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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,850
Come on, Tina, we got
to get to this theater.
2
00:00:03,880 --> 00:00:06,280
Look, matinee hours end in 30 minutes,
3
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:08,110
and I'm not paying full price
4
00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:10,830
to see The Rock beat up a hurricane.
5
00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:13,740
Baby, we're only late
because you made us stop
6
00:00:13,780 --> 00:00:15,819
and try every free sample in the store.
7
00:00:15,820 --> 00:00:18,320
How many weenies on a
toothpick can one man eat?
8
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,600
Well, at least we don't have
to stand in line for popcorn.
9
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,450
I saved us time and money.
10
00:00:25,110 --> 00:00:28,500
Look, we'll just find a birthday
present for Grover and go.
11
00:00:28,550 --> 00:00:30,320
Oh!
12
00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:32,240
How about these nunchucks?
13
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,360
Oh, you know he's gonna
hit Dave with these.
14
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,110
Put them back, Bruce Leroy.
15
00:00:44,620 --> 00:00:47,280
Gemma doesn't want us to
get him any violent toys.
16
00:00:47,300 --> 00:00:50,370
Fine. Well, I'm-a get them for me.
17
00:00:51,390 --> 00:00:52,960
Oh, what about this?
18
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,480
No. Gemma asked us
19
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:58,210
to shy away from any toys that
reinforce specific genders.
20
00:00:58,240 --> 00:01:01,590
Well, God forbid Grover
finds out he's a boy.
21
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:05,260
How about we just cruise
over to the food section
22
00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:07,810
and get him a can of soup?
23
00:01:08,250 --> 00:01:11,470
Gemma suggested that we get
him something educational.
24
00:01:11,490 --> 00:01:13,490
Well, we can get him some alphabet soup.
25
00:01:14,400 --> 00:01:16,380
Ooh, this is nice.
26
00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:17,730
A math puzzle.
27
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:19,270
Seriously?
28
00:01:19,430 --> 00:01:21,780
What did that boy ever do to you?
29
00:01:22,860 --> 00:01:25,770
You know what? I-I really can't
believe how these parents coddle
30
00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:27,240
- their kids nowadays.
- Mm.
31
00:01:27,270 --> 00:01:30,930
We gave Malcolm and Marty plenty
of violent, gendered toys
32
00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:32,170
and they turned out fine.
33
00:01:34,220 --> 00:01:36,230
- Come on, you're dead, man!
- I knocked your head off.
34
00:01:36,250 --> 00:01:37,770
No, you missed. You hit that old lady!
35
00:01:41,980 --> 00:01:43,930
You know what? I'm gonna
let you deal with this.
36
00:01:43,960 --> 00:01:46,520
I'm gonna go back and get
some more toothpick weenies.
37
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:52,100
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
38
00:01:54,670 --> 00:01:56,630
Okay, the backyard is looking good,
39
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:58,980
and the entertainment should
be here in half an hour.
40
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:01,500
- Oh, there's entertainment?
- Oh, yeah.
41
00:02:01,530 --> 00:02:06,500
We got the one and only Insane
Shane the Party Ma-chane.
42
00:02:06,820 --> 00:02:09,630
You got Insane Shane?
43
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:10,990
- You've heard of him?
- No.
44
00:02:13,350 --> 00:02:16,670
He's the premier host of kids'
birthday parties in Pasadena.
45
00:02:16,700 --> 00:02:18,450
Well, what makes him so special?
46
00:02:18,590 --> 00:02:21,230
Kids love him. He plays
games, he juggles,
47
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,890
he can do the happy birthday
song in armpit farts.
48
00:02:24,490 --> 00:02:26,950
Ah, well, Calvin's
birthday is coming up.
49
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,300
I'll keep him in mind.
50
00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:31,480
You almost done with those cupcakes?
51
00:02:31,500 --> 00:02:33,740
Oh, I'm getting there,
but I can't believe
52
00:02:33,760 --> 00:02:34,890
you bought so many.
53
00:02:34,920 --> 00:02:36,880
Well, I don't know any
of the kids' allergies,
54
00:02:36,900 --> 00:02:39,280
so I got sugar-free,
gluten-free, peanut-free,
55
00:02:39,300 --> 00:02:41,810
vegan, and
vegan-gluten-peanut-sugar free.
56
00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:45,980
And taste-free, too.
57
00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:48,560
I know, but I don't care.
58
00:02:48,580 --> 00:02:50,186
I want to play pin the
tail on the donkey,
59
00:02:50,210 --> 00:02:52,300
not jab the kid with the EpiPen.
60
00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:54,620
What up, what up?
61
00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:55,640
Hey.
62
00:02:55,670 --> 00:02:57,960
All right, guys. We got the balloons.
63
00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,290
Oh, thank you, guys.
64
00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,140
No problem.
65
00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:01,990
Yeah, there was a leaky one.
66
00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,740
Yeah, I didn't want to waste it.
67
00:03:05,970 --> 00:03:09,000
Gemma, disaster. Insane
Shane just cancelled.
68
00:03:09,200 --> 00:03:10,800
What?
69
00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:11,950
Yeah, apparently, he sneezed
70
00:03:11,970 --> 00:03:14,150
while he was juggling bowling balls.
71
00:03:14,700 --> 00:03:17,220
Now he's in the hospital
with three concussions.
72
00:03:18,820 --> 00:03:20,800
Insane Shane cancelled?
73
00:03:20,820 --> 00:03:22,900
But I told everybody
74
00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:23,560
at school he was gonna be here.
75
00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:25,600
That's why they're coming.
76
00:03:25,800 --> 00:03:27,600
No, no, buddy, they...
77
00:03:27,800 --> 00:03:28,960
The kids are coming to celebrate you.
78
00:03:28,980 --> 00:03:30,420
That's what this is all about,
79
00:03:30,500 --> 00:03:33,310
how awesome and cool you are.
80
00:03:33,330 --> 00:03:35,810
Mm, they said they
were coming for Shane.
81
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:39,420
Hey, you know what, Grover?
Malcolm and I can play
82
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:40,480
party games with you guys.
83
00:03:40,710 --> 00:03:42,190
Can you be insane?
84
00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:43,250
Totally insane.
85
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:48,600
Mm, I don't know.
86
00:03:48,620 --> 00:03:51,000
We're the only option you have.
87
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:56,390
- Finish him!
- Now, go!
88
00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,110
- Go! Go!
- Finish him! Steady yourself!
89
00:03:58,140 --> 00:03:59,850
Go! Go!
90
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:02,820
- Oh!
- Oh, yes!
91
00:04:02,860 --> 00:04:05,380
And just like that, Colby
trips on a sprinkler.
92
00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,770
Oh, b-but he is up again, and
running faster than ever.
93
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,559
In the wrong direction.
94
00:04:10,560 --> 00:04:12,630
But here comes Haley for Team Malcolm.
95
00:04:12,650 --> 00:04:16,150
And Team Malcolm wins. Yes!
96
00:04:16,170 --> 00:04:18,350
In your face!
97
00:04:19,630 --> 00:04:21,620
Dude, what are you doing?
98
00:04:21,660 --> 00:04:23,210
We're just playing party
games with the kids.
99
00:04:23,230 --> 00:04:25,500
Oh, you're just saying
that because I won again.
100
00:04:25,530 --> 00:04:26,810
I came out of Mama first,
101
00:04:26,840 --> 00:04:28,960
and I haven't given up that lead since.
102
00:04:29,890 --> 00:04:32,120
Seriously? I am an engineer.
103
00:04:32,140 --> 00:04:34,100
I have a great job,
and my own apartment.
104
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,400
You are unemployed, and you live at home
105
00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:38,140
with your mama and your daddy.
106
00:04:38,530 --> 00:04:41,330
Yes, but who just won the egg toss?
107
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,760
You have never beaten me
at anything physical,
108
00:04:44,770 --> 00:04:45,780
and you never will.
109
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:47,320
Do you think that bothers me?
110
00:04:47,340 --> 00:04:48,370
I think that kills you.
111
00:04:48,390 --> 00:04:50,670
Damn it, you're right. Kids,
112
00:04:50,690 --> 00:04:53,600
help me get Colby out
of those tomato vines.
113
00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:55,679
- Hey, everybody.
- Hey.
114
00:04:55,680 --> 00:04:57,300
- Hey.
- Oh, hey, Calvin.
115
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,560
Hey, baby, where you been?
116
00:04:58,690 --> 00:05:02,110
Oh, I was just wrapping the
birthday gift I got for Grover.
117
00:05:02,130 --> 00:05:04,780
Oh, but we already got
him the math puzzle.
118
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:08,140
Yeah, you know, I scratched
my name off that card.
119
00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:09,890
That's all you now.
120
00:05:10,730 --> 00:05:12,960
Oh, don't mind if I do.
121
00:05:13,710 --> 00:05:15,140
Ha, ha.
122
00:05:15,580 --> 00:05:17,390
What the hell?
123
00:05:19,130 --> 00:05:21,880
Okay, stop playing. Where
are the real cupcakes?
124
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:27,970
Yay. Flash cards.
125
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,610
Oh, what a great gift.
126
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,140
Now, don't let me catch
you playing with those
127
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:34,740
after bedtime.
128
00:05:34,770 --> 00:05:36,300
I don't think you're gonna catch him
129
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:38,600
playing with those at any time.
130
00:05:39,570 --> 00:05:41,920
Sweetie, tell Colby
how much you like it.
131
00:05:41,940 --> 00:05:44,650
I thought I wasn't supposed to lie.
132
00:05:45,760 --> 00:05:47,900
Grover.
133
00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,930
It's okay, I get it.
134
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:55,320
Ring toss, three-legged race,
pin the tail on the donkey.
135
00:05:55,360 --> 00:05:56,840
Yo, man, what are you doing?
136
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:58,990
I'm just recapping my wins.
137
00:05:59,590 --> 00:06:01,770
Okay, okay. Well, in that case, uh,
138
00:06:01,790 --> 00:06:06,100
bank account, credit score, uh, life.
139
00:06:07,290 --> 00:06:09,260
Those are all very good points.
140
00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:10,510
Yes.
141
00:06:10,530 --> 00:06:12,560
Don't none of them matter
right now, do they?
142
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:13,160
No!
143
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,360
Great, another math puzzle.
144
00:06:18,470 --> 00:06:20,730
Grover, thank Miss Tina.
145
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:22,560
Thanks, Miss Tina.
146
00:06:22,600 --> 00:06:24,490
Your mother made me get it.
147
00:06:25,410 --> 00:06:27,720
Well, okay, it looks like
we opened up all the gifts.
148
00:06:27,740 --> 00:06:29,480
Oh, oh, oh. Not yet.
149
00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:31,290
- There's one more.
- Aw.
150
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,230
There you go. My man.
151
00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,340
Cool!
152
00:06:36,370 --> 00:06:38,400
A knife.
153
00:06:38,700 --> 00:06:41,300
- A knife?
- Whoa! A knife.
154
00:06:41,600 --> 00:06:43,200
Yeah, a knife. Here, hold
that next to your face
155
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,420
so I can take a picture.
156
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,920
Oh, my God.
157
00:06:45,950 --> 00:06:49,390
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
158
00:06:49,810 --> 00:06:52,740
Holler at your boy!
159
00:06:57,800 --> 00:07:00,100
- Can I touch it?
- Yeah.
160
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:03,250
But you got me the flash
cards, so you're last.
161
00:07:03,870 --> 00:07:06,830
Calvin, what is the matter with
you, getting Grover a knife?
162
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,770
What, were they all out of nail guns?
163
00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:12,210
Give me some credit, Tina.
164
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,820
The kickback on one of those things
165
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,900
would knock that boy off his feet.
166
00:07:16,690 --> 00:07:17,800
Okay, you know what?
167
00:07:17,830 --> 00:07:19,470
- Everyone, back away.
- Yeah. Yeah.
168
00:07:19,500 --> 00:07:21,300
It's my turn to touch it.
169
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,700
Yep. All right, why don't we
put away all the lovely gifts,
170
00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:25,730
and the knife,
171
00:07:25,740 --> 00:07:27,140
and, uh, get back
172
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,230
to the fun games with Malcolm and Marty?
173
00:07:29,270 --> 00:07:30,870
But everyone wants to play with it.
174
00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:32,640
I know, that's why it's going away.
175
00:07:32,990 --> 00:07:35,180
Guys, could you take
all the kids outside?
176
00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:36,376
- All right, kids, let's go.
- All right, let's go.
177
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,506
- Let's go, let's go.
- Let's go.
178
00:07:37,530 --> 00:07:40,100
Dave, kitchen, now.
179
00:07:40,350 --> 00:07:41,550
Ooh.
180
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:45,740
Dave, trouble, in.
181
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:50,150
Calvin, cupcake, find.
182
00:07:55,450 --> 00:07:57,719
How could Calvin give our son a knife
183
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:59,270
without talking to us first?
184
00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,510
I know. He probably knew
185
00:08:01,520 --> 00:08:03,590
that I couldn't keep something
that cool a secret.
186
00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:08,100
How are you not more upset about this?
He gave our son a weapon.
187
00:08:08,130 --> 00:08:11,000
It's not a weapon,
it's-it's a pocketknife.
188
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,420
It's a handheld stabbing machine.
189
00:08:14,310 --> 00:08:17,200
Yeah, but if they call it that,
they're not gonna sell any.
190
00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:19,700
- Oh...
- Okay, look,
191
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,740
I know you just want Grover to be safe.
192
00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:26,290
So do I, but, you know,
it's not that big a deal.
193
00:08:26,310 --> 00:08:28,400
When I was his age, I had a BB gun.
194
00:08:28,430 --> 00:08:30,800
Yeah, and you still
have a BB in your arm
195
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:31,870
from when your friend shot you with it.
196
00:08:32,230 --> 00:08:34,190
Actually, it's not there anymore.
197
00:08:34,410 --> 00:08:36,520
It just, it disappeared for a year,
198
00:08:36,540 --> 00:08:38,400
and then it resurfaced in my leg.
199
00:08:40,000 --> 00:08:41,440
We'll talk about this later.
200
00:08:41,460 --> 00:08:43,360
Right now, this is going
in the same drawer
201
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:44,680
as your fedora and your laser pointer.
202
00:08:45,370 --> 00:08:48,450
What... you said that my
laser pointer was stolen.
203
00:08:50,700 --> 00:08:52,530
Can I have the knife back?
204
00:08:52,560 --> 00:08:54,480
The other kids are
ignoring me without it.
205
00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:56,840
Oh, honey, they're not ignoring you.
206
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:59,000
Yeah, they probably think
the party is just less fun
207
00:08:59,200 --> 00:09:00,260
now that the knife is gone.
208
00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:02,270
Gemma,
209
00:09:02,300 --> 00:09:04,300
I-I know you think it's dangerous,
210
00:09:04,330 --> 00:09:06,800
but the knife is actually pretty cool.
211
00:09:06,830 --> 00:09:10,500
And isn't that exactly what you
wanted for Grover's party?
212
00:09:10,420 --> 00:09:12,620
- Well, yeah, but...
- Okay. Well, then,
213
00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:15,600
how about this: how about
I'll take the knife outside,
214
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:17,700
and I will show it to the kids?
215
00:09:17,900 --> 00:09:18,290
I will hold it
216
00:09:18,310 --> 00:09:21,400
the whole time, I promise.
217
00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:23,540
In fact, you know what?
I won't even open it.
218
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:26,410
Please, Mom? It's my birthday.
219
00:09:27,770 --> 00:09:29,800
Fine.
220
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,820
Yeah!
221
00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:33,370
Ooh, and, uh, my laser pointer?
222
00:09:33,380 --> 00:09:34,970
It's in heaven now.
223
00:09:37,360 --> 00:09:39,100
Come on, Team Marty!
224
00:09:39,130 --> 00:09:41,900
This isn't about fun and games anymore.
225
00:09:41,170 --> 00:09:43,340
Then why are we doing it?
226
00:09:43,820 --> 00:09:46,480
So Marty doesn't cry
himself to sleep tonight.
227
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,970
Hey! Hey! I don't do that anymore.
228
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:52,530
Stop laughing! You're on my team.
229
00:09:52,980 --> 00:09:54,530
Here come the waterworks.
230
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,300
We got the knife!
231
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,250
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
232
00:10:01,270 --> 00:10:04,560
- Oh... Uh-huh.
- Oh... Whoo!
233
00:10:04,590 --> 00:10:06,700
And then there were two.
234
00:10:06,900 --> 00:10:07,770
Oh, I see you've been
working on your math.
235
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,490
I see you haven't been
working on your arms.
236
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:14,230
Okay, so it's like that?
237
00:10:14,410 --> 00:10:17,000
- Yeah.
- Yeah, well, I could do this all day.
238
00:10:17,200 --> 00:10:18,426
I don't have to go to work until Monday.
239
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:21,750
Oh, yeah? Joke's on you.
I don't have a job.
240
00:10:23,130 --> 00:10:24,660
Now,
241
00:10:24,680 --> 00:10:26,600
I know most of you think that the blade
242
00:10:26,620 --> 00:10:28,220
is the coolest part of the knife,
243
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:30,500
but have you ever stopped to take a look
244
00:10:30,520 --> 00:10:33,340
at the bolster? Take a look at that.
245
00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:35,390
Dave?
246
00:10:35,420 --> 00:10:36,950
What the heck are you doing?
247
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:39,600
Leave it up to you to
make a knife boring.
248
00:10:39,930 --> 00:10:41,770
Open it up.
249
00:10:42,140 --> 00:10:44,900
I can't. I promised Gemma.
250
00:10:44,380 --> 00:10:45,950
Dave, come on.
251
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,390
These kids are starving
for something fun.
252
00:10:48,540 --> 00:10:50,910
My mom says fun is dangerous.
253
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:55,330
Well, your mom thinks flash
cards are a great gift.
254
00:10:57,420 --> 00:10:59,370
Now, who wants to have fun?
255
00:11:00,970 --> 00:11:02,290
O-Okay, all right.
256
00:11:02,310 --> 00:11:04,510
Okay, fine, I will open it.
257
00:11:04,820 --> 00:11:07,490
But only so I can teach you
guys proper knife safety.
258
00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:11,300
I'm kind of an expert since
I was an Eagle Scout.
259
00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:12,570
What's that?
260
00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:14,390
What's an Eagle Scout?
261
00:11:14,410 --> 00:11:17,880
Well, it's like one
step below a Navy SEAL.
262
00:11:18,420 --> 00:11:19,600
Dave,
263
00:11:19,620 --> 00:11:22,320
you're barely one step
above a real seal.
264
00:11:24,710 --> 00:11:26,990
Okay, okay. All right.
265
00:11:28,500 --> 00:11:30,960
Now, there are a few things
266
00:11:30,980 --> 00:11:33,400
that you should always do
when handling a knife.
267
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,800
You should always make sure
268
00:11:35,100 --> 00:11:37,290
that there is no one within arm's reach.
269
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:39,790
Okay?
270
00:11:40,380 --> 00:11:42,910
And you should always make sure
271
00:11:42,950 --> 00:11:47,200
that you are cutting away
from yourself, like so.
272
00:11:48,770 --> 00:11:50,620
Okay, all right.
273
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:54,440
Okay, those are a few
of the boring things
274
00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:56,170
you should always do.
275
00:11:56,350 --> 00:11:58,340
Now let me show you a few
276
00:11:58,370 --> 00:12:01,520
cool things that you should never do.
277
00:12:01,550 --> 00:12:02,930
Okay, okay, all right.
278
00:12:02,950 --> 00:12:05,260
- Kids, kids.
- All right? With a knife.
279
00:12:05,290 --> 00:12:08,230
All right? Never...
280
00:12:08,260 --> 00:12:09,740
hold a knife like this.
281
00:12:09,770 --> 00:12:11,730
Ooh!
282
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,840
Unless there's a zombie apocalypse,
283
00:12:14,860 --> 00:12:16,450
and you got to do what you got to do.
284
00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,340
Look here. Zombie!
285
00:12:18,370 --> 00:12:20,530
Zombie, zombie, zombie, zombie!
286
00:12:20,750 --> 00:12:23,400
Calvin! Cal-Calvin, that's enough.
287
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:24,850
Never go hand to hand.
288
00:12:25,900 --> 00:12:26,810
Don't want to do that.
289
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:30,270
Unless there are zombies on both sides.
290
00:12:30,300 --> 00:12:31,870
Left zombie dead!
291
00:12:31,900 --> 00:12:33,690
Right zombie dead! Yeah!
292
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:36,800
Cal-Cal. Okay, Calvin,
that's good. We...
293
00:12:36,100 --> 00:12:39,150
Lis-Listen, kids, and
never, ever, ever, ever
294
00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:41,700
hold a knife by the blade...
295
00:12:42,400 --> 00:12:45,740
unless... you're gonna throw
it at the king zombie.
296
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,430
Oh!
297
00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:53,390
Calvin! That...
298
00:12:55,500 --> 00:12:56,660
was awesome!
299
00:13:00,380 --> 00:13:02,340
Gemma, I'm so sorry about Calvin.
300
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:04,420
He should never have
given Grover that knife
301
00:13:04,440 --> 00:13:06,420
without asking you guys first.
302
00:13:06,490 --> 00:13:08,420
Funny, that's exactly
what I was gonna write
303
00:13:08,440 --> 00:13:09,470
on the thank-you card.
304
00:13:11,690 --> 00:13:14,410
What is it with boys
and dangerous things?
305
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:16,480
You know, scientific
studies have been done
306
00:13:16,500 --> 00:13:18,960
on this very subject, and
they always come back
307
00:13:18,990 --> 00:13:22,120
with the same conclusion:
boys are stupid.
308
00:13:24,940 --> 00:13:27,400
Maybe for Christmas, I
should just get Grover
309
00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,410
this box of matches and
a can of lighter fluid.
310
00:13:29,430 --> 00:13:31,910
Oh, please. He doesn't need those.
311
00:13:31,940 --> 00:13:34,850
Marty used to start fires
with his magnifying glass.
312
00:13:35,290 --> 00:13:36,860
Really?
313
00:13:36,880 --> 00:13:39,230
You know that's our
third garage out back?
314
00:13:40,820 --> 00:13:42,600
Look, my point is,
315
00:13:42,630 --> 00:13:44,880
no matter what you do, boys will always
316
00:13:44,900 --> 00:13:47,500
find a way to make everything dangerous.
317
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:49,870
Well, when do they
finally grow out of it?
318
00:13:49,900 --> 00:13:52,890
Well, Calvin bought nunchucks
the other day, so, never.
319
00:13:53,740 --> 00:13:55,910
Great. That means I'm gonna be worried
320
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:57,510
for the rest of my life.
321
00:13:57,530 --> 00:13:59,360
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
322
00:13:59,380 --> 00:14:00,800
they keep it interesting.
323
00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:04,450
You know, Malcolm once stuck
a fork in a light socket.
324
00:14:05,580 --> 00:14:06,930
What happened?
325
00:14:06,950 --> 00:14:08,900
We had to get a new fuse box.
326
00:14:10,290 --> 00:14:12,770
- Oh, you mean to Malcolm.
- Yeah.
327
00:14:12,820 --> 00:14:14,710
He was fine once his eyebrows grew back.
328
00:14:16,470 --> 00:14:17,770
Look, Gemma,
329
00:14:17,800 --> 00:14:20,420
if you want, I'll make
sure that Calvin takes
330
00:14:20,440 --> 00:14:22,450
that knife back right now.
331
00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:24,500
It's okay. Dave promised
332
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:25,950
they'd be careful with it.
333
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:30,450
Whoa!
334
00:14:33,970 --> 00:14:36,980
And that's how you play pin-finger.
335
00:14:37,730 --> 00:14:39,940
Which you should never, ever do
336
00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:41,340
unless you're a pirate.
337
00:14:41,350 --> 00:14:42,360
Or me.
338
00:14:42,380 --> 00:14:44,190
Wow.
339
00:14:44,210 --> 00:14:46,870
I know what you're thinking.
340
00:14:46,890 --> 00:14:48,710
You have no idea what I'm thinking.
341
00:14:49,100 --> 00:14:51,490
"Use the force, Marty."
342
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:54,240
Get out of my head, wizard!
343
00:14:54,740 --> 00:14:55,960
Oh, no.
344
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,330
I live in your head.
345
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,700
Oh, why... did Mom and Dad
346
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,510
finally start charging you rent?
347
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:03,220
I knew you would say that.
348
00:15:03,240 --> 00:15:05,770
- No, you didn't. Stop it!
- No, you didn't. Stop it!
349
00:15:05,790 --> 00:15:07,370
- I'm not playin'!
- I'm not playin'!
350
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:10,100
- I'm not playin'!
- I'm not playin'!
351
00:15:10,330 --> 00:15:11,860
Do another trick!
352
00:15:11,890 --> 00:15:13,866
All right, I'll show you a trick.
Give me the knife.
353
00:15:13,890 --> 00:15:15,610
Really, seal boy?
354
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,110
What are you gonna do...
Balance it on your nose?
355
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,950
Okay, now, don't tell your mom,
356
00:15:21,960 --> 00:15:22,980
but this is a little trick
357
00:15:22,990 --> 00:15:25,710
I used to wow 'em with
back in scout camp.
358
00:15:27,130 --> 00:15:29,300
Whoa!
359
00:15:31,660 --> 00:15:33,620
It might be good for scout camp,
360
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:36,750
but what are you gonna do in
real life when zombies attack?
361
00:15:36,770 --> 00:15:39,290
- Hmm?
- All right.
362
00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:40,396
Want to see me throw it higher?
363
00:15:40,420 --> 00:15:42,800
Yeah!
364
00:15:44,820 --> 00:15:47,900
Whoa!
365
00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:49,480
Your dad's cool, Grover.
366
00:15:49,500 --> 00:15:51,160
Oh, you think that was cool?
367
00:15:51,180 --> 00:15:52,710
You better put on your parka,
368
00:15:52,730 --> 00:15:55,210
because it's about to
get downright freezing.
369
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,430
All right.
370
00:15:57,460 --> 00:15:59,000
Give me some room.
371
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:00,900
Ready?
372
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:02,890
♪ Happy birth... ♪
373
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:04,620
Oh!
374
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:08,800
Right through the shoe. Ooh.
375
00:16:08,110 --> 00:16:10,280
Oh, my God, are you okay?
376
00:16:10,310 --> 00:16:11,770
- Gemma, get the car keys!
- Okay, okay.
377
00:16:11,790 --> 00:16:13,580
- Okay.
- Get the car keys now.
378
00:16:14,220 --> 00:16:17,370
Uh, uh, guys, I...
379
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,400
hope that is a valuable
lesson to all of you
380
00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:22,580
that you won't tell your parents.
381
00:16:30,610 --> 00:16:32,620
So...
382
00:16:32,930 --> 00:16:34,870
fun party.
383
00:16:37,160 --> 00:16:38,600
Yeah, it was great.
384
00:16:38,630 --> 00:16:40,900
There was blood, there was a knife.
385
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:42,660
The only thing missing was
the crime scene tape.
386
00:16:43,830 --> 00:16:46,160
Okay, okay. Look, I get it.
387
00:16:46,190 --> 00:16:47,830
You're mad.
388
00:16:47,860 --> 00:16:49,830
I never should have given him the knife.
389
00:16:50,130 --> 00:16:53,800
You think? He's only seven years old.
390
00:16:53,100 --> 00:16:55,800
Oh, I was talking about Dave.
391
00:16:56,790 --> 00:16:58,880
Yeah... I specifically asked
392
00:16:58,900 --> 00:17:02,200
that nobody get Grover a weapon,
and you got him one anyway.
393
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:03,860
And a math puzzle.
394
00:17:03,890 --> 00:17:06,830
No matter what the card says,
that was from both of us.
395
00:17:09,300 --> 00:17:11,120
Look, Gemma.
396
00:17:12,800 --> 00:17:14,220
Look, I didn't mean to disrespect you
397
00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,820
or anything like that. I just remember
398
00:17:16,840 --> 00:17:19,800
when my grandfather
gave me my first knife.
399
00:17:19,550 --> 00:17:21,500
It made me...
400
00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,760
feel like a man, even
though I was a kid. And so
401
00:17:24,910 --> 00:17:27,600
I wanted Grover to have
that same feeling too.
402
00:17:27,630 --> 00:17:29,500
But he's not a man.
403
00:17:29,520 --> 00:17:31,310
He's a little boy.
404
00:17:32,680 --> 00:17:34,380
Look, I'm not naive.
405
00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:37,000
I know I can't keep him
in a bubble forever.
406
00:17:37,300 --> 00:17:39,540
But he's my baby, and
I want to protect him
407
00:17:39,560 --> 00:17:41,600
for as long as I can.
408
00:17:41,440 --> 00:17:43,750
You know what? You're right.
409
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:46,500
I guess I just never
looked at it like that.
410
00:17:46,610 --> 00:17:47,950
I'm sorry.
411
00:17:51,970 --> 00:17:53,880
It's okay.
412
00:17:53,910 --> 00:17:55,630
Your heart was in the right place.
413
00:17:55,650 --> 00:17:57,140
Yeah.
414
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:58,610
Besides, I have to admit,
415
00:17:58,640 --> 00:18:00,690
- the knife was a huge hit.
- Hmm.
416
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:03,750
Probably even bigger than
Insane Shane would've been.
417
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,270
He's one floor up, by the way.
418
00:18:09,310 --> 00:18:12,530
You know, Grover did
seem like he had fun.
419
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,380
I know.
420
00:18:14,400 --> 00:18:16,360
I was so worried about
him making friends,
421
00:18:16,380 --> 00:18:18,210
but now all the kids think he's cool.
422
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:19,650
Well, of course.
423
00:18:19,670 --> 00:18:22,790
They saw a dude get stabbed
at his birthday party.
424
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:26,410
Come Monday, he's gonna be the man.
425
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:28,560
- Oh.
- Oh.
426
00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:31,000
There you are. Are you okay?
427
00:18:31,300 --> 00:18:32,720
Well...
428
00:18:33,120 --> 00:18:35,250
they couldn't save the sock.
429
00:18:36,730 --> 00:18:38,910
But other than that, I'm fine.
Ooh, and look.
430
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,610
They took out my BB.
431
00:18:43,500 --> 00:18:46,900
I don't know whether to kiss
you or step on your foot.
432
00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:48,580
I know which one would
be more fun to watch.
433
00:18:51,120 --> 00:18:52,730
I'm sorry we played with the knife.
434
00:18:52,830 --> 00:18:55,740
Yeah. Yeah, it was a little childish.
435
00:18:55,770 --> 00:18:57,580
But the kids were egging us on.
436
00:18:58,660 --> 00:19:00,900
Yeah, and I totally would have caught it
437
00:19:00,920 --> 00:19:02,620
if I wasn't distracted by the cake.
438
00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:04,600
Throwing it that high?
439
00:19:04,390 --> 00:19:06,130
Yeah, right.
440
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:08,320
I'm sorry, you-you don't think so?
441
00:19:08,360 --> 00:19:09,760
'Cause there's a scalpel
back in the room.
442
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:11,460
Hey, you're talking. I don't
see you moving, though.
443
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:12,486
Well, let's go, then. I don't care.
444
00:19:12,510 --> 00:19:13,536
Really, I mean, you're gonna
do what you're gonna do.
445
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,310
- Guys.
- I mean, you saw I was...
446
00:19:15,550 --> 00:19:20,200
- Sorry. You're right.
- Yeah, my bad. Bad...
447
00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:24,750
Meet me in the back yard tomorrow.
448
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:27,130
I'll show you.
449
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,710
Did you ask my parents if it's
okay to do this to our tree?
450
00:19:36,130 --> 00:19:37,460
No.
451
00:19:37,540 --> 00:19:40,710
That's why I'm carving your
name into it and not mine.
452
00:19:43,130 --> 00:19:45,970
So, how did your friends like the party?
453
00:19:45,990 --> 00:19:47,480
Yeah, they loved it.
454
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,520
I even got a bunch of play date invites.
455
00:19:49,540 --> 00:19:51,350
Well, all right.
456
00:19:51,990 --> 00:19:53,510
You know what?
457
00:19:53,530 --> 00:19:57,340
I'm gonna hold onto this for you
until your mom says it's okay.
458
00:19:57,360 --> 00:19:59,490
But the knife is what made me cool.
459
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:00,560
Oh...
460
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:02,990
trust me, Grover, you were cool
461
00:20:03,200 --> 00:20:04,900
way before this knife.
462
00:20:05,270 --> 00:20:06,790
You think?
463
00:20:06,820 --> 00:20:09,630
Definitely. And that's coming from me,
464
00:20:09,660 --> 00:20:11,460
the coolest guy you know.
465
00:20:12,810 --> 00:20:14,720
Thanks, Mr. Calvin.
466
00:20:14,970 --> 00:20:16,930
- Good night, little man.
- Good night.
467
00:20:16,980 --> 00:20:18,420
All right.
468
00:20:22,390 --> 00:20:24,920
All right, fellas, finish up, now.
469
00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,460
Come on, your mom made dinner.
470
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:28,460
Oh, help me, Jesus.
471
00:20:29,500 --> 00:20:31,620
Face it, Marty... you
will never beat me.
472
00:20:32,250 --> 00:20:34,430
I can feel it. Tonight is the night!
473
00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:35,540
Oh, no.
474
00:20:35,570 --> 00:20:36,830
You're fooling yourself.
475
00:20:36,910 --> 00:20:38,330
I'll always be bigger.
476
00:20:38,350 --> 00:20:40,680
I'll always be stronger,
I'll always be...
477
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,200
Aah!
478
00:20:45,570 --> 00:20:47,440
And I'll always be smarter.
479
00:20:49,340 --> 00:20:52,400
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
32047
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