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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:52,333 --> 00:01:54,529 Oh, my friend. 2 00:01:57,138 --> 00:01:59,300 The world should be witnessing this moment. 3 00:02:02,543 --> 00:02:04,535 MAN: Was it delivered? 4 00:02:04,712 --> 00:02:09,582 Sure was, Mr. Van Schreeten. Million dollars’ worth of it. 5 00:02:13,087 --> 00:02:15,989 You seemed impressed, Mynheer Corio. 6 00:02:16,991 --> 00:02:20,325 Tell me, why did we rendezvous here in this... 7 00:02:20,495 --> 00:02:22,464 This sewer? 8 00:02:22,830 --> 00:02:26,767 This sewer, my dear cousin Josef, is now my sewer. 9 00:02:27,335 --> 00:02:30,772 An investment for my newfound capital, you might say. 10 00:02:31,205 --> 00:02:33,333 What for, Max? What for? 11 00:02:35,076 --> 00:02:38,911 Josef, through seven years of patience and planning... 12 00:02:39,080 --> 00:02:44,542 you and I have accomplished one of the most lucrative criminal acts in history. 13 00:02:47,021 --> 00:02:49,786 It is now time for other things. 14 00:02:50,224 --> 00:02:52,193 Speak plainly, Max, and stand still. 15 00:02:53,494 --> 00:02:55,929 At this moment, a man in the city of New York... 16 00:02:56,097 --> 00:03:00,535 is seeking out a certain young female vocalist. 17 00:03:01,202 --> 00:03:04,468 She'll be told only that an anonymous Parisian entrepreneur... 18 00:03:04,639 --> 00:03:08,337 will pay her a fortune if she will come to sing in his nightclub. 19 00:03:08,810 --> 00:03:10,335 Mary. 20 00:03:10,812 --> 00:03:12,212 It is Mary, isn't it? 21 00:03:13,881 --> 00:03:17,943 And for another chance to win her, I would buy a dozen nightclubs. 22 00:03:21,589 --> 00:03:26,118 She's been in your thoughts too, hasn't she, Josef, during all these years? 23 00:03:26,294 --> 00:03:28,320 Fool. 24 00:03:28,863 --> 00:03:31,890 Must you always be ruled by your ego? 25 00:03:32,066 --> 00:03:34,058 We share a secret, you and I. 26 00:03:34,502 --> 00:03:37,182 I would not risk our safety by whispering in the moonlight... 27 00:03:37,338 --> 00:03:38,338 even to Mary Pilgrim. 28 00:03:38,506 --> 00:03:40,490 If Mary Pilgrim will come here, I shall 29 00:03:40,514 --> 00:03:42,568 offer her everything I possess in this world. 30 00:03:42,744 --> 00:03:45,043 And nothing you can do will stop me... 31 00:03:45,213 --> 00:03:47,011 dear cousin. 32 00:03:51,018 --> 00:03:54,352 Overseas relay channel to New York City open, please. 33 00:03:57,358 --> 00:03:59,054 Section two numbered. 34 00:03:59,227 --> 00:04:00,525 Hello, Napoleon? 35 00:04:00,928 --> 00:04:05,263 So you can now indulge yourself in your nefarious flair for the dramatic. 36 00:04:10,538 --> 00:04:13,007 Not a moment too soon, my friend. 37 00:04:17,512 --> 00:04:18,707 Oh. 38 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,348 Oh, don't I wish. 39 00:04:20,515 --> 00:04:24,247 And the magic genie of the Bronx has heard your wish, fair lady. 40 00:04:24,418 --> 00:04:26,250 What are you doing? Let me go. 41 00:04:26,420 --> 00:04:29,356 What are you doing? Here, stop that. Cut that out. 42 00:04:29,524 --> 00:04:31,550 Leave me alone. 43 00:04:41,269 --> 00:04:42,965 Uh... Uh... 44 00:04:43,137 --> 00:04:46,437 Now, Mr. Solo, you seem to be a very nice man... 45 00:04:46,607 --> 00:04:49,133 and I don't understand a word you say. 46 00:04:49,310 --> 00:04:52,303 And, if you don t mind, I'd just as soon... Get away from me. 47 00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:55,812 And the year that you left the music academy at Amsterdam... 48 00:04:55,983 --> 00:04:59,545 Max and Josef Van Schreeten went to work for this giant diamond syndicate. 49 00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:01,018 That was seven years ago. 50 00:05:01,189 --> 00:05:04,091 Yeah, and for seven years they have been very reliable... 51 00:05:04,258 --> 00:05:06,625 responsible employees of that syndicate. 52 00:05:06,794 --> 00:05:09,093 Until rather recently, that is. 53 00:05:09,263 --> 00:05:12,665 Now, last month, and nobody has figured out quite how yet... 54 00:05:12,834 --> 00:05:17,636 your ex-boyfriends walked off with the entire syndicate reserve. 55 00:05:17,805 --> 00:05:21,264 A half a billion dollars in uncut, unregistered... 56 00:05:21,442 --> 00:05:24,537 and as yet, unrecovered diamonds. 57 00:05:24,712 --> 00:05:28,672 I still don't understand what you sadistic people want with me. 58 00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:33,083 I like Max a lot, I guess, but I, I... 59 00:05:33,454 --> 00:05:35,548 Half a billion dollars, huh? 60 00:05:35,723 --> 00:05:37,988 In diamonds, that is. And that's only for openers. 61 00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:41,596 Now, you see, if they suddenly flood the world market with diamonds... 62 00:05:41,762 --> 00:05:44,095 every girl that ever owned an engagement ring... 63 00:05:44,265 --> 00:05:46,996 risk the possibility of having it devaluated overnight. 64 00:05:47,168 --> 00:05:48,693 Now, Max and Josef know this. 65 00:05:48,870 --> 00:05:51,396 So therefore the syndicate is paying the cousins... 66 00:05:51,572 --> 00:05:56,010 $1 million a month in blackmail to refrain from flooding the world market. 67 00:05:56,177 --> 00:05:59,614 Oh, I see. 68 00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:03,217 You want me to get mixed up with Max again so I can spy on him, right? 69 00:06:03,718 --> 00:06:07,177 Right. As I said, Max was the one that sent you the anonymous job offer. 70 00:06:07,355 --> 00:06:09,915 I'm no longer interested in that kind of singing. 71 00:06:10,091 --> 00:06:13,027 I'm studying the classical now, the opera. 72 00:06:13,194 --> 00:06:16,289 With Madame Sophia Grushenka, as a matter of fact. 73 00:06:16,697 --> 00:06:21,499 And I've absolutely no desire to become a glamour puss. 74 00:06:21,736 --> 00:06:23,830 And besides, what about Madame Grushenka? 75 00:06:24,005 --> 00:06:27,305 She'd never... She'd never let me go traipsing... Ahh! 76 00:06:27,475 --> 00:06:30,673 Listen, if it'll make you any happier, we'll take Madame Grushenka... 77 00:06:30,845 --> 00:06:33,212 traipsing along with us. 78 00:06:35,283 --> 00:06:36,979 All done? 79 00:06:41,355 --> 00:06:44,257 We need you, Mary, to rekindle what there was... 80 00:06:44,425 --> 00:06:47,190 between Max Van Schreeten and you seven years ago. 81 00:06:47,361 --> 00:06:51,890 To get his confidence, to help us find those diamonds and get them back. 82 00:06:55,002 --> 00:06:56,630 Mary? 83 00:07:02,176 --> 00:07:03,337 Well... 84 00:07:07,281 --> 00:07:09,216 Well, I'm... 85 00:07:09,817 --> 00:07:11,786 kind of back in competition, aren't I? 86 00:07:12,987 --> 00:07:15,855 Now, we have 43 minutes to go... 87 00:07:16,023 --> 00:07:18,549 and we are off to gay Paris. 88 00:07:18,726 --> 00:07:21,594 - Shall we? - Oh. Uh... Well... 89 00:07:31,272 --> 00:07:35,607 Krolik? Why didn't you tell me that Thrush had planted a listening device... 90 00:07:35,776 --> 00:07:38,803 on those two Dutchmen? This is my operation. 91 00:07:39,380 --> 00:07:40,746 What? 92 00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:46,877 I tell you, there is a microphone attached to the label tag on that suitcase. 93 00:07:47,054 --> 00:07:48,545 And I... 94 00:07:51,959 --> 00:07:56,158 I tell you Thrush planted no such listening device. 95 00:07:57,298 --> 00:08:00,200 So it would appear that our U.N.C.L.E. friends... 96 00:08:00,368 --> 00:08:03,304 are also interested in this little affair. 97 00:08:04,105 --> 00:08:06,233 Listening in, as it were. 98 00:08:09,043 --> 00:08:15,950 All right, I'll send you a little something to stop up their delicate ears. 99 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,516 They didn't have prosciutto. 100 00:08:21,689 --> 00:08:23,180 What's new with the briefcase? 101 00:08:23,357 --> 00:08:25,952 Oh, they're dividing up their first million. 102 00:08:26,127 --> 00:08:29,427 Max wants to keep his half at his new nightclub. 103 00:08:31,232 --> 00:08:33,224 Apparently, Mary's arrival upon the scene... 104 00:08:33,401 --> 00:08:36,337 has caused some dissension in the Van Schreeten ranks. 105 00:08:36,504 --> 00:08:38,598 There's going to be dissension in our ranks... 106 00:08:38,773 --> 00:08:41,333 if we don't find those hidden jewels. 107 00:08:41,509 --> 00:08:44,377 Well, I went through their apartment thoroughly last night. 108 00:08:44,545 --> 00:08:49,142 I even sat down on the couch and tore the place apart mentally, but nothing. 109 00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:54,084 They could be cached in a Swiss bank or in a walking stick or in the Mediterranean. 110 00:08:54,255 --> 00:08:55,689 Wait. 111 00:08:57,691 --> 00:08:59,523 Corio. 112 00:08:59,827 --> 00:09:01,386 - Corio. - Hmm? 113 00:09:01,562 --> 00:09:03,963 Please, put this somewhere. 114 00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:08,523 Well, ultrasonic waves. 115 00:10:08,696 --> 00:10:11,393 Obviously someone wants to tune us out. 116 00:10:11,565 --> 00:10:14,000 Yes, obviously. But not the Van Schreetens. 117 00:10:14,168 --> 00:10:18,469 They are neither equipped nor oriented for such sophisticated assassinations. 118 00:10:18,639 --> 00:10:21,700 - Uh-huh. T-H-R... - U-S-H. 119 00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:25,642 - Thrush. - Thrush. 120 00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:34,049 Must you put ketchup and mustard on everything? 121 00:10:40,995 --> 00:10:44,090 For two years I am battling tooth and foot... 122 00:10:44,265 --> 00:10:46,359 with the Bronx Conservatory... 123 00:10:46,534 --> 00:10:48,765 to give you a recital. 124 00:10:48,936 --> 00:10:52,532 Now suddenly you drag me off to Paris. 125 00:10:52,706 --> 00:10:55,801 Your debut. A nightclub. 126 00:10:55,976 --> 00:10:59,640 My Mary's a painted floozy in a nightclub. 127 00:11:00,915 --> 00:11:03,783 Grushie, don't be angry with me. I'm so nervous. 128 00:11:06,620 --> 00:11:10,716 What for are you staring at your face like a dope? 129 00:11:10,891 --> 00:11:15,886 Diaphragm. The voice box. Those are your face. 130 00:11:21,035 --> 00:11:24,335 - Oh, how are you? - Who are you? 131 00:11:25,506 --> 00:11:27,304 Solo is my name. 132 00:11:27,474 --> 00:11:30,342 Oh, it's all right, Grushie. Mr. Solo's a friend. 133 00:11:30,511 --> 00:11:32,377 It is not all right. 134 00:11:32,546 --> 00:11:37,109 We don't want friendly playboys with a fancy suits. 135 00:11:38,485 --> 00:11:39,509 Mmm. 136 00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:46,017 Oh, Grushie. You're too much. 137 00:12:27,234 --> 00:12:28,497 Good evening, sir. 138 00:12:28,669 --> 00:12:32,868 - One, please. - This way, please. 139 00:12:41,949 --> 00:12:46,580 - You must be crazy to come here. - Oh, am I not suitably dressed? 140 00:12:49,523 --> 00:12:53,016 I assume you used the tuning fork I sent you? 141 00:12:53,794 --> 00:12:55,422 Good. 142 00:12:55,929 --> 00:12:58,524 I've received a new directive from Thrush. 143 00:12:58,699 --> 00:13:02,295 Since we seem to be running a footrace with our U.N.C.L.E. friends... 144 00:13:02,469 --> 00:13:04,734 subtlety is no longer required in this matter. 145 00:13:04,905 --> 00:13:07,204 Oh, yes, yes. It's a good year. Very good. 146 00:13:07,374 --> 00:13:09,206 What does that mean? 147 00:13:09,376 --> 00:13:13,609 That means that Thrush does not propose to let U.N.C.L.E. beat us to the diamonds. 148 00:13:13,781 --> 00:13:15,943 Wherever they may be. 149 00:13:16,483 --> 00:13:22,719 Beginning tomorrow, more direct methods shall be applied. 150 00:13:23,190 --> 00:13:25,250 Oh, yes. Yes. Ah. 151 00:13:25,592 --> 00:13:27,686 Yes. Thank you, sir. 152 00:14:02,429 --> 00:14:05,331 Honey, you were sensational. Why don't you join me for a while? 153 00:14:05,499 --> 00:14:07,593 I'll buy you a couple of snorts. 154 00:14:07,768 --> 00:14:08,861 Seen Max yet? 155 00:14:09,303 --> 00:14:13,001 No, nor Josef either. Are you sure it's Max who owns this place? 156 00:14:13,173 --> 00:14:16,302 Oh, I'm sorry but the rules of the house forbid it. 157 00:14:16,477 --> 00:14:18,673 All right, then, maybe some other time. 158 00:14:18,846 --> 00:14:20,846 Brace yourself. This is U.N.C.L.E.'s night to howl. 159 00:14:21,014 --> 00:14:25,384 Tallyho. All right. Okay. Look great. 160 00:14:28,756 --> 00:14:30,122 Mary. 161 00:14:31,458 --> 00:14:34,018 Josef. Oh. Mmm. 162 00:14:34,194 --> 00:14:35,856 Josef Van Schreeten. 163 00:14:36,029 --> 00:14:39,431 Oh, my goodness. What are you doing here? 164 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,502 - How wonderful. - For me too, Mary. 165 00:14:42,669 --> 00:14:44,695 You know, my cousin Max owns this place. 166 00:14:44,872 --> 00:14:48,502 It was he who hired you. At my insistence, of course. 167 00:14:48,675 --> 00:14:53,511 - No. Not Max. Why, I can't believe it. - Mm-hm. 168 00:14:53,680 --> 00:14:57,139 - Where is Max? - He is here, my dear. 169 00:14:57,317 --> 00:15:01,880 - Waiting, as he has been for seven years. - Oh, Max. 170 00:15:02,055 --> 00:15:04,786 Max, how marvelous to see you. 171 00:15:05,426 --> 00:15:07,395 You have stolen my thunder, Josef. 172 00:15:07,561 --> 00:15:10,656 I had hoped to surprise Mary myself. 173 00:15:10,864 --> 00:15:14,426 Why don't you have a drink, Josef? On the house, of course. 174 00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:15,899 I'll see you later, Mary. 175 00:15:16,069 --> 00:15:18,436 And your singing. It was exquisite. 176 00:15:18,605 --> 00:15:20,665 Oh, thank you. 177 00:15:21,542 --> 00:15:26,207 And now, my dear, a welcome-home surprise. 178 00:15:28,048 --> 00:15:30,779 Oh, Max. 179 00:15:37,925 --> 00:15:39,757 Mary, you haven't changed. 180 00:15:39,927 --> 00:15:42,920 - You're as elusive as ever. - Oh. 181 00:15:43,764 --> 00:15:47,223 Well, now, let's see if I can remember all those questions. 182 00:15:47,401 --> 00:15:50,394 Am I married? No. 183 00:15:50,571 --> 00:15:54,508 Yes, I do find you very attractive, still. 184 00:15:55,976 --> 00:15:58,104 But I've already invested so much in my career. 185 00:15:58,278 --> 00:16:00,474 It's too soon to stop, Max. 186 00:16:00,647 --> 00:16:04,812 Especially when it's just beginning to show me some tangible return. 187 00:16:04,985 --> 00:16:07,216 - Tangible return? - Mm-hm. 188 00:16:08,188 --> 00:16:12,990 Will your singing career be able to offer you, every evening... 189 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:15,720 the kind of dinner we had tonight? 190 00:16:16,396 --> 00:16:19,423 Will it offer you a chateau on the Riviera? 191 00:16:21,034 --> 00:16:24,163 I'm a very wealthy man now, Mary. 192 00:16:24,338 --> 00:16:25,829 Oh? 193 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:28,534 Well, I didn't know that. 194 00:16:29,209 --> 00:16:34,204 My dear Mary, I could show you, in the city of Paris... 195 00:16:34,948 --> 00:16:37,747 a glittering miracle of wealth. 196 00:16:38,252 --> 00:16:40,050 My wealth, Mary. 197 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:42,451 Right here in Paris? Really? 198 00:16:48,795 --> 00:16:50,195 You tried to kill me. Why? 199 00:16:50,364 --> 00:16:52,856 No, I just saw you walking. Please, you're choking me. 200 00:16:53,033 --> 00:16:55,093 I'll choke the life out of you. Who sent you? 201 00:16:55,269 --> 00:16:58,239 I don't know his name. But he had a beard. 202 00:16:58,405 --> 00:17:02,536 It's true. It's true. A beard and an accent like yours. 203 00:17:03,911 --> 00:17:07,814 - Oh. Oh, Max, you've gotta get the police. - No. 204 00:17:08,448 --> 00:17:09,939 No. 205 00:17:15,522 --> 00:17:16,522 My wallet. 206 00:17:16,690 --> 00:17:19,819 Max, this is horrible. You've gotta call the police. He'll get away. 207 00:17:19,993 --> 00:17:21,256 No, no, no. It's all right. 208 00:17:21,428 --> 00:17:26,059 It was just a few business cards and a very little money. 209 00:17:28,468 --> 00:17:31,700 What's the matter? What is all this? 210 00:17:32,272 --> 00:17:34,503 I think it's Josef. 211 00:17:37,945 --> 00:17:39,914 I'm not sure... 212 00:17:40,514 --> 00:17:43,780 but I think Josef is trying to kill me. 213 00:18:15,082 --> 00:18:16,209 What's happening here? 214 00:18:16,383 --> 00:18:19,285 I beg your indulgence, monsieur. This is your suite? 215 00:18:19,853 --> 00:18:23,221 Mine and my cousin's, yes. Explain yourself, please. 216 00:18:23,390 --> 00:18:24,551 Inside. 217 00:18:29,429 --> 00:18:32,228 Police Inspector Javert, monsieur, at your service. 218 00:18:32,399 --> 00:18:34,800 I detected this scum from the street below. 219 00:18:34,968 --> 00:18:36,937 He was crouching on your balcony. 220 00:18:37,104 --> 00:18:40,074 I am long acquainted with his repulsive countenance. 221 00:18:40,240 --> 00:18:43,574 If I may inquire, monsieur, have you any enemies? 222 00:18:43,744 --> 00:18:45,474 Enemies? 223 00:18:46,813 --> 00:18:47,974 I see what you mean. 224 00:18:48,148 --> 00:18:52,085 He is a paid assassin. A few francs, a bottle of vin ordinaire. 225 00:18:52,252 --> 00:18:54,483 He is not expensive, this one. 226 00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:58,592 Who were you waiting for? My cousin or me? 227 00:18:58,825 --> 00:19:03,786 - Speak, you disgusting little... - No, no, no, monsieur. No, no, no. 228 00:19:04,765 --> 00:19:08,759 This grassy snake is in my charge. Huh? 229 00:19:13,473 --> 00:19:14,736 Empty your pockets. 230 00:19:25,719 --> 00:19:28,518 Hmm? The business card of a gentleman. 231 00:19:28,689 --> 00:19:31,887 You are acquainted with the owner of this card, monsieur? 232 00:19:38,398 --> 00:19:42,529 And I soon shall be. Evidence, monsieur. 233 00:19:42,703 --> 00:19:43,703 Allons. 234 00:19:43,870 --> 00:19:48,501 We go sweat you a little bit, eh, pussycat? 235 00:19:48,675 --> 00:19:50,371 Inspector, wait. 236 00:19:50,544 --> 00:19:52,672 Of course I know this Max Van Schreeten. 237 00:19:52,846 --> 00:19:54,644 I'm sure this is just a prank. 238 00:19:54,815 --> 00:19:56,681 He is quite a joker. 239 00:19:58,018 --> 00:20:00,317 This one is no joker, monsieur. 240 00:20:00,487 --> 00:20:03,889 And if your friend did employ him, this was no joke. 241 00:20:07,160 --> 00:20:09,652 Please make yourself available as a witness, monsieur. 242 00:20:11,765 --> 00:20:14,360 Oh. Pardon, monsieur. 243 00:20:21,174 --> 00:20:22,472 Was that a cop? 244 00:20:22,876 --> 00:20:26,608 - Didn't look like one. - No. 245 00:20:27,681 --> 00:20:31,209 And my cousin Max doesn't look like a murderer, either. 246 00:20:31,384 --> 00:20:34,548 From now on you're no longer working for my cousin and me. 247 00:20:34,721 --> 00:20:38,453 Henceforth, you will work only for me alone. 248 00:20:38,692 --> 00:20:41,719 And a rise in salary, of course. 249 00:20:56,309 --> 00:20:58,904 I have a luncheon engagement. 250 00:21:03,984 --> 00:21:06,078 I shall be back early. 251 00:21:12,159 --> 00:21:13,752 All right. 252 00:21:15,195 --> 00:21:17,061 He's alone. 253 00:21:17,230 --> 00:21:19,893 I've paid you well, so do your work accordingly. 254 00:21:20,066 --> 00:21:24,265 You. Deliver the receipt to the designated place. 255 00:22:05,345 --> 00:22:07,940 - Is it safe? - Oh. 256 00:22:08,248 --> 00:22:11,776 Yes. Grushenka's in the shower. 257 00:22:13,720 --> 00:22:15,780 She gets a bit salty sometimes, doesn't she? 258 00:22:15,956 --> 00:22:17,720 Yes, she does. 259 00:22:19,526 --> 00:22:22,189 Ahem. You wanted to see me? 260 00:22:24,197 --> 00:22:25,631 Oh. 261 00:22:27,634 --> 00:22:29,193 Well... 262 00:22:29,636 --> 00:22:30,636 Now... 263 00:22:30,804 --> 00:22:33,933 Now, I know that I made a bargain with you, Mr. Solo. 264 00:22:34,107 --> 00:22:36,201 But this deception just isn't fair. 265 00:22:36,376 --> 00:22:40,643 Not to me and certainly not to Max, who cares for me. 266 00:22:40,814 --> 00:22:42,898 You know, what you've done is you've just 267 00:22:42,922 --> 00:22:45,184 turned me into a very attractive Judas goat. 268 00:22:47,520 --> 00:22:51,548 All right, we'll cancel your singing engagement... 269 00:22:51,725 --> 00:22:56,129 and you can go back to the Bronx. 270 00:22:58,598 --> 00:23:00,396 Bronx? 271 00:23:03,103 --> 00:23:04,332 What? 272 00:23:04,504 --> 00:23:08,464 What is it? Fancy playboy again? 273 00:23:08,642 --> 00:23:11,908 Coming now into the child's home, where she lives? 274 00:23:12,078 --> 00:23:13,478 Out, my man. 275 00:23:13,647 --> 00:23:17,743 Out of this place or I'll shred you up into shreds. 276 00:23:19,352 --> 00:23:20,877 It's Max. 277 00:23:21,054 --> 00:23:22,750 He's early. 278 00:23:22,923 --> 00:23:24,983 Well, Max had better not see me. 279 00:23:25,158 --> 00:23:30,859 Max? What is a Max? Are we having a parade here? 280 00:23:31,031 --> 00:23:36,299 You take your oily eyes from this premises or I don't know what... 281 00:23:36,469 --> 00:23:38,301 No offense, madam. I assure you. 282 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:56,422 I'm sorry, but we can't have you rocking the boat, can we? 283 00:23:56,589 --> 00:23:58,182 Just a minute. 284 00:24:03,596 --> 00:24:06,998 Merzavets! Negodiay! 285 00:24:12,172 --> 00:24:15,233 Zver'! Negodiay! 286 00:24:16,409 --> 00:24:17,775 Mon amie. 287 00:24:23,717 --> 00:24:25,015 What now? 288 00:24:29,756 --> 00:24:31,156 Allons. 289 00:24:33,193 --> 00:24:35,094 My goodness. What was that all about? 290 00:24:35,261 --> 00:24:38,095 This, my dear. Our passport. 291 00:24:38,264 --> 00:24:41,098 From loneliness, from the city... 292 00:24:41,267 --> 00:24:44,726 from my double-dealing cousin, to happiness. 293 00:24:44,904 --> 00:24:47,874 And the first step toward that happiness is St. Lazare, s'il vous plaît. 294 00:24:48,041 --> 00:24:49,873 St. Lazare. St. Lazare? 295 00:24:50,043 --> 00:24:52,672 That's the railroad station. Max, what is this all about? 296 00:24:53,279 --> 00:24:55,373 Our future, Mary. 297 00:24:55,548 --> 00:24:58,450 I'm sorry to have had to uproot you so unexpectedly. 298 00:24:58,618 --> 00:25:00,177 Uproot? 299 00:25:00,353 --> 00:25:04,085 But I did not intend to let you slip away from me for another seven years. 300 00:25:04,257 --> 00:25:05,782 Oh. Oh. The... 301 00:25:05,959 --> 00:25:09,953 Now, just hold on here. Just a minute. I... 302 00:25:11,231 --> 00:25:12,927 Max? 303 00:25:13,099 --> 00:25:15,466 Are we going for a train ride? 304 00:25:16,469 --> 00:25:19,029 I knew you would be surprised. 305 00:25:34,154 --> 00:25:35,986 Max, this is just ridiculous. 306 00:25:36,156 --> 00:25:39,558 I don't have any luggage. And what about my teacher, Grushenka? 307 00:25:39,726 --> 00:25:40,726 I just can't... 308 00:25:57,777 --> 00:26:01,214 The man who tried to kill me last night. I just saw him. 309 00:26:05,351 --> 00:26:06,717 You keep this. 310 00:26:06,886 --> 00:26:10,323 In addition to my life, he'll want the information this contains. 311 00:26:10,490 --> 00:26:13,187 But just in case, darling. He'll never think to search you. 312 00:26:13,359 --> 00:26:15,692 I don't understand. 313 00:26:48,128 --> 00:26:50,495 The Alburg Express departs shortly. 314 00:26:50,663 --> 00:26:54,259 I strongly suspect our nightingale friend is being eloped with. 315 00:26:54,434 --> 00:26:57,666 She did manage to slip me what appears to be the top half... 316 00:26:57,837 --> 00:26:59,806 of a claim check of some sort or other. 317 00:26:59,973 --> 00:27:03,933 For the furniture, no doubt. Half a billion dollars’ worth. 318 00:27:04,677 --> 00:27:09,445 What? In the furniture? Oh, now, that's rather sneaky. 319 00:27:09,616 --> 00:27:12,609 I know. Mary and the diamonds both. 320 00:27:12,785 --> 00:27:17,587 Me thinks our friend Max is seeking his own private Shangri-la. 321 00:27:17,757 --> 00:27:19,225 Follow them, Illya. 322 00:27:19,392 --> 00:27:21,384 We don't wanna give the bride away just yet. 323 00:27:21,861 --> 00:27:27,357 Well, this part of the claim check says that it was issued by the Dupre Van Lines. 324 00:27:27,534 --> 00:27:30,265 That means the furniture's going by truck. But where? 325 00:27:30,803 --> 00:27:33,864 Well, you'll have to follow our fleeing Romeo. 326 00:27:34,040 --> 00:27:38,478 I'll confirm the contents of the furniture... 327 00:27:38,912 --> 00:27:42,349 when Josef arises from his afternoon nap. 328 00:27:42,916 --> 00:27:44,436 Oh, by the way, I recall you saying... 329 00:27:44,584 --> 00:27:47,577 you'd been sitting on the furniture when you were searching the place. 330 00:27:52,158 --> 00:27:54,354 Illya? Illya? 331 00:28:05,538 --> 00:28:12,308 Furniture receipt. Dupre Van Lines. So that's where they hid the diamonds. 332 00:28:12,645 --> 00:28:15,843 You get on that train. Find out where they're sending that furniture. 333 00:28:16,015 --> 00:28:19,850 The furniture. You know, I've been lying around on half a billon dollars. 334 00:28:20,019 --> 00:28:23,114 Why those diabolical Dutchmen. Hmm. 335 00:28:23,556 --> 00:28:27,357 To be sure of that, I shall now pay a little visit to the other cousin. 336 00:28:27,527 --> 00:28:30,361 The furniture business may be only a diversion. 337 00:28:30,830 --> 00:28:35,268 - What do I do about the girl? - She has a lovely voice, the young lady. 338 00:28:36,336 --> 00:28:37,895 Kill her. 339 00:28:54,587 --> 00:28:57,113 So it was in the furniture. 340 00:28:57,790 --> 00:29:00,703 I'll kill him. I'll find him and I'll kill him. 341 00:29:00,727 --> 00:29:01,386 Ah-ah-ah. 342 00:29:01,561 --> 00:29:04,190 Not for about 20 years, you won't. 343 00:29:04,364 --> 00:29:08,028 Unless you care to tell me where Max freighted the stuff. 344 00:29:08,201 --> 00:29:11,000 By all means, Mynheer Van Schreeten. 345 00:29:14,540 --> 00:29:15,599 Tell us. 346 00:29:15,775 --> 00:29:18,074 What's mine is mine. 347 00:29:18,745 --> 00:29:21,874 My diamonds. My traitor of a cousin. 348 00:29:22,048 --> 00:29:26,986 Neither of you, whoever you are, shall precede me to those goals. 349 00:29:27,153 --> 00:29:29,384 My man will return and when he... 350 00:29:29,555 --> 00:29:31,683 Correction, mynheer. 351 00:29:32,358 --> 00:29:36,853 You see, your man Corio happens to be my man Corio. 352 00:29:37,030 --> 00:29:38,794 And he will not be returning. 353 00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,891 What? 354 00:29:43,136 --> 00:29:48,234 What's happening here? Who do you trespassers represent? 355 00:29:48,708 --> 00:29:50,802 Thrush, I presume? 356 00:29:50,977 --> 00:29:52,946 U.N.C.L.E., I presume? 357 00:29:53,313 --> 00:29:55,009 What is this joking? 358 00:29:55,181 --> 00:29:58,743 These are my affairs you're playing with. My diamonds. 359 00:29:58,918 --> 00:30:02,855 My seven years of labor you're tossing back and forth between you like a parlor game. 360 00:30:03,022 --> 00:30:07,289 Easy, Josef. Our friend here is not playing. 361 00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:13,263 No. I don't deserve to lose my diamonds. 362 00:30:13,433 --> 00:30:18,235 The planning, the execution was perfect. I will not lose my diamonds. 363 00:30:18,404 --> 00:30:23,638 Tsk, tsk, tsk. Mynheer, you and your cousin are a pair of lucky amateurs. 364 00:30:24,777 --> 00:30:25,817 Beginners luck, mynheer... 365 00:30:27,447 --> 00:30:29,279 never persists. 366 00:30:29,449 --> 00:30:33,352 Amateurs? No. 367 00:30:33,519 --> 00:30:35,647 You will not ruin my plans, my life. 368 00:31:27,073 --> 00:31:29,599 St. Lazare station. 369 00:31:38,384 --> 00:31:40,319 That's right, that's right. 370 00:31:40,486 --> 00:31:42,387 That's right, that's right. 371 00:31:42,555 --> 00:31:45,889 He's the man. He's the man. 372 00:31:46,058 --> 00:31:47,058 Razboynik! 373 00:31:47,226 --> 00:31:50,321 What have you done to my Mary? Grushenka follows you. 374 00:31:50,496 --> 00:31:53,489 Making me a prisoner while the other one steals my Mary. 375 00:31:53,666 --> 00:31:55,328 He attacks me. See? 376 00:31:55,501 --> 00:31:57,493 Allez, monsieur, allez. 377 00:31:57,670 --> 00:32:01,129 We would also like to speak to you regarding a man who fell to his death... 378 00:32:01,307 --> 00:32:02,775 at the rear of this building. 379 00:32:02,942 --> 00:32:06,777 Yes, I understand your zeal, gentlemen. But actually, I have to catch a train. 380 00:32:06,946 --> 00:32:09,347 You know that? Honest injun. Really, I have to catch a train. 381 00:32:11,851 --> 00:32:13,581 Drop the gun. Drop your gun. Drop it. 382 00:32:13,753 --> 00:32:16,780 Stay right where you are, gentlemen. Mes amis. 383 00:32:27,500 --> 00:32:31,665 In no way do I represent American foreign policy, monsieur. Bonjour. 384 00:32:54,894 --> 00:32:57,363 Excusez-moi, monsieur. Excusez-moi. 385 00:32:59,031 --> 00:33:01,500 Bonjour. 386 00:33:19,452 --> 00:33:21,182 I still don't know where we're going. 387 00:33:21,354 --> 00:33:26,156 Now, really, that's not an unfair question considering the circumstances, is it? 388 00:33:29,862 --> 00:33:34,266 There is a certain little picture-book town called Malreaux. 389 00:33:34,600 --> 00:33:38,401 One leaves this train, the second stop from here. 390 00:33:38,571 --> 00:33:41,473 Then one boards an old disreputable bus. 391 00:33:41,641 --> 00:33:46,272 And one ultimately arrives near the border at Malreaux. 392 00:33:46,712 --> 00:33:53,380 Where, by the way, one then becomes immediately, irrevocably, married. 393 00:33:55,388 --> 00:33:56,412 Oh? 394 00:33:59,859 --> 00:34:01,327 Oh. 395 00:34:02,328 --> 00:34:03,387 Isn't that convenient? 396 00:34:07,867 --> 00:34:09,563 - Shall we? - Mm-hm. 397 00:34:51,477 --> 00:34:53,241 Solo here. 398 00:34:53,713 --> 00:34:56,478 Well, how nice to hear from you after so long. 399 00:34:56,649 --> 00:34:59,118 Have that left-out feeling, do you? 400 00:34:59,285 --> 00:35:00,913 Don't be cute. 401 00:35:01,087 --> 00:35:04,683 They almost buried me at the Tomb of the Unknown Spy. 402 00:35:04,857 --> 00:35:09,386 When I did manage to get to my feet, it took me half an hour to find my trousers. 403 00:35:09,695 --> 00:35:11,357 Where are you? 404 00:35:11,530 --> 00:35:13,931 Assuming that you do know where you are, of course. 405 00:35:14,100 --> 00:35:18,060 Well, I beat the train to the depot and I'm here now waiting to board her. 406 00:35:18,237 --> 00:35:20,638 All right. You take an aspirin and rest for a while. 407 00:35:20,806 --> 00:35:26,268 And then send out a Signal Four - Emergency Red for an U.N.C.L.E. helicopter. 408 00:35:26,445 --> 00:35:30,780 And follow the tracks until you see either the train or my signal. 409 00:35:30,950 --> 00:35:32,976 And take care, will you? 410 00:35:50,670 --> 00:35:53,697 I have some friends waiting at the next stop. 411 00:35:53,873 --> 00:35:58,573 They're expecting me to tell them where your furniture is being shipped. 412 00:35:58,744 --> 00:36:00,508 How did you know? 413 00:36:00,713 --> 00:36:03,308 Oh. Your little lady told me. 414 00:36:04,417 --> 00:36:06,010 - Mary? - Inadvertently, of course. 415 00:36:06,185 --> 00:36:10,179 She passed her half of the claim check onto someone else and I took it from him. 416 00:36:10,790 --> 00:36:13,851 You gave... Is that true, Mary? 417 00:36:14,460 --> 00:36:20,263 So my sweet, unworldly bride to be. 418 00:36:20,433 --> 00:36:22,163 Oh. What a fool I've been. 419 00:36:23,602 --> 00:36:25,628 But not such a fool as you, Corio... 420 00:36:25,805 --> 00:36:28,934 if you expect me to tell you where those diamonds are being sent. 421 00:36:29,108 --> 00:36:30,633 Oh. 422 00:36:34,447 --> 00:36:37,212 Max, are you so disillusioned with the young lady... 423 00:36:37,383 --> 00:36:40,615 that you won't exchange their destination for hers? 424 00:36:44,457 --> 00:36:46,289 Max? 425 00:36:48,894 --> 00:36:49,499 Max, please? 426 00:36:49,523 --> 00:36:51,591 Look, Van Schreeten, if you don't tell me... 427 00:36:51,764 --> 00:36:55,292 I'm gonna have to kill you to get the other half of that claim check. 428 00:36:57,737 --> 00:36:58,761 I'm sorry, honey. 429 00:36:59,839 --> 00:37:02,570 Apparently martyrdom appeals to this fool. 430 00:37:03,843 --> 00:37:05,436 You may as well go first. 431 00:37:07,046 --> 00:37:09,072 Oh, I'm sorry. I thought this was empty. 432 00:37:09,248 --> 00:37:12,741 Oh, the policeman from the balcony, I believe? 433 00:37:12,918 --> 00:37:17,322 Well, for such a despicable fellow, you have an amazingly accurate memory. 434 00:37:17,490 --> 00:37:20,824 You have a little bit of foresight. See, in my right hand there's a gun. 435 00:37:20,993 --> 00:37:24,828 In it is a bullet and the bullet goes bang. Now hand me yours... 436 00:37:24,997 --> 00:37:28,229 or the young lady goes with me when I go. 437 00:37:28,768 --> 00:37:30,498 Napoleon, he does have a gun. 438 00:37:33,672 --> 00:37:35,072 Huh. 439 00:37:35,241 --> 00:37:37,369 You can sit there. 440 00:37:39,812 --> 00:37:42,543 That's right. Now. 441 00:37:43,082 --> 00:37:47,611 As quickly and as quietly as possible, I'm gonna kill the three of you. 442 00:37:47,787 --> 00:37:51,417 You first, Mr... Mr.? 443 00:37:51,824 --> 00:37:53,656 Solo. 444 00:38:03,969 --> 00:38:07,929 No, wait. I'll tell you. 445 00:38:08,874 --> 00:38:11,639 You and I have a different set of values, Max. 446 00:38:11,811 --> 00:38:15,441 - No, Mary. - Now quiet. Quiet, Maxey. 447 00:38:15,848 --> 00:38:19,478 Now, if you've got the magic words, young lady, let's have them. 448 00:38:20,419 --> 00:38:23,184 Well, you just might end up killing us anyway. 449 00:38:23,722 --> 00:38:26,988 Now, this train is slowing down and my friends are waiting. 450 00:38:27,159 --> 00:38:28,855 Also, I'm waiting. 451 00:38:29,929 --> 00:38:32,231 All right. The furniture is being delivered 452 00:38:32,255 --> 00:38:34,526 by a van to a little town called Malreaux. 453 00:38:35,100 --> 00:38:37,092 - Oh! - Thank you. 454 00:38:37,970 --> 00:38:40,838 What are you two looking at each other for? 455 00:38:42,641 --> 00:38:44,473 Napoleon? 456 00:38:45,277 --> 00:38:47,644 He's gonna kill us anyway, isn't he? 457 00:38:47,813 --> 00:38:52,114 Unfortunately, Thrush's handbook bears no similarity whatsoever... 458 00:38:52,284 --> 00:38:54,947 to that of the Boy Scouts of America. 459 00:38:56,422 --> 00:38:57,446 Thrush? 460 00:38:57,623 --> 00:38:59,182 You're really marvelous, Solo. 461 00:38:59,358 --> 00:39:03,056 However, the train is stopping and business is at hand. 462 00:39:03,229 --> 00:39:06,757 Now, it's up to you to see that this crumbling wreck behaves himself... 463 00:39:06,932 --> 00:39:09,595 when we get off. Otherwise... 464 00:39:10,669 --> 00:39:13,195 the world's gonna lose an artist. 465 00:39:37,396 --> 00:39:39,831 How's that for planning and punctuality? 466 00:39:41,533 --> 00:39:44,731 One moment, messieurs, if you please. 467 00:39:45,237 --> 00:39:46,762 Is there some kind of trouble? 468 00:39:46,939 --> 00:39:51,536 Nothing to concern you, monsieur. Proceed about your business, please. 469 00:39:51,710 --> 00:39:54,373 Oh, yeah. Sure. 470 00:39:56,815 --> 00:40:02,755 You are under arrest, monsieur, for the kidnapping of this young lady. 471 00:40:02,922 --> 00:40:05,858 You are quite well, mademoiselle? 472 00:40:06,025 --> 00:40:08,324 Oh, yes. I'm fine. 473 00:40:09,395 --> 00:40:12,729 No. It's too risky and it's not worth it. 474 00:40:12,898 --> 00:40:14,526 Our main mission is the diamonds... 475 00:40:14,700 --> 00:40:18,967 and they're on a moving van on the road to Malreaux. Come on. 476 00:40:19,138 --> 00:40:21,767 A woman friend of yours, mademoiselle. 477 00:40:21,941 --> 00:40:24,775 She apparently informed the authorities in Paris... 478 00:40:24,944 --> 00:40:27,937 who contacted all the towns along the train route. 479 00:40:28,881 --> 00:40:30,110 Oh. 480 00:40:57,509 --> 00:41:00,206 You've got to understand this. You mustn't try to stop him. 481 00:41:00,379 --> 00:41:02,339 He didn't kidnap me. He was just trying to help... 482 00:41:04,083 --> 00:41:06,814 So it happens once again. 483 00:41:06,986 --> 00:41:10,889 The dashing young criminal who whisks you away. 484 00:41:11,056 --> 00:41:13,457 The suspense-filled night. 485 00:41:13,625 --> 00:41:16,060 The moment when you peer into his eyes... 486 00:41:16,228 --> 00:41:22,168 and you feel that after all he cannot be all bad, huh? 487 00:41:24,603 --> 00:41:26,128 I see you read a lot. 488 00:41:26,305 --> 00:41:30,208 Yes, but your little heart lies to you, mademoiselle. 489 00:41:40,486 --> 00:41:44,651 Mary, help me to get out of here to Malreaux. 490 00:41:44,823 --> 00:41:47,952 The diamonds are half yours, my dear. 491 00:41:48,394 --> 00:41:51,887 - We can be free. - I am free, Max. 492 00:41:52,064 --> 00:41:54,863 Listen, you just would have sat there and let me be killed... 493 00:41:55,034 --> 00:41:57,526 for your ridiculous stolen diamonds. 494 00:41:58,971 --> 00:42:01,099 Stolen diamonds? 495 00:42:01,440 --> 00:42:06,037 Your name, monsieur, if you please. Hmm? 496 00:42:07,179 --> 00:42:10,115 Max. Van Schreeten. 497 00:42:39,011 --> 00:42:40,673 Be brave, mademoiselle. 498 00:42:40,846 --> 00:42:46,513 I shall soon place you back in the bosom of your loved ones. 499 00:44:15,374 --> 00:44:16,774 Mademoiselle. 500 00:44:24,917 --> 00:44:27,546 Illya, are you all right? 501 00:44:43,468 --> 00:44:45,528 That's it. Let's move. 502 00:45:16,501 --> 00:45:17,867 Turn it back toward Paris. 503 00:45:18,036 --> 00:45:22,497 Then, if U.N.C.L.E. does follow us, they'll be chasing in the wrong direction. 504 00:45:27,913 --> 00:45:29,779 How's your head? 505 00:45:31,450 --> 00:45:33,078 Illya? 506 00:45:34,119 --> 00:45:36,632 No, I did not think of looking in the blasted 507 00:45:36,656 --> 00:45:39,080 furniture. It's too obvious a hiding place. 508 00:45:40,125 --> 00:45:41,753 That should be the road down there. 509 00:45:42,861 --> 00:45:45,490 Well, that's a van but it's moving the wrong way. 510 00:45:46,465 --> 00:45:50,163 If Thrush has already hijacked the furniture, they won't just continue along. 511 00:45:50,335 --> 00:45:52,133 Let's take a look at the van. 512 00:46:10,555 --> 00:46:12,888 Get into a rocket-attack angle. 513 00:46:36,515 --> 00:46:38,780 Sweet dreams, gentlemen. We'll be back for you. 514 00:46:38,950 --> 00:46:41,044 Now let's set this down on the furniture. 515 00:46:41,219 --> 00:46:42,585 Huh? 516 00:47:44,216 --> 00:47:48,415 I think maybe it is a fishy smell here. 517 00:47:48,587 --> 00:47:51,989 Not at all, madam. It's a perfectly straightforward business transaction. 518 00:47:52,157 --> 00:47:54,092 Max Van Schreeten gave this club to Mary. 519 00:47:54,259 --> 00:47:57,559 And our organization will guarantee her a substantial purchase price... 520 00:47:57,729 --> 00:48:01,257 with which to continue her studies in comfort. 521 00:48:01,533 --> 00:48:02,796 Well, what did he say? 522 00:48:05,404 --> 00:48:07,134 Well, he... 523 00:48:08,807 --> 00:48:12,300 He wants you to go to Amsterdam tomorrow and see if you can find out... 524 00:48:12,477 --> 00:48:15,845 how Max and Josef pulled off the robbery in the first place. 525 00:48:16,014 --> 00:48:18,540 Buy why me? Wasn't our report satisfactory? 526 00:48:18,717 --> 00:48:22,085 Well, there were one or two details. He couldn't quite understand... 527 00:48:22,254 --> 00:48:26,419 how you managed to search the place without finding the diamonds. 528 00:48:27,025 --> 00:48:29,358 And you told him? 529 00:48:30,162 --> 00:48:33,690 Well, what could I say, Illya? I mean, I told him you forgot. 530 00:48:34,132 --> 00:48:35,156 You what? 531 00:48:35,333 --> 00:48:38,667 Well, Illya, you didn't want me to lie to Mr. Waverly, did you? 532 00:48:38,837 --> 00:48:41,432 - Would you like to dance, Mary? - You blockhead. 533 00:48:42,641 --> 00:48:46,322 Well, Illya, you should have told me that. 534 00:48:46,346 --> 00:48:47,346 Napoleon. 535 00:48:49,648 --> 00:48:52,584 Hey, pussycat. Dance with the lady. 536 00:48:52,751 --> 00:48:54,151 Hmm? Oui? 537 00:48:58,824 --> 00:49:00,986 You are Russian. 538 00:49:01,159 --> 00:49:03,594 Illyusha, darling? 539 00:49:07,299 --> 00:49:09,393 Illyushenka. 540 00:49:10,669 --> 00:49:12,501 Darling. 42687

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