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1
00:00:04,270 --> 00:00:06,670
How you doing? Welcome to the show.
I'm Ben Stiller.
2
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:09,001
Our special guest
this week is Dennis Miller.
3
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,472
Thanks for doing the show.
4
00:00:10,643 --> 00:00:13,168
Thanks for having me
in the valley of the hand-held.
5
00:00:13,346 --> 00:00:19,182
I'd like to say hi to you, the six to eight
people who actually watch this show.
6
00:00:19,352 --> 00:00:25,257
Yes, you, Mr. And Mrs. America,
out there on Channel Pi in Minnesota.
7
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:27,120
Thanks for tuning in tonight.
8
00:00:27,293 --> 00:00:31,354
One of the few shows that makes me
feel like Jimmy Arness, ratings-wise.
9
00:00:31,531 --> 00:00:35,365
Time to mange on a little packing crate
material. I think it's from Sony Trinitron.
10
00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,134
First, they watched a baby.
11
00:00:39,305 --> 00:00:40,294
Where's my hair spray?
12
00:00:41,274 --> 00:00:42,263
Right here.
13
00:00:42,442 --> 00:00:44,034
Then a little lady.
14
00:00:45,211 --> 00:00:46,200
I'll get it.
15
00:00:46,379 --> 00:00:49,644
Now America's three favorite bachelors
are back.
16
00:00:49,816 --> 00:00:52,080
And they've got someone
new to watch over.
17
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,146
Hi!
18
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,150
Who are you?
19
00:00:56,322 --> 00:00:57,949
I'm an old man.
20
00:00:58,124 --> 00:01:00,786
It's Three Men and an Old Man.
21
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:03,928
Come on, you want to look nice,
don't you?
22
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:07,196
Perfect!
23
00:01:08,101 --> 00:01:10,296
You're looking so cute!
24
00:01:10,470 --> 00:01:13,530
Come on, have some fun,
old man! Come on!
25
00:01:14,340 --> 00:01:15,739
What smells?
26
00:01:15,909 --> 00:01:17,171
You smelled it!
27
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:18,708
You fix it!
28
00:01:19,079 --> 00:01:20,842
Please stop.
29
00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,140
I've had enough.
30
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:27,515
Maybe we should've gone out to eat.
31
00:01:27,687 --> 00:01:31,020
I can build humongous skyscrapers
and huge bridges.
32
00:01:31,191 --> 00:01:33,819
Don't tell me I can't figure out
an adult diaper.
33
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:40,157
And then my prostate blew up.
34
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:48,104
I had the operation,
but it got infected.
35
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,969
Listen to me!
36
00:01:56,449 --> 00:02:01,887
Three Men and an Old Man,
coming soon to a theater near you.
37
00:02:02,055 --> 00:02:04,888
Let's rock 'n' roll!
38
00:03:16,896 --> 00:03:19,262
Manson!
39
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,331
Manson!
40
00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,600
Starring Clarice Lohman...
41
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,677
... Van Hammersley...
42
00:03:32,178 --> 00:03:34,646
... and Luke Darian as Timmy...
43
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:39,277
... and, of course, Charles Manson.
44
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:44,487
You wanna talk to Mrs. Wilson?
Why don't you wanna talk to Charlie?
45
00:03:44,657 --> 00:03:47,717
You think if you don't talk to me,
I'll go away. I can't go away...
46
00:03:47,894 --> 00:03:52,729
...because I'm not here. I'm a ghost of
a phantom in the heart of your children!
47
00:03:52,899 --> 00:03:55,390
Manson!
48
00:03:56,736 --> 00:04:01,173
Hi, Bernice. Manson thinks he's
helping by answering the phone. Scoot.
49
00:04:01,341 --> 00:04:04,606
I wish I had 25 hours in a day
so I could get something done here.
50
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:07,509
Hey, Mom, I'm gonna go
catch some toads.
51
00:04:07,680 --> 00:04:10,171
Well, take Manson with you.
He's underfoot today.
52
00:04:10,516 --> 00:04:13,007
Come on, boy!
53
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:16,014
Where's the fire?
54
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,180
Be careful, you two!
55
00:04:18,358 --> 00:04:22,089
No, Bernice, he's not in anyone's
children. He just likes to say that.
56
00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,963
Find them? I don't see nothing.
57
00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:32,600
Darn that big old toad!
58
00:04:32,772 --> 00:04:34,763
I can hear him, but I can't find him.
59
00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:38,904
Manson, you lift up this rock, and I'll try
to shoo him out from underneath.
60
00:04:39,946 --> 00:04:41,106
I was raised in a prison.
61
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,375
I don't know any other way. I like it!
Prison is my mother.
62
00:04:45,051 --> 00:04:46,882
Come on!
63
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,418
I've been bit!
64
00:04:53,593 --> 00:04:56,061
Quick! Run home and tell
Mom and Dad that I'm bit!
65
00:04:56,229 --> 00:04:57,856
I've been bit too, and I like it!
66
00:04:58,031 --> 00:05:00,499
The truth don't play no favorites.
Bite on that, Jack!
67
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:03,295
Hurry before the poison
starts working in! Hurry, boy!
68
00:05:08,741 --> 00:05:10,732
When's dinner? I'm starved.
69
00:05:10,910 --> 00:05:12,571
Hold your horses, mister.
70
00:05:12,745 --> 00:05:15,441
You got to walk it like you talk it.
71
00:05:16,349 --> 00:05:17,782
Hush, Manson.
I'm fixing dinner!
72
00:05:17,950 --> 00:05:21,215
I'll fix brain stew for dinner
when I'm the cook, Jack.
73
00:05:21,387 --> 00:05:25,221
What has gotten into you, boy?
And where's Timmy?
74
00:05:25,391 --> 00:05:29,919
I don't know. I got the eye of the tiger,
and I don't know who to kill first.
75
00:05:30,096 --> 00:05:32,064
You trying to tell us something, boy?
76
00:05:32,231 --> 00:05:34,426
You can lock me up,
but you can't block me up.
77
00:05:34,600 --> 00:05:36,158
I'm so insane, I'm sane.
78
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:38,327
He's trying to tell us
Timmy's in trouble!
79
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:41,029
What happened? Did Timmy have
an accident by the lake?
80
00:05:41,207 --> 00:05:45,268
Accident? There are no accidents.
Don't give me that jive, Jack!
81
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:49,606
There is only the plan,
and everything else is...
82
00:05:49,782 --> 00:05:52,273
Timmy got bit by a snake...
83
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:54,818
...and the poison's going to start
working soon!
84
00:05:55,555 --> 00:05:57,580
We don't have time.
We've got to get there!
85
00:05:57,757 --> 00:06:01,352
Show us the way!
Show us the way, boy!
86
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:03,184
Good boy!
87
00:06:04,063 --> 00:06:08,363
Dad, I was trying to catch a toad,
and I thought he was under the rock...
88
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,300
It's okay, Timmy.
Manson told us all about it.
89
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:15,168
Once we started listening
to him, that is.
90
00:06:15,341 --> 00:06:19,277
If you don't listen, you don't hear. You
can't hear when your head's in a bag!
91
00:06:29,055 --> 00:06:30,886
Oh, Manson. Good boy!
92
00:06:31,057 --> 00:06:34,117
- Clean it up and lay it down.
- Good boy, Manson.
93
00:06:35,061 --> 00:06:38,792
We're here with Dennis Miller.
It's just really great to have you here.
94
00:06:38,965 --> 00:06:40,489
- Thanks.
- Have you seen the show?
95
00:06:40,666 --> 00:06:41,826
I love the show.
96
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:45,801
Quite the little comedic star chamber
you've assembled here, my friend.
97
00:06:45,972 --> 00:06:46,961
I love the cast.
98
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,007
You got Janeane Garofalo,
little Miss Post-Everything.
99
00:06:50,176 --> 00:06:53,839
Lucy Van Helsing to Robert Smith's
Count Dracula.
100
00:06:54,013 --> 00:06:59,417
Wild hairdo, sort of like Peter Gabriel
on the Foxtrot tour with Genesis.
101
00:06:59,585 --> 00:07:00,847
- Andy Dick.
- Andy Dick...
102
00:07:01,020 --> 00:07:04,683
...Martin Short stretched out on a rack
for two and a half, three hours.
103
00:07:04,857 --> 00:07:08,691
Great name. Don't change it. Look good
on a marquee when you're doing films.
104
00:07:08,861 --> 00:07:14,197
Parents show up, think you're
doing gay porn. Who else we got?
105
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:17,268
Bobby Odenkirk. He used to be a writer
for Saturday Night Live.
106
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,201
A faceless scribe, now out in front
of the camera.
107
00:07:20,373 --> 00:07:23,934
And still can't meet any women at all.
108
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:26,203
- Ouch, Bob.
- That about sums up the cast.
109
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:28,870
No. You. Right at the hub.
110
00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:30,606
The guy, man.
111
00:07:30,783 --> 00:07:31,875
- You're the man.
- Thanks.
112
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,212
Also had a cup of coffee
at Saturday Night Live.
113
00:07:34,387 --> 00:07:36,651
Bailed out when he found
there was no I in team.
114
00:07:36,823 --> 00:07:38,552
Headed up the river like Kurtz.
115
00:07:38,724 --> 00:07:41,693
Runs his own little microcosm.
116
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:44,762
Damn it, the rules are just
what he wants them to be!
117
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,627
Got himself a little cast
so he doesn't look autocratic.
118
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,564
But don't get too funny, kids.
It might be Hoffa-ville.
119
00:07:50,736 --> 00:07:52,636
- I love the show.
- Thank you. All right...
120
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,830
Let's go to a little film.
That's your part.
121
00:07:55,007 --> 00:07:56,770
Go ahead.
122
00:08:02,281 --> 00:08:04,545
Send in Al Pacino.
123
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:07,949
- Hi.
- Hi.
124
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,111
- Did you look at the sides?
- Yes, I did.
125
00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:13,087
- So you know it's a comedy?
- Yes, it's a comedy.
126
00:08:13,259 --> 00:08:15,318
Yes, very funny piece of work here.
127
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,258
Great! So how about some improv?
128
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,330
Sure, why don't we just, you know...?
129
00:08:19,499 --> 00:08:21,330
- Have fun with it.
- We have fun with it.
130
00:08:21,501 --> 00:08:24,436
Let me explain it. You've
come back from a hard day at work...
131
00:08:24,604 --> 00:08:29,439
...to discover the dog, Beethoven,
has destroyed your favorite chair. Go.
132
00:08:29,609 --> 00:08:32,442
All right. This is the dog here?
This would be Beethoven.
133
00:08:32,612 --> 00:08:36,878
And what do we got over here? There's
no chair, so we'll put a chair here.
134
00:08:37,049 --> 00:08:38,073
Use your imagination.
135
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,617
All right.
136
00:08:40,786 --> 00:08:43,755
Look at this. What are you doing here?
What are you doing here?
137
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,585
You ruined my chair. That's
my chair, and it's ruined.
138
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:50,526
You want a chew toy?
We get you a chew toy, okay...
139
00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:53,859
...because that's the way we
do things here, bubby!
140
00:08:54,033 --> 00:08:57,093
And I'll tell you something else.
I know it was you, Beethoven.
141
00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:01,099
I know it was you,
and it breaks my heart.
142
00:09:06,078 --> 00:09:09,047
That's it. That's it. I don't know
where else to go with that...
143
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,705
...because the dog ate my chair.
144
00:09:10,883 --> 00:09:14,751
That's great. Leave a picture and résumé
with my assistant on your way out.
145
00:09:14,987 --> 00:09:16,887
I got another idea on this thing.
146
00:09:17,056 --> 00:09:19,149
What about something like this?
147
00:09:19,325 --> 00:09:22,021
Frisk me. You wanna frisk me?
Come on, Beethoven.
148
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:26,593
Oh, Beethoven! You wanna do that?
Because I could go that way with it.
149
00:09:26,766 --> 00:09:28,165
No, you were great. I really...
150
00:09:28,334 --> 00:09:29,528
Maybe some dancing?
151
00:09:29,835 --> 00:09:33,669
Could you tell my assistant on your way
out that I'm ready for the next actor?
152
00:09:33,839 --> 00:09:34,965
Freeze!
153
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:38,101
Just don't you come any closer,
all right? That's right.
154
00:09:38,277 --> 00:09:42,373
You just stay right there, okay,
because you're not gonna hire me!
155
00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:45,176
It's undecided yet.
I mean, it's not even up to me.
156
00:09:46,185 --> 00:09:48,346
I don't need this, you know?
I don't need this.
157
00:09:48,521 --> 00:09:50,716
I don't need any of this crap.
158
00:10:32,498 --> 00:10:34,398
Tonight, we'll add two more names...
159
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,468
... to the list of people
who we think are up to something...
160
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:39,161
... but we're not sure what it is.
161
00:10:39,338 --> 00:10:43,001
The list of
America's Most Suspicious.
162
00:10:43,576 --> 00:10:45,305
Good evening from Washington, D.C.
163
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:49,005
It's Sunday, February 18,
and I'm Danny Bonaduce.
164
00:10:49,181 --> 00:10:52,309
You know, between you and me,
this world is crawling with weirdoes...
165
00:10:52,485 --> 00:10:54,817
...people involved in strange activities.
166
00:10:54,987 --> 00:10:56,420
You know the kind.
167
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,081
At America's Most Suspicious,
it's our job to find these freaks...
168
00:11:00,259 --> 00:11:01,590
...and get them put away.
169
00:11:01,761 --> 00:11:05,993
To date, your tips have led
to the arrest of 86 people...
170
00:11:06,165 --> 00:11:07,427
...with no convictions.
171
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,033
At the top of tonight's news...
172
00:11:09,201 --> 00:11:10,691
...the case of Ed Janek.
173
00:11:10,870 --> 00:11:13,771
According to Mr. Janek's neighbors,
the Gradshaws...
174
00:11:13,939 --> 00:11:16,669
...Mr. Janek's a real loony tune.
175
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:20,505
It all started when Laura was out
tending her spice garden.
176
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,079
I was working with the dill...
177
00:11:23,582 --> 00:11:25,982
...when all of a sudden, something
caught my eye.
178
00:11:26,152 --> 00:11:31,954
It was Mr. Janek naked,
running from his garage to his home.
179
00:11:32,291 --> 00:11:36,819
And then I heard this really odd music,
something like a tuba.
180
00:11:37,129 --> 00:11:39,563
A tuba or a French horn.
We don't know.
181
00:11:39,732 --> 00:11:43,828
Right. And all of a sudden,
he appears in the window in a tuxedo.
182
00:11:44,003 --> 00:11:47,268
And he was singing opera.
183
00:11:51,110 --> 00:11:53,476
Tell them about the chicken
and the fish.
184
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:56,774
He's holding poultry and a fish
and singing to them.
185
00:11:56,949 --> 00:12:01,909
And then repeatedly striking them,
and just throws them to the ground.
186
00:12:02,221 --> 00:12:06,180
And then he starts taking pictures
of me!
187
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,826
She came in the house crying.
188
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:16,491
I grabbed a golf club
and ran over to Janek's house.
189
00:12:17,069 --> 00:12:18,400
Open this door!
190
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,402
Knock, knock, knock! Let me in!
191
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:24,509
- What is going on out here?
- What are you up to, mister?
192
00:12:24,677 --> 00:12:26,907
- What are you talking about?
- What are you up to?
193
00:12:27,079 --> 00:12:30,947
I have been in the basement all day
working on pottery.
194
00:12:31,117 --> 00:12:35,986
Pottery? What about the naked running
and the fish singing and the opera?
195
00:12:36,522 --> 00:12:39,082
You're a lunatic.
You're freaking us out.
196
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:40,589
I have something in the kiln.
197
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:44,987
A kiln?
What is he baking?
198
00:12:45,531 --> 00:12:48,022
What is he up to?
That's what we'd like to know.
199
00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:50,532
The police said he hadn't done
anything illegal.
200
00:12:50,703 --> 00:12:54,730
I guess freaking your neighbors out
is legal.
201
00:12:54,940 --> 00:12:55,929
Calm down.
202
00:12:56,442 --> 00:13:01,175
Ed Janek, if you're watching this, and
you want to admit to something, call us.
203
00:13:01,347 --> 00:13:04,544
Try to explain what's going on
in that fruity little head of yours.
204
00:13:04,717 --> 00:13:05,706
Good luck.
205
00:13:05,885 --> 00:13:06,874
Now an update.
206
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:10,385
Van Olander, that strange old bird
who never cut his lawn...
207
00:13:10,556 --> 00:13:12,615
...well, he finally showed his stripes.
208
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:15,454
He tried to rob a bank.
209
00:13:15,628 --> 00:13:18,722
Well, we forwarded Van's file
over to America's Most Wanted.
210
00:13:18,898 --> 00:13:22,857
Finally, please keep your eyes peeled
for the O'Connors.
211
00:13:23,035 --> 00:13:24,900
They're a pair of first-class weirdoes...
212
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,630
...who have their whole neighborhood
freaked out.
213
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,073
It is very unsettling.
214
00:13:31,243 --> 00:13:37,409
They just sit in that car for hours,
listening to square-dance music.
215
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:43,250
What are they up to?
216
00:13:43,422 --> 00:13:44,980
We're surrounded by freaks.
217
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,819
Why won't the police do anything?
218
00:13:47,993 --> 00:13:49,085
Say the prayer.
219
00:13:49,261 --> 00:13:53,755
God, grant me the wisdom to accept
the things I cannot change...
220
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:56,868
...and to change the things
I cannot accept.
221
00:13:57,102 --> 00:13:58,160
Until next week...
222
00:13:58,337 --> 00:14:02,433
...this is Danny Bonaduce for
America's Most Suspicious saying:
223
00:14:02,608 --> 00:14:05,168
When you smell a rat, call us.
224
00:14:05,344 --> 00:14:07,107
We want to smell it too.
225
00:14:07,279 --> 00:14:09,144
Good night.
226
00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:16,351
I'm ready for Sandra.
227
00:14:17,356 --> 00:14:20,189
Sandra Bernhard. Hello, Miss Thing.
228
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:23,886
Would you look at you?
You are looking good.
229
00:14:24,063 --> 00:14:26,554
I am jiving all over you.
230
00:14:26,732 --> 00:14:29,223
Let me lick you.
231
00:14:30,369 --> 00:14:32,462
Poison, right?
232
00:14:32,638 --> 00:14:35,664
Enough of this. We got to get to it.
Did you read the script?
233
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:39,641
I loved it. I was jiving all over it.
I licked every page.
234
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:44,272
The Mighty Ducks is the most brilliant
script we've had in years. Let's get to it.
235
00:14:44,617 --> 00:14:47,211
I hope you don't mind,
but I made a few adjustments.
236
00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:50,617
- That's great. Make it your own.
- All right.
237
00:14:51,323 --> 00:14:54,383
Look at you kids, my little Gretzkys.
I love you.
238
00:14:54,560 --> 00:14:57,529
I wanna stick toothpicks in you
and eat you like hors d'oeuvres.
239
00:14:58,097 --> 00:15:04,559
People, take your long, hard,
curvy sticks and shoot it in.
240
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:10,239
I am so jivingly proud of all of you.
241
00:15:10,409 --> 00:15:14,675
I feel like giving birth and suckling
each and every one of you.
242
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,577
I love you. And then I could do a song.
243
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:23,782
Hang on. I'm gonna make a note.
244
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:28,524
I was a big fan of your show.
I thought it was great.
245
00:15:28,694 --> 00:15:31,925
You had interesting people on.
I'm sorry it's not on the air anymore.
246
00:15:32,097 --> 00:15:33,928
Thanks, man. That's nice of you.
247
00:15:34,099 --> 00:15:35,862
Hey, and you know what?
248
00:15:36,035 --> 00:15:41,598
There are life lessons to be learned out
there after a cancellation. You really...
249
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:43,708
You get on the other side
of that pain...
250
00:15:43,876 --> 00:15:46,367
...and I think you find out
something about yourself.
251
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:49,036
So don't fret about cancellation.
252
00:15:49,214 --> 00:15:53,048
You know, it's an opportunity.
You should view it like that.
253
00:15:53,218 --> 00:15:55,709
- What? Did you hear...?
- Ben, I've heard nothing.
254
00:15:55,888 --> 00:15:57,788
I've heard nothing. Come on.
255
00:15:57,957 --> 00:16:00,551
But you don't have to be Queequeg
to read the bones here.
256
00:16:00,726 --> 00:16:01,954
There could be a chance.
257
00:16:02,127 --> 00:16:04,595
I'm not Kreskin, but I got
my ear down to the track.
258
00:16:04,763 --> 00:16:07,994
I hear the Silver Streak coming.
But you will rise above it.
259
00:16:08,167 --> 00:16:09,896
You'll be bigger, and you learn.
260
00:16:10,069 --> 00:16:15,234
You learn about your guts,
what's in here. This doesn't matter.
261
00:16:15,407 --> 00:16:17,466
But I haven't heard anything
about the show.
262
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:22,410
Fox is as committed to it as they are to
Herman's Prostate or whatever that is.
263
00:16:22,581 --> 00:16:26,073
All right, why don't we go to this now?
264
00:16:26,485 --> 00:16:31,923
Skank will not be seen tonight in order
to bring you a special presentation.
265
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:35,086
Fox
266
00:16:35,260 --> 00:16:36,693
Fox
267
00:16:36,862 --> 00:16:37,851
Fox
268
00:16:38,030 --> 00:16:39,827
Hi, I'm Foxy, the network fox...
269
00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,332
...inviting you to join me
for a wonderful Fox program...
270
00:16:43,502 --> 00:16:46,994
...brought to you
in full-fledged Fox-a-rama.
271
00:16:47,172 --> 00:16:48,230
Fox
272
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:51,165
Live from beautiful Pig Latin Island...
273
00:16:51,343 --> 00:16:54,938
... it's The Pig Latin Lover's
Ariety-Vay Ectacular-Spay!
274
00:16:55,114 --> 00:16:59,175
Join international singing sensation
Tito Gallegos and his special guests:
275
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,511
Dolly Parton...
276
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,051
... Susan Anton...
277
00:17:02,221 --> 00:17:03,381
... Rip Taylor...
278
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,352
... and the All-American Football Team.
279
00:17:20,406 --> 00:17:24,103
Yes, sir. You're Tito Gallegos,
the Pig Latin Lover.
280
00:17:24,476 --> 00:17:26,376
Okay, here you go.
281
00:17:29,415 --> 00:17:31,383
Taylor.
282
00:17:32,651 --> 00:17:34,482
Rip Taylor.
283
00:17:34,653 --> 00:17:35,642
Couldn't you die?
284
00:17:38,157 --> 00:17:39,624
Is it on?
285
00:17:39,825 --> 00:17:40,814
Lunch!
286
00:17:44,263 --> 00:17:46,390
Ip-ray Aylor-tay, adies-lay
and entlemen-gay!
287
00:17:46,565 --> 00:17:51,798
And now, Arry-hay, on to the ecial-spay.
Ush-may, Arry-hay.
288
00:17:59,178 --> 00:18:03,012
Ladies and gentlemen,
Mr. Tito Gallegos!
289
00:18:03,215 --> 00:18:04,739
Ey-hay!
290
00:18:37,282 --> 00:18:40,046
Ank you-thay, ank you-thay.
291
00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:44,121
And elcome-way o-tay eautiful-bay
ig-pay atin-lay island. Ou-yay...
292
00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:46,280
What do you mean,
this ain't Fantasy Island?
293
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:48,892
I wanna talk with Mr. Roarke.
294
00:18:49,061 --> 00:18:50,050
Mr. Roarke!
295
00:18:50,229 --> 00:18:54,563
OIly-day Arton-pay,
adies-lay and entlemen-gay.
296
00:18:54,733 --> 00:18:56,200
An-cay I elp-hay ou-yay?
297
00:18:56,368 --> 00:19:01,169
I hope so. This is supposed to be Fantasy
Island, and I wanna get my fantasy.
298
00:19:01,340 --> 00:19:03,535
Ell-way, I'm ot-nay Mr. Oarke-ray.
299
00:19:03,709 --> 00:19:07,145
- Ut-bay I o-day have an antasy-fay.
- What's that?
300
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:09,743
O-tay ear-hay ou-yay ing-say.
301
00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:13,817
Well, you don't have to ask
this old country gal twice.
302
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:02,194
OIly-day Arton-pay, adies-lay...
303
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,460
Okay, ank you-thay.
304
00:20:04,636 --> 00:20:07,070
Ou-yay ow-knay, ere-hay on
Ig-pay Atin-lay Island...
305
00:20:08,640 --> 00:20:11,734
Ovely-lay oung-yay adies-lay.
Ank you-thay.
306
00:20:11,910 --> 00:20:17,212
Here we have very, very ecial-spay
oeple-pay iving-lay ere-hay. Especially-pay...
307
00:20:17,382 --> 00:20:19,907
Excuse me, Mr. Gallegos.
308
00:20:20,319 --> 00:20:24,915
It's y-may eighbor-nay,
Usan-say Anton.
309
00:20:26,491 --> 00:20:27,480
Thank you.
310
00:20:27,659 --> 00:20:31,288
I know you're in the middle of a special,
and I really hate to bother you.
311
00:20:31,463 --> 00:20:36,457
I was outside working on my car, and
could you loan me some bolt cutters?
312
00:20:36,835 --> 00:20:38,894
Ome-say at-whay?
313
00:20:40,005 --> 00:20:41,131
Bolt cutters.
314
00:20:41,907 --> 00:20:43,033
At-whay?
315
00:20:44,009 --> 00:20:45,476
Olt-bay utters-cay.
316
00:20:46,912 --> 00:20:49,574
I ink-thay I an-cay elp-hay
ou-yay out-ay.
317
00:20:49,748 --> 00:20:53,377
Ere-hay ou-yay o-gay.
Ave-hay un-fay.
318
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:55,585
I gotta move.
319
00:20:55,754 --> 00:20:58,882
Usan-say Anton.
320
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:02,692
At's-thay all e-thay ime-tay e-way
ave-hay or-fay oday's-tay ow-shay.
321
00:21:02,861 --> 00:21:06,627
Ut-bay emember-ray:
322
00:21:20,045 --> 00:21:22,878
Ood night-gay, everybody.
323
00:21:23,048 --> 00:21:26,540
Hotel accommodations provided
by Pig Latin Plaza.
324
00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:29,209
Hey, kids, it's me, Foxy,
the Fox Network fox.
325
00:21:29,388 --> 00:21:33,290
Skank returns next week, and limbs will
be flying when his kids get gangrene.
326
00:21:33,458 --> 00:21:38,657
It'll be Fox-fantastic-errific-erageous!
327
00:21:43,435 --> 00:21:46,233
That's about it. Thanks for doing
the show. Did you have fun?
328
00:21:46,405 --> 00:21:48,669
Ben, thanks for having me, man.
329
00:21:48,840 --> 00:21:52,401
Have I helped you mentally? Did I get
inside your bean and calm you down?
330
00:21:52,577 --> 00:21:54,238
You definitely did.
331
00:21:54,413 --> 00:21:57,905
I had a good time, and I love the show.
If I could make one qualification...
332
00:21:58,083 --> 00:22:01,849
...and I hate to do this,
but I do a lot of things I hate...
333
00:22:02,754 --> 00:22:04,813
...you're not out there enough, Ben.
334
00:22:04,990 --> 00:22:07,322
Shooting the short films,
all the heavy editing...
335
00:22:07,492 --> 00:22:10,086
...going into the lab,
doing the post-op.
336
00:22:10,262 --> 00:22:13,095
I don't know if that's you.
You gotta be out there.
337
00:22:13,265 --> 00:22:15,825
Like, doing it free-form,
on the edge like Julie Brown.
338
00:22:16,001 --> 00:22:18,595
I don't mean "wubba, wubba, wubba"
from Lancaster, England.
339
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:20,601
I mean, you know, the real edge.
340
00:22:20,772 --> 00:22:24,003
- That's what we aspire to.
- Take the point. Get out there, damn it!
341
00:22:24,176 --> 00:22:27,509
Somebody's got to front this whole
operation, and you should be the guy.
342
00:22:27,679 --> 00:22:29,909
Forget the editing!
Forget all that crap! Just...
343
00:22:30,082 --> 00:22:33,313
Well, that's it.
So we'll see you next week.
344
00:22:35,454 --> 00:22:39,015
I know judo and aikido.
You like that?
345
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:41,785
How about this?
You think I'm your pet?
346
00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:45,794
I'll pet you. I'll pet the whole world
with a knife.
347
00:22:45,964 --> 00:22:48,990
Then I'll rock it to sleep.
Go...
348
00:22:53,105 --> 00:22:54,333
- I'm outside.
- Yeah!
349
00:22:58,343 --> 00:22:59,332
[ENGLISH]
350
00:22:59,382 --> 00:23:03,932
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