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1
00:00:02,190 --> 00:00:03,366
Here we are.
2
00:00:03,390 --> 00:00:04,796
Come on in. Come on in, Mike.
3
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:05,966
Come on in.
4
00:00:05,990 --> 00:00:07,530
Oscar!
5
00:00:07,590 --> 00:00:09,520
Hope he's home.
6
00:00:09,590 --> 00:00:11,520
Oscar!
7
00:00:11,590 --> 00:00:13,520
It's me, Felix.
8
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,900
I'm home.
9
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,446
Still living here, huh?
10
00:00:16,470 --> 00:00:18,440
Yeah.
11
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:20,530
He's kidding.
12
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:21,816
Where are you?
13
00:00:21,840 --> 00:00:23,146
In my bedroom.
14
00:00:23,170 --> 00:00:25,000
Oh, he's in his room.
15
00:00:25,070 --> 00:00:27,056
I better not take you in there.
16
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:28,680
Why?
17
00:00:28,750 --> 00:00:30,336
You've heard of pollution? Yeah.
18
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:32,440
It started in there.
19
00:00:32,520 --> 00:00:34,196
Make yourself at home.
20
00:00:34,220 --> 00:00:35,366
Sit down, sit down
anywhere you want.
21
00:00:35,390 --> 00:00:36,340
There's a good
chair... Sit there.
22
00:00:36,400 --> 00:00:37,416
You'll like it there...
23
00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:38,736
No, sit here on the
sofa... This is better.
24
00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:39,710
It's more comfortable.
25
00:00:39,770 --> 00:00:40,786
Just make yourself at home.
26
00:00:40,810 --> 00:00:41,816
Have a piece of fruit.
27
00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:43,686
Be sure you take...
take a napkin with it
28
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,956
and then... whatever you want,
29
00:00:44,980 --> 00:00:46,956
then eat the fruit, and
then sit down over here.
30
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:48,596
Use the napkin, make
yourself completely at home.
31
00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:50,806
Just do whatever you want, yeah.
32
00:00:50,830 --> 00:00:52,816
Oscar? Yeah.
33
00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:54,046
Hi! Hi.
34
00:00:54,070 --> 00:00:55,366
Ah, putting on
your trousers, huh?
35
00:00:55,390 --> 00:00:57,346
Yeah, I gotta cover the
basketball game at the Garden.
36
00:00:57,370 --> 00:00:58,700
Ahhh!
37
00:00:58,780 --> 00:00:59,856
You changed your shirt.
38
00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:01,316
No, same one I wore yesterday.
39
00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:03,900
No, I mean the one on the lamp.
40
00:01:04,610 --> 00:01:05,890
Looks nice,
41
00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:07,896
gives the room a
nice, soft, pink glow.
42
00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:09,266
I like it. Very funny.
43
00:01:09,290 --> 00:01:10,726
What's on your
mind? I'm in a hurry.
44
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:12,236
Oh, you have to go cover
the basketball game, huh?
45
00:01:12,260 --> 00:01:13,990
Yeah. The Hawks?
46
00:01:14,060 --> 00:01:15,666
No, the Knicks. The
Knicks and the Hawks?
47
00:01:15,690 --> 00:01:17,066
The Knicks and the Bucks.
The Bucks and the Hawks.
48
00:01:17,090 --> 00:01:18,376
The Knicks and the
Bucks. Yeah, yeah.
49
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:19,906
You're trying to act
concerned, what is it?
50
00:01:19,930 --> 00:01:22,176
You want to con me out
of something, what is it?
51
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:23,946
My eyes give me
away, don't they?
52
00:01:23,970 --> 00:01:26,160
I'd like to give you away.
53
00:01:31,490 --> 00:01:33,736
There, there is something
I want to talk to you about.
54
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,176
That's what I
figured. What is it?
55
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:36,876
Well, you know,
I've been doing this,
56
00:01:36,900 --> 00:01:40,840
this picture story over at
the Eastside School for Boys.
57
00:01:40,900 --> 00:01:42,660
The reform school.
58
00:01:42,740 --> 00:01:45,980
No, that's not nice...
Reform school.
59
00:01:46,040 --> 00:01:47,956
They call it
correctional institution.
60
00:01:47,980 --> 00:01:49,416
Yeah? You found a pair, huh?
61
00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:50,770
Yeah.
62
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,056
What do they call the little
inmates now... moppets?
63
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,656
Oh no, come on,
they're nice boys.
64
00:01:54,680 --> 00:01:56,126
They're just boys
who need a break.
65
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,356
Okay, I'll send 'em a hacksaw.
66
00:01:57,380 --> 00:01:58,996
I'm in a hurry.
There's this one boy,
67
00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,366
Mike Calahan, he
really is a deserving kid,
68
00:02:01,390 --> 00:02:02,496
he's a nice kid.
69
00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:04,166
He's got off to the
wrong start in life.
70
00:02:04,190 --> 00:02:06,306
He has a negative,
negative attitude, you know.
71
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:10,370
He needs... I can't watch this.
72
00:02:10,430 --> 00:02:11,890
Just...
73
00:02:11,970 --> 00:02:13,476
Are you finished?
Yeah, I'm finished.
74
00:02:13,500 --> 00:02:15,816
He needs an adult on the outside
75
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,146
to take an interest in him.
76
00:02:17,170 --> 00:02:19,216
Someone he can relate
to, you know what I mean?
77
00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:20,246
So, I... Right, so,
78
00:02:20,270 --> 00:02:21,616
Felix Goodshoes
volunteered for the job.
79
00:02:21,640 --> 00:02:22,716
I think it's very good
80
00:02:22,740 --> 00:02:24,156
and very commendable.
Not exactly.
81
00:02:24,180 --> 00:02:26,120
Um, I volunteered you.
82
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,120
What?!
83
00:02:33,420 --> 00:02:36,550
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
84
00:02:36,620 --> 00:02:38,550
from his place of residence.
85
00:02:38,630 --> 00:02:41,500
That request came from his wife.
86
00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:43,876
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
87
00:02:43,900 --> 00:02:46,900
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
88
00:02:46,970 --> 00:02:49,070
With nowhere else to go,
89
00:02:49,140 --> 00:02:51,840
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
90
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,340
Several years earlier,
91
00:02:53,410 --> 00:02:55,256
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
92
00:02:55,280 --> 00:02:57,486
requesting that he never return.
93
00:02:57,510 --> 00:03:00,026
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
94
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:02,610
without driving
each other crazy?
95
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,630
♪ ♪
96
00:03:55,290 --> 00:03:56,546
Are you out of your mind?
97
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,346
Signing me up as a
warden for a delinquent kid?
98
00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,446
Shh, shh, shh! What shh-shh-shh?
99
00:03:59,470 --> 00:04:00,516
He's out... he'll hear you.
100
00:04:00,540 --> 00:04:01,470
He's right out there,
in the other room.
101
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:03,490
You mean, he escaped?
102
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:06,590
He's in my custody
for the afternoon.
103
00:04:06,660 --> 00:04:08,390
Oh, that's terrific.
104
00:04:08,470 --> 00:04:10,796
Now, I told him that
you'd spend a few hours
105
00:04:10,820 --> 00:04:11,750
with him. Felix, I can't.
106
00:04:11,820 --> 00:04:12,896
I told you I got to cover
107
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,546
the basketball game.
Oh, that's wonderful!
108
00:04:14,570 --> 00:04:15,736
Take him with you.
109
00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:17,016
I'm in the press box!
110
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,656
Great, the press box. You
need special permission.
111
00:04:18,680 --> 00:04:19,786
You got to arrange it in advance
112
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:22,236
to bring a guest.
The kid loves sports!
113
00:04:22,260 --> 00:04:23,376
He lives and breathes sports.
114
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:24,506
He's a great athlete.
115
00:04:24,530 --> 00:04:26,126
He can run the hundred
yards in ten seconds flat!
116
00:04:26,150 --> 00:04:28,070
Carrying a television set?
117
00:04:28,130 --> 00:04:29,376
Come on, meet
him. Felix, I can't.
118
00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:30,446
Meet the boy. All
right, I'll meet him.
119
00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:31,380
You'll see, you'll like him.
120
00:04:31,460 --> 00:04:33,216
Mike? Yes, Mr. Unger?
121
00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:34,956
Mike, I want you to
meet Oscar Madison.
122
00:04:34,980 --> 00:04:36,756
Oscar, this is Michael Robert
123
00:04:36,780 --> 00:04:38,526
Calahan, Junior. Hi. How
are ya? Nice to meet you.
124
00:04:38,550 --> 00:04:39,756
Sorry, I can't stay; I gotta
125
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,476
cover a basketball game.
Knicks and the Bucks
126
00:04:41,500 --> 00:04:44,220
Aha! Knicks and the Bucks
and the Hawks, you see?
127
00:04:44,280 --> 00:04:45,796
Just the Knicks and the Bucks.
128
00:04:45,820 --> 00:04:47,426
Well, nice to have
met you. Yeah, thanks.
129
00:04:47,450 --> 00:04:49,066
Hey, I've got a
quarter on the Knicks.
130
00:04:49,090 --> 00:04:50,736
They can't lose.
Ah. Kid gambles.
131
00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,380
You bet against Alcindor?
132
00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:53,840
He's worth 40 points a game.
133
00:04:53,910 --> 00:04:55,056
Yeah, but Earl the Pearl
134
00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:56,156
and Frazier'll double-team him.
135
00:04:56,180 --> 00:04:57,336
They'll tie him up.
136
00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,806
And the Knicks got
the full-court press, too.
137
00:04:58,830 --> 00:05:00,806
See that? "Tie him
up. Full court press."
138
00:05:00,830 --> 00:05:02,260
Hey.
139
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,216
I wrote a whole article
about that this morning.
140
00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:05,246
I know, I read it.
141
00:05:05,270 --> 00:05:06,220
No kiddin'.
142
00:05:06,290 --> 00:05:08,066
I read your column
every morning.
143
00:05:08,090 --> 00:05:09,136
You see that? Really.
144
00:05:09,160 --> 00:05:10,406
Yeah, with the
reading of the column,
145
00:05:10,430 --> 00:05:11,736
and the Knicks and the
Bucks and the gambling...
146
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:13,160
With a dirty shirt,
he could be you.
147
00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:18,510
Well, I guess...
148
00:05:18,590 --> 00:05:19,976
I guess you better
push off, huh?
149
00:05:20,000 --> 00:05:21,410
Yeah, I guess so.
150
00:05:21,490 --> 00:05:23,516
Well, listen, what are you
guys going to be doing?
151
00:05:23,540 --> 00:05:24,796
Oh, don't worry about us.
152
00:05:24,820 --> 00:05:26,100
We'll have a ball.
153
00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:27,900
We'll make some cocoa.
154
00:05:29,550 --> 00:05:31,500
Play some records.
155
00:05:31,570 --> 00:05:33,750
You like Brahms?
156
00:05:33,820 --> 00:05:35,426
That sounds like
a barrel of fun...
157
00:05:35,450 --> 00:05:37,296
Listen, why don't you
let Mike come with me?
158
00:05:37,320 --> 00:05:39,166
Oh, I don't know. There
probably aren't any seats left.
159
00:05:39,190 --> 00:05:40,536
Maybe I'll find one
for him, I'll, you know,
160
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:41,936
I'll see; what I'll
do, I'll push around.
161
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:43,066
Well, it's up to Mike.
What do you say, Mike?
162
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:44,136
You wanna? Sure would! Yeah!
163
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,166
Oh, well, come on.
164
00:05:45,190 --> 00:05:46,376
Let's go, what
are we waiting for?
165
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:47,936
Thanks. See you
later, Felix. Have fun.
166
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,446
Okay. Yeah? Oscar...
167
00:05:49,470 --> 00:05:51,446
This is a very, very
fine thing you're doing.
168
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:52,916
No, you're really doing
something nice for the boy.
169
00:05:52,940 --> 00:05:54,116
And he'll remember.
170
00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:55,486
And, someday, he'll come back...
171
00:05:55,510 --> 00:05:56,810
And rob me.
172
00:06:10,170 --> 00:06:11,576
Did you see how
Frazier was faking?
173
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,316
I could see everything
from the press box.
174
00:06:13,340 --> 00:06:14,810
Hey, press box.
175
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:16,316
You didn't tell me you
took him... Forget it, will ya?
176
00:06:16,340 --> 00:06:17,416
Just get in the...
Let's go, let's go!
177
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,586
He faked with his
shoulder, with the shoulder.
178
00:06:19,610 --> 00:06:20,856
Hey, watch what you're doing!
179
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:22,256
Come on, watch the furniture.
180
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,640
Oh, forget the furniture.
181
00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,496
To have fun, you don't have
to knock everything over.
182
00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:27,466
All right, come on, get into
position. Let's go, let's go!
183
00:06:27,490 --> 00:06:28,996
Here we go. Come on, come on.
184
00:06:29,020 --> 00:06:30,746
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Come
on, come on, whoa, whoa, whoa.
185
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:32,466
You want to play or
don't you want to play?
186
00:06:32,490 --> 00:06:33,820
Now get into position.
187
00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:35,170
Come on.
188
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,370
There we go.
189
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,946
I don't like it when
you hit me in the face.
190
00:06:44,970 --> 00:06:46,370
I'm not a backstop, you know.
191
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,586
You guys got a
good team at school?
192
00:06:47,610 --> 00:06:49,456
Not really. Every
time we get a tall guy,
193
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,216
he goes over the wall.
194
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,386
Basket, answer the door.
195
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:53,690
Let's go.
196
00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:58,026
Chaplain, I didn't
realize how late it was.
197
00:06:58,050 --> 00:06:59,426
Uh, Mr. Unger, how are you?
198
00:06:59,450 --> 00:07:00,966
Chaplain Muldoon, Oscar Madison.
199
00:07:00,990 --> 00:07:02,366
Oh, yes, I read
your column often.
200
00:07:02,390 --> 00:07:03,686
And did you have a
good time this afternoon?
201
00:07:03,710 --> 00:07:05,180
I sure did.
202
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:07,266
Good. Mike, we better be going.
203
00:07:07,290 --> 00:07:08,506
Don't forget the
autographed picture
204
00:07:08,530 --> 00:07:09,776
of the Knicks in my room.
205
00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:11,400
Have to leave so soon?
206
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,106
Well, I've got to get
the boy back for supper.
207
00:07:13,130 --> 00:07:15,046
It's 6:00. Hey, Mike,
208
00:07:15,070 --> 00:07:16,946
how's the food
over there? It's great.
209
00:07:16,970 --> 00:07:19,016
I'm the chaplain, I can't lie.
210
00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:20,316
The food is...
211
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:21,686
Hey, I've got a great idea.
212
00:07:21,710 --> 00:07:23,486
Why don't you let Mr. Unger
and I take him out for dinner.
213
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:24,956
We'll take him to
the school afterwards.
214
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:26,186
That's a good idea.
Could I come along?
215
00:07:26,210 --> 00:07:27,486
Oh, we'd love to
have you... would you?
216
00:07:27,510 --> 00:07:29,480
No, I'm only joking.
217
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:30,656
But Mike would love it.
218
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:32,096
So have him in before 10:00.
219
00:07:32,120 --> 00:07:33,400
It's lights out.
220
00:07:33,450 --> 00:07:34,926
You're sure you won't
come now? No, thanks.
221
00:07:34,950 --> 00:07:36,496
But you could bring
me back a doggie bag.
222
00:07:36,520 --> 00:07:38,096
You got it. Bye-bye, Chaplain.
223
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,906
He seems like a nice
guy. Yeah, nice guy.
224
00:07:39,930 --> 00:07:41,336
Hey, you know
where we'll take him?
225
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:42,476
To that steak house...
226
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:43,506
What's the matter? I can't go.
227
00:07:43,530 --> 00:07:44,676
Why not?
228
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:45,976
I promised Edna
I'd take her shopping
229
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,146
for new clothes this afternoon.
230
00:07:47,170 --> 00:07:48,606
Well, anyway, I'll
take him myself.
231
00:07:48,630 --> 00:07:50,616
I'll bet you he hasn't
seen a steak in a long time.
232
00:07:50,640 --> 00:07:51,646
Let me try to make a basket.
233
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:52,886
I don't have time.
I want to shoot.
234
00:07:52,910 --> 00:07:54,116
No, I got to get dressed.
235
00:07:54,140 --> 00:07:55,656
Didn't I stand... wasn't
I a basket for you?!
236
00:07:55,680 --> 00:07:57,086
Why can't you be
a basket for me?
237
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,216
Okay, one minute.
238
00:07:58,240 --> 00:07:59,426
All right, let's go. Here we go.
239
00:07:59,450 --> 00:08:01,326
Here we go, here we go,
here we go, here we go.
240
00:08:01,350 --> 00:08:02,356
All right, come on.
241
00:08:02,380 --> 00:08:03,796
No "One, Two, Three, O'Leary"!
242
00:08:03,820 --> 00:08:05,290
Come on and shoot it.
243
00:08:05,350 --> 00:08:07,910
I feel like a pregnant
woman here.
244
00:08:08,100 --> 00:08:09,450
What are you doing?
245
00:08:09,520 --> 00:08:11,950
They're double-teaming me.
246
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:15,776
Oh! Oh! What happened?
What happened?
247
00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:17,080
I was fouled.
248
00:08:18,680 --> 00:08:19,960
I get a free throw.
249
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,600
Okay, come on.
250
00:08:26,660 --> 00:08:27,896
What is that on the carpet?
251
00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,106
That's because you're
dribbling so much.
252
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:30,206
Now come on.
253
00:08:30,230 --> 00:08:31,356
You know, I've
noticed in free throws,
254
00:08:31,380 --> 00:08:32,556
they do one of three things:
255
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:33,980
they do it underhand like that,
256
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:35,226
or off the chest like that
257
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:36,476
or sometimes one hand like that.
258
00:08:36,500 --> 00:08:39,060
What should I do? Shoot!
259
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,290
Daddy, they fit perfectly.
260
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:47,986
You're going to
wear that to school?
261
00:08:48,010 --> 00:08:48,940
Well, of course.
262
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:50,370
If I don't, I'll look freaky.
263
00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:53,500
What's the matter?
264
00:08:53,570 --> 00:08:54,776
Nothing, I just...
265
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,446
I just can't get
used to the idea
266
00:08:56,470 --> 00:08:59,290
of my little angel looking
like one of the Dirty Dozen.
267
00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:01,196
Shouldn't have made
me have all that pie, too.
268
00:09:01,220 --> 00:09:02,236
You're a growing boy.
269
00:09:02,260 --> 00:09:03,636
Hey, Mike. Hi, Uncle Oscar.
270
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,706
Mike, this is my daughter,
271
00:09:05,730 --> 00:09:07,536
Edna... you don't
have to salute.
272
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:09,340
Hi, Mike.
273
00:09:09,420 --> 00:09:10,726
How was dinner?
274
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,030
Oh, it was terrific.
275
00:09:12,090 --> 00:09:13,496
Uncle Oscar took me to a joint
276
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:14,896
where they got
terrific chili dogs
277
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,200
and garlic pizza.
278
00:09:16,260 --> 00:09:20,100
Oh, my, them's eats.
279
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,860
Everything a growing boy
needs to get bad breath.
280
00:09:24,430 --> 00:09:26,676
Oh, Mike, my dad just
bought me some new records.
281
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:28,776
Want to hear 'em? Sure,
I guess so. If it's okay.
282
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,676
Oh, you kids, wait a second.
I want you to hear something.
283
00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,346
I've got a new record of
Mahler's Kindertotenlieder.
284
00:09:32,370 --> 00:09:34,286
It's a little bit morbid, but I
think you kids... Felix, Felix.
285
00:09:34,310 --> 00:09:36,016
Can I see you for a
second, please? What?
286
00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:37,386
Very important, I
want to talk to you.
287
00:09:37,410 --> 00:09:39,126
Come on, come
here, I'll tell you.
288
00:09:39,150 --> 00:09:40,520
Come here.
289
00:09:46,990 --> 00:09:48,196
Come in here. What?
290
00:09:48,220 --> 00:09:49,696
What is it with
the "Kindertoler"?!
291
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:50,936
The kids want to hear rock.
292
00:09:50,960 --> 00:09:52,636
What do they want to
hear junk like that for?
293
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:54,006
What do you mean
junk? They love it.
294
00:09:54,030 --> 00:09:54,960
Ah, ha, ha.
295
00:09:55,030 --> 00:09:57,590
What does that
mean, "Ha, ha, ha, ha"?
296
00:09:58,130 --> 00:10:00,546
Well, Mike called you
Uncle Oscar, didn't he?
297
00:10:00,570 --> 00:10:01,806
That doesn't mean anything.
298
00:10:01,830 --> 00:10:04,046
He called a cab driver
Uncle Cab Driver.
299
00:10:04,070 --> 00:10:07,070
No, no, it means
that he likes you.
300
00:10:07,140 --> 00:10:08,316
And you like him.
301
00:10:08,340 --> 00:10:09,556
You've got a heart, after all.
302
00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:10,616
I got a heart and I like...
303
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,556
He seems like a nice
kid and he seems honest.
304
00:10:12,580 --> 00:10:14,656
He's the first kid I've ever
been able to get along with.
305
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:17,240
You think it's
because he's a thief?
306
00:10:17,980 --> 00:10:19,550
Because he needs you.
307
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:21,860
Gee, Lucky Lindy made it.
308
00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:23,320
Oh...!
309
00:10:25,290 --> 00:10:27,006
You've got a real
feeling for the underdog.
310
00:10:27,030 --> 00:10:29,076
No kidding. I'm proud of you.
311
00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:30,136
Thank you. I don't know.
312
00:10:30,160 --> 00:10:31,676
I don't want to get too chummy
313
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:32,976
because he does have a record
314
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,110
and maybe I'm doing...
What are you saying?
315
00:10:35,180 --> 00:10:36,876
You ought to be
ashamed of yourself.
316
00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:38,016
Honestly... What?
317
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,510
A man who's had the breaks,
318
00:10:39,570 --> 00:10:42,130
the opportunities that you've
had in life, to deny those...
319
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:45,600
All that kid needs is trust,
someone to believe in him.
320
00:10:45,680 --> 00:10:47,426
When I look at that kid, I say,
321
00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:49,956
"There but for the
grace of God go I."
322
00:10:49,980 --> 00:10:51,196
Daddy, guess what?
323
00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:53,990
I told you never to come
in here until you're 21.
324
00:10:54,050 --> 00:10:55,746
Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot.
325
00:10:55,770 --> 00:10:58,116
But anyway, Mike is
having a dance at his school
326
00:10:58,140 --> 00:11:00,700
and he wants me to be his date.
327
00:11:02,110 --> 00:11:05,960
You see, that's what I mean
by the power of rehabilitation.
328
00:11:06,030 --> 00:11:08,306
I never saw that kid
before this afternoon.
329
00:11:08,330 --> 00:11:09,366
I trusted him.
330
00:11:09,390 --> 00:11:10,976
I brought him to my home.
331
00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:12,296
I introduced him to my daughter
332
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:14,266
and he invited her to a dance.
333
00:11:14,290 --> 00:11:17,130
If that little crook thinks
he's taking my daughter...
334
00:11:22,450 --> 00:11:25,390
Oh, sure, Gloria,
that's perfectly okay.
335
00:11:25,450 --> 00:11:26,596
Stay another night.
336
00:11:26,620 --> 00:11:28,520
Yeah, fine.
337
00:11:28,590 --> 00:11:32,380
Oh, she's having a ball.
338
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:34,400
Yeah.
339
00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:36,020
Yeah, just a minute.
340
00:11:36,080 --> 00:11:37,186
I'll let you... yeah, sure.
341
00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:39,026
Say good night to
Mommy. Good night, Mom.
342
00:11:39,050 --> 00:11:40,770
Did you hear that?
343
00:11:40,830 --> 00:11:42,716
Now, she's just
a little bit tired out
344
00:11:42,740 --> 00:11:43,966
from all the fun she's having.
345
00:11:43,990 --> 00:11:46,436
Yeah, don't worry about a thing.
346
00:11:46,460 --> 00:11:47,596
Okay, fine.
347
00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:49,636
Gloria, stay away
from fried foods.
348
00:11:49,660 --> 00:11:50,906
Right, bye-bye.
349
00:11:50,930 --> 00:11:52,970
Dad, can I go to bed now?
350
00:11:53,030 --> 00:11:54,310
Of course, dear.
351
00:11:54,360 --> 00:11:55,840
Don't be blue.
352
00:11:55,920 --> 00:11:58,520
I know you're unhappy because
you can't go to the dance.
353
00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:02,750
But remember, growing
up is painful sometimes.
354
00:12:04,310 --> 00:12:07,180
But pain is nature's
way of making us mature.
355
00:12:12,680 --> 00:12:14,140
Good night, honey.
356
00:12:17,420 --> 00:12:20,250
Oh, boy, oh boy,
oh boy, oh, boy.
357
00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:22,806
I tell you, it's no
joke being a father,
358
00:12:22,830 --> 00:12:25,390
but with a daughter
like Edna, it's really...
359
00:12:29,770 --> 00:12:32,330
Look, I know she's
upset right now...
360
00:12:35,970 --> 00:12:37,250
Oscar.
361
00:12:38,810 --> 00:12:41,430
Oscar, I'm trying to
communicate with you.
362
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:43,936
I don't communicate
with hypocrites.
363
00:12:43,960 --> 00:12:45,106
Who's a hypocrite?
364
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:46,276
You're a hypocrite.
You hypocrite!
365
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:47,546
I'm not a hypocrite!
366
00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:50,210
All that eyewash about
giving Mike a hand.
367
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:53,540
I'm not letting my little
princess go to some wild party
368
00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:55,310
at a reform school.
369
00:12:55,370 --> 00:12:57,316
Correctional
institution, hypocrite.
370
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:59,826
Oh, that's just a fancy
expression, and you know it.
371
00:12:59,850 --> 00:13:02,126
She's not ready for
that wild crowd yet.
372
00:13:02,150 --> 00:13:04,710
They'll meet in ten years when
she becomes a policewoman.
373
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,960
This is her first date.
374
00:13:09,020 --> 00:13:10,566
I want it to be
something special.
375
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:11,916
Felix, this is
something special.
376
00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:14,670
You know what I mean.
377
00:13:14,740 --> 00:13:19,110
I want the fellow to be
clean-cut and cultured,
378
00:13:19,180 --> 00:13:22,540
a little bit shy perhaps, but
with a twinkle in his eye...
379
00:13:22,620 --> 00:13:24,596
Youthful but with
an aristocratic air.
380
00:13:24,620 --> 00:13:27,180
There's a law against
dating your own daughter.
381
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:32,530
She's so young...
She's just a baby.
382
00:13:32,590 --> 00:13:33,676
She's innocent.
383
00:13:33,700 --> 00:13:35,130
These kids are wild, Oscar.
384
00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:38,770
Felix, she is no dummy.
She knows the score.
385
00:13:38,830 --> 00:13:40,300
Doesn't she know the score?
386
00:13:40,370 --> 00:13:43,040
You mean that filth about
the birds and the bees?
387
00:13:43,110 --> 00:13:45,810
She doesn't know the score.
388
00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:48,440
She doesn't even know
there's a game on, does she?
389
00:13:49,230 --> 00:13:51,100
She's only 12 years old.
390
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,306
Felix, in Africa, they have tribes
that have 12-year-old grandmothers.
391
00:13:54,330 --> 00:13:55,900
Bite your tongue.
392
00:13:55,970 --> 00:13:58,670
Look, would you feel better
if she knew the facts of life?
393
00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:00,616
Well, I... All right,
get Gloria to tell her.
394
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:01,766
No.
395
00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:03,190
Why not? Gloria told you.
396
00:14:07,860 --> 00:14:09,046
Gloria's out of town.
397
00:14:09,070 --> 00:14:10,750
All right, then you tell her.
398
00:14:10,820 --> 00:14:11,996
Oh no, no, no, I'll tell her.
399
00:14:12,020 --> 00:14:13,616
You let her go
and I'll tell her.
400
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:14,570
That's the way...
401
00:14:14,640 --> 00:14:16,486
Wait, what are you
going to tell her?
402
00:14:16,510 --> 00:14:17,840
Well, did you see Lolita?
403
00:14:17,910 --> 00:14:19,240
Oh! Oh! Oh!
404
00:14:19,310 --> 00:14:21,116
I'm kidding. I'm only kidding.
405
00:14:21,140 --> 00:14:22,286
I tell you... What?
406
00:14:22,310 --> 00:14:24,870
I want her to understand,
so tell her the truth.
407
00:14:24,950 --> 00:14:26,996
But don't make it so
graphic that it'll shock her.
408
00:14:27,020 --> 00:14:29,326
I want you to be blunt...
The whole thing... but subtle.
409
00:14:29,350 --> 00:14:30,630
I want her to be confused.
410
00:14:35,340 --> 00:14:36,940
I don't get it.
411
00:14:40,110 --> 00:14:43,780
Okay, let's forget about
Mr. Bunny and Mrs. Bunny
412
00:14:43,850 --> 00:14:46,410
and what happened
in the lettuce...
413
00:14:50,420 --> 00:14:54,220
A girl is like a
baseball diamond...
414
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:56,560
Yes.
415
00:14:56,630 --> 00:15:01,120
And the bad man at bat is
going to try to score a run.
416
00:15:01,180 --> 00:15:05,500
And we can't let that happen.
417
00:15:05,570 --> 00:15:08,620
See, if the guy gets to first
base... mustn't let that happen.
418
00:15:08,690 --> 00:15:11,406
No, so you've got to strike him
out so he never gets to first base.
419
00:15:11,430 --> 00:15:13,086
Yeah, see, if he
gets to first base,
420
00:15:13,110 --> 00:15:14,840
he'll try to steal second.
421
00:15:14,910 --> 00:15:16,190
Oh.
422
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:21,400
So that's when
you call the umpire.
423
00:15:21,470 --> 00:15:22,800
And you know who that is?
424
00:15:22,870 --> 00:15:24,370
I don't know.
425
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:26,040
I'm the umpire.
426
00:15:26,110 --> 00:15:29,320
And I walk up to that
slugger and say, "You're out.
427
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:30,850
Get off the field."
428
00:15:30,910 --> 00:15:32,056
You understand?
429
00:15:32,080 --> 00:15:36,330
Yeah, it's a lot like sex.
430
00:15:43,640 --> 00:15:45,286
Good night, darling;
good night, good night.
431
00:15:45,310 --> 00:15:48,040
Sleep tight,
darling. Sleep tight.
432
00:15:49,450 --> 00:15:52,760
Oscar, she said the word.
433
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,960
What word?
434
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:55,950
Sex.
435
00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,240
Yeah, and if a baseball player
436
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,356
tries to take her out
437
00:15:59,380 --> 00:16:01,086
he's going to
have a terrible time.
438
00:16:01,110 --> 00:16:03,556
How did she know?
How did she find out?
439
00:16:03,580 --> 00:16:04,726
What are you talking about?
440
00:16:04,750 --> 00:16:06,026
She's no dummy...
She's a sensible girl.
441
00:16:06,050 --> 00:16:08,296
Felix, you forgot to tell her
she can go to the dance.
442
00:16:08,320 --> 00:16:10,196
No, no, that's out.
What do you mean no?
443
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,096
Absolutely out. How could
you say that? You promised.
444
00:16:12,120 --> 00:16:14,666
My little baby knows about: sex.
445
00:16:14,690 --> 00:16:18,370
Felix, the whole world
446
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:22,390
It's a very, very
dangerous situation.
447
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:24,506
Oh, Felix, you've got
to let her go to the...
448
00:16:24,530 --> 00:16:25,916
I guarantee you
nothing's going to happen.
449
00:16:25,940 --> 00:16:27,370
How can you do that?
450
00:16:27,440 --> 00:16:29,176
Well, I, I'll
personally-personally
451
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:31,266
I will chaperone the
dance, how about that?
452
00:16:31,290 --> 00:16:33,950
Well, no, I, I... Oh, come on.
453
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,400
Look, I'm your best friend.
454
00:16:35,460 --> 00:16:37,026
Would I let anything
happen to Edna?
455
00:16:37,050 --> 00:16:39,890
I... Would I?
456
00:16:39,950 --> 00:16:41,396
No. Of course not.
457
00:16:41,420 --> 00:16:44,090
Look, I'm gonna guarantee
you that nothing can happen.
458
00:16:44,150 --> 00:16:46,026
I'm going to prove it right now.
459
00:16:46,050 --> 00:16:47,536
What's this? This is my marker.
460
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:49,096
Your marker? Marker.
461
00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,150
If anything happens to
Edna, I owe you one daughter.
462
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:56,000
This is meaningless.
463
00:16:56,070 --> 00:16:57,196
Why?
464
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:58,500
You didn't sign it.
465
00:17:16,520 --> 00:17:18,420
Hey, Mike. How's it going?
466
00:17:18,490 --> 00:17:19,960
Okay, I guess, Mr. Madison.
467
00:17:20,020 --> 00:17:22,396
Only I wonder what's taking
Edna so long to get here.
468
00:17:22,420 --> 00:17:26,186
You'd be late too, if your father
made you wear a bullet-proof vest.
469
00:17:26,210 --> 00:17:30,050
Don't worry, she'll
be here any minute.
470
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:33,796
Buddy, Louie gets
the chair at midnight.
471
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:36,126
You, uh... got any
messages for him?
472
00:17:36,150 --> 00:17:38,836
Yeah. Tell him not to sit down.
473
00:17:38,860 --> 00:17:40,566
And listen, if these
cookies aren't any good,
474
00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:42,876
I'm gonna have my goons
work you over, you got it?
475
00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:45,030
Got it, Mr. M.
476
00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:47,846
Your buddy's got a great
sense of humor. What's he in for?
477
00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:50,430
Nothing. He's the warden's son.
478
00:17:51,690 --> 00:17:53,230
Oh look, there she is.
479
00:17:53,290 --> 00:17:54,230
Hi, Edna.
480
00:17:54,290 --> 00:17:56,200
Hi, Mike.
481
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:59,350
Edna, a lady does not wave.
482
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:00,506
It's flashy.
483
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,846
And when flashiness
comes in the door,
484
00:18:02,870 --> 00:18:04,706
femininity goes out the window.
485
00:18:04,730 --> 00:18:06,146
Hi, everybody. Hi.
486
00:18:06,170 --> 00:18:08,676
Hey, want to meet some of
the guys... maybe have a dance?
487
00:18:08,700 --> 00:18:10,316
Edna promised
me the first dance.
488
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:11,686
Only if it's a minuet.
489
00:18:11,710 --> 00:18:13,816
Go ahead, dance.
Have a good time.
490
00:18:13,840 --> 00:18:16,640
Remember the umpire
has not said, "play ball."
491
00:18:16,710 --> 00:18:18,826
Felix, cool it, will ya?
Everything's going to be fine.
492
00:18:18,850 --> 00:18:20,126
She's going to be just great.
493
00:18:20,150 --> 00:18:22,246
I hope so; it's the
only thing I live for.
494
00:18:22,270 --> 00:18:23,746
Believe me, it's
going to be fine.
495
00:18:23,770 --> 00:18:26,330
Sit here, relax, I'll get
you some punch, all right?
496
00:18:29,140 --> 00:18:31,036
You, uh, want a goodie, Mac?
497
00:18:31,060 --> 00:18:34,130
Thank you.
498
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:36,760
The, uh, the key's
in the cupcake.
499
00:18:39,790 --> 00:18:40,976
What?
500
00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:44,480
That's the key to the back gate.
501
00:18:44,560 --> 00:18:48,100
See, we break out at 10:05,
when the screws change the guard.
502
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:49,756
Keep your motor
running. If they spot ya,
503
00:18:49,780 --> 00:18:51,250
use your heater.
504
00:18:52,750 --> 00:18:55,096
Felix, don't let the ice melt.
505
00:18:55,120 --> 00:18:56,496
That kid... What?
506
00:18:56,520 --> 00:18:57,470
He's planning a breakout.
507
00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:59,146
I've got the key in my cupcake.
508
00:18:59,170 --> 00:19:00,616
That kid? Yes.
509
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,960
Felix, if I ever want to sell
a bridge, let me look you up.
510
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,700
Yes, thank you, Charlie.
511
00:19:07,760 --> 00:19:10,130
Let's have it quiet, everybody.
512
00:19:10,200 --> 00:19:12,770
And now, I would like
to welcome all of you
513
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,946
to our dance... And
a very special thanks
514
00:19:14,970 --> 00:19:17,530
to the young ladies for
coming down here today.
515
00:19:19,010 --> 00:19:21,386
Now I would like to introduce
some of the gentlemen
516
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,606
that have come down
here to lend us a hand...
517
00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:26,620
Mr. T.J. Carter,
Mr. Armand Horowitz,
518
00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,646
and a very special hello
to Mr. Oscar Madison,
519
00:19:28,670 --> 00:19:30,996
our chief chaperone
for the evening
520
00:19:31,020 --> 00:19:33,136
and a very well-known
sportswriter.
521
00:19:33,160 --> 00:19:34,966
Speech.
522
00:19:34,990 --> 00:19:36,436
I'm not going to make a speech
523
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:38,486
'cause I'm a great
believer in short sentences.
524
00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:41,506
Thank you. And now,
525
00:19:41,530 --> 00:19:43,876
I'd like to have you meet
a friend of Mr. Madison's...
526
00:19:43,900 --> 00:19:46,226
A gentleman I'm
sure many of you know
527
00:19:46,250 --> 00:19:49,450
for his photographic work on
the premises, Mr. Felix Unger.
528
00:19:53,790 --> 00:19:55,720
Thank you, Padre.
529
00:19:55,800 --> 00:19:57,986
It's a great pleasure to
be here with you again.
530
00:19:58,010 --> 00:20:01,180
It was fun photographing you.
531
00:20:01,250 --> 00:20:05,850
I have excellent shots of
each and every boy here.
532
00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:06,966
Anybody could
instantly identify you.
533
00:20:06,990 --> 00:20:09,550
Felix, will you
get off the stage?
534
00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:11,616
I trust them. I just
want them to know that.
535
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,656
Let's go then, come on.
536
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:14,180
Edna? Where's Edna?
537
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,580
Edna, can you hear my voice?!
538
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:16,826
Daddy!
539
00:20:16,850 --> 00:20:18,650
Daddy, I'm here.
540
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,516
Oh. Felix, will
you...? Hit it, Charlie.
541
00:20:20,540 --> 00:20:24,380
What kind of parent
would I be if I...?
542
00:20:41,910 --> 00:20:43,916
Greatest fight I've ever seen...
543
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:47,840
I'd have to say it was
between two hatcheck girls
544
00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:49,336
at the Copacabana.
545
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,230
You want some punch? - Yeah.
546
00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,610
Oscar, Oscar, look, look, look!
547
00:21:10,670 --> 00:21:12,116
Come here. What, what?
548
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:14,086
This bar just came
out of the window there.
549
00:21:14,110 --> 00:21:15,586
What shall I do? Put it back.
550
00:21:15,610 --> 00:21:17,816
Chaplain, I'm sorry to interrupt
551
00:21:17,840 --> 00:21:19,956
your benediction.
What benediction?
552
00:21:19,980 --> 00:21:22,356
This bar... I'm counting heads.
553
00:21:22,380 --> 00:21:24,196
This bar just came
out of the window.
554
00:21:24,220 --> 00:21:25,456
Well, put it back.
555
00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,800
17, 18, 19, 20...
556
00:21:31,870 --> 00:21:33,670
Why are you counting?
557
00:21:33,740 --> 00:21:36,026
Because I either counted
wrong, or I'm missing a few.
558
00:21:36,050 --> 00:21:37,276
Who's missing?
559
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:38,526
Mike Callahan for
one... Mike Callahan?
560
00:21:38,550 --> 00:21:39,826
Uh-huh. He's with Edna.
561
00:21:39,850 --> 00:21:41,590
Well, I don't see them.
562
00:21:41,650 --> 00:21:43,396
He ran off with my little girl.
563
00:21:45,750 --> 00:21:47,366
This is your responsibility.
I have your marker.
564
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:49,516
Well, take it easy. I saw
them here... Where? Where?
565
00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:50,816
Over there, right over there...
566
00:21:50,840 --> 00:21:53,126
It's a bust-out. Nobody move.
567
00:21:53,150 --> 00:21:54,520
Nobody move!
568
00:21:54,580 --> 00:21:56,896
I'm placing this entire
room under citizen's arrest!
569
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:58,256
Mr. Unger, control yourself.
570
00:21:58,280 --> 00:21:59,596
You, search the laundry truck.
571
00:21:59,620 --> 00:22:00,996
What's the matter with you?
572
00:22:01,020 --> 00:22:03,200
You, cupcake, spill your guts.
573
00:22:03,270 --> 00:22:05,480
And you, pray.
574
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:07,806
Hey, I've got an announcement
to make, you know.
575
00:22:07,830 --> 00:22:09,306
Felix, let him make the
announcement, please.
576
00:22:09,330 --> 00:22:11,336
What, the ransom?
Oh, cut it out.
577
00:22:11,360 --> 00:22:13,160
By unanimous vote,
578
00:22:13,230 --> 00:22:15,406
we, the residents of
Eastside School for Boys
579
00:22:15,430 --> 00:22:17,616
have selected the Queen
of our Annual Dance.
580
00:22:17,640 --> 00:22:21,580
That's the dame you'd
most like to break out with...
581
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:22,920
Edna Unger!
582
00:22:27,230 --> 00:22:29,780
Let's hear it for them.
583
00:22:29,850 --> 00:22:32,600
Brava! Brava! Bravissima!
584
00:22:32,670 --> 00:22:33,776
Speech!
585
00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:36,060
Daddy!
586
00:22:36,140 --> 00:22:39,710
Gee, I'm... I'm really
terrifically honored
587
00:22:39,770 --> 00:22:41,170
by this honor.
588
00:22:41,240 --> 00:22:42,770
Thank you.
589
00:22:42,850 --> 00:22:45,520
And specially, thanks to
my father for letting me come.
590
00:22:45,580 --> 00:22:48,490
No. Nobody deserves
special thanks
591
00:22:48,570 --> 00:22:51,126
for the kind of compassion
we all... Hit it, Charlie.
592
00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:57,910
And now, Your Majesty, the
grand dance of the evening.
593
00:22:57,980 --> 00:23:00,540
You may select the
partner of your choice.
594
00:23:01,930 --> 00:23:03,830
I promised.
595
00:23:07,940 --> 00:23:09,860
Thank you, Your Highness.
596
00:23:14,530 --> 00:23:16,230
Your turn.
597
00:23:16,290 --> 00:23:17,476
May I cut in?
598
00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:18,536
Later.
599
00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:19,960
Felix.
600
00:23:33,210 --> 00:23:36,980
She's not a little girl
anymore... she's a woman.
601
00:23:37,050 --> 00:23:38,156
Why not?
602
00:23:38,180 --> 00:23:40,066
She takes after her parents.
603
00:23:40,090 --> 00:23:41,490
Her father's an old lady.
604
00:23:47,580 --> 00:23:49,510
I had a wonderful time.
605
00:23:56,290 --> 00:23:58,796
Come on, Felix, if
you're going to fall apart
606
00:23:58,820 --> 00:24:00,196
every time she does something,
607
00:24:00,220 --> 00:24:02,536
you'll end up in the Manhattan
Home for the Strange.
608
00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:05,760
Oh, I can't help it.
609
00:24:08,830 --> 00:24:10,690
I'll never forget...
610
00:24:12,870 --> 00:24:14,410
my first date.
611
00:24:16,270 --> 00:24:19,170
Her name was Mildred Fleener.
612
00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:23,580
My father let me take the car.
613
00:24:23,650 --> 00:24:25,420
Dropped by the florist,
614
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,326
picked up her corsage
in that box, you know,
615
00:24:27,350 --> 00:24:29,006
with the cellophane on top.
616
00:24:29,030 --> 00:24:33,300
Went by her house...
her mother let me in.
617
00:24:33,370 --> 00:24:35,370
Said I looked clean.
618
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:40,510
And she pinned on the corsage
and we went to the dance.
619
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:43,820
It was just so... And
I took her home...
620
00:24:43,880 --> 00:24:46,066
I didn't try to kiss her
or anything like that.
621
00:24:46,090 --> 00:24:48,190
I was a perfect gentleman.
622
00:24:48,250 --> 00:24:50,300
I've never forgotten it.
623
00:24:50,370 --> 00:24:52,130
I bet she did.
42003
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