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1
00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,630
Hello?
2
00:00:35,070 --> 00:00:36,990
Hello?
3
00:00:39,110 --> 00:00:41,010
Oh, hi.
4
00:00:41,070 --> 00:00:42,216
Who are you?
5
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,640
I'm Felix.
6
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:44,836
Who are you?
7
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,086
Martha.
8
00:00:46,110 --> 00:00:48,040
Hello, Martha.
9
00:00:48,120 --> 00:00:50,680
What are you doing in
this apartment, Martha?
10
00:00:52,540 --> 00:00:54,416
Oh, well, I'm looking
for Oscar Madison.
11
00:00:54,440 --> 00:00:55,596
Isn't this is his apartment?
12
00:00:55,620 --> 00:00:57,050
Yes, yes, it is.
13
00:00:57,120 --> 00:00:58,880
Oh. Whew.
14
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,236
How did you get in here?
15
00:01:00,260 --> 00:01:01,666
Well, the super let me in.
16
00:01:01,690 --> 00:01:03,176
I didn't have a key or anything,
17
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,546
so he said it was all
right if I waited inside.
18
00:01:05,570 --> 00:01:07,500
He's a super super.
19
00:01:09,370 --> 00:01:11,276
Is Mr. Madison expecting you?
20
00:01:11,300 --> 00:01:12,486
No.
21
00:01:12,510 --> 00:01:14,290
It's a surprise!
22
00:01:23,650 --> 00:01:27,280
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
23
00:01:27,350 --> 00:01:29,480
from his place of residence.
24
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,330
That request came from his wife.
25
00:01:32,390 --> 00:01:34,636
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
26
00:01:34,660 --> 00:01:37,620
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
27
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:40,000
With nowhere else to go,
28
00:01:40,070 --> 00:01:42,416
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
29
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:43,940
Several years earlier,
30
00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,046
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
31
00:01:46,070 --> 00:01:48,036
requesting that he never return.
32
00:01:48,060 --> 00:01:50,566
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
33
00:01:50,590 --> 00:01:53,150
without driving
each other crazy?
34
00:02:22,390 --> 00:02:25,320
♪ ♪
35
00:02:41,030 --> 00:02:44,300
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
36
00:02:46,320 --> 00:02:48,290
Hi, Felix.
37
00:02:48,370 --> 00:02:50,860
Oscar, how could you?
38
00:02:54,660 --> 00:02:56,500
What did I do wrong?
39
00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:57,966
What, am I dripping
on the floor?
40
00:02:57,990 --> 00:02:59,136
I'm sorry, Felix.
41
00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:00,690
Oh, don't do that.
42
00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,676
Give me this. Felix, I've had a
rough weekend in Cleveland.
43
00:03:03,700 --> 00:03:06,360
The Jets quarterback
threw 14 bad passes in a row.
44
00:03:06,440 --> 00:03:08,346
The vendor threw
my hot dog straight.
45
00:03:08,370 --> 00:03:09,846
My ears are plugged up...
46
00:03:09,870 --> 00:03:11,516
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
What's "tsk, tsk, tsk"?
47
00:03:11,540 --> 00:03:14,100
You're going to wear
the roof of your mouth out.
48
00:03:15,150 --> 00:03:18,080
Does Springfield, Iowa
ring a bell with you?
49
00:03:18,150 --> 00:03:20,656
Springfield, Iowa rings a bell.
50
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,240
Where were you eight
and a half months ago?
51
00:03:25,270 --> 00:03:28,700
I was probably standing
right here arguing with you
52
00:03:28,780 --> 00:03:30,250
about dripping on the floor.
53
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,926
What'd I get, a
parking ticket in Iowa?
54
00:03:31,950 --> 00:03:33,126
Don't you wish.
55
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:35,080
You could fix that.
56
00:03:35,150 --> 00:03:38,050
Does the name Martha
ring a bell with you?
57
00:03:38,120 --> 00:03:39,596
Again with the ringing of bells.
58
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:40,866
What are you
talking about, Felix.
59
00:03:40,890 --> 00:03:42,360
Uncle Oscar!
60
00:03:42,420 --> 00:03:44,350
Oh.
61
00:03:44,420 --> 00:03:46,980
Who is she? Who is she?
62
00:03:48,060 --> 00:03:50,136
Oh, is it good to see you.
63
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,776
I'm sorry. Wait, uh...
64
00:03:51,800 --> 00:03:53,140
Do I know you?
65
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:56,320
It's me... Martha Sloan,
from Springfield, Iowa.
66
00:03:56,390 --> 00:03:58,320
Aunt Blanche's niece.
67
00:03:58,390 --> 00:03:59,930
Your ex-wife.
68
00:03:59,990 --> 00:04:02,416
The kid with the freckles
with the boomerang!
69
00:04:02,440 --> 00:04:04,616
No, that was my
little brother, Timmy.
70
00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:07,440
Oh, Oscar, from my heart,
71
00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:08,656
I'm so. Do the words
72
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,156
"you ought to be ashamed
of yourself" ring a bell?
73
00:04:11,180 --> 00:04:12,366
Oscar, I'm so sorry.
74
00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:13,526
I apologize.
75
00:04:13,550 --> 00:04:15,666
God, I... Hey, that
was a long time ago.
76
00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:16,966
Ten years.
77
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,766
What are you laughing
about? What's so funny?
78
00:04:19,790 --> 00:04:22,350
You were wearing the same shirt.
79
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:25,446
We used to call
him Uncle Sloppy.
80
00:04:25,470 --> 00:04:27,506
Well, I can't get over it.
81
00:04:27,530 --> 00:04:29,646
This is Sid and Molly's Martha.
82
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,610
Boy, have you grown!
83
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,086
Boy, have you grown... sit down.
84
00:04:35,110 --> 00:04:36,680
You're so beautiful.
85
00:04:36,740 --> 00:04:38,706
And you're pregnant,
and you're in New York.
86
00:04:38,730 --> 00:04:41,290
It's all so marvelous!
You got a husband?
87
00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:44,826
Yes, he was supposed
to be here today.
88
00:04:44,850 --> 00:04:47,226
Uncle Sloppy is such a diplomat.
89
00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,436
I'll bet you're
hungry, aren't you?
90
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,390
You look knocked out.
91
00:04:57,500 --> 00:05:00,060
I'll get you something to eat.
92
00:05:00,630 --> 00:05:02,046
Well, where is your husband?
93
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:03,440
Germany.
94
00:05:03,500 --> 00:05:05,886
Germany with the Rhine
and the water and the beer
95
00:05:05,910 --> 00:05:07,116
and the lovely...
we'll go there.
96
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:08,856
We'll get him. We'll
drag him back here.
97
00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:10,986
He's coming back, Uncle Oscar.
98
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:12,626
He was supposed
to be here today,
99
00:05:12,650 --> 00:05:14,026
but the Army changed his orders.
100
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:15,196
Oh.
101
00:05:15,220 --> 00:05:16,756
And you're the only person
102
00:05:16,780 --> 00:05:19,550
that I know in New York, so...
103
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:24,046
Say something, Uncle Oscar.
104
00:05:24,070 --> 00:05:26,270
Felix!
105
00:05:26,340 --> 00:05:27,386
I'm here, I heard,
106
00:05:27,410 --> 00:05:28,856
and Martha as far
as I'm concerned,
107
00:05:28,880 --> 00:05:30,356
my half of the house is yours.
108
00:05:30,380 --> 00:05:31,996
Yeah, my half of
the house is yours...
109
00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:33,226
You can sleep in my bedroom.
110
00:05:33,250 --> 00:05:34,296
Great. Yeah. No, no.
111
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:35,966
Not great. Don't
even look in his room.
112
00:05:35,990 --> 00:05:38,550
It could affect your child.
113
00:05:39,720 --> 00:05:41,866
Sleep in my room;
it's hospital clean.
114
00:05:41,890 --> 00:05:43,066
Yeah, hey, listen,
115
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:44,706
I'll take care of all
the medical stuff.
116
00:05:44,730 --> 00:05:46,336
I've got a girlfriend
that's a doctor, see.
117
00:05:46,360 --> 00:05:48,606
I'll get you the best hospital,
the best obstetrician. Oh, no.
118
00:05:48,630 --> 00:05:50,676
Uncle Oscar, I don't
want to go to a hospital.
119
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,376
What are you talking about?
You're going to have a baby.
120
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:53,976
You've got to go
to the hospital.
121
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:56,800
No, but I'm going to have
my baby by natural childbirth.
122
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:59,590
Natural childbirth! Bravo!
123
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:00,906
What's that natural?
124
00:06:00,930 --> 00:06:02,210
Is that without doctors?
125
00:06:02,260 --> 00:06:04,306
No, no, it's without
an anesthetic.
126
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:07,126
You're awake and alive
and feeling every moment.
127
00:06:07,150 --> 00:06:10,880
Oh, Oscar, it's the
most fulfilling experience
128
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:12,880
a woman can have.
129
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:14,660
How do you know?
130
00:06:14,720 --> 00:06:16,140
I'm a father, I know.
131
00:06:16,190 --> 00:06:18,226
It's really beautiful,
Uncle Oscar.
132
00:06:18,250 --> 00:06:19,756
Yeah, but they have
natural childbirth
133
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:20,926
in hospitals, too, don't they?
134
00:06:20,950 --> 00:06:22,096
You know, with doctors.
135
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:24,620
Yeah, but it's not the same.
136
00:06:24,680 --> 00:06:26,610
Hospitals are so antiseptic.
137
00:06:26,690 --> 00:06:29,360
Phil and I want
it to be beautiful.
138
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:32,840
I want to be fully conscious
in a setting that's simple.
139
00:06:32,930 --> 00:06:34,860
Central Park?
140
00:06:34,930 --> 00:06:37,406
You won't remain fully
conscious there for long.
141
00:06:37,430 --> 00:06:38,830
No.
142
00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,460
We want to have
our baby in the Bronx.
143
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,326
The Bronx is a simple setting?
144
00:06:44,350 --> 00:06:46,466
That's where we
spent our honeymoon.
145
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,496
We rented the same motel room,
146
00:06:48,520 --> 00:06:49,706
and when Phil arrives,
147
00:06:49,730 --> 00:06:51,736
we'll drive over
and have the baby.
148
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:53,320
Hmm.
149
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,960
Come, we'll eat, we'll talk.
150
00:06:56,930 --> 00:06:58,860
Does your family know?
151
00:06:58,940 --> 00:07:00,370
Sure.
152
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,416
That's why I ran away from home.
153
00:07:02,440 --> 00:07:04,110
You ran away?
154
00:07:04,170 --> 00:07:05,356
Why?
155
00:07:05,380 --> 00:07:07,586
They wanted me to have
my baby in a hospital.
156
00:07:07,610 --> 00:07:08,756
Well, it's not a crime, honey.
157
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:09,886
You know, they been having
158
00:07:09,910 --> 00:07:11,896
pretty good babies
that way for a long time.
159
00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:14,226
Yeah, well, it's fine for
people who want it that way,
160
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:17,880
but we don't... not me,
not Phil and not Eddie!
161
00:07:17,950 --> 00:07:19,880
Who's Eddie?
162
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,200
Oh.
163
00:07:22,260 --> 00:07:23,466
Look, you eat, honey.
164
00:07:23,490 --> 00:07:24,666
Everything's going to be fine.
165
00:07:24,690 --> 00:07:25,706
Just eat, okay?
166
00:07:25,730 --> 00:07:27,176
You won't call my parents?
167
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:30,000
No, no, no, I'm just going
to get a glass of milk, honey.
168
00:07:30,070 --> 00:07:31,970
Eat.
169
00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,040
You're in good hands.
170
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:36,146
Uncle Oscar is a
little bit... excitable,
171
00:07:36,170 --> 00:07:37,530
but he's very reliable.
172
00:07:37,610 --> 00:07:38,716
Here we are.
173
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:40,400
For Ed.
174
00:07:40,480 --> 00:07:42,930
Eat.
175
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:44,876
What are you...
176
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,370
Who are you calling?
177
00:07:46,430 --> 00:07:47,506
Calling her parents. Oh.
178
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:48,746
Cut it out, Felix.
179
00:07:48,770 --> 00:07:49,976
I have to do it.
180
00:07:50,000 --> 00:07:51,686
Do you think I want to
talk to Blanche's brother
181
00:07:51,710 --> 00:07:53,116
and sister-in-law who
testified against me
182
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:54,246
during the divorce,
183
00:07:54,270 --> 00:07:55,856
who I swore I would
never speak to again
184
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,016
as long as I live?
185
00:07:57,040 --> 00:07:59,256
Hello, Molly, how are you?
186
00:07:59,280 --> 00:08:01,120
Who?
187
00:08:01,180 --> 00:08:02,480
Timmy?
188
00:08:02,550 --> 00:08:04,896
Oh, listen, let me talk
to your mommy or daddy.
189
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,390
Where are they?
190
00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:08,736
In Germany? What
are they doing in...
191
00:08:08,760 --> 00:08:10,196
They're looking for Martha.
192
00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:12,266
Timmy, your sister's
not in Germany.
193
00:08:12,290 --> 00:08:15,120
No, this is your Uncle Oscar
Madison from New York.
194
00:08:15,190 --> 00:08:17,420
Uncle Sloppy, yeah.
195
00:08:19,000 --> 00:08:20,846
Listen, do you know
where they are in Ger...
196
00:08:20,870 --> 00:08:22,876
Do you know where
they are in Germany?
197
00:08:22,900 --> 00:08:25,830
First, first... Who's
minding you?
198
00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:27,936
Okay, let me talk to the maid.
199
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,006
What are you looking at?
200
00:08:29,030 --> 00:08:31,010
What are you staring at?
201
00:08:31,080 --> 00:08:32,410
Hello?
202
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,526
Oh, listen, this
is very important.
203
00:08:34,550 --> 00:08:36,250
Oh, boy.
204
00:08:36,320 --> 00:08:40,090
Mucho importante.
205
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:46,850
Donde esta in Germany
Molly and Sido?
206
00:08:50,760 --> 00:08:53,176
Look at this... That
she can pronounce.
207
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:55,400
Look, put Timmy back on.
208
00:08:55,470 --> 00:08:58,030
I'm warning you,
Felix, at least blink.
209
00:08:58,740 --> 00:09:01,186
Hello, Timmy, Timmy, listen,
210
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:03,186
if your folks get in touch
with you have them call me
211
00:09:03,210 --> 00:09:05,226
in New York right away. Okay?
212
00:09:05,250 --> 00:09:06,720
Yeah.
213
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:08,520
Yeah, it's Uncle Sloppy.
214
00:09:08,580 --> 00:09:09,910
Bye.
215
00:09:09,980 --> 00:09:11,056
How about this?
216
00:09:11,080 --> 00:09:12,126
Everybody's in Germany,
217
00:09:12,150 --> 00:09:13,266
I got a pregnant girl out there
218
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:14,996
who wants to have a baby
in a motel in the Bronx.
219
00:09:15,020 --> 00:09:17,970
And I got Count Dracula
staring at my jugular vein.
220
00:09:18,040 --> 00:09:19,440
What should I do?
221
00:09:19,510 --> 00:09:21,280
First, you'll wait
222
00:09:21,340 --> 00:09:24,040
while I'll try to forgive
you for what you just did.
223
00:09:24,130 --> 00:09:25,660
You're her uncle.
224
00:09:25,730 --> 00:09:27,406
Can't you talk to the girl?
225
00:09:27,430 --> 00:09:29,276
Felix, she's a kid;
she's 18 years old.
226
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,516
What does she know about babies?
227
00:09:30,540 --> 00:09:31,746
She knows enough to have one.
228
00:09:31,770 --> 00:09:33,386
It's the most natural
thing in the world.
229
00:09:33,410 --> 00:09:35,656
Felix, I used to drive
a car with a stick shift,
230
00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:37,050
that seemed natural.
231
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:38,316
Then, along came
automatic transmissions,
232
00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:39,620
I went with that.
233
00:09:39,650 --> 00:09:41,686
There's nothing new
about natural childbirth.
234
00:09:41,710 --> 00:09:43,456
The entire human
race was born that way
235
00:09:43,480 --> 00:09:44,656
until a hundred years ago.
236
00:09:44,680 --> 00:09:46,026
Name one since rubber gloves.
237
00:09:46,050 --> 00:09:48,396
Don't you dare do that.
238
00:09:48,420 --> 00:09:51,350
All right, I'll name
one, an athlete even.
239
00:09:51,420 --> 00:09:52,790
Jim Thorpe.
240
00:09:52,860 --> 00:09:55,350
My Jim Thorpe?
241
00:09:55,410 --> 00:09:57,386
Your Jim Thorpe, all-American.
242
00:09:57,410 --> 00:09:58,710
Born in a teepee.
243
00:09:58,780 --> 00:10:01,580
No anesthetic, no
doctor, no nothing.
244
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:03,546
Maybe some man
wearing a buffalo head
245
00:10:03,570 --> 00:10:04,910
shaking a rattlesnake.
246
00:10:04,970 --> 00:10:06,250
Aw, quit cheating, Felix.
247
00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:08,186
Who do I know personally
that's walking around
248
00:10:08,210 --> 00:10:11,250
in good health who had been
born in the Bronx in a motel?
249
00:10:11,310 --> 00:10:12,786
I-I-I... I-I-I...
250
00:10:12,810 --> 00:10:15,026
All right, I'll tell you
somebody you will know. Who?
251
00:10:15,050 --> 00:10:16,156
Nancy, your girlfriend,
252
00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,626
a doctor and a woman you trust.
253
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:19,250
Now, fair is fair.
254
00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:21,836
Why don't you take
Martha and talk to Nancy.
255
00:10:21,860 --> 00:10:23,160
Have a seat, honey.
256
00:10:23,220 --> 00:10:25,366
I'll call in the Daring Duo.
257
00:10:25,390 --> 00:10:26,636
Boys?
258
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:28,436
Hey, Uncle Oscar...
It's all right, honey.
259
00:10:28,460 --> 00:10:30,276
Sit tight, I'll take
care of everything.
260
00:10:30,300 --> 00:10:32,076
So? So...
261
00:10:32,100 --> 00:10:33,700
Martha is very pregnant
262
00:10:33,770 --> 00:10:36,330
and will definitely
have a child.
263
00:10:38,910 --> 00:10:41,610
My bookie could've told me that.
264
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:47,550
Dr. Cunningham, Nancy,
265
00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:50,640
exactly when is
the child expected?
266
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:54,190
Well, it's hard to predict
exactly, but I'd say...
267
00:10:54,250 --> 00:10:55,530
soon.
268
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:58,330
12 years of medical school.
269
00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,466
My bookie could've
told me that, too. Oscar.
270
00:11:00,490 --> 00:11:03,160
Look, did you talk her out of
this natural childbirth thing?
271
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,776
No. Just like that, "no"?
272
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,176
But she'll be perfectly
all right, won't she?
273
00:11:06,200 --> 00:11:07,946
Oh, I'd say she shouldn't
have a bit of trouble.
274
00:11:07,970 --> 00:11:09,470
But?
275
00:11:09,540 --> 00:11:12,076
There is no "but." Yeah,
there's a "but." I know her.
276
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:13,946
When she wrinkles her
forehead, there's a "but."
277
00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:16,816
You think she'd be better off in
a hospital, right? Mm-hmm, I do.
278
00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:18,316
Well, the point is moot.
279
00:11:18,340 --> 00:11:19,620
What does that mean, moot?
280
00:11:19,680 --> 00:11:22,006
A hospital's safer than
a motel in the Bronx.
281
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:23,646
And I know a
wonderful obstetrician.
282
00:11:23,670 --> 00:11:24,676
Well, call him, honey.
283
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:25,876
It's all settled.
I'll pay for it.
284
00:11:25,900 --> 00:11:27,116
On the other hand...
285
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:28,776
Just... Uh-uh, wait
for "the other hand."
286
00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:30,486
What's "the other hand"?
I waited for the "but,"
287
00:11:30,510 --> 00:11:32,406
you wait for "the other hand"!
288
00:11:32,430 --> 00:11:34,636
There are psychological
factors here
289
00:11:34,660 --> 00:11:36,826
that could make home
delivery more desirable.
290
00:11:36,850 --> 00:11:39,226
Home delivery is for
newspapers, not babies.
291
00:11:39,250 --> 00:11:40,256
Oscar.
292
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:41,710
Doctor,
293
00:11:41,780 --> 00:11:43,426
what are you advising her?
294
00:11:43,450 --> 00:11:44,846
What are you telling her to do?
295
00:11:44,870 --> 00:11:47,086
Oh, now, Felix.
296
00:11:47,110 --> 00:11:49,586
I'm not going to tell
her to do anything.
297
00:11:49,610 --> 00:11:51,250
I examined her, she's fine.
298
00:11:51,310 --> 00:11:53,176
There are some
extenuating circumstances.
299
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,100
For instance, her
husband hasn't been here
300
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:57,476
to help prepare for the birth.
301
00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:58,846
So you don't think she
should chance it, right?
302
00:11:58,870 --> 00:12:00,126
Wrong.
303
00:12:00,150 --> 00:12:01,366
The decision is up to her.
304
00:12:01,390 --> 00:12:02,896
Well, that's what
I wanted to hear.
305
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:04,496
The decision is up to her.
306
00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:06,316
I'm her uncle, and the
decision is "no," that's it.
307
00:12:06,340 --> 00:12:08,166
Now, wait a minute,
Oscar. Now, wait a minute.
308
00:12:08,190 --> 00:12:10,126
This is gonna be done normally.
309
00:12:10,150 --> 00:12:12,056
The first thing that
baby sees when it's born
310
00:12:12,080 --> 00:12:14,056
is not gonna be a
bellhop from the Bronx.
311
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,916
It's gonna be a
doctor, upside down.
312
00:12:15,940 --> 00:12:18,446
You said the decision
is up to her. No.
313
00:12:18,470 --> 00:12:22,500
Why don't... She's gone.
314
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,396
Well, her bag's gone.
315
00:12:32,420 --> 00:12:33,666
Oh, boy.
316
00:12:33,690 --> 00:12:35,796
Oscar, the sooner we
get a description of Martha,
317
00:12:35,820 --> 00:12:37,396
the sooner we can
get started on this case.
318
00:12:37,420 --> 00:12:38,636
Don't you talk to
me about sooner;
319
00:12:38,660 --> 00:12:40,166
you should have been
here 30 minutes ago.
320
00:12:40,190 --> 00:12:42,336
Well, it's snowing out
there, do you know that?
321
00:12:42,360 --> 00:12:45,290
Now, before we can do anything,
we got to get a description.
322
00:12:45,360 --> 00:12:47,206
I already told you,
she's about up to here,
323
00:12:47,230 --> 00:12:49,076
she's pregnant out to
there, she's wearing a black...
324
00:12:49,100 --> 00:12:51,930
Is that all you noticed?
325
00:12:52,000 --> 00:12:52,950
Color eyes?
326
00:12:53,020 --> 00:12:54,636
Blue. FELIX: Her eyes are brown.
327
00:12:54,660 --> 00:12:55,666
Blue. Put "blue" down.
328
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:58,250
No, her soul is
blue, because of you,
329
00:12:58,310 --> 00:13:00,426
but her eyes are brown, if
you ever looked in her eyes.
330
00:13:00,450 --> 00:13:01,686
Just put "blue"
down. Fellas, hold it!
331
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:04,740
I'll put down blue-brown.
332
00:13:04,820 --> 00:13:06,560
Now, any distinguishing marks?
333
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,466
Didn't I tell you she's
pregnant out to there?
334
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:10,286
Why don't you put
out a general alarm?
335
00:13:10,310 --> 00:13:13,260
Oscar, please, don't tell
me my business, huh?
336
00:13:13,330 --> 00:13:15,830
Now, how old is the subject?
337
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:16,830
Eighteen. Eighteen.
338
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:17,820
Uh-oh.
339
00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:19,240
18 is an "uh-oh"?
340
00:13:19,320 --> 00:13:21,846
If she's 18, she's
no longer a juvenile,
341
00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:23,570
so she's not a runaway.
342
00:13:23,640 --> 00:13:26,210
At 18, she becomes
a missing person,
343
00:13:26,270 --> 00:13:28,450
and that's a different form.
344
00:13:28,520 --> 00:13:31,590
Okay, color eyes.
345
00:13:31,660 --> 00:13:33,176
Blue! I just told you,
we went through...
346
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:36,320
Brown. Oh, yeah, blue-brown.
347
00:13:36,380 --> 00:13:38,926
Now, how long has this
missing person been gone?
348
00:13:38,950 --> 00:13:41,126
I don't know... About
40 minutes, I guess.
349
00:13:41,150 --> 00:13:42,080
Uh-oh.
350
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:43,396
Another uh-oh?
351
00:13:43,420 --> 00:13:45,096
Well, 40 minutes
isn't long enough.
352
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:48,650
You got to be gone 24 hours to
be considered a missing person.
353
00:13:48,730 --> 00:13:50,876
If you're not out of
here in ten seconds,
354
00:13:50,900 --> 00:13:52,976
you're going to be
considered a missing person!
355
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,006
I'm going to go find her.
356
00:13:54,030 --> 00:13:55,176
Me, too.
357
00:13:55,200 --> 00:13:56,446
Fellas, I'm sorry.
358
00:13:56,470 --> 00:13:58,176
Look, I could get out
an all-points bulletin,
359
00:13:58,200 --> 00:13:59,916
but that's only when
there's foul play involved.
360
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:00,880
Well, I'm awfully sorry, Murray.
361
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:02,016
There's no foul play.
362
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:03,756
Murray, try to
help us. All right.
363
00:14:03,780 --> 00:14:06,670
Where would a pregnant girl
who's run away from home go?
364
00:14:06,730 --> 00:14:08,326
Well, they usually
look up a relative.
365
00:14:08,350 --> 00:14:10,456
And if the relative
has been inconsiderate
366
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,326
and unfeeling,
where would she go?
367
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,966
I don't know. Hey, wait minute.
368
00:14:13,990 --> 00:14:15,426
From what you tell
me about this girl,
369
00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:18,880
she probably went to the
Natural Childbirth Clinic.
370
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:20,810
Where's that?
371
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:23,186
It's on, uh, 36th
Street and Lexington.
372
00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:25,786
Okay, let's go. And
there's two on 35th Street.
373
00:14:25,810 --> 00:14:28,380
And then there's one
on Eighth Avenue.
374
00:14:28,450 --> 00:14:30,066
We've got our work cut out...
375
00:14:30,090 --> 00:14:32,396
Hey, listen, hey guys,
what should I do?
376
00:14:32,420 --> 00:14:33,880
I don't know, Murray,
377
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:36,900
but if somebody offers you
a bribe, take it and retire.
378
00:14:41,550 --> 00:14:43,726
Class, now let's get into
379
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:46,560
some controlled
breathing exercises.
380
00:14:46,620 --> 00:14:50,190
Mothers-to-be into
the tailor sit position.
381
00:14:50,260 --> 00:14:51,436
Good.
382
00:14:51,460 --> 00:14:54,230
Coach-husbands, get
your stopwatches ready.
383
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:56,390
All right, now breathe deeply.
384
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,876
Deep, deep.
385
00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,220
Good. That's it, keep breathing.
386
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,140
Good.
387
00:15:02,220 --> 00:15:03,296
Breathe. Good.
388
00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:04,676
Sixth place... She's
not here, either.
389
00:15:04,700 --> 00:15:06,400
Shh.
390
00:15:06,470 --> 00:15:08,036
You know what they're doing?
391
00:15:08,060 --> 00:15:10,166
What? Controlled
breathing exercises.
392
00:15:10,190 --> 00:15:12,526
That's the most
important part of childbirth.
393
00:15:12,550 --> 00:15:13,626
Stopwatches.
394
00:15:13,650 --> 00:15:14,570
Hold your breath.
395
00:15:14,630 --> 00:15:16,060
Go.
396
00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:17,560
Yes, can I help you?
397
00:15:17,630 --> 00:15:21,150
We have a unique... problem.
398
00:15:21,220 --> 00:15:23,036
His niece... Yes, is pregnant,
399
00:15:23,060 --> 00:15:24,690
and she has run away from home,
400
00:15:24,760 --> 00:15:26,056
because her parents are
against natural childbirth.
401
00:15:26,080 --> 00:15:28,336
I guess it's not so unique.
402
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:29,406
Well, could you help us?
403
00:15:29,430 --> 00:15:30,576
We've been looking everywhere.
404
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:32,076
I haven't seen so
many pregnant women
405
00:15:32,100 --> 00:15:33,920
since the big blackout.
406
00:15:33,980 --> 00:15:35,330
Instructor!
407
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:38,800
Instructor! Oh, oh,
yes, class, exhale.
408
00:15:38,870 --> 00:15:40,880
Uh, well, look, I'm having
409
00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:43,036
a newcomer's class
in about 15 minutes.
410
00:15:43,060 --> 00:15:44,106
Why don't you just sit down
411
00:15:44,130 --> 00:15:45,686
and see if she shows
up for that, okay?
412
00:15:45,710 --> 00:15:47,076
Thank you. Good.
413
00:15:47,100 --> 00:15:49,446
Now, mommies remember
to listen to the daddies
414
00:15:49,470 --> 00:15:51,806
and obey them during
natural childbirth.
415
00:15:51,830 --> 00:15:53,130
Daddies are the bosses.
416
00:15:53,200 --> 00:15:56,970
After baby comes, you can
resume normal relationships.
417
00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:58,880
Now, pant-blow.
418
00:16:00,310 --> 00:16:02,370
Don't worry, you'll find her.
419
00:16:02,430 --> 00:16:05,700
This natural childbirth
is the latest coming thing.
420
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:08,680
That's my daughter over
there with Mr. Crew Cut.
421
00:16:08,750 --> 00:16:11,710
You know, when she first
told me, I was very upset,
422
00:16:11,790 --> 00:16:12,866
but not anymore.
423
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,060
Like most parents, I adjusted.
424
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:18,206
You think it's okay, huh?
425
00:16:18,230 --> 00:16:20,636
Why not? My neighbor
had three this way.
426
00:16:20,660 --> 00:16:21,590
How are they?
427
00:16:21,660 --> 00:16:24,220
Two are fine, one is divorced.
428
00:16:26,290 --> 00:16:27,710
Excuse me, could you...
429
00:16:27,770 --> 00:16:29,146
Martha. Martha.
430
00:16:29,170 --> 00:16:31,216
We've been looking every...
You had us worried sick.
431
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:32,486
I'm sorry, Uncle Oscar,
432
00:16:32,510 --> 00:16:33,986
but I've just caused
you so much trouble.
433
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,656
All you do is argue
and fight over me.
434
00:16:35,680 --> 00:16:38,036
That's ridiculous... all we
ever do is argue and fight.
435
00:16:38,060 --> 00:16:39,876
We never get along. We
don't agree on anything.
436
00:16:39,900 --> 00:16:41,806
We never agree on
anything, right? Right? Right.
437
00:16:41,830 --> 00:16:44,216
But I want to have
my baby my way,
438
00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:45,720
completely natural.
439
00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:48,836
Oh, I don't need it from
the gallery, all right?
440
00:16:48,860 --> 00:16:49,906
I don't want to sleep through
441
00:16:49,930 --> 00:16:52,276
the most exciting
experience of my life.
442
00:16:53,650 --> 00:16:56,920
I'm gonna have that baby
in that motel in the Bronx!
443
00:16:56,980 --> 00:16:58,530
The Bronx?
444
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:00,016
That's too natural for me.
445
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:02,346
They're your friends, and they
want you to go to a hospital.
446
00:17:02,370 --> 00:17:04,236
Yes, your uncle is right, Miss.
447
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,636
I mean, I teach this class,
448
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:08,006
and we strongly recommend
the use of a hospital.
449
00:17:08,030 --> 00:17:10,590
Martha, we're only
thinking of you, and of Eddie.
450
00:17:10,650 --> 00:17:12,850
Well...
451
00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,526
can I have it naturally?
452
00:17:14,550 --> 00:17:17,110
Yes! In a hospital.
453
00:17:17,150 --> 00:17:18,430
Yes.
454
00:17:21,620 --> 00:17:22,666
As long as you're here,
455
00:17:22,690 --> 00:17:24,636
you might just as well
get in on the lessons.
456
00:17:24,660 --> 00:17:26,676
Oh, but your
coach-husband isn't here.
457
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:29,176
Oh, you have to have a
husband here to coach you.
458
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,456
Uncle Oscar,
459
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,100
would you be my
coach-husband till Phil arrives?
460
00:17:34,170 --> 00:17:36,616
Move over will you, I got a lady
here who's gonna have a baby.
461
00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:38,386
Let's make a little more
room for the big girl.
462
00:17:38,410 --> 00:17:40,350
Come take your coat off.
463
00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:44,586
No, no, no, you're panting.
464
00:17:44,610 --> 00:17:45,540
Like a puppy.
465
00:17:45,610 --> 00:17:46,926
No, we don't want panting.
466
00:17:46,950 --> 00:17:48,126
We want deep breathing.
467
00:17:48,150 --> 00:17:52,650
Now, slow, easy,
deep... and relax.
468
00:17:52,720 --> 00:17:55,280
Slow, easy, deep and relax.
469
00:17:55,320 --> 00:17:56,536
That's very good.
470
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,066
Could we take a
break, Uncle Felix.
471
00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,706
I'm dying for some
pickles and ice cream.
472
00:17:59,730 --> 00:18:00,876
You bought them, honey.
473
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:02,606
No, no, we've got
a lot of work to do.
474
00:18:02,630 --> 00:18:04,006
Now, next is the side
relaxation position.
475
00:18:04,030 --> 00:18:05,206
We need you for this.
476
00:18:05,230 --> 00:18:06,576
Now, get the pillows,
'cause we need that.
477
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,416
Yeah, yeah, get the
pillows. Now, here we are.
478
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,546
Side relaxation.
There we go, lie down.
479
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:11,846
Now, the neck and wrists
480
00:18:11,870 --> 00:18:14,216
must be completely
limp and loose.
481
00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,070
Limp. Okay, come on.
482
00:18:16,150 --> 00:18:18,850
And the limbs must be bent.
483
00:18:18,910 --> 00:18:22,480
All right, now...
relax is the key.
484
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:25,950
The husband should
tell the mother to relax.
485
00:18:26,020 --> 00:18:27,300
Tell her to relax.
486
00:18:27,360 --> 00:18:29,736
Relax, mother. That's good.
487
00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:32,206
Tell her to be limp,
rub her back, talk to her.
488
00:18:32,230 --> 00:18:33,510
Be limp.
489
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:34,920
Improvise.
490
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:36,446
Give her assurance,
give her confidence.
491
00:18:36,470 --> 00:18:37,400
That's the key.
492
00:18:37,470 --> 00:18:38,900
Come on, I want you to breathe.
493
00:18:38,970 --> 00:18:41,016
Now, you got to breathe
nice; you got nothing to lose.
494
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:43,600
I'm telling you... you get in
there, honey, and you breathe.
495
00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:44,580
You can't lose.
496
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:46,140
We're all on your side.
497
00:18:46,210 --> 00:18:48,316
You're gonna do it, honey.
You're gonna... How's that?
498
00:18:48,340 --> 00:18:51,756
That's fine for between the
rounds with "Sugar" Ray Robinson.
499
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,240
I don't know what to say, Felix.
500
00:18:53,320 --> 00:18:54,250
Uncle Felix...
501
00:18:54,320 --> 00:18:55,496
You just breathe deeply.
502
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:57,226
I'll help with the
birth of this child.
503
00:18:57,250 --> 00:18:59,066
Boy, you're going to
need some more coaching.
504
00:18:59,090 --> 00:19:00,596
Well, you're taking
this too seriously,
505
00:19:00,620 --> 00:19:01,766
and you're exhausting her.
506
00:19:01,790 --> 00:19:03,736
I'm taking motherhood
too seriously?!
507
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,830
Now, deep abdominal breathing.
508
00:19:06,900 --> 00:19:09,230
Oh, I feel funny, Uncle Oscar.
509
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,240
What?
510
00:19:10,300 --> 00:19:11,250
I feel funny.
511
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:12,596
What do you mean "funny"?
512
00:19:12,620 --> 00:19:14,766
Funny ha-ha funny
or funny here funny?
513
00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:16,390
Funny here funny.
514
00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:18,466
Funny here funny like strange
515
00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:20,666
or funny like,
like a contraction?
516
00:19:20,690 --> 00:19:21,836
I don't know.
517
00:19:21,860 --> 00:19:23,136
Maybe it's indigestion
or something.
518
00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:24,336
No, I have indigestion.
519
00:19:24,360 --> 00:19:26,506
No, no, no, this is
nothing to worry about.
520
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:28,156
I've been a father twice.
521
00:19:28,180 --> 00:19:30,300
I've been through all of this.
522
00:19:30,370 --> 00:19:32,460
There's no reason for panic.
523
00:19:32,520 --> 00:19:36,640
Now, we've got the book here
to tell us exactly what to do.
524
00:19:36,710 --> 00:19:39,016
Now, just, we'll assume
just for the sake of argument,
525
00:19:39,040 --> 00:19:40,956
that it is a contraction.
526
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:45,090
Now, how long,
how long was this?
527
00:19:45,150 --> 00:19:46,650
I just had the one.
528
00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:48,120
Oh. Well...
529
00:19:48,190 --> 00:19:50,096
then we'll just wait
for another one.
530
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:52,136
Meantime, I think
Oscar should call Nancy
531
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,006
and make the whatever prepara...
532
00:19:54,030 --> 00:19:55,636
It's all right with
you if Nancy's called,
533
00:19:55,660 --> 00:19:56,676
isn't it Martha?
534
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:57,630
Sure, fine. Certainly.
535
00:19:57,700 --> 00:19:59,240
Mm-hmm.
536
00:19:59,300 --> 00:20:00,976
Now, this has
been going on Hello.
537
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,716
For millions of years.
Dr. Cunningham, please.
538
00:20:02,740 --> 00:20:03,916
There's absolutely
nothing to worry about.
539
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,116
Yeah, well, listen,
leave a message.
540
00:20:05,140 --> 00:20:06,746
She's to call Oscar
Madison right away.
541
00:20:06,770 --> 00:20:08,416
If she's in the neighborhood,
she's to drop in,
542
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:09,536
because it's very,
very important!
543
00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:10,510
Yeah.
544
00:20:10,580 --> 00:20:11,816
You shouldn't
have told it like that.
545
00:20:11,840 --> 00:20:12,750
She'll think it's an emergency.
546
00:20:12,830 --> 00:20:13,876
There's no real rush.
547
00:20:13,900 --> 00:20:14,936
Ooh, there's another one!
548
00:20:14,960 --> 00:20:15,890
They feel like contractions!
549
00:20:15,970 --> 00:20:16,900
Oh. That's two.
550
00:20:16,970 --> 00:20:18,506
She's gonna have it right now!
551
00:20:18,530 --> 00:20:20,896
You really think
it's a contraction?
552
00:20:20,920 --> 00:20:22,210
Well, why don't we time it?
553
00:20:22,290 --> 00:20:23,930
Stopwatch!
554
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,496
Time it! Time what?!
555
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,450
Her alleged contractions.
556
00:20:26,530 --> 00:20:27,936
Start it! Start
it! I've started it.
557
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,590
We'll see how long it is before
the next one comes along.
558
00:20:30,660 --> 00:20:32,090
If there is a next one.
559
00:20:32,160 --> 00:20:33,946
I don't think it could
have been a contraction,
560
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:35,306
'cause that would
mean you were in labor.
561
00:20:35,330 --> 00:20:36,346
I know.
562
00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:37,726
And you're not due for a week,
563
00:20:37,750 --> 00:20:39,486
so I don't think it
could be a contraction.
564
00:20:39,510 --> 00:20:40,546
I guess you're right.
565
00:20:40,570 --> 00:20:41,746
Hello. Listen, send me a cab.
566
00:20:41,770 --> 00:20:43,046
Yes, it's very important.
567
00:20:43,070 --> 00:20:44,556
Why? Because she's
going to have the baby,
568
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:46,116
and I want her to
go to the hospital.
569
00:20:46,140 --> 00:20:47,226
Oh, no. What strike?!
570
00:20:47,250 --> 00:20:48,556
You had a strike last week.
571
00:20:48,580 --> 00:20:50,996
What is it with you guys?!
572
00:20:51,020 --> 00:20:52,726
Ooh, there's another one!
573
00:20:52,750 --> 00:20:54,596
Another one, so soon? Uh-huh.
574
00:20:54,620 --> 00:20:56,890
Well, well... What's the time?
575
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:57,996
3:30.
576
00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:00,106
No, on the stopwatch
what's the time?!
577
00:21:00,130 --> 00:21:02,236
A minute, 45 seconds...
What's that mean?
578
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:03,906
Minute... Well, it
doesn't mean anything
579
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:06,036
unless it's under two minutes,
so it's a minute and 40...
580
00:21:06,060 --> 00:21:08,810
Oh, my, God, she's
in labor! Oh! Oh, no.
581
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,866
She's going to
have a little baby.
582
00:21:10,890 --> 00:21:12,326
Oh. Call an
ambulance! Don't panic!
583
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:14,080
Get out of the way.
584
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:16,836
Operator?
585
00:21:16,860 --> 00:21:18,036
Operator, we need an ambulance.
586
00:21:18,060 --> 00:21:20,336
Anybody's. Anybody's.
587
00:21:20,360 --> 00:21:22,576
Just a white car
with a bed in it.
588
00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:24,506
Go to your room,
pack a light bag.
589
00:21:24,530 --> 00:21:25,906
Here, here the book will
tell you what you'll need.
590
00:21:25,930 --> 00:21:28,016
Take her the book.
Pack a bag for me, too.
591
00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:29,276
Go, go, go!
592
00:21:29,300 --> 00:21:31,070
Hello, ambulance.
593
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:32,616
We have a pregnant woman here.
594
00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:36,320
Yes, 1049 Park
Avenue, apartment 1102,
595
00:21:36,400 --> 00:21:37,586
and hurry!
596
00:21:37,610 --> 00:21:40,170
What do you mean an hour? Why?
597
00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,190
What blizzard?
598
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:45,410
Wait, Oscar, is
there a blizzard?
599
00:21:45,470 --> 00:21:47,396
I can't tell, it's all white.
600
00:21:47,420 --> 00:21:49,656
Go to your room and lie
down! That's an order! Go!
601
00:21:49,680 --> 00:21:51,286
Go! Hello, hello,
602
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:52,856
get here in a hurry...
This is an emergency!
603
00:21:52,880 --> 00:21:57,740
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
604
00:22:02,290 --> 00:22:04,136
Felix, will you hurry
up with the pillows?
605
00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:05,196
What do you got there?
606
00:22:05,220 --> 00:22:06,150
Chicken soup.
607
00:22:06,230 --> 00:22:07,236
She doesn't need chicken soup.
608
00:22:07,260 --> 00:22:08,306
She needs the pillows.
609
00:22:08,330 --> 00:22:10,006
Hurry up, will you? Oh, oh.
610
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:13,640
Oh.
611
00:22:15,570 --> 00:22:18,316
Oh, Nancy, thank goodness
you're here! Felix, what's wrong?
612
00:22:18,340 --> 00:22:20,646
What an emergency!
613
00:22:20,670 --> 00:22:23,216
Take these pillows
back with Martha.
614
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:24,850
Oh, oh!
615
00:22:24,930 --> 00:22:27,450
I found Martha.
616
00:22:27,510 --> 00:22:29,610
That's not Martha.
617
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,506
Martha's back in the
bedroom having her baby.
618
00:22:31,530 --> 00:22:34,880
Well, she's pregnant, from
Iowa with blue-brown eyes.
619
00:22:34,950 --> 00:22:36,516
Well, you can forget
the blue-brown eyes.
620
00:22:36,540 --> 00:22:38,140
The rest of her isn't Martha.
621
00:22:38,210 --> 00:22:39,336
I'm sorry, Miss.
622
00:22:39,360 --> 00:22:40,860
Mrs.
623
00:22:40,930 --> 00:22:43,176
Felix, I'm sorry, I didn't...
624
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:44,356
Forget it, Murray.
625
00:22:44,380 --> 00:22:45,636
You did your best.
626
00:22:45,660 --> 00:22:47,930
That's what's so tragic.
627
00:22:48,000 --> 00:22:50,376
I kept telling this cop
628
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:52,546
I don't know anybody
named Oscar or Felix,
629
00:22:52,570 --> 00:22:54,270
but he wouldn't listen.
630
00:22:54,340 --> 00:22:56,316
I'm very for the inconvenience.
631
00:22:56,340 --> 00:22:57,516
Are you a runaway, too?
632
00:22:57,540 --> 00:22:58,656
Are you kidding?
633
00:22:58,680 --> 00:23:00,210
I support both my parents.
634
00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:01,626
Listen, I got a form I...
635
00:23:01,650 --> 00:23:03,186
Okay, where's the patient?
636
00:23:03,210 --> 00:23:05,096
Here, here he is.
All right. All right.
637
00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:07,020
Take him up.
638
00:23:07,090 --> 00:23:09,260
Oh, oh! No!
639
00:23:09,320 --> 00:23:10,896
Hold it! Hold it! Wait a minute.
640
00:23:10,920 --> 00:23:12,906
That's not the patient. No.
641
00:23:12,930 --> 00:23:15,900
The call was for a
pregnant girl having a baby.
642
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,336
Oh, well, why didn't you say so?
643
00:23:18,360 --> 00:23:19,990
No, no, not me!
644
00:23:20,070 --> 00:23:22,076
No, no, no, not
that pregnant girl.
645
00:23:22,100 --> 00:23:23,546
That pregnant girl
in the other room!
646
00:23:23,570 --> 00:23:25,110
Oh.
647
00:23:25,170 --> 00:23:26,546
Oh. False alarm.
648
00:23:26,570 --> 00:23:27,746
Where's Martha?
649
00:23:27,770 --> 00:23:28,946
Can I use your phone?
650
00:23:28,970 --> 00:23:30,116
Where is she? Yeah.
651
00:23:30,140 --> 00:23:31,286
Where's Martha?
652
00:23:33,610 --> 00:23:35,170
What is that?
653
00:23:35,250 --> 00:23:36,100
Is that the baby?
654
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:38,376
Huh? It's a baby.
655
00:23:38,400 --> 00:23:40,510
A beautiful baby boy.
656
00:23:40,590 --> 00:23:44,160
A baby, it was a
beau... a beautiful baby.
657
00:23:44,220 --> 00:23:45,816
It was a nice baby. Oh, Oscar.
658
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,616
Look, everybody. Oh! Oh!
659
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,370
Here's Eddie.
660
00:23:50,450 --> 00:23:51,606
Oh, look.
661
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,676
Delivered by
Dr. Nancy Cunningham,
662
00:23:53,700 --> 00:23:57,320
ably assisted by Oscar Madison.
663
00:23:58,590 --> 00:24:01,960
Oscar, you son of a gun.
664
00:24:02,020 --> 00:24:04,250
We did it!
665
00:24:11,380 --> 00:24:13,826
Yes, Mom, Phil called.
666
00:24:13,850 --> 00:24:15,426
He'll be here tomorrow.
667
00:24:15,450 --> 00:24:17,420
Bye.
668
00:24:17,490 --> 00:24:19,236
Thank you, Uncle
Oscar, for calling them.
669
00:24:19,260 --> 00:24:20,566
You come and sit down.
670
00:24:20,590 --> 00:24:23,076
You've only been a
mother about two hours now.
671
00:24:23,100 --> 00:24:24,306
Oh, I've known women
672
00:24:24,330 --> 00:24:26,076
who were up 15
minutes after childbirth.
673
00:24:26,100 --> 00:24:27,776
Who's the doctor
here, you or me?
674
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:29,296
Sit down here.
675
00:24:29,320 --> 00:24:31,176
Martha, that is the
most beautiful baby
676
00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,446
I've ever seen.
677
00:24:32,470 --> 00:24:34,720
I feel funny, Officer.
678
00:24:34,790 --> 00:24:35,986
Oh, no, no. No!
679
00:24:36,010 --> 00:24:37,886
You mean funny,
ha-ha, or funny...?
680
00:24:37,910 --> 00:24:39,386
We're not gonna have
another birth here, no!
681
00:24:39,410 --> 00:24:40,556
No! Felix, don't.
682
00:24:40,580 --> 00:24:41,956
No, no. No, come on, stop.
683
00:24:41,980 --> 00:24:43,556
Please, I couldn't
go through that again.
684
00:24:43,580 --> 00:24:47,420
It's not going to
happen. No, no.
44991
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