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1
00:00:02,085 --> 00:00:05,088
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:09,092 --> 00:00:11,394
Don't work too hard there, Diane.
3
00:00:11,394 --> 00:00:12,896
I don't mind.
4
00:00:14,147 --> 00:00:15,982
Our wedding day draws ever nearer,
5
00:00:16,483 --> 00:00:18,985
and all this conditioning
is simply preparation
6
00:00:18,985 --> 00:00:21,488
for that special moment.
7
00:00:21,488 --> 00:00:23,356
When you and I exchange rings,
8
00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:26,276
my hands must be pristine,
9
00:00:26,276 --> 00:00:29,162
because everyone's eyes
will be on my fingers.
10
00:00:29,162 --> 00:00:32,582
And everyone's fingers'll
be down their throats.
11
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Oh, Carla.
12
00:00:35,952 --> 00:00:38,288
Sweet, pathetic Carla.
13
00:00:38,288 --> 00:00:41,791
Can't you see that I am
in far too good a mood
14
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:45,045
to let your petty asides bother me?
15
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:46,880
I'm afraid you'll just have to find
16
00:00:46,880 --> 00:00:49,766
some other way of... bugging me.
17
00:00:49,766 --> 00:00:51,885
If you insist.
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:54,687
(screaming)
19
00:00:58,691 --> 00:01:03,063
(piano plays)
20
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,365
? Making your way in the world today ?
21
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:08,368
? Takes everything you've got ?
22
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:11,371
? Taking a break from all your worries ?
23
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? Sure would help a lot ?
24
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? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
25
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:22,415
? Sometimes you want to go ?
26
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:27,921
? Where everybody knows your name ?
27
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:32,425
? And they're always glad you came ?
28
00:01:32,425 --> 00:01:34,928
? You want to be where you can see ?
29
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:37,430
? Our troubles are all the same ?
30
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:42,936
? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
31
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:45,438
? You want to go where people know ?
32
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:47,941
? People are all the same ?
33
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:52,946
? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
34
00:01:54,000 --> 00:02:00,074
Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
35
00:02:09,796 --> 00:02:12,132
Yes! Thank you for telling me.
36
00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:14,634
If you don't hear from me
in an hour, I'll be there.
37
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,636
Okay, thank you.
38
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:20,140
Oh, Sam, uh, may I speak
to you for a minute?
39
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,642
Oh, it'd be a new record if you do.
40
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:28,148
Um, that was a Buddhist
monastery called The Glade.
41
00:02:28,648 --> 00:02:31,151
I've been hoping to go on retreat there,
42
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:32,152
and guess what?
43
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,153
They have a vacancy.
44
00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:34,154
Oh, great!
45
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,655
Yeah, I heard all the monks went
46
00:02:35,655 --> 00:02:38,158
to Fort Lauderdale this year.
47
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:41,161
No, Sam, it's not a resort.
48
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:43,663
It's a contemplative retreat
49
00:02:43,663 --> 00:02:46,666
where people go as a means
of purifying their souls.
50
00:02:46,666 --> 00:02:48,668
For two weeks, you're
isolated from others
51
00:02:49,169 --> 00:02:51,171
to commune with yourself.
52
00:02:51,171 --> 00:02:53,673
You are provided with a small room.
53
00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:57,427
You're fed pure, toxin-free foods.
54
00:02:57,427 --> 00:02:58,761
Oh, oh, wait, wait.
55
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,147
And...
56
00:03:01,147 --> 00:03:02,899
they have the biggest Buddha
east of the Mississippi.
57
00:03:02,899 --> 00:03:03,900
Ooh!
58
00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:05,401
Man!
59
00:03:05,401 --> 00:03:06,853
Boy, he is a bruiser, isn't he?
60
00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,354
Uh-huh.
61
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:10,857
Well, it's not exactly Vegas,
62
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,859
but, uh, all right, I'll give it a try.
63
00:03:12,859 --> 00:03:14,360
Wh-Wh-What
should I bring?
64
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:15,862
Oh...
65
00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:18,364
No, Sam...
66
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:19,866
I'm going alone.
67
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:22,368
Only in my solitude
68
00:03:22,368 --> 00:03:24,871
can I discover who we are.
69
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,873
SAM: Oh, wait-wait a minute here.
70
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,374
This isn't one of those weird cults
71
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:29,876
where they-they mess with your head
72
00:03:29,876 --> 00:03:32,378
and you end up handing
out flowers at the airport.
73
00:03:33,379 --> 00:03:35,381
You will be coming back, won't you?
74
00:03:35,381 --> 00:03:39,385
No, I won't be coming back, but I will.
75
00:03:39,886 --> 00:03:40,887
(laughs)
76
00:03:42,388 --> 00:03:45,892
I guess I just made up a
little Zen koan, didn't I?
77
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,396
Let me explain.
78
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:53,900
A koan is a... a paradox
79
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:54,901
upon which one meditates
80
00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,903
in order to become more enlightened.
81
00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,404
Uh, well, for example,
82
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:01,908
what was your face before
your parents were born?
83
00:04:01,908 --> 00:04:03,793
Easy. A ten.
84
00:04:04,961 --> 00:04:06,879
This is kind of fun. You got any more?
85
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:09,382
DIANE: Well, I'm off to The Glade.
86
00:04:09,382 --> 00:04:11,384
It is all right, isn't it?
87
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:12,385
Yeah, yeah, what the heck?
88
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,887
Why not? Sure, go ahead.
89
00:04:14,887 --> 00:04:17,390
Good-bye, my love.
90
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,891
SAM: Bye-bye.
91
00:04:18,891 --> 00:04:20,260
Steal me an ashtray.
92
00:04:23,179 --> 00:04:24,681
Hey, hey, hey, is Diane taking
93
00:04:24,681 --> 00:04:26,182
the day off again?
94
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:28,184
No.
95
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:29,102
Good.
96
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:30,603
She's taking two weeks off.
97
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:32,605
(gasps) No, Sammy, that's not fair!
98
00:04:32,605 --> 00:04:34,107
Come on, she's always takin' off
99
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:36,109
for one stupid reason or another.
100
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,860
Can't we just kill her?
101
00:04:38,745 --> 00:04:40,613
Sh-She's my fianc�e, Carla.
102
00:04:40,613 --> 00:04:41,781
Is that a yes?
103
00:04:41,781 --> 00:04:42,999
No, it's not.
104
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:46,252
Hey, hey, everybody.
105
00:04:46,252 --> 00:04:48,254
SAM: Hey, Cliffie.
106
00:04:48,254 --> 00:04:49,756
What's with your leg?
107
00:04:49,756 --> 00:04:51,758
Eh, I'd rather not talk about it.
108
00:04:54,627 --> 00:04:56,129
Got bitten by a dog.
109
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,630
Ten stitches to close the wound.
110
00:04:59,515 --> 00:05:00,933
I tell you, these unleashed animals
111
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:02,935
are a menace to postal workers.
112
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,304
Well, you're going to sue, aren't you?
113
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:05,305
Well...
114
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,306
Now, I may be wrong, Carla,
115
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,307
but I don't think you can sue
116
00:05:07,807 --> 00:05:09,809
members of the animal kingdom.
117
00:05:12,312 --> 00:05:15,315
I'm talking about the
owners, Nellie Belle.
118
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,200
CLIFF: No, there-there's
no need to sue.
119
00:05:17,200 --> 00:05:21,037
I left a, uh, strongly
worded note in their mailbox.
120
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:22,038
Well, that's too bad, Cliff.
121
00:05:22,038 --> 00:05:24,040
I know a lawyer who would
take it on a contingency basis.
122
00:05:24,040 --> 00:05:25,041
It wouldn't cost you a dime,
123
00:05:25,041 --> 00:05:26,909
and you might end up
with a sizable settlement.
124
00:05:26,909 --> 00:05:28,795
All right, if it'll get
you off my back. All right.
125
00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:31,664
(phone rings)
126
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,499
(phone drops in the water)
127
00:05:35,501 --> 00:05:37,503
Cheers.
128
00:05:37,503 --> 00:05:40,506
Yeah, oh, just a minute, please.
129
00:05:40,506 --> 00:05:42,508
Mr. Clavin, for you.
130
00:05:42,508 --> 00:05:43,509
Uh, take a message.
131
00:05:43,509 --> 00:05:45,011
I'll call 'em back, Wood.
132
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:47,013
Yeah, can he get back to you?
133
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,398
Oh, yes, ma'am.
134
00:05:48,398 --> 00:05:50,233
She wants to know how your leg is.
135
00:05:50,233 --> 00:05:54,153
Eh? Eh? See? The mutt's
owner tracked me down.
136
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:56,155
Well, tell her that she can deep-six
137
00:05:56,155 --> 00:05:57,657
that phony concern of hers.
138
00:05:57,657 --> 00:05:59,659
It doesn't cut it with me.
139
00:05:59,659 --> 00:06:02,161
You can deep-six your phony concern.
140
00:06:02,161 --> 00:06:03,529
It doesn't cut it with him.
141
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:07,784
Tell her my leg and I
will see her in court.
142
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:10,286
His leg and him will see you in court.
143
00:06:10,286 --> 00:06:13,790
Oh, okay, I'll tell him.
144
00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:16,292
Uh, your mom wants you to
be home by 6:00 for dinner.
145
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:21,297
Woody, Woody, why didn't
you tell me it was my mother?
146
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:22,799
I just did.
147
00:06:22,799 --> 00:06:24,300
No, I mean before.
148
00:06:24,300 --> 00:06:26,803
Well, I didn't know it was
her till I picked up the phone.
149
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,805
No, Woody...
150
00:06:30,189 --> 00:06:32,058
When you were talkin' to her,
151
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:34,060
why didn't you say it was her?
152
00:06:34,060 --> 00:06:35,445
She already knew that.
153
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:38,981
Uh, I'd leave it alone, Cliff.
154
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:40,983
I think it's one of
those Zen koan things.
155
00:06:48,991 --> 00:06:51,377
Eh, buono sera, mi amigos.
156
00:06:51,377 --> 00:06:53,246
Hey, Cliffie, how's your leg?
157
00:06:53,246 --> 00:06:55,248
Oh, stiffening up there, Sammy.
158
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,249
Uh, the muscle's all cramped,
159
00:06:56,249 --> 00:06:58,751
and I think the, uh, wound's
getting a little infected.
160
00:06:58,751 --> 00:07:00,753
And the mental anguish
that goes along with this...
161
00:07:00,753 --> 00:07:03,256
You know, you just... you
just can't put a price on this.
162
00:07:03,256 --> 00:07:04,257
Well, let me guess here.
163
00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:06,259
You've seen an attorney.
164
00:07:06,259 --> 00:07:08,261
Yep. Yeah, yeah, the guy
said that, uh, you know,
165
00:07:08,761 --> 00:07:11,180
97% of all these canine attack cases...
166
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,266
decided in favor of the postman.
167
00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:14,767
Well, good for you, Cliff.
168
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:17,770
You deserve to get a little
satisfaction out of this.
169
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,772
Yeah, yeah, about, uh,
200,000 clams worth.
170
00:07:19,772 --> 00:07:20,773
Two hundred thousand?!
171
00:07:20,773 --> 00:07:23,276
Dinner is on Cliff, all right?
172
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,278
Huh, what do you say, buddy?
173
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,029
I'll go upstairs, snag us a table,
174
00:07:27,029 --> 00:07:27,947
check out the specials.
175
00:07:27,947 --> 00:07:29,449
I'll be right back.
176
00:07:29,949 --> 00:07:30,950
Eh, eh?
177
00:07:30,950 --> 00:07:33,453
Hey, maybe I could sue
somebody about my broken thumb.
178
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,455
I mean, after all, I
did slip on the ice.
179
00:07:35,455 --> 00:07:36,956
Well, maybe so. Where'd it happen?
180
00:07:36,956 --> 00:07:38,458
Right outside the bar here.
181
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,842
No, you don't have a case.
182
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,261
Hey, Cliff? Huh?
183
00:07:42,261 --> 00:07:44,263
Have you ever thought
that you might be suing
184
00:07:44,263 --> 00:07:46,766
some poor, sweet, little old lady?
185
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,268
Hey, listen, uh, sharpie,
who she is is irrelevant.
186
00:07:49,268 --> 00:07:51,771
It's the letter of the law
that's been violated here,
187
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:53,773
and I just can't wait
to get her into court
188
00:07:53,773 --> 00:07:56,776
and tear her to pieces
with my verbal gymnastics.
189
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,777
(chuckles)
190
00:08:02,782 --> 00:08:03,783
Um...
191
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:05,785
I'm looking
192
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,787
for a Mr. Cliff Clavin.
193
00:08:07,787 --> 00:08:08,788
Yep.
194
00:08:10,790 --> 00:08:13,292
You left this note in my mailbox.
195
00:08:13,292 --> 00:08:16,295
I'm afraid it was my dog that bit you.
196
00:08:17,296 --> 00:08:18,798
Uh...
197
00:08:20,299 --> 00:08:22,301
Uh...
198
00:08:22,301 --> 00:08:24,303
Excuse me.
199
00:08:24,303 --> 00:08:26,305
Cliffie, wh-what are you trying to say?
200
00:08:26,305 --> 00:08:29,809
(speaking gibberish)
201
00:08:29,809 --> 00:08:33,813
Yes, sh-she is very attractive.
202
00:08:33,813 --> 00:08:37,817
Mr. Clavin, I'm terribly
sorry about what happened.
203
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,319
Uh, how is your leg?
204
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:42,321
(speaking gibberish)
205
00:08:42,321 --> 00:08:44,323
Cliffie, we're in luck.
206
00:08:44,323 --> 00:08:48,828
The special is filet of...
filet... filet... filet...
207
00:08:48,828 --> 00:08:52,832
Great. Stereo.
208
00:08:52,832 --> 00:08:54,333
SAM: Hey, guys, guys, guys, guys,
209
00:08:54,333 --> 00:08:55,835
hey, hey, hey, hey, whoa, whoa!
210
00:08:55,835 --> 00:08:57,336
Sit down, sit down.
211
00:08:57,336 --> 00:08:58,838
Come on, come on, come on.
212
00:08:58,838 --> 00:09:00,840
Can I, uh... can I...
213
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,842
can I offer you a-a drink, Miss...?
214
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,844
Keith. Madeline Keith.
215
00:09:04,844 --> 00:09:06,846
A white wine would be lovely, thank you.
216
00:09:06,846 --> 00:09:09,348
Coming right up.
217
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:12,852
Look, um... I don't
have very much money,
218
00:09:12,852 --> 00:09:16,355
but I'd like to help
with the doctor bills.
219
00:09:17,356 --> 00:09:18,357
That's good.
220
00:09:18,357 --> 00:09:20,359
That's good.
221
00:09:20,359 --> 00:09:24,363
Anything to ease the burden
on you and your family.
222
00:09:26,365 --> 00:09:27,366
You're not married.
223
00:09:27,366 --> 00:09:29,368
You're not married.
224
00:09:30,369 --> 00:09:32,872
Oh, oh, I mean, I'm not married.
225
00:09:32,872 --> 00:09:34,874
But I could be if I
wanted to, right, Sam?
226
00:09:34,874 --> 00:09:35,875
Sure, Cliff.
227
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,877
Well...
228
00:09:37,877 --> 00:09:40,880
I can't imagine a man
like you living alone.
229
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:42,882
Uh, uh, I don't live alone.
230
00:09:42,882 --> 00:09:44,884
I live with my... mother.
231
00:09:44,884 --> 00:09:46,385
Oh?
232
00:09:46,385 --> 00:09:48,888
Yeah, well, it's, you
know, not that I have to.
233
00:09:48,888 --> 00:09:50,890
It's we're related.
234
00:09:50,890 --> 00:09:53,392
Uh, well, you know, don't get me wrong.
235
00:09:53,392 --> 00:09:54,393
I mean, I like her. Uh...
236
00:09:54,393 --> 00:09:56,395
No, I think it's wonderful
237
00:09:56,395 --> 00:09:59,899
that you're taking care of
your mother in her old age.
238
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,904
Oh, uh... couldn't throw her
out in the street, I guess, huh?
239
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,406
Hey, I mean, who-who'd make my lunch?
240
00:10:07,406 --> 00:10:09,408
(laughs)
241
00:10:12,411 --> 00:10:15,414
Oh, Mr. Clavin...
242
00:10:15,414 --> 00:10:18,417
You know... it's too bad
243
00:10:18,417 --> 00:10:20,920
we didn't meet under
different circumstances.
244
00:10:20,920 --> 00:10:22,922
We could've been friends.
245
00:10:22,922 --> 00:10:27,426
Yeah... I guess that is too bad, huh?
246
00:10:27,927 --> 00:10:32,431
Look... here is my number.
247
00:10:32,431 --> 00:10:35,434
If you need anything...
248
00:10:35,434 --> 00:10:37,937
call me.
249
00:10:41,941 --> 00:10:43,943
WOODY: Maybe it's just me,
250
00:10:43,943 --> 00:10:46,445
but I think that woman's kind of pretty.
251
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:51,951
Really? I, uh... hadn't noticed.
252
00:10:51,951 --> 00:10:54,320
Too busy thinking
about the lawsuit, huh?
253
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,705
Lawsuit?
254
00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:05,898
TV ANNOUNCER: Jake the Snake
is body-slammed to the mat.
255
00:11:05,898 --> 00:11:07,900
He's pinned by Hulk Hogan.
256
00:11:07,900 --> 00:11:09,402
One, two, three!
257
00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:10,903
The Hulk wins it!
258
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:13,906
Oh, man, that Hulk Hogan
is amazing, isn't he?
259
00:11:13,906 --> 00:11:15,908
Woody, the thing is fixed.
260
00:11:15,908 --> 00:11:17,777
Oh, that's too bad.
261
00:11:17,777 --> 00:11:19,662
Hulk Hogan can't have children.
262
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,668
It's evolution's loss.
263
00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:31,757
Hey, everybody.
264
00:11:31,757 --> 00:11:34,710
Cliffie, who died?
265
00:11:35,211 --> 00:11:37,713
The old Cliff Clavin,
that's who, Normie.
266
00:11:37,713 --> 00:11:38,714
Nice threads.
267
00:11:38,714 --> 00:11:40,132
CLIFF: Ah, thank you, Sammy.
268
00:11:40,132 --> 00:11:41,016
Can I have a little drink there,
269
00:11:41,016 --> 00:11:42,468
uh, Woody?
270
00:11:42,968 --> 00:11:43,969
We have, uh, enough time
271
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:45,855
before Madeline and I go
out to dinner this evening.
272
00:11:45,855 --> 00:11:47,690
Wait a minute, are you
still seeing each other?
273
00:11:47,690 --> 00:11:49,442
Every day this week, buddy.
274
00:11:49,442 --> 00:11:51,277
Oh, things are getting pretty hot, huh?
275
00:11:51,277 --> 00:11:52,778
Sammy, our relationship is not
276
00:11:52,778 --> 00:11:54,647
based merely on the physical, huh?
277
00:11:54,647 --> 00:11:58,401
He isn't getting any.
278
00:11:58,401 --> 00:12:01,904
Well, I, uh, better go
check up on our reservations.
279
00:12:01,904 --> 00:12:04,290
Uh, Cliff, I hate to bring
up an ugly subject, but, uh...
280
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:05,591
Oh, that's okay, Sam.
281
00:12:05,791 --> 00:12:07,793
We're already in the area.
282
00:12:07,793 --> 00:12:10,663
Are-Are you still planning to
go through with the lawsuit?
283
00:12:10,663 --> 00:12:13,082
Well, you, uh, you know how slowly
284
00:12:13,082 --> 00:12:16,085
the wheels of justice
grind there, Samuel.
285
00:12:16,085 --> 00:12:17,970
Uh-oh. (whistles)
286
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:19,472
Guess what sap is being suckered
287
00:12:19,972 --> 00:12:21,724
into dropping a lawsuit?
288
00:12:21,724 --> 00:12:24,009
Well, now, not
necessarily now, all right?
289
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,011
Let's just take a look
at all these facts,
290
00:12:26,011 --> 00:12:27,430
as complicated as they may be,
291
00:12:27,430 --> 00:12:29,315
and see if we can come to
a conclusion about this.
292
00:12:29,315 --> 00:12:31,267
Okay, let's start where
this gorgeous woman
293
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,769
is interested in Cliff, all right?
294
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:35,771
Now, I don't think we have
to go any further than that.
295
00:12:37,239 --> 00:12:38,157
No, now, just a second.
296
00:12:38,157 --> 00:12:39,909
I mean, I don't think
we're really being fair.
297
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:40,993
Now, let's say
298
00:12:40,993 --> 00:12:42,778
if an ugly woman were
interested in Cliff,
299
00:12:42,778 --> 00:12:43,779
would any of us be suspicious?
300
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:46,165
If a living woman were
interested in Cliff,
301
00:12:46,165 --> 00:12:47,166
I'd be suspicious.
302
00:12:48,417 --> 00:12:50,753
You know, I got to go along
with Dr. Crane on this one.
303
00:12:50,753 --> 00:12:52,755
I can't believe that
someone would actually lie
304
00:12:52,755 --> 00:12:55,007
just to save a lot of money.
305
00:12:56,792 --> 00:12:59,178
Woody, don't help me, okay?
306
00:13:00,095 --> 00:13:03,599
Listen, somebody's got
to tell Cliff the truth.
307
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:06,969
I guarantee that he'll never
talk to the person who does.
308
00:13:06,969 --> 00:13:09,972
Okay, you talked me into it.
309
00:13:09,972 --> 00:13:12,475
Hey, Hopalong!
310
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:13,976
Come here. I want to talk to you.
311
00:13:13,976 --> 00:13:15,978
CLIFF: Huh?
312
00:13:16,979 --> 00:13:18,481
(clears throat)
313
00:13:18,481 --> 00:13:20,983
I don't know how to tell you this.
314
00:13:21,484 --> 00:13:22,485
Wait a minute. Yes, I do.
315
00:13:22,985 --> 00:13:24,487
You're an idiot!
316
00:13:24,487 --> 00:13:26,489
Everybody in the bar thinks
317
00:13:26,489 --> 00:13:27,990
that babe is playing you for a fool
318
00:13:28,491 --> 00:13:30,993
and the second you drop
your lawsuit, you're history.
319
00:13:30,993 --> 00:13:32,995
You are a sap.
320
00:13:32,995 --> 00:13:36,999
I know... but I'm having
the time of my life.
321
00:13:36,999 --> 00:13:39,502
You know, uh, how often am I a sap
322
00:13:39,502 --> 00:13:40,503
with a beautiful woman?
323
00:13:40,503 --> 00:13:43,005
I mean, I usually am
a sap with the bowsers,
324
00:13:43,005 --> 00:13:45,007
but, uh...
325
00:13:45,007 --> 00:13:46,509
when Madeline and I
walk into a restaurant,
326
00:13:47,009 --> 00:13:48,511
all the guys' heads, they turn.
327
00:13:49,011 --> 00:13:50,012
And they're not saying, "Hey...
328
00:13:50,012 --> 00:13:52,515
there's a beautiful woman
over there with a sap."
329
00:13:52,515 --> 00:13:56,018
Yes, they are.
330
00:13:56,018 --> 00:13:58,521
Look, all I know is that
as long as we're together,
331
00:13:58,521 --> 00:14:03,526
there's a good chance she may
grant me the, uh, ultimate favor.
332
00:14:03,526 --> 00:14:05,027
Yeah, right, Clavin.
333
00:14:05,027 --> 00:14:07,530
You're threatening to
sue her, not kill her.
334
00:14:12,918 --> 00:14:15,871
Oh, uh, Madeline.
335
00:14:17,256 --> 00:14:19,592
You... You look ravishing as ever.
336
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,095
Thank you, Cliff. I
thought you would like it.
337
00:14:23,095 --> 00:14:24,096
(laughs) Like it?!
338
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:26,599
If I had better legs,
I'd get one for myself.
339
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:27,466
(giggles)
340
00:14:27,466 --> 00:14:30,269
Oh, Cliff, you're adorable.
341
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:31,520
(chuckling)
342
00:14:32,771 --> 00:14:34,273
Uh, we better get going.
343
00:14:34,273 --> 00:14:36,275
Uh, late for the reservations, huh?
344
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:38,277
Um, before we go,
345
00:14:38,277 --> 00:14:41,780
I think we need to sit
down and have a talk.
346
00:14:43,782 --> 00:14:46,285
Is, there, uh, something wrong?
347
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:49,288
Actually, yes.
348
00:14:50,289 --> 00:14:53,158
What, uh... what is it, Madeline?
349
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:55,377
MADELINE: Well...
350
00:14:55,377 --> 00:14:58,297
this lawsuit has been
preying on my mind,
351
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:02,801
and... well, my attorney gave me this.
352
00:15:02,801 --> 00:15:06,305
It's a waiver form.
353
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:11,310
It releases me from all
liability for the dog bite.
354
00:15:12,311 --> 00:15:16,181
And, uh, I guess you
want me to sign it, huh?
355
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,851
I want you to tear it up.
356
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:19,685
Well, I don't understand...
357
00:15:19,685 --> 00:15:22,187
Please, just tear it up.
358
00:15:30,362 --> 00:15:33,365
When this first began,
359
00:15:33,365 --> 00:15:36,368
I thought I could get
you to drop the lawsuit,
360
00:15:36,368 --> 00:15:38,370
if I was nice to you.
361
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:42,758
But then, the funniest thing happened.
362
00:15:43,542 --> 00:15:46,929
I grew to like you... a lot.
363
00:15:47,680 --> 00:15:50,683
But I'll understand if you hate me
364
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:52,685
for what I was going to do.
365
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:55,054
I was playing with your emotions
366
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:57,940
when you've been so honest with me.
367
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:00,859
Uh, well, I-I forgive
you, Madeline, uh...
368
00:16:00,859 --> 00:16:02,861
No, you're a decent guy, Cliff.
369
00:16:02,861 --> 00:16:04,363
Maybe I just better go.
370
00:16:04,363 --> 00:16:06,365
No, uh, Madeline, wait.
371
00:16:06,365 --> 00:16:08,367
Uh, look,
I-I-I...
372
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:12,371
Anything you did, it doesn't
make a difference to me.
373
00:16:12,371 --> 00:16:15,240
You're not just saying
that to make me feel better?
374
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:17,042
No, I swear it. Scout's honor.
375
00:16:17,042 --> 00:16:20,546
Oh, Cliff, oh!
376
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:24,550
Oh!
377
00:16:24,550 --> 00:16:27,052
Doesn't it feel good to clear the air?
378
00:16:27,052 --> 00:16:29,555
Oh, yeah, it does.
379
00:16:31,056 --> 00:16:35,561
Look, why don't we
forget about the dinner
380
00:16:35,561 --> 00:16:38,063
and rent a room somewhere
381
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:41,066
and just celebrate our socks off?
382
00:16:45,938 --> 00:16:47,606
Really?
383
00:16:51,026 --> 00:16:52,528
Well, uh...
384
00:16:52,528 --> 00:16:57,032
well, the, uh, Ritz is
just around the corner.
385
00:16:57,032 --> 00:17:01,537
Why, Cliff, I think
that's a wonderful idea.
386
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:05,040
Carla, would, uh, you be a dear
387
00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:07,543
and, uh, cancel dinner reservations
388
00:17:07,543 --> 00:17:09,928
for the, uh, Sap party?
389
00:17:10,846 --> 00:17:13,348
We're, uh...
390
00:17:13,348 --> 00:17:16,969
we're going to have, uh,
Ritz service at the room.
391
00:17:16,969 --> 00:17:20,189
(chuckles)
392
00:17:22,608 --> 00:17:24,977
I, uh, I meant Ritz service at the room.
393
00:17:24,977 --> 00:17:28,363
Can you believe I said
"Ritz service at the room"?
394
00:17:28,363 --> 00:17:32,868
What I meant was, uh,
Ritz service at the room.
395
00:17:39,658 --> 00:17:42,494
(phone rings)
396
00:17:43,495 --> 00:17:45,497
Cheers.
397
00:17:45,497 --> 00:17:47,416
Oh, hey, Mr. Clavin, what's new?
398
00:17:47,416 --> 00:17:49,134
Sure thing. Hold on.
399
00:17:49,134 --> 00:17:50,969
Sam, it's for you.
400
00:17:52,971 --> 00:17:53,972
Yeah, Cliff?
401
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:55,841
Oh, hey, Sammy... Sammy?
402
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,227
It's, uh, it's about to happen.
403
00:18:00,095 --> 00:18:02,481
And y-you stopped to call me?
404
00:18:04,933 --> 00:18:07,436
She's, uh, she's in the john
405
00:18:07,436 --> 00:18:09,938
putting on her best bib and tucker.
406
00:18:09,938 --> 00:18:14,326
Hey, uh, Sam, can I
make a small confession?
407
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:16,028
Sure.
408
00:18:16,028 --> 00:18:18,197
I'm scared.
409
00:18:18,947 --> 00:18:21,450
Well, Cliff, if it's any consolation,
410
00:18:21,450 --> 00:18:24,703
I've seen her, and I'm scared for you.
411
00:18:29,758 --> 00:18:32,044
Oh, my God...
412
00:18:33,962 --> 00:18:35,881
Oh, Sam...
413
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:48,110
Slide over, Cliff.
414
00:18:55,701 --> 00:18:57,202
(laughing)
415
00:18:57,202 --> 00:19:00,706
No, I meant this way, Cliff.
416
00:19:00,706 --> 00:19:04,209
Oh. Yes, ma'am.
417
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:14,920
Now... isn't this wonderful?
418
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,422
Yeah...
419
00:19:18,423 --> 00:19:22,427
I wish the guys in the bar could see us.
420
00:19:23,929 --> 00:19:25,430
Really?
421
00:19:25,430 --> 00:19:27,432
(laughing): Oh, I mean, you know,
422
00:19:27,432 --> 00:19:28,934
it's just a figure of speech.
423
00:19:28,934 --> 00:19:31,436
Uh... uh, they just
think that we're together
424
00:19:31,436 --> 00:19:36,441
because you-you want me
to drop the lawsuit and...
425
00:19:37,943 --> 00:19:40,946
Well, they couldn't be more wrong.
426
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:44,449
Oh, no, I know, uh... I know.
427
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:48,453
It's just, uh...
428
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:51,456
I wish I could, uh...
convince them of that.
429
00:19:51,957 --> 00:19:52,457
(giggles)
430
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,459
I know.
431
00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:57,963
If only that silly lawsuit
were out of the way,
432
00:19:57,963 --> 00:20:00,966
I could focus my total attention on you,
433
00:20:00,966 --> 00:20:02,968
taking you to a height of ecstasy
434
00:20:02,968 --> 00:20:05,470
you never dreamed possible.
435
00:20:05,470 --> 00:20:08,974
Yeah, I could go for that...
436
00:20:08,974 --> 00:20:11,476
but, uh, well, I, uh...
437
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:14,980
I ripped up that
release form in the bar.
438
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:17,482
Well, there...
439
00:20:17,482 --> 00:20:19,985
No...
440
00:20:20,986 --> 00:20:21,987
Unless...
441
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,488
Unless what?
442
00:20:23,488 --> 00:20:25,741
Unless... No...
443
00:20:25,741 --> 00:20:27,826
No, what? No, tell me.
444
00:20:27,826 --> 00:20:30,162
Well, I happen to have another copy
445
00:20:30,662 --> 00:20:32,664
of that release form in my purse.
446
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:33,665
Oh, what a break!
447
00:20:34,666 --> 00:20:38,170
I'm a lucky guy!
448
00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:39,554
Uh, you got a pen?
449
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,010
Oh!
450
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:49,514
Oh, I feel a terrible burden
lifted off my shoulders.
451
00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:53,518
Oh, yeah. Me, too.
452
00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:55,404
W-W-W-W-What
now?
453
00:20:56,188 --> 00:21:01,193
Well, you just lie back...
454
00:21:01,193 --> 00:21:02,694
Yeah?
455
00:21:02,694 --> 00:21:06,698
And close your eyes...
456
00:21:06,698 --> 00:21:09,201
Oh, yeah!
457
00:21:09,201 --> 00:21:11,954
And I'll check my phone messages.
458
00:21:12,754 --> 00:21:15,257
Uh, excuse me?
459
00:21:15,257 --> 00:21:18,260
Well, I get very distracted
460
00:21:18,260 --> 00:21:22,130
when I haven't checked my messages.
461
00:21:22,130 --> 00:21:25,968
And you don't want me
to be distracted, do you?
462
00:21:25,968 --> 00:21:29,304
(beeping)
463
00:21:30,222 --> 00:21:33,108
Oh, my God!
464
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:35,944
Uh-oh.
465
00:21:40,816 --> 00:21:43,235
And, uh, she hung up the phone and said,
466
00:21:43,235 --> 00:21:45,737
"Cliff, uh, I don't know how
to tell you this, but, uh,
467
00:21:45,737 --> 00:21:48,156
my husband's come back."
468
00:21:48,156 --> 00:21:49,624
Wait a minute now.
469
00:21:49,624 --> 00:21:52,127
She's married all this
time and never told you?
470
00:21:52,127 --> 00:21:53,628
Yeah. Seems that her husband,
471
00:21:53,628 --> 00:21:56,048
a true and gallant soldier
of these United States,
472
00:21:56,048 --> 00:21:58,467
was, uh, lost and presumed dead
473
00:21:58,467 --> 00:22:01,336
during some, uh, secret mission
out there in the Far East.
474
00:22:03,221 --> 00:22:05,223
Oh, as it turns out,
he was only wounded,
475
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:07,592
and although he suffered,
uh, years of torture,
476
00:22:07,592 --> 00:22:09,928
see, uh, uh, somehow, he managed to, uh,
477
00:22:09,928 --> 00:22:11,930
dig a tunnel with a pair of chopsticks
478
00:22:11,930 --> 00:22:15,934
and... make his way to a, uh, pay phone
479
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,686
and, uh, give her a call.
480
00:22:19,855 --> 00:22:22,607
Cliff, this is an unbelievable story.
481
00:22:22,607 --> 00:22:24,109
Oh, yeah, Sammy.
482
00:22:24,109 --> 00:22:26,611
It's unbelievable to
me, and I was there.
483
00:22:28,613 --> 00:22:31,116
But, uh, she barely had
time to blow me a kiss
484
00:22:31,116 --> 00:22:33,535
and wish me a happy life, and, uh...
485
00:22:33,535 --> 00:22:36,538
then she was gone...
like a dream in the night.
486
00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,541
What a maroon.
487
00:22:41,043 --> 00:22:44,012
I... I guess we were
like a pair of lovers
488
00:22:44,012 --> 00:22:46,014
that were never meant to be.
489
00:22:46,014 --> 00:22:48,517
Like Romeo and Juliet...
490
00:22:48,517 --> 00:22:52,521
Rhett, Scarlett...
491
00:22:52,521 --> 00:22:55,023
Heathcliff, Kathy...
492
00:22:57,025 --> 00:22:58,527
Heath, Cliff and Kathy?
493
00:22:59,027 --> 00:23:01,029
Isn't that three people, Mr. Clavin?
494
00:23:02,305 --> 00:23:08,560
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