All language subtitles for Up the Junction (1965) (1080p_25fps_H264-128kbit_AAC).inglés

[Music]

[Music]

oh such a good little girl why don't you

let me make you a bad girl

oh oh

yes i could make you such a bad little

girl

you'd be a glad little girl if only

[Music]

i wouldn't let you be sad i would make

you so glad

[Music]

little girl

if you're such a good little girl why

don't you let me

you were a bad girl

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

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oh

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come over here

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[Music]

that's your sister yeah well we hear

that color on your color well hers is

natural you're a bold blonde leader

[Music]

reclining in

[Music]

yeah

well i wear these great leather gloves

see black leather they are oh yeah you

better watch me i'm a bit kinky

[Music]

then i'll fancy your mate witness river

you look so tame

[Music]

and the landlady whose place is yeah

comes up now the fellas instead of

telling her i'm having a toilet or

something it's a bit mean they let her

walk right in and she sees me standing

there in the noodles

my life

[Music]

oh you like kids do you yeah especially

babies

i might be able to help you there oh i

thought i was tasty enough but um i

perhaps i just didn't know what it took

you know what i mean

[Music]

that was great but you know the birds

used to tell their mums they was going

four or five ending together like see

then they come with us

oh it's great sleeping out with a bird

to keep you warm how about coming down

the salve this week we can uh take our

creative beer and have a light party on

the beach you're right you trust you do

you of course you're gonna trust me

don't you show me face

ron david they're pulling the two birds

well if they go up

all right but uh it ain't all that held

in airs but you know oh do you know i

can't belong with mr shaw is he i mean

he's a nice enough fella hey silvia you

know all that glitter i put on me there

yeah when it come up on terry's cheeks

while we were dancing i never had the

art to tell him though do you know i

reckon that guy's made poor destiny is

he looks a bit randy that day he can

tell by his eyes

hello

oh hi girl with the married man you know

except

what's going on to his wife

see

he looks a bit like richard burton don't

you think

you're joking

taylor wrong

yeah

and that's what i say i say yeah

[Music]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

yourself up for jonesy the undertaker

here how'd you look

you're not getting me in there

wow

ah

here come on get out of there

come on get out of here

[Music]

quick get the clobber

yeah let me dry your air go on then

it smells nice can't bear blocks with

greasy air well let's have a sniffer

yawn

oh yeah we must use the same shampoo hey

do you ever go at the last seal

yeah i got in monday nights sometimes a

bit of a giggle you know all that

continental dancing in it

but you are gonna take a bird home and

you finally live right out in the

suburbs you find yourself walking home

about 20 miles since you've got a bike

oh man

wait what's up superhero

mirrors

oh i see

oh come on let's get out i can't take

your uncle's [ __ ] all the

furniture that's it there's a bit of a

regret performance

this is where we live till it got

demolished

slam clearance

they moved us out to lousy roehampton

i used to be hospital polder counting

the dead bodies about

they treat the old people like lumps and

meat

when one dies they wheel him out past

all the others visitors and all and they

never bothered to screen them off

when they get near the dying they

usually know it they start the moan all

day

it's a queer moan and it gets on your

nerves

and you have to say ah shut up you old

frigger

there's no such thing as respect for the

dead you're married aren't you that's

why you can't take meow how'd you guess

you're so soft

marriage makes me softer

when i saw you sitting there i began to

sizzle

i'm in it tonight i thought

there's two things i'd like to have been

a racing driver or a test pilot

but you need money for that once i had

800 pounds we've just done a tobacconist

i walked into a shop

dressed all casual like like a gentleman

the salesman comes up to me immediately

yes sir he says

i'll have that triumph tr3 over there i

says taking out 725 pound out me poppy

yes sir he says

i drove away in that triathlon

i want to be a nurse

i'm starting my training this year in a

hospital for children

i've got a terrible temper

so how's my wife

i never start an argument with her in

the kitchen in case she picks up a knife

if i ask her to do me hard bold egg and

she does it soft

then i lose my temper

see this

cost four thousand quid i had 12 pound a

week

don't go far when you've been used to

having under knicker in your pocket

you know sometimes i get a real leg

inside me when i ain't driven for a long

time

so i'll just go out and nick a car

here

do us a favor what

seduce me

i don't love my wife

because i wasn't her first

she went with another bloke when she was

16.

i've never been with no one else i

promise you dave

i don't know

hello

you're a lovely girl

lovely

[Music]

so

so

[Music]

come on now take me by the hand and lead

me to the land of ecstasy

the first time that i saw you you showed

me the door to ecstasy

now i just keep praying that we'll

always stay in ecstasy

don't you go away

for a single day come on

[Music]

never have i found such ecstasy

now that i know you everywhere i go

it's ecstasy

[Music]

kiss me

[Music]

[Music]

indeed do you know they charged me took

off

to look for a death certificate and i

couldn't find it so then i went to

vomiting

for a divorce the judge says why have

you waited 21 years to

so i told him

i was a bit embarrassed i said well i've

just met a very nice young man

and uh he says that's as good as excuses

any so got me divorced

anyone let me know ask does it

stand them all up you know where i live

by the church you're like i'm third

order it's not the hair i'm interested

in starting my diet today i don't know

if i'll keep it up

she don't really care if she's up about

doing yourself in i would die do me

nuttering let's hope the baby don't know

how much

it's when it's a bloat you're going to

marry but when you don't even know

used to be a laundry you know that's why

it's a tank

oh

she's had seven kids the doctor says she

has any more of a killer

so i just doesn't want to sleep with my

dad anymore bad temperature

come on get out in the back and enjoy

myself have a bit of fun

setting watching that lovely telly for

the last five years

the only trouble is though

[Music]

i'm

[Music]

every day every hour

[Music]

an ugly man what's got good ways and a

good look at what slide i nearly made a

soldier and i was going with him two

years

and he showed me this letter from a girl

in the axe

said he was just playing around

they'd do it before marriage they'll do

it after so i told him i was through

with him he cried like a baby

i saw him once in woolworths when i was

carrying me last child

got such a lump in my throat i couldn't

say nothing so i had to run out

i'm going to be mrs stacy now said mrs

smith you might think of a sport being

the only one if i'm not really you know

no

forgot the car

boys take me upstairs where it's done

what are you doing tonight room i got a

date with two ginks in a van but i ain't

going why not well terry you're going

mad wouldn't he oh we're saying yeah

do you know what she gives her old man

for his teeth what she gives him two

fluttering meat pies she runs them under

the cold tap to make him swell up no he

won't be much good to you on that lover

oh i will watch live worth without a

giggle

i don't know i think i'll have a bath

your birthday then

cheeky why don't you tell them about

that woman that come around last night

what the old crab from the w yes

where she comes around you see to tell

us what to do if they're going to drop

the age bomb on us first of all she says

fill your bath with walter we ain't got

no bathtub i said that put right in her

place doesn't it yeah do you make

michael get a job with the wbs i don't

fancy a change i don't think they love

you why not you know lady are you doing

something hey we come from the same

family hello

and mate mars got a good job well cinema

actually i want to see what she finds

when he's just cleaning up nylon

underwear

well how about this thing i was cleaning

it is stuck in an underwear shop and my

pal little she was working in the

chemists so lil says to me

you get stockings and i'll get the soaps

and perfumes

so i guess three pairs wrapped up in

them cellophane packages and i stuffed

them down in front

when i got on the bus i was crackling

like i was on fire

and i see a man looking at me and i said

oh

i've got rheumatism so bad

that's cellophane to keep the perma

statin in and he said

[Applause]

[Music]

well there's no use waiting around to an

old crap

thank you you can't get too so ready yet

no not yet gonna wear them pink pajamas

no me birthday

[Applause]

remember when our man made us join the

salvation army oh yeah

deep and wide deep and wide there's a

fountain flowing deep and white

[Music]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

yeah look at that there's a packet of

[ __ ] at the bottom

tasty

[Music]

sounds gonna be the fella

you're recognizing

yeah just move it that's it move your

head in your hands

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

stitches

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

club

[Applause]

are you ready yeah well hang on i'm just

going to lock up the back door why

where's no lady well she's gone playing

bingo tonight and she with one of her

old cronies

poor

oh no terry we can't

anyway i thought you want to see sophia

loren i was sofia remember when i got

you in the flesh oh look terry well

supposing sylvie comes home early she

worries she's going up west with ronnie

can i rub it'll be all right what if i

was to say no for a change i'll scrub

you out go and chat absolutely in a room

when i

does it mean a row yeah

all right then but i'm keeping my coat

on

so you get your foot in the door and you

start off with a few soft cuts a couple

of shirts for dad pair of shoes for

johnny and the set for map then four

long you're selling them everything

kitchen sets bedroom suites curtains

cardigans the lot

once you get your foot in the door

you've got to keep it there you hold on

to them and you never let them go some

of these old dears it's the event of the

week they don't have no other social

occasion when you go in the teapot's

already laid out for you oh my wife's

all right as good as gold see but all

she knows is the home and the kids see

sixty percent of my calls are black i'm

like the great white hunter down the

bottom of the street you can practically

hear the tom tom's going sandy is back

i'm sick of these colors i want some

nice young how's wife to cheer me up on

a tuesday morning i've got this nurse

you see now go and see her at saturday

morning at 10 o'clock because she's on

night duty and she comes to the door

like you know oh she says excuse me i

was just having a bath so i goes in like

you know she can make me a cup of tea i

can see she's got nothing underneath

this dressing gown and every time she

moves i can see a bit more and a bit

more but oh you got to be careful you

know i mean you can make a mistake can't

you can you leave it this week only i'm

a bit short come on love look you're

eight pound owing you better let me have

ten bob yeah but my old man didn't give

me very much this week well it's tuesday

in it tuesday family allowance day now

coming who keeps the kids booked you're

in surely let you out right then a pair

of good black and she's up

well i can't take them back i mean i

wouldn't down and put them in the back

here the van would crawl away

anyway she's what we call a pawnshop

call you see we sell her a pair of

blankets and 10 minutes later she goes

and sells them for cash to sell my woman

down the street and then she's paying me

five of a week for the rest of the year

for something she hasn't even got

you don't know how stupid they are they

think they're being clever they've got

four or five tally men they get

something different off of each one

which one are you they say when you go

there i don't know what they're paying

for or when the debt's done

and the more they get into that the

dirtier they become

you don't know the filth they get into i

smell that filth as soon as i go and go

in the front door

you look more like animals animals i

have to keep smoking all the time i'm

you know writing in my book palaces are

they

you know if i get a knocker that's like

a nonpayer i don't care what sort of odd

luck story they give me i go after them

i must have my money but i mean you've

got the adventure i need a couple more

calls and go and have a drink you look

as if you could do with one i know it

gets a bit up back there

i've been out with plenty of fluids in

me time but i'll never mention my wife's

name to him i wouldn't

i think too much

most of them you can make them buy

anything 25 percent of them don't know

what they're paying for

and 50 don't want the goods anyway hey

cho

husband of checks

they're the best of all because they'll

do anything to stop their husbands

finding out see after a bit you lend

them 10 pound at a rate of seven

shillings in the pound to be paid back

in ten weeks

so you're paying 27 shillings a week now

after about five weeks they're always a

bit short so you say all right love i'll

help you out i'll tell you what i'll do

i'll lend you another ten so you give

them another tip subtract what they owe

from the first and say it's five plus

thirty-five bobbins up for the interest

and i always give her the odd five

shillings you know you've been very good

to me barney and all that then he walked

out the flat leaving three pound and

there you are collecting 27 cylinders a

week for the next 10 weeks it never ends

well there's a million and one ways to

get no money out of them but you have to

able to threat a court over him you see

mind you that's the last result

because once you do that you're finished

see that you played the last card in the

pack see what i mean i think my wife

gets a good bargain granted i'm not

owned much see my trouble is i can't sit

still

but then i have to go out and get about

among the clubs you know i mean that's

where you make your contacts

then

she gets her clothes cheap you know

i mean i'll get a lot of perks as a

teleman i'll get a 26k super 13 guineas

well they must be too price conscious

our stuff's pretty dear well it has to

be after all it's delivered right to

their door see i'm just a playboy art

and i mean you've got to live amateur

and to live the way i like to live it

costs

well i think a man who spends his

leisure digging up the garden is an

idiot yeah well i'm suppose he is happy

i mean they say old idiots are happy

don't they no who gives anything away no

one everybody takes

no one ever gives you nothing

mind you i'm not a cynic i wouldn't want

you to think i was coming i'm selling a

suit to a donkey is it a suit it's a

good one

try it on honey what's a rubber with an

iron

sure is a good cloth good it's 12 oz

wool mixture feel it

hmm

look at that you see you little

immaculate beautiful house

i think i think it's a little small

mister

can i button no you never button them up

these days it's a start to leave a

moment look i wouldn't be called dead

with my jacket buttoned up look let me

show you

you see good material was supposed to

hang you see

i take it it's 12 pound you've only

gotta give me two pound now pay me the

rest pound a week two pounds i think i

might have that here with me yeah i sell

a lot of these suits to your sort of

people

hmm there you are

too far good

[Applause]

luck she's very fond of music

[Music]

[Applause]

what a lovely little pikanini

how old is she oh she's away

give

[Music]

they just make me roll up you see the

blacks have only got after brain cells

that we got they never had no

civilization they never even invented a

will you can imagine what burks they

must be to go through life without

inventing the wheel oh my toasted

irishman

[Music]

that's not a bad life a tally man i'm

using my brains to the best of me

ability it's what the tories call free

enterprise

thank you

[Music]

[Applause]

hello

will try and get in your bedroom if your

mum's out it's only natural

any innit you go out with a fella nine

times out then you end up talking about

a sex

dave says he's gonna leave his wife oh

i've heard that one before smashing

dinner to die almost on a wednesday when

my son gives me the money yeah

gross potatoes cabbage and mint sauce

and a nice bit of tart and cola

half a clicker that's all they charged i

don't feel like cooking the old dinner

to you it drives your family into

cooking your own dinner when you're all

on your own

meet a gorgeous bloke last night you

know

sort of fella when you see him you just

want to grab hold of him

he kept pressing himself up against me

you know his hands began to wander

you know you know i felt bloodied he

says i kept pushing him away but he put

them back then i can't help being sexy i

says anyway you see we was going down

london airport for a snogging session

yeah and we were sitting in the front

because he worked in a garage that's how

he actually had the car and we were

sitting in the front and ronnie's mate

was sitting with june in the back

june's going to let ron have it you know

but she's going to wait till he goes

steady with her because she's been let

down a couple of times by fellas before

anywhere you see we get some airport

we're having a snogging session and he

says to me why don't you come out the

car and we could lie in the grass i said

what would happen if one of them

airplane lands on us you know their

airplanes go a bit too fast for me yeah

like the envelopes you go with oh that's

charming what about you then the thing

is you can't always be scheming then

we're always planning and scheming don't

leave do they

you don't look something like you

he was only 24

she died of a broken heart because of a

rock husband

he liked other women

my husband worked to bring up her kids

i see the rain running out of these

trails of buttons

it died on sunday night

police come and told me

16 goes on the rent

i've been trying to get a cheap bit of

black but you can't get it

he went to a phone up there

in the hospital

don't let me close all for three weeks

it's the shot i

should have known better with a girl

like you

that i would love everything that you do

and i do

[Music]

this could only happen to me

can you see

can't you see

can't you see

and when i tell you that i love you

you're gonna say you love me too

[Laughter]

and i do

and i do

[Music]

hi

[Applause]

i never once slowed down with him i used

to meet him in the back alley of the

lechema

i never really knew what he was at

i never got no pleasure out of it

i didn't know i was carrying till i was

five months

i couldn't believe it

kept thinking it would pass off

it wasn't off handsome that's why i went

with him

all the girls used to say what an answer

in chat

well one thing's for sure i'm not going

to study no more i'm gonna sort myself

out some one night fellas with plenty of

money every bloke starts out as a

one-night stand until you get involved

mara reckons she hasn't been with a man

at all reckoned it came through the post

i suppose be nice to be looked at again

moaning i'm gonna make myself a new

dress tighter than tight like a second

skin

i couldn't somehow fancy any other fella

i suppose it's because i still got terry

on your mind

of course he's extravagant spends all

his money buying gadgets for his

motorbike that's what me mum don't like

she keeps on at me when are you getting

married saved enough to put down on your

bedroom suite yet

the worst part was telling me mum she

didn't expect it to me because i was

such a prude at the place on the telly

then she told me dad and he came into my

bedroom and told me not to worry

we never used to talk about that kind of

thing but

but now we can talk about anything

my dad went up the chemist and tried to

get a stick of something they used

before the wall when you love a boy

you want to give him the best thing in

the world

and there is only one thing isn't there

you little bonnie

yeah hello ally

now she's got a big place at wimbledon

bang on the comment

i'm just gonna phone them up this flash

chart came in a big motor today little

freya said if i found winnie and fix her

out for ten she give me a few quid for

myself

who's it for then you or her

so make him work oh don't give me that

rub i won't blank your character

all right annie it's me i think now must

be up the spout i can't seem to sit

still i keep walking up and down every

time i start to eat something i feel

immediately full and well you know looks

like you're in the club all right yeah

well i don't want to do anything about

it because i'll get one of them air

bubbles inside me and die when i i dare

tell me mum so i left my job today and

well i was going to run away you know

but there ain't no way to go so look you

best have it done you're only a kid

should do it for five quid

will you phone it for me annie yeah when

do you want it done

tomorrow

i said to the doctor i've been going

with a fella and you know how it happens

yeah he says

i'll go get you some quinine

i took some ones there was a loud

ringing in my ears and violent pain in

the stomach lifting me right out the

world but and do now good

this barry gets it from the chemist

tells him he's got a mate just back from

africa with a touch of the malaria

then he sold the tablets to him bob each

to the girls

in my surgery i see at least

one woman a week who is seriously

contemplating an abortion

quite apart

from the 35 deaths per year that we know

are directly attributable to the

backstreet abortions most common

seriously disturbing result must be that

this girl is unable to have enough

babies she may not yet have had any she

may be unable to have a family

when my mum's in the kitchen i have to

take a deep breath hold me stomach in

and run past

and when i get out into this gallery i

let it out

she said to me today you've got houses

in your mouth your stomach must be upset

then she give me one of her looks hello

annie hello then wow what if we're here

yeah well it's about that photo oh i

know why you've come there's only one

reason why good-looking girls come to

see winnie how far have you gone love

about three months oh then you've only

got a small problem in there then

haven't you yeah well you see i can't

keep it

now there's no need to explain how can

you ever explain anything it's the most

bloody difficult thing in the world

how much money have you got left

four pounds

and it over

as your mom keeping annie oh she's all

right love and she's still got that

lodge of us you bet she is oh good

you know you don't look more than 17.

i'm 18 next month

terry said he'd marry me when he heard

about the kid

but me mum wouldn't have it don't you

bring that dirty gink round here she

says i don't want him nor his kids

i say it's lovely when you're married

lying between the sheets with a

moonlight coming through the window

don't you go up there no more i don't

want no kid of mine to go down a drain

the safety of

properly induced abortion in hospital

is very high six deaths in every 100 000

cases which compares very favorably with

taking out the tonsils which provides 17

deaths per 100 000

well now she started

she's got to keep on or be born a

monster

don't worry love it often takes a bit of

time when she does the syringe

you feel a sort of weakening pain shoot

up in you

i had that area again last night he

didn't go till six this morning i made

him sleep in the bath he's bringing me

50 gallons of paint tomorrow free sample

well i says to him you've had my free

sample now what about yours

she's always got some man with her she

don't care if you're watching her

teasing them slopping over

roof there she was nothing but a cheap

frill hello winnie

uh it's room can you come over yeah

she's pretty rough

should i get the doctor

no they might try and save the baby and

i don't want no kids on that gink when

he says she can't come oh ducky they

said she started yeah that's right

you know where she is oh

i told her to keep away from him

i have got my health and strength else i

do him doing run up i would oh

hold on

you're going to get some dinner come on

oh

i thought be better oh ray says he did

him scar the one that he might get

nicked

oh

take the lowest figure 52 000 abortions

a year that's 1 000 abortions a week

something like

five or six

every hour of every day

and that's taking the minimum figure

yes

she said

[Applause]

[Music]

[Music]

yes you can hug me and yes you can

squeeze me

and yes you can have my career

[Applause]

[Music]

i was the youngest bride in battersea

married at 15

at night when i was 15 and a half

10 minutes after he was born i was

sitting up in bed stuck in a stick of

rock i think if you don't reckon someone

drives you mad if they're jealous

if you think something of a bloke would

you like him to be a bit possessive

ted

he used to time me when i slipped round

the corner to put a bit on for me dad

i'd know if ted was going out with a

bird because he'd go and have his hair

done he'd have a blow wave put in it and

all that lacquer put on it and when he'd

come home we'd lie back on the bed and

he'd say now don't you dare touch it

then he'd go another wash and he'd use

my talc and my deodorant and make me

scrub his back and all the time he'd try

and keep me chained to the telly he

expected me to live in a furnished room

in brixton

what can i do in one room all day

i mean if you got two at least you can

go from one to the other

do you know he didn't even like me going

early morning cleaning with me mum so

then he starts going to the dogs every

wednesday night and i met up with his

friend

oh my god some fella you're waiting on

the corner every wednesday night in his

ten ton trap for me in the winter he'd

leave the engine running wait didn't

half get up stuck up in that cabin what

about your mates then you're a bit mean

i'll get in one later

do you have to keep showing me you'll

have to excuse him

he's a bit of a mean son

he's all right really but he's a bit

mean he's a bit tired you already knows

about me brother no what's up well

you're not a bus murderer yeah what have

only gone and planted on him i know

you're joking i put a key in his pocket

and all my wife went for me this morning

while i was lying in bed she whacked me

right across the back of the nut

oh i shouldn't have never got married

nightmare marrying salt what do you want

linda if you don't want mary get plenty

of the other pom and mom are going to do

a clothes factory and get such a new rig

out smash it do you think you can get

yourself from the annie moon yeah what

happened to jesse didn't you no well he

robbed this bank and he was getting away

with the money over this dirty big brawl

when he slipped and took the top of his

finger off on the broken glass well i

mean he's down on the ground they're

looking for it well i mean he can't

leave it can he because the police will

find it they'll take a fingerprint off

it and do him for the bank robbery

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

i don't believe he ever spoke to a woman

if i could help him well last week he

ups and dies and there i am clearing out

his drawers for him because you know he

had no family you know and i'm clearing

out these air drawers and i've come

across a huge collection of dirty

postcards

oh never saw nothing like it in all your

life well i was married to myville for

20 years and we never got up to capers

like that have you been swimming why

i thought you looked a little bit clean

to do things

if i'd have had those in my pocket tell

us one of them but the man standing

[Music]

150 quid

spread up give it a clean up or should

get to 50 40.

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

in lincoln

for three years

and he got out last monday night was

well when background last night he put

us up in the front where we couldn't do

nothing down

[Applause]

i fall in love with her

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

[Applause]

in

my boy and i'm proud of that i'll soon

teach him to feed you know like that

film faking you know

wait until he's nine or ten and send him

out pinching what are you gonna do till

he's nine or ten seven he misses out on

the game

you wouldn't do that who would not send

me mother too

if anybody would ever where are you

going on your own

well i should go up to me sisters you're

not in them you know yeah we get blindo

every night we come out the pub i'm over

tip

tonight you know when you've been going

steady for six months it gets a bit

boring snogging with the same fella

every night and you know i've noticed

when we're out terriers start looking at

other birds he says to me you're all

right love and then his eyes are one

drop and get affixiated at some silly

cow so then i says what's wrong then am

i boring

you romeo

[Music]

my lips

[Music]

get it

i reckon i'm the only one out of this

not what's at work i was cleaning these

windows you see and these posh flats

here in canada

[Music]

she comes up to me and says

would i leave her bedroom until last

night as i you know she wants to get

changed and see i said fair enough

so i'm cleaning the windows in her

bedroom you know i enjoy myself

and she sits down on the bed and she

starts taking her stockings off i'm

slowly like you know what i mean no it's

fantastic yes you do you see anyway the

following week she phones out the firm

and says would they be sure and send the

same fellow around next week because he

was very satisfied

[Applause]

[Applause]

[Music]

i wanna be

loved by you just you

and nobody else but you

i wanna be loved by you alone

when along comes my little granddaughter

she makes me laugh so much i fall right

through the bloody

[Laughter]

nature calls me sometimes i get the call

in nature or i might be a bit wheezy but

i'm still living you know

[Music]

[Applause]

you just you and nobody else will do

i want to be loved by you

[Applause]

is

well what's that to you your fifth-rate

pants

always was one for the men weren't you

anything interested you'd have him you

dirty sod i hope you got stopped

i'll give him two shots for christmas

god

[Applause]

that's nothing inspector honest we're

just on our way up nevermind silvie

keep

it's only for life i need you

i need you more than birth in the sky

there's only two things money can't buy

that's loving life in it

[Music]

the life out of it it one night the

crankshaft snapped and she slewed into a

ditch

well we reckon she did it

she wasn't licensed or insured nor

nothing

and that's how we got out and said

goodbye what a big dipper didn't i got a

sack yeah

i got drunk one night knocked a [ __ ]

off the line

he wasn't ending it

only a bleeding [ __ ] light couldn't

get out of the way in time

you probably got done anybody h-bomb if

you hadn't killed him yeah probably

right about that four minutes

yeah what is this

geneva conventional something they've

agreed to

phone up the other side four minutes

before they let us

give him a chance to prepare himself

once one bomb explodes it starts up a

whole chain of bombs exploding norway

france all over the place you've had it

we had this lecture school like uh civil

defense oh yeah

what

you know what to do if the age bomb

drops 800 jars are over you're all right

if you like flat on your face cover all

your bare skin the radiation passes

right all i want is a bike and ten pound

a week in my bed

there's one thing i can't stand and

that's being skinny before somebody's

got an answer pair of ankles then how

about me seeing your own darling

[Music]

well don't worry about it i'll give her

a shoulder send her up to see mickey

mouse hey terry come over here stop

shutting up that other bird i thought of

going back to screwing for a living

but then if i get three or five years

no i can't do that

that's a great big uncapped life it's

ignorance causes wars it's ignorant in

my opinion it's ignorance what causes

wars

yeah yeah you're barely off you but if

you don't know the facts you're very

badly off i was a truck driver 11 years

leaving scotland 12 o'clock at night

11 bleeding years still we had a great

time liverpool old manchester newcastle

i know more manchester's the best place

in the lot the club's there you couldn't

get better clubs

[Music]

cheers if you had the price of a drink

or a lodging for the night

you'd always have the drink stuff below

your sleep

one and nine

how you don't get the same crowd on the

roads these days

yeah the lousy not the drivers and i

tell

you the boys tell me the clubs in

manchester ain't the same anymore

i tell you why they've got a lot of new

managements in these places and then

we try to get some of the boys to come

in here

she's not twice she must need her

eyesight tested i had a lot of money i'd

take you down to the south of france

give you the time to deserve i was

offered this job by yidd

for bob and i digging up graves to get

the rings off course

no thanks i said i'd rather get myself

kept by some rich old bag oh well if

it's a really difficult oh yeah would

you start playing out why should we

think ahead we'll see the finger head

too except growing old

have

[Music]

so you can

[Music]

hey dave how about

[Music]

further music

[Music]

see the clock gets getting late now get

you going fix your face

[Music]

[Applause]

[Music]

the sun is

[Music]

[Music]

[Music]

i learned that in a voice chat you ain't

got a mirror on you have your laugh i

want to hold it to his mouth see if he's

still breathing

[Music]

can we drive himself

you weren't letting me

it's dead well my wife johnny

i felt 30 people on the scaffolding on

friday still unconscious

foreman rex is going to rig it said he

had a little hole in his shoe tripped

over backwards

but really there weren't any safety

rails i've got three years ball still

for me first offense i don't reckon that

just like the look of me

how much lead you took he says to me

oh about one and a half ton i says i

ripped it off all the canvas roofs in

the fairground

i don't think he was amused i was

working in falls when i

started making cars straight off the

production right

yeah well i mean they're all complete

second number plates that park man i

feel beyond a factory i drive them away

so have a spare parts

now look at two years in the yorkshire

boston

i've only been with this girl three or

four times when i got knicked i didn't

realize she was pregnant when i was away

he brings up a yorkshire marries us off

in a chapel

well i only saw for now in the waiting

room

[Music]

she goes off at me for going out i just

suppose we just don't get on you know

now i got a son called shane

she's got long hair right down her back

you know

like long hair

ten percent of our cars get snatched

back

the other forty percent we let them have

over longer payments

it's our job let's move away to mount

and so they can see their way to buy a

car

so make no difference to us if they

don't complete the payments

it's the finance company that take the

rep

and if they lose too much money well

they don't finance you anymore so you go

with another company and we know finance

company will take you on well you just

go bust and go into some other business

i'm in right trouble i am back to cop of

the night

pushing me around on the payment all

that old lucky one so i attend him and i

run down the road see but he come after

me with another copper they caught up

with me and dragged me down the station

look what they've done on my back look

these knives found on your person could

be very useful for opening window

catches with wouldn't that uh could be

very useful for eating your dinner with

or no yeah

and what do you use these wire clippers

and crowbars for they're the tools me

trade governor i'm a scrap merchant and

i well what are they doing in your car

oh well i'll collect a lot of junk in my

car see governor perhaps if you had a

car you might put a little bit of junk

in your car

dave will probably go to the yorkshire

same as us

mcdonald's still there donald not a

skinny scrub in a cook house oh yeah

great big ovens strokes used to get

active boy yeah i was on a farm when i

had tractors and that then they sent me

out in a working party

bit of a farmer yeah that'll kelly

everybody's still there

biggest queen in the business

hello

that's why did you get us two coffees

sure of course i will yeah know what

happened to him

he's swinging in his crate isn't he

halfway out the building we're staring

at some birds

so he lets the rope slip nearly chops

his hand off yeah

not only that but the next morning he

does the same thing we're sitting at the

same bird oh i reckon he must fancier

don't you yeah

two coffees was it yes please yes two

and a half three then no two would be

enough for now what two cups and

sunshine smart news but i only half of

it anyhow remate comes along the night

didn't he it goes on excited scaffolding

turns up to work next morning up in a

cradle about 50 feet they all like caged

in

any other government couldn't do as soon

as he broke my neck

yeah rube you used to go out with terry

didn't you yeah why well after his

accident the council only sent his dad

in a bill for five pounds for the eight

buckets of sand they use clearing up the

blood

[Music]

you'll go to prison for four years it's

a shame about what happened to dave in

it now you have to find yourself a new

fella

well that's the thing you see what you

don't get caught for you're entitled to

do they're looking after you all right

okay you know i've been staying in most

of the time oh yeah i have honest no

boys

no

i don't seem to be interested

what are you doing

just stay at home

like ever so bad tempered now never used

to be

i'm writing a book

it's gonna be called in out in see this

skirt a month ago the skirt was too

tight for me look at it now i can get

our landfills off it that's dieting that

is

i've missed you

have you

have you really yeah

do you remember that barn off of the sid

cup mile

and i said i loved you and you said do

you

yeah i do i had to invite my

father-in-law it was a shocking business

he was 64. no i turned a light 65 and

his wife died and he began bringing back

old women misbehaving himself with him

in his room disgusting at his age too

anyhow give us a quick love

stick it under the table with your

chewing gum then go and get another cup

of tea and i'll take it two cups of tea

and a packet of biscuits please she

liked the fur good at brixton market it

was a nice fur good color and all but it

turned out too short after she had her

operation at the hospital she's taller

than ever ulster was all right

a sort of university for them that

couldn't afford oxford

do you think it's too late for me to get

myself a decent education because she's

growing taller i have to have been

specially made for her he had a fellow

in the next cells done himself in no

yeah now what he's done he's filled his

pot with water stood in it and plugged

himself into the electric light socket

oh

silly bastard

well you got a dear john

you know a letter from his bird saying

that she didn't want to know anymore

[Music]

you know what i'm courting again oh

you're not i met him up at the mission

you know one of them chilling dinners

for old age pensioners he kept asking me

to get to tea of course i knew he had a

place of his own and that his wife had

been dead 18 months but i didn't fancy

going up there because you know what men

are don't you all right as long as you

keep your hand on your right leg

but i went up sandy and cooked his

dinner for him oh it went off cold up

there yeah you'd have got a fart going

for me i says why you cold ducky says

get under them covers they never know

when they're past it do they mrs ardy

well what do you want i'm not taking any

ready money you all you've got it's

drawers i don't know

well you all wear them don't you limey

eyes says when he asked me to be his

housekeeper don't swear here he says

this is gord's house well gold might tip

me i says

what do you want but i don't really want

to get married again i had such a rotten

husband used to give me 38 bob a week

and stop two bob income table side this

one's 74 and he's got 50 quid he's

promised to take me to bromsgrove for a

report that'd be lovely niger i've been

a widow for 14 years and i know how to

look after myself and even if i don't

there ain't much chance of me getting

the family way now is that

any pistols

yeah nice pair of wooden undies yes oh i

love them

oh they're rotten at the crotch turned

enough now what's the matter with you

scummy lil was here yesterday come round

ultra buying a pair of drawers held them

up against us she did come off it i said

what do you want with a pair of drawers

right now what do you want for this

lovely thing here that turban yeah [ __ ]

then he wants a fish

yeah

i'll give you taps

warmed by a film star that was i might

tell you

she told me to keep it quiet

look what the doctor gave me it's nice

yeah it was about nine last night i saw

the ambulance outside the house so i

went out and i met the ambulance man

coming out of the telephone kiosk so i

said is it mrs hardy he says yeah

she was a scrubber all her life ever

since she was fourteen she worked in

them baths

baldy not in the summer damn drafty in

winter

surprised it didn't finish her off

sooner

i had this lodger died in bed

i had cold black air and i wore a pink

satin blouse

i laid him out and tied his jaw up with

a hanky to the bed rail

when my husband come in he says what

you've done that for they'll think you

strangled him

i'd sooner have a horse and cart to get

to the grave too soon in a motor

i says to arthur

if i ever die betty we win my knickers

on

and he says whoever you think's going to

take liberties with you eh

you never know what says

are you frightened of dying sylvie no

you can't get up when you're dead

hear about mr marple over the road he

won 70 quid on the pools and he spent it

all on a stone for his grave he's got it

propped up in his backyard waiting

you ever seen one of their moons

oh you'd never think they'd get me in

one of them would you i wouldn't like to

be cremated can't have no visitors to

your grave just shut up in one of their

moons ain't much fun ah but i reckon it

stops to spread a disease

the bodies don't get handled so much

the soil muster up something bad

they reckon you're in a standing

position when you're cremated

when they open the drapes you work along

a slide until you're standing up

and then the relatives say goodbye

anyway she was paid up with her

insurance

it's better to pay you bob a week and

know you're going to be properly buried

not banged in with some stranger

remember the night terry got killed

i was over margie's house washing the

air

and rube came screaming down the road

his eyes come out his teeth went through

the back of his head and the animal bars

went through his chest

poor roo

she was getting engaged in a fortnight

i told him i wanted to be buried just up

the road not too far from home i was

born in battersea i lived all my life in

battersea so i don't want to go get

buried in wandsworth do i

[ __ ] you see him do you know what

perhaps he's traveling with him twice

and his wife no i'm not kidding

see that woman over there

she's got a finger in all the screws in

betsy hey do you want any cheap

underwear birdseed boxing gloves coming

dancing tonight at the north pole

directly

oh sylvie look another gorgeous fell in

that red shot should we go in are you

coming

in there right

well june's got a pair of them i ain't

speaking to her no more you know

well last night both babies sit in and

these two floats came down for us you

know and she said to me i'm going to

take the bed and i said you're not mate

you're going to take the soap and we'll

swap halfway

[Applause]

you know what i really fancy black rinse

with blue lights in it that's gonna

bleach my hair you know but sylvia

reckons i look like felicia beacon on a

dark night why about that then hey just

see her

over there yeah she done her ass up all

posh filled it with colors tasted like

the black and white minstrel show

brought you after bitter jungle juice

love my hustle

you never should we got the pears you

wear shop we choose a couple of frogs i

broken off my engagement but i kept the

ring looked i got so depressed i took up

evening classes no any good volunteer i

only went twice and i'll give it up i

silly to go to evening classes now i

mean you're only young once you spend

all your time going to evening classes

when you don't pay

[Music]

[Applause]

sugar and spices

[Music]

cause my baby looks so sweet you know

she's sugar and spices

[Music]

when i see mr

is

[Music]

you know my little kid

you