Original subtitles

Barry your favorite director is Michael Bay.

Right. Yeah. A real inspiration.

- You like all of his movies? - Yeah.

- I love all those movies. - (LAUGHTER)

Hey, what's with LaFrey's getup?

It's a water delivery day.

She has a crush on the water delivery guy.

Shh.

All right everyone, stop whispering about me,

and listen up.

LEROY: The water deliver guy has clearance?

Oh, God, no.

Sinkholes.

BOB: Hey, guys? Something's really wrong.

It's an emergency, I messed up bad.

What is it?

I ordered way too many donuts.

- What? - ALL: Oh!

- (LAUGHTER) - Get in there.

- You're the best. Oh, man. - Oh, my God. There's so many.

- Look at this. - Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob.

- LEROY: Thank you, Bob. - No problem.

- These gluten free? - BOB: Those are gluten free.

Those are double gluten.

Like, so much gluten in there.

- Oh, my man. - BOB: I guess like you guys.

MAX: Oh, my God.

BOB: Anyway, I would love to hang around

and have a little donut party with my favorite people,

but I got to go start an autopsy on that cadaver

from the Dublin office, but reminder:

I'm having a little BBQ tonight if you guys

- want to stop by. - LEROY: BBQ on a Tuesday?

That's genius.

BOB: Yeah, it's gonna be all right.

I'm doing a couple beer can chickens. It's gonna be fun.

I'll bet there'll be some, just, regular old beer cans, huh?

- We'll drink some brewskis? - Yeah.

There will be some beer cans filled with frosty brewskis.

Uh, have you been spying on me?

Oh!

- You been spying on me? - (LAUGHTER)

ANNIE: Ah, man.

I wish that I could go. I promised my boyfriend

that I would videotape his new free throw technique.

It's-it's granny style.

Oh, that's so smart. I mean, it looks a little silly,

but it's so much more effective.

That's what he said.

Well, I'll let him know you said that. Thanks.

You bet.

Bob. Bob, Bob, Bob.

I-I just wanted to say,

you're the best person I've ever met.

Well, that's only 'cause you can't meet yourself, champ.

MAX: Bob.

ALL (CHANTING): Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob, Bob,

- Bob, Bob, Bob. - LAFREY: Okay.

Sinkholes.

? Yeah, it's a wonder man can eat at all ?

? When things are big that should be small ?

? Who can tell what magic spells we'll be doing for us ?

- ? And I'm giving all my love ? - Mm.

? To this world ?

? Only to be told... ?

Oh, oh, oh.

? No more will we be... ?

(INHALING)

Mm.

(CHUCKLES)

? But never give, and now that things ?

(VOLUME INCREASING) ? Are changing for the worse ?

? See, oh... ?

? It's a crazy world we're livin' in ?

(CREATURE GROWLING QUIETLY)

? And I just can't see that half of us immersed... ?

You know, there is a theory that sinkholes are the result

- of a secret society of mole people. - Mole people.

- Jinx. - Jinx.

- -Double jinx. Oh! - Double jinx. You owe me two thumbs.

- (LAUGHING): Oh! What? - You don't do two thumbs?

- I didn't... No. - MAX: Yeah, you owe me two...

(CREATURE RATTLING, GROWLING)

? Futures made of virtual insanity now... ?

(GASPING)

- That's right. You never heard that? - No.

- It's Bob. - LAFREY: Oh, Bob.

He's a hoot.

- You can't have any donuts, Bob. - (LAUGHTER)

We got them all.

(MUFFLED): Help!

(CREATURE GROWLING)

Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- (SHOUTS) - ANNIE: Oh, God!

- (SCREAMING) - Bob, no!

(SCREAMING)

- (SHOUTING) - (BONES CRACKING)

- MAX: No. - ANNIE: No!

LAFREY: Don't worry. That glass is bulletproof.

That thing will never get out of that room.

- (ROARING) - (SCREAMING)

- Oh! Whoa! - (CREATURE GROWLING)

- (SCREAMS) - LAFREY: Oh, my God.

Okay, calm down, everyone.

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

- (CREATURE ROARS) - LAFREY: Careful.

- Lisa! - Ellen!

Wha... Dude, it was Ellen, right?

I-I thought it was Lisa. I'm not, I'm not sure.

- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy - - www.addic7ed.com -

All right. Come on, people. Pull it together.

I'm going to call Director Romslo

- and find out how to proceed. - MAX: I'm sorry,

- who is Director Romslo? - My boss.

Everyone has a boss, Max. Even me.

Get me Romslo.

Oh, Captain LaFrey.

What's going on?

Sir, we have a predator of unknown species

loose in the building.

A predator. How did this happen?

It was the Dublin cadaver transfer.

Apparently, it wasn't dead.

The Dublin cadaver?

- Initiate B-13. - (ALARM SOUNDS)

LAFREY: Sir... B-13? No, no.

That-that won't be necessary.

ROMSLO: You have no idea what's necessary.

My responsibility is the safety of the public.

B-13 is initiated.

You have 30 minutes to eliminate the threat.

Sir, please. That's not enough time.

(ALARM CONTINUES SOUNDING)

MECHANIZED VOICE: Lockdown initiated.

Remain in your office.

Protocol B-13 initiated.

Remain in your office.

Protocol B-13 initiated.

- What is B-13? - The Bureau is sealed off.

If we don't find and kill this thing in the next 30 minutes,

everything in here gets incinerated.

- Wait, what? - I don't want to burn to death.

I want to die in my sleep, butt-naked.

LAFREY: All right, listen up. Leroy.

You and Annie start tracking the target.

Barry, you and Max get into that lab, figure out what

this thing is and how to kill it. And, guys,

remember what we do here today,

we do for Bob.

- I will be... - JACE: Sorry to interrupt,

but security guy wouldn't let me leave,

and I came down the back elevator. Now I'm lost.

I will be helping Jace, the water delivery man,

because we have nothing to hide from him.

It's a totally normal day.

So, go ahead and go.

- Let's go. - LEROY: Can't believe she lets

the water guy come down here.

Uh, Jace, please, come on in.

_

Okay, this sensor detects any non-human DNA.

If the creature comes within 15 feet, it'll start to beep.

What's up with you and Max?

What? What are you even talking about?

I have a boyfriend.

Who, free throw guy?

My sense is that's been over for a while,

and neither one of you wants to say it.

(SCOFFS)

Okay, you are wrong, and that is so none of your business.

And besides, how would you know?

Annie, I'm a detective.

I detect things all the time.

Even in my co-workers' relationships.

- It's almost a curse. - Okay.

Why are we even talking about this?

There is a predator in the building.

On the force, when we were in a shootout,

it was best to talk about something else

to keep your mind off the danger.

You seem pissed at me now,

but you don't seem nervous anymore.

Huh. Well, I guess you're right.

Plus, I love juicy gossip.

Still nothing.

Those samples Bob took before he, uh...

Got all the skin sucked off his head

and stayed alive for, like, a full minute afterwards?

Yeah. Could you bring those over here, please?

What's it like working with a certified badass

like Leroy every day?

Are you just like, "Wow"?

I mean, uh, you know, Leroy's great.

Lucky to be working with him.

Uh, are you downplaying it so I won't feel jealous?

Because it's not working.

I'm answering honestly. I love working with Leroy.

We make a great team. He...

(MUMBLING)

Bob really admired Leroy.

Bob's dead, Barry.

Okay?

Yeah.

Let's, uh, continue working, all right?

Yes.

LAFREY: Sorry about all of the confusion,

but it's kind of... lucky.

'Cause, uh, you've just been doing such a terrific job

that I'm actually thinking

of putting in a few more water coolers.

Really?

I mean, that sort of thing normally goes

through our sales team.

Something tells me that you can handle it.

It's rare that I meet someone as passionate about water as I am.

MECHANIZED VOICE: 25 minutes remaining.

That's the countdown

for our lunch break.

Maybe we could have lunch together?

Well, I'd like that, Jace. I would.

Uh, tell you what, I want you to stay here,

and, uh, you draw up a, uh, proposal,

and then I'll come back

and we can go over the numbers together.

(LAUGHING): Okay.

(CREATURE RATTLING)

Shag, Marry, Kill: me, Leroy, yourself?

Barry, even if I wanted to play, that list is too weird.

You find anything?

Oh, yes. I found a report on a similar creature,

basically wiping out the city of Galway in 1973.

Pretty gruesome.

Nothing about how they killed it, though.

Hold on.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I know. It's a pretty cool microscope.

- It makes little thing... - I have to talk to Leroy

- and Annie right now. - No. Y-Your phone won't work.

They jam the signal during lockdown.

Okay, well, we have to warn them not to shoot it.

They cannot shoot it.

Wendy Williams teaches us that change is not only natural,

it's inevitable.

Relationships are like the ocean...

- (DEVICE BEEPING) - It's close.

(PANTING)

(DEVICE STOPS BEEPING)

Wait. What happened?

What is it?

- Um... - What is it?

Hold on.

(CREATURE RATTLING)

ANNIE: It's behind us.

(CREATURE SNARLING)

ANNIE: There it is! Get it!

(CREATURE SCREECHES)

LEROY: I'm out.

- We need more firepower. - ANNIE: Come with me!

Am I crazy, or did that thing smell really good?

(SCREECHES)

BARRY: What are you doing with a tranquilizer gun?

The cells of that creature were able to regenerate

at an incredibly fast rate,

so if that organism is divided in any way...

They could create a new independent organism.

That's exactly right.

Ah. We need to get the tranquilizer gun to Leroy

and let the big man do his thang.

Yeah, or we can take care of it ourselves.

No, no, no, no, no. That doesn't sound like something

- guys like us would do. - Well, I'm not like you.

I'm like, you know, I'm more...

sort of...

You're kind of a... you know... it's...

MECHANIZED VOICE: 20 minutes remaining.

Look, let's just go.

I'll come up with a nice way of saying it on the walk.

- Come on. - Okay.

What the hell was that thing?

I've never seen anything like that.

Dating Max would be completely inappropriate.

I mean, we work together and he's married.

What? I thought you didn't want to talk about it.

Well, I don't want to die with you thinking

that I'm some sort of home-wrecker.

Well, Max's wife

is an insane fugitive who slammed his head

and disappeared for a second time,

so I think that home is wrecked.

Hoping he finds a slightly better situation.

Well, that's sweet that you're worried about him.

I'm not worried about him, specifically.

I-I love everybody. I got a big heart.

Well, it doesn't matter, anyway, because I'm with Tad.

Free throw guy's name is Tad?

- Shut up. - Okay.

(WHISPERING): Yeah, the creature was here.

Excuse me.

Hello?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

Oh, my God.

Oh, thank God!

(SCREAMING)

- Oh, my God! - Oh, God!

Oh, God.

That thing killed Evan. It was horrible.

Well, we're here now. You're safe with us, okay?

I know I am because you are Leroy's partner,

and as long as I'm with you, he can protect all of us.

Yeah, or I'll protect all of us

because Leroy and I are equally as good. Okay?

(DEVICE BEEPING)

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's close. It's close. It's close.

Okay, get behind me. Get behind me. Get behind me.

Okay. Shh, shh, shh.

Oh, my God, I got to work out.

Come on.

DONNY: Where are we going?

BARRY: Shh. Shh, shh.

(CREATURE GROWLING, RATTLING)

Oh. Oh. Oh, God.

(WHISPERING): Okay. Okay, you can do this.

You're a badass.

One...

two...

- three... - (ELEVATOR BELL DINGS)

Not bad.

Stop shooting! You can't shoot it!

MAX: I got it!

Oops.

- (CREATURE ROARING) - ANNIE: Leroy!

Don't shoot! You can't shoot it!

- ANNIE: Why not? - I'll tell you later.

Let's get him in the elevator. Grab his legs.

- Donny, come on. - Help us!

- Oh! - Leroy, wake up.

- Oh, my God. - Max, why did you...

(CREATURE RATTLING)

Oh, I think I'm gonna pee myself.

Mm, there it is.

- (SCREECHES) - BARRY: It's not working.

- He's immune. - (SCREECHING)

Ooh! Whoa!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Go! Go! Go!

(ALL SHOUTING)

Oh, my God, I peed myself.

I'm a grown-ass man, I peed myself!

Stop, Donny!

- I'm not dying for y'all! - No, no, no, no, no!

You're not even a part of my main office clique!

(SCREECHES)

- (DONNY SCREAMING, BONES CRACKING) - Whoa!

Go! Go! Go! Go!

Get him in, come on.

BARRY: Okay.

- One, two, three and plop. - (GASPS)

- (PANTING) - Oh, there he is. Hey, buddy.

- Hello. - You shot me!

Okay, I know it appears that way,

and is that way,

but it's actually kind of a good thing,

because firing on that monster,

it could have created a-a bunch of little monsters.

So, I should thank you for shooting me?

'Cause it seemed like something you could have just told me.

Well, maybe I would have

if you didn't just start

blasting everything in sight, just so everyone

would call you this big, tough, cool guy.

Stop trying to do my thing. Do your thing.

Use that big, freaky brain of yours

to come up with some dumb-sounding plan.

ANNIE: Well, okay. Okay, hold on.

Just take a second. You're still woozy from the tranquilizer.

I-I'll splash some water on your face.

Do not put toilet water on my face.

What do... What's wrong? It's clean water.

Do you not know what happens in toilets?

The amount of times you flush,

the water just cleans itself out, doesn't it?

You're not putting poop water on my face.

Everybody knows that toilet water's very clean.

LEROY: No.

Oh. That's weird.

The bowl's empty.

I-It's been sucked dry.

Yep. This one's dry, too.

The monster was coming from this direction.

BARRY: And it killed Bob after he spilled his beverage.

And Donny after he peed his pants.

It's hunting for liquid.

I mean, it must be some sort of aquatic creature.

It needs massive amounts of fluid to survive.

Max, what's going on in that big, freaky brain of yours?

A dumb-sounding plan.

Sorry, but can I say one more thing...

No. I am under a lot of pressure right now,

and I will be damned if I spend one more second

dealing with water.

We need water.

We need to get all of the water in the building

- into one room. - We need to do it fast.

Really fast.

Jace, you got this?

Time me.

That's the last of it.

MECHANIZED VOICE: Seven minutes remaining.

Barry? Max? Are we ready?

Yes. Uh, we've recalibrated the radiation waves

coming off this machine to effectively transform this room

- into a humongous microwave. - MAX: Yeah.

So, the creature is attracted to moisture, right?

So he's gonna come in, follow the bait,

and then, we can instantly dehydrate him.

We hope. All right.

Everyone ready?

(CLICKING)

Whoa. Hold on.

D-Did you just say "creature"?

What creature? Why does a coat hanger company

have a giant x-ray mach...

I probably should've done that earlier.

LEROY: That was cool.

I was thinking we were gonna have to kill him,

but this is better.

(CREATURE GROWLING)

Come on.

- Go in there. - Okay...

- (SCREECHING) - LAFREY: Okay, Barry, now.

- Press it! Press it! Barry, Barry. - Do it, do it.

Press the button. -Press it, Barry. -Do it, do it!

- Do it! Do it! - Press the button.

I'm pressing it. It's not doing anything!

- Why the hell not? - Okay, it might be possible

after Max and I adjusted the settings,

I may have possibly forgotten to...

Forgotten to turn the machine back on?

No more donuts until we survive this thing.

Okay.

MECHANIZED VOICE: Five minutes remaining.

All right, all right. Listen, listen.

Someone needs to go in there.

It's too risky.

If it detects our moisture, it will instantly attack us.

Okay, so we need something

t-that will hide us.

We need something, uh, super absorbent?

Do you have any kind of

advanced drying technology?

- I-I have, like, baby powder. - Baby powder?

Are you sure that'll work?

No. Not at all.

(SIGHING)

I'll do it.

No, Max. You're trying to do my thing again.

I'll go.

Well, I'm not gonna let you go in there alone.

Okay, just to be clear, this is very much a one-person job.

Not today, it's not.

We'll go together.

Let's do it.

All three of us, then.

Let's do this for Bob.

Barry, no. You're not a part of this.

Sorry.

We are gonna it for Bob, though. That's a good call.

- I loved that guy. - MAX: Listen.

If you have to press that button

while we're still in there, you do it.

- LEROY: What? - MAX: Don't worry about it.

- LEROY: What did you just say? - MAX: Nothing.

(CREATURE SLURPING)

(GROWLING)

(QUIETLY): Come on.

Don't sneeze.

Do not sneeze, Max.

It's okay. There's just so much baby powder. Let's go.

(SNEEZES)

(GROWLING)

Go! Go! Go! Go!

- Barry, press the button! - Press the button, Barry!

Press the button!

Hurry! Barry!

- (ELECTRICITY BUZZING) - (CREATURE GROWLING)

- (SHOUTING) - We did it! Oh! Oh, my God!

(SHOUTING, LAUGHING)

Oh, my God, that really worked!

You've earned this, Barry.

- (SCREAMS) - Yes!

- You were awesome! - No, you were awesome!

He was, like, right up in your face.

- You were so cool! - What about you?

Flipping the switch like a badass!

- Aw, well... That was amazing! - (LAUGHS)

MECHANIZED VOICE: 30 seconds remaining.

Wait a second. Why didn't the clock stop?

Why hasn't the clock stopped?

MECHANIZED VOICE: 25 seconds remaining.

- What's happening? - Why isn't the clock stopped?

- LAFREY: I don't know. - Where's Barry?

(Choking)

- (SCREAMING) - God! There's another one!

It's got my face.

(SHOUTING) Ow!

MECHANIZED VOICE: 15 seconds remaining.

(CREATURE SHRIEKING)

MECHANIZED VOICE: Ten...

- nine... eight... - (CREATURE WHIMPERING)

seven... six...

five... four...

three... two...

one...

(MICROWAVE CHIMES)

MECHANIZED VOICE: Threat eliminated.

Thank you.

(SIGHING)

Barry, scrub out the microwave.

Everyone else, take the rest of the day off.

(EXHALES)

(SIGHS)

Hey.

Oh, hey.

(SIGHS)

Crazy day, huh?

Yeah, that was, uh...

Exactly what you said. It was crazy.

- (LAUGHS) - Yeah.

- Well, I'm glad... What? - You know...

Sorry.

(CHUCKLES) No, go ahead. What were you gonna say?

Ser...

No, no, no, no, no, that's all right. What...

- Go ahead. - I was just gonna say

that I'm glad you're okay.

Thanks. Me, too.

I mean, for you.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

- Both of us. You know. - Yeah...

But I am glad you're okay. (CHUCKLES) It's...

? Just listen to the rhythm of my heart ?

? There's a chance we could make it now ?

? We'll be rocking till the sun goes down... ?

Yo, Annie banan-ie.

? Ah, ooh... ?

Got out early today, huh? Must be nice.

Yeah. Yeah.

What, do you have the day off, too, or...

(CHUCKLES)

I wish. I'm always working.

He has an idea for a magazine.

Oh, cool.

- Hey, see you tomorrow. - Okay.

? You got me in a spin, but everything is A-okay... ?

Peace.

(ENGINE ROARS)

Good job today.

Thanks, man. You, too.

Hey, I guess you, uh, believe in monsters now, huh?

I believe in that monster.

I still don't believe in aliens and all your other crazy stuff.

Okay. All right, well, it's a start.

I did see a bigfoot when I was little, though.

I'm sorry, what?

- Way to bury the lede, man. - Night, Max.

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