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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.tvsubtitles.net 2 00:00:06,473 --> 00:00:09,143 Babe! Where are you? You just walked off! 3 00:00:09,243 --> 00:00:11,873 I know. There was this woman next to me in a veil, 4 00:00:11,973 --> 00:00:15,187 fiddling with her shoe and I thought, 'Oh, my God, terrorist!' 5 00:00:15,287 --> 00:00:17,643 Oh, right. So you were gonna just leave me here to get bombed. 6 00:00:17,743 --> 00:00:21,075 I know. And I do feel bad. But I WAS gonna text you. 7 00:00:21,175 --> 00:00:24,116 Oh, well that's all right then... Look, where are you? 8 00:00:24,216 --> 00:00:27,352 By Nothing To Declare. Have we got anything to declare? 9 00:00:27,452 --> 00:00:30,786 I don't think so... Are you sure you don't want to get Nessa any fags? 10 00:00:30,886 --> 00:00:32,580 No. She's given up. 11 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,114 - What? Since when?! - Oh, I dunno. 12 00:00:35,214 --> 00:00:38,273 Anyway, I got her a Greek flag for her collection, that's what she wanted. 13 00:00:38,373 --> 00:00:41,431 - Come on, I'm excited! - Why? 14 00:00:41,531 --> 00:00:43,795 I just love walking through and all the people looking. 15 00:00:43,895 --> 00:00:45,947 I pretend like I'm really famous. 16 00:00:50,135 --> 00:00:52,724 - What you doing? - Oh, come on, join in! 17 00:01:15,907 --> 00:01:18,683 Lift it up! They won't see it! 18 00:01:18,783 --> 00:01:21,771 Why can't you just hold it? I feel like a right pillock. 19 00:01:21,871 --> 00:01:23,314 Oh, that's lovely, that is. 20 00:01:23,414 --> 00:01:26,807 Your son and his wife have been away for over three weeks. 21 00:01:26,907 --> 00:01:28,273 22 days. 22 00:01:28,679 --> 00:01:31,362 I'm not gonna over this again, Michael... Mick! 23 00:01:31,462 --> 00:01:35,885 - Mick! Michael! Will you look at me? - Everybody's staring at us. 24 00:01:35,985 --> 00:01:37,507 Yes! And you know why? 25 00:01:37,607 --> 00:01:40,666 Because they're thinkin', 'Look at that lanky mardy-arse 26 00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:43,099 who can't even be bothered to hold up a banner, 27 00:01:43,199 --> 00:01:47,997 'a BEAUTIFUL banner, that his wife spent three hours preparing last night!' 28 00:01:48,097 --> 00:01:50,630 It only took three hours cos you couldn't spell Stacey! 29 00:01:50,730 --> 00:01:54,592 I KNOW how to spell it. I just got confused. 30 00:01:54,692 --> 00:01:57,657 - What? - Because of the big pen. 31 00:02:00,558 --> 00:02:01,993 Oh, here they are! 32 00:02:02,554 --> 00:02:04,582 Gavin! Gav! 33 00:02:04,682 --> 00:02:08,169 - Gav, come here, my little prince! - All right, Mum? 34 00:02:08,269 --> 00:02:11,413 - Hiya, Stacey. - Hiya! - Welcome home! 35 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,621 - All right, Dad? Nice banner. - Do me a flavour. 36 00:02:16,431 --> 00:02:20,080 - So, good time? - The best! - Yeah, fantastic. 37 00:02:20,180 --> 00:02:23,168 - How was the hotel? Was the hotel nice? - It was really nice. 38 00:02:23,268 --> 00:02:26,914 - And was the pool nice? - Yeah, there were four! 39 00:02:27,319 --> 00:02:30,345 - Was the food nice? - What about the food? - It was really nice, 40 00:02:30,445 --> 00:02:33,964 - but a lot of fish. - Really? We had mackerel last night, didn't we? 41 00:02:34,064 --> 00:02:35,991 Yeah, we did. And I had a tuna sandwich for lunch. 42 00:02:36,091 --> 00:02:39,791 Weird! And what about the staff? Were the staff nice? 43 00:02:39,891 --> 00:02:41,818 - Yeah, the staff make a hotel. - Yeah, they were OK. 44 00:02:41,918 --> 00:02:45,250 Tell you what, Stacey, when we were in Corfu, oh, those little shits... 45 00:02:45,350 --> 00:02:47,652 - Have I told you this already? - No, go on. - Yeah. 46 00:02:47,752 --> 00:02:50,312 Well, we asked them to change the bedding every day, 47 00:02:50,412 --> 00:02:52,608 which personally I don't think is a big ask. 48 00:02:52,708 --> 00:02:55,414 - I mean we're talking 4* hotel. - Yeah. 49 00:02:57,047 --> 00:03:00,215 Well, one night me and Mick got into bed and I said to Mick, 50 00:03:00,717 --> 00:03:03,309 'There is no way these sheets are fresh,' 51 00:03:03,635 --> 00:03:05,363 and I've rung down to reception. 52 00:03:05,463 --> 00:03:09,529 I just didn't believe him, so I've decided to lay traps. 53 00:03:09,629 --> 00:03:13,333 So I've put two wine gums INSIDE the pillow case, Mick's side, 54 00:03:13,621 --> 00:03:16,597 come back this one afternoon... Mick's been snorkelling, 55 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:19,420 I've had a hot stone massage and I've looked at the bed 56 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:22,553 and I knew straight away, cos you know when you know, don't you? 57 00:03:22,653 --> 00:03:23,359 Yeah. 58 00:03:23,459 --> 00:03:25,548 So Mick's reached in, and he's pulled out 59 00:03:25,648 --> 00:03:29,775 the very same wine gums that I had placed there not three hours earlier. 60 00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,367 - I hit the roof, didn't I, Mick? - I'll say. 61 00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:36,862 So I've got him by the throat, this Stelios Cycliades, and I'm saying, 62 00:03:37,132 --> 00:03:40,377 'Look me in the eye and tell me that those sheets. 63 00:03:40,477 --> 00:03:42,950 Hang on a minute, it's Bryn. Hello? 64 00:03:43,315 --> 00:03:45,465 Come in, London. Can you hear me? 65 00:03:45,565 --> 00:03:47,805 - Hiya! We're back! - Whereabouts are you? 66 00:03:47,905 --> 00:03:50,935 We've just got onto the M25. 67 00:03:51,205 --> 00:03:54,258 And according to the nav, we're an hour and ten minutes away. 68 00:03:54,358 --> 00:03:56,888 - Hello, Mrs Shipman! - Hiya, Gwen! 69 00:03:56,988 --> 00:04:00,216 - Oh, no, Pam, I meant Stacey. - Oh, sorry! I thought you meant me! 70 00:04:00,316 --> 00:04:02,370 So did I! Hiya, Mum! 71 00:04:02,830 --> 00:04:06,037 - Hiya, Stace! Hiya, Gav! - Hiya, Gwen. All right, Bryn? 72 00:04:06,137 --> 00:04:07,882 Welcome home, young man! 73 00:04:08,266 --> 00:04:10,820 Do you have a tan, are you bronzed? 74 00:04:11,185 --> 00:04:14,333 - A little bit, yeah. - Oh, I can't wait to see it! 75 00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,556 - Hiya, Ness! - Nessa's not here, luv! 76 00:04:17,656 --> 00:04:19,918 Where is she? Have you spoken to her? Is she OK? 77 00:04:20,018 --> 00:04:22,836 Yes, but there wasn't enough room for all your stuff in the car... 78 00:04:22,936 --> 00:04:26,838 ...in the Picasso, so she's following on behind. I'll try her on the radio. 79 00:04:29,491 --> 00:04:30,259 Nessa? 80 00:04:30,951 --> 00:04:32,832 Come in, Nessa, do you read me? 81 00:04:34,234 --> 00:04:36,192 1-9 Rubber Duck. Ho, Bryn... 82 00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:39,881 I'm not gonna tell you again, you can't call me 'Nessa' on the airwaves. 83 00:04:39,981 --> 00:04:42,358 - You got to use my handle. - What is that? 84 00:04:42,458 --> 00:04:45,775 - My code name. Robert Mugabe. - I'm sorry, Robert. 85 00:04:45,875 --> 00:04:47,717 - I keep forgetting, what's my name? - Bryn. 86 00:04:47,817 --> 00:04:50,866 No, my handle. I know we're in the car, but we did say... 87 00:04:50,966 --> 00:04:54,938 - Dame Judi Dench. - That's it! Dame Judi Dench. 88 00:04:55,207 --> 00:04:59,412 Now, I'm on the line to our London contingent and I've given them an ETA 89 00:04:59,683 --> 00:05:02,121 of ten past five. Is that do-able for you? 90 00:05:02,221 --> 00:05:05,558 Well, I got my foot down, jude. I can do no more. 10-4. 91 00:05:25,746 --> 00:05:28,722 Well, here we are! Home sweet home! 92 00:05:28,822 --> 00:05:30,950 Ah, let's have a look at you in the daylight... 93 00:05:31,050 --> 00:05:33,666 Oh, you have gone a nice colour... haven't they, Mick? 94 00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:36,085 - Yeah, it suits you. - I am jealous. 95 00:05:36,373 --> 00:05:39,177 When are you takin' me away? Sardinia, I fancy. 96 00:05:39,277 --> 00:05:41,730 Give us a chance. I'm still paying off the wedding! 97 00:05:41,830 --> 00:05:45,414 - It was a lovely day, wasn't it, Gav? - Yeah. - It was lush. 98 00:05:45,514 --> 00:05:48,774 But you know your Auntie Christine still hasn't spoken to your cousin John 99 00:05:48,874 --> 00:05:50,791 after all that business with the dessert? 100 00:05:50,891 --> 00:05:52,269 - Really?! - It was just a joke. 101 00:05:52,369 --> 00:05:55,227 There's a joke, then there's smearing somebody's face in cake 102 00:05:55,327 --> 00:05:57,589 - till they nearly choke to death. - She didn't choke! 103 00:05:57,689 --> 00:06:00,526 The woman's diabetic, Gav, she was terrified. 104 00:06:00,626 --> 00:06:03,699 - He did look vicious as he did it. - He gets like that, John. 105 00:06:03,799 --> 00:06:06,060 But nothin' else happened with Smithy or...? 106 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,869 Oh, he was absolutely... wasn't he, Mick? 107 00:06:07,969 --> 00:06:09,635 Poleaxed. Blotto. 108 00:06:09,735 --> 00:06:12,841 Him, Dirtbox, and Chinese Alan. Fell asleep in the lift. 109 00:06:12,941 --> 00:06:14,915 Up and down they was going for an hour. 110 00:06:15,015 --> 00:06:16,701 And they all had rooms. 111 00:06:17,028 --> 00:06:19,236 - What a waste of money! - Right. I'm putting the kettle on. 112 00:06:19,336 --> 00:06:21,983 - Who's for a cup of tea? - I'll have a coffee. 113 00:06:22,444 --> 00:06:26,034 - But he's all right though, Smithy, is he? - You know what he's like. Always a drama. 114 00:06:26,134 --> 00:06:27,781 - Why, what's happened? - I don't know. 115 00:06:27,881 --> 00:06:30,719 - Nothing serious. He's been pining for HIM! - What? 116 00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:32,610 But nothing... y'know... big? 117 00:06:32,710 --> 00:06:34,472 No, I don't think so. 118 00:06:35,183 --> 00:06:38,274 - Oi! Where d'you think you're going? - What? - Come here. 119 00:06:51,842 --> 00:06:53,320 I mean, it IS weird... 120 00:06:53,420 --> 00:06:56,354 - gettin' used to being Stacey Shipman. - Yeah... 121 00:06:56,776 --> 00:07:00,040 I remember being very disappointed the day I lost my maiden name. 122 00:07:00,140 --> 00:07:02,152 - What was it? - Griggell-Eschefska. 123 00:07:02,252 --> 00:07:04,585 Pamela Andrea Griggell-Eschefska. 124 00:07:04,685 --> 00:07:06,736 Which, you know, always felt quite glamorous. 125 00:07:06,836 --> 00:07:09,904 And then in the space of one day, to go from that to Shipman... 126 00:07:10,176 --> 00:07:12,038 You know, Ship Man. 127 00:07:12,557 --> 00:07:16,205 I felt quite flat if I'm honest with you, the day after we got married. 128 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:19,411 Felt like I'd lost my identity. You know, like Anne Frank. 129 00:07:19,511 --> 00:07:22,198 - After they found her. - I put your cases in your room. 130 00:07:22,298 --> 00:07:25,424 - Cheers, Dad. - While I remember, sort your washing out ASAP. 131 00:07:25,524 --> 00:07:29,418 I've got a white wash ready to go on tonight cos your dad's run out of pants. 132 00:07:29,518 --> 00:07:31,762 You've had to go commando today, right, Mick? 133 00:07:31,862 --> 00:07:33,586 - What? - You've no drawers on. 134 00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:34,988 - Mum! - She's right. 135 00:07:35,088 --> 00:07:37,275 I'm flappin' around like an elephant's trunk down here. 136 00:07:37,375 --> 00:07:40,558 - Dad! - Elephant's trunk? I should be so lucky! 137 00:07:41,288 --> 00:07:42,459 Yeah, yeah. 138 00:07:43,285 --> 00:07:44,671 Oh, here they are. 139 00:07:55,294 --> 00:07:57,252 - Hello, Gwen! - Calimera! 140 00:07:58,347 --> 00:08:00,017 Ooh, continental! 141 00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:02,321 - Hello, Bryn! - Calimera! - Oh, yes. 142 00:08:02,421 --> 00:08:05,105 That's Greek for good morning. I learnt it! 143 00:08:10,777 --> 00:08:13,868 Gavin! Oh, Calimera! 144 00:08:14,156 --> 00:08:15,922 And look what I've had done! 145 00:08:17,667 --> 00:08:19,606 'My niece went to Greece 146 00:08:20,470 --> 00:08:22,774 and all I got was this lousy T-shirt'! 147 00:08:23,411 --> 00:08:24,986 But she DIDN'T get it for you. 148 00:08:25,086 --> 00:08:27,405 - Yeah, we got you a bottle of Cinzano. - I know! 149 00:08:27,505 --> 00:08:29,517 I got it printed for a joke! 150 00:08:29,805 --> 00:08:32,553 - Where d'you get it done? - Online! I did it five weeks ago. 151 00:08:32,653 --> 00:08:33,782 For a joke! 152 00:08:33,882 --> 00:08:35,567 - Before the wedding? - Before they got married? 153 00:08:35,667 --> 00:08:36,988 Yes! For a joke! 154 00:08:38,906 --> 00:08:40,193 That'll be Nessa. 155 00:08:47,546 --> 00:08:49,608 - Hiya, Ness! - Hiya! 156 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,931 - All right? - You made good time then? 157 00:08:53,031 --> 00:08:55,907 Yeah. The road's been kind to me, I won't lie to you. 158 00:08:56,007 --> 00:08:59,365 She can be a cruel mistress, the M25, but today I've been lucky. 159 00:08:59,826 --> 00:09:03,416 All right, Bryn? Pam? Gav? Mick? 160 00:09:04,173 --> 00:09:05,575 Gwen? Stace? 161 00:09:05,863 --> 00:09:08,532 Don't you need a special licence to drive one of them? 162 00:09:08,632 --> 00:09:11,008 Not for the seven and a half ton, you don't. 163 00:09:11,108 --> 00:09:12,967 But I've driven them bigger than that, Mick. 164 00:09:13,067 --> 00:09:15,616 I drove the sets for The Who on their world tours. 165 00:09:15,904 --> 00:09:16,960 Great days. 166 00:09:17,060 --> 00:09:19,782 Till I found out things about Pete Townshend I didn't like. 167 00:09:19,882 --> 00:09:22,240 And all I'll say is... and I said it to his face... 168 00:09:22,340 --> 00:09:23,737 Where is the book? 169 00:09:26,580 --> 00:09:27,790 Right... cup of tea. 170 00:09:27,890 --> 00:09:29,902 Yeah! Cup of tea! 171 00:09:31,246 --> 00:09:33,262 How did the T-shirt go down, Bryn? 172 00:09:33,362 --> 00:09:34,687 Mixed reviews. 173 00:09:36,742 --> 00:09:38,930 Yeah, it was March '89 I quit. 174 00:09:39,030 --> 00:09:41,160 - That's when I went Stobarts. - Eh? 175 00:09:41,640 --> 00:09:43,598 Eddie Stobarts. Really? 176 00:09:43,698 --> 00:09:46,939 Yeah. I was with Eddie and the boys for 18 months, all told. 177 00:09:47,039 --> 00:09:49,341 You had a little soft spot for him, didn't you? 178 00:09:49,441 --> 00:09:51,434 I did, Bryn, I'm not gonna lie to you. 179 00:09:51,534 --> 00:09:53,872 But I wasn't his type, apparently. 180 00:09:54,723 --> 00:09:57,968 Since when has a great rack and an open mind not been a man's type? 181 00:09:58,068 --> 00:10:00,906 - Is he still alive, Eddie Stobart? - I think so. 182 00:10:01,006 --> 00:10:03,555 He's a deeply religious man. Very generous. 183 00:10:03,655 --> 00:10:06,137 - Gave you two trucks, didn't he? - He did. 184 00:10:06,237 --> 00:10:08,210 And I regret selling them now Bryn, to be honest, 185 00:10:08,310 --> 00:10:10,399 but they were a bugger to park around Barry. 186 00:10:10,499 --> 00:10:13,829 Everyone all right with a Chinese tonight, we thought we just get takeaway? 187 00:10:13,929 --> 00:10:15,288 - Yes. - You don't want to be cooking. 188 00:10:15,388 --> 00:10:17,652 - It's just easier, innit? - We could go out. 189 00:10:17,752 --> 00:10:19,649 Yeah! Can we go to that Italian? 190 00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:22,913 - Capriccio's? - Yeah, let's go to Capriccio's! 191 00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:26,584 Hey! Smithster! 192 00:10:32,977 --> 00:10:33,880 Smith? 193 00:10:34,864 --> 00:10:37,572 - Hello, Smithy, darling. - Hello, everyone. 194 00:10:38,666 --> 00:10:40,106 Hello, Smithy. 195 00:10:41,623 --> 00:10:42,775 All right, Bryn? 196 00:10:44,991 --> 00:10:46,239 What's going on? 197 00:10:50,271 --> 00:10:51,519 What's going on?! 198 00:10:53,936 --> 00:10:55,472 What's going on?! 199 00:10:56,893 --> 00:11:00,330 I've been asking myself the same question over and over again in my head. 200 00:11:00,430 --> 00:11:04,439 First thing in the morning, last thing at night. What IS going on, Gavin? 201 00:11:04,967 --> 00:11:05,735 What? 202 00:11:05,835 --> 00:11:09,038 I've been ringing you every day for three weeks. Your phone's been off! 203 00:11:09,383 --> 00:11:11,764 - Is that all?! - You haven't told him, have you? 204 00:11:11,864 --> 00:11:14,049 - I was on my honeymoon! - Right. 205 00:11:14,149 --> 00:11:18,467 Can we all stop calling it a honeymoon, right? It's just a holiday! 206 00:11:18,890 --> 00:11:22,519 Yeah, but it wasn't just a holiday. It was the best time of my life. 207 00:11:23,207 --> 00:11:25,453 When I went to Malaga with Lucy and her nanna, 208 00:11:25,553 --> 00:11:27,700 I called you every day, sometimes twice. 209 00:11:27,800 --> 00:11:29,754 - Sometimes thrice! - Back off, Mick. 210 00:11:29,854 --> 00:11:31,714 You were only ringing for the West Ham scores! 211 00:11:31,814 --> 00:11:33,769 That was an excuse, you fool! 212 00:11:34,422 --> 00:11:37,341 I was getting the updates on my mobile. I was ringing you cos... 213 00:11:39,031 --> 00:11:41,335 I was ringing you cos I missed you. 214 00:11:41,435 --> 00:11:44,887 - Smithy! - I missed you these last three weeks an' all. It's been horrible. 215 00:11:45,847 --> 00:11:47,940 I ain't been myself, I've been off my food. 216 00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:49,322 He's been round here every day. 217 00:11:49,422 --> 00:11:52,111 No-one's been out. They're all shacked up with their birds. 218 00:11:52,211 --> 00:11:53,436 What about Lucy? 219 00:11:53,536 --> 00:11:55,663 - She's been grounded for two weeks. - Why? 220 00:11:55,763 --> 00:11:57,681 Her dad found ten B&H in her bag. 221 00:11:57,781 --> 00:12:00,618 Went ape-shit. I'm gonna go. I just wanted to check you're all right. 222 00:12:00,718 --> 00:12:03,441 - Smithy! - He DID miss you, Smithy! 223 00:12:06,689 --> 00:12:07,591 He did. 224 00:12:09,684 --> 00:12:11,662 He talked about you every day. 225 00:12:14,027 --> 00:12:15,582 Give him the present. 226 00:12:17,387 --> 00:12:18,885 - What, now? BOTH: - Yes. 227 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,730 It's the one we read about. 228 00:12:33,057 --> 00:12:34,990 - In Nuts magazine. - Yeah. 229 00:12:52,867 --> 00:12:54,538 Well, thank God for that. 230 00:12:55,056 --> 00:12:57,168 Look, we're going out to dinner. You coming? 231 00:12:57,268 --> 00:12:59,030 - Capriccio's? ALL: - Yeah! 232 00:12:59,130 --> 00:13:00,643 Course I'm coming! 233 00:13:16,253 --> 00:13:18,749 - It's lovely to see you, Bepe. - Always a pleasure. 234 00:13:19,556 --> 00:13:21,860 And congratulations to the new couple, eh? 235 00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:26,033 Dawn? Mum, it's Dawn! 236 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,833 - Hi, Dawney! - Hello, you two! 237 00:13:31,933 --> 00:13:33,926 Fancy seein' you here! 238 00:13:34,194 --> 00:13:36,402 - Hi. - Hello! 239 00:13:38,342 --> 00:13:41,879 You remember Bryn, don't you? Stacey's uncle from the wedding? 240 00:13:42,935 --> 00:13:43,761 Yes. 241 00:13:45,183 --> 00:13:49,503 Lovely! Look, they're back! Came back this afternoon, didn't you? 242 00:13:52,412 --> 00:13:55,253 - Did you have a nice time? - Oh, it was fantastic. 243 00:13:59,324 --> 00:14:01,743 Yeah, and thanks for those vouchers. Really kind. 244 00:14:01,843 --> 00:14:02,914 No problem. 245 00:14:17,330 --> 00:14:18,501 This is Seth. 246 00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:20,421 Hello. 247 00:14:21,689 --> 00:14:24,000 - He works at the butchers. - He's a colleague of mine from work. 248 00:14:27,309 --> 00:14:30,054 - I never knew you were a butcher, Pete. - Yes. 249 00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:32,704 Yes, I am. 250 00:14:38,374 --> 00:14:39,987 Don't let us hold you up. 251 00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:43,769 Right! Well, enjoy your meal. We'd better... 252 00:14:44,768 --> 00:14:45,555 Yeah. 253 00:14:55,179 --> 00:14:57,444 And no olives. Thanks, Bepe. 254 00:15:00,967 --> 00:15:03,655 Now. This is a tough one. 255 00:15:04,039 --> 00:15:05,863 I'm in a bit of a pickle here. 256 00:15:06,286 --> 00:15:08,148 You might have to come back to me. 257 00:15:08,248 --> 00:15:10,404 No, no! I've got it! I've got it! 258 00:15:10,504 --> 00:15:13,207 It's a toss up between the gnocchi, 259 00:15:14,263 --> 00:15:15,684 the carbonara, 260 00:15:16,278 --> 00:15:17,987 the pollo tagliatelle. 261 00:15:20,022 --> 00:15:21,481 ... or the risotto. 262 00:15:24,553 --> 00:15:27,402 - I'll come back to you. - I'm having the gnocchi. 263 00:15:27,502 --> 00:15:29,648 There it is, Pam. It's the gnocchi. 264 00:15:30,705 --> 00:15:33,256 Apologies for the wait, these things take time. 265 00:15:33,356 --> 00:15:35,599 Hey, Gwen! I've gone with the gnocci! 266 00:15:36,309 --> 00:15:38,613 Mick, I'm having a wonderful time. 267 00:15:38,713 --> 00:15:39,746 And for you? 268 00:15:39,846 --> 00:15:41,539 - Si. Buona sera. - Buona sera. 269 00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:44,861 - Voglio ordinare bruschetta per tutti. - E qualcosa da bere? 270 00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:47,261 Eh...due bottiglie di vino rosso, 271 00:15:47,361 --> 00:15:50,277 due di vino bianco e acqua minerale per me. 272 00:15:50,546 --> 00:15:52,485 - E per pranzo? - Prendo... 273 00:15:52,754 --> 00:15:55,769 l'osso bucco alla milanese con verdure e patate. 274 00:15:55,869 --> 00:15:57,459 - Certo. - Tidy. 275 00:15:59,264 --> 00:16:00,416 Signor Smithy? 276 00:16:01,030 --> 00:16:03,756 Er... just a caesar salad, thanks. 277 00:16:05,177 --> 00:16:06,272 No dressing. 278 00:16:12,065 --> 00:16:14,081 I'm joking. I'm having a steak! 279 00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,069 Medium. 280 00:16:23,429 --> 00:16:26,040 So in the second week, Gavin organised this boat trip. 281 00:16:26,140 --> 00:16:28,344 Yeah. This company pick you up, 282 00:16:28,444 --> 00:16:30,514 and they give you a hamper and they take you to this island... 283 00:16:30,614 --> 00:16:33,377 - this deserted island. - Yeah, there's nobody there. Just us. 284 00:16:33,477 --> 00:16:35,067 It's like being on Lost. 285 00:16:35,167 --> 00:16:38,792 - We went skinny dipping completely in the nuddy, didn't we? - Yeah. 286 00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:42,154 - And in the last week we went paragliding. - I'm going to the toilet. 287 00:16:42,254 --> 00:16:45,880 - I've always wanted to do that! - We did it, didn't we? In Santorini. 288 00:16:45,980 --> 00:16:49,413 Oh, yeah. Gwen, it is horrible. 289 00:16:49,513 --> 00:16:50,682 What is it? 290 00:16:51,066 --> 00:16:53,619 - I want to know! Para what? - I'll be back in a minute. 291 00:16:53,719 --> 00:16:56,503 Paragliding, you're sat in the sea, 292 00:16:56,603 --> 00:16:58,865 and then this boat, a speed boat, which you're attached to, 293 00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:02,129 slowly moves off and gathers speed and you move up with it. 294 00:17:03,476 --> 00:17:05,953 Good God! Into the sky? 295 00:17:12,244 --> 00:17:14,509 - Alright, Stace? - What's occurring? 296 00:17:14,836 --> 00:17:17,120 - What you on about? - You know what I'm on about. 297 00:17:17,716 --> 00:17:19,962 Smithy. You haven't told him, have you? 298 00:17:20,062 --> 00:17:21,632 - No. - Why? 299 00:17:22,580 --> 00:17:25,076 I thought about it and I decided not to. 300 00:17:26,304 --> 00:17:29,914 Look, I barely knows the kid. And what I do know, I don't like. 301 00:17:30,202 --> 00:17:32,640 You said you were going to tell him that night, at the wedding. 302 00:17:32,740 --> 00:17:33,956 I nearly did. 303 00:17:34,056 --> 00:17:35,550 But I took one look at his disgusting face... 304 00:17:35,650 --> 00:17:38,296 He's not disgusting, he's cute in his own way! 305 00:17:38,396 --> 00:17:40,160 He's vile. And he's English. 306 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,924 - Well, now you're just bein' racist. - It's not racism, it's xenophobia. 307 00:17:44,024 --> 00:17:45,882 Stop being so childish. 308 00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:48,149 These aren't reasons, they're excuses. 309 00:17:48,249 --> 00:17:49,954 Look, I don't want to tell him 310 00:17:50,054 --> 00:17:52,892 cos then I'd have to admit it was really happening. And I can't do that. 311 00:17:52,992 --> 00:17:56,124 But it IS happening. And whether you like it or not, 312 00:17:56,224 --> 00:17:58,773 Smithy's sat out there eating bruschetta, 313 00:17:58,873 --> 00:18:01,538 unaware that you're pregnant with his child. 314 00:18:02,056 --> 00:18:02,863 What?! 315 00:18:04,930 --> 00:18:07,253 So. Now, let me get this straight. 316 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,248 I'm attached to a boat, 317 00:18:10,651 --> 00:18:13,935 but... I'm in the air, flying 318 00:18:15,193 --> 00:18:17,305 holding onto a parachute. 319 00:18:17,405 --> 00:18:19,091 - Yeah, that's it. - It's quite safe! 320 00:18:19,379 --> 00:18:21,875 Well, stone me, Mick. I've heard it all now! 321 00:18:21,975 --> 00:18:26,083 That's nothing. First time we all went away, to Magaluf, Budgie... 322 00:18:26,183 --> 00:18:29,003 You remember Budgie? He was at the wedding? The ears? 323 00:18:29,444 --> 00:18:32,152 He ain't been out of Essex before, he's barely been out of Billericay. 324 00:18:32,252 --> 00:18:35,858 We get there, and there's this cliff hanging over the sea. 325 00:18:35,958 --> 00:18:39,085 - What was it, like, 500 feet up? - It was about 80 feet. 326 00:18:39,185 --> 00:18:42,007 We've just got off the coach, and fully clothed, Budgie just 327 00:18:42,107 --> 00:18:44,887 - runs off the cliff, and jumps in the sea. - Comes up to the surface. 328 00:18:44,987 --> 00:18:47,344 - Spittin' water everywhere. - He looks up and he shouts... 329 00:18:47,444 --> 00:18:49,861 'Someone's spilt some salt in here!' 330 00:18:50,149 --> 00:18:52,453 He'd never been in the sea before! 331 00:18:53,243 --> 00:18:56,526 - Gnocci? - Gnocci? Who's for the gnocci? 332 00:18:56,626 --> 00:18:57,641 You are! 333 00:18:58,083 --> 00:19:01,769 Of course! Sorry, yes! I thought I'd gone risotto! 334 00:19:02,096 --> 00:19:03,344 I am the gnocci! 335 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:06,224 That's Gwen's. I'll go and get them. 336 00:19:06,324 --> 00:19:07,423 That looks good, Bryn. 337 00:19:07,523 --> 00:19:09,765 Oh, Ness... I know it doesn't feel like it now, 338 00:19:09,865 --> 00:19:13,106 - but this might be the making of you. - Cheers, Gwen. Genuine. 339 00:19:13,206 --> 00:19:15,483 Come on, you lot, your food's getting... 340 00:19:16,347 --> 00:19:18,805 - Everything OK? - You better come in. 341 00:19:19,568 --> 00:19:20,874 What's happened? 342 00:19:21,642 --> 00:19:23,715 - Shall I tell her? - Tell me what? 343 00:19:26,135 --> 00:19:29,706 Dawn! What's the matter, Dawny? 344 00:19:30,607 --> 00:19:31,394 Dawn! 345 00:19:32,911 --> 00:19:33,967 Oh, stop it! 346 00:19:35,445 --> 00:19:37,308 DAWN, stop it! 347 00:19:40,555 --> 00:19:41,803 Seth's gone. 348 00:19:43,089 --> 00:19:44,241 Who's Seth? 349 00:19:45,028 --> 00:19:47,409 The fella. We met on the internet. 350 00:19:48,328 --> 00:19:51,669 Our counsellor said we could inject some 351 00:19:51,769 --> 00:19:55,970 passion into our relationship if we introduced a third party to the bedroom. 352 00:19:56,357 --> 00:19:59,179 - Fair play. - So, we've been emailing each other for weeks. 353 00:19:59,279 --> 00:20:01,099 All leading upto tonight. 354 00:20:01,619 --> 00:20:03,846 And it was going so well, Pam. 355 00:20:04,919 --> 00:20:07,492 But as soon as we start discussing over 356 00:20:07,592 --> 00:20:10,084 the whys and the wherefores, y'know... 357 00:20:10,184 --> 00:20:12,277 - Boundaries. - Codewords. - Yeah. 358 00:20:12,377 --> 00:20:15,717 As soon as we start talking about that, he says... 359 00:20:22,092 --> 00:20:23,109 He says... 360 00:20:23,397 --> 00:20:24,626 he's very sorry 361 00:20:25,721 --> 00:20:28,313 but our photo is not representative 362 00:20:28,620 --> 00:20:32,057 of the two of us as a couple, and he feels he's been misled. 363 00:20:32,157 --> 00:20:33,933 He can't go through with it. 364 00:20:37,716 --> 00:20:39,501 Yes, it was an old photo. 365 00:20:39,866 --> 00:20:42,612 But have I changed that much in 15 years? 366 00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:47,150 No, Dawny! You're beautiful. 367 00:20:47,592 --> 00:20:49,627 Thank you, Pam. 368 00:20:53,641 --> 00:20:55,657 What you lot doing in here anyway? 369 00:20:57,155 --> 00:20:58,691 Nessa's pregnant. 370 00:20:59,804 --> 00:21:00,860 BOTH: What?! 371 00:21:01,417 --> 00:21:03,030 And Smithy's the father. 372 00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:04,930 Oh, my Christ! 373 00:21:05,540 --> 00:21:08,689 Right, I'm gonna start. This is ridiculous. Bryn, pass the pepper. 374 00:21:09,783 --> 00:21:11,300 Cor, that's a big one. 375 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:12,778 I can barely get my hand around it. 376 00:21:12,878 --> 00:21:14,986 Should have seen this one in Greece, in this restaurant. 377 00:21:15,086 --> 00:21:17,773 - Oh, will you please give it a rest? - What? 378 00:21:17,873 --> 00:21:20,960 Is that gonna be it now? 'In Greece' this, 'in Greece' that? 379 00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:24,149 I'm sorry, but it's like I don't even know him any more. 380 00:21:25,073 --> 00:21:27,377 You're paragliding, eating hampers, 381 00:21:27,477 --> 00:21:29,988 you're not even having beer - you're drinking wine for some reason. 382 00:21:30,088 --> 00:21:33,138 - Yeah, well, beer is quite fattening. - Says who - your wife? 383 00:21:33,238 --> 00:21:35,675 Oh, come on, mate. I'm back now. 384 00:21:35,775 --> 00:21:38,727 I mean, did you think of me once when you were away? 385 00:21:38,827 --> 00:21:40,400 - Course I did. - When? 386 00:21:40,500 --> 00:21:42,762 - What d'you mean? - When did you think of me? 387 00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:49,789 Tennis. 388 00:21:51,057 --> 00:21:53,745 We were gonna play tennis, but Stacey's rubbish, so we didn't. 389 00:21:53,845 --> 00:21:57,066 But I thought, 'If Smithy was here now, we'd have a great game.' 390 00:22:01,036 --> 00:22:02,399 We would, an' all. 391 00:22:03,378 --> 00:22:06,258 - D'you want to play tomorrow? - I can't. I'm picking up the wedding photos. 392 00:22:06,358 --> 00:22:07,314 For God's sake! 393 00:22:07,414 --> 00:22:10,363 I'm gonna find out where they've got to. This is ridiculous. 394 00:22:14,107 --> 00:22:15,566 You all right, Pete? 395 00:22:16,969 --> 00:22:19,057 Michael Shipman! 396 00:22:19,561 --> 00:22:21,001 Mick Shipman! 397 00:22:21,868 --> 00:22:24,422 - What's it like to be you? - Where's Dawny? 398 00:22:24,522 --> 00:22:28,108 I mean, you got the looks, you got the wife, you got the girth. 399 00:22:28,208 --> 00:22:28,974 What? 400 00:22:29,074 --> 00:22:31,451 Would you say I was a good-looking bloke? 401 00:22:31,551 --> 00:22:33,698 I mean, do you think I'm attractive? 402 00:22:35,966 --> 00:22:38,404 Well, right now you've got black teeth. 403 00:22:38,961 --> 00:22:40,113 Have I really? 404 00:22:47,813 --> 00:22:49,061 Mick! Mick! 405 00:22:50,846 --> 00:22:53,266 Pete is absolutely battered! 406 00:22:53,929 --> 00:22:56,579 - Never mind that! just get in here. - What?! 407 00:22:57,807 --> 00:23:00,227 What's going on? We're all sat out there... 408 00:23:00,937 --> 00:23:02,895 Dawn? You all right? 409 00:23:03,656 --> 00:23:05,749 - Seth's gone. - Who's Seth? 410 00:23:06,210 --> 00:23:07,996 The big black fella. 411 00:23:08,096 --> 00:23:09,762 They met him on the Net. 412 00:23:09,862 --> 00:23:13,276 They were gonna have a threesome but he took one look at them and bolted. 413 00:23:13,376 --> 00:23:15,397 - Blimey. - And Nessa's pregnant. 414 00:23:15,497 --> 00:23:18,066 - What?! ALL: - And Smithy's the father. 415 00:23:18,166 --> 00:23:19,564 Shit a brick! 416 00:23:20,793 --> 00:23:22,290 - Does he know? - No. 417 00:23:23,127 --> 00:23:24,318 Where's Pete? 418 00:23:24,418 --> 00:23:26,411 Mick, is he all right? Have you seen him? 419 00:23:26,511 --> 00:23:30,289 Yeah... I saw him just now. He's sat there, drinking. 420 00:23:30,788 --> 00:23:32,324 - And laughing. - Oh. 421 00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:37,684 Will you go and get him for me, please... I need my Pete. 422 00:23:37,952 --> 00:23:40,045 - Go on. - All right. 423 00:23:40,640 --> 00:23:42,349 You're very lucky, you two. 424 00:23:42,864 --> 00:23:46,992 I've never had what you'd call a BEST friend. 425 00:23:47,092 --> 00:23:49,738 I had acquaintances, many. But never anyone... 426 00:23:49,838 --> 00:23:50,890 y'know, BEST. 427 00:23:50,990 --> 00:23:54,443 And I suppose that's because I always had Trevor, God rest his soul. 428 00:23:54,543 --> 00:23:57,458 But, of course, he was my brother. So that didn't really count. 429 00:23:57,558 --> 00:24:00,207 I've always been close with Nessa... 430 00:24:00,307 --> 00:24:03,106 But that's as far as it goes. 431 00:24:03,206 --> 00:24:04,853 I'll be back in a minute. 432 00:24:08,925 --> 00:24:11,652 - You all right, Dad? - Yeah. Give us a hand, will ya? 433 00:24:12,808 --> 00:24:15,342 I said we should've got a new photo done - 434 00:24:15,442 --> 00:24:17,915 been honest, warts an' all. 435 00:24:18,318 --> 00:24:19,854 But what do I know? 436 00:24:20,315 --> 00:24:22,677 - Where we going? - Ladies' toilets. 437 00:24:22,777 --> 00:24:23,607 What? 438 00:24:24,202 --> 00:24:25,988 So... are you gonna keep it? 439 00:24:26,410 --> 00:24:27,984 - Yeah. - Are you? 440 00:24:28,292 --> 00:24:30,058 Yeah. I am as it goes. 441 00:24:30,538 --> 00:24:33,072 I thought about it long and hard, no word of a lie, 442 00:24:33,172 --> 00:24:36,471 but then I watched Vera Drake, twice, and I thought, no, 443 00:24:36,571 --> 00:24:37,930 I can't be doing with all that. 444 00:24:38,030 --> 00:24:41,022 - Well, in that case, you have got to tell him. - She's right, Ness. 445 00:24:41,122 --> 00:24:44,460 - But I don't want him involved. - That's not up to you, my love. 446 00:24:44,560 --> 00:24:46,131 There's two of you in this. 447 00:24:46,231 --> 00:24:48,089 Oh, my Pete! Are you all right? 448 00:24:48,189 --> 00:24:50,030 - Seth's gone. - I know. 449 00:24:50,376 --> 00:24:52,680 - Who's Seth? - The black fella. 450 00:24:52,946 --> 00:24:55,385 They met on the internet, they were gonna have a three-way 451 00:24:55,485 --> 00:24:57,612 but he didn't want to. He changed his mind. 452 00:24:57,712 --> 00:24:59,071 And Nessa's pregnant. 453 00:24:59,171 --> 00:25:01,341 - What?! ALL: - And Smithy's the father. 454 00:25:06,489 --> 00:25:08,140 I'll be your best mate. 455 00:25:08,908 --> 00:25:09,907 Will you? 456 00:25:11,097 --> 00:25:14,399 - I sure as shit ain't got one any more have. - Come on, Smithy... 457 00:25:14,826 --> 00:25:18,954 You're a young man. You've got your whole life ahead of you. 458 00:25:19,054 --> 00:25:22,103 You don't want to be tied down to an old fogey like me. 459 00:25:23,519 --> 00:25:25,823 You're not old, Bryn. Are you? 460 00:25:26,937 --> 00:25:28,204 How old are you? 461 00:25:28,914 --> 00:25:31,814 That, young man, is a gentleman's prerogative. 462 00:25:31,914 --> 00:25:36,202 Anyway, it's not how old you are, it's how you are old. 463 00:25:39,582 --> 00:25:44,869 You are so funny, Bryn. You know that? You crack me up every time! 464 00:25:46,511 --> 00:25:48,738 Not like him, the useless sack of shit. 465 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,354 Hey now, come on. You're crossing the line there, son. 466 00:25:53,371 --> 00:25:57,346 He's in love. And there's nothing you can do about it. 467 00:25:58,291 --> 00:26:00,595 I love you Bryn-la... I do. 468 00:26:01,747 --> 00:26:02,899 Let's meet up. 469 00:26:03,455 --> 00:26:05,894 Every weekend. In Swindon. Just me and you. 470 00:26:06,217 --> 00:26:07,273 - Really? - Yes! 471 00:26:07,907 --> 00:26:10,000 All right, you're on! 472 00:26:10,996 --> 00:26:13,031 Do you want some of Gwen's lasagne? 473 00:26:13,131 --> 00:26:15,853 - Bring it on! - All right, let's do it! Come on! 474 00:26:19,350 --> 00:26:20,406 Oh, my God. 475 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:23,690 You've got to tell him tonight. You've got to tell him now. 476 00:26:23,790 --> 00:26:26,013 - I know. - I can't believe it. How long have you known about this? 477 00:26:26,113 --> 00:26:29,110 - About three weeks. - You've known for three weeks and you didn't tell me? 478 00:26:29,210 --> 00:26:30,556 - I tried! - Not that hard. 479 00:26:30,656 --> 00:26:33,979 Don't argue, my loves, it's not worth it. 480 00:26:34,267 --> 00:26:35,765 I love you, Dawny. 481 00:26:37,627 --> 00:26:40,565 You know when we were away, and I said I had something to tell you? 482 00:26:40,665 --> 00:26:43,357 - Yeah. - I told you Nessa was in the original line up of All Saints, 483 00:26:43,457 --> 00:26:45,719 but she left cos she didn't get on with Shaznay? 484 00:26:45,819 --> 00:26:48,157 - I was trying to tell you then. - So you made all that up? 485 00:26:48,257 --> 00:26:51,037 - No. - That was true. It was a power struggle. 486 00:26:51,137 --> 00:26:55,301 Look, none of this matters, who told you when, and what have you. 487 00:26:55,401 --> 00:26:57,831 What matters is, the person who HASN'T been told 488 00:26:57,931 --> 00:27:01,115 is the person that SHOULD'VE been, and he's out there. 489 00:27:01,215 --> 00:27:03,574 - Who, Bryn? - No. 490 00:27:04,457 --> 00:27:05,398 Smithy. 491 00:27:05,724 --> 00:27:08,086 I'll come to Wales, you can come up here. 492 00:27:08,186 --> 00:27:11,170 I'll go to church with you. We'll just hang out. 493 00:27:11,900 --> 00:27:13,743 You know, like best mates do. 494 00:27:13,843 --> 00:27:17,161 Do you think Mick will mind if I finish this last slice of pizza? 495 00:27:17,261 --> 00:27:19,592 So what if he does? I'll back you up. 496 00:27:19,692 --> 00:27:21,800 Cos that's what best mates do. 497 00:27:21,900 --> 00:27:23,548 Oh, Smithy. 498 00:27:25,246 --> 00:27:27,319 - I got something to tell you. - What? 499 00:27:28,721 --> 00:27:29,873 I'm pregnant. 500 00:27:32,580 --> 00:27:34,155 And you're the father. 501 00:27:34,156 --> 00:27:39,156 Transcript: chocolate Sync: boomer2 502 00:27:39,206 --> 00:27:43,756 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 40202

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