All language subtitles for cheers.5x11.the_book_of_samuel.dvdrip_xvid-fov

Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.

I'll tell you, Woody,
the psychiatric profession

can really get rough sometimes.

I think if I hear one
more person telling me

about one more problem, I'll explode.

I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

Actually, I suppose you do.

Our professions are
really very much alike.

We both have to listen patiently

while people unload
their grief and suffering.

Sometimes it's just
more than I can bear.

I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

You know, if only I had
your ability to listen

to a person's problem,
sympathize with them,

and yet still go on about my
business calmly and happily.

How do you do it, Wood?

I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

You're not listening to me, are you?

I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

How about a double scotch rocks?

Coming right up.

(piano plays)

? Making your way in the world today ?

? Takes everything you've got ?

? Taking a break from all your worries ?

? Sure would help a lot ?

? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?

? Sometimes you want to go ?

? Where everybody knows your name ?

? And they're always glad you came ?

? You want to be where you can see ?

? Our troubles are all the same ?

? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?

? You want to go where people know ?

? People are all the same ?

? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?

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All right, here, here it is, troops.

The reason I called
you in was to tell you

I just got a chance
to go up to Moose River

to do some fishing with
some old baseball buddies.

Ah, a fishing trip.

Another desperate

yet futile attempt to forget me.

No, no, just another desperate

yet futile attempt to catch some fish.

The problem is

I want to leave right now.

So, who wants to be saddled

with taking charge of
the place while I'm gone?

Oh, me, me! I do!

I want to!

Uh, wait a minute here.

Uh, all right, sit down, sit down.

I guess I'm gonna have to make

an executive decision here.

All right,

hold out your fists.

There you go.

One potato, two potato,
three potato, four...

Oh, Sam, Sam, Sam.

This isn't fair.

It isn't?

No-- everybody knows
that when you do

"one potato, two potato"
with three people,

you end up with the same
person with whom you started.

Oh, yeah, all right. Uh...

Oh, I got something else here.

All right, all right.

My dog died last night.

What color is his blood?

What kind of disgusting game is that?

It's something I
played when I was a kid.

Now pick a color.

What for?

Your dog's blood.

Oh, this is horrible.

You played this as a child?

Well, no wonder you're so disturbed.

Would you please pick a color

so I can spell it and
knock somebody out?

All right, mauve.

All right, all right, um...

Here we go, yeah.

We'll use a bat here.

Good idea.

Okay, I'm in charge!

Sam.

Actually, I, uh, had this is mind.

Woody, you know how to do this.

Here you go.

All right, here.

Oh, oh...

(laughing)

Oh!

He grabbed the little
knobby thing at the top.

You can't do that.

That's not part of the bat.

WOODY: The little knobby
thing is so a part of the bat.

Well, can he grab it?

Sure he can grab it. ! Yeah.

And then you and I get three turns

trying to kick it out of his fingers

and the one who kicks it out wins.

Well, how do we decide who kicks first?

One potato, two potato...

Oh!

You're going to have to make a decision

like a rational adult human being.

All right, all right.

Okay, Woody's my man.

Oh! Oh, no!

Come on! Why Woody?

Well, because he's the only person

who hasn't irritated the hell out of me

in the last five minutes.

Come on. Get out of here.

Let me, uh, go over some of
the management rules with him.

Go on, go on.

I think you're really gonna
enjoy this weekend, boss.

Okay,
first rule--

keep this with you at all times.

Oh, Woody, here's a letter from Indiana.

Oh, boy!

It's from my girlfriend, Beth.

So how are things in the
great Midwest, huh, Woods?

Well, let's everybody gather
'round and we'll find out, huh?

Oh, great, let's pull up the stove,

whittle a tetch and chaw some tabacky.

Boy, Beth writes the
greatest letters in the world.

I can't wait for you guys to hear this.

"Dear Woody,

"this is the hardest letter
I've ever had to write.

"What I have to say is that
I care about you very much,

"but I'm afraid we can't
stay together anymore.

"You see, I've fallen in
love with Leonard Twilley

"and we're flying up to Niagara Falls

"on the 20th to be married.

"We're gonna drop by
and see you on our way.

"I feel I have to explain in person.

"I hope you understand

"and find it in your
heart to forgive me.

See you Saturday. Love, Beth."

Well, this isn't quite as
good as her usual letters.

I'm so sorry, Woody.

I can't believe it.

Beth and Leonard Twilley.

Woody, today's Saturday, you know.

Uh, she could be here any minute.

Gosh, I'm feeling kind of bad.

Listen, if you'll excuse me,

I think I'd like to be alone now.

Oh, I guess it'd be easier if I left.

Uh, wait a sec, Wood.

You know, maybe this is really

a blessing in disguise.

You see, sometimes in
order to achieve maturity,

it's necessary to disengage
oneself from relationships

that keep one's growth rooted

in an artificially
prolonged period of stasis.

I know just how you feel, Dr. Crane.

Woody, come on.

Sometimes things work out
for the best, you know?

Look at it this way.

Boston's crawling with
beautiful, single women.

Just get on out there.

CLIFF: Yeah, he's right, you know.

Take it from one who knows.

Yeah, but since Sammy's not
here, just take it from us.

CLIFF: Yeah, you know, he
is, uh, right there, Woody.

You know, the best way
to forget about Beth

is go out there, find some skirt,

have her, use her and throw her away.

Maybe you guys are right.

Maybe the best way to get over this

is to make wild, crazy, passionate love

to the first available
woman who comes along.

Woody, don't listen to them.

It's not necessary for you to suppress

your grief in debauchery.

It's important for you to experience it.

People grow from intense suffering.

Yeah? Then how come

I haven't grown an inch
since I've known you?

Oh, boy, Normie, look at this.

Another psychic's head exploded.

Kind of makes you wonder why anyone

goes into that line of work, doesn't it?

Excuse me.

I've been experiencing
grief all afternoon

and instead of killing myself,

I'd like to take you out to dinner.

Sounds great, but no thank you.

Did I say it was my treat?

Woody, you've hit on nearly
every woman in the bar.

Why are you so persistent?

Well, when Beth gets here, you know,

I want to show her that
I got someone else, too.

If there's one thing I can't stand,

it's that look of pity in her eyes.

I'm sure she's far too wrapped up

in her own happiness to
have time to pity you.

Well, that is a comfort.

Hi, Woody.

Oh, hi, Beth.

Hi, Leonard.

Did you get my letter?

Yeah, I got it.

Are you mad?

Oh, no, I'm not mad at all.

You know, you're the
last person in the world

I ever wanted to hurt.

Hey, I'm fine, really.

Can I get you guys something to drink?

Wine.

How 'bout a brewski?

Brewski...

Woody, we didn't mean
for this to happen.

It was fate.

I was in Fryer's Hardware Store

looking at some copper tubing.

Beth was buying a lawn
sprinkler and, well...

I never stood a chance.

Oh, Leonard, I can't stand it.

Look what we've done to him.

I know, it's worse than
I thought it would be.

Oh, please, guys, don't do that.

How can we happily walk down the aisle

knowing we're leaving
him here like this?

I won't be in the mood for any cake.

Beth... Leonard...

I keep getting

this picture of you sitting alone

in your room, night after night,

and it makes me want to cry.

DIANE: Hi, Beth.

Nice to meet you, Leonard.

Woody, uh, don't you think it's time

to tell Beth
about you-know-who?

Who?

Well, that lovely young lady

you've been seeing so much of.

Is this true?

Yes.

Well, I'm glad you found someone, Woody.

What's she like?

Well, uh, uh, she's about four, five,

five, five feet

four or five.

She's kind of hard to describe.

Cornflower blue eyes,

titian hair, Raphaelesque figure.

And she smells good.

I feel so much better

knowing you won't be alone.

Well...

Come on, Leonard. We'd better be going.

It was nice seeing you, Woody.

Bye, Beth.

Good luck.

Yeah, good luck, Beth.

DIANE: Well, it's too
bad you two had to leave.

I know you would have

enjoyed meeting Woody's girlfriend.

She's extraordinary.

Yeah, we could have had dinner tonight.

Actually our plane doesn't
leave till midnight.

Oh, that's right.

Well, we can all have dinner together.

Oh, great.

8:00 okay?

Yeah, fine.

Way to go, Miss Chambers.

What am I gonna do now?

I'm sorry, Woody.

I have a strict rule

about meddling in
other people's affairs.

Why did Miss Chambers have to
shoot my big mouth off for me?

Boy, this is the worst thing
that's ever happened to anybody.

Oh, I don't know about that, Woody.

Uh, did you ever have your head explode?

Woody, as a way of apologizing,

let me try to think

of another way out of this.

Now, let's see.

I'm sure we can think of something.

Well, it better be good,
'cause I need a date quick.

Oh, boy, it's too bad
Sammy's not here to help ya.

Hey, Sammy may not be here,

but his inventory is.

Yeah, Woody.

Oh, hey, hey, hey...

Woody,

put that down on the bar very carefully

and walk away.

Yeah, it's a little bit too hot

for you to handle there, Woodman.

I'll tell ya what I'll do.

I'll give you the number
of one of my tootsies.

I think he'd prefer something

that lives above ground.

Wait a minute.

Do you really think it's proper

to be rifling through
a man's personal papers?

No matter how close a
friend, no matter how...

Miss Chambers, you're in here.

Give me that.

"Diane Chambers.

"Probably the most
incredible woman I ever met.

Don't you agree, Diane?"

Well...

Hey, here's one.

Three stars.

"Tina Wilson.

Fun, sexy, easy."

Well, she sounds interesting.

And you know just what to do

with sweet Tina Wilson.

Have her, use her, and
I'll throw her away.

I don't think you're
going to get an answer.

Why not?

I'm sweet Tina Wilson.

Well, what would be a
good time to call you?

Ah, it's not workin'.

I'm no good at this.

No, no, no, Woody.
Don't give up so easily.

Oh, here's one.

Oh, oh, look at this here,
the ultimate one, too, huh?

She's got a whole page to herself.

Yeah!

"Desiree Harrison."

Oh, look at all those stars.

Yeah, any more stars

you'd have to pledge allegiance to her.

Yeah, hey.

"The best, the best, the best."

Hey, get on the horn there, Woods.

Woody, something tells
me you shouldn't do this.

Please reconsider.

Oh, that's easy for you to
say. You got him into this.

Why don't you do something
extraordinary for once

and butt out?

What do I say to her?

Uh, tell her you're a
friend of Sam Malone.

Good.

Hi, uh, De, Desiree?

Yeah, I'm a friend of Sam Malone.

Hold on. She wants to know why I called.

Tell her that, uh, Sammy
said she was the best.

And you want to find out for yourself.

Oh, good. Uh, yeah,
Sam says you're the best

and I wanna find out for myself.

Hold on.

She wants to know my name.

Wing it.

Yeah, it's Woody Boyd.

Yeah, how about 7:00 tonight?

Yeah?

Okay, uh, well,

I'll see ya here in the bar.

Great. Ha-ha!

All right, Woody!

Well, seein' as how
it's Gomer's night out...

...that leaves me in charge of the bar.

Oh, not necessarily.

Woody, who do you assign
to take command of the bar?

Well, I don't know how to
choose between the two of you.

Oh, I know, I know.
We're both your friends.

No, it's not that.

You ruined "one potato, two potato."

Okay, why don't we let the bar decide?

Well, that seems

the fair and democratic thing to do.

(clanking fork)

We should each make a speech
presenting our best arguments

as to why we should
be in charge of the bar

and we'll leave it up to you.

Carla, the floor is yours,

and not for the first time, I might add.

If I'm elected, no way
will Diane make a speech.

(cheering)

Whoo! Whoo!

(patrons whistling)

Hey, hubba-hubba!

How do I look? Is my tie crooked?

Uh, no, but your pants are on backwards.

Made ya look. Made ya look.

That's very funny, Mr. Clavin,

but I guess I'm not in the
mood for that clever humor.

Yeah, you and the rest of creation.

Yeah, I'm worried about
my date with, uh, Desiree.

She's one of Sam's women.

She may be too much for one man.

Is there somebody here named Woody?

Yeah.

I'm Desiree.

Uh, just a minute, please.

Is it me or does she look different

than she did on the phone?

She comes highly
recommended by the master.

All right, here goes nothin'.

So you're Desiree?

Yeah.

Hi, I'm Woody.

Can I get your coat?

What's she doin' here?

That's Woody's date.

Woody's goin' out with
Sam's cleaning lady?

Cleaning lady?

That's right. Sam says she's the best.

So how are you?

Fine. Shall we get started?

What? Right, right here?

Here or in the back if you prefer.

Well, don't you want any dinner first?

No, I'd like to get right to it.

I'll stop to eat when
I get a little tired.

Wow.

I figure you probably
have your own equipment.

If not, I have mine out in the car.

What sort of equipment?

Well, the first thing
we'll need is a bucket.

Really?

Yeah, and some rubber gloves

and one of those really hard
brushes with a long handle.

You've gotta be kiddin' me.

Well, I need something to get
to those hard-to-reach places.

Would you excuse me
for a moment, please?

Guys, I think there's things
about Sam that we don't know.

No, no, Woody, she's not Sam's date.

She's his maid.

Yeah, Carla told us.

Those stars mean

she's the best housekeeper around.

Oh, boy, do I feel stupid!

What am I gonna do now?

Maybe you should, uh,
tell her the truth.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Uh, listen, ma'am,

I think there's been a terrible mistake.

I don't think I'm gonna be...

Hi, Woody.

So that's what you call titian hair.

Hi,

I'm Beth.

I'm Desiree.

This is my fianc�, Leonard.

Good.

Yeah, they're gonna be joining us

for dinner tonight.

Dinner?

You wanna take me out to dinner?

Yeah. So what do you say?

Well, it beats scrubbin'
grout with a toothbrush.

You folks and your
big-city expressions.

Yes, I thought we'd eat at Melville's,

if that's okay with you, ma'am.

Okay.

I was expecting someone
a little younger, Woody.

Me, too.

That was fun.

Nice seein' ya.

Listen, have a nice marriage.

Well, didn't somebody mention dancing?

We still have time
before our plane leaves.

Now you want to take me dancing?

It sure beats scrubbin'
grout with a toothbrush.

Hey, I could live here.

Let me go freshen up.

Oh, dancing. I hope my knees hold out.

Is it any wonder I love her?

I like her, Woody.

Yeah, listen, why don't
you two have a seat?

I'll get you somethin' to drink.

Woody...

I know I got you into this,

but it's time to stop.

I know Beth hurt you,

but she doesn't deserve to be lied to.

Besides, would your
mother be proud of you

if she knew what you were doing?

Let Beth know how you feel.

I think it would do you both good.

You're right, Miss Chambers.

I guess I owe Beth that much.

Oh, you won't tell my mother, will you?

Mum's the word.

You won't tell my mum, will you?

Excuse me, uh, Beth, can I talk

to you for a moment?

Sure, Woody. Excuse us, Leonard.

Sure. You're not gonna steal her

back from me, are you, Woody?

Go drink your beer, Leonard.

Yes, dear.

Uh, listen, Beth.

Desiree's not my girlfriend.

Well, I had a feeling.

What gave it away?

When she forgot your name during dinner.

See, I was so hurt,

I, I didn't want you to
think that I was on my own.

I'm sorry.

But you know we couldn't have lasted.

We've grown apart.

We're just too different now.

You're the adventurous type.

I just want to settle down.

I love you, Beth.

I love you, too, Woody.

Leonard's more a part of my world.

Well, maybe I could
move back to Indiana.

Do you want to do that?

No.

And I could never live in Boston, so...

how does that leave us?

Real sad.

Yeah.

Well, I hope you get happy.

There's, uh, something
I want to give you.

Oh, no, it's okay.

The drinks are on me.

No. (chuckles)

I meant this.

Good-bye, Woody.

That, Leonard, is, uh,
how the tractor was born.

Come on, Leonard. We
have a plane to catch.

Okay. Well, good-bye.

You guys ever find
yourselves in Indiana,

you know what to do.

Yeah, run screamin' to the airport.

See ya, Woody.

Bye, Leonard.

You take care of her.

I will.

You better.

Are you okay, Woody?

Well, I feel pretty bad.

It hurts, but at least it's settled.

Now I can go back to
bein' Woody Boyd again.

Oh, hey, Woody Boyd,

what about Mrs. Clean in the back there?

Come on, you guys.

Take it easy.

She happens to be a very nice lady.

We had a good time tonight.

She talked about all kinds
of interesting things:

movies, sports...

How to get cat hair out of the drapes.

(all laugh)

Good-bye, Woody.

Uh, no, Desiree, please, don't go.

I'm not stupid.

Don't pay any attention to them.

Look, I'm not exactly sure
what happened here tonight.

Something tells me

you got trapped into this.

So I'm gonna let you off the hook.

Now, look,

when, when I talked
to you earlier today,

I admit I thought you
were somebody else.

But I had fun tonight.

I like you.

I guess what I'm tryin' to say is

I need somebody to talk to.

What'd you have in mind?

I don't know.

I, uh, thought maybe a cup of coffee.

Sure. Why not?

This isn't gonna turn

into one of those
May/December romances, is it?

Well, with the holidays comin' up,

December's no good, but May's okay.

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