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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,280 Hurry up... Ohhh! Where is he? 2 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,920 Oh, Jonny, come away from those curtains now, will you? 3 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,160 I'm waiting for Pusface! 4 00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,760 Oh, please don't be horrible to him when he gets here. 5 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,640 Sorry - DON'T be horrible to him? 6 00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,320 You've got to see this, Jackie. 7 00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,760 It's amazing. Just amazing! 8 00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,720 Um... Martin, are you planning on helping tonight, 9 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,440 or are you just going to spend all evening 10 00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,200 peering through that stupid telescope? 11 00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,880 Telescope?! It's a microscope, Jackie. 12 00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600 A micro-bloody-scope! All right! 13 00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,520 What are you looking at anyway? What? 14 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,040 What are you looking at? Hair. Hair? Hair! 15 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,800 JONNY GIGGLES He's here...! 16 00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,240 With his violin? 17 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,840 Oh, yes! 18 00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,520 THEY BOTH GIGGLE 19 00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,880 Oh, don't be horrible! Martin - he's got his violin! 20 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:21,280 This hair is from my armpit. 21 00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,000 Ladies and gentlemen! The worst violinist in the world... 22 00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,280 Mr Adam Goodman! 23 00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,200 Jonny! Ha! Good, innit? 24 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,520 What the hell was that?! 25 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,200 He just bloody deafened me, the dick. 26 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,000 Isn't it cool? A megaphone? 27 00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,280 Yeah, I found it when we were clearing out a flat. 28 00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,480 Welcome home, Pusface! Jesus! 29 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,080 Ow! Stupid berks. 30 00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,040 Serves you right. Here. 31 00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,640 Are you OK, Bobble? 32 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,240 Him OK? Hands up! This is the police! 33 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,080 I've always wanted to do that. 34 00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,520 Right. Thank you. 35 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:56,000 Oh, Bobble, you look so cute with your little violin! 36 00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,520 Mum...! 37 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,520 Do I really have to play this stupid thing for Grandma tonight? 38 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,880 Eee! Eee! Aiee! 39 00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,200 Yes. I haven't played for, like, 12 years. 40 00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:09,160 I know, but she's been asking for so long, and it'll make her so happy. 41 00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,720 God. Where is Grandma? 42 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,760 Oh, she's... Out making a porn video. 43 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,480 Martin! That's disgusting! 44 00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,040 Dad... Porn video! HE LAUGHS 45 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,280 Right. Just go in there and... 46 00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,480 eat your telescope. 47 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,880 Microscope, Jackie. Microscope! 48 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,240 Ugh... Microscope? 49 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,360 Don't ask. 50 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,920 He's been looking at hair. 51 00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,800 Hair? Hair! All right! 52 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,520 What is wrong with him? 53 00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,560 Have you got a year? Or 12. 54 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,880 Where is Grandma? She was meant to be getting a cab here. 55 00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,200 You seen my phone? Uh-uh! 56 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,920 I really don't want to do this tonight. 57 00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,520 Oh, Bobble... 58 00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,720 Agh! God! 59 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,800 Boys! Where is it? 60 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,200 I hated playing the violin. You did not. 61 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,000 You used to love playing to me and Grandma 62 00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,880 and all my friends when you were little. 63 00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,280 Oh, it was so beautiful. 64 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,800 Yes, the beautiful sound of strangled horses. 65 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,480 And in it goes again. Jesus! 66 00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,680 Boys! Sorry, but whenever I played for you and your friends, 67 00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,840 I could never finish a bloody piece, you'd all just sit there nattering. 68 00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,040 We did not natter. Er, excuse me? 69 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,760 I think you're forgetting Auntie Val. 70 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,880 The world's number one natterer? Oh, shut up. 71 00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,480 Then Dad would just stand there... LOUD BURP 72 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,840 Doing that. Charming, Martin. 73 00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,440 Aye carumba! Anyone want to see a leg hair? 74 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,800 Tempting. You shouldn't be nasty about Auntie Val. 75 00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,960 She's going through a very difficult time at the moment. Good. 76 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,360 Stop it! It's a horrible divorce. 77 00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,640 I don't know how she'd have coped without her Spencer. 78 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,880 Spencer the weirdo. 79 00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,560 Val's son is not a weirdo! 80 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,800 Val's son is a weirdo. 81 00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,400 Mum, he talks like he's a doctor. 82 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,560 He does not. 83 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,720 "Oh, you have a headache? 84 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,600 "Well, I'm afraid we're going to have to amputate your arse." 85 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,200 Not funny. 86 00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,240 And anyway, Spencer very nearly became a doctor, thank you. 87 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,000 "Very nearly became a doctor". 88 00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,600 AS COUGHS: Failed his exams. Caught cheating. 89 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,560 It was never proved! Horrible. He's very sensitive about that actually. 90 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,520 Well, maybe he should see a doctor then. Mmmm. 91 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,120 Oh, there it is! 92 00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,520 Martin, I told you to move your telescope crap out of here. 93 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,960 It's not a shitting telescope! 94 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,800 Oh - text from Grandma. This'll be good. 95 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:20,680 "Are you in your house house I am in my house house thank you." 96 00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,880 What don't you understand? 97 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,880 "Then I had a fall." A fall?! 98 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,520 She had a fall...? Oh, my God, I hope she's all right. 99 00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,280 Jonny, get your dad. SHOUTS: Dad! 100 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,840 Jonathan! What? 101 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,560 Grandma had a fall. 102 00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,920 Another fall? How many falls has that woman had? 103 00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,880 A thousand? Stop it. 104 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,560 Luckily they've all been small ones. 105 00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,600 All she needs is one big one. 106 00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,920 Hello, Mummy? Are you all right? 107 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,680 Please be bed-ridden, so I don't have to play you my stupid violin. 108 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,680 And now it's my turn. Huh? 109 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,720 HE YELPS 110 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,800 But she's OK though, yeah? Thank God. 111 00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,680 She said she just wants to stay in bed and rest. 112 00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,520 I mean, I've offered to send your dad round. 113 00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,520 To hit her on the head with a pole. 114 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:03,800 Ohhh! 115 00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,600 Poor old Grandma. 116 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:06,960 So she's really not coming? 117 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,680 I know. And she doesn't want us to go to hers? 118 00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,240 What can I do? 119 00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,000 # Joy of joy! King of kings! 120 00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,600 ? I don't have to play my stupid violin! ? 121 00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,000 Ohhhhh! My shitting thorax! 122 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,520 Sorry, Dad. No. Good shot, Bobble. 123 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,680 Anyway, if you won't play for your grandma, 124 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,520 you can play for your mummy. Er, no. 125 00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,280 What? You won't play the violin for your own mother? 126 00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,960 Yes, you won't play the violin for your own wonderful mother? 127 00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,200 Shut up. Oh! Martin, say something. 128 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,560 Follicles. Great. 129 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,160 I can't believe you're refusing to play for me tonight. 130 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,680 Yes. Isn't he a shit? 131 00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,400 Oi! Pissface. 132 00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,400 Val... Auntie Val... 133 00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:56,160 Why don't you come here later? 134 00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,520 Adam would love to play his violin to cheer you up. 135 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,360 Kiss kiss. 136 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:08,200 Oh, Jonnyboo, please tell your horrible brother to play for me. 137 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:13,920 OK. PHONE CHIRPS 138 00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,880 "Would love to see Adam play tonight. Can I bring Spencer?" 139 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,000 Spencer?! Of course! 140 00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:25,720 And Adam may need Spencer's advice as he has 141 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,280 a bad bottom. 142 00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,200 Bad bottom. I'm a genius. 143 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,760 Genius. 144 00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,200 Urgh! 145 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,400 Gravy. 146 00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,880 Huh! You've got to see this one. 147 00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,920 Oh, do you have to do that at the table? 148 00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,360 It's from my nostril. 149 00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,360 Dad, a hair from your nostril? 150 00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,440 Yeah, but magnified 500 times. 151 00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,000 Ooh, can I have a look? 152 00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,240 Stupid penis. 153 00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,440 How lovely. 154 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,600 Nice? God, I think this nose hair's got nits. 155 00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:02,240 Right, enough of your disgustingness tonight, thank you. 156 00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:09,480 But Jackie! I... Oh! Bloody Nazi dictatorship. 157 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,040 Hello, Mrs Hitler! 158 00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:16,000 God! Dad! 159 00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:21,000 Just eat your bloody food, will you? 160 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,000 You've got one of my hairs here. 161 00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,920 What? Oh, yeah. 162 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,520 That hair's from your head. 163 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,960 Right. As opposed to hair you've got from other parts of Mum's body? 164 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,040 Thanks for that, Adam. 165 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,640 No, I've only got your mum's head hair. Head hair. 166 00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,640 Freshly picked last night. 167 00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,840 Picked? What? Directly from Mum's head? 168 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,080 Yes, while she was sleeping. 169 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,520 While I was sleeping? Well, that's not sinister. 170 00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,000 I wanted a fresh specimen, didn't I? 171 00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,560 I'm trying to get samples of all the family's hair. 172 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,360 Said mass-murderer, Martin Goodman, today in court. 173 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,720 Martin? 174 00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,920 What? Don't touch my hair again. 175 00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,120 Hmm? Christ! 176 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,800 He's not touching my hair. 177 00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,200 HE LAUGHS EVILLY 178 00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,280 DOORBELL RINGS Can you get it? 179 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,920 Sure, Mum! You'll enjoy this. 180 00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,320 Sorry? Jonny? 181 00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,160 JONNY HUMS HAPPILY What do you mean? 182 00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,440 Hmmm...? Pissface? 183 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,520 Here, lads... 184 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:21,280 Hands up! This is the police! 185 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,920 Oh... Eh? 186 00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,760 Good evening. 187 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,400 Why don't I just... 188 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,960 put this thing down here? 189 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,200 Can we, um...help you, officers? 190 00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,200 MUM: Who is it? The police! Sorry. 191 00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,680 Tell them I'll be murdering your father in half an hour. 192 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,240 ALL LAUGH AWKWARDLY Yeah, er, 193 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,160 sorry for disturbing your evening, but... 194 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,480 Then cutting his body up in the bath! 195 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,600 All right! Shut up, Mum! SHE CACKLES 196 00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,200 We're just knocking on doors tonight. Yeah, to let people know 197 00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,520 that someone in the road had a burglary earlier and... 198 00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,000 Oh, right. A buggery? 199 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,080 Pardon?! His hearing's a bit... 200 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,280 There's been a buggery? No, Dad, a burglary. They were BURGLED. 201 00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,960 All right! They might have been burgled and buggered. They weren't. 202 00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,400 Oooh, it is the police! 203 00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,760 Yes, it is the police. 204 00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,160 Someone in the road was burgled. 205 00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,120 I thought they said buggered. 206 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,600 Burgled? Who? 207 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,520 Well, we're not at liberty to say, I'm afraid, 208 00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,280 but we will be patrolling the area tonight 209 00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,200 just to make sure everyone's vigilant and... 210 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,480 We believe the suspects might have been scared off, 211 00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,720 as the owner did have a dog. 212 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,720 A dog? 213 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:28,040 HE SLURPS AND GULPS NOISILY 214 00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,560 Better now, Jim? 215 00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,360 Much better, Mummy... Jackie. 216 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:37,200 Yes...to think that my house was broken into by... 217 00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,520 brutes... Brutes? 218 00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:43,640 It makes me feel all dirty. Like I've been used as a kind of... 219 00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,680 la-VAT-ory. 220 00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,920 Er, lavatory? 221 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,400 I'm fine, thank you. 222 00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,160 Checked everything. All the windows, doors, locks. 223 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,160 No-one's getting into this house tonight. 224 00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,800 How about out of this house tonight? Yeah, can we go soon? 225 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,560 Oh, you don't want to go too soon. 226 00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,800 What?! Ooh! Is that a little cello? 227 00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,320 Um...it's my violin, Jim. 228 00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,680 May I? 229 00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:04,880 You play the violin? 230 00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,080 Oh, yes, Martin, I used to play in an orchestra. 231 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:14,000 Until Wilson left a little something in the tuba. 232 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,960 Go on, then. 233 00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:27,120 HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF 234 00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:35,160 HE WHIMPER-SINGS AND BLOWS INTO VIOLIN 235 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,840 It's a bit out of tune. 236 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,320 Well, goodnight, Jim. 237 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,000 Try not to worry about the... you know. 238 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,000 Brutes. Yeah. 239 00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,800 It's OK, Jackie, I've always got Wilson to protect me. 240 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,480 Yes. Wilson? 241 00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,120 Wilson! Wilson! WILSON BARKS 242 00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,560 Oh, what good timing! Hello, love. 243 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,800 Val...? And Spencer? 244 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,680 What are they doing here...? Well, goodbye. 245 00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,000 Martin! Hi, love. 246 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,720 Sorry we're a bit late. You're...? 247 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,080 Well, say hello, Spencer. 248 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,360 Hell-ooo! Hey, Spencer. 249 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,280 Isn't it great to see Spence again? 250 00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,160 Aw, I'm so excited to hear you play again, maestro! 251 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,880 Play again? 252 00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,480 Where we doing it then? In there? 253 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,520 Doing it? The concert, silly! 254 00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,920 Are you OK, Jackie? 255 00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,240 Concert? 256 00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,600 JONNY SNIGGERS 257 00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,520 Jonathan! 258 00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:41,360 Whenever you feel comfortable to talk to me about your... 259 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,500 ..you know. 260 00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,300 I don't care. I'm not playing my bloody violin for Aunty Val. 261 00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:51,980 And her weirdo son. Jonny! 262 00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:53,580 Pissface! Thank you for telling 263 00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:56,580 Dr Spencer I had an arse problem. Anything to help. 264 00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,260 Adam, you've got to play, 265 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,140 cos I invited her here to hear you play...! 266 00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:02,460 No, you didn't... She thinks I invited her here. 267 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,660 Oh, Jonny... Sorry, I'm going to kick him now... 268 00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:07,260 What?! Ow! 269 00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,580 Ooh! So this is what goes on backstage! 270 00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,300 Ah, hi, love. 271 00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,860 Um, Aunty, can I say something? 272 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,460 No, can I say something? 273 00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,300 I want to thank you, Adam, for offering to play for me tonight. 274 00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:20,380 You don't know how much it means to me. 275 00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,980 But... Spencer's dad has been such a piece of shit, 276 00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,580 and I've been feeling so rotten. 277 00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,980 I was really worried about her blood sugar levels. 278 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,300 They were very low. 279 00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:36,220 No, Martin! Wonderful to have you here, Valerie. 280 00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:37,580 Come along, Spencer. 281 00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,420 We don't want to miss the concert of the year! 282 00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:44,380 Martin! 283 00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,940 Adam? 284 00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,820 OK. I'll play. I'll play. 285 00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:52,620 Oh, Bobble. Bobble! 286 00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:59,860 Whenever you want to talk. 287 00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,660 Bloody hell... Sorry? Speak up! 288 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,260 Ahh. I remember his little violin. 289 00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,340 Yeah. It's standard size actually. 290 00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:08,780 Unlike Adam! Thank you. 291 00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:09,940 Yeah, cos he's small. 292 00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:11,780 Thank you again. 293 00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:14,460 Right. I'm going to play you a piece now. It's not long. 294 00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,980 It lasts for about a minute. 295 00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,180 A minute too long! Oh, Jonathan! 296 00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:20,420 So, I hope you can listen and enjoy it... 297 00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:25,180 in silence. 298 00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,700 Get on with it! Christ! Argh! Martin! 299 00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:34,380 Right! 300 00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:35,540 You all right now? 301 00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,500 You do seem quite agitated, Adam... 302 00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,660 I'm fine, thank you, Spencer. 303 00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,020 Go on, Bobble. 304 00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,540 Yeah, go on, Pusface. 305 00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:46,340 Pusface? Did he have excessive facial secretions during puberty? 306 00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:48,780 That is why we call him that. Should have been a doctor. 307 00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,740 Mum. UNDER HIS BREATH: Caught cheating. 308 00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:53,020 Hmm? Pardon? 309 00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:55,500 Right. 310 00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:57,980 HE TUNES UP 311 00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,740 Oooh, he's very good, isn't he? 312 00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,900 I'm just tuning, Aunty. 313 00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:05,780 Oh! I thought it was a bit modern! 314 00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,380 So, can we talk in this bit? 315 00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:10,860 Sorry? Um, Aunty wants to know if we can talk in this bit? 316 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,300 What? You mean she can't even last ten seconds without nattering? 317 00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:18,700 You know she bleeding can't! Martin! 318 00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:20,900 Are you actually gonna do that while I'm playing? 319 00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,380 Well, you're just doing your... 320 00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:25,180 Eeeh-eeh-aiiee bit now, aren't you? Eeeh-eeh-aiiee! 321 00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:26,420 Jonny! 322 00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:28,900 I am now, but in one second I'll be ready, won't I?! 323 00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:32,140 God! 324 00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:34,180 OK. Ready now? 325 00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:35,700 ALL: Ready! 326 00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:39,060 Mazel tov. 327 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,180 Ow! 328 00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:42,220 Gotcha! Bloody hell! Martin! 329 00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,420 You lunatic! A perfect specimen! 330 00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:46,500 Right! Not playing! Oh! 331 00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:50,460 Adam! Oh, Martin! Why are you such a bloody idiot? 332 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,660 It's OK. I'll talk to him. 333 00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,340 Really? 334 00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:57,700 Isn't he wonderful? 335 00:14:57,740 --> 00:14:59,820 Hell-ooh? Oh, God. 336 00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:03,060 What do you want? Nothing. I just thought I'd come in and say hi. 337 00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,220 OK, well... Hi. 338 00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,700 All right? Oh, please, go away! 339 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,980 You know, stress probably isn't the best thing for whatever issue 340 00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,460 you may have with your rectum. 341 00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,660 Spencer, I don't have an issue with my rectum, thank you. 342 00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,740 He does. Mum! 343 00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,700 And how are your stools at the moment? Oh, my God! 344 00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:22,140 Yes, how are your stools? 345 00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,620 Mum! 346 00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,140 You all right? Please can I go home now? 347 00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:27,620 What? 348 00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,020 Mummy? 349 00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,420 Oh, look at him! 350 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:34,340 Oh, I've put so much pressure on the poor boy to play tonight. 351 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:35,940 I'm sorry, Adam. 352 00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:37,260 Thanks, Aunty. 353 00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:39,620 Why don't you play for us in here instead? 354 00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,980 What? In the kitchen. 355 00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:44,700 Much less formal, and we'll just sit in silence, I promise, 356 00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,300 and you can play in your own time. 357 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,540 Spencer? 358 00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:51,500 Yeah, Pusface, in your own time. 359 00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,220 Do it for Mummy. 360 00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:56,220 Um, do I have to sit in here as well? 361 00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,780 Bugger. 362 00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,780 So you won't start nattering? 363 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:02,220 Or suddenly tear off a piece of someone's scalp? We promise. 364 00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,460 Promise. 365 00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,700 OK... 366 00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:09,420 Oooh, bravo! 367 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,900 Right then. 368 00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:16,700 I don't believe it. PHONE RINGS 369 00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:19,220 It's Grandma. Sorry! She had a little fall. 370 00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,500 Oh, dear. A fall? 371 00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:24,980 Sadly, not into a mincer! 372 00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:27,540 Hello, Mummy? You all right? 373 00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,220 Hello, Jackie. 374 00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:32,100 Um, I've forgotten why I called you now. 375 00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:34,700 Great, so absolutely no reason to interrupt me whatsoever. 376 00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:38,540 Shh! Are you taking it easy, Mum, like the doctor said? 377 00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,180 Oh, yes, dolly. 378 00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:41,940 She should try and take it easy. 379 00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:44,460 Is that the doctor there? 380 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,820 Oh, my God! Hi, Grandma. It's Jonny. 381 00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,740 Remember you were going to come and hear Adam play his violin tonight? 382 00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:51,140 Oh, yes. 383 00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,620 Well, he's gonna play it for you right now, down the phone. 384 00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,140 You bloody shit! 385 00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,620 I'm not a bloody shit! 386 00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,580 Jonathan! Martin! 387 00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,220 Sorry, Mum... 388 00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:05,100 Go on, talk to Grandma. Uh! 389 00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,100 Hi, Grandma. It's Adam. 390 00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,900 I can't hear the violin... 391 00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,220 Yes, that's cause I haven't started yet! 392 00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,420 Er, he's starting now, Mum. 393 00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,180 OK, Dolly. 394 00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:21,300 This'll be lovely! Lovely! 395 00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:26,980 Lovely music. Please stop talking. 396 00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,340 Carry on, carry on. 397 00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,820 I am carrying on. 398 00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:33,020 What is...? CRACK 399 00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,060 CRACK I think someone's shot her! 400 00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,940 Mum? What are you doing? 401 00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,180 I'm defrosting the freezer. 402 00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,220 What? 403 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,180 Defrosting the freezer? But you've just had a bloody fall! 404 00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,420 CRACKING 405 00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:48,900 Oh, my actual God! 406 00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:52,460 I'm going outside, right now, to smash my pissy, little violin 407 00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,980 into pissy, little pieces! What? No, Adam! 408 00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:56,900 Amazing. Martin! 409 00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:59,700 Hello? You are not smashing your lovely violin. 410 00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,700 I am smashing my lovely violin. 411 00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,260 No, you are not. 412 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,300 Mum! Talk to him, Spencer! 413 00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,380 Adam, you're agitated. 414 00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,980 This is what's known as an agitated state. 415 00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,420 Oh, can't you just shut up? Sorry? 416 00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,300 You're not a bloody doctor! Adam! 417 00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:17,380 How dare you speak to my Spencer like that! 418 00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:19,940 He cheated at his exams! Everyone knows! 419 00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,220 It was never proved! It was never proved! 420 00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,740 Right! Calm down. Give me your violin. 421 00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:28,540 No! No! Get off! I want to smash it! I want to... Give it! Give it to me! 422 00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,020 I want to... Ow! Bingo! Oh, my God! 423 00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,300 Martin! 424 00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:34,820 I've got the set. The whole family's hair. OK! Goodnight! 425 00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,660 Adam. 426 00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,740 Huh? 427 00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:40,380 He's locked us out! Open the door, you pillock! 428 00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,700 Adam! Pusface! Pusface! 429 00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:44,940 What about the side door?! It's locked. 430 00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:46,900 Cause of all the, you know, brutes. 431 00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,380 Brilliant. 432 00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:54,020 Adam, I'm still here if you need me. 433 00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:57,780 Adam? Adam? 434 00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:02,100 Er, I don't think so. 435 00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,700 Eurgh. 436 00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:05,340 Gravy? 437 00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,620 No good. He must have switched it off. 438 00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,620 Fantastic. 439 00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:12,180 This is the police! We've got the place surrounded! 440 00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,260 Dad! I said, this is the police! 441 00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,780 Come out with your hands up! 442 00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:18,780 Put that bloody thing down. Jackie... 443 00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,220 Er, hello again. 444 00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:24,740 Everything all right? Oh, shit! 445 00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,940 Do piss off. 446 00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,220 This is the police. Can you open the door please? 447 00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:32,100 Yes, Dad. Very good. 448 00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:34,900 Mr Goodman, this is PC Sally Gatley. 449 00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,820 Can you open the door, please? 450 00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,140 Huh? 451 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,820 It is the police. Yes, it is the police. 452 00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:45,980 You called the police on me? What? 453 00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:47,940 I can't believe it! You ask me to play the violin, 454 00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,620 and then when I actually start playing, 455 00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:52,340 you talk all the way through, and then you call the bloody police! 456 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:54,980 We did not talk all the bloody way through. 457 00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,220 You just bloody stormed off! Yeah! 458 00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,620 One minute that stupid piece lasts. One minute! 459 00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:01,460 He was bloody rude to my son! 460 00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,500 Can you keep your voices down a little? 461 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:06,020 He was in a state of psychosis, officer. What? 462 00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:07,700 Right, and are you a doctor? 463 00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,660 That's right. Oh, my God! He's not a sodding doctor! 464 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,860 He sells shoes on eBay! Ignore him, Spencer. 465 00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:17,380 He cheated at his exams! It was never proved! 466 00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:20,580 I'll be in the car. Um. 467 00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,460 Right, well. I think this is pretty simple to sort out. 468 00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,180 You lot, stand there and be quiet. 469 00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:28,820 And you, you've got one minute. Play your violin. What? 470 00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:33,820 Yes! Well, go on. Seriously? 471 00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,820 Well? 472 00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,220 All right! Fine. Fine. 473 00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,700 Hello, all! 474 00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:40,900 Oh, Christ... 475 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,220 Have the brutes struck again? 476 00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:47,580 The brutes? No, Jim, but you're just in time for Adam's special concert. 477 00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,700 Ah! The little cello! 478 00:20:49,740 --> 00:21:01,780 Oh, yes, that's how you play it, with the stick. 479 00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:04,420 RADIO INTERRUPTS 480 00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,380 Excuse me. Copy that. 481 00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:07,580 Sorry, where are you going? 482 00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,060 There's been another break-in. But I haven't finished yet. 483 00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,380 Sorry, nice playing though. No, you don't understand, 484 00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:14,900 I've got to get to the end. Can you move out of the way please? 485 00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,260 You've got to hear the end! Can you move? 486 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,380 Someone's gonna hear the end. 487 00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:22,900 Someone's gonna hear the bloody end! Right, I'm taking that! 488 00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:25,940 What? Thank you. No! Give it! Give it back! 489 00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:30,620 OK, let's go! Stop! Thief! Thief! 490 00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,820 Brutes! 491 00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:34,940 Did you see that? 492 00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:38,100 That was my violin! They took my violin. 493 00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:39,980 Oh, Bobble. 494 00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,780 My lovely violin. 495 00:21:41,820 --> 00:21:43,420 Bad luck, Pusface! 496 00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:46,540 Aargh! My nose! 497 00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,900 My nose! 498 00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,500 He's all yours, doctor. 499 00:21:50,550 --> 00:21:55,100 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 35649

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