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1
00:00:04,693 --> 00:00:07,222
Mandy, you're getting
glitter on my soccer ball.
2
00:00:07,222 --> 00:00:09,585
Oh, well, now it's a disco ball.
You're welcome!
3
00:00:11,094 --> 00:00:13,439
Oh, look. Boyd drew a rocket...
4
00:00:13,439 --> 00:00:16,656
Or a... wiener. You know what?
Let's go with rocket.
5
00:00:18,868 --> 00:00:20,426
Oh! Your dad's home!
6
00:00:20,426 --> 00:00:23,693
Oh, finally. I've been cooped
up with you hens long enough.
7
00:00:23,693 --> 00:00:25,754
Oh, Eve, honey, it's not
cute when your dad says it,
8
00:00:25,754 --> 00:00:29,357
and it's just... confusing when you do it.
9
00:00:29,357 --> 00:00:31,133
Where was his catalog shoot this time?
10
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:33,579
Peru? Portugal? Something with a "p."
11
00:00:33,579 --> 00:00:35,690
Yeah, Alaska, with a "p."
12
00:00:37,283 --> 00:00:39,461
He said he was bringing dinner home.
13
00:00:39,461 --> 00:00:40,952
Oh, good. We're starving.
14
00:00:40,952 --> 00:00:43,733
I'm back!
15
00:00:43,733 --> 00:00:45,074
Ah.
16
00:00:45,074 --> 00:00:47,420
All right, dinner.
17
00:00:47,420 --> 00:00:48,174
Oh!
18
00:00:49,834 --> 00:00:52,279
What am I supposed to do with this?
19
00:00:52,279 --> 00:00:54,122
You slice it, mouth to anus.
20
00:00:54,122 --> 00:00:56,837
You pull everything out.
Pretty self-explanatory.
21
00:01:00,557 --> 00:01:02,584
I gotta grab a shower. Mmm. Yeah.
22
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:06,555
It is great to be back home.
23
00:01:12,085 --> 00:01:14,732
Wow. You're heading to work kinda early.
24
00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:16,474
By the sun's position,
I'd have it at--
25
00:01:16,474 --> 00:01:18,452
yeah. You wanna just look at a clock?
26
00:01:20,832 --> 00:01:23,647
Ugh, the boss wants
to see me. I'm worried.
27
00:01:23,647 --> 00:01:25,372
Even though I've been there almost a year,
28
00:01:25,372 --> 00:01:27,333
I'm still the new chick.
29
00:01:27,333 --> 00:01:29,376
That's good. New chick's always hot.
30
00:01:29,376 --> 00:01:31,070
Look, I could use some help.
31
00:01:31,070 --> 00:01:33,164
How long are you home for this time?
32
00:01:33,164 --> 00:01:35,275
Oh, probably seven days,
33
00:01:35,275 --> 00:01:37,855
then we're off to Costa Rica
shooting our spring catalog.
34
00:01:37,855 --> 00:01:40,034
What do you need? Can
you drive Eve to soccer?
35
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,882
Soccer. That's just Europe's covert war
36
00:01:42,882 --> 00:01:46,434
for the hearts and
minds of America's kids.
37
00:01:46,434 --> 00:01:48,277
We're scrimmaging the
boys to make us tougher.
38
00:01:48,277 --> 00:01:50,624
Well, the boys aren't that
tough. I've seen them play.
39
00:01:50,624 --> 00:01:52,517
Running around, getting
hair gel in their eyes,
40
00:01:52,517 --> 00:01:55,483
run in the goalpost, and
they cry.
41
00:01:55,483 --> 00:01:59,135
Why are you watching the
young boys play soccer?
42
00:01:59,135 --> 00:02:02,051
I'm pretty sure I just explained why.
43
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:04,783
Morning. Morning.
44
00:02:04,783 --> 00:02:07,581
Hey. Hey, mom, can you
take Boyd to day care?
45
00:02:07,581 --> 00:02:10,395
I can't be late to the diner.
46
00:02:10,395 --> 00:02:11,937
It's our "salute to bacon"
week, and I'm the only person
47
00:02:11,937 --> 00:02:14,048
who knows how to work the defibrillator.
48
00:02:14,048 --> 00:02:16,126
I'm running late. Ask your dad.
49
00:02:16,126 --> 00:02:18,070
Oh, not dad. Boyd only
knows, like, six words,
50
00:02:18,070 --> 00:02:19,159
and half of them are...
51
00:02:19,159 --> 00:02:21,321
"I blame Obamacare!"
52
00:02:22,713 --> 00:02:24,671
He's a bad influence.
53
00:02:24,671 --> 00:02:26,180
You know, he's standing right here.
54
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:27,822
He does his best.
55
00:02:27,822 --> 00:02:30,637
Literally, I'm standing right here.
56
00:02:30,637 --> 00:02:32,748
You know who should take Boyd to day care?
57
00:02:32,748 --> 00:02:35,278
Is that deadbeat, no-good father of his.
58
00:02:35,278 --> 00:02:37,424
Yeah, dad. We've been over this, really.
59
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:38,848
I'm doing fine.
60
00:02:38,848 --> 00:02:40,255
I know this might be
hard for you to believe
61
00:02:40,255 --> 00:02:42,466
because you're so old school,
but I do not need a man.
62
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:45,081
Well, you got a baby,
so you needed a man once.
63
00:02:47,629 --> 00:02:48,382
Ew!
64
00:02:49,941 --> 00:02:52,705
All right, I will take Boyd to day care,
65
00:02:52,705 --> 00:02:54,162
but I just hope my being late
66
00:02:54,162 --> 00:02:56,676
does not cause the
great bacon riot of 2011.
67
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,324
I like bacon.
68
00:03:00,631 --> 00:03:02,641
You need to lay off
Kristin. She won't admit it,
69
00:03:02,641 --> 00:03:04,350
but she's having a tough time.
70
00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:05,657
People have been having a tough time
71
00:03:05,657 --> 00:03:07,366
since the beginning of time.
72
00:03:07,366 --> 00:03:09,176
You know what's the matter
with the world these days?
73
00:03:09,176 --> 00:03:12,158
Sure. Let's discuss that.
74
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:15,208
Love you.
75
00:03:15,208 --> 00:03:16,884
Have a good day at work. I love you.
76
00:03:16,884 --> 00:03:18,391
Bye.
77
00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:24,491
Now what's wrong?
78
00:03:24,491 --> 00:03:27,607
Dad, no. It's gonna be boring.
79
00:03:27,607 --> 00:03:29,869
I just... I
really needed mom's advice.
80
00:03:29,869 --> 00:03:32,249
Well, I'm here. You can have dad's advice.
81
00:03:32,249 --> 00:03:34,008
No, I need good advice.
82
00:03:35,350 --> 00:03:36,605
I gave your older sister plenty of advice
83
00:03:36,605 --> 00:03:38,164
when she was a teenager. What's up?
84
00:03:38,164 --> 00:03:39,403
Oh, yeah, is that when she got the tattoo
85
00:03:39,403 --> 00:03:41,448
or when she came home
from her prom pregnant?
86
00:03:41,448 --> 00:03:44,297
She has a tattoo?
87
00:03:44,297 --> 00:03:46,475
I think it's called a tramp stamp.
88
00:03:46,475 --> 00:03:48,720
Yeah, thank God. She
doesn't have a tattoo.
89
00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,982
She has a-a tramp stamp.
90
00:03:52,609 --> 00:03:53,831
What's the matter?
I'm saying--
91
00:03:53,831 --> 00:03:55,037
no! You're just gonna say it's stupid.
92
00:03:55,037 --> 00:03:57,266
Come on. Give me a break. I'm your dad.
93
00:03:57,266 --> 00:03:58,707
What's--what's
going on?
94
00:04:00,719 --> 00:04:03,130
Travis said that "Glee" is dumb.
95
00:04:03,130 --> 00:04:05,477
For crap's sake. Is
that what's worrying you?
96
00:04:05,477 --> 00:04:07,772
Is that why you're crying?
97
00:04:12,934 --> 00:04:14,423
What's "Glee"?
98
00:04:16,117 --> 00:04:19,116
Hey, guys, great to be
back in the sanctuary.
99
00:04:19,116 --> 00:04:23,606
Yeah. No hair dryers, no
tears, no citrus body wash.
100
00:04:23,606 --> 00:04:26,924
It smells like balls in here.
101
00:04:30,075 --> 00:04:32,118
Who are you?
102
00:04:32,118 --> 00:04:33,878
I'm Kyle.
103
00:04:33,878 --> 00:04:35,888
You hired me a couple of months ago.
104
00:04:35,888 --> 00:04:38,217
I parked in your spot, and
you broke my windshield.
105
00:04:38,217 --> 00:04:40,412
It's Kyle.
How's it going, buddy?
106
00:04:40,412 --> 00:04:41,502
Hi.
107
00:04:41,502 --> 00:04:43,243
Kyle. I like the name "Kyle."
108
00:04:43,243 --> 00:04:46,025
That's a man's name,
guys-- Kyle. "K." Kyle.
109
00:04:46,025 --> 00:04:48,036
"I'm-here-to-kick-
some-crap-Kyle."
110
00:04:48,036 --> 00:04:50,114
Actually, Kyle's my mother's maiden name.
111
00:04:50,114 --> 00:04:52,058
Didn't need to know that, Kyle.
112
00:04:53,701 --> 00:04:54,454
Oh.
113
00:04:55,142 --> 00:04:56,783
Welcome home, Mikey.
114
00:04:56,783 --> 00:04:58,995
Hey, buddy.
115
00:04:58,995 --> 00:05:00,218
How are you? Good.
116
00:05:00,218 --> 00:05:02,145
Did you bring me back
something from Alaska?
117
00:05:02,145 --> 00:05:04,122
Hmm? What are you, 3?
118
00:05:09,384 --> 00:05:10,908
Oh, good.
119
00:05:10,908 --> 00:05:13,539
I didn't have one of these guys.
Ah, yeah, yeah.
120
00:05:13,539 --> 00:05:15,818
All right, look, I'm, uh,
121
00:05:15,818 --> 00:05:17,761
I'm not gonna beat around
the bush here.
122
00:05:17,761 --> 00:05:20,811
Just got a call from corporate
today.
123
00:05:20,811 --> 00:05:22,755
They wanna shut down the catalog.
124
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:25,402
Corporate? You own the company.
125
00:05:25,402 --> 00:05:27,245
It was worth a shot. What the hell.
126
00:05:27,245 --> 00:05:28,922
What are you talking about?
127
00:05:28,922 --> 00:05:30,865
Our catalog was voted "best catalog"
128
00:05:30,865 --> 00:05:33,194
by "catalogs magazine."
129
00:05:33,194 --> 00:05:34,651
Catalog is done.
130
00:05:34,651 --> 00:05:35,690
What, are you gonna phase it out?
131
00:05:35,690 --> 00:05:37,031
Consider it phased.
132
00:05:37,031 --> 00:05:38,572
After Costa Rica, we're done?
133
00:05:38,572 --> 00:05:40,583
No Costa, no Rica. You're grounded.
134
00:05:40,583 --> 00:05:44,002
But I need your expertise on the web site.
135
00:05:44,002 --> 00:05:45,275
The web site's terrible.
136
00:05:45,275 --> 00:05:46,783
Oh, that's why I want you in charge of it.
137
00:05:46,783 --> 00:05:48,726
For us to have any future at all,
138
00:05:48,726 --> 00:05:51,140
we have to lure young men to our stuff.
139
00:05:51,140 --> 00:05:54,591
Now you talk like my sisters talking.
140
00:05:54,591 --> 00:05:58,446
Young people don't read catalogs anymore.
141
00:05:58,446 --> 00:06:01,679
They're online, so your job
now is you gotta go get 'em.
142
00:06:01,679 --> 00:06:03,891
I need this company to be
viable a hundred years from now
143
00:06:03,891 --> 00:06:05,684
so I'll have a place to come back to
144
00:06:05,684 --> 00:06:08,029
when they unfreeze my head.
145
00:06:08,029 --> 00:06:11,247
Why don't we just hire
a young Internet geek
146
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:12,587
to improve the web site?
147
00:06:12,587 --> 00:06:15,168
Well, I could do that,
then what would you do?
148
00:06:15,168 --> 00:06:17,044
I can't believe you're grounding me.
149
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,184
I'll make a deal.
150
00:06:18,184 --> 00:06:20,195
You find a way to increase our web sales,
151
00:06:20,195 --> 00:06:21,803
I'll find a way of putting
you back on the road.
152
00:06:21,803 --> 00:06:23,814
Is that a deal?
153
00:06:23,814 --> 00:06:25,892
It's a deal. Now scram.
154
00:06:27,668 --> 00:06:29,344
What, you have time to
go to the range today?
155
00:06:29,344 --> 00:06:33,163
No, some jack-wang is parked in my spot.
156
00:06:37,936 --> 00:06:39,041
Guess what?
157
00:06:39,041 --> 00:06:42,023
I was offered a huge promotion at work.
158
00:06:42,023 --> 00:06:43,715
Congratulations. Yeah.
159
00:06:43,715 --> 00:06:46,078
But if I take it, it
would be longer hours,
160
00:06:46,078 --> 00:06:47,385
and that would mean
161
00:06:47,385 --> 00:06:49,295
you'd have to step up
around here with the girls.
162
00:06:49,295 --> 00:06:51,105
That's great.
163
00:06:51,105 --> 00:06:53,518
But how can I work longer hours
164
00:06:53,518 --> 00:06:55,193
if you're always gone?
165
00:06:55,193 --> 00:06:57,170
M-maybe I-I
won't go so much.
166
00:06:57,170 --> 00:06:58,511
Oh, well, that's sweet.
167
00:06:58,511 --> 00:06:59,517
Yeah.
168
00:06:59,517 --> 00:07:01,360
- What happened?
- Nothing.
169
00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:04,509
You know, just maybe I wanna
spend more time with the girls.
170
00:07:04,509 --> 00:07:05,883
What happened?
171
00:07:05,883 --> 00:07:08,062
Ohh. Ed's grounding me
172
00:07:08,062 --> 00:07:11,195
until I can increase our
company's web presence.
173
00:07:11,195 --> 00:07:14,395
Well, you should
talk to Mandy about her Vlog.
174
00:07:14,395 --> 00:07:15,635
Vlog? Yeah.
175
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,144
Is that slang for something bad?
176
00:07:17,144 --> 00:07:18,349
Like what?
177
00:07:20,630 --> 00:07:21,969
I don't know. I
have a-- when I move,
178
00:07:21,969 --> 00:07:23,796
sometimes my Vlog hits...
179
00:07:23,796 --> 00:07:24,640
Hits...
180
00:07:26,126 --> 00:07:29,242
Sorry I'm late for dinner!
Travis and I got a flat tire,
181
00:07:29,242 --> 00:07:31,805
and it took forever for
triple "a" to get there.
182
00:07:31,805 --> 00:07:33,798
Wait. Don't tell me
183
00:07:33,798 --> 00:07:36,814
you called a strange
person to change your tire.
184
00:07:36,814 --> 00:07:40,100
Then why did you give
me an auto club card?
185
00:07:40,100 --> 00:07:41,708
That's for a real emergency,
186
00:07:41,708 --> 00:07:44,959
like a meteor hitting
the car or something.
187
00:07:44,959 --> 00:07:46,634
Wh-where is Travis?
188
00:07:46,634 --> 00:07:47,673
Uh, he went to the tanning salon.
189
00:07:47,673 --> 00:07:48,758
Ohh! Ugh!
190
00:07:50,691 --> 00:07:55,263
Ow! That actually hurts to hear that.
191
00:07:55,263 --> 00:07:57,492
Honey, I-I don't think
you're ever gonna be able
192
00:07:57,492 --> 00:08:00,676
to rely on this guy Travis,
and I'm also gonna ground you
193
00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:02,552
till you can figure out
how to change a tire.
194
00:08:02,552 --> 00:08:03,959
That's so unfair!
195
00:08:03,959 --> 00:08:06,909
Who ever said life was
supposed to be fair?
196
00:08:06,909 --> 00:08:09,590
I'm just doing this so you
don't have to depend on a man.
197
00:08:09,590 --> 00:08:10,662
Um, I thought your argument with me
198
00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:12,773
was that I needed a man.
199
00:08:12,773 --> 00:08:18,705
Just concern yourself
with this area over here.
200
00:08:22,191 --> 00:08:23,363
- How's work?
- Yeah.
201
00:08:23,363 --> 00:08:25,240
Oh, they're adding
all-you-can-eat sausage
202
00:08:25,240 --> 00:08:26,514
to the mix tomorrow.
203
00:08:26,514 --> 00:08:29,161
It's gonna be mayhem.
204
00:08:29,161 --> 00:08:31,339
Mm. I love sausage.
205
00:08:33,485 --> 00:08:35,931
Your dad can drive Boyd to day care.
206
00:08:35,931 --> 00:08:38,158
There's no car seat in the truck.
There's no car seat in the truck.
207
00:08:38,158 --> 00:08:40,320
Well, I will take the truck.
You can take the minivan.
208
00:08:42,701 --> 00:08:45,649
You'll take the truck.
I'll drive the minivan.
209
00:08:45,649 --> 00:08:47,224
You're not kidding right now, are you?
210
00:08:47,224 --> 00:08:49,385
No, I'm not.
211
00:08:50,978 --> 00:08:53,222
Well, aloha.
212
00:08:53,222 --> 00:08:55,166
Sure. All right.
213
00:08:55,166 --> 00:08:56,507
All right, champ.
214
00:08:56,507 --> 00:08:58,433
You have a great day
at day care, all right?
215
00:08:58,433 --> 00:09:00,259
Oh, we don't--we don't
use terms like that here.
216
00:09:00,259 --> 00:09:03,444
See, "champ" implies
victory over another person.
217
00:09:03,444 --> 00:09:05,756
Right, and you're all winners here.
218
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:08,018
Now you're getting it. Hey, come on in.
219
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:10,414
Ruby's two dads are here,
and they're making muffins--
220
00:09:10,414 --> 00:09:12,392
flax and pumpkin.
221
00:09:12,392 --> 00:09:15,038
Please tell me that's not their names.
222
00:09:15,038 --> 00:09:17,116
That's a good one. Take the shoes off.
223
00:09:17,116 --> 00:09:19,295
We're building a mosque out of pillows.
224
00:09:19,295 --> 00:09:21,071
Give me the kid back.
225
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:25,059
Everything you need to know about life
226
00:09:25,059 --> 00:09:26,282
you can learn from hanging with grandpa.
227
00:09:26,282 --> 00:09:27,740
You just stick with me, all right?
228
00:09:27,740 --> 00:09:29,968
Kyle, take the baby, will ya?
229
00:09:29,968 --> 00:09:31,141
Yeah.
230
00:09:31,141 --> 00:09:33,202
Here you go. Whew. You'll need this.
231
00:09:33,202 --> 00:09:35,414
Dropped a bomb.
232
00:09:44,765 --> 00:09:46,205
So as you know, I normally
broadcast from Mandyland.
233
00:09:46,205 --> 00:09:48,752
But tonight I'm transmitting
from cell block "c"
234
00:09:48,752 --> 00:09:50,762
of dad-ica prison.
235
00:09:50,762 --> 00:09:52,237
Da-dica?
236
00:09:52,237 --> 00:09:55,320
♪ Dad, oh,
da-a-a-a-ad ♪
237
00:09:55,320 --> 00:10:00,013
♪ Travis went to gaga,
can't you see I'm sad? ♪
238
00:10:00,013 --> 00:10:02,475
Ugh! Ahh!
239
00:10:02,475 --> 00:10:06,011
5,000 followers? People got a lot
of time on their hands.
240
00:10:06,011 --> 00:10:09,061
Hey, Kyle! Didn't I ask
you to take care of the kid?
241
00:10:09,061 --> 00:10:11,708
Yeah, Ed's pulling him around
the parking lot. He's what?
242
00:10:11,708 --> 00:10:14,656
In a kayak. Oh.
243
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:17,455
Kyle.
244
00:10:19,367 --> 00:10:21,762
- Do you know how to change a tire?
- Sure. You need me to change your tire?
245
00:10:21,762 --> 00:10:25,950
- Do I look like the kind of guy that can't change his own tire?
- Why are you yelling at me?
246
00:10:25,950 --> 00:10:27,241
I don't know what we're talking about.
247
00:10:27,241 --> 00:10:29,335
Why don't you come over to my house?
248
00:10:29,335 --> 00:10:30,793
I want you to meet my daughter Mandy.
249
00:10:30,793 --> 00:10:32,754
If you like her, maybe
take her out on a date.
250
00:10:32,754 --> 00:10:36,658
If you don't like her,
take her out on a date.
251
00:10:36,658 --> 00:10:38,182
But no funny business.
252
00:10:38,182 --> 00:10:39,489
You mean like sex?
253
00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:40,242
Oh.
254
00:10:42,372 --> 00:10:43,778
You know, it troubles me, Kyle,
255
00:10:43,778 --> 00:10:45,387
that you're so handy with that word.
256
00:10:47,231 --> 00:10:49,174
Just try to remember something.
257
00:10:49,174 --> 00:10:50,347
I could fire you...
258
00:10:55,006 --> 00:10:57,569
Or worse.
259
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:58,993
Huh?
260
00:11:01,902 --> 00:11:04,566
Dad, where's Boyd?
261
00:11:04,566 --> 00:11:07,263
Uh, he's napping. He got
into the energy bars at work.
262
00:11:07,263 --> 00:11:10,782
He ran around until he passed out.
263
00:11:10,782 --> 00:11:13,429
So... instead of taking him to day care,
264
00:11:13,429 --> 00:11:16,964
you took him to the blow
dart and shotgun emporium?
265
00:11:16,964 --> 00:11:19,763
He wasn't around anything dangerous, okay?
266
00:11:19,763 --> 00:11:20,936
And I can't say the same
267
00:11:20,936 --> 00:11:23,282
had I left him at hippie hippie rainbow.
268
00:11:24,522 --> 00:11:26,298
Bruce teaches sensitivity and tolerance.
269
00:11:26,298 --> 00:11:28,141
I just don't think your kid
should go to that school.
270
00:11:28,141 --> 00:11:29,565
You know how that ends up. Hmm?
271
00:11:29,565 --> 00:11:32,162
Boyd dancing on a float.
272
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:37,290
And what would be so wrong with that?
273
00:11:37,290 --> 00:11:38,798
The only time men should be dancin'
274
00:11:38,798 --> 00:11:42,752
is when other other men
are shootin' at their feet.
275
00:11:42,752 --> 00:11:45,149
Are you gonna meddle up
until the day you die?
276
00:11:45,149 --> 00:11:47,963
And beyond.
277
00:11:47,963 --> 00:11:51,297
I have a very specific will.
278
00:11:53,862 --> 00:11:57,800
Mandy keeps telling me
soccer's making my legs thick.
279
00:11:57,800 --> 00:12:01,988
Listen, Eve, boys like a
gal with a sturdy foundation.
280
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,876
That's what attracted me to
your mom in the first place.
281
00:12:07,150 --> 00:12:09,947
Don't ever tell her I said that.
282
00:12:09,947 --> 00:12:12,963
I've never played against the boys before.
283
00:12:12,963 --> 00:12:14,723
Are there any cute ones?
284
00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:17,907
No. Who said
anything about Victor Blake?
285
00:12:20,588 --> 00:12:23,017
Let me give you some advice.
286
00:12:23,017 --> 00:12:24,995
You wanna impress the boys, you play hard,
287
00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,317
take the game to them,
288
00:12:26,317 --> 00:12:29,200
prove that you belong on that field.
289
00:12:29,200 --> 00:12:30,942
Trust me.
290
00:12:32,703 --> 00:12:34,998
Well, we have to move!
291
00:12:36,372 --> 00:12:37,511
What happened?
292
00:12:37,511 --> 00:12:39,757
Dad! He told me that
boys would like me more
293
00:12:39,757 --> 00:12:42,337
if I played aggressive. I
sprained Victor Blake's ankle,
294
00:12:42,337 --> 00:12:44,448
and now they call me "Queen Kong."
295
00:12:46,292 --> 00:12:47,866
I'm going to pack!
296
00:12:47,866 --> 00:12:48,870
Ugh!
297
00:12:52,559 --> 00:12:53,965
I can explain.
298
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,853
We might have to move.
299
00:12:57,853 --> 00:13:00,332
Why are you giving girl advice?
300
00:13:00,332 --> 00:13:01,556
Why don't you just
stick to what you know--
301
00:13:01,556 --> 00:13:04,538
chasing raccoons out of the yard?
302
00:13:04,538 --> 00:13:06,934
They're a herding animal.
303
00:13:06,934 --> 00:13:08,509
If you don't nip
that in the bud--
304
00:13:08,509 --> 00:13:10,385
oh, I...
305
00:13:10,385 --> 00:13:14,709
I just hate to disappoint her.
306
00:13:14,709 --> 00:13:16,418
Kristin never listens to me anymore,
307
00:13:16,418 --> 00:13:18,932
and Mandy's got her new
family, the Kardashians.
308
00:13:20,659 --> 00:13:23,422
Queen Kong's my little buddy.
309
00:13:23,422 --> 00:13:25,266
Just go up and talk to her.
310
00:13:25,266 --> 00:13:27,511
She's not talking to me.
311
00:13:27,511 --> 00:13:29,321
None of my girls are talking to me.
312
00:13:29,321 --> 00:13:32,304
Usually I think that's a great idea.
313
00:13:32,304 --> 00:13:34,900
Right now it just hurts.
314
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:38,369
Mike, your girls are talking to you.
315
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:40,815
You just need to listen to them.
316
00:13:43,497 --> 00:13:44,837
Huh?
317
00:13:47,719 --> 00:13:49,092
Hi. Mike Baxter here,
318
00:13:49,092 --> 00:13:51,170
asking the question
that men have been asking
319
00:13:51,170 --> 00:13:52,745
since medieval times.
320
00:13:52,745 --> 00:13:55,644
Gosh darn it. Where can I get
321
00:13:55,644 --> 00:13:59,246
a crossbow online?
322
00:13:59,246 --> 00:14:02,330
This is the new Excalibur
super saber series.
323
00:14:02,330 --> 00:14:04,374
Composite handle, so when
you're huntin'...
324
00:14:04,374 --> 00:14:06,016
When you're huntin'...
325
00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:08,429
God. Who am I kidding?
326
00:14:08,429 --> 00:14:10,473
If you're watching this...
327
00:14:10,473 --> 00:14:11,948
You don't hunt.
328
00:14:11,948 --> 00:14:13,925
You're probably hunting for
a tissue right about now,
329
00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:15,232
aren't you?
330
00:14:15,232 --> 00:14:17,745
And some girl at a soccer game
331
00:14:17,745 --> 00:14:21,566
where nobody can lose sprained your ankle!
332
00:14:21,566 --> 00:14:23,174
There's a guy named
Jack Youngblood--
333
00:14:23,174 --> 00:14:26,793
played the super bowl with a broken leg!
334
00:14:26,793 --> 00:14:28,134
That's not fantasy!
335
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,179
What the heck is fantasy football?
336
00:14:30,179 --> 00:14:31,787
I got a fantasy.
337
00:14:31,787 --> 00:14:33,529
Why don't you get off the
frickin' couch, you morons?
338
00:14:33,529 --> 00:14:36,647
What happened to men?
339
00:14:36,647 --> 00:14:39,997
Men used to build cities just
so we could burn 'em down.
340
00:14:39,997 --> 00:14:43,281
We got our hair cut by a guy named Hank.
341
00:14:43,281 --> 00:14:44,890
But modern
man--what do you do?
342
00:14:44,890 --> 00:14:47,806
You run from stuff--
responsibility, fatherhood.
343
00:14:47,806 --> 00:14:51,492
You can't even change a tire. A tire!
344
00:14:51,492 --> 00:14:53,536
Why don't you get off
the couch, you moron,
345
00:14:53,536 --> 00:14:56,301
and go outside?!
346
00:14:56,301 --> 00:14:58,982
You'll see something
bright. It's called the sun.
347
00:14:58,982 --> 00:15:01,278
It's like a tanning bed, but it's free!
348
00:15:03,322 --> 00:15:06,941
How is Mike pretending to
be angry, scary, and unstable
349
00:15:06,941 --> 00:15:10,242
good for our web site?
350
00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:13,593
We've gotten tons of hits. Hits are good.
351
00:15:13,593 --> 00:15:14,749
I know hits are good, you jack-wang.
352
00:15:14,749 --> 00:15:18,369
I'm not a thousand years old.
353
00:15:18,369 --> 00:15:19,776
It's gone viral.
354
00:15:19,776 --> 00:15:21,485
Our web traffic is way up.
355
00:15:21,485 --> 00:15:23,965
Well... Looks like this company
356
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:26,311
has finally entered the 20th century, huh?
357
00:15:26,311 --> 00:15:30,199
But it's the 21st century, sir.
358
00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:32,477
One step at a time, Kyle.
359
00:15:36,333 --> 00:15:38,308
Hey, Eve, would you
give me the ketchup--
360
00:15:38,308 --> 00:15:39,682
not talking to you.
361
00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:41,040
Kristin, does Boyd want a hot dog,
362
00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,039
or do you have some soy thing
on a stick in your purse?
363
00:15:45,649 --> 00:15:47,742
Okay, I get it.
364
00:15:47,742 --> 00:15:48,999
Nobody's talking to me.
365
00:15:48,999 --> 00:15:51,210
I'm talking to you, dad.
That makes me nervous.
366
00:15:51,210 --> 00:15:53,992
Yeah. Will you go pick up Travis, please?
367
00:15:53,992 --> 00:15:55,282
You can pick him up. Really?
368
00:15:55,282 --> 00:15:57,242
Yeah, if you can just figure
out how to change a tire.
369
00:15:58,299 --> 00:15:59,789
So sad.
370
00:15:59,789 --> 00:16:03,274
I'm living with Lord Voldemort!
371
00:16:03,274 --> 00:16:05,688
I don't know who that is,
372
00:16:05,688 --> 00:16:09,860
but he sounds like a very caring father.
373
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:13,664
Hi. You must be Mr. B's daughter.
374
00:16:13,664 --> 00:16:14,919
Okay.
375
00:16:16,144 --> 00:16:17,283
And who are you?
376
00:16:17,283 --> 00:16:20,265
I'm Kyle. Your dad wanted us to meet?
377
00:16:20,265 --> 00:16:22,779
Oh, God. Did he tell
you that I needed a man?
378
00:16:22,779 --> 00:16:25,392
Pretty much.
379
00:16:25,392 --> 00:16:27,621
Great. Well, did he also tell you
380
00:16:27,621 --> 00:16:30,788
that I need help because
I'm a single mom? Um...
381
00:16:30,788 --> 00:16:33,636
I'm guessing not by that
dumbfounded look on your face.
382
00:16:33,636 --> 00:16:36,870
Oh, no, this is just my face.
383
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,462
Okay, why are you hanging out with my dad?
384
00:16:38,462 --> 00:16:40,222
That's just weird. I work for him.
385
00:16:40,222 --> 00:16:43,255
Oh, God. Is he paying you to date me?
386
00:16:43,255 --> 00:16:45,081
Am I that pathetic?
387
00:16:45,081 --> 00:16:46,840
You wanna go to a movie?
388
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:50,727
Um, a-a movie. Well, I
have not been to a movie
389
00:16:50,727 --> 00:16:53,878
since my water broke during "Avatar."
390
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:56,559
Hello, Boyd.
391
00:16:56,559 --> 00:16:58,804
Boyd, right. That little dude's awesome.
392
00:16:58,804 --> 00:17:00,078
He really loves your dad.
393
00:17:00,078 --> 00:17:02,591
Yeah, well, Boyd loves everybody.
394
00:17:02,591 --> 00:17:03,798
No, he fell and tripped,
395
00:17:03,798 --> 00:17:05,373
and your dad came over
and hugged him and said,
396
00:17:05,373 --> 00:17:08,322
"hey, it's okay to cry. Just let it out."
397
00:17:08,322 --> 00:17:10,836
Wait. Mr. Outdoor Man said that?
398
00:17:10,836 --> 00:17:12,561
Later on, when a heat
lamp fell on my foot,
399
00:17:12,561 --> 00:17:15,627
was it okay for me to cry? No, it was not.
400
00:17:18,309 --> 00:17:20,185
Oh, o-okay. Um...
401
00:17:20,185 --> 00:17:22,464
I'm--I'm gonna go
and check on Boyd,
402
00:17:22,464 --> 00:17:24,961
and, um... And
you go say hi to my dad,
403
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:27,138
and then, um, we'll go.
404
00:17:27,138 --> 00:17:28,429
Okay. Okay.
405
00:17:33,658 --> 00:17:35,735
- Hey, Mr. B.
- Hey, Kyle.
406
00:17:35,735 --> 00:17:37,276
Thanks for having me over. You bet, buddy.
407
00:17:37,276 --> 00:17:38,784
Mandy is awesome.
408
00:17:38,784 --> 00:17:40,678
Well, that's great.
409
00:17:40,678 --> 00:17:43,224
Yeah, that is great. Who are you?
410
00:17:43,224 --> 00:17:44,682
I'm Kyle.
411
00:17:44,682 --> 00:17:46,559
I'm sort of Mike's right-hand man.
412
00:17:46,559 --> 00:17:48,837
No, you're not, Kyle.
413
00:17:48,837 --> 00:17:52,054
Hey, dad, thank you for
telling Kyle about me.
414
00:17:53,497 --> 00:17:57,451
It's o-okay, daughter.
415
00:17:57,451 --> 00:17:59,478
Wait, wait. Didn't--didn't
you just say you were here
416
00:17:59,478 --> 00:18:01,438
to see man--
and man.
417
00:18:01,438 --> 00:18:06,146
Man, am I hungry. That's a man.
418
00:18:06,146 --> 00:18:09,197
O-okay. Well, um, we're
gonna go see a movie
419
00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,173
- if you could watch Boyd.
- Yeah, sure.
420
00:18:11,173 --> 00:18:14,340
Actually, I was asking dad.
421
00:18:14,340 --> 00:18:17,826
Actually, she was asking me. Okay.
422
00:18:17,826 --> 00:18:20,372
Thank you, dad.
423
00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:21,412
Okay.
424
00:18:25,116 --> 00:18:27,880
Come on, Kyle.
425
00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,761
What the hell did you do?
426
00:18:32,605 --> 00:18:33,945
I-I don't know.
427
00:18:33,945 --> 00:18:36,257
Oh, Mr. B. I almost
forgot to tell you. Yeah.
428
00:18:36,257 --> 00:18:37,631
Ed says he's proud of you
429
00:18:37,631 --> 00:18:39,323
and that you're back on for Costa Rica.
430
00:18:39,323 --> 00:18:42,172
Great, great,
great. That-- good.
431
00:18:42,172 --> 00:18:44,669
Let me give you a little hint about Mandy.
432
00:18:44,669 --> 00:18:47,199
She likes to be called "Kristin."
433
00:18:47,199 --> 00:18:49,159
It's a nickname.
434
00:18:49,159 --> 00:18:50,550
Thanks, Mr. B.
435
00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:52,762
You bet.
436
00:18:52,762 --> 00:18:56,063
You know that's not gonna end well.
437
00:18:56,063 --> 00:18:57,705
Yes, I do.
438
00:18:57,705 --> 00:19:00,386
Well, I hope you're happy!
439
00:19:00,386 --> 00:19:02,062
Well, I was for a couple seconds.
440
00:19:03,503 --> 00:19:04,658
What's happening?
441
00:19:04,658 --> 00:19:05,916
I changed a tire. What?
442
00:19:05,916 --> 00:19:07,674
I broke three nails
and I ruined a sweater.
443
00:19:07,674 --> 00:19:11,043
Oh, and you know the--the--
the pumpy, pumpy thing?
444
00:19:11,043 --> 00:19:12,483
- Uh, jack.
- Yeah, jack.
445
00:19:12,483 --> 00:19:14,629
You need a new one.
446
00:19:14,629 --> 00:19:17,527
Uh... I'm proud of you, Mandy.
447
00:19:17,527 --> 00:19:18,567
Thanks, dad. Keys?
448
00:19:18,567 --> 00:19:20,225
Yeah, sure.
449
00:19:20,225 --> 00:19:21,884
I gotta go to Travis.
450
00:19:21,884 --> 00:19:24,431
We still have time to get our mani-pedis!
451
00:19:26,275 --> 00:19:27,119
Travis.
452
00:19:29,308 --> 00:19:31,652
If no one's coming to dinner,
and you're watching Boyd,
453
00:19:31,652 --> 00:19:33,295
then I'm gonna have three glasses of wine,
454
00:19:33,295 --> 00:19:35,741
take a bath, and go to bed.
455
00:19:36,798 --> 00:19:38,389
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hi, dad.
456
00:19:38,389 --> 00:19:40,433
What? What? What? Victor Blake.
457
00:19:40,433 --> 00:19:42,644
Uh, uh, uh, sprained ankle Victor Blake?
458
00:19:42,644 --> 00:19:44,823
Yeah. He called me, and
he liked the way I played.
459
00:19:44,823 --> 00:19:46,717
I told you that was gonna work out.
460
00:19:46,717 --> 00:19:49,531
He asked me out, dad. My first real date!
461
00:19:49,531 --> 00:19:52,665
I'll be aggressive
just like you taught me.
462
00:19:52,665 --> 00:19:56,083
No, no, no, no. Aggressive is bad! It...
463
00:19:57,492 --> 00:19:58,864
Nice going, coach.
464
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:01,429
I did not see that coming.
465
00:20:01,429 --> 00:20:06,622
Boy, I bet you're happy to be
hitting the road again, huh?
466
00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:07,795
I'm not going anywhere.
467
00:20:07,795 --> 00:20:10,795
What if Victor Blake can't change a tire?
468
00:20:10,795 --> 00:20:12,973
What are you saying?
469
00:20:14,784 --> 00:20:16,878
I'm saying... with your new promotion,
470
00:20:16,878 --> 00:20:19,005
you're gonna need a
lot of help around here.
471
00:20:19,005 --> 00:20:21,519
And that's you?
472
00:20:21,519 --> 00:20:25,423
Then I will definitely
need three glasses of wine.
473
00:20:25,423 --> 00:20:28,238
What's a man's number one responsibility?
474
00:20:28,238 --> 00:20:32,125
Mm, terrorizing his daughter's boyfriends?
475
00:20:32,125 --> 00:20:33,550
You get me.
476
00:20:33,550 --> 00:20:34,555
Mm.
477
00:20:34,555 --> 00:20:36,566
Which is why I married you.
478
00:20:36,566 --> 00:20:39,632
I thought it was for my sturdy foundation.
479
00:20:42,397 --> 00:20:43,241
Snitch!
480
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:52,358
The manly arts are
vanishing. That's a fact.
481
00:20:52,358 --> 00:20:55,006
What do we do when the aliens invade
482
00:20:55,006 --> 00:20:57,120
or the zombies come out of their graves
483
00:20:57,120 --> 00:20:58,688
and the machines rise up?
484
00:20:58,688 --> 00:21:00,302
Who's gonna lead us?
485
00:21:00,302 --> 00:21:01,306
You.
486
00:21:02,230 --> 00:21:05,195
I have all this knowledge. It's my duty...
487
00:21:05,195 --> 00:21:09,686
To pass it on for the future of mankind.
488
00:21:10,630 --> 00:21:12,193
And very important lesson tonight.
489
00:21:12,193 --> 00:21:14,309
This one here. Right
here. Put 'em up here.
490
00:21:14,309 --> 00:21:16,706
How do we get this little piggy
491
00:21:16,706 --> 00:21:20,158
all the way the over to market?
492
00:21:24,505 --> 00:21:25,984
Mandy?!
35765
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