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1
00:00:04,140 --> 00:00:05,440
Oscar!
2
00:00:05,510 --> 00:00:07,260
Oscar. Oscar get up!
3
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:08,356
Get up!
4
00:00:08,380 --> 00:00:09,786
I've got news for you! Get up!
5
00:00:09,810 --> 00:00:11,656
I've got good news
and I've got bad news.
6
00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:12,600
What time is it?
7
00:00:12,660 --> 00:00:14,810
8:00 of a bright sunny morning!
8
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:17,540
What's the good news?
9
00:00:17,620 --> 00:00:19,270
Get up! Get your clothes on.
10
00:00:19,340 --> 00:00:21,046
There's someone
here to see you. Who?
11
00:00:21,070 --> 00:00:22,996
Get up and see for
yourself. An old friend.
12
00:00:23,020 --> 00:00:25,306
Someone very
near and dear to you!
13
00:00:25,330 --> 00:00:26,630
My bookie is here so early?
14
00:00:26,690 --> 00:00:29,120
No, but it begins with "B."
15
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:32,090
So does bug off, Felix. I'm
not getting up for anybody!
16
00:00:32,150 --> 00:00:33,590
Not even for Blanche?
17
00:00:33,650 --> 00:00:35,666
Not even for Blanche...
Blanche is here?!
18
00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:37,296
My ex-wife Blanche
from California?!
19
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:38,896
Yes! Blanche is here?
20
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,696
Yes! She came from
California... she's here!
21
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,966
Tell her I'm not home! Oh,
come on. What's the matter?
22
00:00:42,990 --> 00:00:44,206
She has something to tell you.
23
00:00:44,230 --> 00:00:45,836
I know what she's
gonna tell me, Felix.
24
00:00:45,860 --> 00:00:47,276
I'm three months
behind in my alimony.
25
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:48,846
Is-is-is... is her
lawyer with her?
26
00:00:48,870 --> 00:00:50,746
No, no. A tall skinny
guy with a smile?
27
00:00:50,770 --> 00:00:52,016
No, no. She got any papers...
28
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,676
State of New York... A
subpoena and everything.
29
00:00:53,700 --> 00:00:56,146
Why did you let her in?
The one person in the world
30
00:00:56,170 --> 00:00:58,816
I never want to see is Blanche.
My God I don't want to...
31
00:00:58,840 --> 00:01:01,240
Hi, Blanche nice to see you.
32
00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,320
Hi, Oscar.
33
00:01:05,750 --> 00:01:09,960
Ah, same old
Oscar, neat as a pin.
34
00:01:11,890 --> 00:01:14,010
Wow...
35
00:01:14,070 --> 00:01:18,320
it's like a stroll
down memory sewer.
36
00:01:19,950 --> 00:01:21,656
Same old Blanche,
still zinging them, huh?
37
00:01:21,680 --> 00:01:23,996
Well, I'll leave you two alone.
38
00:01:24,020 --> 00:01:26,346
No! Wait!
39
00:01:26,370 --> 00:01:27,710
He was so excited.
40
00:01:27,770 --> 00:01:29,816
I didn't tell him
the great news!
41
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:30,896
What great news? Tell him.
42
00:01:30,920 --> 00:01:32,640
I'm getting married again.
43
00:01:38,700 --> 00:01:41,800
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
44
00:01:41,870 --> 00:01:43,940
from his place of residence.
45
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,630
That request came from his wife.
46
00:01:46,710 --> 00:01:49,086
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
47
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:52,550
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
48
00:01:52,610 --> 00:01:54,510
With nowhere else to go,
49
00:01:54,580 --> 00:01:57,290
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
50
00:01:57,370 --> 00:01:58,616
Several years earlier,
51
00:01:58,640 --> 00:02:00,216
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
52
00:02:00,240 --> 00:02:02,890
requesting that he never return.
53
00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:05,456
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
54
00:02:05,480 --> 00:02:08,040
without driving
each other crazy?
55
00:02:37,160 --> 00:02:40,130
♪ ♪
56
00:03:00,960 --> 00:03:02,360
You little goblin.
57
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:04,046
You're getting
married this afternoon.
58
00:03:04,070 --> 00:03:05,696
I can't... I don't
know what to say.
59
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:07,696
Ah, come on, say
what's in your heart.
60
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:08,866
No more alimony.
61
00:03:08,890 --> 00:03:10,616
Aw, no, honey, I'm
happy for you, too.
62
00:03:10,640 --> 00:03:11,916
I really am, Blanche.
63
00:03:11,940 --> 00:03:13,456
I'm not really prepared
for a celebration.
64
00:03:13,480 --> 00:03:15,526
All I've got is some German
chocolate cake and Muscatel.
65
00:03:15,550 --> 00:03:18,970
Perfect if you're a Nazi wino.
66
00:03:19,030 --> 00:03:20,306
Wouldn't you rather
have some beer?
67
00:03:20,330 --> 00:03:21,446
Beer. No.
68
00:03:21,470 --> 00:03:23,146
Who ever heard of
Beer for a celebration?
69
00:03:23,170 --> 00:03:24,816
How about coffee?
Coffee for breakfast,
70
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:26,546
now why didn't we think of that?
71
00:03:26,570 --> 00:03:28,356
Sit, come on, sit, Blanche.
72
00:03:28,380 --> 00:03:30,310
Oh, thanks.
73
00:03:30,380 --> 00:03:32,980
Well, tell us about
your intended.
74
00:03:33,050 --> 00:03:35,256
Ah, how long have you known him?
75
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:36,946
Who, Roger? About
three weeks. Yeah.
76
00:03:36,970 --> 00:03:38,846
Three weeks? Yeah.
77
00:03:38,870 --> 00:03:40,910
Twenty one days.
78
00:03:40,970 --> 00:03:43,850
Are you sure you're doing
the right thing, Blanche?
79
00:03:43,920 --> 00:03:45,450
Of course she's sure!
80
00:03:47,080 --> 00:03:48,530
It's a whirlwind romance, for...
81
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,636
The guy sees what he
wants and he takes it.
82
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:51,896
I like his style.
83
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,446
So, uh, tell us where, uh,
84
00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:55,676
where did he pop the question?
85
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,300
At the Whispering Pines.
86
00:03:57,370 --> 00:03:58,750
Hey, that sounds romantic!
87
00:03:58,820 --> 00:04:01,296
Romantic? It's a motel
outside of Dayton.
88
00:04:01,320 --> 00:04:02,620
Blanche!
89
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:03,866
Oh, darling!
90
00:04:03,890 --> 00:04:05,706
We were having coffee
in the coffee shop.
91
00:04:05,730 --> 00:04:07,736
Forgive me. I
thought... Oh, no. No.
92
00:04:07,760 --> 00:04:09,560
I thought so, too...
93
00:04:09,630 --> 00:04:12,046
but we ended up
in the coffee shop.
94
00:04:12,070 --> 00:04:14,990
Well, uh, what,
95
00:04:15,050 --> 00:04:17,036
what first attracted you to him?
96
00:04:17,060 --> 00:04:19,300
He asked me out.
97
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:21,730
Good looking?
98
00:04:21,790 --> 00:04:24,026
No, but I've never
been attracted
99
00:04:24,050 --> 00:04:26,026
to good looking men.
100
00:04:26,050 --> 00:04:28,056
Well, I hope he has
a sense of humor.
101
00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:29,400
He's very nice.
102
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,016
So, now let's get
down to basics.
103
00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:32,146
How tall is he?
104
00:04:32,170 --> 00:04:33,770
Five feet four inches.
105
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:37,410
Only five... Napoleon
was only five-four.
106
00:04:37,480 --> 00:04:38,756
As long as he's tall enough
107
00:04:38,780 --> 00:04:40,126
to reach her wedding finger
108
00:04:40,150 --> 00:04:41,956
that's all that counts.
109
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:43,910
Use your napkin.
110
00:04:46,090 --> 00:04:48,020
You're wonderful!
111
00:04:48,090 --> 00:04:50,790
I never got him any
further than his sleeves.
112
00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:55,606
I don't get a real
picture of him, Blanche.
113
00:04:55,630 --> 00:04:57,436
What-what, what are his hobbies,
114
00:04:57,460 --> 00:04:58,646
what are his interests?
115
00:04:58,670 --> 00:05:02,270
Well, his big passion
is steam baths.
116
00:05:02,340 --> 00:05:04,900
Mm-hmm.
117
00:05:05,970 --> 00:05:07,600
See...
118
00:05:07,670 --> 00:05:09,766
Is that something the
two of you can share,
119
00:05:09,790 --> 00:05:10,886
Blanche?
120
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:13,056
Well, maybe they'll
take a trip to Japan!
121
00:05:13,080 --> 00:05:14,876
Get your feet off the chair!
122
00:05:14,900 --> 00:05:17,530
Look at this...
nagging in stereo!
123
00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:19,530
Wipe your lip.
124
00:05:19,600 --> 00:05:20,900
So when's the wedding?
125
00:05:20,970 --> 00:05:23,146
At 3:00, this afternoon.
126
00:05:23,170 --> 00:05:24,886
3:00. Mm-hmm.
127
00:05:24,910 --> 00:05:27,056
And I got to go. Aw...
128
00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:28,486
Oh, listen, I want to look good
129
00:05:28,510 --> 00:05:30,270
and lately it's an all day job.
130
00:05:30,350 --> 00:05:31,630
You look great!
131
00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:33,496
You sure look good!
Oh, thank you, thank you.
132
00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:35,396
I want to tell you, the more
I hear about this Roger,
133
00:05:35,420 --> 00:05:36,766
the more I like him. Right.
134
00:05:36,790 --> 00:05:38,196
I mean, I seems like an
individualist, Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:38,220 --> 00:05:39,596
He doesn't follow the...
You've got to be very strong
136
00:05:39,620 --> 00:05:40,646
to take all those baths!
137
00:05:41,740 --> 00:05:43,786
I really came to ask
you to the wedding.
138
00:05:43,810 --> 00:05:45,090
I'd like you to be there.
139
00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:46,826
Are you kidding? Of
course we'll be there!
140
00:05:46,850 --> 00:05:48,696
You need a bridesmaid?
I'll be a bridesmaid!
141
00:05:48,720 --> 00:05:51,460
Felix... Me? Oh.
142
00:05:51,540 --> 00:05:53,576
On condition that you let
me bake the wedding cake.
143
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:54,876
I'd love it.
144
00:05:54,900 --> 00:05:57,730
3:00 at The Wee Kirk of Yonkers.
145
00:05:57,810 --> 00:06:00,100
The Wee Kirk of Yonkers?
146
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,720
Don't blame me,
his side picked it.
147
00:06:03,710 --> 00:06:04,856
Bye! Bye.
148
00:06:04,880 --> 00:06:06,296
I wish you only
the best, Blanche.
149
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:07,596
Thank you, Felix!
150
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:10,180
Lord knows, you
didn't get it the first time.
151
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:15,066
♪ Here comes the bride ♪
152
00:06:15,090 --> 00:06:17,566
♪ She's going to let
me keep my bread. ♪
153
00:06:18,830 --> 00:06:20,436
Oh, Felix, isn't it wonderful
154
00:06:20,460 --> 00:06:21,476
the way everything worked out?
155
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:22,506
Isn't this marvelous?
156
00:06:22,530 --> 00:06:23,706
She's going to get married!
157
00:06:23,730 --> 00:06:25,276
You're shaking your
head the wrong way.
158
00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:26,816
Your head should
be going this way.
159
00:06:26,840 --> 00:06:28,646
It's a lovely day.
That a boy fella.
160
00:06:28,670 --> 00:06:30,146
Oscar. What?
161
00:06:30,170 --> 00:06:31,186
May I say something? No.
162
00:06:31,210 --> 00:06:32,140
Nothing.
163
00:06:32,210 --> 00:06:33,550
Nevertheless,
164
00:06:33,610 --> 00:06:35,256
I don't think it's going
to work out. What?
165
00:06:35,280 --> 00:06:37,486
What don't you think is going to
work out? What? What? What?
166
00:06:37,510 --> 00:06:38,996
You heard the way
she spoke about him.
167
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:40,226
Is that the way a woman
168
00:06:40,250 --> 00:06:41,726
talks about the man
she's going to marry?
169
00:06:41,750 --> 00:06:43,316
What do you got against Roger,
170
00:06:43,340 --> 00:06:44,416
steam baths?
171
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,816
They have soap,
towels, washcloths.
172
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:47,486
Everything you put
on your Christmas list!
173
00:06:47,510 --> 00:06:48,536
You should love him.
174
00:06:48,560 --> 00:06:52,150
Oscar, the way
she described him.
175
00:06:52,210 --> 00:06:54,056
She said he was
nice. Yeah. Nice.
176
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,096
That's it... nice.
177
00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:56,226
Well, nice is nice!
178
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:58,376
Not once was the
word "love" mentioned.
179
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,396
I lived with her 12 years,
180
00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:02,166
not once was the
word "love" mentioned!
181
00:07:02,190 --> 00:07:03,916
Maybe you were never listening!
182
00:07:03,940 --> 00:07:05,400
Oh, now stop it.
183
00:07:05,470 --> 00:07:06,816
What are you looking for?
184
00:07:06,840 --> 00:07:08,116
That black... Black?
185
00:07:08,140 --> 00:07:09,526
Yeah. Black what? What?
186
00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:12,550
Black olive?
187
00:07:12,620 --> 00:07:14,726
No.
188
00:07:14,750 --> 00:07:16,380
What?
189
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,696
Here it is. I got it. What?
190
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,336
It's a black sock
to match this one
191
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:21,690
for the wedding.
192
00:07:21,760 --> 00:07:24,036
Don't you care if
Blanche is happy?
193
00:07:24,060 --> 00:07:25,340
Of course I care.
194
00:07:25,390 --> 00:07:26,636
Don't you care if I'm happy?
195
00:07:26,660 --> 00:07:29,106
Not as much I, as I care
as if Blanche is happy!
196
00:07:29,130 --> 00:07:31,830
Alright, Felix, okay, she
didn't say she loves him.
197
00:07:31,900 --> 00:07:33,646
I'll say it for her.
She loves him.
198
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:35,276
I could see it in her eyes.
199
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,900
The guy's nice, he's a,
he's financially secure.
200
00:07:37,970 --> 00:07:39,616
I love him! Then you marry him!
201
00:07:39,640 --> 00:07:41,650
I'm telling you she's happy.
202
00:07:41,730 --> 00:07:42,936
I know Blanche!
203
00:07:42,960 --> 00:07:44,706
I know the mad Blanche,
the happy Blanche,
204
00:07:44,730 --> 00:07:46,306
the crazy Blanche,
the sad Blanche.
205
00:07:46,330 --> 00:07:47,690
I know her like a book.
206
00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:49,760
What color are her eyes?
207
00:07:51,400 --> 00:07:53,380
Go bake your wedding cake.
208
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:01,120
Gee!
209
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:03,496
Awfully big for a
wee kirk, isn't it?
210
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:05,020
It's good.
211
00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,416
Gives them a lot of
room to kirk around in.
212
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:10,280
What have you got
there, a present?
213
00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:12,056
No, it's the divorce decree.
214
00:08:12,080 --> 00:08:15,110
Just in case she forgot hers,
I'm not taking any chances.
215
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:16,376
Five-four.
216
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:17,576
Looks clean, right?
217
00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:19,646
Hello, sir, I want
to congratulate you.
218
00:08:19,670 --> 00:08:21,716
You're getting yourself
quite a woman there!
219
00:08:21,740 --> 00:08:24,246
Oh, ah, I'm Oscar Madison,
Blanche's first husband.
220
00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:25,516
Oh, glad to meet you.
221
00:08:25,540 --> 00:08:27,796
I'm Charles Parsley,
the best man.
222
00:08:27,820 --> 00:08:29,106
Ah! Mm.
223
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:30,266
Where's the happy bridegroom?
224
00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:31,366
Well, I don't know.
225
00:08:31,390 --> 00:08:32,736
What do you mean,
you don't know?
226
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,876
Well, he was supposed to
meet us here 20 minutes ago!
227
00:08:34,900 --> 00:08:36,046
I'll try to reach him.
228
00:08:36,070 --> 00:08:37,856
Yeah, do that, will you?
Here, you got a dime?
229
00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:39,760
Hello, Felix.
230
00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:41,046
Aw, there she is!
231
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:42,900
Oscar, look!
232
00:08:42,970 --> 00:08:44,486
How radiant she is!
233
00:08:44,510 --> 00:08:46,310
Yeah... congratulations.
234
00:08:46,380 --> 00:08:47,656
I'm not married yet.
235
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:49,080
Oh, I'm sorry.
236
00:08:49,150 --> 00:08:50,480
Thanks for wearing a tie.
237
00:08:50,550 --> 00:08:52,026
Does it light up? Very funny.
238
00:08:52,050 --> 00:08:52,990
Where's the bridegroom?
239
00:08:53,050 --> 00:08:54,426
He isn't here yet? Yeah...
240
00:08:54,450 --> 00:08:56,296
I hope nothing happened
to him, but don't worry.
241
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:57,966
I'm not worried. I
mean, we'll find him.
242
00:08:57,990 --> 00:08:59,236
He won't get away,
I mean, we'll...
243
00:08:59,260 --> 00:09:00,436
take care of it, so don't worry.
244
00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:01,966
I'm not worried! Excuse me.
245
00:09:01,990 --> 00:09:03,600
Is this the 3:00 party?
246
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:05,336
We're the party.
I'm Reverend Wright.
247
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:06,506
Ah.
248
00:09:06,530 --> 00:09:07,806
Right Reverend Wright!
249
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:11,096
I have a message
from the bridegroom.
250
00:09:11,120 --> 00:09:14,420
He's at a steam
bath at 41 and fifth.
251
00:09:14,490 --> 00:09:16,816
Seems he stayed in a little
too long and nodded off.
252
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,316
That could take a
couple hours to get here!
253
00:09:19,340 --> 00:09:21,256
I just hope he's here by 3:30.
254
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,686
We have a funeral at 4:00.
255
00:09:22,710 --> 00:09:24,906
You mean I'm the
opening act for a funeral?
256
00:09:24,930 --> 00:09:26,440
It pays the rent.
257
00:09:27,550 --> 00:09:28,696
Where are you going?
258
00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:30,466
I'm going to 41 and
fifth and find him!
259
00:09:30,490 --> 00:09:33,966
How'll you know him? I'll
look for a short wrinkled man!
260
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:35,166
Calm down, sweetheart.
261
00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:37,136
You're going to be a
wonderful maid of honor.
262
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:38,336
And please, sweetheart,
263
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:39,786
you're supposed to
cry after the wedding!
264
00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:41,520
Am I intruding?
265
00:09:41,620 --> 00:09:43,256
Oh, heavens, no, come on in.
266
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,160
Hello.
267
00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:46,870
Oh, this is my...
268
00:09:46,940 --> 00:09:48,376
maid of honor, Judy Milhaus.
269
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,246
How do you do? And
this is Felix Unger.
270
00:09:50,270 --> 00:09:51,446
Hello, Judy. Hello.
271
00:09:51,470 --> 00:09:52,986
Blanche, may I talk to you?
272
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:54,316
Judy, do you mind? Oh, no.
273
00:09:54,340 --> 00:09:56,086
I'll be outside. Yes, dear,
274
00:09:56,110 --> 00:09:58,086
you go and tie
the cans to the car
275
00:09:58,110 --> 00:10:00,740
and give out the
rice, all those things.
276
00:10:00,820 --> 00:10:04,566
Oh, boy, she's never going
to make it through! Hmm.
277
00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:06,060
Judy a relative?
278
00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,020
Not really.
279
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:09,650
Old friend?
280
00:10:09,730 --> 00:10:12,800
Yeah, since yesterday
when she sold me this dress.
281
00:10:14,330 --> 00:10:15,730
A salesclerk?
282
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,800
You've got a salesclerk for
your bridesmaid, Blanche?
283
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,476
Oscar would have
been a better choice.
284
00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,900
Well, it was either her or
the stewardess on the plane.
285
00:10:23,970 --> 00:10:25,916
I don't know anybody
in New York any more.
286
00:10:25,940 --> 00:10:28,650
Oh, Blanche, Blanche, Blanche.
287
00:10:30,750 --> 00:10:32,920
Felix, what's the matter?
288
00:10:35,250 --> 00:10:36,926
Where are you going
on your honeymoon?
289
00:10:36,950 --> 00:10:39,760
Anyplace except
where Oscar took me.
290
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:40,986
Where was that?
291
00:10:41,010 --> 00:10:42,810
To a hockey game
292
00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:44,756
between the Rangers
and the Redwings,
293
00:10:44,780 --> 00:10:47,340
where I got hit with a puck!
294
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:51,670
May I ask you
something, Blanche?
295
00:10:51,730 --> 00:10:53,716
Yes, dear, go right ahead.
296
00:10:53,740 --> 00:10:55,980
You love Roger?
297
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,480
I like him.
298
00:10:58,540 --> 00:11:00,000
He's very nice.
299
00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:01,286
He's tender.
300
00:11:01,310 --> 00:11:03,870
Well, he should be after
all those steam baths.
301
00:11:05,280 --> 00:11:09,290
Felix... I had love
once, with Oscar.
302
00:11:09,350 --> 00:11:10,780
I'm satisfied.
303
00:11:10,850 --> 00:11:12,130
I like being married.
304
00:11:12,160 --> 00:11:13,496
The best thing
about being married
305
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:14,766
to Oscar was being married!
306
00:11:14,790 --> 00:11:17,106
You're an attractive
girl, Blanche.
307
00:11:17,130 --> 00:11:19,226
You must have many,
many opportunities.
308
00:11:19,250 --> 00:11:22,050
Three in the last five years.
309
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:26,490
One was a militant hairdresser.
310
00:11:28,020 --> 00:11:31,120
One was an obscene phone caller,
311
00:11:31,190 --> 00:11:33,790
except he turned out
to be a little too tall.
312
00:11:33,840 --> 00:11:36,400
And one was a
note tied to a rock.
313
00:11:36,450 --> 00:11:37,586
Now this is it.
314
00:11:37,610 --> 00:11:40,170
I'm going to marry Roger.
315
00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:43,420
I'll see if Oscar's back.
316
00:11:43,490 --> 00:11:45,260
I may be a hopeless romantic,
317
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:49,280
but to me love is not having a
total stranger as a bridesmaid.
318
00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:50,640
Or a husband.
319
00:11:53,450 --> 00:11:55,120
Here's the groom!
320
00:11:55,180 --> 00:11:57,840
Felix, I want you to
meet a terrific little guy!
321
00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:00,390
How do you do?
322
00:12:00,450 --> 00:12:01,596
Hey, Felix Unger, Mister Doctor.
323
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:03,220
You're a doctor!
324
00:12:03,290 --> 00:12:04,830
No, that's my name.
325
00:12:04,890 --> 00:12:06,016
Roger Doctor.
326
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:08,100
Actually,
327
00:12:08,180 --> 00:12:09,526
I'm in milk. Milk!
328
00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:10,656
He's being modest.
329
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:12,576
A string of dairies
upstate, you know,
330
00:12:12,600 --> 00:12:14,476
cows and price parities and
supports... Oh, my, goodness,
331
00:12:14,500 --> 00:12:16,246
isn't that impressive!
Hello, Roger!
332
00:12:16,270 --> 00:12:17,516
Hello, dear.
333
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:19,780
Sorry I fouled things up.
334
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:21,280
All is forgiven!
335
00:12:21,340 --> 00:12:23,366
I'll forgive him,
if you don't mind.
336
00:12:23,390 --> 00:12:24,990
Sorry.
337
00:12:25,060 --> 00:12:26,806
I forgive you, darling.
338
00:12:26,830 --> 00:12:28,170
Well, if everybody's present,
339
00:12:28,230 --> 00:12:30,790
we really should get
on with the ceremony.
340
00:12:30,830 --> 00:12:33,580
If I can have the bride
and groom right over here.
341
00:12:33,650 --> 00:12:35,080
Look at this!
342
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,720
I almost walked
the last mile again.
343
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,736
Sorry, you just looked so happy.
344
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,560
Maid of honor here.
345
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,510
Best man to that side.
346
00:12:48,620 --> 00:12:49,960
Are you in milk, too?
347
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,560
No, I'm in yogurt.
348
00:12:51,620 --> 00:12:54,180
I take whatever
goes sour on Roger.
349
00:12:56,730 --> 00:13:00,730
Now, then... if
everybody's ready,
350
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:04,000
I'll start your souvenir
recording of the ceremony,
351
00:13:04,070 --> 00:13:07,060
which we give you
at no extra cost.
352
00:13:09,160 --> 00:13:10,560
Testing, one, two, three.
353
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,170
And... hit it, Kim.
354
00:13:19,980 --> 00:13:21,590
My dear friends,
355
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,276
we have gathered here today
356
00:13:23,300 --> 00:13:25,276
at The Wee Kirk
of Yonkers Chapel,
357
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:27,736
just one mile south
of Yonkers raceway,
358
00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,266
to join these two
in holy matrimony.
359
00:13:30,290 --> 00:13:33,260
But before I pronounce
the final vows
360
00:13:33,330 --> 00:13:34,736
by the authority vested in me
361
00:13:34,760 --> 00:13:36,106
by the State of New York,
362
00:13:36,130 --> 00:13:38,006
let me ask if there
is anyone present
363
00:13:38,030 --> 00:13:39,276
who knows of any reason
364
00:13:39,300 --> 00:13:41,776
why this couple should
not be joined in marriage.
365
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,580
Let him speak now, or
forever hold his peace.
366
00:13:44,660 --> 00:13:46,030
I object.
367
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:03,636
Couple should not
be joined in marriage,
368
00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:06,420
let him speak now, or
forever hold his peace.
369
00:14:07,500 --> 00:14:09,006
I object.
370
00:14:09,030 --> 00:14:12,260
I object. I object.
371
00:14:17,510 --> 00:14:19,330
Hello.
372
00:14:21,190 --> 00:14:23,120
I stayed for the funeral.
373
00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:27,496
Did you stand up in
the middle and say,
374
00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,080
"I object. This
man is not dead"?
375
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:36,790
Are you mad at me?
376
00:14:36,860 --> 00:14:38,086
No, I'm not mad.
377
00:14:38,110 --> 00:14:39,710
I'm just sitting here listening
378
00:14:39,780 --> 00:14:41,856
to the number one
record on my hit parade.
379
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:43,456
Listen, you're going to love it.
380
00:14:43,480 --> 00:14:46,600
I object. I object.
381
00:14:46,670 --> 00:14:48,270
I object.
382
00:14:48,340 --> 00:14:49,660
You like it?
383
00:14:49,710 --> 00:14:52,750
The melody isn't much,
but the words are catchy.
384
00:14:54,040 --> 00:14:56,440
My crazy sense of humor.
385
00:14:56,510 --> 00:14:58,326
Don't be angry. I'm
not objecting forever.
386
00:14:58,350 --> 00:15:00,076
I just want to
give them a couple
387
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,500
of days to think it over.
388
00:15:01,570 --> 00:15:03,476
How do you interfere
with two adults
389
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:04,850
who want to get married?
390
00:15:04,940 --> 00:15:06,846
It's none of your
business. It is.
391
00:15:06,870 --> 00:15:09,286
I like Blanche, and I acted
out of friendship for her.
392
00:15:09,310 --> 00:15:11,056
Oh, that's what you
do with your friends?
393
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,780
Wonderful. I'm glad I'm not
one of your friends anymore.
394
00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:15,556
It never would have worked out.
395
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:16,996
Oh, tell me about it,
396
00:15:17,020 --> 00:15:19,960
Mr. expert on marriage who's
divorced and living with a slob.
397
00:15:22,890 --> 00:15:24,196
Blanche doesn't love Roger.
398
00:15:24,220 --> 00:15:25,436
Oh, again with the love.
399
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:26,800
Yes, again with love!
400
00:15:26,860 --> 00:15:29,136
All right, tell me, what
is love, Dear Abby?
401
00:15:29,160 --> 00:15:30,776
What is love? What is love?
402
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:34,070
Love is, love is,
love is two people
403
00:15:34,130 --> 00:15:37,700
running hand in hand through
the fields with the music playing,
404
00:15:37,770 --> 00:15:39,616
and they're running and they're
running and they're running...
405
00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:44,910
That's not love, that's a
toilet paper commercial.
406
00:15:44,980 --> 00:15:47,540
So coarse. Aah...
407
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,500
Love is that feeling
between two people and two...
408
00:15:51,570 --> 00:15:53,846
Well, it doesn't have
to be two people.
409
00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:56,246
It can be a man and his dog.
410
00:15:56,270 --> 00:15:58,116
It can be a child
and a teddy bear.
411
00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,466
It can be squirrels, bunnies...
412
00:15:59,490 --> 00:16:01,636
I don't want to hear about
squirrels and bunnies.
413
00:16:01,660 --> 00:16:03,056
Tell me about Blanche
and the milkman.
414
00:16:03,080 --> 00:16:06,120
I-I... I can't tell you
415
00:16:06,180 --> 00:16:08,096
Yeah, sure. exactly
what love is just now.
416
00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:10,026
All right, well, I can
tell you what it isn't.
417
00:16:10,050 --> 00:16:12,650
Love isn't, "He's so nice."
418
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:14,766
Love isn't spending the
rest of your life with someone
419
00:16:14,790 --> 00:16:17,036
whose main passion is sitting in
a towel somewhere and sweating.
420
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,266
Don't tell me what it isn't.
421
00:16:18,290 --> 00:16:19,436
Tell me what it is.
422
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:21,406
Well, now that, now
that I know what it isn't,
423
00:16:21,430 --> 00:16:22,946
now I can tell you what it is.
424
00:16:22,970 --> 00:16:27,270
Love is... that intense, vital,
425
00:16:27,340 --> 00:16:29,910
passionate feeling one
person has for another.
426
00:16:29,970 --> 00:16:31,416
That's it. Basically.
427
00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:32,956
I have those feelings for you,
428
00:16:32,980 --> 00:16:35,426
but I'm pretty sure it's hate.
429
00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:37,886
You're upset, understandably,
430
00:16:37,910 --> 00:16:39,896
because there are a
few dollars involved.
431
00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,196
But you cannot deny to
Blanche her right to romance.
432
00:16:42,220 --> 00:16:44,596
Romance. Marriage
isn't enough for you?
433
00:16:44,620 --> 00:16:45,900
That's right.
434
00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,690
Romance... that, that
feeling that you'd rather die
435
00:16:48,760 --> 00:16:50,606
than to be apart
from the one you love,
436
00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:53,800
that, that wonderful
feeling of pain in your heart
437
00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:55,276
when the one
you love isn't there,
438
00:16:55,300 --> 00:16:57,196
that ache when you're
waiting for the phone to ring.
439
00:16:57,220 --> 00:16:58,790
That's romance.
440
00:16:58,850 --> 00:17:00,816
That isn't ro... that's
romance if you're 16 years old.
441
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,440
Then I am forever 16 years old.
442
00:17:03,510 --> 00:17:05,440
So is that fish.
443
00:17:09,850 --> 00:17:10,876
What didn't you like?
444
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:13,300
The fish?
445
00:17:13,370 --> 00:17:14,406
The salad?
446
00:17:14,430 --> 00:17:16,360
The wine?
447
00:17:16,440 --> 00:17:17,720
The cook.
448
00:17:22,460 --> 00:17:23,586
What are you doing?
449
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:25,300
I'm watching TV.
450
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:29,956
Without sound?
451
00:17:29,980 --> 00:17:31,126
I don't want any sound.
452
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:34,510
Somebody's liable
to say, "I object."
453
00:17:34,590 --> 00:17:36,160
What's on?
454
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:39,420
Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.
455
00:17:39,490 --> 00:17:40,866
That's a wonderful movie.
456
00:17:40,890 --> 00:17:42,736
You bet it's a wonderful movie.
457
00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:45,320
Seven ceremonies
nobody's objected to.
458
00:17:47,130 --> 00:17:48,646
Oh, Blanche, Blanche, Blanche.
459
00:17:48,670 --> 00:17:50,346
Oh, Felix, it's all right.
460
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:51,310
It's your way.
461
00:17:51,370 --> 00:17:52,996
You're just a fun person.
462
00:17:53,020 --> 00:17:55,050
Hi, Blanche.
463
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:56,186
Hi, Oscar.
464
00:17:56,210 --> 00:17:57,550
Cheer up.
465
00:17:57,610 --> 00:18:00,810
Roger and I have reserved
the chapel for tomorrow noon.
466
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,956
Ah! You have?
467
00:18:01,980 --> 00:18:03,440
That's wonderful!
468
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,756
But first we're gonna have
dinner tonight to talk it over.
469
00:18:05,780 --> 00:18:08,340
You see? That is a
sensible, mature decision.
470
00:18:08,390 --> 00:18:10,660
Felix, go to your room!
471
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:12,350
I'm not a child.
472
00:18:12,420 --> 00:18:14,206
I know you're not a child.
473
00:18:14,230 --> 00:18:16,606
A child puts a smile
on everybody's face.
474
00:18:16,630 --> 00:18:17,676
Now, go!
475
00:18:17,700 --> 00:18:18,980
I want to stay in here.
476
00:18:19,030 --> 00:18:20,390
She's my ex-wife.
477
00:18:20,470 --> 00:18:22,476
I want to talk to her privately.
478
00:18:22,500 --> 00:18:24,476
Please, Felix. All right.
479
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:26,386
Congratulations, Blanche, I
hope everything works out fine.
480
00:18:26,410 --> 00:18:27,880
Thanks.
481
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:29,786
I'll be in my room
if you need me.
482
00:18:29,810 --> 00:18:31,810
Nobody needs you.
483
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,440
What am I gonna
do in my room alone?
484
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,010
Is that sound on?
485
00:18:39,080 --> 00:18:40,226
No.
486
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:42,666
Good, I thought
I was going deaf.
487
00:18:42,690 --> 00:18:43,630
Sit down, Blanche.
488
00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:44,630
You want a drink or something?
489
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,136
No, no, I can't stay long.
490
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:47,100
Well, what is it?
491
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,376
I mean, is it on or is it off?
492
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:51,000
Well, we'll see.
493
00:18:51,060 --> 00:18:52,076
We're gonna talk about it.
494
00:18:52,100 --> 00:18:53,276
It's all his fault.
495
00:18:53,300 --> 00:18:54,240
It's not his fault.
496
00:18:54,300 --> 00:18:55,506
He just wanted to make sure
497
00:18:55,530 --> 00:18:57,516
that it was a marriage
made in heaven, like ours.
498
00:18:57,540 --> 00:18:58,940
Like ours?
499
00:18:59,010 --> 00:19:01,390
It's a joke, Oscar.
500
00:19:01,460 --> 00:19:04,930
Thousands of people in this
state use Madison vs. Madison
501
00:19:04,990 --> 00:19:06,656
as a precedent
for their divorce.
502
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,946
Well, we had fun
in the beginning.
503
00:19:08,970 --> 00:19:09,976
You kidding?
504
00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,400
We had a great year or two.
505
00:19:11,470 --> 00:19:13,696
Two out of 12 ain't bad.
506
00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:16,460
I figured the only reason
you married me anyway
507
00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:19,120
was because you had a bet
on with your cronies eight to five
508
00:19:19,190 --> 00:19:20,606
and you couldn't
resist the odds.
509
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,066
So I picked up a
few hundred dollars.
510
00:19:22,090 --> 00:19:23,020
Aw!
511
00:19:23,100 --> 00:19:24,506
I was gonna marry you anyway.
512
00:19:24,530 --> 00:19:26,576
Blanche, can I
ask you something?
513
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,000
Sure.
514
00:19:28,070 --> 00:19:30,126
Why did you let Felix get away
with pulling that stunt today?
515
00:19:30,150 --> 00:19:32,350
I don't know.
516
00:19:32,420 --> 00:19:33,750
It just happened.
517
00:19:33,820 --> 00:19:35,966
Well, maybe you don't
want to get married again.
518
00:19:35,990 --> 00:19:38,206
Maybe you figure it's
easier to ride the gravy train
519
00:19:38,230 --> 00:19:39,976
for a couple of more years.
520
00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:41,056
What gravy train?
521
00:19:41,080 --> 00:19:43,220
The Oscar Madison alimony train.
522
00:19:44,330 --> 00:19:47,960
The Oscar Madison alimony train?
523
00:19:48,040 --> 00:19:51,410
You mean the one that
stops at every crap game?
524
00:19:51,470 --> 00:19:53,500
Oh, that's a great train, Oscar.
525
00:19:53,580 --> 00:19:56,580
You never realized what
a wonderful feeling it is
526
00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:59,196
knowing that your alimony
is somewhere out there
527
00:19:59,220 --> 00:20:00,690
riding on a hard eight!
528
00:20:00,770 --> 00:20:03,990
Now, why don't you get off my
back and marry the milkman?!
529
00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:05,630
I got news for you!
530
00:20:05,700 --> 00:20:08,400
At this moment, I'd marry the
guy who hit me with the puck!
531
00:20:08,470 --> 00:20:09,556
Yeah?
532
00:20:09,580 --> 00:20:11,186
Well, I'll believe
that when I see it!
533
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,440
Well, show up at noon
tomorrow and you'll see!
534
00:20:14,510 --> 00:20:16,956
Well, I got news
for you, a real flash.
535
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:19,266
I'll be there in the flesh!
536
00:20:19,290 --> 00:20:21,126
Have a little class, sweetheart!
537
00:20:21,150 --> 00:20:23,080
Wear a suit!
538
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,940
Oscar...
539
00:20:30,010 --> 00:20:32,076
are you going to let
her go through with this?
540
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:34,000
To Roger and Blanche.
541
00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:37,860
I think Shelley said it best:
542
00:20:37,940 --> 00:20:40,486
"I could lie down
like a tired child
543
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:42,890
and weep away the life of care."
544
00:20:42,980 --> 00:20:45,710
I think Baby Face
Nelson said it better.
545
00:20:45,780 --> 00:20:46,986
What did he say?
546
00:20:47,010 --> 00:20:49,570
"You make one wrong
move, I'm gonna kill you."
547
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,980
Well, gang, shall we
have another go at it?
548
00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:58,810
I think so.
549
00:20:58,870 --> 00:21:00,106
I know so.
550
00:21:00,130 --> 00:21:02,506
Mr. Unger, I take it this time
551
00:21:02,530 --> 00:21:04,976
you'll be able to
control yourself.
552
00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:07,540
My lips are sealed.
553
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:09,816
My heart is another story.
554
00:21:09,840 --> 00:21:12,870
Well, then, shall we proceed?
555
00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:15,210
Kim, if you please.
556
00:21:16,440 --> 00:21:17,566
My dear friends,
557
00:21:17,590 --> 00:21:21,290
we are gathered again today
558
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:24,530
to have another crack at uniting
559
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:25,796
in holy matrimony
560
00:21:25,820 --> 00:21:29,610
Blanche Jefferson Madison
and Roger J. Doctor.
561
00:21:29,690 --> 00:21:32,940
Before I pronounce
the final vows,
562
00:21:33,030 --> 00:21:36,460
let me ask if there is anyone
present who knows of any reason
563
00:21:36,530 --> 00:21:39,330
why this couple should
not be joined in wedlock.
564
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:41,970
Let him speak now or
forever hold his peace.
565
00:21:42,030 --> 00:21:43,800
Good.
566
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:45,646
If I may have the ring, please.
567
00:21:45,670 --> 00:21:48,480
I object.
568
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:57,956
Roger, look at it this way.
569
00:21:57,980 --> 00:21:59,780
I know it hurts.
570
00:21:59,850 --> 00:22:01,366
It was never meant to be.
571
00:22:01,390 --> 00:22:04,730
Felix, I'm telling you,
I'm not that shocked.
572
00:22:04,790 --> 00:22:06,520
Life is unpredictable.
573
00:22:06,590 --> 00:22:08,456
One day it's butter, the
next day it's margarine.
574
00:22:08,480 --> 00:22:11,250
Right. Exactly.
575
00:22:11,310 --> 00:22:13,176
In fact, when you
come right down to it,
576
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:16,810
I wish my first wife had had
friends like you and Oscar.
577
00:22:16,870 --> 00:22:19,136
I would have saved
half of my Holsteins.
578
00:22:20,590 --> 00:22:21,870
That's the spirit.
579
00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:23,566
No use crying over spilt milk.
580
00:22:25,160 --> 00:22:26,660
I like you, boy.
581
00:22:26,730 --> 00:22:29,290
Let's have a steam
together sometime.
582
00:22:32,750 --> 00:22:35,226
Now, you go, and
you just untie the cans,
583
00:22:35,250 --> 00:22:37,950
and you can take
the rice home, dear.
584
00:22:38,020 --> 00:22:39,266
Oh, boy.
585
00:22:39,290 --> 00:22:40,566
And now, you.
586
00:22:40,590 --> 00:22:42,120
I'm sorry, dear.
587
00:22:42,190 --> 00:22:44,036
The words just came
out, I don't know.
588
00:22:44,060 --> 00:22:45,706
Oh, boy, am I glad they did.
589
00:22:45,730 --> 00:22:47,176
I didn't have the guts for it.
590
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:48,570
What?
591
00:22:48,630 --> 00:22:50,496
You know last night
when we had that fight?
592
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,460
Yeah.
593
00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:52,996
It brought back
a lot of memories.
594
00:22:53,020 --> 00:22:56,080
And a lot of them were bad,
but some of them were good.
595
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:58,466
I didn't like the hostility,
but I liked the openness.
596
00:22:58,490 --> 00:23:00,176
I need that in a relationship.
597
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:01,306
Me, too.
598
00:23:01,330 --> 00:23:03,776
It's nothing to
base a marriage on.
599
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,690
But when we fight, we're
a couple of heavyweights.
600
00:23:06,750 --> 00:23:08,796
I'm a pretty tough
lady, as you know.
601
00:23:08,820 --> 00:23:12,280
You're pretty, but you're
not so tough, you're really not.
602
00:23:12,360 --> 00:23:13,936
And you're gonna make
somebody a great wife,
603
00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,236
but don't underrate yourself.
604
00:23:15,260 --> 00:23:17,526
You got to take the
time to find the right guy.
605
00:23:17,550 --> 00:23:20,890
I found him, but Elizabeth
Taylor won't let him go.
606
00:23:20,970 --> 00:23:22,690
Always with the jokes.
607
00:23:22,770 --> 00:23:24,570
You're a nice guy, Oscar.
608
00:23:24,640 --> 00:23:25,696
I got to go.
609
00:23:25,720 --> 00:23:27,896
Roger's gonna drive
me to the airport.
610
00:23:27,920 --> 00:23:30,436
Maybe I can hijack the pilot.
611
00:23:30,460 --> 00:23:32,106
Listen, would you do me a favor?
612
00:23:32,130 --> 00:23:33,286
Anything, anything. What?
613
00:23:33,310 --> 00:23:35,826
You know those
little alimony checks?
614
00:23:35,850 --> 00:23:38,890
I'd like to have
them all by the 15th.
615
00:23:38,950 --> 00:23:42,350
Good-bye, sweetheart.
616
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,270
Good-bye, Felix.
617
00:23:44,340 --> 00:23:45,616
Blanche, Blanche, mm.
618
00:23:45,640 --> 00:23:46,716
Have a safe trip.
619
00:23:46,740 --> 00:23:49,190
Thank you, dear.
620
00:23:52,100 --> 00:23:53,276
Aren't you coming?
621
00:23:53,300 --> 00:23:55,900
I thought I'd wait
for the 2:15 funeral.
622
00:24:06,210 --> 00:24:08,140
Maybe it'll cheer me up.
623
00:24:15,450 --> 00:24:17,150
Funny day, wasn't it?
624
00:24:17,220 --> 00:24:20,050
Hmm.
625
00:24:20,130 --> 00:24:22,690
Sad wedding and a happy funeral.
626
00:24:24,630 --> 00:24:27,006
It was a nice funeral,
though, wasn't it?
627
00:24:27,030 --> 00:24:28,446
Not the way I'd
like mine, though.
628
00:24:28,470 --> 00:24:30,576
You know what I would like?
629
00:24:30,600 --> 00:24:34,070
I would like our regimental
flag draped across my coffin.
630
00:24:34,120 --> 00:24:37,090
And then... I hope
this isn't pretentious...
631
00:24:37,160 --> 00:24:39,720
I'd like it drawn by a
team of white horses...
632
00:24:41,760 --> 00:24:44,276
while the band plays the
grand march from Aida,
633
00:24:44,300 --> 00:24:46,000
'cause that's my favorite opera.
634
00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:49,910
I'd like it to go around and
round the cemetery three times.
635
00:24:49,970 --> 00:24:51,320
What would you like?
636
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:52,720
I'd like to be there.
41806
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