Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,404 --> 00:00:04,736
♪ Felix Unger made a gravy ♪
2
00:00:04,771 --> 00:00:06,105
♪ Ee-i-ee-i-o... ♪
3
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,339
Mmm.
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,252
♪ And in that gravy,
he needed salt ♪
5
00:00:09,276 --> 00:00:10,509
♪ Ee-i-ee-i-o ♪
6
00:00:10,544 --> 00:00:11,510
Felix, keep it down, will ya?
7
00:00:11,545 --> 00:00:12,555
I'm trying to write something
8
00:00:12,579 --> 00:00:13,890
that could mean a
lot of money to me.
9
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:15,025
Writing your column
for the paper?
10
00:00:15,049 --> 00:00:16,126
No, I'm writing to Blanche
11
00:00:16,150 --> 00:00:17,560
asking her to lower her alimony.
12
00:00:17,584 --> 00:00:18,584
Mmm.
13
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,619
Oscar, taste this.
14
00:00:20,654 --> 00:00:21,731
For the last three days,
15
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,300
it's been, "Oscar, taste
this, Oscar, taste this."
16
00:00:23,324 --> 00:00:24,423
Oscar, taste this.
17
00:00:24,458 --> 00:00:26,992
No! I weighed my tongue this
morning, it weighed 22 pounds.
18
00:00:27,028 --> 00:00:28,894
I have to test my recipe
on somebody, don't I?
19
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:30,540
You want me to win the
cooking contest, don't you?
20
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,109
Yeah, win, win, win already.
21
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:34,166
The semifinal is this afternoon.
22
00:00:34,201 --> 00:00:36,668
Standing before you may be
the winner of the Golden Apron.
23
00:00:36,703 --> 00:00:38,315
Good. How do you
spell "destitute"?
24
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:39,816
D-e-s... Never mind,
I'll write "broke."
25
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,485
Big words always make her mad.
26
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:44,709
First prize is a new
kitchen worth $1,389.
27
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:45,710
That's exactly what I need:
28
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:46,711
A brand-new kitchen
29
00:00:46,747 --> 00:00:48,291
to make my bologna
sandwiches in.
30
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,460
Even "broke" doesn't work!
31
00:00:50,484 --> 00:00:54,119
Needs something.
32
00:00:55,122 --> 00:00:56,922
"Dear Blanche...
33
00:00:59,626 --> 00:01:00,592
"Blanche...
34
00:01:00,627 --> 00:01:02,627
"Please note that
I have not included
35
00:01:02,662 --> 00:01:04,262
"your monthly alimony check.
36
00:01:04,297 --> 00:01:06,598
"However, I have
enclosed the three 10s
37
00:01:06,633 --> 00:01:09,101
"that caused me to lose
this month's alimony.
38
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:12,170
Sincerely yours, Oscar Madison."
39
00:01:13,207 --> 00:01:14,207
Oscar, come here!
40
00:01:14,241 --> 00:01:16,842
I refuse to taste
any more gravies.
41
00:01:16,877 --> 00:01:18,744
It's my arm!
42
00:01:18,779 --> 00:01:20,311
You cooked your arm?
43
00:01:20,347 --> 00:01:22,080
What are you pointing at?
44
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,027
Don't start with "we got
to wash the ceiling" again.
45
00:01:24,051 --> 00:01:25,628
I reached for the mustard,
and I pulled my arm,
46
00:01:25,652 --> 00:01:26,618
I can't get it down.
47
00:01:26,653 --> 00:01:27,619
Again?
48
00:01:27,654 --> 00:01:28,620
I know.
49
00:01:28,655 --> 00:01:29,766
See, this always happens
when you're nervous.
50
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:30,688
If it's not your
arm, it's your back.
51
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:31,724
If it's not your back...
52
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,036
It's a nerve in my neck.
53
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:34,926
Okay, you do this a
couple more times,
54
00:01:34,962 --> 00:01:36,694
I can get a
chiropractor's license.
55
00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,775
I can't win a golden
apron with one hand.
56
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,043
I think I got it. Hmm?
57
00:01:40,067 --> 00:01:41,032
The spot.
58
00:01:41,068 --> 00:01:42,068
Go, go, go.
59
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:00,991
Oh, thanks.
60
00:03:01,015 --> 00:03:02,947
How can you pull
a muscle cooking?
61
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,560
You know why I'm so excited?
62
00:03:04,584 --> 00:03:07,152
I think I found the perfect
ingredient for my gravy.
63
00:03:07,187 --> 00:03:08,320
Another gravy.
64
00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:10,622
You better leave me
out of the gravy, Felix.
65
00:03:10,657 --> 00:03:12,124
I've got a whole battle plan.
66
00:03:12,159 --> 00:03:13,825
This afternoon,
at the semifinals
67
00:03:13,860 --> 00:03:16,528
I'm gonna dazzle them
with my fancy tuna casserole.
68
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,574
What do I do, applaud
or wave a napkin?
69
00:03:18,598 --> 00:03:19,764
Listen to my strategy.
70
00:03:19,799 --> 00:03:22,033
Then, at the finals, all
the other contestants
71
00:03:22,068 --> 00:03:23,535
will pull out all the stops
72
00:03:23,570 --> 00:03:25,670
with fancy continental cooking.
73
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,572
By the time the
judges get to me,
74
00:03:27,608 --> 00:03:29,441
their taste buds will be cloyed.
75
00:03:29,476 --> 00:03:32,678
And then I hit them with
a simple American classic.
76
00:03:32,713 --> 00:03:34,558
You're going to
make a TV dinner?
77
00:03:34,582 --> 00:03:35,981
Will you be serious?
78
00:03:36,016 --> 00:03:37,515
Roast beef.
79
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,284
It could win!
80
00:03:39,319 --> 00:03:42,387
And the clincher...
is Gravy à la Felix.
81
00:03:42,422 --> 00:03:45,624
The secret ingredient...
I can hardly wait.
82
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:49,294
A cup of beer and a
teaspoon of dry mustard.
83
00:03:49,329 --> 00:03:51,274
Felix, my only interest
in beer and mustard
84
00:03:51,298 --> 00:03:52,409
is with a hot dog.
85
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:53,632
Taste.
86
00:03:53,667 --> 00:03:54,744
No.
87
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:56,701
I refuse to accept that.
88
00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:57,881
You refuse to accept?!
89
00:03:57,905 --> 00:03:59,682
Would you accept if I
poured it down your back?
90
00:03:59,706 --> 00:04:01,373
I have no time to play games.
91
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,209
Taste it, I respect
your opinion.
92
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:05,889
That's the worst
thing I ever tasted.
93
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:07,656
What do you know?
94
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:08,824
That's my friends
from the contest.
95
00:04:08,848 --> 00:04:10,426
Open the door, will
you? I've got to get ready!
96
00:04:10,450 --> 00:04:13,718
Felix, you're going to ruin
my life with this cooking.
97
00:04:13,753 --> 00:04:15,753
You think that's
all I got to do?
98
00:04:15,789 --> 00:04:18,056
"Answer the door,
taste this, taste that."
99
00:04:18,091 --> 00:04:19,490
You taste all the gravies
100
00:04:19,526 --> 00:04:21,304
you get to look
like an elephant.
101
00:04:21,328 --> 00:04:22,928
I hate cooks! I hate cooking!
102
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,930
I hate everything
connected with it.
103
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,097
Hi. Is Felix here?
104
00:04:26,133 --> 00:04:27,265
Come on in.
105
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:28,766
I can't tell you how closely
106
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,768
I have followed
the cooking contest.
107
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:31,948
It's fascinating.
108
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:33,283
It's absolutely fascinating.
109
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:34,406
Oh, you must be Oscar.
110
00:04:34,441 --> 00:04:35,873
Felix told us all about you.
111
00:04:35,909 --> 00:04:37,586
Yeah, but he didn't
tell me about you.
112
00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:39,678
I'm Sharon and that's Doria.
113
00:04:39,713 --> 00:04:40,679
Hi. Hi.
114
00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:41,680
We're going to
the cooking contest
115
00:04:41,715 --> 00:04:42,759
and we came to pick up Felix.
116
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,594
Yeah, well, he'll be ready
in a couple of minutes.
117
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,028
I'll bet your husbands
are very excited
118
00:04:46,052 --> 00:04:47,664
about the new recipes
you're coming up with.
119
00:04:47,688 --> 00:04:50,188
Sharon's not married, only me.
120
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:51,255
Oh, I see.
121
00:04:51,291 --> 00:04:53,235
Well, why don't we sit
down and chat about that?
122
00:04:53,259 --> 00:04:55,259
You, too, honey, right there.
123
00:04:55,295 --> 00:04:57,962
Your roommate,
Felix, is so, so sexy.
124
00:04:57,997 --> 00:04:59,096
He is?
125
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:03,768
The way he tosses a match
on the cherries flame-ay.
126
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,903
He flings it in with
such confidence.
127
00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:06,904
It turns me on.
128
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:09,607
Tossing a match turns you on?
129
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,477
Oscar? You know
where my brown tie is?
130
00:05:12,512 --> 00:05:14,857
Yeah, in my room, buddy,
In my room, I borrowed it.
131
00:05:14,881 --> 00:05:16,614
Be right with you, girls.
132
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,694
What a voice.
133
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:18,917
And he cooks, too.
134
00:05:18,952 --> 00:05:21,386
Yeah, well, look,
you girls just sit here.
135
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:23,054
Don't move for one...
136
00:05:23,089 --> 00:05:24,734
Tossing a match turns you on?
137
00:05:24,758 --> 00:05:29,394
Felix. Felix! Felix.
138
00:05:29,429 --> 00:05:32,864
There's my brown
tie, in your brown shoe.
139
00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:34,744
Oh, yeah, I put it there so
I'd remember they match.
140
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,467
Felix, I know this
is gonna sound silly,
141
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,503
but I'd like to come
down there and watch you,
142
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:39,638
you know, cheer you on.
143
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:42,273
Aren't you afraid the
guys will tease you?
144
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,542
No, I changed my mind.
145
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:46,210
Come on, I tasted your
stupid gravy, didn't I?
146
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:47,812
I helped fix your arm, didn't I?
147
00:05:49,149 --> 00:05:50,114
Can I come with you now?
148
00:05:50,150 --> 00:05:51,115
I want to meet the girls.
149
00:05:51,151 --> 00:05:52,529
Yeah, yeah, that's
your interest in cooking.
150
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:53,630
You want to meet girls.
151
00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:54,654
What are friends for?
152
00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,699
This mirror needs
a windshield wiper.
153
00:05:56,723 --> 00:05:59,257
And I'll tell you what,
I'll even help you to cook.
154
00:05:59,292 --> 00:06:01,470
The girls said you could
have an assistant in the finals.
155
00:06:01,494 --> 00:06:02,460
I'll be your assistant.
156
00:06:02,495 --> 00:06:03,506
You may come.
157
00:06:03,530 --> 00:06:05,096
But understand this.
158
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:08,199
When Felix Unger stands
before a flame with a sauce pan,
159
00:06:08,234 --> 00:06:11,102
he's a solo artist.
160
00:06:27,621 --> 00:06:29,321
Thank you, Mister Six.
161
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,529
Do you have a
friend in this con...
162
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:38,596
Ow!
163
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:39,875
Ladies and gentlemen.
164
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:42,634
The judges have
arrived at a decision.
165
00:06:42,669 --> 00:06:45,070
The winners...
166
00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:47,149
of the casserole event are...
167
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:54,012
Numbers one... six... and eight.
168
00:06:57,785 --> 00:06:59,795
The Williamson Flour Company
169
00:06:59,819 --> 00:07:02,587
congratulates
our three finalists.
170
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:05,857
As you know, you are to
come back tomorrow night
171
00:07:05,893 --> 00:07:08,004
to compete for the
Golden Apron Award
172
00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:11,096
and to win the all-
new electric kitchen.
173
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:18,570
Worth... $1,389, uh... plus tax.
174
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:21,473
To all the others,
a set of cookware
175
00:07:21,508 --> 00:07:25,977
and our new book,
Fun With Flour.
176
00:07:32,118 --> 00:07:34,864
Barbara, very much
congratulations to you.
177
00:07:34,888 --> 00:07:36,220
Aw, I'm sorry.
178
00:07:36,255 --> 00:07:38,067
Well, we all can't be winners.
179
00:07:38,091 --> 00:07:39,056
Congratulations.
180
00:07:39,092 --> 00:07:40,592
You're a real competitor.
181
00:07:40,627 --> 00:07:41,693
Felix. Excuse me.
182
00:07:41,728 --> 00:07:43,539
Listen, I want you to
introduce me to number eight.
183
00:07:43,563 --> 00:07:44,529
Huh?
184
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:45,530
Yeah, tomato surprise.
185
00:07:45,565 --> 00:07:46,676
She's been smiling
at me all evening.
186
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:47,944
Aren't you going
to congratulate me?
187
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:49,534
Oh, yes, congratulations, pal.
188
00:07:49,569 --> 00:07:50,902
Come on, let's meet her.
189
00:07:50,937 --> 00:07:52,470
She even waved a ladle at me.
190
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:53,671
I think she likes me.
191
00:07:53,707 --> 00:07:54,672
I know her.
192
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,674
Good, I'd like to
know her... Felix!
193
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:58,242
Mmm.
194
00:07:58,277 --> 00:07:59,811
You were magnificent.
195
00:07:59,846 --> 00:08:00,812
Thank you, Sharon.
196
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,224
I'm sorry you didn't
make the finals.
197
00:08:02,248 --> 00:08:03,526
Oh, that's all right.
198
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,828
We are going to go out
together soon, aren't we, Felix?
199
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:06,818
Yes.
200
00:08:06,853 --> 00:08:07,819
Wait right here.
201
00:08:07,854 --> 00:08:09,198
I'm going to wash the
mayonnaise off my hands,
202
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:10,299
so I can write down
my phone number.
203
00:08:10,323 --> 00:08:11,467
Don't go away.
204
00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,491
I won't.
205
00:08:12,526 --> 00:08:13,636
Felix, you were gorgeous.
206
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:14,670
Thank you, thank you.
207
00:08:14,694 --> 00:08:15,660
Just gorgeous.
208
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:16,661
Thank you, Dorie.
209
00:08:16,696 --> 00:08:17,862
You get them all, don't ya?
210
00:08:17,898 --> 00:08:20,064
Well, come on, let's
meet number eight.
211
00:08:20,099 --> 00:08:22,299
That's Barbara Arcola.
212
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:24,547
I don't think it's a good
idea for you to meet her.
213
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,537
Felix, what are you doing?
214
00:08:25,572 --> 00:08:26,538
You want them all for yourself?
215
00:08:26,573 --> 00:08:27,872
No, no, it's just that...
216
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:28,873
What does that mean?
217
00:08:28,909 --> 00:08:31,242
Congratulations, Mr. Unger.
218
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:33,011
Oh, I'll handle it myself.
219
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,089
Thank you, sir.
220
00:08:34,113 --> 00:08:36,214
Hello. I'm Oscar Madison.
221
00:08:36,249 --> 00:08:38,094
I'm a friend of
tuna the casserole?
222
00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:39,328
You know, Felix Unger?
223
00:08:39,352 --> 00:08:40,651
Yes, I know who you are.
224
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:41,753
I'm Barbara Arcola.
225
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:42,754
How are you?
226
00:08:42,789 --> 00:08:44,789
Over the years,
we had several men
227
00:08:44,824 --> 00:08:46,925
win the Golden
Apron Cooking award.
228
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,092
This time,
229
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:50,428
you're the only one
to reach the finals!
230
00:08:50,463 --> 00:08:52,097
Do you think you could
231
00:08:52,132 --> 00:08:54,232
defend the title for the men?
232
00:08:54,267 --> 00:08:55,666
I'll do my best.
233
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,546
Doesn't matter whether
you win or lose...
234
00:08:57,570 --> 00:09:00,038
It's how you ladle the gravy.
235
00:09:02,008 --> 00:09:04,175
The gravy!
236
00:09:20,827 --> 00:09:24,228
Felix! Where's the
king of the kitchen?
237
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,330
Doing the laundry.
238
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:28,867
Felix, today you were
king of the casserole,
239
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,334
tomorrow, the world!
240
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:32,415
I looked for you after the
contest and you were gone.
241
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:33,716
Where were you?
242
00:09:33,740 --> 00:09:35,640
I had to take Barbara Arcola out
243
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:37,175
for a cup of coffee.
244
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:38,650
Don't get mad, I
had to take her out.
245
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,011
Yeah? What did she say?
246
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:41,212
A lot of things.
247
00:09:41,247 --> 00:09:42,881
And I want to tell you,
248
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,884
your word is magic
amongst the cooking chefs.
249
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,252
See, she knew we were friends,
250
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:48,820
but when I told her
we were roommates,
251
00:09:48,855 --> 00:09:49,921
she was mine!
252
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:51,100
I thought so.
253
00:09:51,124 --> 00:09:52,364
I'm going to her house tonight.
254
00:09:52,392 --> 00:09:53,403
I don't want you
to go out with her.
255
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:54,437
What are you talking about?
256
00:09:54,461 --> 00:09:55,972
What did you do, hit
yourself in the head
257
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,073
with one of your frying pans?
258
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,174
No, I'm serious.
259
00:09:58,198 --> 00:10:00,076
Everybody down at the
contest knows all about her.
260
00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:02,233
Good, I like a girl
that's been around.
261
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:04,213
She's known as
"Béarnaise Barbara."
262
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:05,536
You say that like you expect
263
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,005
a whole western town to freeze.
264
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:08,373
What are you talking about?
265
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:11,141
She was accused...
Now, I can't prove this...
266
00:10:11,177 --> 00:10:13,322
But she was accused of stealing
267
00:10:13,346 --> 00:10:16,714
another contestant's
recipe for Béarnaise sauce.
268
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:18,861
Now do you see why she
wants to go out with you?
269
00:10:18,885 --> 00:10:21,853
She wants to steal my
Béarnaise sauce recipe?
270
00:10:21,888 --> 00:10:23,021
Felix, maybe she wants me.
271
00:10:23,056 --> 00:10:24,622
Did you ever stop
to think of that?
272
00:10:24,657 --> 00:10:26,135
No! She wants my secret gravy
273
00:10:26,159 --> 00:10:27,403
for the finals tomorrow.
274
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:29,705
She's trying to get
at me through you.
275
00:10:29,729 --> 00:10:30,895
Well, I'm sorry, Felix,
276
00:10:30,930 --> 00:10:32,130
I have a date with her.
277
00:10:32,165 --> 00:10:33,664
I'll be in her house soon
278
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:36,134
and the temperature
will be 300 degrees.
279
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,936
Ciao, king.
280
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:42,807
Cooking contests are a jungle.
281
00:10:54,454 --> 00:10:55,920
Mmm, boy, this is the life.
282
00:10:55,956 --> 00:10:58,889
You know, that's one of
the best meals I ever had.
283
00:10:58,925 --> 00:11:00,336
Oh, Oscar, you're
just saying that.
284
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,404
You must eat very well
285
00:11:01,428 --> 00:11:03,205
with Felix doing your cooking.
286
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:04,528
Oh, yeah, Felix is a great cook.
287
00:11:04,564 --> 00:11:06,431
But somehow, food tastes better
288
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:09,133
when you're sitting
next to a gorgeous girl.
289
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:11,414
Mouths are good for other things
290
00:11:11,438 --> 00:11:13,271
besides tasting food, too.
291
00:11:14,474 --> 00:11:16,718
Mmm. I'll pour you a coffee.
292
00:11:16,742 --> 00:11:18,042
Mmm, mmm.
293
00:11:18,078 --> 00:11:19,043
You're a friendly little thing,
294
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:20,044
you know that?
295
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,223
Felix didn't even
want me to come here.
296
00:11:21,247 --> 00:11:22,546
Why not?
297
00:11:22,582 --> 00:11:25,149
Oh. Oh, nothing, it's nothing.
298
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,250
No, tell me.
299
00:11:26,285 --> 00:11:28,030
Mind you, he's
getting a little paranoid
300
00:11:28,054 --> 00:11:29,098
about this chef stuff...
301
00:11:29,122 --> 00:11:31,533
Oh, it's not even
worth bringing up.
302
00:11:31,557 --> 00:11:32,623
No, come on, tell me.
303
00:11:32,658 --> 00:11:35,894
He thinks you want
his secret gravy recipe.
304
00:11:35,929 --> 00:11:36,961
Oh, that's silly.
305
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,463
I invited you to my
house, not a recipe.
306
00:11:39,499 --> 00:11:41,577
That's exactly what I told him.
307
00:11:41,601 --> 00:11:43,801
I mean, your roommate
is very talented,
308
00:11:43,837 --> 00:11:45,503
but he's just making a roast.
309
00:11:45,539 --> 00:11:48,139
How you know
he's making a roast?
310
00:11:48,174 --> 00:11:49,541
We all announced to the judges
311
00:11:49,576 --> 00:11:51,242
what we were
making for the finals.
312
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,421
Oscar, you're suspicious of me!
313
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:53,411
No, I'm not.
314
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:54,412
Yes, you are, you believe
315
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,291
what Felix and the others
are saying about me...
316
00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:57,782
"Béarnaise Barbara."
317
00:11:57,817 --> 00:11:59,495
I don't even know
what a Béarnaise is.
318
00:11:59,519 --> 00:12:01,130
I trust you, honest,
I really do trust you.
319
00:12:01,154 --> 00:12:02,119
No, you don't.
320
00:12:02,154 --> 00:12:03,354
I do.
321
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:05,868
Look, I'll prove
that I trust you.
322
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:08,392
I'll tell you Felix's
stupid recipe.
323
00:12:08,427 --> 00:12:10,294
He-he's using a cup of beer
324
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:11,707
and a teaspoon of dry mustard.
325
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,998
Hey. Now, would I confide
326
00:12:14,033 --> 00:12:16,500
in somebody I didn't trust?
327
00:12:16,535 --> 00:12:17,535
No.
328
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,814
Then let's go back
to where we were.
329
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:22,907
Hmm... let's not
bring it to a boil, Oscar.
330
00:12:22,942 --> 00:12:24,220
I mean, things are better
331
00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:25,755
if you let them simmer awhile.
332
00:12:25,779 --> 00:12:28,112
You make me sound
like a can of onion soup.
333
00:12:28,148 --> 00:12:30,782
I mean, why rush things, Oscar?
334
00:12:30,817 --> 00:12:33,195
And besides, I've got
to get up early tomorrow
335
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:34,730
to get ready for the contest.
336
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,387
I think you better go, hmm?
337
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:37,566
It's kind of late.
338
00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:38,768
When am I gonna see you again?
339
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,324
Oh, soon.
340
00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:42,471
Hey, tomorrow night
after the cooking thing?
341
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:44,528
Hmm, very possible.
342
00:12:46,399 --> 00:12:49,579
Listen, most girls don't
even care about cooking.
343
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:50,913
How did you get
so involved in it?
344
00:12:50,937 --> 00:12:54,706
I don't know, I needed a way
to use up my excess energy.
345
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:55,952
Excess energy?
346
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:57,252
What about I see you
tomorrow morning?
347
00:12:57,276 --> 00:12:59,154
I'll sit outside the door,
and when I hear your alarm,
348
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:01,156
I'll come in with a
paper between my teeth.
349
00:13:01,180 --> 00:13:02,814
I'll bark a lot.
350
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,809
Good night, Oscar. Good night.
351
00:13:08,822 --> 00:13:10,421
Look at this.
352
00:13:15,862 --> 00:13:16,828
Who is it?
353
00:13:16,863 --> 00:13:18,395
Superintendent.
354
00:13:18,431 --> 00:13:19,731
The napkin was...
355
00:13:19,766 --> 00:13:22,233
Oh! No, I'll
get it, I'll get it.
356
00:13:22,268 --> 00:13:27,171
"Cup of beer, teaspoon
of dry mustard."
357
00:13:36,749 --> 00:13:39,683
Oscar, Oscar,
Oscar, how could you?
358
00:13:39,719 --> 00:13:41,552
I don't know, Felix.
359
00:13:41,587 --> 00:13:43,554
One minute, her
lips were on my lips.
360
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,990
The next minute, your
recipe was on my lips.
361
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,069
She tricked you.
362
00:13:47,093 --> 00:13:48,059
I know.
363
00:13:48,094 --> 00:13:49,894
Oh, Oscar, Oscar.
364
00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:52,763
Aw, wait a minute, Felix,
let's not get carried away.
365
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:53,943
I mean I didn't give away
366
00:13:53,967 --> 00:13:55,444
the secret to the hydrogen bomb.
367
00:13:55,468 --> 00:13:57,246
It was just a
stupid gravy recipe.
368
00:13:57,270 --> 00:13:58,769
Just a stupid gravy recipe.
369
00:13:58,804 --> 00:14:00,972
It's only worth a
Golden Apron to me,
370
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:02,806
and a new kitchen worth $1,389.
371
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,453
Well, it just didn't
seem that important.
372
00:14:04,477 --> 00:14:05,754
It didn't seem important to you!
373
00:14:05,778 --> 00:14:07,245
It's important to me!
374
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,645
Aren't you my friend?
375
00:14:08,681 --> 00:14:09,992
Does that mean nothing to you?
376
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:11,315
Does now.
377
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,450
It is now after 12:00.
378
00:14:13,486 --> 00:14:16,254
I'm so tired I could drop.
379
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,756
My nerves are at
the breaking point.
380
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,291
My arm is killing me.
381
00:14:20,326 --> 00:14:22,671
But I'm going in that kitchen,
382
00:14:22,695 --> 00:14:27,765
and I'm going to make a
new gravy recipe if I die.
383
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,145
Seems to me the least
you could say is you're sorry.
384
00:14:30,169 --> 00:14:31,135
I'm sorry, Felix.
385
00:14:31,170 --> 00:14:32,370
Hmm.
386
00:14:32,405 --> 00:14:35,873
Being sorry solves nothing.
387
00:14:42,348 --> 00:14:44,015
Barbara Arcola.
388
00:14:44,050 --> 00:14:45,349
I know her kind.
389
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,651
Tried every trick in the
book on Felix Unger,
390
00:14:47,686 --> 00:14:49,086
but it's not going to work.
391
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,455
Oscar!
392
00:14:51,490 --> 00:14:53,857
Oscar?
393
00:14:53,893 --> 00:14:57,561
Oscar.
394
00:14:57,596 --> 00:14:59,530
Oscar.
395
00:14:59,565 --> 00:15:01,532
Don't hit me, Felix, I didn't...
396
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,478
I told you not to reach.
397
00:15:03,502 --> 00:15:04,568
I know, I know.
398
00:15:04,603 --> 00:15:05,869
All right, I've got the spot.
399
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:06,905
I can't bring it down.
400
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:07,905
It's like a rock.
401
00:15:07,941 --> 00:15:09,407
Take a deep breath.
402
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:10,574
Oh!
403
00:15:10,609 --> 00:15:11,943
It's all in your head, Felix.
404
00:15:11,978 --> 00:15:12,944
Oscar.
405
00:15:12,979 --> 00:15:13,944
What?
406
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:16,413
I can't move my arms.
407
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,848
So what? They're both down.
408
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,061
Yeah, but I can't get them up.
409
00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:21,163
It must be that nerve
in my neck. Oh, my!
410
00:15:21,187 --> 00:15:23,054
You've got to learn
to relax, Felix, relax.
411
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:25,133
I'm in a cooking
contest with no arms.
412
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:26,334
Oh, isn't that great?
413
00:15:26,358 --> 00:15:27,825
If I won the Golden Apron,
414
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:30,427
I wouldn't be able to
tie it around my waist.
415
00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:31,774
Just take it easy,
I'll call the doctor.
416
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:32,763
No! No doctor!
417
00:15:32,799 --> 00:15:33,943
Because I know what he'll do.
418
00:15:33,967 --> 00:15:35,611
He'll put me in
traction like last time.
419
00:15:35,635 --> 00:15:37,046
Then I won't be able
to be in the finals.
420
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:38,936
Okay, look, sit down.
421
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,537
Remember, Halloween?
We tried, remember?
422
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:41,839
You were stuck, Halloween?
423
00:15:41,874 --> 00:15:42,840
You still went
trick-or-treating.
424
00:15:42,875 --> 00:15:44,019
We got lucky, maybe
we'll do it again tonight.
425
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:45,009
All right? You
ready? Piece of cake.
426
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:46,010
It's unbelievable.
427
00:15:46,045 --> 00:15:47,056
Now you tell me if this hurts.
428
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:47,812
I'm a maniac, I'm crazy.
429
00:15:47,847 --> 00:15:48,967
I don't know what I'm doing.
430
00:15:49,849 --> 00:15:51,316
Oh! Oh, oh, oh.
431
00:15:51,351 --> 00:15:52,883
One more time,
remember Halloween.
432
00:15:52,919 --> 00:15:55,219
Oh! Oh, oh! Oh, Oscar,
I'm a raving maniac.
433
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:56,520
Now the big hurt.
434
00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,056
Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!
435
00:15:59,426 --> 00:16:00,724
Oscar!
436
00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:02,560
Felix?
437
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:03,627
Felix!
438
00:16:03,663 --> 00:16:06,597
You all right, Felix?
439
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,199
Why don't you kill me?
440
00:16:08,234 --> 00:16:10,335
You've tried everything else.
441
00:16:10,370 --> 00:16:13,104
Don't go into one of
those deep depressions.
442
00:16:13,139 --> 00:16:14,105
I'm not.
443
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,473
It's all my fault, huh?
444
00:16:15,508 --> 00:16:18,376
I didn't know the contest
meant that much to you.
445
00:16:18,411 --> 00:16:22,246
No, it's silly, but I've never
won anything in my life.
446
00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:24,915
Oh, in school once I won
a trophy in a spelling bee.
447
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:27,952
I was the only one in class
who knew how to spell zeppelin.
448
00:16:27,988 --> 00:16:29,765
You won awards
for your photography.
449
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:32,023
Once I won a first
place with that picture
450
00:16:32,058 --> 00:16:34,359
of slum living conditions
in New York City.
451
00:16:34,394 --> 00:16:35,737
You never told me you won that.
452
00:16:35,761 --> 00:16:37,195
I was ashamed.
453
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:40,031
I won it with a
picture of your room.
454
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,033
Oh, what's the difference?
455
00:16:42,068 --> 00:16:44,234
On my tombstone, they'll write
456
00:16:44,270 --> 00:16:47,437
"Here lies a man who
could spell zeppelin."
457
00:16:47,473 --> 00:16:49,317
Felix, you're going
to win that contest.
458
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:50,808
I can't move my arms.
459
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:51,809
I'll be your arms.
460
00:16:51,844 --> 00:16:53,388
You're allowed
an assistant, right?
461
00:16:53,412 --> 00:16:54,423
I'll be the assistant.
462
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,313
I'll do the cooking for you!
463
00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:58,593
Oh, you don't have
to thank me, Felix.
464
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,884
What a great... BOTH: Ow!
465
00:17:13,399 --> 00:17:14,898
No.
466
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:17,000
No funny hats.
467
00:17:17,036 --> 00:17:20,538
Too bad to hear about
your accident, Mr. Unger,
468
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:23,207
but I'm so glad
you found a helper.
469
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,208
Yes, sir, thank you.
470
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:25,987
Well, you know the
rules, Mr. Madison.
471
00:17:26,011 --> 00:17:28,571
It was so very kind
of you to help out.
472
00:17:30,950 --> 00:17:32,194
Ladies and gentlemen,
473
00:17:32,218 --> 00:17:34,163
we are ready to
start the finals.
474
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:35,998
Hey, we're on a time limit.
475
00:17:36,022 --> 00:17:36,987
We better hustle.
476
00:17:37,023 --> 00:17:38,501
I don't know if this is
going to work, Oscar.
477
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,036
We've settled that.
You give the orders.
478
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:41,625
You tell me what
to do, I'll just do it.
479
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:43,339
Well, for openers, your
apron's on backwards.
480
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,229
Oscar.
481
00:17:45,265 --> 00:17:46,330
What do you want?
482
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,843
You want to borrow
some beer and mustard?
483
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:48,999
Give me a couple hugs,
484
00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:50,846
I'll let you have
the whole roast.
485
00:17:50,870 --> 00:17:52,903
Mr. Unger... I
don't want to stand
486
00:17:52,939 --> 00:17:54,150
next to the same stove
as you, Miss Arcola.
487
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:56,974
I came to apologize.
Please, let me explain.
488
00:17:57,009 --> 00:17:58,176
What's to explain?
489
00:17:58,211 --> 00:17:59,788
You did the worst
thing a woman could do,
490
00:17:59,812 --> 00:18:01,323
you tried to take
advantage of the fact
491
00:18:01,347 --> 00:18:03,059
that I was trying to
take advantage of you.
492
00:18:03,083 --> 00:18:06,451
I thought the whole thing over,
and it was a stupid thing to do.
493
00:18:06,486 --> 00:18:08,018
You see, my
boyfriend, Sam, thinks
494
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:09,454
I'm a rotten cook,
495
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,666
because Rhoda, who used to
go out with Sam, was a great cook.
496
00:18:11,690 --> 00:18:13,290
So when I invited Sam over
497
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:15,326
for dinner with Dick and
Pat, who also know Rhoda,
498
00:18:15,361 --> 00:18:16,327
I made a fool of myself
499
00:18:16,362 --> 00:18:17,873
because I couldn't
cook as well as Rhoda.
500
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:19,341
So I thought if I
could win this award,
501
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:20,976
I'd show Sam I could
cook as well as Rhoda,
502
00:18:21,000 --> 00:18:23,334
and I thought if I could
win an all-new kitchen unit
503
00:18:23,369 --> 00:18:24,413
he might even marry me.
504
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:25,548
He's been so cold to me.
505
00:18:25,572 --> 00:18:28,038
I got as far as Sam and Dick.
506
00:18:28,074 --> 00:18:29,172
I couldn't sleep all night.
507
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,310
I can't win by cheating.
508
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:36,447
Mr. Unger, I promise not
to use your gravy recipe.
509
00:18:36,482 --> 00:18:39,183
I'm going to do
it all on my own.
510
00:18:39,218 --> 00:18:41,096
That's all I wanted to say.
511
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,721
I'm sorry.
512
00:18:50,095 --> 00:18:51,873
That's the saddest
thing I ever heard.
513
00:18:51,897 --> 00:18:53,097
Yeah.
514
00:18:55,234 --> 00:18:56,734
Imagine, she's got a boyfriend.
515
00:18:56,769 --> 00:18:58,435
I was going to
ask her out again.
516
00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:00,437
After she tricked you?
517
00:19:00,473 --> 00:19:02,551
Sure, I don't hold a grudge
against a figure like that.
518
00:19:02,575 --> 00:19:03,652
You're hopeless.
519
00:19:03,676 --> 00:19:05,287
But at least I can go
back to my original gravy.
520
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,443
What do I do, chief?
521
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,190
Well, I want those
potatoes mashed.
522
00:19:08,214 --> 00:19:09,547
I'll check my ingredients.
523
00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,234
I'll never complain about
524
00:19:19,258 --> 00:19:20,902
mashed potatoes
again being lumpy.
525
00:19:20,926 --> 00:19:21,893
Oscar.
526
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:22,894
What?
527
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:24,862
Pick up the electric knife.
528
00:19:24,898 --> 00:19:25,863
Oh, good. I like
to work with this.
529
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:26,864
What do I do?
530
00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:27,865
Turn it on.
531
00:19:27,901 --> 00:19:30,067
Now press it
against your throat.
532
00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:41,490
Okay, Felix, the roast is ready.
533
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:42,825
I tied it just like
you told me to.
534
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:45,882
That's how you tie a roast?
535
00:19:45,918 --> 00:19:47,396
I said tie it, not
take it prisoner.
536
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,264
I've seen mummies
wrapped looser than that.
537
00:19:49,288 --> 00:19:51,555
I'll take off some string.
538
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,123
Wait, wait, wait.
539
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,124
What?
540
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:55,204
What is that? What is that?
541
00:19:55,228 --> 00:19:56,194
I ran out of string.
542
00:19:56,229 --> 00:19:57,229
That's my shoelace.
543
00:19:58,464 --> 00:20:00,798
Well, I sterilized it.
544
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,545
That's it. Call the judges.
545
00:20:02,569 --> 00:20:03,935
Judges, I'm quitting!
546
00:20:03,970 --> 00:20:04,936
Felix!
547
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:05,937
I don't want to be here
548
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:07,215
when you ladle the
gravy with your shoe.
549
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,350
Oh, come on, Felix,
give me a chance.
550
00:20:08,374 --> 00:20:09,339
I'm just learning.
551
00:20:09,375 --> 00:20:10,452
We're going to be a
great cooking team.
552
00:20:10,476 --> 00:20:11,520
Come on, please.
553
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:13,077
All right. But now
anything you do,
554
00:20:13,112 --> 00:20:14,378
you must tell me beforehand.
555
00:20:14,413 --> 00:20:15,746
I promise. Okay.
556
00:20:15,782 --> 00:20:18,716
Turning right,
going to the stove.
557
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:21,419
Picking up the boiling potatoes
558
00:20:21,454 --> 00:20:24,221
and burning fingers on hot pot.
559
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:25,523
Yelling, "Ow."
560
00:20:25,558 --> 00:20:27,124
Ow!
561
00:20:30,129 --> 00:20:31,840
I'm going to scrape the carrots.
562
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:35,566
Not with the electric knife.
563
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:36,745
Oh, I like to use this thing.
564
00:20:36,769 --> 00:20:39,036
I cut the fat away from the
roast good with it, didn't I?
565
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,037
Like Jack-The-Ripper.
566
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:41,349
Scrape with this
little knife here.
567
00:20:41,373 --> 00:20:43,708
This one?
568
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:45,743
Did I say "whittle"?
569
00:20:45,778 --> 00:20:47,177
I said "scrape."
570
00:20:47,213 --> 00:20:48,178
Like that?
571
00:20:48,214 --> 00:20:49,257
That's "scrape."
572
00:20:49,281 --> 00:20:50,459
Okay. Good.
573
00:20:50,483 --> 00:20:52,861
Where's the eagle?
Where's the eagle?
574
00:20:52,885 --> 00:20:53,985
You going to cook an eagle?
575
00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:54,986
No, it's to decorate.
576
00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,899
The classic American
roast, take these.
577
00:20:56,923 --> 00:20:58,968
A meal should
not only taste good,
578
00:20:58,992 --> 00:21:00,268
it should look good.
579
00:21:00,292 --> 00:21:01,737
The way you're
cooking that roast,
580
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,038
we'll not only need the eagle,
581
00:21:03,062 --> 00:21:05,830
we're going to need you
standing there singing
582
00:21:05,865 --> 00:21:07,943
"Columbia, The
Gem of The Ocean."
583
00:21:07,967 --> 00:21:10,701
Slow and easy,
nothing to be afraid of.
584
00:21:10,737 --> 00:21:13,137
Now close the
door with your foot.
585
00:21:13,172 --> 00:21:17,141
Not bad, not bad.
586
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:18,142
Put her down.
587
00:21:18,177 --> 00:21:19,710
I think I can cover
the rope burns
588
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:20,811
with bay leaves.
589
00:21:20,847 --> 00:21:23,025
Now we're gonna pour off
the juice and make gravy, right?
590
00:21:23,049 --> 00:21:24,426
In a minute, first we're
going to stir some flour
591
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,415
into the gravy.
592
00:21:25,451 --> 00:21:26,416
Okay.
593
00:21:26,452 --> 00:21:27,662
Not with the electric knife.
594
00:21:27,686 --> 00:21:29,420
I like this thing.
595
00:21:29,455 --> 00:21:31,066
Get the flour and a tablespoon.
596
00:21:31,090 --> 00:21:32,222
And a tablespoon.
597
00:21:32,258 --> 00:21:36,160
Now you sprinkle a
tablespoon of flour into the gravy.
598
00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:41,064
What's that sound?
599
00:21:41,100 --> 00:21:43,834
I left the electric knife on.
600
00:21:43,870 --> 00:21:44,835
Oh!
601
00:21:44,870 --> 00:21:46,370
Oh, no.
602
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:47,538
It's stuck.
603
00:21:52,078 --> 00:21:54,878
You're mutilating my roast!
604
00:21:54,913 --> 00:21:56,380
Eh, it's all right.
605
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:57,381
Look at that!
606
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:58,382
How can I serve that
607
00:21:58,417 --> 00:21:59,984
with a gaping
hole like that in it?
608
00:22:00,019 --> 00:22:02,553
Look, I'll shove...
No, you won't!
609
00:22:02,588 --> 00:22:04,187
I wouldn't permit
the American eagle
610
00:22:04,223 --> 00:22:05,455
to sit on a mess like that.
611
00:22:05,491 --> 00:22:06,456
You mean you can't serve it?
612
00:22:06,492 --> 00:22:08,191
Of course not! It
has to be perfect!
613
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:09,760
Ten minutes to go.
614
00:22:09,795 --> 00:22:11,929
Pick me up.
615
00:22:11,964 --> 00:22:12,930
What?
616
00:22:12,965 --> 00:22:14,230
Pick me up, do as I say.
617
00:22:14,266 --> 00:22:17,234
Take me over to the
pepper on the table.
618
00:22:17,269 --> 00:22:18,469
Lower me, lower me.
619
00:22:18,504 --> 00:22:20,449
Pick me up, take me to the salt.
620
00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:22,806
Closer, closer.
621
00:22:22,842 --> 00:22:23,952
Higher, higher.
622
00:22:23,976 --> 00:22:24,941
That's it.
623
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:26,221
Pick me up.
624
00:22:26,245 --> 00:22:29,146
Pick you up, put you
down, what, what?
625
00:22:29,181 --> 00:22:30,558
Take me back to the meat.
626
00:22:30,582 --> 00:22:32,616
You going to use
the electric knife now?
627
00:22:32,652 --> 00:22:33,662
No, get me a ladle!
628
00:22:33,686 --> 00:22:34,829
But is that allowed?
629
00:22:34,853 --> 00:22:35,886
I don't know.
630
00:22:35,921 --> 00:22:36,887
Here we go.
631
00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:38,255
Higher, higher, okay.
632
00:22:38,290 --> 00:22:39,723
I need a bowl.
633
00:22:39,758 --> 00:22:40,724
A bowl.
634
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,459
No, not there, over here, yes...
635
00:22:56,109 --> 00:22:57,975
Ladies and gentlemen,
636
00:22:58,010 --> 00:23:01,945
the winner of the Golden
Apron cooking award
637
00:23:01,981 --> 00:23:05,449
is Mr. Felix Unger
for his old favorite
638
00:23:05,484 --> 00:23:10,353
American beef stew
with Gravy à la Felix.
639
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:11,788
We won, Felix, we won!
640
00:23:11,824 --> 00:23:14,190
The second prize goes
641
00:23:14,226 --> 00:23:16,593
to Miss Barbara Arcola
642
00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:19,029
for her shrimp diablo.
643
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:20,064
Excuse me, Judge.
644
00:23:20,098 --> 00:23:21,532
There's been a mistake.
645
00:23:21,567 --> 00:23:22,533
What?
646
00:23:22,568 --> 00:23:23,534
Please.
647
00:23:23,569 --> 00:23:25,035
Ladies and gentlemen,
648
00:23:25,070 --> 00:23:27,671
my assistant and I
won for beef stew.
649
00:23:27,706 --> 00:23:29,940
But we didn't set out
to make beef stew.
650
00:23:29,975 --> 00:23:30,941
It was a fluke.
651
00:23:30,976 --> 00:23:33,477
We did it to save a roast.
652
00:23:33,512 --> 00:23:37,247
And that isn't fair to all the
other fine culinary experts.
653
00:23:37,282 --> 00:23:39,650
I relinquish my prize
to the runner-up.
654
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:43,654
I do this because
cooking is my love.
655
00:23:43,689 --> 00:23:48,159
And I cannot accept any
award I haven't won honestly.
656
00:23:48,194 --> 00:23:51,495
Because in this world, where
there's lying and cheating
657
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,730
and stealing in
every walk of life...
658
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:55,633
Felix, you made your point.
659
00:23:55,668 --> 00:24:00,203
I say, can't we at least
have honesty in the kitchen?
660
00:24:03,809 --> 00:24:05,008
Magnificent!
661
00:24:05,044 --> 00:24:06,124
Ow! Ow!
662
00:24:22,361 --> 00:24:24,728
Oscar?
663
00:24:24,764 --> 00:24:28,031
Oh... Oscar.
664
00:24:30,603 --> 00:24:32,369
Hey, Felix, old buddy,
how you feeling?
665
00:24:32,405 --> 00:24:33,405
Oh, I'm exhausted.
666
00:24:33,439 --> 00:24:35,806
I put in the most
tiring day at my studio.
667
00:24:35,841 --> 00:24:37,274
Oh...
668
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,887
Just let me get my
breath and I'll fix dinner.
669
00:24:38,911 --> 00:24:40,822
Felix, you don't
have to fix anything.
670
00:24:40,846 --> 00:24:42,524
Tonight you're
going to be treated
671
00:24:42,548 --> 00:24:44,125
to the Oscar Madison specialty.
672
00:24:44,149 --> 00:24:45,282
You cooked dinner?
673
00:24:45,318 --> 00:24:48,719
Yeah, but like you said,
it's not what you present,
674
00:24:48,754 --> 00:24:50,732
but how you present it, right?
675
00:24:50,756 --> 00:24:52,801
Well, I'm going to give
you such a presentation.
676
00:24:52,825 --> 00:24:54,658
I'm telling you...
677
00:24:54,694 --> 00:24:58,495
Oscar Madison presents
his new tomato surprise.
678
00:24:58,531 --> 00:24:59,896
Hi, Felix.
679
00:24:59,932 --> 00:25:01,565
Sharon!
680
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:07,170
Oh, oh... Okay, let's do it.
43822
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
