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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,185 --> 00:00:08,948 Okay, we have three scratchers left, and we really need a win here, okay? 2 00:00:09,542 --> 00:00:12,612 - Cherry... (Laughs nervously) - (Tori) Okay... 3 00:00:13,156 --> 00:00:15,019 - Cherry... - Ohh! 4 00:00:15,054 --> 00:00:17,607 - Lemon... - Damn! 5 00:00:17,608 --> 00:00:19,844 - Cherry! - Whoo! (Laughing) 6 00:00:19,845 --> 00:00:23,125 - One dollar! (Laughing) - Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! 7 00:00:23,126 --> 00:00:26,738 Why are we cheering? Did another state legalize weed? 8 00:00:26,739 --> 00:00:28,140 No. 9 00:00:28,174 --> 00:00:30,442 We just hit a winning scratcher, 10 00:00:30,510 --> 00:00:33,482 and, uh, Wisconsin is about this close to legalizing weed. 11 00:00:33,516 --> 00:00:36,052 It's just tough to get stoners out to vote. 12 00:00:36,514 --> 00:00:40,471 Guys, you know how much I hate scratchers. 13 00:00:40,472 --> 00:00:42,659 My family threw away so much money on them. 14 00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:45,945 My cousin Tiffany said that scratchers were her heroin. 15 00:00:45,946 --> 00:00:48,451 Tiffany smoked actual heroin. 16 00:00:49,208 --> 00:00:51,075 Jenny, you're not our mom. 17 00:00:51,143 --> 00:00:54,110 'Cause if you were, that'd be awful... The things that I think about you. 18 00:00:54,144 --> 00:00:55,344 Ohh... 19 00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:57,171 - Now here we go. - Let's go. 20 00:00:57,206 --> 00:00:59,616 - Let's do it. - Cherry... (Derrick laughs) 21 00:00:59,650 --> 00:01:01,484 - Cherry... - Yeah! 22 00:01:01,504 --> 00:01:04,429 - Hey, everyone! - And a turd. 23 00:01:06,690 --> 00:01:09,923 Guess what. Threepeat and I projected the Wallace Cooper Fund 24 00:01:09,924 --> 00:01:14,064 would beat the S&P by 325 basis points, and it did exactly. 25 00:01:15,537 --> 00:01:17,007 (Jenny giggles) 26 00:01:17,340 --> 00:01:19,407 Got a much bigger reaction upstairs. (Giggles) 27 00:01:20,176 --> 00:01:24,215 Anyway, the point is, I made a client a million dollars overnight. 28 00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,125 - Damn, who was that guy? - He sounds cute. 29 00:01:27,294 --> 00:01:29,396 Well, I do not know, 30 00:01:29,397 --> 00:01:35,021 but I am sure client number 0006914325134AB12161993 31 00:01:35,022 --> 00:01:38,196 will have a smile on his or her or their face. (Chuckles) 32 00:01:38,197 --> 00:01:41,795 - Snooze flash... you're boring! - Oh, really? Boring? 33 00:01:41,796 --> 00:01:45,099 Is it also boring that I crushed the Russell small cap index 34 00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:47,998 by over 15... Yeah, okay, I hear myself. 35 00:01:48,016 --> 00:01:49,350 (Jenny) Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:49,392 --> 00:01:51,833 - Well, baby, I think it's interesting. - Really? 37 00:01:51,834 --> 00:01:55,038 - No. But I like your face. - Aw... (Laughs) 38 00:01:55,152 --> 00:01:57,386 - I'll take it. - Mwah. 39 00:01:57,454 --> 00:01:59,522 This is our last scratcher. (Exhales) 40 00:01:59,556 --> 00:02:01,191 (Sighs) And when we're done with this, 41 00:02:01,225 --> 00:02:03,726 let's promise ourselves we are gonna go buy so many more. 42 00:02:03,760 --> 00:02:05,358 - Hell yeah. - More. (Chuckles) 43 00:02:05,404 --> 00:02:06,754 Or... 44 00:02:06,796 --> 00:02:09,306 Instead of throwing your money away on scratchers, 45 00:02:09,307 --> 00:02:11,331 you could give it to Brody to invest. 46 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,633 He is not gonna do that for us. 47 00:02:12,634 --> 00:02:15,799 Yeah, he wouldn't even introduce me to his rich friend with the long number. 48 00:02:16,338 --> 00:02:20,644 You guys, he just made a million dollars for a guy he doesn't even know. 49 00:02:20,678 --> 00:02:22,779 He loves you guys. Of course he'd help you out. 50 00:02:22,847 --> 00:02:26,149 Hold on. You want me to give my life savings 51 00:02:26,183 --> 00:02:29,319 to the man that I hate the most in the world? 52 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,780 (Laughs) 53 00:02:30,806 --> 00:02:32,923 How do you expect to convince me to do that? 54 00:02:33,896 --> 00:02:35,448 (Clicks tongue) Please...? 55 00:02:37,361 --> 00:02:38,761 I'm in. 56 00:02:41,197 --> 00:02:44,133 57 00:02:44,929 --> 00:02:47,929 Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef www.addic7ed.com 58 00:02:50,586 --> 00:02:53,921 Season 1, Episode 6 "If I Were a Rich Man" 59 00:02:53,975 --> 00:02:57,910 You two beat the S&P by 350 basis points. 60 00:02:57,944 --> 00:03:00,679 That's the most exciting thing I've ever heard. 61 00:03:00,713 --> 00:03:02,814 I know! That's what I keep saying. 62 00:03:02,848 --> 00:03:04,548 And your timing couldn't be better, 63 00:03:04,582 --> 00:03:06,650 as I'm choosing someone to run my new office, 64 00:03:06,684 --> 00:03:08,988 and you two have just shot to the top of that list. 65 00:03:09,128 --> 00:03:11,729 Ahh, it's happening, it's all happening. 66 00:03:13,424 --> 00:03:16,192 First, I need to see how you interact with clients. 67 00:03:16,226 --> 00:03:19,327 That's right, you earned it... face time. 68 00:03:19,362 --> 00:03:22,596 - (High-pitched voice) Ohh! - Oh, my God, are you kidding?! 69 00:03:28,468 --> 00:03:30,202 (Normal voice) Sorry, sir. 70 00:03:30,366 --> 00:03:33,868 That's okay. Screaming like a teenage girl swimming in a freezing-cold lake 71 00:03:33,869 --> 00:03:36,337 is the appropriate response to face time. 72 00:03:37,778 --> 00:03:40,648 Today is client review, so everyone in our roster 73 00:03:40,682 --> 00:03:43,350 will be coming in to go over their portfolio. 74 00:03:43,385 --> 00:03:47,488 It will be the first time that you two can see the faces 75 00:03:47,555 --> 00:03:49,323 behind the account numbers. 76 00:03:49,391 --> 00:03:53,043 (Normal voice) I want to see faces, sir. I want to see all those faces. 77 00:03:53,795 --> 00:03:57,432 While 97% of our clients have enjoyed record years, 78 00:03:57,466 --> 00:04:01,965 there is 3% who unfortunately had their money managed by one Frank Gersky. 79 00:04:01,966 --> 00:04:04,540 (Laughs) Gersky the worstsky. How is that old guy? 80 00:04:04,575 --> 00:04:06,642 Not great. I just fired his ass. 81 00:04:08,845 --> 00:04:12,311 Unfortunately, someone's going to have to tell Mr. Gersky's clients 82 00:04:12,312 --> 00:04:14,834 that their portfolios are now worth... 83 00:04:14,835 --> 00:04:17,620 Roughly half of what they thought they were worth. 84 00:04:17,688 --> 00:04:20,270 Well, I feel sorry for whoever has that job. 85 00:04:22,762 --> 00:04:25,660 - It's us... - Of course it's us. 86 00:04:25,863 --> 00:04:30,467 Congratulations, boys, because those are the faces that you're going to be seeing, 87 00:04:30,501 --> 00:04:32,666 and they'll look something like... 88 00:04:34,115 --> 00:04:35,315 That. 89 00:04:41,162 --> 00:04:43,360 90 00:04:43,956 --> 00:04:48,012 (singsongy) Good news... I got you... A new client. 91 00:04:48,080 --> 00:04:50,515 Is it the Tooth Fairy? 92 00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:54,275 (Normal voice) No. It's Tori, Derrick, and Harvard's savings. 93 00:04:54,276 --> 00:04:58,121 It's like... Like $1,200. I convinced them to give it to you to invest 94 00:04:58,122 --> 00:04:59,780 instead of throwing it away on scratchers. 95 00:04:59,814 --> 00:05:04,013 I can't, babe. The firm's minimum investment is $5 million. 96 00:05:04,014 --> 00:05:07,410 Well, can't you just, like, be a dude and tack it on to somebody else's account? 97 00:05:07,411 --> 00:05:09,713 Just, like... just, like, be a really cool dude? 98 00:05:09,747 --> 00:05:13,217 Okay, so when I go to prison for financial fraud, 99 00:05:13,251 --> 00:05:17,073 I'll just tell my cellmate I'm in for being, like, a real cool dude. 100 00:05:17,389 --> 00:05:19,023 (Laughs) Wait a minute. 101 00:05:19,057 --> 00:05:21,259 You won't make money for people that you actually know, 102 00:05:21,293 --> 00:05:25,435 but you will make money for client 867-5309? 103 00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:28,931 - That's a song. You know that. - Mmhmm. 104 00:05:28,965 --> 00:05:32,468 Plus... it's never a good idea to invest your friends' money. 105 00:05:32,536 --> 00:05:36,138 Well, not a problem, 'cause they don't consider you a friend. 106 00:05:36,974 --> 00:05:39,509 Come on. Please? I already told them that you would help them. 107 00:05:39,544 --> 00:05:41,645 Well, you lied, because I can't. 108 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:45,783 Are you sure I can't convince you? 109 00:05:45,851 --> 00:05:49,465 - Some of that's Monopoly money. - Damn it, Harvard! 110 00:05:49,787 --> 00:05:51,755 (Elevator bell dings) 111 00:05:52,757 --> 00:05:53,924 You rang? 112 00:05:54,204 --> 00:05:58,159 Oh. Yeah. Look. This is obviously a test to determine who runs the new office, 113 00:05:58,160 --> 00:06:01,862 so I just wanna say, whatever happens, I hope you crash and burn. 114 00:06:03,008 --> 00:06:06,595 Dude, thank you. I hope you fall right on your face. 115 00:06:09,132 --> 00:06:10,395 Okay, so who do we got? 116 00:06:10,396 --> 00:06:13,907 Well, we have a nice lady, and... white Gandhi. 117 00:06:16,160 --> 00:06:19,358 Oof. That guy is so old, this news could literally kill him. 118 00:06:19,359 --> 00:06:21,587 - I don't want to kill white Gandhi. - (Scoffs) Oh, and I do? 119 00:06:21,588 --> 00:06:23,322 - You do? Thanks, man! - Mnh... don't... 120 00:06:23,323 --> 00:06:26,410 Hey, this is Michael Wen, and he'll be going over your portfolio. 121 00:06:26,411 --> 00:06:28,204 Heyy... 122 00:06:28,387 --> 00:06:31,001 Lo... sir. 123 00:06:31,209 --> 00:06:33,276 Uh, let me ask you this... financially speaking, 124 00:06:33,311 --> 00:06:36,247 do you have any pre-existing heart conditions? 125 00:06:40,885 --> 00:06:42,352 (Clears throat) 126 00:06:42,353 --> 00:06:44,711 - Hello. I'm Brody Moyer. - Nice to meet you. 127 00:06:44,712 --> 00:06:46,866 I'm afraid I have some upsetting news for you. 128 00:06:46,867 --> 00:06:48,701 Oh, no. Is everything okay? 129 00:06:48,726 --> 00:06:50,466 (Groans) 130 00:06:51,937 --> 00:06:53,800 Totally! Yeah! It's just... 131 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:56,078 it's... I didn't know you were so... (Stammers) Tall. 132 00:06:56,079 --> 00:06:59,455 What are you, like, 5'4 ", 5'5" -ski? 133 00:06:59,456 --> 00:07:02,562 (Laughs nervously) You're gonna have a very tall baby... boy? 134 00:07:02,563 --> 00:07:06,382 And a girl. And another boy. I'm having triplets. (Laughs) 135 00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,291 (High-pitched voice) No shit? 136 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:17,717 - So? What did Brody say? - Well, apparently there are rules. 137 00:07:17,718 --> 00:07:20,820 Yeah, rule number one... guys like him don't help guys like us. 138 00:07:20,821 --> 00:07:23,957 Yeah. Rule number two... your boyfriend's a jerk. 139 00:07:25,938 --> 00:07:28,473 But, you guys, let me finish. Okay? 140 00:07:28,508 --> 00:07:31,354 He broke the rules because he loves you guys, 141 00:07:31,355 --> 00:07:34,801 which is why he bought you a great stock. 142 00:07:34,813 --> 00:07:36,067 Wow, really? What stock? 143 00:07:36,068 --> 00:07:38,042 Yeah, what are the letters? I'll look it up right now. 144 00:07:38,043 --> 00:07:39,917 The letters? Um... 145 00:07:39,951 --> 00:07:41,819 The... "J" and... and "B." 146 00:07:41,853 --> 00:07:45,956 JNB? Japanese National Bank? 147 00:07:47,159 --> 00:07:50,281 Yep. JNB. No further questions. 148 00:07:50,997 --> 00:07:53,865 - Okay. - Oh my God, you guys, we're up a nickel! 149 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:55,267 - Yeah! - (Laughs) Yeah! 150 00:07:55,301 --> 00:07:58,355 - Uh-oh! Now it's down 2 cents! - (Both) No! 151 00:07:58,397 --> 00:08:00,104 - Oh, and now it's even. - Oh, okay. 152 00:08:00,105 --> 00:08:02,140 - Okay... - Back up a nickel! 153 00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:03,842 - Yes! (Laughs) - Yes! 154 00:08:03,876 --> 00:08:07,766 Man! The Stock Market is fun! Does everybody know about this? 155 00:08:09,821 --> 00:08:13,399 Hey. Dude. How many people have you told? 156 00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:15,768 Ah! Who keeps count? I do. It's four. 157 00:08:15,899 --> 00:08:17,966 Well... yeah, well, you got the easy ones. 158 00:08:17,967 --> 00:08:19,906 I have a ticking time bomb in there, okay? 159 00:08:19,945 --> 00:08:21,691 If I give her any bad news, there's literally gonna be 160 00:08:21,692 --> 00:08:23,559 babies shooting all over the place. 161 00:08:23,914 --> 00:08:28,396 Okay. Do you want me to tag in? I have a very delicate touch with the preggos. 162 00:08:28,544 --> 00:08:29,999 Yeah... 163 00:08:30,034 --> 00:08:32,197 You get this one, I'll get the next two. 164 00:08:32,677 --> 00:08:36,322 - Man, this is a hard day! - Man, this is a great day! 165 00:08:37,322 --> 00:08:39,586 I love giving people great news. 166 00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:41,756 How you doing destroying people's lives? 167 00:08:42,594 --> 00:08:46,048 Uh, you know, okay. It's... Kinda gettin' warmed up. 168 00:08:46,049 --> 00:08:48,707 Looks like Mr. Wen has handled... 169 00:08:49,054 --> 00:08:52,790 One, two, three, four cases, and you've handled... 170 00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:55,193 Let me see if I can do the arithmetic... 171 00:08:59,211 --> 00:09:00,331 Zero. 172 00:09:00,366 --> 00:09:03,504 Yes. Well, in fairness, my client is pregnant with triplets, 173 00:09:03,505 --> 00:09:05,022 so she should count as four. 174 00:09:05,139 --> 00:09:07,572 Alice, you are a peach, and I wish you good luck. 175 00:09:07,573 --> 00:09:08,800 Thank you, Threepeat. 176 00:09:08,811 --> 00:09:11,142 Hey... you're the real Threepeat. (Elevator bell dings) 177 00:09:11,143 --> 00:09:13,244 (Laughs) 178 00:09:14,647 --> 00:09:18,249 Oh, no! He's so good at his job! 179 00:09:18,284 --> 00:09:20,651 (Chuckles) 180 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:24,155 Look, I'm sorry, sir. This part of the job is a little bit tough. 181 00:09:24,223 --> 00:09:27,795 Son, I'd love to pretend I care, 182 00:09:27,796 --> 00:09:31,258 but I'm... I'm having such a great day, I just can't do that. 183 00:09:31,798 --> 00:09:33,031 (Pats shoulder) 184 00:09:33,066 --> 00:09:35,066 (Elevator bell dings, doors open) 185 00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:37,577 - Hey, babe. - Hey, babe. 186 00:09:37,578 --> 00:09:40,905 Hey, I'm sorry about before. I'm kind of having a bad day. 187 00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:42,707 Oh, well, then this will make you feel better. 188 00:09:42,741 --> 00:09:46,721 Everyone downstairs loves you for investing their money. 189 00:09:46,831 --> 00:09:48,746 Oh! That'd be great, except one thing... 190 00:09:48,781 --> 00:09:50,214 I didn't invest their money. (Chuckles) 191 00:09:50,249 --> 00:09:52,216 Oh, it's cool. I just... I said that you did. 192 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,051 (Giggles) I just, like, made up a stock name. 193 00:09:54,086 --> 00:09:55,886 (Laughs) JNB. 194 00:09:55,921 --> 00:09:58,389 JNB, like Japanese National Bank? 195 00:09:59,858 --> 00:10:02,961 No. Like Jenny 'n' Brody. 196 00:10:02,995 --> 00:10:06,031 Aww! (Laughs) 197 00:10:06,065 --> 00:10:08,966 But you know that JNB got acquired this morning. 198 00:10:09,001 --> 00:10:11,098 Their stock shot up 6,000%. 199 00:10:11,099 --> 00:10:15,136 Oh. Sweet! They're really gonna love you. (Laughs) 200 00:10:15,340 --> 00:10:18,616 Well, yeah, until they try to cash in their fake stock. 201 00:10:18,637 --> 00:10:21,075 - Oh, no! - Look... 202 00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:22,713 Maybe they don't know. 203 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:23,948 (All screaming and cheering) 204 00:10:23,982 --> 00:10:25,816 Boom! 205 00:10:25,851 --> 00:10:28,352 Yes! Yeah! (Laughing) 206 00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:32,808 207 00:10:32,850 --> 00:10:35,551 Can we buy them some of that JNB stock now? 208 00:10:35,585 --> 00:10:39,655 Uh, yeah, now they can afford one-quarter of one share. 209 00:10:41,091 --> 00:10:44,859 Not... if we bought it yesterday, 210 00:10:44,883 --> 00:10:47,129 if you know what I mean. 211 00:10:47,830 --> 00:10:51,234 Okay. Is what you mean, "I want Brody to go to prison"? 212 00:10:52,393 --> 00:10:54,871 I don't know how things go in your world, 213 00:10:54,906 --> 00:10:57,807 but in my world, when I screw up, I use a "meant-ta." 214 00:10:57,842 --> 00:10:59,975 Okay, I'll bite. What's a "meant-ta"? 215 00:11:00,010 --> 00:11:02,444 It's what you do to get out of paying, like, late fees. 216 00:11:02,479 --> 00:11:04,913 You know, you call your landlord or your credit card company 217 00:11:04,948 --> 00:11:08,683 and you say, "Hey, I didn't pay on time, but I meant-ta." 218 00:11:10,186 --> 00:11:14,449 So you want me to call a broker and see if he'll take a "meant-ta"? 219 00:11:14,450 --> 00:11:16,859 I mean, it's never not worked for me. 220 00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,994 Okay. All right. It's worth a shot. 221 00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:27,469 Hey, Dave, it's Brody from Remington Trust. 222 00:11:27,503 --> 00:11:30,486 I have someone here who wants to purchase some JNB stock 223 00:11:30,487 --> 00:11:33,633 at yesterday's prices using something called a "meant-ta." 224 00:11:35,527 --> 00:11:36,927 You're kidding me? 225 00:11:39,492 --> 00:11:41,388 Dave wants to talk to you. 226 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,054 (Laughs) 227 00:11:45,008 --> 00:11:46,544 Hey, Dave? 228 00:11:47,525 --> 00:11:48,692 You're an ass. 229 00:11:48,785 --> 00:11:49,943 Whoa. 230 00:11:49,944 --> 00:11:51,722 (Laughing) Hey. 231 00:11:52,536 --> 00:11:55,680 Why don't you just go downstairs and explain what you did, 232 00:11:55,681 --> 00:11:57,026 so they don't do something stupid? 233 00:11:57,027 --> 00:12:00,515 Oh. You are so condescending. You know what? 234 00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:03,198 Just 'cause someone downstairs gets a little bit of money 235 00:12:03,199 --> 00:12:05,420 doesn't mean they're gonna go crazy, okay? 236 00:12:05,454 --> 00:12:07,355 (Elevator bell dings) 237 00:12:08,792 --> 00:12:12,062 Come with me... 238 00:12:12,096 --> 00:12:14,197 And you'll be... 239 00:12:14,232 --> 00:12:16,032 (thuds) 240 00:12:17,722 --> 00:12:21,004 In a world of pure imagination... 241 00:12:21,038 --> 00:12:22,546 (Pencils clatter on ground) 242 00:12:22,547 --> 00:12:25,774 Take a look and you'll see 243 00:12:25,775 --> 00:12:29,244 Into your imagination 244 00:12:29,279 --> 00:12:31,847 (laughs) 245 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:33,553 I know what you're thinking. 246 00:12:33,554 --> 00:12:37,319 You couldn't possibly know what I'm thinking. 247 00:12:37,387 --> 00:12:39,988 Maybe you're right. I am new money, after all. 248 00:12:40,023 --> 00:12:41,293 (Laughing) 249 00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:45,607 - About a half hour old. - Look, Harvard, we need to talk. 250 00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,510 Bup-bup-bop. Biddly-bop-bop. (Laughs) 251 00:12:47,511 --> 00:12:50,898 I believe what I have to discuss is a little bit above your pay grade. 252 00:12:50,932 --> 00:12:53,100 (Laughs) 253 00:12:53,134 --> 00:12:54,774 Aren't you gonna stop him? 254 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:57,577 Kinda want to see how this one plays out, to be honest. 255 00:12:59,508 --> 00:13:02,410 Let's see here. Peat, Peat, Peat... 256 00:13:02,444 --> 00:13:05,046 What's that spell? "Threepeat." 257 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:09,049 Dude! You are such a badass. How are you doing this? 258 00:13:09,083 --> 00:13:11,218 I don't know. I guess I'm just good at delivering bad news. 259 00:13:11,252 --> 00:13:13,774 I treat it like a breakup. Who have you broken up with? 260 00:13:13,775 --> 00:13:15,996 No... no one, but I have been dumped dozens of times, 261 00:13:15,997 --> 00:13:19,132 and when they do it right, I always walk away with a smile. 262 00:13:19,486 --> 00:13:22,234 Okay. Breakup... I can do that. 263 00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:24,484 Yeah. I'll just give them the bad news 264 00:13:24,498 --> 00:13:27,123 like I dumped my high school girlfriend my first day at Harvard. 265 00:13:27,124 --> 00:13:28,483 Talk about badass. 266 00:13:28,484 --> 00:13:30,436 Sorry, dude. When you sleep with my best friend 267 00:13:30,470 --> 00:13:32,171 in my dad's old Jetta on my birthday, 268 00:13:32,205 --> 00:13:33,636 I drop the hammer. 269 00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,659 Honestly... (Elevator bell dings) 270 00:13:35,660 --> 00:13:38,243 I feel sorry for the next client who comes through that elevator. 271 00:13:38,244 --> 00:13:41,761 I can't wait to find out how much money you guys made me this year. 272 00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:43,862 Is that John McEnroe...? 273 00:13:45,383 --> 00:13:48,152 I can finally afford to buy my dream. 274 00:13:48,186 --> 00:13:50,988 - The ostrich farm? - Damn right, the ostrich farm. 275 00:13:51,022 --> 00:13:53,823 Hundreds of acres of those flightless giants. 276 00:13:53,891 --> 00:13:57,485 Manny, this is why I play tennis! 277 00:13:58,562 --> 00:14:00,229 So where's that genius Gersky? 278 00:14:00,297 --> 00:14:02,231 I'm afraid Gersky's not with us right now. 279 00:14:02,299 --> 00:14:05,801 Mr. Moyer will be explaining your portfolio to you. 280 00:14:05,835 --> 00:14:07,889 (Voice trembling) Wh-a-at? 281 00:14:08,534 --> 00:14:10,033 You like ostriches? 282 00:14:10,239 --> 00:14:13,007 Yes, sir. They're low cholesterol and delicious. 283 00:14:13,075 --> 00:14:15,944 You would eat those majestic creatures? 284 00:14:16,012 --> 00:14:18,436 They mourn their dead, asshole! 285 00:14:20,075 --> 00:14:21,672 (Forced laugh) 286 00:14:21,673 --> 00:14:23,702 Johnny Mac! 287 00:14:23,871 --> 00:14:25,944 (High-pitched voice) Good luck! 288 00:14:26,354 --> 00:14:27,554 Uh... 289 00:14:29,893 --> 00:14:31,826 What are you doing in my office, 290 00:14:31,894 --> 00:14:34,887 and why in the hell are you dressed like Mr. Peanut? 291 00:14:36,008 --> 00:14:37,287 Bup-bup-bup. 292 00:14:37,313 --> 00:14:40,695 Continue with that tone, and I will take my business elsewhere. 293 00:14:40,696 --> 00:14:43,665 Now what business do you think that you and I have together? 294 00:14:43,666 --> 00:14:48,161 Well, I am the proud owner of not one, not two... 295 00:14:48,162 --> 00:14:50,986 actually it is two... shares of JNB. 296 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:57,297 Are you familiar with it? I purchased it this morning, and it's already up 6,000%. 297 00:14:57,298 --> 00:14:58,733 (Laughs) 298 00:14:59,183 --> 00:15:01,150 I, um, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you, 299 00:15:01,185 --> 00:15:02,708 and you're probably gonna wanna sit down. 300 00:15:02,709 --> 00:15:03,819 (Exhales) (Whistles) 301 00:15:03,854 --> 00:15:05,654 - Not behind my desk. - Ooh. 302 00:15:07,223 --> 00:15:11,127 Trading in JNB has been suspended pending a fraud inquiry, 303 00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:14,730 and the shares have plummeted in after-hours trading on the Nikkei. 304 00:15:14,731 --> 00:15:15,972 (Laughs) 305 00:15:15,998 --> 00:15:18,205 Tell me something I don't know. (Laughs) 306 00:15:18,314 --> 00:15:20,134 Like, um... 307 00:15:20,169 --> 00:15:22,710 What any of that means. I don't know what that means. 308 00:15:22,758 --> 00:15:24,959 - Your stock is worthless. - What? 309 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:27,240 - You don't have a penny. - Uh... (Stammers) 310 00:15:27,275 --> 00:15:28,506 You're flat broke. 311 00:15:28,532 --> 00:15:30,035 (Gasps and stammers) 312 00:15:34,214 --> 00:15:36,745 - Add to cart, add to cart, buy the cart! - Uhhuh. Yeah. 313 00:15:36,746 --> 00:15:38,763 Hey, guys, we need to talk. 314 00:15:38,764 --> 00:15:40,584 Yeah, not now. Did you know you could buy 315 00:15:40,618 --> 00:15:43,744 all this stuff off of Skymall even if you're not on a plane? 316 00:15:44,832 --> 00:15:46,946 I'm buying a toaster with a compass in it. 317 00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:50,227 Uh, listen, um, there's something that I need to tell you. 318 00:15:50,261 --> 00:15:53,770 You're not gonna believe this! JNB tanked! 319 00:15:53,771 --> 00:15:55,491 - What?! What are you talking about? - Yeah. 320 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,056 Just talked to my money guy. 321 00:15:57,057 --> 00:15:58,183 (Chuckles) 322 00:15:58,184 --> 00:16:02,543 We lost everything. I sold my hat to Mansfield for 50 cents! 323 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,141 - Damn! - Yeah, I mean, how... 324 00:16:04,175 --> 00:16:05,642 - I can't believe I'm poor again! - Oh, my God! 325 00:16:05,676 --> 00:16:08,243 - It's over! That's it! - Guys, hey! 326 00:16:08,244 --> 00:16:12,584 It's okay, 'cause Brody didn't invest your money, so you didn't lose anything! 327 00:16:12,585 --> 00:16:14,586 'Cause I held on to it. Look. Hey! 328 00:16:14,638 --> 00:16:17,687 It's right here. "Yay, Jenny," right?! (Laughs) 329 00:16:17,730 --> 00:16:19,864 Jenny! Jenny! 330 00:16:21,157 --> 00:16:22,973 Can I use a "meant-ta"? 331 00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:25,928 No, you can't-ta. 332 00:16:27,237 --> 00:16:29,228 But... but I didn't do anything. 333 00:16:29,296 --> 00:16:31,363 You let us think we were rich when we weren't. 334 00:16:31,398 --> 00:16:33,131 Okay, I did do that. 335 00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,100 You told us to act like adults and then you treated us like children. 336 00:16:36,189 --> 00:16:38,223 Yeah, I did that, too. 337 00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,972 Said you were gonna buy a piece of land in Montana 338 00:16:41,006 --> 00:16:44,175 so we could build a house together and start over. 339 00:16:44,210 --> 00:16:47,311 (Clicks tongue) Yeah, that I did not do. 340 00:16:47,439 --> 00:16:49,075 No, but I'll tell you what you did do. 341 00:16:49,076 --> 00:16:51,116 You broke our trust and you broke our hearts. 342 00:16:51,157 --> 00:16:53,740 And I can't even cry about it right now 343 00:16:53,741 --> 00:16:57,787 because I sold my pocket square for a nickel! (Slams nickel on desk) 344 00:17:09,872 --> 00:17:11,038 Sir. 345 00:17:11,073 --> 00:17:12,673 What was the final tally? 346 00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:14,876 Well, Threepeat broke the news to 19 clients, 347 00:17:14,910 --> 00:17:18,861 and I... got yelled at for two hours by John McEnroe. 348 00:17:20,709 --> 00:17:23,611 You would not believe it, but that guy's got a temper. 349 00:17:23,612 --> 00:17:25,053 Well... 350 00:17:25,510 --> 00:17:27,088 Johnny Mac hates losing. 351 00:17:27,331 --> 00:17:29,905 Tell you the truth, that's why I stopped playing him in tennis. 352 00:17:29,939 --> 00:17:31,839 You beat him at tennis? 353 00:17:31,874 --> 00:17:35,724 Of course not. It's John frickin' McEnroe! 354 00:17:38,986 --> 00:17:41,363 You were well off your game today, Mr. Moyer. 355 00:17:41,364 --> 00:17:43,327 I know, I know, and I'm sorry I let you down. 356 00:17:43,328 --> 00:17:46,039 I just couldn't give those people any bad news. 357 00:17:46,203 --> 00:17:48,989 - Why do you think I didn't do it myself? - Because it's hard? 358 00:17:48,990 --> 00:17:51,047 Oh, give me a break. I do hard things every day. 359 00:17:51,048 --> 00:17:53,125 Just this morning I strapped a 100-pound weight to my ankle 360 00:17:53,126 --> 00:17:56,995 and I jumped into the deep end of my pool to play my favorite game... 361 00:17:57,266 --> 00:17:58,974 Stay alive. 362 00:18:02,107 --> 00:18:05,793 - Well, then why didn't you do it? - Because it sucks. 363 00:18:05,828 --> 00:18:08,530 Those... those accounts aren't just numbers. 364 00:18:08,564 --> 00:18:11,433 They're people. And telling them bad things 365 00:18:11,467 --> 00:18:13,535 that affect their families and their lives... 366 00:18:13,602 --> 00:18:15,737 - It eats you up. - Hmm. 367 00:18:15,797 --> 00:18:17,498 Unless you're dead inside. 368 00:18:17,540 --> 00:18:20,242 Mr. Mansfield, I dropped the bomb on all the clients, 369 00:18:20,276 --> 00:18:23,556 and then I told Jeffries that he's never gonna make manager and fired a coffee guy. 370 00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:25,380 I'm on a roll. (Chuckles) 371 00:18:25,836 --> 00:18:27,404 Good for you, Mr. Wen. 372 00:18:29,686 --> 00:18:31,670 - Dead inside. - Right. 373 00:18:32,488 --> 00:18:34,156 Yeah, but he did beat my ass. 374 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,124 Yes, he did. He kicked it up and down the street. 375 00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:38,952 If your ass was a drum, he'd be Ringo. 376 00:18:39,735 --> 00:18:42,055 If your ass was the Chicago Cubbies, 377 00:18:42,056 --> 00:18:44,400 he'd be every other team in the National League. 378 00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:45,616 (Chuckles) 379 00:18:45,617 --> 00:18:48,871 Yes, I get it, my ass is any number of easily beaten things. 380 00:18:48,906 --> 00:18:51,541 - And Threepeat won. - No. No. 381 00:18:51,608 --> 00:18:53,610 I'm gonna call it a tie, and I'll tell you why. 382 00:18:53,636 --> 00:18:55,600 - Hmm? - Because you have heart. 383 00:18:55,713 --> 00:18:58,672 You can learn or I can teach you any number of things in this business, 384 00:18:58,673 --> 00:19:02,411 but I'll be honest with you... I can't teach you heart. 385 00:19:02,426 --> 00:19:03,469 (Exhales) 386 00:19:03,470 --> 00:19:06,188 Yeah. I guess I got a little heart. 387 00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:09,328 - Ah, crap. - What's wrong? 388 00:19:09,695 --> 00:19:11,863 I gotta go apologize to some people downstairs. 389 00:19:11,897 --> 00:19:14,432 Oh, say, I'm... I'm having dinner with John McEnroe. 390 00:19:14,467 --> 00:19:17,701 - Would you like to trade with me? - No, thank you! 391 00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,474 Guys, come on. 392 00:19:23,508 --> 00:19:27,130 I'm so sorry, and I-I don't know how else to say it. 393 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:31,120 Yeah, well, I think it's time we tell you how we really feel. 394 00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:34,489 - I love you. - Harvard, man... come on, dude. 395 00:19:34,637 --> 00:19:36,998 What? We were all thinking it. 396 00:19:37,537 --> 00:19:39,692 Hey, guys, can I talk to you for a second? 397 00:19:39,693 --> 00:19:41,029 Babe, what are you doing down here? 398 00:19:41,030 --> 00:19:43,162 Uh, uh... I-I just want to tell you guys something. 399 00:19:43,196 --> 00:19:44,788 I learned something today. 400 00:19:44,789 --> 00:19:47,616 You know, it's really easy to lose sight of what's important in business. 401 00:19:47,617 --> 00:19:49,050 - Cut to the chase! - Come on, man. 402 00:19:49,051 --> 00:19:50,651 I'm underwater on a cane! 403 00:19:50,652 --> 00:19:52,772 Hey, guys, come on, come on. 404 00:19:52,773 --> 00:19:54,562 Can you seriously get to the good stuff? 405 00:19:54,563 --> 00:19:57,788 All right, fine. Uh, I invested your $1,200 for you... 406 00:19:57,789 --> 00:20:00,213 (Clicks mouse) And you can watch it right here. 407 00:20:00,281 --> 00:20:01,781 - What? - Yeah. 408 00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:03,249 Oh, my God, we're up. 409 00:20:03,283 --> 00:20:04,879 - What? Okay... - Ha ha ha ha! Yeah! 410 00:20:04,880 --> 00:20:06,302 - Hit refresh, hit refresh! - Holy... 411 00:20:06,303 --> 00:20:07,504 - Yeah! - Still up! 412 00:20:07,505 --> 00:20:10,022 - Yeah! (Laughing) - Whoo! 413 00:20:10,023 --> 00:20:13,524 Wow. Hon, what did you invest in? 414 00:20:13,592 --> 00:20:18,309 It's a fixed-rate cd set in at 2%. It's like a savings account. 415 00:20:20,013 --> 00:20:23,336 Your friends are literally gonna be watching a straight line for 15 years. 416 00:20:23,370 --> 00:20:25,771 (Laughs) 417 00:20:25,772 --> 00:20:27,180 Thank you. 418 00:20:41,988 --> 00:20:45,456 If you want to view paradise 419 00:20:45,490 --> 00:20:49,026 Simply look around and view it 420 00:20:49,403 --> 00:20:52,697 Anything you want to, do it 421 00:20:53,161 --> 00:20:54,966 Want to change the world 422 00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:59,003 there's nothing to it 423 00:21:02,468 --> 00:21:05,468 Synced by P2Pfiend & Reef www.addic7ed.com 424 00:21:05,518 --> 00:21:10,068 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 33834

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