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1
00:00:01,241 --> 00:00:02,675
Happily divorced
is shot
2
00:00:02,676 --> 00:00:04,922
before a live audience.
3
00:00:07,352 --> 00:00:08,428
Oh, ma.
4
00:00:08,429 --> 00:00:10,555
Brisket at 10:00
in the morning?
5
00:00:10,556 --> 00:00:14,899
Ugh, I'm nauseous.
Ooh, are those little potatoes?
6
00:00:14,900 --> 00:00:17,567
Mm, and I was gonna be
so good today.
7
00:00:17,568 --> 00:00:20,167
Go ahead, sweetheart.
Everybody's fat.
8
00:00:23,569 --> 00:00:26,836
Peter, don't you look gorgeous
in your jogging outfit.
9
00:00:26,837 --> 00:00:28,737
He gets a
"don't you look gorgeous,"
10
00:00:28,738 --> 00:00:31,338
and I get "everybody's fat"?
11
00:00:31,339 --> 00:00:32,573
Thank you, Dori.
12
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:33,775
I'm trying to impress
this new guy
13
00:00:33,776 --> 00:00:34,976
in my spinning class.
14
00:00:34,977 --> 00:00:37,077
Listen, doll,
if I were a gay man,
15
00:00:37,078 --> 00:00:40,313
I would climb you
like a tree.
16
00:00:42,316 --> 00:00:43,749
- Hey, kid.
- Daddy!
17
00:00:43,750 --> 00:00:45,618
What happened to you?
18
00:00:45,619 --> 00:00:47,353
You're all black and blue.
19
00:00:47,354 --> 00:00:49,388
Oh, a little car mishap.
20
00:00:49,389 --> 00:00:51,925
Some idiot installed
a new stop sign
21
00:00:51,926 --> 00:00:53,696
on the corner
of third and galaxy.
22
00:00:53,697 --> 00:00:57,967
New? That stop sign's been
there for 20 years.
23
00:00:57,968 --> 00:01:01,403
Not anymore.
24
00:01:01,404 --> 00:01:03,638
- Did you see a doctor?
- For what?
25
00:01:03,639 --> 00:01:06,941
For a pap smear, daddy.
26
00:01:06,942 --> 00:01:08,943
You were in a car accident.
27
00:01:08,944 --> 00:01:10,580
Maybe you should be
checked out.
28
00:01:10,581 --> 00:01:12,382
It's a little bump.
This is nothing.
29
00:01:12,383 --> 00:01:14,284
Remember, I served in the war.
30
00:01:14,285 --> 00:01:17,556
You served Turkey
in a mess hall.
31
00:01:17,557 --> 00:01:18,825
Cut him a break, Fran.
32
00:01:18,826 --> 00:01:20,127
That corner is dark
at night.
33
00:01:22,431 --> 00:01:24,934
Well, what,
were you not paying attention?
34
00:01:24,935 --> 00:01:26,035
Were you eating?
35
00:01:26,036 --> 00:01:28,637
Were you listening
to Howard stern?
36
00:01:28,638 --> 00:01:31,241
What is this,
Encino?
37
00:01:31,242 --> 00:01:34,346
Uh, I knocked over
one stop sign.
38
00:01:34,347 --> 00:01:38,083
Ma, don't you think
that we should do something?
39
00:01:38,084 --> 00:01:39,351
Listen, darling.
40
00:01:39,352 --> 00:01:41,419
You're 45.
You're single.
41
00:01:41,420 --> 00:01:43,588
You're still living
with your gay ex-husband.
42
00:01:43,589 --> 00:01:47,125
You got bigger fish
to fry.
43
00:01:47,126 --> 00:01:49,628
There is nothing wrong
with me.
44
00:01:49,629 --> 00:01:52,030
If you really want to help,
call the insurance company
45
00:01:52,031 --> 00:01:53,967
and get an actual human being
on the line.
46
00:01:53,968 --> 00:01:55,469
All right,
but please, daddy,
47
00:01:55,470 --> 00:01:56,937
just sit down, sit down.
48
00:01:56,938 --> 00:01:59,274
I'm fine.
Not that phone.
49
00:01:59,275 --> 00:02:01,876
There are animals
living in there.
50
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
51
00:02:07,683 --> 00:02:09,651
♪ she was certain
that he was the one ♪
52
00:02:09,652 --> 00:02:12,353
♪ and only ♪
53
00:02:12,354 --> 00:02:14,722
♪ but their union
always seemed ♪
54
00:02:14,723 --> 00:02:17,792
♪ a little forced ♪
55
00:02:17,793 --> 00:02:20,461
♪ she got married anyway ♪
56
00:02:20,462 --> 00:02:22,363
♪ turns out that he was gay ♪
57
00:02:22,364 --> 00:02:24,064
♪ they're still in love
but now ♪
58
00:02:24,065 --> 00:02:28,236
♪ she's happily divorced ♪
59
00:02:35,179 --> 00:02:39,851
daddy, there is no animal
in your phone.
60
00:02:39,852 --> 00:02:41,052
I'm telling you,
61
00:02:41,053 --> 00:02:42,487
there's a cricket
living in there.
62
00:02:42,488 --> 00:02:44,489
It's impossible!
63
00:02:44,490 --> 00:02:47,559
Shh! Your voice
is frightening it.
64
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:50,429
This is why I stopped
taking her fishing.
65
00:02:50,430 --> 00:02:52,432
I have to get
to my spinning class, remember?
66
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:54,467
My father might be
losing his min
67
00:02:54,468 --> 00:02:57,136
shut up.
68
00:02:58,405 --> 00:02:59,538
- Ah.
- You hear that?
69
00:02:59,539 --> 00:03:00,673
It's not plugged in.
70
00:03:00,674 --> 00:03:01,807
It's not connected
to anything.
71
00:03:01,808 --> 00:03:03,409
What else could it be?
72
00:03:03,410 --> 00:03:06,579
Daddy, it's the battery.
73
00:03:06,580 --> 00:03:07,713
It's dying.
74
00:03:07,714 --> 00:03:10,616
Oh, the battery!
Mystery solved.
75
00:03:10,617 --> 00:03:12,785
Who wants Kugel?
76
00:03:12,786 --> 00:03:14,053
Daddy, did you forget
77
00:03:14,054 --> 00:03:16,723
that there was a battery
in here?
78
00:03:16,724 --> 00:03:19,359
Okay, so I forgot.
79
00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:21,695
Enough already.
80
00:03:21,696 --> 00:03:23,264
Yeah, I'm... I'm gonna
go out for a while.
81
00:03:23,265 --> 00:03:24,932
You're taking the car?
82
00:03:24,933 --> 00:03:27,835
No, my hoverboard.
83
00:03:27,836 --> 00:03:32,006
Like Michael J. Douglas
in back to the future.
84
00:03:32,007 --> 00:03:34,676
Mom, are you honestly gonna
let him just get in the car
85
00:03:34,677 --> 00:03:37,213
and drive away like this?
86
00:03:37,214 --> 00:03:39,549
You're right.
87
00:03:39,550 --> 00:03:43,420
Glen, pick up Dijon mustard
and two red onions.
88
00:03:47,859 --> 00:03:49,926
Wait up, daddy.
I'll go with you.
89
00:03:49,927 --> 00:03:51,828
I need some onions too.
90
00:03:51,829 --> 00:03:53,096
I know what you're doing.
91
00:03:53,097 --> 00:03:54,597
What am I doing?
92
00:03:54,598 --> 00:03:55,665
You know what you're doing.
93
00:03:55,666 --> 00:03:57,033
Well, if you know
what I'm doing,
94
00:03:57,034 --> 00:03:59,503
then you know what I'm doing
needs to be done.
95
00:03:59,504 --> 00:04:01,104
What are you two doing?
96
00:04:01,105 --> 00:04:02,839
I'm going with daddy
to the market.
97
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:07,177
No, you're not.
I don't need a babysitter.
98
00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:10,547
Daddy, I'm sorry,
but under the circumstances,
99
00:04:10,548 --> 00:04:12,983
I don't think
that you should drive alone.
100
00:04:14,252 --> 00:04:16,453
That's some nice way
for a father
101
00:04:16,454 --> 00:04:17,788
to talk to his daughter.
102
00:04:17,789 --> 00:04:20,690
Two can play at this game.
103
00:04:22,126 --> 00:04:24,094
I don't hear you.
104
00:04:25,864 --> 00:04:27,565
Seems like you have this
under control,
105
00:04:27,566 --> 00:04:28,733
and I'm late
for my spin class,
106
00:04:28,734 --> 00:04:30,501
so if you could just hand me
our car keys,
107
00:04:30,502 --> 00:04:31,803
then I can...
108
00:04:31,804 --> 00:04:35,140
Not go
and be here for you.
109
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:36,908
What is the matter
with you?
110
00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:39,311
You're making your father feel
like an old man.
111
00:04:39,312 --> 00:04:41,847
You're cutting his balls off.
112
00:04:44,584 --> 00:04:48,388
I don't want to cut
daddy's balls off.
113
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,157
Then let him do
what he wants to do.
114
00:04:51,158 --> 00:04:52,592
Okay.
115
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:54,727
Let him go.
116
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:56,096
Peter, go with him.
117
00:04:56,097 --> 00:04:57,531
No, no, your mother's
absolutely right.
118
00:04:57,532 --> 00:04:58,699
That is a grown man in there,
119
00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,701
and you're acting
like a crazy person.
120
00:05:00,702 --> 00:05:03,104
Go with daddy!
121
00:05:03,105 --> 00:05:05,940
I have to go
to the gym!
122
00:05:05,941 --> 00:05:07,709
Keith takes
the 11:45 spin class.
123
00:05:07,710 --> 00:05:10,645
If I'm not there at 11:30,
that damn Dyan Cannon
124
00:05:10,646 --> 00:05:12,214
gets the bike
right behind him.
125
00:05:12,215 --> 00:05:14,049
- Peter!
- Come on, Fran.
126
00:05:14,050 --> 00:05:17,519
I spent $75 on this track suit
just to impress Keith.
127
00:05:20,824 --> 00:05:23,558
You look fat.
128
00:05:23,559 --> 00:05:24,926
Oh, no.
129
00:05:24,927 --> 00:05:27,663
You're saying that to get me
to go with your father.
130
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,068
Am I?
131
00:05:33,069 --> 00:05:35,036
I'm going with you, Glen.
132
00:05:35,037 --> 00:05:36,438
We're gonna go get a drink.
133
00:05:36,439 --> 00:05:38,474
Good. Just find a place
with no women.
134
00:05:38,475 --> 00:05:41,344
Oh, you got the perfect man
for the job, daddy.
135
00:05:52,798 --> 00:05:55,833
So this is a gay bar.
136
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:58,936
Where are all the sailors?
137
00:05:58,937 --> 00:06:01,872
In world war ii.
138
00:06:01,873 --> 00:06:04,741
You do know it's not
world war ii, don't you?
139
00:06:04,742 --> 00:06:07,043
Now, don't you start
with me, Peter.
140
00:06:07,044 --> 00:06:09,112
All right, seriously,
it's just us, just you and me,
141
00:06:09,113 --> 00:06:11,014
man to man.
142
00:06:11,015 --> 00:06:13,116
Glen, are you sure
you're okay?
143
00:06:13,117 --> 00:06:14,917
I mean, we've all had
minor car accidents,
144
00:06:14,918 --> 00:06:16,953
but the cricket in the phone?
145
00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:19,122
You mean to tell me
you didn't think for a second
146
00:06:19,123 --> 00:06:20,389
there was a cricket
in there?
147
00:06:20,390 --> 00:06:22,291
Glen...
148
00:06:22,292 --> 00:06:25,628
I actually did.
I didn't want to tell Fran.
149
00:06:25,629 --> 00:06:27,096
Don't you worry
about me, Peter.
150
00:06:27,097 --> 00:06:30,066
I'm good, okay?
151
00:06:30,067 --> 00:06:31,300
Okay.
152
00:06:31,301 --> 00:06:34,304
Where can a guy get
some nuts around here?
153
00:06:40,945 --> 00:06:43,947
Look around.
154
00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:50,421
So this is where it all
happens for ya, huh, Petey?
155
00:06:50,422 --> 00:06:52,991
Yeah, you'd be surprised
how much it doesn't happen.
156
00:06:52,992 --> 00:06:55,561
I don't get it.
You are such a great guy.
157
00:06:55,562 --> 00:06:57,263
I'd think that any
of the guys in here
158
00:06:57,264 --> 00:06:59,900
would wanna give you a tumble.
159
00:07:08,877 --> 00:07:11,011
You know,
we never really talked
160
00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:13,214
about your whole, uh,
switcheroo thing.
161
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:15,349
Yeahhhh, well,
we don't have to.
162
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:16,884
Oh, let's talk about it.
163
00:07:16,885 --> 00:07:19,253
Ohhh, let's not.
164
00:07:19,254 --> 00:07:20,588
I'm not gonna lie to you.
165
00:07:20,589 --> 00:07:23,091
I don't understand
all the ins and outs,
166
00:07:23,092 --> 00:07:24,793
what goes where,
who's on first,
167
00:07:24,794 --> 00:07:27,195
who's pitching,
who's catching.
168
00:07:27,196 --> 00:07:30,233
But I do want you
to know... I love you,
169
00:07:30,234 --> 00:07:33,736
and you will always be my son.
170
00:07:33,737 --> 00:07:35,438
Wow.
171
00:07:35,439 --> 00:07:38,441
You took this so much better
than your daughter did.
172
00:07:41,245 --> 00:07:42,679
Oh, my God, it's Keith.
173
00:07:42,680 --> 00:07:43,914
Who? Who's Keith?
174
00:07:43,915 --> 00:07:46,149
He's the guy I'm stalking
at my gym.
175
00:07:46,150 --> 00:07:47,417
Which one is he?
176
00:07:47,418 --> 00:07:50,786
Leather jacket,
tight jeans, biker boots.
177
00:07:50,787 --> 00:07:53,856
I see 12 Keiths.
178
00:07:53,857 --> 00:07:55,390
- Keith!
- No, stop it!
179
00:07:55,391 --> 00:07:56,592
- Keith!
- Glen, cut it out.
180
00:07:56,593 --> 00:07:58,594
I don't want to talk to him.
Do not get him...
181
00:07:58,595 --> 00:07:59,962
- Keith, Glen Newman.
- Hi.
182
00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:03,398
I want to introduce you
to my single, available son.
183
00:08:03,399 --> 00:08:05,434
This is Peter.
184
00:08:05,435 --> 00:08:07,970
Hello, you doing.
185
00:08:07,971 --> 00:08:09,939
Hey, uh, what gym
do you work out?
186
00:08:09,940 --> 00:08:12,308
'Cause I could swear I've seen
you in the locker room before.
187
00:08:12,309 --> 00:08:14,710
What, are you stalking me?
188
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,078
That's a nice leather jacket.
189
00:08:16,079 --> 00:08:18,414
Ooh, like butter.
Feel this, Peter.
190
00:08:18,415 --> 00:08:19,581
No, I don't need
to touch it.
191
00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:22,818
- Ah, go ahead, it's okay.
- Okay.
192
00:08:22,819 --> 00:08:25,119
You know, if you like this,
I sell them in my store.
193
00:08:25,120 --> 00:08:26,488
You've got a leather shop?
194
00:08:26,489 --> 00:08:28,890
Isn't that like the equivalent
of a jewish doctor
195
00:08:28,891 --> 00:08:30,158
in your world?
196
00:08:30,159 --> 00:08:33,094
It's... it's actually
a motorcycle shop.
197
00:08:33,095 --> 00:08:34,195
- Oh.
- Yeah.
198
00:08:34,196 --> 00:08:35,530
Why don't you two
get a drink?
199
00:08:35,531 --> 00:08:36,632
Glen.
200
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:38,667
I think it sounds like
a great idea.
201
00:08:38,668 --> 00:08:41,069
I'll take a beer.
Thanks.
202
00:08:41,070 --> 00:08:43,237
I love you.
203
00:08:43,238 --> 00:08:44,605
I'm gonna grab some wings.
204
00:08:44,606 --> 00:08:46,107
You know, there are some
women in here,
205
00:08:46,108 --> 00:08:49,009
and some of 'em
been checking me out.
206
00:08:49,010 --> 00:08:52,079
I still got it.
207
00:08:52,080 --> 00:08:55,082
So do they.
208
00:08:57,986 --> 00:09:00,187
Oh, Judi.
209
00:09:00,188 --> 00:09:01,621
Oh, look at daddy.
210
00:09:01,622 --> 00:09:03,957
Look how young he was
in the army.
211
00:09:03,958 --> 00:09:06,227
Look at him here.
He's getting his medal.
212
00:09:06,228 --> 00:09:07,594
Oh, what'd he get
a medal for?
213
00:09:07,595 --> 00:09:10,300
Turkey Tetrazzini.
214
00:09:10,301 --> 00:09:12,299
Look, Fran,
I know you're worried,
215
00:09:12,300 --> 00:09:13,767
but this is life.
216
00:09:13,768 --> 00:09:15,570
People get older,
and they forget things.
217
00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:18,906
My dad forgot he had a wife,
like, every other weekend.
218
00:09:18,907 --> 00:09:21,509
Oh, I know, Judi,
but you know,
219
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:24,179
my dad's always been
so sharp.
220
00:09:24,180 --> 00:09:26,514
And then to see him
so confused,
221
00:09:26,515 --> 00:09:27,716
it kind of scared me.
222
00:09:27,717 --> 00:09:28,917
And then the accident...
223
00:09:28,918 --> 00:09:30,452
Fran, relax.
224
00:09:30,453 --> 00:09:35,456
Glen is as sharp and manly
and sexy as he's ever been.
225
00:09:35,457 --> 00:09:38,159
That gorgeous head of hair.
226
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:40,747
That body.
227
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,730
You know, the only one
that came close
228
00:09:42,731 --> 00:09:44,232
was Dana Goldstein's dad.
229
00:09:44,233 --> 00:09:48,903
Now, he was packing heat.
230
00:09:48,904 --> 00:09:51,239
Okay, you're opening upa little
window
231
00:09:51,240 --> 00:09:53,207
into yourself now.
232
00:09:53,208 --> 00:09:55,410
Shut it.
233
00:09:55,411 --> 00:09:57,679
Who wants some of my wife's
famous five-alarm chili...
234
00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:00,515
Or, as I like to call it,
the Mexican cleanse?
235
00:10:00,516 --> 00:10:02,884
Ooh, I love spicy.
236
00:10:02,885 --> 00:10:06,187
Is your daddy still alive?
237
00:10:06,188 --> 00:10:07,855
Peace out, Glen!
238
00:10:07,856 --> 00:10:10,290
Good times, g-dog!
239
00:10:10,291 --> 00:10:12,192
How was he?
How did he act?
240
00:10:12,193 --> 00:10:14,294
- Was he with it?
- Are you kidding?
241
00:10:14,295 --> 00:10:16,697
Your father is, like,
the best wingman ever.
242
00:10:16,698 --> 00:10:21,101
Oh, no, he didn't think
he can fly, did he
243
00:10:21,102 --> 00:10:23,203
Fran, your dad is great.
244
00:10:23,204 --> 00:10:25,105
In fact, that guy's got
major game.
245
00:10:25,106 --> 00:10:26,707
I mean,
we're standing at the bar.
246
00:10:26,708 --> 00:10:29,577
Who do I see across the room?
Keith.
247
00:10:29,578 --> 00:10:31,464
Two seconds,
your dad hooks us up.
248
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,714
- So he's good.
- Good?
249
00:10:33,715 --> 00:10:35,916
He is fine.
250
00:10:35,917 --> 00:10:38,885
Peter, I'm talking
about my father.
251
00:10:38,886 --> 00:10:40,454
Oh, he's sharp as a tack.
252
00:10:40,455 --> 00:10:42,122
I mean, you should've seen him
bargain with Keith
253
00:10:42,123 --> 00:10:43,389
at his store.
254
00:10:43,390 --> 00:10:46,526
That's right...
Keith owns his own business.
255
00:10:46,527 --> 00:10:49,428
Oh, I feel
so happy right now.
256
00:10:49,429 --> 00:10:51,797
Me too. I can't afford to eat
in the places
257
00:10:51,798 --> 00:10:53,665
I like to go.
258
00:10:53,666 --> 00:10:56,501
Oh, thank you, Petey.
259
00:10:56,502 --> 00:10:58,169
I feel so relieved.
260
00:10:58,170 --> 00:10:59,704
Franny, you really have
nothing to worry about.
261
00:10:59,705 --> 00:11:01,705
- Your dad is okay.
- Oh.
262
00:11:01,706 --> 00:11:03,207
Besides, I don't think Keith
would've passed him
263
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:06,577
on his road test
if he wasn't.
264
00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,584
- What road test?
- For the motorcycle.
265
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,462
What motorcycle?
266
00:11:11,463 --> 00:11:13,350
The motorcycle
he bought from Keith.
267
00:11:13,351 --> 00:11:16,587
Oh, incidentally,
threw in these beautiful gloves
268
00:11:16,588 --> 00:11:20,491
♪ because he likes me ♪
269
00:11:20,492 --> 00:11:22,026
oh, they are beautiful.
270
00:11:22,027 --> 00:11:23,694
Can I see them a minute?
271
00:11:23,695 --> 00:11:26,430
How could you let him buy
a motorcycle?
272
00:11:26,431 --> 00:11:28,599
Are you crazy?
273
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:30,401
Those things
are death machines!
274
00:11:30,402 --> 00:11:31,769
Oh, calm down.
275
00:11:31,770 --> 00:11:33,305
It's not like a big
hells angels chopper.
276
00:11:33,306 --> 00:11:35,740
It's something that
Scooby-doo would drive.
277
00:11:35,741 --> 00:11:38,510
You are gonna have to march
yourself right back there
278
00:11:38,511 --> 00:11:40,179
and make him take it back.
279
00:11:40,180 --> 00:11:41,784
I am not
going to do that.
280
00:11:41,785 --> 00:11:43,148
He wouldn't do it
if I asked him to, Fran.
281
00:11:43,149 --> 00:11:44,216
He loves it.
282
00:11:44,217 --> 00:11:45,830
Well, then,
you don't ask him.
283
00:11:45,831 --> 00:11:47,052
Thank you.
284
00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:49,288
We'll steal it.
285
00:11:49,289 --> 00:11:52,091
Now we just have to figure out
a way to steal a motorcycle.
286
00:11:52,092 --> 00:11:54,192
Why are you looking
at me?
287
00:11:54,193 --> 00:11:57,196
It's 'cause I'm Mexican,
right?
288
00:11:57,197 --> 00:11:59,398
I was looking at Judi.
289
00:11:59,399 --> 00:12:02,013
Why, 'cause I'm black?
290
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:05,137
No, I need you
to drive us over there
291
00:12:05,138 --> 00:12:06,471
so we can steal it.
292
00:12:06,472 --> 00:12:08,073
No way, not me.
293
00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:09,974
I've never stolen anything
in my life.
294
00:12:09,975 --> 00:12:13,277
What about my youth?
295
00:12:20,886 --> 00:12:23,053
You know what?
296
00:12:23,054 --> 00:12:25,990
I'm getting a little tired
of you using that excuse
297
00:12:25,991 --> 00:12:30,083
to make me do anything
that you want.
298
00:12:30,084 --> 00:12:32,329
Which is why
this is the last time
299
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:34,698
I am going
to be doing this.
300
00:12:34,699 --> 00:12:37,840
- Come on, Judi.
- Coming.
301
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:42,811
Fran, I don't want
to do this.
302
00:12:42,812 --> 00:12:44,680
It doesn't feel right.
It just doesn't feel right.
303
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:46,249
Would you stop being
such a baby?
304
00:12:46,250 --> 00:12:48,417
You wouldn't even steal
the key from his kitchen.
305
00:12:48,418 --> 00:12:49,752
I didn't want
to leave my fingerprints.
306
00:12:49,753 --> 00:12:51,254
Oh, but you don't mind
leaving your fingerprints
307
00:12:51,255 --> 00:12:54,723
on the knife to cut yourself
a hunk of pound cake?
308
00:12:54,724 --> 00:12:56,359
We have to go back!
309
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:58,260
Oh, my God.
310
00:12:58,261 --> 00:13:01,239
This is the bike
that you let my father buy?
311
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,901
Of course not.
It's the one next to it.
312
00:13:04,902 --> 00:13:06,303
Look, Fran.
313
00:13:06,304 --> 00:13:09,139
It's like the big one
had a baby.
314
00:13:12,710 --> 00:13:16,213
You look fat
in that helmet.
315
00:13:16,214 --> 00:13:19,182
Safety first.
316
00:13:20,352 --> 00:13:23,187
"Get into a natural,
comfortable position.
317
00:13:23,188 --> 00:13:25,430
"Your grip should be relaxed
but firm,
318
00:13:25,431 --> 00:13:27,024
"not too tight.
319
00:13:27,025 --> 00:13:31,762
Sudden, jerky movements
can cause an unexpected thrust."
320
00:13:38,136 --> 00:13:41,605
- Someone's coming.
- Hurry, get on.
321
00:13:41,606 --> 00:13:43,156
Peel out!
322
00:13:46,444 --> 00:13:48,119
Okay, burn rubber!
323
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:52,181
Just make it go.
324
00:13:52,182 --> 00:13:55,618
Peter, you're squeezing
my boobs.
325
00:13:55,619 --> 00:13:58,721
It's not for sex.
It's for safety.
326
00:13:58,722 --> 00:14:00,889
One more bowl, Cesar.
327
00:14:00,890 --> 00:14:03,176
Uh, miss Judi,
that makes three.
328
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:06,595
Well, I guess I'll be sleeping
alone tonight.
329
00:14:06,596 --> 00:14:07,929
That's right.
330
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:10,098
- Hmm?
- Because of the chili.
331
00:14:13,602 --> 00:14:15,003
Oh, it's Fran.
332
00:14:15,004 --> 00:14:17,138
Hey, where are you guys?
333
00:14:17,139 --> 00:14:18,906
Fran.
334
00:14:18,907 --> 00:14:20,240
Fran!
335
00:14:20,241 --> 00:14:21,875
Watch it, watch it, watch it!
336
00:14:21,876 --> 00:14:23,577
She must've butt-dialed me.
337
00:14:23,578 --> 00:14:25,512
Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God!
338
00:14:25,513 --> 00:14:29,417
Calm down!
It was dead already.
339
00:14:29,418 --> 00:14:32,119
We're gonna be dead
if you don't slow down.
340
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:35,788
If I go any slower,
we're going to tip over.
341
00:14:35,789 --> 00:14:38,391
And quit your complaining.
I'm sick of it already.
342
00:14:38,392 --> 00:14:40,527
"I don't like to steal things.
I don't break the law.
343
00:14:40,528 --> 00:14:41,928
The pound cake was dry."
344
00:14:41,929 --> 00:14:43,964
It was dry.
345
00:14:43,965 --> 00:14:46,700
You know, all this is
your fault in the first place
346
00:14:46,701 --> 00:14:48,102
that we're even on
this stupid bike.
347
00:14:48,103 --> 00:14:49,270
My fault?
348
00:14:49,271 --> 00:14:53,059
Yes! You should've stopped him
from buying it.
349
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:55,520
But someone had to get
free gloves, ehh.
350
00:14:55,521 --> 00:14:57,946
Handlebars, handlebars!
351
00:14:57,947 --> 00:15:00,548
You know what I think?
I think it's your fault.
352
00:15:00,549 --> 00:15:01,883
- My fault?
- Yeah.
353
00:15:01,884 --> 00:15:03,885
If you hadn't made him feel
like a feeble old man,
354
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:05,252
he wouldn't have had anything
to prove,
355
00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:07,654
and he wouldn't have bought
the stupid bike in the first place.
356
00:15:07,655 --> 00:15:09,990
- Shut up.
- You shut up.
357
00:15:09,991 --> 00:15:12,125
I can't believe that you have
turned this whole thing around
358
00:15:12,126 --> 00:15:13,926
onto me... oh!
359
00:15:13,927 --> 00:15:15,862
Um... um, bleh.
360
00:15:15,863 --> 00:15:19,399
Oh, I think a moth
just flew into my mouth.
361
00:15:19,400 --> 00:15:20,670
Oh, no.
362
00:15:20,671 --> 00:15:25,139
Someone spit out gum.
Blech!
363
00:15:25,140 --> 00:15:26,384
Ugh.
364
00:15:26,385 --> 00:15:30,044
If you weren't so busy
trying to impress Keith,
365
00:15:30,045 --> 00:15:31,747
none of this
would have happened.
366
00:15:31,748 --> 00:15:33,148
If you hadn't made me get
in your father's car,
367
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,583
none of this
would have happened.
368
00:15:34,584 --> 00:15:37,587
Well, if I had only seen
your "life is a cabaret" pillow
369
00:15:37,588 --> 00:15:40,857
in your dormitory,
none of this would've happened!
370
00:15:40,858 --> 00:15:42,926
Handlebars, handlebars!
371
00:15:42,927 --> 00:15:44,328
Look out, Fran!
What are you doing?
372
00:15:44,329 --> 00:15:45,862
Oh, no, no, no!
373
00:15:48,332 --> 00:15:51,031
Ow.
374
00:15:53,050 --> 00:15:56,218
Daddy, I-I was just
trying to...
375
00:15:56,219 --> 00:15:58,454
I don't want to hear
any more from you,
376
00:15:58,455 --> 00:15:59,855
little girl.
377
00:15:59,856 --> 00:16:01,957
Do you know what it feels like
for a father
378
00:16:01,958 --> 00:16:04,093
to get a call like this
in the middle of the night?
379
00:16:04,094 --> 00:16:07,430
My heart dropped.
380
00:16:07,431 --> 00:16:10,833
You know what I paid
for that motorcycle?
381
00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:13,236
I just thought...
382
00:16:13,237 --> 00:16:14,671
Yeah, but you didn't think.
383
00:16:14,672 --> 00:16:17,107
The man knows
what he's doing.
384
00:16:17,108 --> 00:16:20,510
Turn off your blinker, Glen.
385
00:16:20,511 --> 00:16:23,146
What were you thinking,
driving a motorcycle?
386
00:16:23,147 --> 00:16:25,282
You never got on one
in your life.
387
00:16:25,283 --> 00:16:27,819
At least I drove one
for three years in the army.
388
00:16:27,820 --> 00:16:31,456
What did they give me?
389
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:34,359
And what the hell
were you thinking,
390
00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:37,162
breaking into our house?
391
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:40,832
You don't love me.
392
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,800
Don't give me that
"you don't love me" crap.
393
00:16:42,801 --> 00:16:44,369
Who picked you up
from that hospital
394
00:16:44,370 --> 00:16:45,937
in the middle of the night?
395
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:48,272
And who the hell
cut into the pound cake
396
00:16:48,273 --> 00:16:50,274
I was bringing
to Hadassah tomorrow?
397
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:54,646
I don't believe
you went through all this
398
00:16:54,647 --> 00:16:57,215
just because I forgot
a stupid phone
399
00:16:57,216 --> 00:16:58,916
had a battery in it.
400
00:16:58,917 --> 00:17:01,318
Believe me, you're gonna
forget a lot of things
401
00:17:01,319 --> 00:17:02,519
when you get to be our age.
402
00:17:02,520 --> 00:17:05,022
All kinds
of new things happen.
403
00:17:05,023 --> 00:17:06,991
You get a new leg pain.
404
00:17:06,992 --> 00:17:09,426
All of a sudden,
you can't move your shoulder.
405
00:17:09,427 --> 00:17:11,195
Your father wakes up stiff
406
00:17:11,196 --> 00:17:13,197
in all the wrong places.
407
00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:16,500
Your point, ma?
408
00:17:16,501 --> 00:17:18,335
We're old.
409
00:17:18,336 --> 00:17:21,305
Darling, trust me.
I know the man 50 years.
410
00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:23,340
If it's something serious,
he tells me,
411
00:17:23,341 --> 00:17:25,675
and that's when
I'll tell you.
412
00:17:25,676 --> 00:17:28,678
- You promise?
- Of course, sweetheart.
413
00:17:31,715 --> 00:17:34,551
Valerie Bertinelli.
Oh, my God, I love you.
414
00:17:58,243 --> 00:18:00,311
Daddy, come sit down here
a minute.
415
00:18:00,312 --> 00:18:02,013
I want to talk to you.
416
00:18:02,014 --> 00:18:05,117
Oy, we almost made it inside.
417
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,335
Sit down.
418
00:18:06,336 --> 00:18:08,754
Daddy, did you buy
that motorcycle
419
00:18:08,755 --> 00:18:11,356
because I made you feel old?
420
00:18:11,357 --> 00:18:15,127
No, I bought it
because it made me feel young.
421
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:17,896
And I really did look
cool on it.
422
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,631
I bet you looked great.
423
00:18:20,632 --> 00:18:24,002
I'm so sorry
that I acted the way I did.
424
00:18:24,003 --> 00:18:26,337
It's just when you forgot
that battery
425
00:18:26,338 --> 00:18:29,407
and I looked at your face
and I thought,
426
00:18:29,408 --> 00:18:32,945
"oh, he's starting to change,"
and it just worried me.
427
00:18:32,946 --> 00:18:36,315
Oh, sweetheart.
428
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:39,084
Do you remember what you did
the day you turned 16?
429
00:18:39,085 --> 00:18:40,519
Yeah.
430
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,205
Wait, what are you
talking about?
431
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,023
The day you turned 16,
432
00:18:45,024 --> 00:18:47,192
you begged me,
"please, daddy,
433
00:18:47,193 --> 00:18:48,894
let me take
the car out myself."
434
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:53,265
Well, I paced back and forth
all night till you came home.
435
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,500
And I did the same thing
when you went out on a date
436
00:18:55,501 --> 00:18:56,868
or took a trip
437
00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,970
or climbed out the window
in the middle of the night,
438
00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,940
which you never thought
I knew about.
439
00:19:01,941 --> 00:19:04,393
But I had to let you go
440
00:19:04,394 --> 00:19:07,445
because I wanted you
to live your life.
441
00:19:07,446 --> 00:19:10,816
Oh, thank you, daddy.
442
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:12,350
Mm.
443
00:19:12,351 --> 00:19:16,121
Now, let me live mine!
444
00:19:16,122 --> 00:19:18,424
- Sweetheart.
- What?
445
00:19:18,425 --> 00:19:19,859
I know you did it
because you love me,
446
00:19:19,860 --> 00:19:21,661
- and I love you.
- I do.
447
00:19:21,662 --> 00:19:25,372
But who knows
how many years I got left?
448
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,067
Please, baby,
449
00:19:27,068 --> 00:19:29,103
can't you let me
enjoy 'em?
450
00:19:29,104 --> 00:19:30,637
Mm.
451
00:19:30,638 --> 00:19:33,340
No.
452
00:19:33,341 --> 00:19:34,508
Love you, baby.
453
00:19:34,509 --> 00:19:37,178
Oh, I love you, daddy.
Love you.
454
00:19:37,179 --> 00:19:40,181
Mm.
455
00:19:46,027 --> 00:19:49,848
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