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- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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[PINK MARTINI'S "QUE SERA SERA"]
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- ? When I was just a little girl ?
- _
4
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? I asked my mother ?
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? "What will I be? ?
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? ?
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? "Will I be pretty? ?
8
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? Will I be rich?" ?
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? Here's what she said to me ?
10
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? "Que sera, sera ?
11
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? "Whatever will be, will be ?
12
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? "The future's not ours to see ?
13
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? Que sera, sera" ?
14
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? ?
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? Que sera, sera ?
16
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? Whatever will be, will be ?
17
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? The future's not ours to see ?
18
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? Que sera, sera ?
19
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? ?
20
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? Que sera, sera ?
21
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? Whatever will be, will be ?
22
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? The future's not ours to see ?
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? Que sera, sera ?
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[GUNSHOT FIRES]
25
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? What will be, will be ?
26
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? ?
27
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? Que sera, sera ?
28
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[INTENSE POP MUSIC]
29
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? ?
30
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? Comin' for you ?
31
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? Oh! ?
32
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? Comin' for you ?
33
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? Bang, bang ?
34
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? ?
35
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? Oh! ?
36
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[WOMAN VOCALIZING]
37
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[BUS HISSES]
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[ETHEREAL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
39
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? ?
40
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[MOODY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
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_
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[SECURITY GATES BEEPING]
43
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"Dear diary: Yesterday's lunchtime
poll asked, 'Who are you?'
44
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And the weird thing is,
45
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everyone at Westerburg had an answer.
46
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The jock table all said they were brave,
47
00:02:59,830 --> 00:03:02,197
the gay nerd table all
said they were true,
48
00:03:02,263 --> 00:03:04,830
and the slut table all
said they were open.
49
00:03:04,897 --> 00:03:06,439
"When it finally came
my turn, Heather C.
50
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turned to me and said... "
51
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Well, come on, Veronica.
52
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Who are you?
53
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"And I told her...
54
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I didn't know.
55
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So she answered for me.
56
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She said I was once a basic-cable bitch,
57
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but now, with her help, I'm actually...
58
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- [SCHOOL BELL RINGING]
- Really just... "
59
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Who is Veronica Sawyer?
60
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Who am I?
61
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Uh... I don't know,
62
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I mean, I... I guess...
63
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I'm a good person.
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Good person?
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Veronica!
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Good person's not gonna cut it.
67
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We are trying for Ivy leagues here.
68
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They need to know your identity.
69
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Your brand.
70
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What makes Veronica...
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[WHISPERS] Veronica.
72
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I'm loyal. I think...
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I think I'm a good friend.
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[EXHALES NOISILY]
75
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- I'm half Jewish.
- It's not the '80s, Veronica.
76
00:04:04,997 --> 00:04:07,263
I suppose we can try for Remington.
77
00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:08,897
What? No. Remington?
78
00:04:08,997 --> 00:04:11,097
That's... no, I... I have a 4.2,
79
00:04:11,163 --> 00:04:13,397
and I got a 1510 on my SATs.
80
00:04:13,463 --> 00:04:16,597
By any chance, are you a hermaphrodite?
81
00:04:16,663 --> 00:04:18,697
- No.
- Damn.
82
00:04:18,763 --> 00:04:22,397
Look, it's all about
the personal essay now.
83
00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:24,697
And it's called "personal"
84
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because they need to know who you are.
85
00:04:28,330 --> 00:04:30,139
Well, I mean, I'm 17,
isn't it kind of the point
86
00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:32,463
that I don't know who I am yet?
87
00:04:32,530 --> 00:04:35,097
No, Veronica, it's not the point.
88
00:04:35,163 --> 00:04:36,330
Not in today's market.
89
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Look, just give me something
90
00:04:37,997 --> 00:04:39,097
so I can help you.
91
00:04:39,163 --> 00:04:42,897
Fine. Uh... what about this?
92
00:04:42,997 --> 00:04:46,263
Veronica Sawyer is literally nothing.
93
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[MOODY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
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? ?
95
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Hi, Veronica!
96
00:05:00,797 --> 00:05:03,063
Hey! Betty.
97
00:05:04,597 --> 00:05:05,663
Um...
98
00:05:07,563 --> 00:05:10,863
Hey, sorry that I...
I missed your recital.
99
00:05:10,997 --> 00:05:13,797
Oh, you didn't miss
anything. It was awful.
100
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:16,530
Come on. Don't say that.
101
00:05:16,597 --> 00:05:17,996
Oh, my God.
102
00:05:17,997 --> 00:05:20,297
Is that us from third grade?
103
00:05:20,363 --> 00:05:22,763
You always had to be blue.
104
00:05:22,830 --> 00:05:25,763
Veronica, Heather Chandler
is looking for you.
105
00:05:25,830 --> 00:05:28,263
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS]
106
00:05:29,797 --> 00:05:31,730
Well, duty calls.
107
00:05:31,797 --> 00:05:34,163
? ?
108
00:05:34,230 --> 00:05:36,330
Even when I wanted to be blue.
109
00:05:36,397 --> 00:05:39,330
[DJ SHADOW'S "NOBODY SPEAK"]
110
00:05:39,397 --> 00:05:43,130
? ?
111
00:05:43,197 --> 00:05:45,330
? Picture this, I'm a bag of dicks ?
112
00:05:45,397 --> 00:05:47,163
? Put me to your lips, I am sick ?
113
00:05:47,230 --> 00:05:49,163
? I will punch a baby bear in his shit ?
114
00:05:49,230 --> 00:05:51,363
? Give me lip, I'ma send you to the yard ?
115
00:05:51,430 --> 00:05:53,163
? Get a stick, make a switch ?
116
00:05:53,230 --> 00:05:55,030
? I can end a conversation real quick ?
117
00:05:55,097 --> 00:05:56,997
? I am crack, I ain't lyin' ?
118
00:05:57,030 --> 00:05:58,997
? Kick a lion in his crack, I'm the shit ?
119
00:05:59,030 --> 00:06:01,063
? I will fall off in your crib ?
120
00:06:01,130 --> 00:06:02,839
? Take a shit, pinch
yo' mama on the booty ?
121
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:04,597
? Kick your dog, fuck your bitch ?
122
00:06:04,663 --> 00:06:06,230
? Fat boy dressed up like he's Santa ?
123
00:06:06,297 --> 00:06:08,030
? And took pictures with your kids ?
124
00:06:08,097 --> 00:06:09,773
? We the best, we will
cut a frowny face ?
125
00:06:09,797 --> 00:06:11,597
? In your chest, little wench ?
126
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:13,797
? I'm unmentionably
fresh, I'm a mensch ?
127
00:06:13,863 --> 00:06:15,597
? Get correct, I will walk into a court ?
128
00:06:15,663 --> 00:06:17,597
? While erect, screaming, "Yes! ?
129
00:06:17,663 --> 00:06:19,597
? I am guilty,
motherfuckers, I am death!" ?
130
00:06:19,663 --> 00:06:22,830
? ?
131
00:06:22,897 --> 00:06:25,830
? Nobody speak, nobody
get choked, hey ?
132
00:06:25,897 --> 00:06:28,597
? ?
133
00:06:28,663 --> 00:06:33,230
? Nobody speak, nobody
get choked, hey ?
134
00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:34,597
? Nobody speak ?
135
00:06:34,663 --> 00:06:36,230
? ?
136
00:06:36,297 --> 00:06:38,563
? Nobody speak ?
137
00:06:38,630 --> 00:06:40,597
? ?
138
00:06:40,663 --> 00:06:43,397
? Nobody speak, nobody get choked ?
139
00:06:43,463 --> 00:06:45,563
? ?
140
00:06:45,630 --> 00:06:47,230
Well, suck my third nipple.
141
00:06:47,297 --> 00:06:49,763
If it isn't Veronica
Sawyer four minutes late.
142
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:52,030
Yeah, sorry, I got cornered by Fleming.
143
00:06:52,097 --> 00:06:55,030
- How Banana Republic.
- It's ironic, Heather.
144
00:06:55,097 --> 00:06:57,830
We're not doing irony anymore. Keep up.
145
00:06:57,897 --> 00:06:59,439
Now, you won't believe
what Heather spotted.
146
00:06:59,463 --> 00:07:01,463
It's so gorgeous-tragic, you'll die.
147
00:07:01,530 --> 00:07:03,297
So, I was walking
through B-Hall, and...
148
00:07:03,363 --> 00:07:05,239
God, Heather, are we already
making this about you?
149
00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:07,663
Everyone's saying Heather
Chandler is gonna confront Ram.
150
00:07:07,730 --> 00:07:08,863
I love her.
151
00:07:08,997 --> 00:07:10,797
She was amazing in "Our Town."
152
00:07:10,863 --> 00:07:12,739
Hey, Heather, my parents
are away, and I'm having...
153
00:07:12,763 --> 00:07:14,097
Don't.
154
00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:17,630
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
155
00:07:17,697 --> 00:07:19,730
Ram. Where's Kurt?
156
00:07:24,363 --> 00:07:27,463
Anyway, what does your shirt say, Ram?
157
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:30,297
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS]
158
00:07:30,363 --> 00:07:32,897
It says Remington Squaws.
159
00:07:32,997 --> 00:07:34,863
Yeah.
160
00:07:34,997 --> 00:07:37,297
Stand up.
161
00:07:37,363 --> 00:07:40,297
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
162
00:07:40,363 --> 00:07:44,097
? ?
163
00:07:44,163 --> 00:07:45,863
"Squaws"?
164
00:07:45,997 --> 00:07:47,506
Don't you think that's a bit offensive?
165
00:07:47,530 --> 00:07:50,897
Dylen Lutz is 1/16
First Nations peoples.
166
00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:53,163
Uh, it's cool. Honestly,
I didn't even notice.
167
00:07:53,230 --> 00:07:54,597
This isn't about you, qwat.
168
00:07:54,663 --> 00:07:55,997
? ?
169
00:07:56,030 --> 00:07:59,230
Take off the shirt, jock.
170
00:07:59,297 --> 00:08:02,797
? ?
171
00:08:02,863 --> 00:08:04,497
Right here?
172
00:08:04,563 --> 00:08:06,996
Did Heather stutter? Take it off, now.
173
00:08:06,997 --> 00:08:09,530
No, okay, come on, Heather,
just leave him alone.
174
00:08:09,597 --> 00:08:12,597
Why are you being such hose
trash right now, Veronica?
175
00:08:12,663 --> 00:08:14,263
- You gotta take off your...
- I'm not...
176
00:08:14,297 --> 00:08:16,996
If we don't call out the
literal Auschwitz of hate
177
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:19,530
that goes on at Westerburg
on a daily basis,
178
00:08:19,597 --> 00:08:22,163
then who will?
179
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:26,363
? ?
180
00:08:26,430 --> 00:08:29,030
Take it off.
181
00:08:29,097 --> 00:08:36,130
? ?
182
00:08:40,297 --> 00:08:43,663
Now, how does it feel to be
a part of the 21st century?
183
00:08:45,797 --> 00:08:46,797
Cold.
184
00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:47,996
Now, for your penance,
185
00:08:47,997 --> 00:08:51,263
I need you to go ask Jesus
Julie if she'll do anal with you.
186
00:08:51,330 --> 00:08:52,597
- Oh!
- Oh, my God.
187
00:08:52,663 --> 00:08:55,563
Jesus Julie? No. No. No way.
188
00:08:55,630 --> 00:09:00,230
Do it, or I post this
to my 245,000 followers,
189
00:09:00,297 --> 00:09:03,330
several of whom literally write
for blogs in New York and LA.
190
00:09:03,397 --> 00:09:04,797
Which means your racist ass
191
00:09:04,863 --> 00:09:07,230
will be a viral
casualty by fifth period.
192
00:09:07,297 --> 00:09:08,797
And then say good-bye to whatever
193
00:09:08,863 --> 00:09:12,363
date-rapey scholarship you're
getting from Remington, Ram.
194
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:13,797
- Yeah, Ram.
- Shut up, Heather.
195
00:09:13,863 --> 00:09:15,430
Yeah, shut up, Heather.
196
00:09:15,497 --> 00:09:17,073
Heather, only I tell Heather "shut up."
197
00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:18,530
Oh, yeah.
198
00:09:20,863 --> 00:09:22,030
Okay.
199
00:09:22,097 --> 00:09:29,130
? ?
200
00:09:33,497 --> 00:09:36,530
[GROANS AND LAUGHTER]
201
00:09:38,463 --> 00:09:41,397
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
202
00:09:41,463 --> 00:09:42,797
? ?
203
00:09:42,863 --> 00:09:44,530
I'm gonna get a soda.
204
00:09:53,863 --> 00:09:55,163
Meet the new boss.
205
00:09:55,230 --> 00:09:58,497
Same as the old boss.
Your friends are...
206
00:09:58,563 --> 00:10:00,230
That same great high school bitch taste
207
00:10:00,297 --> 00:10:03,430
you've come to hate but now... in a new,
208
00:10:03,497 --> 00:10:05,963
environmentally friendly packaging.
209
00:10:06,030 --> 00:10:07,830
So why do you hang out with them?
210
00:10:07,897 --> 00:10:09,430
It's high school.
211
00:10:09,497 --> 00:10:11,363
Why do we do anything that we do?
212
00:10:11,430 --> 00:10:13,230
Fair point.
213
00:10:13,297 --> 00:10:15,430
I'm JD.
214
00:10:15,497 --> 00:10:17,230
Yeah, I know who you are.
215
00:10:17,297 --> 00:10:18,597
Transferred from Washington,
216
00:10:18,663 --> 00:10:20,763
after you got kicked out of Jefferson.
217
00:10:20,830 --> 00:10:22,797
And now I'm here at Westerburg,
218
00:10:22,863 --> 00:10:25,230
where the only thing that's changed
219
00:10:25,297 --> 00:10:27,397
is the number of metal detectors.
220
00:10:29,297 --> 00:10:30,963
I like your whole rebel thing.
221
00:10:31,030 --> 00:10:32,797
I'm not a rebel, Veronica.
222
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:34,230
Okay.
223
00:10:34,297 --> 00:10:36,230
So what are you then?
224
00:10:36,297 --> 00:10:38,897
'Cause everybody's gotta be something.
225
00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,597
Do they? I'm white. I'm black.
226
00:10:41,663 --> 00:10:43,997
I'm pro-gun. I'm queer. I'm post-queer.
227
00:10:44,063 --> 00:10:46,897
I'm a post-queer, pro-gun Latino.
228
00:10:46,963 --> 00:10:49,230
Blah, blah, blah. Look.
229
00:10:49,297 --> 00:10:52,230
Despite the box we check
on our college applications,
230
00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,597
my dear, we still all end up worm food
231
00:10:55,663 --> 00:11:00,063
in that great Corn Nut
landfill in the sky.
232
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:02,863
? ?
233
00:11:02,997 --> 00:11:05,997
So you checked off "overdramatic loser"?
234
00:11:06,063 --> 00:11:08,063
Take a look around, Ms. Sawyer.
235
00:11:08,130 --> 00:11:10,297
What do you see?
236
00:11:10,363 --> 00:11:12,497
An entire generation raised to love
237
00:11:12,563 --> 00:11:15,097
and accept ourselves no matter what,
238
00:11:15,163 --> 00:11:16,863
without ever realizing that sometimes,
239
00:11:16,997 --> 00:11:21,297
a little self-hatred
is good for the soul.
240
00:11:21,363 --> 00:11:24,097
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
241
00:11:24,163 --> 00:11:25,330
How just.
242
00:11:25,397 --> 00:11:28,497
- Mm.
- Mm.
243
00:11:28,563 --> 00:11:32,197
? ?
244
00:11:32,263 --> 00:11:35,097
JD?
245
00:11:35,163 --> 00:11:36,663
Yeah, he's new.
246
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:38,139
And I'm sure I'd let him suck me off,
247
00:11:38,163 --> 00:11:40,663
but Veronica, he's in high school.
248
00:11:40,730 --> 00:11:42,997
Hey! No girls in the girls restroom!
249
00:11:46,997 --> 00:11:48,163
What do you think?
250
00:11:51,130 --> 00:11:54,297
You know, what if the next
truly revolutionary thing
251
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:56,863
was just to be totally normal?
252
00:11:56,997 --> 00:11:58,497
God, Veronica.
253
00:11:58,563 --> 00:12:00,730
How come you're always
Snape-ing everyone's jizz?
254
00:12:00,797 --> 00:12:04,630
Come on, I'll buy you a slushy.
255
00:12:04,697 --> 00:12:07,430
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
256
00:12:07,497 --> 00:12:09,730
Yeah, the thing about LeBron's game is,
257
00:12:09,797 --> 00:12:11,996
it's actually more
of an all-around game,
258
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,730
whereas Steph Curry's just a shooter.
259
00:12:13,797 --> 00:12:15,163
[ENGINE TURNS OVER]
260
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:19,363
Ugh. Oh. The mix is off.
261
00:12:19,430 --> 00:12:21,563
Yeah, well, I told you to get blue.
262
00:12:21,630 --> 00:12:25,163
? ?
263
00:12:25,230 --> 00:12:30,163
Oh. My. Clit.
264
00:12:30,230 --> 00:12:34,163
Is that Heather McNamara
with... with Mr. Waters?
265
00:12:34,230 --> 00:12:37,163
Heather Chandler is going
to shit herself skinny
266
00:12:37,230 --> 00:12:39,163
when she finds out our
black lesbian friend
267
00:12:39,230 --> 00:12:40,996
is actually only black.
268
00:12:40,997 --> 00:12:44,563
No, Heather, don't send that to Heather.
269
00:12:44,630 --> 00:12:47,763
I'm not a monster, Veronica. God.
270
00:12:47,830 --> 00:12:50,897
? ?
271
00:12:50,997 --> 00:12:53,363
[OLD-TIMEY MUSIC]
272
00:12:53,430 --> 00:12:55,130
? ?
273
00:12:55,197 --> 00:12:56,996
Eight million refugees.
274
00:12:56,997 --> 00:12:58,197
What a shame.
275
00:12:58,263 --> 00:13:00,797
Look at that poor, poor dog.
276
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:03,197
? ?
277
00:13:03,263 --> 00:13:04,630
Ugh.
278
00:13:04,697 --> 00:13:09,430
? ?
279
00:13:09,497 --> 00:13:12,197
[HORN HONKS]
280
00:13:12,263 --> 00:13:15,997
Great hummus, but... I gotta Tesla.
281
00:13:16,030 --> 00:13:19,063
How come I can never get
these little boxes to go away?
282
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:20,830
It's 'cause you're an idiot, Dad.
283
00:13:20,897 --> 00:13:22,630
Oh, yeah.
284
00:13:22,697 --> 00:13:24,797
That's it.
285
00:13:24,863 --> 00:13:26,997
You two.
286
00:13:27,063 --> 00:13:28,797
Oh. Did you see this cat?
287
00:13:28,863 --> 00:13:30,563
? ?
288
00:13:30,630 --> 00:13:32,797
Your first Koenig party.
289
00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:34,797
Now, seriously, Veronica,
half the guys here
290
00:13:34,863 --> 00:13:36,463
have already been profiled in "Kinfolk,"
291
00:13:36,497 --> 00:13:37,997
so please don't embarrass me.
292
00:13:38,063 --> 00:13:40,230
Yeah, I promise, I'm
not gonna act impressed
293
00:13:40,297 --> 00:13:43,230
by anything or anyone.
294
00:13:43,297 --> 00:13:46,230
[UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC]
295
00:13:46,297 --> 00:13:48,230
I need a hot pic in front of this piece.
296
00:13:48,297 --> 00:13:53,630
? ?
297
00:13:53,697 --> 00:13:56,197
Smile.
298
00:13:56,263 --> 00:14:02,863
? ?
299
00:14:02,997 --> 00:14:07,263
Centered? God, you can be such
an UGG boot latte sometimes.
300
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:08,430
? ?
301
00:14:08,497 --> 00:14:11,530
[ECHOING MUSIC INTENSIFIES]
302
00:14:13,263 --> 00:14:15,697
I made you, Veronica.
303
00:14:15,763 --> 00:14:18,497
You were nothing before you met me.
304
00:14:18,563 --> 00:14:20,797
You were a cheerleader.
305
00:14:20,863 --> 00:14:22,697
You were a rich girl.
306
00:14:22,763 --> 00:14:25,063
You were playing
croquet with Betty Finn,
307
00:14:25,130 --> 00:14:28,330
and this... this is how you repay me?
308
00:14:28,397 --> 00:14:29,897
? ?
309
00:14:29,997 --> 00:14:32,063
Wake up, Veronica.
310
00:14:32,130 --> 00:14:34,497
Jacob just asked you what
you thought of this piece.
311
00:14:34,563 --> 00:14:38,497
I find it to be very "art student."
312
00:14:38,563 --> 00:14:41,297
Well, you guys are all
art students, right?
313
00:14:41,363 --> 00:14:43,297
If you're gonna openly be a flooze...
314
00:14:43,363 --> 00:14:46,297
Oh, my God, there's Amita. Amita!
315
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:50,630
? ?
316
00:14:50,697 --> 00:14:52,597
Hey, do you have a car?
317
00:14:52,663 --> 00:14:54,330
Yeah. Why?
318
00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:56,163
? ?
319
00:14:56,230 --> 00:14:57,306
[MUFFLED DANCE MUSIC PLAYS]
320
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,697
Is it any good?
321
00:14:58,763 --> 00:15:01,063
? ?
322
00:15:01,064 --> 00:15:04,130
- _
- No way!
323
00:15:04,197 --> 00:15:07,130
Making it very clear I stopped
as soon as I heard the word "no."
324
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:10,163
How noble.
325
00:15:10,230 --> 00:15:12,097
It was really nice meeting you.
326
00:15:14,230 --> 00:15:16,063
? ?
327
00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:20,563
It's so sculptural.
328
00:15:20,630 --> 00:15:22,297
What is your father wound, Heather?
329
00:15:22,363 --> 00:15:23,763
Veronica!
330
00:15:23,830 --> 00:15:25,863
Can't you see I was talking about art?
331
00:15:25,997 --> 00:15:27,996
No, you posted that pic
of Ram wearing the jersey.
332
00:15:27,997 --> 00:15:29,997
[LAUGHS] Isn't it just?
333
00:15:30,030 --> 00:15:31,997
No. His life is gonna be ruined.
334
00:15:32,030 --> 00:15:34,563
Why are you being so toasty, Veronica?
335
00:15:34,630 --> 00:15:36,563
I'm helping him.
336
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,563
Sure, his life will
suck for a few weeks,
337
00:15:38,630 --> 00:15:40,130
and maybe he'll lose his scholarship
338
00:15:40,197 --> 00:15:41,597
and won't be able to go to college,
339
00:15:41,630 --> 00:15:42,996
but in the end, he'll realize
340
00:15:42,997 --> 00:15:44,563
that disrespecting disadvantaged people
341
00:15:44,630 --> 00:15:46,397
by wearing that shirt is wrong.
342
00:15:46,463 --> 00:15:47,806
Yeah, I think he got that
when you embarrassed him
343
00:15:47,830 --> 00:15:49,197
in the cafeteria, Heather.
344
00:15:49,263 --> 00:15:50,996
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
345
00:15:50,997 --> 00:15:52,763
I let you slide because
346
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,563
you're half Jewish and this is Ohio,
347
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:57,563
but, news flash, no one cares anymore.
348
00:15:57,630 --> 00:16:00,830
? ?
349
00:16:00,897 --> 00:16:05,197
You know what you are, Veronica?
350
00:16:05,263 --> 00:16:07,230
You're nothing.
351
00:16:07,297 --> 00:16:09,197
Well, at least I'm a good person.
352
00:16:09,263 --> 00:16:12,197
? ?
353
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,397
A good person?
354
00:16:14,463 --> 00:16:16,497
Grow up, Veronica.
355
00:16:16,563 --> 00:16:18,997
? ?
356
00:16:19,030 --> 00:16:21,997
You're Panera.
357
00:16:22,063 --> 00:16:23,997
You're Sbarro.
358
00:16:24,063 --> 00:16:25,830
You're Cheesecake Factory!
359
00:16:25,897 --> 00:16:27,863
? ?
360
00:16:27,997 --> 00:16:30,363
[CROWD GASPS]
361
00:16:30,430 --> 00:16:31,830
? ?
362
00:16:31,897 --> 00:16:33,997
You backbench skange!
363
00:16:34,063 --> 00:16:36,130
No, no, no, that was an accident!
364
00:16:36,197 --> 00:16:39,630
You spilled art all over
my brand-new pussy shirt!
365
00:16:39,697 --> 00:16:41,630
Well, then, lick it up, fatty.
366
00:16:41,697 --> 00:16:44,430
Lick... it... up.
367
00:16:44,497 --> 00:16:46,997
? ?
368
00:16:47,063 --> 00:16:50,996
Did you just fat-shame me? In public?
369
00:16:50,997 --> 00:16:52,863
[LAUGHS]
370
00:16:52,997 --> 00:16:54,697
? ?
371
00:16:54,763 --> 00:16:57,197
Once everyone hears about
this, you're history.
372
00:16:57,263 --> 00:17:00,897
Delete your Snapchat,
delete your Instagram,
373
00:17:00,997 --> 00:17:02,697
download a fire extinguishing app,
374
00:17:02,763 --> 00:17:07,197
because Veronica Sawyer
is about to get flamed.
375
00:17:07,263 --> 00:17:09,497
? ?
376
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,413
"Dear diary: I know
what you're thinking.
377
00:17:14,480 --> 00:17:16,240
'Calm down, Veronica.
It's only high school.
378
00:17:16,280 --> 00:17:18,047
It doesn't mean anything.'
379
00:17:18,507 --> 00:17:21,200
But you don't know
what it's like nowadays.
380
00:17:21,270 --> 00:17:24,203
Anything she posts
about me will be cement.
381
00:17:24,270 --> 00:17:26,637
Every school, every job I apply to,
382
00:17:26,703 --> 00:17:29,403
every guy I meet for
the next 10,000 years,
383
00:17:29,470 --> 00:17:31,403
will all know me as the girl
384
00:17:31,470 --> 00:17:35,203
who fat-shamed Heather Chandler!
385
00:17:35,270 --> 00:17:37,603
I mean, congrats, society: we've given
386
00:17:37,670 --> 00:17:40,603
a random high school
senior in Sherwood, Ohio,
387
00:17:40,670 --> 00:17:44,837
more power than...
William Randolph Hearst!
388
00:17:44,903 --> 00:17:48,037
God, why did I call her a fatty?
389
00:17:48,137 --> 00:17:49,870
"I just wish Heather Chandler would die
390
00:17:49,937 --> 00:17:51,837
so I can finally be free."
391
00:17:51,903 --> 00:17:52,937
[WINDOW SHUFFLES]
392
00:17:58,270 --> 00:18:00,137
Saludes y saludos, my dear.
393
00:18:00,203 --> 00:18:02,037
JD, what are you doing here?
394
00:18:03,937 --> 00:18:07,270
Oh, no, shit, give that... back.
395
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,303
What do you want, JD?
396
00:18:09,370 --> 00:18:12,137
We're young. We're free.
397
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:14,937
Let's snort Adderall,
make out, and get slushies.
398
00:18:15,003 --> 00:18:16,603
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
399
00:18:16,670 --> 00:18:18,270
Don't worry about it, Ram.
400
00:18:18,337 --> 00:18:20,303
It will all blow over in a few days.
401
00:18:20,370 --> 00:18:24,703
Hey, I got you some
stuff to cheer you up.
402
00:18:24,770 --> 00:18:27,470
Well, thanks, Kurt. Appreciate it.
403
00:18:27,537 --> 00:18:29,270
Mineral water. Thank you.
404
00:18:29,337 --> 00:18:30,703
A candy dish.
405
00:18:30,770 --> 00:18:33,670
A... postcard? Who is this?
406
00:18:33,737 --> 00:18:35,470
It's Joan Crawford.
407
00:18:35,537 --> 00:18:39,270
Okay, uh... "Stud Puppy"?
408
00:18:39,337 --> 00:18:42,203
Oh. That's for me.
409
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,670
[DOOR DINGS]
410
00:18:45,737 --> 00:18:47,603
So where were you before here?
411
00:18:47,670 --> 00:18:52,270
Sherwood, Ohio... Alaska...
412
00:18:52,337 --> 00:18:55,270
Baton Rouge... and now...
413
00:18:55,337 --> 00:18:57,670
back to Sherwood, Ohio...
414
00:18:57,737 --> 00:19:00,537
and anytime, anywhere,
415
00:19:00,603 --> 00:19:04,537
there has always been
a Snappy Snack Shack.
416
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:07,170
I guess, um...
417
00:19:07,237 --> 00:19:10,770
corporate monotony keeps me sane.
418
00:19:10,837 --> 00:19:13,503
So are you, like, a military kid?
419
00:19:13,570 --> 00:19:16,170
Dad's in energy.
420
00:19:16,237 --> 00:19:18,470
Big Bud Oil and Gas.
421
00:19:18,537 --> 00:19:21,770
- Big Bud, like Big Bud Dean?
- Mm-hmm.
422
00:19:21,837 --> 00:19:24,337
Like the fracking king of Ohio?
423
00:19:24,403 --> 00:19:25,970
Mm-hmm.
424
00:19:26,037 --> 00:19:27,579
Oh, my God, I think Heather dragged me
425
00:19:27,603 --> 00:19:29,770
to a protest at one of your dad's sites.
426
00:19:29,837 --> 00:19:32,703
And where is Sherwood's most
influential teen this evening?
427
00:19:32,770 --> 00:19:35,970
Probably plotting my death.
428
00:19:36,037 --> 00:19:40,137
Yeah. Kind of embarrassed
her at a Koenig party tonight.
429
00:19:40,203 --> 00:19:42,337
Congratulations.
430
00:19:42,403 --> 00:19:45,537
No, JD, a Koenig party's a big deal.
431
00:19:45,603 --> 00:19:47,170
Oh, I know.
432
00:19:47,237 --> 00:19:49,337
Bunch of uptight trust
fund kids standing around
433
00:19:49,403 --> 00:19:52,337
analyzing the meaning of a pile of dirt.
434
00:19:52,403 --> 00:19:55,737
Actually, Ms. Sawyer,
435
00:19:55,803 --> 00:19:57,703
I bet I can beat a Koenig party.
436
00:19:57,770 --> 00:19:59,903
- Oh, can you?
- Yeah.
437
00:19:59,970 --> 00:20:01,537
See, the thing about parties, my dear,
438
00:20:01,603 --> 00:20:04,970
is they're not about location.
439
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,603
They're about who you're with.
440
00:20:06,670 --> 00:20:10,970
And I bet I can throw a
better party right here
441
00:20:11,037 --> 00:20:12,870
at Snappy Snack Shack.
442
00:20:12,937 --> 00:20:14,970
Party for two at the Shack?
443
00:20:15,037 --> 00:20:18,737
First thing every good party needs...
444
00:20:19,837 --> 00:20:20,937
Music.
445
00:20:21,003 --> 00:20:23,770
[UPBEAT ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
446
00:20:23,837 --> 00:20:26,170
Next, libations.
447
00:20:26,237 --> 00:20:27,770
How do you take your slushy?
448
00:20:27,837 --> 00:20:31,837
We have... cherry or blue flavor.
449
00:20:31,903 --> 00:20:34,337
- Oh, why, blue favor, please.
- Mm.
450
00:20:34,403 --> 00:20:36,970
? ?
451
00:20:37,037 --> 00:20:41,537
And the last thing
every good party needs...
452
00:20:41,603 --> 00:20:45,337
? ?
453
00:20:45,403 --> 00:20:48,237
- Atmosphere.
- [BUBBLE GUN WHIRRING]
454
00:20:48,303 --> 00:20:53,970
? ?
455
00:20:54,037 --> 00:20:56,170
So what do you think?
456
00:20:56,237 --> 00:20:58,970
I think your party's great, but...
457
00:20:59,037 --> 00:21:00,803
? ?
458
00:21:00,870 --> 00:21:02,237
Let's get out of here?
459
00:21:02,303 --> 00:21:04,970
? ?
460
00:21:08,970 --> 00:21:11,903
[EERIE ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
461
00:21:11,970 --> 00:21:18,437
? ?
462
00:21:19,670 --> 00:21:21,837
JD, why are we at Heather's house?
463
00:21:21,903 --> 00:21:23,837
We sneak in, put the hat on her head,
464
00:21:23,903 --> 00:21:25,403
snap a quick pic from her phone,
465
00:21:25,470 --> 00:21:27,837
and post it to her accounts
with a simple "LOL,"
466
00:21:27,903 --> 00:21:30,237
and walla, Heather Chandler learns
467
00:21:30,303 --> 00:21:32,003
a valuable after-school lesson.
468
00:21:32,137 --> 00:21:33,837
Where'd you get all this crap?
469
00:21:33,903 --> 00:21:35,403
Dad collects it.
470
00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:37,403
Says it reminds him of a simpler time.
471
00:21:37,470 --> 00:21:39,570
- Gross.
- [CHUCKLES]
472
00:21:40,803 --> 00:21:42,903
What are the pills for?
473
00:21:42,970 --> 00:21:45,570
Schattenselbst pills.
They induce vomiting.
474
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,903
Hitler carried them around
in case he was poisoned.
475
00:21:47,970 --> 00:21:52,270
In the event we want to make things...
476
00:21:52,337 --> 00:21:53,737
messier.
477
00:21:53,803 --> 00:21:55,037
? ?
478
00:21:55,137 --> 00:21:56,646
Okay, well, Heather's not just gonna
479
00:21:56,670 --> 00:21:59,237
swallow a pill 'cause you ask nicely.
480
00:21:59,303 --> 00:22:04,303
Ah. There is one thing
the girl can't resist.
481
00:22:04,370 --> 00:22:06,637
? ?
482
00:22:06,703 --> 00:22:09,170
Yeah, I don't know about this, JD.
483
00:22:09,237 --> 00:22:11,470
Come on, Veronica, don't think of it
484
00:22:11,537 --> 00:22:14,670
like you're hurting Heather Chandler.
485
00:22:14,737 --> 00:22:18,737
Think of it like you're
helping everyone else.
486
00:22:18,803 --> 00:22:20,970
? ?
487
00:22:21,037 --> 00:22:23,970
[SUSPENSEFUL ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
488
00:22:24,037 --> 00:22:26,137
? ?
489
00:22:26,170 --> 00:22:29,303
It's cool. Her parents are in Tulum.
490
00:22:29,370 --> 00:22:36,403
? ?
491
00:22:42,937 --> 00:22:49,970
? ?
492
00:22:52,737 --> 00:22:54,303
Okay, I'm done, let's just post it
493
00:22:54,370 --> 00:22:56,870
- and get out of here...
- Not so fast.
494
00:22:56,937 --> 00:22:58,470
We have to take it from an angle
495
00:22:58,537 --> 00:23:01,537
so that it looks like a selfie.
496
00:23:01,603 --> 00:23:03,903
? ?
497
00:23:03,970 --> 00:23:06,337
And a video for good measure.
498
00:23:08,137 --> 00:23:11,537
? ?
499
00:23:11,603 --> 00:23:15,170
What the queef is this?
500
00:23:15,237 --> 00:23:17,970
? ?
501
00:23:18,037 --> 00:23:19,137
Oh, wow.
502
00:23:19,203 --> 00:23:21,537
I get it.
503
00:23:21,603 --> 00:23:23,170
Prince Harry me as revenge.
504
00:23:23,237 --> 00:23:25,570
Grow up, Veronica.
505
00:23:25,637 --> 00:23:27,970
She told you about her
little mishap, right?
506
00:23:28,037 --> 00:23:29,970
I'm sure she's been scribbling about it
507
00:23:30,037 --> 00:23:32,370
in her little diary all night.
508
00:23:32,437 --> 00:23:34,170
? ?
509
00:23:34,237 --> 00:23:37,370
"Dear cruel world: Everyone thinks
510
00:23:37,437 --> 00:23:40,137
I have it so great, but the truth is,
511
00:23:40,203 --> 00:23:43,937
I'm worthless because I'm nothing."
512
00:23:44,003 --> 00:23:46,437
? ?
513
00:23:46,503 --> 00:23:48,537
Give me my phone.
514
00:23:48,603 --> 00:23:50,703
First, a little dare.
515
00:23:50,770 --> 00:23:53,270
? ?
516
00:23:53,337 --> 00:23:56,670
Down this bag in five seconds,
and you get your phone back.
517
00:23:56,737 --> 00:23:57,937
I'm not gonna do something
518
00:23:58,003 --> 00:24:00,803
just because you dare me to, Snowden.
519
00:24:00,870 --> 00:24:02,803
Oh. I'm sorry.
520
00:24:02,870 --> 00:24:04,803
I didn't realize the
great Heather Chandler
521
00:24:04,870 --> 00:24:06,937
was trying to lose weight.
522
00:24:07,003 --> 00:24:09,003
? ?
523
00:24:09,137 --> 00:24:11,303
How dare you?
524
00:24:11,370 --> 00:24:13,803
? ?
525
00:24:13,870 --> 00:24:16,303
Just give me the Corn Nuts.
526
00:24:16,370 --> 00:24:21,270
? ?
527
00:24:21,337 --> 00:24:23,037
[EXHALES]
528
00:24:23,137 --> 00:24:30,003
? ?
529
00:24:36,337 --> 00:24:38,137
[GAGGING]
530
00:24:38,170 --> 00:24:39,803
[INTENSE STRINGS BUILD]
531
00:24:51,137 --> 00:24:53,537
When's she supposed to throw up?
532
00:24:55,970 --> 00:24:58,803
[EERIE STRING MUSIC]
533
00:24:58,870 --> 00:25:01,670
- Shit.
- No, what do you mean?
534
00:25:01,737 --> 00:25:04,503
I gave her the wrong pills.
These are German suicide pills.
535
00:25:04,570 --> 00:25:06,136
I must've grabbed the wrong ones.
536
00:25:06,137 --> 00:25:07,670
What?
537
00:25:07,737 --> 00:25:09,503
You just killed my best friend!
538
00:25:09,570 --> 00:25:13,037
- You said you wanted her dead.
- Metaphorically!
539
00:25:13,137 --> 00:25:14,303
Oh, my God.
540
00:25:14,370 --> 00:25:16,870
? ?
541
00:25:16,937 --> 00:25:19,870
Oh, my God.
542
00:25:19,937 --> 00:25:22,503
I'm gonna be experimenting
with lesbianism
543
00:25:22,570 --> 00:25:26,503
at San Quentin instead
of Sarah Lawrence.
544
00:25:26,570 --> 00:25:28,303
I've got it.
545
00:25:28,370 --> 00:25:29,870
We make a suicide vid.
546
00:25:29,937 --> 00:25:31,870
How could anything be more "now"?
547
00:25:31,937 --> 00:25:33,703
No, JD, we've gotta call the police.
548
00:25:33,770 --> 00:25:36,303
Do you want to spend the
rest of your life in prison?
549
00:25:36,370 --> 00:25:39,503
Look, as sad as it is,
550
00:25:39,570 --> 00:25:42,437
Heather Chandler is already gone.
551
00:25:42,503 --> 00:25:46,137
What is the point in
ruining two more lives?
552
00:25:46,170 --> 00:25:48,137
Think of it as a statement.
553
00:25:48,203 --> 00:25:51,503
A little creative editing,
and we have ourselves
554
00:25:51,570 --> 00:25:54,136
the perfect example of teenage angst
555
00:25:54,137 --> 00:25:59,136
for our sad, lonely,
connected generation.
556
00:25:59,137 --> 00:26:01,137
Dear cruel world,
557
00:26:01,203 --> 00:26:03,137
everyone thinks I have it so great,
558
00:26:03,203 --> 00:26:05,570
but the truth is, I'm worthless
559
00:26:05,637 --> 00:26:07,370
because I'm nothing.
560
00:26:07,437 --> 00:26:10,737
Oh, my God. Why are we doing this?
561
00:26:10,803 --> 00:26:12,370
Okay, but just trim a few seconds.
562
00:26:12,437 --> 00:26:14,737
We'll get more hits if
we keep it under ten.
563
00:26:14,803 --> 00:26:16,703
That's my girl.
564
00:26:16,770 --> 00:26:18,137
All right.
565
00:26:18,203 --> 00:26:23,170
Sad face emoji, pill emoji, and post.
566
00:26:23,237 --> 00:26:25,370
Now we just sit back and watch
567
00:26:25,437 --> 00:26:27,770
as the world consumes the tragedy
568
00:26:27,837 --> 00:26:30,136
of Heather Chandler.
569
00:26:30,137 --> 00:26:32,937
No, JD, what we just did is wrong.
570
00:26:33,003 --> 00:26:34,703
Don't you get that?
571
00:26:34,770 --> 00:26:36,737
Semantics, my dear.
572
00:26:36,803 --> 00:26:40,003
We're not avoiding taxes,
we're the sharing economy.
573
00:26:40,137 --> 00:26:43,370
We're not destroying jobs,
we're disrupting industries.
574
00:26:43,437 --> 00:26:46,170
And we didn't kill Heather Chandler,
575
00:26:46,237 --> 00:26:48,370
we simply offered her a new and exciting
576
00:26:48,437 --> 00:26:49,937
post-life experience.
577
00:26:50,003 --> 00:26:52,570
Babe... young minds like ourselves
578
00:26:52,637 --> 00:26:54,937
can't be expected to
know right from wrong
579
00:26:55,003 --> 00:26:57,370
when the people society
tells us to admire most
580
00:26:57,437 --> 00:27:00,437
are the very people who've made billions
581
00:27:00,503 --> 00:27:05,003
finding new and innovative ways
to rename criminal behavior.
582
00:27:05,137 --> 00:27:07,270
You're so full of it.
583
00:27:08,270 --> 00:27:09,803
Tomayto, tomahto.
584
00:27:13,270 --> 00:27:16,003
Well, come on.
585
00:27:16,137 --> 00:27:17,803
We're gonna be late for school.
586
00:27:17,870 --> 00:27:20,803
[MELANCHOLY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
587
00:27:20,870 --> 00:27:26,237
? ?
588
00:27:26,303 --> 00:27:29,003
[GIRL SHOUTS INDISTINCTLY]
589
00:27:29,137 --> 00:27:30,710
? ?
590
00:27:30,711 --> 00:27:32,500
_
591
00:27:32,503 --> 00:27:34,237
Did you hear? Heather Chandler
592
00:27:34,303 --> 00:27:36,637
killed herself this morning,
and her suicide video
593
00:27:36,703 --> 00:27:39,637
already made the CNN.com homepage!
594
00:27:39,703 --> 00:27:45,003
? ?
595
00:27:45,137 --> 00:27:48,437
And this girl was popular, you say?
596
00:27:48,503 --> 00:27:51,803
Very. Her suicide video
has 27 million likes,
597
00:27:51,870 --> 00:27:54,170
and she's only been dead a few hours.
598
00:27:54,237 --> 00:27:58,003
I find the Nazi imagery to
be an incredibly powerful
599
00:27:58,137 --> 00:28:00,270
statement about teenage oppression.
600
00:28:00,337 --> 00:28:02,937
I mean, this Heather Chandler
girl was pushing a good 200.
601
00:28:03,003 --> 00:28:06,136
Not to mention, the
performance was flawless.
602
00:28:06,137 --> 00:28:09,270
Of course, I directed her in "Our Town."
603
00:28:09,337 --> 00:28:10,703
Was she really that fat?
604
00:28:10,770 --> 00:28:12,937
The preferred term is "body positive."
605
00:28:13,003 --> 00:28:14,937
Oh, shut up, Pauline.
606
00:28:15,003 --> 00:28:17,270
Principal Gowan, I suggest
that we close the school
607
00:28:17,337 --> 00:28:19,703
for a week, let the
media frenzy die down,
608
00:28:19,770 --> 00:28:22,270
and use that time to
be with any students
609
00:28:22,337 --> 00:28:24,136
who might need some extra comfort.
610
00:28:24,137 --> 00:28:28,870
So fat kids can be popular now?
611
00:28:28,937 --> 00:28:30,303
Oh, and the damn nerds.
612
00:28:30,370 --> 00:28:31,779
Don't tell me they're popular now too.
613
00:28:31,803 --> 00:28:33,703
And the trans kid.
614
00:28:33,770 --> 00:28:35,303
Th... the blacks had a good run.
615
00:28:35,370 --> 00:28:37,037
Obviously, the gays and Jews are over.
616
00:28:37,137 --> 00:28:39,903
What about the Asian
kids? Always liked them.
617
00:28:39,970 --> 00:28:41,003
Never really popped.
618
00:28:41,137 --> 00:28:42,370
Oh, but there is this kid
619
00:28:42,437 --> 00:28:44,303
who's what they call genderqueer
620
00:28:44,370 --> 00:28:46,303
who we find to be very well-liked.
621
00:28:46,370 --> 00:28:50,003
- Is he/she fat?
- Rail thin.
622
00:28:50,137 --> 00:28:51,970
All right, well, at
least that's comforting.
623
00:28:52,037 --> 00:28:55,136
You know, I have experienced
a sickening amount
624
00:28:55,137 --> 00:28:57,203
of intolerance in my life.
625
00:28:57,270 --> 00:28:59,270
Gluten doesn't count, Pauline.
626
00:28:59,337 --> 00:29:04,137
But what I am hearing in this
room really takes the cake.
627
00:29:04,170 --> 00:29:07,570
A popular girl is dead.
628
00:29:07,637 --> 00:29:10,937
And Westerburg is under the spotlight.
629
00:29:11,003 --> 00:29:15,137
The "Times": "Shocking Online
Death Sparks Discussion."
630
00:29:15,203 --> 00:29:18,137
"Jezebel": "How the Patriarchy
Killed Heather Chandler."
631
00:29:18,203 --> 00:29:20,670
I suggest you read that one, David.
632
00:29:20,737 --> 00:29:24,570
The "Drudge Report": "Deceased Obese:
Is Hillary to Blame?"
633
00:29:24,637 --> 00:29:26,770
And... the "Post":
634
00:29:26,837 --> 00:29:29,737
"It's SS Suicide for Nazi Fatty."
635
00:29:29,803 --> 00:29:33,137
Well. How come they get to
say the word "fat," Pauline?
636
00:29:33,170 --> 00:29:37,370
My point is that we
have an opportunity here
637
00:29:37,437 --> 00:29:40,570
to send a message that could reverberate
638
00:29:40,637 --> 00:29:44,037
around the entire planet.
639
00:29:44,137 --> 00:29:47,770
I say we hold a
Celebration of Life rally.
640
00:29:47,837 --> 00:29:51,037
- Oh.
- After school, in the gym.
641
00:29:51,137 --> 00:29:52,937
Will we be getting overtime?
642
00:29:53,003 --> 00:29:54,570
- [SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
- Yeah, yeah, fine.
643
00:29:54,637 --> 00:29:56,370
Pauline, you can organize your little
644
00:29:56,437 --> 00:29:58,770
"woman of the woods" coven,
but only during lunch,
645
00:29:58,837 --> 00:30:01,237
because I'm not paying overtime.
646
00:30:05,003 --> 00:30:07,837
I mean, goddamn, she was fat.
647
00:30:07,903 --> 00:30:10,837
[MELANCHOLY ORGAN MUSIC]
648
00:30:10,903 --> 00:30:17,570
? ?
649
00:30:17,637 --> 00:30:21,137
- This is so sad.
- I know.
650
00:30:21,203 --> 00:30:24,570
They didn't even use a filter.
651
00:30:24,637 --> 00:30:27,770
No one tells you how to
prepare for something like this.
652
00:30:27,837 --> 00:30:32,137
Like... are we supposed
to unfollow her now?
653
00:30:32,203 --> 00:30:34,937
? ?
654
00:30:35,003 --> 00:30:38,370
- I gotta practice my eulogy.
- Wait.
655
00:30:38,437 --> 00:30:41,137
I... I was gonna give her eulogy.
656
00:30:41,203 --> 00:30:43,537
Heather. You can barely read.
657
00:30:43,603 --> 00:30:46,070
Okay, Heather was my
best friend, Heather.
658
00:30:46,137 --> 00:30:47,770
Heather was my best friend, Heather.
659
00:30:47,837 --> 00:30:49,537
I'm giving the eulogy!
660
00:30:49,603 --> 00:30:51,770
Whoever gives this
eulogy has the opportunity
661
00:30:51,837 --> 00:30:54,770
to take the reins from Heather, Heather.
662
00:30:54,837 --> 00:30:56,403
And that should be me.
663
00:30:56,470 --> 00:30:59,570
Okay, I... I think Heather
would want to be euthanized
664
00:30:59,637 --> 00:31:01,570
by an actual female.
665
00:31:01,637 --> 00:31:03,203
[SCOFFS]
666
00:31:03,270 --> 00:31:05,203
And I think Heather
would want to be eulogized
667
00:31:05,270 --> 00:31:06,637
by someone who's actually
668
00:31:06,703 --> 00:31:10,003
a member of the LGBTQQIAAP community.
669
00:31:10,137 --> 00:31:11,637
What?
670
00:31:11,703 --> 00:31:13,403
Where'd you get that?
671
00:31:13,470 --> 00:31:15,003
And post.
672
00:31:15,137 --> 00:31:17,003
[CELL PHONE WHOOPS]
673
00:31:17,137 --> 00:31:18,403
Oh.
674
00:31:18,470 --> 00:31:20,837
I... I'm sorry, Heather.
675
00:31:20,903 --> 00:31:23,737
Looks like now everyone knows
your dirty little secret.
676
00:31:23,803 --> 00:31:30,837
? ?
677
00:31:32,270 --> 00:31:34,037
Isn't it just?
678
00:31:34,137 --> 00:31:37,203
? ?
679
00:31:37,270 --> 00:31:40,203
"Dear diary: I know murdering someone
680
00:31:40,270 --> 00:31:42,203
is totally rude, but, then again,
681
00:31:42,270 --> 00:31:44,637
isn't hating on someone
for being a murderer
682
00:31:44,703 --> 00:31:47,203
equally as rude?"
683
00:31:47,270 --> 00:31:49,637
No, that reads as if I'm stupid.
684
00:31:49,703 --> 00:31:51,837
[MOODY ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
685
00:31:51,903 --> 00:31:55,003
"Dear diary: JD is right.
686
00:31:55,137 --> 00:31:56,637
I can't be held responsible.
687
00:31:56,703 --> 00:31:59,437
I'm just a poor lovestruck girl
688
00:31:59,503 --> 00:32:03,703
who has been manipulated
by a guy into... "
689
00:32:03,770 --> 00:32:07,370
No, that makes me sound like I'm
reinforcing gender stereotypes.
690
00:32:07,437 --> 00:32:09,470
? ?
691
00:32:09,537 --> 00:32:13,136
"Dear diary: I don't
know why I did what I did,
692
00:32:13,137 --> 00:32:14,470
'cause I'm 17!
693
00:32:14,537 --> 00:32:16,703
There, is that what you want?
694
00:32:16,770 --> 00:32:18,703
I don't know!"
695
00:32:18,770 --> 00:32:20,903
- I'm sorry about Heather...
- Oh, hey, Betty.
696
00:32:20,970 --> 00:32:23,270
I know she thought I
was a total multi-cam,
697
00:32:23,337 --> 00:32:27,470
but I admired her anyway.
698
00:32:27,537 --> 00:32:29,403
Thanks, Betty.
699
00:32:31,137 --> 00:32:36,503
Hey, you know, maybe you could come
over today for a game of croquet?
700
00:32:36,570 --> 00:32:38,037
Like old times?
701
00:32:38,137 --> 00:32:40,137
I'll let you be blue.
702
00:32:41,570 --> 00:32:43,770
I'm busy.
703
00:32:46,337 --> 00:32:48,870
[MELANCHOLY ORGAN MUSIC]
704
00:32:48,937 --> 00:32:51,270
[EXHALES NOISILY]
705
00:32:51,337 --> 00:32:56,903
"Sad face emoji. Pill emoji."
706
00:32:56,970 --> 00:33:00,970
The powerful last words
of Heather Chandler.
707
00:33:01,037 --> 00:33:06,837
Many of you may be asking,
"How can any of us go on
708
00:33:06,903 --> 00:33:11,537
when even a popular girl can be sad?"
709
00:33:11,603 --> 00:33:13,270
The answer?
710
00:33:13,337 --> 00:33:16,003
We must find someone to blame.
711
00:33:16,137 --> 00:33:17,537
? ?
712
00:33:17,603 --> 00:33:20,970
But blame not Heather Chandler.
713
00:33:21,037 --> 00:33:24,537
Blame her not, for she was a victim
714
00:33:24,603 --> 00:33:27,637
of a society that asked too much of her.
715
00:33:27,703 --> 00:33:32,703
No, instead, we must turn our gaze
716
00:33:32,770 --> 00:33:35,970
to the murderess herself!
717
00:33:36,037 --> 00:33:38,637
Veronica!
718
00:33:38,703 --> 00:33:41,037
[INTENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
719
00:33:43,403 --> 00:33:45,770
To the drugs.
720
00:33:45,837 --> 00:33:48,970
The very drugs that
many of you young people
721
00:33:49,037 --> 00:33:52,136
are Molly'd up on at this very moment.
722
00:33:52,137 --> 00:33:56,737
While we may not have
proof... mm... she does.
723
00:33:56,803 --> 00:34:00,270
And now a eul-y-ogy.
724
00:34:06,470 --> 00:34:09,403
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
725
00:34:09,470 --> 00:34:16,503
? ?
726
00:34:19,137 --> 00:34:24,837
Um... my name is Betty Finn.
727
00:34:24,903 --> 00:34:28,603
And... um...
728
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:31,037
Heather Chandler hated me.
729
00:34:31,137 --> 00:34:34,037
Well, it didn't always
start out that way.
730
00:34:34,137 --> 00:34:35,837
Uh, she was my next-door neighbor.
731
00:34:35,903 --> 00:34:37,637
We grew up together.
732
00:34:37,703 --> 00:34:40,037
We played hide-and-seek and
braided each other's hair.
733
00:34:40,137 --> 00:34:44,137
But as happens so
often, high school came.
734
00:34:44,203 --> 00:34:47,037
She was that fabulous alternative girl
735
00:34:47,137 --> 00:34:49,837
everyone wanted to be...
736
00:34:49,903 --> 00:34:52,637
and I was just...
737
00:34:52,703 --> 00:34:53,837
[STIRRING STRING MUSIC]
738
00:34:53,903 --> 00:34:56,637
Well, a nobody.
739
00:34:56,703 --> 00:34:59,037
? ?
740
00:34:59,137 --> 00:35:02,470
But I don't blame Heather for hating me.
741
00:35:02,537 --> 00:35:07,137
Our society set those rules, not her.
742
00:35:07,170 --> 00:35:11,137
But maybe... maybe we
can take this moment
743
00:35:11,170 --> 00:35:13,903
to start chipping away
at some of those rules.
744
00:35:13,970 --> 00:35:15,303
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
745
00:35:15,370 --> 00:35:17,903
To create a Westerburg where...
746
00:35:17,970 --> 00:35:21,270
where Heathers... and Rams...
747
00:35:21,337 --> 00:35:23,903
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS]
748
00:35:23,970 --> 00:35:29,137
And Bettys... no, and
everyone in between,
749
00:35:29,170 --> 00:35:31,603
where we can all be friends!
750
00:35:31,670 --> 00:35:34,270
? ?
751
00:35:34,337 --> 00:35:39,270
So let's take a stand,
right here, right now.
752
00:35:39,337 --> 00:35:41,737
Well, go ahead. Stand up!
753
00:35:41,803 --> 00:35:45,137
[CROWD MURMURING IN AGREEMENT]
754
00:35:45,170 --> 00:35:47,270
And let us recognize
755
00:35:47,337 --> 00:35:52,270
that we are all one.
756
00:35:52,337 --> 00:35:53,337
Thank you.
757
00:35:53,370 --> 00:35:54,903
Yeah! Whoo!
758
00:35:54,970 --> 00:35:56,270
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
759
00:35:56,337 --> 00:35:58,270
[BOTH TALKING INDISTINCTLY]
760
00:35:58,337 --> 00:36:01,337
[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]
761
00:36:01,403 --> 00:36:04,437
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]
762
00:36:06,403 --> 00:36:09,770
ALL: [CHANTING] Betty!
Betty! Betty! Betty!
763
00:36:09,837 --> 00:36:12,303
Betty! Betty! Betty!
764
00:36:12,370 --> 00:36:15,303
[DJ SHADOW'S "NOBODY SPEAK"]
765
00:36:15,370 --> 00:36:21,737
? ?
766
00:36:21,803 --> 00:36:24,970
? Nobody speak, nobody
get choked, hey ?
767
00:36:25,037 --> 00:36:27,970
? ?
768
00:36:28,037 --> 00:36:30,970
? Nobody speak, nobody
get choked, hey ?
769
00:36:31,037 --> 00:36:32,470
? ?
770
00:36:32,537 --> 00:36:34,537
? Nobody speak ?
771
00:36:34,603 --> 00:36:36,337
That basic-cable bitch.
772
00:36:36,403 --> 00:36:39,737
Stop using Heather's lines, Heather.
773
00:36:39,803 --> 00:36:41,353
Jesus, Julie, stop being such
774
00:36:41,354 --> 00:36:44,537
a whorn-out human
bounce house, and smile.
775
00:36:46,037 --> 00:36:49,337
New boss, meet newer boss.
776
00:36:49,403 --> 00:36:52,237
Well, fuck me gently with a chainsaw.
777
00:36:55,113 --> 00:36:56,680
What I'll remember most
778
00:36:56,747 --> 00:36:58,480
about Heather is... her kindness.
779
00:36:58,547 --> 00:37:00,747
I mean, you don't get
to 245,000 followers
780
00:37:00,813 --> 00:37:03,813
unless you're truly a good person.
781
00:37:03,880 --> 00:37:06,247
[CRYING]
782
00:37:15,980 --> 00:37:18,113
I'm Veronica.
783
00:37:18,180 --> 00:37:19,913
Pat�?
784
00:37:19,980 --> 00:37:22,113
Vegetarian.
785
00:37:22,180 --> 00:37:23,647
Of course you are.
786
00:37:28,180 --> 00:37:29,747
"How was work today, pop?"
787
00:37:29,813 --> 00:37:31,747
Oh, great, kids!
788
00:37:31,813 --> 00:37:33,113
Some little pansy journo
789
00:37:33,180 --> 00:37:34,747
who's never had a real job in his life
790
00:37:34,813 --> 00:37:37,547
writes an op-ed piece about
fracking is bad for Ohio,
791
00:37:37,647 --> 00:37:41,113
and I gotta haul ass before
the goddamn legislature.
792
00:37:41,180 --> 00:37:45,013
Tough times to be a
rich white dude, son.
793
00:37:46,980 --> 00:37:49,747
Oh, we'll be fine, pop.
794
00:37:49,813 --> 00:37:50,956
A few campaign contributions,
795
00:37:50,980 --> 00:37:53,747
a couple of well-timed TV spots,
796
00:37:53,813 --> 00:37:55,547
a nighttime visit to his editor's house.
797
00:37:55,647 --> 00:37:57,547
Well, son, your presence here
798
00:37:57,647 --> 00:38:00,980
has been lovely, as usual,
but if you don't mind,
799
00:38:01,047 --> 00:38:02,647
my girlfriend and I would like to start
800
00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:05,980
having sexual intercourse now.
801
00:38:06,047 --> 00:38:09,080
It was nice to meet you... Veronica.
802
00:38:12,680 --> 00:38:15,947
"Don't forget to use a condom, son."
803
00:38:19,047 --> 00:38:21,180
Well, he hates me.
804
00:38:21,247 --> 00:38:23,180
He's an acquired taste.
805
00:38:23,247 --> 00:38:25,413
He was pretty normal, actually,
806
00:38:25,480 --> 00:38:28,980
till we had what we refer
to as "the incident."
807
00:38:29,047 --> 00:38:31,980
Regular night... Mom... vacuumed,
808
00:38:32,047 --> 00:38:33,647
cooked dinner, set the table,
809
00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:35,980
and then just in time for
pops and I to get home,
810
00:38:36,047 --> 00:38:38,180
she doused the whole place in gasoline,
811
00:38:38,247 --> 00:38:40,980
put a bullet in her head.
812
00:38:41,047 --> 00:38:43,980
[SOMBER BELL MUSIC]
813
00:38:44,047 --> 00:38:46,813
I'm so sorry.
814
00:38:46,880 --> 00:38:48,647
Last thing I saw was her waving at me
815
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,180
from the upstairs window,
816
00:38:50,247 --> 00:38:52,180
and even at that age, I remember knowing
817
00:38:52,247 --> 00:38:54,647
that she felt nothing.
818
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:56,380
? ?
819
00:38:56,447 --> 00:38:59,180
And neither did I.
820
00:38:59,247 --> 00:39:03,780
? ?
821
00:39:06,722 --> 00:39:08,522
_
822
00:39:08,723 --> 00:39:11,457
- Heather! Heather!
- Calm down.
823
00:39:11,523 --> 00:39:13,257
It's probably another one of her,
824
00:39:13,323 --> 00:39:15,590
what does she call it, one
of her video art skits...
825
00:39:15,657 --> 00:39:16,890
[GASPS]
826
00:39:16,957 --> 00:39:18,090
[DRAMATIC ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
827
00:39:18,157 --> 00:39:19,257
Oh, my God.
828
00:39:19,323 --> 00:39:24,957
? ?
829
00:39:26,323 --> 00:39:27,690
See?
830
00:39:27,757 --> 00:39:29,557
Oh, Heather...
831
00:39:29,623 --> 00:39:33,057
I just had the carpets steamed.
832
00:39:33,123 --> 00:39:34,733
She was just doing
one of her phone snaps
833
00:39:34,757 --> 00:39:36,457
and got a Corn Nut stuck in her throat.
834
00:39:36,523 --> 00:39:39,090
Heather, you know we don't allow
corn syrup in this household.
835
00:39:39,157 --> 00:39:40,557
I'm fine.
836
00:39:40,623 --> 00:39:42,890
Just get the hell out of my room! Go!
837
00:39:42,957 --> 00:39:45,257
- Okay, sweetie.
- See, you upset her.
838
00:39:45,323 --> 00:39:47,223
Are we ever gonna get
those carpets cleaned?
839
00:39:47,290 --> 00:39:49,923
[MUTTERING INDISTINCTLY]
840
00:39:49,990 --> 00:39:57,023
? ?
841
00:40:04,157 --> 00:40:07,190
[CELL PHONE CHIMING]
842
00:40:14,523 --> 00:40:17,257
Dear cruel world, everyone thinks
843
00:40:17,323 --> 00:40:19,890
I have it so great, but the truth is,
844
00:40:19,957 --> 00:40:22,890
I'm worthless because I'm nothing.
845
00:40:22,957 --> 00:40:25,257
That little bitch.
846
00:40:25,323 --> 00:40:29,457
I'm gonna rip her
to... 27 million likes?
847
00:40:29,523 --> 00:40:32,457
[INTENSE ELECTRONIC MUSIC]
848
00:40:32,523 --> 00:40:35,090
? ?
849
00:40:35,157 --> 00:40:37,823
I'm fucking famous.
850
00:40:43,157 --> 00:40:44,357
This season on "Heathers"...
851
00:40:44,390 --> 00:40:45,857
We killed Heather together.
852
00:40:45,923 --> 00:40:46,923
Hello, Veronica.
853
00:40:46,923 --> 00:40:50,320
I plan to become the
new face of suicide,
854
00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:52,923
and you are two gonna help
me with that whenever I want.
855
00:40:52,930 --> 00:40:56,363
The world is just going to hell,
and nobody seems to care!
856
00:40:56,365 --> 00:40:57,365
- [ELECTRICITY ZAPS]
- [VERONICA SCREAMS]
857
00:40:57,463 --> 00:40:58,863
We are taking out the trash
858
00:40:58,930 --> 00:41:00,173
the garbage trucks won't pick up.
859
00:41:00,197 --> 00:41:02,930
It's my party, Heather.
You're just catering it.
860
00:41:02,997 --> 00:41:04,597
The winds of friendship have changed.
861
00:41:05,033 --> 00:41:06,833
There is no plan, Veronica.
862
00:41:06,900 --> 00:41:09,000
Well, then, what's for us?
863
00:41:09,067 --> 00:41:10,533
Chaos.
864
00:41:10,600 --> 00:41:12,933
Everyone close to her commits suicide.
865
00:41:13,000 --> 00:41:15,600
[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]
866
00:41:15,667 --> 00:41:17,633
It all makes sense.
867
00:41:17,767 --> 00:41:19,500
You and me against the world?
868
00:41:19,567 --> 00:41:22,033
Me and you against the world.
869
00:41:22,100 --> 00:41:23,167
Jealous much?
870
00:41:23,233 --> 00:41:25,067
[EXPLOSION BOOMS]
871
00:41:25,133 --> 00:41:27,067
I'm just here for the drama.
872
00:41:27,133 --> 00:41:30,500
And you straight people have once
again disappointed me in that arena.
873
00:41:30,567 --> 00:41:33,167
[MOODY FINGER SNAPS]
874
00:41:33,168 --> 00:41:38,168
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
875
00:41:38,218 --> 00:41:42,768
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