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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:27,750 --> 00:01:29,194 What are you doing, man? What are you 2 00:01:29,232 --> 00:01:29,820 doing? 3 00:01:34,430 --> 00:01:36,566 You guys are doing great, man. You're 4 00:01:36,598 --> 00:01:39,786 doing so you're doing such a better job. 5 00:01:39,888 --> 00:01:51,426 And honestly, this time it's going to what 6 00:01:51,448 --> 00:01:53,394 the hell? You call that a pass? You called 7 00:01:53,432 --> 00:01:55,726 that a catch. Your mom's a catch. She's 8 00:01:55,758 --> 00:01:56,820 your mom, too. 9 00:01:58,730 --> 00:02:01,574 Hey, get off the floor. What's the matter 10 00:02:01,612 --> 00:02:03,846 with you? You're playing like JV girls out 11 00:02:03,868 --> 00:02:05,366 there. And for the record, your mother is 12 00:02:05,388 --> 00:02:08,166 not a catch. She was sightedly unfaithful 13 00:02:08,198 --> 00:02:09,980 to your dad. Come on, 14 00:02:15,230 --> 00:02:18,154 Coach. Gabe gonna be all right. No, 15 00:02:18,192 --> 00:02:19,878 Gabe's not gonna be all right, David. 16 00:02:19,974 --> 00:02:22,038 Gabe blew his ACL and probably our chance 17 00:02:22,064 --> 00:02:23,898 at being state champ. But, Coach, you're 18 00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:26,062 already a state champ. Two time state 19 00:02:26,116 --> 00:02:29,230 champ. It's true for me. This is a 20 00:02:29,300 --> 00:02:32,250 minor step back. For you boys, 21 00:02:32,330 --> 00:02:35,042 this is it. This is your shot. No state 22 00:02:35,096 --> 00:02:38,306 championship means well. It means no 23 00:02:38,328 --> 00:02:40,658 making your parents proud. It means no 24 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,074 scholarship to Michigan. But Michigan's my 25 00:02:43,112 --> 00:02:45,474 dream. It means Gabriel died in vain. You 26 00:02:45,512 --> 00:02:47,326 said it was his ACL. Well, he can't score 27 00:02:47,358 --> 00:02:48,978 points in the second half, so he's dead to 28 00:02:48,984 --> 00:02:51,938 me. What about me and Blaine? I mean, I'm 29 00:02:51,954 --> 00:02:53,366 being honest. I see you both ending up 30 00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:56,326 used car salesmen. Either way, nice. But 31 00:02:56,348 --> 00:02:57,698 you can kiss your chances with Rebecca 32 00:02:57,714 --> 00:03:00,842 VanderKamp goodbye. Damn. She isn't any 33 00:03:00,896 --> 00:03:03,500 you. No, she isn't any you. 34 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:17,838 Come on, Coach. You must have something to 35 00:03:17,844 --> 00:03:20,138 help us win. I already threw three chairs 36 00:03:20,154 --> 00:03:21,518 on the sidelines, pal. I don't know what 37 00:03:21,524 --> 00:03:23,234 else you want from me. And that was 38 00:03:23,272 --> 00:03:24,580 inspiring, for sure. 39 00:03:27,030 --> 00:03:29,460 But what? You know, 40 00:03:30,230 --> 00:03:32,660 you want to pep talk Alex? Is that it? 41 00:03:33,590 --> 00:03:35,346 You think I'm like one of those coaches on 42 00:03:35,368 --> 00:03:38,126 TV who can just give a speech and change 43 00:03:38,168 --> 00:03:39,826 the face of every young man in a locker 44 00:03:39,858 --> 00:03:42,914 room? That I could, by dent of my rhetoric 45 00:03:42,962 --> 00:03:46,294 alone so stir the hearts of my team as to 46 00:03:46,332 --> 00:03:48,626 snatch victory from the jaws of certain 47 00:03:48,668 --> 00:03:51,814 defeat, that by the virtue of my soaring 48 00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:54,646 oratory alone I might muster the animal 49 00:03:54,678 --> 00:03:57,146 spirit in each and every one of you, that 50 00:03:57,168 --> 00:03:59,814 you might do the impossible. Strive 51 00:03:59,942 --> 00:04:03,086 harder, dig deeper. And say to that 52 00:04:03,108 --> 00:04:05,630 ancient enemy of man who promised an easy 53 00:04:05,700 --> 00:04:09,200 life with no suffering or glory no, 54 00:04:09,890 --> 00:04:13,582 not me, not today to call forth the future 55 00:04:13,716 --> 00:04:15,694 and all the wonderful and terrible 56 00:04:15,742 --> 00:04:18,990 possibility it holds. Not for the meek. 57 00:04:19,150 --> 00:04:22,754 But for the bold, for the brave, for those 58 00:04:22,792 --> 00:04:24,834 willing to risk it all that history might 59 00:04:24,872 --> 00:04:26,822 remember their names, remember their 60 00:04:26,876 --> 00:04:29,286 struggle, and remember what it means to be 61 00:04:29,308 --> 00:04:32,886 a tiger. To those who say in the voice of 62 00:04:32,908 --> 00:04:37,510 thunder, winners are just losers 63 00:04:37,870 --> 00:04:42,246 who win I said, winners are just losers 64 00:04:42,358 --> 00:04:46,042 who win. Winners are just losers who 65 00:04:46,096 --> 00:04:49,834 win. Winners are just losers who win. 66 00:04:49,952 --> 00:04:53,454 Winners are just losers who win. Let's get 67 00:04:53,492 --> 00:04:57,440 out there. Let's go. Let's go. 68 00:05:05,190 --> 00:05:07,874 You're a god among men, Coach. I am, 69 00:05:07,912 --> 00:05:11,220 Cowboy. I really am. 70 00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:44,546 It's Felix sake. 71 00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:48,022 It's over. But it's just starting, 72 00:05:48,156 --> 00:05:52,966 can't you see? Ain't going nowhere until 73 00:05:53,068 --> 00:05:56,166 the others finally see it takes a 74 00:05:56,188 --> 00:05:59,702 strong one to stand and face the 75 00:05:59,756 --> 00:06:06,750 cup me don't 76 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:24,800 know about 77 00:06:25,370 --> 00:06:50,250 it ain't alphabetical 78 00:06:50,290 --> 00:06:52,926 they are calling you Coach Miracle. The 79 00:06:52,948 --> 00:06:55,582 coach of the new millennium, the future of 80 00:06:55,636 --> 00:06:57,600 basketball. What do you say to that? 81 00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:04,226 What do you say for yourself, lady? What 82 00:07:04,248 --> 00:07:05,922 can I possibly say that three state 83 00:07:05,976 --> 00:07:08,242 championships hadn't said already? Go 84 00:07:08,296 --> 00:07:12,062 Tigers. Nice. Any indication 85 00:07:12,206 --> 00:07:15,170 the future looks bright for Coach Miracle. 86 00:07:15,530 --> 00:07:16,870 Go Tigers. 87 00:07:20,650 --> 00:07:21,400 Go, 88 00:07:25,530 --> 00:07:26,390 Coach. 89 00:07:29,630 --> 00:07:32,266 What does it take to be a man? Is it 90 00:07:32,288 --> 00:07:34,890 money, fame? Respect? 91 00:07:35,950 --> 00:07:38,378 Maybe. But what do those things have in 92 00:07:38,384 --> 00:07:41,786 common? What do they take to achieve? You 93 00:07:41,808 --> 00:07:45,390 have to win. You have to be a winner 94 00:07:45,970 --> 00:07:47,406 tonight. I have a question before you 95 00:07:47,428 --> 00:07:49,374 gentlemen. You gonna go out there today 96 00:07:49,412 --> 00:07:52,014 and play like it's just another game? Or 97 00:07:52,052 --> 00:07:53,966 are you gonna go out there and play like 98 00:07:53,988 --> 00:07:56,598 this could be the beginning of dammit, 99 00:07:56,634 --> 00:07:58,514 Kevin, could you put the cell phone down, 100 00:07:58,552 --> 00:08:02,562 buddy, please? Dwayne guys, 101 00:08:02,616 --> 00:08:04,786 this is serious. Sports can be your 102 00:08:04,808 --> 00:08:07,094 pathway to a better life. Well, like 103 00:08:07,132 --> 00:08:10,738 yours. No, not like mine. 104 00:08:10,914 --> 00:08:14,760 Better like this. 105 00:08:18,330 --> 00:08:21,146 The global games. When I was a kid, you 106 00:08:21,168 --> 00:08:22,986 had to be an elite athlete just to try out 107 00:08:23,008 --> 00:08:26,122 for the games. Never let any loser try any 108 00:08:26,176 --> 00:08:29,660 loser. And if that loser happens to win, 109 00:08:30,130 --> 00:08:33,498 well, now he's 110 00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,280 not a loser at all, is he? 111 00:08:37,890 --> 00:08:40,750 He's a winner. Isn't that worth something? 112 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:42,430 Isn't that worth a shot? 113 00:08:45,270 --> 00:08:48,580 Nothing? No. 114 00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:52,446 All right, good talk, boys. Please don't 115 00:08:52,478 --> 00:08:54,178 steal my catalytic converter again on your 116 00:08:54,184 --> 00:08:57,800 way out. Yo can't talk to us like that. 117 00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,160 You're right, Kevin. I'm sorry, 118 00:09:06,810 --> 00:09:08,226 buddy. You dropped your cordless 119 00:09:08,258 --> 00:09:09,560 reciprocating saw. 120 00:09:10,810 --> 00:09:14,406 Kevin really feel like 121 00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,580 he would have heard that? 122 00:09:22,430 --> 00:09:25,306 It's racism, Rob. You can't tell a bunch 123 00:09:25,338 --> 00:09:27,726 of teenage boys not to steal. Yes, you 124 00:09:27,748 --> 00:09:29,470 can, Gary. It's one of the most important 125 00:09:29,540 --> 00:09:31,214 things you should be teaching them. It's 126 00:09:31,252 --> 00:09:33,838 literally in the Bible. Which you also 127 00:09:33,924 --> 00:09:36,862 can't teach them. You're 86 from the rec 128 00:09:36,916 --> 00:09:39,054 center, pal. Come on, you know I need this 129 00:09:39,092 --> 00:09:41,550 job, Gary. 130 00:09:44,770 --> 00:09:56,342 You sorry, 131 00:09:56,396 --> 00:09:58,202 Miss Brethwell. I'm normally very 132 00:09:58,256 --> 00:10:00,970 punctual. This is the fourth time, Mr. 133 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,020 Dibson. What's that? 134 00:10:05,070 --> 00:10:07,866 This is the fourth time. It's the 135 00:10:07,888 --> 00:10:09,546 obedience trap, lady. I can't hear 136 00:10:09,568 --> 00:10:12,502 anything through it. This is the fourth 137 00:10:12,566 --> 00:10:14,926 time. Crying out loud. I don't even have a 138 00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:17,038 catalytic converter. You got to speak up. 139 00:10:17,204 --> 00:10:20,366 This is the fourth time. See, there you 140 00:10:20,388 --> 00:10:22,398 go. You're a beautiful woman. It's a 141 00:10:22,404 --> 00:10:24,286 beautiful day. Maybe a little concealer 142 00:10:24,318 --> 00:10:25,220 next time. 143 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:39,474 Put her there, kiddo. Hey, what's wrong? 144 00:10:39,592 --> 00:10:42,614 You were really late, Daddy. I know, 145 00:10:42,652 --> 00:10:44,998 baby girl. What can I say? Daddy was on 146 00:10:45,004 --> 00:10:48,054 the court. Okay? On the court. There she 147 00:10:48,092 --> 00:10:50,418 is. What'd that big brain of yours learned 148 00:10:50,434 --> 00:10:52,426 at school today? We learned all about the 149 00:10:52,448 --> 00:10:55,446 Cold War. Oh, yeah? Our history teacher 150 00:10:55,478 --> 00:10:57,258 led us in a moment of silence for all the 151 00:10:57,264 --> 00:10:59,366 workers exploited by the capitalistic 152 00:10:59,398 --> 00:11:01,742 system. You should ask your history 153 00:11:01,796 --> 00:11:03,278 teacher which side people ran to when the 154 00:11:03,284 --> 00:11:06,320 Berlin Wall fell. What's the Berlin Wall? 155 00:11:07,730 --> 00:11:10,190 Oh, and Mary Margaret showed me her penis. 156 00:11:13,250 --> 00:11:15,762 Some boy showed you his penis? What? No. 157 00:11:15,816 --> 00:11:18,254 Not a boy, daddy. Gross. Mary Margaret. 158 00:11:18,302 --> 00:11:19,982 She's a girl. Girls don't have penises, 159 00:11:20,046 --> 00:11:22,290 Winnie. Mary Margaret does. Penises are 160 00:11:22,360 --> 00:11:24,610 weird. Can we stop saying penis, please? 161 00:11:24,760 --> 00:11:26,466 Where'd this happen anyway? In the 162 00:11:26,488 --> 00:11:28,206 bathroom. Well, why are they letting boys 163 00:11:28,238 --> 00:11:29,734 in the girls bathroom? Why do you keep 164 00:11:29,772 --> 00:11:31,122 misgendering, Mary Margaret? 165 00:11:31,186 --> 00:11:32,950 Misgendering? What are you talking about? 166 00:11:33,020 --> 00:11:35,078 It's very transphobic of you. How do you 167 00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:36,854 know the word transphobic? I'm eight years 168 00:11:36,892 --> 00:11:38,810 old. Exactly. You're eight years old. 169 00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,170 Okay, boomer. 170 00:11:42,910 --> 00:11:45,498 You know what? It's fine. We'll just have 171 00:11:45,504 --> 00:11:47,306 to get you into a private school. Some of 172 00:11:47,328 --> 00:11:49,766 them have good sports programs. Private 173 00:11:49,798 --> 00:11:51,514 schools reinforce white patriarchal 174 00:11:51,562 --> 00:11:53,614 privilege. Teach you that at public 175 00:11:53,652 --> 00:11:55,754 school, did they? No. Mommy's boyfriend 176 00:11:55,802 --> 00:11:59,600 Chris told me he's an ally. Is he? 177 00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,520 We'll see about that. 178 00:12:45,890 --> 00:12:49,118 Hi. How are you? You have 179 00:12:49,124 --> 00:12:51,214 a good time? Yeah, Daddy. Who's. Okay. Is 180 00:12:51,252 --> 00:12:53,600 he late? Okay. 181 00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:59,700 Hey, we need to talk. 182 00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,942 Thank you for picking up Winnie, Robert. 183 00:13:03,086 --> 00:13:05,026 We're married for 15 years. Darby can call 184 00:13:05,048 --> 00:13:08,326 me Rob. Darby and Robert will do 185 00:13:08,348 --> 00:13:11,254 just fine, Coach. Rob. Oh, good. My 186 00:13:11,292 --> 00:13:13,030 lover's. Former lover. 187 00:13:16,810 --> 00:13:17,560 Okay. 188 00:13:20,110 --> 00:13:23,980 Look at us. One big unconventional family 189 00:13:24,350 --> 00:13:26,266 lover. I think your transition into 190 00:13:26,288 --> 00:13:28,426 divorce will be smoother if Coach moved in 191 00:13:28,448 --> 00:13:30,766 with us. Absolutely not. Never going to 192 00:13:30,788 --> 00:13:32,186 happen. Well, Coach, now that we're 193 00:13:32,218 --> 00:13:34,446 basically co, dads, I was wondering if 194 00:13:34,468 --> 00:13:37,006 you'd like to help me train for the 195 00:13:37,028 --> 00:13:38,270 Nashville runs. 196 00:13:39,810 --> 00:13:43,370 $5,000 prizes. My body's a sacred temple. 197 00:13:43,450 --> 00:13:45,922 I'm all about physical fitness, bug based 198 00:13:45,976 --> 00:13:48,578 foods, mRNA vaccines, equitable and 199 00:13:48,584 --> 00:13:50,638 inclusive hiking. There it is. My lover 200 00:13:50,654 --> 00:13:51,938 says you were a great coach back in the 201 00:13:51,944 --> 00:13:55,778 day. Honey, why don't you go help Winnie 202 00:13:55,794 --> 00:13:59,334 with her homework? Light and love, 203 00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,960 Coach. Light and love. 204 00:14:16,190 --> 00:14:17,754 Is this the guy you replaced me with? 205 00:14:17,792 --> 00:14:19,194 Seriously, I'm not having this 206 00:14:19,232 --> 00:14:20,618 conversation. Yeah, well, I don't like the 207 00:14:20,624 --> 00:14:21,818 things that he's teaching Winnie. How 208 00:14:21,824 --> 00:14:24,506 about that? Chris is a good man who cares 209 00:14:24,538 --> 00:14:26,110 about other people and the world around 210 00:14:26,180 --> 00:14:28,106 him? It's not just winning some stupid 211 00:14:28,138 --> 00:14:30,666 game. Hey, basketball is not a stupid 212 00:14:30,698 --> 00:14:33,534 game. And winning matters. It's the key 213 00:14:33,572 --> 00:14:35,918 ingredient in becoming a winner. Maybe you 214 00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,150 should try it sometime. 215 00:14:41,330 --> 00:14:42,510 Unbelievable. 216 00:14:45,530 --> 00:14:46,280 It. 217 00:15:01,870 --> 00:15:04,314 Can I help you? Yeah, I used to work here. 218 00:15:04,352 --> 00:15:07,034 They said I could come back anytime. How 219 00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:10,474 long ago was this? 25 years. Is this still 220 00:15:10,512 --> 00:15:13,214 compact disks forever? Not for the last 24 221 00:15:13,252 --> 00:15:16,800 and a half years. But it doesn't matter. 222 00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,414 You're hired. Cool. You don't need to ask 223 00:15:20,452 --> 00:15:22,494 many questions first. We only have one 224 00:15:22,532 --> 00:15:24,894 question at the doll house. What's your 225 00:15:24,932 --> 00:15:25,840 bra size? 226 00:15:28,610 --> 00:15:29,760 What's up? 227 00:16:00,530 --> 00:16:05,326 It what 228 00:16:05,348 --> 00:16:06,560 a way to make a living. 229 00:16:08,850 --> 00:16:11,470 I just had no idea men could be so handsy. 230 00:16:12,130 --> 00:16:13,554 Really makes you think about how you treat 231 00:16:13,592 --> 00:16:15,730 women. Thanks, babe. 232 00:16:20,550 --> 00:16:22,370 What the heck happened to you, Coach? 233 00:16:22,790 --> 00:16:25,394 That's just it. Nothing happened to me. I 234 00:16:25,432 --> 00:16:27,534 stayed the same and the world changed. 235 00:16:27,662 --> 00:16:29,106 One day it's all about winning. The next 236 00:16:29,128 --> 00:16:30,710 day, they want you to lead from behind. 237 00:16:30,860 --> 00:16:32,646 Don't be mean to the kids. Don't push them 238 00:16:32,668 --> 00:16:35,110 so hard. Don't make fun of the losers. 239 00:16:35,450 --> 00:16:38,440 Are you supposed to win that way, man? 240 00:16:38,990 --> 00:16:42,090 What about you? You know, 241 00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:43,626 everyone always told me I could do 242 00:16:43,648 --> 00:16:45,914 anything I wanted. So what does any kid 243 00:16:45,952 --> 00:16:47,500 who can choose anything in the world? 244 00:16:48,110 --> 00:16:51,146 Actor. Actor. Always thought you were 245 00:16:51,168 --> 00:16:53,630 straight. I am straight. 246 00:16:54,530 --> 00:16:57,854 Who could doubt it? Well, either way, 247 00:16:57,972 --> 00:16:59,706 turns out white male of non exotic 248 00:16:59,738 --> 00:17:01,326 sexuality is the only ethnic group not 249 00:17:01,348 --> 00:17:03,486 being cast by Hollywood these days. Yeah. 250 00:17:03,588 --> 00:17:05,098 I hear Disney's gonna make the new snow 251 00:17:05,114 --> 00:17:06,858 white. And neurodivergent lesbians. 252 00:17:06,954 --> 00:17:10,926 Neurodivergent black lesbians. I don't 253 00:17:10,958 --> 00:17:13,394 understand the world wasn't that long ago 254 00:17:13,432 --> 00:17:15,926 we were champions. Winners. You're the 255 00:17:15,948 --> 00:17:18,898 fastest point guard in Tennessee. No, I'm 256 00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:21,160 still pretty fast. Yeah? 257 00:17:23,130 --> 00:17:24,520 How fast are we talking? 258 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,658 Just going to the end of the alley and 259 00:17:31,664 --> 00:17:34,074 back. Nothing to it. On your mark, get 260 00:17:34,112 --> 00:17:37,418 set. Coach, this is ridiculous. I got to 261 00:17:37,424 --> 00:17:39,580 get some sleep. I'm working nine to five. 262 00:17:40,510 --> 00:17:42,160 You hear yourself, right? 263 00:17:43,090 --> 00:17:45,470 Buddy, we're talking about $5,000 here. 264 00:17:45,540 --> 00:17:46,686 Think about what we could do with that 265 00:17:46,708 --> 00:17:50,126 money. Think about what we could not do 266 00:17:50,148 --> 00:17:51,040 with that money. 267 00:17:53,950 --> 00:17:56,542 I do miss being a winner. Yeah, you do. 268 00:17:56,596 --> 00:17:58,046 Knowing who you were, knowing your 269 00:17:58,068 --> 00:17:59,806 purpose. That's what I'm talking about. 270 00:17:59,908 --> 00:18:01,758 Your money could be nice. Damn right it 271 00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:05,246 would be. Fine. Hold my 272 00:18:05,268 --> 00:18:06,800 heels. Had a boy. 273 00:18:10,310 --> 00:18:22,370 On your mark, get a setup. 274 00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:33,850 We are definitely homeschooling. 275 00:18:54,610 --> 00:18:56,560 Not bad for a girl. 276 00:18:57,830 --> 00:18:59,474 Seriously, buddy, I think with some 277 00:18:59,512 --> 00:19:02,274 training and some excellent coaching, you 278 00:19:02,312 --> 00:19:04,740 could be competitive. No. 279 00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:10,820 How much? 280 00:19:14,790 --> 00:19:18,434 We're not actually, ladies I see 281 00:19:18,472 --> 00:19:22,700 it. How much wonder 282 00:19:49,750 --> 00:19:51,746 all right, Coach, you got this. Just like 283 00:19:51,768 --> 00:19:55,140 the old days. You get out there and win. 284 00:19:56,390 --> 00:19:57,460 Here we go. 285 00:20:00,870 --> 00:20:03,526 You're late. Tina made me clean all the 286 00:20:03,548 --> 00:20:05,446 fry traps again. I nearly got grease all 287 00:20:05,468 --> 00:20:07,426 over my good wig. Now we'll lose the wig, 288 00:20:07,458 --> 00:20:08,966 would you? We're in public, for crying out 289 00:20:08,988 --> 00:20:11,270 loud. Coach Rob. 290 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:14,060 Daddy. Hey. 291 00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:19,034 There's my girl. Former lover. Don't call 292 00:20:19,072 --> 00:20:21,146 me that. You came to cheer me on? 293 00:20:21,248 --> 00:20:23,002 Actually, I'm here professionally. What 294 00:20:23,056 --> 00:20:26,106 profession? You remember Alex, my former 295 00:20:26,138 --> 00:20:28,640 student? Oh, hey, Mrs. G. 296 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,714 Yay, daddy. You're going to be a coach? 297 00:20:32,842 --> 00:20:34,000 Yes, I am. 298 00:20:36,710 --> 00:20:38,420 I see you. 299 00:20:41,990 --> 00:20:44,818 Okay, big guy. We feel seen. Thank you. 300 00:20:44,904 --> 00:20:46,066 Just going to go get seen by the 301 00:20:46,088 --> 00:20:48,130 registration lady. Good luck, pal. 302 00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:57,814 Thank you. I need 303 00:20:57,852 --> 00:20:59,526 to register my athlete, please. Name? 304 00:20:59,628 --> 00:21:00,870 Alex Cruz. 305 00:21:03,630 --> 00:21:05,994 I'm sorry, sir. The men's events are all 306 00:21:06,032 --> 00:21:08,746 full. Next. Whoa, whoa, whoa. What are you 307 00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,918 talking about? You're late and there's 308 00:21:10,934 --> 00:21:13,846 nothing I can do, so next. That's 309 00:21:13,878 --> 00:21:17,878 bullshit. He's a 310 00:21:17,904 --> 00:21:20,734 white man. I've been here the whole time. 311 00:21:20,772 --> 00:21:23,342 Cut me some slack. I need to help the next 312 00:21:23,396 --> 00:21:25,146 athlete. Help him what? You said it's 313 00:21:25,178 --> 00:21:28,100 full. Are you going to move? I am not. 314 00:21:32,470 --> 00:21:34,946 Coach, I'm sorry. I couldn't find my 315 00:21:34,968 --> 00:21:39,170 wipes. Oh, my crap. You're a trans woman. 316 00:21:39,830 --> 00:21:42,310 Oh, my crap, I taste an ally. 317 00:21:44,650 --> 00:21:47,206 There you go, miss. This is everything you 318 00:21:47,228 --> 00:21:49,174 need for the women's heptathlon and all 319 00:21:49,212 --> 00:21:52,006 other events. And you know what? I'm just 320 00:21:52,028 --> 00:21:53,334 going to go ahead and waive that entry 321 00:21:53,382 --> 00:21:56,966 fee. It is so wonderful what you're 322 00:21:56,998 --> 00:21:59,580 doing. No, I'm not. 323 00:22:00,830 --> 00:22:02,634 I'm just glad we were able to get this 324 00:22:02,672 --> 00:22:04,942 worked out without having to get social 325 00:22:04,996 --> 00:22:08,814 media involved. Please, I have 326 00:22:08,852 --> 00:22:11,520 a family and a queer dog. 327 00:22:12,770 --> 00:22:16,658 Oh, she tastes me 328 00:22:16,664 --> 00:22:19,678 down. Let me down. Coach. What the heck 329 00:22:19,694 --> 00:22:20,500 was that? 330 00:22:23,670 --> 00:22:25,780 I'm not going to compete against women. 331 00:22:26,150 --> 00:22:28,146 Are you crazy? Do you have any idea how 332 00:22:28,168 --> 00:22:30,306 much faster even a man past his prime like 333 00:22:30,328 --> 00:22:32,726 you is than a female athlete past his 334 00:22:32,748 --> 00:22:35,506 prime? High school boys can run faster 335 00:22:35,538 --> 00:22:37,298 than world record female sprinters. 336 00:22:37,394 --> 00:22:38,738 You're going to get out there and you're 337 00:22:38,754 --> 00:22:41,320 going to beat these chicks. I'm a man. 338 00:22:41,930 --> 00:22:44,842 Says who? I have. That doesn't matter 339 00:22:44,896 --> 00:22:46,966 anymore. Look, my eight year old daughter 340 00:22:46,998 --> 00:22:48,538 told me all about it. This is the way the 341 00:22:48,544 --> 00:22:50,620 world is now. This is wrong. 342 00:22:53,150 --> 00:22:55,386 We wear a dress every freaking day. 343 00:22:55,568 --> 00:22:57,418 When's the last time you could say we were 344 00:22:57,424 --> 00:22:59,578 wearing the dress of a champion? When's 345 00:22:59,594 --> 00:23:00,922 the last time you could look in the mirror 346 00:23:00,986 --> 00:23:03,386 and say, this is the makeup of a winner? 347 00:23:03,498 --> 00:23:05,630 The tatas of a titan. 348 00:23:07,810 --> 00:23:09,454 You're wearing a thong, aren't you? Yeah. 349 00:23:09,492 --> 00:23:11,470 You're staying? Character unbelievable. 350 00:23:11,970 --> 00:23:14,546 This is the hand life of belchi. Are you 351 00:23:14,568 --> 00:23:16,946 going to waste it or are you going to get 352 00:23:16,968 --> 00:23:19,700 out there and be the best lady you can be? 353 00:23:21,030 --> 00:23:24,050 Best lady I can be. That's a spirit. 354 00:23:27,510 --> 00:23:31,860 There we go. So we 355 00:23:56,470 --> 00:24:00,446 not it alone. She knows she's 356 00:24:00,478 --> 00:24:04,722 got it all get 357 00:24:04,776 --> 00:24:07,634 it right. Keep it tight like a psycho girl 358 00:24:07,752 --> 00:24:09,410 burning brighter watch your fight, 359 00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,954 lighten up the world. Keep your gucci, 360 00:24:12,002 --> 00:24:13,880 keep your coach and keep your product. 361 00:24:14,250 --> 00:24:16,470 She's okay with second hand and working 362 00:24:16,540 --> 00:24:19,846 harder. Go to sight every night like a 363 00:24:19,868 --> 00:24:22,954 psycho girl. She's a psycho girl. Be like 364 00:24:22,992 --> 00:24:25,580 a psycho girl. Go. 365 00:24:26,190 --> 00:24:29,062 Don't look at me. Run, you son of a bitch. 366 00:24:29,206 --> 00:24:31,974 Get it right. Keep it tight like a psycho 367 00:24:32,022 --> 00:24:34,250 girl burning brighter watch your fight, 368 00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:36,774 lighten up the world. Keep your gucci, 369 00:24:36,822 --> 00:24:38,700 keep your coach and keep your products 370 00:24:39,070 --> 00:24:41,290 she's okay the second hand and working 371 00:24:41,360 --> 00:24:44,666 harder. Golden sight every night like a 372 00:24:44,688 --> 00:25:03,294 cycle girl. She's there's 373 00:25:03,342 --> 00:25:05,382 breaking news tonight from the all city 374 00:25:05,436 --> 00:25:08,594 Heptathlon where Alex Cruz, a brave 375 00:25:08,642 --> 00:25:11,394 and beautiful trans woman, has taken gold 376 00:25:11,442 --> 00:25:13,754 in the female competition, winning in 377 00:25:13,792 --> 00:25:16,742 every single event by wide margins. 378 00:25:16,886 --> 00:25:20,246 That's right, drake and Wiaw's own Gwen 379 00:25:20,278 --> 00:25:23,194 Wilde is on the scene with more from this 380 00:25:23,232 --> 00:25:25,706 unprecedented moment. Thanks, Stacey. 381 00:25:25,818 --> 00:25:28,014 Indeed, history was made today as middle 382 00:25:28,052 --> 00:25:30,974 Tennessee's own Alex Cruz, a brave and 383 00:25:31,012 --> 00:25:32,794 beautiful former high school basketball 384 00:25:32,842 --> 00:25:35,438 state champion, absolutely dominated the 385 00:25:35,444 --> 00:25:37,666 women's heptathlon, setting new records in 386 00:25:37,688 --> 00:26:09,146 both javelin and shop putt the 387 00:26:09,168 --> 00:26:11,094 secret to her success, according to Alex, 388 00:26:11,222 --> 00:26:14,894 her coach. I want to thank my parents for 389 00:26:14,932 --> 00:26:17,374 always supporting me no matter what. And 390 00:26:17,412 --> 00:26:20,846 my coach, Rob Gibson. I've never once been 391 00:26:20,868 --> 00:26:22,160 a winner without him. 392 00:26:25,090 --> 00:26:27,678 Gwen. Stacey Santiago. O'Brien here. 393 00:26:27,764 --> 00:26:29,666 There's no question that good coaching can 394 00:26:29,688 --> 00:26:31,730 make a difference. But isn't there another 395 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,842 reason why Alex might have completely 396 00:26:33,976 --> 00:26:36,466 crushed the competition? I don't know what 397 00:26:36,488 --> 00:26:39,206 you're saying, Stacey. I think Stacey is 398 00:26:39,228 --> 00:26:41,686 referring to the obvious fact that Alex is 399 00:26:41,708 --> 00:26:44,566 a what? Well, 400 00:26:44,748 --> 00:26:48,070 I mean, as brave and beautiful as he is, 401 00:26:48,140 --> 00:26:51,880 she she is brave and beautiful, 402 00:26:52,190 --> 00:26:54,970 of course. But she does have certain 403 00:26:55,040 --> 00:26:57,482 advantages over a real woman. Right. 404 00:26:57,616 --> 00:27:00,986 Well, Stacey Drake, all I can say to 405 00:27:01,008 --> 00:27:04,314 that is how dare you. Trans women are real 406 00:27:04,352 --> 00:27:06,406 women and thus have no innate differences 407 00:27:06,438 --> 00:27:08,974 with other women whatsoever. The only 408 00:27:09,012 --> 00:27:10,766 story here for which I fully intend to win 409 00:27:10,788 --> 00:27:13,038 a Pulitzer is that absolutely nothing out 410 00:27:13,044 --> 00:27:14,602 of the ordinary happened here tonight. 411 00:27:14,666 --> 00:27:16,758 And we should all celebrate the brave, 412 00:27:16,874 --> 00:27:20,260 beautiful woman who did it. Back to you. 413 00:27:35,930 --> 00:27:38,434 To you, bud. Probably the least sexy, 414 00:27:38,482 --> 00:27:41,830 elite female athlete of all time. Hold on. 415 00:27:41,900 --> 00:27:43,274 I've been informed that I am, in fact, 416 00:27:43,312 --> 00:27:46,026 not only brave, but also beautiful. You 417 00:27:46,048 --> 00:27:50,246 know what you are? You're $500 richer. 418 00:27:50,358 --> 00:27:52,940 That's what you are. 500. 419 00:27:53,390 --> 00:27:56,782 Cleaner taxes, attorneys fees, child 420 00:27:56,836 --> 00:28:00,474 support. Well, not cheers 421 00:28:00,522 --> 00:28:01,200 of that. 422 00:28:05,620 --> 00:28:09,092 What is that? Bud Light I'm sponsored now? 423 00:28:09,226 --> 00:28:11,156 No, buddy, they'll give that shit to any 424 00:28:11,178 --> 00:28:12,230 dude in the press. 425 00:28:30,300 --> 00:28:32,324 I better roll out. It's Wednesday. 426 00:28:32,372 --> 00:28:36,076 Tomorrow the only day with 427 00:28:36,098 --> 00:28:38,988 double DS. It's a pretty big deal at the 428 00:28:38,994 --> 00:28:41,916 doll house. Doll house? What are you going 429 00:28:41,938 --> 00:28:43,308 back to that place for when you got a 430 00:28:43,314 --> 00:28:45,064 corporate sponsorship and five Benjamins 431 00:28:45,112 --> 00:28:46,844 in your bra? I don't know. I guess I don't 432 00:28:46,892 --> 00:28:49,068 completely hate it there. And a man can't 433 00:28:49,084 --> 00:28:52,336 live on $500 for long. $500 is just the 434 00:28:52,358 --> 00:28:56,130 beginning, Gwen Wild. Come on, 435 00:28:57,160 --> 00:28:59,236 let's cut to the chase. I know you're not 436 00:28:59,258 --> 00:29:02,960 a woman. How? He identifies 437 00:29:03,120 --> 00:29:05,216 david, I'm a journalist. I literally 438 00:29:05,248 --> 00:29:07,924 cannot be shamed. And I don't care how you 439 00:29:07,962 --> 00:29:10,084 identify. Unless you've cried three times 440 00:29:10,122 --> 00:29:11,696 in the same day from the pain of menstrual 441 00:29:11,728 --> 00:29:13,444 cramps. Frustration with your boyfriend 442 00:29:13,492 --> 00:29:14,696 for not understanding the pain of 443 00:29:14,718 --> 00:29:16,536 menstrual cramps. And frustration with 444 00:29:16,558 --> 00:29:17,768 yourself for being so mean to your 445 00:29:17,774 --> 00:29:19,096 boyfriend for not understanding the pain 446 00:29:19,118 --> 00:29:22,708 of menstrual cramps. You are not a woman. 447 00:29:22,884 --> 00:29:25,116 That's strangely specific. It's cute that 448 00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:27,180 you think so. But you just did that entire 449 00:29:27,250 --> 00:29:29,996 story to what? To make a name for myself? 450 00:29:30,098 --> 00:29:33,196 To get clicks? To gain power? What part of 451 00:29:33,218 --> 00:29:36,176 I'm a journalist do you not understand? I 452 00:29:36,198 --> 00:29:38,816 guess all of it. Look, what do you know 453 00:29:38,838 --> 00:29:40,960 about the US. Opens for the Global Games? 454 00:29:42,340 --> 00:29:45,424 First time in history amateur athletes can 455 00:29:45,462 --> 00:29:48,484 compete to represent the USA. Exactly. 456 00:29:48,682 --> 00:29:50,656 The diversity and inclusion crowd decided 457 00:29:50,688 --> 00:29:53,172 to democratize the Global Games. Now 458 00:29:53,226 --> 00:29:55,190 anyone has a chance. 459 00:29:56,200 --> 00:29:58,470 Any woman has a chance. 460 00:30:00,140 --> 00:30:03,428 Don't you see? Men are faster, stronger, 461 00:30:03,524 --> 00:30:06,116 meaner. The entire reason we created 462 00:30:06,148 --> 00:30:09,290 women's sports was to keep you out. 463 00:30:09,980 --> 00:30:10,970 But now. 464 00:30:13,840 --> 00:30:16,364 Soon all the best women will be men. 465 00:30:16,562 --> 00:30:20,492 Cheating, low life men like 466 00:30:20,546 --> 00:30:23,928 you. You want us to compete 467 00:30:23,944 --> 00:30:25,912 as women? Think of the sponsorships. 468 00:30:25,976 --> 00:30:28,432 Think of the fame. People will hate us. 469 00:30:28,486 --> 00:30:30,544 People will love you. How do you know? 470 00:30:30,742 --> 00:30:33,356 Because I'm going to tell them to. That's 471 00:30:33,388 --> 00:30:35,756 the deal. I won't tell the world the truth 472 00:30:35,788 --> 00:30:38,644 about you and in exchange, I get to tell 473 00:30:38,682 --> 00:30:41,300 them the lie. I get the exclusive, 474 00:30:42,440 --> 00:30:46,116 plus half the money. Half? Go home. 475 00:30:46,218 --> 00:30:48,390 Think about it. You'll see I'm right. 476 00:30:51,980 --> 00:30:54,730 Not you. Coach. You're going home with me. 477 00:30:55,260 --> 00:30:58,328 You're a winner now. Every woman wants a 478 00:30:58,334 --> 00:31:01,128 winner. You literally just called me a 479 00:31:01,134 --> 00:31:04,170 cheating, low life one. 480 00:31:05,020 --> 00:31:07,000 Now put your tongue down my throat. 481 00:31:56,560 --> 00:32:00,136 Coach. Alex, we could play basketball. 482 00:32:00,328 --> 00:32:01,868 Could be like the old day. We'd have to 483 00:32:01,874 --> 00:32:04,464 get the whole team back together. You 484 00:32:04,502 --> 00:32:05,570 think there's a chance? 485 00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:15,056 You know you always get a fair deal on 486 00:32:15,078 --> 00:32:17,904 wheels and three square meals here at 487 00:32:17,942 --> 00:32:19,010 Crane and Company. 488 00:32:25,160 --> 00:32:28,116 And if you need a ride to the airport, we 489 00:32:28,138 --> 00:32:30,120 can do that, too. Because we have two 490 00:32:30,190 --> 00:32:32,504 gently used love wagons and one of us is 491 00:32:32,542 --> 00:32:34,936 more than happy to give you the ride of a 492 00:32:34,958 --> 00:32:35,800 lifetime. 493 00:32:40,140 --> 00:32:43,052 Isn't that the hot little money? Since 494 00:32:43,106 --> 00:32:45,464 1987, we've had our own continuously 495 00:32:45,512 --> 00:32:47,950 operational smorgasbord on site. 496 00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,124 Isn't that the hot little money? So 497 00:32:56,162 --> 00:32:58,956 whether that's wheels on meals or a ride 498 00:32:58,988 --> 00:33:01,904 to the airport, we do it all for you. 499 00:33:02,022 --> 00:33:03,520 Middle Tennessee. 500 00:33:06,580 --> 00:33:08,320 And we sell mailbox. 501 00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:12,788 All right, ladies. Good job. Listen, if 502 00:33:12,794 --> 00:33:13,908 you don't have dinner later, just make 503 00:33:13,914 --> 00:33:15,590 sure you call me up. Just let me know. 504 00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,468 Should have gone to med school. Awake, 505 00:33:19,504 --> 00:33:23,176 Daddy. Boom, tell me 506 00:33:23,198 --> 00:33:24,840 the cameras are still rolling. 507 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:28,984 You have lost your mind. You've lost your 508 00:33:29,022 --> 00:33:30,712 mind. What did you just say? You heard me. 509 00:33:30,766 --> 00:33:35,160 Look clean to me, boys. Tosh Alex. 510 00:33:43,620 --> 00:33:45,168 It's good to see you boys still love the 511 00:33:45,174 --> 00:33:48,144 game. Means we can get right to it. Yeah, 512 00:33:48,182 --> 00:33:50,016 coach, what's the deal with that? You need 513 00:33:50,038 --> 00:33:51,376 another catalytic converter again or 514 00:33:51,398 --> 00:33:55,056 something? Yes, I do, Jake. But that's not 515 00:33:55,078 --> 00:33:57,452 why we're here. We're here on serious 516 00:33:57,516 --> 00:34:00,768 business. Basketball business. 517 00:34:00,934 --> 00:34:03,360 I can get the blinds, please. Code eleven. 518 00:34:06,020 --> 00:34:36,640 You guys are going to love what 519 00:34:36,710 --> 00:34:38,370 fresh hell is this? 520 00:34:41,860 --> 00:34:43,330 Oh, yeah, 521 00:34:48,500 --> 00:34:50,610 it oh, yeah. 522 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,400 This, my friends, is the Crane Cave. 523 00:35:03,420 --> 00:35:06,744 Alex, is that a purse? It's a 524 00:35:06,782 --> 00:35:07,480 purse. 525 00:35:11,600 --> 00:35:13,260 It's a purse. 526 00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:19,804 What is this, my man? This is 527 00:35:19,842 --> 00:35:21,550 where the action happens. 528 00:35:25,380 --> 00:35:28,736 What's this one, my man? This is 529 00:35:28,758 --> 00:35:31,824 where the action happened. In the same 530 00:35:31,862 --> 00:35:33,810 room? Yeah. 531 00:35:34,820 --> 00:35:37,540 Gentlemen, take a seat. 532 00:35:38,120 --> 00:35:39,700 Let's talk basketball. 533 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:43,924 We're getting the old state champs back 534 00:35:43,962 --> 00:35:47,396 together. For what? Just say. 535 00:35:47,418 --> 00:35:49,332 Alex and I are working on a new strategy. 536 00:35:49,396 --> 00:35:51,256 Something to get us back into the game 537 00:35:51,438 --> 00:35:54,708 professionally. Coach, we're old. We're 538 00:35:54,724 --> 00:35:57,416 out of practice. We're in. We're in. 539 00:35:57,438 --> 00:35:59,928 Coach. What, bro? 540 00:36:00,094 --> 00:36:03,188 Professionals. Honestly, 541 00:36:03,364 --> 00:36:05,356 when's the last time you felt like 542 00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:09,004 someone? I mean, I kind of always feel 543 00:36:09,042 --> 00:36:10,556 like someone, but when's the last time you 544 00:36:10,578 --> 00:36:13,816 got laid. We're in. Now, you guys got 545 00:36:13,858 --> 00:36:16,176 David already, right? Coach, we have to 546 00:36:16,198 --> 00:36:18,448 have the human tower. No one's heard from 547 00:36:18,454 --> 00:36:19,712 David since he blew that college 548 00:36:19,766 --> 00:36:22,496 championship game. But there have been 549 00:36:22,518 --> 00:36:23,280 sightings. 550 00:36:26,580 --> 00:36:28,400 I'll get my hiking boots. 551 00:36:31,060 --> 00:36:33,170 Hey, Coach, you didn't mention the hold. 552 00:36:34,100 --> 00:36:37,008 One thing at a time, Buddy. One thing at a 553 00:36:37,014 --> 00:36:37,570 time. 554 00:36:59,440 --> 00:37:02,190 Got it. GBS says we're here. 555 00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:04,030 I don't see anything. 556 00:37:12,580 --> 00:37:14,640 Damn it. I lost the signal. 557 00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:18,470 The hell was that? 558 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:27,940 David. Coach. 559 00:37:29,660 --> 00:37:31,530 What are you guys doing here? 560 00:37:32,140 --> 00:37:32,890 Stop. 561 00:37:36,220 --> 00:37:40,040 I mean, it's fine. You're all very safe. 562 00:37:41,120 --> 00:37:42,620 We are not safe, 563 00:37:59,700 --> 00:38:03,104 Coach. My life is here. I'm a man 564 00:38:03,142 --> 00:38:06,304 of peace. Now, how many badgers have you 565 00:38:06,342 --> 00:38:07,040 killed? 566 00:38:09,220 --> 00:38:13,056 All but one. Ma'am. This jerk 567 00:38:13,088 --> 00:38:16,500 is great. What is venison? 568 00:38:17,560 --> 00:38:20,856 Squirrel? Look, 569 00:38:20,958 --> 00:38:23,940 David, I get it, man. You're fat, you're 570 00:38:24,020 --> 00:38:28,280 old, you're slow, you're very fat. 571 00:38:28,780 --> 00:38:31,924 Like Shaquille O'Neill if he was mediocre 572 00:38:31,972 --> 00:38:32,970 and white. 573 00:38:36,390 --> 00:38:39,010 That's it. That's the pitch. Yeah, coach, 574 00:38:39,090 --> 00:38:41,206 I'm not a good speech giver. I'm sorry. 575 00:38:41,388 --> 00:38:43,606 Look, buddy, we need you. You're the heart 576 00:38:43,628 --> 00:38:46,380 of the team. You're the center. I said no. 577 00:38:47,150 --> 00:38:53,562 I can't go back. Not after the not 578 00:38:53,616 --> 00:39:11,050 afternoon. 579 00:39:30,010 --> 00:39:32,150 What was that? Badger humping? 580 00:39:35,050 --> 00:39:37,866 I don't know, buddy. Maybe this is your 581 00:39:37,888 --> 00:39:41,370 shot at redemption. I have been redeemed 582 00:39:41,950 --> 00:39:44,586 through badger blood, redeemed through 583 00:39:44,608 --> 00:39:47,306 basketball. This whole badger murder thing 584 00:39:47,328 --> 00:39:48,910 is a weird tangent. 585 00:39:50,450 --> 00:39:52,080 You guys should leave. 586 00:40:00,930 --> 00:40:05,070 I'm not fat. Disgustingly fat. 587 00:40:06,450 --> 00:40:07,790 We miss you, pal. 588 00:40:10,530 --> 00:40:13,720 You're not not fat. You it. 589 00:40:37,970 --> 00:40:38,720 It. 590 00:40:55,670 --> 00:40:58,340 What if this isn't about revenge at all? 591 00:40:59,750 --> 00:41:01,970 What if it's just about basketball? 592 00:41:02,470 --> 00:41:04,806 Please let me go. Shut your mouth, you 593 00:41:04,828 --> 00:41:06,070 pervert. Badger. 594 00:41:09,290 --> 00:41:10,600 I'll be back. 595 00:41:27,970 --> 00:41:34,510 It coach. 596 00:41:36,530 --> 00:41:39,600 I'm in. Nice. 597 00:41:41,890 --> 00:41:44,874 Is that a purse? Play some basketball? 598 00:41:45,002 --> 00:41:45,680 No, 599 00:42:07,290 --> 00:42:08,998 we just need one more player to round out 600 00:42:09,004 --> 00:42:11,378 the squad. What about Jamal? Nah, he's 601 00:42:11,394 --> 00:42:13,286 dead. Found him in the middle of the 602 00:42:13,308 --> 00:42:15,126 street with a hole through the top of his 603 00:42:15,148 --> 00:42:17,046 head. Cops said it was almost like some 604 00:42:17,068 --> 00:42:20,014 type of laser from space and all over the 605 00:42:20,132 --> 00:42:22,846 weird. What about that little guy he was 606 00:42:22,868 --> 00:42:24,554 always picking on? Not a bad player. 607 00:42:24,682 --> 00:42:28,014 Moisha revealed he was Maasad even back in 608 00:42:28,052 --> 00:42:31,374 high school. Well, that's it. 609 00:42:31,572 --> 00:42:35,234 That's everybody. My man. 610 00:42:35,352 --> 00:42:37,886 Looking smooth. Man, you guys weren't 611 00:42:37,918 --> 00:42:39,826 kidding. These Jeremy's razors are 612 00:42:39,848 --> 00:42:42,606 amazing. And did you know that Jeremy's 613 00:42:42,638 --> 00:42:44,614 now offers a razor specially designed for 614 00:42:44,652 --> 00:42:48,422 women? And don't forget about 615 00:42:48,476 --> 00:42:51,846 Jeremy's shampoo and conditioner. They 616 00:42:51,868 --> 00:42:55,190 keep our hair silky and smooth. 617 00:42:57,370 --> 00:42:59,338 Didn't we just find someone else from the 618 00:42:59,344 --> 00:43:01,322 year before? No, it has to be somebody 619 00:43:01,376 --> 00:43:03,866 from this team. The championship team. I 620 00:43:03,888 --> 00:43:06,474 knew this was too good to be true. Hey, 621 00:43:06,512 --> 00:43:11,410 what about Felix towelboy? 622 00:43:11,510 --> 00:43:14,078 Felix guys. We used to shove him in the 623 00:43:14,084 --> 00:43:19,822 lockers after we total 624 00:43:19,876 --> 00:43:22,930 loser. I heard he's rich. 625 00:43:23,990 --> 00:43:25,060 He's in. 626 00:43:29,990 --> 00:43:31,060 I'm in. 627 00:43:38,170 --> 00:43:41,110 What's with the cat? Cindy Clawford. 628 00:43:41,450 --> 00:43:43,986 She was my grandma's cat, and now she's 629 00:43:44,018 --> 00:43:46,698 mine. I love her more than anything in the 630 00:43:46,704 --> 00:43:50,490 whole world, bro. I'm allergic to cats. 631 00:43:53,070 --> 00:43:56,620 Cats are stupid. More of a dog guy. 632 00:44:00,370 --> 00:44:02,320 I can't wait to show you guys around. 633 00:44:07,010 --> 00:44:09,854 Who is this guy at the Willy Wonka the 634 00:44:09,892 --> 00:44:12,320 Towel game? Oh, my God. 635 00:44:14,770 --> 00:44:18,274 Come on. Towel boy has 636 00:44:18,312 --> 00:44:20,100 become the towel man. 637 00:44:24,950 --> 00:44:27,494 What do you do? Gym in your house? Oh, 638 00:44:27,532 --> 00:44:30,022 yeah. After I sold my company, I thought, 639 00:44:30,076 --> 00:44:31,814 I'm going to build the sickest gym for 640 00:44:31,852 --> 00:44:33,480 when my bros come over. 641 00:44:36,990 --> 00:44:38,506 But this is the first time we've ever come 642 00:44:38,528 --> 00:44:42,154 over here, so it was 643 00:44:42,192 --> 00:44:45,718 totally worth it. It's a draino 644 00:44:45,734 --> 00:44:49,390 festival. Bring the kids. Oh, my goodness. 645 00:44:50,770 --> 00:44:52,190 Nothing's changed. 646 00:44:58,050 --> 00:44:59,726 Feels good to be back on the porch, big 647 00:44:59,748 --> 00:45:04,130 guy. Oh, my God. Is that our mascot? 648 00:45:21,590 --> 00:45:23,414 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy, big guy. 649 00:45:23,452 --> 00:45:26,518 That's our old tiger mask. Dude, that's 650 00:45:26,534 --> 00:45:29,260 not nurse. This is a purse, bro. 651 00:45:33,470 --> 00:45:37,434 Hey, bud. Hey, dad not 652 00:45:37,472 --> 00:45:39,514 dead. Come on. Dinner, please. I'll never 653 00:45:39,552 --> 00:45:42,300 hurt you. I'll never hurt you. 654 00:45:42,610 --> 00:45:44,846 Always love you. What are you doing? You 655 00:45:44,868 --> 00:45:47,198 know, our boys got serious PTSD issues. 656 00:45:47,284 --> 00:45:49,566 You've got PTSD? That doesn't even make 657 00:45:49,588 --> 00:45:51,700 any sense. You don't make sense. 658 00:46:01,350 --> 00:46:03,334 Welcome to Epstein's Island. You know, 659 00:46:03,372 --> 00:46:07,510 too much lifted. 660 00:46:09,050 --> 00:46:11,910 Whoa, ELO. 661 00:46:16,510 --> 00:46:18,860 Hey. What the hell's the matter with you? 662 00:46:20,430 --> 00:46:22,380 That is enough. 663 00:46:23,790 --> 00:46:26,586 You have a coach whistle. That's funny. I 664 00:46:26,608 --> 00:46:29,450 have a race whistle. That's not funny. 665 00:46:29,810 --> 00:46:33,066 This is the Dream Team. Seriously, 666 00:46:33,258 --> 00:46:35,722 what's up? I'm Jake, and I love poetry. 667 00:46:35,786 --> 00:46:37,694 No one cares. What's up. I'm Blaine, and I 668 00:46:37,732 --> 00:46:41,220 hate poetry. Easy, boys. This is my 669 00:46:41,590 --> 00:46:42,610 girlfriend. 670 00:46:44,550 --> 00:46:47,506 I'm a reporter, and I'm here to start my 671 00:46:47,528 --> 00:46:50,466 profile on the scene. Profile? Why would 672 00:46:50,488 --> 00:46:52,194 we need a profile? We're just getting 673 00:46:52,232 --> 00:46:52,820 started. 674 00:46:56,890 --> 00:47:00,120 You haven't told them? Told us what? 675 00:47:02,010 --> 00:47:03,240 Told us what? 676 00:47:18,530 --> 00:47:43,734 Ray bad. 677 00:47:43,852 --> 00:47:47,474 It's not that bad. Really? Have you lost 678 00:47:47,522 --> 00:47:49,282 your mind? You know the name Crating 679 00:47:49,346 --> 00:47:50,966 Company, it still means something in this 680 00:47:50,988 --> 00:47:52,966 town. And we're not going to besmirch it 681 00:47:52,988 --> 00:47:56,874 in this way. I'm going back 682 00:47:56,912 --> 00:47:58,726 to the woods. I've never been so disgusted 683 00:47:58,758 --> 00:48:01,420 in my life. I ain't no chick, bro. 684 00:48:04,270 --> 00:48:07,066 I'd cut my dick off for you, Coach. Just 685 00:48:07,088 --> 00:48:09,420 say the word and it's gone. 686 00:48:10,290 --> 00:48:12,926 And I'm not dragging him into it. I'm not 687 00:48:13,028 --> 00:48:14,640 doing some stupid thing. 688 00:48:16,130 --> 00:48:18,830 Come on, take a knee, 689 00:48:23,990 --> 00:48:27,714 boys. No men. 690 00:48:27,912 --> 00:48:29,794 I know I'm asking a lot of you. Hell, 691 00:48:29,832 --> 00:48:31,954 I've always asked a lot of you, even when 692 00:48:31,992 --> 00:48:33,610 no one else would. Even when you didn't 693 00:48:33,630 --> 00:48:36,406 think you had anything left to give. Do 694 00:48:36,428 --> 00:48:40,040 you remember where that got us? I do. 695 00:48:40,650 --> 00:48:42,918 I remember holding that trophy in my hands 696 00:48:43,004 --> 00:48:46,246 with you boys by my side. And where have 697 00:48:46,268 --> 00:48:47,834 you gotten since I stopped asking too much 698 00:48:47,872 --> 00:48:51,130 of you? Jake and Blaine running the 699 00:48:51,200 --> 00:48:53,546 Skeeziest car lot on the skeeziest side of 700 00:48:53,568 --> 00:48:57,114 town. David too afraid to even leave 701 00:48:57,152 --> 00:49:00,830 the woods. It's so fat. I've gained three 702 00:49:00,900 --> 00:49:03,774 pounds since high school. You're fat. And 703 00:49:03,812 --> 00:49:07,166 Felix. I mean 704 00:49:07,188 --> 00:49:08,814 Felix. You did all right. Nobody saw that 705 00:49:08,852 --> 00:49:11,666 coming. You know what I'm offering you 706 00:49:11,688 --> 00:49:15,138 now? Something nobody's offered you in a 707 00:49:15,144 --> 00:49:18,434 long time. A chance. A chance at 708 00:49:18,472 --> 00:49:22,290 success. A chance at dignity. 709 00:49:23,830 --> 00:49:25,350 A chance at redemption. 710 00:49:27,610 --> 00:49:30,498 What about me, coach kind of already ended 711 00:49:30,514 --> 00:49:31,590 the speech, buddy. 712 00:49:35,010 --> 00:49:37,520 Screw it. I'm in. 713 00:49:39,890 --> 00:49:40,640 Fine. 714 00:49:43,590 --> 00:49:47,700 There's my boys. Me too. 715 00:49:50,470 --> 00:49:53,006 So are we or aren't we cutting our dicks 716 00:49:53,038 --> 00:49:54,626 off? Nobody's cutting their dicks off, 717 00:49:54,648 --> 00:49:56,726 budy. I totally would, though, just for 718 00:49:56,748 --> 00:50:00,566 the record. Dude, what's the 719 00:50:00,588 --> 00:50:04,194 deal with those two heteropaternal 720 00:50:04,242 --> 00:50:07,542 superfuckendation? They're half 721 00:50:07,596 --> 00:50:09,110 brother twins. 722 00:50:11,390 --> 00:50:14,060 Same mom, same time, 723 00:50:14,590 --> 00:50:17,920 different dance. Sounds hot. 724 00:50:18,850 --> 00:50:21,360 Daddy. Hey, 725 00:50:21,890 --> 00:50:25,166 where's my little athlete? Oh, this is 726 00:50:25,188 --> 00:50:28,706 Miss Gwen. Alex. Boyce, it's good to 727 00:50:28,728 --> 00:50:30,740 see you. What's up, Mrs. G? 728 00:50:32,790 --> 00:50:33,940 Hey, you. 729 00:50:36,870 --> 00:50:40,530 Hello, Robert. Hello, Darby. Your hands 730 00:50:40,600 --> 00:50:41,890 off my boyfriend. 731 00:50:44,230 --> 00:50:46,534 Thanks for ringing by. Huh? I got a little 732 00:50:46,572 --> 00:50:49,414 caught up. Look at this. 733 00:50:49,532 --> 00:50:51,638 You got the state champs back together. 734 00:50:51,804 --> 00:50:53,474 Yeah, we got a little something cooking, 735 00:50:53,522 --> 00:50:56,174 if you can believe it. And a girlfriend. 736 00:50:56,322 --> 00:50:57,754 She's a journalist. You can't believe 737 00:50:57,792 --> 00:51:00,698 anything she says. No, it's fine. 738 00:51:00,784 --> 00:51:03,260 I mean, why wouldn't you date? 739 00:51:06,110 --> 00:51:09,210 I hope you're finally happy, Doc. 740 00:51:12,610 --> 00:51:14,830 That's right. Walk away, bitch. 741 00:51:16,370 --> 00:51:18,320 It's the mother of my child, okay? 742 00:51:19,410 --> 00:51:21,658 Plus, I owe her a mortgage payment. It's 743 00:51:21,674 --> 00:51:23,362 the newest one. This came out this year. 744 00:51:23,496 --> 00:51:26,366 I saw a commercial for it. Lady Balders. 745 00:51:26,558 --> 00:51:29,220 Man up. Come on. 746 00:51:31,670 --> 00:51:34,774 Yes, sir. Ladies. Ladies. You look 747 00:51:34,812 --> 00:51:37,286 ridiculous. Felix, get that bra off your 748 00:51:37,308 --> 00:51:39,154 head. And you gotta shave your beard. 749 00:51:39,202 --> 00:51:40,886 Girls don't have beards, right? Lots of 750 00:51:40,908 --> 00:51:43,026 girls have beards, Daddy. My aunt 751 00:51:43,058 --> 00:51:45,606 teacher's a girl. Her beard is gray. 752 00:51:45,798 --> 00:51:47,898 Daddy's a little busy, so we're just going 753 00:51:47,904 --> 00:51:49,706 to put those headphones right back your 754 00:51:49,728 --> 00:51:52,314 little spawn is right. Girls can have 755 00:51:52,352 --> 00:51:54,810 beards. It's a great headline. 756 00:51:55,890 --> 00:51:58,480 What else has your teacher told you? 757 00:52:07,330 --> 00:52:09,362 Heterosexual is a whole different 758 00:52:09,416 --> 00:52:12,286 category. But really you only need a crap 759 00:52:12,318 --> 00:52:15,154 ton of drugs or complicated surgery every 760 00:52:15,192 --> 00:52:16,914 seven or eight months if your body gets a 761 00:52:16,952 --> 00:52:20,434 big. So a guy can 762 00:52:20,472 --> 00:52:23,126 become a girl with no physical changes at 763 00:52:23,148 --> 00:52:25,240 all? They were always a girl. 764 00:52:25,770 --> 00:52:28,854 Unless they decide they're guys again, in 765 00:52:28,892 --> 00:52:32,006 which case they were always guys. But what 766 00:52:32,028 --> 00:52:34,470 if they, like, go back and forth? Oh, 767 00:52:34,540 --> 00:52:38,266 that's called jigger fluid. So I can be a 768 00:52:38,288 --> 00:52:41,386 woman on the court and a man in the 769 00:52:41,408 --> 00:52:44,886 bedroom? I can't believe it. Nice. You 770 00:52:44,928 --> 00:52:46,350 mean when you're sleeping? 771 00:52:48,610 --> 00:52:52,026 Yes. Okay, I think that's enough knowledge 772 00:52:52,058 --> 00:52:53,790 for one day. Thank you, sweetie. 773 00:52:54,770 --> 00:52:57,600 So any questions? 774 00:52:58,870 --> 00:53:03,330 Yeah, coach? What is a woman? 775 00:53:05,670 --> 00:53:08,610 Guys, it's easy. Women are just like men, 776 00:53:08,680 --> 00:53:12,002 only better. Just shave your legs, 777 00:53:12,146 --> 00:53:13,846 tell each other how brave you are for 778 00:53:13,868 --> 00:53:15,794 things that require absolutely no physical 779 00:53:15,842 --> 00:53:18,486 courage. And don't be afraid to cry at 780 00:53:18,508 --> 00:53:20,550 work. Easy peasy. 781 00:53:24,570 --> 00:53:27,282 All right, I think that's enough, ladies. 782 00:53:27,346 --> 00:53:30,374 Better get some sleep. Tomorrow we start 783 00:53:30,412 --> 00:53:35,400 winning. Let's go, brave you. 784 00:53:49,330 --> 00:53:51,266 History is being made today, as for the 785 00:53:51,288 --> 00:53:53,234 first time ever, the United States will 786 00:53:53,272 --> 00:53:54,738 choose the athletes they send to the 787 00:53:54,744 --> 00:53:57,090 Global Games. From a competition open to 788 00:53:57,160 --> 00:54:00,590 all Americans. It's nice to know the 789 00:54:00,600 --> 00:54:03,330 little guy has a chance for once. Gwen. 790 00:54:03,490 --> 00:54:05,474 During my two weeks of sensitivity 791 00:54:05,522 --> 00:54:08,310 training, I discovered that I am not only. 792 00:54:08,380 --> 00:54:13,234 A raging scoliosexual, but also one 2048th 793 00:54:13,282 --> 00:54:15,986 pure Dakota Indian, so I know what it's 794 00:54:16,018 --> 00:54:18,774 like to overcome adversity. Right, 795 00:54:18,812 --> 00:54:21,986 Stacy? Stacy Santiago O'Brien 796 00:54:22,018 --> 00:54:23,640 is my slave name. 797 00:54:36,370 --> 00:54:38,740 Stacey drake, back to you. 798 00:54:41,430 --> 00:54:43,538 Remember that feeling, boys. The thrill of 799 00:54:43,544 --> 00:54:44,370 the crowd. 800 00:54:48,950 --> 00:54:51,060 Are you crazy? What? 801 00:54:54,150 --> 00:54:57,366 All right, pack it up. Pack it up. Here we 802 00:54:57,388 --> 00:54:58,520 go. Here we go. 803 00:55:01,450 --> 00:55:03,494 That's the end of the men's qualifying 804 00:55:03,542 --> 00:55:07,034 round. Up next, the women who 805 00:55:07,072 --> 00:55:09,754 owns this game, ladyball who was born for 806 00:55:09,792 --> 00:55:12,454 this game, ladyball who loves America. 807 00:55:12,582 --> 00:55:15,282 Ladyballers who can keep a secret. 808 00:55:15,446 --> 00:55:20,014 Ladyballers. Ladyballers on 3123. 809 00:55:20,132 --> 00:55:54,818 Ladyballers Sadie's. 810 00:55:54,834 --> 00:55:58,662 Basketball, boys. Nobody watches. You said 811 00:55:58,716 --> 00:56:01,286 the thrill of the crab. That was 812 00:56:01,308 --> 00:56:04,840 rhetorical. How'd they clear out so fast? 813 00:56:05,330 --> 00:56:07,120 It I don't know. 814 00:56:20,470 --> 00:56:23,058 Hey, what's your problem? Never seen a 815 00:56:23,064 --> 00:56:25,634 ladies basketball team before? Those 816 00:56:25,752 --> 00:56:27,780 aren't like aren't what? 817 00:56:32,740 --> 00:56:34,596 Guys, I'm getting paid, like, $50 to be 818 00:56:34,618 --> 00:56:36,070 here. I don't care. 819 00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:41,270 Hey, 820 00:56:44,120 --> 00:56:48,200 I'm a lesbian. I'm a lesbian. 821 00:56:55,820 --> 00:56:58,008 All right, ladies, keep it clean. Keep it 822 00:56:58,014 --> 00:57:03,484 tucked. Just throw it back 823 00:57:03,522 --> 00:57:04,940 on deep. Back on deep. 824 00:57:08,160 --> 00:57:09,688 What are they doing? I think they're 825 00:57:09,704 --> 00:57:11,784 running a set. They're making me nervous. 826 00:57:11,912 --> 00:57:13,630 Hey, watch out. Watch out. 827 00:57:14,880 --> 00:57:17,948 Oh, my God. I am so sorry. 828 00:57:18,114 --> 00:57:19,580 Get down the corn. 829 00:57:22,800 --> 00:57:40,768 You that's 830 00:57:40,864 --> 00:57:44,032 garbage technical. 831 00:57:44,096 --> 00:57:46,740 And you shut the up. Franz phobic mother. 832 00:57:47,640 --> 00:58:11,072 Oh, it welcome 833 00:58:11,126 --> 00:58:14,980 to my rodeo welcome to my rodeo 834 00:58:15,960 --> 00:58:19,284 welcome to my rodeo welcome to 835 00:58:19,322 --> 00:58:22,900 my welcome to my welcome to my rodeo. 836 00:58:52,960 --> 00:58:55,016 This is great. It's like watching men's 837 00:58:55,048 --> 00:58:55,980 basketball. 838 00:59:38,480 --> 00:59:41,400 We're hugging. We're hugging. It's weird. 839 00:59:41,480 --> 00:59:43,420 Ladyball forever, baby. 840 00:59:45,360 --> 00:59:48,430 Davina. Yeah. 841 01:00:13,660 --> 01:00:16,088 Guys, I'm on the team now. 842 01:00:16,254 --> 01:00:19,208 That felt good. 843 01:00:19,374 --> 01:00:22,588 The crowd loved us. Have you seen the 844 01:00:22,594 --> 01:00:26,328 reaction on Social? We're heroes. I didn't 845 01:00:26,344 --> 01:00:27,756 know it was going to feel this good. I 846 01:00:27,778 --> 01:00:29,500 want to stuff myself in a locker. 847 01:00:32,420 --> 01:00:34,640 How's it feel to be winners again, boys? 848 01:00:35,700 --> 01:00:37,570 Amazing. Incredible. Amazing. 849 01:00:38,820 --> 01:00:40,290 David, what's your problem? 850 01:00:42,260 --> 01:00:44,780 I don't know, Coach. It's just some of 851 01:00:44,790 --> 01:00:46,192 those girls we're out there beating, 852 01:00:46,256 --> 01:00:48,004 they've worked their entire lives for this 853 01:00:48,042 --> 01:00:50,384 opportunity. I didn't make the rules, 854 01:00:50,432 --> 01:00:53,748 pal. Okay, but aren't we just using our 855 01:00:53,834 --> 01:00:57,144 innate strength and speed to wail on 856 01:00:57,182 --> 01:01:00,024 a bunch of girls in a competition where we 857 01:01:00,062 --> 01:01:02,440 wouldn't stand a chance against other men? 858 01:01:02,590 --> 01:01:06,184 None. I mean, Coach, what's that 859 01:01:06,222 --> 01:01:09,644 make us? Winners? I'll take a course. 860 01:01:09,682 --> 01:01:12,764 I would for a thousand growing couch. Not 861 01:01:12,802 --> 01:01:15,020 cases. Cups of daily double. 862 01:01:21,440 --> 01:01:25,040 Put a baby in me. What? No, you're right. 863 01:01:25,190 --> 01:01:27,036 The last thing I need is another abortion 864 01:01:27,068 --> 01:01:30,850 this year. You're a monster. What? 865 01:01:31,220 --> 01:01:32,768 You have any idea what it takes to be a 866 01:01:32,774 --> 01:01:35,024 female field reporter in the 29th biggest 867 01:01:35,072 --> 01:01:36,870 media market? No. 868 01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:41,412 Whatever. I just think what we're doing 869 01:01:41,466 --> 01:01:46,324 here isn't right. No way. 870 01:01:46,522 --> 01:01:49,480 I just got sponsored by Maybelline. 871 01:01:50,540 --> 01:01:52,600 Nike wants me to be in a commercial about 872 01:01:52,670 --> 01:01:55,256 tolerance or some crap. Nike wants me to 873 01:01:55,278 --> 01:01:56,984 be in a commercial about tolerance or some 874 01:01:57,022 --> 01:01:59,704 crap. I was just invited to the White 875 01:01:59,742 --> 01:02:02,632 House to give a talk on women's rights. 876 01:02:02,696 --> 01:02:04,876 You earn that, you own it. Slight girl you 877 01:02:04,898 --> 01:02:06,856 go, girl. Welcome to the Virtue economy, 878 01:02:06,888 --> 01:02:09,436 girls. And that's just from one game of 879 01:02:09,458 --> 01:02:12,832 basketball. You could win at any 880 01:02:12,966 --> 01:02:16,032 sport. You could win at every 881 01:02:16,166 --> 01:02:19,536 sport. No. All right, 882 01:02:19,558 --> 01:02:22,348 focus up, focus up. She's right, Coach. 883 01:02:22,444 --> 01:02:25,200 We could dominate every woman's sport. 884 01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:28,704 Running, swimming, soccer. I said sport, 885 01:02:28,752 --> 01:02:31,350 Felix. Hey, we talked about this. 886 01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:34,500 We should be kings. Queens. 887 01:02:35,000 --> 01:02:37,368 No, that's not the plan. We're here to 888 01:02:37,374 --> 01:02:39,428 play basketball. We still have four games 889 01:02:39,444 --> 01:02:41,236 to go before we even qualify. You can't 890 01:02:41,268 --> 01:02:42,890 assume they're all going to be this easy. 891 01:02:43,820 --> 01:02:45,050 I'm with her. 892 01:02:48,080 --> 01:02:51,070 Holy crap. They are going to be this easy. 893 01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:17,552 It out in the streets, 894 01:03:17,616 --> 01:03:21,092 you're fighting coming up in 895 01:03:21,146 --> 01:03:26,472 a time where you 896 01:03:26,526 --> 01:03:31,370 made it no one can take history 897 01:03:33,420 --> 01:03:36,196 one small step for dudes one giant leap 898 01:03:36,228 --> 01:03:37,160 for lesbian. 899 01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:46,652 Always reaching, driving, sweating for it. 900 01:03:46,706 --> 01:03:49,324 You're number one, so you know that got 901 01:03:49,362 --> 01:03:52,144 him focused. There's a sleeping in when 902 01:03:52,182 --> 01:03:54,080 you live the dream, 903 01:03:55,060 --> 01:04:02,576 brother can't you see what 904 01:04:02,598 --> 01:04:04,310 can take it for you? 905 01:04:07,800 --> 01:04:11,652 You always had a day one of being a girl 906 01:04:11,706 --> 01:04:13,696 athlete. I've already eaten a whole pint 907 01:04:13,728 --> 01:04:15,616 of pistachio ice cream, given up on 908 01:04:15,658 --> 01:04:18,376 parallel parking twice. Reread Sense and 909 01:04:18,398 --> 01:04:20,936 Sensibility and started washing down 910 01:04:20,958 --> 01:04:25,048 Benzodiazepines with Rose. I love you, 911 01:04:25,134 --> 01:04:28,744 girl how'd I do? Ladies, this is 912 01:04:28,782 --> 01:04:31,564 going to count on you. 913 01:04:31,682 --> 01:04:34,344 Butterfly, just look inside we're waiting 914 01:04:34,392 --> 01:04:38,140 on you you always had the freedom 915 01:04:38,640 --> 01:04:42,536 take any commerce and be my pronouns 916 01:04:42,568 --> 01:04:46,684 are I'm wrong you always 917 01:04:46,802 --> 01:04:53,060 had the freedom no 918 01:04:53,250 --> 01:06:36,750 mo ras. 919 01:06:36,770 --> 01:06:39,562 If I'm really being honest, I've never 920 01:06:39,616 --> 01:06:43,210 completely known myself. Or been known 921 01:06:44,110 --> 01:06:47,694 until now. You've all overcome so many 922 01:06:47,732 --> 01:06:51,530 obstacles. I've developed body positivity 923 01:06:51,610 --> 01:06:55,258 issues. She's a. Yeah, it still hasn't 924 01:06:55,274 --> 01:06:58,478 been easy. Some people wouldn't even let 925 01:06:58,484 --> 01:07:02,130 us use the women's showers. No such 926 01:07:02,200 --> 01:07:04,178 bigotry. You know, it's been especially 927 01:07:04,264 --> 01:07:07,234 hard for Felix here, who was bullied in 928 01:07:07,272 --> 01:07:10,690 high school. It's. She L coach. 929 01:07:11,430 --> 01:07:13,346 Maybe you can just, like, not dead name me 930 01:07:13,368 --> 01:07:16,598 for five freaking seconds. Okay. You know, 931 01:07:16,604 --> 01:07:18,230 as my daughter Winnie has informed me, 932 01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:20,454 one can even be trans age now, which 933 01:07:20,492 --> 01:07:21,954 provides Shealix with a wonderful 934 01:07:22,002 --> 01:07:23,906 opportunity to relive all the experiences 935 01:07:23,938 --> 01:07:27,094 that she missed out on in school. Like 936 01:07:27,132 --> 01:07:30,120 having my period never happened. Yes. 937 01:07:30,570 --> 01:07:32,230 Let's go to the package. 938 01:08:19,390 --> 01:08:21,434 What do you say, Coach, to people at home 939 01:08:21,472 --> 01:08:24,214 who suggest your athletes have unfair 940 01:08:24,262 --> 01:08:26,982 natural advantages and LeBron doesn't? 941 01:08:27,046 --> 01:08:29,126 Tiger doesn't. We're talking about elite 942 01:08:29,158 --> 01:08:30,686 athletes, Quinn. Of course they have 943 01:08:30,708 --> 01:08:32,686 natural gifts. What about people who say 944 01:08:32,708 --> 01:08:34,714 that women could never compete in men's 945 01:08:34,762 --> 01:08:37,338 sports? Well, that's a lie. Caitlin Jenner 946 01:08:37,354 --> 01:08:40,574 won the men's decathlon in 1976. My ladies 947 01:08:40,622 --> 01:08:42,686 were high school state champions in boys 948 01:08:42,718 --> 01:08:46,206 basketball. Some would say they were boys 949 01:08:46,238 --> 01:08:48,980 back then. Well, anyone who would say that 950 01:08:49,670 --> 01:08:51,410 doesn't understand science. 951 01:08:57,150 --> 01:08:59,854 That was fun. You want to grab some 952 01:08:59,892 --> 01:09:01,466 avocado toast and time into the furnace 953 01:09:01,498 --> 01:09:03,374 again? I think the blisters are starting 954 01:09:03,412 --> 01:09:05,486 to heal from last time. Not here, you 955 01:09:05,508 --> 01:09:08,346 idiots. That was awesome. Mr. 956 01:09:08,388 --> 01:09:10,500 Wild. Who said you could speak to me. 957 01:09:10,950 --> 01:09:13,874 Okay. You did it, 958 01:09:13,912 --> 01:09:16,994 Daddy. Hey, there she 959 01:09:17,032 --> 01:09:19,698 is. Okay, daddy's going to talk to the 960 01:09:19,704 --> 01:09:21,958 girls. Score 1 minute. Can you wait for me 961 01:09:21,964 --> 01:09:22,680 over there? 962 01:09:25,450 --> 01:09:28,498 Bella's? Where's the after party? No party 963 01:09:28,514 --> 01:09:30,914 for me, Coach. Gotta work on my backhand 964 01:09:30,962 --> 01:09:32,662 so I can make the women's tennis team 965 01:09:32,716 --> 01:09:35,874 tomorrow. Yeah, we're out, too, Coach. 966 01:09:35,922 --> 01:09:37,866 Got a couple hawkheads coming over to the 967 01:09:37,888 --> 01:09:40,490 office for an old fashioned sleepover. 968 01:09:41,230 --> 01:09:43,066 Y'all know girls don't have sex with each 969 01:09:43,088 --> 01:09:45,290 other at sleepovers, right? Wait, what? 970 01:09:45,360 --> 01:09:47,166 Look, they told me Internet made a 971 01:09:47,188 --> 01:09:48,158 mistake. I didn't make this. That's why I 972 01:09:48,164 --> 01:09:51,338 gave you lying. Well, that's why mom hated 973 01:09:51,354 --> 01:09:55,198 you. Felix got a 974 01:09:55,204 --> 01:09:57,694 blog, babe. Day three of being a girl 975 01:09:57,732 --> 01:09:59,870 athlete. I already have 2 million 976 01:09:59,940 --> 01:10:02,910 followers. Like and subscribe bitch. 977 01:10:04,210 --> 01:10:05,746 Well, hey, I need you fresh tomorrow for 978 01:10:05,768 --> 01:10:07,154 the game. How? I don't stay up all night. 979 01:10:07,192 --> 01:10:08,740 I'm always fresh, girl. 980 01:10:12,570 --> 01:10:14,246 Hey, that was quite a display back there 981 01:10:14,268 --> 01:10:16,326 with the waterworks. You all right? I 982 01:10:16,348 --> 01:10:18,054 meant every word. This is the best 983 01:10:18,092 --> 01:10:20,886 experience of my life, Coach. I feel like 984 01:10:20,908 --> 01:10:23,880 a brand new woman. Brand new man. 985 01:10:24,250 --> 01:10:27,094 What? Oops. Where is my head? 986 01:10:27,132 --> 01:10:29,058 I've got to get to the spa for a manipetty 987 01:10:29,074 --> 01:10:30,230 before the game tomorrow. 988 01:10:34,850 --> 01:10:36,110 That was weird. 989 01:10:49,190 --> 01:10:52,850 Mommy. Hi, sweetie. 990 01:10:54,790 --> 01:10:56,418 Can you go wait with Chris in the car for 991 01:10:56,424 --> 01:10:58,098 a second? Mommy needs to talk to Daddy for 992 01:10:58,104 --> 01:10:58,850 a minute. 993 01:11:01,770 --> 01:11:04,754 What's up? You have to stop, Rob. 994 01:11:04,882 --> 01:11:07,174 Stop what? The Crane boys. Really? What 995 01:11:07,212 --> 01:11:09,078 about them? They barely even bother to 996 01:11:09,084 --> 01:11:12,374 shave their legs. My former lover the 997 01:11:12,412 --> 01:11:14,938 turf. Oh, please. Look, I don't know what 998 01:11:14,944 --> 01:11:16,806 to tell you. My girls say they're girls, 999 01:11:16,838 --> 01:11:18,506 so they're girls, but they don't even 1000 01:11:18,528 --> 01:11:21,914 believe it. Except maybe Alex. That kid 1001 01:11:21,952 --> 01:11:23,980 isn't well. No. 1002 01:11:26,930 --> 01:11:31,646 You know what? I think they need a 1003 01:11:31,668 --> 01:11:32,350 hug. 1004 01:11:36,690 --> 01:11:38,446 Half of these ideas come from Winnie. You 1005 01:11:38,468 --> 01:11:40,398 know, between your stupid woke school and 1006 01:11:40,404 --> 01:11:42,026 your stupid woke boyfriend. That's 1007 01:11:42,058 --> 01:11:44,298 different. How is it different? Chris, 1008 01:11:44,474 --> 01:11:47,854 he's big hearted. You're taking 1009 01:11:47,892 --> 01:11:50,214 advantage so guys like Chris get to just 1010 01:11:50,252 --> 01:11:52,166 make this crap up, and if I go along with 1011 01:11:52,188 --> 01:11:53,734 it, I'm taking advantage? That's real 1012 01:11:53,772 --> 01:11:55,330 nice. You're better than this, Rob. 1013 01:11:55,410 --> 01:11:56,566 You're the one who couldn't handle being 1014 01:11:56,588 --> 01:11:58,006 married to a loser. You're the one who 1015 01:11:58,028 --> 01:12:00,022 told me to try winning sometime. I never 1016 01:12:00,076 --> 01:12:02,374 cared if you won or lost. I just wanted 1017 01:12:02,412 --> 01:12:04,682 you to be happy. You were always so 1018 01:12:04,736 --> 01:12:06,506 unhappy. Well, take a good look, because 1019 01:12:06,528 --> 01:12:09,082 I'm happy. Baby, you know this is wrong. 1020 01:12:09,216 --> 01:12:11,238 I'm happy and my girls are happy. They're 1021 01:12:11,254 --> 01:12:12,730 not real girls, 1022 01:12:18,130 --> 01:12:18,910 Chris. 1023 01:12:22,050 --> 01:12:26,160 No, you know what? Fine. I'm the bad guy. 1024 01:12:27,090 --> 01:12:28,430 Come on, Winnie. 1025 01:12:37,090 --> 01:12:38,880 At least we still have each other. 1026 01:13:02,410 --> 01:13:05,200 Alexa. What's? Get in the game. 1027 01:13:17,170 --> 01:13:18,240 Come on. 1028 01:13:34,250 --> 01:13:37,080 Excuse me. Are these seats open? 1029 01:13:39,050 --> 01:13:42,146 Never mind. Told you we should have sprung 1030 01:13:42,178 --> 01:13:43,430 for the box seat. 1031 01:13:45,610 --> 01:13:47,594 Put your prop I think the girl broke my 1032 01:13:47,632 --> 01:13:49,580 nail. Get off my foot. 1033 01:13:50,670 --> 01:13:53,260 You tennis looks so easy. 1034 01:13:54,670 --> 01:13:56,474 Flair. Would you run a freaking marathon 1035 01:13:56,522 --> 01:13:59,054 last night? Let's just say david was wrong 1036 01:13:59,092 --> 01:14:00,654 about the girl's sleepover last night. 1037 01:14:00,692 --> 01:14:03,738 Coach jake. 1038 01:14:03,834 --> 01:14:05,598 Let's just say David was wrong about the 1039 01:14:05,604 --> 01:14:07,470 girl's sleepover last night, Coach. 1040 01:14:07,890 --> 01:14:10,238 Monica from the Hawkettes played a little 1041 01:14:10,244 --> 01:14:12,046 one on one with her last night. Shirts and 1042 01:14:12,068 --> 01:14:14,494 skin style. Kept me up like half the 1043 01:14:14,532 --> 01:14:16,846 night. What? Monica kept me up half the 1044 01:14:16,868 --> 01:14:21,846 night. Which half? Do you told 1045 01:14:21,868 --> 01:14:43,430 you not to talk. You must have that's. 1046 01:15:08,890 --> 01:15:11,320 It all right. 1047 01:15:12,970 --> 01:15:15,174 What can I say? It wasn't a pretty win, 1048 01:15:15,212 --> 01:15:17,238 but it was a win. My girls look forward to 1049 01:15:17,244 --> 01:15:18,694 participating in the championship game 1050 01:15:18,732 --> 01:15:21,080 tomorrow. That's it. Any questions? 1051 01:15:40,820 --> 01:15:44,448 Daddy, can we talk? Daddy's a 1052 01:15:44,454 --> 01:15:46,450 little busy right now, honey. Can we? 1053 01:15:51,080 --> 01:15:53,540 Of course you can, baby. Anytime. 1054 01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:57,910 Come on, sit down. Yeah. 1055 01:16:00,520 --> 01:16:02,268 I'm sorry you saw mom and dad fighting 1056 01:16:02,304 --> 01:16:05,448 last night. That's not for you. I want to 1057 01:16:05,454 --> 01:16:06,330 be a boy. 1058 01:16:09,550 --> 01:16:12,074 What? I want to be a winner just like you, 1059 01:16:12,112 --> 01:16:12,810 Daddy. 1060 01:16:17,970 --> 01:16:20,000 What's that have to do with being a boy? 1061 01:16:20,450 --> 01:16:23,870 Boys are better at everything. Honey, 1062 01:16:25,410 --> 01:16:27,246 that's just not true. They're better at 1063 01:16:27,268 --> 01:16:29,874 basketball. Okay, yeah, basketball and 1064 01:16:29,912 --> 01:16:32,882 swimming. Okay, MMA. That goes without 1065 01:16:32,936 --> 01:16:35,154 saying. And running and javelin, power 1066 01:16:35,192 --> 01:16:37,310 lifting, shot putt. Hockey, karate, 1067 01:16:37,390 --> 01:16:39,678 football, hole vault driving, parking, 1068 01:16:39,774 --> 01:16:42,142 most of the stem fields. Rock and roll. 1069 01:16:42,206 --> 01:16:44,440 Opening pickle jars. Okay, 1070 01:16:45,370 --> 01:16:47,014 yeah, boys are better at all of those 1071 01:16:47,052 --> 01:16:49,302 things. But those are just things, 1072 01:16:49,356 --> 01:16:51,686 Winnie. Things boys made up so we'd have 1073 01:16:51,708 --> 01:16:53,000 something to be good at. 1074 01:16:55,390 --> 01:16:58,774 Doesn't matter anyway, because girls can't 1075 01:16:58,822 --> 01:17:02,566 become boys. Boys clearly can't 1076 01:17:02,598 --> 01:17:05,820 become girls. Listen, 1077 01:17:06,590 --> 01:17:08,640 women are better at all kinds of things. 1078 01:17:09,090 --> 01:17:11,646 They can be nurturing and sensitive and 1079 01:17:11,668 --> 01:17:14,174 empathetic. Better at doing lots of things 1080 01:17:14,212 --> 01:17:15,934 at once and caring for a lot of people at 1081 01:17:15,972 --> 01:17:18,862 once. They're better at communicating and 1082 01:17:18,916 --> 01:17:19,920 building community. 1083 01:17:22,930 --> 01:17:24,660 And they civilize men. 1084 01:17:25,910 --> 01:17:27,218 It's the only reason we have a 1085 01:17:27,224 --> 01:17:29,540 civilization. No women, 1086 01:17:31,370 --> 01:17:35,746 no world. Did Mommy civilize 1087 01:17:35,778 --> 01:17:36,360 you? 1088 01:17:41,610 --> 01:17:42,600 She tried. 1089 01:17:46,750 --> 01:17:48,300 I think she's still trying. 1090 01:17:50,270 --> 01:17:52,220 Plus, Mommy brought you into the world. 1091 01:17:52,590 --> 01:17:54,650 That's a superpower no man will ever have. 1092 01:17:54,720 --> 01:17:56,880 Yeah. Okay. 1093 01:17:59,970 --> 01:18:02,206 You go with Mommy. Daddy's got a few 1094 01:18:02,228 --> 01:18:03,360 things to figure out. 1095 01:18:16,290 --> 01:18:19,602 The sunset is rising the love we feel 1096 01:18:19,656 --> 01:18:21,826 despite our faults could change hearts for 1097 01:18:21,848 --> 01:18:25,206 some just a sip more brandy seems 1098 01:18:25,308 --> 01:18:28,678 perfectly sad or at least 1099 01:18:28,764 --> 01:18:33,734 the feel is fine we 1100 01:18:33,772 --> 01:18:36,982 break bread again we see our 1101 01:18:37,036 --> 01:18:42,554 wicked truth and make plans my 1102 01:18:42,592 --> 01:18:44,426 God, you're weak. How the hell did you get 1103 01:18:44,448 --> 01:18:47,386 in here? You gave me a key. I absolutely 1104 01:18:47,488 --> 01:18:49,306 did not give you a key. You're right. I 1105 01:18:49,328 --> 01:18:52,762 picked the lock. What do you want, Gwen? 1106 01:18:52,906 --> 01:18:55,066 What do I want? How about for you to stick 1107 01:18:55,098 --> 01:18:56,906 to your end of the deal? Your merry band 1108 01:18:56,938 --> 01:18:59,102 of losers almost shit the bed out there. 1109 01:18:59,156 --> 01:19:00,858 Yeah, we won, didn't we? And what's with 1110 01:19:00,884 --> 01:19:02,562 all this boys and girls are different, 1111 01:19:02,616 --> 01:19:05,054 honey? At least you can have babies crap. 1112 01:19:05,102 --> 01:19:06,820 Would you bug the locker room? 1113 01:19:08,790 --> 01:19:10,818 What if that had been for a different 1114 01:19:10,904 --> 01:19:13,250 network, idiot? 1115 01:19:14,310 --> 01:19:16,520 I'm sorry. I forgot I was Micked. Okay. 1116 01:19:19,850 --> 01:19:22,550 I just need you to be a winner, Coach. 1117 01:19:23,470 --> 01:19:27,926 Okay. No, I'm sorry. It's this divorce. 1118 01:19:28,118 --> 01:19:29,866 I think it's really starting to affect my 1119 01:19:29,888 --> 01:19:32,570 daughter. Seriously? 1120 01:19:33,710 --> 01:19:35,466 Of course your divorce is affecting your 1121 01:19:35,488 --> 01:19:37,786 daughter. 70% of all people in prison come 1122 01:19:37,808 --> 01:19:39,626 from broken families. She's twice as 1123 01:19:39,648 --> 01:19:41,338 likely to do drugs, twice as likely to 1124 01:19:41,344 --> 01:19:43,178 drop out of school, four times as likely 1125 01:19:43,194 --> 01:19:44,718 to have trouble fitting in, three times as 1126 01:19:44,724 --> 01:19:46,366 likely to end up in therapy, twice as 1127 01:19:46,388 --> 01:19:48,798 likely to commit suicide, 50% more likely 1128 01:19:48,814 --> 01:19:52,786 to have health problems. Do you people not 1129 01:19:52,808 --> 01:19:54,354 even do a freaking Google search before 1130 01:19:54,392 --> 01:19:56,434 you decide to blow up the planet your kids 1131 01:19:56,472 --> 01:19:57,300 live on? 1132 01:20:00,070 --> 01:20:08,866 Greeters Winnie's 1133 01:20:08,898 --> 01:20:12,018 going to be fine. Just keep fighting 1134 01:20:12,034 --> 01:20:14,474 with her mom and get her into a school 1135 01:20:14,512 --> 01:20:17,994 journalism program. She could end up like 1136 01:20:18,032 --> 01:20:20,860 me. Oh, God. 1137 01:20:33,890 --> 01:20:36,766 I just need you to focus on what really 1138 01:20:36,948 --> 01:20:39,490 matters. Winning. 1139 01:20:40,550 --> 01:20:43,746 Winning tomorrow and becoming the most 1140 01:20:43,848 --> 01:20:47,602 important news story in the history of 1141 01:20:47,656 --> 01:20:50,100 sports. Okay? 1142 01:20:53,450 --> 01:20:55,126 What we're doing to these women. The 1143 01:20:55,148 --> 01:20:57,560 entire concept of women's sports is wrong. 1144 01:21:06,510 --> 01:21:09,194 Stop It. You listen to me, Coach. These 1145 01:21:09,232 --> 01:21:12,554 are not sexy slaps. Do you hear me? Do not 1146 01:21:12,592 --> 01:21:14,780 get aroused right now. Not even a little. 1147 01:21:16,510 --> 01:21:20,306 I stake my entire future on this deep 1148 01:21:20,358 --> 01:21:22,826 transhumanist tech oligarchs and nihilist 1149 01:21:22,858 --> 01:21:24,586 college professors have already convinced 1150 01:21:24,618 --> 01:21:26,286 every self righteous housewife with 1151 01:21:26,308 --> 01:21:28,366 munchausen by proxy to sacrifice their 1152 01:21:28,388 --> 01:21:30,370 kids on the altar of false virtue. 1153 01:21:31,910 --> 01:21:34,500 The least we could do is get rich off it. 1154 01:21:36,150 --> 01:21:39,554 Gracie. You ruin this for me, and I'll cut 1155 01:21:39,592 --> 01:21:43,990 you in ways that don't lead to orgasm. 1156 01:21:45,050 --> 01:21:48,070 I'll cancel you. Robert. 1157 01:21:53,210 --> 01:21:56,746 Are we ever even going to have sex? How 1158 01:21:56,848 --> 01:21:57,500 Much? 1159 01:22:02,270 --> 01:22:04,518 It's an amazing day for Middle Tennessee 1160 01:22:04,614 --> 01:22:07,670 as 10,000 people are gathered right here 1161 01:22:07,760 --> 01:22:10,762 in Music City for the women's championship 1162 01:22:10,826 --> 01:22:13,662 basketball match in the first ever US. 1163 01:22:13,716 --> 01:22:16,286 Open for the Global Games. A big day for 1164 01:22:16,308 --> 01:22:19,514 sports and a big day for trans rights, 1165 01:22:19,642 --> 01:22:22,670 which are women's rights, which are human 1166 01:22:22,740 --> 01:22:24,962 rights. Why do you always get to talk 1167 01:22:25,016 --> 01:22:27,474 first? I beg your pardon? It's just 1168 01:22:27,512 --> 01:22:29,774 evidence of systemic sexism and racism. 1169 01:22:29,822 --> 01:22:31,940 Drake you Are Very White, 1170 01:22:39,510 --> 01:22:43,234 ladies and gentlemen and in between from 1171 01:22:43,272 --> 01:23:04,970 mass 1172 01:23:07,790 --> 01:23:11,122 and from Santa fe the 1173 01:23:11,176 --> 01:23:43,546 skinless cowgirl why 1174 01:23:43,568 --> 01:23:45,850 is Gwen Wilde talking to their Coach? 1175 01:23:47,650 --> 01:23:49,470 What's wrong with his neck? 1176 01:23:51,090 --> 01:23:53,838 Ernest Burns. I dated girl like that once. 1177 01:23:53,924 --> 01:23:56,222 The Cowgirls seem to have made some last 1178 01:23:56,276 --> 01:23:59,634 minute substitutions. Keep talking, big 1179 01:23:59,672 --> 01:24:00,260 man. 1180 01:24:03,110 --> 01:24:05,726 Those aren't the Santa Fe cowgirls. Let's 1181 01:24:05,758 --> 01:24:08,526 just say I made some substitution. Can't 1182 01:24:08,558 --> 01:24:10,046 substitute players in a qualification 1183 01:24:10,158 --> 01:24:11,878 match. Qualifying the players is the 1184 01:24:11,884 --> 01:24:14,600 entire point. There's no rule against it. 1185 01:24:16,570 --> 01:24:18,726 Yeah, pretty much. Just making it up as we 1186 01:24:18,748 --> 01:24:22,680 go. But they're not real. They're not what 1187 01:24:28,910 --> 01:24:31,046 she told me. There's a sniper here. It's 1188 01:24:31,078 --> 01:24:34,300 raptors right now. Help Me. 1189 01:24:38,370 --> 01:24:39,120 Okay. 1190 01:24:41,410 --> 01:24:43,150 What's the story there, Coach? 1191 01:24:44,130 --> 01:24:46,750 Gentlemen, alex. 1192 01:24:47,890 --> 01:24:49,950 I've known you men since you were boys. 1193 01:24:50,690 --> 01:24:52,070 This isn't the first time we've walked 1194 01:24:52,090 --> 01:24:54,446 into a championship game as the underdogs. 1195 01:24:54,638 --> 01:24:57,538 Remember what happened last time. We won. 1196 01:24:57,624 --> 01:25:00,740 We won. So ask yourselves this. 1197 01:25:01,350 --> 01:25:02,834 What do we have then that we don't have 1198 01:25:02,872 --> 01:25:05,458 now? Practice. Youth? A black guy on the 1199 01:25:05,464 --> 01:25:08,758 team? Heart. We had heart. We had love of 1200 01:25:08,764 --> 01:25:11,286 the game. We had the desire to win and the 1201 01:25:11,308 --> 01:25:14,326 determination to do it. It wasn't about 1202 01:25:14,428 --> 01:25:17,718 money. Then sponsorships, fame. Trying to 1203 01:25:17,724 --> 01:25:19,066 keep the psychojournalists I've been 1204 01:25:19,088 --> 01:25:20,458 trying to sleep with from shooting us all 1205 01:25:20,464 --> 01:25:23,546 with sniper rifles. What? It was 1206 01:25:23,568 --> 01:25:26,106 about basketball. Wait, you got tied to a 1207 01:25:26,128 --> 01:25:29,166 furnace and didn't get laid? I like to 1208 01:25:29,188 --> 01:25:32,510 move slow, Blaine. It's called respect. 1209 01:25:33,410 --> 01:25:35,646 It was about love of competition, then 1210 01:25:35,828 --> 01:25:38,190 love of your teammates. Love of America. 1211 01:25:38,690 --> 01:25:41,458 And it was about one simple, beautiful 1212 01:25:41,544 --> 01:25:45,570 truth. Winners are just losers 1213 01:25:46,150 --> 01:25:49,842 who win. There he is. I said winners are 1214 01:25:49,896 --> 01:25:53,506 just losers, sir. Winners are 1215 01:25:53,528 --> 01:25:56,642 just losers who win. Winners are just 1216 01:25:56,696 --> 01:25:59,854 losers who win. Winners are just losers 1217 01:25:59,902 --> 01:26:02,546 who win. Winners are just losers. I'm so 1218 01:26:02,568 --> 01:26:04,226 sick of you doing that. How was I supposed 1219 01:26:04,248 --> 01:26:05,610 to know when to stop? Did you guys 1220 01:26:05,640 --> 01:26:08,374 practice? How are you, Rich? 1221 01:26:08,422 --> 01:26:11,690 Yeah, let's play some basketball. 1222 01:26:32,000 --> 01:26:32,750 SA, 1223 01:27:59,330 --> 01:28:02,814 bro, you know tampons are for real girls, 1224 01:28:02,862 --> 01:28:05,554 right? No. Now they're for people who 1225 01:28:05,592 --> 01:28:07,860 bleed. Where'd you even get those things? 1226 01:28:08,390 --> 01:28:10,450 I found them in Alex's purse. 1227 01:28:11,830 --> 01:28:14,006 Oh, Lordy. Where does he put oh, great 1228 01:28:14,028 --> 01:28:15,080 balls of fire. 1229 01:28:21,540 --> 01:28:24,416 Jake. Blaine. Hey, 1230 01:28:24,438 --> 01:28:27,776 Monica. Hey. There's something I have to 1231 01:28:27,798 --> 01:28:28,690 tell you both. 1232 01:28:33,820 --> 01:28:37,400 I'm pregnant. Who's the father? 1233 01:28:38,940 --> 01:28:40,090 Both of you? 1234 01:28:46,260 --> 01:28:50,210 Heteropaternal superfacendation man. 1235 01:28:53,060 --> 01:28:55,410 How did she know any of that? This soon? 1236 01:28:59,140 --> 01:29:01,772 And the sins of the father will be visited 1237 01:29:01,836 --> 01:29:04,672 upon the son even until the third and 1238 01:29:04,726 --> 01:29:06,570 fourth generation it. 1239 01:29:32,630 --> 01:29:33,380 Ah. 1240 01:29:50,170 --> 01:29:51,750 What are we going to do? Coach? 1241 01:29:54,330 --> 01:29:55,190 Coach. 1242 01:29:58,750 --> 01:30:02,540 Coach Gibson. Drake diamond wiaw news. 1243 01:30:02,910 --> 01:30:06,426 How, Coach. Win or 1244 01:30:06,448 --> 01:30:08,826 lose, you have clearly changed the game of 1245 01:30:08,848 --> 01:30:11,070 women's basketball forever. 1246 01:30:11,890 --> 01:30:14,314 Inasmuch as, no matter the outcome, 1247 01:30:14,362 --> 01:30:16,734 tonight, for the first time ever, the 1248 01:30:16,772 --> 01:30:19,422 American team won't include a single real 1249 01:30:19,556 --> 01:30:22,666 biological woman. How does it feel to 1250 01:30:22,708 --> 01:30:25,966 change the world? All right, that's 1251 01:30:25,998 --> 01:30:27,700 enough. Whoa. All right. 1252 01:30:28,870 --> 01:30:31,700 Don't push me off my land, white man. 1253 01:30:34,310 --> 01:30:37,330 Is literally every journalist a lunatic. 1254 01:30:39,750 --> 01:30:42,260 Coach, you all right? 1255 01:31:18,870 --> 01:31:22,066 Boys, we've taken this thing about as far 1256 01:31:22,088 --> 01:31:24,226 as we're going to take it. Coach is right. 1257 01:31:24,328 --> 01:31:26,406 They're not even real girls. We're not 1258 01:31:26,428 --> 01:31:28,870 even real girls. No, we're not. Jake. 1259 01:31:29,210 --> 01:31:32,614 We're not men, either. Maybe we still can 1260 01:31:32,652 --> 01:31:35,830 be. We just have to lose. 1261 01:31:37,530 --> 01:31:40,346 You mean we'll never be going to the 1262 01:31:40,368 --> 01:31:43,546 Global Games? I am already qualified in 1263 01:31:43,568 --> 01:31:45,446 powerlifting. I landed a spot on the swim 1264 01:31:45,478 --> 01:31:47,910 team and the marathon. 100 meters hurdles. 1265 01:31:47,990 --> 01:31:50,454 400 meters hurdles. I am the fastest 1266 01:31:50,502 --> 01:31:52,666 female jockey in the world right now. Not 1267 01:31:52,688 --> 01:31:55,198 to brag, but you're going to forfeit all 1268 01:31:55,204 --> 01:31:57,950 of those positions. Coach. Coach. 1269 01:31:58,610 --> 01:32:01,310 Guys, you don't want your legacy to be 1270 01:32:01,380 --> 01:32:03,630 erasing women from women's sports. 1271 01:32:04,850 --> 01:32:06,480 It's time to man up. 1272 01:32:09,690 --> 01:32:13,066 So what's the plan, Coach? Think I've got 1273 01:32:13,088 --> 01:32:14,586 it all figured out. But I'm going to need 1274 01:32:14,608 --> 01:32:16,266 you boys to buy me some time. Can you do 1275 01:32:16,288 --> 01:32:18,000 that? Yes, sir. 1276 01:32:21,410 --> 01:32:24,046 Coach, there's a little red dot on my 1277 01:32:24,068 --> 01:32:27,870 forehead. I know, but I know Gwen. 1278 01:32:28,290 --> 01:32:30,578 She's a vindictive little minx, but I 1279 01:32:30,584 --> 01:32:32,100 don't think she'd actually hurt anybody. 1280 01:32:33,030 --> 01:32:36,866 Hold up a 1281 01:32:36,888 --> 01:32:37,890 lucky penny. 1282 01:32:43,430 --> 01:32:44,420 Damn it. 1283 01:32:49,190 --> 01:32:52,466 Coach. You what, 1284 01:32:52,488 --> 01:32:55,642 pal? I understand why this is wrong. 1285 01:32:55,776 --> 01:32:57,658 I mean, Shake and Blaine as real women? 1286 01:32:57,744 --> 01:33:00,218 Please. It's a miracle we got away with it 1287 01:33:00,224 --> 01:33:04,874 as long as we have. But I do. 1288 01:33:04,912 --> 01:33:09,050 What? I am a woman. 1289 01:33:09,790 --> 01:33:12,106 I mean, all those years playing 1290 01:33:12,138 --> 01:33:14,254 basketball, I never really felt like 1291 01:33:14,292 --> 01:33:16,558 myself. Decade in Hollywood trying to 1292 01:33:16,564 --> 01:33:18,638 figure out who I really was. And then I 1293 01:33:18,644 --> 01:33:22,034 started working at the Dollhouse. And this 1294 01:33:22,072 --> 01:33:25,620 is the real me, Coach. This is who I am. 1295 01:33:27,110 --> 01:33:29,714 Proud of myself. For the first time, my 1296 01:33:29,752 --> 01:33:32,526 parents are proud of me. Would parents 1297 01:33:32,558 --> 01:33:35,078 ever not been proud of you, Bud? What do 1298 01:33:35,084 --> 01:33:37,314 you mean? Your parents love you, Alex. 1299 01:33:37,362 --> 01:33:38,726 That's a good thing. Parents should love 1300 01:33:38,748 --> 01:33:42,374 their kids. I shouldn't be proud of you? 1301 01:33:42,412 --> 01:33:44,938 Unconditionally. Should only be proud of 1302 01:33:44,944 --> 01:33:46,454 you when you do what's right. What we've 1303 01:33:46,502 --> 01:33:50,140 done here, this isn't right. 1304 01:33:51,790 --> 01:33:54,186 You're confused. I get that. We all get 1305 01:33:54,208 --> 01:33:55,674 confused sometime. And if you need help, 1306 01:33:55,712 --> 01:33:58,300 Buddy, I'm going to help you get it. 1307 01:33:59,230 --> 01:34:00,894 You got to believe me when I tell you 1308 01:34:00,932 --> 01:34:03,950 this. You are not a woman. 1309 01:34:04,690 --> 01:34:06,894 You're just a lost man in a lost world 1310 01:34:06,932 --> 01:34:08,586 with shitty parents and a real shitty 1311 01:34:08,618 --> 01:34:10,906 coach who've all gone along with this lie 1312 01:34:10,938 --> 01:34:12,466 instead of just hurting your feelings and 1313 01:34:12,488 --> 01:34:15,234 telling you the truth. How can you be so 1314 01:34:15,272 --> 01:34:16,610 sure I'm not a woman? 1315 01:34:24,310 --> 01:34:27,140 Good talk. Good talk. 1316 01:34:35,910 --> 01:34:39,074 And Tim, it's your boy Deuce 1317 01:34:39,122 --> 01:34:42,070 Johnson here. Let's play the basketball. 1318 01:34:50,890 --> 01:34:53,880 No. I have to do this. 1319 01:34:56,510 --> 01:34:59,066 Ladies and gentlemen, I have an 1320 01:34:59,088 --> 01:35:01,340 announcement to make. I, 1321 01:35:01,710 --> 01:35:04,886 Blaine Crane of Ladyball Is Fame, 1322 01:35:04,998 --> 01:35:08,240 am not only a woman, which is obvious, 1323 01:35:09,250 --> 01:35:11,390 but I'm also a hot lesbian. 1324 01:35:12,290 --> 01:35:13,920 A lesbian in love. 1325 01:35:14,930 --> 01:35:18,226 Monica, my love. I knew I was 1326 01:35:18,248 --> 01:35:20,740 gay views since the first time I saw you. 1327 01:35:21,110 --> 01:35:23,780 Please come down here. 1328 01:35:26,870 --> 01:35:28,660 That's fine. I'll do it from here. 1329 01:35:28,970 --> 01:35:33,302 Monica, will you be my 1330 01:35:33,356 --> 01:35:36,018 lesbian wife? And I jake Clayton plays 1331 01:35:36,034 --> 01:35:38,130 lost fame. Of all he's super lesbian, 1332 01:35:38,210 --> 01:35:39,622 people say I'm the best upstairs around 1333 01:35:39,676 --> 01:35:41,158 right now. Monica, I love you. You're the 1334 01:35:41,164 --> 01:35:42,914 one for me. I'm trying to get married, 1335 01:35:42,962 --> 01:35:44,886 you dick. I'm getting married. I am, but 1336 01:35:44,908 --> 01:35:50,630 I'm hey, you're fighting. 1337 01:35:52,010 --> 01:35:53,118 Oh, no. She did. 1338 01:35:53,164 --> 01:36:02,830 Here's. 1339 01:36:06,230 --> 01:36:07,540 How much? 1340 01:36:08,950 --> 01:36:11,026 That's the biggest dick I've ever seen on 1341 01:36:11,048 --> 01:36:11,890 a lady. 1342 01:36:18,570 --> 01:36:20,854 Come on. We're here to topple the 1343 01:36:20,892 --> 01:36:23,080 patriarchy, not each other. 1344 01:36:25,450 --> 01:36:28,886 Wait. The Ladyballers are making some 1345 01:36:28,908 --> 01:36:29,830 substitution. 1346 01:36:43,490 --> 01:36:46,480 Come on, Coach. What is this? 1347 01:36:55,330 --> 01:36:57,674 What, you never seen a ladies basketball 1348 01:36:57,722 --> 01:36:58,640 team before? 1349 01:37:47,830 --> 01:37:50,286 What are they doing? I think they're 1350 01:37:50,318 --> 01:37:52,850 running a set. They're making me nervous. 1351 01:38:03,110 --> 01:38:50,566 Deeper. You get 1352 01:38:50,588 --> 01:38:52,086 on your man. Get on your man. Come on. 1353 01:38:52,108 --> 01:38:55,080 Hustle. Hustle. Proud of yourself? 1354 01:38:56,190 --> 01:38:57,420 Proud of the team. 1355 01:38:59,150 --> 01:39:01,734 Come on now. Hustle. I can still cancel 1356 01:39:01,782 --> 01:39:05,500 you. I can cancel all of you. You can. 1357 01:39:05,870 --> 01:39:08,910 You probably should. I won't. 1358 01:39:10,050 --> 01:39:13,646 You gave me a good story. It pains me 1359 01:39:13,668 --> 01:39:16,830 to say it, but you're a winner, Rob. 1360 01:39:18,050 --> 01:39:21,550 A reluctant winner, but still a winner. 1361 01:39:22,530 --> 01:39:25,678 I don't ever want to have sex with you. 1362 01:39:25,844 --> 01:39:28,946 No, I don't ever want to have sex with 1363 01:39:28,968 --> 01:39:33,038 you, either, Gwen. Really? Oh, no, I do. 1364 01:39:33,224 --> 01:39:35,160 I really, really do. 1365 01:39:36,090 --> 01:39:38,150 But I think our time together is heading. 1366 01:39:45,450 --> 01:39:47,030 See you around, Coach. 1367 01:39:51,130 --> 01:39:54,694 See you around, Gwen. All right, 1368 01:39:54,732 --> 01:39:56,680 ladies, form up. Form up. 1369 01:39:57,490 --> 01:39:58,240 It, 1370 01:40:22,490 --> 01:40:27,734 um and 1371 01:40:27,772 --> 01:40:30,274 that was the heartwarming scene at today's 1372 01:40:30,322 --> 01:40:33,862 Global Games final qualifiers. Just about 1373 01:40:33,916 --> 01:40:36,762 the cutest thing I have ever seen. A true 1374 01:40:36,816 --> 01:40:39,302 testament to the power of sportsmanship. 1375 01:40:39,446 --> 01:40:42,154 Absolutely. Though ultimately, the little 1376 01:40:42,192 --> 01:40:46,182 girls were trounced. Final score 418 1377 01:40:46,326 --> 01:40:51,850 to 16. 1378 01:40:56,530 --> 01:40:59,326 Welcome to the grand reopening of the 1379 01:40:59,348 --> 01:41:01,898 Crane and Company luxury used cars and 1380 01:41:01,924 --> 01:41:03,714 youth sports center, where you can still 1381 01:41:03,752 --> 01:41:06,786 get a deal on new wheels. And now you can 1382 01:41:06,808 --> 01:41:09,134 help kiddos learn how to dunk and steal 1383 01:41:09,262 --> 01:41:11,860 here at Craning Company. 1384 01:41:17,050 --> 01:41:19,266 Still sell bail bomb? You still sell bail 1385 01:41:19,298 --> 01:41:22,806 bomb. Plus, kids will have a chance to 1386 01:41:22,828 --> 01:41:24,838 figure out who they really are from the 1387 01:41:24,844 --> 01:41:27,126 best coach anyone could hope for. Coach, 1388 01:41:27,158 --> 01:41:28,780 you want to come say a few words? 1389 01:41:30,590 --> 01:41:32,570 Sellers. Sellers. Fellas, 1390 01:41:37,390 --> 01:41:40,686 I look out at all your faces. Some of you 1391 01:41:40,708 --> 01:41:42,480 loved me even when I didn't deserve it. 1392 01:41:44,290 --> 01:41:46,186 Some of you slapped me when I clearly 1393 01:41:46,218 --> 01:41:50,654 deserved it. You tased me precious 1394 01:41:50,702 --> 01:41:54,466 little provocation. I'm sorry. I think 1395 01:41:54,488 --> 01:41:56,354 I have a restraining order against you. 1396 01:41:56,472 --> 01:42:00,162 Oh, I said was too much. Look at all these 1397 01:42:00,216 --> 01:42:04,278 families and children. How do 1398 01:42:04,284 --> 01:42:06,226 these people live like this? It's 1399 01:42:06,258 --> 01:42:09,078 disgusting. All of you helped me learn an 1400 01:42:09,084 --> 01:42:11,606 important lesson. There's only one win 1401 01:42:11,628 --> 01:42:14,886 that matters now. Let's play some 1402 01:42:14,908 --> 01:42:15,670 basketball. 1403 01:42:18,990 --> 01:42:20,874 How big an investment did you make in 1404 01:42:20,912 --> 01:42:23,066 training company anyway? Oh, I own it 1405 01:42:23,088 --> 01:42:25,706 outright. Makes sense. Probably sell it 1406 01:42:25,728 --> 01:42:27,450 next week. Touche. 1407 01:42:34,930 --> 01:42:38,062 You're a good dad, Rob. You're a good mom. 1408 01:42:38,116 --> 01:42:40,786 Garb, I was thinking, why don't the three 1409 01:42:40,808 --> 01:42:42,098 of us get together this weekend, have a 1410 01:42:42,104 --> 01:42:44,820 little picnic? Oh, yeah. Why not? 1411 01:42:46,390 --> 01:42:49,538 Why not? Hey, 1412 01:42:49,704 --> 01:42:52,226 baldilock, I want to see a rebound. Come 1413 01:42:52,248 --> 01:42:55,438 on. Run that set again. Remember, winners 1414 01:42:55,454 --> 01:42:58,134 are just losers who do what's right. Come 1415 01:42:58,172 --> 01:43:01,174 on, now. Hustle, hustle, hustle. Use his 1416 01:43:01,212 --> 01:43:02,200 favorite line. 1417 01:43:09,130 --> 01:43:11,480 Here we go. 1418 01:43:14,250 --> 01:43:17,830 We'll get him next time. So silly. 1419 01:43:28,450 --> 01:43:30,622 Another sweet Daddy Walsh adventure comes 1420 01:43:30,676 --> 01:43:33,694 to a satisfying conclusion. What are you 1421 01:43:33,732 --> 01:43:36,654 talking about? I don't understand how 1422 01:43:36,692 --> 01:43:38,286 anything you did helped to make this 1423 01:43:38,308 --> 01:43:41,280 situation better. Don't you? 1424 01:43:42,130 --> 01:43:42,614 Why? 1425 01:43:42,692 --> 01:44:05,990 Han, 1426 01:44:14,850 --> 01:44:18,734 think it's over. But it's just starting. 1427 01:44:18,852 --> 01:44:23,694 Can't you see? Ain't going nowhere until 1428 01:44:23,812 --> 01:44:27,150 the others finally see it takes a strong 1429 01:44:27,220 --> 01:44:31,070 one to stand and face the coming 1430 01:44:31,220 --> 01:44:37,430 dark don't be our 1431 01:44:37,500 --> 01:44:40,520 heart no, 1432 01:44:45,050 --> 01:44:56,518 it ain't our heart it 1433 01:44:56,604 --> 01:45:01,120 ain't our burp S-A-O-F 1434 01:45:17,510 --> 01:45:20,194 grade Lacey Logan called me pretty. Not 1435 01:45:20,232 --> 01:45:24,260 handsome pretty. And that felt good. 1436 01:45:24,570 --> 01:45:27,746 Everybody loves a compliment. In 7th 1437 01:45:27,778 --> 01:45:30,114 grade, Moisha convinced me to steal Carly 1438 01:45:30,162 --> 01:45:32,226 Truitt's underwear from the girls locker 1439 01:45:32,258 --> 01:45:35,834 room. And I did. And god, they were so 1440 01:45:35,872 --> 01:45:39,466 soft, silky, you know, why don't they make 1441 01:45:39,488 --> 01:45:40,940 men's underwear more? 1442 01:45:43,070 --> 01:45:46,122 And in 8th grade, I had it down bad for 1443 01:45:46,176 --> 01:45:48,838 Jessica Montgomery. And I didn't feel like 1444 01:45:48,864 --> 01:45:50,958 a girl at all that year, you know what I 1445 01:45:50,964 --> 01:45:54,718 mean? But in 9th grade, Jessica broke up 1446 01:45:54,724 --> 01:45:57,790 with me. And I had a good cry. 1447 01:45:58,930 --> 01:46:02,398 Jake called me a sissy. And I don't 1448 01:46:02,404 --> 01:46:04,510 know why it's so wrong for men to cry. 1449 01:46:05,330 --> 01:46:06,750 Who made that rule? 1450 01:46:12,970 --> 01:46:16,630 You waiting for you. You always have the 1451 01:46:16,700 --> 01:46:21,110 freedom. Take it. Cover the freedom. 100885

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