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1
00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,536
(theme song playing)
2
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,650
Who am I kidding?
3
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,619
I just don't have it in me to
be a good television executive.
4
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,389
I'm... I'm too concerned
about people liking me.
5
00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,457
I-I'm too afraid to get tough.
6
00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,025
Janine, when you're
against the wall,
7
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,360
you always come through.
8
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,106
But I've got something
really unpleasant to do,
9
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,797
and I don't think I can do it.
10
00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,143
You'll do it, because your sense
11
00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,611
of responsibility
will make you do it.
12
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,734
And you'll do it great.
13
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:43,936
JANINE: I don't think so.
14
00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,204
I'm so nervous about it.
15
00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,472
MAN: Janine, you can do it.
16
00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,141
Maybe you're right.
17
00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,045
Of course, I'm right.
18
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,479
Okay, here goes.
19
00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,247
I'm gonna have to fire you.
20
00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,749
What?
21
00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,619
Mitch, if the ratings don't
come up next week, you're fired.
22
00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,720
Nothing personal.
23
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,888
No.
24
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,457
Oh, driver, I'll get out here.
25
00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,659
Mitch, thanks.
26
00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,260
Oh, you helped me again.
27
00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:10,629
Thanks a million.
28
00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,130
You're welcome.
29
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,566
I don't know what I'm
gonna do without you.
30
00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,037
Oh, God!
31
00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,706
(clears throat) Ah.
32
00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,976
You can't live with 'em,
you can't live without 'em.
33
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,348
You're in television, right?
34
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,815
Oh, yeah.
35
00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:34,852
You look pretty young
to be a network executive.
36
00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,088
Well, it's a young
man's profession.
37
00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,057
In my business,
you can be burnt out
38
00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,792
by the time your skin clears up.
39
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:41,960
Uh-huh.
40
00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:45,964
You know, I've always wondered
41
00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:50,468
how the networks decide
what shows to put on.
42
00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,504
It's a lot of complex variables.
43
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,942
We-We look at sex,
education, income.
44
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,276
It's-It's very scientific.
45
00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,380
Oh, then how come
you took off Star Trek?
46
00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,481
What?
47
00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,952
That was my favorite show.
48
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,623
I really miss Star Trek.
49
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,428
Well, actually, that
wasn't even my network.
50
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,574
But the point is is that...
51
00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,831
The only guy I didn't like
52
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,166
was the leader of the Romulans.
53
00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,603
Well, you see...
54
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,104
It wasn't the actor's fault.
55
00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,605
It was the script.
56
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,376
They gave him things to say
that no Romulan would ever say.
57
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,413
Right.
58
00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,550
Well, I guess you might
as well drive me home now.
59
00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:42,454
I-I live at Central
Park West and 68th...
60
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,758
So...
61
00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,628
any, uh, new shows coming on?
62
00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,164
Oh, yeah, sure, all the time.
63
00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,266
For instance, we're
trying out a couple tonight.
64
00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,135
Any good?
65
00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,871
Well, the first one is
very, very, very good.
66
00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,239
We're very excited about it.
67
00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,941
It's-It's a special
one-hour presentation
68
00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,477
of Hometown Girl.
69
00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:08,213
That's our most popular
daytime soap opera.
70
00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,680
That one's a winner.
71
00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,816
Oh, what's the other one?
72
00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,184
That one's trouble.
73
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,452
It's musical variety.
74
00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:18,689
Oh, oh, oh. I love
musical variety.
75
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,492
What is it?
76
00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,828
The Pittsburgh
Steelers at Marineland.
77
00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,564
Oh. Oh.
78
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,866
Would you mind
hearing an opinion?
79
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,003
You've got it backward.
80
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,172
The marine show will win big.
81
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:37,442
The soap opera
will get clobbered...
82
00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,311
everywhere except Chicago.
83
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,683
Were you ever in the business?
84
00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,753
No, I-I just have these hunches.
85
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,254
For no reason at all,
86
00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:52,023
I'll suddenly see something
happening in the future,
87
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,357
and it usually comes true.
88
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,794
Yeah, well, let's-let's
make a deal, okay?
89
00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,740
You don't tell me how to
program television shows,
90
00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:58,764
and I won't tell you
91
00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,964
how to drive a cab, okay?
92
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,265
Okay! Okay.
93
00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,267
(horns honking)
94
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,938
(horns honking loudly)
95
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,240
Why are you heading
96
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,075
into the exit of the
Lincoln Tunnel?
97
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,177
Oh, oh, oh! Remember our deal.
98
00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,179
(tires squealing,
loud honking of horns)
99
00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,687
Does anyone happen to know
100
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,223
why there's white powder
all over Louie's cage?
101
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,592
Oh, yeah, I bet I
know what that is.
102
00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,160
That's rat poison.
103
00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,530
It'll never work.
104
00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,067
He brings his own lunch.
105
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,668
No, no.
106
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,037
Louie's convinced that we
have a mouse in the garage,
107
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,439
so I-I bet he dusted
his cage with that stuff.
108
00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,976
What's going on here?
109
00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,380
Jim, we're trying to figure
out what this white powder is.
110
00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,381
Oh.
111
00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:54,919
No, no, no, Jim!
112
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,120
What?
113
00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,555
That could be rat poison!
114
00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,424
Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh.
115
00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,162
Nope. Flour.
116
00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,131
Flour?
117
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,632
Hey! Get away from there!
118
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,800
Don't touch anything!
119
00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:09,967
Oh?
120
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,135
Aha!
121
00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,404
What?
122
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:13,772
Just as I thought.
123
00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:14,772
What? What? What?
124
00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,275
My little plan worked.
125
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,644
What does that look like to you?
126
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,612
A set of tiny footprints!
127
00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:22,981
(laughs)
128
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,749
And what does that tell you?
129
00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,751
You just had a dance lesson?
130
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,488
We got a mouse, Reiger.
131
00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,656
A mouse!
132
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,885
He walked through the powder,
133
00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,993
and now he's tracking
it all over the garage.
134
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,227
Well, well.
135
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,830
His little footprints are
gonna lead me right to him.
136
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,899
(laughs)
137
00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,633
ALEX: The American
sportsman in action.
138
00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,871
I'm gonna find out
where he's hiding.
139
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,373
Then I'm gonna surround
the place with mousetraps.
140
00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:51,777
As soon as that little
sucker moves a muscle,
141
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,678
Minnie's a widow.
142
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,446
No, wait.
143
00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,882
Louie, come on!
144
00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,550
Come on, you're not gonna
really set traps, are you?
145
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,052
Traps are so cruel.
146
00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,655
Please, I hate to see even
a helpless little mouse suffer.
147
00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,656
LOUIE: Yeah, and as soon as that
148
00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,793
helpless little mouse
scurries across the floor,
149
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,361
you know who's gonna be
150
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,963
standing on that table,
151
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:13,965
screeching like a
banshee, don't you?
152
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,266
Maybe I would,
153
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,368
but that still don't
mean you should kill it.
154
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,471
He's back in there.
155
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,772
(mutters)
156
00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,039
No. Wait.
157
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,208
Louie?!
158
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,178
No time for love, Nardo.
159
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,848
I'm looking for a mouse here.
160
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:34,018
Louie, you don't want to have to
spend money on traps, do you?
161
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,589
If you let us catch
the mouse alive,
162
00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,725
then not only have
we saved his life,
163
00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,395
but we'll save you a
couple of bucks, too.
164
00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,667
You always know how to
appeal to my finer instincts, Nardo.
165
00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,002
All right, okay, go ahead.
166
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,003
ELAINE: Okay.
167
00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,438
You try it your way,
168
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,207
but if you guys don't
catch him pretty quick,
169
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,809
little pink-eyes
gets a metal necktie.
170
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,245
Ee-ee-ee!
171
00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,583
Hi. Do you remember me?
172
00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,118
I'm the guy in television.
173
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,120
Oh. Raymond Burr!
174
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:15,160
No, no, no, I'm not...
I'm not Raymond Burr.
175
00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,694
My name is Mitch Harris.
176
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,865
I'm the television executive
you had in your cab last night.
177
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,466
Oh, yeah?
178
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,201
Uh, what can I do for you?
179
00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,969
I need your help desperately.
180
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,204
Everything that you predicted
181
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,106
about last night's
shows came true.
182
00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,975
You were even
right about Chicago.
183
00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,677
Oh, it's no big deal.
184
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,078
Yes, it is!
185
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,749
What-What you did went
against all conventional wisdom.
186
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,384
Oh, it's just some
kind of crazy knack.
187
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,054
Jim, I have to ask you a favor.
188
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:45,489
I want you to
come into my office
189
00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,825
and do what you did
last night in the cab.
190
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,460
You know, just-just
tell me your hunches
191
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,728
about television shows.
192
00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,463
My job is hanging by a thread!
193
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,999
I-I'm just asking for a
few hours of your time.
194
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,735
It's been a long-standing
policy with me
195
00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,705
to turn down any executive
offers that came my way.
196
00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,640
I'm sorry. I can't do it.
197
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:09,280
Jim, if you had had this
chance a few years ago,
198
00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,448
you could have saved Star Trek.
199
00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,219
Oh.
200
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,487
Star Trek!
201
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,189
Oh.
202
00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,424
What do you say, Jim?
203
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:23,094
Shall we boldly go
204
00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,429
where no man has
ever gone before?
205
00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,135
Louie,
206
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,738
I need to take the rest
of the afternoon off.
207
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,473
I'm gonna go save television.
208
00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,052
MITCH: See anything
that impresses you so far?
209
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,420
Oh, yeah, yeah.
210
00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:53,724
The one where the train
smashed into those cars,
211
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,827
and then the cars
go through the house
212
00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:56,995
and over the cliff.
213
00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,296
Oh, you mean Stunt Wife.
214
00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,464
Yeah.
215
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,233
Well, you pray for ideas
like that to come along.
216
00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,539
Ah, look, Jim,
217
00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,608
there's something that
I haven't mentioned yet,
218
00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,076
but in case somebody walks in,
219
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,244
I think we're gonna
need an identity for you.
220
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,579
Identity?
221
00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,649
Well, to explain what
you're doing here.
222
00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,751
You know, I mean,
if people found out
223
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,019
that I was basing my
decisions on your hunches,
224
00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,722
it might not sit too
well with the top brass.
225
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,724
Let me see. Who could you be?
226
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,993
No offense, but
you don't really look
227
00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,662
like my lawyer or my accountant.
228
00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:34,299
Oh, I suppose a
periodontist is out.
229
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,603
Shoeshine! Perfect.
230
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,805
I've got a brush and
polish in this top drawer.
231
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,674
If someone walks
in from upstairs,
232
00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,610
you came to shine my shoes.
233
00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,211
Okay, Jim?
234
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,381
It would really save a lot of
embarrassment, you know?
235
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,417
Well, okay.
236
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,684
I don't mind.
237
00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:54,986
Terrific!
238
00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,790
Okay, now let's take
a look at this schedule.
239
00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:02,693
You see, Tuesday night is
always the biggest problem.
240
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,662
It has been for years.
241
00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,098
Excuse me, Mr. Harris.
242
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,234
Oh, I'm, uh, just looking
over the schedule
243
00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,236
before I shine his shoes.
244
00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,108
Okay, now these are the shows
245
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,110
that we're considering
for Tuesday night, Jim.
246
00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,181
(clicking)
247
00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,816
MAN (on TV): What's the matter?
248
00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,517
You never seen
one of these before?
249
00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,519
(canned laughter)
250
00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,291
WOMAN (on TV):
Yeah, but under the bed.
251
00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,725
Not on your head.
252
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,227
(canned laughter)
253
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,229
(applause)
254
00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,232
Comedy.
255
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,500
Oh, oh, oh.
256
00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:44,735
(laughs)
257
00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,507
And here's-here's a game
show that tested very well.
258
00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,343
It's kind of an updated version
259
00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:55,012
of Truth or Consequences
with celebrity contestants.
260
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,014
MAN (on TV): All
right, if you guess right,
261
00:11:57,083 --> 00:12:00,017
you'll move one step
closer to the giant jackpot.
262
00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,019
But if you guess wrong,
263
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:05,022
well, you know what happens
to your celebrity partner.
264
00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,024
(laughter)
265
00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:12,930
What's in that big tank
over Paul Lynde's head?
266
00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,766
Melted cheese.
267
00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:15,767
(sputters)
268
00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,770
This is great!
269
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,605
Yeah, it is... it is great.
270
00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,108
We kind of see it, though,
as a summer replacement.
271
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,110
This is a winner!
272
00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,112
I'm sure!
273
00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,114
(grunts)
274
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,385
Well, yeah...
275
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,888
The problem would be, I
guess, where to place it.
276
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,891
Maybe Tuesday...
277
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,460
Hold it! Hold it!
278
00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,462
Uh, hunch, hunch.
279
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,866
Friday!
280
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,867
Friday?
281
00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:55,240
Uh... well, maybe
Friday at 8:00?
282
00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,373
Uh, 9:00!
283
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,375
9:00?
284
00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,377
At 9:00 on Friday
285
00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,380
the competition has a
new James Bond movie
286
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,216
and Brooke Shields Turns 17.
287
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,120
You want to put a game
show on opposite that?
288
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,123
I'm just tellin' you my hunch.
289
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,359
I've got a crazy feeling
it could win there.
290
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,900
9:00 on Friday?
291
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,469
(mutters): Don't-don't talk.
292
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,008
I can't believe
293
00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,843
that I'm letting a
cabdriver off the street
294
00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,011
do my job for me.
295
00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,013
Hey, don't feel bad.
296
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,782
If you could do
your job, you would!
297
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,135
Okay, I've got the mousetrap.
298
00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,603
Jason finished it this morning.
299
00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,038
Wow!
300
00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,507
That's an impressive little
device your son cooked up.
301
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,075
Yeah, it looks slick.
302
00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,577
But I don't think
it's gonna work.
303
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,146
I mean, no mouse is
gonna be dumb enough
304
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,182
to walk right up in here
305
00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,184
and get himself caught.
306
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,523
Don't get encouraged, Nardo.
307
00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,261
Just because Banta fell for
it, doesn't mean a mouse will.
308
00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,330
(phone ringing)
309
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,297
Hello.
310
00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,465
Yeah, just a minute.
311
00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,533
Jim, telephone.
312
00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,634
It's right there in your hand.
313
00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,403
Jim!
314
00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:34,739
Huh?
315
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,342
It's a phone call for you!
316
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,709
The guy at the network.
317
00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,711
Oh, yeah.
318
00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,218
Hi, Mitch, how's it goin'?
319
00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,253
We did?
320
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,256
Wow, that's terrific!
321
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,259
You're welcome.
322
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,762
If you can't tell me
how happy you are,
323
00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,765
why did you call?
324
00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,100
(mumbling)
325
00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,602
Okay, yeah.
326
00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,605
I'll-I'll drop by
later this afternoon.
327
00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,306
Okay.
328
00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,376
(sighs)
329
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,609
Jim, what happened? Tell us.
330
00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,877
The network won
Friday night in the ratings
331
00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,746
for the first time in two years.
332
00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,348
ELAINE: Oh, that's wonderful.
333
00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,416
TONY: I can't believe it.
334
00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,383
You're kidding me!
335
00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,385
Oh, do you know what this means?
336
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,720
This means you're gonna
be a big shot at the network.
337
00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,123
I mean, you're gonna have an
office and an expense account.
338
00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,592
This is your ticket
outta here, Jim.
339
00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,793
Oh, they must be
paying you a fortune. Ooh!
340
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,396
Uh, well, "fortune"
is a relative term.
341
00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,831
Well, how much
are they paying you?
342
00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,833
Nothing.
343
00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,150
But what are they doing for you?
344
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,638
Nothing.
345
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,973
Uh, as a matter of fact,
346
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:46,376
they treat me like
a shoeshine boy.
347
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,544
Why?
348
00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,047
Well, it's probably
my own fault.
349
00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,950
While I'm there, I
shine the guy's shoes.
350
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,820
Jim, this is ridiculous.
351
00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,355
You're being taken advantage of.
352
00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,890
That guy's gonna
get all the credit
353
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,704
and you're not gonna
get any recognition at all.
354
00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,827
Hey, it's thanks enough to me
355
00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,363
that he's walking around
with a nice shine on his shoes.
356
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,435
Every time he gets a
compliment on his shoes,
357
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,270
it reflects on me. Jim!
358
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,106
I'm not talkin' about shoes!
359
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,108
God, sometimes
you can infuriate me,
360
00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,275
you know that?
361
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,776
ELAINE: Oh, wait a minute, Alex.
362
00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,245
What are you getting
so upset about?
363
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,347
It's not his fault.
364
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,849
Yes, it is his fault, Elaine.
365
00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:29,353
Some people in this world make
themselves victims, and Jim is one of them.
366
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,590
People who invite other
people to walk all over them.
367
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,258
He's letting that
guy walk all over him.
368
00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,260
Wait a minute, Alex.
369
00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,261
What can I do?
370
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,930
How can I change? Help me.
371
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,464
Jim, there's only one person...
372
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,467
There's only one person
in this life that can help you.
373
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,981
There's only one
person you can trust.
374
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,471
I do trust you, Alex.
375
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,839
Not me, damn it!
376
00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,641
Jim, when do you finally
stand up and assert yourself?
377
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,177
August.
378
00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,012
August?!
379
00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,847
Wrong answer. You say when.
380
00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,515
Now, Jim, now!
381
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,351
Start standing up
for yourself right now!
382
00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,354
You have dignity and
value as a human being
383
00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,624
and it's high time that
that Mitch person knew it.
384
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:07,958
Dignity? Yes!
385
00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,126
Value? That's right.
386
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,494
Thank you, Alex.
387
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,464
This little conversation has
been an eye-opener for me.
388
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,133
If you'll excuse me,
389
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,135
I'm gonna go have a little talk
390
00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,137
with that old buddy
of mine, Mitch. Good!
391
00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,873
About a little thing
called human dignity.
392
00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:22,941
Attaboy, Jim.
393
00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,416
(grunts)
394
00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,127
Hi, Jim.
395
00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,129
Don't give me that.
396
00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,200
I've got a little
news for you, Mitch.
397
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,070
I'm not gonna be
shining shoes anymore.
398
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,072
And not just because
I'm outta black.
399
00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,740
It's more than just that.
400
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,242
It's a lot more.
401
00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,412
It's got to do with a little
thing called human dignity.
402
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,447
You ever heard of that, Mitch?
403
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,449
I've been doing
your work for you.
404
00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,017
You've been
taking all the credit.
405
00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,054
Jim, you're right.
406
00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:16,127
The only explanation I can
give you is that I was afraid.
407
00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,596
I was afraid that
if they found out,
408
00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:19,930
I'd-I'd lose my job.
409
00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,099
And I know that's no excuse,
410
00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:24,502
Jim, but I wasn't just
thinking of myself.
411
00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,504
I was thinking of them.
412
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,541
You know them?
413
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,543
Yes, Jim.
414
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,044
These are my children,
415
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,080
Arlene, Bennet and Dorothy.
416
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,081
Boy,
417
00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,584
I bet they say some cute things.
418
00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,052
They do. Like what?
419
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,720
Well, I can't think
of anything now...
420
00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,223
Well, I'll take
your word for it.
421
00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,526
You know, maybe it
would be good for them.
422
00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,561
Maybe it'd be good for all of us
423
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,930
to cut back a little
bit, not have it so soft.
424
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,932
Oh, that would be terrible.
425
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,500
Bennet's gonna need braces.
426
00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,502
No, no...
427
00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,005
don't-don't try to
talk me out of it, Jim.
428
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,840
My mind's made up.
429
00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,342
Mitch, they're having a
victory party down the hall.
430
00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,344
Everybody's asking
for you, so come on.
431
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,346
No, no, Janine, come in, please.
432
00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,348
I have something to tell you.
433
00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,951
I had nothing to do
with the schedule.
434
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,988
That man is the
one who did it all.
435
00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,858
Jim, here, is a
programming genius.
436
00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,862
Well, I guess the
cat's outta the bag.
437
00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,834
Mitch, they're waiting
for us at the party.
438
00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,136
I can't go
439
00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,205
up there and take credit
for something that he did.
440
00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,506
Oh, Mitch, all of us here
441
00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,140
are always asking
people's opinions
442
00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,210
about television.
443
00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,177
All our friends, our lovers,
444
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,512
the man on the street,
445
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,213
even the shoeshine boy.
446
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:46,383
I've gotten advice,
darn good advice,
447
00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,051
from my hairdresser.
448
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,954
My nephews picked
our 6:00 news team.
449
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,957
Now, what does it
matter in the final analysis
450
00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,304
how we arrived at those choices?
451
00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,295
The point is we made
the final decisions
452
00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,297
and we stuck to them.
453
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,299
Now I'm going to that party.
454
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,968
The champagne's getting warm.
455
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,970
It was nice meeting you.
456
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,972
I'll see you at
the party, Mitch.
457
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,975
Yeah, I'll-I'll see
you at the party.
458
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,376
JIM: I love
459
00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,877
champagne. Jim!
460
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,879
Uh... Jim!
461
00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,547
And-and do they have
shrimp? Jim? Jim...
462
00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,127
Those... I love those
big shrimp. Right.
463
00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,651
Yeah, Jim, you
know, and I'd-I'd love
464
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,653
to invite you to the party,
465
00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,690
but I-I think it would
be a little bit awkward
466
00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,691
having you there.
467
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,461
You understand?
468
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,896
Uh... yeah...
469
00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,898
You sure? I guess so.
470
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,901
Sure.
471
00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,509
But-but listen,
472
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,512
first thing Monday morning
I'm gonna talk to someone
473
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,347
about getting you
an office and a salary.
474
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,349
No, no, no, no, I...
475
00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,586
I can't accept any money.
476
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,089
I just wouldn't feel right.
477
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:03,093
My ability to see glimpses
of the future is a gift from God
478
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:09,766
and I refuse to
abuse it or taint it
479
00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:13,270
by using it for financial gain.
480
00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,474
Well, Jim, if that's
how you feel...
481
00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:21,211
Uh, you can pay me
for the shoe shine.
482
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,247
How much do I owe you?
483
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:26,783
$150,000.
484
00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,798
(bells ringing)
485
00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:55,178
Aha!
486
00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:58,148
Uh-huh!
487
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,553
At last we meet!
488
00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:05,555
Uh-huh!
489
00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:12,396
What to do, what to do...
490
00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:20,403
I could flush you.
491
00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,907
Send you bodysurfing
down the tubes.
492
00:22:25,444 --> 00:22:28,379
A little sewer snack
for some alligator.
493
00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,518
I could leave you in this jar
494
00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:36,520
for another 15 minutes.
495
00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:38,522
(mimics gasping)
496
00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:46,763
Just my luck you're a baby.
497
00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:50,768
All right, I'll give
ya a fair chance.
498
00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:53,437
Heads, I set you free.
499
00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:56,473
Tails, you're a dead mouse.
500
00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:57,474
Ready?
501
00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,142
Huh? Huh?
502
00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,811
Here, look here.
503
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,813
Huh? Huh? Huh?
504
00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:07,084
Tails!
505
00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,086
Surf's up!
506
00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,591
Nah, I was only kiddin'.
507
00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:15,759
It's heads.
508
00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:17,594
Look, look.
509
00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,295
All right, all right,
get outta here.
510
00:23:19,364 --> 00:23:21,298
Go on.
511
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:24,301
Get outta my garage.
512
00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:26,303
Go on, go on.
513
00:23:26,372 --> 00:23:28,506
(laughs)
514
00:23:32,511 --> 00:23:35,412
(theme song playing)
515
00:23:58,037 --> 00:23:59,502
WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!
516
00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:00,572
(man grumbling)
34999
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