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1
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[Applause]
2
00:00:01,535 --> 00:00:06,064
Heeeey, Abbott!
3
00:00:20,687 --> 00:00:22,485
- I'll get your tea.
- Okay.
4
00:00:22,589 --> 00:00:25,388
Hey, Abbott, do you
believe in love at first sight?
5
00:00:25,492 --> 00:00:26,926
Why, this is so sudden.
6
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,153
Don't be such a wise guy.
7
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:30,039
I'm talking about the
girl that's waiting on us.
8
00:00:30,063 --> 00:00:31,361
She's my dream girl.
9
00:00:31,465 --> 00:00:33,457
How dumb can one get?
10
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:36,366
The only woman who'd give
you a second look would be a cop.
11
00:00:36,470 --> 00:00:38,132
I could feast my
eyes on her forever.
12
00:00:38,238 --> 00:00:39,883
Well, you go ahead and
feast your eyes on her.
13
00:00:39,907 --> 00:00:41,827
I'm going to feast me on
corned beef and cabbage.
14
00:00:42,376 --> 00:00:44,174
The lady will check you out.
15
00:00:44,278 --> 00:00:45,644
Yes, Sir?
16
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,614
- Give me a hunk of pumpkin pie.
- All right.
17
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,911
I said a hunk. That
wouldn't fill my fountain pen.
18
00:00:51,084 --> 00:00:53,280
Well, I'm sorry. That's
the regular serving.
19
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,820
What did you do, snitch
half of it for yourself?
20
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:58,324
I'll speak to the
manager about you.
21
00:00:58,425 --> 00:00:59,757
That's enough to
burn up anybody.
22
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,437
I could punch that
guy right in the noise.
23
00:01:01,461 --> 00:01:03,623
Ha! It's all in a day's
work. Will you have pie?
24
00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:06,062
Yes, ma'am, Miss,
uh... Miss, uh...
25
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:07,462
Mince.
26
00:01:07,634 --> 00:01:10,069
Miss Mince? Gee,
that's a cute name.
27
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,239
The lady will check you out.
28
00:01:15,409 --> 00:01:16,672
May I have another pork chop?
29
00:01:20,981 --> 00:01:23,450
Would you mind putting that
on the plate with your hands?
30
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:28,954
She touched it.
31
00:01:33,927 --> 00:01:37,364
Must be part of that cow
that jumped over that moon.
32
00:01:37,464 --> 00:01:39,092
Wish he hadn't have made it.
33
00:01:39,266 --> 00:01:41,428
I'll have another glass
of milk, Miss, uh... Miss...
34
00:01:41,535 --> 00:01:42,535
I didn't get your name.
35
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,163
Nor my phone number, either.
36
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:46,638
Is that all?
37
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:50,233
I'll... I'll have another
piece of apple pie.
38
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:52,044
That Costello...
39
00:01:52,145 --> 00:01:54,671
Every spring, the
love bug bites him.
40
00:01:54,781 --> 00:01:57,273
I have to feed him some
sulphur and molasses.
41
00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,648
Are you sure that'll
last you till dinnertime?
42
00:02:00,821 --> 00:02:02,483
Yes, ma'am, and
thanks, Miss Mince.
43
00:02:02,589 --> 00:02:03,852
You've been awfully nice.
44
00:02:04,691 --> 00:02:07,126
I haven't had so much fun
since I've had my tonsils out.
45
00:02:07,294 --> 00:02:10,025
You've had your tonsils out?
We have something in common.
46
00:02:10,197 --> 00:02:11,688
You've had yours out?
47
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,300
Oh, no, I still got mine.
48
00:02:17,904 --> 00:02:20,305
- Sorry I'm late, Jean.
- Oh, so am I.
49
00:02:20,407 --> 00:02:22,672
Some cow-eyed goon
just bought the joint out
50
00:02:22,776 --> 00:02:23,835
trying to learn my name.
51
00:02:23,944 --> 00:02:26,175
You should worry,
your last day on the job.
52
00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,113
Do I envy you,
getting into a big show.
53
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:30,650
I'd hardly call it a big show.
54
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:32,362
It's just a part in
a little theater play,
55
00:02:32,386 --> 00:02:33,877
but it might lead
to something big.
56
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,047
The way you've been
studying, I'll bet it will.
57
00:02:36,156 --> 00:02:37,156
Thanks, Helen.
58
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:40,023
I have to hurry. I'm
moving this afternoon.
59
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:43,490
Are you sure you
didn't forget something?
60
00:02:43,597 --> 00:02:46,726
Yeah, I forgot the olives.
61
00:02:46,833 --> 00:02:50,099
You know all that food is going
to put plenty of weight on you.
62
00:02:50,203 --> 00:02:51,398
So, I'll forget the olives.
63
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:54,006
Helen, I'll send you my new
address as soon as I get located.
64
00:02:54,107 --> 00:02:55,131
- Swell.
- Bye.
65
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,039
Bye.
66
00:02:56,209 --> 00:02:57,472
- Uh-oh.
- What's...
67
00:02:57,577 --> 00:02:59,569
Miss Mince is
leaving. I got to go.
68
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,273
What about all this food?
69
00:03:01,381 --> 00:03:03,782
I'm not hungry.
You eat it yourself.
70
00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:08,551
- How much are the hats?
- 50 cents.
71
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,590
- May I have one?
- Okay.
72
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,182
Thank you.
73
00:03:17,064 --> 00:03:20,592
Excuse me, you
dropped your kerchief.
74
00:03:20,701 --> 00:03:21,999
Thanks.
75
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:23,695
Nice try.
76
00:03:23,804 --> 00:03:25,966
Well, I...
77
00:03:54,768 --> 00:03:57,431
You poor man. Can I
help you across the street?
78
00:03:57,537 --> 00:03:58,800
Oh, by cracky, yes,
79
00:03:58,905 --> 00:04:01,431
the hustle and bustle of this
big city has got me worried.
80
00:04:01,541 --> 00:04:03,908
Well, we're lucky. There
are no cars coming right now.
81
00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:06,479
Thank you. I've been
hit once already today.
82
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:09,277
Oh, you poor man. Were you hurt?
83
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:10,543
Just my heart.
84
00:04:10,650 --> 00:04:14,143
It felt like Cupid shot
an arrow right through it.
85
00:04:16,723 --> 00:04:20,524
Take it easy, now. We're
coming to the opposite curb.
86
00:04:21,061 --> 00:04:22,962
Ohh! I'm sorry.
87
00:04:23,063 --> 00:04:25,208
Well, you're safe and sound
now. I'll be running along.
88
00:04:25,232 --> 00:04:27,929
Just a minute, Miss Mince.
I simply had to talk to you.
89
00:04:28,034 --> 00:04:29,366
You!
90
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:36,772
Love is blind.
91
00:04:45,652 --> 00:04:46,847
A penny.
92
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,854
Love is blind. She's cockeyed.
93
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:49,955
A penny.
94
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,209
What's the matter
with you, Mr. Fields?
95
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,377
You try to raise someone's rent?
96
00:05:01,401 --> 00:05:03,427
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Abbott.
97
00:05:03,537 --> 00:05:06,166
A very beautiful young girl
just moved in down the hall,
98
00:05:06,273 --> 00:05:09,675
and I've been helping her
get her trunks and things in.
99
00:05:09,776 --> 00:05:13,474
And, Costello, don't
you dare look at her.
100
00:05:13,580 --> 00:05:15,572
Don't you worry about
him. He's love-sick.
101
00:05:15,682 --> 00:05:17,480
He's running 140
temperature now.
102
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,416
Well, look, son,
before you pass out,
103
00:05:19,519 --> 00:05:22,512
would you mind helping me
get the trunk down the hall?
104
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:23,782
Why don't you do it yourself?
105
00:05:23,857 --> 00:05:26,349
Go ahead and help
our friend Mr. Fields.
106
00:05:26,459 --> 00:05:30,089
I've already broken my
back trying to get the trunk in.
107
00:05:30,197 --> 00:05:32,826
It'll do you good.
Wear that off.
108
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:35,430
Now, come on.
109
00:05:35,535 --> 00:05:38,664
Here, get over there.
I'll load it onto your back.
110
00:05:38,772 --> 00:05:39,796
- Now...
- Wait a minute.
111
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,106
What are you going to do,
then? I'll be on the rear end.
112
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:44,168
Go ahead. Go ahead.
113
00:05:44,277 --> 00:05:46,212
- Okay.
- Come on.
114
00:05:46,313 --> 00:05:48,646
Up, up, up.
115
00:05:48,748 --> 00:05:50,114
- Now, go ahead.
- Okay.
116
00:05:50,217 --> 00:05:51,378
Go ahead.
117
00:05:51,484 --> 00:05:52,315
Go ahead.
118
00:05:52,419 --> 00:05:52,977
Abbott!
119
00:05:53,086 --> 00:05:53,576
[Crash]
120
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:54,687
Abbott!
121
00:05:56,523 --> 00:05:57,834
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute, now.
122
00:05:57,858 --> 00:06:00,259
Take it easy. Take...
Get ahold of that.
123
00:06:00,427 --> 00:06:02,259
Yeah, put it down.
124
00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:02,988
Come on, Lou.
125
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:05,031
Miss Mince, you're beautiful.
126
00:06:05,131 --> 00:06:06,155
Lou, come on. Get up.
127
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,910
- You're gorgeous.
- What's the matter? Lou?
128
00:06:07,934 --> 00:06:09,402
- Ohh.
- Lou, Lou.
129
00:06:09,502 --> 00:06:11,368
- My dream girl.
- Lou, Lou.
130
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:13,303
- Lou, Lou.
- Ohh.
131
00:06:13,406 --> 00:06:14,465
Come out of it. Here, Lou.
132
00:06:14,574 --> 00:06:15,974
Hello, Miss Mince, how are you?
133
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:17,772
- Look, Lou, what have I got there?
- Huh?
134
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:19,422
- What have I got there?
- A picket fence.
135
00:06:19,446 --> 00:06:21,347
A picket... Ohh, come
on. Wake up out of it.
136
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:22,643
What's the matter with you?
137
00:06:22,816 --> 00:06:26,048
Look, we'll help you
in with this, Mr. Fields.
138
00:06:26,152 --> 00:06:27,263
You get ahold of it over here.
139
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:28,598
Come on. We'll
get in the back here.
140
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,954
Come on. Get
ahold of that trunk.
141
00:06:30,056 --> 00:06:32,082
Come on. Pull
yourself together, Lou.
142
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,660
Give the man a hand. Come on.
143
00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:35,126
There you are, up with it.
144
00:06:35,228 --> 00:06:36,228
Go ahead. Come on.
145
00:06:36,329 --> 00:06:37,490
You stay there. We'll do it.
146
00:06:37,597 --> 00:06:39,395
Oh, go ahead and stay there.
147
00:06:39,499 --> 00:06:41,695
- In here.
- Go ahead.
148
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,599
- Here we are.
- That's fine.
149
00:06:50,076 --> 00:06:51,601
You gentlemen are so kind.
150
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:54,078
Oh, Miss Wilson, this is one
of my tenants, Mr. Bud Abbott.
151
00:06:54,180 --> 00:06:55,580
- How do you do?
- Glad to know you.
152
00:07:00,453 --> 00:07:03,355
Oh, I'm sure I'm going to love it
here. It's so peaceful and quiet.
153
00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:04,456
Yes.
154
00:07:06,359 --> 00:07:07,691
Hey, Abbott!
155
00:07:07,861 --> 00:07:10,126
Come here, Abbott!
156
00:07:12,599 --> 00:07:13,931
It's her! It's her!
157
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,662
Hey, Abbott!
158
00:07:15,835 --> 00:07:17,929
I seen her. I know it
ain't from the trunk.
159
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:19,515
I'm not that dizzy,
but I've seen her.
160
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,539
It's her! It's her!
161
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:23,372
- Wait a minute. Who's her?
- Miss Mince, Miss Mince.
162
00:07:23,476 --> 00:07:24,307
- Mince?
- Yeah.
163
00:07:24,411 --> 00:07:25,777
Oh, you're off your rocker.
164
00:07:25,879 --> 00:07:28,246
That's my new tenant,
Miss Jean Wilson.
165
00:07:28,348 --> 00:07:30,249
No, no, no, that's her!
166
00:07:30,350 --> 00:07:32,546
- That's her!
- All right.
167
00:07:33,219 --> 00:07:34,585
Good heavens, what happened?
168
00:07:34,688 --> 00:07:37,123
Oh, it's all right. It's
all right, Miss Wilson.
169
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:40,250
One of my tenants just
won the Irish sweepstakes.
170
00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:40,986
Oh.
171
00:07:41,094 --> 00:07:42,894
- Well, thank you for everything.
- All right.
172
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,489
Hey, I didn't even know
he had a ticket on it.
173
00:07:45,598 --> 00:07:48,898
No, I just said that so she
won't think this is a madhouse.
174
00:07:49,002 --> 00:07:50,630
Well.
175
00:07:51,004 --> 00:07:52,233
Yeah.
176
00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,842
Hey, Costello, what in
the world are you doing?
177
00:07:56,943 --> 00:07:58,172
Abbott, I got it.
178
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,213
I found it, my tuxedo,
179
00:08:00,313 --> 00:08:02,873
the one I wore when I
graduated from public school.
180
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:03,643
Why?
181
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:04,445
Why?
182
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:07,248
My dream girl... she lives
right across the hallway.
183
00:08:07,354 --> 00:08:08,898
Wait till you see me
when I get dressed up.
184
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,066
I want to tell you something...
185
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,650
I'm going to be the fashion
plate of Fields' apartment joint.
186
00:08:12,759 --> 00:08:14,337
Wait till you see how
nice I'm going to look.
187
00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:17,092
Not only that, Abbott. I'm
going to wash four times a day.
188
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,189
I'm going to shave
six times a day.
189
00:08:19,299 --> 00:08:22,428
And to be extra particular, I'm
going to wash behind my ears!
190
00:08:22,535 --> 00:08:23,332
No, not that.
191
00:08:23,436 --> 00:08:28,101
Oh, yes, Abbott, 'cause I'm
in love with a beautiful girl!
192
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,939
My girl!
193
00:08:32,479 --> 00:08:35,347
Abbott, where's that
crackpot pal of yours?
194
00:08:35,448 --> 00:08:38,145
I'm going to wring his neck.
195
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:45,419
♪ I love Jeanie with
the light brown hair ♪
196
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:48,654
I will wrap the light brown
hair of Jeanie's around his neck
197
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:49,855
and strangle him with it.
198
00:08:49,963 --> 00:08:52,159
Look, he's in love. Do
you know what that means?
199
00:08:52,265 --> 00:08:54,291
Yes, it means that
it's sickening, yes.
200
00:08:54,401 --> 00:08:55,232
Yeah, yeah.
201
00:08:55,335 --> 00:08:58,271
And let me tell you one
thing... If he annoys Miss Wilson,
202
00:08:58,371 --> 00:09:01,239
I'm throwing both of you
out of here on your ears.
203
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,341
Hey, Abbott!
204
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,970
Oh, boy, here I come!
205
00:09:06,946 --> 00:09:07,777
No.
206
00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:10,146
No, no, no.
207
00:09:13,887 --> 00:09:16,015
Oh, no.
208
00:09:23,263 --> 00:09:24,731
Close that door.
209
00:09:24,831 --> 00:09:26,356
How do you like that?
210
00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,525
All of them.
211
00:09:31,938 --> 00:09:34,339
Get a load of that sneaky wolf.
212
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,121
Well, now, wait a
minute. Don't be foolish.
213
00:09:36,209 --> 00:09:38,201
She has a right to
select her own friends.
214
00:09:38,311 --> 00:09:40,576
Yeah, but not a guy that low.
215
00:09:43,116 --> 00:09:45,556
Just so we won't be disturbed
while we're rehearsing the play.
216
00:09:45,652 --> 00:09:46,517
Good idea.
217
00:09:46,619 --> 00:09:47,518
Here you are.
218
00:09:47,620 --> 00:09:50,749
Now you can become
a Southern gentleman.
219
00:09:50,857 --> 00:09:54,385
"South of Dixie," a
melodrama of the Civil War.
220
00:09:54,494 --> 00:09:56,895
I like these Civil War
things. They're very colorful.
221
00:09:56,996 --> 00:09:59,363
Well, you play Baldwin
Botts, my wealthy suitor,
222
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:00,729
and I play Mary Lou Dixon.
223
00:10:00,834 --> 00:10:03,599
Yeah. Say, who plays your
country-bumpkin boyfriend, Clem?
224
00:10:03,703 --> 00:10:06,215
Well, no one so far. We're having
trouble finding the right talent.
225
00:10:06,239 --> 00:10:07,935
- Oh?
- Shall we get started?
226
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,270
I'd like to give him
a bust in the nose.
227
00:10:10,376 --> 00:10:11,275
There you go again.
228
00:10:11,377 --> 00:10:13,107
For all you know, he
might be a swell guy.
229
00:10:13,213 --> 00:10:15,739
I know a snake in the
grass when I see one.
230
00:10:15,849 --> 00:10:17,511
Right now he'd
like to cut her throat
231
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:18,516
just as soon as look at her.
232
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:20,096
Oh, come on. Let's
get something to eat.
233
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,064
That's a fine time to talk
about getting something to eat
234
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,580
when a helpless girl is in
the clutches of a guy like that!
235
00:10:24,691 --> 00:10:26,523
All right, then stay
here and starve.
236
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:29,619
I'm going in to open
a can of sardines.
237
00:10:34,934 --> 00:10:36,869
I saw you last night
in the moonlight
238
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,768
with that Yankee lover.
239
00:10:38,872 --> 00:10:41,239
How dare you
talk to me like that?
240
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,105
Do you dare deny it?
241
00:10:43,209 --> 00:10:44,541
Yes, I deny it.
242
00:10:44,644 --> 00:10:47,910
And what if I did meet him?
What business is it of yours?
243
00:10:48,014 --> 00:10:49,482
This is where I
really get rough.
244
00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,183
Go ahead and scream.
No one can hear you.
245
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:58,281
MISS WILSON: Stand back.
Don't you dare touch me.
246
00:10:58,391 --> 00:11:00,257
[Man laughs]
247
00:11:02,795 --> 00:11:05,264
MISS WILSON: Keep away from me!
248
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:07,891
It's locked.
249
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:10,527
[Miss Wilson screams]
250
00:11:11,738 --> 00:11:14,367
Got to get Abbott.
Don't go away.
251
00:11:16,910 --> 00:11:19,038
- Hey, Abbott, it's happened.
- What happened?
252
00:11:19,145 --> 00:11:20,489
He's killing her.
We got to save her.
253
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:21,553
Oh, stop talking nonsense.
254
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,049
[Miss Wilson screams]
255
00:11:24,150 --> 00:11:26,642
Come on. Help me, will you?
256
00:11:27,487 --> 00:11:29,131
Here, here, here, wait a
minute. What's going on?
257
00:11:29,155 --> 00:11:30,851
Is he having nightmares again?
258
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:32,968
No, it's him. It's her.
It's her. It's him. It's him.
259
00:11:32,992 --> 00:11:34,722
He's killing her. Listen.
260
00:11:34,827 --> 00:11:37,922
I don't hear anything. Why
don't you try sleeping it off?
261
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:39,055
[Miss Wilson screams]
262
00:11:39,165 --> 00:11:40,861
That was no mockingbird.
263
00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,995
I'm coming, baby! I'm coming!
264
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:48,768
MISS WILSON: What
are you doing? Don't!
265
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,468
- Break the door down.
- Yeah!
266
00:11:50,577 --> 00:11:52,273
Wait a minute!
Wait! That's my door!
267
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,471
[Miss Wilson screams]
268
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,580
That's my girl!
269
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:56,673
Okay, let's go!
270
00:11:56,849 --> 00:11:58,545
That's where Clem
comes to my rescue.
271
00:11:58,651 --> 00:11:59,651
Ah.
272
00:12:03,556 --> 00:12:05,718
You un-handle that maiden.
273
00:12:05,825 --> 00:12:07,225
Unhand her, I said!
274
00:12:07,327 --> 00:12:08,522
What is this, a joke?
275
00:12:08,695 --> 00:12:09,526
This is no joke.
276
00:12:09,629 --> 00:12:11,495
Get your filthy
hands off that girl,
277
00:12:11,598 --> 00:12:14,067
or I'll throttle you within
an inch of your life!
278
00:12:14,167 --> 00:12:15,567
You're wonderful!
279
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,728
After days of
searching, I found Clem.
280
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,568
I'm not Clem. I'm Lou Costello.
281
00:12:20,673 --> 00:12:22,574
Oh, in real life, you
may be Lou Costello,
282
00:12:22,675 --> 00:12:25,702
but in "South of
Dixie," you're Clem.
283
00:12:25,812 --> 00:12:28,077
All over, I'm Lou Costello.
284
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:29,479
Oh, don't you understand?
285
00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:32,313
We're doing a play, and
you're going to be Clem.
286
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:33,511
You're perfect.
287
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:36,818
Here, read Clem's
lines. Go ahead.
288
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,552
Now, um... It's a
little mixed... Ohh.
289
00:12:39,659 --> 00:12:42,561
That's much better. Thank you.
290
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:46,530
You all look mighty sweet
to me tonight, sugar pie.
291
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:50,934
Oh, Clem, you say
the sweetest things.
292
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:55,372
That's 'cause I got a hankering
in my heart for you, Mary Lou.
293
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:59,310
Oh, Clem, tell me more.
294
00:12:59,412 --> 00:13:02,814
That's all it says on this
page. I got to turn over.
295
00:13:04,550 --> 00:13:09,420
Only more I can tell you
all is I love you, Mary Lou.
296
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,354
Aww.
297
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:17,388
This is short of you all.
298
00:13:17,497 --> 00:13:19,989
Don't you know by
now you're not wanted?
299
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,703
[Applause]
300
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,943
Oh, Baldwin, you bring
me the loveliest bouquets.
301
00:13:39,052 --> 00:13:41,521
Beautiful flowers
for a beautiful girl.
302
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,351
Oh, Baldwin.
303
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,981
Be seated, kind Sir.
304
00:13:45,091 --> 00:13:47,356
Thank you, ma'am.
305
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:51,022
Hold out your hands,
Baldwin. I'm putting you to work.
306
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:54,464
Oh, now, how can
a man be romantic
307
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:56,661
when you handcuff
him with this stuff?
308
00:13:56,769 --> 00:14:00,399
This yarn is my best
weapon of self-defense.
309
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:02,338
This is my lucky day.
310
00:14:02,442 --> 00:14:04,570
Here comes that
love-sick shadow of yours.
311
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,010
Oh, it's Clem. How nice.
312
00:14:07,113 --> 00:14:09,582
He gives me a pain in the neck.
313
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:11,879
Hello, Mary Lou.
314
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:14,317
What you hiding
behind your back, Clem?
315
00:14:14,420 --> 00:14:16,116
Oh, Mary Lou, t'weren't nothing.
316
00:14:16,222 --> 00:14:18,088
Let me see.
317
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,454
For you.
318
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:23,018
- Ha!
- Why, it's beautiful.
319
00:14:23,129 --> 00:14:24,859
I'm...
320
00:14:27,834 --> 00:14:29,894
There it is, Mary Lou.
321
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:36,968
Ohh!
322
00:14:45,251 --> 00:14:47,720
You been catching
any fish lately, Clem?
323
00:14:47,820 --> 00:14:50,016
I sure have. I've been
down to Cornpone Lake.
324
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,591
I caught a mess of fish.
325
00:14:51,691 --> 00:14:53,387
- What size?
- About that big.
326
00:14:53,493 --> 00:14:54,358
What size?
327
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:56,725
Well, maybe about that big.
328
00:14:58,030 --> 00:14:59,623
Baldwin.
329
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:02,132
JAKE: Colonel Sirus!
330
00:15:02,802 --> 00:15:05,033
Colonel Sirus!
331
00:15:05,204 --> 00:15:07,139
- Colonel Sirus!
- What's all the fussing, Jake?
332
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:09,471
Kentucky is in the war!
333
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:11,510
What side is Kentucky
on, the North or the South?
334
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:13,876
Well, some are for
the North, Colonel,
335
00:15:14,013 --> 00:15:15,242
and some are for the South.
336
00:15:15,348 --> 00:15:17,749
I'd like to get my hands on
that scum that's from the North.
337
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,445
So would I, Baldwin.
I'd scratch their eyes out.
338
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,364
- Hanging's too good for them.
- When did it happen?
339
00:15:22,388 --> 00:15:25,256
More than a week ago.
The armies is coming now.
340
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,020
- Which one?
- Both of them.
341
00:15:27,126 --> 00:15:28,890
I'm joining up!
342
00:15:29,061 --> 00:15:30,552
I'm joining up, too.
343
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:31,687
Get out!
344
00:15:31,798 --> 00:15:33,232
Good-bye.
345
00:15:33,332 --> 00:15:35,062
Baldwin, I'm so proud of you.
346
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:37,137
Good-bye.
347
00:15:37,236 --> 00:15:39,933
I'm joining up, too.
348
00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:41,268
I'm going to join...
349
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:43,605
I'm... I'll be back.
350
00:15:51,284 --> 00:15:53,776
- Uh, pardon me, daughter.
- Excuse me, father.
351
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,980
Here I am, Mary Lou,
fit and ready for action.
352
00:15:56,088 --> 00:16:00,924
Baldwin, the South just can't lose
with both you and Clem on our side.
353
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,188
Clem!
354
00:16:02,295 --> 00:16:03,024
What?!
355
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,189
Oh, excuse me. I
forgot to salute you.
356
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,597
Where did you get
that filthy uniform?
357
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,532
This is not a filthy uniform.
There is not a spot on it.
358
00:16:10,636 --> 00:16:12,298
It's still filthy!
359
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,270
It is not filthy.
360
00:16:13,372 --> 00:16:15,671
I wasn't going to take one
of these gray, faded ones.
361
00:16:15,775 --> 00:16:18,142
You big horse, you traitor!
362
00:16:18,244 --> 00:16:19,244
Now I'm a horse trader.
363
00:16:19,412 --> 00:16:22,541
You idiot, you joined
the wrong army.
364
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:23,614
What did I know?
365
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,742
I went down to a joint.
The guys says, "Sign here."
366
00:16:25,852 --> 00:16:26,751
So he gave me the suit.
367
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:28,151
But it's blue.
368
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,280
What's the difference?
Blue, green, yellow...
369
00:16:30,389 --> 00:16:32,756
It's still blue...
True-blue Clem.
370
00:16:32,925 --> 00:16:35,394
That don't rhymes...
True-blue Lou.
371
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:37,001
- Abbott, that's my right name.
- Oh.
372
00:16:37,063 --> 00:16:38,140
I got to use Clem in the show.
373
00:16:38,164 --> 00:16:40,099
Listen, you know what
I ought to do to you?
374
00:16:40,199 --> 00:16:43,135
Stand back, Baldwin.
After all, he is an American.
375
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,068
And while he's brave
enough to enlist,
376
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,730
who are we to
cast the first stone?
377
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,866
[Trumpets play]
378
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,422
Hey, Abbott, we're going
to miss the first race.
379
00:16:53,446 --> 00:16:55,711
This is a show.
380
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,582
What's that rebel
doing here, soldier?
381
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:05,067
Th... Th... Th...
That's my prisoner.
382
00:17:05,091 --> 00:17:06,411
Well, take him
out and shoot him.
383
00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:08,136
Oh, I can't. He's a
regular paid-up member
384
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,738
of the Confederate
Army in good standing.
385
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,663
Do you decline to
consummate my orders?
386
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:13,858
No, I just said I
wouldn't shoot him.
387
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,229
This is mutiny!
388
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:17,565
Very well, we'll...
We'll shoot you instead.
389
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:18,729
Men!
390
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,272
[Trumpets play]
391
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:21,841
[Explosions]
392
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,286
Run for your lives, men!
The rebels are coming!
393
00:17:24,310 --> 00:17:25,005
Ohh, the rebels!
394
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:27,637
Clem! Get back here. Where
do you think you're going?
395
00:17:27,780 --> 00:17:28,891
I don't know whose side I'm on.
396
00:17:28,915 --> 00:17:32,647
Clem, that was real noble of
you, risking your life to save us.
397
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:34,414
That wasn't noble.
It was stupid.
398
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,614
Baldwin, how can
you say that when...
399
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,883
[Trumpets play]
400
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,014
[Explosions]
401
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:44,997
Where'd this Yankee
dog come from?
402
00:17:45,164 --> 00:17:47,827
He's my prisoner, Sir. I
was just about to shoot him.
403
00:17:47,934 --> 00:17:51,336
Splendid idea, Captain,
but shoot him outdoors.
404
00:17:51,437 --> 00:17:54,236
- Don't want to mess up the rug.
- Right away, Sir.
405
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,342
Just a minute, Baldwin.
406
00:17:56,442 --> 00:17:59,879
Being a Kentucky
Colonel, I outrank you.
407
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:02,813
And I demand the privilege
of shooting this man.
408
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,543
The Colonel's right, Captain.
409
00:18:04,717 --> 00:18:08,586
He's all yours, Colonel, and
here, Sir... here's my gun.
410
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:09,917
Come on, you. Let's get going.
411
00:18:10,022 --> 00:18:12,514
Wait a minute! Give me that gun.
412
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,890
Outside, you boy.
413
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,593
Now, stop drying your
hands, young lady,
414
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:21,759
and rustle us up some grub
while we study our maps.
415
00:18:21,867 --> 00:18:24,029
- You got them?
- Right here, Sir.
416
00:18:24,136 --> 00:18:25,468
[Gunshots]
417
00:18:25,571 --> 00:18:26,571
The Yanks are back!
418
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:30,600
No, no, no, no. Relax,
captain. Relax, Sir.
419
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:31,905
That's only the Colonel
420
00:18:32,011 --> 00:18:36,346
ventilating that miserable
blasted Yankee rat.
421
00:18:36,449 --> 00:18:38,475
[Applause]
422
00:18:44,223 --> 00:18:46,692
Attaboy, Clem.
423
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:56,265
Colonel Sirus, how do I look?
424
00:18:56,369 --> 00:18:58,770
You look like a true
Confederate soldier.
425
00:18:58,871 --> 00:18:59,998
Now, to fool Baldwin.
426
00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:05,135
Here... Here, put this on
your upper lip like that, okay?
427
00:19:05,244 --> 00:19:06,712
Why you doing all this, Colonel?
428
00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:09,873
Well, you saved us once.
I'm going to help you.
429
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:11,644
50-50, Clem.
430
00:19:11,751 --> 00:19:14,653
- 50-50, Clem.
- Perfect.
431
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:16,586
I'm going to see if I
can fool Mary Lou.
432
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:17,713
Good luck to you.
433
00:19:17,823 --> 00:19:19,189
Thank you, Colonel.
434
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:21,089
Good luck, son.
435
00:19:26,298 --> 00:19:29,598
Pardon me, ma'am, but could
you give an old stray a handout?
436
00:19:29,702 --> 00:19:31,967
I don't allow no riffraff
soldiers in my kitchen.
437
00:19:32,071 --> 00:19:33,130
Now, get!
438
00:19:33,239 --> 00:19:36,334
Mary Lou, don't you
recognize your sweetie pie?
439
00:19:37,476 --> 00:19:38,944
Clem!
440
00:19:39,045 --> 00:19:41,810
Boy, has the war aged you!
441
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:45,110
Oh, no, Mary, this
is your father's idea.
442
00:19:45,217 --> 00:19:46,577
He made me get
into this disguise.
443
00:19:46,619 --> 00:19:48,419
He fixed up this mustache
and everything else.
444
00:19:48,521 --> 00:19:50,922
BALDWIN: More coffee, woman!
445
00:19:52,158 --> 00:19:55,595
Just a minute, Mary Lou.
You're the belle of the South.
446
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,290
You got no right waiting
on those varmints in there.
447
00:19:58,464 --> 00:19:59,227
Let me take it in...
448
00:19:59,331 --> 00:20:00,890
Aah!
449
00:20:01,967 --> 00:20:05,165
That's hot. That's
hot. That's very hot.
450
00:20:05,271 --> 00:20:08,764
- Pick it up with the towel.
- That's hot, Mary Lou.
451
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:09,773
Burning up.
452
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:12,572
Mary Lou, I'll wait
on those guys.
453
00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,613
You don't think they'll
recognize me, do you?
454
00:20:14,780 --> 00:20:17,511
Well, if I didn't know
you, how could they?
455
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:20,677
I got to get without
you all falling...
456
00:20:20,786 --> 00:20:22,721
Get in there with
you all and they all.
457
00:20:22,822 --> 00:20:25,223
I'll see you, Mary Lou, you all.
458
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,620
Hmm.
459
00:20:28,127 --> 00:20:29,595
Excuse me, Sir.
460
00:20:29,695 --> 00:20:32,221
I was doing a little K.P.
duty to help the little woman.
461
00:20:32,331 --> 00:20:32,855
Excuse me.
462
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:35,457
Well, fill the cups,
man. Fill the cups.
463
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:37,469
Okay. Admiral, coffee?
464
00:20:37,636 --> 00:20:39,628
"Admiral." I'm a Colonel.
465
00:20:39,739 --> 00:20:41,002
W-What are you doing?!
466
00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:42,539
Hold this for me, Sir.
467
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:44,132
Aah!
468
00:20:44,243 --> 00:20:45,609
Here, put that down.
469
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:46,542
Oh.
470
00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:48,409
Yeah, you heard
him. Put it down.
471
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,949
Get rid of that coffee,
man. Fill the cups.
472
00:20:51,050 --> 00:20:54,817
Now, gentlemen, our next objective
will be Lookout Mountain, here.
473
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,412
Now, what...
What will we call it?
474
00:20:57,523 --> 00:21:00,823
That would be
the... Our, um, uh...
475
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:04,854
Oh, that's it, the key
to the entire campaign.
476
00:21:04,964 --> 00:21:06,296
Thank you, soldier.
477
00:21:06,398 --> 00:21:09,459
Now, from here, we go
down the road here a piece,
478
00:21:09,568 --> 00:21:10,900
and we come to the...
479
00:21:11,003 --> 00:21:15,236
Uh, young man, watch yourself...
The branch of the road here.
480
00:21:15,341 --> 00:21:18,834
Now, that's... When you get
to this part of the road here...
481
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:20,207
Do you all see this part?
482
00:21:20,312 --> 00:21:24,545
Now, there's a...
You call it a fork.
483
00:21:24,650 --> 00:21:26,949
Thank you, private...
The fork in the road.
484
00:21:27,052 --> 00:21:28,964
- That's it, gentleman.
- Here you are, Lieutenant.
485
00:21:28,988 --> 00:21:31,423
In the fork of the road, we'll
send more of the raiders in
486
00:21:31,524 --> 00:21:34,961
for a surprise attack
on the Yankee left flank.
487
00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:36,824
You can't do that.
You can't do that.
488
00:21:36,929 --> 00:21:39,797
Swamp on the back.
On the back, it's swampy.
489
00:21:39,899 --> 00:21:40,923
He's right.
490
00:21:41,033 --> 00:21:43,798
You have saved us
from making a grave error.
491
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:45,667
Congratulations!
492
00:21:45,771 --> 00:21:49,799
Man, you have a keen,
perceptive mind, private.
493
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:50,774
Well, thank you.
494
00:21:50,876 --> 00:21:52,708
Where did you campaign?
495
00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:54,178
I was at the Battle of Bull Run.
496
00:21:54,280 --> 00:21:56,875
Bull Run? What did you do there?
497
00:21:56,982 --> 00:21:57,813
I ran.
498
00:21:57,917 --> 00:22:00,045
Those who didn't
are still there.
499
00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:01,176
Want some coffee, Sir?
500
00:22:01,287 --> 00:22:03,222
Were you anywhere
else in the campaign, Sir?
501
00:22:03,322 --> 00:22:04,620
I was also at Chickadee.
502
00:22:04,723 --> 00:22:07,215
Wait a minute. You
mean Chickamauga.
503
00:22:07,326 --> 00:22:09,158
I was at Chickamauga.
504
00:22:09,261 --> 00:22:12,891
You was at Chickamauga.
I was at Chickadee.
505
00:22:12,998 --> 00:22:16,435
That's telling him, soldier!
506
00:22:16,535 --> 00:22:20,063
Now, gentlemen, we'll
send Jackson's division here,
507
00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,232
around the enemy left plank
508
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,810
and down through
here, into Pimlico Gap.
509
00:22:24,910 --> 00:22:27,675
Aah-aah-aah-aah-aah.
General, General, I'm sorry.
510
00:22:27,780 --> 00:22:30,477
Do not send that
army into Pimlico.
511
00:22:30,583 --> 00:22:32,074
What's wrong with that, son?
512
00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,085
The horses are running
there. The Yanks know it.
513
00:22:34,186 --> 00:22:39,056
Pimlico... By Jove,
we will not use Pimlico,
514
00:22:39,158 --> 00:22:42,253
and for this, son,
you'll get a citation.
515
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:44,489
I'm sorry, Sir, Citation
is running at San Anita.
516
00:22:44,597 --> 00:22:46,293
Brilliant!
517
00:22:48,434 --> 00:22:52,599
Young man, you have helped
us with this entire campaign.
518
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:55,197
And in honor of
your contribution...
519
00:22:55,307 --> 00:22:56,206
Aah!
520
00:22:56,308 --> 00:22:57,173
Quiet, Sir.
521
00:22:57,276 --> 00:22:59,507
In honor of your
contribution to the South
522
00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:02,081
and the victory
which we foresee,
523
00:23:02,181 --> 00:23:05,982
I'm going to make you, Sir, on
the field of battle, a lieutenant.
524
00:23:06,085 --> 00:23:09,146
- Well! Well!
- Congratulations!
525
00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:11,247
- Good for you!
- Congratulations!
526
00:23:11,357 --> 00:23:12,757
Quit!
527
00:23:12,858 --> 00:23:13,382
What?
528
00:23:13,492 --> 00:23:15,859
Why, that uniform's blue!
529
00:23:15,961 --> 00:23:17,122
Just a minute.
530
00:23:17,229 --> 00:23:19,994
U.S. Army? Why,
you're a Yankee spy!
531
00:23:20,099 --> 00:23:21,692
Now, hold it, gentleman!
532
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,235
The only reason that
I'm wearing this Union suit
533
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:27,431
is because I wanted to
go with those Union men!
534
00:23:27,539 --> 00:23:30,771
They won't let in anybody
unless you're a Union man!
535
00:23:30,876 --> 00:23:34,540
So I joined the Union
Army to spy on them!
536
00:23:34,647 --> 00:23:37,276
Don't believe him, Sir.
Get him. He's a spy.
537
00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:38,043
Look at that mop.
538
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:38,981
Why, of course,
539
00:23:39,084 --> 00:23:41,952
I believe you're wearing a
false mustache, young man.
540
00:23:42,054 --> 00:23:43,054
Just a minute.
541
00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:46,182
I've stood all I'm going to
stand from you gentlemen.
542
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:50,024
I've given my hardened heart
to get after those Union men,
543
00:23:50,129 --> 00:23:52,564
and you're trying to tell
me that this is a disguise?!
544
00:23:52,665 --> 00:23:54,691
That's a disguise.
545
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,360
Go ahead. Try and
pull off my mustache.
546
00:23:57,469 --> 00:23:58,164
He did!
547
00:23:58,337 --> 00:24:00,238
He is a spy!
548
00:24:02,975 --> 00:24:04,273
What's the matter, Clem?
549
00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:05,416
They're after me as a spy,
550
00:24:05,577 --> 00:24:07,989
and if they catch me, they're
going to give me a rope necktie.
551
00:24:08,013 --> 00:24:09,379
I've got an idea.
552
00:24:09,481 --> 00:24:12,280
You run them past here, and
I'll clunk them over the head.
553
00:24:12,384 --> 00:24:13,584
Oh, that's a pretty good idea.
554
00:24:13,619 --> 00:24:14,619
There he is, men!
555
00:24:14,653 --> 00:24:15,653
Here they come!
556
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,985
Get him!
557
00:24:52,658 --> 00:24:53,735
- Did you get him?
- I missed!
558
00:24:53,759 --> 00:24:55,227
Oh, boy!
559
00:25:11,477 --> 00:25:12,911
What are you belting me for?
560
00:25:13,012 --> 00:25:14,640
Don't put it up there.
Give me the club.
561
00:25:14,747 --> 00:25:16,358
- What are you belting me for?
- I mean...
562
00:25:16,382 --> 00:25:18,317
Aha!
563
00:25:24,590 --> 00:25:26,081
Giddap!
40747
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