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1
00:02:30,977 --> 00:02:32,352
Ralph.
2
00:02:32,353 --> 00:02:34,187
This place is a mess.
3
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:36,356
Mom, I'm trying to practice.
4
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:37,399
Well honey could you do me a favor
5
00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:39,234
and lock up tonight?
6
00:02:39,235 --> 00:02:42,029
I got a date with a very nice man.
7
00:02:43,072 --> 00:02:44,614
Who is it this time mom?
8
00:02:44,615 --> 00:02:46,074
Well I'm not sure yet but I will know
9
00:02:46,075 --> 00:02:47,743
him when I see him.
10
00:02:50,329 --> 00:02:51,705
Oh.
11
00:02:51,706 --> 00:02:53,373
I always forget.
12
00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:54,749
Mom, I've always meant to ask you,
13
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:56,293
how do you put your makeup on?
14
00:02:56,294 --> 00:02:57,586
Practice.
15
00:02:57,587 --> 00:02:59,630
Ralphie, how do I look?
16
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:05,636
You look great, mom.
17
00:03:06,512 --> 00:03:09,473
0h, that's why I love my Ralphie.
18
00:03:12,059 --> 00:03:14,102
My boy, my boy, mama boy.
19
00:03:54,018 --> 00:03:55,218
Hey Ralph-
20
00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:58,680
Ralphie.
21
00:03:59,941 --> 00:04:01,691
What do you want?
22
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,902
Come here and talk to me.
23
00:04:07,740 --> 00:04:08,782
How's it hangin'?
24
00:04:08,783 --> 00:04:10,533
Is that all you wanted?
25
00:04:10,534 --> 00:04:13,536
To ask me, "How's it hangin'?"
26
00:04:13,537 --> 00:04:16,206
Come on Ralphie, I'm worried about you.
27
00:04:16,207 --> 00:04:19,250
A couple of hours it's
gonna be Friday the 13th.
28
00:04:19,251 --> 00:04:21,836
Let me guess, you have a headache, right?
29
00:04:21,837 --> 00:04:23,672
Right, and a sore throat, too.
30
00:04:23,673 --> 00:04:24,840
And you think you're
coming down with the flu
31
00:04:24,841 --> 00:04:26,716
or something really serious, right?
32
00:04:26,717 --> 00:04:28,885
Right, I just can't go
through with this again.
33
00:04:28,886 --> 00:04:30,261
Let me see your tongue.
34
00:04:30,262 --> 00:04:31,462
Come on.
35
00:04:35,351 --> 00:04:37,060
Nah, it doesn't look too bad.
36
00:04:37,061 --> 00:04:38,269
Is that a new retainer?
37
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:39,646
Yeah, it hurts like heck.
38
00:04:41,565 --> 00:04:42,440
I'm sorry.
39
00:04:42,441 --> 00:04:44,651
I know, this legend thing is tough.
40
00:04:44,652 --> 00:04:47,279
Let's take a moment and reflect.
41
00:04:48,364 --> 00:04:49,281
Reflect!
42
00:04:49,281 --> 00:04:50,115
Get it?
43
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,533
Mirror, reflect.
44
00:04:51,742 --> 00:04:53,827
God, I kill myself.
45
00:04:53,828 --> 00:04:56,413
Reflect, real funny.
46
00:04:56,414 --> 00:04:59,082
Sometimes I really hate that guy.
47
00:04:59,083 --> 00:04:59,917
What am I saying?
48
00:04:59,918 --> 00:05:01,167
He's me.
49
00:05:01,168 --> 00:05:03,253
I guess that means I hate myself.
50
00:05:03,254 --> 00:05:05,381
Why am I confused?
51
00:05:16,183 --> 00:05:18,810
Vampires are so misunderstand.
52
00:05:18,811 --> 00:05:21,688
Well you gotta admit, they
got a bloodthirsty reputation.
53
00:05:21,689 --> 00:05:23,481
Do I look bloodthirsty?
54
00:05:23,482 --> 00:05:26,735
I can't stand the sight of
blood, I swear, I faint.
55
00:05:26,736 --> 00:05:27,903
What about garlic?
56
00:05:27,904 --> 00:05:29,112
I cook with it all the time.
57
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:30,155
It's good for colds.
58
00:05:30,156 --> 00:05:30,990
Did you know that?
59
00:05:30,991 --> 00:05:32,866
Let me see if I can get this straight.
60
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:34,701
Around the middle of
the 16th century, you...
61
00:05:34,702 --> 00:05:35,952
17th, right?
62
00:05:35,953 --> 00:05:37,245
Right.
63
00:05:37,246 --> 00:05:38,621
Whenever.
64
00:05:38,622 --> 00:05:39,914
A long time ago.
65
00:05:41,167 --> 00:05:44,502
You met this girl, you fell in love.
66
00:05:44,503 --> 00:05:46,963
But there was a problem,
she had a boyfriend.
67
00:05:46,964 --> 00:05:47,798
A pirate.
68
00:05:47,798 --> 00:05:48,632
A pirate?
69
00:05:48,632 --> 00:05:49,549
Pirate.
70
00:05:49,550 --> 00:05:50,750
Whatever.
71
00:05:51,594 --> 00:05:53,470
Now, she loved you, right?
72
00:05:53,471 --> 00:05:55,138
So you were gonna slip off, get married,
73
00:05:55,139 --> 00:05:57,307
when old peg leg finds out, has a shit fit
74
00:05:57,308 --> 00:05:58,225
and comes after you.
75
00:05:58,225 --> 00:05:59,184
Pissed as hell.
76
00:05:59,185 --> 00:06:02,313
I just established his mental state.
77
00:06:04,065 --> 00:06:05,315
So there's a fight.
78
00:06:05,316 --> 00:06:07,233
Peg leg loses his sword
and what's her name
79
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,569
gets killed by a blow to
the head with a ham bone?
80
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:10,404
Mona.
81
00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:11,446
Her name was Mona.
82
00:06:11,447 --> 00:06:12,647
Whatever.
83
00:06:13,616 --> 00:06:15,366
You tried to save her,
but what could you do
84
00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:17,285
in the face of 20 pissed
off pirate friends
85
00:06:17,286 --> 00:06:19,204
of peg leg's, who were going to turn you
86
00:06:19,205 --> 00:06:20,997
into bat meat and so you beat it.
87
00:06:20,998 --> 00:06:23,416
He escaped by the skin of his teeth.
88
00:06:23,417 --> 00:06:25,001
Right.
89
00:06:25,002 --> 00:06:26,294
And since she was killed before you could
90
00:06:26,295 --> 00:06:28,088
fulfill your preordained lot...
91
00:06:28,089 --> 00:06:31,007
Before he could give
her that final, fatal kiss
92
00:06:31,008 --> 00:06:32,509
and turn her into a vampire.
93
00:06:32,510 --> 00:06:33,710
Whatever.
94
00:06:34,553 --> 00:06:38,098
She is now reincarnated every 22 years
95
00:06:38,099 --> 00:06:39,933
until you two can get it right, right?
96
00:06:39,934 --> 00:06:40,768
Right.
97
00:06:40,769 --> 00:06:42,227
And so tomorrow you are gonna meet her
98
00:06:42,228 --> 00:06:44,354
as you've done every 22 years,
99
00:06:44,355 --> 00:06:45,563
you'll fall in love,
100
00:06:45,564 --> 00:06:47,107
and unless you save her,
101
00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:50,777
this crazed pirate with a
rhinestone peg leg will kill her.
102
00:06:50,778 --> 00:06:52,195
On Halloween.
103
00:06:52,196 --> 00:06:53,738
You got it.
104
00:06:53,739 --> 00:06:55,448
What are you gonna do?
105
00:06:55,449 --> 00:06:56,991
I'm gonna do what I
should have done years ago.
106
00:06:56,992 --> 00:06:58,326
I'm gonna lock myself in my room
107
00:06:58,327 --> 00:07:00,703
and avoid this whole thing.
108
00:07:00,704 --> 00:07:02,372
Well, you're not gonna meet her?
109
00:07:02,373 --> 00:07:04,124
You're not gonna fall in love?
110
00:07:04,125 --> 00:07:06,585
She's better off without me.
111
00:07:12,049 --> 00:07:15,093
Man, that dude's sure got the blues.
112
00:07:15,094 --> 00:07:16,294
Mm mm mm.
113
00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:30,400
He just ran out in front of us.
114
00:07:30,401 --> 00:07:32,694
Look he's moving.
115
00:07:32,695 --> 00:07:34,487
Are you alright?
116
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,905
Oh god, Mona.
117
00:07:35,906 --> 00:07:37,490
Why don't you watch where you're going?
118
00:07:37,491 --> 00:07:40,869
I could have, how did you know my name?
119
00:07:40,870 --> 00:07:42,120
I don't know your name.
120
00:07:42,121 --> 00:07:42,955
You don't know my name.
121
00:07:42,956 --> 00:07:45,498
Just pretend this never happened, okay?
122
00:07:45,499 --> 00:07:47,333
It never would have
happened if you hadn't
123
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:49,377
jumped out in front of my car.
124
00:07:49,378 --> 00:07:51,671
I hope for your sake
my gear isn't crashed.
125
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,715
Just forget you ever saw
me, okay, 'cause the next
126
00:07:53,716 --> 00:07:55,633
thing you know, we're
gonna go out on a date
127
00:07:55,634 --> 00:07:59,220
and we're gonna fall in love
and then some crazy pirate's
128
00:07:59,221 --> 00:08:01,681
gonna peg with you a ham bone.
129
00:08:07,521 --> 00:08:08,855
HEY-
130
00:08:08,856 --> 00:08:10,607
You forgot your hat.
131
00:08:10,608 --> 00:08:11,900
What a weirdo.
132
00:08:18,908 --> 00:08:19,825
What?
133
00:08:19,826 --> 00:08:21,576
You ran away from her didn't you?
134
00:08:21,577 --> 00:08:23,286
For your information,
I didn't just run away,
135
00:08:23,287 --> 00:08:24,371
I had a plan.
136
00:08:24,371 --> 00:08:25,205
Really?
137
00:08:25,206 --> 00:08:26,040
And what was that?
138
00:08:26,041 --> 00:08:28,666
I ran, I left, so she
doesn't get involved with me.
139
00:08:28,667 --> 00:08:30,752
She doesn't get involved with
me, we don't fall in love,
140
00:08:30,753 --> 00:08:32,086
she doesn't die, get it?
141
00:08:32,087 --> 00:08:34,255
Make a left at MIT, Einstein.
142
00:08:34,256 --> 00:08:36,466
It's about this, Mr. Wise Guy.
143
00:08:36,467 --> 00:08:38,301
This happens every 22 years so that means
144
00:08:38,302 --> 00:08:41,429
in the last 400 years, I
have met, fallen in love,
145
00:08:41,430 --> 00:08:44,140
and lost Mona 14.5 times.
146
00:08:44,141 --> 00:08:45,642
Talk about coitus interuptus.
147
00:08:45,643 --> 00:08:46,976
And every time it gets worse.
148
00:08:46,977 --> 00:08:49,062
This time, no way, forget it.
149
00:08:49,063 --> 00:08:50,647
That's right.
150
00:08:50,648 --> 00:08:52,815
Forget it, just forget
the fact that we are
151
00:08:52,816 --> 00:08:55,526
the oldest living virgins
walking the planet.
152
00:08:55,527 --> 00:08:56,486
What are you talking about?
153
00:08:56,487 --> 00:08:57,571
You are the biggest slut I know.
154
00:08:57,572 --> 00:08:59,489
Every time I see you
with a different girl.
155
00:08:59,490 --> 00:09:01,157
They mean nothing to me, Ralph.
156
00:09:01,158 --> 00:09:02,075
It's Mona.
157
00:09:02,076 --> 00:09:03,493
I want you to get Mona.
158
00:09:03,494 --> 00:09:06,579
That means I get out of
this crazy mirror thing.
159
00:09:06,580 --> 00:09:09,040
It's like a prison in here, Ralph.
160
00:09:09,041 --> 00:09:10,458
Everything's backwards.
161
00:09:10,459 --> 00:09:11,501
I knew it, I knew it.
162
00:09:11,502 --> 00:09:13,836
This is about you, this
is always about you.
163
00:09:13,837 --> 00:09:15,546
Wrong, Ralphfalfa.
164
00:09:15,547 --> 00:09:17,090
It's about you.
165
00:09:17,091 --> 00:09:18,133
Because any way you look at it,
166
00:09:18,134 --> 00:09:20,802
she's got two weeks 'til
she bites the big one.
167
00:09:27,059 --> 00:09:28,893
What's wrong?
168
00:09:28,894 --> 00:09:30,094
Nothing.
169
00:09:31,272 --> 00:09:33,523
I was just thinking
about the accident and...
170
00:09:33,524 --> 00:09:35,108
Did somebody say accident?
171
00:09:35,109 --> 00:09:36,068
Yeah.
172
00:09:36,069 --> 00:09:37,610
We had an accident.
173
00:09:37,611 --> 00:09:39,487
Just set it up over there.
174
00:09:39,488 --> 00:09:40,697
What kind of an accident?
175
00:09:40,698 --> 00:09:42,991
None of my equipment's damaged, I hope.
176
00:09:42,992 --> 00:09:44,909
You know, I got a hell
of a deal on this stuff.
177
00:09:44,910 --> 00:09:45,994
When you're working with a guy like me,
178
00:09:45,995 --> 00:09:47,620
that's what we're talking, deals.
179
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,205
Let me just show you this little gizmo.
180
00:09:49,206 --> 00:09:50,665
This is the most amazing device.
181
00:09:50,666 --> 00:09:52,583
It samples anything from babies crying
182
00:09:52,584 --> 00:09:54,127
to dogs barking.
183
00:09:54,128 --> 00:09:55,670
Hey, what's the matter with this thing?
184
00:09:55,671 --> 00:09:57,130
It wasn't this that got broken, was it?
185
00:09:57,131 --> 00:09:58,048
Broken?
186
00:09:58,048 --> 00:09:58,882
In the accident.
187
00:09:58,883 --> 00:10:00,717
Stanley, it's not broken.
188
00:10:00,718 --> 00:10:03,052
Besides, it was a car accident.
189
00:10:03,053 --> 00:10:04,595
We're trying to rehearse.
190
00:10:04,596 --> 00:10:06,014
Car accident?
191
00:10:06,015 --> 00:10:07,683
Nobody killed I hope.
192
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:09,800
Hit it boys.
193
00:10:23,907 --> 00:10:25,783
Howdy folks, Stan "The Man' Wilson here
194
00:10:25,784 --> 00:10:28,161
from Stanley's Deathpark
where we take the death
195
00:10:28,162 --> 00:10:29,079
out of dying.
196
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,830
This Sunday marks our Heaven on Earth sale
197
00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:33,207
and let's face it folks,
it's a sale that some of you
198
00:10:33,208 --> 00:10:35,376
aren't going to miss.
199
00:10:35,377 --> 00:10:36,627
Take a look at this baby,
200
00:10:36,628 --> 00:10:38,546
the streamlined Death 2000,
201
00:10:38,547 --> 00:10:39,506
our top of the line.
202
00:10:39,507 --> 00:10:42,550
This week, yours for only $1995.
203
00:10:42,551 --> 00:10:44,510
A little steep, do I hear you say?
204
00:10:44,511 --> 00:10:46,012
Then how about going Dutch on our
205
00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:49,766
eternal economy model, only
$100 over factory invoice.
206
00:10:49,767 --> 00:10:50,601
How do we do it?
207
00:10:50,602 --> 00:10:52,810
Volume, volume, volume.
208
00:10:52,811 --> 00:10:54,937
So, bring the family, come on
down and while you're here,
209
00:10:54,938 --> 00:10:58,358
check out our revolutionary
cryogenic process.
210
00:10:58,359 --> 00:11:00,777
Open 12 to 12 for your
shopping convenience.
211
00:11:00,778 --> 00:11:01,978
See ya here.
212
00:11:23,842 --> 00:11:27,053
Listen, I directed it myself, you know?
213
00:11:27,054 --> 00:11:30,265
So, uh, what do you think, angel cakes?
214
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:35,353
I thought it was kind of cute.
215
00:12:23,110 --> 00:12:25,278
Ralphie, is that you?
216
00:12:25,279 --> 00:12:27,280
Drat.
217
00:12:27,281 --> 00:12:28,365
Hi, mom.
218
00:12:28,365 --> 00:12:29,407
It's about time you got home.
219
00:12:29,408 --> 00:12:31,325
I was getting worried about you, honey.
220
00:12:31,326 --> 00:12:32,577
Could you give me a hand with this?
221
00:12:32,578 --> 00:12:34,037
Sure.
222
00:12:38,709 --> 00:12:39,543
You been here long?
223
00:12:39,543 --> 00:12:40,544
Oh, Heaven's no.
224
00:12:40,545 --> 00:12:43,796
I've been here, I mean,
we've been here, for hours.
225
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,997
Who's we?
226
00:12:45,591 --> 00:12:47,967
I've almost located the Spanish galleon.
227
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:48,885
It's close.
228
00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:50,094
I can feel it.
229
00:12:50,095 --> 00:12:51,387
Great, Jacques Cousteau.
230
00:12:51,388 --> 00:12:54,724
Just follow that trail
of deblooms, Big Al.
231
00:12:54,725 --> 00:12:55,809
Ah.
232
00:12:55,810 --> 00:12:57,894
Big Al, this is my brother, Ralph.
233
00:12:57,895 --> 00:13:00,271
Big Al Johnson, scrap iron, St. Louis.
234
00:13:00,272 --> 00:13:02,273
I'm Little Ralph Levee.
235
00:13:02,274 --> 00:13:03,566
So what's your game Little Ralph?
236
00:13:03,567 --> 00:13:04,401
Game?
237
00:13:04,402 --> 00:13:06,194
Yeah, what do you do?
238
00:13:06,195 --> 00:13:07,529
I'm a vampire.
239
00:13:22,419 --> 00:13:24,504
You make me sick.
240
00:13:24,505 --> 00:13:25,547
What?
241
00:13:25,548 --> 00:13:27,048
I'm clean.
242
00:13:27,049 --> 00:13:29,675
This is, no, not now, no.
243
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,303
1...
244
00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:34,514
I'll deal with you later.
245
00:13:39,978 --> 00:13:42,855
I was just going to bed mom,
could you hit the light?
246
00:13:42,856 --> 00:13:44,056
In a minute.
247
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:47,276
So.
248
00:13:47,277 --> 00:13:48,486
Tell me about your night.
249
00:13:48,487 --> 00:13:50,154
There's nothing to tell.
250
00:13:50,155 --> 00:13:53,115
Come on, honey, I know what day it is.
251
00:13:53,116 --> 00:13:54,117
You met her, didn't you?
252
00:13:54,117 --> 00:13:54,951
I didn't meet her.
253
00:13:54,952 --> 00:13:56,702
I told you, I've had it with
the legend ruining my life
254
00:13:56,703 --> 00:13:58,037
every 22 years.
255
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,997
Ralphie, where's your hat?
256
00:13:59,998 --> 00:14:01,666
I must have lost it in the car acc...
257
00:14:01,667 --> 00:14:03,376
Card, card game.
258
00:14:03,377 --> 00:14:05,711
I lost it in a card game, mom.
259
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,296
Well, okay.
260
00:14:07,297 --> 00:14:08,298
It's your legacy.
261
00:14:08,299 --> 00:14:09,924
You can do anything you want with it.
262
00:14:09,925 --> 00:14:11,676
But whether you've met her or not,
263
00:14:11,677 --> 00:14:13,094
that poor girl is gonna die in two weeks
264
00:14:13,095 --> 00:14:15,806
unless you do something about it.
265
00:14:24,398 --> 00:14:25,606
Honey.
266
00:14:25,607 --> 00:14:26,807
Go to sleep.
267
00:16:10,712 --> 00:16:11,912
HEY-
268
00:16:19,596 --> 00:16:20,796
' No!
269
00:16:38,907 --> 00:16:40,107
HEY-
270
00:16:41,118 --> 00:16:42,535
Is it true that you've
forsaken your legacy
271
00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:45,329
and the girl of your dreams?
272
00:16:45,330 --> 00:16:46,530
What?
273
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,094
No.
274
00:17:18,488 --> 00:17:20,906
Ralph, what are you doing?
275
00:17:20,907 --> 00:17:22,283
Ralph, answer me.
276
00:17:23,243 --> 00:17:24,618
I'm gonna find her.
277
00:17:24,619 --> 00:17:25,620
And do what?
278
00:17:25,620 --> 00:17:26,454
What do you think?
279
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:27,289
I'm gonna save her.
280
00:17:27,290 --> 00:17:28,664
Yeah, I've heard that song before.
281
00:17:28,665 --> 00:17:29,999
No, no, it's different.
282
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,417
I just have this feeling
that if I don't save her
283
00:17:31,418 --> 00:17:34,879
this time, I'm gonna lose her forever.
284
00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:35,881
You're no exactly playing
285
00:17:35,882 --> 00:17:37,757
major league ball now.
286
00:17:37,758 --> 00:17:38,592
What are you?
287
00:17:38,592 --> 00:17:39,426
Zero for fourteen.
288
00:17:39,427 --> 00:17:42,052
Oh excuse me, is it 15 now?
289
00:17:42,053 --> 00:17:44,180
You're a total dick you know that?
290
00:17:47,142 --> 00:17:48,559
You're gonna go out in the sunlight?
291
00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:50,060
I'm protected.
292
00:17:50,061 --> 00:17:51,103
Brave man.
293
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:53,230
How you gonna find her?
294
00:17:53,231 --> 00:17:54,065
She's in a band.
295
00:17:54,066 --> 00:17:55,316
How hard could she be to find?
296
00:17:55,317 --> 00:17:58,068
Ralph, there must be 15,000
bands in the tri-state area.
297
00:17:58,069 --> 00:17:59,487
That's a lot of ground.
298
00:17:59,488 --> 00:18:00,988
How are you gonna cover it?
299
00:18:00,989 --> 00:18:02,698
I'm a vampire, I'll fly.
300
00:18:02,699 --> 00:18:03,991
No, no, no!
301
00:18:03,992 --> 00:18:08,121
Ow! OW! ow, ow, ow.
302
00:18:16,254 --> 00:18:18,547
I think I'll take the bus.
303
00:18:19,674 --> 00:18:20,883
What a loser.
304
00:20:14,164 --> 00:20:15,974
Hey Ralphie, you wanna play some hoop?
305
00:20:20,587 --> 00:20:22,963
Have you seen a yellow
brick road around here?
306
00:20:22,964 --> 00:20:25,174
Do you think I'm doing the right thing?
307
00:20:25,175 --> 00:20:26,592
What do you mean?
308
00:20:26,593 --> 00:20:29,345
I mean, maybe I wasn't
meant to find Mona.
309
00:20:29,346 --> 00:20:32,181
Maybe this is just some
sort of karmic debt
310
00:20:32,182 --> 00:20:33,099
I'm Paving off.
311
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,684
Maybe my first instincts were right.
312
00:20:35,685 --> 00:20:38,729
Maybe I should just forget
about this whole thing
313
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:40,564
and join a monastery.
314
00:20:40,565 --> 00:20:42,483
But, what about Mona?
315
00:20:42,484 --> 00:20:45,402
What sort of everlasting
hell am I damning her to?
316
00:20:45,403 --> 00:20:47,029
Mai/be, no, yeah, no.
317
00:20:48,031 --> 00:20:48,948
I should be strong.
318
00:20:48,949 --> 00:20:50,157
I'll be strong.
319
00:20:50,158 --> 00:20:50,992
HEY-
320
00:20:50,992 --> 00:20:51,826
Would you make up your mind?
321
00:20:51,827 --> 00:20:54,870
I'm feeling like Sonny and Cher here.
322
00:20:58,541 --> 00:20:59,741
That's better.
323
00:21:00,585 --> 00:21:02,044
I wonder if, uh...
324
00:21:05,882 --> 00:21:08,092
Ralph, would you look at the size of this?
325
00:21:08,093 --> 00:21:11,470
Oh Christ, would you put that thing away?
326
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:12,430
Listen.
327
00:21:12,431 --> 00:21:14,223
If you were meant to find Mona, you will.
328
00:21:14,224 --> 00:21:17,101
If you weren't you won't, so relax.
329
00:21:22,565 --> 00:21:23,857
See what I mean?
330
00:25:23,473 --> 00:25:24,474
Oh my god,
331
00:25:24,474 --> 00:25:25,433
That's him.
332
00:25:25,434 --> 00:25:26,808
That's who?
333
00:25:26,809 --> 00:25:27,643
Where?
334
00:25:27,644 --> 00:25:29,854
Stay here.
335
00:25:40,406 --> 00:25:41,240
Who are you?
336
00:25:41,241 --> 00:25:42,699
I'm Ralph.
337
00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:43,701
I like your music.
338
00:25:43,702 --> 00:25:46,161
It's kind of wild, kind of now, kind of...
339
00:25:46,162 --> 00:25:47,704
Why are you following me?
340
00:25:47,705 --> 00:25:48,956
I'm not following you.
341
00:25:48,957 --> 00:25:50,415
Yes you are.
342
00:25:50,416 --> 00:25:52,251
Okay, I'm following you.
343
00:25:52,252 --> 00:25:54,628
I'm a big fan of yours from way back.
344
00:25:54,629 --> 00:25:55,837
Who are you?
345
00:25:55,838 --> 00:25:56,964
I told you, I'm Ralph...
346
00:25:56,965 --> 00:25:58,882
No, I mean, what do you do?
347
00:25:58,883 --> 00:26:00,300
Are you a musician?
348
00:26:00,301 --> 00:26:01,302
YES.
349
00:26:01,303 --> 00:26:02,594
Do you have a band?
350
00:26:02,595 --> 00:26:03,845
0" do YOU play by yourself?
351
00:26:03,846 --> 00:26:05,138
Um, yes.
352
00:26:05,139 --> 00:26:06,765
Yes, what?
353
00:26:06,766 --> 00:26:08,600
Yes, I have a band.
354
00:26:08,601 --> 00:26:09,893
What's the name?
355
00:26:09,894 --> 00:26:10,811
The name.
356
00:26:10,812 --> 00:26:12,437
Of the band.
357
00:26:12,438 --> 00:26:13,313
Um.
358
00:26:13,314 --> 00:26:15,274
We haven't decided yet.
359
00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:18,235
Oh, um, well what kind of music?
360
00:26:18,236 --> 00:26:22,736
Well the music, we're
not sure yet what it is.
361
00:26:22,907 --> 00:26:24,283
Well,
362
00:26:24,284 --> 00:26:26,160
do YOU play around?
363
00:26:28,621 --> 00:26:29,913
Excuse me?
364
00:26:29,914 --> 00:26:32,708
Your band, are you
playing any gigs anywhere?
365
00:26:32,709 --> 00:26:35,836
...Gigs, yes, all the time,
lt's amazing, yeah, yeah.
366
00:26:35,837 --> 00:26:37,547
You are very strange, Ralph.
367
00:26:38,381 --> 00:26:40,132
Mona, darling, I've got
some terribly important people
368
00:26:40,133 --> 00:26:41,341
just dying to meet you.
369
00:26:41,342 --> 00:26:42,592
Will you excuse us?
370
00:26:42,593 --> 00:26:43,427
Yeah.
371
00:26:43,428 --> 00:26:45,846
Um, it was so nice to see you again.
372
00:26:45,847 --> 00:26:47,889
Maybe I'll come see your band sometime.
373
00:26:47,890 --> 00:26:49,090
Maybe.
374
00:26:50,518 --> 00:26:52,144
Who is that twerp?
375
00:26:53,604 --> 00:26:55,814
Hey hey little man.
376
00:26:55,815 --> 00:26:57,015
Can I help ya?
377
00:26:57,984 --> 00:26:59,151
No, I'm enjoying this party...
378
00:26:59,152 --> 00:27:00,319
Hey, what's this?
379
00:27:00,320 --> 00:27:01,195
Ouch!
380
00:27:01,196 --> 00:27:02,696
Bounce him.
381
00:27:14,375 --> 00:27:16,793
Now let me get this straight.
382
00:27:16,794 --> 00:27:18,837
You decided to find her.
383
00:27:18,838 --> 00:27:20,047
And once you found her?
384
00:27:20,048 --> 00:27:23,259
I turned into a blithering idiot.
385
00:27:29,891 --> 00:27:34,186
There was a moment there,
when she was onstage,
386
00:27:34,187 --> 00:27:35,813
and our eyes locked,
387
00:27:37,940 --> 00:27:41,234
it was like time stood still, you know?
388
00:27:42,153 --> 00:27:42,987
What is wrong with me?
389
00:27:42,988 --> 00:27:45,989
I am a musician, and a
pretty darn good one at that.
390
00:27:45,990 --> 00:27:47,908
So, what happened?
391
00:27:52,872 --> 00:27:54,956
Let's face it, I don't
have what it takes.
392
00:27:54,957 --> 00:27:57,667
How can I save her if I
can't even talk to her?
393
00:27:57,668 --> 00:28:00,045
"Maybe I'll see your
band sometime" she says.
394
00:28:00,046 --> 00:28:01,797
What a joke.
395
00:28:04,967 --> 00:28:05,801
Why don't you...
396
00:28:05,802 --> 00:28:06,636
Why don't you...
397
00:28:06,637 --> 00:28:10,806
Start my own band.
398
00:28:45,633 --> 00:28:46,550
You're doing what?
399
00:28:46,551 --> 00:28:48,218
Starting a rock band?
400
00:28:48,219 --> 00:28:50,846
A vampire in a rock band.
401
00:28:50,847 --> 00:28:52,180
What are you going to call it?
402
00:28:52,181 --> 00:28:53,381
Rockula?
403
00:28:54,183 --> 00:28:55,267
Rockula?
404
00:28:55,268 --> 00:28:56,468
Rockula.
405
00:29:24,046 --> 00:29:25,547
Like, um,
406
00:29:25,548 --> 00:29:27,632
'cause just like my psychic says,
407
00:29:27,633 --> 00:29:30,552
death, right, is just a
stepping stone to rebirth.
408
00:29:30,553 --> 00:29:32,762
I mean, I think it was
Nietzsche that said I'm just
409
00:29:32,763 --> 00:29:35,182
"Living to die and dying to live."
410
00:29:35,183 --> 00:29:36,017
Nietzsche said that?
411
00:29:36,018 --> 00:29:37,642
Yeah, you know, Johnny Nietzsche,
412
00:29:37,643 --> 00:29:41,313
in that band, uh, Marvin
Gandhi and the Monkeyshines.
413
00:29:41,314 --> 00:29:42,273
New age reggae.
414
00:29:42,274 --> 00:29:43,815
You're such a dork, Stanley.
415
00:29:43,816 --> 00:29:45,442
You take that back.
416
00:29:45,443 --> 00:29:46,485
Okay -.
417
00:29:46,486 --> 00:29:48,236
You're an egotistical,
pseudo-intellectual,
418
00:29:48,237 --> 00:29:49,863
money grubbing slut.
419
00:29:52,450 --> 00:29:53,658
I'll buy that.
420
00:29:53,659 --> 00:29:55,285
Hey!
421
00:29:55,286 --> 00:29:56,578
Thank you!
422
00:29:59,707 --> 00:30:03,502
I'm Ted Brady, this is Club
Hell, thanks for coming, kids.
423
00:30:07,798 --> 00:30:11,218
You kids, you kids, are rock 'n roll,
424
00:30:11,219 --> 00:30:13,262
you are the rock 'n roll,
425
00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:16,598
and this kid is Rockula.
426
00:32:11,756 --> 00:32:15,342
Some chow mein and a bowl
of steamed rice, please.
427
00:32:15,343 --> 00:32:16,543
Thank you.
428
00:33:26,122 --> 00:33:27,331
Where's Mona?
429
00:33:34,588 --> 00:33:37,090
Rockula, that sounds
of yours is just great.
430
00:33:37,091 --> 00:33:38,925
I saw you rock, man, I
want my sick gloves back.
431
00:33:38,926 --> 00:33:39,843
Killer lesson.
432
00:33:39,844 --> 00:33:41,303
Totally styling.
433
00:33:45,307 --> 00:33:47,517
Hey dude, move your gear.
434
00:33:58,946 --> 00:34:00,030
I'm still trying to figure out
435
00:34:00,031 --> 00:34:01,322
where I know you from.
436
00:34:01,323 --> 00:34:03,241
You seem so familiar to me.
437
00:34:03,242 --> 00:34:04,743
Maybe it was a past life.
438
00:34:04,744 --> 00:34:05,578
What?
439
00:34:05,579 --> 00:34:06,995
Relax, that was just a joke.
440
00:34:06,996 --> 00:34:09,789
Listen, do you believe in vampires?
441
00:34:09,790 --> 00:34:12,501
That's very funny, Ralph.
442
00:34:19,008 --> 00:34:20,208
Well.
443
00:34:22,720 --> 00:34:24,012
Well this is it.
444
00:34:27,475 --> 00:34:29,935
Thank you for walking me home.
445
00:34:33,397 --> 00:34:36,149
Would you like to see me again?
446
00:34:36,150 --> 00:34:37,350
YES.
447
00:34:38,235 --> 00:34:39,069
Tomorrow?
448
00:34:39,070 --> 00:34:40,278
- Qkay.
- Qkay.
449
00:34:43,616 --> 00:34:44,816
Good night.
450
00:35:04,553 --> 00:35:07,263
Where is that guy when you need him?
451
00:35:07,264 --> 00:35:08,640
Hey Mr. Rockstar.
452
00:35:08,641 --> 00:35:09,767
Where have you been?
453
00:35:09,768 --> 00:35:13,896
Well you're not the only
one that can start a band.
454
00:35:21,570 --> 00:35:22,696
SQ?
455
00:35:22,697 --> 00:35:24,239
So, what?
456
00:35:24,240 --> 00:35:25,824
So what's she like?
457
00:35:25,825 --> 00:35:26,909
Oh.
458
00:35:26,910 --> 00:35:28,451
She's great.
459
00:35:28,452 --> 00:35:29,994
It was really worth the wait this time.
460
00:35:29,995 --> 00:35:31,579
Groovy.
461
00:35:31,580 --> 00:35:32,414
So did you get anY?
462
00:35:32,414 --> 00:35:33,248
Any what?
463
00:35:33,249 --> 00:35:35,458
You know, muff, nookie, poontang.
464
00:35:35,459 --> 00:35:37,710
You are so crass, is that
all you ever think about?
465
00:35:37,711 --> 00:35:39,838
Listen Ralph, I don't
have a love life of my own
466
00:35:39,839 --> 00:35:42,215
so I wanna share in yours.
467
00:35:42,216 --> 00:35:44,968
Now, start from the
beginning and be graphic.
468
00:35:44,969 --> 00:35:46,427
Forget it.
469
00:35:46,428 --> 00:35:49,305
You didn't score, did you?
470
00:35:55,855 --> 00:35:57,064
Knock it off!
471
00:36:00,484 --> 00:36:01,985
She did kiss me, though.
472
00:36:01,986 --> 00:36:03,028
Really?
473
00:36:03,028 --> 00:36:03,987
Was it?
474
00:36:03,988 --> 00:36:05,280
Unbelievable.
475
00:36:05,281 --> 00:36:06,323
Slip her the tongue?
476
00:36:06,323 --> 00:36:07,324
It was on the cheek.
477
00:36:07,324 --> 00:36:08,283
Loser!
478
00:36:08,284 --> 00:36:09,660
You never stop.
479
00:36:11,620 --> 00:36:12,746
Bye mom, I'll see you later.
480
00:36:12,747 --> 00:36:15,582
Well don't you look cute
and where are you going?
481
00:36:15,583 --> 00:36:16,417
Out.
482
00:36:16,417 --> 00:36:17,251
With who?
483
00:36:17,251 --> 00:36:18,085
Friends.
484
00:36:18,085 --> 00:36:19,127
And when will you back?
485
00:36:19,128 --> 00:36:19,962
Later.
486
00:36:19,963 --> 00:36:21,254
You met her, didn't you?
487
00:36:21,255 --> 00:36:22,256
Duh, mom.
488
00:36:22,257 --> 00:36:24,383
Oh, honey, I'm so happy.
489
00:36:25,634 --> 00:36:26,718
You're crushing my suit.
490
00:36:26,719 --> 00:36:28,970
Oh, we're gonna have to
have her over for dinner.
491
00:36:28,971 --> 00:36:30,722
I'd rather not do that right now, mom.
492
00:36:30,723 --> 00:36:33,684
Oh, you're ashamed of your mother!
493
00:36:34,643 --> 00:36:35,977
That's it, isn't it?
- No, that's not.
494
00:36:35,978 --> 00:36:36,812
That's not it.
495
00:36:36,813 --> 00:36:38,354
It's that she's gonna be in of a big shock
496
00:36:38,355 --> 00:36:40,315
when I tell her and I
wanna break it to her easy,
497
00:36:40,316 --> 00:36:41,358
by myself.
498
00:36:41,359 --> 00:36:43,234
I'm not ashamed of you, mom.
499
00:36:43,235 --> 00:36:44,652
I love you.
500
00:36:44,653 --> 00:36:45,737
Oh.
501
00:36:45,738 --> 00:36:47,405
I must look a mess.
502
00:36:47,406 --> 00:36:49,616
Oh, I'm sorry, honey,
of course you're right.
503
00:36:49,617 --> 00:36:51,910
But promise me you won't elope.
504
00:36:51,911 --> 00:36:54,329
Because I want a big wedding.
505
00:36:54,330 --> 00:36:55,164
Of course.
506
00:36:55,164 --> 00:36:55,956
And you're not a mess.
507
00:36:55,957 --> 00:36:58,583
You look better than most
women a 10th your age.
508
00:36:58,584 --> 00:36:59,543
I know.
509
00:36:59,544 --> 00:37:00,752
You're a dear.
510
00:37:00,753 --> 00:37:03,922
I honestly don't know what
I'd do without my boy.
511
00:37:03,923 --> 00:37:05,173
Now what are you standing there for?
512
00:37:05,174 --> 00:37:07,342
Now you go off and you have a good time.
513
00:37:07,343 --> 00:37:09,802
And you give Mona a big kiss from mommy.
514
00:37:09,803 --> 00:37:10,762
O kaY/ bye'
515
00:37:10,763 --> 00:37:11,963
Oh.
516
00:37:25,778 --> 00:37:27,820
But what struck me
the most were his eyes.
517
00:37:27,821 --> 00:37:29,948
I mean, they almost seemed
haunted, didn't they?
518
00:37:29,949 --> 00:37:31,532
You wanna know what happened that day?
519
00:37:31,533 --> 00:37:33,576
Egon was married to this
girl, Mary or Maddie,
520
00:37:33,577 --> 00:37:34,994
I can't believe I forgot her name.
521
00:37:34,995 --> 00:37:35,870
Anyway-
522
00:37:35,871 --> 00:37:37,205
He had this girl posing for him.
523
00:37:37,206 --> 00:37:39,248
She was 16, she was
gorgeous, she was beautiful.
524
00:37:39,249 --> 00:37:40,667
They started shacking up.
525
00:37:40,668 --> 00:37:42,585
And the day that Mary found out,
526
00:37:42,586 --> 00:37:44,796
she walked in on them
and was gonna tell Egon
527
00:37:44,797 --> 00:37:46,464
that she was pregnant.
528
00:37:46,465 --> 00:37:47,632
Well did she leave him?
529
00:37:47,633 --> 00:37:51,552
No, god, she was like
this glutton for punishment.
530
00:37:51,553 --> 00:37:52,595
Ralph.
531
00:37:52,596 --> 00:37:55,139
How do you know about all this?
532
00:37:55,140 --> 00:37:57,392
I don't know, why?
533
00:37:57,393 --> 00:37:59,477
You were talking about
it as, I don't know,
534
00:37:59,478 --> 00:38:00,979
almost as if you had
been there or something.
535
00:38:00,980 --> 00:38:02,855
That was like over 100 years ago.
536
00:38:02,856 --> 00:38:06,150
I couldn't have been, I read
it, in art class, that's it.
537
00:38:06,151 --> 00:38:07,610
Oh.
538
00:38:07,611 --> 00:38:08,861
You're a good story teller Ralph.
539
00:38:08,862 --> 00:38:12,240
Yeah, I got a couple of doozies for ya.
540
00:38:19,081 --> 00:38:20,790
I see a girl.
541
00:38:20,791 --> 00:38:23,459
Her name is, uh, Mona?
542
00:38:23,460 --> 00:38:25,003
Yeah, right, right, my girlfriend.
543
00:38:25,004 --> 00:38:26,796
I mean my ex-girlfriend.
544
00:38:26,797 --> 00:38:27,881
Oh.
545
00:38:27,882 --> 00:38:29,590
I see her with another man.
546
00:38:29,591 --> 00:38:30,791
That little twerp.
547
00:38:31,552 --> 00:38:32,927
You should not call
people names, Stanley.
548
00:38:32,928 --> 00:38:34,345
Yeah, right, sorry.
549
00:38:34,346 --> 00:38:36,806
She thinks she loves him, but she really
550
00:38:36,807 --> 00:38:38,558
loves you, Stanley.
551
00:38:38,559 --> 00:38:39,393
Really?
552
00:38:39,393 --> 00:38:40,227
YES.
553
00:38:40,228 --> 00:38:42,645
But she is under his spell.
554
00:38:42,646 --> 00:38:43,480
' Spell?
555
00:38:43,481 --> 00:38:46,983
Spell, Stanley, for
this is no ordinary man.
556
00:38:46,984 --> 00:38:48,818
He is a vampire.
557
00:38:48,819 --> 00:38:50,019
A vampire?
558
00:38:50,487 --> 00:38:51,488
A vampire, Stanley.
559
00:38:51,489 --> 00:38:53,531
Yours is no ordinary destiny.
560
00:38:53,532 --> 00:38:54,449
I knew it.
561
00:38:54,450 --> 00:38:55,908
Don't interrupt.
562
00:38:55,909 --> 00:38:58,661
It is your destiny to save Mona.
563
00:38:58,662 --> 00:39:01,330
Yes, but, how can I do it?
564
00:39:01,331 --> 00:39:03,541
Stanley, your business is death,
565
00:39:03,542 --> 00:39:06,586
your life is death, your destiny is death.
566
00:39:06,587 --> 00:39:08,921
You must kill her, Stanley.
567
00:39:08,922 --> 00:39:09,923
' Yes?
568
00:39:09,923 --> 00:39:10,965
YES.
569
00:39:10,966 --> 00:39:13,301
And then she will be all yours.
570
00:39:13,302 --> 00:39:15,344
I could mount and stuff her.
571
00:39:15,345 --> 00:39:18,097
She will be your sleeping princess.
572
00:39:18,098 --> 00:39:18,932
YES.
573
00:39:18,933 --> 00:39:20,683
Yes, I see it.
574
00:39:20,684 --> 00:39:22,769
I could freeze her, cryogenically.
575
00:39:22,770 --> 00:39:23,604
Oh.
576
00:39:23,605 --> 00:39:24,937
I suppose it would work.
577
00:39:24,938 --> 00:39:26,606
She'll be mine.
578
00:39:26,607 --> 00:39:28,608
All mine forever.
579
00:39:28,609 --> 00:39:29,984
When do I do it?
580
00:39:29,985 --> 00:39:32,278
It must be down on Halloween.
581
00:39:32,279 --> 00:39:33,113
Right.
582
00:39:33,114 --> 00:39:34,655
But there is one catch, though.
583
00:39:34,656 --> 00:39:36,574
You must dress as a pirate.
584
00:39:36,575 --> 00:39:37,409
A pirate?
585
00:39:37,410 --> 00:39:38,618
A pirate.
586
00:39:38,619 --> 00:39:40,328
With a rhinestone peg leg.
587
00:39:40,329 --> 00:39:41,913
A rhinestone peg leg?
588
00:39:43,123 --> 00:39:44,791
A rhinestone peg leg.
589
00:39:44,792 --> 00:39:48,127
And you must dispatch
her with a ham bone.
590
00:39:48,128 --> 00:39:49,462
Ambone?
591
00:39:49,463 --> 00:39:51,840
Okay, okay, okay, a ham bone.
592
00:39:57,763 --> 00:40:00,723
Yo, Yo, Yo, yo, Hans,
what's up, what's up?
593
00:40:00,724 --> 00:40:02,141
Oh not much, you know,
I've just been hangin'
594
00:40:02,142 --> 00:40:03,852
with Yolanda and Dee.
595
00:40:04,895 --> 00:40:06,095
Kick it!
596
00:42:35,128 --> 00:42:36,504
You were great.
597
00:42:37,464 --> 00:42:38,714
Ralphie?
598
00:42:38,715 --> 00:42:40,424
Oh, there's my boy.
599
00:42:40,425 --> 00:42:41,509
Mom, what are you doing here?
600
00:42:41,510 --> 00:42:43,678
Oh, Ralph, I am so proud of you.
601
00:42:43,679 --> 00:42:45,471
Your little band was fantastic.
602
00:42:45,472 --> 00:42:46,556
Mom.
603
00:42:46,557 --> 00:42:47,890
And you must be Mona.
604
00:42:47,891 --> 00:42:48,725
Oh.
605
00:42:48,726 --> 00:42:50,643
Look how pretty you are this time.
606
00:42:50,644 --> 00:42:51,603
Yes, yes, she is.
607
00:42:51,604 --> 00:42:52,979
Uh, Mona, this is my mother.
608
00:42:52,980 --> 00:42:53,814
Hi.
609
00:42:53,815 --> 00:42:55,106
It is so nice to meet you.
610
00:42:55,107 --> 00:42:56,066
Meet me?
611
00:42:56,067 --> 00:42:58,025
No, no, dear, the pleasure's all mine.
612
00:42:58,026 --> 00:42:59,402
Oh, just me look at you.
613
00:42:59,403 --> 00:43:01,946
Oh, it's so nice to see the
two of you together again.
614
00:43:01,947 --> 00:43:02,864
Excuse me?
615
00:43:02,864 --> 00:43:03,990
Uh yeah, well we have to be going.
616
00:43:03,991 --> 00:43:04,825
Oh well I won't keep you,
617
00:43:04,826 --> 00:43:06,367
but we must have Mona over for dinner.
618
00:43:06,368 --> 00:43:07,202
Mom.
619
00:43:07,202 --> 00:43:08,203
I would love to.
620
00:43:08,203 --> 00:43:09,037
Mona.
621
00:43:09,037 --> 00:43:09,871
Thursday night?
622
00:43:09,872 --> 00:43:12,039
Can't Thursday night,
Mona's video is premiering.
623
00:43:12,040 --> 00:43:13,666
Well we could go after.
624
00:43:13,667 --> 00:43:14,501
After?
625
00:43:14,501 --> 00:43:15,585
Thursday night it is then.
626
00:43:15,585 --> 00:43:16,669
I can't believe this.
627
00:43:16,670 --> 00:43:17,504
Well I have to run now.
628
00:43:17,505 --> 00:43:19,463
I have a meeting with my ladies' social.
629
00:43:19,464 --> 00:43:21,090
It's pistol range night
and I'm really getting
630
00:43:21,091 --> 00:43:22,842
much better at this.
631
00:43:22,843 --> 00:43:25,512
Practice, practice, practice.
632
00:43:27,848 --> 00:43:30,892
Doesn't anybody go bowling anymore?
633
00:44:04,426 --> 00:44:05,626
Oh!
634
00:44:06,303 --> 00:44:08,513
It's raining cats and dogs!
635
00:44:09,389 --> 00:44:13,518
I just stepped in a poodle!
636
00:44:31,953 --> 00:44:34,997
I feel like I've known you forever.
637
00:44:58,772 --> 00:45:01,149
I think the rain is stopping.
638
00:49:12,192 --> 00:49:13,651
Wow.
639
00:49:13,652 --> 00:49:14,852
What was that?
640
00:49:23,912 --> 00:49:27,874
I don't know, but it
was definitely beautiful.
641
00:49:59,572 --> 00:50:00,781
That was Mona and the premiere
642
00:50:00,782 --> 00:50:03,784
of By My Side here on Slack TV.
643
00:50:03,785 --> 00:50:05,077
Coming up...
- You were wonderful.
644
00:50:05,078 --> 00:50:06,037
Thank you honey.
645
00:50:06,038 --> 00:50:07,246
Both of you.
646
00:50:07,247 --> 00:50:08,872
Well the kids were Mona's idea.
647
00:50:08,873 --> 00:50:11,208
Don't be so modest, Ralph.
648
00:50:11,209 --> 00:50:13,711
Listen, Mona, about dinner
with my mother tonight.
649
00:50:13,712 --> 00:50:15,170
I don't think it's a very good idea.
650
00:50:15,171 --> 00:50:16,005
Why not?
651
00:50:16,005 --> 00:50:16,839
In fact, I think it's time
I start my own record label,
652
00:50:16,840 --> 00:50:19,758
you know, Morgue Music
or maybe Death Records.
653
00:50:19,759 --> 00:50:23,804
Or just RIP, it's sort of
catchy, don't you think?
654
00:50:23,805 --> 00:50:25,597
Mona, just terrific.
655
00:50:25,598 --> 00:50:27,725
Congratulations, the both of you.
656
00:50:27,726 --> 00:50:28,560
Thank you.
657
00:50:28,561 --> 00:50:31,979
Um, Stanley, why are you
wearing garlic around your neck?
658
00:50:31,980 --> 00:50:32,814
Oh.
659
00:50:32,815 --> 00:50:36,400
This is in honor of Ralph
here, I should I say Rockula?
660
00:50:36,401 --> 00:50:39,153
It's pretty pungent,
wouldn't you say, Ralphie?
661
00:50:39,154 --> 00:50:40,988
Smells great, I love garlic.
662
00:50:40,989 --> 00:50:43,532
Yes, you might say I have a stake in what
663
00:50:43,533 --> 00:50:44,367
happens to you.
664
00:50:44,368 --> 00:50:46,160
I mean, I think Rockula's gonna take off
665
00:50:46,161 --> 00:50:47,911
like a bat out of hell.
666
00:50:47,912 --> 00:50:49,663
The world is full of bloodsuckers
667
00:50:49,664 --> 00:50:52,458
and I would hate for
anything to happen to you.
668
00:50:52,459 --> 00:50:56,211
Have you ever seen one of these before?
669
00:50:56,212 --> 00:50:57,412
YES.
670
00:51:00,341 --> 00:51:02,342
18th Century, right?
671
00:51:02,343 --> 00:51:03,719
19th, actually.
672
00:51:04,596 --> 00:51:06,597
Excuse me, I'm gonna use your bathroom.
673
00:51:06,598 --> 00:51:07,798
Okay sure.
674
00:51:09,851 --> 00:51:14,351
There's things about this
guy that you don't understand.
675
00:51:14,773 --> 00:51:18,984
Stanley, I think that you
are under a lot of stress.
676
00:51:18,985 --> 00:51:20,903
He knows, the jig's up.
677
00:51:20,904 --> 00:51:21,738
Who knows?
678
00:51:21,738 --> 00:51:22,572
What jig?
679
00:51:22,573 --> 00:51:24,490
Stanley, somehow he knows that I'm a...
680
00:51:24,491 --> 00:51:25,658
You're a vampire?
681
00:51:25,658 --> 00:51:26,492
YES.
682
00:51:26,493 --> 00:51:27,327
So why don't you get rid of him
683
00:51:27,327 --> 00:51:28,494
in the time honored tradition?
684
00:51:28,495 --> 00:51:29,370
What the hell is that?
685
00:51:29,370 --> 00:51:30,329
Bite him, man.
686
00:51:30,330 --> 00:51:33,165
Bite him, and watch him die
a slow, agonizing death.
687
00:51:33,166 --> 00:51:34,833
Come on, it's the way
vampires always get rid
688
00:51:34,834 --> 00:51:37,044
of those Van Helsing types.
689
00:51:37,045 --> 00:51:37,879
That's in the movies.
690
00:51:37,880 --> 00:51:39,922
Besides, you remember
vampires always lose.
691
00:51:39,923 --> 00:51:42,007
Yeah, but they always look
so cool stalking the halls.
692
00:51:42,008 --> 00:51:43,384
I just love that.
693
00:51:45,011 --> 00:51:47,262
If Stanley knows, what's
stopping him from telling Mona?
694
00:51:47,263 --> 00:51:49,264
So he tells her, you tell
her, what's the difference?
695
00:51:49,265 --> 00:51:50,099
What's the matter?
696
00:51:50,099 --> 00:51:50,933
Ashamed of who you are?
697
00:51:50,934 --> 00:51:51,768
YES.
698
00:51:51,769 --> 00:51:54,186
No, no, I mean, I don't
know, it's not that easy.
699
00:51:54,187 --> 00:51:55,479
Ralph?
700
00:51:55,480 --> 00:51:57,231
Pressure's on, pressure's
on, what you gonna do?
701
00:51:57,232 --> 00:51:58,607
Don't choke, don't choke, don't choke.
702
00:51:58,608 --> 00:52:00,484
Shut up and let me think.
703
00:52:00,485 --> 00:52:01,694
Ralph?
704
00:52:02,987 --> 00:52:04,154
I'm gonna tell her.
705
00:52:04,155 --> 00:52:05,948
Everything? Even the you-know-what?
706
00:52:05,949 --> 00:52:07,157
Everything.
707
00:52:07,158 --> 00:52:09,117
Bad idea, man, bad idea.
708
00:52:09,118 --> 00:52:10,318
Shh.
709
00:52:12,997 --> 00:52:14,832
Uh, Ralph.
710
00:52:14,833 --> 00:52:16,208
Who are you talking to?
711
00:52:16,209 --> 00:52:17,960
Uh no one, myself.
712
00:52:17,961 --> 00:52:19,795
Well, sort of, I'll explain later.
713
00:52:19,796 --> 00:52:22,756
Mona, we're having dinner at my mother's.
714
00:52:22,757 --> 00:52:24,800
That's what I like about you Ralph.
715
00:52:24,801 --> 00:52:28,679
You're so decisive.
716
00:52:30,598 --> 00:52:31,798
Attention.
717
00:52:32,725 --> 00:52:36,103
Could I have your attention please?
718
00:52:36,104 --> 00:52:37,304
Qy!
719
00:52:38,106 --> 00:52:40,983
I have a little premiere of my own.
720
00:52:45,697 --> 00:52:48,282
Mmm, that mantra felt good.
721
00:52:48,283 --> 00:52:52,287
Hi, I'm Stanley, your
guide into the other world.
722
00:52:53,204 --> 00:52:56,665
Here at Stanley's Deathpark,
we believe in a holistic,
723
00:52:56,666 --> 00:52:59,793
stress-free approach to
the passing on process.
724
00:52:59,794 --> 00:53:04,294
Just take a look at our new
line in designer headstones.
725
00:53:04,549 --> 00:53:07,593
Secretary forget to remind
you to bring flowers?
726
00:53:07,594 --> 00:53:11,305
The XK2000 is perfect for
those with a busy lifestyle.
727
00:53:11,306 --> 00:53:15,393
Just 50 cents brings an all
natural, floral surprise.
728
00:53:20,148 --> 00:53:22,733
Mmm, just smell those chlamydias.
729
00:53:22,734 --> 00:53:25,611
And we'll quite happily donate
10 cents of the proceeds
730
00:53:25,612 --> 00:53:28,072
to the charity of your choice.
731
00:53:29,532 --> 00:53:31,742
Miss that nagging loved one?
732
00:53:31,743 --> 00:53:33,911
No longer with the Recorder 6000,
733
00:53:33,912 --> 00:53:37,289
you just close your eyes and listen.
734
00:53:37,290 --> 00:53:39,374
Harold, have you been drinking again?
735
00:53:39,375 --> 00:53:41,793
Was it you who left the toilet seat up?
736
00:53:41,794 --> 00:53:43,545
My mother was right.
737
00:53:43,546 --> 00:53:46,757
Better than a wool hair
coat and a crown of thorns.
738
00:53:46,758 --> 00:53:47,966
Realistic?
739
00:53:47,967 --> 00:53:50,094
Don't take my word for it.
740
00:53:51,554 --> 00:53:54,973
It's been three years since
my lovely Clorice left me.
741
00:53:54,974 --> 00:53:58,143
But with Recorder 6000, I have yet to miss
742
00:53:58,144 --> 00:54:00,020
her deprecating banter.
743
00:54:02,065 --> 00:54:03,774
Thank you Elmo, that was lovely.
744
00:54:03,775 --> 00:54:05,902
Now, here's something new.
745
00:54:08,154 --> 00:54:11,365
Relatives disapprove of your lifestyle?
746
00:54:11,366 --> 00:54:14,701
Invest in the Rotary 600, the
device that keeps those loved
747
00:54:14,702 --> 00:54:17,371
ones turning over in their grave.
748
00:54:23,628 --> 00:54:25,171
Isn't that amazing?
749
00:54:26,714 --> 00:54:29,466
And over here we have the very latest in
750
00:54:29,467 --> 00:54:31,426
cryogenic technology.
751
00:54:31,427 --> 00:54:34,680
It may well be the answer
to everlasting life,
752
00:54:34,681 --> 00:54:37,349
and, while you're waiting to be reborn,
753
00:54:37,350 --> 00:54:39,309
why not listen to your
choice of subliminal
754
00:54:39,310 --> 00:54:40,811
self help tapes.
755
00:54:40,812 --> 00:54:42,229
We have an incredible selection.
756
00:54:42,230 --> 00:54:45,607
Everything from meditation
to the fundamentals of golf.
757
00:54:45,608 --> 00:54:47,609
Learn a foreign language
while you're waiting
758
00:54:47,610 --> 00:54:50,112
to be awoken from your everlasting sleep.
759
00:54:50,113 --> 00:54:51,446
Did you die a smoker?
760
00:54:51,447 --> 00:54:53,573
Quit while you're dead.
761
00:54:53,574 --> 00:54:55,993
Improve your karma, knock
off several lifetimes
762
00:54:55,994 --> 00:54:58,121
and awake a better person.
763
00:54:59,414 --> 00:55:00,164
Get out.
764
00:55:00,373 --> 00:55:02,124
That was the best bit.
765
00:55:02,125 --> 00:55:05,711
Stanley, I have been working
my entire life for tonight,
766
00:55:05,712 --> 00:55:07,212
and you come and make a joke out of it?
767
00:55:07,213 --> 00:55:08,413
Mona.
768
00:55:11,384 --> 00:55:12,385
You.
769
00:55:12,386 --> 00:55:14,678
You did it to me, you fiend.
770
00:55:29,444 --> 00:55:30,570
You alright?
771
00:55:30,571 --> 00:55:32,154
Yes I'm fine, really.
772
00:55:32,155 --> 00:55:34,364
Stanley is in love with you.
773
00:55:34,365 --> 00:55:35,866
I know.
774
00:55:38,494 --> 00:55:40,370
It wasn't just Stanley.
775
00:55:41,289 --> 00:55:45,625
Ralph, I was watching the
video and suddenly I thought,
776
00:55:45,626 --> 00:55:50,047
"Is this what I have been
working for my entire life?
777
00:55:50,048 --> 00:55:52,549
"Three minutes, that's it?
778
00:55:52,550 --> 00:55:54,260
"Just three minutes?"
779
00:55:55,470 --> 00:55:57,930
It just seemed so unimportant.
780
00:56:00,349 --> 00:56:01,549
So temporary.
781
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:03,760
Ralph.
782
00:56:04,520 --> 00:56:05,354
You...
783
00:56:05,355 --> 00:56:07,564
Before you say what I
think you're gonna say,
784
00:56:07,565 --> 00:56:09,816
there's something you've gotta know.
785
00:56:09,817 --> 00:56:10,692
Hi kids.
786
00:56:10,693 --> 00:56:11,902
Mom, we were talking.
787
00:56:11,903 --> 00:56:12,820
The legacy?
788
00:56:12,820 --> 00:56:13,946
Mom.
789
00:56:13,947 --> 00:56:15,697
The legacy?
790
00:56:18,493 --> 00:56:22,537
It's nothing, it's,
nevermind, it's not important.
791
00:56:22,538 --> 00:56:24,748
What's for dinner?
792
00:56:24,749 --> 00:56:25,833
Hello dear.
793
00:56:25,834 --> 00:56:28,126
Mrs. Levee, this is
a beautiful home you have.
794
00:56:28,127 --> 00:56:31,171
Oh thank you dear, but
please call me Phoebe.
795
00:56:31,172 --> 00:56:32,881
Of course, this is nothing like the
796
00:56:32,882 --> 00:56:34,633
palatial chateau that we had when we were
797
00:56:34,634 --> 00:56:36,551
in the south of France, is it Ralph?
798
00:56:36,552 --> 00:56:37,969
I didn't know you lived in France?
799
00:56:37,970 --> 00:56:38,804
You didn't?
800
00:56:38,805 --> 00:56:39,639
Of course you did.
801
00:56:39,639 --> 00:56:40,473
When was that Ralphie?
802
00:56:40,474 --> 00:56:42,224
The 16th or the 17th century?
803
00:56:42,225 --> 00:56:43,392
I don't remember.
804
00:56:43,393 --> 00:56:46,311
Oh, my pet Napoleon, mm,
could he throw a party.
805
00:56:46,312 --> 00:56:47,813
I was his favorite, you know.
806
00:56:47,814 --> 00:56:48,648
Mom.
807
00:56:48,649 --> 00:56:51,775
And Mona, your father, the king, was he,
808
00:56:51,776 --> 00:56:54,528
the most handsome man and you
were the cutest little thing.
809
00:56:54,529 --> 00:56:55,363
MOI“!
810
00:56:55,363 --> 00:56:56,197
What's for dinner?
811
00:56:56,197 --> 00:56:57,281
Meat and potatoes.
812
00:56:57,281 --> 00:56:58,448
Who's askin'?
813
00:56:58,449 --> 00:56:59,741
Oh, Boom Boom.
814
00:57:00,701 --> 00:57:01,901
Boom, oh!
815
00:57:04,372 --> 00:57:05,747
O00, my son.
816
00:57:05,748 --> 00:57:09,835
Ralphie, this is my son
Ralphie and his fiancee Mona.
817
00:57:09,836 --> 00:57:11,169
Oh.
818
00:57:11,170 --> 00:57:12,462
His fiancee?
819
00:57:12,463 --> 00:57:14,548
The Boom Boom Williams?
820
00:57:14,549 --> 00:57:16,174
The Terror of Tennessee?
821
00:57:16,175 --> 00:57:18,051
You got it, little fella.
822
00:57:18,052 --> 00:57:19,469
And if you eat all your
vegetables, you'll grow up
823
00:57:19,470 --> 00:57:22,264
to be big and strong just like me.
824
00:57:24,142 --> 00:57:26,476
I think we're a little late for that.
825
00:57:26,477 --> 00:57:28,311
I don't know, about 300 years too late.
826
00:57:28,312 --> 00:57:29,396
- What did you say?
- Nothing.
827
00:57:29,397 --> 00:57:30,940
Dinner is served.
828
00:57:33,317 --> 00:57:35,861
And as for the father of our country,
829
00:57:35,862 --> 00:57:38,196
well let me tell you,
he may have been hell
830
00:57:38,197 --> 00:57:40,866
on the battlefield, but
in bed he was as wooden
831
00:57:40,867 --> 00:57:44,077
as his teeth.
832
00:57:44,078 --> 00:57:46,746
Those were tough and
lonely times for a woman.
833
00:57:46,747 --> 00:57:48,790
Every day I get down on my hands and knees
834
00:57:48,791 --> 00:57:52,252
and I thank my lucky
stars that I had my boy.
835
00:57:52,253 --> 00:57:53,453
My Ralphie.
836
00:57:54,046 --> 00:57:55,297
Ralphie.
837
00:57:55,298 --> 00:57:57,299
Baby, where would you
like your coffee served?
838
00:57:57,300 --> 00:57:59,885
In here, or in the living room?
839
00:57:59,886 --> 00:58:01,678
In the living room, don't you think?
840
00:58:01,679 --> 00:58:04,473
Oh, whatever you say love cakes.
841
00:58:17,069 --> 00:58:20,614
Introducing the fabulous,
the incomparable,
842
00:58:21,824 --> 00:58:23,533
and the sexy,
843
00:58:23,534 --> 00:58:24,910
Miss
844
00:58:24,911 --> 00:58:26,111
Phoebe.
845
01:02:00,167 --> 01:02:02,377
My mom's kind of strange.
846
01:02:03,671 --> 01:02:05,464
If you hadn't noticed.
847
01:02:06,590 --> 01:02:10,218
This whole night has
been kind of strange.
848
01:02:13,055 --> 01:02:14,514
Mona, pull over.
849
01:02:24,608 --> 01:02:25,808
Oh great.
850
01:02:28,654 --> 01:02:29,696
Mona?
851
01:02:29,697 --> 01:02:31,739
Would you give up everything for me?
852
01:02:31,740 --> 01:02:34,576
Your career, your friends, everything?
853
01:02:34,577 --> 01:02:38,246
Ralph, don't you think
that's a little bit radical?
854
01:02:38,247 --> 01:02:40,165
I mean, maybe we should
date for a while first,
855
01:02:40,166 --> 01:02:41,041
don't you think?
856
01:02:41,042 --> 01:02:44,627
I've given you a choice
and it has to be your choice.
857
01:02:44,628 --> 01:02:46,963
What are you talking about?
858
01:02:46,964 --> 01:02:49,174
Ralph, where are you going?
859
01:02:50,634 --> 01:02:51,801
Ralph, where are you going?
860
01:02:51,802 --> 01:02:54,137
Just follow me.
861
01:02:54,138 --> 01:02:56,848
Ralph, what is with you?
862
01:02:56,849 --> 01:02:58,641
Okay, you see these people?
863
01:02:58,642 --> 01:03:00,852
They're dead, I'm not.
864
01:03:00,853 --> 01:03:02,270
I can see that, Ralph.
865
01:03:02,271 --> 01:03:04,147
But, I'm older.
866
01:03:04,148 --> 01:03:04,982
What?
867
01:03:04,983 --> 01:03:06,858
Mona, I'm a vampire.
868
01:03:06,859 --> 01:03:08,318
And I'm the Bride of Frankenstein.
869
01:03:08,319 --> 01:03:09,903
No seriously, Mona, it's the truth.
870
01:03:09,904 --> 01:03:11,404
I'm not a bad vampire.
871
01:03:11,405 --> 01:03:14,532
I am a bad vampire, I'm
not very good at it.
872
01:03:14,533 --> 01:03:17,160
I don't bite people but I am a vampire.
873
01:03:17,161 --> 01:03:19,704
Ralph, this is a very common thing.
874
01:03:19,705 --> 01:03:20,539
It is?
875
01:03:20,539 --> 01:03:21,414
Yes, sure it is.
876
01:03:21,415 --> 01:03:24,209
People begin to believe their
stage personas all the time.
877
01:03:24,210 --> 01:03:26,586
No, no, no, no, I don't
think I'm a vampire,
878
01:03:26,587 --> 01:03:29,130
I really am a vampire.
879
01:03:29,131 --> 01:03:30,381
Prove it.
880
01:03:30,382 --> 01:03:31,216
Look.
881
01:03:31,217 --> 01:03:32,384
Fangs, see?
882
01:03:32,385 --> 01:03:34,552
Well it's probably
something that just runs
883
01:03:34,553 --> 01:03:36,304
in the family, Ralph.
884
01:03:36,305 --> 01:03:38,973
Besides, I knew a girl
in the eighth grade,
885
01:03:38,974 --> 01:03:40,350
she had bigger teeth than that.
886
01:03:40,351 --> 01:03:42,852
She wasn't a vampire, Ralph.
887
01:03:42,853 --> 01:03:45,480
You really should have
those filed down though.
888
01:03:45,481 --> 01:03:47,482
Okay, all that stuff
my mom was talking about
889
01:03:47,483 --> 01:03:50,235
back at the house, it's all true.
890
01:03:50,236 --> 01:03:52,654
Mona, you are 422 years old.
891
01:03:52,655 --> 01:03:54,656
This is your 19th lifetime.
892
01:03:54,657 --> 01:03:57,617
You always die on Halloween
night of your 22nd year.
893
01:03:57,618 --> 01:03:58,785
' Ralph!
894
01:03:58,786 --> 01:04:00,578
Mona, we were lovers 400 years ago
895
01:04:00,579 --> 01:04:02,288
and every 22 years since then,
896
01:04:02,289 --> 01:04:04,123
and it always ends the same way.
897
01:04:04,124 --> 01:04:05,625
And how is that?
898
01:04:05,626 --> 01:04:08,044
You're killed by a pirate with a peg leg
899
01:04:08,045 --> 01:04:10,255
wielding a gigantic ham bone.
900
01:04:10,256 --> 01:04:11,548
And then I'm reborn?
901
01:04:11,549 --> 01:04:13,716
Over and over.
902
01:04:13,717 --> 01:04:17,887
I think maybe you just
need some therapy, Ralph.
903
01:04:17,888 --> 01:04:19,430
Okay, you remember this?
904
01:04:19,431 --> 01:04:20,974
You said you did back at the house.
905
01:04:20,975 --> 01:04:22,059
I do.
906
01:04:22,060 --> 01:04:23,893
I remember that from somewhere.
907
01:04:23,894 --> 01:04:25,270
1786.
908
01:04:25,271 --> 01:04:26,188
What?
909
01:04:26,189 --> 01:04:27,564
You owned it in 1786.
910
01:04:27,565 --> 01:04:28,898
You wanna see what you looked like?
911
01:04:28,899 --> 01:04:30,317
I'm not sure.
912
01:04:33,988 --> 01:04:36,490
And here's you in 1918.
913
01:04:40,119 --> 01:04:41,869
Now wait a minute.
914
01:04:41,870 --> 01:04:43,580
So that means that,
915
01:04:43,581 --> 01:04:45,206
that you're...
- Yes.
916
01:04:45,207 --> 01:04:46,791
- And that I'm...
- Yep.
917
01:04:46,792 --> 01:04:49,336
- And that we're...
- You got it.
918
01:04:50,462 --> 01:04:51,629
Nah.
919
01:04:51,630 --> 01:04:54,007
Okay, okay, fine, fine.
920
01:04:54,008 --> 01:04:56,509
Okay, I didn't wanna do this
but you leave me no choice.
921
01:04:56,510 --> 01:04:58,553
Now watch close, I
haven't done this in years
922
01:04:58,554 --> 01:05:02,182
and I'm not very good
at it so bear with me.
923
01:05:08,564 --> 01:05:10,231
Hi.
924
01:05:10,232 --> 01:05:11,399
Mona.
925
01:05:11,400 --> 01:05:12,600
Mona, it's me.
926
01:05:19,825 --> 01:05:20,784
Mona.
927
01:05:20,784 --> 01:05:21,618
Mona.
928
01:05:21,619 --> 01:05:23,202
Stay away from me.
929
01:05:23,203 --> 01:05:25,121
It's okay, you react
like this every time.
930
01:05:25,122 --> 01:05:26,289
Everything's okay, it's okay.
931
01:05:26,290 --> 01:05:27,498
No, no it isn't.
932
01:05:27,499 --> 01:05:29,417
This is my fault.
933
01:05:29,418 --> 01:05:30,918
I thought I could handle
this, I thought I was
934
01:05:30,919 --> 01:05:33,296
more open-minded, but this.
935
01:05:33,297 --> 01:05:34,756
This is just too much.
936
01:05:34,757 --> 01:05:36,591
No, no Mona it's okay,
all you have to do is make
937
01:05:36,592 --> 01:05:37,967
it to All Saints Day.
938
01:05:37,968 --> 01:05:39,177
Stay away from me.
939
01:05:39,178 --> 01:05:40,511
Mona, you have no choice.
940
01:05:40,512 --> 01:05:41,679
I love you, you love me.
941
01:05:41,680 --> 01:05:43,681
If you don't listen to
me you're gonna die,
942
01:05:43,682 --> 01:05:45,016
and we're gonna have to
do this all over again
943
01:05:45,017 --> 01:05:46,601
in 22 years.
944
01:05:46,602 --> 01:05:48,645
I don't love you Ralph!
945
01:05:49,563 --> 01:05:50,522
I don't!
946
01:05:50,522 --> 01:05:51,722
Mona!
947
01:05:53,567 --> 01:05:54,767
Mona!
948
01:09:11,223 --> 01:09:12,423
' No!
949
01:09:12,975 --> 01:09:14,175
Ralph!
950
01:09:15,269 --> 01:09:16,469
Ralph!
951
01:09:45,257 --> 01:09:47,133
Your move, numb nuts.
952
01:09:50,053 --> 01:09:51,253
Ralph.
953
01:09:52,264 --> 01:09:53,223
"Huh?
954
01:09:53,223 --> 01:09:54,423
Your move.
955
01:09:58,437 --> 01:09:59,687
I'm sorry.
956
01:09:59,688 --> 01:10:01,731
I just can't concentrate.
957
01:10:04,401 --> 01:10:07,320
Thinkin' about tonight?
958
01:10:07,321 --> 01:10:08,863
Where you goin'?
959
01:10:08,864 --> 01:10:10,064
Out.
960
01:10:10,699 --> 01:10:13,451
Well don't forget your retainer.
961
01:10:14,536 --> 01:10:17,413
I don't need that anymore.
962
01:10:25,172 --> 01:10:28,132
Well, are you quite sure?
963
01:10:28,133 --> 01:10:30,843
No, I already have the
costume, what I want
964
01:10:30,844 --> 01:10:33,638
is a rhinestone peg leg.
965
01:10:33,639 --> 01:10:36,807
Yes, I know it's Halloween, goddammit.
966
01:10:36,808 --> 01:10:37,809
Ugh!
967
01:10:37,810 --> 01:10:39,936
What am I gonna do?
968
01:10:46,818 --> 01:10:47,819
Hello?
969
01:10:47,820 --> 01:10:49,070
Madam Ben Wa?
970
01:10:49,071 --> 01:10:51,615
Hi, it's Stanley, the ham bone?
971
01:10:54,284 --> 01:10:57,370
I'm working on it, but listen.
972
01:10:57,371 --> 01:11:00,665
I have another little problem.
973
01:11:11,468 --> 01:11:13,094
Unbelievable.
974
01:11:13,095 --> 01:11:15,513
Another van will be along in 10 minutes.
975
01:11:15,514 --> 01:11:16,714
Sorry.
976
01:11:18,934 --> 01:11:21,436
What am I gonna do?
977
01:11:37,995 --> 01:11:39,037
Thanks.
978
01:11:39,038 --> 01:11:41,247
Just one of those days, you know?
979
01:11:41,248 --> 01:11:43,625
Try one of those lifetimes.
980
01:12:15,907 --> 01:12:17,867
I'm really worried.
981
01:12:17,868 --> 01:12:19,618
I haven't seen her for days.
982
01:12:19,619 --> 01:12:22,079
And Ralph, I haven't seen him either.
983
01:12:22,080 --> 01:12:23,289
Neither have I.
984
01:12:23,290 --> 01:12:24,490
I'm back!
985
01:12:38,722 --> 01:12:41,766
Madam Ben Wa, is that you?
986
01:12:41,767 --> 01:12:43,392
Hello Madam Ben Wa.
987
01:12:43,393 --> 01:12:46,145
I've got everything ready, the
liquid nitrogen, everything.
988
01:12:46,146 --> 01:12:47,813
All I need is...
989
01:12:47,814 --> 01:12:49,023
Wow.
990
01:12:49,024 --> 01:12:50,400
Real rhinestones.
991
01:12:51,818 --> 01:12:54,009
Do you think she's gonna
be here, Madam Ben Wa?
992
01:12:55,155 --> 01:12:57,114
Are you doubting Madam Ben Wa?
993
01:12:57,115 --> 01:12:58,324
Oh no, no, no, n0, “O-
994
01:12:58,325 --> 01:13:01,452
Do I sense that you are
wavering from your destiny?
995
01:13:01,453 --> 01:13:02,870
No, Madam Ben Wa.
996
01:13:02,871 --> 01:13:05,289
Do you love Mona more than life itself?
997
01:13:05,290 --> 01:13:06,416
YES.
998
01:13:06,417 --> 01:13:08,042
Then you will save her from the vampire.
999
01:13:08,043 --> 01:13:10,795
Yes, Madam Ben Wa, yes, yes!
1000
01:13:10,796 --> 01:13:12,546
You remember.
1001
01:13:12,547 --> 01:13:13,839
Before midnight!
1002
01:13:14,966 --> 01:13:16,717
Suppose she doesn't come on time.
1003
01:13:16,718 --> 01:13:17,918
So you'll go on.
1004
01:13:18,804 --> 01:13:20,513
I can't do that.
1005
01:13:20,514 --> 01:13:22,807
Sure you can, you know that song.
1006
01:13:22,808 --> 01:13:24,809
I've heard you sing it.
1007
01:13:24,810 --> 01:13:26,435
Ham.
1008
01:13:26,436 --> 01:13:28,020
Who brought the sandwiches?
1009
01:13:28,021 --> 01:13:29,271
I did.
1010
01:13:29,272 --> 01:13:30,439
What's the matter?
1011
01:13:30,440 --> 01:13:32,900
Too cooked for you, Mr. Vampire?
1012
01:13:32,901 --> 01:13:34,944
What's your costume, Stanley?
1013
01:13:34,945 --> 01:13:36,654
It's a secret.
1014
01:13:36,655 --> 01:13:38,864
It wouldn't happen to
be a pirate, would it?
1015
01:13:38,865 --> 01:13:40,282
What if it is?
1016
01:13:40,283 --> 01:13:42,493
Lana, 10 minutes.
1017
01:13:43,537 --> 01:13:46,540
Don't forget your peg leg, Stanley.
1018
01:14:48,852 --> 01:14:50,895
God dammit!
1019
01:14:50,896 --> 01:14:51,730
Did you find her?
1020
01:14:51,730 --> 01:14:52,772
No sign of her yet.
1021
01:14:52,772 --> 01:14:53,856
Stanley's disappeared.
1022
01:14:53,857 --> 01:14:55,566
He was here one minute and gone the next.
1023
01:14:55,567 --> 01:14:56,401
Okay, let's go-
1024
01:14:56,402 --> 01:14:59,195
Raphael, you and Chuck stage
left, Axman stage right.
1025
01:14:59,196 --> 01:15:01,530
Be on the look out for
anyone in a pirate costume.
1026
01:15:01,531 --> 01:15:02,740
What about Stanley?
1027
01:15:02,741 --> 01:15:04,491
Leave Stanley to me.
1028
01:15:04,492 --> 01:15:06,744
Club Hell presents Mona!
1029
01:15:06,745 --> 01:15:08,829
It's up to you.
1030
01:15:08,830 --> 01:15:10,030
You can do it.
1031
01:15:17,714 --> 01:15:20,174
I'm waiting for you my love.
1032
01:15:21,968 --> 01:15:24,428
I hope Madam Ben Wa was right.
1033
01:16:51,599 --> 01:16:54,143
Mom, what are you doing here?
1034
01:16:56,688 --> 01:16:57,888
Mum!
1035
01:16:59,607 --> 01:17:00,807
Excuse me.
1036
01:17:01,443 --> 01:17:02,485
Mom, what are you doing here?
1037
01:17:02,485 --> 01:17:03,319
Are you okay?
1038
01:17:03,320 --> 01:17:06,155
I just wanted to see
your little rock band play.
1039
01:17:06,156 --> 01:17:09,200
Is that too much for a mother to ask?
1040
01:17:16,708 --> 01:17:17,908
Mona!
1041
01:17:19,294 --> 01:17:20,494
Mona!
1042
01:17:23,423 --> 01:17:24,623
Ralph.
1043
01:17:28,678 --> 01:17:31,472
Put me down, what are you doing?
1044
01:17:31,473 --> 01:17:32,673
Stanley!
1045
01:17:38,855 --> 01:17:40,055
Mona!
1046
01:17:43,568 --> 01:17:44,402
Sorry, man, we lost...
1047
01:17:44,403 --> 01:17:46,236
It's not important, we gotta find Mona.
1048
01:17:46,237 --> 01:17:47,905
We gotta split up, what time is it?
1049
01:17:47,906 --> 01:17:48,907
Five to 12.
1050
01:17:48,908 --> 01:17:51,033
I hope it's not too late.
1051
01:17:51,034 --> 01:17:52,910
Come on then.
1052
01:17:57,040 --> 01:17:58,540
Stanley.
1053
01:17:58,541 --> 01:17:59,917
What is going on?
1054
01:18:00,794 --> 01:18:02,127
Destiny.
1055
01:18:02,128 --> 01:18:03,295
Ouch!
1056
01:18:03,296 --> 01:18:04,496
Are you crazy?
1057
01:18:09,511 --> 01:18:12,429
Stanley, is that a ham bone?
1058
01:18:12,430 --> 01:18:14,890
Well it ain't chopped liver.
1059
01:18:17,143 --> 01:18:18,343
Ham bone.
1060
01:18:19,562 --> 01:18:20,938
Pirate.
1061
01:18:20,939 --> 01:18:22,023
Halloween.
1062
01:18:22,023 --> 01:18:23,223
Ralph!
1063
01:18:24,234 --> 01:18:25,068
Damn.
1064
01:18:25,068 --> 01:18:26,069
Hey, Ralph, what's the good word?
1065
01:18:26,070 --> 01:18:27,319
You save her yet?
1066
01:18:27,320 --> 01:18:29,071
Stanley's got her and
they've disappeared.
1067
01:18:29,072 --> 01:18:30,073
' typical.
1068
01:18:30,074 --> 01:18:31,407
What's typical?
1069
01:18:31,408 --> 01:18:32,950
That the damsel's in
distress and you're caught
1070
01:18:32,951 --> 01:18:34,618
sleeping at the gate behind the eight ball
1071
01:18:34,619 --> 01:18:36,370
a day late and a dime short.
1072
01:18:36,371 --> 01:18:37,996
Sometimes I really hate you.
1073
01:18:37,997 --> 01:18:40,833
Oh, thanks a lot and I'm just
gonna tell you where she is.
1074
01:18:40,834 --> 01:18:42,084
Where, where, where is she?
1075
01:18:42,085 --> 01:18:44,128
But now I'm not going to.
1076
01:18:44,129 --> 01:18:45,421
Tell me, where is she?
1077
01:18:45,422 --> 01:18:47,424
Not until you apologize.
1078
01:18:50,218 --> 01:18:51,418
I apologize!
1079
01:18:52,679 --> 01:18:56,307
Who's your best friend
in the whole world?
1080
01:18:57,267 --> 01:18:58,934
I'm sorry, what, what, what, what, what?
1081
01:18:58,935 --> 01:18:59,769
I can't hear you.
1082
01:18:59,769 --> 01:19:00,603
You are!
1083
01:19:00,604 --> 01:19:02,521
Tell me where she is!
1084
01:19:02,522 --> 01:19:03,897
You go out that door, you make a left,
1085
01:19:03,898 --> 01:19:05,858
there's a access stairs.
1086
01:19:10,822 --> 01:19:12,022
Hm.
1087
01:19:12,615 --> 01:19:14,658
It's gonna be close.
1088
01:19:18,455 --> 01:19:20,038
Why, Stanley, why?
1089
01:19:20,039 --> 01:19:21,081
Because I love you, Mona.
1090
01:19:21,082 --> 01:19:23,167
We belong together.
1091
01:19:23,168 --> 01:19:24,169
So you're gonna kill me?
1092
01:19:24,169 --> 01:19:25,003
Well not exactly.
1093
01:19:25,004 --> 01:19:27,004
I'm gonna freeze you cryogenically
1094
01:19:27,005 --> 01:19:29,047
and then we'll be together forever.
1095
01:19:29,048 --> 01:19:30,248
' No!
1096
01:19:32,510 --> 01:19:35,220
Drop the bone, Stanley.
1097
01:19:35,221 --> 01:19:36,305
Make me.
1098
01:19:36,306 --> 01:19:38,515
I don't make garbage.
1099
01:19:38,516 --> 01:19:39,350
I burn it.
1100
01:19:39,351 --> 01:19:40,809
- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.
1101
01:19:44,856 --> 01:19:46,690
Is that a ham bone Stanley?
1102
01:19:46,691 --> 01:19:48,066
Why, yes, I think it is.
1103
01:19:48,067 --> 01:19:52,196
Well that explains our
little backstage porkfest.
1104
01:19:52,197 --> 01:19:53,739
Nice touch with the peg leg.
1105
01:19:53,740 --> 01:19:55,450
Where did you get it?
1106
01:19:56,659 --> 01:19:58,869
My psychic, Madam Ben Wa.
1107
01:20:07,754 --> 01:20:08,838
They're nowhere in sight.
1108
01:20:08,839 --> 01:20:10,214
Ralph just disappeared.
1109
01:20:10,215 --> 01:20:11,840
Well we gotta find him,
it's almost midnight.
1110
01:20:11,841 --> 01:20:13,467
Tuty, is there another way out of here?
1111
01:20:13,468 --> 01:20:14,302
YES.
1112
01:20:14,303 --> 01:20:16,178
There's a little door that
goes upstairs over there.
1113
01:20:16,179 --> 01:20:17,471
Great!
1114
01:20:33,321 --> 01:20:35,197
The girl is mine!
1115
01:20:35,198 --> 01:20:36,574
' Is not!
1116
01:20:40,286 --> 01:20:41,486
IS tOO.
1117
01:20:42,205 --> 01:20:43,455
Is not.
1118
01:20:43,456 --> 01:20:45,290
This time, the pirate loses.
1119
01:20:45,291 --> 01:20:49,044
All my life, I've been pushed
around by punks like you.
1120
01:20:49,045 --> 01:20:51,255
No one ever believed in me.
1121
01:20:51,256 --> 01:20:53,757
I never even believed in myself.
1122
01:20:53,758 --> 01:20:56,134
I spent centuries wallowing in self-pity.
1123
01:20:56,135 --> 01:20:59,137
I was such a weakling, I
couldn't even shake a cold.
1124
01:20:59,138 --> 01:21:01,265
The only person who believed
in me was my mother,
1125
01:21:01,266 --> 01:21:02,558
God bless her.
1126
01:21:02,559 --> 01:21:04,268
If it weren't for that woman...
1127
01:21:04,269 --> 01:21:06,603
Oh Ralph, I'm sorry.
1128
01:21:06,604 --> 01:21:07,896
Mom.
1129
01:21:07,897 --> 01:21:08,939
Madam Ben Wa?
1130
01:21:08,940 --> 01:21:10,066
Mrs. Levee?
1131
01:21:10,066 --> 01:21:11,192
Madam Ben Wa?
1132
01:21:11,193 --> 01:21:12,693
' Mom?
1133
01:21:12,694 --> 01:21:14,278
I thought I was doing the right thing
1134
01:21:14,279 --> 01:21:16,613
but now I know I was wrong.
1135
01:21:16,614 --> 01:21:18,532
You mean you were behind
this the whole time?
1136
01:21:18,533 --> 01:21:20,033
You were my little boy.
1137
01:21:20,034 --> 01:21:21,827
I didn't want you to leave home.
1138
01:21:21,828 --> 01:21:23,412
Now I know you're all grown up.
1139
01:21:23,413 --> 01:21:24,621
You're in this together.
1140
01:21:24,622 --> 01:21:26,373
Die, vampire scum!
1141
01:21:26,374 --> 01:21:27,750
Ralph!
1142
01:21:29,127 --> 01:21:31,628
That was my mother you just boned.
1143
01:21:31,629 --> 01:21:33,255
She was a traitor.
1144
01:21:35,925 --> 01:21:37,342
Nothing can stop me now.
1145
01:21:37,343 --> 01:21:38,177
' No!
1146
01:21:38,177 --> 01:21:39,011
Ralph!
1147
01:21:39,012 --> 01:21:42,890
Not so fast, you leave
me no choice, Stanley.
1148
01:21:50,189 --> 01:21:52,399
Drop the ham bone, Stanley.
1149
01:21:59,282 --> 01:22:00,658
' Two, one.
1150
01:22:02,118 --> 01:22:04,411
You are now totally relaxed yet energized
1151
01:22:04,412 --> 01:22:06,997
in a beautiful and harmonious way.
1152
01:22:06,998 --> 01:22:09,458
Imagine the energy of the
universe coming in through
1153
01:22:09,459 --> 01:22:12,753
the top of your head and radiating out.
1154
01:22:12,754 --> 01:22:15,339
While gripping your
nine iron, inhale deeply
1155
01:22:15,340 --> 01:22:18,216
and mentally repeat these affirmations:
1156
01:22:18,217 --> 01:22:21,845
my nine iron is an extension of my penis.
1157
01:22:21,846 --> 01:22:25,766
My nine iron is an extension of my penis.
1158
01:22:29,270 --> 01:22:31,480
I knew that would come in handy one day.
1159
01:22:31,481 --> 01:22:33,565
Mona, are you alright?
1160
01:22:33,566 --> 01:22:35,025
You know the second
time around that bat thing
1161
01:22:35,026 --> 01:22:36,402
was kind of cute.
1162
01:22:39,113 --> 01:22:40,864
Yowza, what happened here?
1163
01:22:40,865 --> 01:22:42,074
It's after 12.
1164
01:22:42,075 --> 01:22:42,909
You saved her.
1165
01:22:42,909 --> 01:22:44,109
Yes!
1166
01:22:49,832 --> 01:22:51,032
Mom.
1167
01:22:52,335 --> 01:22:53,669
Come here.
1168
01:22:53,670 --> 01:22:54,870
Oh.
1169
01:22:56,839 --> 01:22:58,382
Oh Ralphie.
1170
01:22:58,383 --> 01:22:59,717
Do you forgive me?
1171
01:23:02,303 --> 01:23:03,804
Of course we forgive you.
1172
01:23:03,805 --> 01:23:05,005
Oh, Ralphie!
1173
01:23:19,570 --> 01:23:20,770
No hickies.
1174
01:23:21,698 --> 01:23:22,898
Ralph?
1175
01:23:24,325 --> 01:23:25,525
Hey Ralph?
1176
01:23:28,830 --> 01:23:30,205
Ralph?
1177
01:23:30,206 --> 01:23:32,374
Where are you man?
1178
01:23:32,375 --> 01:23:33,575
Ralph!
1179
01:23:34,210 --> 01:23:35,410
Come on.
1180
01:23:37,296 --> 01:23:39,006
HEY, did you get her?
1181
01:23:40,341 --> 01:23:41,800
Ralph?
1182
01:23:41,801 --> 01:23:44,678
Come on, I'm ready, don't leave me.
1183
01:23:46,222 --> 01:23:47,056
Ral...
1184
01:23:47,057 --> 01:23:49,141
Okay, I'll wait, I'll wait.
1185
01:23:49,142 --> 01:23:50,852
Ralph! Where are you?
1186
01:23:54,439 --> 01:23:56,440
Ralph, come on, I'm locked in here!
1187
01:23:56,441 --> 01:23:57,641
Ralph!
1188
01:24:00,820 --> 01:24:02,020
Okay.
1189
01:24:02,822 --> 01:24:04,022
Okay, fine.
1190
01:24:05,867 --> 01:24:07,201
To hell with this.
1191
01:24:46,949 --> 01:24:48,408
Wow, it's deja vu.
1192
01:24:54,332 --> 01:24:56,375
The return of the king!
1193
01:27:37,286 --> 01:27:38,787
I Say Yo, yo I
1194
01:27:39,788 --> 01:27:44,788
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