Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:04,185 --> 00:00:08,948
Okay, we have three scratchers left,
and we really need a win here, okay?
2
00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:12,612
- Cherry... (Laughs nervously)
- (Tori) Okay...
3
00:00:13,156 --> 00:00:15,019
- Cherry...
- Ohh!
4
00:00:15,054 --> 00:00:17,607
- Lemon...
- Damn!
5
00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:19,844
- Cherry!
- Whoo! (Laughing)
6
00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:23,125
- One dollar! (Laughing)
- Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes!
7
00:00:23,126 --> 00:00:26,738
Why are we cheering?
Did another state legalize weed?
8
00:00:26,739 --> 00:00:28,140
No.
9
00:00:28,174 --> 00:00:30,442
We just hit
a winning scratcher,
10
00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:33,482
and, uh, Wisconsin is about
this close to legalizing weed.
11
00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:36,052
It's just tough to get
stoners out to vote.
12
00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:40,471
Guys, you know how much
I hate scratchers.
13
00:00:40,472 --> 00:00:42,659
My family threw away
so much money on them.
14
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,945
My cousin Tiffany said
that scratchers were her heroin.
15
00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,451
Tiffany smoked actual heroin.
16
00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:51,075
Jenny, you're not our mom.
17
00:00:51,143 --> 00:00:54,110
'Cause if you were, that'd be awful...
The things that I think about you.
18
00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:55,344
Ohh...
19
00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:57,171
- Now here we go.
- Let's go.
20
00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:59,616
- Let's do it.
- Cherry... (Derrick laughs)
21
00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:01,484
- Cherry...
- Yeah!
22
00:01:01,504 --> 00:01:04,429
- Hey, everyone!
- And a turd.
23
00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:09,923
Guess what. Threepeat and I
projected the Wallace Cooper Fund
24
00:01:09,924 --> 00:01:14,064
would beat the S&P by 325 basis
points, and it did exactly.
25
00:01:15,537 --> 00:01:17,007
(Jenny giggles)
26
00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,407
Got a much bigger
reaction upstairs. (Giggles)
27
00:01:20,176 --> 00:01:24,215
Anyway, the point is, I made a client
a million dollars overnight.
28
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,125
- Damn, who was that guy?
- He sounds cute.
29
00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:29,396
Well, I do not know,
30
00:01:29,397 --> 00:01:35,021
but I am sure client number
0006914325134AB12161993
31
00:01:35,022 --> 00:01:38,196
will have a smile on his
or her or their face. (Chuckles)
32
00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:41,795
- Snooze flash... you're boring!
- Oh, really? Boring?
33
00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:45,099
Is it also boring that I crushed
the Russell small cap index
34
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,998
by over 15...
Yeah, okay, I hear myself.
35
00:01:48,016 --> 00:01:49,350
(Jenny) Mm-hmm.
36
00:01:49,392 --> 00:01:51,833
- Well, baby, I think it's interesting.
- Really?
37
00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:55,038
- No. But I like your face.
- Aw... (Laughs)
38
00:01:55,152 --> 00:01:57,386
- I'll take it.
- Mwah.
39
00:01:57,454 --> 00:01:59,522
This is our last scratcher.
(Exhales)
40
00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:01,191
(Sighs) And when we're
done with this,
41
00:02:01,225 --> 00:02:03,726
let's promise ourselves we are
gonna go buy so many more.
42
00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,358
- Hell yeah.
- More. (Chuckles)
43
00:02:05,404 --> 00:02:06,754
Or...
44
00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:09,306
Instead of throwing your
money away on scratchers,
45
00:02:09,307 --> 00:02:11,331
you could give it to Brody
to invest.
46
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,633
He is not gonna do that for us.
47
00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:15,799
Yeah, he wouldn't even introduce me
to his rich friend with the long number.
48
00:02:16,338 --> 00:02:20,644
You guys, he just made a million dollars
for a guy he doesn't even know.
49
00:02:20,678 --> 00:02:22,779
He loves you guys.
Of course he'd help you out.
50
00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:26,149
Hold on. You want me
to give my life savings
51
00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:29,319
to the man that I hate
the most in the world?
52
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,780
(Laughs)
53
00:02:30,806 --> 00:02:32,923
How do you expect
to convince me to do that?
54
00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,448
(Clicks tongue) Please...?
55
00:02:37,361 --> 00:02:38,761
I'm in.
56
00:02:41,197 --> 00:02:44,133
57
00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,929
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:02:50,586 --> 00:02:53,921
Season 1, Episode 6
"If I Were a Rich Man"
59
00:02:53,975 --> 00:02:57,910
You two beat the S&P
by 350 basis points.
60
00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,679
That's the most exciting
thing I've ever heard.
61
00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,814
I know! That's what
I keep saying.
62
00:03:02,848 --> 00:03:04,548
And your timing
couldn't be better,
63
00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:06,650
as I'm choosing someone
to run my new office,
64
00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:08,988
and you two have just shot
to the top of that list.
65
00:03:09,128 --> 00:03:11,729
Ahh, it's happening,
it's all happening.
66
00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:16,192
First, I need to see how you
interact with clients.
67
00:03:16,226 --> 00:03:19,327
That's right, you earned it...
face time.
68
00:03:19,362 --> 00:03:22,596
- (High-pitched voice) Ohh!
- Oh, my God, are you kidding?!
69
00:03:28,468 --> 00:03:30,202
(Normal voice) Sorry, sir.
70
00:03:30,366 --> 00:03:33,868
That's okay. Screaming like a teenage
girl swimming in a freezing-cold lake
71
00:03:33,869 --> 00:03:36,337
is the appropriate response
to face time.
72
00:03:37,778 --> 00:03:40,648
Today is client review,
so everyone in our roster
73
00:03:40,682 --> 00:03:43,350
will be coming in
to go over their portfolio.
74
00:03:43,385 --> 00:03:47,488
It will be the first time
that you two can see the faces
75
00:03:47,555 --> 00:03:49,323
behind the account numbers.
76
00:03:49,391 --> 00:03:53,043
(Normal voice) I want to see faces, sir.
I want to see all those faces.
77
00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:57,432
While 97% of our clients
have enjoyed record years,
78
00:03:57,466 --> 00:04:01,965
there is 3% who unfortunately had
their money managed by one Frank Gersky.
79
00:04:01,966 --> 00:04:04,540
(Laughs) Gersky the worstsky.
How is that old guy?
80
00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,642
Not great.
I just fired his ass.
81
00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:12,311
Unfortunately, someone's going
to have to tell Mr. Gersky's clients
82
00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:14,834
that their portfolios
are now worth...
83
00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:17,620
Roughly half of what they
thought they were worth.
84
00:04:17,688 --> 00:04:20,270
Well, I feel sorry
for whoever has that job.
85
00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,660
- It's us...
- Of course it's us.
86
00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:30,467
Congratulations, boys, because those are
the faces that you're going to be seeing,
87
00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:32,666
and they'll look
something like...
88
00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:35,315
That.
89
00:04:41,162 --> 00:04:43,360
90
00:04:43,956 --> 00:04:48,012
(singsongy) Good news...
I got you... A new client.
91
00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,515
Is it the Tooth Fairy?
92
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,275
(Normal voice) No. It's Tori,
Derrick, and Harvard's savings.
93
00:04:54,276 --> 00:04:58,121
It's like... Like $1,200. I convinced
them to give it to you to invest
94
00:04:58,122 --> 00:04:59,780
instead of
throwing it away on scratchers.
95
00:04:59,814 --> 00:05:04,013
I can't, babe. The firm's minimum
investment is $5 million.
96
00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:07,410
Well, can't you just, like, be a dude and
tack it on to somebody else's account?
97
00:05:07,411 --> 00:05:09,713
Just, like... just, like,
be a really cool dude?
98
00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:13,217
Okay, so when I go to prison
for financial fraud,
99
00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,073
I'll just tell my cellmate I'm in
for being, like, a real cool dude.
100
00:05:17,389 --> 00:05:19,023
(Laughs) Wait a minute.
101
00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,259
You won't make money for people
that you actually know,
102
00:05:21,293 --> 00:05:25,435
but you will make money
for client 867-5309?
103
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,931
- That's a song. You know that.
- Mmhmm.
104
00:05:28,965 --> 00:05:32,468
Plus... it's never a good idea
to invest your friends' money.
105
00:05:32,536 --> 00:05:36,138
Well, not a problem, 'cause
they don't consider you a friend.
106
00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,509
Come on. Please? I already told
them that you would help them.
107
00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,645
Well, you lied,
because I can't.
108
00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:45,783
Are you sure I can't
convince you?
109
00:05:45,851 --> 00:05:49,465
- Some of that's Monopoly money.
- Damn it, Harvard!
110
00:05:49,787 --> 00:05:51,755
(Elevator bell dings)
111
00:05:52,757 --> 00:05:53,924
You rang?
112
00:05:54,204 --> 00:05:58,159
Oh. Yeah. Look. This is obviously a test
to determine who runs the new office,
113
00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,862
so I just wanna say, whatever happens,
I hope you crash and burn.
114
00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:06,595
Dude, thank you.
I hope you fall right on your face.
115
00:06:09,132 --> 00:06:10,395
Okay, so who do we got?
116
00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:13,907
Well, we have a nice lady,
and... white Gandhi.
117
00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,358
Oof. That guy is so old,
this news could literally kill him.
118
00:06:19,359 --> 00:06:21,587
- I don't want to kill white Gandhi.
- (Scoffs) Oh, and I do?
119
00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:23,322
- You do? Thanks, man!
- Mnh... don't...
120
00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:26,410
Hey, this is Michael Wen,
and he'll be going over your portfolio.
121
00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,204
Heyy...
122
00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:31,001
Lo... sir.
123
00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:33,276
Uh, let me ask you this...
financially speaking,
124
00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:36,247
do you have any pre-existing
heart conditions?
125
00:06:40,885 --> 00:06:42,352
(Clears throat)
126
00:06:42,353 --> 00:06:44,711
- Hello. I'm Brody Moyer.
- Nice to meet you.
127
00:06:44,712 --> 00:06:46,866
I'm afraid I have some
upsetting news for you.
128
00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:48,701
Oh, no. Is everything okay?
129
00:06:48,726 --> 00:06:50,466
(Groans)
130
00:06:51,937 --> 00:06:53,800
Totally! Yeah! It's just...
131
00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:56,078
it's... I didn't know
you were so... (Stammers) Tall.
132
00:06:56,079 --> 00:06:59,455
What are you, like,
5'4 ", 5'5" -ski?
133
00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:02,562
(Laughs nervously) You're gonna have
a very tall baby... boy?
134
00:07:02,563 --> 00:07:06,382
And a girl. And another boy.
I'm having triplets. (Laughs)
135
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,291
(High-pitched voice) No shit?
136
00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,717
- So? What did Brody say?
- Well, apparently there are rules.
137
00:07:17,718 --> 00:07:20,820
Yeah, rule number one... guys like
him don't help guys like us.
138
00:07:20,821 --> 00:07:23,957
Yeah. Rule number two...
your boyfriend's a jerk.
139
00:07:25,938 --> 00:07:28,473
But, you guys,
let me finish. Okay?
140
00:07:28,508 --> 00:07:31,354
He broke the rules because
he loves you guys,
141
00:07:31,355 --> 00:07:34,801
which is why he bought you
a great stock.
142
00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:36,067
Wow, really? What stock?
143
00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:38,042
Yeah, what are the letters?
I'll look it up right now.
144
00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,917
The letters? Um...
145
00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,819
The... "J" and... and "B."
146
00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:45,956
JNB?
Japanese National Bank?
147
00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:50,281
Yep. JNB.
No further questions.
148
00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:53,865
- Okay.
- Oh my God, you guys, we're up a nickel!
149
00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,267
- Yeah!
- (Laughs) Yeah!
150
00:07:55,301 --> 00:07:58,355
- Uh-oh! Now it's down 2 cents!
- (Both) No!
151
00:07:58,397 --> 00:08:00,104
- Oh, and now it's even.
- Oh, okay.
152
00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,140
- Okay...
- Back up a nickel!
153
00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:03,842
- Yes! (Laughs)
- Yes!
154
00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:07,766
Man! The Stock Market is fun!
Does everybody know about this?
155
00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:13,399
Hey. Dude. How many
people have you told?
156
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,768
Ah! Who keeps count? I do.
It's four.
157
00:08:15,899 --> 00:08:17,966
Well... yeah, well,
you got the easy ones.
158
00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,906
I have a ticking time bomb
in there, okay?
159
00:08:19,945 --> 00:08:21,691
If I give her any bad news,
there's literally gonna be
160
00:08:21,692 --> 00:08:23,559
babies shooting all over
the place.
161
00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:28,396
Okay. Do you want me to tag in? I have
a very delicate touch with the preggos.
162
00:08:28,544 --> 00:08:29,999
Yeah...
163
00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:32,197
You get this one,
I'll get the next two.
164
00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:36,322
- Man, this is a hard day!
- Man, this is a great day!
165
00:08:37,322 --> 00:08:39,586
I love giving people
great news.
166
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,756
How you doing destroying
people's lives?
167
00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:46,048
Uh, you know, okay. It's...
Kinda gettin' warmed up.
168
00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:48,707
Looks like Mr. Wen
has handled...
169
00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:52,790
One, two, three, four cases,
and you've handled...
170
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:55,193
Let me see if I can do
the arithmetic...
171
00:08:59,211 --> 00:09:00,331
Zero.
172
00:09:00,366 --> 00:09:03,504
Yes. Well, in fairness, my client
is pregnant with triplets,
173
00:09:03,505 --> 00:09:05,022
so she should count
as four.
174
00:09:05,139 --> 00:09:07,572
Alice, you are a peach,
and I wish you good luck.
175
00:09:07,573 --> 00:09:08,800
Thank you, Threepeat.
176
00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,142
Hey... you're the real Threepeat.
(Elevator bell dings)
177
00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:13,244
(Laughs)
178
00:09:14,647 --> 00:09:18,249
Oh, no! He's so good
at his job!
179
00:09:18,284 --> 00:09:20,651
(Chuckles)
180
00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:24,155
Look, I'm sorry, sir. This part
of the job is a little bit tough.
181
00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:27,795
Son, I'd love to pretend
I care,
182
00:09:27,796 --> 00:09:31,258
but I'm... I'm having such
a great day, I just can't do that.
183
00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,031
(Pats shoulder)
184
00:09:33,066 --> 00:09:35,066
(Elevator bell dings,
doors open)
185
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:37,577
- Hey, babe.
- Hey, babe.
186
00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,905
Hey, I'm sorry about before.
I'm kind of having a bad day.
187
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:42,707
Oh, well, then this will
make you feel better.
188
00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:46,721
Everyone downstairs loves you
for investing their money.
189
00:09:46,831 --> 00:09:48,746
Oh! That'd be great,
except one thing...
190
00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,214
I didn't invest their money.
(Chuckles)
191
00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,216
Oh, it's cool. I just...
I said that you did.
192
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,051
(Giggles) I just, like,
made up a stock name.
193
00:09:54,086 --> 00:09:55,886
(Laughs) JNB.
194
00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:58,389
JNB, like Japanese
National Bank?
195
00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:02,961
No. Like Jenny 'n' Brody.
196
00:10:02,995 --> 00:10:06,031
Aww! (Laughs)
197
00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,966
But you know that JNB
got acquired this morning.
198
00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:11,098
Their stock shot up 6,000%.
199
00:10:11,099 --> 00:10:15,136
Oh. Sweet! They're really
gonna love you. (Laughs)
200
00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:18,616
Well, yeah, until they try
to cash in their fake stock.
201
00:10:18,637 --> 00:10:21,075
- Oh, no!
- Look...
202
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,713
Maybe they don't know.
203
00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:23,948
(All screaming and cheering)
204
00:10:23,982 --> 00:10:25,816
Boom!
205
00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:28,352
Yes! Yeah! (Laughing)
206
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,808
207
00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:35,551
Can we buy them some
of that JNB stock now?
208
00:10:35,585 --> 00:10:39,655
Uh, yeah, now they can afford
one-quarter of one share.
209
00:10:41,091 --> 00:10:44,859
Not... if we bought it
yesterday,
210
00:10:44,883 --> 00:10:47,129
if you know what I mean.
211
00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:51,234
Okay. Is what you mean,
"I want Brody to go to prison"?
212
00:10:52,393 --> 00:10:54,871
I don't know how things
go in your world,
213
00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:57,807
but in my world, when
I screw up, I use a "meant-ta."
214
00:10:57,842 --> 00:10:59,975
Okay, I'll bite.
What's a "meant-ta"?
215
00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,444
It's what you do to get out
of paying, like, late fees.
216
00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:04,913
You know, you call your landlord
or your credit card company
217
00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:08,683
and you say, "Hey, I didn't
pay on time, but I meant-ta."
218
00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:14,449
So you want me to call a broker
and see if he'll take a "meant-ta"?
219
00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,859
I mean, it's never
not worked for me.
220
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,994
Okay. All right.
It's worth a shot.
221
00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:27,469
Hey, Dave, it's Brody
from Remington Trust.
222
00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:30,486
I have someone here who wants
to purchase some JNB stock
223
00:11:30,487 --> 00:11:33,633
at yesterday's prices using
something called a "meant-ta."
224
00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:36,927
You're kidding me?
225
00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:41,388
Dave wants to talk to you.
226
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,054
(Laughs)
227
00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,544
Hey, Dave?
228
00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:48,692
You're an ass.
229
00:11:48,785 --> 00:11:49,943
Whoa.
230
00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:51,722
(Laughing) Hey.
231
00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:55,680
Why don't you just go downstairs
and explain what you did,
232
00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,026
so they don't do
something stupid?
233
00:11:57,027 --> 00:12:00,515
Oh. You are so condescending.
You know what?
234
00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:03,198
Just 'cause someone downstairs
gets a little bit of money
235
00:12:03,199 --> 00:12:05,420
doesn't mean they're gonna
go crazy, okay?
236
00:12:05,454 --> 00:12:07,355
(Elevator bell dings)
237
00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:12,062
Come with me...
238
00:12:12,096 --> 00:12:14,197
And you'll be...
239
00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:16,032
(thuds)
240
00:12:17,722 --> 00:12:21,004
In a world of pure
imagination...
241
00:12:21,038 --> 00:12:22,546
(Pencils clatter on ground)
242
00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:25,774
Take a look and you'll see
243
00:12:25,775 --> 00:12:29,244
Into your imagination
244
00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:31,847
(laughs)
245
00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:33,553
I know what you're thinking.
246
00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:37,319
You couldn't possibly know
what I'm thinking.
247
00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,988
Maybe you're right.
I am new money, after all.
248
00:12:40,023 --> 00:12:41,293
(Laughing)
249
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:45,607
- About a half hour old.
- Look, Harvard, we need to talk.
250
00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,510
Bup-bup-bop.
Biddly-bop-bop. (Laughs)
251
00:12:47,511 --> 00:12:50,898
I believe what I have to discuss
is a little bit above your pay grade.
252
00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:53,100
(Laughs)
253
00:12:53,134 --> 00:12:54,774
Aren't you gonna stop him?
254
00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,577
Kinda want to see how this one
plays out, to be honest.
255
00:12:59,508 --> 00:13:02,410
Let's see here.
Peat, Peat, Peat...
256
00:13:02,444 --> 00:13:05,046
What's that spell?
"Threepeat."
257
00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,049
Dude! You are such a badass.
How are you doing this?
258
00:13:09,083 --> 00:13:11,218
I don't know. I guess I'm just
good at delivering bad news.
259
00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:13,774
I treat it like a breakup.
Who have you broken up with?
260
00:13:13,775 --> 00:13:15,996
No... no one, but I have been
dumped dozens of times,
261
00:13:15,997 --> 00:13:19,132
and when they do it right,
I always walk away with a smile.
262
00:13:19,486 --> 00:13:22,234
Okay. Breakup...
I can do that.
263
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:24,484
Yeah. I'll just
give them the bad news
264
00:13:24,498 --> 00:13:27,123
like I dumped my high school
girlfriend my first day at Harvard.
265
00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:28,483
Talk about badass.
266
00:13:28,484 --> 00:13:30,436
Sorry, dude. When you sleep
with my best friend
267
00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:32,171
in my dad's old Jetta
on my birthday,
268
00:13:32,205 --> 00:13:33,636
I drop the hammer.
269
00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,659
Honestly...
(Elevator bell dings)
270
00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:38,243
I feel sorry for the next client
who comes through that elevator.
271
00:13:38,244 --> 00:13:41,761
I can't wait to find out how much
money you guys made me this year.
272
00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:43,862
Is that John McEnroe...?
273
00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:48,152
I can finally afford
to buy my dream.
274
00:13:48,186 --> 00:13:50,988
- The ostrich farm?
- Damn right, the ostrich farm.
275
00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:53,823
Hundreds of acres
of those flightless giants.
276
00:13:53,891 --> 00:13:57,485
Manny, this is why
I play tennis!
277
00:13:58,562 --> 00:14:00,229
So where's that genius Gersky?
278
00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,231
I'm afraid Gersky's
not with us right now.
279
00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:05,801
Mr. Moyer will be explaining
your portfolio to you.
280
00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:07,889
(Voice trembling) Wh-a-at?
281
00:14:08,534 --> 00:14:10,033
You like ostriches?
282
00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:13,007
Yes, sir. They're low
cholesterol and delicious.
283
00:14:13,075 --> 00:14:15,944
You would eat those
majestic creatures?
284
00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:18,436
They mourn their dead, asshole!
285
00:14:20,075 --> 00:14:21,672
(Forced laugh)
286
00:14:21,673 --> 00:14:23,702
Johnny Mac!
287
00:14:23,871 --> 00:14:25,944
(High-pitched voice) Good luck!
288
00:14:26,354 --> 00:14:27,554
Uh...
289
00:14:29,893 --> 00:14:31,826
What are you doing
in my office,
290
00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,887
and why in the hell are you
dressed like Mr. Peanut?
291
00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,287
Bup-bup-bup.
292
00:14:37,313 --> 00:14:40,695
Continue with that tone, and
I will take my business elsewhere.
293
00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,665
Now what business do you think
that you and I have together?
294
00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:48,161
Well, I am the proud owner
of not one, not two...
295
00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:50,986
actually it is two...
shares of JNB.
296
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:57,297
Are you familiar with it? I purchased it
this morning, and it's already up 6,000%.
297
00:14:57,298 --> 00:14:58,733
(Laughs)
298
00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:01,150
I, um, I'm afraid I have
some bad news for you,
299
00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:02,708
and you're probably gonna
wanna sit down.
300
00:15:02,709 --> 00:15:03,819
(Exhales) (Whistles)
301
00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:05,654
- Not behind my desk.
- Ooh.
302
00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:11,127
Trading in JNB has been suspended
pending a fraud inquiry,
303
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,730
and the shares have plummeted in
after-hours trading on the Nikkei.
304
00:15:14,731 --> 00:15:15,972
(Laughs)
305
00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,205
Tell me something
I don't know. (Laughs)
306
00:15:18,314 --> 00:15:20,134
Like, um...
307
00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,710
What any of that means.
I don't know what that means.
308
00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,959
- Your stock is worthless.
- What?
309
00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,240
- You don't have a penny.
- Uh... (Stammers)
310
00:15:27,275 --> 00:15:28,506
You're flat broke.
311
00:15:28,532 --> 00:15:30,035
(Gasps and stammers)
312
00:15:34,214 --> 00:15:36,745
- Add to cart, add to cart, buy the cart!
- Uhhuh. Yeah.
313
00:15:36,746 --> 00:15:38,763
Hey, guys, we need to talk.
314
00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,584
Yeah, not now.
Did you know you could buy
315
00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:43,744
all this stuff off of Skymall
even if you're not on a plane?
316
00:15:44,832 --> 00:15:46,946
I'm buying a toaster
with a compass in it.
317
00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:50,227
Uh, listen, um, there's something
that I need to tell you.
318
00:15:50,261 --> 00:15:53,770
You're not gonna believe this!
JNB tanked!
319
00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:55,491
- What?! What are you talking about?
- Yeah.
320
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,056
Just talked
to my money guy.
321
00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,183
(Chuckles)
322
00:15:58,184 --> 00:16:02,543
We lost everything. I sold my hat
to Mansfield for 50 cents!
323
00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,141
- Damn!
- Yeah, I mean, how...
324
00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:05,642
- I can't believe I'm poor again!
- Oh, my God!
325
00:16:05,676 --> 00:16:08,243
- It's over! That's it!
- Guys, hey!
326
00:16:08,244 --> 00:16:12,584
It's okay, 'cause Brody didn't invest
your money, so you didn't lose anything!
327
00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:14,586
'Cause I held on to it.
Look. Hey!
328
00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:17,687
It's right here.
"Yay, Jenny," right?! (Laughs)
329
00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:19,864
Jenny! Jenny!
330
00:16:21,157 --> 00:16:22,973
Can I use a "meant-ta"?
331
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,928
No, you can't-ta.
332
00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:29,228
But... but I didn't do anything.
333
00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:31,363
You let us think we were rich
when we weren't.
334
00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,131
Okay, I did do that.
335
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,100
You told us to act like adults and
then you treated us like children.
336
00:16:36,189 --> 00:16:38,223
Yeah, I did that, too.
337
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,972
Said you were gonna buy
a piece of land in Montana
338
00:16:41,006 --> 00:16:44,175
so we could build a house
together and start over.
339
00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:47,311
(Clicks tongue) Yeah,
that I did not do.
340
00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,075
No, but I'll tell you
what you did do.
341
00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,116
You broke our trust and you
broke our hearts.
342
00:16:51,157 --> 00:16:53,740
And I can't even cry about it
right now
343
00:16:53,741 --> 00:16:57,787
because I sold my pocket square
for a nickel! (Slams nickel on desk)
344
00:17:09,872 --> 00:17:11,038
Sir.
345
00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,673
What was the final tally?
346
00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:14,876
Well, Threepeat broke
the news to 19 clients,
347
00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:18,861
and I... got yelled at
for two hours by John McEnroe.
348
00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:23,611
You would not believe it,
but that guy's got a temper.
349
00:17:23,612 --> 00:17:25,053
Well...
350
00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,088
Johnny Mac hates losing.
351
00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:29,905
Tell you the truth, that's why
I stopped playing him in tennis.
352
00:17:29,939 --> 00:17:31,839
You beat him at tennis?
353
00:17:31,874 --> 00:17:35,724
Of course not.
It's John frickin' McEnroe!
354
00:17:38,986 --> 00:17:41,363
You were well off your game
today, Mr. Moyer.
355
00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,327
I know, I know, and I'm sorry
I let you down.
356
00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:46,039
I just couldn't give those
people any bad news.
357
00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:48,989
- Why do you think I didn't do it myself?
- Because it's hard?
358
00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:51,047
Oh, give me a break.
I do hard things every day.
359
00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:53,125
Just this morning I strapped
a 100-pound weight to my ankle
360
00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:56,995
and I jumped into the deep end of
my pool to play my favorite game...
361
00:17:57,266 --> 00:17:58,974
Stay alive.
362
00:18:02,107 --> 00:18:05,793
- Well, then why didn't you do it?
- Because it sucks.
363
00:18:05,828 --> 00:18:08,530
Those... those accounts
aren't just numbers.
364
00:18:08,564 --> 00:18:11,433
They're people.
And telling them bad things
365
00:18:11,467 --> 00:18:13,535
that affect their families
and their lives...
366
00:18:13,602 --> 00:18:15,737
- It eats you up.
- Hmm.
367
00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,498
Unless you're dead inside.
368
00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:20,242
Mr. Mansfield, I dropped
the bomb on all the clients,
369
00:18:20,276 --> 00:18:23,556
and then I told Jeffries that he's never
gonna make manager and fired a coffee guy.
370
00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:25,380
I'm on a roll. (Chuckles)
371
00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,404
Good for you, Mr. Wen.
372
00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:31,670
- Dead inside.
- Right.
373
00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:34,156
Yeah, but he did beat my ass.
374
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,124
Yes, he did. He kicked it
up and down the street.
375
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,952
If your ass was a drum,
he'd be Ringo.
376
00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:42,055
If your ass
was the Chicago Cubbies,
377
00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:44,400
he'd be every other team
in the National League.
378
00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:45,616
(Chuckles)
379
00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:48,871
Yes, I get it, my ass is any
number of easily beaten things.
380
00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:51,541
- And Threepeat won.
- No. No.
381
00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,610
I'm gonna call it a tie,
and I'll tell you why.
382
00:18:53,636 --> 00:18:55,600
- Hmm?
- Because you have heart.
383
00:18:55,713 --> 00:18:58,672
You can learn or I can teach you
any number of things in this business,
384
00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:02,411
but I'll be honest with you...
I can't teach you heart.
385
00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:03,469
(Exhales)
386
00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:06,188
Yeah. I guess I got
a little heart.
387
00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:09,328
- Ah, crap.
- What's wrong?
388
00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:11,863
I gotta go apologize
to some people downstairs.
389
00:19:11,897 --> 00:19:14,432
Oh, say, I'm... I'm having
dinner with John McEnroe.
390
00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:17,701
- Would you like to trade with me?
- No, thank you!
391
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,474
Guys, come on.
392
00:19:23,508 --> 00:19:27,130
I'm so sorry, and I-I don't
know how else to say it.
393
00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:31,120
Yeah, well, I think it's time
we tell you how we really feel.
394
00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:34,489
- I love you.
- Harvard, man... come on, dude.
395
00:19:34,637 --> 00:19:36,998
What? We were all thinking it.
396
00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:39,692
Hey, guys, can I talk
to you for a second?
397
00:19:39,693 --> 00:19:41,029
Babe, what are you
doing down here?
398
00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,162
Uh, uh... I-I just want
to tell you guys something.
399
00:19:43,196 --> 00:19:44,788
I learned something today.
400
00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:47,616
You know, it's really easy to lose
sight of what's important in business.
401
00:19:47,617 --> 00:19:49,050
- Cut to the chase!
- Come on, man.
402
00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:50,651
I'm underwater on a cane!
403
00:19:50,652 --> 00:19:52,772
Hey, guys, come on, come on.
404
00:19:52,773 --> 00:19:54,562
Can you seriously
get to the good stuff?
405
00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:57,788
All right, fine. Uh, I invested
your $1,200 for you...
406
00:19:57,789 --> 00:20:00,213
(Clicks mouse) And you
can watch it right here.
407
00:20:00,281 --> 00:20:01,781
- What?
- Yeah.
408
00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:03,249
Oh, my God, we're up.
409
00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:04,879
- What? Okay...
- Ha ha ha ha! Yeah!
410
00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,302
- Hit refresh, hit refresh!
- Holy...
411
00:20:06,303 --> 00:20:07,504
- Yeah!
- Still up!
412
00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:10,022
- Yeah! (Laughing)
- Whoo!
413
00:20:10,023 --> 00:20:13,524
Wow. Hon, what did you
invest in?
414
00:20:13,592 --> 00:20:18,309
It's a fixed-rate cd set in at 2%.
It's like a savings account.
415
00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:23,336
Your friends are literally gonna be
watching a straight line for 15 years.
416
00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:25,771
(Laughs)
417
00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:27,180
Thank you.
418
00:20:41,988 --> 00:20:45,456
If you want to view
paradise
419
00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:49,026
Simply look around
and view it
420
00:20:49,403 --> 00:20:52,697
Anything you want to,
do it
421
00:20:53,161 --> 00:20:54,966
Want to change the world
422
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,003
there's nothing to it
423
00:21:02,468 --> 00:21:05,468
Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef
www.addic7ed.com
424
00:21:05,518 --> 00:21:10,068
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
33834
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.