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1
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:04,340
How do you like that?
2
00:00:04,410 --> 00:00:05,646
15 years on the force,
3
00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:07,616
and I got this to show for it.
4
00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:08,856
A stupid gold watch.
5
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:11,056
Will you sit down,
and let's play cards?
6
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:14,026
If you don't like it, you
can bet it in the pot.
7
00:00:14,050 --> 00:00:15,196
Oh, no, that's not nice.
8
00:00:15,220 --> 00:00:16,626
After all, it was a gift.
9
00:00:16,650 --> 00:00:18,290
It looks like a nice watch.
10
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:19,630
Even got engraving on it.
11
00:00:19,690 --> 00:00:21,560
"To Pinky from Edna?"
12
00:00:22,660 --> 00:00:25,210
Well, they got it in a raid.
13
00:00:25,280 --> 00:00:26,210
Surprise!
14
00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:27,456
Surprise! We have
fondue this week
15
00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:28,686
with long forks
and French bread.
16
00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:29,956
Just remember
what fork you take.
17
00:00:29,980 --> 00:00:31,226
Yeah, I got the white one.
18
00:00:31,250 --> 00:00:32,826
Will you forget the
fondue and the forks
19
00:00:32,850 --> 00:00:34,796
and the gold watch and
let's play a little poker?
20
00:00:34,820 --> 00:00:37,126
Will you be a little bit
patient? Well, I'd like to play.
21
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:38,296
Hey, you know something?
22
00:00:38,320 --> 00:00:39,666
If I was on the vice squad,
23
00:00:39,690 --> 00:00:40,896
I'd have gotten a
Hawaiian vacation.
24
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,066
Oh, Murray, you don't
want to be on the vice squad.
25
00:00:43,090 --> 00:00:44,436
You're too nice. Well, so what?
26
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,606
I got a buddy of mine
that's been on the vice squad
27
00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:47,776
for only three years.
28
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:49,246
Fondue? It's delicious.
29
00:00:49,270 --> 00:00:51,096
And already he's got a house
in Miami and a new Ferrari.
30
00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:53,576
Will you sit down, Felix,
and ante up for poker? Start.
31
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,016
Come on, let's go.
32
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:56,696
You know, I got the
worst record on the force.
33
00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,136
There are citizens who have
made more arrests than I have.
34
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,656
That's sad. SPEED: You're in.
35
00:01:00,680 --> 00:01:02,486
Ace bets. Ace bets a red.
36
00:01:02,510 --> 00:01:03,936
Can I get some more fondue?
37
00:01:03,960 --> 00:01:06,096
Well, you can't win 'em all
unless you win the first one.
38
00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:07,256
Right, gentlemen?
39
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:09,026
My career is just
going downhill.
40
00:01:09,050 --> 00:01:10,326
What's the matter with me?
41
00:01:10,350 --> 00:01:11,566
Nothing's the matter with you.
42
00:01:11,590 --> 00:01:13,666
You're never gonna
be a great cop any more
43
00:01:13,690 --> 00:01:15,006
than I'm gonna be Ring Lardner.
44
00:01:15,030 --> 00:01:16,806
You just don't have
the drive, that's all.
45
00:01:16,830 --> 00:01:19,006
You mean, no guts,
huh, Oscar? It's not that.
46
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:20,186
You're not mean enough.
47
00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:21,276
Oscar, lay off.
48
00:01:21,300 --> 00:01:22,626
I'm just telling him the truth.
49
00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,696
Some people don't
like to hear the truth.
50
00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:25,926
Look, wait a minute.
51
00:01:25,950 --> 00:01:28,166
How many cards
does everybody have?
52
00:01:28,190 --> 00:01:31,060
One, Murray.
53
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,516
If you give us one
more, we'll have two.
54
00:01:33,540 --> 00:01:35,620
If you give us
55
00:01:35,700 --> 00:01:36,886
two more, we'll have three.
56
00:01:36,910 --> 00:01:38,926
You understand how it
works now, sweetheart?
57
00:01:38,950 --> 00:01:41,046
What do you want...
Speed or accuracy?
58
00:01:41,070 --> 00:01:45,170
Murray, you're doing
fine. Thanks, Felix.
59
00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:48,216
Deal. In other words,
what you're saying, Oscar,
60
00:01:48,240 --> 00:01:50,216
is that I'm gonna be a
failure for the rest of my life.
61
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:51,416
Is that right?
62
00:01:51,440 --> 00:01:52,856
Failure's not such
a terrible thing.
63
00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,006
You handle it very well.
64
00:01:54,030 --> 00:01:56,176
I don't want to
happen to be a failure.
65
00:01:56,200 --> 00:01:58,246
I want to realize
my full potential.
66
00:01:58,270 --> 00:02:00,766
Well, maybe you've already
realized your full potential.
67
00:02:00,790 --> 00:02:02,466
Oscar, sometimes people
can change, you know.
68
00:02:02,490 --> 00:02:03,636
Not Murray.
69
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:05,316
Come on, I got
nine cards, Murray.
70
00:02:06,810 --> 00:02:09,750
To be a successful
cop, you got to be tough.
71
00:02:09,810 --> 00:02:11,556
You got to be able to
arrest your own brother,
72
00:02:11,580 --> 00:02:12,980
your own mother.
73
00:02:13,050 --> 00:02:15,426
I mean, you see something
wrong, you arrest, arrest, that's it.
74
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:18,296
Listen, Oscar, I could be a
tough cop if I wanted to be.
75
00:02:18,320 --> 00:02:20,066
No way. You see something
wrong, you turn the other way,
76
00:02:20,090 --> 00:02:21,736
especially if you knew the guy.
77
00:02:21,760 --> 00:02:23,666
Oh, you think so,
huh? I know so.
78
00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:25,906
- You're too sweet, that's all.
- Well, I can change, Oscar.
79
00:02:25,930 --> 00:02:27,526
No way, you can't.
I can too change.
80
00:02:27,550 --> 00:02:28,726
I'm telling you, no chance.
81
00:02:28,750 --> 00:02:30,506
Now will you listen
to what I'm telling you?
82
00:02:30,530 --> 00:02:33,090
All right, fellows,
this is a raid!
83
00:02:38,390 --> 00:02:40,636
On November 13,
84
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,636
Felix Unger was
asked to remove himself
85
00:02:42,660 --> 00:02:44,620
from his place of residence.
86
00:02:44,700 --> 00:02:47,540
That request came from his wife.
87
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:49,716
Deep down he knew she was right,
88
00:02:49,740 --> 00:02:53,380
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
89
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,140
With nowhere else to go,
90
00:02:55,210 --> 00:02:58,030
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
91
00:02:58,100 --> 00:02:59,700
Several years earlier,
92
00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:01,476
Madison's wife
had thrown him out
93
00:03:01,500 --> 00:03:03,646
requesting that he never return.
94
00:03:03,670 --> 00:03:06,216
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
95
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,396
without driving
each other crazy?
96
00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:04,256
Okay, no shouting, no fighting,
97
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:06,426
no spitting and
no rough language.
98
00:04:06,450 --> 00:04:08,556
There's a girl's boarding
school right next door.
99
00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:10,310
But we're innocent!
100
00:04:10,380 --> 00:04:11,676
The whole thing is a frame-up.
101
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,120
Knock it off. They got a right
102
00:04:14,170 --> 00:04:15,346
to lie the same as you.
103
00:04:15,370 --> 00:04:16,996
You know who should be in here?
104
00:04:17,020 --> 00:04:18,636
Murray the fink
should be in here.
105
00:04:18,660 --> 00:04:19,786
Will you take it easy?
106
00:04:19,810 --> 00:04:21,756
You're making a
spectacle of yourself.
107
00:04:21,780 --> 00:04:23,926
A spectacle? In front
of who, these guys?
108
00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,490
Oscar.
109
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:28,460
Good evening.
110
00:04:28,520 --> 00:04:30,646
I'm Felix Unger,
freelance photographer.
111
00:04:30,670 --> 00:04:33,970
Hi. Freddie Noonan,
freelance pickpocket.
112
00:04:34,040 --> 00:04:35,590
Oh.
113
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:37,750
Good evening.
114
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,130
Good evening, sir.
115
00:04:40,200 --> 00:04:41,530
Felix Unger.
116
00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:45,050
Oh, it's nice to make your
acquaintance, Sergeant.
117
00:04:45,120 --> 00:04:46,296
Look at this.
118
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:47,826
He's organizing
a friendship club.
119
00:04:47,850 --> 00:04:49,886
I don't know what's happening.
120
00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,436
I'm in jail, and my
pal put me here.
121
00:04:51,460 --> 00:04:52,936
It's your own fault.
You egged him on.
122
00:04:52,960 --> 00:04:54,866
Who egged him on? He was...
You egged him on! You were...
123
00:04:54,890 --> 00:04:56,026
Shh!
124
00:04:56,050 --> 00:04:58,076
The girls next door
are trying to sleep.
125
00:04:58,100 --> 00:04:59,576
It's funny to you?
126
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:00,776
Yes. What's the big deal?
127
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:02,476
We'll be out in a few minutes.
128
00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:05,300
We pay a little bit of a
fine, we're on our way.
129
00:05:05,370 --> 00:05:07,286
But we're doing a
great thing for Murray.
130
00:05:07,310 --> 00:05:08,486
The poor guy.
131
00:05:08,510 --> 00:05:10,116
He's so eager to make an arrest.
132
00:05:10,140 --> 00:05:11,526
What do you say, Speed, Vinnie,
133
00:05:11,550 --> 00:05:12,956
we'll go along for
friendship's sake?
134
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,386
Yeah, why not? Yeah, why not?
135
00:05:14,410 --> 00:05:15,556
I don't understand you guys.
136
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,176
Go along, as if
you have a choice.
137
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:18,876
We're in jail, fellas.
We're behind bars.
138
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,576
Come on, Oscar.
I agree with Felix.
139
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,486
He's absolutely right.
What's... Oh, come on, Speed.
140
00:05:22,510 --> 00:05:24,816
I know he's dying
to make an arrest,
141
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,190
but look, fellows,
142
00:05:26,260 --> 00:05:27,616
who is he taking advantage of?
143
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:28,786
Us, his best friends.
144
00:05:28,810 --> 00:05:30,626
Well, who else would
let him arrest them,
145
00:05:30,650 --> 00:05:31,826
uh, except his best friends?
146
00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:33,426
That's right. If he
arrested real criminals,
147
00:05:33,450 --> 00:05:34,596
he could get hurt.
148
00:05:34,620 --> 00:05:35,846
Good. Aw.
149
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,696
He didn't even ask us if
we wanted to go to jail.
150
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:39,246
Well, if he'd asked,
would you have accepted?
151
00:05:39,270 --> 00:05:41,066
No. Well?
152
00:05:41,090 --> 00:05:42,236
See. Aw, it's all screwy.
153
00:05:42,260 --> 00:05:43,406
There are four guys in jail
154
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:45,086
trying to figure out
how to do a nice thing
155
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:46,806
for the guy who put us there.
156
00:05:46,830 --> 00:05:49,046
Doesn't that seem
a little incongruous?
157
00:05:49,070 --> 00:05:51,446
I think the whole
thing is incongruous.
158
00:05:51,470 --> 00:05:54,030
Look who I got on my side.
159
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,620
Hey, I know you.
160
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:00,970
I know you.
161
00:06:01,030 --> 00:06:02,926
I seen you in the papers
162
00:06:02,950 --> 00:06:04,780
in the sports edition.
163
00:06:04,850 --> 00:06:06,650
Come on, who are you, huh?
164
00:06:06,720 --> 00:06:08,350
Willie Mays.
165
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:10,410
Of course!
166
00:06:12,170 --> 00:06:13,646
So is it agreed?
167
00:06:13,670 --> 00:06:14,950
Yeah.
168
00:06:15,020 --> 00:06:16,456
We plead guilty
for Murray's sake.
169
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:17,666
Yeah, sure. Come on.
170
00:06:17,690 --> 00:06:19,486
Oscar? No, I'm
stilled burned up.
171
00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:20,656
Oh, come on. Come on.
172
00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,086
One for all, all for one.
173
00:06:22,110 --> 00:06:23,456
Right. Come on.
174
00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:25,666
All right, just because we've
always done one for all...
175
00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:27,526
Okay, two of you guys can go.
176
00:06:27,550 --> 00:06:29,666
Take me. Me, me,
me, I want to go.
177
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:30,996
Please, please, me. Hold it!
178
00:06:31,020 --> 00:06:34,070
Vincent Barella and Homer Degan.
179
00:06:34,140 --> 00:06:35,070
That-that's me!
180
00:06:35,150 --> 00:06:36,650
Your name is Homer?
181
00:06:36,710 --> 00:06:39,410
What do you think... when I was
born, my mother named me Speed?
182
00:06:39,480 --> 00:06:42,550
Anyway, you guys
can make bail and go.
183
00:06:42,620 --> 00:06:44,026
Oh, thank you...
Congratulations, Homer.
184
00:06:44,050 --> 00:06:45,236
Okay. You're...
185
00:06:45,260 --> 00:06:46,396
Madison. Madison.
186
00:06:46,420 --> 00:06:47,566
And Unger. I'm Unger, yes.
187
00:06:47,590 --> 00:06:48,736
You stay.
188
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:49,906
Why? Why?
189
00:06:49,930 --> 00:06:51,936
You were running the
game. Who told you that?
190
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,236
The arresting officer,
Murray Greshler.
191
00:06:53,260 --> 00:06:55,106
How about that... the arresting
officer, Murray Greshler!
192
00:06:55,130 --> 00:06:57,706
Did you hear what he did?
We'll be out in a little while.
193
00:06:57,730 --> 00:06:59,076
Didn't you hear what he said?
194
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:01,376
We're now in for running a
game. We could get 30 days.
195
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:03,516
Oh, no. A couple of
hours, that's all. You'll see.
196
00:07:03,540 --> 00:07:05,256
What are you talking
about? We've already been...
197
00:07:05,280 --> 00:07:08,380
And look at this.
Somebody stole my watch.
198
00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:15,550
I was holding it for you.
199
00:07:15,620 --> 00:07:17,590
Lot of thieves in here.
200
00:07:18,810 --> 00:07:21,040
Hey, look at this.
201
00:07:21,110 --> 00:07:24,610
"Remember three little words,
and you'll always have money.
202
00:07:24,680 --> 00:07:28,480
Stick 'em up!"
203
00:07:29,580 --> 00:07:32,080
"Burt Lancaster was too short.
204
00:07:32,150 --> 00:07:34,330
Signed, Birdman of Alcatraz."
205
00:07:35,460 --> 00:07:38,800
"He took my case,
he took my cash,
206
00:07:38,860 --> 00:07:41,500
now I'm in jail with
a nervous rash."
207
00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:45,610
"So do not hire Attorney
J. Martin Ekworth."
208
00:07:48,080 --> 00:07:51,150
"Don't waste your one call.
209
00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:55,520
"Call Judy Kellin,
Butterfield-9...
210
00:07:55,590 --> 00:07:58,120
She delivers!"
211
00:08:00,860 --> 00:08:02,840
How can you be so cheerful?
212
00:08:02,920 --> 00:08:05,190
I don't know, gallows humor.
213
00:08:05,250 --> 00:08:07,276
I thought you'd be
out of your head...
214
00:08:07,300 --> 00:08:08,730
In a cell, dirty, smelly...
215
00:08:08,810 --> 00:08:10,830
I don't mind the dirt.
216
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:12,220
I'm buoyed up by the knowledge
217
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:14,586
that I'm doing something
for my fellow man, Murray.
218
00:08:14,610 --> 00:08:15,890
Baloney.
219
00:08:15,950 --> 00:08:17,470
And this is a new experience.
220
00:08:17,530 --> 00:08:19,606
It should be very, very
valuable to you as a writer.
221
00:08:19,630 --> 00:08:22,126
Everybody should have
to spend one night in jail.
222
00:08:22,150 --> 00:08:24,276
Then we'd know how
the other half lives.
223
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,730
Just think of it, Oscar.
224
00:08:25,810 --> 00:08:28,196
We're part of this for
the first times in our lives.
225
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:32,760
Gee, just imagine,
upstairs I'll bet
226
00:08:32,830 --> 00:08:36,270
there are lifers in solitary.
227
00:08:36,330 --> 00:08:40,010
And on death row, a
man sits in his cell...
228
00:08:40,090 --> 00:08:42,780
and waits for the final moment.
229
00:08:42,840 --> 00:08:45,500
Governor's reprieve.
230
00:08:47,190 --> 00:08:51,720
♪ Going home ♪
231
00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:56,290
♪ Going home ♪
232
00:08:56,350 --> 00:09:04,350
♪ I am going home. ♪
233
00:09:04,440 --> 00:09:10,680
♪ Going home, going home... ♪
234
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:13,310
I want out of here!
235
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:21,090
♪ Your time is my time ♪
236
00:09:21,160 --> 00:09:25,310
♪ My time is your time ♪
237
00:09:25,380 --> 00:09:27,096
Oh, stop with the gallows humor!
238
00:09:27,120 --> 00:09:28,760
I'm starved.
239
00:09:28,820 --> 00:09:30,520
I am, too.
240
00:09:30,590 --> 00:09:33,150
I should have
brought the fondue.
241
00:09:34,090 --> 00:09:35,106
Hey, guard!
242
00:09:35,130 --> 00:09:36,336
What are you doing? Guard!
243
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:37,606
I'm hungry. I want some food.
244
00:09:37,630 --> 00:09:39,300
You won't get it.
245
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,410
We had dinner at 6:00.
246
00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:44,110
There won't be food till
5:30 tomorrow morning.
247
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:46,716
Then we get the tomato surprise.
248
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:48,640
Tomato surprise?
249
00:09:48,710 --> 00:09:51,270
Yeah. Oatmeal with nuts in it.
250
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,170
Where's the tomato?
251
00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:54,690
There ain't no tomato.
252
00:09:54,760 --> 00:09:57,320
That's the surprise.
That's the surprise.
253
00:09:58,930 --> 00:10:00,446
Yeah, uh, we're kind of hungry.
254
00:10:00,470 --> 00:10:01,506
We'd like some food.
255
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:04,230
What would you like?
256
00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,446
Well, I'd like a steak sandwich.
257
00:10:06,470 --> 00:10:07,946
That sounds good.
French fries for me.
258
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:10,306
Two steak sandwiches,
French fries... Freddie?
259
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:11,406
No, nothing for me.
260
00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,350
Bring me four martinis.
261
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:15,540
I'm expecting guests.
262
00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:17,450
Just the two steak sandwiches.
263
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:18,796
One with french fries.
264
00:10:18,820 --> 00:10:20,566
I'll tell you, the
kitchen is closed
265
00:10:20,590 --> 00:10:22,436
right at the moment.
You see, the, uh...
266
00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:25,730
chef doesn't get out
of solitary until 5:15.
267
00:10:25,790 --> 00:10:27,920
Amateurs.
268
00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:33,200
Hey, Oscar... Oscar...
269
00:10:33,270 --> 00:10:35,040
What's so funny now?
270
00:10:35,100 --> 00:10:37,700
Listen, if we should have
to stay here overnight,
271
00:10:37,770 --> 00:10:39,936
what do you want... the
upper or the lower? The upper.
272
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,780
So I can step on your face
when I wake up in the morning.
273
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:45,016
You're just tired.
274
00:10:45,040 --> 00:10:46,086
Come here, come here.
275
00:10:46,110 --> 00:10:47,326
What do you want?
276
00:10:47,350 --> 00:10:49,026
You know when I made
my one phone call before?
277
00:10:49,050 --> 00:10:50,956
You know whom I
called? Your mother.
278
00:10:50,980 --> 00:10:52,566
No. I called Murray's wife.
279
00:10:52,590 --> 00:10:54,096
Oh, I wish you
could have heard her.
280
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,410
She nearly cried.
281
00:10:55,490 --> 00:10:57,946
She was so proud of him
for making an arrest, yeah.
282
00:10:57,970 --> 00:10:59,966
I got all choked up myself.
283
00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:01,550
Isn't that terrific?
284
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:06,176
Murray! Hi, boys.
285
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,576
It's okay. You can
let me in here alone.
286
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:08,530
I know these guys.
287
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,416
Murray, you're in civvies!
288
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:11,916
They made you a plainclothesman!
289
00:11:11,940 --> 00:11:13,116
No, not yet, Felix.
290
00:11:13,140 --> 00:11:14,910
But tonight's my big night.
291
00:11:14,970 --> 00:11:16,916
I'm taking the little woman out.
292
00:11:16,940 --> 00:11:18,270
Now?
293
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:20,626
Oh, the night's still young
and I'm going to celebrate.
294
00:11:20,650 --> 00:11:22,000
Celebrate?!
295
00:11:22,060 --> 00:11:23,246
Yeah. Listen,
296
00:11:23,270 --> 00:11:25,456
where's a really
nice place to go?
297
00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:27,426
In other words,
if you were free,
298
00:11:27,450 --> 00:11:29,520
where would you go?
299
00:11:29,590 --> 00:11:31,160
For your throat.
300
00:11:31,220 --> 00:11:32,650
Watch it.
301
00:11:32,730 --> 00:11:35,800
You're speaking to a
police officer, Madison.
302
00:11:37,160 --> 00:11:40,460
Felix, it was awfully
nice of you to call my wife.
303
00:11:40,530 --> 00:11:42,216
Aw... She just appreciated it...
304
00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:43,816
When are you going
to get us out of here?!
305
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,246
Well, I really don't know that.
306
00:11:45,270 --> 00:11:47,246
You got a serious
charge facing you...
307
00:11:47,270 --> 00:11:48,286
Running a game.
308
00:11:48,310 --> 00:11:49,836
You're in a lot
of trouble, Oscar.
309
00:11:49,860 --> 00:11:52,720
Hey, Murray, you think I'm
going to let you get away with this?
310
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,786
Are you crazy?
311
00:11:53,810 --> 00:11:55,706
My captain really likes me.
312
00:11:55,730 --> 00:11:57,976
Ahh... He patted me on the back.
313
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,980
He said, "Murray, I
like what you're doing.
314
00:12:01,050 --> 00:12:04,200
What you're doing is good."
315
00:12:04,270 --> 00:12:08,440
You know they've been looking
for you guys for a long time?
316
00:12:08,510 --> 00:12:09,786
Felix, come here.
317
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,026
Please, come here.
Come here, quick!
318
00:12:11,050 --> 00:12:13,556
What? Hold me back!
319
00:12:13,580 --> 00:12:15,526
They knew there was
gambling in the area,
320
00:12:15,550 --> 00:12:17,196
but they couldn't
put their finger on it.
321
00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:19,270
Until I broke the case.
322
00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:21,900
I'll kill you...
323
00:12:23,490 --> 00:12:24,920
All right, break it up.
324
00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:26,590
What's your name, con?
325
00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:28,860
Oscar Madison.
326
00:12:28,930 --> 00:12:30,646
I'm surprised at you, Oscar.
327
00:12:30,670 --> 00:12:34,240
Madison, we were going
to let you and Unger out,
328
00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:36,816
but assaulting an
officer, now that's big stuff.
329
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:38,120
Unger, you can go.
330
00:12:38,990 --> 00:12:40,166
Don't worry, don't worry.
331
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:42,186
I can do much more
for you on the outside.
332
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,756
Call my lawyer. Call my lawyer.
333
00:12:43,780 --> 00:12:44,826
Who is your lawyer?
334
00:12:44,850 --> 00:12:47,750
Anybody but J. Martin Ekworth.
335
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:49,096
Don't worry about a thing.
336
00:12:49,120 --> 00:12:50,696
I'm on the ball. I'll
get you out of here.
337
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:51,726
I know you will, Felix.
338
00:12:51,750 --> 00:12:52,966
I know, you're my friend, Felix.
339
00:12:52,990 --> 00:12:54,296
You'll get me out
and when you do,
340
00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:55,690
I'll take care of that Murray.
341
00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:56,966
I'll take care of him!
342
00:12:56,990 --> 00:12:57,920
What is it, buddy, what?
343
00:12:57,990 --> 00:12:59,206
You know all the places.
344
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:00,436
I'm taking Murray
and his wife to dinner.
345
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:02,330
Where should we go?
346
00:13:15,600 --> 00:13:18,200
You got five minutes.
347
00:13:25,620 --> 00:13:28,270
Morning, Oscar.
348
00:13:28,340 --> 00:13:29,700
Morning.
349
00:13:29,780 --> 00:13:32,340
Rub the sandman
out of your eyes.
350
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:35,180
You brought me something to eat?
351
00:13:35,250 --> 00:13:37,206
Yeah, from the
restaurant last night.
352
00:13:37,230 --> 00:13:39,160
A doggie bag?
353
00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:41,370
Bon appétit.
354
00:13:41,440 --> 00:13:44,140
Oh, it's such a
beautiful morning.
355
00:13:44,210 --> 00:13:46,186
The sun's shining,
the birds are singing.
356
00:13:46,210 --> 00:13:47,710
Did you sleep well?
357
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:49,180
No, I just fell asleep.
358
00:13:49,250 --> 00:13:52,120
All morning the girls next
door were singing "Born Free."
359
00:13:53,450 --> 00:13:55,046
I gotta get out of here, Felix.
360
00:13:55,070 --> 00:13:56,640
Take it easy.
361
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:58,546
We all have to appear
in Night Court tonight.
362
00:13:58,570 --> 00:14:00,186
You mean I got to spend the rest
363
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:01,616
of the day here? I'm afraid so.
364
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:03,770
Uh, excuse me, gentlemen.
365
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,670
My name is... J. B.
Darlington and I, uh,
366
00:14:07,750 --> 00:14:09,476
I've got to call my factory.
367
00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:12,420
Uh, do you have a dime?
368
00:14:12,490 --> 00:14:15,690
You see we're involved
in a top secret project
369
00:14:15,750 --> 00:14:18,310
and my presence there
is absolutely necessary.
370
00:14:19,410 --> 00:14:21,286
Who is this?
371
00:14:21,310 --> 00:14:23,790
You remember last night.
372
00:14:23,860 --> 00:14:25,360
It was a terrible mistake.
373
00:14:25,430 --> 00:14:27,090
They're arresting everybody.
374
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:30,370
Would you believe it... they
had Willie Mays in here last night?
375
00:14:32,770 --> 00:14:35,236
And he has a
beautiful singing voice.
376
00:14:35,260 --> 00:14:37,810
I can't help you.
377
00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,870
Aren't you his attorney?
378
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:42,026
Oh, no. No, he's
a freelance friend.
379
00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:43,720
Oh, sorry.
380
00:14:43,780 --> 00:14:45,790
Ciao.
381
00:14:45,870 --> 00:14:48,426
Oh, Felix, I made up my mind.
382
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,496
I'm not going to let
him get away with it.
383
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:52,766
I'm not going to let
Murray get away with this.
384
00:14:52,790 --> 00:14:54,390
The fine will be peanuts.
385
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,536
I'll pay it for you,
386
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:56,976
if it'll make you
feel any better.
387
00:14:57,000 --> 00:14:58,136
It's not the money, Felix.
388
00:14:58,160 --> 00:14:59,306
It's the principle.
389
00:14:59,330 --> 00:15:01,376
Did you see that monster
when he came in here?
390
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:04,660
"Oh, the Captain
patted me on the back."
391
00:15:04,740 --> 00:15:08,040
He said to me, "You're
doing good work.
392
00:15:08,110 --> 00:15:09,880
Keep up the good work!"
393
00:15:09,940 --> 00:15:12,870
I'd break his nose, but
I've only got two hands.
394
00:15:14,710 --> 00:15:17,740
We can help his career
with these four convictions.
395
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:19,696
Why don't we give
his career a big boost
396
00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:20,796
and let him hang me.
397
00:15:20,820 --> 00:15:22,110
No, sir, Felix.
398
00:15:22,190 --> 00:15:24,436
I'm going to get him and I
know exactly how. What?
399
00:15:24,460 --> 00:15:25,466
I'll show you.
400
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,990
Officer! Officer!
401
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:29,376
I'm allowed one phone
call, I want to make it now.
402
00:15:29,400 --> 00:15:30,936
You want to call Judy Kellin...
403
00:15:30,960 --> 00:15:32,890
She's got a new number.
404
00:15:36,490 --> 00:15:38,366
Don't let it happen
again, Miss Kellin.
405
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:40,430
Case dismissed.
406
00:15:40,490 --> 00:15:43,420
Frederick Noonan,
step forward, please.
407
00:15:43,490 --> 00:15:45,090
Oh, hi, Freddie.
408
00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:46,760
What is it this time?
409
00:15:46,830 --> 00:15:49,556
He's accused of petty
theft, Your Honor. Petty?!
410
00:15:49,580 --> 00:15:52,090
That was a 12-jewel Swiss watch.
411
00:15:52,170 --> 00:15:54,520
30 days or a hundred dollars.
412
00:15:54,590 --> 00:15:56,530
Can't we discuss a bribe?
413
00:15:56,590 --> 00:15:58,160
Take him away.
414
00:15:58,220 --> 00:16:00,690
J.B. Darlington.
415
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,260
Just a minute.
416
00:16:02,330 --> 00:16:05,400
Let me read this arrest report.
417
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,576
So?
418
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:07,540
So?
419
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,090
Gonna pay the ten dollars?
420
00:16:09,170 --> 00:16:10,666
Quiet, stoolie, if
I fry, he's gonna
421
00:16:10,690 --> 00:16:13,116
fry with me... I got the
evidence right here to prove it.
422
00:16:13,140 --> 00:16:14,616
What have you got? Never mind.
423
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:17,200
Oh, Officer Murray, did you
lock up any orphans today?
424
00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:20,320
I'm sorry, Oscar, but
you got out of hand.
425
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,030
I'm no toy cop anymore.
426
00:16:22,100 --> 00:16:24,150
We made a Frankenstein!
427
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:27,320
Let him enjoy his moment.
428
00:16:27,390 --> 00:16:28,810
I'll suspend sentence.
429
00:16:28,870 --> 00:16:30,230
Thank you, Your Honor.
430
00:16:30,310 --> 00:16:32,660
Oscar Madison, et al.
431
00:16:32,730 --> 00:16:35,290
Gambling, Your Honor.
432
00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:40,496
How do you plead? Guilty.
433
00:16:40,520 --> 00:16:41,896
Guilty. Guilty.
434
00:16:41,920 --> 00:16:43,926
Not guilty with
extenuating circumstances.
435
00:16:43,950 --> 00:16:45,430
There's no such thing.
436
00:16:45,510 --> 00:16:48,610
You can only be guilty with
extenuating circumstances.
437
00:16:48,670 --> 00:16:51,230
Yeah, but I'm gonna
set a precedent.
438
00:16:51,390 --> 00:16:53,560
Are you an attorney?
439
00:16:53,630 --> 00:16:54,936
No, no, I'm a
sportswriter, Your Honor.
440
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,580
Oh, boy.
441
00:16:56,650 --> 00:16:58,726
May I say something, Your Honor?
442
00:16:58,750 --> 00:17:00,030
Don't "Your Honor" me.
443
00:17:00,090 --> 00:17:03,360
Your Honors work from
10:00 to 4:00 in the afternoon
444
00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:04,830
with two hours for lunch.
445
00:17:04,910 --> 00:17:07,186
I'm just a night
court magistrate.
446
00:17:07,210 --> 00:17:09,556
Okay, Your Magistrate.
This is a bum rap.
447
00:17:09,580 --> 00:17:11,156
We were framed by
that cop over there.
448
00:17:11,180 --> 00:17:13,456
He was playing in the same
game, and I can prove it.
449
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:14,860
Here. Exhibit A.
450
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:17,366
The cigar he was smoking
last night in the game.
451
00:17:17,390 --> 00:17:18,516
Here.
452
00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:21,260
A fondue fork with
his fingerprints on it.
453
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,470
And here is a picture of him
454
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:27,090
scooping in the biggest
pot of 1967, huh?
455
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,776
These are very serious charges,
456
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:30,100
Mr. Madison.
457
00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:33,140
If, as you say, the officer
was gambling while on duty
458
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,686
and is trying to present
a fraudulent case here,
459
00:17:35,710 --> 00:17:37,090
this could lead to charges
460
00:17:37,160 --> 00:17:39,830
being brought against him.
461
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:41,640
Excuse me, Your Honor.
462
00:17:41,710 --> 00:17:43,090
What do you want?
463
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:44,940
I'm Felix Unger.
464
00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:47,610
I-I'd like to represent
the arresting officer.
465
00:17:49,620 --> 00:17:52,110
Are you an attorney?
466
00:17:52,170 --> 00:17:53,580
I'm a freelance photographer.
467
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:54,766
Oh, boy.
468
00:17:54,790 --> 00:17:56,936
I'd like to cross-examine
this witness.
469
00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,456
He's not a witness,
he's the accused.
470
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:02,170
And Officer Greshler is
not on trial here tonight.
471
00:18:02,230 --> 00:18:04,096
Yeah, go sit down,
will you, Felix?
472
00:18:04,120 --> 00:18:05,696
Officer Greshler's
reputation is at stake.
473
00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,820
I request permission
to question this man.
474
00:18:08,890 --> 00:18:12,340
Well, this is highly
irregular, but if it'll help, okay.
475
00:18:12,410 --> 00:18:13,830
Take the stand.
476
00:18:13,890 --> 00:18:15,936
What are you trying
to do? Take the stand.
477
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:18,290
Will you sit down, please?
478
00:18:23,150 --> 00:18:24,866
Officer Greshler.
479
00:18:24,890 --> 00:18:26,640
Your Honor.
480
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,200
State your name, please.
481
00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:35,020
Willie Mays.
482
00:18:36,530 --> 00:18:38,576
We have a hostile
witness, Your Honor.
483
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:40,026
Answer the question.
484
00:18:40,050 --> 00:18:41,226
Oscar Madison.
485
00:18:41,250 --> 00:18:43,280
Now, Mr. Madison,
486
00:18:43,360 --> 00:18:48,030
where were you on the
evening of October 18 of this year
487
00:18:48,090 --> 00:18:50,390
at approximately 7:30 p.m.?
488
00:18:50,460 --> 00:18:52,846
- October 18...
- Sit up straight!
489
00:18:52,870 --> 00:18:55,406
Last night. Don't stall. You
know what I'm talking about.
490
00:18:55,430 --> 00:18:57,716
I was with you, and
them and him. Aha!
491
00:18:57,740 --> 00:18:58,690
Aha?
492
00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,720
And what were you doing?
493
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:02,616
Gambling. Aha!
494
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:03,920
Again aha.
495
00:19:03,960 --> 00:19:06,386
That's already been
established, Mr. Unger.
496
00:19:06,410 --> 00:19:08,226
That's what he was arrested for.
497
00:19:08,250 --> 00:19:09,826
Yes, I know that, Your Honor.
498
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:12,590
I'm merely trying to
defile his character a little.
499
00:19:12,650 --> 00:19:15,830
I will now refute the evidence,
500
00:19:15,900 --> 00:19:17,230
if it pleases the court.
501
00:19:17,310 --> 00:19:20,060
It doesn't, but go ahead.
502
00:19:20,130 --> 00:19:22,400
Thank you, Your Honor.
503
00:19:22,460 --> 00:19:25,570
I will proceed to exhibit A,
504
00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:29,240
the so-called cigar butt!
505
00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:32,060
Ha, ha, ha, ha!
506
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:35,210
This is not Officer
Greshler's cigar butt.
507
00:19:35,270 --> 00:19:38,090
It is the property
of the witness!
508
00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:39,890
You're crazy... it's his.
509
00:19:39,960 --> 00:19:42,170
It has hot mustard on it.
510
00:19:42,250 --> 00:19:43,256
So what?
511
00:19:43,280 --> 00:19:44,830
"Sew" buttons!
512
00:19:44,900 --> 00:19:47,210
So buttons?
513
00:19:48,550 --> 00:19:51,950
Your Honor, we were all
eating fondue last night,
514
00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:56,090
all except this man, who had
knockwurst with hot mustard on it.
515
00:19:56,160 --> 00:19:57,906
Smell this. I'd rather not.
516
00:19:57,930 --> 00:20:00,346
Throw it... throw it
in the wastebasket.
517
00:20:00,370 --> 00:20:02,476
This is exhibit
A. I know, I know.
518
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:05,176
I'll take your word for
it... just throw it away.
519
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:06,870
All right, Your Honor.
520
00:20:06,940 --> 00:20:09,910
I will now proceed to exhibit B,
521
00:20:09,980 --> 00:20:13,300
the famed fondue fork!
522
00:20:13,360 --> 00:20:16,980
The court will
note it has a red tip.
523
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:18,196
Duly noted.
524
00:20:18,220 --> 00:20:20,696
My tip was purple.
525
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,980
Speed's tip was...
526
00:20:23,060 --> 00:20:24,366
Yellow. Yellow!
527
00:20:24,390 --> 00:20:25,670
Vinnie's tip was
528
00:20:25,730 --> 00:20:27,066
Light blue. Light blue.
529
00:20:27,090 --> 00:20:28,166
And Officer Greshler's tip
530
00:20:28,190 --> 00:20:29,526
was white. White.
531
00:20:29,550 --> 00:20:31,380
The red-tipped fork
532
00:20:31,450 --> 00:20:32,820
was not used during the game.
533
00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:36,160
This is a fraudulent
fondue fork.
534
00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:37,616
What about the photograph
535
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:39,596
showing him playing
along with us?
536
00:20:39,620 --> 00:20:40,900
Aha!
537
00:20:40,970 --> 00:20:43,456
I'd like to "aha" you... I
took that picture myself.
538
00:20:43,480 --> 00:20:44,810
So what does that prove?
539
00:20:44,880 --> 00:20:47,820
I suspect that Officer Greshler
540
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:51,310
is an undercover
agent for the vice squad.
541
00:20:51,380 --> 00:20:53,940
I am?
542
00:20:54,870 --> 00:20:56,800
For nine years?!
543
00:20:56,870 --> 00:20:58,396
Nine years? Nine
years? Nine years?
544
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:00,456
Yes! He's a patient man.
545
00:21:00,480 --> 00:21:03,480
Oh, this is a Kangaroo
Court, and you're a kangaroo!
546
00:21:03,550 --> 00:21:04,920
Can't we recess for lunch?
547
00:21:04,980 --> 00:21:06,490
At midnight?
548
00:21:06,570 --> 00:21:09,106
Don't fall for his cheap
tricks, Your Majesty...
549
00:21:09,130 --> 00:21:10,700
Your Honor.
550
00:21:10,770 --> 00:21:12,070
I will now proceed
551
00:21:12,140 --> 00:21:15,430
with the pertinent
facts in the case.
552
00:21:15,490 --> 00:21:17,190
Do you recall, Mr. Madison,
553
00:21:17,260 --> 00:21:21,510
a trip to California,
oh, a few years ago?
554
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,330
That's a pertinent fact?
555
00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:26,096
Will the court instruct the
witness to answer the question?
556
00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:29,326
Answer the question.
He didn't ask any question.
557
00:21:29,350 --> 00:21:32,950
Does the name
Disneyland ring a bell?
558
00:21:33,020 --> 00:21:34,936
Disneyland. Sure, I
went to Disneyland,
559
00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:36,876
with millions of other
people. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
560
00:21:36,900 --> 00:21:38,636
What are you getting at? This!
561
00:21:38,660 --> 00:21:41,560
Do you or do you not
have beside your bed
562
00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:44,960
a stolen Mickey Mouse ashtray?
563
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,340
No!
564
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:48,616
Remember, you're under oath.
565
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:50,070
It's a Pluto ashtray!
566
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:52,100
Aha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
567
00:21:52,180 --> 00:21:54,256
Ah...
568
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:57,720
I don't follow your line of
questioning, Counselor.
569
00:21:57,780 --> 00:22:00,510
Counsel is merely
seeking to establish
570
00:22:00,590 --> 00:22:02,596
the true character
of the witness
571
00:22:02,620 --> 00:22:05,096
and to discredit
his reliability.
572
00:22:05,120 --> 00:22:06,990
I have refuted all the evidence.
573
00:22:07,060 --> 00:22:08,900
All that remains of this case
574
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,406
is his word against
Officer Greshler's.
575
00:22:11,430 --> 00:22:13,706
And whom are we to believe?
576
00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:18,750
This kind, wise
bastion of our society...
577
00:22:18,820 --> 00:22:20,280
or this hooligan?
578
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:23,980
Gambler.
579
00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:26,140
Pilferer.
580
00:22:26,210 --> 00:22:27,510
Divorcé.
581
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:31,046
J'accuse...
582
00:22:31,070 --> 00:22:33,540
le dit Madison!
583
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,740
Outstanding, Felix!
584
00:22:37,810 --> 00:22:40,816
Hey, hold it, wait, wait a minute,
Your Honor, wait a minute.
585
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:44,306
Felix, I appreciate what
you tried to do for me but...
586
00:22:44,330 --> 00:22:46,430
but Oscar's right.
587
00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:49,740
Your Honor...
I'm the guilty one.
588
00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,160
I turned in my own friends.
589
00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:55,960
I'm not a kind, wise
bastion of society.
590
00:22:56,020 --> 00:22:59,220
I'm just a cop who got
too big for his uniform.
591
00:22:59,290 --> 00:23:01,776
I don't belong on the
force. Oh, Murray...
592
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,290
I'm turning in my badge.
593
00:23:03,350 --> 00:23:04,796
No, Murray. No, no.
594
00:23:04,820 --> 00:23:07,126
I didn't know he was
crazy enough to quit.
595
00:23:07,150 --> 00:23:09,336
Do you realize what
you've just done, Officer?
596
00:23:09,360 --> 00:23:10,740
There could be
597
00:23:10,810 --> 00:23:13,186
severe penalties
for such actions.
598
00:23:13,210 --> 00:23:14,986
Murray, Murray, don't...
599
00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:17,136
Order in the court!
Order in the court!
600
00:23:17,160 --> 00:23:18,706
Sit down, Madison!
601
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:20,330
You're not supposed to say that.
602
00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,526
I'm the only one
allowed to say that.
603
00:23:22,550 --> 00:23:24,846
I'm sorry, Your Honor,
I just want to say that...
604
00:23:24,870 --> 00:23:26,916
well, I guess I did
act a little hasty.
605
00:23:26,940 --> 00:23:29,486
See, I got all steamed
up when he ratted on us,
606
00:23:29,510 --> 00:23:31,366
but I want to withdraw
everything I said.
607
00:23:31,390 --> 00:23:34,826
Order! Order! It's not as if he
came as a minion of the law.
608
00:23:34,850 --> 00:23:36,526
He was there out
of human weakness,
609
00:23:36,550 --> 00:23:38,826
frailty, just the compulsion
to toss nickels and dimes
610
00:23:38,850 --> 00:23:40,866
into the pot, that's all.
Nickels and dimes?!
611
00:23:40,890 --> 00:23:43,860
Do you mean to say you've
been stalling justice in this court
612
00:23:43,920 --> 00:23:46,630
at midnight for a lousy
nickel-and-dime poker game?
613
00:23:46,710 --> 00:23:48,516
Well, you see, Your Honor,
things got out of hand...
614
00:23:48,540 --> 00:23:49,706
Case dismissed!
615
00:23:49,730 --> 00:23:51,536
Take your badge and
your screwball friends
616
00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:53,126
and get out of my courtroom!
617
00:23:55,450 --> 00:23:57,050
Thank you, Your Honor.
618
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,920
Thank you, Your Honor!
619
00:23:58,990 --> 00:24:02,520
Oh, Oscar... I'm so
proud of you, really!
620
00:24:02,590 --> 00:24:03,836
The way you reversed yourself,
621
00:24:03,860 --> 00:24:06,376
I know that means you
had to swallow your pride.
622
00:24:06,400 --> 00:24:07,476
I'm proud of you.
623
00:24:07,500 --> 00:24:09,206
You're not mad at me, are you?
624
00:24:09,230 --> 00:24:11,376
I did what I felt I had to do
625
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,146
in the best interests
of my client.
626
00:24:13,170 --> 00:24:14,216
Thanks.
627
00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:17,110
I'm gonna to fondue your face!
628
00:24:28,270 --> 00:24:31,040
Will you look at this!
629
00:24:31,100 --> 00:24:32,730
You've been home five minutes,
630
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:34,846
already the place looks like...
631
00:24:34,870 --> 00:24:38,040
like an explosion
in a delicatessen.
632
00:24:38,110 --> 00:24:39,770
Take your feet off there!
633
00:24:39,850 --> 00:24:41,706
You got ashes
all over everything.
634
00:24:41,730 --> 00:24:44,006
You've got a nice,
clean beautiful home.
635
00:24:44,030 --> 00:24:45,306
Don't you appreciate it?
636
00:24:45,330 --> 00:24:47,596
Didn't you learn anything
in that vile prison?
637
00:24:47,620 --> 00:24:48,896
Just one thing.
638
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:50,066
What?
639
00:24:50,090 --> 00:24:51,530
Here's your watch.
42466
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