All language subtitles for Happily Divorced s02e18 Love Thy Neighbor.eng

Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience,

and based on what actually
happened to me.

[Women giggling, screaming]

Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org

Oh.

[Groans]

Excuse me!
This is your neighbor speaking!

The noise you're making
is very irritating.

Ditto!

Look, I'm just trying
to be nice.

Can you please
just keep it down?

Keep talking and it'll go down
on its own!

That does it.

It's like living next door
to Charlie Sheen.

[Giggling]

Excuse me.
Hi, hi.

- I'm your neighbor.
- Oh.

And I-I know that you're new
to the neighborhood,

but if you wouldn't mind keeping
it down a little bit,

some people are just trying
to sleep.

It's 9:30!

- Okay. It's Neil, right?
- Yeah.

You know, I have to get up
very early to Skype my fiance,

and he's in London.

- Oh, your fiance's in London?
- Mm-hmm.

Well, then who's the man
who sings call me maybe

in the shower every morning?

Eh, that's my ex-husband,
Peter.

Yeah, not all of America's
got talent.

So, if you wouldn't mind just
bringing it down a notch,

- I'd really appreciate it.
- No problem, love.

[Giggling]
Oh.

Don't do that, don't do that.

You might release the beast.

- [Giggling]
- Uh, eh, uh...

You know, I don't know how they
measure "a notch" in England,

but, uh, that ain't it.

Maybe we should go.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

Just ignore her, ladies.
She's frustrated.

She's missing her fiance,
she's pushing 40,

and she's looking at you two
lovely young things.

Okay, okay, all right.
You know what?

You know nothing about me.

Except for my age,
which you nailed.

And frankly, I'm offended that
you're not taking me seriously.

Excuse me.
My eyes are up here.

Oh!
Uh, well,

clearly we cannot come
to a meeting of the minds,

so, might I suggest
that we have a compromise?

You should build a privacy wall
to keep out the sound.

And what are you gonna do?

Hello, did I not
just come up

with the whole
privacy wall concept?

Now, if you would like
your lawyers

to get in touch with mine,

they can be reached
at legalzoom.com.

Good night, sir!

God, great ass!

Oh! Well, that just does it,
mister.

You have crossed a line.
I am not a piece of meat!

I was talking about her.

Oh.
My mistake.

I'm sorry to have interrupted
your weekend with the kids.

[Bubbly music]

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

Well, I'm sorry, but when
something is supposed to be

delivered at 8:00 A.M. and it
doesn't come until 9:00 A.M.,

that's just poor business!

I don't know what the hell
kind of business

you people
are running here!

Fran?

Well, I'm sorry,
but that noisy neighbor Neil

kept me up all night,

and then I overslept and I
missed my sex Skype with Elliot.

Uh, never had a husband,
I don't have a fiance.

I ordered a vanilla latte
and this is pumpkin spice,

but look,
things are tough all over!

Well, when was the last time
you had sex?

Ooh, well, let me see.
Today's wednesday, right?

- Yeah.
- Okay.

I'm taking my morning break.

What the hell
are you wearing?

The new neighbor,
he is so nice.

He said to come over anytime
to use his jacuzzi.

He is the enemy!

I'm sorry, but the state
of California mandates

that I get a 15-minute break
to spend as I damn well please.

Oh, fine, go!
I don't need you!

I do everything myself anyway!

Hey, look,
you're screaming at Cesar,

you've got a paperboy crying
in the driveway.

That's it!
I will have sex with you.

Get in that bedroom, woman.

I got ten minutes till
cupcake wars.

- Peter.
- Well, your loss.

Guess who gets
to spend the weekend

in Joan Collins's
fabulous penthouse condo.

Oh, so she's away and you have
to empty the cat's litter box.

No, the cat has been trained
to use the toilet.

I have to be there to flush.

Hello, neighbors.

Well, hel-lo!

He is a degenerate
womanizer.

- Judi.
- Hello.

He likes them
young and slutty.

Well, one out of two
ain't bad.

Well, Neil,
I hardly recognized you

when not surrounded
by bubbles and Tequila.

How did you know
their names?

So, listen,
I thought about it,

and I've decided to build
that privacy wall you suggested.

That's very nice.
Thank you.

However, I was looking at
the survey with my contractor,

and as it turns out,
part of your flower shop

is on my property.

It most certainly is not!

I have the plans
right here.

Well, I'll just have
to speak with my realtor.

What the hell
is he talking about?

You remember when you insisted
that we punch another six feet

out so that you could have
a pebbled pathway

- and a walk-in fridge?
- Yeah.

And I told you to go
to the assessor's office

to make sure you were staying
in our property line?

- Yeah.
- Did any of that happen?

No.

Well, it appears
as if we've had

a slight oversight
on our part.

Mm-hmm.

So, we would like
to discuss this in private.

If you'll excuse us?

Sure.
I'll be at my place.

All I did was ask
that he put up

a simple little privacy wall,

and the next thing you know
he marches his ass in

and tells me that my shop
is on his property.

- Fran...
- Oh, sweetie, I'm sorry.

I'm just rambling.

What did you ask me again?

To take off your bra.

Oh, Elliot, I'm so sorry.

This is supposed to be
our sexy time.

From this moment on, it's
just you and me, and...

Fran, hi.
I'm at Joan's apartment.

I forgot my razor.

Does this stubble make me look
hot or homeless?

Okay, so why don't you tell
me what you're gonna do next?

Oh, well, I got a cousin,
Richard, who's a contractor.

I thought that I would show him
the original blueprints...

Fran, Fran,
you know what I do

when something's giving me
a headache?

I get rid of it.

Oh, God, I'm sorry.
Do you want to see my boobs?

Yeah, I would love to.
But what I meant was,

maybe you should close
the flower shop, sweetie.

Maybe this all happened
for a reason.

Maybe you should get on a plane
and come be here with me.

Get rid of the shop?

But that's...
That's my business.

[Phone ringing]

Look, just promise me
you'll think about it, okay?

I gotta take this call.

No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

This is important.
I cut off my call.

Honey, that was Peter.
This is Elton John.

It's a little different.

Not so much.

Babe, I'm sorry.

Oh, all right.

I guess this is what it is

when you're engaged
to a powerful man.

I mean, Obama makes time
for his wife,

but, you know,
your job's hard too.

"Hey, just chilling
in Joan's crib."

[Camera clicks]

[Doorbell rings]

Coming!

Crop, red eye, soften, tweet.

Hey, what are you doing here?

Hi, Petey.
I gotta talk to you.

I was skyping with Elliot,
and he said...

Holy crap!
Would you look at this place?

Oh, I never should have
given up acting.

Why couldn't they see
what I had?

Oh, sweetie, they did.

And then, they heard.

Anyway, I was telling Elliot
all about Neil and everything,

and he said
that he thought

that I should give up
the flower shop

and go be with him in England.

Do you think I should go?

Yes!

What are you, an idiot?

Ma!

Dori, are you wearing
Joan's shoes?

She's got 800 pairs.

She's not gonna miss one.

Ma, what the hell
are you doing here?

She's with me.

Dor, olive's pre-stuffed
with blue cheese.

You know the hours
this would save me?

Our future son-in-law
has offered our daughter

the chance to never work again,
and she can't decide.

Why don't you flip a nickel?

That's all you got
in your purse.

So, your vote would be
that I give up my career?

I did.

I was on the road
with the sound of music

playing the reverend mother.

You know why I gave it up?

'Cause it's kind of hard
to climb every Mountain

when you're
six months pregnant?

[Grunts]

Sweetheart,
what's wrong

with letting a man provide
for you?

I don't know, it's just...
I've always thought of myself

as such a independent,
self-sufficient woman.

Oy, I'm gonna kill
that Mary Tyler Moore.

Yeah, Fran, don't blow this.
Listen, I know I told you

there's a lot of fish
in the sea, but truth be told,

they ain't looking
for 50-year-old snapper.

I don't know.

Relying on a man
to take care of me?

I mean, is that who I am?

One of those women
that just shop and get massaged

and lay around all day?

My God, what is this
stuffed with?

It's like lying
on fresh sourdough.

Yes, and this could all
be yours.

So, all three of you think

that I should give up
the flower shop

and go be with Elliot?

All: Yes!

Well, that is good enough
for me.

[Laughter, cheering]

I'm not going!

Miss Fran?

Oh, good.
Cesar, could you hold this?

I'm looking for
the blueprints

from when I built
the flower shop.

There's gotta be some kind
of a loophole.

- Miss Fran...
- Oh, look.

Here's when I got
my certificate

from reaching my goal weight
with weight watchers.

Oh, yeah,
here's my divorce papers.

Yeah, here's my welcome back
letter from weight watchers.

- But Mr. Elliot...
- Oh, yeah.

It's about that time
for me to go Skype him.

I gotta tell him
that I'm not going to England,

because I wouldn't sell my place
or get rid of it.

The flower shop?
I would miss you too much.

And if I... Cesar,
what's happening here?

Hey, Frannie.

[Gasps] Oh, my God, Elliot!
Sweetie!

Oh, my God!
I can't believe this.

I was just about
to get undressed and call you.

Well, now you can
just get undressed.

Oh, sweetie, wow!

This is unbelievable.

What are you doing here?

Well, it was gonna be
a surprise.

You know,
I kind of got the feeling

from our phone conversation

that you wanted
to keep the flower shop.

Oh, God, you see?

That's why I love you so much.

Stupid Peter
and my stupid parents.

They don't get me at all.

Well, that's why
I bought it back for you.

What'd you buy back?

Your shop.
I went next door

and gave your neighbor
a check for the property.

He's a pretty reasonable guy.

Wait a minute,
wait a minute.

You bought back
my flower shop?

We didn't even talk
about that.

That's what a surprise is.

You know, I had
a big surprise in this house.

I don't like 'em anymore.

Babe, wait a second.
What's the big deal?

I-I got your shop back,
now it's yours.

No, actually,
now it's yours.

My God,
how could you do this to me?

I just got here!

I mean, that is
a huge decision to make,

without even consulting me?

Wait a second.
I made the decision

that you wanted me to make.

You wouldn't have told me
if you didn't want me

to do something about it.

Fran, when you say you want
to go to the movies,

I take you to the movies.

When you say you're
in the mood for a salad,

I know I'm supposed
to bring you a salad.

No, you're supposed
to bring me ice cream.

It's just, I don't want you
to think I'm a pig.

I canceled a recording session,
I flew across the ocean,

and then I wrote
a check for 40 grand

to buy back the business
that you love.

Oh, my God!

How could you do that to me?

I don't understand
what I did to you.

How could you not understand
what you did to me?

Fran! Fran!

Does anybody understand
what I did to her?

- Women.
- Can't live with them...

[Laughs] Can't afford
to live without them.

You know, Neil,

I really appreciate you giving
me the check back.

You didn't have to do that.

Hey, no worries, Elliot.

Look, here's to your first
big fight with the fiancee.

[Laughs] I remember
our first big fight.

I was heading out for 'nam.

'Nam?

A little Vietnamese restaurant
on Melrose.

I loved that place.

Fran always wanted to go
to via fettuccine.

How did you get out
of that one?

We compromised.

Fran went to via fettuccine,
and I went with her.

I gotta say, I still don't
understand what I did wrong.

Ah.
Learn from the master.

"Honey, I was wrong.
You were right.

I love you.
I'm not gay."

- That's it?
- Happy Fran, happy man.

Go get her.

All right.
Thanks, Pete.

Wish me luck, gentlemen.

- Good luck.
- All right.

[Sighs]

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

I don't know.
What are you thinking?

Send out for Vietnamese!

Absolutely.

Can we talk?

All depends on what
you have to say.

You were right, I was wrong,
and I love you.

Come in.
Let me put my salad down.

Sweetie, do you understand why
I was right and you were wrong?

I'm not gay.

I love what you tried
to do for me, I really do.

But you gotta understand
why you don't understand me.

I don't even understand
what you just said.

Over here, you.

You know,
when my marriage ended,

I had nothing
except my little flower shop

that I started all by myself
with nothing.

And even though
it doesn't make money,

and I'm always on the verge
of bankruptcy,

and yesterday I just found termites...
It's all mine.

I get it.

I get how important
the flower shop is to you.

No, it's not about
the flower shop.

That's what I meant.

It's about
what it represents.

It's about my independence.

It's who I am.

So, you know, when I go
visit you in England,

and we go to some fancy party
and somebody says,

"hey, Fran, what do you do?"

I can say,
"well, duchess Kate Middleton...

I own a flower shop."

And I don't.

Oh, Elliot, thank you.

You really do get me.

- Mm.
- Mm.

You know,
sometimes I just like

- to take care of myself.
- Mm-hmm.

But other times,
I really, really don't.

- [Doorbell rings]
- Oh.

Good afternoon, Neil.

I got your note.
What's so important?

Well, uh, I have
a proposition for you.

Your fiance just left!
You naughty girl.

Can we please just talk about
my flower shop?

Don't you mean
our flower shop?

First of all,
I would like to thank you

for returning the check
to my fiance.

- Mm-hmm.
- From now on,

you'll be doing business
strictly with me.

Ooh.

Ah, watermarked paper.
Fancy.

Actually, it's pesto.

And, as you can see, I've
proposed a generous payment plan.

$500 a month could work.

That's per year.

You do realize
this is an absurd offer,

and I have no reason
to take it?

Although... Having
something to hold over you

would give me so much joy.

My eyes are up here.

- Deal?
- Deal.

Well, okay then.

I'm gonna say something
to you

that I've never said
to a woman before.

Happy 30th birthday?
[Laughter]

No, I'm gonna say
that I'm very impressed,

and that I respect you.

Oh, well...
[Clears throat]

Thank you.

Well, it's been a pleasure
doing business with you.

Mm-hmm.

Don't cash the check
till wednesday.

This is my house,
and you are the guest.

Okay, thank you.
Good neighbor.

- Bye.
- See you, bye.

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD
www.addic7ed.com/

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