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Previously on Greek:
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00:00:01,634 --> 00:00:03,869
They pulled me off the project.
I lost my wire.
3
00:00:03,903 --> 00:00:06,638
I can't apologize for being
confident in my abilities.
4
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:09,575
Being confident is one thing.
But disparaging my work?
5
00:00:09,609 --> 00:00:11,143
It's like you have
no respect for me.
6
00:00:11,177 --> 00:00:13,112
[Rusty] We broke up.
7
00:00:13,146 --> 00:00:15,047
- I'm sorry.
- Hey, Ash?
8
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:16,081
Yeah?
9
00:00:16,116 --> 00:00:17,216
Tonight's all about
Pledge Presents.
10
00:00:17,250 --> 00:00:18,884
If it's OK with you,
I might skip tonight.
11
00:00:18,918 --> 00:00:20,219
- Do you mind?
- Totally get it.
12
00:00:20,253 --> 00:00:21,887
Will you be my date
for Pledge Presents?
13
00:00:21,921 --> 00:00:23,155
And what about your boyfriend?
14
00:00:23,189 --> 00:00:24,923
He can't be bothered
with a sorority party.
15
00:00:24,958 --> 00:00:27,159
Not when there's a law school
study group to go to.
16
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:28,494
Why are you wearing
an Omega Chi pledge pin?
17
00:00:28,528 --> 00:00:30,062
Because I'm pledging
Omega Chi.
18
00:00:30,096 --> 00:00:31,730
I know this is
a 180 for me,
19
00:00:31,764 --> 00:00:33,465
but that doesn't have
to be a bad thing, right?
20
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:35,767
Isn't that why you joined
Kappa Tau? To change?
21
00:00:35,802 --> 00:00:39,204
I'd kill to be a KT.
Even if I wasn't a legacy.
22
00:00:43,643 --> 00:00:47,079
Homecoming is
an epic KT tradition,
23
00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:50,349
steeped in the ancient lore
of the mighty, beer-raining,
24
00:00:50,383 --> 00:00:52,484
and yet,
dearly departed, Vesuvius.
25
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,486
A moment of silence, please.
26
00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:57,256
Last year, we mourned Vesuvius
instead of throwing a party,
27
00:00:57,290 --> 00:00:59,658
and guess what happened?
28
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:03,629
A&M knocked CRU out of the
top ten best party schools,
29
00:01:03,663 --> 00:01:05,297
according to
collegepartymonster.org.
30
00:01:05,331 --> 00:01:08,133
- And dot-org's never lie.
- [booing]
31
00:01:08,168 --> 00:01:11,570
But all is not lost.
Because this year, we will reclaim our throne
32
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:15,641
with a party so epic,
it'll defy belief.
33
00:01:15,675 --> 00:01:19,044
A party so elevated,
it'll defy gravity.
34
00:01:19,078 --> 00:01:21,647
A little party
I like to call...
35
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:24,383
- [whispering] ...Everest!
- [cheering]
36
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:26,818
We will transform our house
37
00:01:26,853 --> 00:01:29,821
into the biggest series
of ice luges...
38
00:01:29,856 --> 00:01:32,057
Luges? Lugi? Lugie?
39
00:01:32,091 --> 00:01:33,358
...ever constructed!
40
00:01:33,393 --> 00:01:35,494
And by "we,"
I mean our pledges.
41
00:01:35,528 --> 00:01:36,962
- Pledges!
- Yeah, Cap?
42
00:01:38,231 --> 00:01:41,867
Oh, right. Uh...
Sole pledge, Spidey.
43
00:01:41,901 --> 00:01:43,635
Tools are in the shed,
good luck!
44
00:01:44,704 --> 00:01:45,337
Go on!
45
00:01:47,173 --> 00:01:49,374
- Meeting adjourned!
- [indistinct chatter]
46
00:01:49,409 --> 00:01:54,046
I am so glad to have my
happy-go-lucky Spitter back. I missed him.
47
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:57,616
Losing Dana and the wire at once
sucked, but no wallowing.
48
00:01:57,650 --> 00:02:00,452
And I'm pretty excited
for Spidey. It's his first Homecoming.
49
00:02:00,486 --> 00:02:02,254
I'll bet the alumnis are
gonna be super impressed
50
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,356
when they see their old house
covered in ice, huh, Cap?
51
00:02:04,390 --> 00:02:07,960
Our alums possess neither
the will nor wherewithal to find their way back here.
52
00:02:07,994 --> 00:02:11,496
Which is for the best,
since no one wants a bunch of old guys hanging out,
53
00:02:11,531 --> 00:02:13,865
reliving their
lost KT glory days.
54
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:19,238
- Looks like KT never changes.
- Can we help you, sir?
55
00:02:19,272 --> 00:02:22,241
- Guys, I've got this.
- No, you get back to work, pledge!
56
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:23,875
Everest isn't gonna
build itself.
57
00:02:23,910 --> 00:02:25,611
And this what
I'm spending
58
00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:28,814
seven grand a month
on dues for, huh, kiddo?
59
00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:32,818
- Kiddo?
- Guys, this is my dad, Lasker Parkes.
60
00:02:32,852 --> 00:02:36,021
[sputtering] Take a break,
pledge!
61
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,557
Welcome back to KT!
62
00:02:38,591 --> 00:02:41,560
Thank you.
That's my boy!
63
00:02:41,594 --> 00:02:42,661
- You having fun?
- Yeah!
64
00:02:42,695 --> 00:02:43,829
Everybody good to you?
65
00:02:43,863 --> 00:02:45,130
Huh...
66
00:02:48,468 --> 00:02:50,602
- Oh, gosh! [sighing]
- Oh, sorry!
67
00:02:50,637 --> 00:02:52,037
The only outlet's
next to your desk.
68
00:02:52,071 --> 00:02:55,007
It's fine. I'm just
looking for my cell phone.
69
00:02:55,041 --> 00:02:58,110
Hey! So, I can't believe
it's Homecoming already.
70
00:02:58,144 --> 00:03:01,013
- Crazy, right?
- I can't believe we're alumni.
71
00:03:01,047 --> 00:03:02,414
It feels like
we just graduated.
72
00:03:02,448 --> 00:03:04,383
I mean, I've been back
for five weeks,
73
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:08,220
- but it feels like five days.
- More like five seconds.
74
00:03:08,254 --> 00:03:11,023
You sure it's OK, right?
Me staying here so long?
75
00:03:11,057 --> 00:03:13,292
- Oh, it's fine.
- I know it's an imposition.
76
00:03:13,326 --> 00:03:15,794
You are my best friend.
You can't be an imposition.
77
00:03:15,828 --> 00:03:19,498
OK. Who knew looking
for a job would take so long?
78
00:03:19,532 --> 00:03:21,400
It happens so fast
in movie montages.
79
00:03:21,434 --> 00:03:23,201
What happened with
the office temp job?
80
00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:26,505
Uh, nothing. I can't even
get hired temporarily.
81
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,274
But I do have a second interview
for a marketing firm today.
82
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:30,309
I'm trying not
to get too excited.
83
00:03:30,343 --> 00:03:31,943
Oh, no,
you should be excited.
84
00:03:31,978 --> 00:03:34,746
Who cares about a temp job
that was below you, anyway?
85
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:37,649
- Oh! Well, thank you, Case.
- Yeah.
86
00:03:37,684 --> 00:03:40,319
Hey, at least if I never
get hired for any job, like, ever,
87
00:03:40,353 --> 00:03:42,621
- I'll always have
you by my side. - Oh!
88
00:03:42,655 --> 00:03:44,656
Ooh... [sighing]
89
00:03:44,691 --> 00:03:46,658
Um, so...
90
00:03:46,693 --> 00:03:49,561
Flat irons in
the bathroom only. New rule!
91
00:03:49,595 --> 00:03:52,731
It's... fine.
92
00:03:52,765 --> 00:03:55,867
[exhaling] Sorry, sorry.
93
00:04:00,842 --> 00:04:04,734
Sync by n17t01
www.addic7ed.com
94
00:04:09,013 --> 00:04:10,981
[Cappie] As I'm sure
you remember,
95
00:04:11,015 --> 00:04:14,885
this is the game room,
where we...
96
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:17,020
...play games,
as the name might suggest.
97
00:04:17,055 --> 00:04:19,990
You know, I think I was here
when we got this video game.
98
00:04:20,024 --> 00:04:22,192
Is this where you came up
with Joshua Whopper?
99
00:04:22,227 --> 00:04:24,394
I... We all love him.
We're big fans.
100
00:04:24,429 --> 00:04:26,063
Is that what made you
wanna be an inventor?
101
00:04:26,097 --> 00:04:29,533
You know, I wouldn't call what
my company does "inventing," per se.
102
00:04:29,567 --> 00:04:33,804
- It's more... tech development.
- Oh, um...
103
00:04:33,838 --> 00:04:36,707
Well, have you "tech developed"
anything lately?
104
00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,176
Ooh, have you figured out
how to make a robot
105
00:04:39,210 --> 00:04:42,346
that can fall in love
and also experience fear?
106
00:04:42,380 --> 00:04:44,481
No, not yet.
107
00:04:44,516 --> 00:04:46,416
I work at a more macro level:
108
00:04:46,451 --> 00:04:50,020
Business strategy, boardroom
politics. That sort of thing.
109
00:04:50,054 --> 00:04:54,024
Well. That sounds... neat.
110
00:04:54,058 --> 00:04:58,028
We also have bathrooms,
where we... bathe.
111
00:04:58,062 --> 00:05:01,999
- Peter, wanna show your papa?
- Sure, yeah. Come on, dad.
112
00:05:02,033 --> 00:05:04,134
I'll show you the
downstairs one first.
113
00:05:06,204 --> 00:05:10,807
Wow, the Lasker Parkes,
our most prestigious alum, in the flesh.
114
00:05:10,842 --> 00:05:13,944
Depressing, huh? He's just
another corporate drone.
115
00:05:13,978 --> 00:05:16,513
It's like finding out
Santa Claus left the North Pole
116
00:05:16,548 --> 00:05:18,782
to sit in a cubicle
and listen to NPR.
117
00:05:18,816 --> 00:05:21,218
He's the CEO of
a Fortune 500 company,
118
00:05:21,252 --> 00:05:22,819
using his corporate drone money
119
00:05:22,854 --> 00:05:25,289
to pay enough dues to cover
a full pledge class.
120
00:05:25,323 --> 00:05:28,792
Exactly. Which means,
as dull as he may be, we gotta keep him happy,
121
00:05:28,826 --> 00:05:32,062
and make sure he knows we're
making his son happy, too.
122
00:05:32,096 --> 00:05:34,565
Hey, that one was taken.
123
00:05:34,599 --> 00:05:36,099
You want me to show you
the upstairs one?
124
00:05:36,134 --> 00:05:37,534
No, not really,
125
00:05:37,569 --> 00:05:39,403
I want to know what
it's like for you as a KT.
126
00:05:39,437 --> 00:05:42,706
- Who's your big brother?
- My big what?
127
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:46,577
Really... You haven't had
your big/little weekend yet?
128
00:05:46,611 --> 00:05:48,378
- No... we're gonna...
- We... we're gonna...
129
00:05:48,413 --> 00:05:50,714
We're sorting through data
and we were gonna...
130
00:05:50,748 --> 00:05:54,218
We wanted it to
be a surprise. Surprise!
131
00:05:54,252 --> 00:05:57,454
We're gonna do the BigúBro
Ceremony tomorrow at the party.
132
00:05:57,488 --> 00:06:01,225
The party. We are. Absolutely.
That is and was always our plan.
133
00:06:01,259 --> 00:06:03,760
- Uh-huh.
- Well, I can't wait to see that.
134
00:06:03,795 --> 00:06:07,097
No, I can't wait
for you to see that!
135
00:06:11,502 --> 00:06:15,172
You totally shot me down in
front of the entire class before I was finished making my point.
136
00:06:15,206 --> 00:06:18,342
You can't just claim negligence,
all right? Listen...
137
00:06:18,376 --> 00:06:21,578
- If you can't take the heat...
- Speak in clichés?
138
00:06:21,613 --> 00:06:24,848
- You are extra irritable today.
- I haven't been sleeping well.
139
00:06:24,882 --> 00:06:27,818
- Ashleigh has started snoring.
- She's still staying with you?
140
00:06:27,852 --> 00:06:30,254
I love Ash.
141
00:06:30,288 --> 00:06:34,758
And yes, it is the most
depressing time to find a job since the actual Depression.
142
00:06:34,792 --> 00:06:38,428
But we're in this room
that can barely hold all of our appendages.
143
00:06:38,463 --> 00:06:40,664
Look, Case, you just
gotta be honest with her.
144
00:06:40,698 --> 00:06:42,833
- Tell her to find
her own place. - I can't. She's my best friend.
145
00:06:42,867 --> 00:06:46,937
Well, she won't be for long,
if you let things continue this way.
146
00:06:46,971 --> 00:06:48,939
- Just give her a little push.
- Maybe you're right.
147
00:06:48,973 --> 00:06:53,010
Wow, this is not going to be
an easy conversation to have.
148
00:06:53,044 --> 00:06:56,413
Huh? Right. Yeah, just...
you know, do it.
149
00:06:56,447 --> 00:06:59,583
It's like ripping off a
band-aid. Save the friendship. It's great.
150
00:07:00,852 --> 00:07:02,052
Oh, hell, no.
151
00:07:04,322 --> 00:07:06,123
- Hi, Professor Segal!
- Professor Segal, hi!
152
00:07:06,157 --> 00:07:09,526
- Miss Cartwright. Mr. Chambers.
- Great class today.
153
00:07:09,560 --> 00:07:12,329
- The discussion of
transferred intent was... - Incredibly stimulating.
154
00:07:12,363 --> 00:07:15,766
Stimulating. Well, I'm late
for lunch but you're both more than welcome
155
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,303
to continue sucking up to me
tomorrow at the alumni reception.
156
00:07:19,337 --> 00:07:20,337
You're both CRU alums, right?
157
00:07:20,371 --> 00:07:21,571
- Yeah.
- Absolutely.
158
00:07:21,606 --> 00:07:23,273
- Great job in class today.
- Thanks!
159
00:07:23,308 --> 00:07:25,175
Thank you so much. Bye.
160
00:07:28,613 --> 00:07:30,947
[cheering]
161
00:07:31,616 --> 00:07:33,350
Kappa Tau!
162
00:07:34,819 --> 00:07:36,987
I'm so excited for this weekend
I can barely eat!
163
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:40,257
Good, you'll avoid bloating.
I want my favorite pledge to have a memorable weekend.
164
00:07:40,291 --> 00:07:42,292
And by "memorable",
you mean... ?
165
00:07:42,327 --> 00:07:44,561
Helping Heather seduce
the entire CRU Greek system.
166
00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:47,197
- Ah, yes.
- Rebecca, you know Hee-ther's my little sister, right?
167
00:07:47,231 --> 00:07:49,833
Well, you can help Heather, too,
but that's kinda creepy.
168
00:07:49,867 --> 00:07:53,603
Just make sure you show up to
the KT Homecoming party tomorrow night after the Pep Rally.
169
00:07:53,638 --> 00:07:56,173
- It's gonna be awesome.
- You know, the last KT homecoming that I went to
170
00:07:56,207 --> 00:07:58,508
- was when your brother and I
first started dating. - [Heather] Cute!
171
00:07:58,543 --> 00:08:00,277
- Can we go?
- It wouldn't be a Homecoming
172
00:08:00,311 --> 00:08:02,279
without a wild,
out-of-control KT party.
173
00:08:02,313 --> 00:08:05,048
Well, don't stay too long...
whatever your name is.
174
00:08:05,083 --> 00:08:07,584
'Cause you'll literally feel
your brain cells start to die.
175
00:08:07,618 --> 00:08:10,887
Whatever, Bing. We're building
a complex mountain of luges.
176
00:08:10,922 --> 00:08:14,191
It's an Everwood theme party,
because of the mountain and the snow, you know?
177
00:08:14,225 --> 00:08:17,994
- [laughing]
- Everest, Heath. You know, like the mountain?
178
00:08:19,030 --> 00:08:20,897
Yeah, that makes
a lot more sense.
179
00:08:20,932 --> 00:08:24,334
Oh, by the way, I can't make
the Pep Rally tomorrow night.
180
00:08:24,369 --> 00:08:27,537
I've got this alumni event, and
my Torts professor is gonna be there, so...
181
00:08:27,572 --> 00:08:30,207
I gotta kinda...
that's cool, right?
182
00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:31,942
Why wouldn't it be?
183
00:08:31,976 --> 00:08:34,144
I'll focus my energy
on Heather and the pledges.
184
00:08:36,447 --> 00:08:38,849
- Yikes, I'm late for class.
- Oh, I'll walk you.
185
00:08:38,883 --> 00:08:41,485
- I have to get to my "History
of Soap Operas" seminar. - [snickering]
186
00:08:41,519 --> 00:08:43,186
- See you around.
- Bye.
187
00:08:46,124 --> 00:08:49,092
- Everwood?
- Oh, come on. He just misunderstood.
188
00:08:49,127 --> 00:08:51,228
- He must be really good in bed.
- Yeah, he is.
189
00:08:51,262 --> 00:08:55,465
But he's also kind and he's
funny, he's incredibly sweet...
190
00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,667
You don't have to justify
your relationship to us, Cal.
191
00:09:00,538 --> 00:09:02,506
He's a good dancer.
192
00:09:04,509 --> 00:09:07,711
[Ashleigh sighing]
The woman was just so uptight.
193
00:09:07,745 --> 00:09:09,780
I mean, "Hi, can you smile?"
194
00:09:09,814 --> 00:09:13,116
Then she just stopped abruptly
and was like, "Thanks for coming in. We'll call you."
195
00:09:13,151 --> 00:09:15,318
She said she'll call you.
That's good news.
196
00:09:15,353 --> 00:09:18,655
They all say that.
It's not my first time to the job interview rodeo.
197
00:09:18,689 --> 00:09:22,492
Maybe she liked you.
Some people just don't smile!
198
00:09:25,263 --> 00:09:27,030
Well, you're smiling a lot.
What's up, Case?
199
00:09:27,064 --> 00:09:31,601
Nothing's up, it's just...
I was thinking about what we discussed this morning...
200
00:09:31,636 --> 00:09:33,370
How you've been living with me
for five weeks.
201
00:09:33,404 --> 00:09:35,038
Yeah, and how awesome
you've been about it.
202
00:09:35,072 --> 00:09:39,543
Right. I was just thinking
that maybe it is time for you
203
00:09:39,577 --> 00:09:42,879
to start looking for your own
place. You know, to live. Like an apartment. Or something.
204
00:09:42,914 --> 00:09:47,350
Uh-huh. Absolutely.
An apartment would be... uh-huh.
205
00:09:47,385 --> 00:09:50,654
I just have to figure out
the whole paying rent to a landlord thing.
206
00:09:50,688 --> 00:09:53,190
- Yeah, that...
- Yeah.
207
00:09:53,224 --> 00:09:55,091
Maybe you could live
with Rusty for a while.
208
00:09:56,427 --> 00:09:59,863
No, I can't live with Rusty.
No. He's so...
209
00:09:59,897 --> 00:10:02,899
Yeah, right, that was
a stupid idea, I know.
210
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,534
You know I love
living with you, right?
211
00:10:04,569 --> 00:10:07,871
- Yeah, of course.
- OK. So...
212
00:10:07,905 --> 00:10:11,141
So, I will get an apartment.
As soon as I get a job.
213
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:13,210
Great.
214
00:10:16,347 --> 00:10:18,615
So, we have to stop partying
at the party
215
00:10:18,649 --> 00:10:21,184
to have a Big Bro ceremony?
Just to impress some old guy?
216
00:10:21,219 --> 00:10:23,019
An old guy whose
old guy money
217
00:10:23,054 --> 00:10:25,388
is financing many of our
young guy activities.
218
00:10:25,423 --> 00:10:27,624
Do we really have to do
that whole boring process
219
00:10:27,658 --> 00:10:29,226
where the pledge
writes down three names?
220
00:10:29,260 --> 00:10:33,129
Well, I think we all know who
Peter's big brother should be.
221
00:10:35,967 --> 00:10:38,702
- Me, I'm talking about me.
- [all murmuring] Oh...
222
00:10:40,705 --> 00:10:42,539
I'm happy for you, Rus.
223
00:10:42,573 --> 00:10:44,541
We both know what
it's like to...
224
00:10:44,575 --> 00:10:46,243
...lose a little brother.
225
00:10:46,277 --> 00:10:48,945
Me with Scooby and you
with Andylicious.
226
00:10:48,980 --> 00:10:51,047
[voice cracking] Now you're
getting the second chance that I never had.
227
00:10:51,082 --> 00:10:53,517
Will you guys excuse me?
I've got something in my eye.
228
00:10:53,551 --> 00:10:56,520
- [indistinct chatter]
- [sighing]
229
00:10:56,554 --> 00:11:00,090
I'm gonna do it right this time.
I'm gonna bond, have long talks...
230
00:11:00,124 --> 00:11:02,259
[Beaver whimpering] Scooby!
231
00:11:02,293 --> 00:11:05,695
Well, you're both big-brained,
yet spindly in stature.
232
00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:08,765
You both speak fluent nerd.
Spidey & Spitter...
233
00:11:08,799 --> 00:11:11,568
Well, that's fun to say.
Looks like you've got yourself a new little brother!
234
00:11:11,602 --> 00:11:14,037
[Rusty] There you go, Spidey.
I'll help you unload the rest of that ice.
235
00:11:14,071 --> 00:11:17,741
- Oh, thanks.
- So, is Papa Parkes having fun?
236
00:11:17,775 --> 00:11:20,043
Oh, loads! Yeah. Um...
237
00:11:20,077 --> 00:11:21,611
I had a question about
the Big Brother Ceremony.
238
00:11:21,646 --> 00:11:24,481
You don't have to do it naked.
Heath was just messing with you.
239
00:11:24,515 --> 00:11:28,485
No, actually, I was wondering...
would you be my big brother?
240
00:11:28,519 --> 00:11:32,455
Me? Don't you think Rusty
would be a better match?
241
00:11:32,490 --> 00:11:35,926
Rusty's great, but you're
Cappie! I mean...
242
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:40,530
You're just so awesome,
and cool, and funny and... Cappie!
243
00:11:40,565 --> 00:11:43,567
- Yes, that is my name.
- Look, I know you can't tell me until the ceremony,
244
00:11:43,601 --> 00:11:45,602
but I'd be lying if I said
I wasn't hoping it was you.
245
00:11:47,038 --> 00:11:48,705
You're not holding out
for someone else, are you?
246
00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,342
You get it?
'Cause I'm the only pledge...
247
00:11:52,376 --> 00:11:55,345
Oh, I got it.
See, you don't even need me. You're funny already!
248
00:11:55,379 --> 00:11:57,747
- [chuckling]
- Now get that ice out of here.
249
00:11:57,782 --> 00:11:59,482
All right.
250
00:12:06,081 --> 00:12:09,450
You're so lucky to have Evan.
He's like one of those shirtless greeters
251
00:12:09,485 --> 00:12:12,720
at the Abercrombie stores,
but like, romantic and smart.
252
00:12:12,755 --> 00:12:14,155
You'll have your own
Evan some day.
253
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:15,824
Some day might be sooner
than you think.
254
00:12:15,858 --> 00:12:18,293
Heath promised to find me
a boyfriend at the KT party.
255
00:12:18,327 --> 00:12:20,161
Heather, you're my
number one pledge.
256
00:12:20,196 --> 00:12:22,530
You can't be bogged down
by a boyfriend right now.
257
00:12:25,801 --> 00:12:31,206
Hey, Becks.
I have a tiny favor...
258
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,875
Could you possibly,
maybe...
259
00:12:33,909 --> 00:12:36,945
consider...
260
00:12:36,979 --> 00:12:38,813
...giving Ash and me
our old room back?
261
00:12:38,848 --> 00:12:41,683
- Heather, the help
made a funny. - [laughing]
262
00:12:41,717 --> 00:12:44,385
Fine. What if she
stayed here with you?
263
00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:47,088
- Just for a little bit.
- But where would I put my exercise center?
264
00:12:47,122 --> 00:12:49,123
I'm sure she'll
find something soon.
265
00:12:49,158 --> 00:12:51,926
Experts say the economy
should be back on its feet any year now.
266
00:12:51,961 --> 00:12:54,362
Would you excuse us?
We're talking about Homecoming.
267
00:12:54,396 --> 00:12:56,731
And all the hot guys
I'm gonna meet at the KT party tomorrow night.
268
00:12:56,765 --> 00:12:59,167
Oh, Rebecca, you know
the rules from Nationals.
269
00:12:59,201 --> 00:13:01,336
Only university-sponsored events
during Homecoming.
270
00:13:01,370 --> 00:13:03,805
- But everyone goes to
the KT party. - Not us, not this year.
271
00:13:03,839 --> 00:13:07,809
Nationals is cracking down.
You can't go to that party. OK?
272
00:13:09,011 --> 00:13:10,712
- OK.
- Really mean it.
273
00:13:10,746 --> 00:13:14,883
- OK.
- You can't just say "OK" and then do it, anyway.
274
00:13:14,917 --> 00:13:16,718
- Rebecca?
- OK.
275
00:13:19,755 --> 00:13:20,588
OK.
276
00:13:27,029 --> 00:13:28,897
- We're still going, right?
- Obviously.
277
00:13:28,931 --> 00:13:30,164
- [chuckling]
- [machines beeping]
278
00:13:31,767 --> 00:13:33,902
Hey! Check it out!
279
00:13:33,936 --> 00:13:38,506
Ah, George Orwell's classic
dystopian novel, Nineteen Eighty-Four.
280
00:13:38,540 --> 00:13:40,141
Isn't it supposed
to be "watching you?"
281
00:13:40,175 --> 00:13:42,076
Well, it's for Peter.
We're having our Big Bro ceremony
282
00:13:42,111 --> 00:13:44,445
at the party tomorrow night.
I'm gonna give it to him after.
283
00:13:44,480 --> 00:13:45,647
You haven't matched up yet?
284
00:13:45,681 --> 00:13:47,415
Me and my big, Trip,
are already besties.
285
00:13:47,449 --> 00:13:48,650
Trip's your big brother?
286
00:13:48,684 --> 00:13:50,385
Yeah, you know, I never
thought I could be friends
287
00:13:50,419 --> 00:13:53,755
with a red-top, either.
But, he's the Prez. Only the best for me.
288
00:13:53,789 --> 00:13:56,257
- Hey, what are you watching?
- Thomas Crown Affair,
289
00:13:56,292 --> 00:13:59,060
the sub-par remake with that
pretty boy Pierce Brosnan.
290
00:13:59,094 --> 00:14:00,495
If you don't like it,
why are you watching it?
291
00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:02,397
I don't know.
Because I am.
292
00:14:02,431 --> 00:14:04,132
- What's with the third degree?
- [knocking at door]
293
00:14:04,166 --> 00:14:07,001
I don't... I didn't mean...
You don't have to be so...
294
00:14:07,036 --> 00:14:09,037
- Hi!
- [chuckles] Hey, what's up, Cap?
295
00:14:09,071 --> 00:14:11,806
Daley, you coming to our already
legendary Everest party?
296
00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:14,442
I wouldn't be caught dead there.
I'm the enemy now, remember?
297
00:14:14,476 --> 00:14:17,512
Oh, of course.
I guess that means I hate you.
298
00:14:18,547 --> 00:14:20,114
- [together] Ah!
- [chuckling]
299
00:14:20,149 --> 00:14:22,717
So, what's Omega Chi
doing for Homecoming?
300
00:14:22,751 --> 00:14:25,720
- A Jack Johnson sing-a-long?
- No. Why?
301
00:14:25,754 --> 00:14:26,788
Who's asking?
302
00:14:28,824 --> 00:14:30,525
- Hey, what's up?
- Hey, so listen...
303
00:14:30,559 --> 00:14:31,960
I was, uh...
304
00:14:31,994 --> 00:14:35,096
I was talking to
Spidey earlier and... - Yeah?
305
00:14:35,130 --> 00:14:41,102
He may have asked me
to be his big brother.
306
00:14:41,136 --> 00:14:44,305
Oh. Wow. OK.
307
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:47,075
Pledges are an impressionable
bunch, if you recall.
308
00:14:47,109 --> 00:14:50,111
No, I get it. Hey, it's not
like I can blame him.
309
00:14:50,145 --> 00:14:51,713
You're a pretty
great big brother.
310
00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:55,950
And I guess the big bro thing
isn't meant for me.
311
00:14:55,985 --> 00:14:57,685
Isn't this supposed
to be "watching you?"
312
00:14:58,754 --> 00:15:02,523
Oh, this was for Spidey.
You know what?
313
00:15:02,558 --> 00:15:05,393
Why are we letting Peter decide?
He's a pledge. We're actives.
314
00:15:05,427 --> 00:15:07,495
- We decide stuff.
- I don't wanna force him.
315
00:15:07,529 --> 00:15:10,498
The ceremony isn't until
tomorrow. Nothing's final yet.
316
00:15:10,532 --> 00:15:14,702
That's true. Maybe I can
make Peter want me as his big brother.
317
00:15:14,737 --> 00:15:16,571
Seduce him with your big-ness.
318
00:15:17,606 --> 00:15:18,906
You know what I mean.
319
00:15:23,812 --> 00:15:25,413
Knock, knock! Can I come in?
320
00:15:25,447 --> 00:15:27,715
As long as you're not here
to say more mean things about Hfath.
321
00:15:27,750 --> 00:15:29,050
I said he must be
good in bed.
322
00:15:30,486 --> 00:15:31,919
What's up, Rebecca?
323
00:15:31,954 --> 00:15:34,188
I was wondering if you could
ask your sex-machine boyfriend
324
00:15:34,223 --> 00:15:35,990
if he could not set Heather
up with a guy tomorrow.
325
00:15:36,025 --> 00:15:38,359
Oh, so, you're worried
that Heath is too dumb
326
00:15:38,394 --> 00:15:40,628
to pick a guy
that's up to your standards.
327
00:15:40,662 --> 00:15:42,330
Don't go all
oversensitive gay on me.
328
00:15:42,364 --> 00:15:44,599
I just think you and Heath
have an interesting dynamic.
329
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:47,735
You're smart, ambitious, and
Heath's the hottie on your arm.
330
00:15:47,770 --> 00:15:50,038
I see. Because you and Evan
are so perfect, right?
331
00:15:50,072 --> 00:15:52,673
Despite the fact that
last week, you told Hee-ther
332
00:15:52,708 --> 00:15:56,878
to tell Heath to tell me
that you were taking Cappie to Pledge Presents?
333
00:15:56,912 --> 00:15:59,447
No one's perfect,
but we are equals.
334
00:15:59,481 --> 00:16:02,116
Heath clearly needs you
more than you need him.
335
00:16:02,151 --> 00:16:04,085
You're the Mount Everest
to his bunny slope.
336
00:16:07,923 --> 00:16:11,192
I've been going through some
stuff lately. Some personal and academic dilemmas.
337
00:16:11,226 --> 00:16:13,728
- You name it, I got it.
- Wow, I'm surprised he hasn't dumped you by now.
338
00:16:13,762 --> 00:16:15,263
What? No. He doesn't
even know about it.
339
00:16:15,297 --> 00:16:17,398
Because you don't talk about
that serious, deep stuff, right?
340
00:16:17,433 --> 00:16:20,268
We talk about deep stuff.
All the time.
341
00:16:20,302 --> 00:16:22,537
Great, so during these
profound explorations of self,
342
00:16:22,571 --> 00:16:24,972
could you ask him to ease up
on the matchmaker business?
343
00:16:27,810 --> 00:16:30,478
[Casey] Oh, I am so glad that
we decided to do this.
344
00:16:30,512 --> 00:16:32,680
Titan spirit
is in the air!
345
00:16:32,714 --> 00:16:35,683
And I'm buying you a drink
tonight as a thank you for being so great.
346
00:16:35,717 --> 00:16:37,752
- No, you don't need to...
- No, it's fine. We just have to order
347
00:16:37,786 --> 00:16:39,554
before the end of
three-dollar happy hour.
348
00:16:39,588 --> 00:16:41,889
- Um, can we have
two beers please? - [man] You got it.
349
00:16:41,924 --> 00:16:44,025
Uh-oh. Look who's here.
350
00:16:44,059 --> 00:16:47,762
- Happy Homecoming.
- Good to see you. Hi.
351
00:16:47,796 --> 00:16:49,097
Cappie.
352
00:16:50,499 --> 00:16:53,234
Just putting up a poster for
our big Everest party tomorrow.
353
00:16:53,268 --> 00:16:57,939
- You gals should stop by.
- Oh, I have an alumni barbeque that night.
354
00:16:57,973 --> 00:17:00,475
- But thanks.
- Yeah, 'cause we're alums, so...
355
00:17:00,509 --> 00:17:03,044
How's the post-college job hunt
treating you, Ashleigh?
356
00:17:03,078 --> 00:17:06,214
Oh, it's treating me well.
I've got some jobs in my sights.
357
00:17:06,248 --> 00:17:07,715
Following the scent on a few.
358
00:17:07,749 --> 00:17:09,984
You know, I heard
they're hiring a barback position here,
359
00:17:10,018 --> 00:17:12,286
if you're in need
for some extra cash.
360
00:17:12,321 --> 00:17:15,156
- She does need that.
- No, I'm focusing on a career right now.
361
00:17:15,190 --> 00:17:19,660
Well, good luck. I'm off
to tend to my blowtorch.
362
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:29,770
[chuckling] You know, that
barback thing didn't sound completely awful.
363
00:17:29,805 --> 00:17:31,806
Ah, it's not really
what I'm looking for.
364
00:17:33,609 --> 00:17:35,943
and you're really gonna
need that at some point. Soon.
365
00:17:35,978 --> 00:17:39,413
Like, now. For an apartment.
366
00:17:39,448 --> 00:17:42,917
You know what I need right
now, Case, is just some time.
367
00:17:42,951 --> 00:17:46,087
But, hey, maybe I could go
with you to that barbeque thing tomorrow?
368
00:17:46,121 --> 00:17:49,524
- There could be some
alums there hiring. - Yeah. Sure.
369
00:17:49,558 --> 00:17:51,626
Great. Cheers!
370
00:17:55,764 --> 00:18:01,235
So, we're running down the
street and then I hear this Omega Chi start screaming,
371
00:18:01,270 --> 00:18:04,505
"Hey! Who day-glowed
that onto my Swatch?!"
372
00:18:04,540 --> 00:18:06,174
[all chuckling]
373
00:18:06,208 --> 00:18:09,844
Hey, isn't it a weird
coincidence that 80s Omega Chi sucked, too?
374
00:18:09,878 --> 00:18:11,946
Maybe the house is evil
and turns them all into Brody Jenners.
375
00:18:11,980 --> 00:18:13,714
Ooh, maybe there's
a preppy ghost
376
00:18:13,749 --> 00:18:16,684
and he forces them to pop their
collars and wear ugly ties.
377
00:18:16,718 --> 00:18:19,854
[laughing] Preppy ghost.
That's a good one, Cap.
378
00:18:19,888 --> 00:18:22,423
Yeah, and then the ghost
tells them to vote Republican.
379
00:18:24,459 --> 00:18:28,196
Uh, OK, no more story time.
We don't wanna wear out poor Mr. Parkes.
380
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:30,965
No! Tell us a Homecoming story.
381
00:18:30,999 --> 00:18:33,434
Oh, well, I wouldn't even
know where to begin.
382
00:18:33,468 --> 00:18:36,737
There are very few pranks
we left unexplored.
383
00:18:36,772 --> 00:18:39,874
If you could go back to school,
like Rodney Dangerfield in that movie...
384
00:18:39,908 --> 00:18:44,045
...what was it called? I forget.
Anyway, what would you do?
385
00:18:44,079 --> 00:18:48,115
Uh... The biggest thing
nobody ever pulled off?
386
00:18:48,150 --> 00:18:51,485
Stealing the A&M goat
before Homecoming.
387
00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:56,357
Every Farmhand with an ounce
of school pride guards that thing in shifts.
388
00:18:56,391 --> 00:19:00,127
- It's impossible.
- Why haven't we ever tried to steal the goat, Cap?
389
00:19:00,162 --> 00:19:01,729
You heard the man.
It's impossible.
390
00:19:01,763 --> 00:19:03,164
Nothing's impossible.
391
00:19:10,034 --> 00:19:13,369
So I'm thinking we start
by casing the A&M Agricultural Building.
392
00:19:13,404 --> 00:19:16,406
Then, we come back here
and formulate the perfect goat-stealing plan.
393
00:19:16,440 --> 00:19:19,242
- And then we steal the goat?
- You learn fast, young Padawan.
394
00:19:19,276 --> 00:19:21,411
I forgot to put sunscreen on
my face. I'll be right back.
395
00:19:25,082 --> 00:19:27,016
Hey, where you going with
that backpack, Spitter?
396
00:19:27,051 --> 00:19:29,152
One of your nerd classes meeting
during Homecoming again?
397
00:19:29,186 --> 00:19:31,988
Sure, if it's a class
on goat stealing!
398
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:34,557
Spidey and I are gonna
go steal the A&M goat tonight.
399
00:19:34,591 --> 00:19:37,126
- The impossible to steal
A&M goat? - Not after we're done with it.
400
00:19:37,161 --> 00:19:39,362
This is my chance to show
Peter I can be a cool big brother.
401
00:19:39,396 --> 00:19:41,931
Why can't you just buy
him some porn and a lap dance and call it a day?
402
00:19:41,965 --> 00:19:46,436
Peter has brittle bones.
An aggressive lap dance could paralyze him for life.
403
00:19:46,470 --> 00:19:49,038
Good point, but what if
your plan fails and Peter is disappointed?
404
00:19:49,073 --> 00:19:51,641
Cap, you've given me
the best two years of my life as big brother.
405
00:19:51,675 --> 00:19:54,010
You made me who I am,
someone I'm proud to be.
406
00:19:54,044 --> 00:19:57,513
And I want to be that person
for someone, and I think it could be Peter.
407
00:19:57,548 --> 00:20:01,417
Fine. Go. I'll stay here and
keep our benefactor happy.
408
00:20:01,452 --> 00:20:03,853
- Good luck.
- You think we can pull it off, right?
409
00:20:03,887 --> 00:20:05,621
I hope that goat
packed his bags.
410
00:20:14,665 --> 00:20:17,166
Can we talk about something
a little bit more serious?
411
00:20:17,201 --> 00:20:19,335
Yeah.
412
00:20:19,369 --> 00:20:23,172
You know how sometimes people
have another side to themselves,
413
00:20:23,207 --> 00:20:24,874
that they keep secret?
414
00:20:24,908 --> 00:20:27,610
Yeah, like super heroes. Or...
415
00:20:30,114 --> 00:20:34,717
Yeah, so... the thing is, they
don't want to really reveal the truth about themselves,
416
00:20:34,751 --> 00:20:38,087
because, well,
because they kind of like
417
00:20:38,122 --> 00:20:41,457
how people view them
in a certain way.
418
00:20:41,492 --> 00:20:44,527
Beaver told you about me
stripping at the Rio Nightclub, didn't he?
419
00:20:44,561 --> 00:20:46,796
Stripping? As in, a stripper?
420
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,398
- You? For money?
- You didn't know?
421
00:20:49,433 --> 00:20:51,367
Then what were
you talking about?
422
00:20:51,401 --> 00:20:53,769
Oh God, did Casey tell you
about the whole test-paper selling thing?
423
00:20:53,804 --> 00:20:55,972
- What?
- What the hell do you want to talk to me about?
424
00:20:56,006 --> 00:21:00,309
Stop talking.
I was gonna tell you that I don't have a major.
425
00:21:00,344 --> 00:21:02,845
Really?
Why'd you never tell me?
426
00:21:02,880 --> 00:21:05,081
Does it really matter now?
427
00:21:08,652 --> 00:21:10,419
[indistinct chatter]
428
00:21:15,959 --> 00:21:17,927
Welcome, fellow Titan alums!
429
00:21:17,961 --> 00:21:21,998
I'm just moseying around
this little shindig, taking some donations.
430
00:21:22,032 --> 00:21:24,934
So, can I get you
to give back to CRU?
431
00:21:24,968 --> 00:21:27,970
- Oh, uh... Go Titans.
- Go Titans!
432
00:21:28,005 --> 00:21:29,305
Whoo-hoo!
433
00:21:30,707 --> 00:21:32,441
Oh, I can smell the free buffet.
434
00:21:32,476 --> 00:21:35,711
- Oh, there's Segal.
- [Ashleigh] He's handsome.
435
00:21:35,746 --> 00:21:37,880
Ew. And he's with Evan.
I have got to get over there.
436
00:21:37,915 --> 00:21:41,350
Go network!
You're gonna be great.
437
00:21:46,790 --> 00:21:48,824
[indistinct chatter]
438
00:21:50,394 --> 00:21:53,296
Hi, fellow Titan alums.
I'm Ashleigh Howard.
439
00:21:53,330 --> 00:21:54,697
We were just talking about
the big game tomorrow.
440
00:21:54,731 --> 00:21:57,133
Ready to watch the Titans
whoop some A&M ass?
441
00:21:57,167 --> 00:22:00,169
Yeah! Hell, yeah! I love
watching them throw around that lambskin.
442
00:22:00,204 --> 00:22:04,373
[chuckling] So, what do
you do... Joe Lysacek?
443
00:22:04,408 --> 00:22:06,842
- I'm a dental surgeon.
- Oh, teeth. Fun.
444
00:22:06,877 --> 00:22:10,546
Well, I'm looking for work in
marketing and trend forecasting.
445
00:22:10,581 --> 00:22:13,649
Trend forecasting?
In this economy?
446
00:22:13,684 --> 00:22:16,485
- Ouch.
- It's hard out there right now, huh?
447
00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:18,454
Uh, yeah, but I'm
hanging in there.
448
00:22:18,488 --> 00:22:21,424
I read that average
starting salaries are down from last year.
449
00:22:21,458 --> 00:22:23,993
- Uh-huh.
- The jobless rate amongst college graduates
450
00:22:24,027 --> 00:22:26,562
hanging just over
18 percent.
451
00:22:26,597 --> 00:22:28,531
So many kids are just
going to grad school.
452
00:22:28,565 --> 00:22:30,199
Uh-huh, I heard that, too.
453
00:22:30,234 --> 00:22:32,401
- I'm actually looking
to hire someone. - Really?
454
00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:35,304
Yeah. I need a part-time
nanny for my two boys.
455
00:22:35,339 --> 00:22:37,473
Oh, wait.
Do you know CPR?
456
00:22:39,409 --> 00:22:40,776
[crowd chattering, cheering]
457
00:22:40,811 --> 00:22:43,346
[Rusty] That is one
heavily-guarded goat.
458
00:22:47,184 --> 00:22:48,985
I bet you and Cappie pulled off
cool pranks like this
459
00:22:49,019 --> 00:22:51,454
- when you were a freshman, huh?
- A few, I guess.
460
00:22:51,488 --> 00:22:54,056
So if Cappie becomes my
big bro, that'll make us...
461
00:22:54,091 --> 00:22:57,260
- ...half little bros, right?
- Yeah, something like that.
462
00:22:57,294 --> 00:23:00,696
I don't know. You seem
pretty set on Cappie becoming your big bro.
463
00:23:00,731 --> 00:23:03,132
Yeah, it'd be awesome.
We'll see.
464
00:23:03,166 --> 00:23:06,102
What is it about that Cappie guy
that you want him so bad?
465
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:09,272
- As opposed to the
other brothers. - He's just... confident.
466
00:23:09,306 --> 00:23:12,742
And... he takes risks
without worrying.
467
00:23:12,776 --> 00:23:14,844
Pretty much the opposite of me
in about a million ways.
468
00:23:24,955 --> 00:23:27,023
- Rusty?
- Dale?
469
00:23:29,660 --> 00:23:30,860
Go, go!
470
00:23:30,894 --> 00:23:33,663
Is this why you were acting
all paranoid yesterday?
471
00:23:33,697 --> 00:23:35,665
No such thing as paranoia
when you sleep with the enemy.
472
00:23:35,699 --> 00:23:37,667
I knew you were trying
to suss out my plan.
473
00:23:37,701 --> 00:23:42,004
I was not trying to suss out
anything. We decided to steal the goat this morning.
474
00:23:42,039 --> 00:23:44,940
Besides, I don't think the
Bible would approve of you
475
00:23:44,975 --> 00:23:46,642
stealing thy neighbor's goat.
476
00:23:46,677 --> 00:23:49,378
The Bible doesn't say zip about
kidnapping thy neighbor's goat
477
00:23:49,413 --> 00:23:51,347
to psych out thy neighbor
before a big game.
478
00:23:51,381 --> 00:23:52,748
And I've had this planned
for weeks.
479
00:23:52,783 --> 00:23:55,484
My pledge bros jumped at the
chance to help me make history.
480
00:23:55,519 --> 00:23:58,921
- Do I look like Michelle Obama?
- Well, you and your pledge bros
481
00:23:58,955 --> 00:24:02,391
- won't be making any history
tonight, bro. - Says who?
482
00:24:02,426 --> 00:24:05,761
- You and Tiny Tim here?
- Whoa! I once ran an eight-and-a-half minute mile!
483
00:24:05,796 --> 00:24:08,331
- In jeans!
- So did my alcoholic Aunt Trudy.
484
00:24:08,365 --> 00:24:10,566
- And she didn't even
remember it. - Back off, Dale, all right?
485
00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:13,235
This goat has KT written
all over it. Just go home.
486
00:24:13,270 --> 00:24:16,305
Sorry, Rus. I got a plan
so sweet, it'll give you a toothache.
487
00:24:16,340 --> 00:24:19,342
We're going in there.
Now, if I were you,
488
00:24:19,376 --> 00:24:21,010
I'd leave now before
you embarrass yourself.
489
00:24:21,044 --> 00:24:24,013
- Seriously? Dude, seriously...
- All right?
490
00:24:25,349 --> 00:24:26,515
Oh, great.
491
00:24:28,218 --> 00:24:30,619
I guess it was a long shot
for us anyways, huh?
492
00:24:30,654 --> 00:24:33,089
[all cheering, chattering]
493
00:24:34,725 --> 00:24:36,792
- We're going in too.
- Without a plan?
494
00:24:36,827 --> 00:24:38,894
Shouldn't we call for
reinforcements, like Cappie?
495
00:24:38,929 --> 00:24:42,832
Pledge, there's no time!
Are you in or out?
496
00:24:46,169 --> 00:24:47,203
I'm in.
497
00:24:48,405 --> 00:24:51,440
And so I went!
It was a cool summer experience.
498
00:24:51,475 --> 00:24:54,910
- DC is fun. So much energy.
- It must've been inspiring
499
00:24:54,945 --> 00:24:57,346
- to see Paula Baker
in action on the house floor. - Hm.
500
00:24:57,381 --> 00:25:00,349
- Talk about tenacious.
- Oh, it was. And, she is.
501
00:25:00,384 --> 00:25:03,252
I can't wait to get back
to DC after law school.
502
00:25:03,286 --> 00:25:06,989
- [sighing]
- You know, Professor, I was planning on going to DC, too,
503
00:25:07,023 --> 00:25:10,526
but after taking classes,
I don't know, I think I might want to practice.
504
00:25:10,560 --> 00:25:14,296
Well, I've been studying law
half my life, and I still learn something new every day.
505
00:25:14,331 --> 00:25:17,633
Although, the dead lawyer
jokes do start to grate after a while.
506
00:25:17,667 --> 00:25:18,434
[chuckling]
507
00:25:18,468 --> 00:25:20,970
I love the law, too.
508
00:25:21,004 --> 00:25:23,639
I love the law so much
I wanna make new laws.
509
00:25:23,673 --> 00:25:27,710
I think politicians are more
famous for breaking laws than making new ones.
510
00:25:27,744 --> 00:25:29,779
Touché, Mr. Chambers.
511
00:25:29,813 --> 00:25:31,580
Sorry to interrupt.
512
00:25:31,615 --> 00:25:34,316
Um, I'm all schmoozed-out, so
it's time to raid the buffet.
513
00:25:34,351 --> 00:25:35,684
Would you like me
to get you anything?
514
00:25:35,719 --> 00:25:40,356
Oh, no, I'm good. Professor,
this is Ashleigh Howard.
515
00:25:40,390 --> 00:25:41,424
- Hi.
- Hi.
516
00:25:41,458 --> 00:25:42,491
Ashleigh, this is
Professor Segal.
517
00:25:42,526 --> 00:25:44,026
I'm sorry you're
not having any fun.
518
00:25:44,060 --> 00:25:45,895
Yeah, that's OK.
519
00:25:45,929 --> 00:25:48,197
Any chance you're looking
to hire a trend forecaster?
520
00:25:48,231 --> 00:25:52,535
- Ah, I am a law professor.
- The law has its trends, doesn't it?
521
00:25:52,569 --> 00:25:54,103
It certainly does.
522
00:25:55,572 --> 00:25:56,872
Hi, Titan alums!
523
00:25:56,907 --> 00:25:59,141
Would any of you like
to donate to your alma mater?
524
00:25:59,176 --> 00:26:01,143
No, not right now.
Thank you, though.
525
00:26:01,178 --> 00:26:04,079
Oh, come on! Don't you want
to give something to the school
526
00:26:04,114 --> 00:26:05,247
that gave you
four great years?
527
00:26:05,282 --> 00:26:06,849
Well, I already gave
four years of my life.
528
00:26:06,883 --> 00:26:08,884
And what good did that do me?
I might as well have gone
529
00:26:08,919 --> 00:26:10,553
to the Hogwarts School
of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
530
00:26:10,587 --> 00:26:12,388
So, you know what?
You can just give me that clipboard,
531
00:26:12,422 --> 00:26:14,690
because I should be
the one asking you to donate money to me.
532
00:26:17,761 --> 00:26:19,161
Go Titans!
533
00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:21,430
Professor, wanna
join me at the bar?
534
00:26:21,465 --> 00:26:23,232
- Yeah.
- OK.
535
00:26:26,837 --> 00:26:28,871
We should go hit up
that buffet, huh?
536
00:26:34,217 --> 00:26:36,919
What have I done wrong?
537
00:26:36,953 --> 00:26:41,557
- Why can't I find a job?
- Well, you could've gotten one job.
538
00:26:41,591 --> 00:26:43,092
Don't say Dobler's.
539
00:26:43,126 --> 00:26:44,960
It's a job that pays
real money.
540
00:26:44,994 --> 00:26:46,995
You were the one that made me
want more for myself.
541
00:26:47,030 --> 00:26:48,797
Why are you asking me
to give it all up now?
542
00:26:48,832 --> 00:26:51,700
I'm not asking you to give
anything up, I'm just asking you to be practical.
543
00:26:51,735 --> 00:26:55,070
I don't know why I ever thought
you'd understand how hard it is out there.
544
00:26:55,105 --> 00:26:58,407
That is so not fair. You know
how hard I've had to fight to survive in law school.
545
00:26:58,441 --> 00:27:00,776
Not to mention I'm
the house mother to 50 girls.
546
00:27:00,810 --> 00:27:02,144
I get it. You're busy!
Your life is full.
547
00:27:02,178 --> 00:27:04,213
And my life is
empty and pathetic.
548
00:27:04,247 --> 00:27:07,015
- I never said that!
- The minute you told me to wash dishes at Dobler's,
549
00:27:07,050 --> 00:27:08,450
it was pretty clear
what you thought.
550
00:27:08,485 --> 00:27:11,653
Taking a job doesn't mean you
have to stop pursuing a career.
551
00:27:11,688 --> 00:27:14,656
I've been in school
for 16 years and now I have nothing to show for it
552
00:27:14,691 --> 00:27:16,892
except maybe a chance
to wash dishes in a bar?
553
00:27:16,926 --> 00:27:19,728
You have a path.
Three years of school, then you move to Washington.
554
00:27:19,763 --> 00:27:21,997
I don't have one road
with easy turns.
555
00:27:22,031 --> 00:27:25,434
- All I have are... forks!
- OK, well, that's just the way it is!
556
00:27:25,468 --> 00:27:27,202
Thousands of people
graduated in May,
557
00:27:27,237 --> 00:27:28,470
and none of us
are owed anything.
558
00:27:28,505 --> 00:27:30,539
You have to think short-term
as well as long.
559
00:27:30,573 --> 00:27:32,808
Oh, I think about it, trust me.
Every time I get rejected
560
00:27:32,842 --> 00:27:34,276
from yet another job,
I think about it.
561
00:27:34,310 --> 00:27:36,211
Really? Because it seems more
like you're wasting your time,
562
00:27:36,246 --> 00:27:38,447
stuck on some post-grad
fairy tale that's not happening right now!
563
00:27:38,481 --> 00:27:40,916
Oh, yes, please teach me
about fairy tales and reality.
564
00:27:40,950 --> 00:27:43,519
- What is that supposed to mean?
- Oh, one word: Cappie.
565
00:27:43,553 --> 00:27:46,421
I'm not even with Cappie!
I can't believe you're throwing that in my face.
566
00:27:46,456 --> 00:27:49,792
How much more time are you
gonna waste on that stupid fairy tale?
567
00:27:49,826 --> 00:27:51,794
I can't believe I wasted
my time trying to help you.
568
00:27:51,828 --> 00:27:55,464
Well, I'm freeing you
of your obligation. Go!
569
00:28:05,975 --> 00:28:07,042
[rock music playing]
570
00:28:07,076 --> 00:28:08,944
[all cheering]
571
00:28:12,882 --> 00:28:15,184
- Everest!
- [cheering]
572
00:28:19,389 --> 00:28:22,057
Wee!
573
00:28:27,263 --> 00:28:30,799
I'm impressed. We never
could've pulled off a party like this in my day.
574
00:28:30,834 --> 00:28:34,570
Darn. I was hoping for another
one of your wild stories from your lost youth.
575
00:28:34,604 --> 00:28:37,739
When I was your age,
I would've thought a guy like me
576
00:28:37,774 --> 00:28:42,511
- was a total douchebag.
- Never crossed my mind.
577
00:28:42,545 --> 00:28:45,247
You probably think
every office is like a Dilbert cartoon.
578
00:28:45,281 --> 00:28:48,417
I have a recurring nightmare
where I'm at a computer typing really fast,
579
00:28:48,451 --> 00:28:50,752
with drool running down my face.
580
00:28:50,787 --> 00:28:53,121
I've had the same nightmare.
So, when I graduated,
581
00:28:53,156 --> 00:28:56,425
I promised myself that
I would make the campus of Lasker Parkes Incorporated
582
00:28:56,459 --> 00:29:00,028
- a lot like KT.
- You have a campus?
583
00:29:00,063 --> 00:29:03,031
Yeah. It's on our own lake,
amongst the evergreens.
584
00:29:03,066 --> 00:29:06,935
Baseball diamond, basketball
courts, foosball, ping pong, video games.
585
00:29:06,970 --> 00:29:08,971
Wait, wait, wait.
They let you call that work?
586
00:29:09,005 --> 00:29:12,808
Creative people need to relax,
recharge throughout the day.
587
00:29:12,842 --> 00:29:16,278
So no drooling. Unless of course
you're getting a massage.
588
00:29:16,312 --> 00:29:18,480
- That sounds like a fairy tale.
- But it works.
589
00:29:18,514 --> 00:29:23,318
We create technology to fuel
scientific progress, we're hired by biotech firms,
590
00:29:23,353 --> 00:29:25,220
we're constantly
challenging ourselves.
591
00:29:25,255 --> 00:29:28,323
- Last year, I climbed Everest.
- The actual mountain?
592
00:29:28,358 --> 00:29:31,460
Yeah. But, hey, you did
a really good job replicating this.
593
00:29:31,494 --> 00:29:35,631
I saw the IMAX movie.
But, if you could be off climbing real mountains,
594
00:29:35,665 --> 00:29:37,499
what are you doing here
staring at a fake one?
595
00:29:37,533 --> 00:29:41,270
I just wanna make sure my son
is having a good time.
596
00:29:41,304 --> 00:29:44,039
- And he is.
- Well, he's a good kid.
597
00:29:44,073 --> 00:29:46,642
Thanks. He's got
KT in his blood.
598
00:29:46,676 --> 00:29:48,810
Here, here.
599
00:29:48,845 --> 00:29:51,313
- [all cheering]
- [yelling]
600
00:29:52,215 --> 00:29:53,916
Something classy for the luge?
601
00:29:53,950 --> 00:29:55,851
Ooh!
602
00:29:57,420 --> 00:29:59,021
You should probably
head to the party without us.
603
00:29:59,055 --> 00:30:00,289
We're still waiting
on a few girls.
604
00:30:00,323 --> 00:30:03,258
I was hoping to get some
scantily-clad ZBZ cover
605
00:30:03,293 --> 00:30:05,627
so I wouldn't have to run
into Heath right away.
606
00:30:05,662 --> 00:30:07,729
Things have been a little
bit awkward since he told me
607
00:30:07,764 --> 00:30:11,633
- he takes his clothes off
for money. - Heath's a stripper? Hot!
608
00:30:11,668 --> 00:30:14,236
I don't know.
Maybe you're right about us.
609
00:30:14,270 --> 00:30:18,006
I'm just not sure I wanna
give up on another relationship.
610
00:30:18,041 --> 00:30:22,344
I'm sorry, Cal.
I can't help but feel partly responsible.
611
00:30:22,378 --> 00:30:24,913
- You're completely responsible.
- Vodka?
612
00:30:28,084 --> 00:30:29,985
Case! What happened
to your alumni thing?
613
00:30:30,019 --> 00:30:32,621
Stupid Ashleigh happened.
614
00:30:32,655 --> 00:30:34,556
Why do you have
a bottle of vodka?
615
00:30:34,590 --> 00:30:38,226
I... confiscated it.
Just helping out my house mom.
616
00:30:38,261 --> 00:30:41,697
- Want some? You look like
you need a drink. - [sighing]
617
00:30:46,069 --> 00:30:49,938
Now, what happened
with Ashleigh?
618
00:30:49,973 --> 00:30:53,175
[sighing] I go out of my way
to be a good friend,
619
00:30:53,209 --> 00:30:56,778
and she has the gall
to attack me about my life!
620
00:30:56,813 --> 00:30:59,548
- That's awful!
- [sighing]
621
00:31:02,719 --> 00:31:06,321
[exhaling] She said that
I think her life is pathetic,
622
00:31:06,356 --> 00:31:08,190
which wasn't true,
but it is now!
623
00:31:08,224 --> 00:31:10,559
And that
my life is so easy,
624
00:31:10,593 --> 00:31:12,294
and I'm living this
fairy tale... ugh!
625
00:31:12,328 --> 00:31:14,096
She wasn't even
making any sense!
626
00:31:14,130 --> 00:31:16,131
She rarely does. More?
627
00:31:16,165 --> 00:31:20,569
I am supposed to be the house
mother. I'm supposed to be taking care of you.
628
00:31:20,603 --> 00:31:25,107
We're fine, Case. Relax. Let me
help you for a change. More?
629
00:31:27,643 --> 00:31:30,779
Maybe Ash is right.
Maybe I don't know what I'm doing.
630
00:31:30,813 --> 00:31:35,584
Life was so much easier
when all your decisions were made for you.
631
00:31:37,687 --> 00:31:41,790
I know what you mean.
Sometimes I wish I was still a pledge.
632
00:31:41,824 --> 00:31:44,993
I was young. Carefree.
633
00:31:45,028 --> 00:31:47,429
I'd go out and use
my hot body as a weapon.
634
00:31:47,463 --> 00:31:49,097
Yeah, because so much
has changed.
635
00:31:49,132 --> 00:31:52,467
Hey, it's Homecoming,
and I'm having fun.
636
00:31:52,502 --> 00:31:54,269
Don't you deserve
to have fun, too?
637
00:31:54,303 --> 00:31:59,474
[sighing] Yeah.
I do deserve to have fun!
638
00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:02,477
But right now, I deserve to...
639
00:32:03,980 --> 00:32:06,248
...go to the bathroom.
I have to pee.
640
00:32:11,621 --> 00:32:13,321
House mom's been neutralized.
Let's roll.
641
00:32:15,458 --> 00:32:17,926
[indistinct chatter]
642
00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,996
We're surrounded by a bunch
of Farmhands who can bench press each other.
643
00:32:21,030 --> 00:32:23,865
- What are we doing?
- You're going right through that door where the goat is.
644
00:32:23,900 --> 00:32:25,100
- No, what?
- Yes.
645
00:32:25,134 --> 00:32:26,835
Go stand over there.
All right.
646
00:32:26,869 --> 00:32:29,571
Uh, can I get everyone's
attention, please?
647
00:32:29,605 --> 00:32:33,775
Yeah. Cyprus-Rhodes
football rules!
648
00:32:33,810 --> 00:32:35,577
[indistinct chatter, yelling]
649
00:32:35,611 --> 00:32:37,312
- Get him!
- [crowd yelling]
650
00:32:49,992 --> 00:32:51,359
[bleating]
651
00:32:58,201 --> 00:32:59,501
[guy whispering]
This way! Let's go!
652
00:33:00,369 --> 00:33:02,471
- No!
- Shh! Shush!
653
00:33:02,505 --> 00:33:05,340
- Hey, how did you get in?
- I lost 'em.
654
00:33:05,374 --> 00:33:07,342
Now let's do this before
they realize we're here.
655
00:33:13,883 --> 00:33:14,883
Oh, no.
656
00:33:19,889 --> 00:33:21,356
Omega Chi got here first.
657
00:33:22,172 --> 00:33:24,057
[cow mooing]
658
00:33:24,494 --> 00:33:26,094
We took the goat.
Good luck at the game. CRU.
659
00:33:29,500 --> 00:33:31,367
Whoo-hoo!
660
00:33:40,377 --> 00:33:41,444
Settle, bitch. Save some
for the rest of us.
661
00:33:42,780 --> 00:33:45,982
- [Rebecca] Heather's
the belle of the ball. - You must be so proud.
662
00:33:47,918 --> 00:33:49,419
Cal.
663
00:33:51,755 --> 00:33:55,124
Ooh, right. See ya!
664
00:33:57,862 --> 00:34:00,029
Look, I know you're still
probably freaking out about the whole stripper,
665
00:34:00,865 --> 00:34:01,998
- test-seller thing.
- A little bit.
666
00:34:02,967 --> 00:34:04,434
I'm sorry, I just
didn't know how to react.
667
00:34:05,135 --> 00:34:06,169
I get it.
I should've told you.
668
00:34:07,505 --> 00:34:10,573
I was just afraid you'd
break up with me if you found out about it.
669
00:34:13,010 --> 00:34:14,244
Are you gonna
break up with me?
670
00:34:15,613 --> 00:34:17,113
- I don't want to, Heath.
- Then, don't.
671
00:34:18,182 --> 00:34:21,017
Look, I know you're this
smart, amazing, together guy,
672
00:34:21,385 --> 00:34:22,719
and I'm... me,
673
00:34:23,921 --> 00:34:25,955
the guy who likes Twilight
and The Berenstain Bear books.
674
00:34:27,091 --> 00:34:29,526
But that doesn't mean we can't
enjoy being together, right?
675
00:34:30,561 --> 00:34:32,729
You know, I'm not as together
as you think I am.
676
00:34:34,265 --> 00:34:36,165
The reason I didn't tell you
I didn't have a major was because I was embarrassed.
677
00:34:37,134 --> 00:34:39,569
I didn't want you
to think I was a... loser.
678
00:34:40,337 --> 00:34:42,105
I could never think
that about you.
679
00:34:43,140 --> 00:34:44,807
And for the record,
I think you're a great guy.
680
00:34:46,010 --> 00:34:49,746
Then let's both be honest,
about it all: The good, the bad...
681
00:34:50,080 --> 00:34:51,447
I love you.
682
00:34:54,118 --> 00:34:56,920
[exhaling] I love you, too.
683
00:34:57,955 --> 00:34:59,055
Wow, this honesty thing
is awesome!
684
00:35:00,391 --> 00:35:06,930
Yeah, I love my big, gay,
test-selling, ex-stripper boyfriend.
685
00:35:07,731 --> 00:35:10,166
And I love my boyfriend
with no major.
686
00:35:11,135 --> 00:35:13,536
- Yeah, mine's much worse.
- [both chuckling]
687
00:35:15,673 --> 00:35:19,976
- How the hell did Dale do it?
- Have I ever told you about my irrational fear of baby cows?
688
00:35:20,377 --> 00:35:21,844
You mean calves?
689
00:35:23,747 --> 00:35:26,649
Dale must've had help.
You think he had an inside man?
690
00:35:27,818 --> 00:35:31,020
Rusty, they're gone.
Let's just leave before we get caught.
691
00:35:32,523 --> 00:35:34,023
You're right. And you're right
to want Cappie as a big brother.
692
00:35:35,426 --> 00:35:37,026
When I was a freshman,
Cappie gave men amazing college experience.
693
00:35:38,495 --> 00:35:43,032
You deserve that, too.
You deserve the original, not the second-rate...
694
00:35:43,934 --> 00:35:45,868
...the remake.
The Thomas Crown Affair.
695
00:35:46,870 --> 00:35:48,004
The one with Piee Brosnan?
I kinda like that movie.
696
00:35:48,806 --> 00:35:51,007
Yeah, Dale was watching
that earlier.
697
00:35:52,109 --> 00:35:55,178
Pierce Brosnan got the
painting out of the museum...
698
00:35:55,846 --> 00:35:57,413
...by hiding it in plain sight.
699
00:36:00,217 --> 00:36:01,851
[bleating]
700
00:36:02,953 --> 00:36:04,153
[gasping]
701
00:36:04,955 --> 00:36:06,856
Jackpot. OK, it's OK!
702
00:36:07,124 --> 00:36:08,758
It's OK.
703
00:36:09,059 --> 00:36:10,026
Come on.
704
00:36:10,628 --> 00:36:11,094
- Come on!
- [bleating]
705
00:36:11,795 --> 00:36:13,663
Out of the way,
out of the way.
706
00:36:15,265 --> 00:36:16,599
- Right out this door.
- Hey!
707
00:36:17,768 --> 00:36:18,935
- Hey, that's our goat!
- [mocking] Hey, that's our goat!
708
00:36:19,603 --> 00:36:22,038
- Get the goat!
- [indistinct]
709
00:36:27,044 --> 00:36:28,111
Get 'em!
710
00:36:29,380 --> 00:36:30,446
If you add up all
my CRU tuition money,
711
00:36:31,515 --> 00:36:36,452
you actually owe me, like,
thousands of gin and tonics.
712
00:36:36,920 --> 00:36:37,854
All right. [sighing]
713
00:36:38,622 --> 00:36:39,055
- Whoa! Sorry.
- Oh! Oh, my God!
714
00:36:40,024 --> 00:36:41,157
I'm so sorry.
That was my totally my fault.
715
00:36:42,359 --> 00:36:46,062
- It's all right.
- Oh, you're Casey's scary professor.
716
00:36:46,764 --> 00:36:49,132
- Scary?
- I mean... Scary smart.
717
00:36:49,967 --> 00:36:52,769
OK. Um... [clearing throat]
Well...
718
00:36:53,637 --> 00:36:54,771
Whatever happened
to Miss Cartwright?
719
00:36:55,539 --> 00:36:57,206
Um, well, we kind of
got in a fight.
720
00:36:58,575 --> 00:37:02,545
She wants me to take this
crappy job and face my reality, or whatever.
721
00:37:03,514 --> 00:37:06,282
You know, when I left
college back in 1990,
722
00:37:07,084 --> 00:37:08,885
- I was in construction.
- Oh, really?
723
00:37:09,820 --> 00:37:11,820
- I was two.
- You work construction, too?
724
00:37:11,822 --> 00:37:14,791
- No. I was... two years old.
- [both chuckling]
725
00:37:15,726 --> 00:37:16,959
Right. Anyway, it was
a tough time for me.
726
00:37:18,262 --> 00:37:21,798
I'd invested in this big
education, so why was I shoveling cement?
727
00:37:22,566 --> 00:37:25,334
- So, why were you?
- Survival.
728
00:37:26,570 --> 00:37:29,205
People who can survive
are ready when obstacles come their way.
729
00:37:30,240 --> 00:37:32,675
Like my father said,
"Never look down into the chasm.
730
00:37:33,310 --> 00:37:34,377
Keep your eyes
on the horizon."
731
00:37:35,879 --> 00:37:38,881
- [chuckling]
- He also said, "Never leave a party before the bartender."
732
00:37:39,616 --> 00:37:41,984
- [laughs]
- Can I buy you a drink?
733
00:37:42,519 --> 00:37:44,520
Yeah, I would love one.
734
00:37:45,155 --> 00:37:46,122
- Professor.
- Call me Simon.
735
00:37:46,790 --> 00:37:50,293
OK. Simon. [chuckling]
Thanks.
736
00:37:51,895 --> 00:37:53,963
Hey, you seen Cappie?
Where's Cappie?
737
00:37:54,465 --> 00:37:56,532
- Oh, Cap!
- Yo!
738
00:37:57,367 --> 00:38:00,036
Well? Really?
739
00:38:01,105 --> 00:38:02,438
[whistling]
740
00:38:03,373 --> 00:38:04,240
- [laughing] Oh!
- [bleating]
741
00:38:04,775 --> 00:38:06,676
- Oh, my...
- Wow.
742
00:38:07,811 --> 00:38:09,579
Can I have everyone's
attention, please?
743
00:38:09,980 --> 00:38:10,980
[music stops]
744
00:38:11,515 --> 00:38:15,318
I am proud to announce
that our very own Spitter and Pledge Spidey
745
00:38:16,587 --> 00:38:20,957
- have successfully
stolen the A&M goat! - [cheers and applause]
746
00:38:21,825 --> 00:38:25,495
- So? What do you think?
- Not bad, kiddo.
747
00:38:29,099 --> 00:38:32,969
So now that we have
our pledge back, it's time for the KT Big Brother Ceremony!
748
00:38:33,504 --> 00:38:35,371
[light cheers, applause]
749
00:38:38,642 --> 00:38:41,844
For his big brother,
Pledge Spidey has chosen...
750
00:38:43,580 --> 00:38:43,813
[clicking handcuffs]
751
00:38:44,681 --> 00:38:47,650
- ...Rusty Cartwright.
- [all cheering]
752
00:38:49,419 --> 00:38:51,419
- Was this because of the goat?
- No.
753
00:38:51,555 --> 00:38:54,757
Cappie's cool, but you're cool,
and a nerd. You're the...
754
00:38:55,325 --> 00:38:56,625
- The amalgam?
- Yes!
755
00:38:57,060 --> 00:38:58,194
- Like I hope to be some day.
- Ah, man, that's cool.
756
00:38:59,263 --> 00:39:01,164
I won't let you down.
You're well on your way, pledge.
757
00:39:02,099 --> 00:39:03,933
- All right.
- Let's go find that ice luge.
758
00:39:04,468 --> 00:39:06,202
Let's get belligerent.
759
00:39:12,142 --> 00:39:13,209
Hey, Casey.
Looking for Cappie?
760
00:39:14,378 --> 00:39:19,015
No, I'm looking for this.
Ooh... [mumbling indistinctly]
761
00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:20,950
- [guy] Hey, someone turn
the music back on! - Wow.
762
00:39:21,985 --> 00:39:24,787
- [rock music playing]
- Gettinthis, man? [chuckles]
763
00:39:25,522 --> 00:39:27,123
They're gonna be so mad.
What's up?
764
00:39:28,325 --> 00:39:31,327
Suck on this, A&M! I'm sending
this to collegepartymonster.org.
765
00:39:31,829 --> 00:39:33,329
Oh, that's a good one.
766
00:39:34,231 --> 00:39:35,865
I love your mouth right now!
767
00:39:37,501 --> 00:39:39,735
I really need a boyfriend, ASAP.
768
00:39:40,604 --> 00:39:42,238
I already have one,
so why am I here?
769
00:39:42,840 --> 00:39:43,840
I'm not this person anymore.
770
00:39:44,708 --> 00:39:46,342
I'm gonna go see
my awesome boyfriend.
771
00:39:47,110 --> 00:39:49,946
I'm gonna go
cry myself to sleep.
772
00:39:54,818 --> 00:39:57,019
Wow! That doesn't go down
like it used to.
773
00:39:57,921 --> 00:40:00,723
Oh, you're doing fine.
[grunting] Wow...
774
00:40:01,558 --> 00:40:01,858
- How do you do it, anyway?
- What?
775
00:40:03,160 --> 00:40:06,028
How does a middle-aged man
drink really cheap tequila without dying?
776
00:40:06,997 --> 00:40:11,701
No, how do you exist
in the real world without...
777
00:40:12,636 --> 00:40:14,237
...yes, dying, inside.
Metaphorically speaking.
778
00:40:15,372 --> 00:40:19,542
Cappie, the real world is
just a place with people in it.
779
00:40:20,077 --> 00:40:21,277
It's not out to get you.
780
00:40:22,045 --> 00:40:23,880
You're smart,
you know who you are.
781
00:40:24,681 --> 00:40:25,948
So have a little faith
in yourself, OK?
782
00:40:27,017 --> 00:40:30,486
Here is my card. Whenever you
do leave this backyard,
783
00:40:31,121 --> 00:40:32,621
it'd be good to have a friend.
784
00:40:32,656 --> 00:40:37,460
Think of me as your
real world big brother.
785
00:40:42,466 --> 00:40:44,800
- Whoo!
- [all cheering]
786
00:40:45,903 --> 00:40:46,569
- Casey?
- [giggling]
787
00:40:48,071 --> 00:40:52,241
- What are you doing here?
- I'm having fun. What's it look like, Slappy?
788
00:40:53,443 --> 00:40:55,711
- Maybe you're having
too much fun. - I deserve this.
789
00:40:56,580 --> 00:40:57,880
Even Rebecca agrees.
Now, where's the keg?
790
00:40:58,982 --> 00:41:00,716
OK, no more kegs.
Let me take you home. Come on.
791
00:41:01,485 --> 00:41:03,853
- Oh, come on.
- No, no. Come on.
792
00:41:04,187 --> 00:41:05,955
Oh, fine.
793
00:41:11,028 --> 00:41:12,795
[knocking at door]
794
00:41:16,266 --> 00:41:19,502
Wow, I cannot believe you wasted
that outfit on a KT party.
795
00:41:20,170 --> 00:41:21,103
- [giggling]
- How was it?
796
00:41:22,005 --> 00:41:23,973
- Heather did not disappoint.
- Mm-hmm.
797
00:41:25,108 --> 00:41:29,879
- But... I missed my boyfriend.
- I missed my girlfriend.
798
00:41:33,317 --> 00:41:36,619
- How was your night?
- It was incredible.
799
00:41:38,221 --> 00:41:40,122
- That's great.
- Yeah. Segal and I bro'd out like crazy.
800
00:41:41,358 --> 00:41:43,326
He even introduced me to an
Ohio State Supreme Court judge.
801
00:41:44,594 --> 00:41:46,629
- [chuckling]
- I felt like a real lawyer the whole night.
802
00:41:47,898 --> 00:41:51,367
Hm. Maybe we can play
a little lawyer interrogating his witness.
803
00:41:52,469 --> 00:41:57,506
[chuckling] Uh, not tonight,
babe. I'm just so exhausted.
804
00:41:58,175 --> 00:42:00,576
You mind if we just go to bed?
805
00:42:10,887 --> 00:42:12,121
Ash? I thought
of another thing!
806
00:42:13,190 --> 00:42:16,425
- OK, whoa, whoa. Come on.
- Whoa. She's not here.
807
00:42:16,994 --> 00:42:17,893
- Thank God.
- Yeah.
808
00:42:18,562 --> 00:42:20,196
- [sighing]
- There we go.
809
00:42:21,031 --> 00:42:22,999
[groaning]
810
00:42:31,708 --> 00:42:32,808
Wait.
811
00:42:40,517 --> 00:42:42,485
- Wh...?
- [giggling]
812
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,395
- We can't. We're drunk.
- Shh...
813
00:42:56,533 --> 00:42:59,368
What are we doing?
What is this?
814
00:43:01,004 --> 00:43:03,072
It's a fairy tale.
815
00:43:25,156 --> 00:43:28,000
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816
00:43:28,050 --> 00:43:32,600
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