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www.tvsubtitles.net
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Babe! Where are you?
You just walked off!
3
00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,873
I know. There was this woman
next to me in a veil,
4
00:00:11,973 --> 00:00:15,187
fiddling with her shoe and
I thought, 'Oh, my God, terrorist!'
5
00:00:15,287 --> 00:00:17,643
Oh, right. So you were gonna
just leave me here to get bombed.
6
00:00:17,743 --> 00:00:21,075
I know. And I do feel bad.
But I WAS gonna text you.
7
00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:24,116
Oh, well that's all right then...
Look, where are you?
8
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By Nothing To Declare.
Have we got anything to declare?
9
00:00:27,452 --> 00:00:30,786
I don't think so... Are you sure you
don't want to get Nessa any fags?
10
00:00:30,886 --> 00:00:32,580
No. She's given up.
11
00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,114
- What? Since when?!
- Oh, I dunno.
12
00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:38,273
Anyway, I got her a Greek flag for
her collection, that's what she wanted.
13
00:00:38,373 --> 00:00:41,431
- Come on, I'm excited!
- Why?
14
00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:43,795
I just love walking through
and all the people looking.
15
00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:45,947
I pretend like I'm really famous.
16
00:00:50,135 --> 00:00:52,724
- What you doing?
- Oh, come on, join in!
17
00:01:15,907 --> 00:01:18,683
Lift it up! They won't see it!
18
00:01:18,783 --> 00:01:21,771
Why can't you just hold it?
I feel like a right pillock.
19
00:01:21,871 --> 00:01:23,314
Oh, that's lovely, that is.
20
00:01:23,414 --> 00:01:26,807
Your son and his wife have been
away for over three weeks.
21
00:01:26,907 --> 00:01:28,273
22 days.
22
00:01:28,679 --> 00:01:31,362
I'm not gonna over this again,
Michael... Mick!
23
00:01:31,462 --> 00:01:35,885
- Mick! Michael! Will you look at me?
- Everybody's staring at us.
24
00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:37,507
Yes! And you know why?
25
00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:40,666
Because they're thinkin',
'Look at that lanky mardy-arse
26
00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:43,099
who can't even be bothered
to hold up a banner,
27
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'a BEAUTIFUL banner, that his wife
spent three hours preparing last night!'
28
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It only took three hours cos
you couldn't spell Stacey!
29
00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:54,592
I KNOW how to spell it.
I just got confused.
30
00:01:54,692 --> 00:01:57,657
- What?
- Because of the big pen.
31
00:02:00,558 --> 00:02:01,993
Oh, here they are!
32
00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:04,582
Gavin! Gav!
33
00:02:04,682 --> 00:02:08,169
- Gav, come here, my little prince!
- All right, Mum?
34
00:02:08,269 --> 00:02:11,413
- Hiya, Stacey. - Hiya!
- Welcome home!
35
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,621
- All right, Dad? Nice banner.
- Do me a flavour.
36
00:02:16,431 --> 00:02:20,080
- So, good time? - The best!
- Yeah, fantastic.
37
00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,168
- How was the hotel? Was the hotel nice?
- It was really nice.
38
00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:26,914
- And was the pool nice?
- Yeah, there were four!
39
00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:30,345
- Was the food nice? - What about the food?
- It was really nice,
40
00:02:30,445 --> 00:02:33,964
- but a lot of fish. - Really? We had
mackerel last night, didn't we?
41
00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:35,991
Yeah, we did. And I had a tuna
sandwich for lunch.
42
00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:39,791
Weird! And what about the staff?
Were the staff nice?
43
00:02:39,891 --> 00:02:41,818
- Yeah, the staff make a hotel.
- Yeah, they were OK.
44
00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:45,250
Tell you what, Stacey, when we were
in Corfu, oh, those little shits...
45
00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:47,652
- Have I told you this already?
- No, go on. - Yeah.
46
00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,312
Well, we asked them to change
the bedding every day,
47
00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:52,608
which personally I don't
think is a big ask.
48
00:02:52,708 --> 00:02:55,414
- I mean we're talking 4* hotel.
- Yeah.
49
00:02:57,047 --> 00:03:00,215
Well, one night me and Mick
got into bed and I said to Mick,
50
00:03:00,717 --> 00:03:03,309
'There is no way these sheets are fresh,'
51
00:03:03,635 --> 00:03:05,363
and I've rung down to reception.
52
00:03:05,463 --> 00:03:09,529
I just didn't believe him,
so I've decided to lay traps.
53
00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:13,333
So I've put two wine gums
INSIDE the pillow case, Mick's side,
54
00:03:13,621 --> 00:03:16,597
come back this one afternoon...
Mick's been snorkelling,
55
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,420
I've had a hot stone massage
and I've looked at the bed
56
00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,553
and I knew straight away, cos you
know when you know, don't you?
57
00:03:22,653 --> 00:03:23,359
Yeah.
58
00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:25,548
So Mick's reached in,
and he's pulled out
59
00:03:25,648 --> 00:03:29,775
the very same wine gums that I had
placed there not three hours earlier.
60
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,367
- I hit the roof, didn't I, Mick?
- I'll say.
61
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:36,862
So I've got him by the throat, this
Stelios Cycliades, and I'm saying,
62
00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:40,377
'Look me in the eye and
tell me that those sheets.
63
00:03:40,477 --> 00:03:42,950
Hang on a minute, it's Bryn.
Hello?
64
00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,465
Come in, London. Can you hear me?
65
00:03:45,565 --> 00:03:47,805
- Hiya! We're back!
- Whereabouts are you?
66
00:03:47,905 --> 00:03:50,935
We've just got onto the M25.
67
00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:54,258
And according to the nav, we're
an hour and ten minutes away.
68
00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,888
- Hello, Mrs Shipman!
- Hiya, Gwen!
69
00:03:56,988 --> 00:04:00,216
- Oh, no, Pam, I meant Stacey.
- Oh, sorry! I thought you meant me!
70
00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:02,370
So did I! Hiya, Mum!
71
00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:06,037
- Hiya, Stace! Hiya, Gav!
- Hiya, Gwen. All right, Bryn?
72
00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:07,882
Welcome home, young man!
73
00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:10,820
Do you have a tan, are you bronzed?
74
00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:14,333
- A little bit, yeah.
- Oh, I can't wait to see it!
75
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,556
- Hiya, Ness!
- Nessa's not here, luv!
76
00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:19,918
Where is she? Have you
spoken to her? Is she OK?
77
00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,836
Yes, but there wasn't enough
room for all your stuff in the car...
78
00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:26,838
...in the Picasso, so she's following
on behind. I'll try her on the radio.
79
00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:30,259
Nessa?
80
00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,832
Come in, Nessa, do you read me?
81
00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:36,192
1-9 Rubber Duck.
Ho, Bryn...
82
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:39,881
I'm not gonna tell you again, you can't
call me 'Nessa' on the airwaves.
83
00:04:39,981 --> 00:04:42,358
- You got to use my handle.
- What is that?
84
00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:45,775
- My code name. Robert Mugabe.
- I'm sorry, Robert.
85
00:04:45,875 --> 00:04:47,717
- I keep forgetting, what's my name?
- Bryn.
86
00:04:47,817 --> 00:04:50,866
No, my handle. I know we're
in the car, but we did say...
87
00:04:50,966 --> 00:04:54,938
- Dame Judi Dench.
- That's it! Dame Judi Dench.
88
00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:59,412
Now, I'm on the line to our London
contingent and I've given them an ETA
89
00:04:59,683 --> 00:05:02,121
of ten past five. Is that do-able for you?
90
00:05:02,221 --> 00:05:05,558
Well, I got my foot down, jude.
I can do no more. 10-4.
91
00:05:25,746 --> 00:05:28,722
Well, here we are! Home sweet home!
92
00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:30,950
Ah, let's have a look
at you in the daylight...
93
00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:33,666
Oh, you have gone a nice colour...
haven't they, Mick?
94
00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:36,085
- Yeah, it suits you.
- I am jealous.
95
00:05:36,373 --> 00:05:39,177
When are you takin' me away?
Sardinia, I fancy.
96
00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:41,730
Give us a chance.
I'm still paying off the wedding!
97
00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:45,414
- It was a lovely day, wasn't it, Gav?
- Yeah. - It was lush.
98
00:05:45,514 --> 00:05:48,774
But you know your Auntie Christine still
hasn't spoken to your cousin John
99
00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:50,791
after all that business with the dessert?
100
00:05:50,891 --> 00:05:52,269
- Really?! - It was just a joke.
101
00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:55,227
There's a joke, then there's smearing
somebody's face in cake
102
00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:57,589
- till they nearly choke to death.
- She didn't choke!
103
00:05:57,689 --> 00:06:00,526
The woman's diabetic, Gav,
she was terrified.
104
00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,699
- He did look vicious as he did it.
- He gets like that, John.
105
00:06:03,799 --> 00:06:06,060
But nothin' else happened
with Smithy or...?
106
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,869
Oh, he was absolutely...
wasn't he, Mick?
107
00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:09,635
Poleaxed. Blotto.
108
00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:12,841
Him, Dirtbox, and Chinese Alan.
Fell asleep in the lift.
109
00:06:12,941 --> 00:06:14,915
Up and down they was going for an hour.
110
00:06:15,015 --> 00:06:16,701
And they all had rooms.
111
00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:19,236
- What a waste of money!
- Right. I'm putting the kettle on.
112
00:06:19,336 --> 00:06:21,983
- Who's for a cup of tea?
- I'll have a coffee.
113
00:06:22,444 --> 00:06:26,034
- But he's all right though, Smithy, is he?
- You know what he's like. Always a drama.
114
00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,781
- Why, what's happened?
- I don't know.
115
00:06:27,881 --> 00:06:30,719
- Nothing serious. He's been
pining for HIM! - What?
116
00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:32,610
But nothing... y'know... big?
117
00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:34,472
No, I don't think so.
118
00:06:35,183 --> 00:06:38,274
- Oi! Where d'you think you're going?
- What? - Come here.
119
00:06:51,842 --> 00:06:53,320
I mean, it IS weird...
120
00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,354
- gettin' used to being Stacey Shipman.
- Yeah...
121
00:06:56,776 --> 00:07:00,040
I remember being very disappointed
the day I lost my maiden name.
122
00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,152
- What was it?
- Griggell-Eschefska.
123
00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:04,585
Pamela Andrea Griggell-Eschefska.
124
00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,736
Which, you know, always
felt quite glamorous.
125
00:07:06,836 --> 00:07:09,904
And then in the space of one day,
to go from that to Shipman...
126
00:07:10,176 --> 00:07:12,038
You know, Ship Man.
127
00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:16,205
I felt quite flat if I'm honest with
you, the day after we got married.
128
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:19,411
Felt like I'd lost my identity.
You know, like Anne Frank.
129
00:07:19,511 --> 00:07:22,198
- After they found her.
- I put your cases in your room.
130
00:07:22,298 --> 00:07:25,424
- Cheers, Dad. - While I remember,
sort your washing out ASAP.
131
00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:29,418
I've got a white wash ready to go on
tonight cos your dad's run out of pants.
132
00:07:29,518 --> 00:07:31,762
You've had to go commando
today, right, Mick?
133
00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:33,586
- What?
- You've no drawers on.
134
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:34,988
- Mum!
- She's right.
135
00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,275
I'm flappin' around like
an elephant's trunk down here.
136
00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:40,558
- Dad!
- Elephant's trunk? I should be so lucky!
137
00:07:41,288 --> 00:07:42,459
Yeah, yeah.
138
00:07:43,285 --> 00:07:44,671
Oh, here they are.
139
00:07:55,294 --> 00:07:57,252
- Hello, Gwen!
- Calimera!
140
00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,017
Ooh, continental!
141
00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:02,321
- Hello, Bryn! - Calimera!
- Oh, yes.
142
00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:05,105
That's Greek for good morning.
I learnt it!
143
00:08:10,777 --> 00:08:13,868
Gavin! Oh, Calimera!
144
00:08:14,156 --> 00:08:15,922
And look what I've had done!
145
00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,606
'My niece went to Greece
146
00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:22,774
and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'!
147
00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:24,986
But she DIDN'T get it for you.
148
00:08:25,086 --> 00:08:27,405
- Yeah, we got you a bottle of Cinzano.
- I know!
149
00:08:27,505 --> 00:08:29,517
I got it printed for a joke!
150
00:08:29,805 --> 00:08:32,553
- Where d'you get it done?
- Online! I did it five weeks ago.
151
00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:33,782
For a joke!
152
00:08:33,882 --> 00:08:35,567
- Before the wedding?
- Before they got married?
153
00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,988
Yes! For a joke!
154
00:08:38,906 --> 00:08:40,193
That'll be Nessa.
155
00:08:47,546 --> 00:08:49,608
- Hiya, Ness!
- Hiya!
156
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,931
- All right?
- You made good time then?
157
00:08:53,031 --> 00:08:55,907
Yeah. The road's been kind
to me, I won't lie to you.
158
00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:59,365
She can be a cruel mistress,
the M25, but today I've been lucky.
159
00:08:59,826 --> 00:09:03,416
All right, Bryn? Pam? Gav? Mick?
160
00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:05,575
Gwen? Stace?
161
00:09:05,863 --> 00:09:08,532
Don't you need a special licence
to drive one of them?
162
00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,008
Not for the seven and
a half ton, you don't.
163
00:09:11,108 --> 00:09:12,967
But I've driven them
bigger than that, Mick.
164
00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:15,616
I drove the sets for The Who
on their world tours.
165
00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:16,960
Great days.
166
00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:19,782
Till I found out things about
Pete Townshend I didn't like.
167
00:09:19,882 --> 00:09:22,240
And all I'll say is...
and I said it to his face...
168
00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:23,737
Where is the book?
169
00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:27,790
Right... cup of tea.
170
00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:29,902
Yeah! Cup of tea!
171
00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,262
How did the T-shirt go down, Bryn?
172
00:09:33,362 --> 00:09:34,687
Mixed reviews.
173
00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,930
Yeah, it was March '89 I quit.
174
00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,160
- That's when I went Stobarts.
- Eh?
175
00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,598
Eddie Stobarts. Really?
176
00:09:43,698 --> 00:09:46,939
Yeah. I was with Eddie and
the boys for 18 months, all told.
177
00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,341
You had a little soft spot
for him, didn't you?
178
00:09:49,441 --> 00:09:51,434
I did, Bryn, I'm not gonna lie to you.
179
00:09:51,534 --> 00:09:53,872
But I wasn't his type, apparently.
180
00:09:54,723 --> 00:09:57,968
Since when has a great rack and
an open mind not been a man's type?
181
00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,906
- Is he still alive, Eddie Stobart?
- I think so.
182
00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:03,555
He's a deeply religious man.
Very generous.
183
00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:06,137
- Gave you two trucks, didn't he?
- He did.
184
00:10:06,237 --> 00:10:08,210
And I regret selling them
now Bryn, to be honest,
185
00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,399
but they were a bugger
to park around Barry.
186
00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:13,829
Everyone all right with a Chinese tonight,
we thought we just get takeaway?
187
00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:15,288
- Yes.
- You don't want to be cooking.
188
00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:17,652
- It's just easier, innit?
- We could go out.
189
00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:19,649
Yeah! Can we go to that Italian?
190
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:22,913
- Capriccio's?
- Yeah, let's go to Capriccio's!
191
00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:26,584
Hey! Smithster!
192
00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:33,880
Smith?
193
00:10:34,864 --> 00:10:37,572
- Hello, Smithy, darling.
- Hello, everyone.
194
00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:40,106
Hello, Smithy.
195
00:10:41,623 --> 00:10:42,775
All right, Bryn?
196
00:10:44,991 --> 00:10:46,239
What's going on?
197
00:10:50,271 --> 00:10:51,519
What's going on?!
198
00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,472
What's going on?!
199
00:10:56,893 --> 00:11:00,330
I've been asking myself the same question
over and over again in my head.
200
00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:04,439
First thing in the morning, last thing
at night. What IS going on, Gavin?
201
00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:05,735
What?
202
00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:09,038
I've been ringing you every day for
three weeks. Your phone's been off!
203
00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,764
- Is that all?!
- You haven't told him, have you?
204
00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:14,049
- I was on my honeymoon!
- Right.
205
00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:18,467
Can we all stop calling it a honeymoon,
right? It's just a holiday!
206
00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:22,519
Yeah, but it wasn't just a holiday.
It was the best time of my life.
207
00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,453
When I went to Malaga
with Lucy and her nanna,
208
00:11:25,553 --> 00:11:27,700
I called you every day, sometimes twice.
209
00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,754
- Sometimes thrice!
- Back off, Mick.
210
00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:31,714
You were only ringing
for the West Ham scores!
211
00:11:31,814 --> 00:11:33,769
That was an excuse, you fool!
212
00:11:34,422 --> 00:11:37,341
I was getting the updates on my
mobile. I was ringing you cos...
213
00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,335
I was ringing you cos I missed you.
214
00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:44,887
- Smithy! - I missed you these last
three weeks an' all. It's been horrible.
215
00:11:45,847 --> 00:11:47,940
I ain't been myself,
I've been off my food.
216
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,322
He's been round here every day.
217
00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:52,111
No-one's been out. They're all
shacked up with their birds.
218
00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,436
What about Lucy?
219
00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:55,663
- She's been grounded for two weeks.
- Why?
220
00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,681
Her dad found ten B&H in her bag.
221
00:11:57,781 --> 00:12:00,618
Went ape-shit. I'm gonna go. I just
wanted to check you're all right.
222
00:12:00,718 --> 00:12:03,441
- Smithy!
- He DID miss you, Smithy!
223
00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:07,591
He did.
224
00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:11,662
He talked about you every day.
225
00:12:14,027 --> 00:12:15,582
Give him the present.
226
00:12:17,387 --> 00:12:18,885
- What, now?
BOTH: - Yes.
227
00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,730
It's the one we read about.
228
00:12:33,057 --> 00:12:34,990
- In Nuts magazine.
- Yeah.
229
00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:54,538
Well, thank God for that.
230
00:12:55,056 --> 00:12:57,168
Look, we're going out to dinner.
You coming?
231
00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,030
- Capriccio's?
ALL: - Yeah!
232
00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,643
Course I'm coming!
233
00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,749
- It's lovely to see you, Bepe.
- Always a pleasure.
234
00:13:19,556 --> 00:13:21,860
And congratulations to the new couple, eh?
235
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,033
Dawn? Mum, it's Dawn!
236
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,833
- Hi, Dawney!
- Hello, you two!
237
00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:33,926
Fancy seein' you here!
238
00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:36,402
- Hi.
- Hello!
239
00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:41,879
You remember Bryn, don't you?
Stacey's uncle from the wedding?
240
00:13:42,935 --> 00:13:43,761
Yes.
241
00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:49,503
Lovely! Look, they're back!
Came back this afternoon, didn't you?
242
00:13:52,412 --> 00:13:55,253
- Did you have a nice time?
- Oh, it was fantastic.
243
00:13:59,324 --> 00:14:01,743
Yeah, and thanks for those
vouchers. Really kind.
244
00:14:01,843 --> 00:14:02,914
No problem.
245
00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:18,501
This is Seth.
246
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:20,421
Hello.
247
00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:24,000
- He works at the butchers.
- He's a colleague of mine from work.
248
00:14:27,309 --> 00:14:30,054
- I never knew you were a butcher, Pete.
- Yes.
249
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,704
Yes, I am.
250
00:14:38,374 --> 00:14:39,987
Don't let us hold you up.
251
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,769
Right! Well, enjoy your meal.
We'd better...
252
00:14:44,768 --> 00:14:45,555
Yeah.
253
00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:57,444
And no olives. Thanks, Bepe.
254
00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,655
Now. This is a tough one.
255
00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:05,863
I'm in a bit of a pickle here.
256
00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:08,148
You might have to come back to me.
257
00:15:08,248 --> 00:15:10,404
No, no! I've got it! I've got it!
258
00:15:10,504 --> 00:15:13,207
It's a toss up between the gnocchi,
259
00:15:14,263 --> 00:15:15,684
the carbonara,
260
00:15:16,278 --> 00:15:17,987
the pollo tagliatelle.
261
00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:21,481
... or the risotto.
262
00:15:24,553 --> 00:15:27,402
- I'll come back to you.
- I'm having the gnocchi.
263
00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:29,648
There it is, Pam. It's the gnocchi.
264
00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:33,256
Apologies for the wait, these
things take time.
265
00:15:33,356 --> 00:15:35,599
Hey, Gwen!
I've gone with the gnocci!
266
00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:38,613
Mick, I'm having a wonderful time.
267
00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:39,746
And for you?
268
00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:41,539
- Si. Buona sera.
- Buona sera.
269
00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,861
- Voglio ordinare bruschetta per tutti.
- E qualcosa da bere?
270
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:47,261
Eh...due bottiglie di vino rosso,
271
00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:50,277
due di vino bianco e
acqua minerale per me.
272
00:15:50,546 --> 00:15:52,485
- E per pranzo?
- Prendo...
273
00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:55,769
l'osso bucco alla milanese
con verdure e patate.
274
00:15:55,869 --> 00:15:57,459
- Certo.
- Tidy.
275
00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:00,416
Signor Smithy?
276
00:16:01,030 --> 00:16:03,756
Er... just a caesar salad, thanks.
277
00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:06,272
No dressing.
278
00:16:12,065 --> 00:16:14,081
I'm joking. I'm having a steak!
279
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,069
Medium.
280
00:16:23,429 --> 00:16:26,040
So in the second week,
Gavin organised this boat trip.
281
00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:28,344
Yeah. This company pick you up,
282
00:16:28,444 --> 00:16:30,514
and they give you a hamper
and they take you to this island...
283
00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,377
- this deserted island.
- Yeah, there's nobody there. Just us.
284
00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:35,067
It's like being on Lost.
285
00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:38,792
- We went skinny dipping completely
in the nuddy, didn't we? - Yeah.
286
00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:42,154
- And in the last week we went paragliding.
- I'm going to the toilet.
287
00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:45,880
- I've always wanted to do that!
- We did it, didn't we? In Santorini.
288
00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:49,413
Oh, yeah. Gwen, it is horrible.
289
00:16:49,513 --> 00:16:50,682
What is it?
290
00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:53,619
- I want to know! Para what?
- I'll be back in a minute.
291
00:16:53,719 --> 00:16:56,503
Paragliding, you're sat in the sea,
292
00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:58,865
and then this boat, a speed boat,
which you're attached to,
293
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:02,129
slowly moves off and gathers
speed and you move up with it.
294
00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:05,953
Good God! Into the sky?
295
00:17:12,244 --> 00:17:14,509
- Alright, Stace?
- What's occurring?
296
00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:17,120
- What you on about?
- You know what I'm on about.
297
00:17:17,716 --> 00:17:19,962
Smithy. You haven't told him, have you?
298
00:17:20,062 --> 00:17:21,632
- No.
- Why?
299
00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:25,076
I thought about it and I decided not to.
300
00:17:26,304 --> 00:17:29,914
Look, I barely knows the kid.
And what I do know, I don't like.
301
00:17:30,202 --> 00:17:32,640
You said you were going to tell
him that night, at the wedding.
302
00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:33,956
I nearly did.
303
00:17:34,056 --> 00:17:35,550
But I took one look at his disgusting face...
304
00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,296
He's not disgusting, he's cute
in his own way!
305
00:17:38,396 --> 00:17:40,160
He's vile. And he's English.
306
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,924
- Well, now you're just bein' racist.
- It's not racism, it's xenophobia.
307
00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,882
Stop being so childish.
308
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,149
These aren't reasons, they're excuses.
309
00:17:48,249 --> 00:17:49,954
Look, I don't want to tell him
310
00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:52,892
cos then I'd have to admit it was
really happening. And I can't do that.
311
00:17:52,992 --> 00:17:56,124
But it IS happening.
And whether you like it or not,
312
00:17:56,224 --> 00:17:58,773
Smithy's sat out there eating bruschetta,
313
00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:01,538
unaware that you're
pregnant with his child.
314
00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:02,863
What?!
315
00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,253
So. Now, let me get this straight.
316
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,248
I'm attached to a boat,
317
00:18:10,651 --> 00:18:13,935
but... I'm in the air, flying
318
00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:17,305
holding onto a parachute.
319
00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:19,091
- Yeah, that's it.
- It's quite safe!
320
00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:21,875
Well, stone me, Mick.
I've heard it all now!
321
00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:26,083
That's nothing. First time we all
went away, to Magaluf, Budgie...
322
00:18:26,183 --> 00:18:29,003
You remember Budgie? He was
at the wedding? The ears?
323
00:18:29,444 --> 00:18:32,152
He ain't been out of Essex before,
he's barely been out of Billericay.
324
00:18:32,252 --> 00:18:35,858
We get there, and there's
this cliff hanging over the sea.
325
00:18:35,958 --> 00:18:39,085
- What was it, like, 500 feet up?
- It was about 80 feet.
326
00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:42,007
We've just got off the coach,
and fully clothed, Budgie just
327
00:18:42,107 --> 00:18:44,887
- runs off the cliff, and jumps in the sea.
- Comes up to the surface.
328
00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:47,344
- Spittin' water everywhere.
- He looks up and he shouts...
329
00:18:47,444 --> 00:18:49,861
'Someone's spilt some salt in here!'
330
00:18:50,149 --> 00:18:52,453
He'd never been in the sea before!
331
00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:56,526
- Gnocci?
- Gnocci? Who's for the gnocci?
332
00:18:56,626 --> 00:18:57,641
You are!
333
00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:01,769
Of course! Sorry, yes!
I thought I'd gone risotto!
334
00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:03,344
I am the gnocci!
335
00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,224
That's Gwen's. I'll go and get them.
336
00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:07,423
That looks good, Bryn.
337
00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,765
Oh, Ness... I know it
doesn't feel like it now,
338
00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:13,106
- but this might be the making of you.
- Cheers, Gwen. Genuine.
339
00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:15,483
Come on, you lot, your food's getting...
340
00:19:16,347 --> 00:19:18,805
- Everything OK?
- You better come in.
341
00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:20,874
What's happened?
342
00:19:21,642 --> 00:19:23,715
- Shall I tell her?
- Tell me what?
343
00:19:26,135 --> 00:19:29,706
Dawn! What's the matter, Dawny?
344
00:19:30,607 --> 00:19:31,394
Dawn!
345
00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:33,967
Oh, stop it!
346
00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:37,308
DAWN, stop it!
347
00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:41,803
Seth's gone.
348
00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:44,241
Who's Seth?
349
00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:47,409
The fella. We met on the internet.
350
00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:51,669
Our counsellor said we could inject some
351
00:19:51,769 --> 00:19:55,970
passion into our relationship if we
introduced a third party to the bedroom.
352
00:19:56,357 --> 00:19:59,179
- Fair play. - So, we've been
emailing each other for weeks.
353
00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,099
All leading upto tonight.
354
00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,846
And it was going so well, Pam.
355
00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:07,492
But as soon as we start discussing over
356
00:20:07,592 --> 00:20:10,084
the whys and the wherefores, y'know...
357
00:20:10,184 --> 00:20:12,277
- Boundaries. - Codewords.
- Yeah.
358
00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,717
As soon as we start talking
about that, he says...
359
00:20:22,092 --> 00:20:23,109
He says...
360
00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:24,626
he's very sorry
361
00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:28,313
but our photo is not representative
362
00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:32,057
of the two of us as a couple,
and he feels he's been misled.
363
00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:33,933
He can't go through with it.
364
00:20:37,716 --> 00:20:39,501
Yes, it was an old photo.
365
00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:42,612
But have I changed that much in 15 years?
366
00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:47,150
No, Dawny! You're beautiful.
367
00:20:47,592 --> 00:20:49,627
Thank you, Pam.
368
00:20:53,641 --> 00:20:55,657
What you lot doing in here anyway?
369
00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,691
Nessa's pregnant.
370
00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:00,860
BOTH: What?!
371
00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:03,030
And Smithy's the father.
372
00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:04,930
Oh, my Christ!
373
00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:08,689
Right, I'm gonna start. This is
ridiculous. Bryn, pass the pepper.
374
00:21:09,783 --> 00:21:11,300
Cor, that's a big one.
375
00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,778
I can barely get my hand around it.
376
00:21:12,878 --> 00:21:14,986
Should have seen this one
in Greece, in this restaurant.
377
00:21:15,086 --> 00:21:17,773
- Oh, will you please give it a rest?
- What?
378
00:21:17,873 --> 00:21:20,960
Is that gonna be it now?
'In Greece' this, 'in Greece' that?
379
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:24,149
I'm sorry, but it's like I don't
even know him any more.
380
00:21:25,073 --> 00:21:27,377
You're paragliding, eating hampers,
381
00:21:27,477 --> 00:21:29,988
you're not even having beer -
you're drinking wine for some reason.
382
00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:33,138
- Yeah, well, beer is quite fattening.
- Says who - your wife?
383
00:21:33,238 --> 00:21:35,675
Oh, come on, mate. I'm back now.
384
00:21:35,775 --> 00:21:38,727
I mean, did you think of me
once when you were away?
385
00:21:38,827 --> 00:21:40,400
- Course I did.
- When?
386
00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,762
- What d'you mean?
- When did you think of me?
387
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:49,789
Tennis.
388
00:21:51,057 --> 00:21:53,745
We were gonna play tennis, but
Stacey's rubbish, so we didn't.
389
00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:57,066
But I thought, 'If Smithy was here
now, we'd have a great game.'
390
00:22:01,036 --> 00:22:02,399
We would, an' all.
391
00:22:03,378 --> 00:22:06,258
- D'you want to play tomorrow? - I can't.
I'm picking up the wedding photos.
392
00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:07,314
For God's sake!
393
00:22:07,414 --> 00:22:10,363
I'm gonna find out where they've
got to. This is ridiculous.
394
00:22:14,107 --> 00:22:15,566
You all right, Pete?
395
00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,057
Michael Shipman!
396
00:22:19,561 --> 00:22:21,001
Mick Shipman!
397
00:22:21,868 --> 00:22:24,422
- What's it like to be you?
- Where's Dawny?
398
00:22:24,522 --> 00:22:28,108
I mean, you got the looks, you
got the wife, you got the girth.
399
00:22:28,208 --> 00:22:28,974
What?
400
00:22:29,074 --> 00:22:31,451
Would you say I was a good-looking bloke?
401
00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,698
I mean, do you think I'm attractive?
402
00:22:35,966 --> 00:22:38,404
Well, right now you've got black teeth.
403
00:22:38,961 --> 00:22:40,113
Have I really?
404
00:22:47,813 --> 00:22:49,061
Mick! Mick!
405
00:22:50,846 --> 00:22:53,266
Pete is absolutely battered!
406
00:22:53,929 --> 00:22:56,579
- Never mind that! just get in here.
- What?!
407
00:22:57,807 --> 00:23:00,227
What's going on?
We're all sat out there...
408
00:23:00,937 --> 00:23:02,895
Dawn? You all right?
409
00:23:03,656 --> 00:23:05,749
- Seth's gone.
- Who's Seth?
410
00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:07,996
The big black fella.
411
00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,762
They met him on the Net.
412
00:23:09,862 --> 00:23:13,276
They were gonna have a threesome
but he took one look at them and bolted.
413
00:23:13,376 --> 00:23:15,397
- Blimey.
- And Nessa's pregnant.
414
00:23:15,497 --> 00:23:18,066
- What?!
ALL: - And Smithy's the father.
415
00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:19,564
Shit a brick!
416
00:23:20,793 --> 00:23:22,290
- Does he know?
- No.
417
00:23:23,127 --> 00:23:24,318
Where's Pete?
418
00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:26,411
Mick, is he all right? Have you seen him?
419
00:23:26,511 --> 00:23:30,289
Yeah... I saw him just now.
He's sat there, drinking.
420
00:23:30,788 --> 00:23:32,324
- And laughing.
- Oh.
421
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,684
Will you go and get him for me,
please... I need my Pete.
422
00:23:37,952 --> 00:23:40,045
- Go on.
- All right.
423
00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,349
You're very lucky, you two.
424
00:23:42,864 --> 00:23:46,992
I've never had what
you'd call a BEST friend.
425
00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,738
I had acquaintances, many.
But never anyone...
426
00:23:49,838 --> 00:23:50,890
y'know, BEST.
427
00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:54,443
And I suppose that's because I always
had Trevor, God rest his soul.
428
00:23:54,543 --> 00:23:57,458
But, of course, he was my brother.
So that didn't really count.
429
00:23:57,558 --> 00:24:00,207
I've always been close with Nessa...
430
00:24:00,307 --> 00:24:03,106
But that's as far as it goes.
431
00:24:03,206 --> 00:24:04,853
I'll be back in a minute.
432
00:24:08,925 --> 00:24:11,652
- You all right, Dad?
- Yeah. Give us a hand, will ya?
433
00:24:12,808 --> 00:24:15,342
I said we should've got
a new photo done -
434
00:24:15,442 --> 00:24:17,915
been honest, warts an' all.
435
00:24:18,318 --> 00:24:19,854
But what do I know?
436
00:24:20,315 --> 00:24:22,677
- Where we going?
- Ladies' toilets.
437
00:24:22,777 --> 00:24:23,607
What?
438
00:24:24,202 --> 00:24:25,988
So... are you gonna keep it?
439
00:24:26,410 --> 00:24:27,984
- Yeah.
- Are you?
440
00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:30,058
Yeah. I am as it goes.
441
00:24:30,538 --> 00:24:33,072
I thought about it long
and hard, no word of a lie,
442
00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:36,471
but then I watched Vera Drake,
twice, and I thought, no,
443
00:24:36,571 --> 00:24:37,930
I can't be doing with all that.
444
00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:41,022
- Well, in that case, you have got
to tell him. - She's right, Ness.
445
00:24:41,122 --> 00:24:44,460
- But I don't want him involved.
- That's not up to you, my love.
446
00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,131
There's two of you in this.
447
00:24:46,231 --> 00:24:48,089
Oh, my Pete! Are you all right?
448
00:24:48,189 --> 00:24:50,030
- Seth's gone.
- I know.
449
00:24:50,376 --> 00:24:52,680
- Who's Seth?
- The black fella.
450
00:24:52,946 --> 00:24:55,385
They met on the internet, they
were gonna have a three-way
451
00:24:55,485 --> 00:24:57,612
but he didn't want to.
He changed his mind.
452
00:24:57,712 --> 00:24:59,071
And Nessa's pregnant.
453
00:24:59,171 --> 00:25:01,341
- What?!
ALL: - And Smithy's the father.
454
00:25:06,489 --> 00:25:08,140
I'll be your best mate.
455
00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:09,907
Will you?
456
00:25:11,097 --> 00:25:14,399
- I sure as shit ain't got one any
more have. - Come on, Smithy...
457
00:25:14,826 --> 00:25:18,954
You're a young man. You've got
your whole life ahead of you.
458
00:25:19,054 --> 00:25:22,103
You don't want to be tied down
to an old fogey like me.
459
00:25:23,519 --> 00:25:25,823
You're not old, Bryn. Are you?
460
00:25:26,937 --> 00:25:28,204
How old are you?
461
00:25:28,914 --> 00:25:31,814
That, young man, is
a gentleman's prerogative.
462
00:25:31,914 --> 00:25:36,202
Anyway, it's not how old
you are, it's how you are old.
463
00:25:39,582 --> 00:25:44,869
You are so funny, Bryn. You know that?
You crack me up every time!
464
00:25:46,511 --> 00:25:48,738
Not like him, the useless sack of shit.
465
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,354
Hey now, come on.
You're crossing the line there, son.
466
00:25:53,371 --> 00:25:57,346
He's in love. And there's nothing
you can do about it.
467
00:25:58,291 --> 00:26:00,595
I love you Bryn-la... I do.
468
00:26:01,747 --> 00:26:02,899
Let's meet up.
469
00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,894
Every weekend. In Swindon.
Just me and you.
470
00:26:06,217 --> 00:26:07,273
- Really?
- Yes!
471
00:26:07,907 --> 00:26:10,000
All right, you're on!
472
00:26:10,996 --> 00:26:13,031
Do you want some of Gwen's lasagne?
473
00:26:13,131 --> 00:26:15,853
- Bring it on!
- All right, let's do it! Come on!
474
00:26:19,350 --> 00:26:20,406
Oh, my God.
475
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,690
You've got to tell him tonight.
You've got to tell him now.
476
00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:26,013
- I know. - I can't believe it.
How long have you known about this?
477
00:26:26,113 --> 00:26:29,110
- About three weeks. - You've known
for three weeks and you didn't tell me?
478
00:26:29,210 --> 00:26:30,556
- I tried!
- Not that hard.
479
00:26:30,656 --> 00:26:33,979
Don't argue, my loves, it's not worth it.
480
00:26:34,267 --> 00:26:35,765
I love you, Dawny.
481
00:26:37,627 --> 00:26:40,565
You know when we were away,
and I said I had something to tell you?
482
00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:43,357
- Yeah. - I told you Nessa was in
the original line up of All Saints,
483
00:26:43,457 --> 00:26:45,719
but she left cos she
didn't get on with Shaznay?
484
00:26:45,819 --> 00:26:48,157
- I was trying to tell you then.
- So you made all that up?
485
00:26:48,257 --> 00:26:51,037
- No. - That was true.
It was a power struggle.
486
00:26:51,137 --> 00:26:55,301
Look, none of this matters, who
told you when, and what have you.
487
00:26:55,401 --> 00:26:57,831
What matters is, the person
who HASN'T been told
488
00:26:57,931 --> 00:27:01,115
is the person that SHOULD'VE been,
and he's out there.
489
00:27:01,215 --> 00:27:03,574
- Who, Bryn?
- No.
490
00:27:04,457 --> 00:27:05,398
Smithy.
491
00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:08,086
I'll come to Wales, you can come up here.
492
00:27:08,186 --> 00:27:11,170
I'll go to church with you.
We'll just hang out.
493
00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:13,743
You know, like best mates do.
494
00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:17,161
Do you think Mick will mind if
I finish this last slice of pizza?
495
00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:19,592
So what if he does? I'll back you up.
496
00:27:19,692 --> 00:27:21,800
Cos that's what best mates do.
497
00:27:21,900 --> 00:27:23,548
Oh, Smithy.
498
00:27:25,246 --> 00:27:27,319
- I got something to tell you.
- What?
499
00:27:28,721 --> 00:27:29,873
I'm pregnant.
500
00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:34,155
And you're the father.
501
00:27:34,156 --> 00:27:39,156
Transcript: chocolate
Sync: boomer2
502
00:27:39,206 --> 00:27:43,756
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