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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:26,393 --> 00:00:27,729 This holiday season, 2 00:00:27,762 --> 00:00:29,764 show your loved ones that you really care 3 00:00:29,797 --> 00:00:32,767 by getting them the gift that they've always wanted. 4 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:35,770 Whoa, Dad! Really?! 5 00:00:35,803 --> 00:00:37,371 Yes! 6 00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,172 Is there anything else? Wow. 7 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:41,709 Slim Jenko! This is just what I wanted! 8 00:00:41,743 --> 00:00:43,778 I want some! 9 00:00:43,811 --> 00:00:45,647 We can all have some. 10 00:00:45,680 --> 00:00:48,115 We here at Slim Jenko pride ourselves 11 00:00:48,148 --> 00:00:51,151 on delivering a rich, flavorful malt beverage 12 00:00:51,184 --> 00:00:52,687 for the entire family. 13 00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:55,489 Make us part of your holiday tradition. 14 00:00:55,523 --> 00:00:57,792 This Friday night at midnight on Channel 83. 15 00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,794 -Mommy! -Lester. 16 00:00:59,827 --> 00:01:01,428 Lester, what are you doing? 17 00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:04,431 "Killed on Christmas: The Lester Lord stor--" 18 00:01:09,303 --> 00:01:13,106 Including a regulation busting 2,500 milligrams 19 00:01:13,140 --> 00:01:14,676 of pure THC. 20 00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:16,511 Kunz Christmas Creampies, 21 00:01:16,544 --> 00:01:19,313 an established cream pie professional for over 50-- 22 00:01:19,346 --> 00:01:21,649 The U.S. Defense Department has spent over 23 00:01:21,683 --> 00:01:24,552 a trillion dollars on the most cutting edge robot technology, 24 00:01:24,586 --> 00:01:27,689 deployed overseas for a swift victory against America's 25 00:01:27,722 --> 00:01:31,224 deadliest enemies, and now Sowell Robotic Products 26 00:01:31,258 --> 00:01:34,696 is here to make that technology fun for the entire family. 27 00:01:36,798 --> 00:01:39,166 Ho. Ho. Ho. 28 00:01:39,199 --> 00:01:40,835 Introducing RoboSanta Plus 29 00:01:40,868 --> 00:01:42,570 for the upcoming holiday season, 30 00:01:42,604 --> 00:01:45,439 with a vocabulary of over 90,000 words, 31 00:01:45,472 --> 00:01:46,808 a full range of motion, 32 00:01:46,841 --> 00:01:48,776 and built with military grade construction, 33 00:01:48,810 --> 00:01:51,746 RoboSanta Plus fully replaces your local degenerate 34 00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,749 mall Santa, keeping you and your children safe. 35 00:01:54,782 --> 00:01:58,185 Exclusively this weekend 36 00:01:58,218 --> 00:02:03,625 at Midland Mall and GW Bonkers. 37 00:02:28,783 --> 00:02:32,386 ♪ I am the yule tide cold ♪ 38 00:02:32,419 --> 00:02:35,389 ♪ Leave the winter closed ♪ 39 00:02:35,990 --> 00:02:39,359 ♪ Like hive of holy ♪ 40 00:02:39,393 --> 00:02:42,597 ♪ Well, I dream of you ♪ 41 00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:46,266 ♪ Nothing is ♪ 42 00:02:46,299 --> 00:02:49,369 ♪ And the slick ♪ 43 00:02:49,403 --> 00:02:53,206 ♪ To not peak at your breast, love ♪ 44 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:57,444 ♪ Before the devil reigns ♪ 45 00:02:57,477 --> 00:02:59,614 Thanks for coming in, guys. 46 00:02:59,647 --> 00:03:02,517 Thank you. Have a good one. 47 00:03:02,550 --> 00:03:04,886 Oh, shit! 48 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,721 Hi. 49 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:08,723 You look amazing. 50 00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:11,559 Hey, let me know if you need anything. 51 00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:13,594 Hey, it's almost 7:00, so I'm going to start 52 00:03:13,628 --> 00:03:15,262 closing up out back. You got it? 53 00:03:15,295 --> 00:03:17,330 -Yeah. -Oh, can you put this away? 54 00:03:17,364 --> 00:03:19,000 -Sure. -Thank you. 55 00:03:19,033 --> 00:03:20,267 -Hey! -Oh, shit. 56 00:03:20,300 --> 00:03:21,769 -Merry Christmas. -Hi. 57 00:03:21,803 --> 00:03:23,437 It's about time you show your fucking face around here. 58 00:03:23,470 --> 00:03:24,672 Yeah, I've been busy. You guys are swamped. 59 00:03:24,706 --> 00:03:26,306 -I know, I know. 60 00:03:26,339 --> 00:03:27,842 I thought you and Lahna were closing tonight. 61 00:03:27,875 --> 00:03:30,377 Yeah, no, I told her I had to run home because I, um... 62 00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,646 Didn't get her gift. 63 00:03:31,679 --> 00:03:33,246 -I did get her a gift. -Oh, did you? 64 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:34,615 But I'm now second guessing it, so now I'm going 65 00:03:34,649 --> 00:03:36,017 -to get some records. -Oh, yeah, you should be 66 00:03:36,050 --> 00:03:37,518 second guessing this. She has both of these. 67 00:03:37,552 --> 00:03:38,986 -She does. -She does. Yeah. 68 00:03:39,020 --> 00:03:40,755 Uh, follow me. Come on. 69 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,724 You guys been together for, what, like a year? 70 00:03:42,757 --> 00:03:44,424 How are you this fucking dumb? 71 00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,259 No, I'm not -- It's -- I can't tell the difference 72 00:03:46,293 --> 00:03:48,529 between all these bands that the logos all look the same. 73 00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,297 -They all look the fucking same? -They all look the same. 74 00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,265 -All scratchy and weird. -Yeah, they kind of do. 75 00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:55,870 Uh, all right, so what I'm going to show you now -- Yes. 76 00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:58,271 We saw these guys open at a festival this summer. 77 00:03:58,305 --> 00:04:01,743 She was fucking all over it. They've got the psychedelic, 78 00:04:01,776 --> 00:04:03,376 cosmic riff. She'll fucking love it. 79 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,612 -Deathcrux? -Yeah. 80 00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:06,013 Okay. And she does not have this? 81 00:04:06,047 --> 00:04:07,615 -She does not have this. -Right on. 82 00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,950 -You're welcome. -Yes. No, thank you, Tori. 83 00:04:08,983 --> 00:04:10,852 Thank you. You saved Christmas again. 84 00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:14,756 By the way, I will come and say Merry Christmas 85 00:04:14,789 --> 00:04:16,423 -to Lauren. -Sounds good. 86 00:04:16,456 --> 00:04:18,059 But just don't tell her I showed up here, okay? 87 00:04:18,092 --> 00:04:19,961 -What are you talking about? -Don't do the whole thing you do 88 00:04:19,994 --> 00:04:21,529 -when you're like -- -"Oh, my God, it's so good 89 00:04:21,562 --> 00:04:23,497 -to see you. -No, yeah, don't do that. 90 00:04:23,531 --> 00:04:24,632 -Okay, bye. -Okay. 91 00:04:24,665 --> 00:04:25,967 -Robbie. -Hey, bro. 92 00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,568 -Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas, man. 93 00:04:27,602 --> 00:04:30,437 ♪ Bloody Christmas, bloody Christmas ♪ 94 00:04:30,470 --> 00:04:33,340 ♪ Bloody Christmas, bloody Christmas ♪ 95 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:38,345 Fuck yeah. Almost 2 grand. 96 00:04:38,378 --> 00:04:41,649 -Yeah, that's a big day. -Does that mean a big boy bonus? 97 00:04:41,682 --> 00:04:44,384 -Means a bonus, yeah. -Fuck yeah, dawg! 98 00:04:44,417 --> 00:04:46,888 What are you going to do with your big bonus? 99 00:04:46,921 --> 00:04:48,388 You got any plans? 100 00:04:48,421 --> 00:04:49,624 Well, the talent show is at 8:00 p.m. 101 00:04:49,657 --> 00:04:51,358 -So, no, not really. -Yeah. 102 00:04:51,391 --> 00:04:53,027 What are you going to do this fine Christmas Eve? 103 00:04:53,060 --> 00:04:57,965 I was potentially going to go meet up with a dude, 104 00:04:57,999 --> 00:05:00,001 but I don't know. 105 00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:01,636 -A dude, a man. -Yep. 106 00:05:01,669 --> 00:05:02,970 Okay, on Christmas Eve, you're going to invite 107 00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:04,739 a stranger to your house. 108 00:05:04,772 --> 00:05:05,973 Uh, a stranger to Reggie's, yeah. 109 00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:07,575 Okay, cool. Fuck, they're still open. 110 00:05:07,608 --> 00:05:09,342 Did you meet him organically, 111 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:10,845 or is this, like, a tinder sort of scenario? 112 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:13,781 -Tinder situation, yeah. -Oh, Tinder, okay. 113 00:05:13,815 --> 00:05:15,049 -Yeah. -Can I see him? 114 00:05:15,082 --> 00:05:17,819 -Eh. -Eh. He must be a fucking stud. 115 00:05:17,852 --> 00:05:19,419 What the fuck else am I supposed to do? 116 00:05:19,452 --> 00:05:21,856 You want me to go home, drink some whiskey, 117 00:05:21,889 --> 00:05:24,792 sit by the fire by my lonesome, watch "A Christmas Story" 118 00:05:24,826 --> 00:05:27,728 like every other fucking douchebag in America? 119 00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:29,530 Yeah. Sounds kind of nice. 120 00:05:29,564 --> 00:05:32,533 Or you to go to drink some whiskey with me. 121 00:05:32,567 --> 00:05:33,801 Uh, that Lahna's Christmas gift. 122 00:05:33,835 --> 00:05:35,368 -Is it? -So you can put a fuckin' -- 123 00:05:35,402 --> 00:05:37,038 -No longer. -What the fuck are you doing? 124 00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:38,673 So, fuck no. 125 00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:39,974 I wanted to do that, too. 126 00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:42,375 So hand me some cups, and let's go. 127 00:05:42,409 --> 00:05:44,411 Are you gonna go see your pops up north tomorrow? 128 00:05:44,444 --> 00:05:45,813 -Yeah. -You should probably get 129 00:05:45,847 --> 00:05:47,480 -a head start late tonight. -No. Fuck that. 130 00:05:47,515 --> 00:05:48,816 One day, in and out, is my rule. 131 00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,417 I can't see anything wrong in that. 132 00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:51,752 -Fair enough. -Mazel tov. 133 00:05:51,786 --> 00:05:55,623 Mazel tov. Cheers, motherfucker. 134 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,390 Only quit stalling. Show me Tommy Tinder. 135 00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,392 What the fuck is your obsession with this? 136 00:05:59,426 --> 00:06:00,828 -I want to see him. -I don't want to 137 00:06:00,862 --> 00:06:02,096 -show him to you. -Is he big? Is he a big boy? 138 00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:03,598 -Oh. -BBW. 139 00:06:03,631 --> 00:06:04,966 -That what you want to know? -Yeah. 140 00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:07,969 In that case, I'll fuckin' show you. Here. 141 00:06:10,571 --> 00:06:11,873 What? 142 00:06:11,906 --> 00:06:13,741 I didn't know you knew Emmett Eyeliner. 143 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:15,810 Emmett Eyeliner. Why are you calling him that? 144 00:06:15,843 --> 00:06:17,178 -Do you know him? -I know of him. 145 00:06:17,211 --> 00:06:18,846 Did he tell you he got, like, three kids? 146 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:20,581 Wait four. Someone's pregnant now, I think. 147 00:06:20,615 --> 00:06:22,917 -Oh, fuck! He's got kids? -Yeah. 148 00:06:22,950 --> 00:06:24,619 I don't fucking care. 149 00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:26,988 I just want a little Christmas Eve schlong. 150 00:06:27,021 --> 00:06:29,624 Well, dude's a genic jackhammer. 151 00:06:29,657 --> 00:06:31,792 -Oh, Jesus. -Little, uh, sperm canon, 152 00:06:31,826 --> 00:06:33,594 all I'm saying. 153 00:06:33,628 --> 00:06:35,796 Okay, I'm happy you told me that, so I'll wear my dental dam 154 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,932 and get fucking sauced before he shows up. 155 00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:39,867 Thank you. That's so sweet of you. 156 00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:40,902 Well, I'll tell you what. 157 00:06:40,935 --> 00:06:42,435 I can go to Reggie's with you 158 00:06:42,469 --> 00:06:44,772 because, um, I don't really have shit to do. 159 00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:47,008 Robbie, that's very, very sweet of you, 160 00:06:47,041 --> 00:06:48,209 but I want to get laid. 161 00:06:48,242 --> 00:06:49,977 Not wax poetic with the regulars. 162 00:06:50,011 --> 00:06:52,880 Well, seeing as you didn't buy me a Christmas present 163 00:06:52,914 --> 00:06:54,749 this year, I'm going to take this. 164 00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:56,117 -Oh. -Thank you. 165 00:06:56,150 --> 00:06:57,952 And you can enjoy your, what, two hours 166 00:06:57,985 --> 00:07:02,156 of unbearable conversation, your 7 seconds of lame sex. 167 00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:06,227 You go home, probably, you know, get yourself off anyway. 168 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:07,929 Or, I'm just throwing this out there, 169 00:07:07,962 --> 00:07:12,667 you can have two hours of amazing, vivacious, 170 00:07:12,700 --> 00:07:16,604 sort of hauntingly erotic conversation. 171 00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:18,471 -Hauntingly erotic? -Hauntingly erotic? 172 00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,174 And you can go home anyway. 173 00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:22,977 You know, get yourself off, like, flick your little bean. 174 00:07:23,010 --> 00:07:24,812 -Oh? -Yeah. 175 00:07:24,845 --> 00:07:26,948 And you don't have to wake up next to 30 Seconds To Mars. 176 00:07:26,981 --> 00:07:29,183 All right, well, I've got a proposition for you. 177 00:07:29,216 --> 00:07:31,052 How about you give me back my fucking whiskey 178 00:07:31,085 --> 00:07:34,789 and stop talking about me flicking at my fucking bean? 179 00:07:34,822 --> 00:07:35,923 -Okay. -How about that? 180 00:07:35,957 --> 00:07:37,658 Have you confirmed with him? 181 00:07:37,692 --> 00:07:40,493 No, I have not given him a time. 182 00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:42,063 Poor guy. It's kind of sad. He's probably at home 183 00:07:42,096 --> 00:07:45,066 scrolling through your social media, fingers sweaty, 184 00:07:45,099 --> 00:07:48,102 hand firmly on cock, just... 185 00:07:48,135 --> 00:07:49,870 beating that meat, waiting for your text 186 00:07:49,904 --> 00:07:52,173 to pop up at the top. 187 00:07:52,206 --> 00:07:53,941 Mm. I've blown off twice already, so. 188 00:07:53,975 --> 00:07:55,509 -Third time's a charm. -Yeah. 189 00:07:55,543 --> 00:07:58,112 Come on, get a drink with your old pal Robbie. 190 00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,282 It's my long time employee Robbie. 191 00:08:01,315 --> 00:08:03,718 -That's a little bit harsh. -It's true. I own you. 192 00:08:03,751 --> 00:08:05,152 -You own me? -You're on my payroll. Yeah. 193 00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:07,154 Mama. Okay. Okay. Okay. 194 00:08:07,188 --> 00:08:10,291 I'm going to change your mind. Have you heard his music? 195 00:08:10,324 --> 00:08:13,227 -I have not bothered, no. -Oh, that answers a lot. 196 00:08:13,260 --> 00:08:14,862 Why? What you got? 197 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,197 I'll show you something Something fun. 198 00:08:16,230 --> 00:08:17,665 Hmm. 199 00:08:17,698 --> 00:08:19,633 All right. Ready? 200 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,702 I'm losing interest already. Come on. 201 00:08:21,736 --> 00:08:23,037 Alright, you'll see. 202 00:08:23,070 --> 00:08:24,538 Hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on, hang on. 203 00:08:24,572 --> 00:08:27,108 What? 204 00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:30,111 -Oh, my God. -Soothing. 205 00:08:30,144 --> 00:08:31,846 Shut the fuck up. Why is he whisper singing? 206 00:08:31,879 --> 00:08:33,280 Doesn't want to wake his parents, probably. 207 00:08:33,314 --> 00:08:34,715 What the fuck? Turn that off. 208 00:08:34,749 --> 00:08:36,250 Why are you showing that to me? Stop. 209 00:08:36,283 --> 00:08:37,918 Well, you know, it's not like you're going to saddle up 210 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:39,787 with the son of a bitch. I mean, you should probably 211 00:08:39,820 --> 00:08:42,857 let the guy go back to his family and his kids. 212 00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:44,258 He's a daddy, after all. 213 00:08:44,291 --> 00:08:45,760 -Daddy? -Yeah. 214 00:08:45,793 --> 00:08:48,929 Little Tommy Tinder. 215 00:08:48,963 --> 00:08:50,731 Well... 216 00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:54,168 All right. Let's go get shit faced. 217 00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:55,936 But you're not getting anything either. 218 00:08:55,970 --> 00:08:57,605 So if you want to go flick your fucking bean, 219 00:08:57,638 --> 00:08:58,806 do what you need to do. 220 00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,341 -Come on. -All right. 221 00:09:00,374 --> 00:09:01,976 -Turn off the music. -Well, considering you were 222 00:09:02,009 --> 00:09:03,344 gonna saddle up with old Emmett Eyeliner, 223 00:09:03,377 --> 00:09:05,112 I'm not sure how I should feel about that. 224 00:09:05,146 --> 00:09:06,981 Well, I don't work with them Emmett Eyeliner, do I? 225 00:09:07,014 --> 00:09:08,649 Well, I am better looking in that douche, though, right? 226 00:09:08,682 --> 00:09:10,017 Do you want to fucking die? 227 00:09:10,051 --> 00:09:11,752 Get your fucking grubby shoes off the counter. 228 00:09:11,786 --> 00:09:15,056 Kill the music before I change my mind. 229 00:09:15,089 --> 00:09:17,258 -Should I meet you there or? -No, We're going to walk. 230 00:09:17,291 --> 00:09:21,829 -Well, it's fucking snowing out. -Oh, my God. That's so scary! 231 00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:23,798 Come on. Get those chicken legs out. 232 00:09:23,831 --> 00:09:25,900 Let's go for a walk. I got to bring this to Lahna. 233 00:09:25,933 --> 00:09:27,868 Why? They close at 6:00. They're not going to be open. 234 00:09:27,902 --> 00:09:29,336 No, they'll still be there. 235 00:09:29,370 --> 00:09:31,372 They're having a little Christmas Eve Fuckfest. 236 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:32,973 What the hell, Why? 237 00:09:33,007 --> 00:09:34,708 You don't want to fuck in a toy store? 238 00:09:34,742 --> 00:09:36,877 No. Well, mm, maybe. I mean... 239 00:09:36,911 --> 00:09:38,379 Sounds like you don't want to fuck in a toy store. 240 00:09:38,412 --> 00:09:40,748 It's just kind of weird. Like, I feel sorry for the kid 241 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:42,716 that's going to go in tomorrow, buy a teddy bear covered 242 00:09:42,750 --> 00:09:44,151 -in fucking cum. -Oh, my God. 243 00:09:44,185 --> 00:09:45,920 We're going to scar him. That poor child. 244 00:09:45,953 --> 00:09:48,289 Come on. Lock up behind you. 245 00:09:55,196 --> 00:09:56,664 We could have taken my car. 246 00:09:56,697 --> 00:09:57,998 Would have been a smart option. 247 00:09:58,032 --> 00:10:00,000 Do you want to keep keep complaining? 248 00:10:00,034 --> 00:10:01,702 Or do you want to just walk in silence? 249 00:10:01,735 --> 00:10:03,137 -What do you want to do? -You're the one who was 250 00:10:03,170 --> 00:10:05,172 complaining all day about fucking Christmas this, 251 00:10:05,206 --> 00:10:06,640 Christmas that, oh, I fucking hate Christmas. 252 00:10:06,674 --> 00:10:08,275 Well, Christmas fucking sucks. 253 00:10:08,309 --> 00:10:10,845 Do you not agree that there's no good fucking Christmas music, 254 00:10:10,878 --> 00:10:13,114 -no good Christmas movies. -Bad Religion had 255 00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,249 -a great Christmas album. -Just fucking get it over with. 256 00:10:15,282 --> 00:10:17,184 -Eh. -It was good. 257 00:10:17,218 --> 00:10:20,087 There aren't many albums that give me that spirit 258 00:10:20,121 --> 00:10:21,422 of fucking Christmas. 259 00:10:21,455 --> 00:10:23,257 Well, Bad fuckin' Religion, ain't it, buddy. 260 00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:24,925 Give me that. 261 00:10:24,959 --> 00:10:30,764 I would go as far to say there's like fucking two -- 262 00:10:30,798 --> 00:10:32,666 two Christmas songs that are good, 263 00:10:32,700 --> 00:10:36,137 and that's if you don't count, if and only if, you don't count 264 00:10:36,170 --> 00:10:38,172 fucking Crypt Keeper "Christmas Rap." 265 00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,740 Okay, love "Tales From the Crypt." 266 00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,742 That song sucks the fucking shit out of my ass. 267 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:45,312 This is coming from a guy who jizzes his fucking pants 268 00:10:45,346 --> 00:10:49,450 every single time he hears Buster Poindexter's cover of 269 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,418 "Zat You, Santa Claus?" 270 00:10:51,452 --> 00:10:53,320 No, no, no, no, no, no. I don't like that cover. 271 00:10:53,354 --> 00:10:54,955 I like the version with the commentary 272 00:10:54,989 --> 00:10:56,824 from Beavis and Butthead. 273 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:58,993 -Okay. -Okay. 274 00:10:59,026 --> 00:11:00,728 "Merry Christmas", Ramones, then. 275 00:11:00,761 --> 00:11:02,997 That's mine. What's your big fucking runner up? 276 00:11:03,030 --> 00:11:08,035 Uh, sorry to say, but "Merry Christmas", Ramones, 277 00:11:08,068 --> 00:11:09,837 that's a fucking runner up. 278 00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,005 -Yeah. -Fuck you. 279 00:11:11,038 --> 00:11:12,273 -First place -- -Fuck you. 280 00:11:12,306 --> 00:11:13,941 First place is our lord and savior Lemmy 281 00:11:13,974 --> 00:11:16,177 with "Run Rudolph Run." Oh, it's magic! 282 00:11:16,210 --> 00:11:17,878 Okay. It's not like it's Motorhead. 283 00:11:17,912 --> 00:11:19,313 It's Lemmy with the fucking Foo Fighters. 284 00:11:19,346 --> 00:11:21,482 -Oh, R.I.P. -Oh, R.I.P. 285 00:11:21,516 --> 00:11:23,884 Also Lemmy is fucking Motorhead, you idiot. 286 00:11:23,918 --> 00:11:24,952 Yeah. 287 00:11:24,985 --> 00:11:26,187 Hey! 288 00:11:26,220 --> 00:11:28,923 Lahna! 289 00:11:28,956 --> 00:11:30,357 She knows you're coming, right? 290 00:11:30,391 --> 00:11:32,293 Yeah, of course she knows I'm fucking coming. 291 00:11:32,326 --> 00:11:33,861 Oh. 292 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,763 -Hey, bitch. -Hi! 293 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,198 Mwah! You look so good. 294 00:11:37,231 --> 00:11:38,232 -Thank you. -Hey, gorgeous. 295 00:11:38,265 --> 00:11:39,967 -Mwah. -Mwah. 296 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:43,337 I brought you and Jay a little something, something. 297 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,972 Ooh, I got you this. 298 00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,207 Oh, my God. I love you so much. 299 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:48,075 -I missed you. -I missed you, too. 300 00:11:48,108 --> 00:11:49,410 Where's Jay? 301 00:11:49,443 --> 00:11:51,445 He's in the back, freshening up. 302 00:11:51,478 --> 00:11:54,215 You know, he just gets a little musty. 303 00:11:54,248 --> 00:11:56,283 He gets a little musty? 304 00:11:56,317 --> 00:11:57,885 -You got a lot going on. -Musty she says. 305 00:11:57,918 --> 00:11:59,420 Yeah, you know all about that, right? 306 00:11:59,453 --> 00:12:00,487 -No, I do. -You know all about that? 307 00:12:00,522 --> 00:12:02,122 -Baby. -Yeah. 308 00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,324 You know all about a little musty must? 309 00:12:03,357 --> 00:12:05,025 I got a stinky dick. 310 00:12:05,059 --> 00:12:07,261 - That's so fucked up. - Cute, right? 311 00:12:07,294 --> 00:12:08,762 -Bitch. -Yeah? 312 00:12:08,796 --> 00:12:10,364 You already cracked this open. 313 00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:13,100 We may have had, like, like a couple of drinks. 314 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,437 This is the nicest thing anybody's ever done for me. 315 00:12:16,470 --> 00:12:18,772 I know. I know. It's very nice. And listen. 316 00:12:18,806 --> 00:12:20,407 Because we love you. we didn't buy it for you. 317 00:12:20,441 --> 00:12:22,544 We're giving it to you. 318 00:12:22,577 --> 00:12:25,145 -Well, merry fucking Christmas. -Merry fucking Christmas. 319 00:12:25,179 --> 00:12:28,048 -Baby! -On it. Jesus Christ! 320 00:12:28,082 --> 00:12:29,250 -Hey! -This motherfucker. 321 00:12:29,283 --> 00:12:30,484 I haven't seen you in so long. 322 00:12:30,518 --> 00:12:32,186 -How are you? -Oh, yeah. Right? 323 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:33,854 -How are you? -Hey, bro. 324 00:12:33,887 --> 00:12:35,189 -Hey, buddy. Merry Christmas. -Merry Christmas. 325 00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,824 -You look good. -Thank you. 326 00:12:36,857 --> 00:12:38,359 -Yeah, you do. -I've been doing nothing but 327 00:12:38,392 --> 00:12:41,028 selling toys and fucking living the clean life. 328 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,796 Keep up. 329 00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:45,933 Oh! Um, what's up with you two? What's going on here? 330 00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:47,901 -Uh, just grabbing a drink. -Just grabbing a drink. 331 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:49,370 I had to talk her out of some Tinder trash. 332 00:12:49,403 --> 00:12:50,871 You didn't talk me out of anything. 333 00:12:50,904 --> 00:12:52,139 What was his name? Emmett -- Emmett -- 334 00:12:52,172 --> 00:12:53,474 -We don't have to talk -- -Emmett! Oh, shit! 335 00:12:53,508 --> 00:12:55,042 No, I think we're ignoring that. 336 00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,310 Motherfuckin' four-kid Emmett. Four kid Emmett? 337 00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,911 -No. -Nearly five kid Emmett. 338 00:12:57,945 --> 00:12:59,179 Four kid Emmett. Why does everybody know Emmett 339 00:12:59,213 --> 00:13:00,881 -except for me? -He's got four kids. 340 00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,816 -All right. Well, cheers. Yeah. -No, no, no. 341 00:13:02,850 --> 00:13:04,385 What was the song? What was the song? It was... 342 00:13:04,418 --> 00:13:05,953 We don't need the song. 343 00:13:05,986 --> 00:13:08,822 ♪ And her heart whispers in my head ♪ 344 00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:10,357 -Alright, fuckers. -Go for it, tap on in. 345 00:13:10,391 --> 00:13:11,593 ♪ Because she's half dead ♪ 346 00:13:11,626 --> 00:13:13,460 -Tori! -No, no, no, no. 347 00:13:13,494 --> 00:13:15,195 Come back, come back, come back, come back. 348 00:13:15,229 --> 00:13:16,564 -Come back, come back. -Alright, you guys, I'm back. 349 00:13:16,598 --> 00:13:18,132 -It's a catchy song. -It's a good song. 350 00:13:18,165 --> 00:13:19,199 It's the feel good hit of the winter. 351 00:13:19,233 --> 00:13:20,334 -Okay, cheers. -Cheers. 352 00:13:20,367 --> 00:13:22,036 -To Christmas! -To Christmas! 353 00:13:22,069 --> 00:13:23,904 -Bah humbug. -Bah humbug. 354 00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,105 Ho, ho, ho. 355 00:13:25,139 --> 00:13:26,974 Come sit on Santa's lap 356 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,310 and tell him what you want for Christmas. 357 00:13:29,343 --> 00:13:31,011 Ugh! 358 00:13:31,045 --> 00:13:34,315 -I fucking hate that. -No, they all get recalled. 359 00:13:34,348 --> 00:13:36,417 Priest said that to me when I was a young boy. 360 00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:39,521 Are you okay? You're not fucking okay. 361 00:13:39,554 --> 00:13:41,288 -No, I'm not well. -It's so bad. 362 00:13:41,322 --> 00:13:43,190 Thank God they're taking it out on Friday. 363 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,259 Has he ever come to life while you guys were fucking? 364 00:13:45,292 --> 00:13:46,561 Oh, he joins. 365 00:13:46,594 --> 00:13:48,028 -Yeah. Yeah, yeah. 366 00:13:48,062 --> 00:13:49,564 -He's anatomical. -Oh, really? 367 00:13:49,597 --> 00:13:51,398 -Big bad Santa. -Okay. 368 00:13:51,432 --> 00:13:53,934 -Big Santa. -But I am hoping that they 369 00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,002 leave behind this aspect of it. 370 00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:56,103 What? 371 00:13:57,404 --> 00:14:01,543 -Oh! -Oh, baby, it's so romantic! 372 00:14:01,576 --> 00:14:04,044 Okay, we're getting the fuck out of here. 373 00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:05,212 This is too much Christmas for me. 374 00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:07,649 -Oh, no, no. -No, no, no, stay, stay. 375 00:14:07,682 --> 00:14:11,619 Stop! I fuckin' -- that's a lot. That is a lot. 376 00:14:11,653 --> 00:14:14,455 It's really excessive. We're gonna have one drink and go. 377 00:14:14,488 --> 00:14:16,156 -All right. Yeah, fine. -Fine. 378 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,925 We could just -- You guys hang out. 379 00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:19,527 -We could have some more drinks. -We're not going to hang out. 380 00:14:19,561 --> 00:14:21,095 -The four of us. -We're not gonna hang out. 381 00:14:21,128 --> 00:14:22,630 -Santa, the anatomical Santa. -We're good. 382 00:14:22,664 --> 00:14:24,098 -Okay, alright. -Alright. 383 00:14:24,131 --> 00:14:25,466 -Easy, tiger. -Alright. 384 00:14:25,499 --> 00:14:27,067 -Cheers. -Cheers. 385 00:14:27,101 --> 00:14:29,370 Fuck. Merry Christmas to a fuckin' day off. 386 00:14:29,403 --> 00:14:31,238 -Little bit of flavor in there. -Yeah. 387 00:14:31,271 --> 00:14:33,407 -Mm. -Okay, I love you. 388 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:35,242 Get the fuck out. I want to fuck my husband. 389 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,544 -Mwah. -Merry Christmas. 390 00:14:36,578 --> 00:14:37,679 -Merry Christmas. -Bye. 391 00:14:37,712 --> 00:14:39,046 -See you. -See you. 392 00:14:39,079 --> 00:14:40,147 -See ya, bud. -All right. We're going. 393 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,048 -Goodbye. -See ya. 394 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:44,652 ♪ Oh, she's whispering in my head ♪ 395 00:14:44,686 --> 00:14:46,621 Fucking hate you guys! 396 00:14:46,654 --> 00:14:48,556 ♪ I'm half deaf for you ♪ 397 00:14:48,590 --> 00:14:51,559 I'm stealing your candy. Thank you. 398 00:14:51,593 --> 00:14:53,561 -Come on, let's go. -Ugh! 399 00:14:53,595 --> 00:14:55,129 Let's fucking go. 400 00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:56,531 -God! -Come on! 401 00:14:56,564 --> 00:14:58,633 Coming. I'm coming. 402 00:14:58,666 --> 00:15:03,003 Ho, ho, ho. Merry Christmas. 403 00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:10,512 Sowell Robotic Products' new animatronic 404 00:15:10,545 --> 00:15:12,547 state of the art Santa Claus featured at our own 405 00:15:12,580 --> 00:15:14,682 T.W. Bonkers is now the subject of an international recall. 406 00:15:14,716 --> 00:15:16,551 There have been reports that some of the Santa units 407 00:15:16,584 --> 00:15:18,952 are reverting to their old Defense Department firmware. 408 00:15:18,986 --> 00:15:21,589 Thus far, most of the reports have been of harmless pranks. 409 00:15:21,623 --> 00:15:24,391 Fuck no! 410 00:15:24,425 --> 00:15:25,993 Larry, can you turn that shit off? 411 00:15:26,026 --> 00:15:27,461 -That's so depressing. -Yeah. 412 00:15:27,494 --> 00:15:28,962 You guys want one more 413 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,097 to close it out? 414 00:15:30,130 --> 00:15:31,599 Yeah, we will. 415 00:15:31,633 --> 00:15:33,467 Can we get another round and a shot of whiskey, please? 416 00:15:33,500 --> 00:15:35,402 You're going to chase a shot of whiskey with more whiskey? 417 00:15:35,436 --> 00:15:37,404 I am. It's a holiday. That's what you do. 418 00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:39,306 -This is true. -Thank you. 419 00:15:39,339 --> 00:15:42,109 Is this, uh, together? Or separate? 420 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,579 Togeth-- Together. 421 00:15:44,612 --> 00:15:46,079 It's on one bill. I got it. 422 00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:47,615 -Oh, la di da. -It's part of your bonus. 423 00:15:47,649 --> 00:15:50,284 Although I am a little disappointed. 424 00:15:50,317 --> 00:15:52,587 He didn't even offer to pay for the fuckin' last -- 425 00:15:52,620 --> 00:15:54,254 Excuse me, this is not a date, remember? 426 00:15:54,288 --> 00:15:56,423 Yeah, no, I fuckin' remember now. 427 00:15:56,457 --> 00:15:57,991 Happy I didn't think otherwise. 428 00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,092 -Fun hangout -Yeah. 429 00:15:59,126 --> 00:16:00,528 Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool. 430 00:16:00,562 --> 00:16:03,063 You think would have picked up the tab for, uh, 431 00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:06,066 Doctor fuckin' Emmett Eyeliner. 432 00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:07,635 Depends on how the night went. 433 00:16:07,669 --> 00:16:09,771 Probably would have forgotten his wallet or something. 434 00:16:09,804 --> 00:16:12,607 Mnh-mnh. Did this dude fuck your mom or something? 435 00:16:12,640 --> 00:16:15,275 Why the fuck -- every single time you talk about him, 436 00:16:15,309 --> 00:16:16,778 I'm like so close to forgetting him, 437 00:16:16,811 --> 00:16:18,245 and then you bring him up again. 438 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,714 I'm just like, just like, it baffles me 439 00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,181 that you were going to let him, like, you know, 440 00:16:21,215 --> 00:16:22,617 -stick his penis just... -Taint me? 441 00:16:22,650 --> 00:16:24,184 -...inside you. -He's gonna fuckin' taint me? 442 00:16:24,218 --> 00:16:25,553 -He was gonna taint you. -Yeah, I'm horny, 443 00:16:25,587 --> 00:16:27,354 and it's a holiday. What am I supposed to do? 444 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,791 Do you want to go through -- Larry, do you want to go through 445 00:16:29,824 --> 00:16:31,492 Robbie's list of prize catches? 446 00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:33,060 -Not again. -'Cause fuckin' -- 447 00:16:33,093 --> 00:16:34,562 no, remember this? Remember rotten Rebecca? 448 00:16:34,596 --> 00:16:36,063 The one that smelled like a fucking fish market. 449 00:16:36,096 --> 00:16:37,765 -Oh, God. -She was great. 450 00:16:37,799 --> 00:16:39,333 Yeah, had to walk out of the room every time... 451 00:16:39,366 --> 00:16:41,101 -Rotten Rebecca. -...every time she fucking 452 00:16:41,134 --> 00:16:42,169 walked in one. 453 00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,505 Oh, my God. 454 00:16:43,538 --> 00:16:45,172 That honestly made me want to throw up. 455 00:16:45,205 --> 00:16:46,306 That was so gross. 456 00:16:46,340 --> 00:16:47,474 Who else? Come on. 457 00:16:47,509 --> 00:16:49,109 Do you want to talk about Tina? 458 00:16:49,142 --> 00:16:51,613 -Tina? -Googly eyed Tina? 459 00:16:51,646 --> 00:16:53,347 Do you want me to keep going? That's my point. 460 00:16:53,380 --> 00:16:54,816 -That was a condition. -Do you want me to keep going? 461 00:16:54,849 --> 00:16:56,551 -She couldn't help it. -Okay. 462 00:16:56,584 --> 00:16:59,119 -She's a beautiful woman. -Can you shut the fuck up? 463 00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:00,320 Okay, babe, no, seriously. 464 00:17:00,354 --> 00:17:02,189 He's been her employee for years. 465 00:17:02,222 --> 00:17:04,124 One, I think it's illegal if they fuck. 466 00:17:04,157 --> 00:17:06,728 And two, he'll never close the deal. 467 00:17:09,597 --> 00:17:11,766 She had that glow in her eyes. 468 00:17:11,799 --> 00:17:13,735 Okay, okay, fine. No, she fucking might have. 469 00:17:13,768 --> 00:17:15,235 But he won't even come close to closing the deal. 470 00:17:15,269 --> 00:17:16,638 -What? -Not at all. 471 00:17:16,671 --> 00:17:19,507 1,000 percent they're fucking tonight. 472 00:17:19,541 --> 00:17:22,175 -Fuck that. -Unless Robbie's dick 473 00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:25,547 gets chopped up, they're gonna fuck tonight. 474 00:17:25,580 --> 00:17:27,849 What are you fuck-- Fuck that. Okay. All right. 475 00:17:27,882 --> 00:17:29,449 -You want him bet? -Yeah. 476 00:17:30,718 --> 00:17:32,286 Okay, great, great, great, great. 477 00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:33,555 Alright, how much you fucking want to bet then? 478 00:17:33,588 --> 00:17:34,822 Are you ever going to settle down, 479 00:17:34,856 --> 00:17:36,558 you know, chill the fuck out. 480 00:17:36,591 --> 00:17:37,559 Are you? 481 00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,192 -Yeah. -Yeah? 482 00:17:39,226 --> 00:17:40,828 -Hopefully. -Oh, okay, great. 483 00:17:40,862 --> 00:17:42,697 Well, maybe I'll fucking settle down when I can find a man 484 00:17:42,730 --> 00:17:44,298 that can keep up with me. 485 00:17:44,331 --> 00:17:46,266 Do you know how hard it is being in a world 486 00:17:46,300 --> 00:17:49,737 surrounded by so many boys that can't handle a woman 487 00:17:49,771 --> 00:17:52,105 who can out drink, out earn and out fuck them, 488 00:17:52,139 --> 00:17:53,340 for the love of God? 489 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,209 Do you know how many men cannot fuck? 490 00:17:56,243 --> 00:17:58,145 -There's a few. -No. 491 00:17:58,178 --> 00:17:59,547 -And some can. -None of them know 492 00:17:59,581 --> 00:18:01,148 how to eat pussy. I'll tell you that right now. 493 00:18:01,181 --> 00:18:02,449 -See, I beg to differ. -No. 494 00:18:02,482 --> 00:18:04,284 In fact, I would argue there are one, 495 00:18:04,318 --> 00:18:06,153 maybe two people in this general vicinity 496 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:08,790 who can do it with the ferocity of a fucking tyrannosaurus 497 00:18:08,823 --> 00:18:12,125 No, No. 498 00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:13,795 -Larry. -Larry. 499 00:18:13,828 --> 00:18:15,763 Can you please, for the love of God, 500 00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,699 give me one more round. 501 00:18:17,732 --> 00:18:19,366 I'll be you 502 00:18:19,399 --> 00:18:24,706 that if they fuck, I'll make you a steak dinner. 503 00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:26,373 -Really? -Yeah. 504 00:18:26,406 --> 00:18:29,510 Wearing nothing but an apron. 505 00:18:32,547 --> 00:18:34,247 If I lose? 506 00:18:34,281 --> 00:18:37,250 Oh, when you lose, 507 00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:39,887 you have to eat my ass out on this throne. 508 00:18:39,921 --> 00:18:42,289 Well, why wait? Why don't I eat it fuckin' right now? 509 00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:43,758 Daddy's hungry. 510 00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,159 Ah! Daddy! 511 00:18:46,193 --> 00:18:48,663 Oh! 512 00:18:48,696 --> 00:18:50,898 I can trace it back every fucking time. 513 00:18:50,932 --> 00:18:54,167 The second they cut their hair, they cut their worst record! 514 00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:57,237 Ah, it's just such an absurd claim. 515 00:18:57,270 --> 00:19:00,642 It isn't -- It's a fucking absurdly correct claim. 516 00:19:00,675 --> 00:19:02,944 Is what it is. Okay? 517 00:19:02,977 --> 00:19:04,879 Do you remember that fucking study I showed you? 518 00:19:04,912 --> 00:19:07,515 -Oh, yeah. The scientist one. -Yes, the fuckin' scientist one. 519 00:19:07,548 --> 00:19:10,183 The second that they cut the hair of 520 00:19:10,217 --> 00:19:12,520 a Native American person, they lost, like, 521 00:19:12,553 --> 00:19:14,321 -all sense of intuition. -Okay. 522 00:19:14,354 --> 00:19:15,757 -Like fucking all of it. -First off. 523 00:19:15,790 --> 00:19:17,625 -And it's really scary. -First off. 524 00:19:17,659 --> 00:19:20,460 Whatever bullshit fucking blog you pulled that study off -- 525 00:19:20,494 --> 00:19:22,195 -A government study, dude. -Government. 526 00:19:22,229 --> 00:19:23,698 Has about as much merit as the fucking Reddit thread. 527 00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:25,566 -Okay. -Second off, second off, 528 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:27,969 that has absolutely zero fucking merit when it comes to 529 00:19:28,002 --> 00:19:30,505 talking about somebody's actual musical ability. 530 00:19:30,538 --> 00:19:32,507 Okay. I'm going to go through the fucking list. 531 00:19:32,540 --> 00:19:33,808 -Okay, do it. -Metallica. 532 00:19:33,841 --> 00:19:35,475 -Yeah? -Yeah. 533 00:19:35,510 --> 00:19:37,879 They cut their hair, the fuckers release "Load." 534 00:19:37,912 --> 00:19:41,582 Yeah? Soundgarden. Cornell cuts his hair off. 535 00:19:41,616 --> 00:19:44,686 Opts for the Spencers Gift tips with the frosted spikes, 536 00:19:44,719 --> 00:19:46,754 and then the motherfuckers release "Superunknown"! 537 00:19:46,788 --> 00:19:49,724 -What is that?! -Boom! Boom right there, bitch! 538 00:19:49,757 --> 00:19:51,324 Voids your argument? Do you know why? 539 00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:54,996 -Why? Tell me why. -'Cause "Superunknown", 540 00:19:55,029 --> 00:19:56,664 -peak Soundgarden. -Oh, fuckin' -- 541 00:19:56,698 --> 00:19:58,833 -Are you kidding me? -Not one bad track on the album. 542 00:19:58,866 --> 00:20:00,568 Are you actually going to stop with the fucking 543 00:20:00,601 --> 00:20:02,269 Jesus Christ pose right now? 544 00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:03,838 What the fuck?! Are you serious?! 545 00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:05,907 Are you fuckin' -- 546 00:20:05,940 --> 00:20:08,308 Are you fucking kidding me? 547 00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:11,579 That's so fuckin' dumb, so fuckin' dumb. 548 00:20:11,612 --> 00:20:13,246 Let me guess. 549 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,550 You prefer you prefer, uh, you prefer Van Hagar? 550 00:20:15,583 --> 00:20:19,620 "Prefer" is a strong word. They lost zero appeal 551 00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:21,022 when Diamond Dave ducked out. 552 00:20:21,055 --> 00:20:23,658 -Oh! Really? -Yes, really. 553 00:20:23,691 --> 00:20:26,359 Because it's around that time that they got 554 00:20:26,393 --> 00:20:28,963 rid of their guitar god, and then replaced him 555 00:20:28,996 --> 00:20:32,033 with a synth loving clone of said guitar god. 556 00:20:32,066 --> 00:20:34,367 Alright, get your ass off the bar, Robbie. 557 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:36,003 -Oh. -Hate to break up the party. 558 00:20:36,037 --> 00:20:38,005 I got four little diaper pissers at home. 559 00:20:38,039 --> 00:20:39,874 They're going to wake me up in four hours. Let's -- 560 00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:41,609 Yes, thank you. 561 00:20:41,642 --> 00:20:43,745 I don't want to listen to this fucking guy anyway. 562 00:20:43,778 --> 00:20:45,546 -Sweet baby. Jesus. -Mm, got my card. 563 00:20:45,580 --> 00:20:48,649 Slow your roll, Larry. Got two more coming my way. 564 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,284 -I'll pour you one. -Hands behind your back. 565 00:20:51,318 --> 00:20:53,721 -Hands behind my back? -You're lucky like you. 566 00:20:53,755 --> 00:20:55,857 Yeah, and you're lucky I don't have health inspector 567 00:20:55,890 --> 00:20:56,924 shut this shit hole down. 568 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:00,027 He's right. 569 00:21:00,061 --> 00:21:01,662 Is he right? 570 00:21:01,696 --> 00:21:05,700 -And pour Tori and her new beau. -Oh, thanks, man. 571 00:21:05,733 --> 00:21:09,369 One and one for yourself, Larry. 572 00:21:09,402 --> 00:21:11,672 I didn't know you two were a thing. 573 00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:12,807 -We're not. -Yet. 574 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:14,876 Get fucked. 575 00:21:18,846 --> 00:21:20,681 Ah, yeah! 576 00:21:46,507 --> 00:21:49,309 The wife's back is with her family. 577 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:57,384 So that's why I'm spending Christmas alone. 578 00:21:57,417 --> 00:21:59,720 Unless you count that fucking mutt 579 00:21:59,754 --> 00:22:01,088 that won't keep its trap shut. 580 00:22:01,122 --> 00:22:02,824 Why do you have a fucking dog then, man? 581 00:22:02,857 --> 00:22:04,792 You think I wanted that thing? 582 00:22:04,826 --> 00:22:07,595 -That's all Donna. -Okay. 583 00:22:07,628 --> 00:22:10,064 That little son of a whore is like an angel around her. 584 00:22:10,097 --> 00:22:13,134 But with me, just me, it won't shut the fuck up 585 00:22:13,167 --> 00:22:15,703 because I won't spoil him, like Donna does. 586 00:22:15,736 --> 00:22:17,404 Just like with her old man. 587 00:22:17,437 --> 00:22:19,439 Yeah, I think -- I think it sounds like the dog just 588 00:22:19,472 --> 00:22:21,843 probably needs, like, some lovin' from Daddy Monroe. 589 00:22:21,876 --> 00:22:23,811 -Like. -Yeah, yeah, yeah. 590 00:22:23,845 --> 00:22:26,781 I think the little bastard needs his balls clipped. 591 00:22:26,814 --> 00:22:28,749 -Hey, man. -Sure. 592 00:22:28,783 --> 00:22:30,518 Donna had me get my balls clipped 593 00:22:30,551 --> 00:22:34,454 -two days after Henry was born. -Jesus fucking Christ. 594 00:22:34,487 --> 00:22:39,560 You're gonna wake up a sleeping, Junior. 595 00:22:39,594 --> 00:22:42,563 Well, uh, here, let's have a toast. 596 00:22:42,597 --> 00:22:45,066 I think you've had enough there, Supercuts. 597 00:22:45,099 --> 00:22:46,801 Cheers. 598 00:22:46,834 --> 00:22:50,071 Cheers. 599 00:22:51,873 --> 00:22:55,576 Here, let me, uh, cover what these kids are drinking. 600 00:22:55,610 --> 00:22:58,746 -Oh, no, no, that's -- -No, hey, hey, hey, hey. 601 00:22:58,779 --> 00:23:00,147 -You... -Thank you, Chief. 602 00:23:00,181 --> 00:23:03,851 -...keep the rest for yourself. -Thank you. 603 00:23:03,885 --> 00:23:06,120 Watch yourself with that one. 604 00:23:06,153 --> 00:23:07,622 Merry Christmas, Sheriff. 605 00:23:07,655 --> 00:23:09,857 Shit, that little punk motherfucker, 606 00:23:09,891 --> 00:23:11,792 wipe that smirk off... 607 00:23:11,826 --> 00:23:14,729 Mm. That sucked the fucking Christmas early. 608 00:23:14,762 --> 00:23:17,464 God damn, what a sad fuckin' human being. 609 00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:20,601 You gonna be good to drive? 610 00:23:20,635 --> 00:23:22,136 Uh, no. 611 00:23:22,169 --> 00:23:24,605 I drove with Robbie -- I fuckin' walked with Robbie. 612 00:23:24,639 --> 00:23:26,040 If I drove you, you'd be fucked. 613 00:23:26,073 --> 00:23:27,842 So much for drinking every guy under the table. 614 00:23:27,875 --> 00:23:31,913 Excuse me. You've got, like, at least five pounds on me. 615 00:23:31,946 --> 00:23:33,514 Soaking wet maybe. 616 00:23:33,547 --> 00:23:34,782 Get her home safe. Robbie. 617 00:23:34,815 --> 00:23:36,449 What the fuck's that's supposed to mean? 618 00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:38,485 -It's a big world out there. -You get home safe. 619 00:23:38,519 --> 00:23:40,621 Better watch for your children. 620 00:23:42,056 --> 00:23:43,925 -I'm just kidding. -Sounded so threatening. 621 00:23:43,958 --> 00:23:46,426 -Good night. -Thank you, Larry. 622 00:23:48,963 --> 00:23:51,232 -Ugh. -Come on. 623 00:23:54,268 --> 00:23:55,736 Yes! 624 00:23:56,971 --> 00:23:58,205 Oh, shit. 625 00:23:58,239 --> 00:23:59,974 Not yet. 626 00:24:00,007 --> 00:24:01,542 It's coming early. 627 00:24:01,575 --> 00:24:02,543 Hold it. No, baby, hold it. 628 00:24:02,576 --> 00:24:04,578 Hold it! You better not! 629 00:24:04,612 --> 00:24:05,947 Fuck! You better not! 630 00:24:05,980 --> 00:24:07,848 Ah! 631 00:24:09,517 --> 00:24:11,686 Like, what did he arrest you for? 632 00:24:11,719 --> 00:24:13,921 It was fucking -- you were like -- 633 00:24:13,955 --> 00:24:15,756 you were like pissing on a playground. 634 00:24:15,790 --> 00:24:17,658 I didn't know the kid was going to show up like that. 635 00:24:17,692 --> 00:24:19,492 Oh, fuck, and the kid was his grandson. 636 00:24:19,527 --> 00:24:20,861 Yeah, I made him a man. 637 00:24:20,895 --> 00:24:22,495 That's fucked. You took that away from him. 638 00:24:22,530 --> 00:24:24,065 -I know. -You took it away him. 639 00:24:42,683 --> 00:24:45,786 Somebody help! 640 00:24:45,820 --> 00:24:47,121 Do you want to keep drinking, or...? 641 00:24:47,154 --> 00:24:50,257 I mean, yeah. What are you thinking? 642 00:24:50,291 --> 00:24:52,026 -What am I thinking? -Yeah. 643 00:25:08,943 --> 00:25:11,712 You can come over and kill that bottle with me. 644 00:25:11,746 --> 00:25:13,080 -Really? -Yeah. 645 00:25:13,114 --> 00:25:14,582 -Are you sure? -Yeah. 646 00:25:14,615 --> 00:25:16,550 Come kill the fucking bottle. 647 00:25:16,584 --> 00:25:18,819 I said come over for a drink, not over for a fuck. 648 00:25:23,991 --> 00:25:26,260 Well, it sounds like someone's hankering for a little bit of -- 649 00:25:30,064 --> 00:25:32,133 -You hear that? -Hear what? 650 00:25:42,376 --> 00:25:43,778 Yeah, dawg! 651 00:25:43,811 --> 00:25:46,013 Jay hitting that pipe. 652 00:25:46,047 --> 00:25:47,348 Yeah, he's hitting that fucking pipe. 653 00:25:47,381 --> 00:25:48,816 Speaking of, have you seen it? 654 00:25:48,849 --> 00:25:50,684 Yeah, it's fucking fat as fuck. 655 00:25:50,718 --> 00:25:52,720 -It's fat. -Oh, he be gaping that shit 656 00:25:52,753 --> 00:25:54,321 for sure. 657 00:26:06,934 --> 00:26:08,669 How old are you, fuckin' 12? 658 00:26:08,702 --> 00:26:10,137 I can see you smoking that blunt from here! 659 00:26:10,171 --> 00:26:12,339 -I didn't fuckin' ask -- -I said give it to me! 660 00:26:12,373 --> 00:26:15,042 I need to salvage this Lincoln Log... 661 00:26:15,076 --> 00:26:17,378 -No! -...before you run it into 662 00:26:17,411 --> 00:26:18,946 the fuckin' ground. 663 00:26:22,083 --> 00:26:24,685 Yeah, I want to fuckin' salvage this thing. 664 00:26:24,718 --> 00:26:26,253 What are we watching when we get to yours, 665 00:26:26,287 --> 00:26:27,988 "A Christmas Story"? 666 00:26:28,022 --> 00:26:29,790 What is your fucking obsession with "A Christmas Story"? 667 00:26:29,824 --> 00:26:31,158 What's your issue with "A Christmas Story"? 668 00:26:31,192 --> 00:26:32,726 You're the one that brought it up earlier. 669 00:26:32,760 --> 00:26:34,195 Everyone's obsessed with it. 670 00:26:34,228 --> 00:26:35,830 If you want to watch a Bob Clark Christmas movie 671 00:26:35,863 --> 00:26:38,332 will watch fucking "Black Christmas." 672 00:26:38,365 --> 00:26:40,868 Oh, that -- that Blumhouse joint? 673 00:26:40,901 --> 00:26:43,337 I'm just going to drive myself home. 674 00:26:43,370 --> 00:26:45,172 No, no, no. You said we were going to my car -- 675 00:26:45,206 --> 00:26:47,341 If you want to go home and fucking jerk off 676 00:26:47,374 --> 00:26:49,877 -to fucking Blumhouse movies -- -Get your fuckin' ass over here. 677 00:26:49,910 --> 00:26:51,946 Okay, but are you done spewing garbage out of your fuckin' 678 00:26:51,979 --> 00:26:53,314 -whore mouth? -Oh, there it is. 679 00:26:53,347 --> 00:26:55,149 There's your fuckin' Rhode Island accent. 680 00:26:55,182 --> 00:26:57,384 I maybe sound like I'm from Rhode Island, 681 00:26:57,418 --> 00:27:00,121 but at least I don't have shit taste in movies, 682 00:27:00,154 --> 00:27:04,692 shit opinions on everything, and drive a fucking shit car. 683 00:27:04,725 --> 00:27:06,160 Uh, excuse me, this is basically 684 00:27:06,193 --> 00:27:07,661 the same as your fucking car. 685 00:27:07,695 --> 00:27:08,829 Don't say that about her. She's beautiful. 686 00:27:08,863 --> 00:27:10,397 -Also -- -I get her first. 687 00:27:10,431 --> 00:27:12,099 My lady. My lady. You got to get in on this side. 688 00:27:12,133 --> 00:27:13,901 You haven't got this fucking car fixed yet? 689 00:27:13,934 --> 00:27:15,269 With what you pay me, 690 00:27:15,302 --> 00:27:17,805 you think I can afford a fucking door? 691 00:27:17,838 --> 00:27:19,673 What are you doing with your paychecks? 692 00:27:19,707 --> 00:27:21,142 -This is -- -My minimum, my minimum -- 693 00:27:21,175 --> 00:27:22,676 That's embarrassing. 694 00:27:22,710 --> 00:27:24,011 My minimum fucking wage paycheck. 695 00:27:24,044 --> 00:27:25,412 Yeah, your minimum fucking wage paycheck. 696 00:27:25,446 --> 00:27:26,747 -Get it. -That should be 697 00:27:26,780 --> 00:27:28,716 -a fucking priority. -Please. 698 00:27:28,749 --> 00:27:30,184 -Wow. -Lady. 699 00:27:30,217 --> 00:27:32,753 No, I changed my fucking mind. I changed my mind. 700 00:27:32,786 --> 00:27:34,288 Hop in, hot shot. We got fucking whiskey waiting. 701 00:27:34,321 --> 00:27:35,890 -Get in. -Oh, whiskey you say? 702 00:27:35,923 --> 00:27:37,124 -Yes. -Okay, in that case, 703 00:27:37,158 --> 00:27:38,993 -shut your fucking mouth. -Oh, this mouth. 704 00:27:39,026 --> 00:27:41,228 This fucking whore mouth and that devil's tongue, baby. 705 00:27:41,262 --> 00:27:44,965 -Ew, shut the -- Robbie. -Come on, what? 706 00:27:44,999 --> 00:27:46,400 -This is a -- -Get your fuckin' ass in. 707 00:27:46,433 --> 00:27:48,469 Don't touch my fuckin' ass. 708 00:27:48,503 --> 00:27:50,304 She got a bit of a fight in her. All right. 709 00:27:50,337 --> 00:27:53,774 -Call fucking H.R. -I'll give you space. 710 00:27:53,807 --> 00:27:55,309 No wonder you don't get fuckin' laid. 711 00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:59,413 -Look at this. -What? 712 00:27:59,446 --> 00:28:01,015 No wonder you don't get fucking laid. 713 00:28:01,048 --> 00:28:03,150 -This is disgusting. -It adds to the flavor. 714 00:28:03,184 --> 00:28:06,420 Adds to the flavor of what? A fucking chicken coop. 715 00:28:06,453 --> 00:28:09,156 This is fucked up. 716 00:28:09,190 --> 00:28:11,292 Some empty cans and bottles. That's Tori Tooms' break? 717 00:28:11,325 --> 00:28:13,194 No, but it's the nail in the fucking coffin 718 00:28:13,227 --> 00:28:14,962 because this is really bad. 719 00:28:14,995 --> 00:28:17,164 -Come on, baby. -How do you live like this? 720 00:28:17,198 --> 00:28:19,066 -Let's cowboy up. -Just take my car. 721 00:28:19,099 --> 00:28:21,835 Just take my fucking card. 722 00:28:21,869 --> 00:28:23,804 You just got to be patient with her. 723 00:28:23,837 --> 00:28:26,407 I'm gonna lose my buzz. 724 00:28:29,511 --> 00:28:31,312 -Hey! -Oh, God. 725 00:28:31,345 --> 00:28:34,248 -Jesus. -Feel that between my pants. 726 00:28:34,281 --> 00:28:36,350 We're going to have to roll this up the hill ourselves. 727 00:28:36,383 --> 00:28:38,986 -Alright. -Whoa. Jesus fucking Christ. 728 00:28:39,019 --> 00:28:41,288 I don't feel safe. What are you -- okay. 729 00:28:41,322 --> 00:28:43,224 She's road worthy. Don't even worry about it. 730 00:28:43,257 --> 00:28:46,493 Okay! Here we go. 731 00:29:10,317 --> 00:29:13,320 Oh, if this guy parks his fucking Ranchero here 732 00:29:13,354 --> 00:29:15,089 one more time, I'm going to total it, 733 00:29:15,122 --> 00:29:17,091 smash out his fucking windows. 734 00:29:17,124 --> 00:29:18,959 Little harsh to the Griswolds. 735 00:29:18,993 --> 00:29:20,562 NO, it's boozin' Benny down at the bottom of the hill. 736 00:29:20,595 --> 00:29:22,530 -He's a fucking alcoholic. -Boozin' Benny. 737 00:29:22,564 --> 00:29:24,231 Just pull up behind my sister's car. 738 00:29:24,265 --> 00:29:25,866 Wait. Your sister is here? 739 00:29:25,899 --> 00:29:27,401 Do you not listen to a fucking thing I say? 740 00:29:27,434 --> 00:29:29,303 Well, I mean, I listen, but I don't retain. 741 00:29:29,336 --> 00:29:31,338 Yeah, well, I don't want to retain the stink 742 00:29:31,372 --> 00:29:33,508 from this fucking chicken coop, so get out. 743 00:29:33,541 --> 00:29:35,209 Come on, let's go drink. 744 00:29:35,242 --> 00:29:37,945 -Beautiful. -Oh, Jesus. 745 00:29:37,978 --> 00:29:40,147 -All right, my lady. -Listen, I really can't -- 746 00:29:40,180 --> 00:29:42,349 Please exit your chariot. 747 00:29:42,383 --> 00:29:44,251 I honestly -- I'm -- whoa. 748 00:29:44,285 --> 00:29:46,220 I'm too drunk for this. Jesus. 749 00:29:46,253 --> 00:29:48,389 Walk carefully, please. Thank you. 750 00:29:48,422 --> 00:29:51,425 And treat her with respect and dignity. 751 00:29:57,264 --> 00:29:59,033 Uh, welcome to my humble abode. 752 00:29:59,066 --> 00:30:00,602 Yeah, it's cute. It's uh -- 753 00:30:00,635 --> 00:30:03,103 Charming, classy, cute. I know. 754 00:30:03,137 --> 00:30:04,606 -Yeah, sure. -Extravagant. 755 00:30:04,639 --> 00:30:06,240 -Rustic. -Yeah. 756 00:30:06,273 --> 00:30:08,842 Humble. Barn-like. 757 00:30:08,876 --> 00:30:11,312 I really hope we don't take my sister out because 758 00:30:11,345 --> 00:30:14,181 I don't want to have to awkwardly introduce you. 759 00:30:14,214 --> 00:30:17,284 Wait, so are we drinking alone tonight, or what? 760 00:30:17,318 --> 00:30:19,286 Robbie, do not fucking listen to me? 761 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:20,588 They're out cold. 762 00:30:20,622 --> 00:30:22,323 Out cold already? It's not even midnight. 763 00:30:22,356 --> 00:30:24,559 Plus, my lame ass brother in law doesn't even drink, so... 764 00:30:24,592 --> 00:30:28,362 Oh, that fucking cunt Mike. Yeah? 765 00:30:28,395 --> 00:30:31,031 Mr. Hollywood? Yeah. 766 00:30:34,636 --> 00:30:38,972 These goddamn neighbors and their fucking obnoxious lights. 767 00:30:39,006 --> 00:30:41,442 Hey, Tori. 768 00:30:41,475 --> 00:30:44,445 How much music was there in "Unsolved Mysteries"? 769 00:30:44,478 --> 00:30:46,380 - What? - I mean, like, I don't -- 770 00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:48,148 I don't want to -- I don't want to scare you, 771 00:30:48,182 --> 00:30:51,051 like, in your own home, but there's like six hours 772 00:30:51,085 --> 00:30:52,654 worth of the "Unsolved Mysteries" soundtrack? 773 00:30:52,687 --> 00:30:55,889 What the fuck is your problem with "Unsolved Mysteries"? 774 00:30:55,923 --> 00:30:57,991 I mean, like, 30 second intro, and then, like, 775 00:30:58,025 --> 00:30:59,460 do you need six hours? 776 00:30:59,493 --> 00:31:01,295 Have you heard it? 777 00:31:01,328 --> 00:31:04,431 No, not the entire fucking expanse of isolated soundtrack. 778 00:31:04,465 --> 00:31:07,334 Oh, well, it is the fucking creepiest goddamn synth pads 779 00:31:07,368 --> 00:31:09,970 you will ever hear in your fucking life. 780 00:31:10,003 --> 00:31:11,905 -Mm-hmm. Right. -They're amazing. Put it on. 781 00:31:11,939 --> 00:31:13,907 Yeah, okay. No, I've already got something queued up. 782 00:31:13,941 --> 00:31:15,442 No, put it on. I want you to get like soaked up and like 783 00:31:15,476 --> 00:31:16,644 -immersed in it. -No, no, no, I'm good. 784 00:31:16,678 --> 00:31:18,445 -I'm good. -It's so good. Please. 785 00:31:18,479 --> 00:31:20,280 Robbie. All right, fine. At least I know it won't be "Load." 786 00:31:20,314 --> 00:31:23,217 -Oh, I know. I already looked. -Oh, did you? 787 00:31:23,250 --> 00:31:26,920 Of course. Oh, come on, Robbie. 788 00:31:26,954 --> 00:31:29,990 "Rhythms From a Cosmic Sky" is, like, at least four times -- 789 00:31:30,023 --> 00:31:31,559 Oh, you're the worst fuckin' opinion. 790 00:31:31,593 --> 00:31:33,595 No, everybody knows that. What are you talking about? 791 00:31:33,628 --> 00:31:35,429 Uh, it's in your collection. 792 00:31:35,462 --> 00:31:36,598 Yeah, because I'm a completist. Thank you. 793 00:31:36,631 --> 00:31:39,032 -Not for Metallica. -Shut up. 794 00:31:39,066 --> 00:31:42,504 Follow -- get that fucking thing away from me. 795 00:31:42,537 --> 00:31:45,239 Okay. 796 00:31:45,272 --> 00:31:47,575 I'm weirdly turned on by this. 797 00:31:47,609 --> 00:31:49,677 -Really? -But I need you to stop. 798 00:32:07,027 --> 00:32:10,264 Hey, Freddy. Buddy, let's not open gifts. 799 00:32:12,032 --> 00:32:13,434 There's absolutely no fucking way 800 00:32:13,467 --> 00:32:14,702 that you actually think that "Pet Sematary 2" 801 00:32:14,736 --> 00:32:16,437 is better than the fucking first one! 802 00:32:16,470 --> 00:32:19,106 It's twice is good, if not fucking three times, okay? 803 00:32:19,139 --> 00:32:22,577 It's good. Not better. Not better. No. 804 00:32:22,610 --> 00:32:25,412 Edward Furlong, Clancy fucking Brown. 805 00:32:25,446 --> 00:32:28,348 Who, by the way, chews up scenery like it's a piece of 806 00:32:28,382 --> 00:32:30,652 fucking gum, and that soundtrack. 807 00:32:30,685 --> 00:32:33,187 They've got 12 tracks of female fronted 808 00:32:33,220 --> 00:32:37,024 fucking aggressive as hell, early '90s grunge! 809 00:32:37,057 --> 00:32:38,760 Traci Lords has three goddamn songs on the album, 810 00:32:38,793 --> 00:32:40,528 and they're fucking good, they're so good. 811 00:32:40,562 --> 00:32:43,030 So, you think it's better because Traci Lords, porn star, 812 00:32:43,063 --> 00:32:47,100 fucking superstar, big titty Traci Lords has, what, like, 813 00:32:47,134 --> 00:32:49,136 fuckin' two tracks on the album. 814 00:32:49,169 --> 00:32:52,339 No, three, by the way, and better story. 815 00:32:52,372 --> 00:32:55,342 Better music, obviously. Better kills. 816 00:32:55,375 --> 00:32:59,581 Better makeup, better fucking cast and... 817 00:32:59,614 --> 00:33:03,518 Lord Gwynn aside, I will say, you got me there. 818 00:33:03,551 --> 00:33:06,119 But Mary Lambert, she was finally given free reign. 819 00:33:06,153 --> 00:33:07,655 -Yeah, that was a mistake. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 820 00:33:07,689 --> 00:33:09,490 -What the fuck are you doing? -What? 821 00:33:09,524 --> 00:33:12,392 What fucking Neanderthal puts salsa on nachos 822 00:33:12,426 --> 00:33:14,361 -before they cook them? -Me. 823 00:33:14,394 --> 00:33:17,197 Freddy, put it away and get to bed. 824 00:33:22,436 --> 00:33:24,506 -"Elm Street." -Part 6, "Freddy's Dead." 825 00:33:24,539 --> 00:33:26,440 -Come the fuck on. -Yeah. 826 00:33:26,473 --> 00:33:28,643 Whoa! Hellraiser? 827 00:33:28,676 --> 00:33:30,344 -"Hell on Earth." -Child's Play? 828 00:33:30,377 --> 00:33:32,079 -2. -Alien? 829 00:33:32,112 --> 00:33:35,215 -"Covenant." -Oh, no, No, no. 830 00:33:35,249 --> 00:33:37,619 -Yes. -Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, 831 00:33:37,652 --> 00:33:41,556 -okay, okay, okay, okay. -Okay. 832 00:33:41,589 --> 00:33:42,824 Blair Witch? 833 00:33:42,857 --> 00:33:45,359 -Book of Motherfucking Shadows", bitch? 834 00:33:45,392 --> 00:33:47,427 It's a fucking classic, and you're going to watch it, 835 00:33:47,461 --> 00:33:50,565 and you'll -- stop. You'll get it. I promise. 836 00:33:50,598 --> 00:33:52,399 Do you use your little fucking fingers, like, 837 00:33:52,432 --> 00:33:53,801 typing on the keyboard, and you're like, 838 00:33:53,835 --> 00:33:55,269 "Oh, like Reddit, Reddit thread." 839 00:33:55,302 --> 00:33:56,738 -Shut the fuck up. No, no, I am like, 840 00:33:56,771 --> 00:33:58,640 I am a gal with fucking strong opinions. 841 00:33:58,673 --> 00:34:00,274 And now we're going to take a shot to 842 00:34:00,307 --> 00:34:01,441 "Book of" motherfuckin' "Shadows" 843 00:34:01,475 --> 00:34:03,410 because it's so good. 844 00:34:03,443 --> 00:34:05,345 Ah. 845 00:34:35,175 --> 00:34:36,678 Oh, fuck. 846 00:34:47,755 --> 00:34:49,323 Jesus. 847 00:34:59,399 --> 00:35:01,234 Freddy, that better not be you. 848 00:35:01,268 --> 00:35:03,871 If you're opening those gifts, I swear to God. 849 00:35:07,575 --> 00:35:10,444 Hey, you know what happens if I come down there. 850 00:35:19,186 --> 00:35:20,588 Oh! 851 00:35:20,622 --> 00:35:22,422 Oh, my God. 852 00:35:22,456 --> 00:35:24,559 Sorry, sorry. 853 00:35:25,392 --> 00:35:27,695 Fuck it. 854 00:35:29,229 --> 00:35:33,400 Freddy? Freddy, is that you, buddy? 855 00:35:33,433 --> 00:35:35,870 Said we weren't gonna open or touch any of these gifts 856 00:35:35,903 --> 00:35:37,672 till Santa got -- 857 00:35:42,242 --> 00:35:45,345 Get the fuck out of my house. I'm calling the cops right now. 858 00:35:45,379 --> 00:35:47,280 Oh, shit! 859 00:35:56,758 --> 00:35:58,626 Wait. 860 00:36:13,373 --> 00:36:15,375 Oh, king shit. 861 00:38:22,637 --> 00:38:24,605 Frankie, what was -- 862 00:38:35,883 --> 00:38:37,084 Frankie! 863 00:38:41,956 --> 00:38:44,559 Oh, what the fuck? 864 00:38:46,459 --> 00:38:47,595 That was... 865 00:38:49,831 --> 00:38:51,566 unexpected. 866 00:38:51,599 --> 00:38:53,935 Too bad find out about that earlier. 867 00:38:53,968 --> 00:38:56,336 Yeah, it's too bad. 868 00:39:08,850 --> 00:39:12,820 This thing is USDA approved organic prime man meat. 869 00:39:12,854 --> 00:39:14,922 Sorry, Are you asking me to peg you? 870 00:39:14,956 --> 00:39:18,092 I'm not asking. I'm inviting. 871 00:39:18,125 --> 00:39:20,595 Please, sir, may I have a hit? 872 00:39:27,467 --> 00:39:29,670 No! Pl-- Aah! 873 00:39:30,872 --> 00:39:33,541 I'm gonna get some more whiskey, flip the record. 874 00:39:33,574 --> 00:39:35,977 Come back up. Don't fucking move. 875 00:39:43,951 --> 00:39:46,687 Mom? 876 00:39:49,223 --> 00:39:50,992 Mommy? 877 00:39:51,025 --> 00:39:52,994 You okay? 878 00:40:00,034 --> 00:40:02,136 Santa? 879 00:40:02,169 --> 00:40:03,971 Where's Mommy? 880 00:40:08,475 --> 00:40:11,512 Did you bring me any good presents? 881 00:40:11,545 --> 00:40:13,147 You did! 882 00:40:52,720 --> 00:40:54,989 Oh. Fuck, fuck! 883 00:40:55,022 --> 00:40:57,158 Fuck me. 884 00:40:57,191 --> 00:40:58,960 Damn it. 885 00:41:00,628 --> 00:41:02,229 Jesus. 886 00:41:05,132 --> 00:41:06,934 That's fucked. 887 00:41:22,583 --> 00:41:26,020 Not stupid clothes again. 888 00:41:31,859 --> 00:41:33,894 Why are you so bloody? 889 00:41:35,029 --> 00:41:36,964 Mommy? 890 00:41:40,301 --> 00:41:42,536 Mom! 891 00:41:49,877 --> 00:41:51,912 -Oh, fuck! -What? 892 00:41:51,946 --> 00:41:53,280 -This guy -- -Tori! 893 00:41:53,314 --> 00:41:55,616 I think he maybe just killed the kid next door. 894 00:41:55,649 --> 00:41:57,184 What the hell are you talking about? 895 00:41:57,218 --> 00:41:59,854 Oh, fuck. 896 00:42:05,259 --> 00:42:07,628 Oh, fuck! 897 00:42:07,661 --> 00:42:09,830 Call the fucking cops now. Come on. 898 00:42:09,864 --> 00:42:12,767 Fuck. Have you seen my phone? Fuck! Get my phone! 899 00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:15,302 -It's upstairs. -Shit. Is your phone down here? 900 00:42:15,336 --> 00:42:18,005 Robbie, go! Find a phone! 901 00:42:29,717 --> 00:42:32,119 Robbie? He's gone. 902 00:42:32,153 --> 00:42:33,320 What? 903 00:42:33,354 --> 00:42:35,022 Robbie, he's fucking gone. 904 00:42:35,056 --> 00:42:37,024 He saw us. The fucker's gonna come over here. 905 00:42:37,058 --> 00:42:38,292 Find a phone and get the fuck out. 906 00:42:38,325 --> 00:42:40,094 I have to get my sister. 907 00:42:40,127 --> 00:42:42,863 Liddy, Mike, wake the fuck up. Get your asses out of bed. 908 00:42:42,897 --> 00:42:44,632 There's no time to explain. Come on, we -- 909 00:42:44,665 --> 00:42:46,100 -Come on. We have to go. -What is going on? 910 00:42:46,133 --> 00:42:47,768 Uh, uh, where's your phone? 911 00:42:47,802 --> 00:42:49,870 It's up there. There weren't any outlets. 912 00:42:49,904 --> 00:42:51,639 Okay. Get out of bed. Put your shoes on. 913 00:42:51,672 --> 00:42:53,140 Put your shoes on now. Come on. 914 00:42:53,174 --> 00:42:55,042 Mike, get the fuck up. I'm trying to help you. 915 00:42:55,076 --> 00:42:56,710 -Alright, alright. -Does it look like I'm joking? 916 00:42:56,744 --> 00:42:58,712 You fucking idiot! Get out of bed! 917 00:43:01,048 --> 00:43:02,283 All right, come on, move it. You should go. 918 00:43:02,316 --> 00:43:04,618 No, you go. Mike, get the fuck out. 919 00:43:04,652 --> 00:43:05,686 -Alright. -Go! 920 00:43:05,719 --> 00:43:07,922 Fuck you, go. 921 00:43:07,955 --> 00:43:09,290 I have no idea what the fuck my phone is. 922 00:43:09,323 --> 00:43:11,125 Shut up. Shut the fuck up. 923 00:43:16,397 --> 00:43:18,699 Where are you keys? 924 00:43:18,732 --> 00:43:20,167 I don't know. 925 00:43:20,201 --> 00:43:22,002 I must have left them in the truck or something. 926 00:43:22,036 --> 00:43:23,771 Well, if they're not in the fucking truck, where are they? 927 00:43:23,804 --> 00:43:25,306 I don't fucking know, do I? 928 00:43:25,339 --> 00:43:27,341 Liddy, do you have your keys? Your fucking keys, Liddy? 929 00:43:27,374 --> 00:43:29,410 -Where are they? -Get the keys. 930 00:43:29,443 --> 00:43:31,178 The keys? What do you want with the fuckin' -- 931 00:43:31,212 --> 00:43:32,813 Shut the fuck up, you cunt. 932 00:43:32,847 --> 00:43:34,682 Okay. Do you want me to get the keys or not? 933 00:43:34,715 --> 00:43:35,816 -Yes. -Fine. I'll get the keys. 934 00:43:35,850 --> 00:43:37,384 Jesus. 935 00:43:41,989 --> 00:43:44,191 Did anybody see where he went? 936 00:43:47,461 --> 00:43:49,330 Okay. 937 00:43:49,363 --> 00:43:51,866 Okay, okay, okay. 938 00:43:51,899 --> 00:43:53,701 We're going to go to the basement. 939 00:43:53,734 --> 00:43:55,436 -What if it's in the basement? -Then we don't have 940 00:43:55,469 --> 00:43:58,739 anywhere to go, do we? 941 00:43:58,772 --> 00:44:00,141 Okay, hang on. 942 00:44:03,811 --> 00:44:04,879 All right, I got the keys. 943 00:44:04,912 --> 00:44:06,280 -Shh! -Look, I didn't even 944 00:44:06,313 --> 00:44:07,781 want to come here in the first -- 945 00:44:07,815 --> 00:44:09,416 Shut the fuck up, Mike. Shut the fuck up. 946 00:45:23,157 --> 00:45:25,059 Get up! 947 00:45:26,528 --> 00:45:28,530 Run! 948 00:45:28,563 --> 00:45:31,198 Get out! 949 00:45:37,171 --> 00:45:40,474 Go! Fucking! Go! 950 00:45:43,043 --> 00:45:44,478 Liddy! 951 00:45:44,512 --> 00:45:48,282 Get -- fuck! Shit! 952 00:45:49,283 --> 00:45:50,451 No! 953 00:45:50,484 --> 00:45:53,153 No! Please! 954 00:45:53,187 --> 00:45:55,724 No! Please! No! 955 00:46:03,464 --> 00:46:05,332 Hey, hey, you got to get in, you got to get in, 956 00:46:05,366 --> 00:46:06,467 you got to get in, you got to get in, 957 00:46:06,500 --> 00:46:08,135 Hey, she's not coming? Okay. 958 00:46:08,168 --> 00:46:09,903 -I need my sister -- -Listen to me. Listen to me. 959 00:46:09,937 --> 00:46:11,805 Listen to me, listen. Okay, she's not coming, okay? 960 00:46:11,839 --> 00:46:13,541 You've got to get in the car. Okay? For me. Please. 961 00:46:13,575 --> 00:46:15,476 Please, please, please, please, please. 962 00:46:15,510 --> 00:46:17,278 Yeah, okay, come on. Yeah. 963 00:46:17,311 --> 00:46:20,014 Get up, come on. Just get in there. 964 00:46:20,047 --> 00:46:21,516 Yeah, okay, get in there. 965 00:46:21,549 --> 00:46:23,417 I need Liddy here right now. 966 00:46:23,450 --> 00:46:24,552 -I need Liddy here. -Hey. 967 00:46:24,586 --> 00:46:28,122 -Come on, Robbie! -Come on! 968 00:46:28,155 --> 00:46:31,158 Fuck you! Fuck! 969 00:46:33,494 --> 00:46:36,397 Go, Robbie, come on. 970 00:46:42,036 --> 00:46:44,305 Robbie! Robbie! 971 00:46:47,174 --> 00:46:51,111 -Fuck. -Oh, fuck! 972 00:46:51,145 --> 00:46:52,379 Are you all right? 973 00:46:52,413 --> 00:46:54,181 -Yeah. -Okay. Well, we got to -- 974 00:46:54,214 --> 00:46:56,317 We got to go. We got to go because he's gonna come back. 975 00:46:56,350 --> 00:46:58,118 Come on! 976 00:46:58,152 --> 00:47:01,021 -Fuck! It's stuck. -Try going forward. 977 00:47:01,055 --> 00:47:02,456 What the fuck?! 978 00:47:02,489 --> 00:47:04,925 -Fuck. -Oh, fuck! 979 00:47:04,958 --> 00:47:06,594 Totaled by fuckin' Ranchero! 980 00:47:06,628 --> 00:47:08,095 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. 981 00:47:09,163 --> 00:47:10,264 -Come on. -Fuck! 982 00:47:10,297 --> 00:47:11,932 You fucking cocksuckers! 983 00:47:11,965 --> 00:47:13,867 -Hey. -B, hey, hey. 984 00:47:13,901 --> 00:47:15,436 Get the fuck out of the car. 985 00:47:15,469 --> 00:47:17,539 I can't get out of the fucking car. Listen to me. 986 00:47:17,572 --> 00:47:20,240 What is with this door? Hey, you two bit fuckin' scumbag, 987 00:47:20,274 --> 00:47:22,876 get the fuck out of the car. Come on. 988 00:47:22,910 --> 00:47:24,411 -Oh, what the fuck? -Fuck! 989 00:47:24,445 --> 00:47:25,979 Get out of the fucking car! 990 00:47:26,013 --> 00:47:27,582 Oh, look, the paint's all fucked up, man! 991 00:47:27,615 --> 00:47:29,917 I just got this detailed! 992 00:47:29,950 --> 00:47:32,986 I'm calling the fuckin' cops on your ass, Tori. 993 00:47:33,020 --> 00:47:34,321 -Hello? -Go now. 994 00:47:34,355 --> 00:47:36,023 -246 -- -Fuck. He's coming. 995 00:47:36,056 --> 00:47:37,224 He's right there! Hey! 996 00:47:37,257 --> 00:47:39,059 He can't fucking hear you because -- 997 00:47:39,093 --> 00:47:41,395 -Hey, behind you! -Hey, behind you! 998 00:47:41,428 --> 00:47:44,131 -Behind you! -No, no, no, no! 999 00:47:44,164 --> 00:47:45,466 No! 1000 00:47:45,499 --> 00:47:47,635 Stop fucking honking! 1001 00:47:47,669 --> 00:47:49,236 Oh! 1002 00:47:51,171 --> 00:47:52,574 Okay, go. 1003 00:47:52,607 --> 00:47:55,075 Go, come on, let's go! 1004 00:47:55,109 --> 00:47:58,312 I'm trying! 1005 00:47:59,446 --> 00:48:01,115 Oh, oh! 1006 00:48:04,586 --> 00:48:06,887 Okay, okay! Fucking drive! 1007 00:48:24,037 --> 00:48:26,006 No! No! No! 1008 00:48:26,674 --> 00:48:28,510 No! 1009 00:48:28,543 --> 00:48:31,713 Fucker! Robbie! No, fuck off! 1010 00:48:31,746 --> 00:48:33,480 Robbie! 1011 00:48:33,515 --> 00:48:37,017 No! No! Robbie! No! 1012 00:48:37,050 --> 00:48:39,654 Oh, fuck! 1013 00:48:39,687 --> 00:48:42,322 No, Robbie. You got to get up. 1014 00:48:42,356 --> 00:48:45,058 You got to get up right now. Get up right now, come on! 1015 00:48:45,092 --> 00:48:47,961 Get your ass -- get your ass up, come on! 1016 00:48:47,995 --> 00:48:50,197 Get the fuck up, Robbie! 1017 00:48:50,230 --> 00:48:52,567 Somebody help us! 1018 00:48:52,600 --> 00:48:54,536 Where the fuck is everyone? 1019 00:48:54,569 --> 00:48:57,171 No! Robbie, Robbie, he's coming back. 1020 00:48:57,204 --> 00:48:58,706 Come on, get up, get up. 1021 00:48:58,740 --> 00:49:00,675 Get it here, Robbie! 1022 00:49:00,708 --> 00:49:02,744 No! Behind you! 1023 00:49:02,777 --> 00:49:04,712 Behind you! 1024 00:49:04,746 --> 00:49:06,514 No! 1025 00:49:06,548 --> 00:49:09,483 Robbie! 1026 00:49:14,154 --> 00:49:16,290 Oh, no, no, no, no, no! 1027 00:49:16,323 --> 00:49:18,158 Hide! 1028 00:49:18,192 --> 00:49:19,561 Drop the weapon! 1029 00:49:19,594 --> 00:49:21,428 Now! 1030 00:49:21,462 --> 00:49:22,630 Hey! 1031 00:49:22,664 --> 00:49:24,164 Don't come any closer! 1032 00:49:24,198 --> 00:49:25,365 Kill this motherfucker! 1033 00:49:25,399 --> 00:49:28,636 Drop the weapon now! 1034 00:49:37,679 --> 00:49:39,413 This is Officer Danny Davis. 1035 00:49:39,446 --> 00:49:41,683 I got at least three people down at 246 Chestnut. 1036 00:49:41,716 --> 00:49:45,385 Send back up and an ambulance immediately. 1037 00:49:50,290 --> 00:49:52,192 It's gonna be okay. 1038 00:49:52,226 --> 00:49:53,494 Don't touch me. Don't touch me! 1039 00:49:53,528 --> 00:49:57,397 It's okay. Help is on the way. 1040 00:49:57,431 --> 00:49:59,166 Help is on the way, okay? 1041 00:49:59,199 --> 00:50:02,135 -Are you sure he's dead? -Yes. He's dead. 1042 00:50:02,169 --> 00:50:04,304 He's dead. 1043 00:50:04,338 --> 00:50:06,273 He's not getting up. 1044 00:50:08,075 --> 00:50:09,677 I got you. 1045 00:50:12,514 --> 00:50:14,214 Oh, Robbie. 1046 00:50:14,248 --> 00:50:16,316 -I got you. -Oh, Robbie. Robbie! 1047 00:50:16,350 --> 00:50:18,385 It's okay, it's okay. Don't look at him. Don't look at him. 1048 00:50:18,418 --> 00:50:22,489 Okay, stay calm. Help is on the way, alright? 1049 00:50:25,793 --> 00:50:29,496 It's gonna be okay. It's gonna be fi-- Watch your head. 1050 00:50:44,579 --> 00:50:46,280 Can you tell me what happened? 1051 00:50:46,313 --> 00:50:48,382 -You need to check the store. -What? 1052 00:50:48,415 --> 00:50:50,284 The toy store. You need to check the toy store. 1053 00:50:50,317 --> 00:50:52,119 Why? 1054 00:50:52,152 --> 00:50:55,222 Because that thing looks exactly like the Santa from the store. 1055 00:50:55,255 --> 00:50:57,357 You mean the T.W. Bonkers thing? 1056 00:50:57,391 --> 00:50:59,226 Yeah. 1057 00:50:59,259 --> 00:51:01,796 That fucking guy looks exactly like the thing from the store. 1058 00:51:01,829 --> 00:51:03,631 I can assure it's not on the same Santa. 1059 00:51:03,665 --> 00:51:05,767 No, no, that's -- I'm saying that maybe he took 1060 00:51:05,800 --> 00:51:07,569 the fucking suit or something. 1061 00:51:07,602 --> 00:51:10,638 And my friends, my friends were staying the night there, 1062 00:51:10,672 --> 00:51:12,807 and -- and maybe that fucker killed them and then took 1063 00:51:12,840 --> 00:51:14,308 the fucking suit. That's what I'm saying. 1064 00:51:14,341 --> 00:51:16,176 He didn't get that thing anywhere. 1065 00:51:16,209 --> 00:51:17,612 You need to fucking check! Okay? 1066 00:51:17,645 --> 00:51:19,313 -There's only a few of us, okay? -I don't fucking care. 1067 00:51:19,346 --> 00:51:21,583 Listen to me. No one's been fucking listening to me. 1068 00:51:21,616 --> 00:51:22,850 There's only a few of us! 1069 00:51:22,884 --> 00:51:24,852 You need to do a fucking drive by! 1070 00:51:24,886 --> 00:51:26,721 -More people are gonna die! -Once everything -- 1071 00:51:26,754 --> 00:51:28,723 Once everything is all right, I can go back and do a check. 1072 00:51:28,756 --> 00:51:30,592 More people are gonna fucking die! 1073 00:51:30,625 --> 00:51:33,193 Calm down. 1074 00:51:34,227 --> 00:51:36,564 Shoot him! Fucking shoot him! 1075 00:51:45,707 --> 00:51:50,545 Blow his fucking head off, Davies, now! 1076 00:51:52,479 --> 00:51:53,681 He's done for! 1077 00:51:53,715 --> 00:51:55,650 Ah! 1078 00:51:55,683 --> 00:51:57,885 Davies? 1079 00:52:01,889 --> 00:52:05,627 Davies? Davies, get the fuck up! 1080 00:52:05,660 --> 00:52:09,564 Hey! Oh, you fuckin' idiot! Come on! 1081 00:52:09,597 --> 00:52:11,465 Get up! 1082 00:52:11,498 --> 00:52:13,367 Behind you! 1083 00:52:13,400 --> 00:52:16,336 No, no, no, no, no! 1084 00:52:47,635 --> 00:52:49,236 Ho, ho, ho! 1085 00:52:49,269 --> 00:52:51,338 Merry Christmas. 1086 00:52:58,980 --> 00:53:00,782 Okay, okay. 1087 00:53:00,815 --> 00:53:02,249 Okay, okay, okay. 1088 00:53:05,252 --> 00:53:07,789 Hello? Officer Davis was killed, okay? 1089 00:53:07,822 --> 00:53:09,590 He's fucking dead. Is anyone there? 1090 00:53:10,858 --> 00:53:12,259 Listen to me. 1091 00:53:12,292 --> 00:53:14,862 The officers going to 246 Chestnut 1092 00:53:14,896 --> 00:53:16,898 need to be fucking careful because the killer is 1093 00:53:16,931 --> 00:53:19,567 still there, and he looks like fucking Santa, okay? 1094 00:53:19,600 --> 00:53:20,768 He's in a Santa costume. 1095 00:53:20,802 --> 00:53:22,970 Fuck! 1096 00:53:23,004 --> 00:53:25,707 Oh, fuck. 1097 00:53:25,740 --> 00:53:28,910 Yes, go! 1098 00:53:30,645 --> 00:53:33,748 Hey! Hey! 1099 00:53:33,781 --> 00:53:36,450 Hey! 1100 00:53:36,483 --> 00:53:38,720 Stop, stop, stop, stop. 1101 00:53:38,753 --> 00:53:40,420 -Get on the ground! -No, I've been calling you! 1102 00:53:40,454 --> 00:53:42,724 Don't fuckin' move! On the ground! 1103 00:53:42,757 --> 00:53:44,792 -Get on the ground! -Get your hands on your head! 1104 00:53:44,826 --> 00:53:46,326 -I need your help! -Hands on your head. 1105 00:53:46,359 --> 00:53:47,795 -I need your -- -Get your fucking hands 1106 00:53:47,829 --> 00:53:49,429 -on your head! -Fine, I'm fucking sorry! 1107 00:53:49,463 --> 00:53:50,898 Get your hands on your fucking head! 1108 00:53:50,932 --> 00:53:52,499 -No, no, no, I need your help. -Where's Davies? 1109 00:53:52,533 --> 00:53:54,635 I need your help. I need your fucking help, man. 1110 00:53:54,669 --> 00:53:57,404 Where is Davies? Get your hands behind your back. 1111 00:53:57,437 --> 00:53:59,040 He's dead, he's dead, he's dead. 1112 00:53:59,073 --> 00:54:00,942 -What did you just say? -He's dead. He's fuckin' dead. 1113 00:54:00,975 --> 00:54:02,409 They're all fucking dead. 1114 00:54:02,442 --> 00:54:03,644 -Bullshit! Where is he! -He's dead! 1115 00:54:03,678 --> 00:54:05,813 I've been trying to fucking tell you! 1116 00:54:05,847 --> 00:54:07,715 -What did you do? -I didn't do anything? 1117 00:54:07,749 --> 00:54:09,316 -I didn't do anything -What did you do? 1118 00:54:09,349 --> 00:54:12,419 I need your fuckin' help! I need your fuckin' help! 1119 00:54:12,452 --> 00:54:15,388 -Get up, sweetheart. Get up! -I need -- Ah! 1120 00:54:15,422 --> 00:54:17,692 He's still there! 1121 00:54:17,725 --> 00:54:19,426 You need help, you need help. 1122 00:54:19,459 --> 00:54:21,729 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! I call the shots! 1123 00:54:21,763 --> 00:54:23,798 -Hey, hey, hey, hey. -Weston, you get down 1124 00:54:23,831 --> 00:54:26,299 to Chestnut. I'm taking her -- I'm taking you in. 1125 00:54:26,333 --> 00:54:27,668 You can't alone. You're gonna fuckin' die. 1126 00:54:27,702 --> 00:54:29,336 -Listen. -You need to call in some -- 1127 00:54:29,369 --> 00:54:31,038 -Hey! -You got to fuckin listen to me. 1128 00:54:31,072 --> 00:54:33,040 You're gonna fucking die. He killed everybody. 1129 00:54:33,074 --> 00:54:37,779 -You need back up! -Get in the fuckin' car! 1130 00:54:37,812 --> 00:54:40,615 -You need back up! -Fuck! Shut the fuck up. 1131 00:54:40,648 --> 00:54:42,083 What do you want to do with Davies' car? 1132 00:54:42,116 --> 00:54:44,351 Nothing. Don't touch it. 1133 00:54:44,384 --> 00:54:45,853 Fucking crime scene. 1134 00:54:45,887 --> 00:54:47,789 I'll call and have it towed into the station. 1135 00:54:47,822 --> 00:54:49,957 Alright. Be safe. 1136 00:54:49,991 --> 00:54:52,459 I need your fucking help. 1137 00:54:52,492 --> 00:54:56,831 -Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Do you fucking job. 1138 00:54:56,864 --> 00:55:00,835 Shut the fuck up! 1139 00:55:02,103 --> 00:55:06,373 You can't send him there alone. 1140 00:55:06,406 --> 00:55:09,110 I don't think you're in any position to tell me what to do. 1141 00:55:09,143 --> 00:55:10,745 You know, you're in a world of hurt, lady. 1142 00:55:10,778 --> 00:55:12,513 -No fucking -- -You're in a world 1143 00:55:12,547 --> 00:55:14,015 -of fucking shit. -No fucking idea! 1144 00:55:14,048 --> 00:55:15,783 We caught you covered in blood and a missing cop -- 1145 00:55:15,817 --> 00:55:18,853 Unit 17, Smith, you there? 1146 00:55:18,886 --> 00:55:21,522 Yeah. This is unit 17. This is Smith. Go ahead. 1147 00:55:21,556 --> 00:55:24,992 This is Lenny. We just got here. 1148 00:55:25,026 --> 00:55:27,862 It's a massacre, and we haven't even been inside yet. 1149 00:55:27,895 --> 00:55:29,897 Alright, copy that. Look, don't make a move, alright? 1150 00:55:29,931 --> 00:55:33,534 Just hang back. Weston's on his way down there. 1151 00:55:33,568 --> 00:55:35,069 Any word from Renn County? 1152 00:55:35,102 --> 00:55:38,639 Just us right now, sir. 1153 00:55:38,673 --> 00:55:42,643 Any sign of Davies? 1154 00:55:42,677 --> 00:55:44,712 He's dead, sir. 1155 00:55:44,745 --> 00:55:49,517 Fuck! Fuck! Motherfucker! 1156 00:55:51,886 --> 00:55:54,622 I just saw you at Reggie's three goddamn hours ago. 1157 00:55:54,655 --> 00:55:55,890 I don't understand. 1158 00:55:55,923 --> 00:55:57,825 What is there to fucking understand? 1159 00:55:57,859 --> 00:56:00,427 What I don't understand is the lax fucking attitude 1160 00:56:00,460 --> 00:56:01,829 when people are fucking dead. 1161 00:56:01,863 --> 00:56:03,698 Look, Tori, we know you didn't murder anyone, 1162 00:56:03,731 --> 00:56:06,767 but we're having a hard time believing what you're saying. 1163 00:56:06,801 --> 00:56:09,170 I'm having a hard time fucking believing it. Okay? 1164 00:56:09,203 --> 00:56:12,106 But I saw it. I saw it with my own goddamn eyes. 1165 00:56:12,139 --> 00:56:14,075 And my fucking eyes don't lie. Okay, Monroe? 1166 00:56:14,108 --> 00:56:16,143 Listen, I can smell the weed and whiskey on you 1167 00:56:16,177 --> 00:56:18,012 -from a mile away. -Yeah. So fucking what? 1168 00:56:18,045 --> 00:56:20,514 I smoked some weed. I had some fucking whiskey. 1169 00:56:20,548 --> 00:56:21,816 But that does not make you hallucinate. 1170 00:56:21,849 --> 00:56:23,517 I promise you. I promise you. 1171 00:56:23,551 --> 00:56:25,786 After what I saw, I'm sober. I'm sober as a fucking -- 1172 00:56:25,820 --> 00:56:28,022 Oh, that's good you're sober. Well, I hate to break it to you, 1173 00:56:28,055 --> 00:56:29,724 Ms. Tooms, but it is still illegal. 1174 00:56:29,757 --> 00:56:32,560 Can you shut the fuck up? Shut the fuck up! 1175 00:56:32,593 --> 00:56:34,862 My sister is dead! 1176 00:56:34,896 --> 00:56:36,530 Okay? My fucking friends are dead. 1177 00:56:36,564 --> 00:56:37,865 Not that you give a fuck about him. 1178 00:56:37,899 --> 00:56:39,133 But what are you going to do about it? 1179 00:56:39,166 --> 00:56:40,701 -What do you -- -Hey! Hey! 1180 00:56:40,735 --> 00:56:42,703 The best goddamn officer in this precinct is dead. 1181 00:56:42,737 --> 00:56:44,138 Now, if you want to be the one to tell his widow. 1182 00:56:44,171 --> 00:56:46,007 Oh, fuck. Debbie. Someone's got to tell Debbie. 1183 00:56:46,040 --> 00:56:47,875 Hey, hey, hey, Bobby. 1184 00:56:47,909 --> 00:56:49,442 We're all getting a little emotional here. 1185 00:56:49,476 --> 00:56:52,079 Just cut it. Both of yous. You, sit down. 1186 00:56:53,915 --> 00:56:56,951 Get this fucking off your fucking desk. 1187 00:57:01,889 --> 00:57:04,058 Have you heard from the boys down at the scene yet? 1188 00:57:04,091 --> 00:57:05,693 Not since Renn County showed up. 1189 00:57:05,726 --> 00:57:07,995 They're still down there counting bodies. 1190 00:57:08,029 --> 00:57:10,898 Nothing about a killer Santa Claus either. 1191 00:57:10,932 --> 00:57:12,700 Well, why don't you give him a call? 1192 00:57:12,733 --> 00:57:15,937 It's been a little while now. See if they need any help. 1193 00:57:15,970 --> 00:57:17,505 I think they got it under control. 1194 00:57:17,538 --> 00:57:19,140 Double check. 1195 00:57:25,579 --> 00:57:27,782 Fuck! 1196 00:57:27,815 --> 00:57:30,985 You need to keep that asshole away from me, Monroe. 1197 00:57:31,018 --> 00:57:33,721 He's worked with Davies for over 15 years now. 1198 00:57:33,754 --> 00:57:35,990 We're tight staff. Look around. 1199 00:57:36,023 --> 00:57:38,526 It's been a rough night for all of us. 1200 00:57:38,559 --> 00:57:39,994 Bear with us. 1201 00:57:40,027 --> 00:57:42,163 We'll do the same. 1202 00:57:42,196 --> 00:57:44,231 Just breathe. 1203 00:57:51,772 --> 00:57:55,676 Okay, I'm going to brew a fresh pot of coffee. 1204 00:57:55,710 --> 00:57:57,078 There's a bathroom down the hall 1205 00:57:57,111 --> 00:57:59,479 if you want to clean yourself up some. 1206 00:59:01,108 --> 00:59:03,044 There is no fucking back up, man. 1207 00:59:03,077 --> 00:59:05,579 Just hold on a second. Just hold on a second. 1208 00:59:05,613 --> 00:59:07,181 We got to think this out. 1209 00:59:07,214 --> 00:59:08,616 Oh, shit. 1210 00:59:08,649 --> 00:59:09,850 Have tried the guys from Renn? 1211 00:59:09,884 --> 00:59:14,055 Yep, Renn, paramedics, Weston. 1212 00:59:14,088 --> 00:59:15,189 Nothing. 1213 00:59:15,222 --> 00:59:16,957 CHP? Anything? 1214 00:59:16,991 --> 00:59:18,592 -Nope. -Hey. Hey. Hey. 1215 00:59:18,626 --> 00:59:20,161 -What's going on? -You coming with me or not? 1216 00:59:20,194 --> 00:59:22,696 Something happen? You guys can't go back to my house. 1217 00:59:22,730 --> 00:59:24,331 -I told you. -We're police, Tori. 1218 00:59:24,365 --> 00:59:26,133 -That's what we do. -Well, no. 1219 00:59:26,167 --> 00:59:27,868 You need to call the fucking National Guard or something. 1220 00:59:27,902 --> 00:59:30,137 He wiped everybody out. He's going to wipe you out! 1221 00:59:30,171 --> 00:59:32,106 Hey, you know, Monroe, maybe you should stay here. 1222 00:59:32,139 --> 00:59:33,774 You can, baby sit the little girl. 1223 00:59:33,808 --> 00:59:35,076 Okay, you know what? If you don't want to fucking 1224 00:59:35,109 --> 00:59:36,710 listen to me, you go out there and die. 1225 00:59:36,744 --> 00:59:38,145 Because, quite frankly, I don't fucking care. 1226 00:59:38,179 --> 00:59:40,848 Tori, we're going to go, we're gonna lock the door. 1227 00:59:40,881 --> 00:59:43,084 -No, no. -Oh, oh, oh, oh. 1228 00:59:43,117 --> 00:59:44,952 What is that? 1229 00:59:44,985 --> 00:59:46,921 Yeah. What the fuck is that? 1230 00:59:50,291 --> 00:59:51,926 That an ambulance? 1231 00:59:51,959 --> 00:59:54,795 Oh, fuck. It's him. 1232 00:59:54,829 --> 00:59:56,297 Oh, Santa Claus? 1233 00:59:56,330 --> 00:59:57,932 -Yeah, it's fuckin' Santa Claus. -Fuckin' Santa Claus! 1234 00:59:57,965 --> 01:00:00,668 It's the motherfucker that killed everybody. 1235 01:00:00,701 --> 01:00:02,236 Okay, okay, uh... 1236 01:00:02,269 --> 01:00:04,038 -Oh, fuck. -He's not stopping. 1237 01:00:04,071 --> 01:00:05,906 Fuck! 1238 01:00:17,418 --> 01:00:20,654 Fuck! Ah! 1239 01:00:20,688 --> 01:00:22,723 Is everyone all right? 1240 01:00:22,756 --> 01:00:24,658 Yeah, I think I'm fine. 1241 01:00:24,692 --> 01:00:28,395 -Tori? -Uh, yeah. 1242 01:00:31,699 --> 01:00:35,769 Jesus Christ. What the fuck was that? 1243 01:00:35,803 --> 01:00:39,440 Hey, Tori, take these, go to the holding room, 1244 01:00:39,473 --> 01:00:40,975 lock yourself in. 1245 01:00:41,008 --> 01:00:43,010 No, no, no! There's fucking people dead. 1246 01:00:43,043 --> 01:00:45,279 You need to give me a gun. You need to give me a fucking gun. 1247 01:00:45,312 --> 01:00:47,114 -Where the driver? -You're 38. Give her your 38. 1248 01:00:47,148 --> 01:00:48,816 Are you out of your fucking mind? 1249 01:00:48,849 --> 01:00:50,885 -Give me your fucking gun. -Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1250 01:00:50,918 --> 01:00:52,419 Hey, do you even know how to use that thing? 1251 01:00:52,453 --> 01:00:54,255 Yeah. You aim is and pull the fucking trigger. 1252 01:00:54,288 --> 01:00:55,823 Yeah? 1253 01:00:55,856 --> 01:00:57,424 Let's go. 1254 01:01:10,771 --> 01:01:12,239 Cover me. 1255 01:01:21,815 --> 01:01:23,017 Okay. I'm clear. 1256 01:01:23,050 --> 01:01:24,752 Tori, get in there! 1257 01:01:24,785 --> 01:01:27,054 Stay away from the fucking car! He's in there! 1258 01:01:27,087 --> 01:01:29,089 Do you see anything? 1259 01:01:34,161 --> 01:01:37,198 Something's not right. Something's not right! 1260 01:01:37,231 --> 01:01:39,466 Yeah, he's not fucking human. That's what's not right. 1261 01:01:39,500 --> 01:01:41,101 Do you see anything? 1262 01:01:43,003 --> 01:01:46,006 Monroe! Monroe! 1263 01:01:48,075 --> 01:01:49,843 Oh, fuck! 1264 01:01:50,811 --> 01:01:52,913 Where are you, motherfucker?! 1265 01:01:52,947 --> 01:01:54,782 Show yourself! 1266 01:01:54,815 --> 01:01:57,084 Get out of here now! 1267 01:01:57,117 --> 01:02:01,322 Come on, motherfucker! Let me see your face. 1268 01:02:01,355 --> 01:02:02,790 Hey! 1269 01:02:05,893 --> 01:02:07,394 Come on, fuck you! 1270 01:02:09,363 --> 01:02:11,498 Oh, no, wait! 1271 01:02:11,533 --> 01:02:13,067 No! No! 1272 01:02:13,100 --> 01:02:14,068 Aah! 1273 01:02:14,101 --> 01:02:17,204 Oh, fuck! 1274 01:02:42,129 --> 01:02:44,498 Oh, God. Okay. 1275 01:03:08,222 --> 01:03:11,091 Hello? Oh, fuck! 1276 01:03:11,125 --> 01:03:12,459 Fuck. 1277 01:03:29,109 --> 01:03:32,813 Okay, okay, okay. 1278 01:03:33,380 --> 01:03:34,415 Uh... 1279 01:03:35,382 --> 01:03:36,850 Hello? 1280 01:03:37,217 --> 01:03:38,485 Hello? 1281 01:03:38,520 --> 01:03:40,555 Fuck! 1282 01:03:59,039 --> 01:04:01,375 Hello? Hello, is anyone there? 1283 01:04:01,408 --> 01:04:02,910 Dispatch, I'm at the fuckin' police station. 1284 01:04:02,943 --> 01:04:04,478 I need your help. 1285 01:04:04,512 --> 01:04:06,447 Hello? Someone fuckin' answer me, please. 1286 01:04:06,480 --> 01:04:08,248 Fuck! 1287 01:07:10,097 --> 01:07:12,232 Fuck you! 1288 01:07:13,868 --> 01:07:17,404 No! No! No! 1289 01:07:17,437 --> 01:07:21,141 No! No! 1290 01:07:21,174 --> 01:07:24,278 No, no! No! 1291 01:07:46,199 --> 01:07:48,603 Fucking cocksucker! 1292 01:08:11,593 --> 01:08:13,861 Hello? Hello? Can anybody hear me? 1293 01:08:13,895 --> 01:08:16,631 Everybody's fucking dead! Please, someone, please! 1294 01:08:20,802 --> 01:08:22,804 Fuck! Okay. Come on, come on, come on. 1295 01:08:22,837 --> 01:08:25,439 Yes, come on! Come on! 1296 01:08:29,276 --> 01:08:31,178 Yes! Yes! 1297 01:08:31,211 --> 01:08:32,680 Ah! 1298 01:08:56,470 --> 01:08:58,773 Oh, fuck! 1299 01:08:58,806 --> 01:09:00,240 Fuck! 1300 01:09:01,308 --> 01:09:02,910 Fuck you! No! 1301 01:09:18,425 --> 01:09:19,727 Fuck you! 1302 01:09:23,665 --> 01:09:25,900 No! No! 1303 01:09:25,933 --> 01:09:27,702 No! 1304 01:09:29,302 --> 01:09:31,338 What the fuck?! Fuck! 1305 01:09:33,508 --> 01:09:35,308 Fuck you! 1306 01:12:32,452 --> 01:12:33,721 Fuck! 1307 01:12:48,769 --> 01:12:50,004 Fuck! 1308 01:12:50,972 --> 01:12:53,140 Fuck! 1309 01:15:06,173 --> 01:15:08,242 What the fuck?! 1310 01:17:58,412 --> 01:18:00,114 Okay. 1311 01:18:10,791 --> 01:18:13,327 No, no, no, no! 1312 01:18:13,360 --> 01:18:14,929 No! 1313 01:18:47,161 --> 01:18:49,463 Oh, fuck. 1314 01:18:52,933 --> 01:18:54,501 Fuck! 1315 01:18:54,536 --> 01:18:57,805 Come on. Come on. 1316 01:19:00,542 --> 01:19:02,977 Come on! No, no, no! 1317 01:19:03,010 --> 01:19:04,945 Come on! 1318 01:19:04,979 --> 01:19:06,914 Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, come on! 1319 01:19:06,947 --> 01:19:11,986 Come on! Fuck you! 1320 01:19:15,489 --> 01:19:17,925 Oh, fuck! 1321 01:20:02,903 --> 01:20:04,405 Oh, fuck! 1322 01:21:08,001 --> 01:21:10,371 No! 1323 01:21:13,675 --> 01:21:16,343 Fuck! No! 1324 01:21:45,105 --> 01:21:47,441 No! No! 1325 01:21:48,308 --> 01:21:51,412 No! No! No! 1326 01:21:51,445 --> 01:21:53,480 Fuck! Fuck! 1327 01:21:56,283 --> 01:21:58,185 Ah! Fuck! 97473