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1
00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:31,360
Hmm. I think I'll have that.
2
00:00:31,400 --> 00:00:33,200
Jonny!
3
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:34,440
JONNY CHUCKLES
4
00:00:34,480 --> 00:00:36,000
Just give it back!
Sorry?
5
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:38,880
Give me my phone back.
Oh, you mean this?
6
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,880
Whoo, butterfingers!
7
00:00:40,920 --> 00:00:43,040
Jonny, you dick! You could have
broken it.
8
00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:44,760
I've got my call later.
9
00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,480
What's the stuff in this bag?
Er, what are they doing in there?
10
00:00:47,520 --> 00:00:49,160
Jackie, just put it down.
11
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:51,680
What are these bits for?
Jackie, just leave them, will you?
12
00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:54,800
I'm just looking. Oh, hi, boys.
All right?
13
00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,560
But what are they for?
Intergalactic bloody space travel.
14
00:00:57,600 --> 00:01:00,400
Just leave the bleeding things!
All right!
15
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:03,440
What's going on? We're trying to
put together this storage unit thing
16
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:06,160
for my... All her old crap.
Thank you.
17
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,800
I've only been asking your dad to
do it for the last three months.
18
00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:10,120
It's not been three months.
19
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:14,040
Martin, it's been sitting in this
stupid garage for three months.
20
00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:16,760
Before you go on, just to say,
we're not helping.
21
00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:18,680
Definitely not helping.
Shitbags.
22
00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,360
Oh, come on, boys.
Your dad's injured himself, OK?
23
00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:24,600
Really?
My bloody bursitis.
24
00:01:24,640 --> 00:01:25,680
Your bloody what?
25
00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:27,680
Bursitis. Don't you know
what bursitis is?
26
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:28,880
Funnily enough, no.
27
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:31,080
No? Martin, no-one knows
what bursitis is!
28
00:01:31,120 --> 00:01:33,760
Didn't they go to school?
Um, not to medical school.
29
00:01:33,800 --> 00:01:35,480
Well, bursitis, thickos,
30
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:38,560
is inflammation of the fluid-filled
sac under the skin.
31
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,880
Oh, yes!
That doesn't sound revolting.
32
00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:44,720
It's a bleeding nightmare.
Really? What are the symptoms?
33
00:01:44,760 --> 00:01:45,880
Pain.
34
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,200
Right. Farewell.
35
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:50,800
Oh, boys, please help.
There's spiders everywhere.
36
00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:53,600
Mum!
You won't get your crumble.
37
00:01:53,640 --> 00:01:58,320
Ugh, OK.
OK, later. God.
38
00:01:58,360 --> 00:01:59,680
Oh, hello, boys.
39
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,400
Jim? What are you...?
40
00:02:01,440 --> 00:02:03,800
Shh! Wilson's just finishing his...
41
00:02:03,840 --> 00:02:07,200
Oh, Jim! ..dollops.
Lovely. Dollops.
42
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,800
That's it, Wilson?
43
00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:12,920
Why are you doing it there?
I'm not doing it there.
44
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,760
Wilson is.
Never mind.
45
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,080
Jim, do you have to keep
doing that there?
46
00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:22,560
I'm not doing it there, Jackie.
Wilson is.
47
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:26,440
Yeah, I know that...
I do my dollops in my house.
48
00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,920
Him and his bloody dollops.
49
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,000
Don't worry. I've got a bag.
50
00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:32,600
He won't have a bag.
51
00:02:32,640 --> 00:02:35,240
Oh, actually, Jackie,
do you have a bag? See?
52
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:38,760
Or maybe five.
53
00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:40,960
All week in that bloody flowerbed.
54
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,520
Every time I open that door,
there's Jim and Wilson, dolloping.
55
00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,680
What's he feeding him,
for Christ's sake? Other dogs?
56
00:02:47,720 --> 00:02:50,720
He can't be well.
Who, Wilson or Jim?
57
00:02:50,760 --> 00:02:52,960
I think we should put a trap down
for the bleeding thing.
58
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:55,200
A trap for a dog?
A dog trap?
59
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,160
Yeah, snap its arse off.
JACKIE CACKLES
60
00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:00,600
What is for dinner?
Dollops.
61
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:02,840
Meatballs.
Dollops!
62
00:03:02,880 --> 00:03:05,320
Very good.
Oh, I'm boiling!
63
00:03:05,360 --> 00:03:08,440
Oh! Put your bosoms away.
64
00:03:08,480 --> 00:03:11,640
Oh, Mum, big night for Adam tonight.
65
00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:15,480
Is it? Yeah, I've sort of got this
important phone call later.
66
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,600
Get off! From a girl?
Please say it's from a girl.
67
00:03:18,640 --> 00:03:20,640
It's from a girl.
It's not from a girl!
68
00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,640
Oh! It's a work call.
I was all excited then.
69
00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:25,560
From America.
From America?
70
00:03:25,600 --> 00:03:28,840
Oh, my God, my son's got
an important work call from America!
71
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,360
Mum!
Martin!
72
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:34,320
It's to tell me if I got this job.
Which he hasn't.
73
00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,320
Ow!
Ooh, America!
74
00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:38,800
Yeah, it's doing the music for
this car commercial thing.
75
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,880
Be amazing if I do get it.
I mean, I probably won't.
76
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,160
He definitely won't.
I am down to the last two, so...
77
00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:48,920
Will you shut up? The last two?
Oh, my Bobble the composer!
78
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:50,200
Of crap.
79
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:53,840
Martin, Adam's getting an important
phone call from America later.
80
00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:56,720
From a female? Yeah!
No, Dad, about a job.
81
00:03:56,760 --> 00:04:00,200
Oh, never mind. Great.
Well, I'm getting champagne.
82
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,640
Champagne? They haven't even called
me yet!
83
00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:04,880
Exciting, though,
working in America.
84
00:04:04,920 --> 00:04:07,840
It's not IN America,
it's FOR America.
85
00:04:07,880 --> 00:04:11,240
You're getting a job FOR America?
Yes.
86
00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:13,760
For America what?
Sorry?
87
00:04:13,800 --> 00:04:15,880
Bubbly wubbly!
88
00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,560
Let me get the job first.
89
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,840
You'll still be working in the
hospital, though? Yes?
90
00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,200
Hospital? Martin,
have you met your son before?
91
00:04:23,240 --> 00:04:25,680
What? That's his job.
Hospital radio.
92
00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:29,240
Fantastic. No, Dad, I write music
for adverts and stuff,
93
00:04:29,280 --> 00:04:32,800
one of which was used once
- once! - on hospital radio.
94
00:04:32,840 --> 00:04:36,920
Ah, yes.
# Femeron, say goodbye to thrush! #
95
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:40,240
Well, I thought he worked in a
hospital. Really? Did you?
96
00:04:40,280 --> 00:04:42,600
I was actually going to ask
you if you could get some
97
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,720
new bandages for my bursitis.
Right.
98
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:46,880
But since you don't work
in a hospital... I don't.
99
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,040
..you can't. Nope. Useless.
100
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:50,360
PHONE RINGS
101
00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:52,360
Oh, my God.
Is that them?
102
00:04:52,400 --> 00:04:56,520
I don't know. Erm... I don't know.
103
00:04:56,560 --> 00:04:58,920
Hello, Adam Goodman.
104
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,120
Oh, hi.
105
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:01,800
WHISPERS: It's them!
106
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:05,520
AMERICAN ACCENT: And I just wanted
to say we loved your music so much,
107
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:06,760
we want to give you the job.
108
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,040
Oh, wow. That's amazing.
109
00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:12,440
I got it!
JACKIE SCREAMS
110
00:05:12,480 --> 00:05:14,520
Thank you. Thank you so much.
111
00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,320
You're welcome, Pusface!
112
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,400
We are so excited to be
working with you!
113
00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:21,560
NORMAL VOICE: Unknown number!
Got you!
114
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,200
Jonny, you little shit!
115
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:25,440
That was a horrible thing to do!
116
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,360
I know!
I can't believe you!
117
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,880
Was that Jonny pretending
to call from the hospital?
118
00:05:29,920 --> 00:05:31,800
I don't work in a hospital.
Yes, he does.
119
00:05:31,840 --> 00:05:33,560
? Femeron, say goodbye to thrush! ?
120
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,600
Right!
121
00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:37,920
DOORBELL RINGS
122
00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:42,840
Go on, boys!
Ugh, really?
123
00:05:42,880 --> 00:05:47,720
Such a sod.
Your face! Your face!
124
00:05:47,760 --> 00:05:53,600
All right?
Yes. Wilson might need...
125
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,800
Well, you know.
126
00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:58,600
Go on, Pusface.
Ugh!
127
00:05:58,640 --> 00:06:00,560
The local dog toilets.
128
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:03,920
Jim, sorry, but is Wilson all right
at the moment?
129
00:06:03,960 --> 00:06:06,360
Actually, Jackie,
I'm not sure that he is.
130
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,320
He keeps going...
131
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,080
..to the loo.
Really.
132
00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:14,040
Yes. In your flowerbed,
right over there.
133
00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,760
We do know, Jim.
134
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:18,440
Which is strange, because he hasn't
been eating for days.
135
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:20,760
Oh! And yesterday, he didn't even
want to watch his
136
00:06:20,800 --> 00:06:23,960
favourite television programme.
OK...
137
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:27,160
University Challenge.
138
00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:28,640
Maybe you should...
139
00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,640
Have him put down.
..take him to the vet's.
140
00:06:31,680 --> 00:06:35,080
No, Jackie. Wilson never lets me
take him to the vet's, never.
141
00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:39,120
Right, bags.
142
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:45,680
BagS.
143
00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:48,120
It really can't be well,
that creature.
144
00:06:48,160 --> 00:06:50,600
I know, poor Wilson.
Plate, please, Jonny.
145
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:54,200
I mean, it must have dumped
half its body weight in our drive.
146
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,120
Oh, Dad!
Thank you! We're eating.
147
00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,000
Could be tapeworm.
148
00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,200
Adam, pass me your plate
so we can start eating,
149
00:07:00,240 --> 00:07:02,760
and your dad can shut his face.
Gladly.
150
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,120
And you really don't want
one of those buggers
151
00:07:05,160 --> 00:07:06,840
tunnelling through to your bowels.
152
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,000
Do you want to eat in another room?
153
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,800
In another house?
On another planet?
154
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:15,480
Here. Dollops. Dollops.
155
00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:18,920
Just eat your food.
Remember, Jackie, when we had a dog?
156
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:22,000
A dog? Ignore him. Martin, we've
never had a dog in our lives.
157
00:07:22,040 --> 00:07:26,800
Really? What about Sam?
Sam? Who's Sam? Who's Sam?
158
00:07:26,840 --> 00:07:29,200
You're right.
We've never had a dog in our lives.
159
00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:33,240
Mum, please can we have Dad put
down? I'll call the vet's.
160
00:07:33,280 --> 00:07:35,760
Mm! I remember who Sam was now.
161
00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:39,440
Do you? He wasn't a dog,
he was a man! Bit of a difference.
162
00:07:39,480 --> 00:07:41,440
Mm?
Oh, you mean Sam, our old neighbour?
163
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:44,080
Sam, our old neighbour!
Sam, your old neighbour?
164
00:07:44,120 --> 00:07:47,600
That's right. He had a dog,
also called Sam. Sam!
165
00:07:47,640 --> 00:07:51,560
What, the man was called Sam,
and he also had a dog called Sam?
166
00:07:51,600 --> 00:07:54,640
He once tried to wipe his bum
on our fence.
167
00:07:54,680 --> 00:07:56,320
Which Sam? The man or the dog?
168
00:07:56,360 --> 00:07:57,880
You don't want to know.
169
00:07:57,920 --> 00:08:01,360
Oh, God. Talking of a man
and his bloody dog...
170
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,760
Where you going? Just seeing
if they're still dolloping.
171
00:08:05,800 --> 00:08:09,040
Yep, still dolloping. Again?!
Again.
172
00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:12,880
Jesus! It's ridiculous.
It's definitely an arse worm.
173
00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:17,160
Oh, hurry up and phone! So you'll do
it, then? My storage thing?
174
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:20,160
Oh, my God!
You won't get your crumble...
175
00:08:20,200 --> 00:08:22,760
Mum! We'll do it, OK?
Dad made it.
176
00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:25,440
What?! Dad made it?!
Dad's never made crumble before.
177
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:26,920
Yeah, why did Dad make the crumble?
178
00:08:26,960 --> 00:08:28,920
He wanted to.
It was bloody easy.
179
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:31,720
You just get all the ingredients
you need, you mix them up
180
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:34,600
in the correct quantities, then you
put the mixture in the oven.
181
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:39,000
Do you? And the action of the heat
causes the molecules to vibrate,
182
00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,080
which causes the food to cook,
so when you take it all out,
183
00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:46,360
it's all done. Right!
Piece of piss.
184
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:48,160
PHONE RINGS
185
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,200
Very good. I know it's you.
186
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:55,040
Jonathan!
What, unknown, again? Very clever!
187
00:08:55,080 --> 00:08:58,160
It's not me.
Oh! So...
188
00:08:58,200 --> 00:09:01,040
Shit! That's them!
189
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:04,280
Oh! Good luck, my little Mozart!
190
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:05,400
Is that the hospital?
191
00:09:05,440 --> 00:09:10,640
Yes, to take you away.
192
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,200
Hello, Adam Goodman.
193
00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,080
AMERICAN ACCENT: Hello, Mr Pusface!
194
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,920
Jonathan!
195
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:18,400
Jonny, you bloody...!
It works with Mum's phone, too!
196
00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:20,240
Oh!
MARTIN LAUGHS
197
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,960
Right, you dollophead!
Oi!
198
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:26,000
Not a meatball! Oh!
199
00:09:26,040 --> 00:09:28,600
Oh, my God! Shit! Not on the carpet!
Not on the carpet!
200
00:09:28,640 --> 00:09:32,240
You shitting berk! Ow!
I told you not to throw meatballs!
201
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:34,920
Mum! And you! Me? Me?!
202
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,640
Bloody idiot!
Dad!
203
00:09:36,680 --> 00:09:38,200
Bloody idiot!
Dad!
204
00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:40,240
How am I going to get red wine
out of my carpet?
205
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:44,200
Oh, my God. Martin, go and get the
white wine. Get the white wine.
206
00:09:44,240 --> 00:09:47,720
White wine? Gets rid of red wine
stains. Bleeding hell.
207
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,680
Ow! Can everyone stop hitting me?
I'm covered in meat.
208
00:09:50,720 --> 00:09:53,280
Oh, look what you've done!
209
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,920
Please!
I'm sorry, Mum, OK? I'm sorry.
210
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:59,880
Right, white wine. OK, pour it on
the stain. Pour it on the stain.
211
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,680
Oh, shit, that's the red wine!
212
00:10:01,720 --> 00:10:05,040
More red wine! Oh, my God.
Right, all of you, out.
213
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,520
Get out! Jackie! Mum!
214
00:10:06,560 --> 00:10:11,160
Go on, go to the garage, and finish
making my bloody thing.
215
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:13,520
What, your brain?
I heard that!
216
00:10:13,560 --> 00:10:15,280
Come on, then.
217
00:10:15,320 --> 00:10:20,120
Well done, Pusface.
No, well done, Pissface.
218
00:10:20,160 --> 00:10:25,880
So many dollops.
219
00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:29,360
Where these two bits go,
I have no bloody idea.
220
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:31,720
Yeah. Once again, just look at
the instructions.
221
00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,680
I heard you the first time!
222
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:36,240
Oi, Adam!
What?
223
00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,960
Ow! Jonny!
224
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,560
Dick!
225
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:44,960
Dad, can we please just get on with
it? They must go somewhere!
226
00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:47,240
You do have the instructions?
227
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:48,960
Pardon?
228
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,280
Oh, Dad! You didn't throw them away,
did you?
229
00:10:51,320 --> 00:10:53,640
Erm... You threw them away?!
Why did you do that?
230
00:10:53,680 --> 00:10:55,560
Well, I didn't know what they were,
did I?
231
00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:57,240
Well, what did you think they were?
232
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:00,960
You know, general information about
the company, profit, turnover.
233
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:03,640
Sorry?
Well, what was the name of the unit?
234
00:11:03,680 --> 00:11:05,080
Don't you dare phone me again!
235
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:07,560
I'm not phoning you again.
What was the name?
236
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,440
Maybe there's something online.
Er, it was written on the box.
237
00:11:10,480 --> 00:11:12,200
Which you threw away.
Which I threw away.
238
00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:14,560
Oh, excellent. And might it still be
in the bins?
239
00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:17,680
Binmen came this morning.
Of course they did. Fantastic.
240
00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:20,240
So we're now putting together
a massive wooden thing
241
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,280
with absolutely no instructions
whatsoever.
242
00:11:22,320 --> 00:11:24,400
Lucky both your sons
are qualified carpenters.
243
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:27,200
Stupid babies! You don't
need the instructions.
244
00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,720
Look, there's the wood, there's the
screws. What else do you need?
245
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:33,240
Er, the instructions.
246
00:11:33,280 --> 00:11:36,920
Look, that bit there must be one of
the doors...
247
00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:40,040
Oh, bloody bursitis!
Bloody burSHITEis.
248
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,400
Where are my sodding painkillers?
249
00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:46,920
OK, I've got a door. Now what?
250
00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:49,440
Well, just connect it
to another bit.
251
00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:52,680
Connect it?
I'll do it, then!
252
00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:56,120
God! Such a fuss.
253
00:11:56,160 --> 00:11:58,920
Go on, Jonny!
Mm?
254
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,960
Erm, you'll be pleased to know
the carpet's ruined.
255
00:12:02,000 --> 00:12:03,320
Oh, really?
256
00:12:03,360 --> 00:12:06,920
Hello, all.
Oh, Jim, not another bag.
257
00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:11,680
Oh, no, Jackie. I just wanted to say
that if you do need any help
258
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:14,840
in here, I am very good
with my hands.
259
00:12:14,880 --> 00:12:19,040
Right. I've actually been making
something back at the house.
260
00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:22,040
Have you?
Yes, a little ladder.
261
00:12:22,080 --> 00:12:24,560
OK, well...
For our bunk beds.
262
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,040
Wilson's on top.
263
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:31,080
Actually, I will take...
264
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:33,240
..another bag.
265
00:12:33,280 --> 00:12:37,320
That should be big enough for the...
266
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:41,520
You know.
267
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:43,440
They sleep in bunk beds?
268
00:12:43,480 --> 00:12:46,200
Right, well, I'll leave you all
to get on, then.
269
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,640
So you're not helping us at all?
270
00:12:48,680 --> 00:12:50,760
What? No. Just hurry up!
271
00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:54,400
Hurry up? Hurry up?
272
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:57,760
Right.
273
00:12:57,800 --> 00:13:00,760
Jonny?
274
00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:02,000
Adam?
275
00:13:04,840 --> 00:13:06,400
Hold still!
276
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:07,840
It's not fair!
277
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:09,520
Well, life's not fair, Jackie.
278
00:13:09,560 --> 00:13:12,160
If it was, God wouldn't have
invented bursitis.
279
00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:14,240
Aah! Eugh! Spider!
280
00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:16,360
Aagh! Stop doing that!
281
00:13:16,400 --> 00:13:18,800
Oh, just keep bleeding still,
Jackie!
282
00:13:18,840 --> 00:13:20,240
God!
283
00:13:20,280 --> 00:13:21,560
Now the other door.
284
00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:23,360
Can't we just leave it like this?
285
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:25,480
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
286
00:13:25,520 --> 00:13:27,160
"Unknown".
287
00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:29,800
Oh, you're unbelievable, Jonny!
288
00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:31,480
Oh, not again!
289
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,480
OK, this time, I promise
it's not me. Look.
290
00:13:34,520 --> 00:13:36,480
It's not my phone.
Well, it's not my phone.
291
00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,280
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
I don't care, I'm not answering it.
292
00:13:39,320 --> 00:13:42,320
- I think you should, Adam, it might be
the... - Don't you dare say hospital!
293
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:43,720
Go on!
294
00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:48,040
I swear, if this is you,
piss face...
295
00:13:48,080 --> 00:13:49,240
Hello, Adam Goodman.
296
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,120
Hello again, pus face!
297
00:13:51,160 --> 00:13:54,080
JONATHAN AND MARTIN LAUGH
Jonathan!
298
00:13:54,120 --> 00:13:55,440
Dad's phone!
299
00:13:55,480 --> 00:13:57,200
Right! You...
300
00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,520
No!
301
00:13:58,560 --> 00:13:59,800
Ohh! Ooh!
302
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,480
You bloody bastard!
303
00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:04,000
Nutcase! I'm going to kill you!
Get off me!
304
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,560
Boys... Boys!
305
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:08,400
You are so dead! Get off me!
306
00:14:08,440 --> 00:14:11,320
Adam! Bye! Pus face!
307
00:14:11,360 --> 00:14:12,600
Boys!
308
00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,880
JIM: Quick!
Not now, Jim!
309
00:14:14,920 --> 00:14:17,480
Something terrible's happened.
310
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,560
Wilson's not moving.
311
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:23,520
What? Wilson, he's not moving.
Not moving?
312
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:25,960
We... We were just on our way home,
313
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,760
and he suddenly just...
314
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:31,040
..just stopped.
315
00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:32,880
Oh, God!
316
00:14:32,920 --> 00:14:34,400
Why isn't he moving?
317
00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:37,000
ADAM: Maybe give him a little shake?
318
00:14:37,040 --> 00:14:41,560
Wilson? Sh, sh!
319
00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:45,800
Well, Martin?
320
00:14:45,840 --> 00:14:48,320
Jim...
321
00:14:48,360 --> 00:14:55,320
..I think he's dead.
322
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,360
Wilson's...
323
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,680
..dead?
324
00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:00,800
He can't... He can't be.
325
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,440
Not Wilson.
326
00:15:02,480 --> 00:15:06,440
Not Wilson!
327
00:15:06,480 --> 00:15:08,760
Wilson, it's me.
328
00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,320
It's Jim.
329
00:15:12,360 --> 00:15:15,400
Oh, Wilson!
330
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:17,760
SOBBING: Wilson!
331
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:21,520
Come back, Wilson. Don't leave me!
332
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:23,320
HE SOBS
333
00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:25,120
Aww, Jim.
334
00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,040
Say it's not true, Jackie.
Say it's not true!
335
00:15:28,080 --> 00:15:30,760
Jim! Oh, Jim.
336
00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,520
How could you leave me, my friend?
337
00:15:33,560 --> 00:15:36,280
My only friend!
338
00:15:36,320 --> 00:15:39,840
HE SOBS
339
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,600
Jim!
340
00:15:41,640 --> 00:15:44,560
No more Wilson.
341
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,280
No more Wilson!
342
00:15:46,320 --> 00:15:49,360
Jim, we should really call the vet.
343
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:56,160
No, Jackie, Wilson never has been
taken to the vets, never!
344
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,080
We'll bury him.
345
00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:00,920
Really, Jim?
Yes, we'll bury Wilson.
346
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,000
Yeah.
347
00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:04,560
We'll bury him.
348
00:16:04,600 --> 00:16:09,160
Yeah, and we'll give him the best
send-off any dog's ever had.
349
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,960
TEARFULLY: Thank you, Martin.
350
00:16:12,000 --> 00:16:16,840
Is there anywhere special, Jim,
you'd like to lay Wilson to rest?
351
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:20,080
What? Oh, yes, Jackie, there is...
352
00:16:20,120 --> 00:16:25,240
..one place, actually, somewhere
that meant a lot to Wilson.
353
00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:28,960
Of course. Wherever!
354
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:31,640
Would you mind carrying him?
355
00:16:31,680 --> 00:16:39,120
Oof! Go on, lads.
356
00:16:39,160 --> 00:16:42,000
THEY GRUNT AND STRAIN
Thank you, boys.
357
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:47,240
This way.
358
00:16:47,280 --> 00:16:52,880
Here we are.
359
00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:54,640
Ashes to ashes,
360
00:16:54,680 --> 00:16:57,680
dust to dust...
361
00:16:57,720 --> 00:17:00,160
Sorry, I don't really know
the rest of it.
362
00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:08,600
Wilson to Wilson.
363
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:13,200
Um, Jim, maybe you'd like to say
a little something about Wilson?
364
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:14,560
Oh, yes.
365
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:22,200
Maybe I could make up
a little poem about him.
366
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:24,000
O Wilson,
367
00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,680
You were a great animal
368
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,760
Who was also a mammal.
369
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:37,080
You loved to drink water
from your bowl
370
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:42,200
With your tongue, until you were...
371
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:45,640
..foal.
372
00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:48,640
But now, you are gone
373
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,640
And I am...
374
00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:59,520
..alonn.
375
00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:03,120
Why don't you come inside now,
have some crumble?
376
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:06,200
Crimble crumble...
377
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:09,360
Come on.
378
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,520
Goodbye, Wilson.
379
00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,480
JONNY SIGHS
Yeah.
380
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,160
Goodbye, mate.
381
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:20,400
Fill it up, then.
382
00:18:20,440 --> 00:18:24,560
Thanks!
383
00:18:24,600 --> 00:18:27,800
Here we are, Jim. Crimble crumble!
384
00:18:27,840 --> 00:18:29,480
Crimble crumble!
385
00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:30,920
Thank you, Jackie.
386
00:18:30,960 --> 00:18:35,320
I've never had your famous
apple crumble before.
387
00:18:35,360 --> 00:18:38,600
Well, actually...
Wilson would have been so proud.
388
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:39,920
I made it, Jim.
389
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:41,360
Oh. Did you?
390
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,600
ALL: Ye-e-s.
391
00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:44,640
There's some champagne,
if you fancy?
392
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:46,200
No, thank you, Martin.
393
00:18:46,240 --> 00:18:47,800
My dog has just died.
394
00:18:47,840 --> 00:18:51,680
Oh, yes. Anyone else?
395
00:18:51,720 --> 00:18:58,280
Well, um, tuck in.
Ohh! Aahh!
396
00:18:58,320 --> 00:18:59,680
You all right, Jim?
397
00:18:59,720 --> 00:19:02,760
There's no fruit. What?
398
00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,400
It's just crumble.
399
00:19:05,440 --> 00:19:06,920
Yeah, where's the fruit?
400
00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:08,280
Martin, what crumble is this?
401
00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,240
Er, apple crumble.
402
00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:13,280
But without the apples?
403
00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:15,160
Oh, I forgot to put them in!
404
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:17,520
Oh, Martin!
405
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,960
So we're just eating crumble?
Just a mass of crumble?
406
00:19:20,000 --> 00:19:21,360
Crumble crumble?
407
00:19:21,400 --> 00:19:22,640
Oh, sorry!
408
00:19:22,680 --> 00:19:24,280
I obviously just...
409
00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:25,840
..shitted it out.
410
00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:28,520
I'm so sorry, Jim.
411
00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:36,520
I...think I need to be alone.
412
00:19:36,560 --> 00:19:39,760
Oh, did you ever finish
your cupboard?
413
00:19:39,800 --> 00:19:41,800
Er, no, Jim.
414
00:19:41,840 --> 00:19:48,480
I suppose nothing is ever
really finished.
415
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:54,160
Come on, Wilson...
416
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:59,200
He's...
417
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:01,000
Aww!
418
00:20:01,040 --> 00:20:02,960
Yeah.
419
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,320
You forgot the apples?! All right!
420
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:08,400
What's he going to do
without Wilson?
421
00:20:08,440 --> 00:20:10,560
He'll be OK, Jackie, he'll be OK.
422
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,720
Well, that's definitely
how I want to go -
423
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:14,760
being buried in my own toilet!
424
00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:15,960
Adam!
425
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:24,720
HAMMERING SOUNDS
What's that banging?
426
00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,800
Jim?
427
00:20:25,840 --> 00:20:28,000
Jesus! Er, Jim?
428
00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:33,080
What's he doing?!
429
00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:36,240
Jim?
430
00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:43,520
Where's he...
431
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:47,640
Sorry, Jim, you're not thinking
of putting that, um, thing
432
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,720
in front of our house?
433
00:20:49,760 --> 00:20:53,960
HE GRUNTS
434
00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:56,120
This cross will stand
435
00:20:56,160 --> 00:21:00,120
as a permanent reminder
436
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,160
for the whole community
437
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:07,160
to the memory of the great Wilson.
438
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:10,280
And it will stand here
439
00:21:10,320 --> 00:21:14,200
for all eternity.
440
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:22,520
Er, right...
441
00:21:22,560 --> 00:21:25,360
Sorry, is it Sunday tomorrow?
442
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,480
Er, no, Jim, it's Saturday tomorrow.
443
00:21:28,520 --> 00:21:29,960
Oh, yes.
444
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,760
I'll get another dog tomorrow, then.
445
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:36,200
Bye, all.
446
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,440
Great, so, now what?
447
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,920
That just stays there, does it?
Yup.
448
00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:43,160
A massive, terrifying cross.
449
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:44,760
For all eternity.
450
00:21:44,800 --> 00:21:46,920
We're supposed to be Jewish!
451
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,480
Well, we can't just take it down,
can we?
452
00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:51,800
Well, what are people
going to think?!
453
00:21:51,840 --> 00:21:55,840
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
Oh, not now, Jonny!
454
00:21:55,880 --> 00:21:58,800
Er, remember this?
455
00:21:58,840 --> 00:22:00,040
Oh, God!
456
00:22:00,080 --> 00:22:02,320
So...that's them.
457
00:22:02,360 --> 00:22:03,920
I mean, it's got to be them.
458
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:07,440
Well, answer it!
Is that the Americans?
459
00:22:07,480 --> 00:22:08,920
Where's my...
460
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,080
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
461
00:22:11,120 --> 00:22:13,040
Wait a minute...
462
00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:17,080
PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
463
00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:18,800
You didn't!
464
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:39,920
I did!
465
00:22:39,970 --> 00:22:44,520
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