All language subtitles for Girlfriends Guide to Divorce s04e05 Rule 930.eng

Previously, on "Girlfriends'
Guide to Divorce"...

Sherry and I are getting a divorce.

- Sorry.
- Bald Eagle is Albert.

- I slept with your Albert.
- Are you gonna keep seeing him?

- I don't know.
- But you like him.

- There's something there.
- Boyfriend, huh?

- Yeah, so?
- Sounds kind of nice.

- I'm selling my house.
- Downsizing is brilliant.

We got two offers on the house.

Does that mean we're
moving to the beach?

- Yup.
- Thank you so much for seeing

us, Cameron, we're really
big fans of your product.

You know, we're pretty
psyched about our new

- VinoLyte product.
- All the other advertisers

that we met today, added up,
still do not equal one Cameron.

I do have some thoughts on content.

- The deal's off.
- Paul's leaving Legal Aid.

He's running for a seat on City Council.

I'm gonna need help on my campaign.

My dad had a stroke. I love you.

And that is why I think that
Dad should live with me.

I just want to help
him with his recovery

and then just see where we are.

- My mom died.
- What happened?

She had a heart attack.

I can't deal with the
business right now, you know?

I need you to take it. I trust you.

I got it, Abby, don't
worry about anything here.

I so wish we weren't beholden
to the douche nozzles

- of this world and their money.
- Maybe we don't have to be.

What if we shook things up completely?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

? ?

Okay... [MUTTERING]

Right...

Thanks, Mom.

Um...

? ?

Ooh.

Careful there, you're gonna
cut your fingers off.

Thank you. You are right.
I just have so many work emails.

It's like, I've been
gone a couple of weeks,

but it feels like months?

Are you excited to go back today?

Yes. Very.

And a little stressed, you know, I mean,

Barbara's great,
but a brand-new site like this,

it's a two-person job, for sure.

Lilly, will you please
go to the guesthouse

and check on Grandpa,
because I don't know if he's up.

It's way past his feeding time, and...

- He's not in there.
- Are you sure?

- I thought he was in here.
- Oh, God.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Where were you?
- Oh, it's a beautiful morning.

- Thought I'd stretch my legs.
- Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.
- You remember what the doctor

said, that you can't be
exerting yourself too much?

How am I gonna win Olympic gold
if I miss my morning walk?

Well, you'll have to settle for bronze.

- Now, go sit down...
- Well, that's not good...

Your breakfast is almost ready.

- Okay. Hi, kids.
- Morning, Gramps.

Mm. So.

What's the gossip in the
McCarthy household here, huh?

School. Nothing. It's boring.

- Here you go, Dad.
- Not this green goo again.

- Eww!
- That's avocado,

and it is brain food,
and it has been studied,

and it does wonders for
brain healing, so doctors

recommend you have it every day.

Well, doctors also recommend
that I take my medication,

which I'm doing every day,
and it's working fine.

- Come on, let me whip up a treat.
- No, Dad.

No, no, I used to make those
eggs in a hole, remember?

- You loved it!
- Sit. You cannot

whip anything up in your condition.

- [SIGHS] Okay.
- Okay.

- Fine.
- Good.

- I'll eat my brain food.
- Great.

- [CLICKING]
- Lilly, you're gonna take

Charlie to school today, right?

Dad, I'm gonna come home
at lunch and I'm gonna

- check on you.
- Okay.

I'm just gonna get it all done.

- Yeah.
- Okay.

You sure you're gonna be all right?

I'm fine. It's time for you
to get back into real life.

- Your business. Go.
- Okay.

- Now!
- Okay!

Come on. Do it. Make money. Oh, yeah.

- Drive safely. Don't die.
- I won't die.

- I love you.
- Don't worry about me.

- All right?
- Bye!

- Bye, Mom.
- What is this you're eating?

- No. Ah!
- There we go.

- Synced and corrected by AngMeng -
- www.addic7ed.com -

[MOANING]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

? ?

BOTH: Oh!

Did you book that space at the Modahaus

for the donor breakfast next week?

Really?

That's what you were
thinking about just now?

Yeah. Didn't you know?

I have to think about my
campaign to postpone my orgasm.

[LAUGHS] Really?
So that's for my pleasure?

Hey, you have no idea the
amount of bureaucratic red tape

I have to concentrate on to
last five minutes with you.

[LAUGHS] Okay.

Well, then, at the risk of
causing premature ejaculation,

the fundraiser's all taken care of,
and Darren has padded

the guest list with the deepest
pockets that he could find.

I'm sure they're expecting
to keep me in their pocket.

Imagine their faces when they
realize I'm using the money

to actually keep my campaign promises.

- Novel, huh?
- Mm-hmm.

What do you do when your
opponent starts dredging up

your dark past?

Hmm? Running all these attack ads?

It's a City Council race.

Also, I'm super clean.

Squeaky clean.

LIKE BARACK: Latino edition.

You've never done anything
that you're ashamed of?

Look, I've been planning this
career move for a long time.

So, staying on the straight and narrow.

What? What?

Nothing, you're just such a puritan.

- A puritan?
- It's annoying.

- What?
- Slash inspiring.

You're inspiring.

You don't know me that well.

I know you well enough.

[SIGHS]

- Ah. Come on!
- Aw, Mom!

Oh. Oh!

Sh... oh! Sh... welcome home!

[LAUGHS] Yay!

What's going on?

Mwah! Oh, sweetie!

Oh, I'm sorry I'm early.

I think my cab driver was
going for a personal best.

That's okay, as long as he
got you here in one piece.

My gosh, I missed you so much.
You have no idea.

Look at you.

Oh, my gosh, you're taller than me.

I've been taller than you
since the fifth grade.

That is true. That is true.

Okay, you have some unpacking to do.

And I have to put in some
bakery time, but I have

a whole night planned for us,
so a little dinner,

- and a little walk on the beach...
- Oh, my gosh...

- Yeah, a little catch-up time.
- I'm so excited

to hear about what's been
happening back here with you.

[AWKWARD LAUGH] Well, you know.

Uh, same old, same old. Really boring.

Yeah.

So you had a nice last couple
of days at the mountain school?

Yeah, they threw us a huge party,

- and look at these pictures...
- Pictures!

That I loaded onto Insta.

Isn't that pretty? [GIGGLES]

No you have to press the
"Input" button, Dad.

It's the... it's right in
the middle of the remote.

Oh, that's the Blu-ray remote.

No, you have to use the white
remote, which is on the...

Uh, sorry, Dad.

Read a book, and I will call you back.

Hi, there. Welcome to Lady Parts.

- Can I help you?
- Uh...

- Yes?
- Abby!

- Babs. Oh, my God.
- I'm so glad you're back.

Yeah, me too.
I missed this place so much.

- You have no idea...
- Parker! She's here.

- Abby!
- Parker.

Your hair. You changed your hair.

- Just a cut. You like?
- Oh, I love it.

It's just, you know,
different. It's different.

Like so many other things here.

- The logo...
- I know. Fancy, huh?

Parker got a friend to
do it on the cheap.

- Wow.
- How's your dad doing?

He's better. He is on the mend.

Doctors feel good about it, so...

- That's awesome.
- So great to hear.

Oh, I'm so rude. Sorry.

Abby, meet Laina, our new assistant.

- Oh, hi. Hi there.
- I need you.

- Um...
- I feel like such a doof, Abby.

- I should have known it was you.
- That's all right.

Um, how would she know?
[NERVOUS LAUGHTER]

- We have an assistant. Wow.
- She's been here a week.

And we will get you back up to speed.

- [LAUGHS]
- After you, my lady.

Okay.

- So exciting.
- It is exciting.

- A return in lavender.
- Yes, a lavender explosion.

Oh, did you move that
call with Christina

about the maternity leave piece?

I'm still trying to get a hold of her.

- Would you like 2:00 or 4:00?
- Let's do 5:00.

Make sure Abby's all
caught up and ready.

- Are you good with 5:00?
- Um... I love 5:00.

Barbara, almost done with
the layout on the new

work life page design...
Do you have a minute?

All right, I'll be right there.

- Um...
- So, you cool?

- So cool.
- Okay.

I will check in on you soon.

- Great to have you back.
- Great to be back.

Oh, yay.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[SIGHS]

Looks great. Submit it.

Thanks.

- Hey.
- How's it going?

I know it's a lot.

It's a lot of awesomeness, though.

[CHUCKLES] You did a
really great job, Barbara.

There's just one little thing:

I've been looking over the budget?

Straight to the exciting stuff.

Yes, we're a little in the red, but,

the press we've been
getting lately has been...

Right, yeah, the whole "All
female advertisers" thing.

I read about that in the
"Business Weekly" article.

- Wow.
- It's cool, right?

I mean, there were a lot
of great quotes in there.

I loved "Lady Parts:
where all the parts are 100% lady."

Thank you. Hit me in the moment.

Well, it's a great concept,
it's just a little bit

bold for a start-up.

I'm looking at these numbers,
and I'm really

missing Cameron and
that VinoLyte account.

I hear that, but the
all-female advertiser thing

has really got people energized.

It's exciting, you know,
not to be beholden to

- men, and male companies...
- Right.

All female voices in our writers,

and our employees, and it's noisy.

- And it's getting us buzz.
- Buzz. Love. Great.

Yes, but when is it gonna
reap financial dividends?

We're a 21st-century feminist website

breaking new feminist ground.

We'll get more advertisers.
I promise you.

Okay.

Yes. We will see what happens.

Thank you.

? ?

- This is the frontrunner.
- Look at that.

- I know.
- Wow.

I love it. Look at that beautiful light.

Oh, this is an insane loft,

and Venice is where it's happening.

- What's happening?
- Everything.

I'm so proud of Phoebe.
She's downsizing.

You're taking control of your life.

No, it's great. It's great I cannot wait

to get out of the house,
it's just this escrow

has been exhausting,
it's like a big Band-Aid

that needs to be ripped off,
the Band-Aid being my old life,

and my new life being
this raw, oozing scab.

- Eww.
- Yeah, I know.

But it's gonna be great.
It's gonna be great.

- The estate sale is happening.
- Mm.

Everything must go. You have to come.

I will buy anything you want
as long as you donate...

- Yes, I'm gonna donate...
- That's a little beneath you.

This is important.
Getting Paul elected is an

opportunity to affect real change.

He genuinely cares about this city,
and he has the brains

and the political savvy to get through

all that legislative gridlock.

- Wow.
- What?

- Delia Banai's in love.
- Oh, puh-lease.

Forget legislative gridlock,
I'm just impressed

he pushed through your
emotional gridlock.

You see what I did there,
with the gridlock?

- I did. That was impressive.
- You're very clever.

Winning Delia's heart by a landslide.

Let's just say he's leading in
the polls by double digits.

BOTH: [SCREAMING]

Okay, enough. Money. Donations.

Barbara donated, official
endorsement, now it's your turn.

- You two.
- You're relentless.

- Please make your checks out...
- Jesus!

Campaign, and ask your
friends to donate.

I don't have any more friends.
You guys are exhausting enough.

I could ask Albert.

Should I ask him to donate?

Well, I'm shameless now, so sure.

While he's donating, maybe can
bring him to the estate sale.

Okay, that would be a little awkward.

Oh, come on. We're all friends now.

He hasn't met Barbara.
He hasn't met Abby.

Speaking of a Band-Aid
getting ripped off...

Well, talk about an open scab.

I'm kidding. It's fine.
It's fine. I'm fine.

Okay, well, how about Zooey?
Do they get along?

- Get along? She just got here.
- So?

So, my love life has
been a parade of horrors

to the kid, and I don't
want to freak her out.

She know you're seeing someone?

I will tell her

when I drop her off at college.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm.

Okay, weed is legal here in California,

so I'm pretty sure this
bakery is killing it.

- [SPEAKING SPANISH]
- Add a zero.

Well?

I'm scared to give you mine.

[LAUGHS] You, Lilly-bell,
you were only 12,

and you got so angry at your father,

'cause you accused him
of changing his score

- to a hole-in-one, right?
- Yeah.

- He did cheat.
- No!

Dad didn't cheat you're
just bad at mini-golf...

- Well...
- Okay, let me just say that

both those things can be
true at the same time.

[LAUGHTER]

Dina used to always take your side.

You two would gang up on poor Jake.

I almost felt sorry for him.

Daddy...

You miss Grandma?

Yeah, I do. Very much, I do.

Yeah.

Hey, why don't we go back to
that mini-golf place, huh?

Let's do that. And how about tonight?

- Tonight? No, it's late.
- Yeah!

- It's late.
- No, no. Come on. Come on.

I've been pent up here all day.

What do you say, kids,
I'll get you some ice cream, and...

- Ice cream, yeah!
- Ice cream? Okay.

First of all, Dad,
you're lactose intolerant,

and second of all, I have a
lot of things to catch up on

for work, and then we can just
find a better time to do all...

No, no, I'll just take 'em, then.
You just work. You work.

No, the doctor said you can't drive.

What, because of my condition?
I'm just fine, all right?

- No...
- I'm perfectly capable of...

- I can drive us...
- Honey...

I can drive. Your mother...

She's just being overly cautious.

That's very generous of you,
but I'm not gonna let you be

responsible for Grandpa,
and that's just too much

- to put on you.
- I'm right here, Abby.

You don't need to talk around
me like I'm some child.

You can't drive. The doctor said that...

I don't care what the damn doctor said!

[SIGHS]

Hey.

- Kids okay?
- They're okay.

They're a little freaked.

Worried about you.

You can't do that, Dad.

- I know.
- You can't lash out like that.

Not in front of the kids,
or this won't work.

[SIGHS] It's not working.

I feel like an invalid.
You treat me like I can't

do anything, like I can't
make my own choices.

- Well, you're sick. You're...
- [SIGHS]

Recovering. You have to trust me.

I am just trying to take care of you.

I know you are, honey,
and I love you for it,

But I can't drive.

I can't even take a walk by myself.

No, honey, it doesn't feel
like my life anymore.

Look, there's been a lot of change,

and it happened really fast,
and it's just gonna

take us a beat to get back to normal.

Normal.

I don't even know what that is anymore.

Well, you'll find it.

We'll find it.

We're gonna get it back.

And I can, you know,

I can loosen up a little bit. [LAUGHS]

- You? Really?
- Okay.

Hmm?

You really are your mother's daughter...

Okay, well, no need to lob insults here.

[SOFT MUSIC]

? ?

[LAUGHTER]

That right there? I don't know, baby.

I don't even know where
that was in her house.

- They're so big.
- Okay, thank you.

Thank you. Thank you, table,

for hosting so many great meals,

and thank you for bringing my family

closer on some nights.

- Thank you.
- [CLEARS THROAT]

That table doesn't ever
actually talk back, does it?

No. No, it doesn't talk back.

I am using the KonMari Method.

You're supposed to
thank your possessions

for their service before
you say "Farewell."

Because you wouldn't want
to sell people stuff

- that had low self-esteem?
- No.

Because I am trying to make downsizing

a positive experience.

This much change has been
really hard on the kids.

- Thanks. Bye.
- Bye.

Yeah, they look really traumatized.

Yeah, well, not right now.
It's fun right now.

- Love this, Phoebs.
- Oh.

- So soft.
- Oh, it's so soft on your feet.

- [LAUGHS]
- I feel the connection

- between you two.
- Is that what you're feeling?

- Yes, that is what I'm feeling.
- I feel Phoebe

thanking this rug for
emptying your bank account.

Stop it, it's not that much money.

- Not that much...
- Yeah, well.

If I wanted a lesson on penny pinching,

- I'd talk to Abby.
- Oh, no.

Are you guys having financial problems?

No, Abby's just a stickler for details.

It's like she has a
spreadsheet for a brain.

Yeah, well, that's part of her charm.

Um, I have to go.

Someone is circling the
Castlewood chandelier,

but look around. Good luck. Have fun.

Mm, seems like that, uh, spreadsheet

is getting under your skin.

Oh, my God. Yesterday was so stressful.

It's like she was back five
minutes, and questioning

every decision I had made.

Well, maybe you should
give her some time, babe.

- She needs to adjust.
- You're right.

Oh, my God, I'm just
bitching and moaning,

and the woman just lost her mom,

and has all the issues with her dad...

Well, just know that you
can bitch and moan to me

all you want, I will never judge you.

I know you won't.

However, if you buy that rug,

I will judge the hell out of you.

That thing is ugly.

Shh, you're gonna hurt its feelings.

Sorry.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

? I don't need no excuses ?

? I can say sorry ?

? For everything I said
when I felt angry ?

? I don't need nobody to tell me ?

? All about my problem ?

? Maybe we're all the same ?

Hi, um, it's Abby McCarthy.

From Lady Parts, yeah.

Yeah, well, I bet you're surprised.

_

? ?

There you go.

Mm.

There she goes.

? ?

You didn't say "Thank
you" to that dress.

Every man who's ever
seen me in that dress

has thanked it enough.

And now it's gone.

Anyways, did you find anything you like?

Maybe I will take this beauty.

Oh, yes, I bought this

in a wild Manhattan
shopping spree weekend,

and it was... not this price.

Um, who changed the tags?

Well, a lot of people
were looking at it,

and no one was buying it.

And you said, "Everything must go."

Yes, I did, but not us,
to the poorhouse.

- That's better.
- Oh, Phoebe, it is used.

- It's not even last season.
- You know what?

As an official supporter of
Paul Cordero for city council,

I have every right to change that price.

- Capitalism.
- [LAUGHING]

HELLO. BOTH: Hey!

- Ooh, cute.
- Abby!

- Hi.
- I thought you were supposed

- to be working.
- I was. I did.

I got like a few hours in. Hi.

- Everything good?
- Everything is great.

- Hey, kids.
- BOTH: Hi, Abby.

Good job. Um, yes. It really helped.

It's just being in the
office, by myself,

on a Saturday, it was so helpful.

I just feel like I'm
getting my bearings.

- Okay, that's great to hear.
- Yeah.

- Back in the swing of things.
- Yes. Full swing.

And I never even checked in with my dad,

and he texted me, told me
he already took his pills

without my reminding him. Yay!

Okay.

Oh, my God, is that who I think it is?

Uh, Abby, Barbara,

this is Albert.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Albert, awesome to meet you.
- Hi.

- Hi, hi, hi.
- Thank you.

Ladies, it's great to finally
put faces to the names.

Same.

Delia, hi.

Hi, Albert.

[SIGHS]

Well, this is painful.

This is worst than my last root canal.

What's painful, just because
half the women standing here

have seen my naked ass?
Why would that be awkward?

- [LAUGHTER]
- Abby.

- Hello.
- Hi.

- Hi, sweetheart.
- Mwah! Mwah!

- Albert.
- Hey, Phoebe.

Wow, what did I miss?

Can I just say, now that I'm
seeing you two together,

it just feels right... you're like
two puzzle pieces that just fit.

Thank you, Delia.

Well, we got that shit out of the way.

Oh, my God. [LAUGHTER]

- Well, let's, uh, let's browse.
- Okay.

- Shall we?
- We're gonna browse.

- We're gonna browse.
- BOTH: Okay.

Browse away.

- Well done, Delia.
- Mm-hmm.

- Seriously classy.
- Thanks.

That was really cathartic.

Feels like all the Albert
stuff's in the rearview.

- [PHONE DINGS]
- Ooh. BRB.

- I'm gonna browse.
- Okay.

- Because I see sparkly things...
- I thought that went well.

Yeah, yeah, you didn't spout
horns and burn them alive.

So I'd say you're really
winning hearts and minds.

[SIGHS]

I wish it was that easy with my kid.

Hey, it's no big deal,
we tell her when you're ready.

I'm so ready, just...

I don't want to jolt her.

The last guy I was with was a
sex addict who fled the country,

and now her dad is drying
out in New Mexico.

- I'm a real winner magnet.
- [LAUGHING]

- Or was.
- Yeah, and what's my vice?

You don't have a vice. You're perfect.

I just wish she knew it.

Well, maybe we can ease her in.

I'm listening.

Well, the wraparound part is nice,

and you always look so
cute... what's the matter?

- What's happening?
- Hey.

I didn't say good-bye.

To the chair? It's inanimate.

I know. I know it's inanimate.

It's just, it is the
first thing that I bought

when I got married,
and I had never spent

so much money in my life, and I...

I thought I was into
something new, that I...

I didn't have to worry anymore.

Well, you are into something new,

again, and it's gonna be great.

- Yeah. You are right.
- Yeah.

Yeah, I just...

I just didn't think that

getting rid of everything
would be so hard.

- Mm.
- But...

Downsizing is the right thing to do.

- Mm-hmm.
- Phoebe, you haven't sold

your calendar yet, have you?

I don't even have a calendar.
What are you talking about?

- No one has...
- Because jot down a reminder

to watch Kathie Lee
and Hoda on Thursday.

Oh, my God, are we...

That was one of the producers,
and not a big deal,

but K and H are Lady Parts readers,

and they want us on this week.

- Aw.
- Oh, my God, Barbra!

That is so exciting! Yes!

Yay! both: Yay!

We're gonna be on TV.
We're gonna be on TV.

? With Kathie Lee and Hoda ?

BOTH: ? Kathie Lee and Hoda,
Kathie Lee and Hoda ?

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

I mean, let's face it:
we all drive in Los Angeles.

We know how frustrating
it can be, right?

And not only am I proposing an
expansion of the rail and bus

service to get more drivers
off the road, but I plan

to introduce less
confusing parking signs.

I mean, what is the point of
getting someplace ten minutes

earlier if you're just gonna
spend 20 minutes deciphering

hieroglyphics to avoid
getting a parking ticket?

- Right?
- What? Am I right?

Guys, excuse us. Thank you so much.

Please treat yourself to some
refreshments, all right?

Thank you, Paul.

- Too much?
- No, you're killing it.

This is perfect.

I kind of want to take our
show on the road, you know?

Sell tickets, popcorn?

But look, I want to introduce
you to a few more people, okay?

Okay.

Sherry.

This is Sherry Wilcox.

She contributes to a lot of non-profits

for underprivileged youth.

- Sherry, this is...
- BOTH: Delia.

- We've met.
- Oh.

She actually works with
my ex-husband, Albert.

It's nice to see you again, Sherry.

Well, great. No need for introductions.

[CHUCKLES]

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

? ?

- Thank you for your loyalty.
- Have a nice day.

Puerto Rican Puma? Is that you?

- Bald Eagle, what's going on?
- That's right.

- Hi, how are you?
- I'm great.

I'll be darned... Zooey,
this is my sparring partner

from Tao of Rex, you remember?

- Yeah, the boxing thing.
- The boxing thing.

That's exactly right.

Your mom is a firecracker.

In the ring. [LAUGHS] In the ring.

Zooey, it is really nice to meet you.

Yeah, you too.

So what brings you to
this neck of the woods?

- Oh, um, business meeting.
- Mm-hmm.

- This is crazy.
- Yeah.

I mean, I never get to the west side.

- It's a small world.
- Yeah, you own this place?

I do, I do. I'm sure I've told you that.

At least that much. No?

- I'm sure you have.
- Yes, yes.

- Yeah.
- Listen, we're, uh,

we're about to take a break
and have some breakfast.

- You care to join us?
- You know, as a matter of fact,

I could really go for
some breakfast right now.

- Okay, okay.
- That would be great.

Zooey? You cool with that?

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah. Okay.

Let's go to the patio. Come on.

It's just a TV interview.
It's no biggie.

- It's gonna be great.
- It's our first

live national TV interview.

Okay, ladies, we are on in two.

- Two what? Minutes? Seconds?
- Minutes.

Breathe.

You remember my last interview.

Epic meltdown. Froze on
camera. Ring any bells?

That's not gonna happen
this time, and I've done

this show before,
so I can take the lead.

You can just jump in
when you feel it, okay?

[EXHALES]

Whoa! Watch out!

Cheater! No fair! You started first!

Hi. Um, hello?

- Whoa!
- Hello?

- Hi, Laura.
- Hi.

Ah! [LAUGHTER]

- Just checking in.
- Yeah.

Looks like you're almost cleared out.

Yeah, the estate sale was a success.

- Makes moving a lot easier.
- Yeah.

Well, I just have a few more
closing papers for you to sign...

- Okay.
- Here. Oh, and, um,

just FYI, one little tweak.

Mr. Muller would like you
to pay for the repairs

to the chimney before you go.

That wasn't part of the agreement.

No, it's just an amendment.
It's totally normal.

- Happens all the time.
- Uh-huh.

- [DERISIVE LAUGHTER]
- Are you okay, Phoebe?

Yeah, sure.

Except that the buyer is pulling
this at the last minute because

he doesn't think I'll refuse

if half my stuff is in a moving van.

Well, I really don't think he's trying...

If I don't agree to this,
it invalidates the whole thing.

Right?

Well, technically,
we haven't closed yet...

Well, then the deal's off.

- Excuse me?
- The deal's off.

It's a buyer's market, right?

I mean, he can push
around another homeowner.

- Guys?
- Yeah?

I am so sorry.

Will you move that back to the bedroom?

That's weird, but I'm
gonna pay you anyway,

so just move that back. Thank you.

- So Phoebe...
- You know what, Laura?

I will be in touch. Thank you.

Okay, you'll be... you'll call...

So, how do you plan on dealing

with the city's graffiti problem?

- Hmm.
- Well, that's a great question.

I mean, that has been a
big problem as of late.

Everybody thinks they're
Banksy all of a sudden.

Yeah, some people don't have respect

for what doesn't belong to them.

Yeah, most of these crimes tend to be

committed by underprivileged boys...

Well, no, let's not stereotype.

In my experience, there's been
older, over privileged women

that are just as incorrigible.

And there seems to be a
higher degree of recidivism

when it comes to the
particular type of crime...

Well, some people just
don't learn their lessons.

Even after they're caught,
they just keep messing around.

In their own backyards, at work,

- throwing around their cans...
- Sherry, it was my

understanding that the
graffiti in your neighborhood

was cleared up.

You moved on from that property anyways.

Doesn't mean I forgot.

Graffiti tends to stick with you.

Hmm.

Um, I think that my proposed

youth outreach program
will provide the kids

with a healthy recreational
alternative to vandalism.

Well, there you go.

Maybe we should move
on to another issue.

Good idea. How about prostitution?

[SIGHS]

[LAUGHS] I love that!

Showing up at her door like
it's a rom-com or something.

I love when they show up at the door.

Everybody loves that.

Yeah, I was just so inspired,
you know, and I knew

that Barbara was the only person
that I could do this site with,

and I just wanted to
tell her right away.

You know, I didn't want to wait.
I wanted to see her that night.

I get it. That is so great. You two.

I mean, this completely
shows on the website.

We love Lady Parts around here.
Kath and I read it...

- BOTH: All the time.
- All the time.

- Thank you. Wow.
- Sure.

So let's talk now about
this bold initiative

the two of you have launched.

Um... uh, initiative? I...

You know the one,
only female-run companies

advertising on your site?

I mean, we heard about that,
and we thought,

wow, that's some really exciting stuff.

Really exciting, but kind of scary too.

- BOTH: Yeah.
- But tell us more.

What made you ladies
want to take that leap?

- Ladies?
- Abby?

Are... are you all right?

Abby? Are you there?

Are we having some technical
difficulties over there?

- No, Kathie Lee, we're here.
- Sorry.

- Our...
- Sorry.

The all-female advertiser thing,

it just felt right for our brand,
a way to stand out from...

That's not the only way we stand out.

You know, we try to find a
new angle on women's issues...

Hang on a second: you guys
are making a real statement.

Totally, I mean a man
comes up to your door,

what are you gonna do,
tell him to take a hike?

- Yeah, get out of here, dude.
- BOTH: Bye.

Well, we'd do it nicely, but yes.

It's something we're trying on,
you know, to see if it fits.

But if a product came along
that appealed to our readers,

we would totally consider it,
we would be open

to talking to them,
no matter who ran the company...

Actually, as a feminist
website, we're trying

to make a statement about the
male-dominated business world.

- A culture that tends to...
- I'm a feminist.

I am a lifelong feminist, and I believe

that feminism is about bringing together

enlightened people of
like mind, men and women,

all races, all creeds,
all working together

to advance a feminist agenda.

Abby, I hear you, but I have
a different perspective.

- Different perspective?
- Uh-oh.

For me, we've gotten to a point where

we can't accept the status quo.

There is a culture of
misogyny that is insidious,

and we need to fight that aggressively.

- Yeah.
- Our all-female advertiser

initiative, yeah, it's a risk,

but we're Lady Parts,
and we're willing to go for it.

- Go for it!
- Yes!

- This is a rallying cry.
- It is.

So, come on ladies. Start businesses.

- Yes.
- Start taking risks.

- Yes!
- Go!

- Take control.
- Yes!

And when you do,
we'll be here to support you.

- Wow!
- Yes!

Wow, Barbara, I think
I'm gonna start crying.

I am too, but I can't because
I had my tear ducts removed.

Did I? I've had so much work done.

Anyway, hey everybody,
Barbara Sawyer and Abby McCarthy,

we love you guys, love Lady Parts.

And launching a feminist rallying cry.

- You go, girls.
- Thanks, ladies.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

Boy, do they need a drink.

And we're out.

All right, guys. That's it.

Barbara?

[JAZZY MUSIC]

? ?

[SIGHS]

I need a hand with this thing.

Okay, yeah. This goes upstairs, right?

Yeah.

- Mom?
- Yeah?

The movers are carrying
our stuff the wrong way.

I know.

I've got good news.

- We don't have to move.
- What? Why?

Because the deal didn't go through.

But that means that
you get to stay here.

Where all of your friends are,
and your favorite grocery store,

- and the school that you love.
- Mom.

- Yeah?
- We've moving to the west side.

Not Alaska.

What's this about?

Just this house, it's...

Not everyone gets to grow up
in a big nice house like this.

And I didn't have nice things and stuff.

I just want you to have
your stuff and all of your

nice clothes, and your room, and...

So, will our tablets work in Venice?

- Of course they will, moron.
- Anouk, stop.

Yes, your tablets will work in Venice.

It's okay, mom. We're gonna be fine.

Don't be a freak.

So your mother left me with two bruises,

one under each eye. Now, one is fine.

You look tough, right?

Two makes you look like
you're wearing eye shadow.

- Or like a raccoon.
- Or like... exactly.

Like a raccoon. You know, that's better.

I'm gonna use that next time.

Puma, your kid is sharp.

Yeah, sharp as a tack.

But Bald Eagle here,
he's my toughest competitor.

He really challenges me,
keeps me on my toes.

Hey, right back at you.

Anyway, if you will excuse me,

I am gonna hit the little
Bald Eagle's room.

[LAUGHTER]

He's a nice guy, huh?

FYI, he's totally into you.

- Really?
- Yeah.

He's falling all over you.

Wow. What do you think about that?

- Of him?
- Mm-hmm?

For you? Serious?

- You don't like him?
- He's a little...

Needy and desperate. He's really weird.

- Weird?
- Yeah.

- Weird how?
- I don't know.

- I just get a vibe.
- He's great to spar with.

Yeah, I can definitely
see why you'd want

to punch that guy in the face.

- [CORK POPS]
- Ooh!

[LAUGHS] Isn't it a little
too early to celebrate?

What? No way.

Okay, so...

How did we do?

Uh, well, not too shabby.

Pretty much everyone
there cut us a check.

Except for Sherry.

Well, maybe she is looking for someone

who's a little tougher on spray paint.

[LAUGHS]

What?

You and her.

There was some shit there.

- Yeah?
- Come on...

Oh, yeah, well, maybe I noticed.

I tend to rub people the
wrong way sometimes.

Well, we wound up making a
lot more than we expected.

But now, I'd like to make a toast.

For being by my side.

I think we make a really damn good team.

Wait, maybe there is a reason
that Sherry opted out.

- Thank you.
- Fantastic.

All right, keep counting those
hits and keep me posted.

Thanks.

So, that was Laina, and apparently,

my moment just now, already going viral.

That's great.
This all-female advertising

thing better work because
you just tied us to it.

- Are you serious right now?
- I am just concerned

- that this is not sustainable.
- No, you're worried

that the site is going to be successful

and it won't be because of
something you thought of.

- Wait, what? That is not even...
- They wanted to talk about

my idea, and you couldn't handle it,

- so you undermined me.
- Barbara, that's ridiculous.

- Is it?
- Yes.

- I'm not so sure.
- We have a fiduciary

responsibility to our investors.

This is not about my idea or your idea...

Please, Abby,
you've been shitting on this

- since you got back.
- No, I have been supporting it,

trying to keep our lines
of communication open

with potential advertisers
just in case...

In case I failed. Got it.

And what the hell do you mean,
"Keeping the lines

of communication open"?

Who have you been communicating with?

With other advertisers.

You know, maintaining relationships.

Oh, my God.

You called Cameron, didn't you?

Yes.

I didn't make any promises to him.

I had coffee with him,
and he is not that bad.

- You wrote him off too fast...
- You are unbelievable...

Cameron and VinoLyte
are a massive business.

- Mm-hmm.
- And I have been trying

to clean up the mess you made

and the damage you did
when you kicked him out.

I know that you're going through a lot,

but you trusted me to
oversee everything,

- and this new direction...
- Is not what I had in mind

when I conceived of this site.

I had no idea that I would be managing

this aggressive militant
feminist manifesto!

- Militant?
- This was not my vision!

This isn't about you anymore!

Or your vision. This is about the site.

Which is a real thing in the real world,

and this is what it's becoming.

So you can get on board,

- or you can...
- Or I can what?

Or you can get out of the way.

Abby here.

Oh, my God.

I'll be right there.

- I have to go.
- Abby, is everything...

I'll be right there.

[SIGHS] Well...

Well, now I get why she hates you.

And in full disclosure,
Gordon was a client

when we started hooking up.

So, there were a lot of transgressions.

I'm not squeaky clean.

What are you thinking?

I'm not squeaky clean either.

What?

I thought you said you
were like Barack...

Yeah, but Barack smoked pot.

A lot of it.

Me, I got busted for dealing it.

In high school. I was a minor,

so that was expunged.

And I also had

kind of a thing

with my English professor in college.

- [LAUGHS]
- Yeah.

And I think... pretty sure...

Maybe she was married.

Paul, I am really disappointed in you.

Yeah, I know, I am a big disappointment.

I think that... screw our pasts.

That's what I think.

You're squeaky clean to me.

Mm.

Oh, you know, I just noticed that, uh,

- your neighbor closed up shop.
- The record store.

- Yeah.
- Last week, yeah.

- Guess nobody's buying LPs.
- No one.

That's too bad. It was a great place.

I loved browsing through there.

I thought you said you never come west.

Oh, I don't think he
said that, I think he...

You used to browse that record shop,

but you never came in here?

Didn't even know my
mom owned this place?

- Oh...
- What is that, a coincidence?

[SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC]

Are you stalking my mom? both: Stalking!

No, no, no, no.
We're stalking each other.

He's my boyfriend.
We're a couple, honey.

Okay, we're a dating couple that dates.

That's it. Okay. I said it. It's out.

Why did you pretend before?

- Pretend?
- No, no, no, no.

It's not her fault. This was my idea.

Look, you've been through
a lot lately, and

your mom just wanted to
ease you into things.

She wanted to give you a chance to get...

- You mean lie to me?
- Lie? No!

- Yeah, you did.
- No, no, no, no, no.

A lot. For no reason.
God, I've been back a week.

You've been lying this whole time.

- Zooey, Zooey, I...
- Is there anything else

you want to tell me?

Everything was so crazy before I left,

but at least I knew what was going on.

At least you were honest
with me, but now...

Fine, okay? He's working with Delia.

- Jo...
- They used to schtup,

behind Gordon's back,
and then he sent him photos,

and he's the reason why
their wedding fell apart,

but it's okay, because Delia
and I, we hashed it out

at Abby's mom's funeral,
so it's all good.

And, um, I broke your lamp.

I broke that lamp that
you loved so much.

The one that Grandma made for you,

but I glued it back together,
so there's that.

But I think that's everything.

I have to go.

Zooey...

Oh, my God.

Well, that went well.

No, Laura, I understand.

That was just crazy Phoebe.

Yeah, no, it was just
real estate jitters.

It happens all the time,
just... yes, I do, I do.

I want to sell to the Mullers.
I think that they're great...

[SIGHS]

No, I understand that they'd be pissed.

I would be pissed too if that...

Can you just talk to them and
just try to convince them

that...

I understand.

Thank you.

? ?

Shit.

Oh, Jesus. [EXTINGUISHER BLASTING]

Lilly, Charlie.

Mom. Mom...

Oh, my gosh.

- [GASPS]
- Oh, my God.

? ?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

I was making eggs in
a hole, and I, uh...

And I tried to...

I'm sorry.

Dad...

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