:31,632 --> 00:02:33,300
- We've got enough of that.
- Do you want me to do
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00:02:33,413 --> 00:02:35,982
- a cool slow-motion walk again?
- No, I think we're good.
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00:02:36,119 --> 00:02:37,874
You know we actually
do the slow-mo in editing.
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00:02:38,003 --> 00:02:39,204
You don't have
to walk that slow.
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00:02:39,304 --> 00:02:40,872
- Right. Right.
- I liked it.
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00:02:40,983 --> 00:02:42,518
Also, this is our
third day of shooting,
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00:02:42,627 --> 00:02:44,629
and we already have so
much footage of you walking
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and talking about your
bow and to your bow.
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00:02:47,354 --> 00:02:48,888
But she's so strong and pretty.
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00:02:49,031 --> 00:02:50,166
What? Sorry.
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00:02:50,265 --> 00:02:53,200
She's strong and pretty
and thoughtful and funny.
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00:02:53,347 --> 00:02:55,336
Okay, maybe we get some
shots of you actually shooting?
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00:02:55,470 --> 00:02:58,173
Finally? Not to be pushy,
but let's definitely do that.
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00:02:58,348 --> 00:03:00,884
Okay, sure, but you've
got the videos I made, right?
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00:03:01,054 --> 00:03:03,023
The ones that everyone
on the Internet loves?
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00:03:03,143 --> 00:03:04,310
Maybe you can just use those?
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00:03:04,410 --> 00:03:06,245
Yeah, that's not
gonna... -Also...
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00:03:06,328 --> 00:03:08,364
my arm is feeling
kind of creaky today.
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00:03:08,520 --> 00:03:10,923
I, hurt it doing
homework last night.
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00:03:11,089 --> 00:03:12,957
- I should probably cut that out.
- No.
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00:03:13,076 --> 00:03:14,810
Yep, yep, no problem, just...
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00:03:14,924 --> 00:03:17,060
we seem to be shooting a
documentary about an archer
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and we have no archery shots.
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00:03:18,487 --> 00:03:20,055
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
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00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,368
Maybe if I do a lot
of zooms, nobody will notice?
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00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:24,263
Whoa, whoa,
92
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,647
whoa, whoa.
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00:03:29,139 --> 00:03:31,508
It's Teddy. Hi,
Teddy. It's locked.
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00:03:31,639 --> 00:03:33,708
We're closed, Teddy.
Does he look weird to you?
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00:03:33,899 --> 00:03:37,470
Not too
much more weird than usual.
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00:03:37,633 --> 00:03:39,601
Teddy, we're closed.
We're cleaning up.
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He's hangry.
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00:03:42,599 --> 00:03:44,301
Well, we can't
film with all this noise.
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00:03:44,449 --> 00:03:46,504
Should we tell him he has
to leave? He won't like it.
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00:03:46,641 --> 00:03:49,343
I don't know if he knows
there's other restaurants.
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What's wrong with him?
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00:03:51,025 --> 00:03:52,360
Should I shoot
some of this as B-roll?
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00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:53,951
We already got so much
of this guy eating earlier,
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00:03:54,072 --> 00:03:55,274
but I guess it's something.
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00:03:55,375 --> 00:03:57,344
Hey, Teddy. I
think they're closed.
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Judging by the closed sign.
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God!
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00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,119
Teddy!
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What are you doing?
Stop eating Mort.
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- He's never done that before, has he?
- No.
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00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:08,552
I mean, he did growl
at Mort that one time
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00:04:08,663 --> 00:04:10,265
- for sitting on his stool.
- My God.
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Is he undead? Is he a zombie?
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No, more zombies! It
must be a zombie apocalypse!
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00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:17,168
Aw, nuts.
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00:04:17,295 --> 00:04:18,897
And I'm wearing this?
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00:04:19,042 --> 00:04:20,643
Yeah, this could
be very not good for us.
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00:04:20,754 --> 00:04:22,490
But, I mean, if
it's gonna happen,
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00:04:22,604 --> 00:04:24,873
we're in the safest spot we
could be because we're with
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one of the best
archers in the world.
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Who? Right, Louise.
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The one we're doing
the documentary about.
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00:04:30,173 --> 00:04:31,708
- Yeah.
- Yeah, we're so safe.
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00:04:31,851 --> 00:04:35,154
- Am I right?
- Yeah.
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So, so safe.
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00:04:37,468 --> 00:04:39,037
Yep. Yep. Yep.
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00:04:39,181 --> 00:04:40,248
Should we cut the cameras?
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00:04:40,345 --> 00:04:41,946
Focus on surviving
this whole deal?
129
00:04:42,126 --> 00:04:43,495
Cut the cameras? Are you crazy?
130
00:04:43,634 --> 00:04:44,834
A zombie apocalypse is exactly
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what this snoozer
of a doc needed.
132
00:04:46,682 --> 00:04:48,684
Now we can get you shooting
all the zombies with arrows,
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saving our lives and stuff.
134
00:04:50,107 --> 00:04:51,808
I mean, I'm sorry that
Mort guy got eaten.
135
00:04:51,956 --> 00:04:54,759
Sorry, Mort guy. But, you know,
he's gonna be in a movie, so...
136
00:04:54,971 --> 00:04:56,639
- Gr-Great.
- Should I keep rolling?
137
00:04:56,752 --> 00:04:58,320
Yes, keep rolling.
But don't get eaten.
138
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:00,553
But if you do get eaten,
you know, try to keep rolling.
139
00:05:00,690 --> 00:05:02,157
- Safely.
- Sounds good.
140
00:05:02,265 --> 00:05:04,769
Okay, fine, but we don't
know what's going on out there.
141
00:05:04,938 --> 00:05:06,506
This might not even be zombies.
142
00:05:06,615 --> 00:05:08,717
This could be, like,
rabies or something.
143
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:11,746
- Brains.
- Pretty sure he just said "brains."
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00:05:11,958 --> 00:05:13,847
Okay, so they're zombies.
Clearly, this is zombies.
145
00:05:13,979 --> 00:05:15,414
- Yep. - Yeah.
- Seems like it is.
146
00:05:15,486 --> 00:05:17,054
Poor Mort. Poor Teddy.
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00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,800
Might be poor us, too.
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00:05:18,946 --> 00:05:21,215
I'm feeling like this
glass is not zombie-proof.
149
00:05:21,343 --> 00:05:23,279
It's pretty thick, right?
150
00:05:25,727 --> 00:05:26,961
- My God.
- Sorry.
151
00:05:27,097 --> 00:05:28,299
I guess not so thick.
152
00:05:28,364 --> 00:05:30,567
Ooh, that beat's funky.
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00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,214
Go away, zombies.
Nobody wants you here.
154
00:05:40,318 --> 00:05:41,620
What do we do?
Cover the windows?
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Barricade ourselves in?
156
00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:44,283
- What can we use?
- Burgers?
157
00:05:44,393 --> 00:05:45,996
- What?
- Fine. Buns?
158
00:05:46,175 --> 00:05:47,776
- Tables?
- That's a great idea.
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00:05:47,921 --> 00:05:50,791
Right. Yes, that's fine.
160
00:05:50,969 --> 00:05:52,871
Let's take apart the tables,
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00:05:53,025 --> 00:05:54,393
because it's a
zombie apocalypse.
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00:05:54,531 --> 00:05:56,053
Yeah, Dad, we're
taking apart the tables.
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00:05:56,176 --> 00:05:57,444
No, I know, I know.
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00:05:57,546 --> 00:05:59,047
I-I'm just, it's... it's a lot.
165
00:05:59,190 --> 00:06:00,858
But, okay, let's do it.
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00:06:01,004 --> 00:06:02,539
Too bad we can't
hire Teddy to help us.
167
00:06:02,649 --> 00:06:03,903
- Brains.
- What do you say, Teddy,
168
00:06:04,018 --> 00:06:05,687
- one last handyman job?
- Brains!
169
00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:07,501
- Nope.
- We'll figure it out.
170
00:06:07,615 --> 00:06:09,618
We'll use kitchen
utensils as tools?
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00:06:09,774 --> 00:06:11,008
Great idea.
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00:06:30,734 --> 00:06:32,770
Brains!
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00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:34,493
That seems
like enough barricading.
174
00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:36,171
You don't want
to over-barricade.
175
00:06:36,316 --> 00:06:38,018
I don't hear anything.
I think they left.
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00:06:38,166 --> 00:06:40,269
And if zombies do get
in, Louise will protect us
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00:06:40,394 --> 00:06:41,895
with her amazing archery skills.
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00:06:42,002 --> 00:06:44,938
Yeah, but we really don't
know how to kill them yet.
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00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:46,989
Maybe they love
being shot by arrows.
180
00:06:47,175 --> 00:06:48,930
Maybe it's like a deep-tissue
massage for them.
181
00:06:49,058 --> 00:06:51,694
No, isn't there a back
door? Should we barricade that?
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00:06:51,867 --> 00:06:53,903
It's steel, a-and
locked. I checked it.
183
00:06:54,059 --> 00:06:56,428
This is the only way in here.
And we do have food and water.
184
00:06:56,594 --> 00:06:59,530
We should be okay. As long
as we don't have to open this up.
185
00:06:59,710 --> 00:07:01,912
Open up! Open up!
186
00:07:02,039 --> 00:07:03,941
- -Rudy?
- Let us in!
187
00:07:04,060 --> 00:07:05,862
Andy and
Ollie? Are you zombies?
188
00:07:05,979 --> 00:07:08,247
No! We're running from them!
189
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,046
We just finished
boarding this up.
190
00:07:10,225 --> 00:07:11,526
Tell them to run
to the back door.
191
00:07:11,630 --> 00:07:13,232
- You there?
- We're here!
192
00:07:13,342 --> 00:07:14,510
- He's there.
- Wait, but what if
193
00:07:14,609 --> 00:07:15,643
there are zombies eating him?
194
00:07:15,740 --> 00:07:17,074
That's why I got the frying pan.
195
00:07:17,212 --> 00:07:18,647
If there's zombies,
I'll pan 'em.
196
00:07:18,788 --> 00:07:20,375
Why don't you show us on Dad
what you're gonna do to them?
197
00:07:20,499 --> 00:07:22,001
I was gonna go like this.
198
00:07:22,144 --> 00:07:23,232
- And then I was gonna come down hard.
- Lin.
199
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:24,344
- What?
- Stop.
200
00:07:24,473 --> 00:07:26,709
Everybody ready?
One, two, three.
201
00:07:26,871 --> 00:07:27,905
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
202
00:07:28,035 --> 00:07:29,470
Any zombies out there?
203
00:07:29,577 --> 00:07:30,978
I don't see any.
204
00:07:31,152 --> 00:07:33,188
All right, let's
lock this back up.
205
00:07:34,852 --> 00:07:36,453
Holy crap. Who is that?
206
00:07:36,564 --> 00:07:38,732
That's our brother.
He wants to eat us.
207
00:07:38,824 --> 00:07:40,759
- He's a zombie now.
- He sure is.
208
00:07:40,879 --> 00:07:42,280
We're gonna be
Dad's new favorites.
209
00:07:42,386 --> 00:07:44,021
- Dad's dead.
- Yeah.
210
00:07:45,537 --> 00:07:47,272
- Damn.
- Closing this.
211
00:07:47,386 --> 00:07:48,654
Tina.
212
00:07:48,756 --> 00:07:49,924
Tina.
213
00:07:50,024 --> 00:07:53,127
Okay, so, we're in a
zombie apocalypse situation.
214
00:07:53,346 --> 00:07:54,948
And we're not sure
how to kill them.
215
00:07:55,093 --> 00:07:56,527
Some of us say arrows.
216
00:07:56,669 --> 00:07:58,824
Some of us are weirdly insistent
that it might not be arrows.
217
00:07:58,963 --> 00:08:00,932
But I feel like we
should give it a shot,
218
00:08:01,087 --> 00:08:02,489
so to speak.
219
00:08:02,595 --> 00:08:04,463
I'm freaking out. I
don't want to die.
220
00:08:04,615 --> 00:08:06,717
Or un-die. How long
do we have to stay here?
221
00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:09,244
- What if we run out of food?
- We're in a restaurant, Rudy.
222
00:08:09,409 --> 00:08:11,712
My mom and dad are making
all of us burgers right now.
223
00:08:11,841 --> 00:08:12,910
Hi.
224
00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:14,508
-Hi. -Okay, I'm cool.
225
00:08:14,617 --> 00:08:17,686
I am the cool guy you do
not regret letting in.
226
00:08:17,836 --> 00:08:19,304
- Great.
- My God, what's that smell?!
227
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:20,665
That's just the way
our restaurant smells.
228
00:08:20,781 --> 00:08:22,917
Okay. That's fine. That's
great. I'm doing good.
229
00:08:23,076 --> 00:08:24,477
My poor sweet Andy.
230
00:08:24,583 --> 00:08:26,418
- You got bit.
- Just a little.
231
00:08:26,535 --> 00:08:28,437
Am I gonna turn into a zombie?
232
00:08:28,556 --> 00:08:30,557
If you do, promise
to bite me first,
233
00:08:30,714 --> 00:08:32,582
- and then we'll both be zombies.
- Ooh.
234
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,435
And if anyone
asks about the bite,
235
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:36,552
we'll just say that you
work in construction
236
00:08:36,674 --> 00:08:37,941
and it's a hazard of the job.
237
00:08:38,043 --> 00:08:39,711
- He works in construction!
- I work in construction!
238
00:08:39,824 --> 00:08:41,893
- It's a hazard of the job!
- It's a real job that I have!
239
00:08:42,016 --> 00:08:43,952
Okay, bros.
240
00:08:44,106 --> 00:08:45,741
No. No. No.
241
00:08:45,853 --> 00:08:48,241
How did they break through
that? We did such good barricading.
242
00:08:48,386 --> 00:08:50,055
It's like the zombies
don't even appreciate
243
00:08:50,168 --> 00:08:51,670
how long it took
us to do all that.
244
00:08:51,812 --> 00:08:53,246
Kids, go to the basement!
245
00:08:53,353 --> 00:08:54,674
There's some crap down
there that we can use
246
00:08:54,791 --> 00:08:56,159
to reinforce this, I think.
247
00:08:56,332 --> 00:08:59,035
There's, an old mop
and, a lot of toilet paper.
248
00:08:59,175 --> 00:09:00,944
What are we gonna
do with toilet paper?
249
00:09:01,060 --> 00:09:02,527
- I don't know.
- TP their houses?
250
00:09:02,670 --> 00:09:04,672
I'll go. Rudy, Andy,
Ollie, come with me.
251
00:09:04,758 --> 00:09:06,693
- Yay!
- Wow, you're excited.
252
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,415
- We like going places.
- I get it.
253
00:09:08,561 --> 00:09:09,795
Gene, go with them.
254
00:09:09,896 --> 00:09:11,998
Help, but keep filming.
But also, help.
255
00:09:12,156 --> 00:09:13,357
Filming is helping.
256
00:09:13,492 --> 00:09:15,628
Grab anything you can.
257
00:09:19,349 --> 00:09:22,552
Andy, what's wrong? Is
your zombie bite acting up?
258
00:09:22,705 --> 00:09:24,225
Zombie bite? Did
you say "zombie bite"?
259
00:09:24,349 --> 00:09:26,952
I said "construction site
injury." That's what I said.
260
00:09:27,123 --> 00:09:30,259
- It sounded like you said "zombie bite."
- I heard that, too.
261
00:09:30,411 --> 00:09:32,847
- Well, that's ridiculous.
- I think it's happening!
262
00:09:34,145 --> 00:09:35,481
Crap.
263
00:09:35,584 --> 00:09:37,653
Let's go, let's go, let's go!
264
00:09:37,776 --> 00:09:40,278
Yep, yep.
265
00:09:40,412 --> 00:09:41,781
Brains!
266
00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:45,423
Is that a-a fun nickname,
'cause you think I'm smart?
267
00:09:45,619 --> 00:09:46,921
Brains!
268
00:09:46,989 --> 00:09:48,958
Yep. I love you.
269
00:09:49,113 --> 00:09:51,748
Love you. Not the ears.
270
00:09:56,339 --> 00:09:57,774
Okay, basement
is off-limits now.
271
00:09:57,846 --> 00:10:00,816
We locked it, but yeah,
two small zombies in there.
272
00:10:00,929 --> 00:10:03,832
So how's it going here?
273
00:10:05,998 --> 00:10:07,666
- It's going really well.
- Yep.
274
00:10:07,813 --> 00:10:09,815
Louise, do something,
with the pointy sticks
275
00:10:09,937 --> 00:10:11,839
that you can shoot
really fast through the air.
276
00:10:11,957 --> 00:10:13,325
That would be helpful.
277
00:10:15,110 --> 00:10:16,644
- Salt?
- I don't know!
278
00:10:16,787 --> 00:10:17,721
Pepper?
279
00:10:17,814 --> 00:10:19,215
- I don't know.
- Mustard?
280
00:10:19,355 --> 00:10:22,258
Stop judging the things
we're throwing at zombies!
281
00:10:24,117 --> 00:10:25,451
Ha!
282
00:10:25,555 --> 00:10:26,576
Zombies don't like mustard.
283
00:10:26,685 --> 00:10:27,620
Of course they don't. Who does?
284
00:10:27,713 --> 00:10:28,915
Mustard is great.
285
00:10:29,014 --> 00:10:30,983
Don't start this
argument again, Louise.
286
00:10:31,138 --> 00:10:32,773
- Agree to disagree.
- I hate to interrupt,
287
00:10:32,884 --> 00:10:35,454
but I think you kids
should make a run for it.
288
00:10:35,625 --> 00:10:37,493
Yeah. Okay.
289
00:10:37,611 --> 00:10:39,947
Your mom and I are
gonna stay here and,
290
00:10:40,112 --> 00:10:42,781
hold these guys off,
and we-we got this.
291
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:46,891
This is no problem, but
you should all go, really fast.
292
00:10:47,064 --> 00:10:48,766
Well, what about my really
cool mustard breakthrough?
293
00:10:48,879 --> 00:10:50,982
- Too many zombies.
- TMZ.
294
00:10:51,106 --> 00:10:52,641
But it was a
really good breakthrough.
295
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:55,588
Go! Maybe out the back
door and make a run for it!
296
00:10:55,764 --> 00:10:57,131
The fire escape.
297
00:10:57,236 --> 00:10:58,504
Back door, get on the dumpster,
298
00:10:58,641 --> 00:11:00,176
get to the ladder of the
fire escape somehow,
299
00:11:00,285 --> 00:11:02,687
lower it, get everybody
up and then pull it back up?
300
00:11:02,853 --> 00:11:04,955
- Can you write all that down for us?
- What?
301
00:11:05,080 --> 00:11:06,815
- No.
- Everyone, just go.
302
00:11:06,895 --> 00:11:09,665
Go now. And, we'll,
we'll meet you up there.
303
00:11:09,807 --> 00:11:11,876
Okay, Louise?
304
00:11:11,964 --> 00:11:13,999
- Boy.
- Sounds like a lot of climbing,
305
00:11:14,122 --> 00:11:15,323
but all right.
306
00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:17,660
Okay. We'll see
you guys up there.
307
00:11:17,788 --> 00:11:18,888
Yep.
308
00:11:18,986 --> 00:11:20,354
- We have to go now!
- Okay.
309
00:11:20,492 --> 00:11:21,760
But if we're not up soon,
310
00:11:21,863 --> 00:11:24,699
don't go to bed too late,
and stay out of my room.
311
00:11:24,843 --> 00:11:26,511
Hey, watch it!
312
00:11:26,658 --> 00:11:29,027
Wait for me!
313
00:11:30,904 --> 00:11:31,772
I'll climb up.
314
00:11:31,932 --> 00:11:33,354
Someone else, come up
and get on my shoulders.
315
00:11:33,473 --> 00:11:34,795
Do you know how
to lower the ladder?
316
00:11:34,913 --> 00:11:36,047
Of course
I do. Do you know
317
00:11:36,111 --> 00:11:37,398
how many fires we've
had in our house?
318
00:11:37,515 --> 00:11:38,717
- A lot.
- Good for you?
319
00:11:38,817 --> 00:11:40,852
Maybe hurry? Just to try that?
320
00:11:40,975 --> 00:11:42,442
Get on my back.
321
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:45,928
- Hurry, hurry.
- Yes, please.
322
00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:47,179
Going as fast as we can.
323
00:11:47,310 --> 00:11:49,680
Yep. Yep.
324
00:11:49,846 --> 00:11:51,581
- Okay, I'm up.
- Climb up here.
325
00:11:51,729 --> 00:11:53,597
- Ladder?
- Watch out.
326
00:11:53,716 --> 00:11:55,104
Thanks for the heads-up,
right after it happened.
327
00:11:55,223 --> 00:11:57,893
Quick, quick, quick!
328
00:11:58,031 --> 00:11:59,799
- Come on, Gene.
- Boy.
329
00:12:01,901 --> 00:12:03,570
- They got me!
- Louise, shoot him!
330
00:12:03,752 --> 00:12:05,887
- Shoot me? Why?
- Not you! The zombie!
331
00:12:06,012 --> 00:12:08,113
Louise, shoot the
zombie with your bow and arrow!
332
00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:10,040
Yeah, I'd be into that.
333
00:12:15,909 --> 00:12:18,011
- I can't do it.
- What are you talking about?
334
00:12:18,136 --> 00:12:21,139
I'm a fraud. I'm
an archery fraud.
335
00:12:21,287 --> 00:12:22,922
- What?
- I can't pull the string back.
336
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,402
I'm not strong enough.
I can't do archery at all.
337
00:12:25,534 --> 00:12:26,702
I didn't catch all that.
338
00:12:26,801 --> 00:12:27,969
Zombies are
getting kind of loud,
339
00:12:28,068 --> 00:12:30,004
but are you gonna
shoot the arrow soon?
340
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,591
Now's good for me.
341
00:12:35,946 --> 00:12:36,880
I'm sorry.
342
00:12:37,008 --> 00:12:37,976
I'm a fraudy fraud pants.
343
00:12:38,070 --> 00:12:39,805
I can't do any archery stuff.
344
00:12:39,954 --> 00:12:42,424
Okay, now I heard "I
can't do archery stuff."
345
00:12:42,557 --> 00:12:43,925
That's disappointing.
346
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,799
Give me that arrow.
347
00:12:47,146 --> 00:12:49,448
- Here.
- I don't know if it works without the bow part.
348
00:12:49,647 --> 00:12:52,082
Use it like a spear or
something. I don't know.
349
00:12:52,181 --> 00:12:53,882
Okay.
350
00:12:53,996 --> 00:12:56,065
Brains!
351
00:12:56,188 --> 00:12:58,657
He doesn't seem to
mind that I did that to him.
352
00:12:58,791 --> 00:13:01,093
Isn't that a thing?
Getting them in the head?
353
00:13:01,222 --> 00:13:03,725
He's shaking his head no.
354
00:13:03,894 --> 00:13:05,096
Rudy!
355
00:13:05,231 --> 00:13:06,598
I'm so sorry.
356
00:13:06,737 --> 00:13:10,141
It's fine. It's my fault
for being the slowpoke.
357
00:13:10,300 --> 00:13:11,902
It's actually not that bad.
358
00:13:12,012 --> 00:13:13,514
- Really?
- I mean, it's pretty bad.
359
00:13:13,656 --> 00:13:15,992
But I don't want to be
remembered as a complainer.
360
00:13:19,136 --> 00:13:20,771
At least he went peacefully?
361
00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:22,418
Why didn't you just
362
00:13:22,527 --> 00:13:23,662
tell us the truth, Louise?
363
00:13:23,829 --> 00:13:25,330
I was embarrassed, okay?
364
00:13:25,437 --> 00:13:28,207
It's embarrassing. I mean,
I'm really bad at archery.
365
00:13:28,349 --> 00:13:29,984
Like, I can't pull
the string back
366
00:13:30,096 --> 00:13:32,264
and I haven't been
able to do it even once.
367
00:13:32,391 --> 00:13:33,813
So you just made a
bunch of fake videos?
368
00:13:33,932 --> 00:13:36,234
I was gonna make real
videos, but that didn't work out.
369
00:13:36,398 --> 00:13:38,233
Because of the whole
"being terrible at it" thing.
370
00:13:38,350 --> 00:13:40,352
There was a lot of
editing, come to think of it.
371
00:13:40,508 --> 00:13:42,543
One time, I did sort of see
a hand moving the arrow
372
00:13:42,666 --> 00:13:44,101
- through the air.
- Yeah.
373
00:13:44,207 --> 00:13:47,343
But, hey, it turns out arrows
don't kill zombies anyway,
374
00:13:47,529 --> 00:13:49,298
so what are you gonna do?
375
00:13:49,413 --> 00:13:51,483
I guess we're safe up here.
376
00:13:51,640 --> 00:13:53,174
For now?
377
00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:56,299
She seems pretty sad.
378
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:58,703
Yeah, probably because
she let everybody die.
379
00:14:01,127 --> 00:14:02,528
Wait, what's happening?
380
00:14:04,176 --> 00:14:06,044
Are you singing
in a documentary?
381
00:14:11,572 --> 00:14:14,109
Okay, now Gene seems
to be laying down a beat.
382
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:29,101
Okay, maybe we get back
383
00:14:31,335 --> 00:14:32,804
- Louise!
- Right. Right. Right.
384
00:14:32,912 --> 00:14:34,613
Focus.
385
00:14:34,761 --> 00:14:36,116
They're climbing
up on the dumpster.
386
00:14:36,234 --> 00:14:37,835
And now they're
reaching for the ladder!
387
00:14:40,583 --> 00:14:42,806
They might be figuring out
how to give each other a boost.
388
00:14:42,947 --> 00:14:44,982
- What? How?
- They're doing this thing.
389
00:14:45,105 --> 00:14:46,827
For, like, here's the
church, here's the steeple,
390
00:14:46,954 --> 00:14:48,175
open the doors,
look at all the people?
391
00:14:48,290 --> 00:14:49,591
Don't make this about religion.
392
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,832
Well, I mean, we know
one thing they don't like.
393
00:14:52,023 --> 00:14:53,391
- Paying taxes?
- Mustard.
394
00:14:53,496 --> 00:14:55,698
But you know who
does? My parents.
395
00:14:55,859 --> 00:14:59,195
Spicy, yuck. Honey,
yuck. Yellow, yuck.
396
00:14:59,352 --> 00:15:01,588
So many half-empty
jars of mustard.
397
00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,051
They're coming up fast!
398
00:15:03,154 --> 00:15:04,489
Might've been too long
on how you don't like
399
00:15:04,593 --> 00:15:06,028
each individual jar of mustard.
400
00:15:06,134 --> 00:15:07,502
Sorry. Here, take these.
401
00:15:07,642 --> 00:15:09,610
Squirt it on them!
402
00:15:09,730 --> 00:15:11,132
Ha!
403
00:15:11,238 --> 00:15:12,973
How does that cut
the mustard, you punk?
404
00:15:13,088 --> 00:15:14,956
- We condi-meant to do that.
- Nice.
405
00:15:15,108 --> 00:15:17,243
We need to fall back.
406
00:15:17,402 --> 00:15:18,537
We need higher ground.
407
00:15:18,671 --> 00:15:20,039
You mean the Stevie Wonder song?
408
00:15:20,143 --> 00:15:21,378
Do we even have a CD player?
409
00:15:21,513 --> 00:15:23,348
We need higher
mustard-squirting ground.
410
00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:24,966
Where is higher
mustard-squirting ground?
411
00:15:25,075 --> 00:15:27,243
Follow me! Up there.
412
00:15:30,144 --> 00:15:31,312
Can we lock the door?
413
00:15:31,376 --> 00:15:32,731
I would've been
able to lock the door
414
00:15:32,849 --> 00:15:34,384
if my parents hadn't
made me take the lock off.
415
00:15:34,493 --> 00:15:36,516
You lock yourself in your
room to watch every season
416
00:15:36,652 --> 00:15:39,287
of American Horror
Story one time...
417
00:15:39,425 --> 00:15:41,361
- Oops, my mustard.
- No, one's getting in.
418
00:15:41,446 --> 00:15:42,768
Okay, so we're not
great at barricading.
419
00:15:42,885 --> 00:15:44,319
We're barely-cading.
420
00:15:44,460 --> 00:15:46,362
Hello.
421
00:15:46,481 --> 00:15:48,116
I mean, I'm gonna
squirt you now.
422
00:15:48,262 --> 00:15:49,797
That was
the thing. It wasn't me.
423
00:15:49,940 --> 00:15:51,374
It wasn't!
424
00:15:51,481 --> 00:15:53,450
Crap, crap, crap.
425
00:15:53,571 --> 00:15:54,839
This isn't good.
426
00:15:55,010 --> 00:15:56,244
God, I don't want to get eaten.
427
00:15:56,346 --> 00:15:58,414
I guess there are
worse ways to go.
428
00:15:58,537 --> 00:15:59,805
No, this is probably the worst.
429
00:15:59,908 --> 00:16:02,043
I don't want to die!
430
00:16:03,298 --> 00:16:05,433
- Wow.
- You want to get another one?
431
00:16:05,558 --> 00:16:07,326
- That was a little breathy.
- Wow.
432
00:16:07,442 --> 00:16:09,311
Never mind. The
first one was better.
433
00:16:13,607 --> 00:16:15,263
Louise, you did it!
What did you... How did...
434
00:16:15,389 --> 00:16:18,425
I did it this way, which
I've never tried before.
435
00:16:18,608 --> 00:16:19,876
- Thank you.
- Sure.
436
00:16:19,977 --> 00:16:21,079
If I let you get eaten,
437
00:16:21,176 --> 00:16:22,945
who was gonna finish the
documentary about me?
438
00:16:23,061 --> 00:16:24,996
I mean, I'm sure Rudy and Andy
439
00:16:25,116 --> 00:16:26,670
and Ollie and your parents
wished you figured out
440
00:16:26,793 --> 00:16:28,829
that foot thing a little
earlier, but that's fine.
441
00:16:28,986 --> 00:16:31,756
Okay,
sounds like we've got more company.
442
00:16:31,932 --> 00:16:33,333
Gene, you squirt mustard here.
443
00:16:33,404 --> 00:16:35,607
- On your nice clean bedspread?
- It's not that clean.
444
00:16:35,768 --> 00:16:37,369
Tina, you dip the
arrows, hand them to me,
445
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,182
and I kill the bastards.
Go, go, go, go.
446
00:16:39,296 --> 00:16:42,432
By the way, how many mustard
arrows are we allowed to eat?
447
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:43,885
- None.
- Copy that.
448
00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:00,933
Is that it? Are we safe?
449
00:17:01,044 --> 00:17:03,747
I hope so, because, um,
I only have one arrow left.
450
00:17:03,921 --> 00:17:05,423
And we're down
to the last of the mustard.
451
00:17:05,532 --> 00:17:08,201
And some of us showed a lot
of restraint not eating any of it.
452
00:17:09,915 --> 00:17:11,583
No.
It's my parents.
453
00:17:11,696 --> 00:17:12,997
They're still a cute couple.
454
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:14,168
You only have one arrow!
455
00:17:14,299 --> 00:17:15,868
How are you gonna
get two people?
456
00:17:15,977 --> 00:17:19,214
Sorry, Mom and Dad. I
love you, but I got to do this.
457
00:17:26,217 --> 00:17:27,686
Any more zombies out there?
458
00:17:27,794 --> 00:17:30,129
- It's okay if there's not.
- You saved us!
459
00:17:30,260 --> 00:17:32,062
I mean, you had to kill
your zombie parents,
460
00:17:32,246 --> 00:17:33,648
but you did your
famous trick shot.
461
00:17:33,754 --> 00:17:35,155
"The Off-the-Wall
Flipparoo How-Do-You-Do."
462
00:17:35,260 --> 00:17:36,829
For real! And you saved us.
463
00:17:36,938 --> 00:17:38,774
And we probably
got a clean shot of it.
464
00:17:40,604 --> 00:17:42,206
There they are. Darn it.
465
00:17:42,316 --> 00:17:43,918
Don't you guys have a hobby?
466
00:17:44,098 --> 00:17:45,999
- Brains.
- Right, brains.
467
00:17:46,153 --> 00:17:48,221
Shoot. Um, listen.
468
00:17:48,344 --> 00:17:50,412
Stay hidden. Barricade the door.
469
00:17:50,536 --> 00:17:51,670
Better than we did before.
470
00:17:51,769 --> 00:17:53,538
I'm gonna draw
them away from here
471
00:17:53,653 --> 00:17:55,254
and, I guess, go out fighting.
472
00:17:55,399 --> 00:17:56,767
- Wait, what?
- Don't argue.
473
00:17:56,872 --> 00:17:58,440
- There's no time.
- I'll tell your story.
474
00:17:58,585 --> 00:18:00,721
I mean, I won't, 'cause
I'll probably be dead,
475
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,347
um, but hopefully someone will?
476
00:18:02,455 --> 00:18:04,624
Not Gene, 'cause if I'm dead,
he'll probably be dead, too.
477
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,652
- Yep.
- But, you know, someone else?
478
00:18:06,805 --> 00:18:08,373
Someone who's great
at editing and senses
479
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:10,552
what my incredible vision
for telling this story was?
480
00:18:10,676 --> 00:18:12,211
And hopefully
isn't into star wipes
481
00:18:12,320 --> 00:18:14,522
- or anything like that.
- Yeah, yeah, got it.
482
00:18:22,424 --> 00:18:24,593
Wow, that was... great.
483
00:18:24,719 --> 00:18:26,287
Dark. Pretty dark.
484
00:18:26,397 --> 00:18:27,664
Yeah, but so good.
485
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:30,402
- It's not done. Shh!
- What? I-I thought...
486
00:18:30,540 --> 00:18:32,142
- Gene?
- Yeah?
487
00:18:32,253 --> 00:18:33,955
- Did you get bitten?
- No. Did you?
488
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:36,706
- No. Louise?
- Yeah?
489
00:18:36,878 --> 00:18:38,980
- Did they bite you?
- No. I think...
490
00:18:39,104 --> 00:18:41,072
No. They stepped
on me a lot, though.
491
00:18:41,227 --> 00:18:43,196
Can you see if
my camera's still rolling?
492
00:18:43,351 --> 00:18:44,886
Yep, looks like it.
493
00:18:45,029 --> 00:18:47,598
- So did all the zombies just leave?
- My God.
494
00:18:47,734 --> 00:18:49,703
It must be because we
have mustard all over us.
495
00:18:49,824 --> 00:18:51,926
They didn't want to eat
us because of the mustard.
496
00:18:52,049 --> 00:18:53,318
I don't have it all over me.
497
00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:55,356
You have a
little, um... never mind.
498
00:18:55,509 --> 00:18:57,311
Okay, new plan. We go
down to the restaurant.
499
00:18:57,462 --> 00:18:59,697
We get some more mustard
and a few more arrows,
500
00:18:59,825 --> 00:19:01,794
and, we save the world.
501
00:19:01,948 --> 00:19:04,584
- We do?
- I have a thing to do later, but okay.
502
00:19:04,723 --> 00:19:06,958
Hey, Louise. Do
you like mustard now?
503
00:19:07,086 --> 00:19:08,754
No. I'm with the
zombies on this one.
504
00:19:08,867 --> 00:19:10,835
Should we cover
ourselves with chicken satay
505
00:19:10,956 --> 00:19:12,424
and see if the
zombies hate that, too?
506
00:19:12,531 --> 00:19:14,400
What if we just get you
some chicken satay?
507
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:19,999
Love it.
508
00:19:20,135 --> 00:19:22,037
It's perfect. I'm so
proud of my little
509
00:19:22,190 --> 00:19:24,259
writer-director-producer-
stunt coordinators.
510
00:19:24,416 --> 00:19:26,985
Sorry, we didn't go with the
"everyone dies" ending, Dad.
511
00:19:27,156 --> 00:19:29,059
Totally fine. It's just
a genre standard
512
00:19:29,177 --> 00:19:31,145
and a political statement,
but I understand
513
00:19:31,335 --> 00:19:33,437
you guys were
probably facing pressure
514
00:19:33,561 --> 00:19:34,896
- from the studio.
- This guy.
515
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:36,667
You give him a role,
and all of a sudden
516
00:19:36,746 --> 00:19:37,947
- he's giving notes.
- It's fine.
517
00:19:38,048 --> 00:19:39,550
I love it. Mustard
didn't deserve
518
00:19:39,692 --> 00:19:41,660
any of that, but I'm
trying to overlook it.
519
00:19:41,747 --> 00:19:43,515
I still don't quite get
why you didn't just
520
00:19:43,631 --> 00:19:46,067
make yourself good at archery
from the beginning, Louise.
521
00:19:46,268 --> 00:19:48,303
Well, that was the
plan at one time,
522
00:19:48,459 --> 00:19:51,196
when I thought I was gonna
be really good at archery.
523
00:19:51,337 --> 00:19:53,540
But turns out I
couldn't pull the string
524
00:19:53,666 --> 00:19:56,869
back far enough to make
an arrow go... anywhere.
525
00:19:57,022 --> 00:19:57,789
I remember that day.
526
00:19:57,912 --> 00:19:59,848
A lot of grunts, and
then a lot of tears.
527
00:19:59,968 --> 00:20:01,036
- Yeah. -Yeah.
- Yeah.
528
00:20:01,133 --> 00:20:02,534
But then, we got
the crew together,
529
00:20:02,674 --> 00:20:04,276
and we had a
meeting, and we said
530
00:20:04,387 --> 00:20:05,588
we could either scrap production
531
00:20:05,689 --> 00:20:07,123
or we could work
this into the story.
532
00:20:07,230 --> 00:20:08,631
And then we thought
of the foot thing,
533
00:20:08,703 --> 00:20:10,137
and then we knew
we had our ending.
534
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,878
Which by the way,
good for power,
535
00:20:11,956 --> 00:20:13,091
not good for accuracy.
536
00:20:13,223 --> 00:20:14,491
The arrow goes everywhere.
537
00:20:14,594 --> 00:20:16,015
Hey, you guys were
good, too, by the way.
538
00:20:16,134 --> 00:20:18,637
- Yeah, we were.
- I still have mustard in my ear.
539
00:20:18,773 --> 00:20:20,040
Or maybe that was from before.
540
00:20:20,142 --> 00:20:22,110
Also, it was really
nice of us to take apart
541
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:23,921
the entire restaurant
for your barricade scene.
542
00:20:24,046 --> 00:20:26,816
I didn't see any
mention of that in the credits,
543
00:20:26,992 --> 00:20:28,260
but that-that-that's fine.
544
00:20:28,362 --> 00:20:29,696
I think it's coming up
in the "special thanks."
545
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,836
- It just says "Ken."
- Right.
546
00:20:31,993 --> 00:20:34,128
Well, Ken's sending
this to his agent, so...
547
00:20:34,253 --> 00:20:36,622
Also, did you thank Teddy,
Mort, Rudy, Jimmy Jr.,
548
00:20:36,787 --> 00:20:39,289
Andy and Ollie enough?
Because they worked really hard.
549
00:20:39,424 --> 00:20:41,627
They're locked for the sequel.
That's where the money is.
550
00:20:41,754 --> 00:20:43,722
And, I'm so sorry
that they had to be
551
00:20:43,842 --> 00:20:45,812
part of a touching tale
of how you can feel like
552
00:20:45,932 --> 00:20:47,901
a failure and then
overcome your weakness
553
00:20:48,021 --> 00:20:49,723
with feet and determination.
554
00:20:49,837 --> 00:20:51,439
And we're having the
cast and crew screening
555
00:20:51,549 --> 00:20:52,604
tomorrow at the restaurant?
556
00:20:52,714 --> 00:20:54,082
With free burgers? Right, Dad?
557
00:20:54,255 --> 00:20:56,124
- Wait, what?
- It's in your contract.
558
00:20:56,174 --> 00:21:00,724
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