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1
00:01:22,329 --> 00:01:23,990
Thorny.
2
00:01:32,139 --> 00:01:34,505
You call this a report card?
3
00:01:34,541 --> 00:01:37,305
What kind of marks is these?
4
00:01:37,344 --> 00:01:40,313
How you gonna go to college
with marks like these?
5
00:01:40,347 --> 00:01:41,609
I don't want to go to college.
6
00:01:41,648 --> 00:01:43,309
I want to work
in the shop with you.
7
00:01:43,350 --> 00:01:45,113
You want to work
in the shop with me, huh?
8
00:01:45,152 --> 00:01:47,017
Listen to me.
9
00:01:47,054 --> 00:01:49,818
I said it once,
and I'll say it again...
10
00:01:49,857 --> 00:01:52,655
I don't care how rich
or successful a man is...
11
00:01:52,693 --> 00:01:55,594
if he don't got an education,
he's got nothing.
12
00:01:55,629 --> 00:01:58,598
- I tried, Pop. I can't do it.
- Then try harder!
13
00:02:03,871 --> 00:02:07,432
You can do anything in life
you want to do.
14
00:02:07,474 --> 00:02:11,638
Remember... you're a Meloni.
15
00:04:21,975 --> 00:04:23,943
Hi there.
Are you a large person?
16
00:04:23,977 --> 00:04:26,605
Pleasantly plump? A little
on the hefty side, perhaps?
17
00:04:26,647 --> 00:04:28,979
Well, let's face it.
Are you fat?
18
00:04:29,016 --> 00:04:30,984
When you go jogging,
do you leave potholes?
19
00:04:31,018 --> 00:04:33,213
When you make love,
do you have to give directions?
20
00:04:33,253 --> 00:04:35,517
At the zoo, do elephants
throw you peanuts?
21
00:04:35,555 --> 00:04:37,580
Do you look at a menu
and say, "OK"?
22
00:04:37,624 --> 00:04:39,421
Well, now you can
eat all you want...
23
00:04:39,459 --> 00:04:41,393
because at Thornton Melon's
Tall and Fat stores...
24
00:04:41,428 --> 00:04:42,656
we've got you covered.
25
00:04:42,696 --> 00:04:45,256
That's right... fine woolen
and woolen blend suits...
26
00:04:45,299 --> 00:04:47,426
and sport coats
in all the larger sizes...
27
00:04:47,467 --> 00:04:51,164
husky, stout, extra-stout
and the new Hindenburg line.
28
00:04:51,204 --> 00:04:53,764
And for you ladies,
we have caftans, muumuus...
29
00:04:53,807 --> 00:04:56,799
and our own exclusive A-frame
in all colors and patterns.
30
00:04:56,843 --> 00:04:59,403
Yes, we have
miles and miles of fabric.
31
00:04:59,446 --> 00:05:01,414
So take it from me,
Thornton Melon...
32
00:05:01,448 --> 00:05:04,940
if you want to look thin,
you hang out with fat people.
33
00:05:04,985 --> 00:05:08,716
Thornton Melon's Tall and Fat...
150 locations across America.
34
00:05:08,755 --> 00:05:11,280
Lou, did you see the new spot?
35
00:05:11,325 --> 00:05:12,451
Yeah, I seen it.
36
00:05:12,492 --> 00:05:13,789
Do I look fat in it?
37
00:05:13,827 --> 00:05:15,488
You could lose
a couple of pounds.
38
00:05:15,529 --> 00:05:18,828
I gotta get bigger actors.
39
00:05:21,401 --> 00:05:24,734
Pocahontas, how are you?
Ophelia, hold some of my calls.
40
00:05:24,771 --> 00:05:27,171
Yes, sir, Mr. Melon.
41
00:05:30,177 --> 00:05:31,144
Good morning, everyone.
42
00:05:31,178 --> 00:05:33,305
Morning.
43
00:05:33,347 --> 00:05:35,008
Take it easy, will ya?
44
00:05:35,048 --> 00:05:38,540
And don't get any on the walls.
45
00:05:38,585 --> 00:05:40,746
OK, folks. What's up?
46
00:05:40,787 --> 00:05:42,846
Mr. Melon,
we have a serious offer...
47
00:05:42,889 --> 00:05:45,858
on your commercial property
in south Florida...
48
00:05:45,892 --> 00:05:47,883
and we feel you should sell.
49
00:05:47,928 --> 00:05:50,692
No. Hold it for one more year,
take the depreciation...
50
00:05:50,731 --> 00:05:53,291
then transfer title
to the California Corporation.
51
00:05:53,333 --> 00:05:55,528
Show it as a capital gain.
We should do great.
52
00:05:58,372 --> 00:05:59,566
What else?
53
00:05:59,606 --> 00:06:01,870
The toy division has come up
with a new doll idea...
54
00:06:01,908 --> 00:06:04,536
to go along with our
children's clothing line.
55
00:06:04,578 --> 00:06:07,376
We call them Melon Patch Kids.
56
00:06:07,414 --> 00:06:09,712
Now, the competition
exploits the notion...
57
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:12,480
that their dolls are orphans.
58
00:06:12,519 --> 00:06:15,750
The Melon Patch Kids
are not orphans.
59
00:06:15,789 --> 00:06:17,950
They're abandoned.
60
00:06:17,991 --> 00:06:19,458
We think it's a winner.
61
00:06:19,493 --> 00:06:20,790
OK, go with it.
62
00:06:20,827 --> 00:06:23,193
But keep the unit cost
under five bucks.
63
00:06:23,230 --> 00:06:26,393
Last year, we took a bath
on those Chubby Tubby Tub toys.
64
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:28,867
- Jason's on the phone.
- Jason.
65
00:06:28,902 --> 00:06:31,427
OK, everybody, take a break.
66
00:06:31,471 --> 00:06:35,601
Excuse me, Mr. Melon,
but we have a very long agenda.
67
00:06:35,642 --> 00:06:38,770
- Later. My son's on the phone.
- But, Mr. Melon!
68
00:06:38,812 --> 00:06:40,803
Beat it, punk.
69
00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:44,810
Jason, how are you?
70
00:06:44,851 --> 00:06:46,785
How you doin'?
How's the diving going?
71
00:06:46,820 --> 00:06:49,584
Oh, it's great.
We just finished up practice.
72
00:06:49,623 --> 00:06:51,818
Oh, keep it up, keep it up!
And the fraternity...
73
00:06:51,858 --> 00:06:53,826
I'll bet you're having fun
in the fraternity, huh?
74
00:06:53,860 --> 00:06:56,920
What do you think?
Yeah, it's great.
75
00:06:56,963 --> 00:06:58,555
Oh, that's great.
76
00:06:58,598 --> 00:07:01,158
You're not doing too much,
are you? You studying?
77
00:07:01,201 --> 00:07:03,465
Well, right now,
we're between semesters...
78
00:07:03,503 --> 00:07:05,471
so classes don't start up
again for another week.
79
00:07:05,505 --> 00:07:07,769
No classes? Then come home.
80
00:07:07,808 --> 00:07:09,571
Tonight, your mother and I
are having a big party.
81
00:07:09,609 --> 00:07:10,974
It's our fifth anniversary.
82
00:07:11,011 --> 00:07:15,277
Whoa, Dad. She's not my mother,
she's your wife...
83
00:07:15,315 --> 00:07:17,476
and I don't get the feeling
she wants me around.
84
00:07:17,517 --> 00:07:20,008
OK, let's not start that again.
85
00:07:20,053 --> 00:07:22,351
I'll tell you what.
I'll come up there to see you.
86
00:07:22,389 --> 00:07:24,357
No. Bad. Bad idea.
87
00:07:24,391 --> 00:07:26,382
I got this big dive meet
coming up.
88
00:07:26,426 --> 00:07:28,758
I gotta practice. I wouldn't
have any time to see you.
89
00:07:28,795 --> 00:07:31,821
- It's a rotten time.
- OK. I understand.
90
00:07:31,865 --> 00:07:33,025
Look, Dad, I promise...
91
00:07:33,066 --> 00:07:35,330
I'll come down for a visit
next break I get, OK?
92
00:07:35,368 --> 00:07:38,269
All right?
Look, I gotta go, OK?
93
00:07:38,305 --> 00:07:39,431
OK, Jason.
94
00:07:39,473 --> 00:07:41,498
Take care of yourself.
I love you.
95
00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:44,567
Yeah, I love you, too.
All right. Bye-bye.
96
00:07:44,611 --> 00:07:46,579
Melon, I told you
to clean my locker.
97
00:07:46,613 --> 00:07:48,205
If it's too much for you...
98
00:07:48,248 --> 00:07:50,079
we'll get ourselves
a new towel boy.
99
00:07:50,116 --> 00:07:54,177
Right. Look, I'm sorry, Chas.
I'll get on it as soon as I can.
100
00:08:11,104 --> 00:08:12,332
Home sweet home.
101
00:08:12,372 --> 00:08:15,170
- I liked the old house better.
- So did I.
102
00:08:15,208 --> 00:08:16,835
I liked the old wife
better, too.
103
00:08:16,877 --> 00:08:19,812
Lay off Vanessa.
She gives great headache.
104
00:08:19,846 --> 00:08:21,973
Lou, I can't believe it.
Married five years.
105
00:08:22,015 --> 00:08:23,915
Seems like yesterday.
106
00:08:23,950 --> 00:08:26,475
And you know what a lousy day
yesterday was.
107
00:08:31,258 --> 00:08:34,091
Please don't throw your clothes
on the Breuer chair.
108
00:08:34,127 --> 00:08:37,062
How come all our furniture
has names?
109
00:08:37,097 --> 00:08:39,565
I have absolutely
nothing to wear.
110
00:08:39,599 --> 00:08:41,760
You got six closets
full of nothing to wear.
111
00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:44,668
Are you saying
I spend too much money?
112
00:08:44,704 --> 00:08:46,569
You, spend too much money? No.
113
00:08:46,606 --> 00:08:50,337
Lots of people go to Switzerland
to get their watch fixed.
114
00:08:50,377 --> 00:08:53,107
You have no taste, Thornton.
115
00:08:53,146 --> 00:08:55,205
You're right.
I married you, didn't I?
116
00:08:55,248 --> 00:08:56,545
I don't have time to argue.
117
00:08:56,583 --> 00:08:58,050
Our friends will be here
any minute.
118
00:08:58,084 --> 00:08:59,415
You mean your friends.
119
00:08:59,452 --> 00:09:02,319
They are my friends,
and I'd like to keep them.
120
00:09:02,355 --> 00:09:04,255
So please,
just behave yourself tonight.
121
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:07,192
Don't worry. If the roast beef
is right, they'll be back.
122
00:09:12,566 --> 00:09:14,830
Jennifer, you look divine.
123
00:09:14,868 --> 00:09:17,701
And, Peter, I thought
you were still in Portofino.
124
00:09:17,737 --> 00:09:20,604
Why haven't you called?
125
00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,234
- She's a lovely gal.
- Oh, yes, she is.
126
00:09:23,276 --> 00:09:25,904
Oh, Ramon,
you look fantastic.
127
00:09:25,946 --> 00:09:28,244
I thought you were still
in Tijuana.
128
00:09:28,281 --> 00:09:31,341
- Excuse me, se�or?
- Nothing. It's all right.
129
00:09:31,384 --> 00:09:33,909
- Gimme a beer.
- I'm sorry, se�or.
130
00:09:33,954 --> 00:09:36,787
All we have is martinis
and champagne.
131
00:09:36,823 --> 00:09:39,053
My own house,
I can't get a beer.
132
00:09:39,092 --> 00:09:42,584
Mrs. Melon gave us
strict orders... no cerveza.
133
00:09:42,629 --> 00:09:44,995
It's all right.
I'll get it myself.
134
00:10:01,881 --> 00:10:03,348
Hey! Adam and evil.
135
00:10:05,986 --> 00:10:07,851
Mr. Melon.
136
00:10:07,887 --> 00:10:09,787
We was just...
137
00:10:09,823 --> 00:10:12,815
Iooking for some
cocktail napkins.
138
00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:14,656
Where? Under her dress?
139
00:10:14,694 --> 00:10:16,491
You're impossible.
140
00:10:16,529 --> 00:10:17,860
And you're easy.
141
00:10:22,002 --> 00:10:24,402
I love Klimt, don't you?
142
00:10:24,437 --> 00:10:27,600
Mr. Melon, your wife
was just showing us her Klimt.
143
00:10:27,641 --> 00:10:30,542
You too, huh? She's showin' it
to everybody.
144
00:10:30,577 --> 00:10:32,807
- She's very proud of it.
- I'm proud of mine, too.
145
00:10:32,846 --> 00:10:34,939
I don't wave it around
at parties.
146
00:10:34,981 --> 00:10:37,472
- It's an exceptional painting.
- Oh, the painting.
147
00:10:37,517 --> 00:10:40,179
Yeah. Drink up,
enjoy yourself, huh?
148
00:10:45,659 --> 00:10:47,889
I hate small food, you know?
149
00:11:12,152 --> 00:11:14,120
Hey, buddy,
come here, will you?
150
00:11:14,154 --> 00:11:16,088
Put your hand
right over there, will you?
151
00:11:16,122 --> 00:11:18,113
I learned this in Europe.
152
00:11:24,497 --> 00:11:27,057
Look out, coming through.
Hot stuff. Look out.
153
00:11:29,669 --> 00:11:31,637
I'd like you to meet
Mr. And Mrs. Stuyvesant.
154
00:11:31,671 --> 00:11:32,763
Right, right.
155
00:11:32,806 --> 00:11:34,330
- How do you do?
- Thornton!
156
00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:39,441
How you doin'?
157
00:11:41,781 --> 00:11:43,772
Hi there, sir. How are you?
158
00:11:46,252 --> 00:11:48,812
Never mind. I got my own here.
It's all right.
159
00:11:51,291 --> 00:11:54,283
Millicent, you look charming.
I love your dress.
160
00:11:54,327 --> 00:11:56,192
Don't you, Thornton?
161
00:11:56,229 --> 00:11:58,197
It's such a lovely shade
of green.
162
00:11:58,231 --> 00:12:01,598
Yeah. If that dress had pockets,
you'd look like a pool table.
163
00:12:01,634 --> 00:12:03,625
You should try
my Tall and Fat stores.
164
00:12:03,670 --> 00:12:04,898
No offense.
165
00:12:07,941 --> 00:12:10,933
May I speak to you
privately, please?
166
00:12:15,281 --> 00:12:17,272
Watch my sandwich, will you?
167
00:12:18,818 --> 00:12:20,945
I can't take any more of this!
168
00:12:20,987 --> 00:12:23,785
You've insulted our friends,
you've insulted me...
169
00:12:23,823 --> 00:12:26,053
and you've gone out of your way
to ruin this party.
170
00:12:26,092 --> 00:12:28,424
Party? Are you kiddin'?
It's a dog show out there.
171
00:12:28,461 --> 00:12:31,055
Your friends, they come here
for free food, free booze...
172
00:12:31,097 --> 00:12:33,190
and to suck up to you
for donations.
173
00:12:33,233 --> 00:12:36,225
You have no class, Thornton,
and I am tired of it.
174
00:12:36,269 --> 00:12:37,736
I want a divorce.
175
00:12:37,771 --> 00:12:40,331
Divorce. I knew
we had something in common.
176
00:12:40,373 --> 00:12:41,863
Here, sign these.
177
00:12:44,410 --> 00:12:47,470
I'm afraid it's not gonna be
that easy, honey.
178
00:12:47,514 --> 00:12:50,176
This is gonna cost you...
plenty!
179
00:12:50,216 --> 00:12:52,411
Oh, yeah?
180
00:12:52,452 --> 00:12:54,977
Let's talk about class
a minute, all right?
181
00:12:55,021 --> 00:12:56,989
Here's you and Giorgio
in the guest room.
182
00:12:57,023 --> 00:12:58,684
Classy, isn't it?
183
00:12:58,725 --> 00:13:00,556
Here's you and Giorgio
in the rumpus room.
184
00:13:00,593 --> 00:13:02,322
Another classy one, huh?
185
00:13:02,362 --> 00:13:05,229
This one I can't figure out.
There's you, there's Giorgio...
186
00:13:05,265 --> 00:13:07,358
what's with the midget
over here?
187
00:13:07,400 --> 00:13:09,800
Hey, wait! I got more!
188
00:13:22,182 --> 00:13:23,342
What happened in there?
189
00:13:23,383 --> 00:13:25,044
What happened?
190
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:28,781
I got rid of Vanessa.
I feel like I just got paroled.
191
00:13:28,822 --> 00:13:31,017
I'll tell you what bothers me...
192
00:13:31,057 --> 00:13:33,389
I let her come
between me and Jason.
193
00:13:33,426 --> 00:13:36,520
Lou, pack our bags.
194
00:13:41,801 --> 00:13:44,235
We're going up to that college
to see my son!
195
00:14:21,374 --> 00:14:24,002
Boy, will Jason be surprised.
196
00:14:24,043 --> 00:14:27,012
Look, there's Greek letters.
That must be the house.
197
00:14:46,833 --> 00:14:48,767
Is that an "amigo"
or a unicorn?
198
00:14:48,801 --> 00:14:50,894
Beats me.
Don't you know any Greek?
199
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:53,030
The only Greek I know owns
a coffee shop on State Street.
200
00:14:53,072 --> 00:14:55,597
Jimmy Pitsos, remember him?
He had an ugly wife...
201
00:14:55,642 --> 00:14:58,475
four ugly kids,
and good coffee.
202
00:14:58,511 --> 00:15:00,945
Wait here, I'll try this one.
203
00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:15,352
Hello, hello!
204
00:15:18,431 --> 00:15:20,922
Anybody here?
205
00:15:20,967 --> 00:15:23,800
Jason, where are you?
206
00:15:23,836 --> 00:15:26,566
Hey, I need some help here!
207
00:15:26,606 --> 00:15:29,837
Buddy, I'm talking to you.
I need some help here!
208
00:15:29,876 --> 00:15:32,902
Take it easy, honey!
I didn't see a thing.
209
00:15:32,946 --> 00:15:34,641
You're perfect.
210
00:15:34,681 --> 00:15:36,876
You jerk!
211
00:15:36,916 --> 00:15:39,043
Perfectly understandable,
Mr. Melon.
212
00:15:39,085 --> 00:15:41,679
It was an honest mistake.
Let's just call it a bad day.
213
00:15:41,721 --> 00:15:44,485
Yeah, but a great view.
You're all right, officer.
214
00:15:44,524 --> 00:15:46,048
Here, a little something
for the kids.
215
00:15:46,092 --> 00:15:48,322
- Take that, it's OK.
- I don't have any kids.
216
00:15:48,361 --> 00:15:50,329
No kids? Well, here,
get yourself some kids.
217
00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:52,593
Take it all, all right?
And just remember...
218
00:15:52,632 --> 00:15:55,157
the best thing about kids
is making 'em.
219
00:15:56,970 --> 00:15:59,165
Even if I do manage
to graduate... ha ha...
220
00:15:59,205 --> 00:16:01,605
what do I do then?
There's the private sector...
221
00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:03,734
but look how bad
the job market is.
222
00:16:03,776 --> 00:16:05,175
There's Valerie Desmond.
223
00:16:05,211 --> 00:16:06,974
See you guys.
224
00:16:10,083 --> 00:16:12,779
Look how tight
her ass is today.
225
00:16:12,819 --> 00:16:15,515
Oh, man. You think
there's any way...
226
00:16:15,555 --> 00:16:18,683
she would ever go out with me?
227
00:16:18,725 --> 00:16:21,023
- No.
- Oh, thanks.
228
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:23,221
It's this whole stupid
capitalist system, you know?
229
00:16:23,262 --> 00:16:25,025
It's set up to heap rewards...
230
00:16:25,064 --> 00:16:26,656
on the advantaged
and the aggressive...
231
00:16:26,699 --> 00:16:28,724
and to make sure
that two regular schmoes...
232
00:16:28,768 --> 00:16:32,636
like you and me never get a date
with girls like Valerie Desmond.
233
00:16:32,672 --> 00:16:35,607
I hate the whole bourgeois
mentality of this school.
234
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:37,609
Let me ask you
something else, man.
235
00:16:37,643 --> 00:16:39,873
Do you make this bullshit up
as you go along...
236
00:16:39,912 --> 00:16:42,403
- or do you actually read this?
- I read this. It's Karl Marx.
237
00:16:42,448 --> 00:16:44,814
Famous book.
"Proletarian Chicks in Bondage."
238
00:16:44,851 --> 00:16:47,319
It's a Condom House book.
Comes with a leather hood.
239
00:16:47,353 --> 00:16:49,014
Is that the one
with the pictures?
240
00:16:49,055 --> 00:16:50,352
- Can I borrow that?
- Let's move on.
241
00:16:50,390 --> 00:16:53,154
Well, no, it's, you know...
242
00:16:53,192 --> 00:16:55,387
Oh, yeah. Well, you know.
243
00:16:57,463 --> 00:17:00,694
Dad, what are you doin' here?
244
00:17:00,733 --> 00:17:03,133
I'm robbin' your room,
that's what I'm doin' here.
245
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:04,932
We drive 300 miles
to see the kid...
246
00:17:04,971 --> 00:17:08,031
that's the greeting we get.
Come here, will ya?
247
00:17:09,442 --> 00:17:11,342
How ya doin' there?
248
00:17:11,377 --> 00:17:13,641
I'm sorry.
I'm really glad to see you...
249
00:17:13,679 --> 00:17:15,442
but I wish
I knew you were coming.
250
00:17:15,481 --> 00:17:16,812
I'll bet you did, huh?
251
00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:18,510
I looked for you
at that fraternity house.
252
00:17:18,551 --> 00:17:20,883
- They said you weren't a member.
- I can explain that.
253
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,251
They also told me
you're not on the diving team.
254
00:17:22,288 --> 00:17:24,347
They said you were
the towel boy.
255
00:17:24,390 --> 00:17:26,722
- I can explain that, too.
- OK, explain it.
256
00:17:26,759 --> 00:17:29,592
- I lied.
- Great. That explains it, huh?
257
00:17:29,629 --> 00:17:32,757
Jason, you don't lie to me.
You lie to girls.
258
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:35,292
Who's this?
259
00:17:35,334 --> 00:17:37,461
Oh, I'm sorry.
This is my roommate.
260
00:17:37,503 --> 00:17:38,470
That's Derek Lutz.
261
00:17:38,504 --> 00:17:41,234
This is the dad,
and that's Lou.
262
00:17:41,274 --> 00:17:43,765
- Is that your real hair?
- What do you think?
263
00:17:43,810 --> 00:17:46,938
I think you're trying
to get back at your parents.
264
00:17:46,979 --> 00:17:49,106
Show me the campus.
I want to talk to you.
265
00:17:49,148 --> 00:17:50,308
Oh, good.
266
00:17:58,057 --> 00:18:00,082
Boy, what a great-lookin' place.
267
00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:01,889
When I used to dream
about going to college...
268
00:18:01,928 --> 00:18:03,555
this is the way
I always pictured it.
269
00:18:03,596 --> 00:18:05,689
Wait a minute. When did you
dream about going to college?
270
00:18:05,731 --> 00:18:08,996
When I used to fall asleep
in high school.
271
00:18:09,035 --> 00:18:10,969
Dad, I know how much
all this means to you...
272
00:18:11,003 --> 00:18:14,370
- and I'm sorry I lied to you.
- You don't have to lie to me.
273
00:18:14,407 --> 00:18:16,898
No matter what you do,
I'll love you just the same.
274
00:18:16,943 --> 00:18:18,342
Will you love me
no matter what?
275
00:18:18,377 --> 00:18:19,571
No matter what.
276
00:18:19,612 --> 00:18:22,308
- I'm droppin' out.
- You're droppin' out?
277
00:18:22,348 --> 00:18:24,942
You just got here.
You just started.
278
00:18:24,984 --> 00:18:26,952
I know,
but I'm not making it here.
279
00:18:26,986 --> 00:18:29,181
I don't fit in, you know?
I got one friend... Derek.
280
00:18:29,222 --> 00:18:31,247
He's got no friends.
281
00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:33,815
The girls don't like me,
the fraternities don't want me.
282
00:18:33,860 --> 00:18:35,418
The diving coach
won't even talk to me.
283
00:18:35,461 --> 00:18:37,486
Look at it this way...
284
00:18:37,530 --> 00:18:39,498
at least you're getting
an education.
285
00:18:39,532 --> 00:18:42,092
Dad, last semester
I got nothing but "Cs."
286
00:18:42,135 --> 00:18:43,932
A, B, C...
you're in the top three.
287
00:18:43,970 --> 00:18:45,562
What are you worrying about?
288
00:18:45,605 --> 00:18:47,436
I just think I'd be
a lot better off...
289
00:18:47,473 --> 00:18:49,031
gettin' a job or something.
290
00:18:49,075 --> 00:18:51,407
You never went to college.
Look how great you're doin'.
291
00:18:51,444 --> 00:18:54,038
Jason, I said it before
and I'll say it again.
292
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,310
I don't care how rich
and successful a man is.
293
00:18:56,349 --> 00:18:57,941
Without an education,
he's nothing.
294
00:18:57,984 --> 00:19:00,316
I mean, stay in school.
Study harder.
295
00:19:00,353 --> 00:19:02,218
You can be whatever
you want to be.
296
00:19:02,255 --> 00:19:03,722
You want to be a loser,
be a loser.
297
00:19:03,756 --> 00:19:04,848
You want to be a winner,
be a winner.
298
00:19:04,891 --> 00:19:07,121
Jason, it's up to you.
You can do it.
299
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,061
Remember, you're a Melon!
300
00:19:10,096 --> 00:19:14,226
Dad, that's easy for you to say.
You don't have to do any of it.
301
00:19:16,636 --> 00:19:18,968
OK, then.
I'll do it with you.
302
00:19:20,306 --> 00:19:21,796
What do you mean,
you'll do it with me?
303
00:19:21,841 --> 00:19:24,207
I mean just what I said.
304
00:19:24,243 --> 00:19:26,211
I'm going to college.
What do you think?
305
00:19:26,245 --> 00:19:28,713
What do I think?
I think you're nuts.
306
00:19:28,748 --> 00:19:32,548
Nuts, huh? Who made the rules?
Come here. I'm going to college!
307
00:19:32,585 --> 00:19:34,109
I'm going to college!
308
00:19:37,023 --> 00:19:39,617
Let me get this straight,
Mr. Melon.
309
00:19:39,659 --> 00:19:43,186
You wish to enter
this widely esteemed...
310
00:19:43,229 --> 00:19:45,663
Grand Lakes University of ours
as a freshman?
311
00:19:45,698 --> 00:19:47,495
That's right, Dean Martin.
312
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:52,161
- Are you comfortable?
- I'm fine, yeah.
313
00:19:52,205 --> 00:19:54,264
Oh, the chair. I'm sorry.
314
00:19:57,343 --> 00:20:00,176
This is an awkward moment
for me, Mr. Melon...
315
00:20:00,213 --> 00:20:02,579
since I realize you're
a highly respected member...
316
00:20:02,615 --> 00:20:04,105
of our business community.
317
00:20:04,150 --> 00:20:06,983
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
318
00:20:07,019 --> 00:20:10,580
Our student body here
is handpicked by me...
319
00:20:10,623 --> 00:20:12,090
from the cr�me de la cr�me...
320
00:20:12,124 --> 00:20:15,252
of students all across
this great land of ours.
321
00:20:15,294 --> 00:20:17,319
That's one of the things
I like about this place.
322
00:20:17,363 --> 00:20:19,388
Yes. The point is, though...
323
00:20:19,432 --> 00:20:21,400
since you have
no high school diploma...
324
00:20:21,434 --> 00:20:24,870
and no transcripts of any kind,
no S.A.T. Scores...
325
00:20:24,904 --> 00:20:28,601
and you're 30 to 40 years older
than our average freshman...
326
00:20:28,641 --> 00:20:31,371
how can this university
ever see its way clear...
327
00:20:31,410 --> 00:20:33,810
to accept you as a student?
328
00:20:33,846 --> 00:20:36,406
As Calvin Coolidge once said...
329
00:20:36,449 --> 00:20:39,475
"The business of America
is business"...
330
00:20:39,518 --> 00:20:42,043
and the business of
an educational institution...
331
00:20:42,088 --> 00:20:44,716
such as ours
is to create young minds...
332
00:20:44,757 --> 00:20:46,657
that understand that
the business of America...
333
00:20:46,692 --> 00:20:50,389
is the kind of business
that it actually is.
334
00:20:50,429 --> 00:20:54,422
So, whatever it is that
I have said here today...
335
00:20:54,467 --> 00:20:59,097
the point is
that we are here to honor...
336
00:20:59,138 --> 00:21:02,232
our most generous benefactor...
337
00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:05,005
and newest freshman...
338
00:21:05,044 --> 00:21:06,807
the man who's
made it possible...
339
00:21:06,846 --> 00:21:09,747
for us to break ground
here today...
340
00:21:09,782 --> 00:21:12,080
Mr. Thornton Melon.
341
00:21:15,221 --> 00:21:17,587
Dean Martin, great speech.
342
00:21:17,623 --> 00:21:19,989
There's nothing like good,
clean business, huh?
343
00:21:20,026 --> 00:21:23,086
And a little monkey business.
344
00:21:23,129 --> 00:21:26,360
Oh, Philip. I'm so glad
you could make it.
345
00:21:26,399 --> 00:21:28,799
Mr. Melon, I'd like for you
to meet Dr. Philip Barbay...
346
00:21:28,834 --> 00:21:32,895
who's the dean
of our school of business.
347
00:21:32,938 --> 00:21:34,701
David, I just want
to get it on record...
348
00:21:34,740 --> 00:21:36,332
that I am totally against this.
349
00:21:36,375 --> 00:21:38,502
I don't think
that selling admission...
350
00:21:38,544 --> 00:21:40,603
to an obviously
unqualified student...
351
00:21:40,646 --> 00:21:43,137
is very ethical or honorable.
352
00:21:43,182 --> 00:21:46,709
Right, Phil,
but I'd just like to say...
353
00:21:46,752 --> 00:21:49,050
in all fairness
to Mr. Melon here...
354
00:21:49,088 --> 00:21:52,057
it was a really big check.
355
00:21:52,091 --> 00:21:54,184
It's a simple matter
of this man's presence...
356
00:21:54,226 --> 00:21:57,195
undermining the efforts
of our legitimate students...
357
00:21:57,229 --> 00:21:59,197
who are here as a result
of hard work.
358
00:21:59,231 --> 00:22:00,528
Hard work?
359
00:22:00,566 --> 00:22:03,262
Listen, Sherlock, while you were
tucked away up here...
360
00:22:03,302 --> 00:22:05,270
working on your ethics,
I was out there...
361
00:22:05,304 --> 00:22:07,329
busting my hump
in the real world.
362
00:22:07,373 --> 00:22:09,568
And the reason guys like you
got a place to teach...
363
00:22:09,608 --> 00:22:11,701
is 'cause guys like me
donate buildings.
364
00:22:11,744 --> 00:22:14,975
I wasn't speaking to you,
Mr. Melon.
365
00:22:21,954 --> 00:22:24,218
I don't think
Dr. Barbay understands...
366
00:22:24,256 --> 00:22:27,089
the actual amounts
that are involved here.
367
00:22:27,126 --> 00:22:31,358
Mr. Melon, will you take
the ceremonial shovel?
368
00:22:31,397 --> 00:22:32,364
Thank you.
369
00:22:32,398 --> 00:22:35,265
And dig into the symbolic dirt.
370
00:22:37,903 --> 00:22:42,863
I hereby dedicate
this building to... myself.
371
00:22:55,087 --> 00:22:57,078
Now, Dad, it's just like
we talked about.
372
00:22:57,123 --> 00:22:59,091
You sign up for whatever
interests you, OK?
373
00:22:59,125 --> 00:23:00,854
We're gonna get
on the astronomy line...
374
00:23:00,893 --> 00:23:02,884
before it closes up.
See you later.
375
00:23:04,697 --> 00:23:08,656
Look at this.
This is worse than the track.
376
00:23:08,701 --> 00:23:10,293
You want me to move
some people for you?
377
00:23:10,336 --> 00:23:11,394
No, don't push anybody around.
378
00:23:11,437 --> 00:23:14,031
This is college.
Let me think for a minute.
379
00:23:14,073 --> 00:23:15,665
What are you gonna do?
380
00:23:15,708 --> 00:23:18,074
Come on. I got an idea.
381
00:23:18,110 --> 00:23:19,077
Did you get
everything you want?
382
00:23:19,111 --> 00:23:21,807
I got the Latin
and the Sanskrit...
383
00:23:21,847 --> 00:23:23,474
but then they canceled
my Ancient Greek.
384
00:23:23,516 --> 00:23:25,484
Just blew my whole
dead languages motif.
385
00:23:25,518 --> 00:23:27,645
What are you looking at?
386
00:23:41,567 --> 00:23:43,967
You OK?
387
00:23:44,003 --> 00:23:47,530
Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.
388
00:23:47,573 --> 00:23:49,939
I'm just upset
because they closed botany.
389
00:23:49,975 --> 00:23:51,943
Those bastards!
390
00:23:51,977 --> 00:23:54,138
Well, I'm not that upset.
391
00:23:55,481 --> 00:23:58,211
At least, I won't be
if I get into astronomy.
392
00:23:58,250 --> 00:24:00,548
You want to cut
into line with us?
393
00:24:00,586 --> 00:24:01,644
'Cause we're already waiting.
394
00:24:01,687 --> 00:24:04,520
Yes. Yeah, I would.
395
00:24:04,557 --> 00:24:05,649
Great. All right.
396
00:24:09,562 --> 00:24:11,427
Oh, this is Derek.
397
00:24:11,464 --> 00:24:14,297
Hi.
398
00:24:14,333 --> 00:24:16,130
I'm Valerie Desmond.
399
00:24:16,168 --> 00:24:18,159
Yeah, I know.
400
00:24:19,538 --> 00:24:22,507
- I'm Jason Melon.
- Hi.
401
00:24:26,579 --> 00:24:28,809
- Hey, Valerie.
- Hi.
402
00:24:28,848 --> 00:24:30,315
God, you look great.
403
00:24:30,349 --> 00:24:32,943
Thanks. Are you taking
astronomy, too?
404
00:24:32,985 --> 00:24:34,885
Yeah, I guess so.
405
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:36,979
I don't really want to.
I'm a business major.
406
00:24:37,022 --> 00:24:40,048
But for some reason,
they want us to take a science.
407
00:24:40,092 --> 00:24:42,060
You mind if I sneak
in the line with you?
408
00:24:42,094 --> 00:24:44,995
Actually, these guys were
nice enough to let me in...
409
00:24:45,030 --> 00:24:48,431
so it's really
up to them, I guess.
410
00:24:48,467 --> 00:24:50,230
Melon, buddy?
411
00:24:50,269 --> 00:24:52,760
Whaddaya say? Let me in, OK?
412
00:24:52,805 --> 00:24:55,239
I don't think so, Osbourne.
413
00:24:55,274 --> 00:24:57,333
Melon, your friend...
straighten him out.
414
00:24:57,376 --> 00:24:58,968
Look, Chas,
there's a lot of people waiting.
415
00:24:59,011 --> 00:25:01,605
It wouldn't really be fair.
416
00:25:01,647 --> 00:25:02,807
I'll tell you what.
417
00:25:02,848 --> 00:25:06,909
Maybe if you got a note
from each of these people...
418
00:25:06,952 --> 00:25:09,079
saying that it was all right,
then we'd reconsider...
419
00:25:09,121 --> 00:25:10,918
but until that day,
take a hike...
420
00:25:10,956 --> 00:25:14,050
you elitist fraternity scumbag.
421
00:25:17,730 --> 00:25:19,789
I won't forget this, Melon.
422
00:25:19,832 --> 00:25:21,595
I'll see you at the pool.
423
00:25:21,634 --> 00:25:22,999
- Bye, Val.
- Bye.
424
00:25:23,035 --> 00:25:24,627
Thank you. I'm dead.
425
00:25:24,670 --> 00:25:26,638
You're not gonna believe this!
426
00:25:26,672 --> 00:25:29,266
- You're kidding!
- I'm not kidding! Just go!
427
00:25:29,308 --> 00:25:30,969
He's out there!
428
00:25:41,153 --> 00:25:44,554
Bruce! Bruce! Bruce! Bruce!
429
00:25:49,495 --> 00:25:50,894
Where is he?
430
00:25:50,930 --> 00:25:52,056
I don't know, kid.
431
00:25:52,097 --> 00:25:53,792
All I know is I'm supposed
to pick him up here.
432
00:25:53,832 --> 00:25:55,800
- When?
- Now.
433
00:25:55,834 --> 00:25:58,530
Come on, let's register.
434
00:26:07,212 --> 00:26:08,736
Hey, you guys
get everything you need?
435
00:26:08,781 --> 00:26:10,043
Oh, yeah, we got it.
436
00:26:10,082 --> 00:26:11,674
Good. What's with
the used books?
437
00:26:11,717 --> 00:26:14,117
- What's wrong with used books?
- They've already been read.
438
00:26:14,153 --> 00:26:15,950
And they've already been
underlined.
439
00:26:15,988 --> 00:26:17,216
That's the problem.
440
00:26:17,256 --> 00:26:19,486
The guy who underlined them
could have been a maniac.
441
00:26:19,525 --> 00:26:22,824
Get these guys some new books.
442
00:26:22,861 --> 00:26:25,796
Charge it to me, too.
Here, pick a card.
443
00:26:26,999 --> 00:26:29,832
And I'm taking four
of those school sweaters...
444
00:26:29,868 --> 00:26:32,564
a bunch of pennants,
some of those beer mugs...
445
00:26:32,605 --> 00:26:35,199
a few of these fuzz balls
you cheer with, and...
446
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:38,471
Hey, folks, it's on me!
Shakespeare for everyone, OK?
447
00:26:40,079 --> 00:26:43,014
You, too, honey.
I'd like to tame your shrew.
448
00:26:43,048 --> 00:26:46,882
- Who is that?
- That is Mr. Thornton Melon...
449
00:26:46,919 --> 00:26:49,581
the world's oldest
living freshman...
450
00:26:49,622 --> 00:26:52,648
and the walking epitome of
the decline of modern education.
451
00:26:52,691 --> 00:26:55,091
The stupid clod thinks he can
buy his way out of the gutter.
452
00:26:55,127 --> 00:26:57,425
I don't think so.
He was just having fun.
453
00:26:57,463 --> 00:27:02,127
Oh, really? Well, I can't wait
to get him in my class.
454
00:27:02,167 --> 00:27:04,294
We'll see how much fun
he is then.
455
00:27:04,336 --> 00:27:05,496
Oh, Philip.
456
00:27:05,537 --> 00:27:08,563
Hey, Mr. M! You're all set.
We've been working all night.
457
00:27:08,607 --> 00:27:10,165
We got it all done.
458
00:27:10,209 --> 00:27:12,040
Thanks, Buzzy.
I appreciate it.
459
00:27:12,077 --> 00:27:15,376
Add a few hundred to the bill
and throw your boys a party.
460
00:27:15,414 --> 00:27:18,542
You know what you got, Mr. M?
You got class.
461
00:27:18,584 --> 00:27:21,781
It rubbed off from you, Buzzy.
Say hello to Sonia for me, huh?
462
00:27:21,820 --> 00:27:23,014
You got it.
463
00:27:23,055 --> 00:27:25,956
I want to talk to you
about my schedule.
464
00:27:25,991 --> 00:27:28,152
We'll go over it later.
465
00:27:40,973 --> 00:27:43,305
Well, boys,
what do you think?
466
00:27:43,342 --> 00:27:45,207
Got a hot tub in there!
467
00:27:45,244 --> 00:27:47,405
How can you study
if you're not relaxed?
468
00:27:47,446 --> 00:27:48,606
When's our first class?
469
00:27:48,647 --> 00:27:50,808
We got economics
tomorrow at 11:00.
470
00:27:50,849 --> 00:27:52,009
11:00? No good.
471
00:27:52,051 --> 00:27:54,212
I got a massage at 11:00.
Tell them to make it 2:00.
472
00:27:54,253 --> 00:27:57,416
No, Dad, you don't get it.
473
00:27:57,456 --> 00:28:01,586
They're not gonna reschedule
the classes around your massage.
474
00:28:01,627 --> 00:28:04,187
All right, 11:00.
But I'm gonna talk to that dean.
475
00:28:04,229 --> 00:28:06,720
These classes can be
a real inconvenience.
476
00:28:06,765 --> 00:28:09,233
All right, settle down, people.
477
00:28:09,268 --> 00:28:12,260
We've got a lot to cover,
and time is short.
478
00:28:16,075 --> 00:28:19,101
There are two kinds of people
in business today...
479
00:28:19,144 --> 00:28:21,112
the quick and the dead.
480
00:28:21,146 --> 00:28:24,274
So, rather than waste
your time this semester...
481
00:28:24,316 --> 00:28:26,750
with a lot of
useless theories...
482
00:28:26,785 --> 00:28:28,810
we're going to jump right in
with both feet...
483
00:28:28,854 --> 00:28:31,755
and create a fictional company
from the ground up.
484
00:28:31,790 --> 00:28:34,816
We'll construct
our physical plant...
485
00:28:34,860 --> 00:28:37,260
we'll set up
an efficient administrative...
486
00:28:37,296 --> 00:28:39,093
and executive structure...
487
00:28:39,131 --> 00:28:42,726
then we'll manufacture
our product and market it.
488
00:28:42,768 --> 00:28:45,430
I think you'll find it very
interesting and a lot of fun.
489
00:28:45,471 --> 00:28:49,032
So, let's start by looking
at construction costs...
490
00:28:49,074 --> 00:28:51,065
of our new factory.
491
00:28:51,110 --> 00:28:53,305
What's the product?
492
00:28:53,345 --> 00:28:54,539
That is immaterial...
493
00:28:54,580 --> 00:28:56,707
for the purposes
of our discussion here...
494
00:28:56,749 --> 00:28:58,512
but if it makes you happy...
495
00:28:58,550 --> 00:29:00,711
let's say we're making
tape recorders.
496
00:29:00,753 --> 00:29:02,744
Tape recorders?
Are you kiddin'?
497
00:29:02,788 --> 00:29:06,246
The Japs will kill us
on the labor costs.
498
00:29:06,291 --> 00:29:08,259
OK, fine.
499
00:29:08,293 --> 00:29:11,057
Then let's just say
they're widgets.
500
00:29:11,096 --> 00:29:12,996
What's a widget?
501
00:29:13,031 --> 00:29:16,330
It's a fictional product.
It doesn't matter.
502
00:29:16,368 --> 00:29:18,427
Doesn't matter.
Tell that to the bank.
503
00:29:18,470 --> 00:29:20,597
Take it easy.
It's the first day.
504
00:29:20,639 --> 00:29:24,097
On the board,
you will see a cost analysis...
505
00:29:24,143 --> 00:29:26,737
for construction of
a 30,000 square-foot facility...
506
00:29:26,779 --> 00:29:29,475
which will encompass
both factory and office space...
507
00:29:29,515 --> 00:29:32,416
and is fully serviced
by all utilities...
508
00:29:32,451 --> 00:29:35,614
a railroad spur line
and a four-bay shipping dock.
509
00:29:35,654 --> 00:29:38,748
Hold it, hold it. Why build?
You're better off leasing...
510
00:29:38,791 --> 00:29:41,259
at a buck and a quarter,
a buck and a half a square foot.
511
00:29:41,293 --> 00:29:43,989
Take your down payment
and put it into CDs...
512
00:29:44,029 --> 00:29:46,259
or something else you can roll
over every couple of months.
513
00:29:46,298 --> 00:29:47,822
Thank you, Mr. Melon...
514
00:29:47,866 --> 00:29:50,664
but we'll be concentrating
on finance...
515
00:29:50,702 --> 00:29:53,262
a little later in the term.
516
00:29:53,305 --> 00:29:55,432
For the time being,
let's just concentrate...
517
00:29:55,474 --> 00:29:57,806
on the construction figures,
shall we?
518
00:29:57,843 --> 00:30:01,040
You'll see the final bottom line
requires the factoring in...
519
00:30:01,079 --> 00:30:03,547
of not just the material
and construction costs...
520
00:30:03,582 --> 00:30:08,542
but also the architects' fees
and the cost of land servicing.
521
00:30:08,587 --> 00:30:10,919
Oh, you left out
a bunch of stuff.
522
00:30:10,956 --> 00:30:12,924
Oh, really?
523
00:30:12,958 --> 00:30:14,983
Like what, for instance?
524
00:30:15,027 --> 00:30:18,326
First of all, you have to grease
the local politicians...
525
00:30:18,363 --> 00:30:20,558
for the sudden zoning problems
that always come up.
526
00:30:20,599 --> 00:30:23,193
Then there's the kickbacks
to the carpenters.
527
00:30:23,235 --> 00:30:25,203
And if you plan on using
any cement in this building...
528
00:30:25,237 --> 00:30:26,727
I'm sure the teamsters
would like to have...
529
00:30:26,772 --> 00:30:28,831
a little chat with you,
and that'll cost you.
530
00:30:28,874 --> 00:30:31,536
Don't forget a little something
for the building inspectors.
531
00:30:31,577 --> 00:30:34,671
There's the long-term costs,
such as waste disposal.
532
00:30:34,713 --> 00:30:36,738
I don't know if you're familiar
with who runs that business...
533
00:30:36,782 --> 00:30:38,841
but I assure you
it's not the boy scouts.
534
00:30:38,884 --> 00:30:40,249
That will be quite enough,
Mr. Melon.
535
00:30:40,285 --> 00:30:42,412
Maybe bribes and kickbacks...
536
00:30:42,454 --> 00:30:45,821
and Mafia payoffs
are how you do business...
537
00:30:45,858 --> 00:30:48,622
but they are not part of
the legitimate business world...
538
00:30:48,660 --> 00:30:50,560
and they're certainly
not part of anything...
539
00:30:50,596 --> 00:30:53,064
I'm teaching in this class.
Do I make myself clear?
540
00:30:53,098 --> 00:30:55,931
Sorry. Just trying to help.
That's all.
541
00:30:55,968 --> 00:31:01,031
Now, notwithstanding
Mr. Melon's input...
542
00:31:01,073 --> 00:31:05,203
the next question for us is
where to build our factory.
543
00:31:05,244 --> 00:31:07,678
How about Fantasyland?
544
00:31:11,216 --> 00:31:14,117
My first class.
I did good, huh?
545
00:31:14,152 --> 00:31:16,552
You better cool it
with Dr. Barbay.
546
00:31:16,588 --> 00:31:18,351
Dr. Barbay, he don't know dick.
547
00:31:18,390 --> 00:31:20,324
He really tells it
like it ain't.
548
00:31:20,359 --> 00:31:22,919
Know what he knows how to do?
Flunk you.
549
00:31:22,961 --> 00:31:25,327
Flunk me? Flunk him.
550
00:31:25,364 --> 00:31:28,128
Great attitude. Do you know
where your next class is?
551
00:31:28,166 --> 00:31:31,135
Contemporary American history.
Professor Turgeson.
552
00:31:31,169 --> 00:31:33,603
- Turgeson?
- You know him? Is he good?
553
00:31:33,639 --> 00:31:35,971
Well, he's really committed.
554
00:31:36,008 --> 00:31:38,238
In fact, I think he was.
Just keep your head down...
555
00:31:38,277 --> 00:31:40,040
and your mouth shut.
You should be all right.
556
00:31:40,078 --> 00:31:41,602
- I'll see you in English.
- All right.
557
00:31:41,647 --> 00:31:45,139
Welcome to Contemporary
American history.
558
00:31:45,183 --> 00:31:47,378
I'm Professor Turgeson.
559
00:31:47,419 --> 00:31:49,887
I know a lot of people
think history is just facts...
560
00:31:49,922 --> 00:31:53,915
just information about the past,
but not me.
561
00:31:53,959 --> 00:31:57,258
I hold history
very sacred. Sacred.
562
00:31:57,296 --> 00:31:59,787
The way a farmer looks at
the Earth and holds it sacred.
563
00:31:59,831 --> 00:32:01,822
The way a Christian
takes the Bible...
564
00:32:01,867 --> 00:32:03,129
and he holds it sacred.
565
00:32:03,168 --> 00:32:06,103
The way a lot of people
hold their marriage sacred.
566
00:32:06,138 --> 00:32:08,470
That's how I feel about it.
So why don't we dive right in...
567
00:32:08,507 --> 00:32:11,271
by interpreting
one of the easiest events...
568
00:32:11,310 --> 00:32:14,507
in the last twenty years
of American history.
569
00:32:14,546 --> 00:32:16,980
Now, can someone tell me...
570
00:32:17,015 --> 00:32:21,452
why, in 1975, we pulled
our troops out of Vietnam?
571
00:32:22,988 --> 00:32:25,752
The failure of Vietnamization
to win popular support...
572
00:32:25,791 --> 00:32:27,759
caused an ongoing erosion
of confidence...
573
00:32:27,793 --> 00:32:31,024
in the various American...
but illegal... Saigon regimes.
574
00:32:35,434 --> 00:32:36,628
Is she right?
575
00:32:38,837 --> 00:32:40,395
'Cause I know
that's the popular version...
576
00:32:40,439 --> 00:32:41,770
of what went on there.
577
00:32:41,807 --> 00:32:43,866
I know a lot of people
like to believe that.
578
00:32:43,909 --> 00:32:45,934
I wish I could,
but I was there.
579
00:32:45,978 --> 00:32:47,468
I wasn't here in a classroom...
580
00:32:47,512 --> 00:32:49,036
hoping I was right,
thinking about it.
581
00:32:49,081 --> 00:32:51,811
I was up to my knees
in rice paddies...
582
00:32:51,850 --> 00:32:54,318
with guns that didn't work,
going up against Charlie...
583
00:32:54,353 --> 00:32:57,288
slugging it out with him,
while pussies like you...
584
00:32:57,322 --> 00:33:00,189
were back here partyin',
puttin' headbands on...
585
00:33:00,225 --> 00:33:03,160
doin' drugs, listening
to the goddamn Beatle albums!
586
00:33:05,897 --> 00:33:07,831
Hey, Professor,
take it easy, will ya?
587
00:33:07,866 --> 00:33:10,733
These kids were in grade school
at the time.
588
00:33:10,769 --> 00:33:12,066
And me...
589
00:33:12,104 --> 00:33:14,937
I'm not a fighter, I'm a lover.
590
00:33:18,810 --> 00:33:21,711
Well, I didn't know you wanted
to get involved...
591
00:33:21,747 --> 00:33:25,114
with the discussion,
Mr. Helper.
592
00:33:25,150 --> 00:33:28,586
But since you want to help,
maybe you can help me, OK?
593
00:33:28,620 --> 00:33:30,520
You remember that thing
we had about thirty years ago...
594
00:33:30,555 --> 00:33:31,920
called the Korean conflict?
595
00:33:31,957 --> 00:33:35,154
Yeah. Where we failed
to achieve victory.
596
00:33:35,193 --> 00:33:37,593
How come we didn't cross
the 38th parallel...
597
00:33:37,629 --> 00:33:40,689
and push those rice-eaters back
to the Great Wall of China...
598
00:33:40,732 --> 00:33:42,723
and take it apart
brick by brick...
599
00:33:42,768 --> 00:33:45,202
and nuke them back into
the fuckin' stone age forever?
600
00:33:45,237 --> 00:33:48,695
How come? Tell me?
Why? Say it! Say it!
601
00:33:48,740 --> 00:33:50,901
All right, I'll say it.
602
00:33:50,942 --> 00:33:53,035
'Cause Truman was too much
of a pussy wimp...
603
00:33:53,078 --> 00:33:56,707
to let MacArthur go in and blow
out those commie bastards!
604
00:33:58,417 --> 00:34:01,545
Good answer. Good answer.
605
00:34:02,988 --> 00:34:05,752
I like the way you think.
606
00:34:05,791 --> 00:34:09,192
I'm gonna be watching you.
607
00:34:11,396 --> 00:34:14,661
Good teacher.
He really seems to care.
608
00:34:14,699 --> 00:34:17,031
About what, I have no idea.
609
00:34:18,103 --> 00:34:19,968
College is all right,
I'll tell you that.
610
00:34:20,005 --> 00:34:22,337
Hey, buddy, be my guest.
Here's a pen.
611
00:34:22,374 --> 00:34:26,208
Boys, here's a couple of pens,
in case you learn how to write.
612
00:34:26,244 --> 00:34:28,508
- I know you.
- Oh, yeah? Here's a pen.
613
00:34:28,547 --> 00:34:30,777
You do those
obnoxious commercials.
614
00:34:30,816 --> 00:34:32,147
You're tall and fat.
615
00:34:32,184 --> 00:34:36,177
Yeah, you're short and ugly.
Give me the pen back, will ya?
616
00:34:36,221 --> 00:34:38,451
Honey, here's a pen.
617
00:34:38,490 --> 00:34:40,890
Boys, how are ya?
618
00:35:02,714 --> 00:35:04,147
"And Gibraltar is a girl...
619
00:35:04,182 --> 00:35:06,844
"where I was a flower
of the mountain.
620
00:35:06,885 --> 00:35:08,853
"Yes, when I put
the rose in my hair...
621
00:35:08,887 --> 00:35:10,354
"like the
Andalusian girls used.
622
00:35:10,388 --> 00:35:12,447
"Or shall I wear red?
623
00:35:12,491 --> 00:35:15,324
"Yes. And how he kissed me
under the Moorish wall...
624
00:35:15,360 --> 00:35:16,486
"and I thought...
625
00:35:16,528 --> 00:35:18,462
"well, as well him as another.
626
00:35:18,497 --> 00:35:20,795
"And then I ask him
with my eyes to ask again.
627
00:35:20,832 --> 00:35:24,495
"Yes. And then he asked me
would I yes to say yes.
628
00:35:24,536 --> 00:35:26,094
"My mountain flower.
629
00:35:26,138 --> 00:35:28,436
"And first I put my arms
around him, yes...
630
00:35:28,473 --> 00:35:29,940
"and drew him down to me...
631
00:35:29,975 --> 00:35:32,603
"so he could feel my breasts
all perfumed, yes...
632
00:35:32,644 --> 00:35:34,942
"and his heart was going
like mad, and yes...
633
00:35:34,980 --> 00:35:36,971
"I said, yes, I will, yes."
634
00:35:37,015 --> 00:35:40,212
Yes! Yes!
635
00:35:45,390 --> 00:35:47,358
Thanks for the vote
of confidence.
636
00:35:47,392 --> 00:35:48,859
I think Joyce
is pretty hot, too.
637
00:35:48,894 --> 00:35:50,794
And now that
I've got your attention...
638
00:35:50,829 --> 00:35:52,228
I'd like to run down
the reading list...
639
00:35:52,264 --> 00:35:55,324
for the semester.
See what else turns you on.
640
00:36:01,239 --> 00:36:03,002
What a woman.
641
00:36:03,041 --> 00:36:05,339
Dad, she is the teacher.
642
00:36:05,377 --> 00:36:06,867
I know. I like teachers.
643
00:36:06,912 --> 00:36:09,244
If you do something wrong,
they make you do it over again.
644
00:36:11,016 --> 00:36:13,507
Don't you think maybe
you should just take some notes?
645
00:36:13,552 --> 00:36:16,112
Yeah, yeah.
646
00:36:16,154 --> 00:36:20,056
I gave away all my pens.
647
00:36:20,091 --> 00:36:22,457
I'm sorry. I need this back.
648
00:36:22,494 --> 00:36:24,655
Here's a calendar for you.
649
00:36:27,999 --> 00:36:29,193
Oh, hiya.
650
00:36:29,234 --> 00:36:32,101
Hello, Mr. Melon.
You waiting for me?
651
00:36:32,137 --> 00:36:34,833
Yes, I was. Look,
I know I'm only a freshman...
652
00:36:34,873 --> 00:36:37,239
but what do you say
you and I have dinner tonight?
653
00:36:37,275 --> 00:36:40,540
We could talk about Joyce.
She's my favorite writer.
654
00:36:42,581 --> 00:36:45,106
You're not the usual freshman,
but I'm sorry, I can't.
655
00:36:45,150 --> 00:36:47,015
The thing is,
I'm sort of going with someone.
656
00:36:47,052 --> 00:36:49,213
Oh. Where you going?
657
00:36:49,254 --> 00:36:51,745
That's a good question.
658
00:36:51,790 --> 00:36:54,452
Actually, I'd like to join you,
but I have class tonight.
659
00:36:54,492 --> 00:36:57,757
- How about tomorrow night?
- I have class then, too.
660
00:36:57,796 --> 00:36:59,525
I'll tell you what, then.
661
00:36:59,564 --> 00:37:03,523
Why don't you call me
when you have no class?
662
00:37:03,568 --> 00:37:05,798
All right. Maybe I will.
663
00:37:11,676 --> 00:37:14,167
Hello, Philip.
664
00:37:14,212 --> 00:37:16,339
What did he want?
665
00:37:16,381 --> 00:37:19,282
Oh, what do all men want?
666
00:37:19,317 --> 00:37:21,251
He wants you to dress up
as Wonder Woman...
667
00:37:21,286 --> 00:37:24,813
tie him up with a golden lariat
and force him to tell the truth?
668
00:37:24,856 --> 00:37:27,256
No, just dinner, Philip.
669
00:37:27,292 --> 00:37:30,386
Are you jealous
of Thornton Melon?
670
00:37:30,428 --> 00:37:32,487
Certainly not.
671
00:37:32,530 --> 00:37:35,431
I've been doing a great deal
of thinking lately.
672
00:37:35,467 --> 00:37:38,732
I've been thinking about us.
673
00:37:38,770 --> 00:37:41,238
- And?
- And I think...
674
00:37:41,273 --> 00:37:44,640
we should start thinking
about forming a...
675
00:37:44,676 --> 00:37:46,405
well, um...
676
00:37:46,444 --> 00:37:47,570
A merger?
677
00:37:47,612 --> 00:37:49,978
A merger, exactly.
Exactly, a merger.
678
00:37:50,015 --> 00:37:52,575
A partnership.
Seriously, Diane...
679
00:37:52,617 --> 00:37:55,313
we're both intelligent,
well-educated adults.
680
00:37:55,353 --> 00:37:59,653
We should be together.
Incorporated, if you will.
681
00:37:59,691 --> 00:38:04,822
Look at the balance sheet.
We were made for one another.
682
00:38:04,863 --> 00:38:06,228
Oh, Philip, you darling.
683
00:38:06,264 --> 00:38:08,425
I don't want to be merged
or incorporated.
684
00:38:08,466 --> 00:38:12,334
I want to have fun
and be romanced and be loved.
685
00:38:14,205 --> 00:38:16,298
So let's not rush
into anything.
686
00:38:16,341 --> 00:38:19,174
Let's just start
by having fun, OK?
687
00:38:23,114 --> 00:38:25,412
Hey, how are you?
What's happening?
688
00:38:25,450 --> 00:38:26,644
Hi!
689
00:38:26,685 --> 00:38:28,585
A lot of people are talking
about your dad, man.
690
00:38:28,620 --> 00:38:30,554
What's happening?
691
00:38:30,588 --> 00:38:33,386
Hey, boys, how ya doin'?
692
00:38:33,425 --> 00:38:35,757
I wonder why.
693
00:38:37,295 --> 00:38:38,956
They have lockers.
694
00:38:38,997 --> 00:38:41,124
You could've changed here.
695
00:38:41,166 --> 00:38:43,157
I don't change
in front of guys.
696
00:38:43,201 --> 00:38:45,066
Next thing you know, you're
showering with the fellas.
697
00:38:45,103 --> 00:38:46,502
And the next thing you know...
698
00:38:46,538 --> 00:38:48,472
you're pinned to a sophomore
named Chip.
699
00:38:48,506 --> 00:38:50,064
Come on, let's go, huh?
700
00:38:50,108 --> 00:38:51,700
I'll see you later.
701
00:39:22,474 --> 00:39:24,874
That was pretty good.
702
00:39:24,909 --> 00:39:26,706
Next time, hold the pike
a little longer.
703
00:39:28,913 --> 00:39:31,006
Wait a minute.
I'll be right down.
704
00:39:55,006 --> 00:39:57,440
Not bad.
705
00:39:57,475 --> 00:39:59,966
All right, let's see one more.
706
00:40:01,179 --> 00:40:02,578
Like I showed you.
707
00:40:02,614 --> 00:40:03,774
All right.
708
00:40:09,747 --> 00:40:12,648
What's a guy your age
doing here with these kids?
709
00:40:12,684 --> 00:40:16,313
I'm lookin' for the fountain
of middle age.
710
00:40:16,354 --> 00:40:17,719
What's your story?
711
00:40:17,755 --> 00:40:20,246
I'm setting the new record for
the most consecutive losses...
712
00:40:20,291 --> 00:40:23,192
by a diving coach
in this conference.
713
00:40:23,228 --> 00:40:25,492
Hey, remember,
hold that pike longer.
714
00:40:25,530 --> 00:40:27,828
- That your kid?
- Yeah.
715
00:40:27,865 --> 00:40:30,095
Who coached him in high school?
716
00:40:30,134 --> 00:40:31,624
Yours truly.
717
00:40:31,669 --> 00:40:33,296
So, where did you learn
how to dive?
718
00:40:33,338 --> 00:40:36,774
Atlantic City. The Steel Pier.
I was in the water show.
719
00:40:36,808 --> 00:40:38,332
I used to open
for the diving horse.
720
00:40:38,376 --> 00:40:40,276
You're kiddin'.
I'm from Jersey.
721
00:40:40,311 --> 00:40:43,644
I practically spent
my entire life on that pier.
722
00:40:43,681 --> 00:40:46,241
There was a guy,
did the most amazing dive...
723
00:40:46,284 --> 00:40:47,945
called the Triple Lindy.
724
00:40:47,986 --> 00:40:49,681
Hardest dive
I ever saw in my life.
725
00:40:49,721 --> 00:40:52,417
- Who was that guy?
- Yours truly.
726
00:40:52,457 --> 00:40:53,924
You're kiddin'.
727
00:40:53,958 --> 00:40:55,721
I don't joke about dives.
728
00:40:55,760 --> 00:40:57,557
Especially that one.
It almost killed me.
729
00:40:57,595 --> 00:41:00,655
Boy, you were somethin' else.
730
00:41:00,698 --> 00:41:02,723
Hey, can your kid do that dive?
731
00:41:02,767 --> 00:41:05,827
Nah, nobody can.
It's too dangerous.
732
00:41:05,870 --> 00:41:08,839
You know, he tried out
for the team last semester.
733
00:41:08,873 --> 00:41:10,238
He didn't do that good.
734
00:41:10,275 --> 00:41:13,267
Not that good, huh? Watch this.
735
00:41:13,311 --> 00:41:16,075
Jason, do the two and a half!
736
00:41:30,728 --> 00:41:32,855
Not bad.
737
00:41:34,565 --> 00:41:35,862
My main Melon.
Come on, man...
738
00:41:35,900 --> 00:41:37,390
there's a pep rally
for the football team.
739
00:41:37,435 --> 00:41:39,426
- Let's go. We're there.
- Whoa, wait. What is this?
740
00:41:39,470 --> 00:41:42,735
Me and Standish and Redding
are doing the anti-pep rally...
741
00:41:42,774 --> 00:41:45,572
to point out that a violent
ground acquisition game...
742
00:41:45,610 --> 00:41:46,941
such as football is, in fact...
743
00:41:46,978 --> 00:41:48,775
a crypto-fascist metaphor
for nuclear war.
744
00:41:48,813 --> 00:41:50,906
It sounds like
a lot of laughs...
745
00:41:50,948 --> 00:41:52,279
but I'm supposed
to meet my dad and study.
746
00:41:52,317 --> 00:41:53,784
He's supposed
to be here already.
747
00:41:53,818 --> 00:41:55,786
OK, well...
748
00:41:55,820 --> 00:41:58,880
if you change your mind, pal,
you know where I'll be.
749
00:41:58,923 --> 00:42:02,586
If I change my mind,
I'll seek psychiatric help.
750
00:42:21,412 --> 00:42:22,606
Excuse me.
751
00:42:22,647 --> 00:42:26,105
What is the Oort system
and what does it tell us?
752
00:42:28,152 --> 00:42:30,120
What? I'm sorry.
753
00:42:30,154 --> 00:42:33,612
Astronomy, chapter two.
754
00:42:33,658 --> 00:42:35,853
Oh, Oort, Oort.
755
00:42:35,893 --> 00:42:38,418
Oort was this scientist,
and he figured out...
756
00:42:38,463 --> 00:42:42,797
that the smeared-out density
of matter can be no greater...
757
00:42:42,834 --> 00:42:46,031
than the solar mass
per cubic parsec.
758
00:42:46,070 --> 00:42:48,095
You look thrilled.
It's not my theory.
759
00:42:49,507 --> 00:42:52,476
Thanks, that helps a lot.
760
00:42:53,478 --> 00:42:55,673
Listen, I was
just wondering...
761
00:42:55,713 --> 00:42:57,305
would you do
my astronomy homework...
762
00:42:57,348 --> 00:42:58,872
for the rest of the semester?
763
00:43:01,586 --> 00:43:03,747
- Here you go.
- OK, right.
764
00:43:03,788 --> 00:43:05,187
Hi, Mr. Melon.
765
00:43:05,223 --> 00:43:07,783
Oh, you can call me Thornton.
766
00:43:07,825 --> 00:43:10,794
Say, how about joining me
and my friend over there?
767
00:43:10,828 --> 00:43:12,819
Your friend looks
a little strange.
768
00:43:12,864 --> 00:43:15,833
Who, Lou? Lou's an animal.
Why, in his family...
769
00:43:15,867 --> 00:43:20,236
he's only the second generation
that's standing up straight.
770
00:43:20,271 --> 00:43:21,761
What lovely girls.
771
00:43:21,806 --> 00:43:24,832
How would you like a life
of luxury and deceit?
772
00:43:24,876 --> 00:43:27,208
Come on, join us in a beer. OK?
773
00:43:27,245 --> 00:43:29,179
- Yeah, OK.
- OK.
774
00:43:38,856 --> 00:43:42,019
Girls, this is Lou.
Lou, these are girls.
775
00:43:45,129 --> 00:43:46,790
One, two.
776
00:43:46,831 --> 00:43:49,356
One, two.
777
00:43:56,107 --> 00:43:58,268
Shake it up, baby
778
00:44:00,077 --> 00:44:02,204
Twist and shout
779
00:44:03,881 --> 00:44:05,974
Come on, come on, come on, baby
780
00:44:07,985 --> 00:44:10,215
Come and work it on out
781
00:44:12,123 --> 00:44:14,557
Work it on out, honey
782
00:44:16,461 --> 00:44:19,589
Honey, come here. I need
2 more glasses for the girls...
783
00:44:19,630 --> 00:44:21,928
and also,
bring a pitcher of beer...
784
00:44:21,966 --> 00:44:23,991
every seven minutes
till somebody passes out.
785
00:44:24,035 --> 00:44:25,832
And then bring one
every ten minutes.
786
00:44:25,870 --> 00:44:27,269
You got it. Anyway...
787
00:44:27,305 --> 00:44:29,796
I thought we were gonna go...
788
00:44:29,841 --> 00:44:32,469
to the planetarium
and look at a lot of stars.
789
00:44:32,510 --> 00:44:35,206
I had no idea this was
gonna be astrophysics.
790
00:44:35,246 --> 00:44:38,010
It's not that hard.
You'll get it.
791
00:44:38,049 --> 00:44:41,416
It's not hard for you,
because you're smart.
792
00:44:41,452 --> 00:44:43,545
You're smart, too.
793
00:44:43,588 --> 00:44:46,022
Yeah, but you're, like,
"smart" smart.
794
00:44:46,057 --> 00:44:48,025
Do you study at the library
every night?
795
00:44:48,059 --> 00:44:49,617
No. I was gonna meet
my dad there...
796
00:44:49,660 --> 00:44:51,025
but he must be studying
at the dorm.
797
00:45:01,772 --> 00:45:03,797
Shake it up, baby
798
00:45:05,543 --> 00:45:07,340
Twist and shout
799
00:45:09,313 --> 00:45:11,508
Come on, come on, come on, baby
800
00:45:13,317 --> 00:45:15,683
Come on and work it on out
801
00:45:17,288 --> 00:45:19,188
You know you twist it,
little girl
802
00:45:19,223 --> 00:45:20,918
Lower, baby, lower.
803
00:45:20,958 --> 00:45:23,518
Hey, guys,
let me see some I.D.
804
00:45:23,561 --> 00:45:25,495
Not that low, baby.
805
00:45:25,530 --> 00:45:27,794
Come on and twist a little
closer now
806
00:45:27,832 --> 00:45:29,595
To the left, baby, to the left.
807
00:45:29,634 --> 00:45:31,226
And let me know you're mine
808
00:45:31,269 --> 00:45:32,497
That's the spot, baby.
809
00:45:32,537 --> 00:45:35,597
Hold it, hold it!
Oh, you are there!
810
00:45:35,640 --> 00:45:37,665
Shake it, baby
811
00:45:37,708 --> 00:45:41,337
Shake it, shake it, baby
812
00:45:41,379 --> 00:45:45,145
Come on and shake it,
shake it, shake it, baby
813
00:45:47,218 --> 00:45:48,981
- Shake it now
- Shake it
814
00:45:59,997 --> 00:46:01,396
OK, go ahead.
815
00:46:05,102 --> 00:46:07,332
Jason, what are you doing here?
816
00:46:07,371 --> 00:46:10,534
What am I doing here?
What are you doing here?
817
00:46:10,575 --> 00:46:12,805
We were supposed to study,
remember, in the library?
818
00:46:12,843 --> 00:46:14,743
The library.
I was supposed to be there.
819
00:46:14,779 --> 00:46:17,145
Hey, what's going on?
820
00:46:17,181 --> 00:46:19,172
Chas, check it out.
821
00:46:22,286 --> 00:46:24,413
Hey, Clark.
822
00:46:24,455 --> 00:46:26,389
Interesting little rally
you guys had tonight.
823
00:46:26,424 --> 00:46:29,291
Yeah, right. They got paint
all over my girlfriend.
824
00:46:29,327 --> 00:46:31,261
I'm gonna kill
them little pinheads.
825
00:46:31,295 --> 00:46:33,126
Yeah? Well, you came
to the right place...
826
00:46:33,164 --> 00:46:35,496
because guess who's here...
Derek Lutz.
827
00:46:41,606 --> 00:46:44,131
Hey, Lutz!
828
00:46:44,175 --> 00:46:45,733
You know who I am?
829
00:46:45,776 --> 00:46:47,641
Let me see...
830
00:46:47,678 --> 00:46:50,272
protruding
supra-orbital ridges...
831
00:46:50,314 --> 00:46:53,909
small cranium,
1,300 C.C. Brain...
832
00:46:53,951 --> 00:46:55,145
Neanderthal man.
833
00:46:55,186 --> 00:46:58,246
You... I want you
to call his mother.
834
00:46:58,289 --> 00:47:00,086
You tell her
he's never coming home.
835
00:47:00,124 --> 00:47:02,718
Whoa, hold it. You sure
you even got the right guy?
836
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:04,523
Look how many people
got blue hair these days.
837
00:47:04,562 --> 00:47:06,029
Shut up, meathead.
838
00:47:06,063 --> 00:47:07,394
Take it easy, will ya?
839
00:47:07,431 --> 00:47:11,162
I mean, the war's over.
Get new parts for your head.
840
00:47:11,202 --> 00:47:13,898
Yeah? Want to make
something of it?
841
00:47:13,938 --> 00:47:17,237
Oh, no. I never get physical.
I just get upset...
842
00:47:17,274 --> 00:47:21,210
and when I get upset,
he gets physical.
843
00:47:28,619 --> 00:47:30,143
You got a problem?
844
00:47:30,187 --> 00:47:32,212
No, I haven't got a problem.
845
00:47:32,256 --> 00:47:34,622
Now you do.
846
00:47:45,202 --> 00:47:46,601
Get him!
847
00:47:58,315 --> 00:47:59,509
Lou, where you been?
848
00:47:59,550 --> 00:48:01,415
I'm getting my ass kicked
all over the place!
849
00:48:27,278 --> 00:48:30,042
- Well, you look terrible.
- No, I'm all right.
850
00:48:30,081 --> 00:48:33,847
It's Lou I'm worried about.
He may lose his trigger finger.
851
00:48:33,884 --> 00:48:35,146
It serves you guys right.
852
00:48:35,186 --> 00:48:37,245
Why did you have to take on
the whole football team?
853
00:48:37,288 --> 00:48:38,448
They're not that tough.
854
00:48:38,489 --> 00:48:40,821
The football team
at my high school was tough.
855
00:48:40,858 --> 00:48:42,485
After they sacked
the quarterback...
856
00:48:42,526 --> 00:48:44,391
they went after his family.
857
00:48:46,764 --> 00:48:48,959
This morning we're going to look
at "The Great Gatsby"...
858
00:48:48,999 --> 00:48:51,160
by F. Scott Fitzgerald.
859
00:48:51,202 --> 00:48:54,603
Mr. Melon, how would you
characterize "The Great Gatsby?"
860
00:48:54,638 --> 00:48:56,572
Who, him?
861
00:48:56,607 --> 00:48:58,040
No, you.
862
00:48:58,075 --> 00:48:59,474
Me.
863
00:48:59,510 --> 00:49:02,570
Well, "The Great Gatsby,"
he was...
864
00:49:02,613 --> 00:49:04,808
great.
865
00:49:07,952 --> 00:49:09,544
See me after class, Mr. Melon.
866
00:49:13,557 --> 00:49:15,422
I mean, please,
try to understand.
867
00:49:15,459 --> 00:49:17,017
I don't have
the background for this.
868
00:49:17,061 --> 00:49:18,323
The high school I went to...
869
00:49:18,362 --> 00:49:20,023
they asked a kid to prove
the law of gravity.
870
00:49:20,064 --> 00:49:22,362
He threw the teacher
out the window.
871
00:49:22,399 --> 00:49:27,598
I know what I need.
I need a tutor.
872
00:49:27,638 --> 00:49:30,106
What do you say? Come on.
873
00:49:30,141 --> 00:49:32,701
You got some spare time.
874
00:49:32,743 --> 00:49:34,074
All right, Mr. Melon.
875
00:49:34,111 --> 00:49:35,874
I have some spare time
this evening.
876
00:49:35,913 --> 00:49:38,074
Why don't you come around
about 7:00?
877
00:49:38,115 --> 00:49:40,709
- Great.
- I'll give you my address.
878
00:49:41,886 --> 00:49:44,252
- Thanks.
- Please be on time.
879
00:49:44,288 --> 00:49:46,722
I'll be on time.
880
00:49:48,526 --> 00:49:50,460
What penmanship.
881
00:49:51,896 --> 00:49:55,593
"Everywhere the ceremony
of innocence is drowned;
882
00:49:55,633 --> 00:49:57,294
"The best
lack all conviction...
883
00:49:57,334 --> 00:50:00,599
"while the worst are full
of passionate intensity."
884
00:50:00,638 --> 00:50:02,230
There's a lot
of other stuff here.
885
00:50:02,273 --> 00:50:06,471
Yeats goes on and on...
and here's the finish.
886
00:50:06,510 --> 00:50:09,673
"What rough beast,
its hour come round at last...
887
00:50:09,713 --> 00:50:12,614
"slouches towards Bethlehem
to be born?"
888
00:50:12,650 --> 00:50:14,277
What does that
make you think of?
889
00:50:14,318 --> 00:50:17,310
Rough beast. My ex-wife.
890
00:50:17,354 --> 00:50:18,685
Well, that's
one interpretation.
891
00:50:18,722 --> 00:50:20,713
Not the right one,
but it's a start.
892
00:50:20,758 --> 00:50:23,090
Surely a man of your age
and experience...
893
00:50:23,127 --> 00:50:24,788
must have read some
of the things on my list.
894
00:50:24,829 --> 00:50:27,457
- What about "Macbeth"?
- I saw the movie.
895
00:50:27,498 --> 00:50:30,592
Orson Welles.
Great actor, big actor.
896
00:50:30,634 --> 00:50:33,102
He was a Tall and Fat
customer for years.
897
00:50:33,137 --> 00:50:34,399
How about
"Cat on a Hot Tin Roof"?
898
00:50:34,438 --> 00:50:36,372
I saw the movie. Burl lves.
899
00:50:36,407 --> 00:50:39,934
Great actor, extra stout.
He was a customer, too.
900
00:50:39,977 --> 00:50:42,639
- "Streetcar Named Desire."
- Great movie. Marlon Brando.
901
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:46,241
He wasn't that big then,
but he ballooned up nicely.
902
00:50:46,283 --> 00:50:48,945
I'd say pound for pound,
our finest American actor.
903
00:50:48,986 --> 00:50:50,954
Don't you ever read?
904
00:50:50,988 --> 00:50:54,549
Who has time? I see the movie.
I'm in and out in two hours.
905
00:50:54,592 --> 00:50:55,991
Oh, Thornton, don't you see?
906
00:50:56,026 --> 00:50:57,823
The reason you want
to read these works...
907
00:50:57,862 --> 00:50:59,796
is so you can experience them
for yourself...
908
00:50:59,830 --> 00:51:02,628
so you can share the thoughts
and feelings of the writer...
909
00:51:02,666 --> 00:51:05,157
without the interference
of your actor and director...
910
00:51:05,202 --> 00:51:07,033
and professor's point of view
getting in the way...
911
00:51:07,071 --> 00:51:09,869
to truly share
and understand...
912
00:51:09,907 --> 00:51:11,807
the common feelings
of all mankind...
913
00:51:11,842 --> 00:51:14,140
the feelings of being alive.
914
00:51:15,746 --> 00:51:17,805
That was beautiful.
915
00:51:17,848 --> 00:51:19,816
I understand
what you're saying, too.
916
00:51:19,850 --> 00:51:21,647
I'm glad.
That makes me feel good.
917
00:51:21,685 --> 00:51:23,983
I got an idea.
918
00:51:24,021 --> 00:51:27,184
Let's keep talking over dinner.
919
00:51:27,224 --> 00:51:29,317
I'm supposed to meet
someone for dinner.
920
00:51:30,527 --> 00:51:32,995
I could cancel,
though, I guess.
921
00:51:33,030 --> 00:51:34,361
We are working, after all.
922
00:51:34,398 --> 00:51:36,229
You can't work
on an empty stomach.
923
00:51:36,267 --> 00:51:39,259
You can't concentrate
when you're hungry.
924
00:51:39,303 --> 00:51:41,271
Oh, I don't know.
I really shouldn't.
925
00:51:41,305 --> 00:51:44,172
- I have so many things to do.
- Oh, come on. I'll help you.
926
00:51:44,208 --> 00:51:46,233
I'll take out the garbage.
I'll do the dishes.
927
00:51:46,277 --> 00:51:48,108
I'll do your nails.
I'll do your hair.
928
00:51:48,145 --> 00:51:49,908
You have no idea
what I want to do.
929
00:51:49,947 --> 00:51:51,915
- I'll call him.
- I'll dial it!
930
00:51:51,949 --> 00:51:54,611
I'll just get the light.
931
00:51:54,652 --> 00:51:57,587
I think I'm attracted
to teachers.
932
00:51:57,621 --> 00:52:00,181
I took out an English teacher.
That didn't work out at all.
933
00:52:00,224 --> 00:52:02,749
I sent her a love letter.
She corrected it.
934
00:52:05,195 --> 00:52:07,322
Oh, great. Company.
935
00:52:11,568 --> 00:52:14,696
- Those two ought to get a room.
- Really.
936
00:52:14,738 --> 00:52:16,205
Actually,
I was married twice.
937
00:52:16,240 --> 00:52:19,903
My first wife, Jason's mother,
I really loved her.
938
00:52:19,944 --> 00:52:22,276
We had a good thing going,
you know?
939
00:52:22,313 --> 00:52:24,508
She passed away
about ten years ago.
940
00:52:24,548 --> 00:52:27,176
After that, I screwed around
for a few years.
941
00:52:27,217 --> 00:52:30,516
Then I really went nuts...
I married Vanessa.
942
00:52:30,554 --> 00:52:32,579
I was just lonely, I guess.
943
00:52:32,623 --> 00:52:33,885
Is that over now?
944
00:52:33,924 --> 00:52:35,619
We were doomed from the start.
945
00:52:35,659 --> 00:52:37,627
I'm an earth sign,
she's a water sign.
946
00:52:37,661 --> 00:52:38,889
Together, we made mud.
947
00:52:38,929 --> 00:52:42,421
I picked a beauty.
And she played around, too.
948
00:52:42,466 --> 00:52:45,128
When she said, "I do,"
I should have said, "With who?"
949
00:52:45,169 --> 00:52:47,569
So, are you
giving up on women?
950
00:52:47,604 --> 00:52:49,902
I don't know.
I can't figure women out.
951
00:52:49,940 --> 00:52:51,237
Today, they're independent.
952
00:52:51,275 --> 00:52:53,140
They only think
about themselves.
953
00:52:53,177 --> 00:52:56,374
During sex, Vanessa used
to scream out her own name.
954
00:52:58,449 --> 00:52:59,916
I think it's the men
who are different.
955
00:52:59,950 --> 00:53:01,212
Ever since
the women's movement...
956
00:53:01,251 --> 00:53:02,843
most of the men I meet
go out of their way...
957
00:53:02,886 --> 00:53:04,615
to show you
how sensitive they are.
958
00:53:04,655 --> 00:53:08,648
Before they were too macho,
and now they're too soft.
959
00:53:08,692 --> 00:53:10,660
You all want us to know
you can cry.
960
00:53:10,694 --> 00:53:13,720
No, with women,
I never cry. Never.
961
00:53:13,764 --> 00:53:15,254
I beg.
962
00:53:19,169 --> 00:53:21,137
If we finish
this bottle of wine...
963
00:53:21,171 --> 00:53:23,469
you won't have to beg.
964
00:53:40,457 --> 00:53:41,617
Diane!
965
00:53:43,527 --> 00:53:44,994
Oh, Philip.
966
00:53:45,029 --> 00:53:46,963
We were supposed
to go to dinner.
967
00:53:46,997 --> 00:53:48,760
I just had dinner!
968
00:53:48,799 --> 00:53:50,289
I don't believe this.
969
00:53:50,334 --> 00:53:54,464
Maybe it's a dream.
Good night, Philip.
970
00:53:55,539 --> 00:53:57,336
You do a good job.
971
00:53:57,374 --> 00:54:00,343
What do you charge
for big cars?
972
00:54:11,221 --> 00:54:14,520
I had a lot of fun, Thornton.
973
00:54:14,558 --> 00:54:17,686
Me, too.
And thanks for the lesson.
974
00:54:17,728 --> 00:54:19,195
I learned a lot.
975
00:54:19,229 --> 00:54:21,857
You're welcome. I did, too.
976
00:54:23,734 --> 00:54:24,962
Well...
977
00:54:26,103 --> 00:54:29,561
Well, I guess
this is good night.
978
00:54:29,606 --> 00:54:30,937
Yeah.
979
00:54:32,943 --> 00:54:35,070
A very good night.
980
00:54:41,852 --> 00:54:43,183
Beautiful.
981
00:54:45,089 --> 00:54:46,386
Oh, that's it.
982
00:54:46,423 --> 00:54:48,789
That's the spot.
Just keep doing that.
983
00:54:48,826 --> 00:54:51,795
Oh, don't lose it.
984
00:54:51,829 --> 00:54:54,024
Oh, Lou, you're great.
985
00:54:54,064 --> 00:54:56,965
The leg is better.
You got the cramp out.
986
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,401
You're a wreck.
You gotta start working out.
987
00:55:00,437 --> 00:55:02,200
And you know what else?
988
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,106
You have got midterms
coming up.
989
00:55:05,142 --> 00:55:07,770
You haven't studied five minutes
since you got here.
990
00:55:07,811 --> 00:55:08,971
You're always so neat.
991
00:55:09,012 --> 00:55:10,912
You're just like
your Uncle Vito.
992
00:55:10,948 --> 00:55:13,542
We were kids,
his room was always in order.
993
00:55:13,584 --> 00:55:14,744
His towels lined up neatly...
994
00:55:14,785 --> 00:55:16,946
combs, brushes, hair lotions
all in the right place.
995
00:55:16,987 --> 00:55:18,955
What did it mean?
What is he today?
996
00:55:18,989 --> 00:55:20,547
He's an attendant
in the men's room.
997
00:55:20,591 --> 00:55:22,991
Hey, he's my idol.
998
00:55:23,026 --> 00:55:28,259
But I'm not gonna be
folding towels anymore...
999
00:55:28,298 --> 00:55:31,461
'cause I just made...
ta da... the diving team.
1000
00:55:31,502 --> 00:55:34,130
That's great!
1001
00:55:34,171 --> 00:55:35,331
I'm takin' you out.
1002
00:55:35,372 --> 00:55:37,067
We'll celebrate.
We're havin' a party!
1003
00:55:37,107 --> 00:55:39,701
Oh, no, Dad, that's really nice,
but I'm in training now.
1004
00:55:39,743 --> 00:55:42,211
We got a big meet coming up
against Northern.
1005
00:55:42,246 --> 00:55:44,305
We'll have a party
after the meet.
1006
00:55:44,348 --> 00:55:48,284
Dad, why don't you join me
on a little reality break, OK?
1007
00:55:48,318 --> 00:55:50,684
Just 'cause you're in love
with Dr. Turner...
1008
00:55:50,721 --> 00:55:53,485
does not mean you're
gonna pass her course.
1009
00:55:53,524 --> 00:55:56,118
You got a major paper
coming up on Kurt Vonnegut.
1010
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:57,957
You haven't even read
any of the books.
1011
00:55:57,995 --> 00:55:59,656
I tried.
1012
00:55:59,696 --> 00:56:02,859
I don't understand
a word of it.
1013
00:56:03,867 --> 00:56:06,859
So, how you gonna
write the paper, then?
1014
00:56:10,874 --> 00:56:14,139
Hi, I'm Kurt Vonnegut.
I'm looking for Thornton Melon.
1015
00:56:16,847 --> 00:56:19,475
Want to come in? Dad?
1016
00:56:22,519 --> 00:56:25,317
I don't want to hear
one more word out of you...
1017
00:56:25,355 --> 00:56:27,323
or it's back to the tree.
1018
00:56:27,357 --> 00:56:29,689
Come in.
1019
00:56:29,726 --> 00:56:32,718
Excuse me. Dr. Barazini?
1020
00:56:32,763 --> 00:56:34,128
I'm Thornton Melon.
1021
00:56:34,164 --> 00:56:37,691
Oh, yes, Thornton Melon.
I know you.
1022
00:56:37,734 --> 00:56:41,329
You delivered the paper
on isomagnetic brain waves...
1023
00:56:41,371 --> 00:56:42,929
in Montreal last year.
1024
00:56:42,973 --> 00:56:45,533
No, I sold you your pants.
1025
00:56:45,576 --> 00:56:47,635
Oh, of course.
Good to see you.
1026
00:56:47,678 --> 00:56:49,202
What are you doing here?
1027
00:56:49,246 --> 00:56:51,612
I'm supposed to report here
for my lab project.
1028
00:56:51,648 --> 00:56:54,481
Oh, good. I'm trying to teach
these here apes...
1029
00:56:54,518 --> 00:56:56,349
how to read and write.
1030
00:56:56,386 --> 00:56:59,184
You ought to teach them
how to go to the bathroom.
1031
00:56:59,223 --> 00:57:01,282
You'll get used to that.
1032
00:57:01,325 --> 00:57:06,092
Now, all you have to do
is put a new tape...
1033
00:57:06,129 --> 00:57:09,758
in the tape machine every hour
and observe the animals.
1034
00:57:09,800 --> 00:57:11,961
I'll be back in a few hours
to check on you.
1035
00:57:12,002 --> 00:57:14,562
- OK, fine.
- All righty.
1036
00:57:16,406 --> 00:57:19,739
You don't need this.
I'll find you an organ grinder.
1037
00:57:29,686 --> 00:57:31,847
Hiya, Marge?
A few things.
1038
00:57:31,888 --> 00:57:34,550
I need you and the gang to get
down here as fast as you can.
1039
00:57:34,591 --> 00:57:36,218
And I have to talk to Peterson,
the accountant.
1040
00:57:36,260 --> 00:57:37,625
I'm gonna need him, too.
1041
00:57:37,661 --> 00:57:40,960
Oh, thanks.
And, Marge, I need...
1042
00:57:43,900 --> 00:57:46,198
See if you can get somebody
at the Rand Corporation...
1043
00:57:46,236 --> 00:57:49,103
or the Brookings Institute to
come down here for about a week.
1044
00:57:51,675 --> 00:57:52,869
What?
1045
00:57:54,745 --> 00:57:57,737
And Russell hits him
with a powerful front body slam!
1046
00:58:02,719 --> 00:58:04,016
No problem.
1047
00:58:04,054 --> 00:58:06,454
They're takin' a break,
that's all.
1048
00:58:07,958 --> 00:58:12,190
In 1971, the United States
accumulated deficits...
1049
00:58:12,229 --> 00:58:15,164
greater than the supply
of gold the country held.
1050
00:58:15,198 --> 00:58:17,894
In that year, Richard Nixon...
1051
00:58:17,934 --> 00:58:20,869
took the United States
off the gold standard.
1052
00:58:20,904 --> 00:58:23,236
In doing so, he disrupted...
1053
00:58:25,942 --> 00:58:28,877
the entire international
monetary system.
1054
00:58:28,912 --> 00:58:31,642
What is that clicking noise?
1055
00:58:36,753 --> 00:58:38,812
Are you a student
in this class?
1056
00:58:40,657 --> 00:58:42,056
No.
1057
00:58:42,092 --> 00:58:44,617
Who are you?
1058
00:58:44,661 --> 00:58:47,926
I'm Marge Sweetwater...
1059
00:58:47,964 --> 00:58:50,262
Mr. Thornton Melon's
private secretary.
1060
00:58:57,307 --> 00:59:00,299
What are you doing here?
1061
00:59:00,344 --> 00:59:03,745
I'm taking notes for Mr. Melon.
1062
00:59:07,484 --> 00:59:11,716
He told you to write down
everything I say?
1063
00:59:11,755 --> 00:59:14,485
Yes, he did.
1064
00:59:14,524 --> 00:59:15,957
Good.
1065
00:59:18,395 --> 00:59:20,693
Take this down.
1066
00:59:23,433 --> 00:59:26,800
Mr. Melon,
no matter what you do...
1067
00:59:28,372 --> 00:59:31,239
no matter what stunts
you pull...
1068
00:59:31,274 --> 00:59:34,402
no matter how hard you try...
1069
00:59:34,444 --> 00:59:38,904
you will never, ever
pass this course.
1070
00:59:41,852 --> 00:59:44,320
Make sure he gets that.
1071
00:59:47,391 --> 00:59:49,359
Yes, sir.
1072
00:59:49,393 --> 00:59:50,553
I'll tell you what.
1073
00:59:50,594 --> 00:59:52,824
It's for Barbay.
Make it an "A."
1074
00:59:52,863 --> 00:59:55,024
Where's the lab report
on psychology?
1075
00:59:55,065 --> 00:59:56,396
Here.
1076
00:59:58,402 --> 01:00:01,565
It's too light.
It feels like a "C."
1077
01:00:01,605 --> 01:00:04,870
Bulk it up and add a few
multicolored graphs.
1078
01:00:04,908 --> 01:00:07,536
- Yo, Dad.
- Jason, hold it, will ya?
1079
01:00:07,577 --> 01:00:10,273
Listen, everybody.
Let's see "As" across the board.
1080
01:00:10,313 --> 01:00:11,473
I'll tell you what...
1081
01:00:11,515 --> 01:00:13,915
a ten percent bonus
for every grade over "B."
1082
01:00:13,950 --> 01:00:18,512
And an A+ gets you a free trip
to Hawaii... off-season.
1083
01:00:20,056 --> 01:00:23,890
- Dad, what's going on here?
- I'm doing my homework.
1084
01:00:23,927 --> 01:00:26,122
No, they're doing
your homework.
1085
01:00:26,163 --> 01:00:29,098
A good executive knows how
to delegate authority.
1086
01:00:29,132 --> 01:00:31,726
I took care of you, too.
1087
01:00:31,768 --> 01:00:35,534
- And what's this?
- Your astronomy report.
1088
01:00:35,572 --> 01:00:38,063
- What's wrong with you?
- What's wrong with you?
1089
01:00:38,108 --> 01:00:40,474
I want to write that paper.
I'm gonna write that paper.
1090
01:00:40,510 --> 01:00:43,001
That's why I'm taking astronomy,
to learn something!
1091
01:00:43,046 --> 01:00:45,014
You're never gonna learn
a goddamn thing...
1092
01:00:45,048 --> 01:00:47,073
if you got people
doing your work for you!
1093
01:00:47,117 --> 01:00:49,017
Oh, never mind.
1094
01:00:50,420 --> 01:00:55,050
Kids... they always do things
the hard way.
1095
01:00:55,091 --> 01:00:58,959
Ladies and gentlemen,
the visiting team...
1096
01:00:58,995 --> 01:01:02,294
the Northern University
Wildcats!
1097
01:01:03,767 --> 01:01:08,261
And your Grand Lakes
University Hooters!
1098
01:01:08,305 --> 01:01:11,069
- Hey, there's your boy!
- Jason!
1099
01:01:15,145 --> 01:01:18,273
While the teams are warming up,
we'd like to remind you...
1100
01:01:18,315 --> 01:01:20,374
that all proceeds
from the refreshment stands...
1101
01:01:20,417 --> 01:01:22,112
go to your student government.
1102
01:01:22,152 --> 01:01:25,121
Hey, Valerie. How you doin'?
1103
01:01:25,155 --> 01:01:27,248
Glad you could come. Listen.
1104
01:01:27,290 --> 01:01:30,225
My dad is having a party
tonight at the dorm...
1105
01:01:30,260 --> 01:01:33,161
and it should be pretty great.
His parties usually are.
1106
01:01:33,196 --> 01:01:37,895
I'd love to come,
except for I have a date.
1107
01:01:37,934 --> 01:01:41,392
Oh. Well, hey, bring him along.
1108
01:01:41,438 --> 01:01:43,929
It's OK.
You just both come by.
1109
01:01:43,974 --> 01:01:45,839
I'll really try.
1110
01:01:45,876 --> 01:01:47,844
Good. I hope
I'll see you there.
1111
01:01:47,878 --> 01:01:50,972
It sounds like fun. I wish
my dad were more like yours.
1112
01:02:01,658 --> 01:02:04,286
Hey, Chas.
1113
01:02:04,327 --> 01:02:06,090
Good luck, buddy.
Let's get them.
1114
01:02:06,129 --> 01:02:09,724
Yeah. Thanks, Melon.
I'd wish you luck, too...
1115
01:02:09,766 --> 01:02:11,791
but I guess a guy like you
doesn't need luck.
1116
01:02:12,802 --> 01:02:14,793
What's that supposed to mean?
1117
01:02:14,838 --> 01:02:16,897
With your old man behind you...
1118
01:02:16,940 --> 01:02:19,465
I figured since he bought
your way onto the team...
1119
01:02:19,509 --> 01:02:21,977
he probably bought off
the judges, too.
1120
01:02:26,049 --> 01:02:28,677
Oh, there's Thornton.
1121
01:02:28,718 --> 01:02:30,811
Diane!
1122
01:02:32,422 --> 01:02:35,880
I can't imagine what you can
possibly see in that man.
1123
01:02:35,926 --> 01:02:39,157
Philip, would you excuse me
for a minute?
1124
01:02:43,033 --> 01:02:45,058
Yes, yes.
1125
01:02:45,101 --> 01:02:47,126
- You look great.
- Oh, thanks.
1126
01:02:47,170 --> 01:02:48,967
Where you been?
I called you a hundred times.
1127
01:02:49,005 --> 01:02:50,973
I made four dates
with your answering machine.
1128
01:02:51,007 --> 01:02:52,998
I'm sorry I missed you.
Things have been so hectic.
1129
01:02:53,043 --> 01:02:55,876
I've been reading midterm papers
and grading exams.
1130
01:02:55,912 --> 01:02:57,140
Did you read mine yet?
1131
01:02:57,180 --> 01:02:59,045
Not yet,
but I'm looking forward to it.
1132
01:02:59,082 --> 01:03:00,947
I'm throwing a party
in our room tonight...
1133
01:03:00,984 --> 01:03:02,474
and you better be there.
1134
01:03:02,519 --> 01:03:05,511
I'm sorry. I have a date
with Philip tonight.
1135
01:03:05,555 --> 01:03:09,218
Bring him along.
We may run out of ice.
1136
01:03:11,928 --> 01:03:16,024
First diver
for Grand Lakes University...
1137
01:03:16,066 --> 01:03:18,330
Chas Osbourne.
1138
01:03:41,491 --> 01:03:45,120
Hey, Coach! How are ya?
How you doin', huh?
1139
01:03:49,766 --> 01:03:54,999
Next diver for Grand Lakes...
Jason Melon.
1140
01:03:55,038 --> 01:03:57,336
Melon.
1141
01:04:42,585 --> 01:04:43,677
What's going on?
1142
01:04:43,720 --> 01:04:45,449
This is always
the best party of the year.
1143
01:04:45,488 --> 01:04:48,116
I don't know.
Some big event at the dorms.
1144
01:04:48,158 --> 01:04:51,719
- We're thinkin' of going over.
- To Melon's? Are you nuts?
1145
01:04:51,761 --> 01:04:53,228
Why don't we go?
1146
01:04:53,263 --> 01:04:55,094
Valerie, please.
It'll be horrible.
1147
01:04:55,131 --> 01:04:57,827
Jason said it would be great.
It might be fun.
1148
01:04:57,867 --> 01:05:01,166
Jason's a twerp. We could have
won if it weren't for him.
1149
01:05:01,204 --> 01:05:03,866
Haven't you ever messed up?
1150
01:05:03,907 --> 01:05:05,101
No.
1151
01:05:10,113 --> 01:05:14,743
I'm all dressed up
with nowhere to go
1152
01:05:14,784 --> 01:05:16,513
Hey, baby!
1153
01:05:16,553 --> 01:05:19,784
Walking with a dead man
over my shoulder
1154
01:05:22,559 --> 01:05:25,357
I'm all dressed up
with nowhere to go
1155
01:05:27,697 --> 01:05:29,961
I love three girls at once.
1156
01:05:29,999 --> 01:05:33,059
If I fall asleep,
they have each other to talk to.
1157
01:05:40,744 --> 01:05:43,042
Nice look.
What are you going for?
1158
01:05:43,079 --> 01:05:45,445
The heavy, disassociated
artist thing...
1159
01:05:45,482 --> 01:05:49,248
or the "I'm going blind" thing?
1160
01:05:49,285 --> 01:05:53,221
Oh, It's the deaf thing.
Maybe this will cheer you up.
1161
01:05:53,256 --> 01:05:55,656
Oh, do me!
1162
01:05:55,692 --> 01:05:57,353
Derek! Get up, will ya?
1163
01:05:57,393 --> 01:06:00,556
You look like the poster boy
for birth control.
1164
01:06:04,267 --> 01:06:06,735
Jason, it's a party.
What's your story?
1165
01:06:06,770 --> 01:06:08,738
What's the matter?
The swim meet?
1166
01:06:08,772 --> 01:06:12,731
Forget about it. It's history.
1167
01:06:12,776 --> 01:06:15,142
Come on, will ya? Snap into it!
1168
01:06:15,178 --> 01:06:17,510
You're right, Dad.
It doesn't matter, Dad!
1169
01:06:17,547 --> 01:06:19,640
Right, Dad?
Come on, party, right?
1170
01:06:27,123 --> 01:06:29,318
Hey, buddy!
1171
01:06:29,359 --> 01:06:31,691
Everybody, make some noise,
have some fun!
1172
01:06:38,067 --> 01:06:39,864
What's that noise?
1173
01:06:39,903 --> 01:06:41,962
It's a party, Philip.
Midterms, remember?
1174
01:06:42,005 --> 01:06:44,496
They're just blowing off steam.
1175
01:06:44,541 --> 01:06:45,769
You there.
1176
01:06:48,144 --> 01:06:49,441
What's going on here?
1177
01:06:49,479 --> 01:06:53,677
The Melon man is throwing
the greatest party of all time!
1178
01:06:53,716 --> 01:06:56,810
The whole world is there.
It's the best thing...
1179
01:06:56,853 --> 01:06:59,151
that's ever happened to me
in my whole life!
1180
01:06:59,189 --> 01:07:01,487
Oh, God.
1181
01:07:05,862 --> 01:07:07,921
Look at that!
1182
01:07:07,964 --> 01:07:09,124
Listen to that racket.
1183
01:07:09,165 --> 01:07:11,429
This is disgraceful.
I should phone security.
1184
01:07:11,467 --> 01:07:13,128
Oh, Philip.
1185
01:07:18,041 --> 01:07:21,238
Good. Apparently I'm not
the only one around here...
1186
01:07:21,277 --> 01:07:22,835
with a sense of decency.
1187
01:07:29,118 --> 01:07:30,915
Yeah. Cool!
1188
01:07:34,757 --> 01:07:37,191
Did you see...
where are you going?
1189
01:07:37,227 --> 01:07:39,195
Intellectual curiosity, Philip.
1190
01:07:39,229 --> 01:07:40,594
Sounds fun in there.
Come with me.
1191
01:07:40,630 --> 01:07:43,531
- Oh, please!
- Oh, Philip!
1192
01:07:47,403 --> 01:07:49,963
It's a dead man's party
1193
01:07:50,006 --> 01:07:52,167
Who could ask for more
1194
01:07:53,243 --> 01:07:55,177
Everybody's coming
1195
01:07:55,211 --> 01:07:58,112
Leave your body
at the door
1196
01:07:58,147 --> 01:08:01,947
Leave your body and soul
at the door
1197
01:08:02,952 --> 01:08:05,477
Don't run away
1198
01:08:05,521 --> 01:08:08,285
It's only me
1199
01:08:15,198 --> 01:08:17,359
Don't run away
1200
01:08:17,400 --> 01:08:20,699
It's only me, only me
1201
01:08:20,737 --> 01:08:24,002
Don't be afraid
1202
01:08:24,040 --> 01:08:28,500
Of what you can't see
1203
01:08:28,544 --> 01:08:30,705
Say when.
1204
01:08:30,747 --> 01:08:33,341
Right after this drink.
1205
01:08:33,383 --> 01:08:35,749
Hey, what's a bath
without Bubbles?
1206
01:08:35,785 --> 01:08:38,447
Hey, Bubbles,
come over here, will ya?
1207
01:08:40,757 --> 01:08:43,351
Well!
1208
01:08:43,393 --> 01:08:45,623
- Hi there.
- Hi!
1209
01:08:45,662 --> 01:08:47,823
- What's your favorite subject?
- Poetry.
1210
01:08:47,864 --> 01:08:51,857
Really? Maybe you can help me
straighten out my Longfellow.
1211
01:08:55,605 --> 01:08:57,664
Excuse me.
Have you seen Thornton Melon?
1212
01:08:57,707 --> 01:08:59,470
I think he's in there.
1213
01:08:59,509 --> 01:09:00,669
Thanks.
1214
01:09:07,150 --> 01:09:10,017
Excuse me.
Has anyone seen Thornton Melon?
1215
01:09:11,187 --> 01:09:13,781
That's what I call
marine biology.
1216
01:09:13,823 --> 01:09:15,222
Diane!
1217
01:09:16,926 --> 01:09:19,087
Say hello to my nieces.
1218
01:09:20,663 --> 01:09:22,062
Wait a minute!
1219
01:09:26,736 --> 01:09:31,173
Jason? There you are.
I was looking all over for you.
1220
01:09:31,207 --> 01:09:35,268
Jason, are you OK?
I'm sorry about the swim meet.
1221
01:09:35,311 --> 01:09:38,508
Shit. Swim meet.
1222
01:09:38,548 --> 01:09:41,278
Jesus, you think I care
about the swim meet?
1223
01:09:41,317 --> 01:09:43,182
I mean, it's just
a stupid college game.
1224
01:09:43,219 --> 01:09:44,550
It's just bullshit.
1225
01:09:44,587 --> 01:09:46,521
Why are you acting like this?
1226
01:09:46,556 --> 01:09:48,547
I know you don't think
like that.
1227
01:09:48,591 --> 01:09:50,957
Oh, you do?
1228
01:09:50,994 --> 01:09:54,054
Grow up, Valerie.
You think this is real?
1229
01:09:54,097 --> 01:09:57,191
This isn't real.
College is a dream world.
1230
01:09:57,233 --> 01:09:58,962
This is something you do
to pass the time...
1231
01:09:59,002 --> 01:10:01,527
till you go out in the real
world and start buying people.
1232
01:10:01,571 --> 01:10:04,233
Let's go for a walk
and talk this out.
1233
01:10:04,273 --> 01:10:06,366
There you are.
1234
01:10:06,409 --> 01:10:08,400
Can we go? I'm bored.
1235
01:10:08,444 --> 01:10:09,672
Oh, Christ, Osbourne...
1236
01:10:09,712 --> 01:10:11,907
will you just get
your ass outta here?
1237
01:10:11,948 --> 01:10:13,973
What a surprise.
Another shit-faced Melon.
1238
01:10:14,017 --> 01:10:16,178
Do I gotta knock your teeth
down your throat?
1239
01:10:16,219 --> 01:10:19,120
Easy. Your father isn't here
to back you up this time.
1240
01:10:21,124 --> 01:10:22,591
Don't!
1241
01:10:26,963 --> 01:10:28,260
Are you OK?
1242
01:10:28,297 --> 01:10:31,994
Jason! I was lookin' for ya.
1243
01:10:32,035 --> 01:10:35,004
Hey, come here. Where ya goin'?
1244
01:10:35,038 --> 01:10:37,506
Where am I going?
1245
01:10:37,540 --> 01:10:40,236
I'm leaving school, Dad.
One of us has gotta go.
1246
01:10:40,276 --> 01:10:42,471
You're having such a great time.
I'm getting out.
1247
01:10:42,512 --> 01:10:43,979
Why? I don't get it.
1248
01:10:44,013 --> 01:10:45,708
Because you didn't win
the diving meet?
1249
01:10:45,748 --> 01:10:47,511
No, not because I didn't win!
1250
01:10:47,550 --> 01:10:49,245
Because I shouldn't
even have been there.
1251
01:10:49,285 --> 01:10:50,775
Chas told me
you bribed the coach...
1252
01:10:50,820 --> 01:10:52,287
to put me on the team.
Real good!
1253
01:10:52,321 --> 01:10:55,552
What? And you believed him.
I never lied to you in my life.
1254
01:10:55,591 --> 01:10:56,853
I didn't bribe the coach.
1255
01:10:56,893 --> 01:10:58,622
You were on the team
because you deserve it.
1256
01:10:58,661 --> 01:11:00,390
You made it on your own.
1257
01:11:00,430 --> 01:11:02,227
Dad, you don't get it.
1258
01:11:02,265 --> 01:11:03,823
Everything I have
is because of you...
1259
01:11:03,866 --> 01:11:05,026
and because of you...
1260
01:11:05,068 --> 01:11:08,765
I get my astronomy homework
done for me by NASA.
1261
01:11:08,805 --> 01:11:11,831
I just want the best for you.
That's all I ever wanted.
1262
01:11:14,410 --> 01:11:16,071
I did it all for you.
1263
01:11:17,547 --> 01:11:20,072
I know, but you don't know
when to quit.
1264
01:11:20,116 --> 01:11:23,984
I know you came here to help me,
and I really appreciate it...
1265
01:11:24,020 --> 01:11:26,818
and it's really sweet,
and it's really not working.
1266
01:11:26,856 --> 01:11:28,721
Can't you let me just do
something for myself?
1267
01:11:28,758 --> 01:11:30,851
I just want to see you happy.
1268
01:11:30,893 --> 01:11:33,521
Well, take a good look!
1269
01:11:33,563 --> 01:11:37,192
'Cause I was a lot happier
when I was miserable.
1270
01:11:48,811 --> 01:11:50,574
I enjoyed reading that, Susan.
1271
01:11:50,613 --> 01:11:51,910
It's a nice improvement.
Thank you.
1272
01:11:51,948 --> 01:11:54,473
Diane, why'd you fail me?
1273
01:11:54,517 --> 01:11:57,008
I didn't, Thornton.
You failed me.
1274
01:11:57,053 --> 01:12:00,511
- Is it because of last night?
- No. I can accept the fact...
1275
01:12:00,556 --> 01:12:02,524
that you're completely
regressed emotionally...
1276
01:12:02,558 --> 01:12:05,527
but you won't pass my course by
turning in someone else's work.
1277
01:12:05,561 --> 01:12:08,291
What do you think,
someone else wrote this?
1278
01:12:08,331 --> 01:12:10,765
All I know is that you didn't.
That's what disappoints me.
1279
01:12:10,800 --> 01:12:12,859
Whoever did write it...
1280
01:12:12,902 --> 01:12:15,530
doesn't know the first thing
about Kurt Vonnegut.
1281
01:12:15,571 --> 01:12:16,833
And another thing, Vonnegut.
1282
01:12:16,873 --> 01:12:19,273
I'm going to stop payment
on the check.
1283
01:12:19,308 --> 01:12:21,776
What's that? Fuck me?
1284
01:12:21,811 --> 01:12:25,440
Kurt, do you read lips?
Fuck you!
1285
01:12:25,481 --> 01:12:27,472
Next time
I'll call Robert Ludlum.
1286
01:12:31,454 --> 01:12:33,388
Derek, have you seen Jason?
1287
01:12:33,422 --> 01:12:36,391
I think he's on
a three-state killing spree.
1288
01:12:36,425 --> 01:12:38,222
Here's some more
potentially bad news.
1289
01:12:38,261 --> 01:12:41,128
Dean Martin wants to see you
in his office right away.
1290
01:12:41,164 --> 01:12:42,495
Dean Martin.
1291
01:12:44,500 --> 01:12:48,960
And she said, "Let's do it.
The room's already paid for."
1292
01:12:53,109 --> 01:12:56,772
Oh, golly.
I'm afraid we have...
1293
01:12:56,812 --> 01:13:00,680
a potentially unpleasant
situation on our hands here.
1294
01:13:00,716 --> 01:13:03,844
Phil, would you repeat
to Mr. Melon...
1295
01:13:03,886 --> 01:13:06,980
the allegations
that you've made to me?
1296
01:13:07,023 --> 01:13:09,992
It's clear the work you've
handed in is not your own.
1297
01:13:10,026 --> 01:13:12,426
I'm accusing you
of academic fraud.
1298
01:13:12,461 --> 01:13:16,192
Fraud is such an ugly word...
1299
01:13:16,232 --> 01:13:19,167
considering
the financial generosity...
1300
01:13:19,202 --> 01:13:22,194
that Mr. Melon has shown
towards our fine university.
1301
01:13:22,238 --> 01:13:24,934
I think Mr. Melon
should be expelled.
1302
01:13:26,576 --> 01:13:29,739
What are you going
to do about it?
1303
01:13:31,214 --> 01:13:33,341
Well, Thornton...
1304
01:13:33,382 --> 01:13:36,010
I'm only going
to ask you this one time.
1305
01:13:36,052 --> 01:13:39,613
Is the work that
you turned in your own?
1306
01:13:43,426 --> 01:13:45,951
I can't lie to you,
Dean Martin.
1307
01:13:48,531 --> 01:13:50,021
Yes, it is.
1308
01:13:50,066 --> 01:13:52,660
I'm satisfied.
1309
01:13:52,702 --> 01:13:54,863
- Phil?
- I'm outraged.
1310
01:13:54,904 --> 01:13:57,964
Gee whiz, Phil!
I just asked the man...
1311
01:13:58,007 --> 01:14:00,134
if the work was his,
and he said yes.
1312
01:14:00,176 --> 01:14:02,804
What do you want me to do,
torture him?
1313
01:14:04,247 --> 01:14:07,580
I suggest a comprehensive
oral examination...
1314
01:14:07,617 --> 01:14:10,017
conducted by all of
Mr. Melon's professors.
1315
01:14:10,052 --> 01:14:11,519
Oral examination?
1316
01:14:11,554 --> 01:14:15,081
Yes. If you've done the work
you say you have...
1317
01:14:15,124 --> 01:14:18,423
there should be no problem,
should there?
1318
01:14:20,296 --> 01:14:22,662
Hey, Jase.
1319
01:14:22,698 --> 01:14:25,258
Hey, Lou. How you doin'?
1320
01:14:25,301 --> 01:14:27,166
Come here.
I want to tell you something.
1321
01:14:27,203 --> 01:14:28,329
What?
1322
01:14:28,371 --> 01:14:30,601
You were pretty hard
on your father last night.
1323
01:14:30,640 --> 01:14:33,040
I know, but the guy
doesn't understand.
1324
01:14:33,075 --> 01:14:35,771
I know your pop thirty years.
He understands.
1325
01:14:35,811 --> 01:14:38,177
He's a nice guy,
and he's tough.
1326
01:14:38,214 --> 01:14:42,275
Like me.
I'm nice, and I'm tough.
1327
01:14:42,318 --> 01:14:44,843
I'll give you an idea
what I mean.
1328
01:14:44,887 --> 01:14:47,515
My two boys... I put one
through college...
1329
01:14:47,556 --> 01:14:49,387
and the other
I put through a wall.
1330
01:14:50,860 --> 01:14:52,851
Your papa loves you.
1331
01:14:54,130 --> 01:14:57,691
He's lookin' out for ya.
Look out for him.
1332
01:15:23,225 --> 01:15:24,522
What's goin' on?
1333
01:15:24,560 --> 01:15:27,324
I'm leavin'. I'm sorry, Jason.
1334
01:15:27,363 --> 01:15:30,594
This college thing
was a big mistake.
1335
01:15:30,633 --> 01:15:33,466
- So you're gonna give up?
- I can't win.
1336
01:15:33,502 --> 01:15:36,130
They want me to take oral exams
in all my subjects.
1337
01:15:36,172 --> 01:15:38,640
If I don't take them,
they'll kick me out.
1338
01:15:38,674 --> 01:15:41,234
And if I take 'em,
who knows where they'll kick me.
1339
01:15:44,013 --> 01:15:46,379
Hey, Dad, you remember
what you told me...
1340
01:15:46,415 --> 01:15:48,542
when I told you
I wanted to quit?
1341
01:15:48,584 --> 01:15:51,985
You told me that a man
without an education is nothing.
1342
01:15:52,021 --> 01:15:53,113
I can't do it.
1343
01:15:53,155 --> 01:15:54,645
You can do anything
you want to do.
1344
01:15:54,690 --> 01:15:57,818
You can do anything
you want in life.
1345
01:15:57,860 --> 01:15:59,828
Remember, you're a Melon.
1346
01:16:03,833 --> 01:16:06,631
Don't quit. I'll help you.
1347
01:17:33,122 --> 01:17:35,386
Before we begin...
1348
01:17:35,424 --> 01:17:38,916
I would just like to thank
each and every professor here...
1349
01:17:38,961 --> 01:17:43,898
for taking time out of
his/her extremely busy schedule.
1350
01:17:43,933 --> 01:17:47,027
And a special thanks, of course,
to Mr. Thornton Melon...
1351
01:17:47,069 --> 01:17:50,163
who I don't have to remind
anyone is the donor...
1352
01:17:50,206 --> 01:17:53,107
of our new
Melon School of Business.
1353
01:18:01,484 --> 01:18:03,452
We're wasting time.
1354
01:18:03,486 --> 01:18:06,114
Sorry, Phil.
1355
01:18:06,155 --> 01:18:09,454
Now, Mr. Melon,
you'll have three hours...
1356
01:18:09,492 --> 01:18:11,460
to complete the examination.
1357
01:18:11,494 --> 01:18:16,261
If you fail any part of it,
you will be expelled.
1358
01:18:16,298 --> 01:18:18,994
Mr. Melon, do you understand?
1359
01:18:20,870 --> 01:18:23,168
- The Council of Trent.
- Excuse me?
1360
01:18:23,205 --> 01:18:24,729
I missed the question.
1361
01:18:24,773 --> 01:18:26,604
We haven't begun yet.
1362
01:18:28,777 --> 01:18:31,803
Well, Dr. Barbay,
I suppose you're up first.
1363
01:18:46,295 --> 01:18:50,755
I have only one question
for Mr. Melon...
1364
01:18:55,204 --> 01:18:58,367
in 27 parts.
1365
01:19:01,043 --> 01:19:03,773
I'd like to break him
in 27 parts.
1366
01:19:03,812 --> 01:19:05,177
Excuse me?
1367
01:19:05,214 --> 01:19:06,579
No, nothin', nothin'.
1368
01:19:09,618 --> 01:19:12,985
Discuss the foundations of
modern global business systems.
1369
01:19:13,022 --> 01:19:15,786
Part one: Define
and differentiate...
1370
01:19:15,824 --> 01:19:17,792
the three economic
philosophies...
1371
01:19:17,826 --> 01:19:20,021
of capitalism, socialism
and communism...
1372
01:19:20,062 --> 01:19:23,589
as pertains to:
A... management fundamentals;
1373
01:19:23,632 --> 01:19:25,793
B... organizing and staffing;
1374
01:19:25,834 --> 01:19:27,825
C... labor management;
1375
01:19:27,870 --> 01:19:30,600
and D... production
and operations.
1376
01:19:30,639 --> 01:19:33,665
Part two...
1377
01:19:33,709 --> 01:19:36,678
Are you getting
all this, Mr. Melon?
1378
01:19:36,712 --> 01:19:39,476
Yeah. It's a piece o' cake.
1379
01:19:42,117 --> 01:19:44,551
Jason?
1380
01:19:49,558 --> 01:19:51,526
Valerie.
1381
01:19:51,560 --> 01:19:56,122
I wanted to apologize
for the other night...
1382
01:19:56,165 --> 01:20:00,568
my behavior
and the things I said.
1383
01:20:00,603 --> 01:20:02,195
And to thank you...
1384
01:20:02,237 --> 01:20:05,434
for your behavior
and the things you said.
1385
01:20:06,575 --> 01:20:10,102
I'm really sorry.
1386
01:20:10,145 --> 01:20:12,170
And I'm really
in love with you...
1387
01:20:12,214 --> 01:20:13,977
and I really have been
for a very long time.
1388
01:20:14,016 --> 01:20:17,144
And I can't believe
I'm saying this.
1389
01:20:17,186 --> 01:20:20,087
I don't want
to embarrass you...
1390
01:20:20,122 --> 01:20:23,455
or make you feel
uncomfortable with me...
1391
01:20:23,492 --> 01:20:26,017
but...
1392
01:20:26,061 --> 01:20:31,761
I've been needing to tell you
this for a very long time.
1393
01:20:34,536 --> 01:20:36,766
Are you aware that
that's the most...
1394
01:20:36,805 --> 01:20:39,330
you've ever said to me
at one time?
1395
01:20:39,375 --> 01:20:42,742
Except, of course, for the time
that you were ravingly drunk.
1396
01:20:44,480 --> 01:20:45,970
I love you, too.
1397
01:21:08,103 --> 01:21:11,834
In response
to Roman numeral 27...
1398
01:21:11,874 --> 01:21:14,843
section three, part two...
1399
01:21:14,877 --> 01:21:18,608
of subset D...
of the question...
1400
01:21:18,647 --> 01:21:21,047
the answer is...
1401
01:21:22,117 --> 01:21:23,778
Mr. Melon?
1402
01:21:31,493 --> 01:21:32,721
Mr. Melon?
1403
01:21:32,761 --> 01:21:36,595
Hey, relax. This man's been put
under a lot of pressure.
1404
01:21:36,632 --> 01:21:38,600
Let's take it easy on him.
1405
01:21:38,634 --> 01:21:40,795
Say it! Say it!
1406
01:21:42,271 --> 01:21:45,263
The answer is... four?
1407
01:21:52,481 --> 01:21:53,470
Right.
1408
01:22:00,522 --> 01:22:02,683
Dr. Turner?
1409
01:22:07,563 --> 01:22:10,031
Hold it. That's it.
1410
01:22:10,065 --> 01:22:11,657
I can't take it no more.
1411
01:22:11,700 --> 01:22:16,330
I feel like I just gave birth
to an accountant.
1412
01:22:17,673 --> 01:22:19,163
Wait a minute, Thornton.
1413
01:22:31,086 --> 01:22:34,920
Thornton, do you remember
when we discussed...
1414
01:22:34,957 --> 01:22:36,515
the Dylan Thomas poem...
1415
01:22:36,558 --> 01:22:39,083
"Do Not Go Gentle
Into That Good Night"?
1416
01:22:39,128 --> 01:22:41,153
I don't know.
1417
01:22:41,196 --> 01:22:43,596
No. Maybe.
1418
01:22:43,632 --> 01:22:45,532
Thornton, think.
1419
01:22:45,567 --> 01:22:47,398
What's going on here?
1420
01:22:48,804 --> 01:22:52,262
Philip, relax. It's my turn.
1421
01:22:56,678 --> 01:22:58,043
Do you remember it?
1422
01:22:59,748 --> 01:23:02,911
"Do not go gentle into...
1423
01:23:02,951 --> 01:23:05,511
"into that good night.
1424
01:23:07,689 --> 01:23:10,419
"Old age should burn
and rage...
1425
01:23:10,459 --> 01:23:14,555
"at close of day.
1426
01:23:14,596 --> 01:23:17,929
"Rage, rage against
the dying of the light.
1427
01:23:17,966 --> 01:23:20,400
"Wild men who caught...
1428
01:23:20,435 --> 01:23:23,461
"and sang the sun in flight
and learned too late...
1429
01:23:23,505 --> 01:23:26,201
"they grieved it on its way.
1430
01:23:26,241 --> 01:23:29,802
"Do not go gentle
into that good night.
1431
01:23:29,845 --> 01:23:32,507
"Grave men near death...
1432
01:23:32,548 --> 01:23:35,016
"who see with blinding sight.
1433
01:23:35,050 --> 01:23:38,451
"Blind eyes could blaze
like meteors and be gay.
1434
01:23:38,487 --> 01:23:42,685
"Rage, rage against
the dying of the light.
1435
01:23:42,724 --> 01:23:47,457
"And you, my father,
there on the sad height.
1436
01:23:47,496 --> 01:23:49,521
"Curse, bless me now...
1437
01:23:49,565 --> 01:23:51,499
"with your fierce tears,
I pray.
1438
01:23:51,533 --> 01:23:54,900
"Do not go gentle
into that good night.
1439
01:23:54,937 --> 01:23:58,998
"Rage! Rage against
the dying of the light!"
1440
01:23:59,041 --> 01:24:01,839
Thornton, what does that poem
mean to you?
1441
01:24:01,877 --> 01:24:03,970
It means...
1442
01:24:04,012 --> 01:24:06,310
I don't take shit from no one.
1443
01:24:07,749 --> 01:24:09,740
I'm gonna pass this test.
1444
01:24:09,785 --> 01:24:13,346
I'm stayin' in school!
Who's next?
1445
01:24:16,391 --> 01:24:19,451
Now diving for
the Atlantic Eastern Eagles...
1446
01:24:19,494 --> 01:24:23,453
current conference champion...
Doug Nelson.
1447
01:24:23,498 --> 01:24:26,023
You know what you
almost never see?
1448
01:24:26,068 --> 01:24:29,196
Somebody heckling a diver.
1449
01:24:41,850 --> 01:24:44,842
- You're all right, kid.
- Thanks, Lou.
1450
01:24:44,887 --> 01:24:49,551
Please refrain from making
loud noises during the dives.
1451
01:24:51,727 --> 01:24:55,629
Next up, the Atlantic
Eastern Eagles'...
1452
01:24:55,664 --> 01:24:57,689
Bill Steincap.
1453
01:25:16,184 --> 01:25:20,177
That concludes Atlantic
Eastern's ten-meter dives.
1454
01:25:20,222 --> 01:25:23,020
Next up,
the Grand Lakes Hooters.
1455
01:25:25,961 --> 01:25:27,588
We would like to remind you...
1456
01:25:27,629 --> 01:25:29,893
tickets to all Grand Lakes
sporting events...
1457
01:25:29,932 --> 01:25:32,992
are available through
the student services office.
1458
01:25:33,035 --> 01:25:35,128
Are you interested
in Valerie Desmond?
1459
01:25:35,170 --> 01:25:37,764
She's with me.
1460
01:25:37,806 --> 01:25:40,536
Coming into your own,
are you, Melon?
1461
01:25:40,575 --> 01:25:42,042
I wouldn't break my arm...
1462
01:25:42,077 --> 01:25:44,307
patting myself on the back
if I were you.
1463
01:25:44,346 --> 01:25:46,337
Because... get this, towel boy...
1464
01:25:46,381 --> 01:25:49,509
no matter what you think,
you will always be a crude...
1465
01:25:49,551 --> 01:25:52,179
obnoxious, nouveau riche
little phlebe...
1466
01:25:52,220 --> 01:25:54,552
and you're gonna end up
just like your father.
1467
01:25:54,589 --> 01:25:58,548
God, I hope so,
'cause I happen to love the guy.
1468
01:25:58,593 --> 01:26:01,892
First up for
Grand Lakes University...
1469
01:26:01,930 --> 01:26:04,057
Chas Osbourne...
1470
01:26:04,099 --> 01:26:06,829
former national
high school champion.
1471
01:26:34,129 --> 01:26:37,121
- Jason dive yet?
- Not yet. Did you pass?
1472
01:26:37,165 --> 01:26:38,632
I don't know.
They'll let me know.
1473
01:26:38,667 --> 01:26:41,397
Now diving
for Grand Lakes University...
1474
01:26:41,436 --> 01:26:43,768
Jason Melon.
1475
01:27:03,492 --> 01:27:05,517
Attaboy, Jason! You did it!
1476
01:27:10,899 --> 01:27:11,923
All right!
1477
01:27:16,738 --> 01:27:19,206
I can't believe it.
We could actually win this.
1478
01:27:19,241 --> 01:27:23,200
Melon's dive has put the Hooters
back in this meet.
1479
01:27:24,679 --> 01:27:26,146
What's the matter?
1480
01:27:27,682 --> 01:27:29,650
You're up next, Chas.
1481
01:27:32,587 --> 01:27:34,680
I have got
a really bad cramp.
1482
01:27:34,723 --> 01:27:37,021
I've been having
really bad cramps all week.
1483
01:27:37,059 --> 01:27:40,324
- It's probably menstrual.
- Screw you, Melon!
1484
01:27:42,998 --> 01:27:46,957
Coach Turnbull,
you got another eligible diver?
1485
01:27:49,404 --> 01:27:50,871
Melon!
1486
01:27:54,242 --> 01:27:58,542
Melon! We need ya!
Get your suit on!
1487
01:27:58,580 --> 01:27:59,706
Go ahead.
1488
01:27:59,748 --> 01:28:01,875
Oh, not a chance.
In the shape I'm in...
1489
01:28:01,917 --> 01:28:04,010
you could donate my body
to science fiction.
1490
01:28:04,052 --> 01:28:06,418
Get your suit on! We need ya!
1491
01:28:06,455 --> 01:28:09,856
Come on, pal.
Show 'em what you got.
1492
01:28:09,891 --> 01:28:12,189
Melon! We need ya!
1493
01:28:17,132 --> 01:28:21,728
Now diving in substitution
for Grand Lakes University...
1494
01:28:21,770 --> 01:28:24,170
Thornton Melon.
1495
01:28:26,041 --> 01:28:28,271
He's on my substitute roster...
1496
01:28:28,310 --> 01:28:30,835
but I don't have it right now.
1497
01:28:30,879 --> 01:28:34,576
But what I'll do is,
first chance I get...
1498
01:28:34,616 --> 01:28:36,174
I'll bring it to you.
1499
01:28:54,569 --> 01:28:57,003
What dive is he gonna do?
1500
01:28:57,038 --> 01:28:59,973
The Triple Lindy.
1501
01:29:00,008 --> 01:29:02,238
Melon! Melon! Melon!
1502
01:29:08,984 --> 01:29:11,544
There will be an additional
springboard installed...
1503
01:29:11,586 --> 01:29:14,384
for Melon's dive,
the Triple Lindy.
1504
01:29:14,422 --> 01:29:16,982
- Is that hard?
- It's impossible.
1505
01:30:40,542 --> 01:30:43,033
Melon! You did it!
1506
01:30:47,949 --> 01:30:49,314
That was great!
1507
01:30:53,955 --> 01:30:57,914
Oh, you were great!
That was incredible!
1508
01:30:57,959 --> 01:31:00,427
I guess there's nothing
you can't do.
1509
01:31:00,462 --> 01:31:02,623
I've got the results
of your exams right here.
1510
01:31:02,664 --> 01:31:03,790
Do I want to hear 'em?
1511
01:31:03,832 --> 01:31:06,426
You passed!
All "Ds" and an "A."
1512
01:31:06,468 --> 01:31:08,493
Who gave me the "A"?
1513
01:31:08,536 --> 01:31:10,868
- I did.
- Oh, yeah?
1514
01:31:10,905 --> 01:31:13,499
I would like to introduce
our speaker today.
1515
01:31:13,541 --> 01:31:14,974
This is the first time...
1516
01:31:15,010 --> 01:31:18,411
in the history
of this fine institution...
1517
01:31:18,446 --> 01:31:21,279
that a freshman
has given this address.
1518
01:31:21,316 --> 01:31:23,910
Mr. Thornton Melon.
1519
01:31:36,898 --> 01:31:38,058
Thank you very much.
1520
01:31:38,099 --> 01:31:40,863
Thank you, Dean Martin,
President Sinclair...
1521
01:31:40,902 --> 01:31:43,370
and members
of the graduating class.
1522
01:31:43,405 --> 01:31:46,238
I have only one thing
to say to you today...
1523
01:31:46,274 --> 01:31:47,707
it's a jungle out there.
1524
01:31:47,742 --> 01:31:50,302
You gotta look out
for number one.
1525
01:31:50,345 --> 01:31:53,143
But don't step in number two.
1526
01:31:54,649 --> 01:31:57,675
And so,
to all you graduates...
1527
01:31:57,719 --> 01:32:01,815
as you go out into the world
my advice to you is...
1528
01:32:01,856 --> 01:32:04,825
don't go!
It's rough out there.
1529
01:32:04,859 --> 01:32:07,828
Move back with your parents.
Let them worry about it.
115663
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