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1
00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,529
Oh, my friend.
2
00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:59,300
The world should be
witnessing this moment.
3
00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,535
MAN: Was it delivered?
4
00:02:04,712 --> 00:02:09,582
Sure was, Mr. Van Schreeten.
Million dollars’ worth of it.
5
00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:15,989
You seemed impressed,
Mynheer Corio.
6
00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:20,325
Tell me, why did we
rendezvous here in this...
7
00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:22,464
This sewer?
8
00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:26,767
This sewer, my dear cousin
Josef, is now my sewer.
9
00:02:27,335 --> 00:02:30,772
An investment for my
newfound capital, you might say.
10
00:02:31,205 --> 00:02:33,333
What for, Max? What for?
11
00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:38,911
Josef, through seven years
of patience and planning...
12
00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:44,542
you and I have accomplished one of the
most lucrative criminal acts in history.
13
00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:49,786
It is now time for other things.
14
00:02:50,224 --> 00:02:52,193
Speak plainly,
Max, and stand still.
15
00:02:53,494 --> 00:02:55,929
At this moment, a man
in the city of New York...
16
00:02:56,097 --> 00:03:00,535
is seeking out a certain
young female vocalist.
17
00:03:01,202 --> 00:03:04,468
She'll be told only that an
anonymous Parisian entrepreneur...
18
00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:08,337
will pay her a fortune if she
will come to sing in his nightclub.
19
00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,335
Mary.
20
00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:12,212
It is Mary, isn't it?
21
00:03:13,881 --> 00:03:17,943
And for another chance to win
her, I would buy a dozen nightclubs.
22
00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:26,118
She's been in your thoughts too,
hasn't she, Josef, during all these years?
23
00:03:26,294 --> 00:03:28,320
Fool.
24
00:03:28,863 --> 00:03:31,890
Must you always be
ruled by your ego?
25
00:03:32,066 --> 00:03:34,058
We share a secret, you and I.
26
00:03:34,502 --> 00:03:37,182
I would not risk our safety by
whispering in the moonlight...
27
00:03:37,338 --> 00:03:38,338
even to Mary Pilgrim.
28
00:03:38,506 --> 00:03:40,490
If Mary Pilgrim will
come here, I shall
29
00:03:40,514 --> 00:03:42,568
offer her everything I
possess in this world.
30
00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,043
And nothing you
can do will stop me...
31
00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:47,011
dear cousin.
32
00:03:51,018 --> 00:03:54,352
Overseas relay channel to
New York City open, please.
33
00:03:57,358 --> 00:03:59,054
Section two numbered.
34
00:03:59,227 --> 00:04:00,525
Hello, Napoleon?
35
00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:05,263
So you can now indulge yourself in
your nefarious flair for the dramatic.
36
00:04:10,538 --> 00:04:13,007
Not a moment too
soon, my friend.
37
00:04:17,512 --> 00:04:18,707
Oh.
38
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,348
Oh, don't I wish.
39
00:04:20,515 --> 00:04:24,247
And the magic genie of the
Bronx has heard your wish, fair lady.
40
00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:26,250
What are you doing? Let me go.
41
00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:29,356
What are you doing?
Here, stop that. Cut that out.
42
00:04:29,524 --> 00:04:31,550
Leave me alone.
43
00:04:41,269 --> 00:04:42,965
Uh... Uh...
44
00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:46,437
Now, Mr. Solo, you seem
to be a very nice man...
45
00:04:46,607 --> 00:04:49,133
and I don't understand
a word you say.
46
00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:52,303
And, if you don t mind, I'd just
as soon... Get away from me.
47
00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:55,812
And the year that you left the
music academy at Amsterdam...
48
00:04:55,983 --> 00:04:59,545
Max and Josef Van Schreeten went to
work for this giant diamond syndicate.
49
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,018
That was seven years ago.
50
00:05:01,189 --> 00:05:04,091
Yeah, and for seven years
they have been very reliable...
51
00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:06,625
responsible employees
of that syndicate.
52
00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:09,093
Until rather recently, that is.
53
00:05:09,263 --> 00:05:12,665
Now, last month, and nobody
has figured out quite how yet...
54
00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:17,636
your ex-boyfriends walked off
with the entire syndicate reserve.
55
00:05:17,805 --> 00:05:21,264
A half a billion dollars
in uncut, unregistered...
56
00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:24,537
and as yet,
unrecovered diamonds.
57
00:05:24,712 --> 00:05:28,672
I still don't understand what
you sadistic people want with me.
58
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:33,083
I like Max a lot,
I guess, but I, I...
59
00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:35,548
Half a billion dollars, huh?
60
00:05:35,723 --> 00:05:37,988
In diamonds, that is. And
that's only for openers.
61
00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:41,596
Now, you see, if they suddenly
flood the world market with diamonds...
62
00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:44,095
every girl that ever owned
an engagement ring...
63
00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,996
risk the possibility of having
it devaluated overnight.
64
00:05:47,168 --> 00:05:48,693
Now, Max and Josef know this.
65
00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,396
So therefore the syndicate
is paying the cousins...
66
00:05:51,572 --> 00:05:56,010
$1 million a month in blackmail to
refrain from flooding the world market.
67
00:05:56,177 --> 00:05:59,614
Oh, I see.
68
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:03,217
You want me to get mixed up with
Max again so I can spy on him, right?
69
00:06:03,718 --> 00:06:07,177
Right. As I said, Max was the one
that sent you the anonymous job offer.
70
00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:09,915
I'm no longer interested
in that kind of singing.
71
00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:13,027
I'm studying the
classical now, the opera.
72
00:06:13,194 --> 00:06:16,289
With Madame Sophia
Grushenka, as a matter of fact.
73
00:06:16,697 --> 00:06:21,499
And I've absolutely no desire
to become a glamour puss.
74
00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:23,830
And besides, what about
Madame Grushenka?
75
00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:27,305
She'd never... She'd never
let me go traipsing... Ahh!
76
00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:30,673
Listen, if it'll make you any happier,
we'll take Madame Grushenka...
77
00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:33,212
traipsing along with us.
78
00:06:35,283 --> 00:06:36,979
All done?
79
00:06:41,355 --> 00:06:44,257
We need you, Mary, to
rekindle what there was...
80
00:06:44,425 --> 00:06:47,190
between Max Van Schreeten
and you seven years ago.
81
00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:51,890
To get his confidence, to help us
find those diamonds and get them back.
82
00:06:55,002 --> 00:06:56,630
Mary?
83
00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:03,337
Well...
84
00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:09,216
Well, I'm...
85
00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:11,786
kind of back in
competition, aren't I?
86
00:07:12,987 --> 00:07:15,855
Now, we have 43 minutes to go...
87
00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:18,549
and we are off to gay Paris.
88
00:07:18,726 --> 00:07:21,594
- Shall we?
- Oh. Uh... Well...
89
00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:35,607
Krolik? Why didn't you tell me that
Thrush had planted a listening device...
90
00:07:35,776 --> 00:07:38,803
on those two Dutchmen?
This is my operation.
91
00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:40,746
What?
92
00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:46,877
I tell you, there is a microphone
attached to the label tag on that suitcase.
93
00:07:47,054 --> 00:07:48,545
And I...
94
00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:56,158
I tell you Thrush planted
no such listening device.
95
00:07:57,298 --> 00:08:00,200
So it would appear that
our U.N.C.L.E. friends...
96
00:08:00,368 --> 00:08:03,304
are also interested
in this little affair.
97
00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:06,233
Listening in, as it were.
98
00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:15,950
All right, I'll send you a little
something to stop up their delicate ears.
99
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,516
They didn't have prosciutto.
100
00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,180
What's new with the briefcase?
101
00:08:23,357 --> 00:08:25,952
Oh, they're dividing
up their first million.
102
00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:29,427
Max wants to keep his
half at his new nightclub.
103
00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:33,224
Apparently, Mary's
arrival upon the scene...
104
00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:36,337
has caused some dissension
in the Van Schreeten ranks.
105
00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:38,598
There's going to be
dissension in our ranks...
106
00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:41,333
if we don't find
those hidden jewels.
107
00:08:41,509 --> 00:08:44,377
Well, I went through their
apartment thoroughly last night.
108
00:08:44,545 --> 00:08:49,142
I even sat down on the couch and
tore the place apart mentally, but nothing.
109
00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:54,084
They could be cached in a Swiss bank or
in a walking stick or in the Mediterranean.
110
00:08:54,255 --> 00:08:55,689
Wait.
111
00:08:57,691 --> 00:08:59,523
Corio.
112
00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,386
- Corio.
- Hmm?
113
00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:03,963
Please, put this somewhere.
114
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:08,523
Well, ultrasonic waves.
115
00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:11,393
Obviously someone
wants to tune us out.
116
00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:14,000
Yes, obviously. But
not the Van Schreetens.
117
00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:18,469
They are neither equipped nor oriented
for such sophisticated assassinations.
118
00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:21,700
- Uh-huh. T-H-R...
- U-S-H.
119
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:25,642
- Thrush.
- Thrush.
120
00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:34,049
Must you put ketchup
and mustard on everything?
121
00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:44,090
For two years I am
battling tooth and foot...
122
00:10:44,265 --> 00:10:46,359
with the Bronx Conservatory...
123
00:10:46,534 --> 00:10:48,765
to give you a recital.
124
00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:52,532
Now suddenly you
drag me off to Paris.
125
00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:55,801
Your debut. A nightclub.
126
00:10:55,976 --> 00:10:59,640
My Mary's a painted
floozy in a nightclub.
127
00:11:00,915 --> 00:11:03,783
Grushie, don't be angry
with me. I'm so nervous.
128
00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:10,716
What for are you staring
at your face like a dope?
129
00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:15,886
Diaphragm. The voice
box. Those are your face.
130
00:11:21,035 --> 00:11:24,335
- Oh, how are you?
- Who are you?
131
00:11:25,506 --> 00:11:27,304
Solo is my name.
132
00:11:27,474 --> 00:11:30,342
Oh, it's all right, Grushie.
Mr. Solo's a friend.
133
00:11:30,511 --> 00:11:32,377
It is not all right.
134
00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:37,109
We don't want friendly
playboys with a fancy suits.
135
00:11:38,485 --> 00:11:39,509
Mmm.
136
00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:46,017
Oh, Grushie. You're too much.
137
00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:28,497
Good evening, sir.
138
00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:32,868
- One, please.
- This way, please.
139
00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:46,580
- You must be crazy to come here.
- Oh, am I not suitably dressed?
140
00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:53,016
I assume you used the
tuning fork I sent you?
141
00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:55,422
Good.
142
00:12:55,929 --> 00:12:58,524
I've received a new
directive from Thrush.
143
00:12:58,699 --> 00:13:02,295
Since we seem to be running a
footrace with our U.N.C.L.E. friends...
144
00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:04,734
subtlety is no longer
required in this matter.
145
00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:07,204
Oh, yes, yes. It's a
good year. Very good.
146
00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,206
What does that mean?
147
00:13:09,376 --> 00:13:13,609
That means that Thrush does not propose
to let U.N.C.L.E. beat us to the diamonds.
148
00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,943
Wherever they may be.
149
00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:22,719
Beginning tomorrow, more
direct methods shall be applied.
150
00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:25,250
Oh, yes. Yes. Ah.
151
00:13:25,592 --> 00:13:27,686
Yes. Thank you, sir.
152
00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:05,331
Honey, you were sensational.
Why don't you join me for a while?
153
00:14:05,499 --> 00:14:07,593
I'll buy you a couple of snorts.
154
00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:08,861
Seen Max yet?
155
00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:13,001
No, nor Josef either. Are you
sure it's Max who owns this place?
156
00:14:13,173 --> 00:14:16,302
Oh, I'm sorry but the
rules of the house forbid it.
157
00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:18,673
All right, then, maybe
some other time.
158
00:14:18,846 --> 00:14:20,846
Brace yourself. This is
U.N.C.L.E.'s night to howl.
159
00:14:21,014 --> 00:14:25,384
Tallyho. All right.
Okay. Look great.
160
00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:30,122
Mary.
161
00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:34,018
Josef. Oh. Mmm.
162
00:14:34,194 --> 00:14:35,856
Josef Van Schreeten.
163
00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:39,431
Oh, my goodness.
What are you doing here?
164
00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,502
- How wonderful.
- For me too, Mary.
165
00:14:42,669 --> 00:14:44,695
You know, my cousin
Max owns this place.
166
00:14:44,872 --> 00:14:48,502
It was he who hired you.
At my insistence, of course.
167
00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:53,511
- No. Not Max. Why, I can't believe it.
- Mm-hm.
168
00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,139
- Where is Max?
- He is here, my dear.
169
00:14:57,317 --> 00:15:01,880
- Waiting, as he has been for seven years.
- Oh, Max.
170
00:15:02,055 --> 00:15:04,786
Max, how marvelous to see you.
171
00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,395
You have stolen
my thunder, Josef.
172
00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:10,656
I had hoped to
surprise Mary myself.
173
00:15:10,864 --> 00:15:14,426
Why don't you have a drink,
Josef? On the house, of course.
174
00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:15,899
I'll see you later, Mary.
175
00:15:16,069 --> 00:15:18,436
And your singing.
It was exquisite.
176
00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:20,665
Oh, thank you.
177
00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:26,207
And now, my dear, a
welcome-home surprise.
178
00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:30,779
Oh, Max.
179
00:15:37,925 --> 00:15:39,757
Mary, you haven't changed.
180
00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:42,920
- You're as elusive as ever.
- Oh.
181
00:15:43,764 --> 00:15:47,223
Well, now, let's see if I can
remember all those questions.
182
00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:50,394
Am I married? No.
183
00:15:50,571 --> 00:15:54,508
Yes, I do find you
very attractive, still.
184
00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:58,104
But I've already invested
so much in my career.
185
00:15:58,278 --> 00:16:00,474
It's too soon to stop, Max.
186
00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:04,812
Especially when it's just beginning
to show me some tangible return.
187
00:16:04,985 --> 00:16:07,216
- Tangible return?
- Mm-hm.
188
00:16:08,188 --> 00:16:12,990
Will your singing career be
able to offer you, every evening...
189
00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,720
the kind of dinner
we had tonight?
190
00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:19,423
Will it offer you a
chateau on the Riviera?
191
00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:24,163
I'm a very wealthy
man now, Mary.
192
00:16:24,338 --> 00:16:25,829
Oh?
193
00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,534
Well, I didn't know that.
194
00:16:29,209 --> 00:16:34,204
My dear Mary, I could show
you, in the city of Paris...
195
00:16:34,948 --> 00:16:37,747
a glittering miracle of wealth.
196
00:16:38,252 --> 00:16:40,050
My wealth, Mary.
197
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,451
Right here in Paris? Really?
198
00:16:48,795 --> 00:16:50,195
You tried to kill me. Why?
199
00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:52,856
No, I just saw you walking.
Please, you're choking me.
200
00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:55,093
I'll choke the life out
of you. Who sent you?
201
00:16:55,269 --> 00:16:58,239
I don't know his name.
But he had a beard.
202
00:16:58,405 --> 00:17:02,536
It's true. It's true. A beard
and an accent like yours.
203
00:17:03,911 --> 00:17:07,814
- Oh. Oh, Max, you've gotta get the police.
- No.
204
00:17:08,448 --> 00:17:09,939
No.
205
00:17:15,522 --> 00:17:16,522
My wallet.
206
00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:19,819
Max, this is horrible. You've
gotta call the police. He'll get away.
207
00:17:19,993 --> 00:17:21,256
No, no, no. It's all right.
208
00:17:21,428 --> 00:17:26,059
It was just a few business
cards and a very little money.
209
00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:31,700
What's the matter?
What is all this?
210
00:17:32,272 --> 00:17:34,503
I think it's Josef.
211
00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:39,914
I'm not sure...
212
00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:43,780
but I think Josef
is trying to kill me.
213
00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:16,209
What's happening here?
214
00:18:16,383 --> 00:18:19,285
I beg your indulgence,
monsieur. This is your suite?
215
00:18:19,853 --> 00:18:23,221
Mine and my cousin's,
yes. Explain yourself, please.
216
00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:24,551
Inside.
217
00:18:29,429 --> 00:18:32,228
Police Inspector Javert,
monsieur, at your service.
218
00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:34,800
I detected this scum
from the street below.
219
00:18:34,968 --> 00:18:36,937
He was crouching
on your balcony.
220
00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:40,074
I am long acquainted with
his repulsive countenance.
221
00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,574
If I may inquire, monsieur,
have you any enemies?
222
00:18:43,744 --> 00:18:45,474
Enemies?
223
00:18:46,813 --> 00:18:47,974
I see what you mean.
224
00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:52,085
He is a paid assassin. A few
francs, a bottle of vin ordinaire.
225
00:18:52,252 --> 00:18:54,483
He is not expensive, this one.
226
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:58,592
Who were you waiting
for? My cousin or me?
227
00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:03,786
- Speak, you disgusting little...
- No, no, no, monsieur. No, no, no.
228
00:19:04,765 --> 00:19:08,759
This grassy snake
is in my charge. Huh?
229
00:19:13,473 --> 00:19:14,736
Empty your pockets.
230
00:19:25,719 --> 00:19:28,518
Hmm? The business
card of a gentleman.
231
00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:31,887
You are acquainted with the
owner of this card, monsieur?
232
00:19:38,398 --> 00:19:42,529
And I soon shall be.
Evidence, monsieur.
233
00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:43,703
Allons.
234
00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:48,501
We go sweat you a
little bit, eh, pussycat?
235
00:19:48,675 --> 00:19:50,371
Inspector, wait.
236
00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:52,672
Of course I know this
Max Van Schreeten.
237
00:19:52,846 --> 00:19:54,644
I'm sure this is just a prank.
238
00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:56,681
He is quite a joker.
239
00:19:58,018 --> 00:20:00,317
This one is no joker, monsieur.
240
00:20:00,487 --> 00:20:03,889
And if your friend did
employ him, this was no joke.
241
00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,652
Please make yourself
available as a witness, monsieur.
242
00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:14,360
Oh. Pardon, monsieur.
243
00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:22,472
Was that a cop?
244
00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:26,608
- Didn't look like one.
- No.
245
00:20:27,681 --> 00:20:31,209
And my cousin Max doesn't
look like a murderer, either.
246
00:20:31,384 --> 00:20:34,548
From now on you're no longer
working for my cousin and me.
247
00:20:34,721 --> 00:20:38,453
Henceforth, you will
work only for me alone.
248
00:20:38,692 --> 00:20:41,719
And a rise in salary, of course.
249
00:20:56,309 --> 00:20:58,904
I have a luncheon engagement.
250
00:21:03,984 --> 00:21:06,078
I shall be back early.
251
00:21:12,159 --> 00:21:13,752
All right.
252
00:21:15,195 --> 00:21:17,061
He's alone.
253
00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,893
I've paid you well, so
do your work accordingly.
254
00:21:20,066 --> 00:21:24,265
You. Deliver the receipt
to the designated place.
255
00:22:05,345 --> 00:22:07,940
- Is it safe?
- Oh.
256
00:22:08,248 --> 00:22:11,776
Yes. Grushenka's in the shower.
257
00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,780
She gets a bit salty
sometimes, doesn't she?
258
00:22:15,956 --> 00:22:17,720
Yes, she does.
259
00:22:19,526 --> 00:22:22,189
Ahem. You wanted to see me?
260
00:22:24,197 --> 00:22:25,631
Oh.
261
00:22:27,634 --> 00:22:29,193
Well...
262
00:22:29,636 --> 00:22:30,636
Now...
263
00:22:30,804 --> 00:22:33,933
Now, I know that I made a
bargain with you, Mr. Solo.
264
00:22:34,107 --> 00:22:36,201
But this deception
just isn't fair.
265
00:22:36,376 --> 00:22:40,643
Not to me and certainly not
to Max, who cares for me.
266
00:22:40,814 --> 00:22:42,898
You know, what you've
done is you've just
267
00:22:42,922 --> 00:22:45,184
turned me into a very
attractive Judas goat.
268
00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,548
All right, we'll cancel
your singing engagement...
269
00:22:51,725 --> 00:22:56,129
and you can go
back to the Bronx.
270
00:22:58,598 --> 00:23:00,396
Bronx?
271
00:23:03,103 --> 00:23:04,332
What?
272
00:23:04,504 --> 00:23:08,464
What is it? Fancy playboy again?
273
00:23:08,642 --> 00:23:11,908
Coming now into the child's
home, where she lives?
274
00:23:12,078 --> 00:23:13,478
Out, my man.
275
00:23:13,647 --> 00:23:17,743
Out of this place or I'll
shred you up into shreds.
276
00:23:19,352 --> 00:23:20,877
It's Max.
277
00:23:21,054 --> 00:23:22,750
He's early.
278
00:23:22,923 --> 00:23:24,983
Well, Max had better not see me.
279
00:23:25,158 --> 00:23:30,859
Max? What is a Max? Are
we having a parade here?
280
00:23:31,031 --> 00:23:36,299
You take your oily eyes from
this premises or I don't know what...
281
00:23:36,469 --> 00:23:38,301
No offense, madam. I assure you.
282
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,422
I'm sorry, but we can't have
you rocking the boat, can we?
283
00:23:56,589 --> 00:23:58,182
Just a minute.
284
00:24:03,596 --> 00:24:06,998
Merzavets! Negodiay!
285
00:24:12,172 --> 00:24:15,233
Zver'! Negodiay!
286
00:24:16,409 --> 00:24:17,775
Mon amie.
287
00:24:23,717 --> 00:24:25,015
What now?
288
00:24:29,756 --> 00:24:31,156
Allons.
289
00:24:33,193 --> 00:24:35,094
My goodness. What
was that all about?
290
00:24:35,261 --> 00:24:38,095
This, my dear. Our passport.
291
00:24:38,264 --> 00:24:41,098
From loneliness,
from the city...
292
00:24:41,267 --> 00:24:44,726
from my double-dealing
cousin, to happiness.
293
00:24:44,904 --> 00:24:47,874
And the first step toward that
happiness is St. Lazare, s'il vous plaît.
294
00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:49,873
St. Lazare. St. Lazare?
295
00:24:50,043 --> 00:24:52,672
That's the railroad station.
Max, what is this all about?
296
00:24:53,279 --> 00:24:55,373
Our future, Mary.
297
00:24:55,548 --> 00:24:58,450
I'm sorry to have had to
uproot you so unexpectedly.
298
00:24:58,618 --> 00:25:00,177
Uproot?
299
00:25:00,353 --> 00:25:04,085
But I did not intend to let you slip
away from me for another seven years.
300
00:25:04,257 --> 00:25:05,782
Oh. Oh. The...
301
00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:09,953
Now, just hold on
here. Just a minute. I...
302
00:25:11,231 --> 00:25:12,927
Max?
303
00:25:13,099 --> 00:25:15,466
Are we going for a train ride?
304
00:25:16,469 --> 00:25:19,029
I knew you would be surprised.
305
00:25:34,154 --> 00:25:35,986
Max, this is just ridiculous.
306
00:25:36,156 --> 00:25:39,558
I don't have any luggage. And
what about my teacher, Grushenka?
307
00:25:39,726 --> 00:25:40,726
I just can't...
308
00:25:57,777 --> 00:26:01,214
The man who tried to kill
me last night. I just saw him.
309
00:26:05,351 --> 00:26:06,717
You keep this.
310
00:26:06,886 --> 00:26:10,323
In addition to my life, he'll want
the information this contains.
311
00:26:10,490 --> 00:26:13,187
But just in case, darling.
He'll never think to search you.
312
00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,692
I don't understand.
313
00:26:48,128 --> 00:26:50,495
The Alburg Express
departs shortly.
314
00:26:50,663 --> 00:26:54,259
I strongly suspect our nightingale
friend is being eloped with.
315
00:26:54,434 --> 00:26:57,666
She did manage to slip me
what appears to be the top half...
316
00:26:57,837 --> 00:26:59,806
of a claim check of
some sort or other.
317
00:26:59,973 --> 00:27:03,933
For the furniture, no doubt.
Half a billion dollars’ worth.
318
00:27:04,677 --> 00:27:09,445
What? In the furniture? Oh,
now, that's rather sneaky.
319
00:27:09,616 --> 00:27:12,609
I know. Mary and
the diamonds both.
320
00:27:12,785 --> 00:27:17,587
Me thinks our friend Max is
seeking his own private Shangri-la.
321
00:27:17,757 --> 00:27:19,225
Follow them, Illya.
322
00:27:19,392 --> 00:27:21,384
We don't wanna give
the bride away just yet.
323
00:27:21,861 --> 00:27:27,357
Well, this part of the claim check says
that it was issued by the Dupre Van Lines.
324
00:27:27,534 --> 00:27:30,265
That means the furniture's
going by truck. But where?
325
00:27:30,803 --> 00:27:33,864
Well, you'll have to
follow our fleeing Romeo.
326
00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,478
I'll confirm the contents
of the furniture...
327
00:27:38,912 --> 00:27:42,349
when Josef arises
from his afternoon nap.
328
00:27:42,916 --> 00:27:44,436
Oh, by the way, I
recall you saying...
329
00:27:44,584 --> 00:27:47,577
you'd been sitting on the furniture
when you were searching the place.
330
00:27:52,158 --> 00:27:54,354
Illya? Illya?
331
00:28:05,538 --> 00:28:12,308
Furniture receipt. Dupre Van Lines.
So that's where they hid the diamonds.
332
00:28:12,645 --> 00:28:15,843
You get on that train. Find out
where they're sending that furniture.
333
00:28:16,015 --> 00:28:19,850
The furniture. You know, I've been
lying around on half a billon dollars.
334
00:28:20,019 --> 00:28:23,114
Why those diabolical
Dutchmen. Hmm.
335
00:28:23,556 --> 00:28:27,357
To be sure of that, I shall now
pay a little visit to the other cousin.
336
00:28:27,527 --> 00:28:30,361
The furniture business
may be only a diversion.
337
00:28:30,830 --> 00:28:35,268
- What do I do about the girl?
- She has a lovely voice, the young lady.
338
00:28:36,336 --> 00:28:37,895
Kill her.
339
00:28:54,587 --> 00:28:57,113
So it was in the furniture.
340
00:28:57,790 --> 00:29:00,703
I'll kill him. I'll find
him and I'll kill him.
341
00:29:00,727 --> 00:29:01,386
Ah-ah-ah.
342
00:29:01,561 --> 00:29:04,190
Not for about 20
years, you won't.
343
00:29:04,364 --> 00:29:08,028
Unless you care to tell me
where Max freighted the stuff.
344
00:29:08,201 --> 00:29:11,000
By all means, Mynheer
Van Schreeten.
345
00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:15,599
Tell us.
346
00:29:15,775 --> 00:29:18,074
What's mine is mine.
347
00:29:18,745 --> 00:29:21,874
My diamonds. My
traitor of a cousin.
348
00:29:22,048 --> 00:29:26,986
Neither of you, whoever you are,
shall precede me to those goals.
349
00:29:27,153 --> 00:29:29,384
My man will return
and when he...
350
00:29:29,555 --> 00:29:31,683
Correction, mynheer.
351
00:29:32,358 --> 00:29:36,853
You see, your man Corio
happens to be my man Corio.
352
00:29:37,030 --> 00:29:38,794
And he will not be returning.
353
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,891
What?
354
00:29:43,136 --> 00:29:48,234
What's happening here? Who
do you trespassers represent?
355
00:29:48,708 --> 00:29:50,802
Thrush, I presume?
356
00:29:50,977 --> 00:29:52,946
U.N.C.L.E., I presume?
357
00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,009
What is this joking?
358
00:29:55,181 --> 00:29:58,743
These are my affairs you're
playing with. My diamonds.
359
00:29:58,918 --> 00:30:02,855
My seven years of labor you're tossing back
and forth between you like a parlor game.
360
00:30:03,022 --> 00:30:07,289
Easy, Josef. Our friend
here is not playing.
361
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:13,263
No. I don't deserve
to lose my diamonds.
362
00:30:13,433 --> 00:30:18,235
The planning, the execution was
perfect. I will not lose my diamonds.
363
00:30:18,404 --> 00:30:23,638
Tsk, tsk, tsk. Mynheer, you and your
cousin are a pair of lucky amateurs.
364
00:30:24,777 --> 00:30:25,817
Beginners luck, mynheer...
365
00:30:27,447 --> 00:30:29,279
never persists.
366
00:30:29,449 --> 00:30:33,352
Amateurs? No.
367
00:30:33,519 --> 00:30:35,647
You will not ruin
my plans, my life.
368
00:31:27,073 --> 00:31:29,599
St. Lazare station.
369
00:31:38,384 --> 00:31:40,319
That's right, that's right.
370
00:31:40,486 --> 00:31:42,387
That's right, that's right.
371
00:31:42,555 --> 00:31:45,889
He's the man. He's the man.
372
00:31:46,058 --> 00:31:47,058
Razboynik!
373
00:31:47,226 --> 00:31:50,321
What have you done to my
Mary? Grushenka follows you.
374
00:31:50,496 --> 00:31:53,489
Making me a prisoner while
the other one steals my Mary.
375
00:31:53,666 --> 00:31:55,328
He attacks me. See?
376
00:31:55,501 --> 00:31:57,493
Allez, monsieur, allez.
377
00:31:57,670 --> 00:32:01,129
We would also like to speak to you
regarding a man who fell to his death...
378
00:32:01,307 --> 00:32:02,775
at the rear of this building.
379
00:32:02,942 --> 00:32:06,777
Yes, I understand your zeal, gentlemen.
But actually, I have to catch a train.
380
00:32:06,946 --> 00:32:09,347
You know that? Honest injun.
Really, I have to catch a train.
381
00:32:11,851 --> 00:32:13,581
Drop the gun. Drop
your gun. Drop it.
382
00:32:13,753 --> 00:32:16,780
Stay right where you
are, gentlemen. Mes amis.
383
00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:31,665
In no way do I represent American
foreign policy, monsieur. Bonjour.
384
00:32:54,894 --> 00:32:57,363
Excusez-moi,
monsieur. Excusez-moi.
385
00:32:59,031 --> 00:33:01,500
Bonjour.
386
00:33:19,452 --> 00:33:21,182
I still don't know
where we're going.
387
00:33:21,354 --> 00:33:26,156
Now, really, that's not an unfair question
considering the circumstances, is it?
388
00:33:29,862 --> 00:33:34,266
There is a certain little
picture-book town called Malreaux.
389
00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,401
One leaves this train,
the second stop from here.
390
00:33:38,571 --> 00:33:41,473
Then one boards an
old disreputable bus.
391
00:33:41,641 --> 00:33:46,272
And one ultimately arrives
near the border at Malreaux.
392
00:33:46,712 --> 00:33:53,380
Where, by the way, one then becomes
immediately, irrevocably, married.
393
00:33:55,388 --> 00:33:56,412
Oh?
394
00:33:59,859 --> 00:34:01,327
Oh.
395
00:34:02,328 --> 00:34:03,387
Isn't that convenient?
396
00:34:07,867 --> 00:34:09,563
- Shall we?
- Mm-hm.
397
00:34:51,477 --> 00:34:53,241
Solo here.
398
00:34:53,713 --> 00:34:56,478
Well, how nice to hear
from you after so long.
399
00:34:56,649 --> 00:34:59,118
Have that left-out
feeling, do you?
400
00:34:59,285 --> 00:35:00,913
Don't be cute.
401
00:35:01,087 --> 00:35:04,683
They almost buried me at
the Tomb of the Unknown Spy.
402
00:35:04,857 --> 00:35:09,386
When I did manage to get to my feet, it
took me half an hour to find my trousers.
403
00:35:09,695 --> 00:35:11,357
Where are you?
404
00:35:11,530 --> 00:35:13,931
Assuming that you do know
where you are, of course.
405
00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:18,060
Well, I beat the train to the depot
and I'm here now waiting to board her.
406
00:35:18,237 --> 00:35:20,638
All right. You take an
aspirin and rest for a while.
407
00:35:20,806 --> 00:35:26,268
And then send out a Signal Four -
Emergency Red for an U.N.C.L.E. helicopter.
408
00:35:26,445 --> 00:35:30,780
And follow the tracks until you
see either the train or my signal.
409
00:35:30,950 --> 00:35:32,976
And take care, will you?
410
00:35:50,670 --> 00:35:53,697
I have some friends
waiting at the next stop.
411
00:35:53,873 --> 00:35:58,573
They're expecting me to tell them
where your furniture is being shipped.
412
00:35:58,744 --> 00:36:00,508
How did you know?
413
00:36:00,713 --> 00:36:03,308
Oh. Your little lady told me.
414
00:36:04,417 --> 00:36:06,010
- Mary?
- Inadvertently, of course.
415
00:36:06,185 --> 00:36:10,179
She passed her half of the claim check
onto someone else and I took it from him.
416
00:36:10,790 --> 00:36:13,851
You gave... Is that true, Mary?
417
00:36:14,460 --> 00:36:20,263
So my sweet,
unworldly bride to be.
418
00:36:20,433 --> 00:36:22,163
Oh. What a fool I've been.
419
00:36:23,602 --> 00:36:25,628
But not such a
fool as you, Corio...
420
00:36:25,805 --> 00:36:28,934
if you expect me to tell you where
those diamonds are being sent.
421
00:36:29,108 --> 00:36:30,633
Oh.
422
00:36:34,447 --> 00:36:37,212
Max, are you so disillusioned
with the young lady...
423
00:36:37,383 --> 00:36:40,615
that you won't exchange
their destination for hers?
424
00:36:44,457 --> 00:36:46,289
Max?
425
00:36:48,894 --> 00:36:49,499
Max, please?
426
00:36:49,523 --> 00:36:51,591
Look, Van Schreeten,
if you don't tell me...
427
00:36:51,764 --> 00:36:55,292
I'm gonna have to kill you to get
the other half of that claim check.
428
00:36:57,737 --> 00:36:58,761
I'm sorry, honey.
429
00:36:59,839 --> 00:37:02,570
Apparently martyrdom
appeals to this fool.
430
00:37:03,843 --> 00:37:05,436
You may as well go first.
431
00:37:07,046 --> 00:37:09,072
Oh, I'm sorry. I
thought this was empty.
432
00:37:09,248 --> 00:37:12,741
Oh, the policeman from
the balcony, I believe?
433
00:37:12,918 --> 00:37:17,322
Well, for such a despicable fellow,
you have an amazingly accurate memory.
434
00:37:17,490 --> 00:37:20,824
You have a little bit of foresight.
See, in my right hand there's a gun.
435
00:37:20,993 --> 00:37:24,828
In it is a bullet and the bullet
goes bang. Now hand me yours...
436
00:37:24,997 --> 00:37:28,229
or the young lady
goes with me when I go.
437
00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:30,498
Napoleon, he does have a gun.
438
00:37:33,672 --> 00:37:35,072
Huh.
439
00:37:35,241 --> 00:37:37,369
You can sit there.
440
00:37:39,812 --> 00:37:42,543
That's right. Now.
441
00:37:43,082 --> 00:37:47,611
As quickly and as quietly as
possible, I'm gonna kill the three of you.
442
00:37:47,787 --> 00:37:51,417
You first, Mr... Mr.?
443
00:37:51,824 --> 00:37:53,656
Solo.
444
00:38:03,969 --> 00:38:07,929
No, wait. I'll tell you.
445
00:38:08,874 --> 00:38:11,639
You and I have a
different set of values, Max.
446
00:38:11,811 --> 00:38:15,441
- No, Mary.
- Now quiet. Quiet, Maxey.
447
00:38:15,848 --> 00:38:19,478
Now, if you've got the magic
words, young lady, let's have them.
448
00:38:20,419 --> 00:38:23,184
Well, you just might
end up killing us anyway.
449
00:38:23,722 --> 00:38:26,988
Now, this train is slowing
down and my friends are waiting.
450
00:38:27,159 --> 00:38:28,855
Also, I'm waiting.
451
00:38:29,929 --> 00:38:32,231
All right. The furniture
is being delivered
452
00:38:32,255 --> 00:38:34,526
by a van to a little
town called Malreaux.
453
00:38:35,100 --> 00:38:37,092
- Oh!
- Thank you.
454
00:38:37,970 --> 00:38:40,838
What are you two
looking at each other for?
455
00:38:42,641 --> 00:38:44,473
Napoleon?
456
00:38:45,277 --> 00:38:47,644
He's gonna kill us
anyway, isn't he?
457
00:38:47,813 --> 00:38:52,114
Unfortunately, Thrush's handbook
bears no similarity whatsoever...
458
00:38:52,284 --> 00:38:54,947
to that of the Boy
Scouts of America.
459
00:38:56,422 --> 00:38:57,446
Thrush?
460
00:38:57,623 --> 00:38:59,182
You're really marvelous, Solo.
461
00:38:59,358 --> 00:39:03,056
However, the train is stopping
and business is at hand.
462
00:39:03,229 --> 00:39:06,757
Now, it's up to you to see that this
crumbling wreck behaves himself...
463
00:39:06,932 --> 00:39:09,595
when we get off. Otherwise...
464
00:39:10,669 --> 00:39:13,195
the world's gonna
lose an artist.
465
00:39:37,396 --> 00:39:39,831
How's that for planning
and punctuality?
466
00:39:41,533 --> 00:39:44,731
One moment,
messieurs, if you please.
467
00:39:45,237 --> 00:39:46,762
Is there some kind of trouble?
468
00:39:46,939 --> 00:39:51,536
Nothing to concern you, monsieur.
Proceed about your business, please.
469
00:39:51,710 --> 00:39:54,373
Oh, yeah. Sure.
470
00:39:56,815 --> 00:40:02,755
You are under arrest, monsieur,
for the kidnapping of this young lady.
471
00:40:02,922 --> 00:40:05,858
You are quite well,
mademoiselle?
472
00:40:06,025 --> 00:40:08,324
Oh, yes. I'm fine.
473
00:40:09,395 --> 00:40:12,729
No. It's too risky
and it's not worth it.
474
00:40:12,898 --> 00:40:14,526
Our main mission
is the diamonds...
475
00:40:14,700 --> 00:40:18,967
and they're on a moving van on
the road to Malreaux. Come on.
476
00:40:19,138 --> 00:40:21,767
A woman friend of
yours, mademoiselle.
477
00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:24,775
She apparently informed
the authorities in Paris...
478
00:40:24,944 --> 00:40:27,937
who contacted all the
towns along the train route.
479
00:40:28,881 --> 00:40:30,110
Oh.
480
00:40:57,509 --> 00:41:00,206
You've got to understand
this. You mustn't try to stop him.
481
00:41:00,379 --> 00:41:02,339
He didn't kidnap me. He
was just trying to help...
482
00:41:04,083 --> 00:41:06,814
So it happens once again.
483
00:41:06,986 --> 00:41:10,889
The dashing young criminal
who whisks you away.
484
00:41:11,056 --> 00:41:13,457
The suspense-filled night.
485
00:41:13,625 --> 00:41:16,060
The moment when
you peer into his eyes...
486
00:41:16,228 --> 00:41:22,168
and you feel that after all
he cannot be all bad, huh?
487
00:41:24,603 --> 00:41:26,128
I see you read a lot.
488
00:41:26,305 --> 00:41:30,208
Yes, but your little heart
lies to you, mademoiselle.
489
00:41:40,486 --> 00:41:44,651
Mary, help me to get
out of here to Malreaux.
490
00:41:44,823 --> 00:41:47,952
The diamonds are
half yours, my dear.
491
00:41:48,394 --> 00:41:51,887
- We can be free.
- I am free, Max.
492
00:41:52,064 --> 00:41:54,863
Listen, you just would have
sat there and let me be killed...
493
00:41:55,034 --> 00:41:57,526
for your ridiculous
stolen diamonds.
494
00:41:58,971 --> 00:42:01,099
Stolen diamonds?
495
00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,037
Your name, monsieur,
if you please. Hmm?
496
00:42:07,179 --> 00:42:10,115
Max. Van Schreeten.
497
00:42:39,011 --> 00:42:40,673
Be brave, mademoiselle.
498
00:42:40,846 --> 00:42:46,513
I shall soon place you back in
the bosom of your loved ones.
499
00:44:15,374 --> 00:44:16,774
Mademoiselle.
500
00:44:24,917 --> 00:44:27,546
Illya, are you all right?
501
00:44:43,468 --> 00:44:45,528
That's it. Let's move.
502
00:45:16,501 --> 00:45:17,867
Turn it back toward Paris.
503
00:45:18,036 --> 00:45:22,497
Then, if U.N.C.L.E. does follow us,
they'll be chasing in the wrong direction.
504
00:45:27,913 --> 00:45:29,779
How's your head?
505
00:45:31,450 --> 00:45:33,078
Illya?
506
00:45:34,119 --> 00:45:36,632
No, I did not think of
looking in the blasted
507
00:45:36,656 --> 00:45:39,080
furniture. It's too
obvious a hiding place.
508
00:45:40,125 --> 00:45:41,753
That should be the
road down there.
509
00:45:42,861 --> 00:45:45,490
Well, that's a van but
it's moving the wrong way.
510
00:45:46,465 --> 00:45:50,163
If Thrush has already hijacked the
furniture, they won't just continue along.
511
00:45:50,335 --> 00:45:52,133
Let's take a look at the van.
512
00:46:10,555 --> 00:46:12,888
Get into a rocket-attack angle.
513
00:46:36,515 --> 00:46:38,780
Sweet dreams, gentlemen.
We'll be back for you.
514
00:46:38,950 --> 00:46:41,044
Now let's set this
down on the furniture.
515
00:46:41,219 --> 00:46:42,585
Huh?
516
00:47:44,216 --> 00:47:48,415
I think maybe it is
a fishy smell here.
517
00:47:48,587 --> 00:47:51,989
Not at all, madam. It's a perfectly
straightforward business transaction.
518
00:47:52,157 --> 00:47:54,092
Max Van Schreeten
gave this club to Mary.
519
00:47:54,259 --> 00:47:57,559
And our organization will guarantee
her a substantial purchase price...
520
00:47:57,729 --> 00:48:01,257
with which to continue
her studies in comfort.
521
00:48:01,533 --> 00:48:02,796
Well, what did he say?
522
00:48:05,404 --> 00:48:07,134
Well, he...
523
00:48:08,807 --> 00:48:12,300
He wants you to go to Amsterdam
tomorrow and see if you can find out...
524
00:48:12,477 --> 00:48:15,845
how Max and Josef pulled
off the robbery in the first place.
525
00:48:16,014 --> 00:48:18,540
Buy why me? Wasn't
our report satisfactory?
526
00:48:18,717 --> 00:48:22,085
Well, there were one or two
details. He couldn't quite understand...
527
00:48:22,254 --> 00:48:26,419
how you managed to search the
place without finding the diamonds.
528
00:48:27,025 --> 00:48:29,358
And you told him?
529
00:48:30,162 --> 00:48:33,690
Well, what could I say, Illya?
I mean, I told him you forgot.
530
00:48:34,132 --> 00:48:35,156
You what?
531
00:48:35,333 --> 00:48:38,667
Well, Illya, you didn't want me
to lie to Mr. Waverly, did you?
532
00:48:38,837 --> 00:48:41,432
- Would you like to dance, Mary?
- You blockhead.
533
00:48:42,641 --> 00:48:46,322
Well, Illya, you should
have told me that.
534
00:48:46,346 --> 00:48:47,346
Napoleon.
535
00:48:49,648 --> 00:48:52,584
Hey, pussycat.
Dance with the lady.
536
00:48:52,751 --> 00:48:54,151
Hmm? Oui?
537
00:48:58,824 --> 00:49:00,986
You are Russian.
538
00:49:01,159 --> 00:49:03,594
Illyusha, darling?
539
00:49:07,299 --> 00:49:09,393
Illyushenka.
540
00:49:10,669 --> 00:49:12,501
Darling.
42687
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