All language subtitles for Taxi (1978) - S04E04 - Jim Joins the Network (480p DVD x265 Silence)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,203 --> 00:00:04,536 (theme song playing) 2 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,650 Who am I kidding? 3 00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,619 I just don't have it in me to be a good television executive. 4 00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,389 I'm... I'm too concerned about people liking me. 5 00:01:30,457 --> 00:01:32,457 I-I'm too afraid to get tough. 6 00:01:32,526 --> 00:01:34,025 Janine, when you're against the wall, 7 00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,360 you always come through. 8 00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:37,106 But I've got something really unpleasant to do, 9 00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,797 and I don't think I can do it. 10 00:01:38,866 --> 00:01:40,143 You'll do it, because your sense 11 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,611 of responsibility will make you do it. 12 00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:42,734 And you'll do it great. 13 00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:43,936 JANINE: I don't think so. 14 00:01:44,004 --> 00:01:45,204 I'm so nervous about it. 15 00:01:45,272 --> 00:01:47,472 MAN: Janine, you can do it. 16 00:01:48,576 --> 00:01:50,141 Maybe you're right. 17 00:01:50,210 --> 00:01:53,045 Of course, I'm right. 18 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,479 Okay, here goes. 19 00:01:54,548 --> 00:01:56,247 I'm gonna have to fire you. 20 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,749 What? 21 00:01:57,818 --> 00:02:00,619 Mitch, if the ratings don't come up next week, you're fired. 22 00:02:00,688 --> 00:02:01,720 Nothing personal. 23 00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:02,888 No. 24 00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:05,457 Oh, driver, I'll get out here. 25 00:02:05,526 --> 00:02:07,659 Mitch, thanks. 26 00:02:07,728 --> 00:02:09,260 Oh, you helped me again. 27 00:02:09,329 --> 00:02:10,629 Thanks a million. 28 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:12,130 You're welcome. 29 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,566 I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. 30 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:19,037 Oh, God! 31 00:02:19,106 --> 00:02:20,706 (clears throat) Ah. 32 00:02:20,774 --> 00:02:23,976 You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. 33 00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:29,348 You're in television, right? 34 00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,815 Oh, yeah. 35 00:02:30,884 --> 00:02:34,852 You look pretty young to be a network executive. 36 00:02:34,922 --> 00:02:37,088 Well, it's a young man's profession. 37 00:02:37,157 --> 00:02:39,057 In my business, you can be burnt out 38 00:02:39,126 --> 00:02:40,792 by the time your skin clears up. 39 00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:41,960 Uh-huh. 40 00:02:42,028 --> 00:02:45,964 You know, I've always wondered 41 00:02:46,033 --> 00:02:50,468 how the networks decide what shows to put on. 42 00:02:50,537 --> 00:02:53,504 It's a lot of complex variables. 43 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:56,942 We-We look at sex, education, income. 44 00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,276 It's-It's very scientific. 45 00:02:58,345 --> 00:03:01,380 Oh, then how come you took off Star Trek? 46 00:03:01,448 --> 00:03:03,481 What? 47 00:03:03,550 --> 00:03:06,952 That was my favorite show. 48 00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:11,623 I really miss Star Trek. 49 00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,428 Well, actually, that wasn't even my network. 50 00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:17,574 But the point is is that... 51 00:03:17,598 --> 00:03:19,831 The only guy I didn't like 52 00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,166 was the leader of the Romulans. 53 00:03:22,235 --> 00:03:24,603 Well, you see... 54 00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:26,104 It wasn't the actor's fault. 55 00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:27,605 It was the script. 56 00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:31,376 They gave him things to say that no Romulan would ever say. 57 00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:35,413 Right. 58 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:39,550 Well, I guess you might as well drive me home now. 59 00:03:39,619 --> 00:03:42,454 I-I live at Central Park West and 68th... 60 00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:47,758 So... 61 00:03:47,827 --> 00:03:50,628 any, uh, new shows coming on? 62 00:03:50,697 --> 00:03:53,164 Oh, yeah, sure, all the time. 63 00:03:53,233 --> 00:03:55,266 For instance, we're trying out a couple tonight. 64 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:57,135 Any good? 65 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:59,871 Well, the first one is very, very, very good. 66 00:03:59,939 --> 00:04:01,239 We're very excited about it. 67 00:04:01,308 --> 00:04:03,941 It's-It's a special one-hour presentation 68 00:04:04,011 --> 00:04:05,477 of Hometown Girl. 69 00:04:05,545 --> 00:04:08,213 That's our most popular daytime soap opera. 70 00:04:08,281 --> 00:04:09,680 That one's a winner. 71 00:04:09,749 --> 00:04:11,816 Oh, what's the other one? 72 00:04:11,885 --> 00:04:13,184 That one's trouble. 73 00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:14,452 It's musical variety. 74 00:04:14,521 --> 00:04:18,689 Oh, oh, oh. I love musical variety. 75 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,492 What is it? 76 00:04:20,561 --> 00:04:23,828 The Pittsburgh Steelers at Marineland. 77 00:04:23,897 --> 00:04:26,564 Oh. Oh. 78 00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:28,866 Would you mind hearing an opinion? 79 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:32,003 You've got it backward. 80 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,172 The marine show will win big. 81 00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:37,442 The soap opera will get clobbered... 82 00:04:37,510 --> 00:04:40,311 everywhere except Chicago. 83 00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:44,683 Were you ever in the business? 84 00:04:44,752 --> 00:04:47,753 No, I-I just have these hunches. 85 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,254 For no reason at all, 86 00:04:49,322 --> 00:04:52,023 I'll suddenly see something happening in the future, 87 00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,357 and it usually comes true. 88 00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:55,794 Yeah, well, let's-let's make a deal, okay? 89 00:04:55,862 --> 00:04:57,740 You don't tell me how to program television shows, 90 00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:58,764 and I won't tell you 91 00:04:58,798 --> 00:04:59,964 how to drive a cab, okay? 92 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:01,265 Okay! Okay. 93 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,267 (horns honking) 94 00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:06,938 (horns honking loudly) 95 00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,240 Why are you heading 96 00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,075 into the exit of the Lincoln Tunnel? 97 00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:12,177 Oh, oh, oh! Remember our deal. 98 00:05:12,245 --> 00:05:14,179 (tires squealing, loud honking of horns) 99 00:05:21,422 --> 00:05:22,687 Does anyone happen to know 100 00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:25,223 why there's white powder all over Louie's cage? 101 00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:27,592 Oh, yeah, I bet I know what that is. 102 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:29,160 That's rat poison. 103 00:05:31,231 --> 00:05:32,530 It'll never work. 104 00:05:32,599 --> 00:05:35,067 He brings his own lunch. 105 00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:36,668 No, no. 106 00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:39,037 Louie's convinced that we have a mouse in the garage, 107 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,439 so I-I bet he dusted his cage with that stuff. 108 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:44,976 What's going on here? 109 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:48,380 Jim, we're trying to figure out what this white powder is. 110 00:05:48,449 --> 00:05:50,381 Oh. 111 00:05:52,286 --> 00:05:54,919 No, no, no, Jim! 112 00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:56,120 What? 113 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,555 That could be rat poison! 114 00:05:57,624 --> 00:06:00,424 Oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh. 115 00:06:02,029 --> 00:06:04,162 Nope. Flour. 116 00:06:04,231 --> 00:06:06,131 Flour? 117 00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:07,632 Hey! Get away from there! 118 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:08,800 Don't touch anything! 119 00:06:08,869 --> 00:06:09,967 Oh? 120 00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,135 Aha! 121 00:06:11,204 --> 00:06:12,404 What? 122 00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:13,772 Just as I thought. 123 00:06:13,841 --> 00:06:14,772 What? What? What? 124 00:06:14,842 --> 00:06:17,275 My little plan worked. 125 00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,644 What does that look like to you? 126 00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,612 A set of tiny footprints! 127 00:06:21,681 --> 00:06:22,981 (laughs) 128 00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:24,749 And what does that tell you? 129 00:06:24,818 --> 00:06:26,751 You just had a dance lesson? 130 00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:30,488 We got a mouse, Reiger. 131 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:31,656 A mouse! 132 00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:32,885 He walked through the powder, 133 00:06:32,926 --> 00:06:34,993 and now he's tracking it all over the garage. 134 00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,227 Well, well. 135 00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,830 His little footprints are gonna lead me right to him. 136 00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:39,899 (laughs) 137 00:06:39,933 --> 00:06:41,633 ALEX: The American sportsman in action. 138 00:06:44,037 --> 00:06:45,871 I'm gonna find out where he's hiding. 139 00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,373 Then I'm gonna surround the place with mousetraps. 140 00:06:48,441 --> 00:06:51,777 As soon as that little sucker moves a muscle, 141 00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,678 Minnie's a widow. 142 00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,446 No, wait. 143 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:56,882 Louie, come on! 144 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:59,550 Come on, you're not gonna really set traps, are you? 145 00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,052 Traps are so cruel. 146 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,655 Please, I hate to see even a helpless little mouse suffer. 147 00:07:03,724 --> 00:07:05,656 LOUIE: Yeah, and as soon as that 148 00:07:05,726 --> 00:07:08,793 helpless little mouse scurries across the floor, 149 00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:10,361 you know who's gonna be 150 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,963 standing on that table, 151 00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:13,965 screeching like a banshee, don't you? 152 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:15,266 Maybe I would, 153 00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,368 but that still don't mean you should kill it. 154 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,471 He's back in there. 155 00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,772 (mutters) 156 00:07:20,841 --> 00:07:22,039 No. Wait. 157 00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,208 Louie?! 158 00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:27,178 No time for love, Nardo. 159 00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:29,848 I'm looking for a mouse here. 160 00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:34,018 Louie, you don't want to have to spend money on traps, do you? 161 00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:38,589 If you let us catch the mouse alive, 162 00:07:38,658 --> 00:07:40,725 then not only have we saved his life, 163 00:07:40,793 --> 00:07:43,395 but we'll save you a couple of bucks, too. 164 00:07:46,433 --> 00:07:49,667 You always know how to appeal to my finer instincts, Nardo. 165 00:07:49,736 --> 00:07:51,002 All right, okay, go ahead. 166 00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:52,003 ELAINE: Okay. 167 00:07:52,072 --> 00:07:53,438 You try it your way, 168 00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:56,207 but if you guys don't catch him pretty quick, 169 00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,809 little pink-eyes gets a metal necktie. 170 00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,245 Ee-ee-ee! 171 00:08:03,649 --> 00:08:05,583 Hi. Do you remember me? 172 00:08:05,651 --> 00:08:07,118 I'm the guy in television. 173 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:09,120 Oh. Raymond Burr! 174 00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:15,160 No, no, no, I'm not... I'm not Raymond Burr. 175 00:08:15,228 --> 00:08:16,694 My name is Mitch Harris. 176 00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:19,865 I'm the television executive you had in your cab last night. 177 00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:21,466 Oh, yeah? 178 00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:23,201 Uh, what can I do for you? 179 00:08:23,270 --> 00:08:24,969 I need your help desperately. 180 00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,204 Everything that you predicted 181 00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:29,106 about last night's shows came true. 182 00:08:29,175 --> 00:08:30,975 You were even right about Chicago. 183 00:08:31,043 --> 00:08:32,677 Oh, it's no big deal. 184 00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,078 Yes, it is! 185 00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:37,749 What-What you did went against all conventional wisdom. 186 00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:40,384 Oh, it's just some kind of crazy knack. 187 00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:43,054 Jim, I have to ask you a favor. 188 00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:45,489 I want you to come into my office 189 00:08:45,559 --> 00:08:47,825 and do what you did last night in the cab. 190 00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,460 You know, just-just tell me your hunches 191 00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:50,728 about television shows. 192 00:08:50,797 --> 00:08:52,463 My job is hanging by a thread! 193 00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:54,999 I-I'm just asking for a few hours of your time. 194 00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,735 It's been a long-standing policy with me 195 00:08:57,804 --> 00:09:00,705 to turn down any executive offers that came my way. 196 00:09:00,774 --> 00:09:02,640 I'm sorry. I can't do it. 197 00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:09,280 Jim, if you had had this chance a few years ago, 198 00:09:09,349 --> 00:09:11,448 you could have saved Star Trek. 199 00:09:13,286 --> 00:09:15,219 Oh. 200 00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,487 Star Trek! 201 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,189 Oh. 202 00:09:18,258 --> 00:09:20,424 What do you say, Jim? 203 00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:23,094 Shall we boldly go 204 00:09:23,162 --> 00:09:25,429 where no man has ever gone before? 205 00:09:29,503 --> 00:09:31,135 Louie, 206 00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,738 I need to take the rest of the afternoon off. 207 00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:35,473 I'm gonna go save television. 208 00:09:45,986 --> 00:09:48,052 MITCH: See anything that impresses you so far? 209 00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,420 Oh, yeah, yeah. 210 00:09:49,489 --> 00:09:53,724 The one where the train smashed into those cars, 211 00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,827 and then the cars go through the house 212 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:56,995 and over the cliff. 213 00:09:57,063 --> 00:09:58,296 Oh, you mean Stunt Wife. 214 00:09:58,364 --> 00:09:59,464 Yeah. 215 00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,233 Well, you pray for ideas like that to come along. 216 00:10:04,704 --> 00:10:07,539 Ah, look, Jim, 217 00:10:07,608 --> 00:10:09,608 there's something that I haven't mentioned yet, 218 00:10:09,676 --> 00:10:11,076 but in case somebody walks in, 219 00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:13,244 I think we're gonna need an identity for you. 220 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,579 Identity? 221 00:10:15,648 --> 00:10:17,649 Well, to explain what you're doing here. 222 00:10:17,717 --> 00:10:19,751 You know, I mean, if people found out 223 00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,019 that I was basing my decisions on your hunches, 224 00:10:22,088 --> 00:10:24,722 it might not sit too well with the top brass. 225 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,724 Let me see. Who could you be? 226 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,993 No offense, but you don't really look 227 00:10:29,061 --> 00:10:30,662 like my lawyer or my accountant. 228 00:10:30,730 --> 00:10:34,299 Oh, I suppose a periodontist is out. 229 00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:38,603 Shoeshine! Perfect. 230 00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:41,805 I've got a brush and polish in this top drawer. 231 00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,674 If someone walks in from upstairs, 232 00:10:43,743 --> 00:10:45,610 you came to shine my shoes. 233 00:10:45,678 --> 00:10:47,211 Okay, Jim? 234 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,381 It would really save a lot of embarrassment, you know? 235 00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:52,417 Well, okay. 236 00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:53,684 I don't mind. 237 00:10:53,753 --> 00:10:54,986 Terrific! 238 00:10:55,054 --> 00:10:58,790 Okay, now let's take a look at this schedule. 239 00:10:58,858 --> 00:11:02,693 You see, Tuesday night is always the biggest problem. 240 00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:04,662 It has been for years. 241 00:11:04,730 --> 00:11:07,098 Excuse me, Mr. Harris. 242 00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:10,234 Oh, I'm, uh, just looking over the schedule 243 00:11:10,303 --> 00:11:12,236 before I shine his shoes. 244 00:11:15,676 --> 00:11:17,108 Okay, now these are the shows 245 00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:19,110 that we're considering for Tuesday night, Jim. 246 00:11:20,246 --> 00:11:23,181 (clicking) 247 00:11:23,249 --> 00:11:24,816 MAN (on TV): What's the matter? 248 00:11:24,885 --> 00:11:26,517 You never seen one of these before? 249 00:11:26,586 --> 00:11:28,519 (canned laughter) 250 00:11:31,391 --> 00:11:33,291 WOMAN (on TV): Yeah, but under the bed. 251 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:34,725 Not on your head. 252 00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,227 (canned laughter) 253 00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,229 (applause) 254 00:11:39,966 --> 00:11:41,232 Comedy. 255 00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:43,500 Oh, oh, oh. 256 00:11:43,569 --> 00:11:44,735 (laughs) 257 00:11:47,741 --> 00:11:50,507 And here's-here's a game show that tested very well. 258 00:11:50,576 --> 00:11:52,343 It's kind of an updated version 259 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:55,012 of Truth or Consequences with celebrity contestants. 260 00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,014 MAN (on TV): All right, if you guess right, 261 00:11:57,083 --> 00:12:00,017 you'll move one step closer to the giant jackpot. 262 00:12:00,086 --> 00:12:02,019 But if you guess wrong, 263 00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:05,022 well, you know what happens to your celebrity partner. 264 00:12:05,091 --> 00:12:07,024 (laughter) 265 00:12:09,996 --> 00:12:12,930 What's in that big tank over Paul Lynde's head? 266 00:12:12,999 --> 00:12:14,766 Melted cheese. 267 00:12:14,834 --> 00:12:15,767 (sputters) 268 00:12:15,835 --> 00:12:18,770 This is great! 269 00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:21,605 Yeah, it is... it is great. 270 00:12:21,674 --> 00:12:24,108 We kind of see it, though, as a summer replacement. 271 00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,110 This is a winner! 272 00:12:26,179 --> 00:12:28,112 I'm sure! 273 00:12:28,181 --> 00:12:30,114 (grunts) 274 00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,385 Well, yeah... 275 00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,888 The problem would be, I guess, where to place it. 276 00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,891 Maybe Tuesday... 277 00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:42,460 Hold it! Hold it! 278 00:12:42,528 --> 00:12:44,462 Uh, hunch, hunch. 279 00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:47,866 Friday! 280 00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,867 Friday? 281 00:12:49,936 --> 00:12:55,240 Uh... well, maybe Friday at 8:00? 282 00:12:55,308 --> 00:12:56,373 Uh, 9:00! 283 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,375 9:00? 284 00:12:58,445 --> 00:13:00,377 At 9:00 on Friday 285 00:13:00,447 --> 00:13:03,380 the competition has a new James Bond movie 286 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:06,216 and Brooke Shields Turns 17. 287 00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,120 You want to put a game show on opposite that? 288 00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:12,123 I'm just tellin' you my hunch. 289 00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:15,359 I've got a crazy feeling it could win there. 290 00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:22,900 9:00 on Friday? 291 00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,469 (mutters): Don't-don't talk. 292 00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,008 I can't believe 293 00:13:31,077 --> 00:13:32,843 that I'm letting a cabdriver off the street 294 00:13:32,912 --> 00:13:34,011 do my job for me. 295 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:36,013 Hey, don't feel bad. 296 00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,782 If you could do your job, you would! 297 00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:57,135 Okay, I've got the mousetrap. 298 00:13:57,203 --> 00:13:58,603 Jason finished it this morning. 299 00:13:58,672 --> 00:14:00,038 Wow! 300 00:14:00,106 --> 00:14:02,507 That's an impressive little device your son cooked up. 301 00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:04,075 Yeah, it looks slick. 302 00:14:04,143 --> 00:14:06,577 But I don't think it's gonna work. 303 00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:09,146 I mean, no mouse is gonna be dumb enough 304 00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,182 to walk right up in here 305 00:14:11,251 --> 00:14:13,184 and get himself caught. 306 00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:19,523 Don't get encouraged, Nardo. 307 00:14:19,592 --> 00:14:23,261 Just because Banta fell for it, doesn't mean a mouse will. 308 00:14:23,330 --> 00:14:24,330 (phone ringing) 309 00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:26,297 Hello. 310 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,465 Yeah, just a minute. 311 00:14:27,533 --> 00:14:28,533 Jim, telephone. 312 00:14:28,568 --> 00:14:30,634 It's right there in your hand. 313 00:14:31,738 --> 00:14:33,403 Jim! 314 00:14:33,472 --> 00:14:34,739 Huh? 315 00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,342 It's a phone call for you! 316 00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:38,709 The guy at the network. 317 00:14:38,778 --> 00:14:40,711 Oh, yeah. 318 00:14:44,284 --> 00:14:47,218 Hi, Mitch, how's it goin'? 319 00:14:47,287 --> 00:14:49,253 We did? 320 00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:52,256 Wow, that's terrific! 321 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,259 You're welcome. 322 00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,762 If you can't tell me how happy you are, 323 00:14:57,831 --> 00:15:00,765 why did you call? 324 00:15:00,834 --> 00:15:03,100 (mumbling) 325 00:15:03,169 --> 00:15:04,602 Okay, yeah. 326 00:15:04,671 --> 00:15:07,605 I'll-I'll drop by later this afternoon. 327 00:15:07,674 --> 00:15:09,306 Okay. 328 00:15:09,376 --> 00:15:10,376 (sighs) 329 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:11,609 Jim, what happened? Tell us. 330 00:15:11,678 --> 00:15:13,877 The network won Friday night in the ratings 331 00:15:13,946 --> 00:15:15,746 for the first time in two years. 332 00:15:15,815 --> 00:15:17,348 ELAINE: Oh, that's wonderful. 333 00:15:17,416 --> 00:15:18,416 TONY: I can't believe it. 334 00:15:18,451 --> 00:15:19,383 You're kidding me! 335 00:15:19,452 --> 00:15:21,385 Oh, do you know what this means? 336 00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:23,720 This means you're gonna be a big shot at the network. 337 00:15:23,789 --> 00:15:26,123 I mean, you're gonna have an office and an expense account. 338 00:15:26,192 --> 00:15:27,592 This is your ticket outta here, Jim. 339 00:15:27,626 --> 00:15:29,793 Oh, they must be paying you a fortune. Ooh! 340 00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:32,396 Uh, well, "fortune" is a relative term. 341 00:15:32,465 --> 00:15:33,831 Well, how much are they paying you? 342 00:15:33,899 --> 00:15:35,833 Nothing. 343 00:15:37,870 --> 00:15:39,150 But what are they doing for you? 344 00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,638 Nothing. 345 00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:42,973 Uh, as a matter of fact, 346 00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:46,376 they treat me like a shoeshine boy. 347 00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:47,544 Why? 348 00:15:47,614 --> 00:15:50,047 Well, it's probably my own fault. 349 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:52,950 While I'm there, I shine the guy's shoes. 350 00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:56,820 Jim, this is ridiculous. 351 00:15:56,889 --> 00:15:58,355 You're being taken advantage of. 352 00:15:58,424 --> 00:15:59,890 That guy's gonna get all the credit 353 00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,704 and you're not gonna get any recognition at all. 354 00:16:01,728 --> 00:16:03,827 Hey, it's thanks enough to me 355 00:16:03,896 --> 00:16:06,363 that he's walking around with a nice shine on his shoes. 356 00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:11,435 Every time he gets a compliment on his shoes, 357 00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,270 it reflects on me. Jim! 358 00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,106 I'm not talkin' about shoes! 359 00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:17,108 God, sometimes you can infuriate me, 360 00:16:17,176 --> 00:16:18,275 you know that? 361 00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,776 ELAINE: Oh, wait a minute, Alex. 362 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:21,245 What are you getting so upset about? 363 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:22,347 It's not his fault. 364 00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:24,849 Yes, it is his fault, Elaine. 365 00:16:24,918 --> 00:16:29,353 Some people in this world make themselves victims, and Jim is one of them. 366 00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:32,590 People who invite other people to walk all over them. 367 00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:34,258 He's letting that guy walk all over him. 368 00:16:34,327 --> 00:16:36,260 Wait a minute, Alex. 369 00:16:36,329 --> 00:16:37,261 What can I do? 370 00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:38,930 How can I change? Help me. 371 00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,464 Jim, there's only one person... 372 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:43,467 There's only one person in this life that can help you. 373 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:44,981 There's only one person you can trust. 374 00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:46,471 I do trust you, Alex. 375 00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:47,839 Not me, damn it! 376 00:16:47,907 --> 00:16:50,641 Jim, when do you finally stand up and assert yourself? 377 00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:53,177 August. 378 00:16:53,246 --> 00:16:55,012 August?! 379 00:16:55,081 --> 00:16:56,847 Wrong answer. You say when. 380 00:16:56,916 --> 00:16:58,515 Now, Jim, now! 381 00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,351 Start standing up for yourself right now! 382 00:17:01,420 --> 00:17:04,354 You have dignity and value as a human being 383 00:17:04,423 --> 00:17:06,624 and it's high time that that Mitch person knew it. 384 00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:07,958 Dignity? Yes! 385 00:17:08,027 --> 00:17:09,126 Value? That's right. 386 00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,494 Thank you, Alex. 387 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:13,464 This little conversation has been an eye-opener for me. 388 00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,133 If you'll excuse me, 389 00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:17,135 I'm gonna go have a little talk 390 00:17:17,203 --> 00:17:19,137 with that old buddy of mine, Mitch. Good! 391 00:17:19,205 --> 00:17:21,873 About a little thing called human dignity. 392 00:17:21,941 --> 00:17:22,941 Attaboy, Jim. 393 00:17:31,317 --> 00:17:32,416 (grunts) 394 00:17:41,928 --> 00:17:43,127 Hi, Jim. 395 00:17:43,195 --> 00:17:45,129 Don't give me that. 396 00:17:46,833 --> 00:17:49,200 I've got a little news for you, Mitch. 397 00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:53,070 I'm not gonna be shining shoes anymore. 398 00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,072 And not just because I'm outta black. 399 00:17:55,141 --> 00:17:56,740 It's more than just that. 400 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,242 It's a lot more. 401 00:17:58,311 --> 00:18:01,412 It's got to do with a little thing called human dignity. 402 00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,447 You ever heard of that, Mitch? 403 00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:05,449 I've been doing your work for you. 404 00:18:05,518 --> 00:18:07,017 You've been taking all the credit. 405 00:18:09,122 --> 00:18:11,054 Jim, you're right. 406 00:18:13,159 --> 00:18:16,127 The only explanation I can give you is that I was afraid. 407 00:18:16,195 --> 00:18:18,596 I was afraid that if they found out, 408 00:18:18,664 --> 00:18:19,930 I'd-I'd lose my job. 409 00:18:19,999 --> 00:18:22,099 And I know that's no excuse, 410 00:18:22,168 --> 00:18:24,502 Jim, but I wasn't just thinking of myself. 411 00:18:24,570 --> 00:18:26,504 I was thinking of them. 412 00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:30,541 You know them? 413 00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:32,543 Yes, Jim. 414 00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:34,044 These are my children, 415 00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,080 Arlene, Bennet and Dorothy. 416 00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,081 Boy, 417 00:18:38,151 --> 00:18:40,584 I bet they say some cute things. 418 00:18:40,653 --> 00:18:42,052 They do. Like what? 419 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,720 Well, I can't think of anything now... 420 00:18:43,789 --> 00:18:46,223 Well, I'll take your word for it. 421 00:18:46,292 --> 00:18:48,526 You know, maybe it would be good for them. 422 00:18:48,594 --> 00:18:50,561 Maybe it'd be good for all of us 423 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,930 to cut back a little bit, not have it so soft. 424 00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:54,932 Oh, that would be terrible. 425 00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,500 Bennet's gonna need braces. 426 00:18:56,568 --> 00:18:58,502 No, no... 427 00:18:58,571 --> 00:19:01,005 don't-don't try to talk me out of it, Jim. 428 00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,840 My mind's made up. 429 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:05,342 Mitch, they're having a victory party down the hall. 430 00:19:05,411 --> 00:19:07,344 Everybody's asking for you, so come on. 431 00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:09,346 No, no, Janine, come in, please. 432 00:19:09,415 --> 00:19:11,348 I have something to tell you. 433 00:19:11,417 --> 00:19:13,951 I had nothing to do with the schedule. 434 00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:17,988 That man is the one who did it all. 435 00:19:18,057 --> 00:19:20,858 Jim, here, is a programming genius. 436 00:19:20,927 --> 00:19:24,862 Well, I guess the cat's outta the bag. 437 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:30,834 Mitch, they're waiting for us at the party. 438 00:19:30,903 --> 00:19:32,136 I can't go 439 00:19:32,205 --> 00:19:34,205 up there and take credit for something that he did. 440 00:19:34,273 --> 00:19:35,506 Oh, Mitch, all of us here 441 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,140 are always asking people's opinions 442 00:19:37,210 --> 00:19:38,210 about television. 443 00:19:38,244 --> 00:19:40,177 All our friends, our lovers, 444 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,512 the man on the street, 445 00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,213 even the shoeshine boy. 446 00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:46,383 I've gotten advice, darn good advice, 447 00:19:46,452 --> 00:19:48,051 from my hairdresser. 448 00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:50,954 My nephews picked our 6:00 news team. 449 00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:53,957 Now, what does it matter in the final analysis 450 00:19:54,027 --> 00:19:55,304 how we arrived at those choices? 451 00:19:55,328 --> 00:19:58,295 The point is we made the final decisions 452 00:19:58,364 --> 00:20:00,297 and we stuck to them. 453 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,299 Now I'm going to that party. 454 00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:03,968 The champagne's getting warm. 455 00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:05,970 It was nice meeting you. 456 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,972 I'll see you at the party, Mitch. 457 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,975 Yeah, I'll-I'll see you at the party. 458 00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,376 JIM: I love 459 00:20:12,444 --> 00:20:13,877 champagne. Jim! 460 00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:15,879 Uh... Jim! 461 00:20:15,948 --> 00:20:17,547 And-and do they have shrimp? Jim? Jim... 462 00:20:17,616 --> 00:20:19,127 Those... I love those big shrimp. Right. 463 00:20:19,151 --> 00:20:20,651 Yeah, Jim, you know, and I'd-I'd love 464 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,653 to invite you to the party, 465 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,690 but I-I think it would be a little bit awkward 466 00:20:25,758 --> 00:20:27,691 having you there. 467 00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,461 You understand? 468 00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:32,896 Uh... yeah... 469 00:20:32,965 --> 00:20:34,898 You sure? I guess so. 470 00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,901 Sure. 471 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:45,509 But-but listen, 472 00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:48,512 first thing Monday morning I'm gonna talk to someone 473 00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,347 about getting you an office and a salary. 474 00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,349 No, no, no, no, I... 475 00:20:52,418 --> 00:20:55,586 I can't accept any money. 476 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:59,089 I just wouldn't feel right. 477 00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:03,093 My ability to see glimpses of the future is a gift from God 478 00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:09,766 and I refuse to abuse it or taint it 479 00:21:09,835 --> 00:21:13,270 by using it for financial gain. 480 00:21:14,807 --> 00:21:17,474 Well, Jim, if that's how you feel... 481 00:21:17,543 --> 00:21:21,211 Uh, you can pay me for the shoe shine. 482 00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,247 How much do I owe you? 483 00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:26,783 $150,000. 484 00:21:39,265 --> 00:21:41,798 (bells ringing) 485 00:21:52,911 --> 00:21:55,178 Aha! 486 00:21:55,248 --> 00:21:58,148 Uh-huh! 487 00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:03,553 At last we meet! 488 00:22:03,622 --> 00:22:05,555 Uh-huh! 489 00:22:09,728 --> 00:22:12,396 What to do, what to do... 490 00:22:17,436 --> 00:22:20,403 I could flush you. 491 00:22:20,472 --> 00:22:23,907 Send you bodysurfing down the tubes. 492 00:22:25,444 --> 00:22:28,379 A little sewer snack for some alligator. 493 00:22:31,583 --> 00:22:34,518 I could leave you in this jar 494 00:22:34,586 --> 00:22:36,520 for another 15 minutes. 495 00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:38,522 (mimics gasping) 496 00:22:44,230 --> 00:22:46,763 Just my luck you're a baby. 497 00:22:46,832 --> 00:22:50,768 All right, I'll give ya a fair chance. 498 00:22:50,837 --> 00:22:53,437 Heads, I set you free. 499 00:22:53,506 --> 00:22:56,473 Tails, you're a dead mouse. 500 00:22:56,542 --> 00:22:57,474 Ready? 501 00:22:57,543 --> 00:22:59,142 Huh? Huh? 502 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:00,811 Here, look here. 503 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,813 Huh? Huh? Huh? 504 00:23:05,985 --> 00:23:07,084 Tails! 505 00:23:07,152 --> 00:23:09,086 Surf's up! 506 00:23:12,625 --> 00:23:14,591 Nah, I was only kiddin'. 507 00:23:14,660 --> 00:23:15,759 It's heads. 508 00:23:15,827 --> 00:23:17,594 Look, look. 509 00:23:17,663 --> 00:23:19,295 All right, all right, get outta here. 510 00:23:19,364 --> 00:23:21,298 Go on. 511 00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:24,301 Get outta my garage. 512 00:23:24,370 --> 00:23:26,303 Go on, go on. 513 00:23:26,372 --> 00:23:28,506 (laughs) 514 00:23:32,511 --> 00:23:35,412 (theme song playing) 515 00:23:58,037 --> 00:23:59,502 WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters! 516 00:23:59,572 --> 00:24:00,572 (man grumbling) 34999

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