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1
00:00:04,820 --> 00:00:07,116
I can't tell you what
a thrill it is for me
2
00:00:07,140 --> 00:00:08,986
to have you in my
studio, David Steinberg.
3
00:00:09,010 --> 00:00:10,216
Oh, my favorite talk show host.
4
00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:11,986
Oh, thank you very
much. I really mean it.
5
00:00:12,010 --> 00:00:13,736
I just wait for Johnny,
Merv or Dick to get sick
6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,690
so I can see you.
7
00:00:15,770 --> 00:00:17,440
You're, uh, very kind.
8
00:00:17,500 --> 00:00:18,960
Yeah, we have a love in common.
9
00:00:19,040 --> 00:00:20,316
You've met my secretary?
10
00:00:20,340 --> 00:00:22,790
That's priceless!
11
00:00:22,860 --> 00:00:24,930
Oh...
12
00:00:24,990 --> 00:00:25,920
not really, it's Pearly.
13
00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:27,266
No, yeah...
14
00:00:27,290 --> 00:00:29,836
No, um, we both like
old radio theme songs.
15
00:00:29,860 --> 00:00:31,506
Oh! Do you like the
radio songs? Yeah.
16
00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:35,746
♪ Who's that
little chatterbox? ♪
17
00:00:35,770 --> 00:00:38,340
♪ The one with
pretty auburn locks ♪
18
00:00:38,410 --> 00:00:39,686
♪ Who can it be? ♪
19
00:00:39,710 --> 00:00:42,256
♪ It's Little Orphan Annie ♪
20
00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:43,816
♪ Arf says Sandy... ♪
That's terrific.
21
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:45,140
All right, here's one:
22
00:00:45,210 --> 00:00:47,626
♪ How do you do
everybody, how do you do? ♪
23
00:00:47,650 --> 00:00:48,796
The Happiness Boys.
24
00:00:48,820 --> 00:00:49,926
Billy Jones and Ernie Hare!
25
00:00:49,950 --> 00:00:51,096
Hey, you're very good.
26
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:52,596
That's terrific!
27
00:00:52,620 --> 00:00:55,190
When people find out I'm
taking your picture for TV Guide,
28
00:00:55,260 --> 00:00:56,866
they're all going to
ask me one question...
29
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:59,316
And what is that
question, Felix?
30
00:00:59,340 --> 00:01:02,040
What is David
Steinberg really like?
31
00:01:02,110 --> 00:01:04,136
What is David
Steinberg really like?
32
00:01:04,160 --> 00:01:06,080
I'm entirely different.
33
00:01:08,220 --> 00:01:09,246
That's priceless!
34
00:01:12,340 --> 00:01:13,940
Hello.
35
00:01:14,010 --> 00:01:15,716
Yes, he is. Yes, he is.
36
00:01:15,740 --> 00:01:16,916
Just one moment please.
37
00:01:16,940 --> 00:01:18,116
Hold...
38
00:01:18,140 --> 00:01:20,870
And now, heeeeeere's David!
39
00:01:23,380 --> 00:01:24,646
Hello.
40
00:01:24,670 --> 00:01:25,916
Oh, that.
41
00:01:25,940 --> 00:01:27,916
Uh, it's a little
hard to explain.
42
00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:30,210
Yeah, who've we got?
43
00:01:30,270 --> 00:01:32,540
Stacha Wozniac,
44
00:01:32,610 --> 00:01:34,106
the Polish discus champ!
45
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:35,326
I read about her... yeah.
46
00:01:35,350 --> 00:01:37,086
No, no, I don't think so, Phil.
47
00:01:37,110 --> 00:01:39,626
No, no one will...
hold on a second.
48
00:01:39,650 --> 00:01:41,026
Felix, would you watch my show
49
00:01:41,050 --> 00:01:42,326
if I had Stacha Wozniac,
50
00:01:42,350 --> 00:01:43,726
the Polish discus...
Oh yeah, yeah.
51
00:01:43,750 --> 00:01:45,696
You could be very,
very funny with her.
52
00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:47,766
She'd teach you
how to toss the discus.
53
00:01:47,790 --> 00:01:48,936
Yeah!
54
00:01:48,960 --> 00:01:50,766
Phil, book her on the show.
55
00:01:50,790 --> 00:01:52,150
That's right.
56
00:01:52,230 --> 00:01:53,900
Yeah, I don't know,
57
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,476
I just think I'd be
very funny with her.
58
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:58,776
You know she'd teach
me how to throw the discus.
59
00:01:58,800 --> 00:01:59,946
Yeah.
60
00:01:59,970 --> 00:02:02,560
All right, well, book
him on the show too.
61
00:02:02,620 --> 00:02:04,866
The guy who wrote
the article on her.
62
00:02:04,890 --> 00:02:06,136
What's his name?
63
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,206
Oscar Madison.
64
00:02:08,410 --> 00:02:09,840
Oscar Madison?
65
00:02:09,910 --> 00:02:11,190
Yeah, that's right.
66
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:12,396
The only thing is that
67
00:02:12,420 --> 00:02:13,996
we must have him
here this afternoon.
68
00:02:14,020 --> 00:02:16,096
Yeah, he's got to be
here within the next hour,
69
00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:17,966
because he's got a
lot of preparing to do.
70
00:02:19,490 --> 00:02:21,736
Felix, we'll sing a little
later on, if you don't mind.
71
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,606
This is important to
me. I can get him for you.
72
00:02:23,630 --> 00:02:24,836
Oscar Madison... I can get him.
73
00:02:24,860 --> 00:02:26,476
You can have Oscar
Madison here this afternoon?
74
00:02:26,500 --> 00:02:27,576
I'll see him. Where?
75
00:02:27,600 --> 00:02:28,876
In my living room, my bathroom.
76
00:02:28,900 --> 00:02:30,046
I live with the guy.
77
00:02:30,070 --> 00:02:31,540
He's my roommate.
78
00:02:31,600 --> 00:02:33,300
You live with Oscar Madison?
79
00:02:33,370 --> 00:02:34,516
Yeah!
80
00:02:34,540 --> 00:02:35,716
Phil, forget it.
81
00:02:35,740 --> 00:02:37,586
I've got a guy here
who can deliver him.
82
00:02:37,610 --> 00:02:40,450
Yeah, just as soon as he goes
to the bathroom, we've got him!
83
00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:43,070
That's funny.
84
00:02:43,130 --> 00:02:44,600
Oh, yeah.
85
00:02:44,670 --> 00:02:46,500
Great, Phil. Bye-bye.
86
00:02:46,570 --> 00:02:47,900
Now, Felix, you're sure
87
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:49,576
we can have Oscar
Madison this afternoon?
88
00:02:49,600 --> 00:02:50,746
Guaranteed!
89
00:02:50,770 --> 00:02:53,330
You've got Oscar Madison
on your show tonight!
90
00:02:53,610 --> 00:02:55,310
Oscar!
91
00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:57,310
Oscar...
92
00:02:59,150 --> 00:03:00,286
Oscar!
93
00:03:00,310 --> 00:03:02,870
I'm not going on
the show tonight.
94
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:12,060
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
95
00:03:12,130 --> 00:03:14,200
from his place of residence.
96
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:16,890
That request came from his wife.
97
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,346
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
98
00:03:19,370 --> 00:03:22,810
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
99
00:03:22,870 --> 00:03:24,770
With nowhere else to go,
100
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,560
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
101
00:03:27,620 --> 00:03:28,866
Several years earlier,
102
00:03:28,890 --> 00:03:30,466
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
103
00:03:30,490 --> 00:03:33,140
requesting that he never return.
104
00:03:33,210 --> 00:03:35,706
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
105
00:03:35,730 --> 00:03:38,290
without driving
each other crazy?
106
00:04:07,410 --> 00:04:10,380
♪ ♪
107
00:04:30,850 --> 00:04:32,596
Don't you realize
what an honor it is
108
00:04:32,620 --> 00:04:34,236
to be asked to be on that show?
109
00:04:34,260 --> 00:04:36,266
Besides, I promised
David you'd do it.
110
00:04:36,290 --> 00:04:37,570
I committed myself.
111
00:04:37,630 --> 00:04:39,906
You should have committed
yourself a long time ago.
112
00:04:39,930 --> 00:04:41,536
But they want you on the show.
113
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:42,840
They need you...
114
00:04:42,870 --> 00:04:44,606
What are you doing
in my kitchen sink?
115
00:04:44,630 --> 00:04:46,830
Sweatsocks.
116
00:04:46,900 --> 00:04:48,416
You're doing them
yourself? Yeah.
117
00:04:48,440 --> 00:04:49,646
In my kitchen sink?!
118
00:04:49,670 --> 00:04:50,816
Why?
119
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:52,770
The laundry refused them.
120
00:04:54,810 --> 00:04:57,256
The main thing is you've
got to go on that show tonight.
121
00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:58,560
Why?
122
00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:01,520
Oscar, you're... you're
a very entertaining guy.
123
00:05:01,580 --> 00:05:03,526
You're the kind they
love on those shows.
124
00:05:03,550 --> 00:05:05,196
You talk without thinking.
125
00:05:05,220 --> 00:05:06,720
They love that.
126
00:05:06,790 --> 00:05:08,466
I'm a writer, not a talker.
127
00:05:08,490 --> 00:05:09,706
The whole thing scares me.
128
00:05:09,730 --> 00:05:12,530
Aw-haw! So that's
it, you're scared!
129
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,306
Oh boy, if they asked me
130
00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:16,046
to go on one of those shows...
131
00:05:16,070 --> 00:05:17,500
I wouldn't be scared.
132
00:05:17,570 --> 00:05:19,716
Felix, 40 million
people watching you,
133
00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:21,116
watching every move you make.
134
00:05:21,140 --> 00:05:22,516
It scares the pants off me!
135
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:23,586
You see that, you see,
136
00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:24,786
scares the pants off you.
137
00:05:24,810 --> 00:05:26,216
You see how you turn a phrase?
138
00:05:26,240 --> 00:05:27,870
That would be screams!
139
00:05:27,940 --> 00:05:29,220
Believe me,
140
00:05:29,280 --> 00:05:31,156
David will put
you at your ease...
141
00:05:31,180 --> 00:05:32,396
he'll sit you down,
142
00:05:32,420 --> 00:05:34,396
you'll talk about business...
143
00:05:34,420 --> 00:05:35,790
What are you doing?
144
00:05:35,850 --> 00:05:37,666
Forget it. I'm not
going on the show.
145
00:05:37,690 --> 00:05:39,980
But I promised you.
146
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,466
It'll make me look like a fool.
147
00:05:41,490 --> 00:05:43,386
Better you than me, buddy.
148
00:05:43,410 --> 00:05:46,210
Oscar... you're a funny man.
149
00:05:46,280 --> 00:05:49,370
Funny, funny man!
150
00:05:49,430 --> 00:05:53,260
How am I a funny, funny man?
151
00:05:53,340 --> 00:05:55,076
It's your habits;
it's the way you...
152
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,266
Now, look...
153
00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:59,210
you, you light your
cigar at the stove.
154
00:05:59,280 --> 00:06:00,686
Washing your sweatsocks
in the kitchen sink.
155
00:06:00,710 --> 00:06:01,856
That's funny?!
156
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:03,806
A minute ago, you were
ready to kill me for it!
157
00:06:03,830 --> 00:06:05,526
I know, but people who
don't have to live with you
158
00:06:05,550 --> 00:06:07,990
think that's funny.
159
00:06:08,050 --> 00:06:09,330
And everybody I tell
160
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,116
about you laughs their head off.
161
00:06:11,140 --> 00:06:12,646
You tell people about me?! Yeah.
162
00:06:12,670 --> 00:06:13,796
What do you tell 'em?
163
00:06:13,820 --> 00:06:16,490
Well, I tell them...
I don't know...
164
00:06:16,560 --> 00:06:19,270
how you throw
your clothes around,
165
00:06:19,330 --> 00:06:21,436
how you pack a
suitcase, how you eat.
166
00:06:21,460 --> 00:06:23,076
That's... people
love you for that!
167
00:06:23,100 --> 00:06:24,676
It's funny! Yeah?
168
00:06:24,700 --> 00:06:27,500
What are you doing?
169
00:06:27,570 --> 00:06:29,330
Going for a laugh!
170
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:31,296
Don't be such a wise guy.
171
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:32,866
I have to clean that up!
172
00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:35,306
Come on, call David's office.
173
00:06:35,330 --> 00:06:36,736
Tell them you'll go on the show.
174
00:06:36,760 --> 00:06:38,036
It's the simplest thing...
175
00:06:41,630 --> 00:06:43,250
What's funny now?
176
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:45,296
You!
177
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:47,536
Putting your socks
on the icebox.
178
00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:48,886
That's funny to you? Yeah.
179
00:06:48,910 --> 00:06:50,786
It's the way you
do it... Oh, come on!
180
00:06:50,810 --> 00:06:52,406
Will you cut it out?
Stop conning me.
181
00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:54,056
You opened your big
mouth, you said I'll do it.
182
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:55,156
All right, I'll do it! Oh.
183
00:06:55,180 --> 00:06:57,446
But don't con me! Great. Great.
184
00:06:57,470 --> 00:06:59,946
I'm talking...
185
00:06:59,970 --> 00:07:01,560
to Stacha Wozniac.
186
00:07:01,620 --> 00:07:04,300
She's the Polish discus champ.
187
00:07:04,370 --> 00:07:06,000
She doesn't speak any English.
188
00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:07,880
Put me down, Stacha!
189
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:09,640
Oh, thank you!
190
00:07:09,710 --> 00:07:12,156
Thank you, Stacha Wozniac,
ladies and gentlemen.
191
00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:13,356
Let's hear it for her.
192
00:07:13,380 --> 00:07:15,940
Thank you, Stacha.
193
00:07:17,190 --> 00:07:21,790
That was Stacha
Wozniac doing her thing...
194
00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,150
and I think she hurt my thing.
195
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:26,660
Priceless!
196
00:07:26,730 --> 00:07:28,776
In just a second,
we'll be back...
197
00:07:30,170 --> 00:07:32,630
with Oscar Madison...
but first a word...
198
00:07:32,700 --> 00:07:34,146
Murray, Murray come
in. Has he been on yet?
199
00:07:34,170 --> 00:07:35,296
Not yet, hurry! Any minute now!
200
00:07:35,320 --> 00:07:36,680
I'd have been here a lot sooner
201
00:07:36,760 --> 00:07:38,596
but there was a big
commotion in the street
202
00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:39,920
and I had to drive around it.
203
00:07:45,320 --> 00:07:47,140
We're back now,
204
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,900
and I'd like to bring out
the man who brought Stacha
205
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:51,616
to the attention of
the American public.
206
00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:52,766
And, not only that,
207
00:07:52,790 --> 00:07:55,540
he helped inspire her defection.
208
00:07:55,610 --> 00:08:00,270
Uh, he's the very fine columnist
from the New York Herald,
209
00:08:00,330 --> 00:08:03,180
would you welcome
please, Oscar Madison.
210
00:08:08,790 --> 00:08:10,070
Stacha, you obviously...
211
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:18,220
Now, Mr. Madison,
uh, your column
212
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:20,860
on Stacha was, uh,
very controversial.
213
00:08:20,900 --> 00:08:23,460
Were there any repercussions?
214
00:08:27,090 --> 00:08:29,070
No... no... no.
215
00:08:29,140 --> 00:08:32,980
I'm, I'm sorry... did
you say something?
216
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:35,120
Yes, I said no.
217
00:08:35,180 --> 00:08:37,440
Oh.
218
00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:39,710
Uh...
219
00:08:39,770 --> 00:08:41,916
I-I-I don't want you
to be frightened, uh,
220
00:08:41,940 --> 00:08:43,280
from that, Oscar.
221
00:08:43,340 --> 00:08:45,056
The reason that that's there
is 'cause you were talking
222
00:08:45,080 --> 00:08:46,686
into your tie and
we couldn't hear you.
223
00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:47,916
You see that... Sorry, sorry.
224
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:50,040
It's, it's all right.
225
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:52,510
Let me ask you this...
226
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,296
Have you ever
written an article,
227
00:08:56,320 --> 00:08:58,880
and then decided
against printing it?
228
00:09:01,740 --> 00:09:04,240
Yes... yes.
229
00:09:05,460 --> 00:09:08,020
Good... good.
230
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,366
Could you tell us about it?
231
00:09:13,390 --> 00:09:15,486
Oh, yes.
232
00:09:15,510 --> 00:09:17,440
Yes... no... sorry.
233
00:09:17,510 --> 00:09:20,260
The Polish girl
was more articulate.
234
00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:22,876
You mean I missed
the Polish girl?
235
00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:24,530
There was the time that, uh...
236
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:27,440
that Bummy Davis
was fighting, and I, ah...
237
00:09:27,500 --> 00:09:30,060
oh, no, I printed that
article, so I guess...
238
00:09:31,650 --> 00:09:33,066
I guess that wouldn't
apply to what...
239
00:09:33,090 --> 00:09:34,460
Well, when I come in the house,
240
00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:36,236
I throw my clothes
on the floor a lot
241
00:09:36,260 --> 00:09:37,980
and I eat in bed a lot, you see?
242
00:09:43,050 --> 00:09:45,610
Did you understand that, Stacha?
243
00:09:47,890 --> 00:09:50,296
Well... I-I'm afraid I didn't.
244
00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:52,940
I-I, I'm sorry, Oscar... I
don't get the connection.
245
00:09:53,010 --> 00:09:55,570
Neither do I, but that's
what he told me to say.
246
00:09:58,100 --> 00:10:00,700
Oh, I... someone told
you to say these things!
247
00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:04,670
You mean to say you had
help with these answers?
248
00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:08,520
Well, uh... who,
who, was it, Oscar?
249
00:10:08,590 --> 00:10:09,716
Felix Unger.
250
00:10:09,740 --> 00:10:11,486
I-I'm sorry, I-I
can't hear you...
251
00:10:11,510 --> 00:10:12,960
Felix Unger!
252
00:10:13,030 --> 00:10:14,406
Hey, Felix! That's you!
253
00:10:14,430 --> 00:10:15,676
Sh... shh... shh.
254
00:10:15,700 --> 00:10:17,306
Yeah, I-I understand.
255
00:10:17,330 --> 00:10:18,946
Now this really is
quite a coincidence...
256
00:10:18,970 --> 00:10:21,610
But, this afternoon, I was
having my picture taken
257
00:10:21,670 --> 00:10:23,846
by Mr. Madison's
roommate, Felix Unger.
258
00:10:23,870 --> 00:10:25,116
He's a photographer.
259
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,116
380 Madison Avenue,
portraits a specialty!
260
00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:30,570
And he secured Mr. Madison's
services for the show tonight,
261
00:10:30,650 --> 00:10:32,606
and Felix made all
the arrangements.
262
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:34,026
Isn't that, uh, basically
what happened?
263
00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:35,996
Oh, that's exactly
what happened.
264
00:10:36,020 --> 00:10:37,620
Mr. Steinberg, you're,
265
00:10:37,690 --> 00:10:39,596
you're so wonderful
and articulate. Oh.
266
00:10:39,620 --> 00:10:42,490
No, really, I-I mean, I... you're
marvelous, Mr. Steinberg.
267
00:10:42,560 --> 00:10:43,766
I'm afraid I didn't...
Mr. Steinberg!
268
00:10:43,790 --> 00:10:45,376
Now, he's fawning all over him.
269
00:10:45,400 --> 00:10:46,700
I just can't watch it.
270
00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:48,376
He's ruining everything
I told him to do.
271
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,006
Oh, come on, Felix.
Give him a chance!
272
00:10:50,030 --> 00:10:51,276
Will you?
273
00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:52,980
Felix is very... um...
274
00:10:53,050 --> 00:10:55,336
he's very well organized,
isn't he, Oscar?
275
00:10:55,360 --> 00:10:56,990
You know, I-I-I noticed
276
00:10:57,060 --> 00:10:59,406
that he takes his
used flashbulbs,
277
00:10:59,430 --> 00:11:02,920
and he puts them...
he puts them, uh...
278
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:05,200
back into the carton.
279
00:11:05,260 --> 00:11:06,976
And he has them
so neatly stacked.
280
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,390
He's the same way at home.
281
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:10,446
It's like living
with a chipmunk.
282
00:11:14,710 --> 00:11:16,650
That was good!
283
00:11:17,910 --> 00:11:19,770
It's nervous laughter.
284
00:11:19,850 --> 00:11:23,200
They, they smell
he's... panicky, it's...
285
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:24,976
He was the only American soldier
286
00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,176
during World War II
287
00:11:26,200 --> 00:11:28,366
to receive a medal
from the German army.
288
00:11:28,390 --> 00:11:30,380
From the German army.
289
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:31,810
Yeah, he was a prisoner of war,
290
00:11:31,870 --> 00:11:34,440
and the Nazis voted his
camp the most hygienic.
291
00:11:38,180 --> 00:11:40,130
He's going great now!
292
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,246
Lies!
293
00:11:41,270 --> 00:11:42,376
I never accepted that medal.
294
00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:43,816
I threw it back in their faces!
295
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,636
He's, I guess, the
biggest worrywart
296
00:11:45,660 --> 00:11:46,866
in the world, you know... uh...
297
00:11:46,890 --> 00:11:48,496
A chain of drugstores voted him
298
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:50,936
the hypochondriac of the year!
299
00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:52,736
As a matter of fact, he...
300
00:11:52,760 --> 00:11:55,106
well, he gets very
nervous and he,
301
00:11:55,130 --> 00:11:56,746
and he begins to honk a lot,
302
00:11:56,770 --> 00:11:58,006
you see, when he's very low.
303
00:11:58,030 --> 00:11:59,646
He found out he
was allergic to aspirin,
304
00:11:59,670 --> 00:12:01,876
he went around all day honking.
305
00:12:01,900 --> 00:12:03,146
W-w-what is honking?
306
00:12:03,170 --> 00:12:05,016
Oh, oh, uh, David,
can I stand up?
307
00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,886
It's all yours! Go
ahead. Well, you see, he,
308
00:12:06,910 --> 00:12:08,686
he gets very nervous, and, ah...
309
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:09,926
when things are upsetting him,
310
00:12:09,950 --> 00:12:11,986
and so he goes around
the house and he honks.
311
00:12:12,010 --> 00:12:13,456
It sounds something like this...
312
00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,280
Lies! Lies!
313
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,430
Hey, Fe... what is this?
314
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:27,120
Felix... what are you
sitting in the dark for?
315
00:12:27,180 --> 00:12:28,456
Hey, did you see the show?
316
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,540
And now, heeeeere comes Oscar!
317
00:12:31,620 --> 00:12:33,046
Was I terrific or what?
318
00:12:33,070 --> 00:12:34,326
You notice I wasn't nervous?
319
00:12:34,350 --> 00:12:36,096
Did you notice I wasn't
nervous at all, eh, bubby?
320
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:37,186
Did you notice that?
321
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:39,716
Did you also notice that
I mentioned your name?
322
00:12:39,740 --> 00:12:41,466
David told me to thank you.
323
00:12:41,490 --> 00:12:42,820
Is he a great guy!
324
00:12:42,900 --> 00:12:44,306
He seems aloof on
television, he's not.
325
00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,206
He wants to meet Nancy,
we're going to double date.
326
00:12:46,230 --> 00:12:47,546
And, you know
what, he's so popular!
327
00:12:47,570 --> 00:12:49,146
We came out, they asked
him for the autograph,
328
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,816
they asked me for
my autograph, too!
329
00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:52,686
We got in the car, they were
grabbing, it was the most thrilling,
330
00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:56,550
the most exciting evening
I've ever... Shut up!
331
00:12:56,860 --> 00:12:59,530
What's the matter?
You insensitive clod!
332
00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,806
Don't you realize
what you've done?
333
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:03,576
This is the worst
night of my life!
334
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:06,620
I've been humiliated in
front of the whole world!
335
00:13:06,690 --> 00:13:08,660
I'm a laughingstock.
336
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:11,280
Everybody we know
was watching that show!
337
00:13:11,320 --> 00:13:12,606
I didn't tell anybody to watch.
338
00:13:12,630 --> 00:13:13,910
I did!
339
00:13:13,980 --> 00:13:16,036
I thought that you were
going to do some simple,
340
00:13:16,060 --> 00:13:17,576
harmless routine
about your filthy habits!
341
00:13:17,600 --> 00:13:19,556
Instead you tore me to pieces.
342
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:22,026
That was so cruel of you, Oscar!
343
00:13:22,050 --> 00:13:23,496
The phone's been
ringing off the hook.
344
00:13:23,520 --> 00:13:24,726
There it goes again.
345
00:13:24,750 --> 00:13:25,866
No! Don't answer it.
346
00:13:25,890 --> 00:13:27,636
I can't stand
another of my fans.
347
00:13:27,660 --> 00:13:30,306
I'm going to have to get an
unlisted number because of you.
348
00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,670
An exterminator called
up, wanted to give me a job.
349
00:13:33,730 --> 00:13:35,676
They're going to name
a detergent after me.
350
00:13:35,700 --> 00:13:36,846
I'm sorry.
351
00:13:36,870 --> 00:13:38,276
An old man out in Long Island
352
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:39,926
wants me to come
out and bathe him.
353
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,860
You've humiliated me!
354
00:13:41,940 --> 00:13:44,116
The whole world thinks
I'm a neurotic madman
355
00:13:44,140 --> 00:13:46,700
and I'm going to
kill you for that!
356
00:13:56,270 --> 00:13:57,276
What's that?
357
00:13:57,300 --> 00:14:00,000
No, nothing fancy, just, uh,
358
00:14:00,070 --> 00:14:02,616
"The guest host, uh, this
week is David Steinberg."
359
00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:03,656
That'll be fine.
360
00:14:03,680 --> 00:14:04,610
Great.
361
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:06,620
Thank you. Thanks, Dick.
362
00:14:09,680 --> 00:14:11,826
Felix, gonna take my picture?
363
00:14:11,850 --> 00:14:14,410
Whenever you're
available, Mr. Substitute.
364
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,690
Mr. Substitute.
365
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:21,530
Well, what is that?
366
00:14:21,590 --> 00:14:23,176
I thought we were so
friendly back... thank you...
367
00:14:23,200 --> 00:14:24,976
I thought we were so
friendly back in the studio.
368
00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,256
Now, uh, you
seem a little remote.
369
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,310
I'm moody.
370
00:14:29,390 --> 00:14:30,526
It's interesting
371
00:14:30,550 --> 00:14:33,086
how impressive this
set looks at home.
372
00:14:33,110 --> 00:14:35,456
The curtains look so rich.
373
00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:38,850
Actually they're rather
sleazy, aren't they?
374
00:14:38,910 --> 00:14:41,810
Plastic plants, tacky chairs.
375
00:14:41,880 --> 00:14:42,896
Hmph!
376
00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:44,990
Wait a second, Felix.
377
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:46,496
You're not upset about
the show last night.
378
00:14:46,520 --> 00:14:47,460
Oh, no, no, no, no.
379
00:14:47,520 --> 00:14:49,040
Well, you have no reason to be.
380
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:50,946
You were the reason the
show was so successful.
381
00:14:50,970 --> 00:14:52,186
You were the hit of the show.
382
00:14:52,210 --> 00:14:53,700
Hm. The neat freak.
383
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:56,730
No, the neat freak was funny.
384
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,330
People laughed at that.
385
00:14:58,400 --> 00:14:59,680
They thought that was good.
386
00:14:59,730 --> 00:15:00,846
Hmm.
387
00:15:00,870 --> 00:15:02,006
Wait a second.
388
00:15:02,030 --> 00:15:03,416
Why don't you come
on my show tonight?
389
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:04,770
Wonderful.
390
00:15:04,840 --> 00:15:06,666
I'll come out with a mop and
pail and wash the audience.
391
00:15:06,690 --> 00:15:09,200
Felix, that's funny!
392
00:15:09,260 --> 00:15:11,506
The-the audience will
laugh at that! That's great!
393
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:13,906
I don't think I have quite the
style your audience expects.
394
00:15:13,930 --> 00:15:15,136
Wrong. Exactly...
395
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,576
You have the exact style
that the audience would love.
396
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:19,616
I know it. Felix, trust me.
397
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,510
Listen to this: Felix Unger
tells his side of the story.
398
00:15:22,570 --> 00:15:24,386
Mm. You...
399
00:15:24,410 --> 00:15:27,580
♪ Who's that
little chatterbox? ♪
400
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:29,686
♪ The one with
pretty auburn locks ♪
401
00:15:30,980 --> 00:15:33,156
♪ Who can it be? ♪
402
00:15:33,180 --> 00:15:35,156
♪ It's Little Orphan Annie... ♪
403
00:15:35,180 --> 00:15:36,566
You can be dammed charming
404
00:15:36,590 --> 00:15:38,226
when you want to be, can't you?
405
00:15:38,250 --> 00:15:39,780
You'll do it!
406
00:15:39,860 --> 00:15:41,866
Hey, Harve, we've
got the neat freak!
407
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:46,070
I guess he likes me.
408
00:16:05,010 --> 00:16:06,656
Listen, I talked to David.
409
00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:07,756
He called me and told me
410
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:09,696
you were gonna be
on the show tonight.
411
00:16:09,720 --> 00:16:10,660
David called you?
412
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,326
He called me a
couple of times today.
413
00:16:12,350 --> 00:16:13,896
Hmm. Dinner's nearly ready.
414
00:16:13,920 --> 00:16:14,986
Aren't you gonna
wash your hands?
415
00:16:15,010 --> 00:16:16,916
Yeah, I'm gonna wash my hands.
416
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:18,656
He called me once
to tell me about you
417
00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,806
and then once just to rap.
418
00:16:19,830 --> 00:16:21,956
Aren't you going to
use the bathroom?
419
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,580
I don't have to.
420
00:16:27,950 --> 00:16:30,366
You and David are getting nice
and buddy-buddy, aren't you?
421
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:31,890
Bring that in.
422
00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:33,760
Hey, it smells good.
423
00:16:33,830 --> 00:16:35,036
What is it, Felix?
424
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:36,076
Creamed chipped beef on toast.
425
00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:37,030
Aw, come on!
426
00:16:37,100 --> 00:16:38,030
Don't you like it?
427
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:40,596
No, I hate it! All
veterans hate it!
428
00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:41,940
Gee, I'm sorry.
429
00:16:42,000 --> 00:16:44,560
That was awfully
thoughtless of me, wasn't it?
430
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:47,066
Are you still sore
about last night?
431
00:16:47,090 --> 00:16:48,466
No. Good.
432
00:16:48,490 --> 00:16:50,466
Listen, what are you gonna
talk about on the show tonight?
433
00:16:50,490 --> 00:16:51,850
Mm-mm!
434
00:16:51,930 --> 00:16:53,736
You do that, you're
gonna bore a lot of people.
435
00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:55,990
Don't worry about me.
436
00:16:56,060 --> 00:16:57,106
I've been watching that show.
437
00:16:57,130 --> 00:16:58,580
I think I know what's effective.
438
00:16:58,650 --> 00:17:00,616
Well, don't try to put me down
439
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:01,716
with all that sloppy stuff.
440
00:17:01,740 --> 00:17:02,680
They don't like that.
441
00:17:02,740 --> 00:17:03,680
Stick with neat jokes.
442
00:17:03,740 --> 00:17:05,616
Neat jokes... they like that.
443
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:06,956
Ah, Mr. Unger? Yes.
444
00:17:06,980 --> 00:17:08,686
David sent me.
Yes, yes, yes, yes!
445
00:17:08,710 --> 00:17:09,756
Come in, come in. Thank you.
446
00:17:09,780 --> 00:17:11,956
Ah, and there's Mr. Madison.
447
00:17:11,980 --> 00:17:12,910
I'm Harvey Skolnik. Yeah.
448
00:17:12,980 --> 00:17:14,580
Oh, gee, you're having dinner.
449
00:17:14,650 --> 00:17:16,696
Look, I don't want to take
up your time. It's all right.
450
00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,266
You see, I don't
have a lot of time.
451
00:17:18,290 --> 00:17:19,296
That's all right. Time for what?
452
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:20,466
What is this, Felix?
453
00:17:20,490 --> 00:17:21,996
David sent this
young man over here.
454
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,836
He's just gonna ask you a
few questions. Isn't that right?
455
00:17:23,860 --> 00:17:25,316
That's right. You
see, David wanted me
456
00:17:25,340 --> 00:17:26,376
to get a little material.
457
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:27,880
Eats with his hands.
458
00:17:29,780 --> 00:17:31,210
Should wear a bib.
459
00:17:32,280 --> 00:17:33,796
Likes Army food.
460
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:35,636
Look at this, a man
announcing my meal.
461
00:17:35,660 --> 00:17:36,590
What?
462
00:17:36,660 --> 00:17:37,696
Look at his shirt.
463
00:17:37,720 --> 00:17:39,306
Ooh, how many days
have you worn that shirt?
464
00:17:39,330 --> 00:17:40,906
Come on! I put it on
fresh this morning.
465
00:17:40,930 --> 00:17:41,860
Ring around the chest.
466
00:17:41,930 --> 00:17:43,920
Funny, funny, funny.
467
00:17:43,980 --> 00:17:45,256
Oh-oh-oh-oh.
468
00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:47,296
Voted one of the best-dressed
men by Popular Mechanics.
469
00:17:47,320 --> 00:17:48,396
Good! That's good!
470
00:17:48,420 --> 00:17:49,966
What the, what's going on here?!
471
00:17:49,990 --> 00:17:51,726
He's my writer. Your writer?
472
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:53,136
Yeah, David sent
him over to help me.
473
00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:54,986
Help you what? Get material.
474
00:17:55,010 --> 00:17:56,660
Look. Look at his comb.
475
00:17:56,730 --> 00:17:58,100
Eight missing teeth.
476
00:17:58,160 --> 00:17:59,090
Maybe.
477
00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:00,176
If you can use it.
478
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:01,476
Oh, give me the comb, will you?
479
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:02,876
You want to see his
laundry? Come here.
480
00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,446
Ooh, yeah. Hey, you know,
we might get something
481
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:06,776
out of that comb, like, uh,
looks like the New York skyline.
482
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,130
Good, good!
483
00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:09,846
It's a wonderful comb,
if you're Yul Brynner.
484
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,386
Funny. That's a biggie!
485
00:18:11,410 --> 00:18:13,186
That's a biggie!
Where's the laundry?
486
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:15,686
Just follow the trail
all the way out the hall.
487
00:18:15,710 --> 00:18:17,586
Look, Biggie, why are
you doing this to me?
488
00:18:17,610 --> 00:18:18,970
To destroy you.
489
00:18:19,050 --> 00:18:20,056
Do what you want.
490
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:21,996
I'm telling you, I
know audiences.
491
00:18:22,020 --> 00:18:23,990
What's the matter?
492
00:18:24,050 --> 00:18:27,030
I just saw his room.
493
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,860
Fungus on the bedposts!
494
00:18:28,930 --> 00:18:30,416
That's funny. Wait.
495
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,486
Come on in the kitchen. I
want to show you his food.
496
00:18:32,510 --> 00:18:34,026
Oh, I already saw
it in his bedroom.
497
00:18:34,050 --> 00:18:35,226
There's a half a
tuna sandwich and...
498
00:18:35,250 --> 00:18:36,556
All right, Henny
Youngman, that's it.
499
00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:38,280
Let's go. Out, out.
500
00:18:38,350 --> 00:18:40,526
What is this?! It's okay...
believe me, I have enough!
501
00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:42,296
Has all the charm
of a dock strike!
502
00:18:42,320 --> 00:18:47,200
All right... Good-bye. Get out.
503
00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:51,350
Do you know that you
were very rude to my staff?
504
00:18:51,410 --> 00:18:52,996
Rude to your staff?
505
00:18:53,020 --> 00:18:54,326
Wait till tonight,
you'll see how rude
506
00:18:54,350 --> 00:18:55,926
the audience is
gonna be to your staff.
507
00:18:55,950 --> 00:18:57,510
Hello.
508
00:18:57,590 --> 00:18:58,870
Hi, old buddy.
509
00:19:00,740 --> 00:19:02,446
Gee, I don't know, I'd
have to think about it.
510
00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:04,786
Hey, let me call
you back, will you?
511
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,190
Right. So long.
512
00:19:06,260 --> 00:19:07,476
Who was that?
513
00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,300
Somebody who wanted
some advice about garbage?
514
00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,430
Yeah, write it down, Felix.
515
00:19:12,500 --> 00:19:13,546
That happened to be David.
516
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:15,786
He wants me on
the show tonight, too.
517
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,770
Go on the show.
518
00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:22,116
What do I care?
519
00:19:22,140 --> 00:19:23,306
I'll make a deal with you.
520
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,630
I won't go on the show tonight
521
00:19:24,700 --> 00:19:26,776
if you don't do any
sloppy jokes, okay?
522
00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,546
You can go on alone, have
the spotlight all to yourself,
523
00:19:28,570 --> 00:19:29,746
and then I'll come
on some other night.
524
00:19:29,770 --> 00:19:30,846
I have an open invite.
525
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,186
I don't care if you
come on or not.
526
00:19:33,210 --> 00:19:35,980
I made you and I can break you.
527
00:19:42,450 --> 00:19:45,090
How about a guy who
goes through art galleries
528
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:47,266
taking lint out of the
statues' stomachs?
529
00:19:49,060 --> 00:19:51,066
You know, when Oscar
started talking about Felix,
530
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,650
people thought it was just
a figment of his imagination.
531
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,390
But that's not true.
532
00:19:55,460 --> 00:19:59,160
Uh, not only is he not that,
but he is here in New York,
533
00:19:59,230 --> 00:20:02,630
alive and well, and with
us right now on the show.
534
00:20:02,690 --> 00:20:05,196
So please welcome Felix Unger.
535
00:20:09,710 --> 00:20:10,916
Hello, Felix.
Welcome to the show.
536
00:20:10,940 --> 00:20:11,870
Felix.
537
00:20:11,940 --> 00:20:13,570
Oscar.
538
00:20:13,650 --> 00:20:17,240
Well, Felix, you...
539
00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:26,730
Felix...
540
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,520
Felix, you want
an opportunity...
541
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,906
wanted an opportunity
to come on the show
542
00:20:32,930 --> 00:20:34,976
'cause you wanted
equal time, isn't that right?
543
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:36,246
Right.
544
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:39,110
All right, Felix, the
cameras are yours,
545
00:20:39,170 --> 00:20:40,246
the mike is yours,
546
00:20:40,270 --> 00:20:42,116
and I hope the chair is yours.
547
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:44,050
Go!
548
00:20:44,140 --> 00:20:45,800
Right.
549
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,750
Good evening.
550
00:20:47,810 --> 00:20:50,510
I wish you could meet
my roommate Oscar.
551
00:20:52,890 --> 00:20:54,190
He looks like Yul Brynner.
552
00:20:54,240 --> 00:20:57,840
Uh, his comb looks
like Yul Brynner.
553
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:04,980
I wish you could see him eat.
554
00:21:05,050 --> 00:21:06,350
Eight missing teeth.
555
00:21:13,920 --> 00:21:15,816
Um, and talk about...
556
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,900
Uh, and talking
about his shirts.
557
00:21:18,980 --> 00:21:20,206
He has ring around the chest.
558
00:21:21,530 --> 00:21:22,970
The honking's gonna
start any minute.
559
00:21:25,870 --> 00:21:27,390
He was voted the
most popular mechanic.
560
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:30,986
Well, we're gonna, we're gonna
have to break for a commercial,
561
00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:32,646
but we'll be back
with more of this, uh,
562
00:21:32,670 --> 00:21:34,216
scintillating conversation
in just a second.
563
00:21:34,240 --> 00:21:35,240
Stay with us.
564
00:21:39,750 --> 00:21:40,956
Felix, what's the
matter with you?
565
00:21:40,980 --> 00:21:41,910
You're shaking all over.
566
00:21:41,980 --> 00:21:43,126
Oh, my... Oh.
567
00:21:43,150 --> 00:21:44,366
Felix, you mixed it all up.
568
00:21:44,390 --> 00:21:46,160
I bombed.
569
00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:47,266
You want me to read it?
570
00:21:47,290 --> 00:21:48,666
You want me to do it for you?
571
00:21:48,690 --> 00:21:49,906
I'm leaving. Where
are you going?
572
00:21:49,930 --> 00:21:51,306
I'm going home. I'm
gonna take a bath.
573
00:21:51,330 --> 00:21:53,136
No! Oh, the commercial is over.
574
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:54,306
Come on. David's coming back.
575
00:21:54,330 --> 00:21:56,036
Now, come on.
Sit down, will you?
576
00:21:56,060 --> 00:21:57,660
Come on.
577
00:22:00,940 --> 00:22:04,840
Okay, we're back now with
Oscar Madison and Felix Unger.
578
00:22:04,910 --> 00:22:08,080
I can see that Felix is
just straining at the leash,
579
00:22:08,140 --> 00:22:11,640
ready to let forth
with lethal bombshells
580
00:22:11,710 --> 00:22:13,696
on the head of his
roommate Oscar Madison.
581
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,720
All right, Felix, go ahead.
582
00:22:15,790 --> 00:22:17,720
It's all yours.
583
00:22:19,410 --> 00:22:20,840
Felix?
584
00:22:20,910 --> 00:22:23,146
David, uh, you remember
what, uh, the other day,
585
00:22:23,170 --> 00:22:25,616
you asked me... it was yesterday,
I think... whether I had ever
586
00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:27,486
written an article
and not printed it?
587
00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:29,086
Oh, yes, uh, on the
other show, you mean.
588
00:22:29,110 --> 00:22:30,196
Yeah, well I happened to think
589
00:22:30,220 --> 00:22:32,426
of a time when, uh,
the drama critic got sick,
590
00:22:32,450 --> 00:22:33,866
and he asked me to cover Gypsy.
591
00:22:33,890 --> 00:22:34,966
See, it was a...
592
00:22:34,990 --> 00:22:36,266
Oh, I-I know, I know it well.
593
00:22:36,290 --> 00:22:37,536
I haven't seen
it yet, but it's...
594
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:38,996
Well, it's been closed
for about 11 years.
595
00:22:39,020 --> 00:22:40,986
Oh, I... Well, it's a
marvelous musical.
596
00:22:41,010 --> 00:22:42,300
But I was very tired.
597
00:22:42,380 --> 00:22:43,956
I had been in Cincinnati
covering the ballgame.
598
00:22:43,980 --> 00:22:46,226
That, Oscar, is the
worst way to see anything.
599
00:22:46,250 --> 00:22:50,090
I know, but that's why...
600
00:22:51,350 --> 00:22:53,636
pretty auburn locks ♪
601
00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:56,180
♪ Who can it be? ♪
602
00:22:56,240 --> 00:23:00,440
♪ It's Little Orphan Annie ♪
603
00:23:00,510 --> 00:23:04,980
♪ She and Sandy make a pair ♪
604
00:23:05,050 --> 00:23:09,250
♪ They never seem
to have a care ♪
605
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:11,130
♪ Cute little she ♪
606
00:23:12,210 --> 00:23:16,850
♪ It's Little Orphan Annie ♪
607
00:23:16,910 --> 00:23:18,640
♪ Bright eyes ♪
608
00:23:18,710 --> 00:23:20,880
♪ Cheeks a rosy glow ♪
609
00:23:20,950 --> 00:23:22,866
♪ There's a store
of healthiness ♪
610
00:23:22,890 --> 00:23:24,960
♪ Handy ♪
611
00:23:25,020 --> 00:23:26,780
♪ Mite size ♪
612
00:23:26,860 --> 00:23:28,660
♪ Always on the go ♪
613
00:23:28,720 --> 00:23:32,090
♪ If you want to know,
"Arf," says Sandy ♪
614
00:23:32,160 --> 00:23:34,760
♪ Always wears a sunny smile ♪
615
00:23:34,830 --> 00:23:37,530
♪ Now wouldn't it
be worth your while ♪
616
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:41,110
♪ If you could be like
Little Orphan Annie? ♪
617
00:23:46,110 --> 00:23:48,480
Take that!
618
00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:51,056
Say, here's one that'll
bring back a few memories.
619
00:23:51,080 --> 00:23:52,440
♪ How do you do, everybody? ♪
620
00:23:52,510 --> 00:23:53,726
♪ How do you do? ♪
621
00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:56,226
♪ How are you, everybody? ♪
622
00:23:56,250 --> 00:23:57,426
♪ How are you? ♪
623
00:23:57,450 --> 00:23:58,380
♪ There's nobody here ♪
624
00:23:58,450 --> 00:23:59,730
♪ Hear the Golden Bear ♪
625
00:23:59,790 --> 00:24:03,490
♪ How do you doodle-doodle-
doodle-doodle-do? ♪
626
00:24:08,100 --> 00:24:09,176
It's true.
627
00:24:09,200 --> 00:24:11,106
Felix really uses
disposable earmuffs.
628
00:24:12,570 --> 00:24:15,590
Listen, until I moved in here,
he thought mildew was a flavor.
629
00:24:18,320 --> 00:24:20,566
We had a picnic in Central
Park, the ants gave him
630
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:22,110
a standing ovation.
..standing ovation.
631
00:24:23,430 --> 00:24:24,806
Biggies. Nothing but biggies.
632
00:24:26,470 --> 00:24:28,406
Listen, I-I would
love to spend all night
633
00:24:28,430 --> 00:24:30,376
reminiscing with you guys,
but really, I-I've got to go.
634
00:24:30,400 --> 00:24:31,416
Oh, you've been
wonderful, marvelous.
635
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:32,716
But... thank you for tonight.
636
00:24:32,740 --> 00:24:33,680
I really enjoyed it.
637
00:24:33,740 --> 00:24:34,946
Are you kidding? We had a ball.
638
00:24:34,970 --> 00:24:36,186
We hate to see you leave. Okay.
639
00:24:36,210 --> 00:24:37,216
Thank you.
640
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,440
♪ I love to spend ♪
641
00:24:40,510 --> 00:24:43,880
♪ This hour with you ♪
642
00:24:43,950 --> 00:24:46,720
♪ As friend to friend ♪
643
00:24:46,790 --> 00:24:49,390
♪ I'm sorry it's through ♪
644
00:24:49,450 --> 00:24:51,950
♪ I'm telling you ♪
645
00:24:52,020 --> 00:24:54,950
♪ Just how I feel... ♪
42579
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