Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:31,840 --> 00:00:34,280
Hurry up... Ohhh! Where is he?
2
00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,920
Oh, Jonny, come away from
those curtains now, will you?
3
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,160
I'm waiting for Pusface!
4
00:00:38,200 --> 00:00:40,760
Oh, please don't be horrible to him
when he gets here.
5
00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:42,640
Sorry - DON'T be horrible to him?
6
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:44,320
You've got to see this, Jackie.
7
00:00:44,360 --> 00:00:47,760
It's amazing. Just amazing!
8
00:00:47,800 --> 00:00:50,720
Um... Martin, are you planning on
helping tonight,
9
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,440
or are you just going to spend
all evening
10
00:00:52,480 --> 00:00:54,200
peering through that
stupid telescope?
11
00:00:54,240 --> 00:00:56,880
Telescope?!
It's a microscope, Jackie.
12
00:00:56,920 --> 00:00:59,600
A micro-bloody-scope! All right!
13
00:00:59,640 --> 00:01:01,520
What are you looking at anyway?
What?
14
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:05,040
What are you looking at?
Hair. Hair? Hair!
15
00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:06,800
JONNY GIGGLES
He's here...!
16
00:01:06,840 --> 00:01:08,240
With his violin?
17
00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:09,840
Oh, yes!
18
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:11,520
THEY BOTH GIGGLE
19
00:01:11,560 --> 00:01:14,880
Oh, don't be horrible!
Martin - he's got his violin!
20
00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:21,280
This hair is from my armpit.
21
00:01:21,320 --> 00:01:24,000
Ladies and gentlemen!
The worst violinist in the world...
22
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,280
Mr Adam Goodman!
23
00:01:26,320 --> 00:01:28,200
Jonny! Ha! Good, innit?
24
00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:29,520
What the hell was that?!
25
00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:32,200
He just bloody deafened me,
the dick.
26
00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:34,000
Isn't it cool? A megaphone?
27
00:01:34,040 --> 00:01:36,280
Yeah, I found it
when we were clearing out a flat.
28
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,480
Welcome home, Pusface! Jesus!
29
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,080
Ow! Stupid berks.
30
00:01:41,120 --> 00:01:43,040
Serves you right. Here.
31
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:44,640
Are you OK, Bobble?
32
00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:47,240
Him OK?
Hands up! This is the police!
33
00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:49,080
I've always wanted to do that.
34
00:01:49,120 --> 00:01:50,520
Right. Thank you.
35
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:56,000
Oh, Bobble, you look so cute
with your little violin!
36
00:01:56,040 --> 00:01:57,520
Mum...!
37
00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:00,520
Do I really have to play this
stupid thing for Grandma tonight?
38
00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:01,880
Eee! Eee! Aiee!
39
00:02:01,920 --> 00:02:05,200
Yes. I haven't played for, like,
12 years.
40
00:02:05,240 --> 00:02:09,160
I know, but she's been asking for so
long, and it'll make her so happy.
41
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,720
God. Where is Grandma?
42
00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:13,760
Oh, she's...
Out making a porn video.
43
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:15,480
Martin! That's disgusting!
44
00:02:15,520 --> 00:02:18,040
Dad... Porn video!
HE LAUGHS
45
00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:21,280
Right. Just go in there and...
46
00:02:21,320 --> 00:02:22,480
eat your telescope.
47
00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:24,880
Microscope, Jackie. Microscope!
48
00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:26,240
Ugh... Microscope?
49
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:27,360
Don't ask.
50
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:28,920
He's been looking at hair.
51
00:02:28,960 --> 00:02:31,800
Hair? Hair! All right!
52
00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:33,520
What is wrong with him?
53
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,560
Have you got a year? Or 12.
54
00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:39,880
Where is Grandma? She was meant to
be getting a cab here.
55
00:02:39,920 --> 00:02:42,200
You seen my phone? Uh-uh!
56
00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:43,920
I really don't want to do this
tonight.
57
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,520
Oh, Bobble...
58
00:02:45,560 --> 00:02:46,720
Agh! God!
59
00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:48,800
Boys! Where is it?
60
00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:51,200
I hated playing the violin.
You did not.
61
00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,000
You used to love playing to me
and Grandma
62
00:02:54,040 --> 00:02:55,880
and all my friends
when you were little.
63
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:58,280
Oh, it was so beautiful.
64
00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:00,800
Yes, the beautiful sound
of strangled horses.
65
00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:02,480
And in it goes again. Jesus!
66
00:03:02,520 --> 00:03:05,680
Boys! Sorry, but whenever
I played for you and your friends,
67
00:03:05,720 --> 00:03:08,840
I could never finish a bloody piece,
you'd all just sit there nattering.
68
00:03:08,880 --> 00:03:11,040
We did not natter. Er, excuse me?
69
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:12,760
I think you're forgetting
Auntie Val.
70
00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:14,880
The world's number one natterer?
Oh, shut up.
71
00:03:14,920 --> 00:03:18,480
Then Dad would just stand there...
LOUD BURP
72
00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:20,840
Doing that. Charming, Martin.
73
00:03:20,880 --> 00:03:23,440
Aye carumba!
Anyone want to see a leg hair?
74
00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,800
Tempting. You shouldn't be nasty
about Auntie Val.
75
00:03:25,840 --> 00:03:28,960
She's going through a very difficult
time at the moment. Good.
76
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,360
Stop it! It's a horrible divorce.
77
00:03:31,400 --> 00:03:33,640
I don't know how she'd have coped
without her Spencer.
78
00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:34,880
Spencer the weirdo.
79
00:03:34,920 --> 00:03:36,560
Val's son is not a weirdo!
80
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,800
Val's son is a weirdo.
81
00:03:38,840 --> 00:03:40,400
Mum, he talks like he's a doctor.
82
00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:41,560
He does not.
83
00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:42,720
"Oh, you have a headache?
84
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,600
"Well, I'm afraid we're going to
have to amputate your arse."
85
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,200
Not funny.
86
00:03:47,240 --> 00:03:50,240
And anyway, Spencer very nearly
became a doctor, thank you.
87
00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:52,000
"Very nearly became a doctor".
88
00:03:52,040 --> 00:03:54,600
AS COUGHS: Failed his exams.
Caught cheating.
89
00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,560
It was never proved! Horrible. He's
very sensitive about that actually.
90
00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:01,520
Well, maybe he should see
a doctor then. Mmmm.
91
00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,120
Oh, there it is!
92
00:04:03,160 --> 00:04:07,520
Martin, I told you to move
your telescope crap out of here.
93
00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:09,960
It's not a shitting telescope!
94
00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,800
Oh - text from Grandma.
This'll be good.
95
00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:20,680
"Are you in your house house
I am in my house house thank you."
96
00:04:20,720 --> 00:04:22,880
What don't you understand?
97
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,880
"Then I had a fall." A fall?!
98
00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:28,520
She had a fall...?
Oh, my God, I hope she's all right.
99
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:30,280
Jonny, get your dad.
SHOUTS: Dad!
100
00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,840
Jonathan! What?
101
00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:34,560
Grandma had a fall.
102
00:04:34,600 --> 00:04:36,920
Another fall?
How many falls has that woman had?
103
00:04:36,960 --> 00:04:38,880
A thousand? Stop it.
104
00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:40,560
Luckily they've all been small ones.
105
00:04:40,600 --> 00:04:42,600
All she needs is one big one.
106
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,920
Hello, Mummy? Are you all right?
107
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:48,680
Please be bed-ridden, so I don't
have to play you my stupid violin.
108
00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:50,680
And now it's my turn. Huh?
109
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,720
HE YELPS
110
00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:56,800
But she's OK though, yeah?
Thank God.
111
00:04:56,840 --> 00:04:58,680
She said she just wants to
stay in bed and rest.
112
00:04:58,720 --> 00:05:00,520
I mean, I've offered
to send your dad round.
113
00:05:00,560 --> 00:05:02,520
To hit her on the head with a pole.
114
00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:03,800
Ohhh!
115
00:05:03,840 --> 00:05:05,600
Poor old Grandma.
116
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:06,960
So she's really not coming?
117
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,680
I know. And she doesn't want us
to go to hers?
118
00:05:09,720 --> 00:05:12,240
What can I do?
119
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,000
# Joy of joy! King of kings!
120
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,600
? I don't have to play
my stupid violin! ?
121
00:05:16,640 --> 00:05:19,000
Ohhhhh! My shitting thorax!
122
00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,520
Sorry, Dad. No. Good shot, Bobble.
123
00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:23,680
Anyway, if you won't play for
your grandma,
124
00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,520
you can play for your mummy.
Er, no.
125
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:30,280
What? You won't play the violin
for your own mother?
126
00:05:30,320 --> 00:05:32,960
Yes, you won't play the violin
for your own wonderful mother?
127
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:35,200
Shut up. Oh! Martin, say something.
128
00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,560
Follicles. Great.
129
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:41,160
I can't believe you're refusing to
play for me tonight.
130
00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:43,680
Yes. Isn't he a shit?
131
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:48,400
Oi! Pissface.
132
00:05:48,440 --> 00:05:51,400
Val... Auntie Val...
133
00:05:51,440 --> 00:05:56,160
Why don't you come here later?
134
00:05:56,200 --> 00:06:01,520
Adam would love to play his violin
to cheer you up.
135
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:03,360
Kiss kiss.
136
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:08,200
Oh, Jonnyboo, please tell your
horrible brother to play for me.
137
00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:13,920
OK.
PHONE CHIRPS
138
00:06:13,960 --> 00:06:17,880
"Would love to see Adam play
tonight. Can I bring Spencer?"
139
00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:20,000
Spencer?! Of course!
140
00:06:20,040 --> 00:06:25,720
And Adam may need Spencer's advice
as he has
141
00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:28,280
a bad bottom.
142
00:06:28,320 --> 00:06:32,200
Bad bottom. I'm a genius.
143
00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:33,760
Genius.
144
00:06:33,800 --> 00:06:35,200
Urgh!
145
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:39,400
Gravy.
146
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:41,880
Huh! You've got to see this one.
147
00:06:41,920 --> 00:06:43,920
Oh, do you have to do that
at the table?
148
00:06:43,960 --> 00:06:45,360
It's from my nostril.
149
00:06:45,400 --> 00:06:47,360
Dad, a hair from your nostril?
150
00:06:47,400 --> 00:06:49,440
Yeah, but magnified 500 times.
151
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,000
Ooh, can I have a look?
152
00:06:51,040 --> 00:06:52,240
Stupid penis.
153
00:06:52,280 --> 00:06:55,440
How lovely.
154
00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:58,600
Nice? God, I think
this nose hair's got nits.
155
00:06:58,640 --> 00:07:02,240
Right, enough of your
disgustingness tonight, thank you.
156
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:09,480
But Jackie! I...
Oh! Bloody Nazi dictatorship.
157
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,040
Hello, Mrs Hitler!
158
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:16,000
God! Dad!
159
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:21,000
Just eat your bloody food, will you?
160
00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:24,000
You've got one of my hairs here.
161
00:07:24,040 --> 00:07:25,920
What? Oh, yeah.
162
00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:27,520
That hair's from your head.
163
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,960
Right. As opposed to hair you've got
from other parts of Mum's body?
164
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,040
Thanks for that, Adam.
165
00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:34,640
No, I've only got your mum's
head hair. Head hair.
166
00:07:34,680 --> 00:07:36,640
Freshly picked last night.
167
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:38,840
Picked?
What? Directly from Mum's head?
168
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:40,080
Yes, while she was sleeping.
169
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,520
While I was sleeping?
Well, that's not sinister.
170
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:45,000
I wanted a fresh specimen, didn't I?
171
00:07:45,040 --> 00:07:47,560
I'm trying to get samples of
all the family's hair.
172
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,360
Said mass-murderer,
Martin Goodman, today in court.
173
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,720
Martin?
174
00:07:51,760 --> 00:07:53,920
What? Don't touch my hair again.
175
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:57,120
Hmm? Christ!
176
00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,800
He's not touching my hair.
177
00:07:59,840 --> 00:08:02,200
HE LAUGHS EVILLY
178
00:08:02,240 --> 00:08:04,280
DOORBELL RINGS
Can you get it?
179
00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:06,920
Sure, Mum! You'll enjoy this.
180
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:09,320
Sorry? Jonny?
181
00:08:09,360 --> 00:08:11,160
JONNY HUMS HAPPILY
What do you mean?
182
00:08:11,200 --> 00:08:13,440
Hmmm...? Pissface?
183
00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,520
Here, lads...
184
00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:21,280
Hands up! This is the police!
185
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:22,920
Oh... Eh?
186
00:08:22,960 --> 00:08:24,760
Good evening.
187
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:26,400
Why don't I just...
188
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,960
put this thing down here?
189
00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:30,200
Can we, um...help you, officers?
190
00:08:30,240 --> 00:08:33,200
MUM: Who is it?
The police! Sorry.
191
00:08:33,240 --> 00:08:36,680
Tell them I'll be murdering
your father in half an hour.
192
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,240
ALL LAUGH AWKWARDLY
Yeah, er,
193
00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:40,160
sorry for disturbing your evening,
but...
194
00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,480
Then cutting his body up
in the bath!
195
00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,600
All right! Shut up, Mum!
SHE CACKLES
196
00:08:45,640 --> 00:08:48,200
We're just knocking on doors
tonight. Yeah, to let people know
197
00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,520
that someone in the road
had a burglary earlier and...
198
00:08:50,560 --> 00:08:52,000
Oh, right. A buggery?
199
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:54,080
Pardon?!
His hearing's a bit...
200
00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:57,280
There's been a buggery? No, Dad,
a burglary. They were BURGLED.
201
00:08:57,320 --> 00:08:59,960
All right! They might have been
burgled and buggered. They weren't.
202
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:02,400
Oooh, it is the police!
203
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:03,760
Yes, it is the police.
204
00:09:03,800 --> 00:09:05,160
Someone in the road was burgled.
205
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,120
I thought they said buggered.
206
00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,600
Burgled? Who?
207
00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,520
Well, we're not at liberty to say,
I'm afraid,
208
00:09:10,560 --> 00:09:12,280
but we will be patrolling
the area tonight
209
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:14,200
just to make sure
everyone's vigilant and...
210
00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:16,480
We believe the suspects
might have been scared off,
211
00:09:16,520 --> 00:09:17,720
as the owner did have a dog.
212
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,720
A dog?
213
00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:28,040
HE SLURPS AND GULPS NOISILY
214
00:09:28,080 --> 00:09:29,560
Better now, Jim?
215
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:32,360
Much better, Mummy... Jackie.
216
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:37,200
Yes...to think that my house
was broken into by...
217
00:09:37,240 --> 00:09:39,520
brutes... Brutes?
218
00:09:39,560 --> 00:09:43,640
It makes me feel all dirty.
Like I've been used as a kind of...
219
00:09:43,680 --> 00:09:45,680
la-VAT-ory.
220
00:09:45,720 --> 00:09:46,920
Er, lavatory?
221
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:48,400
I'm fine, thank you.
222
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,160
Checked everything.
All the windows, doors, locks.
223
00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:53,160
No-one's getting into
this house tonight.
224
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:55,800
How about out of this house tonight?
Yeah, can we go soon?
225
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,560
Oh, you don't want to go too soon.
226
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:00,800
What?!
Ooh! Is that a little cello?
227
00:10:00,840 --> 00:10:02,320
Um...it's my violin, Jim.
228
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:03,680
May I?
229
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:04,880
You play the violin?
230
00:10:04,920 --> 00:10:08,080
Oh, yes, Martin, I used to play
in an orchestra.
231
00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:14,000
Until Wilson left
a little something in the tuba.
232
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,960
Go on, then.
233
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:27,120
HE MUTTERS TO HIMSELF
234
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:35,160
HE WHIMPER-SINGS
AND BLOWS INTO VIOLIN
235
00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:39,840
It's a bit out of tune.
236
00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:41,320
Well, goodnight, Jim.
237
00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,000
Try not to worry about the...
you know.
238
00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,000
Brutes. Yeah.
239
00:10:46,040 --> 00:10:49,800
It's OK, Jackie, I've always got
Wilson to protect me.
240
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:53,480
Yes. Wilson?
241
00:10:53,520 --> 00:10:56,120
Wilson! Wilson!
WILSON BARKS
242
00:10:56,160 --> 00:10:58,560
Oh, what good timing! Hello, love.
243
00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:01,800
Val...? And Spencer?
244
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,680
What are they doing here...?
Well, goodbye.
245
00:11:04,720 --> 00:11:07,000
Martin! Hi, love.
246
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,720
Sorry we're a bit late. You're...?
247
00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:11,080
Well, say hello, Spencer.
248
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:13,360
Hell-ooo! Hey, Spencer.
249
00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:15,280
Isn't it great to see Spence again?
250
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:19,160
Aw, I'm so excited to hear you
play again, maestro!
251
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,880
Play again?
252
00:11:20,920 --> 00:11:22,480
Where we doing it then? In there?
253
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,520
Doing it? The concert, silly!
254
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:27,920
Are you OK, Jackie?
255
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:29,240
Concert?
256
00:11:29,280 --> 00:11:33,600
JONNY SNIGGERS
257
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,520
Jonathan!
258
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:41,360
Whenever you feel comfortable to
talk to me about your...
259
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,500
..you know.
260
00:11:47,340 --> 00:11:50,300
I don't care. I'm not playing my
bloody violin for Aunty Val.
261
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:51,980
And her weirdo son. Jonny!
262
00:11:52,020 --> 00:11:53,580
Pissface! Thank you for telling
263
00:11:53,620 --> 00:11:56,580
Dr Spencer I had an arse
problem. Anything to help.
264
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:58,260
Adam, you've got to play,
265
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:00,140
cos I invited her here to
hear you play...!
266
00:12:00,180 --> 00:12:02,460
No, you didn't...
She thinks I invited her here.
267
00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,660
Oh, Jonny...
Sorry, I'm going to kick him now...
268
00:12:04,700 --> 00:12:07,260
What?! Ow!
269
00:12:07,300 --> 00:12:10,580
Ooh! So this is what goes on
backstage!
270
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:12,300
Ah, hi, love.
271
00:12:12,340 --> 00:12:13,860
Um, Aunty, can I say something?
272
00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,460
No, can I say something?
273
00:12:15,500 --> 00:12:18,300
I want to thank you, Adam,
for offering to play for me tonight.
274
00:12:18,340 --> 00:12:20,380
You don't know how much
it means to me.
275
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,980
But... Spencer's dad has been such
a piece of shit,
276
00:12:23,020 --> 00:12:24,580
and I've been feeling so rotten.
277
00:12:24,620 --> 00:12:26,980
I was really worried about her
blood sugar levels.
278
00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:28,300
They were very low.
279
00:12:28,340 --> 00:12:36,220
No, Martin!
Wonderful to have you here, Valerie.
280
00:12:36,260 --> 00:12:37,580
Come along, Spencer.
281
00:12:37,620 --> 00:12:40,420
We don't want to miss the concert of
the year!
282
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:44,380
Martin!
283
00:12:44,420 --> 00:12:45,940
Adam?
284
00:12:45,980 --> 00:12:47,820
OK. I'll play. I'll play.
285
00:12:47,860 --> 00:12:52,620
Oh, Bobble. Bobble!
286
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:59,860
Whenever you want to talk.
287
00:12:59,900 --> 00:13:02,660
Bloody hell...
Sorry? Speak up!
288
00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,260
Ahh. I remember his little violin.
289
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:07,340
Yeah.
It's standard size actually.
290
00:13:07,380 --> 00:13:08,780
Unlike Adam! Thank you.
291
00:13:08,820 --> 00:13:09,940
Yeah, cos he's small.
292
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:11,780
Thank you again.
293
00:13:11,820 --> 00:13:14,460
Right. I'm going to play you a
piece now. It's not long.
294
00:13:14,500 --> 00:13:15,980
It lasts for about a minute.
295
00:13:16,020 --> 00:13:18,180
A minute too long!
Oh, Jonathan!
296
00:13:18,220 --> 00:13:20,420
So, I hope you can listen
and enjoy it...
297
00:13:20,460 --> 00:13:25,180
in silence.
298
00:13:25,220 --> 00:13:27,700
Get on with it!
Christ! Argh! Martin!
299
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:34,380
Right!
300
00:13:34,420 --> 00:13:35,540
You all right now?
301
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,500
You do seem quite agitated, Adam...
302
00:13:37,540 --> 00:13:39,660
I'm fine, thank you, Spencer.
303
00:13:39,700 --> 00:13:41,020
Go on, Bobble.
304
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:42,540
Yeah, go on, Pusface.
305
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:46,340
Pusface? Did he have excessive
facial secretions during puberty?
306
00:13:46,380 --> 00:13:48,780
That is why we call him that.
Should have been a doctor.
307
00:13:48,820 --> 00:13:50,740
Mum.
UNDER HIS BREATH: Caught cheating.
308
00:13:50,780 --> 00:13:53,020
Hmm? Pardon?
309
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:55,500
Right.
310
00:13:55,540 --> 00:13:57,980
HE TUNES UP
311
00:13:58,020 --> 00:13:59,740
Oooh, he's very good, isn't he?
312
00:13:59,780 --> 00:14:01,900
I'm just tuning, Aunty.
313
00:14:01,940 --> 00:14:05,780
Oh! I thought it was a
bit modern!
314
00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:07,380
So, can we talk in this bit?
315
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:10,860
Sorry? Um, Aunty wants to know
if we can talk in this bit?
316
00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:14,300
What? You mean she can't even last
ten seconds without nattering?
317
00:14:14,340 --> 00:14:18,700
You know she bleeding can't!
Martin!
318
00:14:18,740 --> 00:14:20,900
Are you actually gonna do that
while I'm playing?
319
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:22,380
Well, you're just doing your...
320
00:14:22,420 --> 00:14:25,180
Eeeh-eeh-aiiee bit now,
aren't you? Eeeh-eeh-aiiee!
321
00:14:25,220 --> 00:14:26,420
Jonny!
322
00:14:26,460 --> 00:14:28,900
I am now, but in one second I'll
be ready, won't I?!
323
00:14:28,940 --> 00:14:32,140
God!
324
00:14:32,180 --> 00:14:34,180
OK. Ready now?
325
00:14:34,220 --> 00:14:35,700
ALL: Ready!
326
00:14:35,740 --> 00:14:39,060
Mazel tov.
327
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,180
Ow!
328
00:14:40,220 --> 00:14:42,220
Gotcha!
Bloody hell! Martin!
329
00:14:42,260 --> 00:14:44,420
You lunatic!
A perfect specimen!
330
00:14:44,460 --> 00:14:46,500
Right! Not playing! Oh!
331
00:14:46,540 --> 00:14:50,460
Adam! Oh, Martin!
Why are you such a bloody idiot?
332
00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:52,660
It's OK. I'll talk to him.
333
00:14:52,700 --> 00:14:54,340
Really?
334
00:14:54,380 --> 00:14:57,700
Isn't he wonderful?
335
00:14:57,740 --> 00:14:59,820
Hell-ooh? Oh, God.
336
00:14:59,860 --> 00:15:03,060
What do you want? Nothing. I just
thought I'd come in and say hi.
337
00:15:03,100 --> 00:15:05,220
OK, well... Hi.
338
00:15:05,260 --> 00:15:07,700
All right? Oh, please, go away!
339
00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:10,980
You know, stress probably isn't
the best thing for whatever issue
340
00:15:11,020 --> 00:15:12,460
you may have with your rectum.
341
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:15,660
Spencer, I don't have an issue
with my rectum, thank you.
342
00:15:15,700 --> 00:15:17,740
He does. Mum!
343
00:15:17,780 --> 00:15:20,700
And how are your stools
at the moment? Oh, my God!
344
00:15:20,740 --> 00:15:22,140
Yes, how are your stools?
345
00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:23,620
Mum!
346
00:15:23,660 --> 00:15:26,140
You all right? Please can I go home
now?
347
00:15:26,180 --> 00:15:27,620
What?
348
00:15:27,660 --> 00:15:29,020
Mummy?
349
00:15:29,060 --> 00:15:31,420
Oh, look at him!
350
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:34,340
Oh, I've put so much pressure
on the poor boy to play tonight.
351
00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:35,940
I'm sorry, Adam.
352
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:37,260
Thanks, Aunty.
353
00:15:37,300 --> 00:15:39,620
Why don't you play for us
in here instead?
354
00:15:39,660 --> 00:15:40,980
What? In the kitchen.
355
00:15:41,020 --> 00:15:44,700
Much less formal, and we'll just
sit in silence, I promise,
356
00:15:44,740 --> 00:15:46,300
and you can play in your own time.
357
00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:47,540
Spencer?
358
00:15:47,580 --> 00:15:51,500
Yeah, Pusface, in your own time.
359
00:15:51,540 --> 00:15:53,220
Do it for Mummy.
360
00:15:53,260 --> 00:15:56,220
Um, do I have to
sit in here as well?
361
00:15:56,260 --> 00:15:57,780
Bugger.
362
00:15:57,820 --> 00:15:59,780
So you won't start nattering?
363
00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:02,220
Or suddenly tear off a piece
of someone's scalp? We promise.
364
00:16:02,260 --> 00:16:03,460
Promise.
365
00:16:03,500 --> 00:16:05,700
OK...
366
00:16:05,740 --> 00:16:09,420
Oooh, bravo!
367
00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:11,900
Right then.
368
00:16:11,940 --> 00:16:16,700
I don't believe it.
PHONE RINGS
369
00:16:16,740 --> 00:16:19,220
It's Grandma.
Sorry! She had a little fall.
370
00:16:19,260 --> 00:16:20,500
Oh, dear. A fall?
371
00:16:20,540 --> 00:16:24,980
Sadly, not into a mincer!
372
00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:27,540
Hello, Mummy? You all right?
373
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,220
Hello, Jackie.
374
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:32,100
Um, I've forgotten why I called
you now.
375
00:16:32,140 --> 00:16:34,700
Great, so absolutely no reason to
interrupt me whatsoever.
376
00:16:34,740 --> 00:16:38,540
Shh! Are you taking it easy,
Mum, like the doctor said?
377
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:40,180
Oh, yes, dolly.
378
00:16:40,220 --> 00:16:41,940
She should try and take it easy.
379
00:16:41,980 --> 00:16:44,460
Is that the doctor there?
380
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,820
Oh, my God! Hi, Grandma. It's
Jonny.
381
00:16:46,860 --> 00:16:49,740
Remember you were going to come and
hear Adam play his violin tonight?
382
00:16:49,780 --> 00:16:51,140
Oh, yes.
383
00:16:51,180 --> 00:16:53,620
Well, he's gonna play it for you
right now, down the phone.
384
00:16:53,660 --> 00:16:55,140
You bloody shit!
385
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,620
I'm not a bloody shit!
386
00:16:57,660 --> 00:16:59,580
Jonathan! Martin!
387
00:16:59,620 --> 00:17:01,220
Sorry, Mum...
388
00:17:01,260 --> 00:17:05,100
Go on, talk to Grandma. Uh!
389
00:17:05,140 --> 00:17:07,100
Hi, Grandma. It's Adam.
390
00:17:07,140 --> 00:17:08,900
I can't hear the violin...
391
00:17:08,940 --> 00:17:11,220
Yes, that's cause I haven't
started yet!
392
00:17:11,260 --> 00:17:13,420
Er, he's starting now, Mum.
393
00:17:13,460 --> 00:17:15,180
OK, Dolly.
394
00:17:15,220 --> 00:17:21,300
This'll be lovely! Lovely!
395
00:17:21,340 --> 00:17:26,980
Lovely music.
Please stop talking.
396
00:17:27,020 --> 00:17:28,340
Carry on, carry on.
397
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:30,820
I am carrying on.
398
00:17:30,860 --> 00:17:33,020
What is...?
CRACK
399
00:17:33,060 --> 00:17:35,060
CRACK
I think someone's shot her!
400
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,940
Mum? What are you doing?
401
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,180
I'm defrosting the freezer.
402
00:17:39,220 --> 00:17:41,220
What?
403
00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,180
Defrosting the freezer?
But you've just had a bloody fall!
404
00:17:44,220 --> 00:17:47,420
CRACKING
405
00:17:47,460 --> 00:17:48,900
Oh, my actual God!
406
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:52,460
I'm going outside, right now, to
smash my pissy, little violin
407
00:17:52,500 --> 00:17:54,980
into pissy, little pieces!
What? No, Adam!
408
00:17:55,020 --> 00:17:56,900
Amazing. Martin!
409
00:17:56,940 --> 00:17:59,700
Hello? You are not smashing your
lovely violin.
410
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,700
I am smashing my lovely violin.
411
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,260
No, you are not.
412
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:05,300
Mum!
Talk to him, Spencer!
413
00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:07,380
Adam, you're agitated.
414
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,980
This is what's known as an
agitated state.
415
00:18:10,020 --> 00:18:12,420
Oh, can't you just shut up?
Sorry?
416
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,300
You're not a bloody doctor!
Adam!
417
00:18:15,340 --> 00:18:17,380
How dare you speak
to my Spencer like that!
418
00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:19,940
He cheated at his exams!
Everyone knows!
419
00:18:19,980 --> 00:18:22,220
It was never proved!
It was never proved!
420
00:18:22,260 --> 00:18:24,740
Right!
Calm down. Give me your violin.
421
00:18:24,780 --> 00:18:28,540
No! No! Get off! I want to smash it!
I want to... Give it! Give it to me!
422
00:18:28,580 --> 00:18:30,020
I want to... Ow! Bingo! Oh, my God!
423
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:31,300
Martin!
424
00:18:31,340 --> 00:18:34,820
I've got the set. The whole
family's hair. OK! Goodnight!
425
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,660
Adam.
426
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:37,740
Huh?
427
00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:40,380
He's locked us out!
Open the door, you pillock!
428
00:18:40,420 --> 00:18:42,700
Adam!
Pusface! Pusface!
429
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:44,940
What about the side door?!
It's locked.
430
00:18:44,980 --> 00:18:46,900
Cause of all the, you know,
brutes.
431
00:18:46,940 --> 00:18:49,380
Brilliant.
432
00:18:49,420 --> 00:18:54,020
Adam, I'm still here if you
need me.
433
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:57,780
Adam? Adam?
434
00:18:57,820 --> 00:19:02,100
Er, I don't think so.
435
00:19:02,140 --> 00:19:03,700
Eurgh.
436
00:19:03,740 --> 00:19:05,340
Gravy?
437
00:19:05,380 --> 00:19:07,620
No good. He must have switched it
off.
438
00:19:07,660 --> 00:19:09,620
Fantastic.
439
00:19:09,660 --> 00:19:12,180
This is the police! We've
got the place surrounded!
440
00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,260
Dad! I said, this is the police!
441
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:15,780
Come out with your hands up!
442
00:19:15,820 --> 00:19:18,780
Put that bloody thing down.
Jackie...
443
00:19:18,820 --> 00:19:20,220
Er, hello again.
444
00:19:20,260 --> 00:19:24,740
Everything all right?
Oh, shit!
445
00:19:24,780 --> 00:19:26,940
Do piss off.
446
00:19:26,980 --> 00:19:29,220
This is the police.
Can you open the door please?
447
00:19:29,260 --> 00:19:32,100
Yes, Dad. Very good.
448
00:19:32,140 --> 00:19:34,900
Mr Goodman, this is PC Sally Gatley.
449
00:19:34,940 --> 00:19:36,820
Can you open the door, please?
450
00:19:36,860 --> 00:19:41,140
Huh?
451
00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,820
It is the police.
Yes, it is the police.
452
00:19:43,860 --> 00:19:45,980
You called the police on me?
What?
453
00:19:46,020 --> 00:19:47,940
I can't believe it! You ask me to
play the violin,
454
00:19:47,980 --> 00:19:49,620
and then when I actually start
playing,
455
00:19:49,660 --> 00:19:52,340
you talk all the way through,
and then you call the bloody police!
456
00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:54,980
We did not talk all
the bloody way through.
457
00:19:55,020 --> 00:19:57,220
You just bloody stormed off!
Yeah!
458
00:19:57,260 --> 00:19:59,620
One minute that stupid piece
lasts. One minute!
459
00:19:59,660 --> 00:20:01,460
He was bloody rude to my son!
460
00:20:01,500 --> 00:20:03,500
Can you keep your voices
down a little?
461
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:06,020
He was in a state of psychosis,
officer. What?
462
00:20:06,060 --> 00:20:07,700
Right, and are you a doctor?
463
00:20:07,740 --> 00:20:10,660
That's right. Oh, my God!
He's not a sodding doctor!
464
00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,860
He sells shoes on eBay!
Ignore him, Spencer.
465
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:17,380
He cheated at his exams!
It was never proved!
466
00:20:17,420 --> 00:20:20,580
I'll be in the car.
Um.
467
00:20:20,620 --> 00:20:23,460
Right, well. I think this is pretty
simple to sort out.
468
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,180
You lot, stand there and be quiet.
469
00:20:26,220 --> 00:20:28,820
And you, you've got one minute.
Play your violin. What?
470
00:20:28,860 --> 00:20:33,820
Yes! Well, go on.
Seriously?
471
00:20:33,860 --> 00:20:35,820
Well?
472
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:38,220
All right! Fine. Fine.
473
00:20:38,260 --> 00:20:39,700
Hello, all!
474
00:20:39,740 --> 00:20:40,900
Oh, Christ...
475
00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:43,220
Have the brutes struck again?
476
00:20:43,260 --> 00:20:47,580
The brutes? No, Jim, but you're just
in time for Adam's special concert.
477
00:20:47,620 --> 00:20:49,700
Ah! The little cello!
478
00:20:49,740 --> 00:21:01,780
Oh, yes, that's how you play it,
with the stick.
479
00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:04,420
RADIO INTERRUPTS
480
00:21:04,460 --> 00:21:06,380
Excuse me. Copy that.
481
00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:07,580
Sorry, where are you going?
482
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,060
There's been another break-in.
But I haven't finished yet.
483
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,380
Sorry, nice playing though.
No, you don't understand,
484
00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:14,900
I've got to get to the end.
Can you move out of the way please?
485
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:17,260
You've got to hear the end!
Can you move?
486
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,380
Someone's gonna hear the end.
487
00:21:19,420 --> 00:21:22,900
Someone's gonna hear the bloody
end! Right, I'm taking that!
488
00:21:22,940 --> 00:21:25,940
What? Thank you.
No! Give it! Give it back!
489
00:21:25,980 --> 00:21:30,620
OK, let's go! Stop! Thief! Thief!
490
00:21:30,660 --> 00:21:32,820
Brutes!
491
00:21:32,860 --> 00:21:34,940
Did you see that?
492
00:21:34,980 --> 00:21:38,100
That was my violin!
They took my violin.
493
00:21:38,140 --> 00:21:39,980
Oh, Bobble.
494
00:21:40,020 --> 00:21:41,780
My lovely violin.
495
00:21:41,820 --> 00:21:43,420
Bad luck, Pusface!
496
00:21:43,460 --> 00:21:46,540
Aargh! My nose!
497
00:21:46,580 --> 00:21:47,900
My nose!
498
00:21:47,940 --> 00:21:50,500
He's all yours, doctor.
499
00:21:50,550 --> 00:21:55,100
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
35649
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.