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This programme contains adult humour.
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00:00:35,439 --> 00:00:37,560
Hooray, my hero!
3
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Mwah, mwah, mwah. Hey, Mum.
4
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,640
Congratulations, bambino.
5
00:00:43,679 --> 00:00:47,399
What do you think? Hmm...
Oh, bobble, I'm so proud.
6
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:50,520
Has your favourite son
ever let you down? Is that it?
7
00:00:50,560 --> 00:00:51,640
Yep.
8
00:00:51,679 --> 00:00:53,560
Go on, show me, show me.
9
00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:57,600
It's not the best-looking award,
but...
10
00:00:57,679 --> 00:00:59,640
Christ! Martin!
11
00:00:59,679 --> 00:01:02,520
Oh, it's beautiful. Really?
12
00:01:02,560 --> 00:01:05,200
What is it?
It's meant to be an ear on legs.
13
00:01:05,239 --> 00:01:08,280
An ear on legs?
You know, music award, an ear.
14
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,280
I thought it was some kind
of tumour. Thanks(!)
15
00:01:11,319 --> 00:01:12,676
You won that for shaving foam?
16
00:01:12,876 --> 00:01:15,319
Writing the music for an advert
for shaving foam, yes.
17
00:01:16,039 --> 00:01:19,359
Your first award!
Shaving foam for ears?
18
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:22,120
What?
Martin, go and get the champagne.
19
00:01:22,159 --> 00:01:24,102
The proper stuff or the cheap stuff?
Thank you!
20
00:01:24,301 --> 00:01:26,159
The proper stuff.
It's 90p a gulp! Go away.
21
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90-bloody-p!
I want to show you something. Oh!
22
00:01:31,159 --> 00:01:35,159
Hello, dolly. Hi, Grandma.
Are you all right now, Mum? Yeah.
23
00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,439
Mazel tov
on your shaving foam award!
24
00:01:38,479 --> 00:01:39,599
Thanks.
25
00:01:39,640 --> 00:01:42,599
Oh, dear.
I think I need the loo again.
26
00:01:42,640 --> 00:01:44,759
Tummy. Right.
27
00:01:44,799 --> 00:01:48,799
Oh, an ovary!
28
00:01:52,439 --> 00:01:55,960
Ta-da! What do you think?
It looks amazing, Mum.
29
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I've made your favourite meal
in the whole wide world.
30
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Beef? Yeah, and profiteroles.
31
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,640
Yes! Not on the same plate, though?
32
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No, all mushed up in a bucket!
33
00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:10,280
Now, where's that bowl?
Oh, I'm so proud of you, bobble.
34
00:02:11,680 --> 00:02:14,879
What are you...
Dad made that, did he?
35
00:02:14,919 --> 00:02:17,599
How did you guess? And the rabbits?
36
00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:19,840
Yeah, I wondered about them.
37
00:02:19,879 --> 00:02:23,639
Martin, what are the...
It's actually 93p a gulp.
38
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:25,920
Maths. What are all the rabbits?
39
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,960
Cos he used to keep rabbits.
No, I didn't.
40
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:30,770
No, he didn't.
No, I used to keep rabbits.
41
00:02:30,969 --> 00:02:33,000
So easy to confuse yourself
with your own son.
42
00:02:34,319 --> 00:02:35,346
I don't remember them much,
43
00:02:35,545 --> 00:02:38,319
but one of them went under a lorry and
my mother cooked it with potatoes.
44
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Flopsy.
DOORBELL RINGS
45
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:46,000
Oh, Jonny-boo's back from America.
Oh, oh!
46
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It tasted of road.
47
00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,360
♪ From Las Vegas to London... ♪
48
00:02:52,400 --> 00:02:54,840
Hi, Mum. These are for you.
49
00:02:54,879 --> 00:02:57,079
Oh, they're gorgeous! Come in.
50
00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,080
All right, Pissface?
Bambino. Come in then.
51
00:03:00,120 --> 00:03:03,599
Um...I'd like you to meet someone.
52
00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:07,639
♪ She steps out of the moonlight! ♪
53
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GIGGLES
Oh, hello.
54
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:13,520
Hi there. I'm Lisa.
Yeah, this is Lisa.
55
00:03:13,560 --> 00:03:15,400
Hi, Lisa. Hi.
56
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:17,439
We met in Vegas and...
57
00:03:17,479 --> 00:03:21,479
Well...
THEY LAUGH
58
00:03:23,079 --> 00:03:25,439
I'm not a stripper.
59
00:03:25,479 --> 00:03:27,879
Who is she? Not a stripper.
60
00:03:27,920 --> 00:03:30,360
Um...do come in.
61
00:03:30,400 --> 00:03:34,400
I hope you don't mind me crashing
your whole...get-together thing.
62
00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:38,719
I'm sorry? Is it OK
if Lisa eats with us tonight?
63
00:03:38,759 --> 00:03:42,159
What? Oh, of course.
There's more than enough to go round.
64
00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:44,800
Thanks. Cool house.
65
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,240
So, are you Jonny's female?
66
00:03:47,280 --> 00:03:50,439
His...? Female.
Wait. How did you know?
67
00:03:50,479 --> 00:03:53,319
How do we know what? That's for Adam.
68
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,319
That we got married.
69
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,120
What?
70
00:03:57,159 --> 00:04:00,120
Married? Um...
They're married? Married?
71
00:04:00,159 --> 00:04:04,159
Did you just say you got married?
Someone get married? Hi, Grandma.
72
00:04:04,360 --> 00:04:08,360
Shall we go through? You got married
and you didn't tell your mother?
73
00:04:08,879 --> 00:04:11,800
We were going to tell you later.
Later?
74
00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:15,000
Yeah, well, you know,
it was Vegas and...
75
00:04:15,039 --> 00:04:17,399
THEY GIGGLE
76
00:04:17,439 --> 00:04:21,439
GRANDMA LAUGHS LOUDLY
77
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Mum!
78
00:04:23,639 --> 00:04:27,639
Kind of like you said,
only this bit took way longer.
79
00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:30,680
Will you let us in, please? Mum!
80
00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:34,720
What do you mean, you got married?
I'm Adam, your new brother-in-law.
81
00:04:35,199 --> 00:04:38,040
Hi. Well, do you understand
the word "married"?
82
00:04:38,079 --> 00:04:41,959
I thought you were on a stag
weekend. I was, then this happened.
83
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,759
"This." Oh, what a romantic(!)
84
00:04:44,800 --> 00:04:48,800
Oi! What the hell are you doing, getting
married without telling your mother?
85
00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,187
She's not my mother. Sorry,
I don't know why I was looking at you.
86
00:04:52,387 --> 00:04:56,196
What the hell are you doing, getting
married without telling your mother?
87
00:04:56,396 --> 00:04:58,639
I don't have to tell Mum everything.
You do. He does. Thanks.
88
00:05:00,959 --> 00:05:02,271
Now I'm in trouble! For what?
89
00:05:02,471 --> 00:05:04,959
Apparently, I should know
everything my son gets up to.
90
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,639
Why don't you tell me
everything you get up to?
91
00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,800
Maybe I should go sit in the car.
Good idea. OK.
92
00:05:11,079 --> 00:05:14,720
I won't be long, babe.
93
00:05:14,759 --> 00:05:18,199
I must say,
married life looks fun!
94
00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:19,240
Oh!
95
00:05:19,279 --> 00:05:20,976
Thanks a lot, Jonathan!
Oh, this is ridiculous.
96
00:05:21,177 --> 00:05:23,279
Come on, Jackie.
How could you do this to me? Do what?
97
00:05:25,160 --> 00:05:27,245
He's so thoughtless. Shut up!
Never thinks of his mother.
98
00:05:27,446 --> 00:05:29,160
Seriously!
It was a spur-of-the-moment thing.
99
00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:32,663
You don't say?
I met her the night before.
100
00:05:32,862 --> 00:05:35,040
The night before?!
You'd known her for one night? Sex.
101
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:38,096
Thank you, Martin.
Plus the morning. Sex.
102
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:40,480
Seriously! We got to know
each other pretty well. Sex!
103
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:44,439
Martin, please stop saying "sex"!
104
00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:48,480
Hello, everyone. Mum, we had
a tiny ceremony. It was just us.
105
00:05:48,519 --> 00:05:52,519
It was quite funny. There was
this guy dressed just like Elvis.
106
00:05:52,639 --> 00:05:54,600
You got married by an Elvis?
107
00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:57,759
♪ I'll pronounce you
man and wife, oh-ho-ho... ♪
108
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SHRIEKS WITH LAUGHTER
109
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Do it again!
110
00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:13,800
Do you think we should maybe, like,
go to the pub or something?
111
00:06:14,759 --> 00:06:17,759
Don't worry. She'll let us in soon.
In about a week.
112
00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:21,279
I've never been to a real
British pub. Then you'd love ours.
113
00:06:21,319 --> 00:06:24,240
It's really real.
Free stabbing with every pint.
114
00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,399
SNORES
115
00:06:26,439 --> 00:06:27,920
Fantastic.
116
00:06:27,959 --> 00:06:30,160
Jonny, do you shave your ears?
117
00:06:30,199 --> 00:06:34,000
What? We were meant
to be celebrating my award.
118
00:06:34,040 --> 00:06:37,560
Oh, shit! What's she doing here?
119
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,120
Huh? Auntie Val. Oh, bloody Val!
120
00:06:41,159 --> 00:06:44,199
Am I in my bed? Who's Val? Hide!
121
00:06:44,240 --> 00:06:46,879
Just a very reasonable lady.
122
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Out!
123
00:06:48,439 --> 00:06:51,399
Oh! Go on, Jonathan.
124
00:06:51,439 --> 00:06:52,586
Agh! You're hurting me. Get off!
125
00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:55,439
How could you do such a thing to your
mother? I didn't do anything to her.
126
00:06:57,879 --> 00:07:00,839
Your husband's very brave. Ow!
127
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:04,879
You're going to apologise to her
right now. No, I am not.
128
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:09,120
Well?
129
00:07:10,319 --> 00:07:13,879
Sorry I got married
without telling you, Mum.
130
00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:17,920
Thank you, Val. Jackie.
131
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,160
Where are you going?
132
00:07:20,199 --> 00:07:21,720
Mum!
133
00:07:21,759 --> 00:07:24,560
Good evening again, Lisa.
134
00:07:24,600 --> 00:07:28,600
Why don't you come in?
135
00:07:29,439 --> 00:07:33,159
And here's the place
we tied the knot.
136
00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:35,079
Lovely.
137
00:07:35,120 --> 00:07:37,519
There's Jonny. There's me.
138
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:39,800
Why are you wearing a cowboy hat?
139
00:07:39,840 --> 00:07:41,800
Cos it's Vegas. Prat.
140
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:44,639
Prat. Hey, careful now.
I was a cowgirl.
141
00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:47,600
Oh, yes, a cowgirl bride.
142
00:07:47,639 --> 00:07:50,040
Lovely. Really lovely.
143
00:07:50,079 --> 00:07:52,920
Um...cheers, everyone.
144
00:07:52,959 --> 00:07:56,279
ALL:
Cheers!
145
00:07:56,319 --> 00:07:58,519
That's £4.65.
146
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,120
Sorry? Nothing.
147
00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:05,160
So, my dear, which part of France
are you from? France?
148
00:08:06,439 --> 00:08:09,040
France? Grandma...
Mum, she's American.
149
00:08:09,079 --> 00:08:11,800
Is she? She sounds French.
150
00:08:11,839 --> 00:08:15,839
Merci, madame. You know, dolly,
I've never been to America.
151
00:08:17,040 --> 00:08:19,839
But I've been with an American.
152
00:08:19,879 --> 00:08:21,639
Mum! Oh, God!
153
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,240
And where are you from
in the US of A?
154
00:08:25,279 --> 00:08:28,120
US of A... She's from Los Angeles.
San Francisco.
155
00:08:28,160 --> 00:08:32,159
Really? Yeah. Jonathan Goodman, you
don't know where your own wife's from?
156
00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:36,559
Excuse me, I just need
to check on the dinner.
157
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:40,600
I just need to check on the bottle.
More champagne? Always. Nut?
158
00:08:41,240 --> 00:08:43,679
Oh! Oh!
159
00:08:43,720 --> 00:08:46,960
Well, what do you think
of my wife now?
160
00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:50,720
All my friends
with their lovely daughters. What?
161
00:08:50,759 --> 00:08:54,519
All those lovely girls and you marry
the first one you meet in a casino!
162
00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:57,279
I see.
I didn't meet her in a casino.
163
00:08:57,320 --> 00:09:01,240
Yeah? Where did you meet her? All
right, I did meet her in a casino.
164
00:09:01,279 --> 00:09:03,274
What's wrong with Carol's daughter?
Or Sue's daughter?
165
00:09:03,474 --> 00:09:05,279
The tiny one with the terrifying face?
Jonathan!
166
00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:10,679
Having fun? Mum wanted me to marry
Sue's daughter. Pocket Dracula?
167
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:14,360
You're horrible! It's OK, Mum.
I get it. You don't like my wife.
168
00:09:14,399 --> 00:09:18,279
How can I not like your wife? I don't
even know her. Do you even know her?
169
00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:20,960
Yes, thank you.
I know my wife very well.
170
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,841
Sex. Adam!
Do you know one thing about your wife?
171
00:09:23,042 --> 00:09:25,000
Apart from her being French.
Shut up! Course I do.
172
00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:29,799
Go on. What? Tell us one thing
about your wife. Yeah.
173
00:09:29,840 --> 00:09:31,960
OK.
174
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:36,000
We're waiting. I'm thinking.
175
00:09:37,399 --> 00:09:41,320
She likes apples.
Apples? Yeah, she likes apples.
176
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:45,159
That's what you know? She likes
apples? That's HER birthday sorted.
177
00:09:45,200 --> 00:09:48,080
Lovely girl, Jon-Jon.
Thank you, Grandma.
178
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,442
At least someone's happy for me.
179
00:09:49,642 --> 00:09:52,120
Mum, you're meant to be angry
with your grandson. Am I? Yes.
180
00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,360
I'm very angry with you!
181
00:09:55,399 --> 00:09:57,919
Me? Not him. Jonny. What?
182
00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:01,039
DOORBELL RINGS
Oh, who's that? Coming!
183
00:10:01,080 --> 00:10:02,519
Apple?
184
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:05,039
Ugh! Stop it!
185
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:09,080
Hello, Jackie.
Something smells nice. Oh, hi, Jim.
186
00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,919
Sorry, it's really not a good...
187
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,960
Just popped round to give you
a letter which was addressed to you,
188
00:10:16,200 --> 00:10:19,000
but delivered to me by mistake.
189
00:10:19,039 --> 00:10:22,120
Oh, OK, thanks. Electricity bill.
190
00:10:22,159 --> 00:10:24,519
Right.
191
00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:28,559
Are you going to give it to me?
Yes, of course, Jackie.
192
00:10:28,919 --> 00:10:32,919
CRUNCHING SOUND
193
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:36,240
For safety.
194
00:10:36,279 --> 00:10:38,279
Here, there...
195
00:10:38,320 --> 00:10:40,320
Um...thank you.
196
00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:44,279
Oh, Jackie, you remembered! What?
197
00:10:44,320 --> 00:10:48,320
"Congratulations."
I knew you'd remember.
198
00:10:49,080 --> 00:10:50,639
Jim!
199
00:10:50,679 --> 00:10:52,960
It's my birthday.
200
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:55,399
You remembered my birthday today.
201
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,000
Your birthday? Friends...
202
00:10:58,039 --> 00:11:01,056
Will you all join Wilson and me later
for a special birthday drink in the pub?
203
00:11:01,255 --> 00:11:02,039
Thanks, Jim, but...
204
00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:09,120
Did someone say "pub"?
205
00:11:09,240 --> 00:11:12,440
It's an American lady.
Yes, Jim, that's...
206
00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,600
Jonny's extremely new wife. Thanks.
207
00:11:14,639 --> 00:11:17,200
Wife? I had no idea.
208
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:19,919
How long have you been married?
209
00:11:19,960 --> 00:11:21,883
Do you want the answer
in hours or minutes?
210
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,960
Where will you two
lovebirds be nesting?
211
00:11:25,879 --> 00:11:28,519
The United States.
212
00:11:28,559 --> 00:11:30,960
The United States?
213
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,399
Of...England.
214
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,799
The United States?
Well, see you all in the pub.
215
00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:41,840
Bye-bye! Or as you say
in your fair land, yee-ha!
216
00:11:43,840 --> 00:11:45,519
Oh!
217
00:11:45,559 --> 00:11:49,559
Come on, Wilson. Good boy.
218
00:11:51,360 --> 00:11:54,279
We were going to tell you later.
219
00:11:54,320 --> 00:11:55,879
Honest.
220
00:11:55,919 --> 00:11:57,759
Mum!
221
00:11:57,799 --> 00:12:01,080
She definitely likes me(!)
222
00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,500
LOUD TOOT
223
00:12:04,299 --> 00:12:06,379
How could he do this to us?
224
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:08,779
I know, dolly, I know.
225
00:12:08,820 --> 00:12:12,820
What do you think, Martin?
I think that bin really pongs.
226
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,740
Maybe you should talk to him.
You are his father.
227
00:12:16,779 --> 00:12:19,259
Pardon? Definitely heard that.
228
00:12:19,299 --> 00:12:21,580
America, it's just so... Large.
229
00:12:21,620 --> 00:12:24,340
Far. But not if you're in America.
230
00:12:24,379 --> 00:12:26,860
MARTIN LAUGHS
231
00:12:26,899 --> 00:12:30,899
Yeah, I'll do the bin. Jacqueline,
she does seem a nice girl.
232
00:12:31,659 --> 00:12:34,779
Maybe you should give her a chance
a little.
233
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:37,318
It'll be quite nice to
have my celebration dinner
234
00:12:37,519 --> 00:12:38,820
at some point this year.
235
00:12:40,220 --> 00:12:44,220
Remember, we can never choose
who our children marry. A-ha!
236
00:12:45,740 --> 00:12:49,740
There's the sod. Rotting liver!
237
00:12:58,820 --> 00:13:01,259
Lovely to see you again, Lisa.
238
00:13:01,299 --> 00:13:05,299
Why don't you come in
and have something nice to eat? Hmm?
239
00:13:12,019 --> 00:13:15,700
Are you enjoying it, Mum?
The meat's quite fatty.
240
00:13:15,740 --> 00:13:18,419
Thank you(!)
Ignore her, Jackie. It's lovely.
241
00:13:18,460 --> 00:13:19,890
Normally, we'd have squirrel,
242
00:13:20,091 --> 00:13:22,460
but as tonight's a special occasion,
it's badger.
243
00:13:23,820 --> 00:13:26,980
Oh, badger. I do hope it's roadkill!
244
00:13:27,019 --> 00:13:29,500
LAUGHTER
245
00:13:29,539 --> 00:13:31,299
Roadkill!
246
00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:35,340
I love the candles, by the way.
- Thank you.
247
00:13:35,419 --> 00:13:39,419
- I hope they're not just for me.
- What? No, it's Friday night, so...
248
00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:41,460
Friday night?
249
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:43,580
We're Jewish, so...
250
00:13:43,620 --> 00:13:45,659
- Are you?
- Sorry?
251
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,980
Jonathan Goodman,
don't you tell your wife anything?
252
00:13:48,179 --> 00:13:49,700
She didn't know we're Jewish? No.
253
00:13:50,860 --> 00:13:52,153
Don't worry, we're quite normal,
254
00:13:52,354 --> 00:13:54,860
although we may try to drink your
blood later on. Ha-ha-ha-ha!
255
00:13:57,580 --> 00:14:00,100
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
256
00:14:00,139 --> 00:14:04,139
Dad! But he did tell you he was
in prison, right? What? Ha-ha(!)
257
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:08,740
For buggering dogs. Adam!
Buggering dogs!
258
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:12,299
Doesn't Adam's ovary look lovely
up there?
259
00:14:12,340 --> 00:14:15,860
Ovary? Mum! Grandma, it's an ear.
260
00:14:15,899 --> 00:14:18,899
An ear? Yes.
Why would a womb have an ear?
261
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:22,100
Good question. I wish
I'd never won the bloody thing now.
262
00:14:22,139 --> 00:14:24,820
It is pretty hideous.
Ignore him, bobble.
263
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:28,860
I'll take it to the dump if you want.
Thank you. Eugh, salt! You bastard!
264
00:14:29,860 --> 00:14:32,299
Yee-ha! Adam!
265
00:14:32,340 --> 00:14:35,259
Oh! Jonny! Yee-ha!
266
00:14:35,299 --> 00:14:39,019
He put gravy up my nose!
Stupid tits! Martin! So sorry, Lisa.
267
00:14:39,059 --> 00:14:43,059
It's OK. I'm sure Adam's going to
miss him when he's 5,000 miles away.
268
00:14:44,179 --> 00:14:48,179
Um...
269
00:14:49,379 --> 00:14:53,379
This really is an awesome meal.
I'll get some more potatoes. Me too.
270
00:14:53,940 --> 00:14:57,419
It's OK, Lisa. Martin,
why don't you go and help Jonny?
271
00:14:57,460 --> 00:15:00,340
Really? But I'm having me grub.
272
00:15:00,379 --> 00:15:03,620
Oh, right. Got you.
273
00:15:03,659 --> 00:15:07,659
I think your mother wants me
to have a private chat with you
274
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:11,899
about the situation between yourself
and your American wife.
275
00:15:12,139 --> 00:15:14,419
Great. Subtle. Very.
276
00:15:14,460 --> 00:15:18,379
Well, have a great time.
277
00:15:18,419 --> 00:15:20,980
So fatty. Oh!
278
00:15:21,019 --> 00:15:25,019
Go on then, get it over with.
279
00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,460
Well?
280
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:30,259
Well what? You're getting married.
281
00:15:30,299 --> 00:15:34,299
Yes, I got married. Oh, yes, you got
married. Of course. You're married.
282
00:15:34,419 --> 00:15:37,860
Yes. And? And?
Have you consummated the marriage?
283
00:15:37,899 --> 00:15:41,419
Dad! That's what you ask, isn't it?
If you're from the 1820s.
284
00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:43,580
All right, do you love the girl?
285
00:15:43,620 --> 00:15:46,980
OK. Did Mum tell you
to say all this? Of course not.
286
00:15:47,019 --> 00:15:51,019
Good. Any more questions
or can I go now?
287
00:15:53,299 --> 00:15:55,753
What do the parents do?
What is that piece of paper?
288
00:15:55,952 --> 00:15:57,299
What piece of paper? Jonny!
289
00:15:57,940 --> 00:15:59,517
That's Mum's handwriting. Give it back.
290
00:15:59,716 --> 00:16:01,940
She's written out instructions for you.
She'll kill me!
291
00:16:03,460 --> 00:16:06,100
"Try and make him feel sad for us."
Nice(!)
292
00:16:06,139 --> 00:16:08,940
"If doesn't work,
say you're a bit ill."
293
00:16:08,980 --> 00:16:11,980
Yes, that's what I was meant to say.
I'm a bit ill.
294
00:16:12,019 --> 00:16:14,620
COUGHS
295
00:16:14,659 --> 00:16:17,460
How's it all going?
Dad just told me he's dying.
296
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:20,620
What? Thanks a lot(!) Jonny!
297
00:16:20,659 --> 00:16:23,379
Everything OK? I'm going to the pub.
Really?
298
00:16:23,419 --> 00:16:27,220
Jonny-boo! Where are you going?
The pub. Now? Yeah.
299
00:16:27,259 --> 00:16:30,299
Come on.
But what about my profiteroles?
300
00:16:30,340 --> 00:16:34,340
Bye, love. Where do you think
you're going? The pub.
301
00:16:34,500 --> 00:16:37,620
No, you're staying here.
Am I? Oh, right.
302
00:16:37,659 --> 00:16:41,659
Emotions. Well, have...
303
00:16:41,779 --> 00:16:45,779
..fun.
304
00:16:46,980 --> 00:16:49,620
Welcome to your first British pub.
305
00:16:49,659 --> 00:16:53,659
Uh...thanks.
306
00:16:55,740 --> 00:16:59,740
Take a seat, babe.
What, and just wait to get stabbed?
307
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:02,500
That's how it works.
308
00:17:02,539 --> 00:17:06,539
How did you get HER to marry YOU?
Mum and Dad are so annoying!
309
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,900
Ha-ha(!)
310
00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:15,140
Yeah? Evening.
311
00:17:15,180 --> 00:17:18,420
What about it?
Two pints of lager, please.
312
00:17:18,460 --> 00:17:22,460
And for your random bride?
Thank you.
313
00:17:22,980 --> 00:17:26,220
And another pint.
You want two pints and another pint?
314
00:17:26,259 --> 00:17:30,259
Yeah, so three pints.
Thanks for the maths lesson.
315
00:17:31,019 --> 00:17:33,019
Friendly as ever.
316
00:17:33,059 --> 00:17:36,059
I try my best.
317
00:17:36,099 --> 00:17:39,819
MOBILE PHONE BEEPS
318
00:17:39,859 --> 00:17:41,980
Mum. Oh, I don't want to know.
319
00:17:42,019 --> 00:17:44,579
She's sorry. Really?
320
00:17:44,619 --> 00:17:46,259
If she's so sorry,
text her back and tell her
321
00:17:46,459 --> 00:17:48,619
to come here and say it to my
face and to my wife's face.
322
00:17:50,420 --> 00:17:53,660
I have to text all that? ?12.
323
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,900
Um...
324
00:17:55,940 --> 00:17:59,460
There.
And congratulations, by the way.
325
00:17:59,500 --> 00:18:02,220
Thank you. To both of you.
326
00:18:02,259 --> 00:18:05,700
Both of us? For being wankers.
327
00:18:05,740 --> 00:18:09,500
LAUGHTER
328
00:18:09,539 --> 00:18:11,539
Oh, God. Knife in back?
329
00:18:11,579 --> 00:18:13,539
Of neck and head?
330
00:18:13,579 --> 00:18:17,579
Are you OK? Yeah... Yeah...
331
00:18:18,859 --> 00:18:21,500
Oh, no, the birthday boy!
332
00:18:21,539 --> 00:18:25,539
Fantastic.
333
00:18:27,339 --> 00:18:29,980
Hello...lads.
334
00:18:30,019 --> 00:18:32,940
Hi, Jim. American lady.
335
00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:36,980
Happy birthday. Yeah, happy
birthday. Is your mother coming?
336
00:18:37,259 --> 00:18:40,900
I don't think so, Jim. Oh, dear.
337
00:18:40,940 --> 00:18:43,619
Well, cheers. Cheers. Cheers.
338
00:18:43,660 --> 00:18:47,660
Yee-ha!
339
00:18:48,660 --> 00:18:52,460
Birthday sausage.
340
00:18:52,500 --> 00:18:55,019
Ah, the fun continues.
341
00:18:55,059 --> 00:18:56,339
Great(!)
342
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:59,099
Jackie, you came to my party.
343
00:18:59,140 --> 00:19:01,220
Yes, Jim...
344
00:19:01,259 --> 00:19:03,500
I'll fetch the champagne.
345
00:19:03,539 --> 00:19:05,019
Really?
346
00:19:05,059 --> 00:19:09,059
Champagne! Come on, Wilson.
347
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:13,220
Hello.
348
00:19:13,259 --> 00:19:17,259
What are you doing here?
I've come to, um...
349
00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:21,339
..apologise for my behaviour.
You've come to apologise?
350
00:19:21,380 --> 00:19:24,859
Can you believe it?
HE LAUGHS
351
00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:27,377
I just wanted to say that
you two really make a lovely couple
352
00:19:27,577 --> 00:19:28,900
and we're so happy for you both.
353
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:36,420
Really? Yeah.
354
00:19:36,460 --> 00:19:39,339
Thanks, Mum. Aw!
355
00:19:39,380 --> 00:19:41,819
Thanks, Mum-in-law, Dad-in-law.
356
00:19:41,859 --> 00:19:44,539
Aw, pleasure! Lovely.
357
00:19:44,579 --> 00:19:48,339
Are they what I think they are?
Da-da-da, ta-da!
358
00:19:48,380 --> 00:19:52,140
Oh, Mum! Congratulations, you two.
359
00:19:52,180 --> 00:19:55,779
Thanks, Grandma.
What is it they say at these things?
360
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:59,819
Oh, yes, till death do us part!
361
00:20:01,940 --> 00:20:04,819
Lisa, shall we maybe...
362
00:20:04,859 --> 00:20:08,859
Yeah, I was gonna say the same thing.
We're just gonna...
363
00:20:10,019 --> 00:20:12,859
Hmm!
364
00:20:12,900 --> 00:20:16,380
I know. Right?
365
00:20:16,420 --> 00:20:18,740
So, Mrs Goodman?
366
00:20:18,779 --> 00:20:22,779
Yes, Mr Goodman.
367
00:20:22,940 --> 00:20:26,859
Do you think
that maybe what we did...
368
00:20:26,900 --> 00:20:30,700
The whole getting married thing?
The whole getting married thing.
369
00:20:30,740 --> 00:20:33,660
Do you think
it was maybe a little...
370
00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,940
Or a lot? Or a lot...
371
00:20:35,980 --> 00:20:39,019
Insane? Completely mental?
372
00:20:39,059 --> 00:20:42,140
Maybe we did rush into it
a little bit.
373
00:20:42,180 --> 00:20:44,539
Hmm. Yeah.
374
00:20:44,579 --> 00:20:47,460
So, do you think we should...
375
00:20:47,500 --> 00:20:51,380
Yeah, maybe we should.
376
00:20:51,420 --> 00:20:53,660
By the way, do you like apples?
377
00:20:53,700 --> 00:20:55,700
They make me heave.
378
00:20:55,740 --> 00:20:59,619
Cool. Cool.
379
00:20:59,660 --> 00:21:03,059
Everyone, we've kind of got
something to say.
380
00:21:03,099 --> 00:21:05,700
She's not up the duff, is she?
Martin!
381
00:21:05,740 --> 00:21:08,220
Jonny?
382
00:21:08,259 --> 00:21:12,259
We're...getting a divorce.
383
00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:19,099
LAUGHTER AND CHEERING
384
00:21:19,140 --> 00:21:21,220
I'm so pleased for you both.
385
00:21:21,259 --> 00:21:25,259
Thanks, Mum. And you made
such a lovely daughter-in-law.
386
00:21:25,579 --> 00:21:29,380
Champagne?
DOG BARKS
387
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,420
Oh, Jim! Jim, are you all right?
388
00:21:32,460 --> 00:21:36,299
So, you're getting divorced
from my brother? Uh-huh.
389
00:21:36,339 --> 00:21:39,180
No, Mum, don't come near here.
390
00:21:39,220 --> 00:21:43,019
Fancy going out for a drink
some time?
391
00:21:43,059 --> 00:21:46,059
Why not?
392
00:21:46,099 --> 00:21:48,099
Yee-ha!
393
00:21:48,140 --> 00:21:50,940
# I change shapes
just to hide in this place
394
00:21:50,980 --> 00:21:54,980
# But I'm still, I'm still an animal
395
00:21:55,259 --> 00:21:58,460
# Nobody knows it but me when I slip
396
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:02,500
# Yeah, I'm still,
I'm still an animal
397
00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:06,099
# I change shapes
just to hide in this place
398
00:22:06,140 --> 00:22:14,299
♪ But I'm still,
I'm still an animal... ♪
399
00:22:14,349 --> 00:22:18,899
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