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1
00:00:02,602 --> 00:00:04,763
Hi. I'm Ben Stiller.
Welcome to the show.
2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,271
I guess you're wondering who I am
and what the show's about.
3
00:00:08,441 --> 00:00:11,342
I don't know. I've never
had a show before. It's my first time.
4
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:15,641
It's a comedy thing. We do lots
of little funny films. Hopefully funny.
5
00:00:15,815 --> 00:00:19,307
We got to start it up. Anybody have
any ideas on how to start the show?
6
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:21,613
- Anybody have anything that...?
- I don't...
7
00:00:21,788 --> 00:00:23,449
This is Bruce, one of the writers.
8
00:00:23,623 --> 00:00:27,889
It's not an idea so much as a concept.
A writer comes up to you at the beginning.
9
00:00:28,061 --> 00:00:31,030
There's an exchange,
and something funny happens.
10
00:00:31,197 --> 00:00:33,631
I can work this out.
I don't have the exact beats.
11
00:00:33,800 --> 00:00:35,961
Like what you're doing
right now with me.
12
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,434
- Sort of a humorous variation.
- I'd work on it more.
13
00:00:38,605 --> 00:00:42,871
- Lf you think there's something there...
- Okay. Go back and work on it some more.
14
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:48,037
See, look at that. We just started out,
already something almost funny happened.
15
00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:50,648
Anybody else?
Any ideas on how to start?
16
00:00:51,418 --> 00:00:55,980
It's Ben Stiller's Rockumentary:
U2, The Early Years.
17
00:00:58,024 --> 00:01:00,254
It was difficult when we were starting out.
18
00:01:00,427 --> 00:01:04,454
We had this horrible old manager who didn't
understand what our music was about.
19
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,029
I loved those boys
like they were my own sons.
20
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,101
They came to me, you know. Oh, yeah.
21
00:01:10,270 --> 00:01:15,333
Mr. Kinkaid used to drive us about in this
ramshackled, old, multicolored school bus.
22
00:01:15,508 --> 00:01:17,408
Taking us from gig to gig.
23
00:01:18,244 --> 00:01:21,736
Screaming about how we were gonna
make it big in show business.
24
00:01:21,915 --> 00:01:24,543
Yeah, I was full
of ideas back then.
25
00:01:24,717 --> 00:01:29,381
He wanted to get a little girl to play
tambourine with us, but we nixed that one.
26
00:01:29,556 --> 00:01:33,424
With Bono, it was always
about "the message."
27
00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:35,356
So I gave him a message.
28
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:39,157
If Joel Wasserstein doesn't have fun
at his bar mitzvah...
29
00:01:39,332 --> 00:01:43,393
...you're not getting paid. Comprende?
30
00:01:53,513 --> 00:01:55,003
Thank you.
31
00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:58,548
Well, I hope you're all having
a good time here at Joel's bar mitzvah.
32
00:01:58,718 --> 00:02:00,345
We're all real proud of him.
33
00:02:00,520 --> 00:02:03,421
Look at him,
the very vision of manhood.
34
00:02:03,590 --> 00:02:07,356
How about Leo Krumpnik, who made
that great gefilte fish sculpture, huh?
35
00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:10,325
Everybody taste
the gefilte fish sculpture. It's great.
36
00:02:10,497 --> 00:02:14,365
Okay, Joel, get up here.
Come on up here, Joel.
37
00:02:14,534 --> 00:02:17,332
I hope everybody's ready to dance
the hora and the hokey-pokey.
38
00:02:17,504 --> 00:02:19,870
I don't wanna see anybody sitting.
39
00:02:20,039 --> 00:02:22,098
Let's give him a hand. Joel.
40
00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:25,470
Yeah, today Joel is a man.
41
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,808
Okay, Edge, play the blues!
42
00:02:42,462 --> 00:02:44,453
Thank you, Joel!
43
00:02:44,631 --> 00:02:46,531
I'll tell you something else.
44
00:02:46,699 --> 00:02:49,361
I'm sick and tired of what's going on
in Northern Ireland.
45
00:02:49,536 --> 00:02:53,404
Okay, so it wasn't Carnegie Hall.
You gotta start somewhere.
46
00:04:06,546 --> 00:04:10,038
Welcome back. I think we're going
all right. Things are moving along well.
47
00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:13,185
Bruce, the head writer.
What did you think of the last piece?
48
00:04:13,353 --> 00:04:15,844
- Well, you know. You know.
- What?
49
00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,991
Who's to say what's funny?
50
00:04:19,158 --> 00:04:22,389
A little... Maybe too much music
for my taste, but, you know.
51
00:04:22,562 --> 00:04:25,053
Personally, I like it
when we do movie stuff better.
52
00:04:25,231 --> 00:04:26,698
Movie stuff? Okay, all right.
53
00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:30,893
Okay. All right. Well, we'll go to some
of the movie stuff then.
54
00:04:31,070 --> 00:04:34,335
It worked. You know,
parts were great. I liked it.
55
00:04:34,507 --> 00:04:38,603
- He used to write on Donny and Marie.
- But I was very unhappy there.
56
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:49,813
Sam Bowden and his family
have just come to New Essex...
57
00:04:49,989 --> 00:04:52,253
... and so has his past.
58
00:04:52,892 --> 00:04:54,723
I'm scared.
59
00:04:54,894 --> 00:04:56,828
What's your connection with this guy?
60
00:04:56,996 --> 00:04:58,395
Who is he?
61
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,862
I hardly even remember him.
It was 20 years ago.
62
00:05:01,034 --> 00:05:03,468
- What about your books?
- Already read them.
63
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:07,970
Eddie Munster...
64
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,575
... in Cape Munster.
65
00:05:11,277 --> 00:05:14,337
- What's he got on you?
- I was working for the network.
66
00:05:14,514 --> 00:05:16,914
He blames me
for canceling The Munsters.
67
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,415
Come out, come out,
wherever you are!
68
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:22,317
This guy threatened you?
69
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:25,514
Yeah, but he's clever,
so the law can't touch him.
70
00:05:25,692 --> 00:05:30,152
I'm just saying I found your pet's collar.
I'm not saying I did anything.
71
00:05:36,536 --> 00:05:38,970
If this is about work,
I can get you an audition.
72
00:05:39,138 --> 00:05:40,730
Audition?
73
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:42,565
Audition?
74
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:47,236
No, I don't think you really, really
understand what we're talking about here.
75
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,395
I don't know whether to look at him
or go trick-or-treating.
76
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:05,929
You canceled my show!
77
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:11,560
We got this freaking psychopath tearing up
our family, and I don't know what to do!
78
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,336
My parents just don't understand...
79
00:06:16,509 --> 00:06:21,242
...and they're just, like,
fighting all the time. And...
80
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:27,114
I know, I know. My daddy was a 10-foot
Frankenstein freak with bolts in his neck.
81
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:30,787
Listen to this.
It'll make you feel better.
82
00:06:36,062 --> 00:06:40,294
Up your nose with a rubber hose!
Barbarino!
83
00:06:40,466 --> 00:06:43,196
You're not the drama teacher, are you?
84
00:06:43,369 --> 00:06:46,634
There will never be any connection
between you and Eddie Munster!
85
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:48,706
Maybe I'm a big, bad wolf-boy.
86
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:53,039
Schlemiel! Schlemazel!
Hassenpfeffer, incorporated!
87
00:06:54,480 --> 00:06:56,812
You mind if I put my arm around you?
88
00:06:56,983 --> 00:07:00,111
We're going to do it my way, counselor!
89
00:07:01,120 --> 00:07:03,987
No, I don't mind.
90
00:07:04,157 --> 00:07:07,217
Make all my dreams come true!
91
00:07:19,839 --> 00:07:21,773
Cape Munster.
92
00:07:21,941 --> 00:07:24,705
Coming soon to a theater near you.
93
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:28,711
This is Suzy's, where we get
our lunch sometimes.
94
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:32,009
- That's Andy Dick, who's a cast member.
- I need extra sauerkraut.
95
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,675
- Andy, say hello.
- Hello.
96
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:36,720
It's time for video diary,
which is basically my video diary.
97
00:07:36,889 --> 00:07:39,551
It's kind of like this captain's log
I've kept of my life.
98
00:07:39,725 --> 00:07:42,785
It's real excerpts from moments
that I've cherished.
99
00:07:42,962 --> 00:07:45,726
And tonight I think
we're gonna show my prom night.
100
00:07:45,898 --> 00:07:47,866
My senior prom, a great night for me.
101
00:07:48,034 --> 00:07:49,797
- What?
- It's not the prom night.
102
00:07:49,969 --> 00:07:52,062
Yeah, no, it is.
We're gonna show the prom.
103
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:54,729
No, I don't think it's the prom night.
I know it's not.
104
00:07:54,907 --> 00:07:58,570
- What are we showing? Anybody know?
- I don't know, but it's not the prom night.
105
00:07:58,744 --> 00:08:01,736
Well, there's certain pieces
we shouldn't show. So I'd just...
106
00:08:04,250 --> 00:08:06,980
Video diary: May 11, 1991.
107
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,553
I feel good. It's been eight days
since she moved out...
108
00:08:09,722 --> 00:08:11,189
...and I don't miss her anymore.
109
00:08:11,357 --> 00:08:14,793
I'm realizing this is an opportunity
to be with myself.
110
00:08:14,961 --> 00:08:17,589
I ate today, which is really good.
111
00:08:17,763 --> 00:08:19,424
I just think that...
112
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:22,193
- Hi.
- Ben.
113
00:08:22,368 --> 00:08:25,132
I didn't think you'd be here.
I'll come back another time.
114
00:08:25,304 --> 00:08:28,364
No, no. It's good to see you.
Look, I miss you a lot.
115
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:31,840
- I feel like I screwed up. I feel like...
- This is him?
116
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:36,004
He's small. Low center of gravity.
He's probably quick and scrappy, though.
117
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,446
- Who is this?
- Harry, my self-defense instructor.
118
00:08:38,618 --> 00:08:41,815
- He came by to help me move.
- I can't believe you're seeing somebody.
119
00:08:41,988 --> 00:08:44,821
- What are you doing?
- Nothing. And neither are you.
120
00:08:44,991 --> 00:08:47,721
It's all right. Step back, Ben.
He does this for a living.
121
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:51,830
Does what for a living?
What, stand on one foot? I don't get it.
122
00:08:51,998 --> 00:08:56,662
He's everything you said he was,
a little bug that gets up inside your head.
123
00:08:57,270 --> 00:08:58,601
Come on, a little Kumite?
124
00:08:58,771 --> 00:09:01,638
Who is this psycho? What have
you been telling him about us?
125
00:09:01,807 --> 00:09:04,207
He helped me through
a very rough time.
126
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:07,346
- He helped you through a rough time?
- Cut the cord, pal.
127
00:09:07,513 --> 00:09:10,175
- You're poisoning her energy.
- You broke up with me!
128
00:09:10,349 --> 00:09:12,977
He helped you?
Where's the rough time for you, huh?
129
00:09:13,152 --> 00:09:15,382
- Would you get out of here?
- You created this, pal.
130
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:17,989
- Why don't you just leave.
- This is your storm.
131
00:09:18,157 --> 00:09:19,681
Just leave...
132
00:09:20,693 --> 00:09:23,161
How could you show that?
What is that?
133
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:24,819
I'm sorry, man.
134
00:09:24,997 --> 00:09:29,297
- No. That was the wrong piece.
- That should not have been shown.
135
00:09:29,468 --> 00:09:34,064
- There's a whole other part of that...
- No, it should not have been shown.
136
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,765
There's a whole other part
of that tape you didn't see...
137
00:09:36,943 --> 00:09:39,343
...where I kick the guy out,
and there was...
138
00:09:39,512 --> 00:09:45,678
I don't understand why that one...
Can we just go to commercial, please?
139
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:13,107
Wilson garden hose.
Available at The Home Shop.
140
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:23,980
And now, back to Ben Stiller's
Rockumentary: U2, The Early Years.
141
00:10:24,156 --> 00:10:26,181
Let me tell you something about Bono.
142
00:10:26,359 --> 00:10:29,590
The kid never stopped trying
to make a buck.
143
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:31,354
Worse than Danny Partridge.
144
00:10:31,731 --> 00:10:35,394
He was very materialistically oriented,
and that's not what U2 is about.
145
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:38,667
We're not about the glitz
and the glamour...
146
00:10:38,838 --> 00:10:41,602
...the money and the fame
and the power...
147
00:10:41,774 --> 00:10:44,641
...and the touring and the money.
148
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:48,541
Well, maybe we are
about that a little bit, but...
149
00:10:48,714 --> 00:10:51,114
Well, I guess that is what we are about.
150
00:10:51,283 --> 00:10:56,414
He should have named that group
"Me 2," not "U2." It's all about him.
151
00:10:56,589 --> 00:11:00,457
You people want me to be a god,
and then you look at me and you say...
152
00:11:00,626 --> 00:11:02,787
...I can't be a god,
so I'm telling you to buzz off...
153
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,930
...because I don't even know
what a god is.
154
00:11:05,931 --> 00:11:10,197
I just pull my pants down and go
to the bathroom like anybody else...
155
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:14,100
...but if 50,000 people wanna watch,
then hell, I'll do it for them.
156
00:11:14,273 --> 00:11:20,473
When all else fails,
there's always product endorsements.
157
00:12:27,012 --> 00:12:31,244
Lucky Clovers cereal, an important part
of this well-balanced breakfast.
158
00:12:31,417 --> 00:12:35,183
Now with a fun new surprise
in each specially marked package.
159
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:30,264
It was a great idea,
but nobody ever saw it.
160
00:13:30,442 --> 00:13:33,878
Well, after that, I quit the business.
Who needs U2?
161
00:13:34,046 --> 00:13:36,276
Let me tell you something.
"I Think I Love You"...
162
00:13:36,448 --> 00:13:38,746
...sold more copies than "Let It Be."
163
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:43,548
After that, everything else is gravy.
You're darn right.
164
00:13:45,291 --> 00:13:48,419
We're here with Janeane Garofalo.
She's a regular cast member.
165
00:13:48,594 --> 00:13:52,792
So how did you get the job on the show?
You have a crazy Hollywood agent?
166
00:13:52,965 --> 00:13:54,489
No, I just auditioned.
167
00:13:54,667 --> 00:13:58,034
Right, but you must have one
of those slimy Hollywood agents.
168
00:13:58,204 --> 00:14:02,538
No, he's really nice. He's got kind
of a Midwestern sensibility, corn-fed guy.
169
00:14:02,708 --> 00:14:05,472
But there are a lot of those slick guys
who are full of it.
170
00:14:05,644 --> 00:14:09,045
Those agents who are just coming up
with crazy ideas all the time, right?
171
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:12,309
Are you trying to lead
into some kind of crazy...
172
00:14:12,484 --> 00:14:15,385
...Hollywood agent-type sketch
or something?
173
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:17,215
No.
174
00:14:21,227 --> 00:14:24,492
Yeah, I'll be here all day. Okay.
175
00:14:24,663 --> 00:14:28,929
So where were we? Oh, yeah, okay.
Show's number one again.
176
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:31,069
May I?
177
00:14:31,237 --> 00:14:35,731
Michael, we need to have a serious talk
about our career direction.
178
00:14:36,909 --> 00:14:38,740
- Quit.
- Quit what?
179
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:42,779
Quit the show. Don't wait till you're down
with Seinfeld in the middle of the pack.
180
00:14:42,948 --> 00:14:46,315
Do it now. You're on top. You can
do anything. Let's go 180 on them.
181
00:14:46,485 --> 00:14:50,012
- That's ridiculous.
- Of course. That's what I'm saying.
182
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:52,589
I'm so glad we're finally
having this conversation.
183
00:14:52,758 --> 00:14:55,955
You guys are too good for comedy.
Let's do a disease, all right?
184
00:14:56,128 --> 00:14:58,995
Tom, you get sick.
Rosie, you come and take care of him.
185
00:14:59,164 --> 00:15:04,466
Rosie, you get sick. Tom takes care of you.
You die, you fall in love, whatever.
186
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,502
You're the creative ones. Figure it out.
187
00:15:06,672 --> 00:15:09,835
We're beginning to feel like
you're not the right agent for us.
188
00:15:10,442 --> 00:15:14,401
What, this is a bit, right? Doing a thing?
I love it. Keep going. Come on.
189
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:19,847
- You haven't done crap for us.
- All right, where's the punch?
190
00:15:21,687 --> 00:15:26,056
Come on, Rosie. What do you want?
You're number one. Where else can we go?
191
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:29,194
The show was number one
when we hired you.
192
00:15:29,361 --> 00:15:31,795
This weight-Ioss thing
is playing with your heads.
193
00:15:31,964 --> 00:15:33,955
Is this the Slim Shake talking?
194
00:15:34,133 --> 00:15:38,194
If it is, let's get a cheeseburger, fries,
fried chicken, and eat it...
195
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,031
...because nothing is worth this.
196
00:15:40,205 --> 00:15:43,641
Let's face it. The diet is killing
your careers. Fat is funny.
197
00:15:43,809 --> 00:15:49,907
Go back in time. Greeks, Romans, in the tub,
rub-a-dub-lub, three men having fun.
198
00:15:50,082 --> 00:15:52,312
What about all the promises you made?
199
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:56,147
You said you were gonna get me
in Dracula and Batman Returns.
200
00:15:56,322 --> 00:15:58,950
Hang on. Yeah?
201
00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:02,656
I got Ice Cube's record company.
Hang on.
202
00:16:03,629 --> 00:16:06,154
Yo, yo, yo. What's up, G?
203
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,091
Chill. No, it's whack.
204
00:16:11,270 --> 00:16:15,502
Yeah, I'll be here till 5,
then I got an Empty Nest taping. Okay.
205
00:16:15,674 --> 00:16:17,437
So where were we?
206
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:23,142
Nice to see them
in such a good mood for a change.
207
00:16:23,315 --> 00:16:25,715
Can I just say?
Up and then down. And then here...
208
00:16:25,884 --> 00:16:30,014
- I just want to talk to you about...
- Want to do Hot Country Nights?
209
00:16:30,189 --> 00:16:33,386
- No, I don't want to do Hot Country Nights.
- They can't afford you.
210
00:16:33,559 --> 00:16:36,494
I want to do the disease movie
like we talked about.
211
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:39,654
What disease? You do the wrong disease,
it doesn't help anybody.
212
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,096
What if I just do an obsession,
not a disease?
213
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:45,600
A guy who can't stop washing
his hands. No one's done that.
214
00:16:46,472 --> 00:16:47,939
I could do that. Look.
215
00:16:48,107 --> 00:16:50,769
Oh, my hands are dirty.
216
00:16:52,077 --> 00:16:56,377
Oh, I'm a dirty boy. I'm a dirty boy.
217
00:16:57,583 --> 00:17:00,416
More water. Towels. Towels.
More water. Soap.
218
00:17:00,586 --> 00:17:05,046
- I can't even go out. Huh?
- Don't do any more, because it's too good.
219
00:17:05,224 --> 00:17:08,421
- I'll make the call.
- Thank you. You got a Prozac?
220
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:12,893
- This is Bob Odenkirk. He's on the show.
- Hi.
221
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:15,829
We've been walking around the set.
It's a historic place.
222
00:17:16,001 --> 00:17:20,904
This lot's had a lot of great shows on it.
This is Stage 3, the Hit Factory.
223
00:17:21,073 --> 00:17:24,975
They had a lot of hit shows in there
like George Burns, and I Love Lucy.
224
00:17:25,144 --> 00:17:29,274
- Really? I Love Lucy was there?
- Yeah, absolutely. And on the left is Stage 7.
225
00:17:29,448 --> 00:17:33,316
That's called The Sandbox
because they do game shows there.
226
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:37,819
- They do Jeopardy! in there now.
- Really? Alex Trebek is probably right inside.
227
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:39,753
- He's probably in there.
- Yeah.
228
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,689
So Stage 2, where we shoot our show,
what's that called?
229
00:17:42,861 --> 00:17:45,921
That's The Morgue. That's where
they shot the Dennis Miller Show...
230
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:50,933
... Fish Police, and Cop Rock. A lot of shows.
I'm gonna go over there now.
231
00:17:51,103 --> 00:17:55,665
The morgue? That's probably...
Is that like a funny term? Is that...?
232
00:17:55,841 --> 00:17:58,401
He's performed for presidents,
heads of state.
233
00:17:58,577 --> 00:18:02,069
He loves to make people laugh
almost as much as he loves his freedom.
234
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:06,775
HBO presents:
The Last Stand of Yakov Smirnoff.
235
00:18:06,952 --> 00:18:10,319
Thank you. You know,
since Soviet Union broke up...
236
00:18:10,489 --> 00:18:12,582
...people say I have nothing
to joke about.
237
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:16,888
Well, I say there's always Albania.
238
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:20,723
The Iron Curtain's lifted,
and Yakov's on his own.
239
00:18:20,899 --> 00:18:24,801
In former Soviet Union,
used to be pretty bad. We had no freedom.
240
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:30,067
Now we have freedom.
Pretty crazy, huh?
241
00:18:32,411 --> 00:18:36,973
What a sovereignty
of independent states. I love it!
242
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:42,820
The Soviet Union's gone,
but Yakov is as funny as ever.
243
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:45,456
Oh, a defector.
244
00:18:50,596 --> 00:18:54,726
Yeah, things are pretty bad
in China now, you know.
245
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:59,701
Which was like the former
Soviet Union used to be. Communist.
246
00:18:59,872 --> 00:19:04,275
Did I ever tell you I'm part Chinese
on my mother's side?
247
00:19:04,443 --> 00:19:06,809
Whenever I go
to visit relatives in China...
248
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:10,608
...we eat, and then an hour later,
we want freedom.
249
00:19:13,385 --> 00:19:17,116
I have relatives in former Soviet Union
who I could not visit.
250
00:19:17,289 --> 00:19:21,658
Now I can visit them.
What a union of democratic republics.
251
00:19:21,827 --> 00:19:27,163
What an incredible sovereignty of states.
What a confederacy of independent nations.
252
00:19:27,332 --> 00:19:31,735
What a crazy independent nation
of union of socialist republics...
253
00:19:31,904 --> 00:19:37,536
...that are together in a federation
of craziness that is all free.
254
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,781
I love this country!
255
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,086
You stink!
256
00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:55,158
I want to go back
to Soviet Union the way it was...
257
00:19:55,327 --> 00:19:57,295
...when we were all oppressed, and I'd...
258
00:19:57,462 --> 00:20:00,795
- Get off the stage!
- Why don't you get off stage?
259
00:20:01,266 --> 00:20:07,227
I can be funny
even if Soviet Union is no more.
260
00:20:07,406 --> 00:20:11,570
I just want freedom to go away.
261
00:20:12,978 --> 00:20:15,037
I am cold.
262
00:20:15,214 --> 00:20:17,705
I am frightened.
263
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:21,649
What will the new world order
bring for Yakov?
264
00:20:21,820 --> 00:20:28,191
It's The Last Stand of Yakov Smirnoff.
Coming this fall.
265
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,482
The hoe by Wilson.
Available at The Home Shop.
266
00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:08,790
That's it. That's the first show.
We had a good time.
267
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:11,265
I hope you did too.
We'll see you next week.
268
00:21:11,436 --> 00:21:13,666
I know it's almost over.
I think in the future...
269
00:21:13,839 --> 00:21:16,535
...we gotta start thinking catch phrases.
- Catch phrases?
270
00:21:16,708 --> 00:21:19,700
Absolutely. You know, like,
"What the, what the hey!"
271
00:21:19,878 --> 00:21:24,247
- Or "Look out below!"
- "What the, what the hey"?
272
00:21:24,416 --> 00:21:27,249
- All right, why don't you...
- Or "Oh, my gosh!"
273
00:21:27,419 --> 00:21:29,478
You know, this sort of thing:
274
00:21:29,655 --> 00:21:32,419
- Catch phrases. We'll put them on T-shirts.
- See you next week.
275
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:35,185
- Think about it. Is he listening?
- I'm getting out of here.
276
00:21:44,736 --> 00:21:49,070
Who's ever driving the red Le Sabre,
if you could please move it.
277
00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:54,008
Aunt Sadie's trying to get out.
You're blocking her. She has to get to her...
278
00:21:54,179 --> 00:21:55,771
To her urologist appointment.
279
00:21:55,947 --> 00:21:58,006
Kiss my grits!
280
00:21:58,183 --> 00:22:00,413
Flo! Alice!
281
00:22:00,585 --> 00:22:04,112
It's all about lateral motion now.
"I'm over here. Wait, I went over here.
282
00:22:04,289 --> 00:22:06,314
I doubled back here."
"I thought you were here."
283
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:09,517
"I want to stay in the same place."
That's what it's about.
284
00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:12,794
Mr. Grant!
285
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,591
Mary Tyler Moore...
286
00:22:35,253 --> 00:22:39,019
Don't worry, he can't see you.
It's a one-way mirror.
287
00:22:39,191 --> 00:22:40,681
- Cut!
- Why were you laughing?
288
00:22:44,496 --> 00:22:45,485
[ENGLISH]
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00:22:45,535 --> 00:22:50,085
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