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1
00:00:16,633 --> 00:00:18,333
What's wrong, Gary?
2
00:00:18,433 --> 00:00:20,933
I've been working it for
15 minutes and nothing.
3
00:00:21,033 --> 00:00:22,867
Are you tired?
4
00:00:22,967 --> 00:00:26,633
Look, it's just
earlier today I may have
5
00:00:26,733 --> 00:00:27,667
had one or two cheeky wanks.
6
00:00:27,767 --> 00:00:28,600
Well, which is it?
7
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:30,000
One or two?
8
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,033
Have you been spaffing
to porn again?
9
00:00:32,133 --> 00:00:33,400
You're supposed to
be on a porn diet.
10
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:34,133
You're addicted.
11
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,067
I'm not addicted.
12
00:00:35,167 --> 00:00:36,467
It's me hobby.
13
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:38,967
Well, give it a rest,
because when you can get up,
14
00:00:39,067 --> 00:00:40,167
it's not fun for me either.
15
00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:42,567
All right, I'll try.
16
00:00:42,667 --> 00:00:45,433
You just can't seem to get
excited by the real thing
17
00:00:45,533 --> 00:00:46,233
anymore.
18
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:49,267
It's all just a bit vanilla.
19
00:00:49,367 --> 00:00:51,033
I've seen things, Laura--
20
00:00:51,133 --> 00:00:54,067
things I can't unsee.
21
00:01:11,133 --> 00:01:12,767
I were hoping
work was gonna help
22
00:01:12,867 --> 00:01:14,733
me forget Gary's useless knob.
23
00:01:14,833 --> 00:01:16,000
Hey, enough sex talk.
24
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,833
Focus on the condoms, please.
25
00:01:17,933 --> 00:01:20,200
It's bad enough I have to
stand in till Bunny arrives.
26
00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:22,633
Yeah, well you didn't have
to wear her costume, Malcolm.
27
00:01:22,733 --> 00:01:24,067
I can see your nipples.
28
00:01:24,167 --> 00:01:26,967
Well, that's a lie, Meg,
because mine are inverted.
29
00:01:27,067 --> 00:01:28,500
Excuse me, sir,
can I interest you
30
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,100
in a sensually
shaped prophylactic
31
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:32,633
for your gentleman's penis?
32
00:01:32,733 --> 00:01:33,633
So sorry.
33
00:01:33,733 --> 00:01:34,533
Slept through my alarm.
34
00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:35,633
Then I went shopping.
35
00:01:35,733 --> 00:01:36,567
All right.
36
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,467
OK.
37
00:01:37,567 --> 00:01:40,467
Put this on, please.
38
00:01:40,567 --> 00:01:41,800
Ugh.
39
00:01:41,900 --> 00:01:43,333
Malcolm, it's damp.
- Don't worry.
40
00:01:43,433 --> 00:01:44,100
It's not sweat.
41
00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:47,233
It's Vaseline.
42
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:49,300
How can you afford all
that on what he pays us?
43
00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,233
Daddy gave me his credit
card to use for emergencies.
44
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:53,933
How is this an emergency?
45
00:01:54,033 --> 00:01:55,200
Well, Harvey Nichols
sale ends today.
46
00:01:55,300 --> 00:01:57,000
I see you got
yourself some stilts.
47
00:01:57,100 --> 00:01:58,167
BUNNY: Well, you
know what they say.
48
00:01:58,267 --> 00:01:59,700
If the shoe fits, buy them.
49
00:01:59,800 --> 00:02:01,900
And if they don't, just buy them
anyway and take painkillers.
50
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,333
[phone ringing]
51
00:02:05,433 --> 00:02:06,300
Shit.
52
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:07,133
It's dad.
53
00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:08,333
He must know I've used his card.
54
00:02:11,533 --> 00:02:12,200
Find my phone.
55
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:13,933
He's using find my phone.
56
00:02:14,033 --> 00:02:15,400
Oh, shit.
57
00:02:15,500 --> 00:02:16,533
He's tracking me.
58
00:02:16,633 --> 00:02:17,933
[phone ringing]
59
00:02:18,033 --> 00:02:18,867
Oh god!
60
00:02:18,967 --> 00:02:20,667
Now he's ringing me again.
61
00:02:20,767 --> 00:02:21,600
Hanging up.
62
00:02:21,700 --> 00:02:22,900
That'll fix it.
63
00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,767
So, what is the word
literally on the street?
64
00:02:25,867 --> 00:02:27,067
Gary said I'm too vanilla.
65
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:28,500
Don't find me sexy anymore.
66
00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:29,833
Course he does, Laura.
67
00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:31,100
Gary finds everything sexy.
68
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,700
I can understand why
you're angry, Laura.
69
00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,867
Porn is so degrading to women.
70
00:02:34,967 --> 00:02:36,367
I mean, it makes you
feel like objects.
71
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,833
Yeah, like an
object nobody wants.
72
00:02:38,933 --> 00:02:39,933
Like a book.
73
00:02:40,033 --> 00:02:41,033
You know what they say.
74
00:02:41,133 --> 00:02:42,467
If you can't beat
them, join them.
75
00:02:42,567 --> 00:02:43,967
I ain't doing porn.
76
00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:45,267
You have to change your name.
77
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:48,467
I think she means
watch porn with him.
78
00:02:48,567 --> 00:02:49,400
Meg?
79
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:50,333
Kelly?
80
00:02:50,433 --> 00:02:52,633
Oh my god.
81
00:02:52,733 --> 00:02:55,033
I haven't seen you
since we left school.
82
00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:56,533
Basics biology bitches.
83
00:02:56,633 --> 00:02:59,033
Basics biology bitches.
84
00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:00,767
Oh my god, what
have you been up to?
85
00:03:00,867 --> 00:03:02,333
Oh, wow.
86
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:05,000
Um, a few years back, I opened
a coffee store in [inaudible]
87
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,933
out the back of a
repurposed rickshaw.
88
00:03:07,033 --> 00:03:08,467
Not bad.
Yeah, I've been--
89
00:03:08,567 --> 00:03:09,933
[inaudible] since then the
business has grown into a chain
90
00:03:10,033 --> 00:03:11,833
of successful
boutique coffee shops,
91
00:03:11,933 --> 00:03:14,133
and I'm about to
expand the franchise
92
00:03:14,233 --> 00:03:16,433
into nine more cities.
93
00:03:16,533 --> 00:03:17,467
What about you?
94
00:03:17,567 --> 00:03:18,400
Um.
95
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:22,300
Similar.
96
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:24,133
I'm-- I'm working
in communications,
97
00:03:24,233 --> 00:03:26,900
uh, for-- for a
high end purveyor
98
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:31,167
of market rubber Jonathans.
99
00:03:31,267 --> 00:03:32,833
I'm a big believer in safe sex.
100
00:03:32,933 --> 00:03:34,200
It's my passion.
101
00:03:34,300 --> 00:03:38,467
Meg, hon, who made you
wear this degrading thing?
102
00:03:38,567 --> 00:03:39,433
Hello.
103
00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,133
Can I interest
you in heightening
104
00:03:41,233 --> 00:03:43,567
your sensual pleasure whilst
lowering the risk of chlamydia
105
00:03:43,667 --> 00:03:44,467
today?
106
00:03:44,567 --> 00:03:45,233
Him.
107
00:03:45,333 --> 00:03:46,500
He made me do this.
108
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,500
Are you aware that,
by the age of 17,
109
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:52,433
78% of girls are self-conscious
about their body image?
110
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,400
All thanks to
ignorant men like you
111
00:03:54,500 --> 00:03:57,300
objectifying intelligent
women like these.
112
00:03:57,400 --> 00:04:00,633
You're a business dinosaur,
and like the actual dinosaurs,
113
00:04:00,733 --> 00:04:02,133
you'll soon be extinct.
114
00:04:02,233 --> 00:04:04,133
Do you understand
what I'm saying?
115
00:04:04,233 --> 00:04:05,533
You don't like
the slutty outfits.
116
00:04:05,633 --> 00:04:06,500
No.
117
00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,933
I do not like the
slutty outfits,
118
00:04:09,033 --> 00:04:10,767
and neither will the
Equality and Human Rights
119
00:04:10,867 --> 00:04:12,333
Commission when I report this.
120
00:04:12,433 --> 00:04:13,967
I'll talk to head
office straightaway.
121
00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:16,333
And please, by
way of an apology,
122
00:04:16,433 --> 00:04:17,800
have some free spunk bags.
123
00:04:22,367 --> 00:04:26,200
Meg, it has been
so lovely seeing you.
124
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:27,433
LinkedIn me, yeah?
125
00:04:31,267 --> 00:04:33,700
I want to have
sex with her life.
126
00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:34,900
Right, then.
127
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,567
So, what kind do
you want to watch?
128
00:04:37,667 --> 00:04:38,300
I don't know.
129
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,800
What do you want to watch?
130
00:04:39,900 --> 00:04:41,000
Anything you want
to watch, really.
131
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:41,933
You choose.
132
00:04:42,033 --> 00:04:42,900
No, you choose.
133
00:04:43,000 --> 00:04:43,967
Ladies first.
134
00:04:44,067 --> 00:04:44,867
Honestly.
135
00:04:44,967 --> 00:04:45,800
You're the expert.
136
00:04:45,900 --> 00:04:47,067
What are you into?
137
00:04:47,167 --> 00:04:48,833
Well, I don't know.
138
00:04:48,933 --> 00:04:55,400
Um, I quite like this kind.
139
00:04:55,500 --> 00:04:56,333
No.
140
00:04:56,433 --> 00:04:57,100
Right.
141
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:58,733
Let's build up to that.
142
00:04:58,833 --> 00:05:00,733
What about hot dirty blondes?
143
00:05:00,833 --> 00:05:02,700
No, boring.
144
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:05,533
Something else.
145
00:05:05,633 --> 00:05:08,567
What about this?
146
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:10,467
MILFs-- as in mums?
147
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:12,767
Mums I'd like to--
148
00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:13,767
yeah.
149
00:05:13,867 --> 00:05:14,667
That OK?
150
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:19,067
Sexy triple X MILFs.
151
00:05:19,167 --> 00:05:21,167
Porn MILF on MILF action.
152
00:05:21,267 --> 00:05:22,900
Two MILFs, one cup.
153
00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,767
Lager-drinking
MILF gets shagged.
154
00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,033
MILFs behaving badly.
155
00:05:31,700 --> 00:05:33,000
Well, she can't be a mum.
156
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:35,233
She's fucking my age, and
those are not the tits
157
00:05:35,333 --> 00:05:39,133
of someone who's breastfed.
158
00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:42,033
Hang on, is she his mum?
159
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:42,967
Step mum.
160
00:05:43,067 --> 00:05:44,467
Shh.
161
00:05:44,567 --> 00:05:46,467
Ugh.
162
00:05:46,567 --> 00:05:49,900
That's not how you get
a lad to tidy his room.
163
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:52,733
Maybe it is.
164
00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:53,900
Oh, that's convenient.
165
00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:55,000
I though she were
annoyed with him.
166
00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:57,167
Now she's sucking him off.
- Shh!
167
00:05:57,267 --> 00:05:59,967
Why do girls always have
to talk through films?
168
00:06:00,067 --> 00:06:02,167
The plots all over
the place, Gary.
169
00:06:02,267 --> 00:06:04,000
Oh, that is so hot.
170
00:06:04,100 --> 00:06:06,433
I would love it if
you did that to me.
171
00:06:06,533 --> 00:06:08,067
Yeah, Gary, and
I'd like it if you
172
00:06:08,167 --> 00:06:09,867
had a six pack and a
big fat swinging dick
173
00:06:09,967 --> 00:06:11,233
and lasted 45 minutes.
174
00:06:11,333 --> 00:06:13,033
Can't always get
what we want, can we?
175
00:06:24,967 --> 00:06:28,567
Where are you going,
a fancy dress party?
176
00:06:28,667 --> 00:06:31,133
What's the theme,
American bingo ladies?
177
00:06:31,233 --> 00:06:33,867
I'm going to see Kate
at one of her cafes.
178
00:06:33,967 --> 00:06:34,800
How funny is this?
179
00:06:34,900 --> 00:06:36,567
It's called Bean and Scon.
180
00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:37,933
It's scone.
181
00:06:38,033 --> 00:06:40,233
Why are you drinking coffee
before you go to a coffee shop?
182
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:41,800
I though you hated it anyway.
183
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:42,700
What, me?
184
00:06:42,800 --> 00:06:44,233
No, I love it.
185
00:06:44,333 --> 00:06:45,933
BUNNY: Didn't you once have
an allergic reaction to coffee
186
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,800
where you had hallucinations?
187
00:06:47,900 --> 00:06:48,800
You said you could see noises.
188
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,367
Pfft.
189
00:06:50,467 --> 00:06:52,967
Kate is just the sort of person
I should be hanging out with.
190
00:06:53,067 --> 00:06:55,233
Hoping some of her
success rubs off on me.
191
00:06:55,333 --> 00:06:56,933
Quite like her
dress sense has?
192
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:58,300
Pfft.
193
00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:00,700
Says the girl whose dress
sense is smart casually
194
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,033
stealing from her father.
195
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:04,033
I've had a tough week.
196
00:07:04,133 --> 00:07:05,067
I feel like I've earned it.
197
00:07:05,167 --> 00:07:06,133
Your dad has.
198
00:07:06,233 --> 00:07:08,000
How are the stilts.
199
00:07:08,100 --> 00:07:10,233
I've fallen over
twice, but who
200
00:07:10,333 --> 00:07:14,267
cares when I look this good.
201
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:16,300
Yeah, you look drunk.
202
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:18,700
You do realize he's gonna
just make you take it all back
203
00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,800
once he tracks you down.
204
00:07:19,900 --> 00:07:21,300
Wrong.
205
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:23,033
Because how can he track me
down when my phone isn't on?
206
00:07:23,133 --> 00:07:24,967
So you're just gonna
keep your phone switched
207
00:07:25,067 --> 00:07:26,633
off till what, you die?
208
00:07:26,733 --> 00:07:29,600
No, just until the store's
return policy runs out.
209
00:07:29,700 --> 00:07:31,833
28 days without a phone?
210
00:07:31,933 --> 00:07:33,600
You won't last half an hour.
211
00:07:33,700 --> 00:07:34,900
28 days?
212
00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:36,300
Is that how long that is?
213
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:37,133
Hold on.
214
00:07:37,233 --> 00:07:39,967
I've just got to Google that.
215
00:07:40,067 --> 00:07:42,067
I can't use my phone.
216
00:07:42,167 --> 00:07:45,767
That horny twat's been
wanking himself dry over MILFs.
217
00:07:45,867 --> 00:07:47,333
What have MILFs
got that I haven't?
218
00:07:47,433 --> 00:07:49,767
- Children.
- I don't trust internet MILFs.
219
00:07:49,867 --> 00:07:52,500
I reckon most of them-- they
aren't even mothers, anyway.
220
00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,167
I mean, who's looking
after the kids?
221
00:07:54,267 --> 00:07:55,200
Probably at school.
222
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,400
9 o'clock drop the kids off.
223
00:07:57,500 --> 00:07:58,467
9:30 film a shag.
224
00:07:58,567 --> 00:07:59,233
Lunch.
225
00:07:59,333 --> 00:08:00,267
A couple of blowies.
226
00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:01,500
Pick the kids up again.
Tea.
227
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,400
Homework.
228
00:08:02,500 --> 00:08:03,633
Bed.
229
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:04,533
MILFs.
230
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:18,000
- Mummy's very angry.
- What are you doing?
231
00:08:18,100 --> 00:08:19,500
I'm a MILF, Gary.
232
00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,067
Like one of those internet
ones you've been creaming over.
233
00:08:22,167 --> 00:08:23,033
Oh, yes.
234
00:08:23,133 --> 00:08:24,300
Have I been naughty?
235
00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:25,433
Yeah.
236
00:08:25,533 --> 00:08:26,767
I asked you to tidy your
room, but look at it.
237
00:08:26,867 --> 00:08:28,167
It's a pig sty.
238
00:08:28,267 --> 00:08:29,767
Am I gonna be punished?
239
00:08:29,867 --> 00:08:31,333
I should be putting
a hot wash on.
240
00:08:31,433 --> 00:08:32,133
Oh, yeah.
241
00:08:32,233 --> 00:08:34,333
Keep talking, you dirty MILF.
242
00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:35,500
I should be putting
a hot wash on,
243
00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:37,600
but I'm so knackered
from lagging
244
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,233
around all this baby weight.
245
00:08:39,333 --> 00:08:42,133
I'm just a tired, horny MILF.
246
00:08:42,233 --> 00:08:43,767
This is so wrong.
247
00:08:43,867 --> 00:08:45,233
I know.
248
00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:48,633
I shouldn't be feeling all
these feelings about my son.
249
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:51,300
I shouldn't be here, but
I can't control myself.
250
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:52,933
We can't control ourselves.
251
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,967
This is really
turning me on, Laura.
252
00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,200
Yeah, well tidy
up this shithole,
253
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,500
and we'll get your cock out.
254
00:08:58,600 --> 00:08:59,567
This is so naughty.
255
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:00,800
Keep talking.
256
00:09:00,900 --> 00:09:04,033
I shouldn't be thinking
all these things about you.
257
00:09:04,133 --> 00:09:04,967
Like what?
258
00:09:05,067 --> 00:09:05,900
You're useless.
259
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,400
You're a waste of time.
260
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,767
And you're gonna fail all
your exams, you thick bastard.
261
00:09:08,867 --> 00:09:09,867
No wonder your dad left.
262
00:09:09,967 --> 00:09:10,967
What?
263
00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:12,833
Laura, you sound
like me real mum.
264
00:09:12,933 --> 00:09:14,333
I'm not Laura.
265
00:09:14,433 --> 00:09:15,133
I'm Jill.
266
00:09:15,233 --> 00:09:16,700
Jill's me mum's name.
267
00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:17,933
Yeah, exactly.
268
00:09:18,033 --> 00:09:19,633
No, don't be me actual mum.
269
00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,867
I don't fancy me real mum.
270
00:09:21,967 --> 00:09:23,033
You've taken it too far.
271
00:09:23,133 --> 00:09:24,333
He's gone soft now.
272
00:09:24,433 --> 00:09:25,700
Well, at least I'm trying.
273
00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,100
If I don't turn you on, Gary.
274
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,867
Just come out and say it.
275
00:09:29,967 --> 00:09:31,433
It's time for drastic measures.
276
00:09:31,533 --> 00:09:32,167
No, Laura.
277
00:09:32,267 --> 00:09:33,733
You do turn me on, Laura.
278
00:09:37,567 --> 00:09:39,600
Are you still putting
an hot wash on?
279
00:09:43,333 --> 00:09:48,100
Free of charge, because
you're making a difference.
280
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:49,633
MEG: One espresso, please.
281
00:09:49,733 --> 00:09:50,667
I'm hearing you.
282
00:09:50,767 --> 00:09:51,633
One espresso.
283
00:09:51,733 --> 00:09:53,400
MAN: One espresso.
- Oh.
284
00:09:53,500 --> 00:09:54,333
Hi, Meg.
285
00:09:54,433 --> 00:09:55,167
What up, biatch?
286
00:09:55,267 --> 00:09:56,900
What up, you bitch?
287
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,767
So can anyone get
a free coffee, or?
288
00:09:58,867 --> 00:10:00,533
Oh, only those
supporting charities.
289
00:10:00,633 --> 00:10:03,633
In this case, uh, the fight
against bipolar disorder.
290
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:05,033
Why fight it, I say.
291
00:10:05,133 --> 00:10:06,267
I'm hearing you.
292
00:10:06,367 --> 00:10:07,433
You know I've got
an uncle with bipolar.
293
00:10:07,533 --> 00:10:09,267
He's a right laugh,
but sometimes he
294
00:10:09,367 --> 00:10:10,967
does want to kill himself.
295
00:10:11,067 --> 00:10:13,033
We all feel a bit like
that sometimes, don't we,
296
00:10:13,133 --> 00:10:15,300
before we've had our first
coffee in the morning.
297
00:10:15,400 --> 00:10:16,200
Am I right?
298
00:10:20,567 --> 00:10:22,833
Do you fancy a latte?
299
00:10:22,933 --> 00:10:24,300
Yeah.
300
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:25,567
Do I?
301
00:10:25,667 --> 00:10:27,767
Because it's not like I don't
like coffee, cause I do.
302
00:10:27,867 --> 00:10:28,667
Death to decaf.
303
00:10:28,767 --> 00:10:29,933
That's what I say.
304
00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:31,600
MAN: Two lattes [inaudible].
MEG: Cool cups.
305
00:10:31,700 --> 00:10:33,600
Why doesn't everyone use these.
306
00:10:33,700 --> 00:10:34,500
KATE: Sit with me.
307
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:39,533
Look at us.
308
00:10:39,633 --> 00:10:41,333
Back together again.
309
00:10:41,433 --> 00:10:44,900
You with your napkins,
and your franchise,
310
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:48,000
and your bloody successful life.
Me with--
311
00:10:48,100 --> 00:10:49,700
[phone ringing]
312
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:53,500
Oh, it's just another
batch of CVs from the agency.
313
00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:55,900
You know, I really didn't think
it would be this hard to find
314
00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:57,700
a new store manager.
315
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:01,133
What-- what skills might be
required for such a position?
316
00:11:01,233 --> 00:11:02,867
You need to be very organized.
317
00:11:02,967 --> 00:11:03,967
Click.
318
00:11:04,067 --> 00:11:04,933
Someone who is
good at listening
319
00:11:05,033 --> 00:11:06,367
and taking things on board.
320
00:11:06,467 --> 00:11:08,233
Yeah, if I've listened to
that and taken it on board
321
00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:11,333
correctly, you need someone
who's good at both listening
322
00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:13,367
and taking things on board.
323
00:11:13,467 --> 00:11:14,900
I mean, the hardest
thing is just finding
324
00:11:15,000 --> 00:11:16,833
who can think outside the box.
325
00:11:16,933 --> 00:11:18,933
Cheese-a-chino.
326
00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:23,333
Uh, coffee, frothy cheese,
chocolate sprinkles.
327
00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:25,667
Cheese-a-chino.
Sell them to the French.
328
00:11:25,767 --> 00:11:28,867
[laughter]
329
00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,867
God, it is so fun
having you around.
330
00:11:31,967 --> 00:11:33,133
Wait a minute.
331
00:11:33,233 --> 00:11:34,833
Meg, do you have any
previous hot beverage
332
00:11:34,933 --> 00:11:36,067
preparation experience?
333
00:11:36,167 --> 00:11:37,833
Me?
Shitloads.
334
00:11:37,933 --> 00:11:38,967
Yeah, yeah.
335
00:11:39,067 --> 00:11:42,200
Tea, coffee,
Ovaltine, pot noodle.
336
00:11:42,300 --> 00:11:44,667
You name, I've poured
hot water on it, sister.
337
00:11:44,767 --> 00:11:46,433
Well, why don't you
come and work for me?
338
00:11:46,533 --> 00:11:47,267
Um, hm.
339
00:11:47,367 --> 00:11:48,733
Let me just think about that.
340
00:11:48,833 --> 00:11:51,033
Uh, yes!
341
00:11:51,133 --> 00:11:52,467
I'm hearing you!
342
00:11:52,567 --> 00:11:54,533
Obviously we can't completely
bypass the interview,
343
00:11:54,633 --> 00:11:56,833
but it's just me
asking the questions,
344
00:11:56,933 --> 00:11:58,967
and it's 90% personality anyway.
345
00:11:59,067 --> 00:12:00,267
Personality?
346
00:12:00,367 --> 00:12:02,533
Oh, has anyone around
here got one of those.
347
00:12:02,633 --> 00:12:03,533
[laughter]
348
00:12:03,633 --> 00:12:04,533
Me.
349
00:12:04,633 --> 00:12:06,500
So what is your
current notice period?
350
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,933
Um, just the time it
takes me to text Malcolm.
351
00:12:10,033 --> 00:12:11,033
Let's do this, biatch.
352
00:12:18,833 --> 00:12:20,367
What are you doing?
353
00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:24,333
No Instagram, so I am
taking a photo of my food,
354
00:12:24,433 --> 00:12:27,900
and then I'm going to
post it to some friends
355
00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:29,733
once I pick it up
from Snappy Snaps.
356
00:12:29,833 --> 00:12:30,900
Funny.
357
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:32,267
You sound like a
technological dinosaur.
358
00:12:32,367 --> 00:12:34,000
You know what happens to
technological dinosaurs,
359
00:12:34,100 --> 00:12:35,500
don't you?
360
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:36,867
They stand in the living
room talking to me right now.
361
00:12:36,967 --> 00:12:38,133
Do you even know how
to use that phone?
362
00:12:38,233 --> 00:12:39,733
You're thinking
outside the box.
363
00:12:39,833 --> 00:12:40,767
I'm hearing you.
364
00:12:40,867 --> 00:12:42,233
Another latte, Meg?
365
00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:45,600
Careful, you've been
downing those all day.
366
00:12:45,700 --> 00:12:46,733
Liquid research.
367
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:47,733
What can I say?
368
00:12:47,833 --> 00:12:49,133
I've got a very mature palate.
369
00:12:49,233 --> 00:12:50,933
And a really fast pumping heart.
370
00:12:51,033 --> 00:12:51,833
And a headache.
371
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,433
I feel a bit sick.
372
00:12:53,533 --> 00:12:55,133
Meg, you won't be able
to sleep at this rate.
373
00:12:55,233 --> 00:12:58,300
Yeah, I'm hearing you, but
it's just Kate interviewing me,
374
00:12:58,400 --> 00:13:00,333
so it's gonna be
a piece of piss.
375
00:13:00,433 --> 00:13:02,000
Me and Kate are like this.
376
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:14,000
Are you trying to
cross your fingers?
377
00:13:14,100 --> 00:13:16,200
I think it might
be the caffeine.
378
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:22,033
Thank you.
379
00:13:22,133 --> 00:13:24,900
Like this.
380
00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:27,033
GARY: So this is actual Viagra.
381
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:41,300
I paid 25 quid
for those, Gary,
382
00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:42,933
plus postage from Pyongyang.
383
00:13:43,033 --> 00:13:44,000
I'm not seeing them go to waste.
384
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,633
I can't swallow big pills.
385
00:13:45,733 --> 00:13:47,200
Oh, grow some bollocks, Gary.
386
00:13:47,300 --> 00:13:49,000
It's a medical condition.
387
00:13:49,100 --> 00:13:51,000
There's nothing you
can take for it.
388
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:54,000
Right.
389
00:13:54,100 --> 00:13:55,200
Swallow it, you pussy.
390
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:03,100
When mum wanted me
to take big pills,
391
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:05,167
she used to sprinkle
them on ice cream.
392
00:14:05,267 --> 00:14:06,767
Can we not bring
your mum into this?
393
00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:15,333
You hard yet?
394
00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:16,267
Not yet.
395
00:14:24,833 --> 00:14:25,633
I might need another bowl.
396
00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:31,900
God, my feet are
actually killing me.
397
00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:34,000
Are we nearly home yet?
398
00:14:34,100 --> 00:14:35,500
Wait.
399
00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:36,533
Where are we?
400
00:14:36,633 --> 00:14:38,033
Out to my interview
for Bean and Scon.
401
00:14:38,133 --> 00:14:39,067
It's scone.
402
00:14:39,167 --> 00:14:40,867
Meg, this is extremely selfish.
403
00:14:40,967 --> 00:14:42,200
How am I supposed to get home?
404
00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,533
Keep walking there.
405
00:14:43,633 --> 00:14:44,567
It's 10 minute.
406
00:14:44,667 --> 00:14:45,933
How?
407
00:14:46,033 --> 00:14:48,267
You can't get home without
the map on your phone, can you?
408
00:14:48,367 --> 00:14:49,300
No.
409
00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,800
And I don't want to
use daddy's credit
410
00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:52,200
card to get a cab because
that would be taking the piss.
411
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,633
Finally found it?
412
00:14:53,733 --> 00:14:54,867
The moral boundary?
413
00:14:54,967 --> 00:14:56,300
I wasn't sure there was one.
414
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:59,567
Well, I suppose I'll just
have to wait for you then.
415
00:14:59,667 --> 00:15:00,700
God, I'm bored already.
416
00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:01,767
Latte?
417
00:15:01,867 --> 00:15:02,667
Why not?
418
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:07,300
Mm.
419
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:08,467
You haven't slept, have you?
420
00:15:08,567 --> 00:15:10,800
Not a wink.
421
00:15:10,900 --> 00:15:12,067
How's my breath?
422
00:15:12,167 --> 00:15:13,767
Have I got a furry tongue?
423
00:15:13,867 --> 00:15:14,700
WOMAN: Megan Keswick?
424
00:15:14,800 --> 00:15:15,600
They're ready for you.
425
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:16,867
Can I come with?
426
00:15:16,967 --> 00:15:18,067
No, thanks.
427
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:21,667
Already got enough
friends in there.
428
00:15:21,767 --> 00:15:22,667
What up--
429
00:15:28,933 --> 00:15:31,633
Megan, may I introduce you
to the venture capitalists
430
00:15:31,733 --> 00:15:33,933
who control 90% of my company.
431
00:15:34,033 --> 00:15:36,200
As I said, it's
just a formality.
432
00:15:36,300 --> 00:15:37,367
Latte?
433
00:15:37,467 --> 00:15:38,833
We've been trying
out the new machine.
434
00:15:38,933 --> 00:15:39,767
Do I ever.
435
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:44,200
Hm.
436
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,767
Hm.
437
00:15:46,867 --> 00:15:47,733
Let me guess.
438
00:15:47,833 --> 00:15:48,833
Colombian roast.
439
00:15:48,933 --> 00:15:49,733
- Peruvian blend.
- Blend.
440
00:15:49,833 --> 00:15:50,933
Yeah.
441
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:51,900
That's-- that's what
I thought it was.
442
00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:53,600
It's my favorite one.
443
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:54,500
Mm.
444
00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:55,767
Mm.
445
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:56,700
Mm.
446
00:15:59,633 --> 00:16:01,167
That is great.
447
00:16:01,267 --> 00:16:02,867
Now, Megan, you
mentioned you've
448
00:16:02,967 --> 00:16:04,567
had some previous
experience of customer
449
00:16:04,667 --> 00:16:06,967
facing commercial
beverage preparation.
450
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,133
Please elaborate.
451
00:16:09,233 --> 00:16:13,133
Yes, Kate, well, uh,
I've had so much customer
452
00:16:13,233 --> 00:16:17,100
facing commercial beverage
preparation experience
453
00:16:17,200 --> 00:16:20,433
it's hard to choose just one.
454
00:16:20,533 --> 00:16:23,667
As this is the first question,
it's probably best if you did.
455
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:28,333
Great.
456
00:16:28,433 --> 00:16:29,600
Great.
457
00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,833
Great.
458
00:16:31,933 --> 00:16:34,667
Great.
459
00:16:34,767 --> 00:16:37,133
Great.
460
00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:38,633
Sorry, can you
repeat the question?
461
00:16:48,267 --> 00:16:49,167
Oh!
462
00:16:49,267 --> 00:16:50,000
Ugh!
463
00:16:50,100 --> 00:16:52,600
My ankle!
464
00:16:52,700 --> 00:16:54,333
I think I need a doctor.
465
00:16:54,433 --> 00:16:56,867
Let's, uh, try a
different question.
466
00:16:56,967 --> 00:16:59,567
What is the perfect
ratio for a flat white?
467
00:17:04,867 --> 00:17:06,567
Great.
468
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:09,533
Great, yeah.
469
00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:10,467
Great.
470
00:17:20,233 --> 00:17:21,467
Can't use my phone.
471
00:17:25,500 --> 00:17:27,367
Meg!
472
00:17:27,467 --> 00:17:30,167
Oh, turds.
473
00:17:30,267 --> 00:17:31,900
Meg, I can't get up.
474
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,433
It's just flat,
and then it's--
475
00:17:33,533 --> 00:17:34,367
a bit of white.
476
00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:35,267
It's just--
477
00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:38,333
You're nervous.
478
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:39,733
That's fine.
479
00:17:39,833 --> 00:17:42,567
OK, Meg, the guys would like to
see your coffee making skills.
480
00:17:42,667 --> 00:17:45,200
Great.
481
00:17:45,300 --> 00:17:45,967
Coffee.
482
00:17:46,067 --> 00:17:47,233
Here we go.
483
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:48,300
How do you take it?
Milk?
484
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:49,400
Sugar?
485
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:50,667
We'd like you to make
a venti skinny three
486
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:53,600
pump [inaudible] decaf mocha.
487
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,500
One of those coming right up.
488
00:17:59,100 --> 00:17:59,900
Oh, no.
489
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:01,200
Meg, venti.
490
00:18:04,000 --> 00:18:05,333
No!
491
00:18:05,433 --> 00:18:06,100
Venti.
492
00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,433
Oh, venti.
493
00:18:10,733 --> 00:18:11,733
Which agency sent her?
494
00:18:11,833 --> 00:18:13,200
Personal recommendation.
495
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:16,400
[inaudible] I'm sure she
knows what she's doing.
496
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,067
No, Meg, that's my
Young Businesswoman
497
00:18:18,167 --> 00:18:19,467
of the Year Award.
498
00:18:26,533 --> 00:18:27,833
Meg, venti.
499
00:18:27,933 --> 00:18:30,400
The large ones on the
right, sweetheart.
500
00:18:37,833 --> 00:18:39,533
Meg?
501
00:18:39,633 --> 00:18:40,467
Yep, I'm hearing you.
502
00:18:40,567 --> 00:18:42,100
Large cups.
503
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,667
(MUFFLED) My ankle!
504
00:18:43,767 --> 00:18:46,100
Meg!
505
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,767
Fuck me that's loud!
506
00:18:48,867 --> 00:18:49,767
OK.
507
00:18:49,867 --> 00:18:50,867
Well, you've changed the model.
508
00:18:50,967 --> 00:18:52,567
It used to come
out the other one.
509
00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:05,367
[inaudible] still going.
510
00:19:05,467 --> 00:19:07,300
It's your new
personal best, Gaz.
511
00:19:07,400 --> 00:19:09,533
Me ball-sack's rock solid.
512
00:19:09,633 --> 00:19:11,833
I'm scared!
513
00:19:11,933 --> 00:19:12,800
I'm gonna change position.
514
00:19:12,900 --> 00:19:14,667
My knees are [inaudible] out.
515
00:19:17,633 --> 00:19:19,567
Jesus, are you getting
close yet, Gaz?
516
00:19:19,667 --> 00:19:20,867
Not even a twitch.
517
00:19:20,967 --> 00:19:23,700
After this, I'm gonna bone
you and then again forever.
518
00:19:26,500 --> 00:19:29,600
I'll just let it cool
down for a moment.
519
00:19:29,700 --> 00:19:30,667
[snoring]
520
00:19:31,767 --> 00:19:34,133
Please, Gaz, when will it end?
521
00:19:39,967 --> 00:19:41,667
I'm sorry.
522
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:43,400
Maybe we should get the laptop.
523
00:19:43,500 --> 00:19:44,400
Not a chance!
524
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:45,767
Forget it!
525
00:19:45,867 --> 00:19:48,200
You've ruined our sex life,
Gaz, with your internet crap.
526
00:19:48,300 --> 00:19:50,567
We've tried everything.
527
00:19:50,667 --> 00:19:51,900
Right.
528
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,167
You're going on a porn diet
whether you like it or not.
529
00:19:54,267 --> 00:19:55,367
No.
530
00:19:55,467 --> 00:19:57,700
- And I'm taking this.
- No!
531
00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:58,833
Not the router!
532
00:19:58,933 --> 00:19:59,967
And this.
533
00:20:00,067 --> 00:20:01,400
Call me when you're
at half mast.
534
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:02,400
No!
535
00:20:02,500 --> 00:20:04,500
No!
536
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:05,433
MEG: Ah!
537
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,300
Mm.
538
00:20:15,167 --> 00:20:16,867
Were you just sick?
539
00:20:16,967 --> 00:20:18,133
Wasn't.
540
00:20:18,233 --> 00:20:19,133
I haven't done a sick.
541
00:20:19,233 --> 00:20:20,667
She was.
I just saw it.
542
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:21,867
She was sick in that cup.
543
00:20:21,967 --> 00:20:22,900
I think we should
stop the interview.
544
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:23,833
No.
545
00:20:23,933 --> 00:20:26,900
Meg, were you sick?
546
00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:29,067
No, it's just frothy milk.
547
00:20:29,167 --> 00:20:31,800
Look, I trust Meg 100%.
548
00:20:31,900 --> 00:20:33,500
I've known this
girl since school.
549
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:34,567
She wouldn't lie.
550
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:36,233
If she says she wasn't
sick in that cup,
551
00:20:36,333 --> 00:20:38,900
she wasn't sick in the cup.
552
00:20:39,000 --> 00:20:40,467
I wasn't sick in the cup.
553
00:20:51,067 --> 00:20:52,467
She was sick in the cup.
554
00:20:55,267 --> 00:20:57,033
We will be in touch.
555
00:20:57,133 --> 00:20:58,133
No, you won't.
556
00:20:58,233 --> 00:20:59,867
BUNNY: Meg, help me!
557
00:20:59,967 --> 00:21:01,700
KATE: What the fuck?
- Hi, Meg.
558
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,233
Do you know her?
559
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,000
No.
560
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:05,133
Meg?
561
00:21:05,233 --> 00:21:07,333
She's bipolar.
562
00:21:07,433 --> 00:21:09,733
Did you forget to take
your meds, you mental cunt?
563
00:21:14,567 --> 00:21:16,533
Kate, we need to have
a dialogue about this.
564
00:21:16,633 --> 00:21:17,333
Yeah, OK.
565
00:21:17,433 --> 00:21:19,200
Meg, will you just get out?
566
00:21:19,300 --> 00:21:21,733
Yeah, doing that
now, Kate mate.
567
00:21:21,833 --> 00:21:23,367
I'll LinkedIn you, yeah?
568
00:21:26,133 --> 00:21:27,967
Oh, Meg.
569
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:29,600
I don't think my life
could get much worse.
570
00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:34,000
Well, this is an improvement.
571
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,000
Uh, girls, please.
572
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,833
Sorry, ladies.
573
00:21:37,933 --> 00:21:40,367
I mean, humans.
574
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,067
The important point
is your outfits
575
00:21:42,167 --> 00:21:44,800
now no longer objectify women.
576
00:21:44,900 --> 00:21:46,233
You're welcome.
577
00:21:46,333 --> 00:21:48,100
I am single-handedly
moving gender
578
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,000
equality in the promo
distribution industry
579
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,333
into the 20th century.
580
00:21:51,433 --> 00:21:53,533
21st century.
581
00:21:53,633 --> 00:21:55,067
Well, baby steps.
582
00:21:55,167 --> 00:21:56,267
Shame on you.
583
00:21:56,367 --> 00:21:57,600
Well, now, hang on a minute.
584
00:21:57,700 --> 00:21:59,433
Uh, excuse me.
585
00:21:59,533 --> 00:22:01,733
This is hilarious.
586
00:22:01,833 --> 00:22:02,800
Phone's back on then?
587
00:22:02,900 --> 00:22:03,700
Oh, yeah.
588
00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:05,067
Good news.
589
00:22:05,167 --> 00:22:06,500
Dad wasn't ringing about
the credit card after all.
590
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:10,200
Turns out that my
auntie's died, thank god.
591
00:22:10,300 --> 00:22:11,767
How's Gary's penis?
592
00:22:11,867 --> 00:22:13,900
Dieting.
593
00:22:14,000 --> 00:22:15,900
So I take it you didn't
get the job then, Meg?
594
00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:17,200
Nope.
It's cool, though.
595
00:22:17,300 --> 00:22:18,700
Me and Kate are still
gonna be great mates.
596
00:22:18,800 --> 00:22:21,200
Oh right, so if she saw you
in the street, she'd say hi.
597
00:22:21,300 --> 00:22:22,233
Yeah.
598
00:22:22,333 --> 00:22:23,600
Even if you were
dressed as a johnny.
599
00:22:23,700 --> 00:22:24,533
Yeah.
600
00:22:24,633 --> 00:22:27,700
Well, good, because
she's here now.
601
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:28,900
Kate!
602
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:30,900
Kate!
603
00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:32,033
Biatch!
604
00:22:32,133 --> 00:22:33,933
Ah, she obviously
hasn't seen me.
605
00:22:34,033 --> 00:22:35,500
Biatch!
606
00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:36,933
Kate, it's me!
607
00:22:37,033 --> 00:22:39,000
Biatch, it's me!
608
00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:40,600
Literally a massive dick.
609
00:22:40,700 --> 00:22:41,500
Kate!
610
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:42,433
Biatch!
611
00:22:42,533 --> 00:22:43,633
Biatch!
39829
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