All language subtitles for The White, the Yellow, and the Black 1975

How about you giving me a ride, Sheriff?

I got jilted by my flamed horse.

I'm afraid she took off
with a well-endowed mustang.

Where are you headed?

The railhead.

I've got to make the 3:10 to Tombstone.

I'm not packing a gun, Sheriff.

I can't stand violence of any kind.

Hey, am I wrong,
or are you the famous Edward Gideon?

Really, the man voted
the most fearless marshal in the Midwest?

Call me Black Jack.

That's what I'm known as in these parts.

All right, Black Jack, may I?

-Get on up.
-Thanks.

Okay.

I'll try not to tickle you, Black Jack,
but I must hold on to something.

Your horse is cut off at the rear.

Tell me, why are you called Black Jack?

Why?

Maybe you better ask the outlaws
in this part of the country.

-I was lucky to get a ride with you.
-That's right.

It isn't safe
traveling unarmed in these parts.

Yes.

Around here, outlaws flourish
like blood oranges in California.

I've been told the biggest baddie
in the lot is a tricky SOB called Swiss.

-Do you know him at all?
-No, but I heard talk of him.

Yes, they even say
he snuck into the governor's house

and stole his wife one night.

Not to mention the family jewels.

But he's a gentleman, at least,
he sent a Christmas card to the governor.

I don't know about that.

I heard he robbed the Arizona Express.

He stopped it in a tunnel.

They never found that train.

Really?

I bet a lot of sheriffs want to find him
standing in front of them.

I'd like to find him
standing in front of me.

How about behind and sitting?

I really should introduce myself.
I apologize for my bad manners.

I'm Blanc de Blanc, known as Swiss.

I was raised in Lugano
to a Swiss mother and an Italian father.

I got booted out of their places
for running a whorehouse on the frontier.

Payroll for all the sheriffs
in this county is in that.

I'm sorry, Sheriff,

but a poor expatriate like me
needs it more than they do.

I'll need your horse too, so get off it.

That gun isn't loaded,

but this one is.

What's the point in riding around
with an unloaded gun?

Not with birdbrains like you.

I only act and look stupid, Sheriff.

I've got men up there
pointing loaded guns at you,

itchy fingers on their trigger.

You've got 30 seconds
to give me your horse and your gun.

Birdbrain!

You're playing with fire this time, Swiss.

Shooting a sheriff
can get you into hot water.

Hey, boys,
he needs a little encouragement.

You see?
Go on, throw down your gun.

Hold your fire, men, he'll cooperate.

Come on, get down.

Keep your sights on him, though,
he's stupid enough to try something.

Go on.

One day, you can tell your grandchildren
how you outwitted Swiss.

You and I know the truth,
don't we, Sheriff?

Arrivederci.

You got the money, what else do you want?

All right, bastards,
if it's a fight you want,

you'll get it.

[Japanese spoken audio]

Oh, great!

Oh, great, Samurai!

Oh, great!

Let me kiss the foot, benevolent Samurai.

Let me lick your foot.

Let me kiss the foot again.

Sakura!

[Japanese spoken audio]

Hang on.

You pig.

You're greedy little horse.

You ate it all, damn it,
I told you it was cash, not grass.

A whole month's work
gobbled up in two minutes.

It's obvious you're an important critter
if they can serve all your whatnot,

but even a man like Rockefeller
doesn't breakfast on money.

Sakura!

[Japanese spoken audio]

Our great Samurai must not be disturbed.

We apologize,

but we wanted to ask if he'd like to have
armed guards in the wagon tonight.

[Japanese spoken audio]

The great Samurai wants all soldiers
to guard only the corridor.

-Excuse me?
-Corridor, where you walk along.

-You mean corridor, sir?
-That's it, corridor, now go on.

Oh, go on.

-Sakura!
-Samurai.

[Japanese spoken audio]

Sakura!

[Japanese spoken audio]

[Japanese spoken audio]

All right, you ate my bread,
so I guess I'll eat yours.

Not bad.

[Japanese spoken audio]

Samurai!

Oh, Samurai!

Oh, Samurai.

[Japanese spoken audio]

Oh!

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

[Japanese spoken audio]

Shin Mi.

Shin Mi.

Shin Mi.

Hey, you, stop.

Son of a bitch!

Stop, I've had enough!

Damn it, will you stop?

Hey, you son of a gun, stop!

-Who are you, what do you want?
-Who am I, are you crazy?

-Who are you?
-Let me go.

Hey, stop it, damn it!

-Stop it!
-Let me go, you sucker…

Is that the way to talk, young man?
Do you know who I am?

Put the gun down!

Put the gun down,
or I'll commit hara-kiri.

Will you put that down, damn it?

-Stop that!
-I'll stick it in my grits.

What grits?

Grits in my belly.

No, guts in your belly, damn it!

Let go!

-Now then.
-He saved my life.

-All right, all right, take it easy.
-He saved my life!

I'll get you some water.

-He saved my life.
-Take it easy, my friend.

Hey, who are you?

Where do you come from?

-Why are you in this part of the world?
-I'm Sakura.

I'm a slave and custodian
of a sacred miniature pony.

I came from Japan with Samurai Jamoto.

Now he's dead.

I have to become a Samurai,

or else I'll remain
a turd keeper all my life.

Hold it now, what?

Turd, what turd?

Turd keeper,

the one who stores
the sacred turd of Shin Mi.

Don't shit me.

Not shit you,

Shin Mi, the sacred pony.

All right now, listen,

talk clearer and tell me
what the hell this is all about.

-What happened?
-Indians.

They attacked the train.

They killed Samurai and stole the pony.

Do you mean to say
the Indians staged a massacre

just to steal a pony?

A special pony, a very special pony,
a symbol of Japanese emperor.

He had been sent to America
for the Japanese immigrants.

Wait a minute,
how many Indians were there?

Many, all on horses, many.

-Do you expect to catch them on foot?
-Me, Samurai!

Damn it, me, sheriff!

-Now here, come to this horse and…
-Shin Mi!

Hey, come back here!

Come back here, get over there.

[Japanese spoken audio]

May I take my sword?

All right, take it, but no more hara-kiri.

Lead me to that train, do you hear?

No, they took Shin Mi,
and now they'll kill him.

If they took him away,
they're not about to kill him.

You might be right.

You have the brain of a wolf.

Thank you.

Maybe they want to use him for "transom."

Ransom, ransom!

Well, maybe.

We have no more time to waste,
we'll notify the proper authorities.

Now you come with me.

We'll go to the train
and estimate the amount of damage.

Where did you learn
to speak English so well?

I am the son of an American.

My father commanded
the United States tribes in Tokyo.

Troops, Sakura, troops!

I'm sorry, troops.

Hey, there's another dead one
in here that we missed.

What is that, Colonel?

It's a message from Machaco,

the chief of the Apaches.

Here, read it, Sheriff.

He threatens to kill the pony

unless payment is made
at Eagle Pass within four days,

of $1 million.

What? A million dollars?

They want a million bucks
for that little pony?

They're out of their heads.

-Excellency, I'll go and get Shin Mi.
-No.

Excellency, I gave my sacred word
to the great Samurai.

All right.

After all, this gentleman says
he's a Samurai, sir.

He might like to think that.

He is really only a servant
and rather cretinous.

The real samurai
was the great swordsman Jamoto,

the one killed
when the Indians attacked the train.

That's why I have to get Shin Mi.

-I'll go to Eagle Pass.
-No, you don't.

Eagle Pass is a job for a man of the law.

I'll get Shin Mi.

Hey, get after that man!

Stop him and put that man
in the lock-up for safekeeping.

How in the hell
can a bunch of drunken Indians,

who don't want a train
to pass through their area,

cause the kind of trouble we are now in?

Why hasn't the Army
done something about it?

The Army is,
I'm waiting to hear from Washington.

The minute I get the go-ahead,
I'll be out on the trail and after them.

No, Colonel.

No, a show of force
might compromise everything,

and waiting for your authorization
means wasting precious hours.

My decision is to go along with it.
I have a million in your bank.

You can't just give in
to them like that, sir.

The life of the great Shin Mi is sacred,

as much as the life
of the Japanese Emperor,

and is worth any sacrifice too.

Yes, but have you considered
how dangerous it is

to have a million bucks
just floating around?

We must find an honest, loyal man

to carry the dollars
to their destination safely.

This courier should have the courage
to defend the dollars with his life, sir.

Here's the only man I trust,

Sheriff Black Jack Gideon.

Yes, I agree, a perfect choice, Kelly.

He's honest, courageous,
and feared by everyone.

What do you say about it, Sheriff?

Do this for me, Sheriff,

and when the mission is completed,
you'll receive a generous recompense.

Thank you, sir,

but my only recompense
has been that of serving the law

and getting rid of the vermin
that infest this country.

Come on, Swiss.

Dead men don't blink
when they hear talk of a million dollars.

Yes, you're right about that, Sheriff,
I guess you win the second round.

Do you mind my asking you
to take that rifle barrel out of my face?

Where the hell is my money?

What money?

The money you stole.

Get a move on, you son of a Swiss cow.

The sacred horse ate it all
thinking it was grass.

It was my fault.

I mentioned the words "juicy green"
and that was it.

All that was left was Washington's face
on the side of one little turd.

-Go on!
-Hey, take it easy.

Move.

You keep eyes on him till I get back.

All in a day's work.

You be mighty careful he doesn't escape.

He's a damn shrewd one.

-An expert.
-An ex…

-Do you ever hear talk about Swiss?
-I'll be damned, that's Swiss?

He screwed 30 whores
in Red Rock one night.

That's not true,
it's just a lot of gossip.

I was looking for my sister.

-That way?
-Yes.

Come on.

Name.

Blanc de Blanc.

Profession.

Son of a bitch.

Tomorrow morning at 9:00,
I'll partake of a coffee and a donut.

Oh, and if my wife calls, I'm not here.

Hey!

It's the turd collector.

-Do you know me?
-Yes, I was hiding in your wagon.

It was a dubious one
that cost me two big ones.

Why are you banging your head like that?

I have to kill myself.

The Sheriff took my honor.

I hope the bum promised to marry you
before I leave here.

You are not funny.

I cannot commit suicide
because he took my sword.

Hell, you can commit suicide.

I can think of many different methods.

You can put a rope around your neck,
a bullet in your head,

or perhaps the easiest
is blocking your nose with one hand

so you can't breathe.

You put a finger in your ass
and simply suffocate.

I don't breathe through the asshole.

Anyway, I must die like a Samurai.

It's the only method.

You're not really a Samurai.

I've always wanted to go
to a Samurai school in Tokyo,

but they would never allow me
as Sakura isn't of Japanese blood.

He's half American and Japastute.

Oh, what's a Japastute?

A Japanese prostitute.

Don't feel bad, Sakura.

I'm a mixture of Swiss and Italian.

One million dollars, Mr. Osaka.

Snug as a bug in a rug
in our latest style security box.

If you'll be so kind,
put your signature right there,

and our transaction will be complete.

Will you send the money at once, sir?

Yes, the escort's waiting outside now.

There must not be any delay.

Four days can pass very quickly.

Why did you tie me down with an escort?

I know how to get to Eagle Pass
without these two guardian angels.

Sheriff, that box of goodies
you're carrying around,

we can't be too careful with it.

Comanchero knows the trail
like the back of his hand.

He'll lead you straight to it.

Why three locks?

It will make it difficult
for any bandits to open it.

Now, listen carefully.

Only one lock opens it.

The other two are connected inside
to a charge of TNT.

If you should open the wrong lock,
it blows you sky high.

I will only tell you which is right.

Remember now.

Here's the key, do not lose it,
and do not forget which lock is safe.

I would hate
for something bad to happen to you.

You could swear on that, mister.

Black Jack Gideon
has a memory like an elephant.

Where are we
supposed to meet those Indians?

Don't worry about it, Sheriff.

These men here have their instructions,
they'll show you the way.

It's the only way
if you want to get your sword back.

Believe me, the minute we get out of here,
I'll help you rescue the horse.

No, Sakura is not a criminal.

-I'm not pretending to be a Samurai.
-There's nothing wrong in our doing this.

We shouldn't even be here,
they had no right to put us in jail.

The only method is to pretend
that you've passed out.

The Deputy will open the cell door,
be concerned about you,

and that'll get the chance
to pull a fast one on him.

A Samurai doesn't fake.

If you want me to do this with you,
I have to be hit for real.

I'll have to make it look good,
and I've got dynamite fists.

-So I'll hurt you.
-Okay.

I'm ready.

You must promise me
that you won't leave me behind.

I won't, I swear it.

On what?

I swear on your head.

Very well, that's fine, I'm ready.

Now do it properly.

Yes, sure.

I said properly.

Holy mackerels, this is ridiculous.

Now hold still.

Are you ready?

That was done properly.

Somebody call a doctor.

Hey, Deputy, Sakura is sick,
he needs help quickly.

What's going on? Why are you yelling?

It's Sakura, the poor fellow
started having convulsions.

Do something, put him in another cell,
he might be contagious.

Sorry, mister.

Arrivederci.

No more oats,
no more feeding, no more carrying.

Good citizens of Tombstone,

just one little force of gasoline

will take you further
than any of your horses will, right?

Right, you are.

Listen to the sound
of that beautiful motor.

It's goddamn nice.

Excuse me, ladies.

It's goddamn nicer
than the sound of a horse neighing.

This is the sound of progress,
ladies and gentlemen.

Learn to love it.

Is there anyone among you
who wants to try this machine?

You, young man…
Yes, you, young man.

How about you?
Would you like to try this machine?

Step right up and try it,
come on, be my guest.

Don't be embarrassed, that's a boy.

Now there's a go-ahead man.

That's it, no,
just like you would on a horse.

Just put your leg over.

That's a boy, now hold on tight.

That's it, that's right.

Now there is a modern young man.

There's a beautiful picture.

Beautiful! A man with courage.

A man…

Hey, a man who just stole my motorcycle?

Come back here! Come back!

I'll give you my horse for it.

Come back here, come back!

Come back with my motorcycle!

I'll ask you once again,
why are we going this way?

It's because it's shorter.

You may as well get off your horses,
we must lead them across there.

Don't come over
before I'm on the other side.

I still say the way to Aracapo is shorter.

Why Sheriff?

Does the bridge make you nervous?

Not at all.

This is a heavy load,
I'll carry it across.

You take my horse.

Hey, come on!

Watch your steps here.

Hey, Black Jack.

As how you're a sheriff,
there's going to be a lawful accident.

-Right, Comanchero?
-That's right!

Nice timing, right, Sheriff?

Yes, a second before or a second behind,

and you'd have taken on
the size and color of a cow pie.

It would've surely been worse
than the thumping you took.

Well, a bruised ass isn't serious.

That's pretty heavy,
can't be too comfortable, give it to me.

Bank your money with the Swiss,
it's much the safest.

I'm sorry we can't go back to do something
about those guys who tried to kill you.

You know what
my dear old grandma always said?

Don't go through life dragging a stone.

He travels fastest who travels alone.

Hey!

-How come you managed to escape?
-You forgot the other key.

You double-crossed Sakura.,
you're a dirty traitor.

Me, a dirty traitor?

You were still unconscious.

-I didn't wait around because I thought…
-I don't care what you thought.

Now I'll take the box, get out of my way.

No, I'm sorry, Sakura,
but that's my box now.

Look out!

You can't trick Sakura.

Get your mitts up now and fight.

Come on, fight, or are you a coward?

Leave it alone, that's Sakura's box!

No, it isn't, it's mine.

It's Sakura's!

I'll cut your head off
if you don't leave it alone.

Drop the box.

-Keep your drawers dry.
-Drop it!

I'll drop it.

You're going to pay for this,
let's fight properly.

-Ichi!
-What?

-Ni!
-What?

-San!
-Oh!

If you've got the guts,
fight me without your sword.

That's not fair.

Put my foot down.

-Are you sure that's how you want it?
-Sakura is sure.

See you later, you alligator.

Swiss.

Well, Swiss.

What was that
your grandmother said about a stone,

and not dragging one around?

Hey, now, you won't shoot
an unarmed coward, are you?

Sir, it's a pleasure
and a great honor to meet you.

Sit down, please, Mr. Donovan.

Call me Captain, sir.

I insist on that title,
despite those bastards in Washington

who stripped me of rank and position
and made me into a bandit,

a wanted outlaw.

I know.

For the massacre of a tribe of Indians
who wouldn't give you their land.

Yes, for showing your loyalty to America.

-Whiskey?
-I don't drink, Mr. Butler.

-Would you like a cigar?
-I never smoke.

I was sure you'd have the right qualities,
you're the man for this mission.

May I tell you what it's about?

Yes.

We talked.

Apparently, my cousin here
managed to ball up the whole thing,

and you want me
to take care of it personally, right?

It may be more difficult than you imagine.

Our friend, the Sheriff,
can be very astute.

-Do you accept, Captain?
-That depends on what the reward is.

I'll split whatever I recover with you.

Mr. Butler doesn't intend
to pay you with cash, Captain,

but with something much more valuable.

-Bullshit, no money, no…
-Shut your craw!

For example,

an official pardon
with your record wiped clean

and your reinstatement in the Army

with your original rank as captain,
full honors.

-How far ahead of us are they?
-A couple of days.

Then it won't be easy,

but they cannot escape Captain Crazy.

Keep going!

Come on,
I've got to catch my breath, Sheriff.

I can't go on anymore.

I'm just about finished,
why not have Nippy take over?

He's got a lot of practice with rickshaws.

I'm running in the rear
to protect Sheriff's bullet.

-That's a funny place to have it.
-Never mind.

Run, Swiss, run!

Listen, Sheriff,

you can't treat a prisoner like this,
I know it's against the law,

and what's more…

I guess they changed the law.

You'll have to carry on alone
until we get to Tuxedo,

where there's a jail built
just right for you.

You'll be in there for quite a while.

Accosting and threatening an officer.

Assault and battery.

Assault with intent
to commit armed robbery.

Fraud, rape, larceny, and murder.

An all-around nice guy.

I sure would like to find out how you knew
about the deputys' salaries I had with me.

A little bird told me.

He should be in a mental health facility,
birds don't talk.

My birds have quite a varied vocabulary.

All right, quicken your pace,
move your ass!

Looks like we're running into bad weather.

Wet wind from the south.

That's the machine part
that bastard used to save Black Jack.

Hold it, god damn it, hold it.

Hold?

What do you mean, hold it?

You're an officer, damn it,
use the right commands.

I won't tolerate your sloppiness.

The two of them
obviously fought over something.

-They rode off to the south.
-There are three, not two.

They walked into the east.

I want to do some killing,
let's get after them.

All right, my little cousin.

I promise you that you can have them.

Forward!

Listen, Sheriff,

surely you're aware
that according to the Geneva Convention,

a prisoner has the right to eat dinner.

You can file a complaint
with the warden when you get to jail.

Do you know
what my grandmother always said?

Stay away from men who wear black.

They're either lawmen or undertakers.
I should've learned from her experience.

The only thing you learn from experience

is you never learn anything
from experience.

Hey, tell me.

You're in a tough business
with plenty of risk.

What does a man like you get paid?

Thirty dollars a month.

Thirty a month?

I can hardly survive on 30 a week.

Hell, you must be completely crazy.

Why don't we divide that cash
between the three of us?

We take 300,000 each
and use the rest to buy a pony.

Hell, with 100,000,

we'd be able to buy a solid gold pony
for those crazy Japanese.

Maybe,

but you forget one little particular.

This money is smothered in TNT.

If you open the wrong lock,
you'll end up joining your grandmother.

I promise you one thing, friend,
old Swiss isn't afraid of a little TNT.

One way or another, I'd open it.

You'd never have to work another day,
I guarantee you.

What do you take me for?

Do you think I'd betray a mission
for a handful of money?

Black Jack, at a gallop,
you could be mistaken for a horse's ass.

Better to spend one day as a horse's ass
than a hundred years in jail.

If you ask me, I'd say
you're a rotten yellow clear through.

Right, Sakura?

Sakura says yellow is beautiful.

-I have a loan.
-Is that beautiful too?

You don't understand,
a loan is a special debt to the Emperor.

-You owe money, right?
-No, not money.

I owe him a moral debt.

A loan is much greater than money.

One is obliged till they pay.

A Samurai who doesn't pay
will be dishonored.

Hey, what are you doing there?

-I'm making footpourri in Japanese style.
-Potpourri, not footpourri.

Yes, they're special herbs
that prevent sleep and hunger.

That way, Sakura will stay awake
and on guard all night.

If that helps to stop hunger,
bring it here, I'll have some.

With pleasure, sir.

Hey, leave some for me.

You'll need your sleep,
you'll do a lot of galloping tomorrow.

It's ready.

-It's good, huh?
-Yes.

-Is it good?
-It's very good.

Doesn't it help?

Good, good.

Immediate effect of my preparation.

Now, you won't sleep or feel hungry.

Bullshit!

Sheriff, Sakura has a toothache too.
The Samurai suffers the pain.

Well, I can't.

Even when I was a kid,
the blacksmith had to pull out my tooth.

Now they're all aching, damn it.

Hey, take it easy, Sheriff,
one night will pass quickly.

You shut up.

Sheriff, if you want,
Sakura can remove the pain first

and then stand on guard.

-Do it, damn it, hurry up and do it!
-All right.

-Be quiet, Sakura knows medicine.
-He does?

Well, good,
do something about it, damn it!

Come on, lie down, Sheriff.

-What are you doing?
-Put your head here.

Wait a minute!

-Don't try any Japanese tricks now.
-Come on, there are no tricks.

Relax.

Wait a minute!

Here's the key to the strongbox.

Don't use it whatever you do,
you'll end up joining your ancestors.

Come on, baby.

Stop it, use the nervous system!

Nervous system?

Ouch.

Now we'll hear nothing
as the Sherrif is asleep.

You're a regular hell on wheels.

Do you know in Switzerland
you'd make a fortune

working in a hospital
as an anesthesiologist?

That's it.

That's better.

So we've finally found
our little chickens.

Sergeant,

tie up the horses here quietly.

We'll go ahead on foot and surprise them.

Hi there!

All right, baby doll, give me the key now.

Look what I'll do to your keys, Swiss.

Hey, wait a minute!

Help!

Help!

Come on, what are you up to?

Oh, you can't swim.

I'm drowning.

Come on.

Out you come.

You must've really
been filled up with water.

Take Sakura's backside out of the water

or we'll have a dried river
in a few minutes.

-Sakura is very good at pimping.
-Pumping, you idiot.

Pumping, pimping, no difference!

You made Sakura's life unbearable.

-What do you mean?
-You saved Sakura's life!

-You mean I did wrong?
-Yes, you did wrong.

Now Sakura has a moral debt to Swiss,
and I must pay that debt.

Otherwise, I'll forever
be dishonored and ruined.

Listen, don't worry about it,
I'll make a deal with you.

You can pay that debt off easily
if you induce a healthy bowel movement

and give the key back.

That's unnatural,
and Sakura is never unnatural.

Your time is up, Sheriff.

Wait a minute.

What the hell is going on?

Come on, get up.

What the hell is going on here?

-Hold it!
-You promised me.

He's a prisoner of war,
we can't just shoot the bastard.

He has to be tried first
in a court-martial.

Captain, the other two
have run down to the river.

We'll follow them later.

Get the court-martial ready!

-Come on.
-Wait!

We'll give him a fair trial,
then execute him.

What do we do about it?
There are too many of them, Sakura.

You get scared so easily by a few men.

I suppose you want to be a dead hero.

Are you preparing another potpourri
to make your teeth ache?

I'm making a very strong anesthetic
for the horses.

Anesthetic?

All Sakura knows
is that it makes them very drunk.

They will fall down.

We'll give it to all but two of them.

-Let's save Black Jack or move it, Sakura.
-All right.

This court-martial

finds the defendant, Sherrif Gideon,
or Black Jack as he's known,

guilty of many heinous crimes
against our military operations.

He's sentenced
to be hanged by the neck till dead.

What the hell are you talking about?

Start the execution!

Get the rope on!

Get up!

Come on, eat.

It is the right of a condemned man
to make the last wish.

-Do you have one?
-Yes, I have.

What is it?

I'd never die without my boots on

and a star on my chest.

Well, Sheriff,

here's your star.

Come on.

Kill those men! Kill them!

Let's get after them.

Some gratitude.

Don't gas light me, Swiss.

You saved Sakura and me
for only one reason,

that box you're sitting on.

Forgive him, Lord,
he knows not what he's saying.

Just shut up!

I've seen many con men like you before.

You're dealing with Black Jack Gideon now,
don't you forget it.

That's quite a sales pitch.

Damn foreigners, Japanese, Swiss,
next, it will be the Italians.

What the hell is the West coming to?

It's a difficult extraction,
the key got stuck.

Yes, it's the Japanese system.

Sukiyaki at night and key in the morning.

-Very funny.
-You keep it, Sakura.

There's nothing funny
about a man's natural functions.

Let's get moving, we need to go to Tuxedo.

You'll have plenty of time
to be funny there.

Sakura!

What the hell is going on around here?

Maybe today is a holiday.

He's right, today's the day
of Saint Blanc, the Martyr.

That's my saint's day.

-Sheriff, do you mind if I…
-Shut up, Swiss, sit down.

You bring tears to my eyes
but we aren't Catholics in these parts.

That's right,
in America, they're all prostitutes.

Protestants.

Why is everything closed down?

As long as the jail is open,
it doesn't matter to me.

Come on, Swiss.

Go on, Swiss.

Sakura, keep an eye on that box.

Hey, Sheriff, what will you do about this?

-There isn't any room left for me.
-What's going on here?

Who are you and what happened here?

I'm the town councilor,
and I'll tell you what happened.

The Robson brothers escaped
from the mental hospital, Sheriff.

They surprised us
and locked us up in here.

Then they went over
to Madame Lulu's and made…

-Where's your sheriff?
-I'm a sheriff, Sheriff.

All right, where are the keys
to the cells?

One of the Robsons
has the keys around his neck.

He's in the saloon.

Come on, Swiss, we have to do something
to help these good people.

That's a problem for the law.

I'm a prisoner, Sheriff.
My place is inside with the others.

Do you want to try it?
It's good.

God damn it, come on.

You have no right to do this.
I want to talk to the Swiss ambassador.

-Come on.
-I want a lawyer.

I'll get you a lawyer.

-A Swiss lawyer?
-Come on, damn you.

Wait a minute.

If you see my wife in the saloon,
send her back home.

Would you do that, Sheriff?

Don't let the Robson brothers
have their way with my old lady!

It's an honorable mission
to save a woman from the village.

It's worthy of a Samurai.

-Yes, but listen, I am no Samurai.
-Of course, you're not Samurai.

You're a rundown Swiss cock.

Clock, Sakura.

The American Sheriff and I are Samurai.

-The Samurai twins are riding again.
-Shut up.

Here, Sakura.

-Now let's go.
-Where to?

The cemetery that we passed
on the way to town.

-It's a good place to hide that box.
-Sheriff has a brain of a wolf.

Thank you, Sakura.

I'm always happy
to speak the truth, Sheriff.

Now we'll cover it up,
and nobody comes snooping around.

-Sheriff thinks like a wolf.
-Thank you.

Jonathan Chesterfield,
this will show the right grave.

Black Jack.

How are we to take care of the Robsons?

I tell you, it won't going to be easy.

What those fellas did in Master City Jail…

They organized a revolt there

and played soccer in the bathhouse
with a head guard's testicles.

So they kicked screw ball.

-Yes.
-We'll take them by surprise.

We'll go into the front of the saloon,
firing as we go.

Yes, and what do I fire with,
my 44 forefinger?

I'll give you the Colt,
and I'll use the Winchester.

I don't like that.

It's not a good idea, Sheriff.
No, those men aren't scared of shoots.

Shots, shots!

You go and get the horses, please.

There's just no other way.

I don't like it much, Sheriff.

It's risky.

There's no other way.

You go in first then.

All right, let's go.

You two go on ahead.

-I'll hide this.
-Okay.

-Listen, Sakura has an idea.
-What is it?

This is better.

You enter the saloon
and pretend to be taken as a prisoner.

Then I'll arrive and save your life.

That way, the debt is paid back,
and I'll be able to kill you.

Is it a good idea?

It's a great idea,
but it kind of stinks, Sakura.

Well, that's done.

I got it all figured out.

We hide the horses,
and we sneak in through the rear.

Sorry, the last tango in Paris
ached my back.

Have you got a better idea?

You heard they shoot on sight.

Yes, it's right up your alley, Sheriff.

Hey, fatso!

You're wasting your time
with that little virgin.

-Take me instead, I'm a real pro.
-All right then.

I'll get tangled up
in the bird's nest you're wearing.

Now leave me alone!

Hey, Ted!

Hey, boys, there's some more!

Beautiful, you're beautiful!

Get out of here.

You're the most beautiful
piece of ass I ever did see.

Thank you, I'm so flattered,
but you really mustn't say those things.

It's true, I'm sure of it.

Well, my mother
always said the same thing.

-She's lovely, isn't she?
-Yes, sure.

Hey, how about going upstairs with me?

Careful.

Could I get some of that?

Yes, you're really very cute, honey.

Hey, birdie, listen.

Come with me,
and I'll give you a marvelous surprise.

Oh, what surprise?

We'll go upstairs,
and I'll take off all your clothes.

You might not like what you'd find.

-Let's rhumba.
-I can't dance with you.

I'm a widow, I'm in mourning.

No!

Don't you touch me.

I have to kiss you.

I must kiss you, I must…

-You have a mustache!
-Yes, women with mustaches are sexy.

Sheriff!

The keys.

Good, Sakura!

Here are the keys,
open the cells and free the men.

All you women are free to go home,
we'll take care of these here.

-Go, go!
-All right, girls, come on, let's go.

I recognize the blonde,
that's Swiss, but who are you?

I'm the sheriff of Shannon, ma'am.

The famous Black Jack.

At your service, ma'am.

[Japanese spoken audio]

Sheriff, where is Swiss?

He's probably sneaked away,
that son of a bitch, I suspected that.

We'll take care of him later on.

He went to the cemetery
to steal the dollars.

If we don't go, we're cock this.

Cooked, Sakura, cooked.

Thanks, Johnny.

Move around, move around, move around.

Sheriff.

Why did you let
that terrible thief run away?

I told you, we have plenty of time.

You take care of the rope,
I'll take care of Swiss.

Thank you.

I'm mighty glad
we were able to free those men.

Sure, what about coming back
to free me someday?

Of course, Red, I promise I'll be back.

Thank you,

handsome.

An old Japanese proverb says:

[Japanese spoken audio]

A-ten-hut!

Afternoon, Colonel, I'm heading that way,
the road's clear back there.

We're searching
for a deserter and a traitor,

a Captain Donovan,
and the bunch of outlaws he rides with.

They're here in this area.

-Know anything?
-Do I know anything?

Not a damn thing.

It's dangerous around here
to be on your own.

It'll be safer to come with us.

I know it's dangerous,
but I don't mind the risk.

My dear 78-year-old mother
is waiting in California

for my brother's remains, Colonel.

That's kind of strange.

Why?

Sooner or later, everybody must die,
and my poor brother was no different.

I meant it's strange

for one to walk all the way
to California dragging a coffin

when they could go by train.

Yes.

Corporal, search that coffin.

Dismount!

You can't do that, the man's dead.

It's bad luck to open a coffin.

Open it.

Colonel, I'll explain:
My brother was an alchemist.

So he might have turned
into a strongbox or…

Was there something strange
about your brother?

Yes, yes, but he was a marvelous dancer.

There's something queer here,
arrest that man.

After him!

Forward!

Now do you understand?

Now do you understand
why I wasn't worried?

Sheriff has no wolf brain but of Samurai.

Thank you.

When I went back to hide that contraption,

I took the cross
with "Jonathan Chesterfield" on it,

and I switched it to another grave.

Greed is a great magnet.

I was sure our Swiss friend
would come looking for it.

All right now, tighten it up there.

All right, Sakura, onto Eagle Pass…

You're surrounded!

You may consider yourself prisoners.

Here he is again.

-Son of a butch.
-Bitch.

-Bitch!
-Don't insult my mother!

She's a real mother.

What are we waiting for?

Let's kill him.

Sheriff, I've already
condemned you to death.

You'll be shot without the benefit
of the trial this time, amigo.

Anyone with you is also guilty.

Your poor black-eyed friend
is condemned to death as well.

-Sergeant?
-Yes, sir.

Start the execution.

A-ten-hut!

Hut!

Left, right, left, right.

Left, right, left.

Halt!

Captain, sir, the firing squad
is waiting for your orders.

We are ready to carry out the execution.

-Proceed, Sergeant.
-Yes.

Goodbye, Sakura, goodbye forever.

-Sayonara.
-Sayonara.

We'd all be a lot happier
without the lecture.

-Proceed, Sergeant.
-Troops, load and aim!

Ready!

Hey, hey!

-Fire!
-Fire!

Black Jack!

Come on, run!

Come on, Sakura, come on!

Hey, they're getting away!

Where is he?

Fight, damn it!

Sheriff, Eagle Pass is this way.

Why do we always have to go
with this thief?

He's an outlaw, and I'm a sheriff,
and I must get him in jail.

That's why, come on!

-Where the dang did he go?
-Maybe to hell.

Yes, Sakura, that's just where we are.

Look, Sheriff, fire.

No, Sakura.

That's an Indian telegraph.

That's Eagle Pass,
and they're waiting for us, let's go!

We've got a visitor.

Here.

Hi there, Your Highness.

I finally found you.

Remember your old friend Swiss?

Are they treating you all right?

Excuse my asking, but I'm curious.

What tribe are you from?

I have never seen Indians
with eyes as light as that.

Hold it.

There's a Japanese proverb
that says when a place is deserted,

it means no one is there.

Maybe you're right.

Hey.

Maybe not.

[Indian spoken audio]

He must be the chief,
do you recognize him?

It was night time,
so I can't recognize him.

The feather's the same.

Where is Shin Mi?

Shin Mi.
[fake Indian spoken audio]

I don't understand that language,
it must be a Southern tribe.

I don't understand.

Do you speak our tongue?

Damn tourists!

Dollars.

Where is money?

You'll get money,

but first, we get Shin Mi, the pony,
do you understand?

Like a clear bell,

but I cannot agree.

First money, then you get Shin Mi.

Take heed,

you're totally surrounded
by armed warriors.

Damn it, I must've heard that voice
somewhere before.

No, no, no.

No, no.

You hand over Shin Mi,
and you'll get the money after.

Samurai is not foolish.

I'm sorry, but you won't cheat Samurai.

No, no.

Okay, kemosabe.

I'll give you Shin Mi,

but you must wait right here,

and take care,

my warriors

are watching you closely,
bows at the ready.

Damn it, it seems to me
I've been in a situation like this before,

but I can't rightly say where or when.

Shut up.

Another little touch of white there…
Hey, I said shut up!

Hey, Sakura, there he is.

Here is Shin Mi.

No, he's kidding.

He's pulling Sakura's leg, no.

Shin Mi is a smaller horse,
not a big horse.

He has grown
because he's eaten special grass.

Mexico gold makes men grow,

so why not horses, hu?

Oh, no, no.

-Do you recognize the markings?
-Yes, the markings are the same.

I recognize them but…

This is not Shin Mi.

Shin Mi has the odor of cherry blossom,
while this one has an odor of a dead rat.

You're not a real Redskin,
you're a scumbag.

Swiss, I know my Indians!

You didn't fool me for a second,
your cigar's too imitation.

Now go put on your Swiss clothes.

Hell, what a party pooper you are,
Black Jack.

I'll kill him, Sheriff!

No, I can't.

The one thing I can do
is not see when you do it.

I can't do it, Sheriff,
I have a debt of gratification.

-I wish I could.
-Do you know what's wrong with you two?

You have your butts screwed on
in place of your heads.

-Shut up!
-Shut up!

What about this masquerade?

What about this masquerade?

I'll tell you about the masquerade.

The Indians that attacked the train
were fake Indians.

I thought I'd play the same game,
that's all.

Fake Indians?
Where the hell is Shin Mi?

Where the hell is Shin Mi?

I don't know,
he ran off about half an hour ago.

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

Your Excellency, Shin Mi!

-Hey, Sheriff.
-Yes?

All right, over there.

I'm getting sick and tired
of saving your hide.

You haven't shown
a speck of gratitude for it.

So now I'll see
how attached you are to your life.

I'm attached!

Then don't try anything,
because I'll take that box away.

Yes, I figured as much.

There's one thing you didn't figure.

Sakura has the key.

Shin Mi!

Excellency.

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi, bad men are coming.

I have the key, Shin Mi, eat the key.

Now run.

Now run, run like the wind.

Shin Mi.

Don't shoot, men, I want him alive.

Sakura is ready.

Where are your two companions?

Where's the strongbox and the key?

You better tell us, and tell us quickly,
because I can make even dead men sing.

Go on, sing.

Just a moment.

Making a mockery out of Captain Donovan
draws a death sentence.

You told me to sing so I sang.

Speak up! Where are your two friends?

Sakura won't speak, his lips are closed.

Men, let's dig a hole in the sand
and bury our friend in it up to his neck.

Curse that pony, Sakura, the Mikado,
and the whole of Japan.

Let's go.
Come on, Sheriff, let's get moving.

-Get on your horse.
-Where to, Swiss?

Sheriff, that million dollars
could legally be ours.

All we must do is find Shin Mi again.

Then we can go to Paris,
London, and Madrid.

We'll have the world in our pocket.
All we need is the pony and the key.

I'd like to help you, Swiss.

I understand your problems,

but the West is wide,
and where the hell is Sakura?

He'll lead us to Sakura.

That pony is a Japanese Saint Bernard.

Come on, Black Jack, on your horse.

I'm a happy Samurai

because Shin Mi is safe now.

I may die in ecstasy.

I, Sakura, am a Japanese hero.

What did you say, a what?

Hero, like the big American sandwich!

You won't be
when the ants begin eating you.

How would you like to have
a nice, cool drink of water?

Sakura doesn't want water.

Sakura will meet death
with a parched tongue.

There's that pony

Grab it, men!

Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

Run for your life, Shin Mi!

Let's have him for dinner,
let's go, Shin Mi!

Shin Mi!

You're all cowards!

Cowards, don't touch my Shin Mi!

Not again, god damn it, no!

Come on, men, after them!

After them!

No, Captain, they're going
into Indian territory.

We'd never survive a battle
with 100 Apaches.

Hold it!

I guess you're right, Comanchero.

We'll get some more men
and come back later.

I'll get you, you bastards.

You wait and see!

Let's go, Sakura.

It's not like a Samurai
to carry on about a little physical pain.

I'm not crying because of the pain.

I cry because nobody will respect
a Samurai with big ears.

Don't worry,
they'll shrink in a couple of hours.

Give us the key, let's divide up the loot
and get the hell out of here.

I don't have the key, Shin Mi does.

-Shin Mi?
-Shin Mi?

I'll do hara-kiri, I'll do hara-kiri.

That might not be a bad idea.

Unfortunately, we don't have time,
we've got visitors.

[Apache spoken audio]

In Apache, that means:
We're looking for a pony.

I don't understand
the gibberish you speak.

What are you doing on our land?

Sorry.

We didn't mean to violate your land,

but we're looking for a small
black-and-white pony.

We have seen this pony.

Where is Shin Mi?

Follow us to our village,
and you'll find your little pony.

Be careful, this is a bloodthirsty tribe.

I can't see this bunch being dangerous.

They're all kids and grandparents.

Be on the alert, this may be a trap.

If you come here in peace,
you are welcome in our village.

-Thank you, we're looking for…
-I know what it is that you seek.

The little one is there.

Shin Mi.

[Japanese spoken audio]

The key!

I didn't see any young warriors
in your camp.

Are they all hunting?

No, all our young warriors
have been killed in battle.

Now we're just old ones and children.

Who assaulted the train?

Who were those white men
dressed as Indians

we were supposed to meet at Eagle Pass?

Who sent them?

It was the man who owns the bank

and the man who would build
the iron horse.

Butler?
Kelly?

Yes, and I bet they sent
that crazy renegade after us

to steal Sakura's pony, the box,
and the million dollars.

It has been planned
by these men to wipe us all out

by pitting the Indians against the Army.

Now the Army won't hesitate
to massacre us,

and the iron horse will cross our land.

Here Sheriff, have a drink,
he isn't blaming you.

Come on, now.

The truth is bitter.

It's hard to believe
that a white man would…

Oh, white, yellow, Black,
what difference does it make?

The awful things that men do
do not depend on the color of their skin.

You're right about that, Sakura.
Hell, he gets all the best lines.

The whole affair has gone very badly.
It's a mess.

Your friend Donovan is not only crazy,
he's incompetent, Kelly.

He hasn't done one damn thing right,
and I hold you responsible.

All I did
is what you asked me to do, Butler.

You asked for fake Indians
to attack the train, and I arranged it.

You asked for Donovan's services,
and I got him.

I know we both have an interest
in laying tracks through Apache country,

but I could've found another way.

That's easy to say now.

You better not talk
about this thing to anybody ever.

Not a word, you hear?

I won't talk, mister,

but I'd like to make things
a little clearer.

I get half the million.

All right,

But let me give you some good advice.

Don't ever cross me, Kelly.

I'll cut you up to pieces.

Squadron,

halt!

Captain Donovan reporting, sir.

Ready for battle.

I'm afraid I must report a failure, sir.

-If it hadn't been for…
-Doesn't matter, Captain.

Mr. Kelly and I have another idea.
We thought of a new plan of action.

We'll supply you
with enough men and equipment

to completely exterminate Machaco's tribe.

You understand, Captain?
I said exterminate.

We have information.

Sheriff Gideon and his two friends
with a box of money

are in that Indian village.

They are not to come out of there alive.

I'll personally fire the bullets
that kill them.

My mother always said
that if there's something to be done,

then do it yourself.

She rode with Quantrill's Raiders.

Kelly here will accompany you.

He'll see you get everything you need.

Best of luck, Captain.

Shin Mi.

What are you?

Me?

-I'm a Samurai.
-What is a Samurai?

A Samurai is a great warrior

who is taught
all arts of battle and suffering.

A boy learning the ways of Samurai
at six months old

is put out in the snow
without clothes by his father.

-No clothes?
-Yes.

It is to test his fortitude.

-Do you have brothers?
-Yes, I had six.

They all died from double pneumonia.

You're absolutely right, Swiss,
I'm a horse's ass,

and of all the horse's asses in the world,
you are my real friend.

Now you're beginning
to make a little sense.

Black Jack, why did you choose
a kind of existence

that pays nothing and is full of danger?

You've got a house full of kids
and a woman who, except for the beard,

could be the twin of Machaco.

Machaco doesn't have a beard.

However, Clementine does.

Look, we can both be rich, Black Jack.

Rich, you hear?

Let's open the box and divide the money,
think about it…

Paris.

Yes, you're right, Swiss.

Let's cha-cha-cha the law
and everybody who believes in it.

Let's open the box.

I've got the keys, so let's…

Come on, what's the matter?

The matter is,
I can't remember which lock to open,

and if we open the wrong lock…

Very funny.

Come on now, there are only
three keyholes to choose from:

black, yellow, and white.

You must remember which one it is.

With all that firewater
you gave me to drink,

I can't even remember my own name.

Your name is Black Jack,
come on, now, open this damn box.

Come on!

I got it!

Eenie, meeny, miny, moe, catch a…

That's it!

Hey, wait, are you sure?

Sure?

-No.
-You're not just drunk, you're crazy!

Let me out of this loony bin.

God damn it.

The one time I decide to screw the law,

I can't remember which lock to use.

How's the mother's pet
feeling this morning?

I'm not a mother's pet.

Sorry, no offense, Sheriff.

Do you remember now
how to open this thing?

-Yes.
-Good, then let's open it.

You didn't change your mind, right?
Will you open it?

Of course, I'm going to open it.

-Good.
-The money's not for you, you jackal.

The money is for these poor people,

these poor souls who have been starved
by the white man's greed.

I've been screwed!
I thought at least your word was good.

What about the agreement
we made last night?

Go to hell, Swiss.

These people have a right
to be compensated.

Sheriff speaks rightly
like a samurai would.

-Thank you.
-That's nonsense.

Black Jack, we made
a little agreement last night.

I have an idea, let's split the million
between me and the Indians.

There, fifty-fifty,
and everybody's happy, right?

No fifty-fifty, Swiss.

Finally, this will be their justice.

Look at all that.

Beautiful!

Hey, what is this?

It's just a layer of money

with some old newspaper
to cover the dynamite.

I don't understand.

Let me explain it to you.

Our banker friend and him
stole the money before he left.

-Then why the hell would I go?
-You had to.

You had to act it out
for the Japanese consul.

You and the cash
were supposed to disappear into thin air.

That way, nobody would be asking
any awkward questions.

-He has a wolf brain too.
-No, a donkey, like you, Sakura.

We've been chasing
around the West for a pile of dynamite.

We've been screw…

Soldiers!

Soldiers are coming!

Your friends are coming to kill us
and rob us of our land.

They're not our friends.

Take your women and children
and go, Machaco, go!

They will exterminate us,

and it's not possible
for anybody to stop them.

Look to your people, Machaco.

We will fight, go on, get moving.

Sakura, your mission is finished.

-Take the pony and go.
-Why are you telling me to go?

I can't go.

I have a debt of honor
toward you and him for saving my life.

Mr. Machaco saved my life.

I can't go.

I'm a poor bastard full of debt,
I cannot go.

Halt!

Where are those bastards?

Sergeant, wait for my orders
before you shoot.

-I want to get a hold of something first.
-Right, Captain.

Black Jack Gideon!

Hand over the box or I'll kill you!

It won't make any difference.

The bastard will kill us anyway.

As soon as he opens this box
and finds that there's no money in it,

he's going to be pretty angry.

Sheriff, take Shin Mi back to the consul.

Excellency.

The box is Japanese, so I'll go.

It won't do any good, Sakura.

-What they'll do is kill you first.
-Gideon!

I'm giving you five seconds,

starting now, one…

-I'll pay the debt to everybody then.
-Two.

You'll risk being killed
just to clear up a debt?

Three.

For a Samurai,
a debt is as heavy as a mountain.

-Four.
-Death is as light as a feather.

Sakura.

Sakura!

All right, men, hold it.

Just keep your eyes skinned.

The minute that box is open,
you can start firing.

Hey, Black Jack.

What the hell is motivating him?

Why is he doing it?

Maybe because
now he believes he's a Samurai.

The man with funny green hair
above his mouth,

here are your dollars.

Now let Sakura's colleagues go free,
please, immediately.

Are you giving Captain Donovan orders?

Take the box.

Wait a moment.

Sheriff has probably made
a very ignoble strategy

and placed here within a homicidal trick.

It might well be safer for us
to act prudently.

What a naughty man the Sheriff is.

In that case,
you'll be the one to open it.

-Did you hear what I said?
-As you wish.

Open it.

Sakura will humbly obey, sir.

Could Sakura please offer
a little prayer first?

[Japanese spoken audio]

Here, try and get a bull's eye on the key.

We must stop Donovan from discovering
there are only a few dollars in it.

It's a difficult shot, Swiss,
why don't you do it?

It's just as difficult
to steal these sticks of dynamite

from under your nose, I can tell you.

Black Jack, you live up to your repute
and Swiss will live up to his.

I'll throw and you fire.

That's enough praying, now open it.

-Okay.
-I'll make a hole in your beehive.

Watch carefully for with this small key,
I shall open the box known as Pandora.

Ignore it, can't you?

Come on.

They're firing!

Come on, let's go.

Kill them, kill them!

I'm ready.

I'm ready.

Fire at this!

I'm ready, I'm ready.

Thank you.

Charge!

Come back here.

To hell with them.

Now it's all mine!

All I've got to do is open it,
and I'll be rich.

-Rich!
-Don't!

-I'll be rich!
-Don't do that!

Well done, Sakura.

You proved to everybody you're a Samurai.

Sakura wishes to thank you and Sheriff

for giving me
the possibility of demonstrating valor.

Sheriff is a great American Samurai.

How about you be the great Swiss Samurai?

It's nice of you,
but there's only one real Samurai

here in America.

That's you, Sakura.

Don't say things like that,
Sakura gets embarrassed easily.

He's just a little yellow man
doing his job for the Emperor.

Hey, where the hell is Black Jack?

I saw Captain running with the box
and Sheriff on his heels.

Then, a few seconds later,
bingo, a loud explosion and…

I guess I'll have to tell his family.

He was a good man.

I'll take care of it now.

What will you do, Sakura?

If the great warrior wishes,
he may live here with us in our village.

No one will ever dare to attack us
if we are protected by this great Samurai.

It's not a bad proposition
he's making you.

Think about it.

One day, we'll see each other once more.

You sound very sure of that.

Sakura is sure, yes.

Sayonara.

-Sayonara!
-Sayonara.

You must have saved something
really very valuable

to enable you to go out
and buy a real automobile,

new clothes, and to leave your job.

Tell me, what was it?

A sacred pony and a million dollars.

As a reward, I got $100,000.

The banker stole the million
he said was in the box,

so he's in jail now.

Do you know where that leaves little me?

Living high and wild with my girl.

We'll make up
for all those years of starvation,

my sheriff.

Edward, my little honeybee.

Edward!

Paris, Rome, Monte Carlo, Madrid,
here we come!

How wonderful,

I've always wanted to go to Paris,
Monte Carlo, and Rome.

Hi, Sheriff.

It's a small world.

What the hell do you want, Swiss?

Just three little things,

the redhead, the car, and your money belt.

I took the pony back to the consul,
so that money is mine.

Anyhow, you're married, Sheriff.

Don't try it, Black Jack Gideon,
you're surrounded.

I'm not as dumb as you look, Swiss.

You already pulled
that little trick on me.

I'm afraid you got shafted again, Sheriff.

Where were you going, Edward?

You won't leave us to starve, would you?

I think you got the wrong impression here
about your husband, Mrs. Gideon.

He was just doing a favor for me.

He picked up my car and wife-to-be,

and then he went to the bank
and got my money as well.

Isn't that right, Sheriff?

Yes, that's right.

So I was mistaken.

I thought you were leaving
for parts unknown.

I thought you were running off
with this whore.

-Excuse me.
-That's quite all right.

Sheriff, thanks a million,
you're a real brick.

Crank, if you will, please.

I've got some marvelous news
to tell you, Edward.

I'm pregnant again!

Goodbye, Swiss.
Everybody, say goodbye to Swiss.

-Tell them, Edward.
-Bye!

We're going home now.

Listen, Edward, grandpa started
messing his breeches again,

and you've just got to take care of him.

I can't do it any longer.

Not now, I'm pregnant.
It's too much for me.

Come on!

Swiss, you son of a bitch!

Swiss cheese.

I'll find you
even if I have to climb the Alps.

Edward?

-Edward!
-Yes, I'm coming.

Coming, dear.