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1
00:00:37,480 --> 00:00:39,479
Um, Pissface... No!
2
00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:43,480
Baby.
3
00:00:44,280 --> 00:00:48,079
Bye! Jonny!
4
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,959
Argh!
5
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,999
Such a cockhole.
Well, you would know.
6
00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:53,039
Argh!
7
00:00:53,040 --> 00:00:55,159
What's the matter, you idiot?
Nothing.
8
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,679
Don't. What?
9
00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:58,959
Hello?!
10
00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,919
Happy anniversary!
11
00:01:00,920 --> 00:01:02,399
Where are they?
12
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:05,119
Double suicide?
Fingers crossed.
13
00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:07,640
Mum?!
14
00:01:09,080 --> 00:01:10,919
What's going...?
15
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,959
Oh, my God!
16
00:01:12,960 --> 00:01:16,159
Hurry up, lover boy!
17
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,479
What are you two bleeding
idiots doing here?
18
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,479
Er, it's Friday night.
You feed us.
19
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,639
I told you to come later, remember?
No.
20
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:24,039
Who is it?
21
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:25,559
The bloody boys are here.
22
00:01:25,560 --> 00:01:29,159
The boys? I thought
they were coming at eight.
23
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,399
Didn't you tell them?
Hi, boys.
24
00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,479
Hi, Mum.
Happy anniversary.
25
00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,439
Thanks. Lovely flowers.
26
00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:39,079
You were meant to tell them
to come later. What?
27
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,920
Hurry up!
28
00:01:43,840 --> 00:01:46,679
It's a good look.
Thank you.
29
00:01:46,680 --> 00:01:47,919
What's going on?
30
00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:51,920
What? Oh, your mother and I were...
having a bit of time to ourselves.
31
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:54,879
OK. We were just making love.
Oh, God!
32
00:01:54,880 --> 00:01:57,439
Right. We're going to go and sit in
the car for 20 minutes,
33
00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,839
then come back in again and pretend
this never happened.
34
00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,599
Good idea.
Yes, good idea.
35
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:04,480
Actually,
better make it half an hour.
36
00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:12,759
They still have sex.
37
00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,319
Sorry, how many times will you be
saying that tonight?
38
00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:19,320
Er... two more times. They still have
sex, they still have sex.
39
00:02:19,600 --> 00:02:21,959
Why couldn't they have just stopped
when they had you?
40
00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:25,599
They're so selfish.
So selfish!
41
00:02:25,600 --> 00:02:29,600
Uh-oh, here comes Lover Boy.
Yup.
42
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:34,800
All done!
43
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:40,519
Oh, hi, boys.
44
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,359
Hello. Hello again.
45
00:02:42,360 --> 00:02:45,119
Aren't you going to give me a kiss?
46
00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:49,120
Yeah, give your mother a kiss.
Um.
47
00:02:52,640 --> 00:02:54,759
What's the matter with you two?!
48
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,679
What? Nothing.
49
00:02:56,680 --> 00:02:59,279
Ahh... You're embarrassed!
No, we're not!
50
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,479
We're not embarrassed.
51
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,480
You are! Martin, look at them -
they're all embarrassed!
52
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,639
Lads, there's nothing wrong
with your mother
53
00:03:08,640 --> 00:03:11,639
and I enjoying a deeply
physical relationship.
54
00:03:11,640 --> 00:03:14,399
OK. Shall we go
and sit in the car again?
55
00:03:14,400 --> 00:03:15,999
Or under the car.
56
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:18,279
Ahh, they're so cute.
57
00:03:18,280 --> 00:03:21,559
Come on!
58
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:25,560
Ah, the pleasures of the flesh!
59
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:33,839
Boys, look at the beautiful
flowers Dad got me.
60
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:37,240
OK, we're looking at them...
Then what happens?
61
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,879
So, 26 years.
What do you think of that, eh?
62
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:44,159
We think,
can you please stop kissing Mum now?
63
00:03:44,160 --> 00:03:45,879
Yeah, it's getting spooky.
64
00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,679
Spooky?!
It is spooky.
65
00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:51,680
How can it be spooky?
Your mother's not a corpse.
66
00:03:54,120 --> 00:03:56,759
You know, if your mother and I had
never met all those years ago,
67
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,759
you two would never
have been produced.
68
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,759
Produced! Those two acts
of penetration...
69
00:04:01,760 --> 00:04:03,879
Martin! Penetration?!
70
00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:05,799
OK, we're just going to be
sick on the floor.
71
00:04:05,800 --> 00:04:06,959
And the walls.
72
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,159
Don't be ridiculous,
it's just biology.
73
00:04:09,160 --> 00:04:10,600
Lovely way of putting it.
74
00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,119
Right. When do I get my present?
75
00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:17,239
Not again...
76
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:19,239
Dad, how old are you? 12.
77
00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:22,519
We do presents after dinner,
remember? Yes!
78
00:04:22,520 --> 00:04:24,199
He won't stop asking me.
79
00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,959
Well... It's just that I got you
something special. Really?
80
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:29,959
Well, I made you something special.
You made me something?
81
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,239
That's not worrying.
What did you make me?
82
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:33,959
Ah-ha! You'll have to wait and see.
83
00:04:33,960 --> 00:04:36,519
What is it, a shoe?
An electric chair?
84
00:04:36,520 --> 00:04:38,999
Oh, God, am I going to hate it?
85
00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,879
Of course you won't hate it. Would I
really make you something horrible?
86
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,880
I don't know. Are you able to
make me something nice?
87
00:04:47,360 --> 00:04:48,679
Please stop.
88
00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:50,479
Right, I'm going to get it!
89
00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:54,480
No-one come out till I say.
90
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:59,840
Blimey. Wonder what it is?
91
00:05:01,560 --> 00:05:03,399
Great. He's nailing us in.
92
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,639
Martin?
93
00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,919
OK, come out now.
94
00:05:05,920 --> 00:05:09,920
With our hands up?
95
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:13,399
What you doing?
96
00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:16,279
Da-na!
97
00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:20,280
What is it? Well, go on.
98
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:24,679
Hah!
99
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,799
I painted it myself. Did you...?
100
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:28,039
Who is it?
101
00:05:28,040 --> 00:05:29,879
Who is it? Your mother.
Is it?
102
00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,119
That's Mum?
103
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,639
The woman standing next to us
right now? Yes.
104
00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:35,879
That's me?
That's you. Do you like it?
105
00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:38,439
Um...
Did you paint it from memory?
106
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:39,959
Yes, a really bad memory?
107
00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,239
Or a terrible nightmare?
Thank you.
108
00:05:42,240 --> 00:05:43,719
No. A photograph.
109
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,279
Of a different woman?
110
00:05:45,280 --> 00:05:47,999
Shut up! Do you like it?
111
00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,999
Of course I... like it.
112
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,639
It's a really original
anniversary present.
113
00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:57,639
See, I knew you'd like it.
I'll get the champagne.
114
00:05:57,640 --> 00:05:59,759
Boys, do I really look like that?
115
00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:03,760
Course you do. Look.
116
00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,279
I seriously can't tell
which one's which. Mmmm.
117
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:12,280
Oh, God. I can't have that thing
hanging there, looking at me.
118
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,839
I think the champagne's in there.
Still like it?
119
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,359
Of course!
120
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:20,599
It's got to go.
121
00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:24,279
Really, but it's so beautiful!
Jonny!
122
00:06:24,280 --> 00:06:26,439
You all right?
Yeah, no, it's nothing.
123
00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,759
Can't find it anywhere.
There's some flat cola.
124
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:31,239
Hold on a minute.
125
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:34,599
Agh! You're such a turd!
126
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:35,759
Adam!
127
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,599
What's the matter with him?
128
00:06:37,600 --> 00:06:41,079
Boys? Boys?!
129
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:44,519
What's going on? You're acting
like your arm's about to drop off.
130
00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:46,439
Tell me. No.
131
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:48,119
Jonny!
132
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,639
All right...
But don't say anything.
133
00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:52,159
You've got leprosy.
134
00:06:52,160 --> 00:06:54,239
I've got a tattoo.
What?!
135
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:56,719
I got a tattoo.
Rubbish! When?
136
00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,919
Last week. It bloody kills.
137
00:06:58,920 --> 00:07:01,399
Last week?! Oh, my God!
Let me see.
138
00:07:01,400 --> 00:07:02,759
No way.
139
00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:05,319
What do you mean no way?
I want to see your tattoo.
140
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:07,359
Sh! You'll tell Mum.
141
00:07:07,360 --> 00:07:09,879
Course I won't tell Mum.
Just show me it.
142
00:07:09,880 --> 00:07:11,039
You'll take the piss.
143
00:07:11,040 --> 00:07:15,040
No, I won't. Unless it's of a man
with giant cocks all over his face.
144
00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:16,439
Very good.
145
00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:19,079
Is it of a man with giant cocks
all over his face?
146
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,999
No, it's more sort of... Words.
147
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:25,039
Words? What, like, "I am a twat?"
Hmm.
148
00:07:25,040 --> 00:07:27,319
Are you all right in there?
149
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,439
Yes, Mum.
150
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:29,839
What are you doing?
151
00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:31,959
Coming!
152
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,439
Don't tell Mum.
153
00:07:34,440 --> 00:07:36,679
Sorry, we were just...
Jonny's got a tattoo!
154
00:07:36,680 --> 00:07:39,439
What?!
You shit! Ow!
155
00:07:39,440 --> 00:07:40,719
Argh!!!
156
00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:43,559
Sorry! Please can I see it?
You bastard!
157
00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:45,679
A tattoo?! You got a tattoo?
158
00:07:45,680 --> 00:07:47,759
Martin. Jonny's got a tattoo!
159
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,559
What?
You mustn't get tattoos!
160
00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:53,239
Christ! Will everyone please stop
hitting my tattoo?!
161
00:07:53,240 --> 00:07:55,639
He said it again! He's got a tattoo!
I can't believe it.
162
00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:57,999
Excuse me...
I can't believe you, Jonathan.
163
00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,439
Agh!
164
00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,039
You know how much I hate tattoos.
165
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:02,959
Yes, you know
how much Mum hates tattoos.
166
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,239
Shut up!
167
00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:07,239
It's not, like,
a naked lady or something, is it?
168
00:08:07,240 --> 00:08:08,359
Please leave me alone.
169
00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:10,199
It's basically just porn
all over his body.
170
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:12,159
Seriously!
What is it? An ape?
171
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,439
What?
Why would I get a tattoo of an ape?
172
00:08:14,440 --> 00:08:16,479
To remind you of where you
came from originally.
173
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,839
Not a bad answer, actually.
174
00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:19,559
Why did you go and get a tattoo?!
175
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,439
I just felt like it.
You felt like it?
176
00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:22,519
Everyone does it.
177
00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:24,799
Yeah, Grandma's got an eagle
on her tits. Adam!
178
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,479
Or a bear? An angry bear?
What?
179
00:08:27,480 --> 00:08:29,479
Your tattoo.
It could be of an angry bear.
180
00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:31,759
I knew a bloke,
he had one of an angry bear.
181
00:08:31,760 --> 00:08:33,479
He was an optician but he drowned.
182
00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,479
You see what can happen
when you get a tattoo?
183
00:08:35,480 --> 00:08:38,679
You are so dead.
Well, show us then.
184
00:08:38,680 --> 00:08:40,599
God. All right.
185
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:44,600
I'm sure you'll really like it, Mum.
186
00:08:44,680 --> 00:08:46,559
There.
187
00:08:46,560 --> 00:08:48,599
Oh, my God. It's a skull.
188
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,279
My son has a skull on his arm.
A skull!
189
00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,559
It looks a bit like you, Jackie.
Thank you!
190
00:08:53,560 --> 00:08:54,799
The hair.
191
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:56,239
That is pretty terrible.
192
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,559
Shut up. It's art.
It's really not art.
193
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:01,079
Why did you have to get this done
on our anniversary?!
194
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:03,039
I didn't get it done
on your anniversary.
195
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,359
It doesn't say "Happy Anniversary,
Mum and Dad" on it.
196
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:07,439
At least that would have
been something nice.
197
00:09:07,440 --> 00:09:08,479
What are those words?
198
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,679
It's Latin.
"Vive celer, adulescens morere."
199
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:14,079
I think I can translate.
"I am a massive penis."
200
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,559
Very good.
201
00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,679
Well, what does it mean?
202
00:09:17,680 --> 00:09:20,999
Um, it means...
"Family comes first."
203
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:22,039
Bollocks!
204
00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:23,359
It does. Does it?
205
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:27,360
Yes. Cos, you know,
I love my family.
206
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:34,439
Well, at least you were
thinking of us when you had it done.
207
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,559
Yeah.
It's horrible.
208
00:09:37,560 --> 00:09:40,399
Are you absolutely sure
it definitely means
209
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:41,599
"family comes first?"
210
00:09:41,600 --> 00:09:43,959
Yes, I am sure, thank you.
211
00:09:43,960 --> 00:09:47,039
Right, can we stop
talking about my tattoo now?
212
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,559
You know Grandma's popping in
after her bridge evening.
213
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:52,559
You better not show her,
she'll have a bloody stroke.
214
00:09:52,560 --> 00:09:53,999
She will if she speaks Latin.
215
00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:55,839
Internet language translator.
216
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,039
Adam!
217
00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:59,439
Translation -
"live fast and die young."
218
00:09:59,440 --> 00:10:00,479
What?!
219
00:10:00,480 --> 00:10:02,639
Jonny's tattoo.
"Live fast, die young."
220
00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:05,799
Mum! Is that really what it means,
live fast, die young?
221
00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:08,399
What?
You want to die young?
222
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:11,119
No, it's just a...
Look can we stop now, please?
223
00:10:11,120 --> 00:10:13,359
Martin, Jonathan wants to die young.
Does he?
224
00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,359
Yes. He wants to die young.
Tell him!
225
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:16,559
You're not to die young!
226
00:10:16,560 --> 00:10:17,839
Argghhh!
227
00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:19,399
God! I hate you all!
228
00:10:19,400 --> 00:10:20,679
Jonny!
229
00:10:20,680 --> 00:10:23,559
Go and finish the table!
Jonnyboo!
230
00:10:23,560 --> 00:10:25,199
Sorry...
231
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,639
Oh, dear. Yeah.
232
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,799
It did look a bit like your mum.
I know!
233
00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,039
Not as much as your
excellent painting.
234
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,799
Thank you. Maestro.
235
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:38,719
Right, down there. Sir.
236
00:10:38,720 --> 00:10:40,719
Um, Adam. What?
237
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:44,439
Can I talk to you? Really?
238
00:10:44,440 --> 00:10:46,079
What, on the stupid posh chairs
239
00:10:46,080 --> 00:10:48,239
that no-one in this family
has ever sat on?
240
00:10:48,240 --> 00:10:50,039
Just sit, you moron.
241
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,119
An audience with the Pope.
What?
242
00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:53,999
If this is about females...
243
00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:57,519
You know, if there's anything you
want to ask me, you can always...
244
00:10:57,520 --> 00:10:58,799
Ask you?
245
00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,559
You know... Sex things.
246
00:11:00,560 --> 00:11:03,599
Sex things! Ugh, thank you, Dad.
247
00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,159
So dead. Pissface.
248
00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,599
There's nothing to be
embarrassed about.
249
00:11:08,600 --> 00:11:10,879
Your mother and I do sex things.
250
00:11:10,880 --> 00:11:12,759
Please kill me now.
251
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,439
You shouldn't be scared of sex.
It's just simple biology.
252
00:11:15,440 --> 00:11:17,679
Seriously, if you could just
shoot me in the mouth.
253
00:11:17,680 --> 00:11:20,319
For example, did you know that
a man's erection... Urghh!
254
00:11:20,320 --> 00:11:22,599
Well, you know
what a man's erection is, don't you?
255
00:11:22,600 --> 00:11:24,519
Course I know what a
man's erection is!
256
00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:27,079
Yes, well, a man's erection
is basically just capillary
257
00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:28,599
action of the blood.
258
00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:29,759
Capillary action?
259
00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,479
Yes. So the next time you're with
a lady and thinking about...
260
00:11:32,480 --> 00:11:33,639
Penetration.
261
00:11:33,640 --> 00:11:35,199
Please not the 'P' word again!
262
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:37,959
You can tell her from me, it's
just capillary action of the blood!
263
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,719
OK, I'll definitely tell her...
From you. Thanks.
264
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,759
Ah! Ahhh!
265
00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:43,919
You shitting clot!
266
00:11:43,920 --> 00:11:45,319
Stop it! Stop it!
267
00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:47,839
That's it,
bath-time for baby pus face.
268
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,239
Argh!
269
00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:51,309
Stop it!
270
00:11:53,811 --> 00:11:57,111
I'm really not happy with you.
271
00:11:57,162 --> 00:11:59,722
Adam! My lovely chairs.
272
00:12:00,020 --> 00:12:03,580
Sorry, Mum.
273
00:12:03,582 --> 00:12:05,942
Thanks for the cool clothes, Dad.
Pleasure.
274
00:12:06,057 --> 00:12:07,536
I really don't look ridiculous.
275
00:12:07,537 --> 00:12:11,537
No, you really do look ridiculous.
Pull your trousers up.
276
00:12:13,497 --> 00:12:17,497
Don't you dare! Just sit down.
277
00:12:18,137 --> 00:12:20,016
Right, can we all try and make this
278
00:12:20,017 --> 00:12:23,336
a special anniversary dinner,
please?
279
00:12:23,337 --> 00:12:27,337
OK. So, there's steak tonight.
280
00:12:27,377 --> 00:12:31,377
Ooh! Lovely bit of squirrel beef!
281
00:12:31,617 --> 00:12:35,617
Oh, not now.
282
00:12:38,537 --> 00:12:42,537
Meat!
283
00:12:43,257 --> 00:12:47,216
Hi, Jim.
Hello Jackie. Can I come in?
284
00:12:47,217 --> 00:12:49,896
We don't have long.
285
00:12:49,897 --> 00:12:51,896
Um, are you drunk?
286
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:55,296
Not drunk, more sedated.
287
00:12:55,297 --> 00:12:58,296
Sedated? Yes, heavily.
288
00:12:58,297 --> 00:12:59,376
Um...
289
00:12:59,377 --> 00:13:03,377
Thank you, Jackie. Wilson, come on.
Come on. Come on, Wilson.
290
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:07,617
Good boy. That's it. Come on.
Wilson. Oh!
291
00:13:11,657 --> 00:13:14,656
Boys? Martin?!
292
00:13:14,657 --> 00:13:17,456
Are you OK? What happened?
293
00:13:17,457 --> 00:13:18,696
Everything all right?
294
00:13:18,697 --> 00:13:22,496
Hello, boys and man.
295
00:13:22,497 --> 00:13:24,816
Jim's sedated. Sedated?
296
00:13:24,817 --> 00:13:28,817
Yes, you see, I went to
take my special pills for my...
297
00:13:30,617 --> 00:13:33,176
We don't need to know.
..funny bottom.
298
00:13:33,177 --> 00:13:37,177
The thing is, they look
just like Wilson's sleepy pills.
299
00:13:39,497 --> 00:13:41,056
You took Wilson's sleeping pills?
300
00:13:41,057 --> 00:13:45,057
Yes, Martin, I opened
Wilson's bottle,
301
00:13:45,177 --> 00:13:49,177
put a couple of pills in my hand
and then swallowed them.
302
00:13:52,937 --> 00:13:56,416
Jim?
Oh, dear. I've done it again.
303
00:13:56,417 --> 00:14:00,417
We should call an ambulance.
No amalamalemce.
304
00:14:00,537 --> 00:14:03,976
OK, then, let's get you back home.
Home...
305
00:14:03,977 --> 00:14:07,416
We can't send him
home like that. What?!
306
00:14:07,417 --> 00:14:09,736
What about our steaks?
307
00:14:09,737 --> 00:14:13,737
Come on, Jim. Come through.
308
00:14:14,297 --> 00:14:16,136
Help me!
309
00:14:16,137 --> 00:14:20,137
Come on, Jim.
310
00:14:21,617 --> 00:14:23,736
Margaret Thatcher? Fantastic.
311
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:27,737
What? No, it's Jackie.
Jackie. Oh, Jackie.
312
00:14:27,777 --> 00:14:30,576
Wonderful anniversary.
313
00:14:30,577 --> 00:14:34,576
Come on, come on, Jim,
let's get you in the living room.
314
00:14:34,577 --> 00:14:38,577
Please, Jim.
315
00:14:39,057 --> 00:14:42,336
I'm fading, I'm fading...
316
00:14:42,337 --> 00:14:46,337
Jim?! Jim?!
317
00:14:48,457 --> 00:14:52,457
Night-night, mummy.
318
00:14:57,577 --> 00:15:01,577
Oh, God!
319
00:15:02,997 --> 00:15:06,997
Some more chippies.
How's sleeping beauty?
320
00:15:07,277 --> 00:15:09,996
Are you sure we shouldn't call
an amalamalemce?
321
00:15:09,997 --> 00:15:12,196
He'll be fine. Will he?
322
00:15:12,197 --> 00:15:16,197
Well, if he does die, we can just
bury him under the drive!
323
00:15:16,357 --> 00:15:18,996
Our special anniversary dinner.
324
00:15:18,997 --> 00:15:22,556
Ahh, come on, Mum.
When are we doing my present?
325
00:15:22,557 --> 00:15:24,876
All right, I'm 12.
326
00:15:24,877 --> 00:15:26,676
Nice steak? Lovely.
327
00:15:26,677 --> 00:15:29,636
Yeah,
not as lovely as Jonny's tattoo.
328
00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:32,036
Or Adam's beef water. Ugh!
329
00:15:32,037 --> 00:15:34,276
You pair of inbreeds!
330
00:15:34,277 --> 00:15:37,196
Why did you have to get that
horrible tattoo?
331
00:15:37,197 --> 00:15:39,396
All right! Pass me the wine.
332
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:41,676
More wine? Do you want to die young?
333
00:15:41,677 --> 00:15:43,876
Mum, tell him.
Are you really unhappy or something?
334
00:15:43,877 --> 00:15:47,636
I mean, you must be to write,
I want to die young, on your arm.
335
00:15:47,637 --> 00:15:50,596
Jackie. Actually, it was live fast,
die young. Shut up.
336
00:15:50,597 --> 00:15:53,236
My brother the Hell's Angel, sorry,
local estate agent.
337
00:15:53,237 --> 00:15:57,237
All right, I lost my job, OK?!
338
00:15:58,077 --> 00:16:01,716
I lost my job.
339
00:16:01,717 --> 00:16:04,076
Oh, Jonny. Arm! Sorry.
340
00:16:04,077 --> 00:16:08,077
You lost your job?
Yeah, I lost it.
341
00:16:08,157 --> 00:16:10,556
Stealing, were you?
342
00:16:10,557 --> 00:16:12,876
When?
343
00:16:12,877 --> 00:16:16,196
A couple of weeks ago. Staff
restructuring.
344
00:16:16,197 --> 00:16:20,197
I.E, you were crap.
Why didn't you say, Jonnyboo?
345
00:16:21,037 --> 00:16:23,996
I didn't want to upset you.
346
00:16:23,997 --> 00:16:25,876
Say something, Martin.
347
00:16:25,877 --> 00:16:28,356
Well, if he's lost his job, he might
as well die young.
348
00:16:28,357 --> 00:16:30,836
Have you seen the economy? Thank you,
Dad.
349
00:16:30,837 --> 00:16:34,837
Is that why you went out
and got the...? Yeah, I guess.
350
00:16:39,077 --> 00:16:41,796
It's not the nicest tattoo in the
world, is it? Well...
351
00:16:41,797 --> 00:16:43,476
It's really horrible.
Revolting.
352
00:16:43,477 --> 00:16:46,876
Argh!
353
00:16:46,877 --> 00:16:49,396
Jim? Fabulous!
354
00:16:49,397 --> 00:16:52,396
Where is he? Jim?!
Where's my painting?
355
00:16:52,397 --> 00:16:56,397
Ahhhh! My horse is in the hospital!
356
00:16:59,096 --> 00:17:01,055
Jim? Come on, Jim!
357
00:17:01,056 --> 00:17:05,056
Wait, you don't think he's...
Sleepwalking?
358
00:17:05,656 --> 00:17:08,895
Seriously, it's meant to be, really
dangerous, you can't wake him.
359
00:17:08,896 --> 00:17:11,135
Yeah, it could kill him.
Right, let's wake him, then!
360
00:17:11,136 --> 00:17:13,055
Where is he?
361
00:17:13,056 --> 00:17:16,535
Ah, please don't say
he's in our bedroom.
362
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:20,295
He's not in your bedroom.
363
00:17:20,296 --> 00:17:24,296
He is in your bedroom.
364
00:17:25,176 --> 00:17:28,855
Jim. Jim!
365
00:17:28,856 --> 00:17:31,415
Come on, Jim. What is he doing?
366
00:17:31,416 --> 00:17:35,416
Shhhh! You can't wake him.
367
00:17:35,456 --> 00:17:38,655
Hello, Elsie.
368
00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:42,656
Ugh! Excellent.
369
00:17:43,376 --> 00:17:46,935
Oh, there.
370
00:17:46,936 --> 00:17:50,055
God. Dad's sex pants.
Capillary action, eh, dad?
371
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:52,415
Yes. What? Nothing.
372
00:17:52,416 --> 00:17:55,255
Not my bed.
373
00:17:55,256 --> 00:17:59,256
I'm completely made of bosoms!
374
00:18:03,176 --> 00:18:05,935
Oh, God! What are we going to do?!
375
00:18:05,936 --> 00:18:08,375
Burn the bed? Burn the house?
376
00:18:08,376 --> 00:18:12,376
I know. What? My present!
377
00:18:12,616 --> 00:18:16,616
Oh, Jackie. I love it. It's
absolutely terrific.
378
00:18:16,736 --> 00:18:20,575
Really? Come here.
379
00:18:20,576 --> 00:18:24,576
Please... See, what it does is,
it makes small things, far away,
380
00:18:25,936 --> 00:18:28,935
look much closer, and much bigger.
Really, dad?
381
00:18:28,936 --> 00:18:32,295
Well? Still snoring away.
Still in our bed?
382
00:18:32,296 --> 00:18:34,375
Actually, he's under your bed.
Great.
383
00:18:34,376 --> 00:18:36,455
You really don't think
we should call someone?
384
00:18:36,456 --> 00:18:39,935
Who are we going to call?
Robert Mugabe?!
385
00:18:39,936 --> 00:18:41,575
Good boy, Wilson.
386
00:18:41,576 --> 00:18:45,576
Um... Hello, Jim.
Sleep tight, Wilson.
387
00:18:47,576 --> 00:18:50,135
Jim?!
388
00:18:50,136 --> 00:18:52,015
Jim?!
389
00:18:52,016 --> 00:18:54,215
He's locked us in! Shit on it!
390
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:58,216
Jim! Jim! Open the door, Jim!
391
00:19:02,816 --> 00:19:06,055
Bloody hell. I told you, you can't
open them without the key.
392
00:19:06,056 --> 00:19:08,855
Which you lost. Which I lost.
393
00:19:08,856 --> 00:19:12,175
An hour and 20 minutes... ugh!
Jim!
394
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:14,375
Seriously, no-one has a phone on
them? No!
395
00:19:14,376 --> 00:19:16,935
And you're absolutely sure there
isn't a computer in here?
396
00:19:16,936 --> 00:19:19,175
There's a printer.
Great, we'll print our way out.
397
00:19:19,176 --> 00:19:22,095
So, what, we just die in here then?
Live fast, die young.
398
00:19:22,096 --> 00:19:24,015
Very clever.
399
00:19:24,016 --> 00:19:26,615
Grandma will be here soon, so...
400
00:19:26,616 --> 00:19:28,695
Oh, yes, Supergranny will save us.
All right!
401
00:19:28,696 --> 00:19:31,735
And what happens if Grandma doesn't
come round, or Jim doesn't wake up?
402
00:19:31,736 --> 00:19:34,295
Yeah, we could starve to death.
Don't be silly.
403
00:19:34,296 --> 00:19:37,175
We could. All right, well,
if we were really that hungry,
404
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:39,735
we'd just have to... eat dad.
405
00:19:39,736 --> 00:19:41,455
Eat me? Yes. Why me?!
406
00:19:41,456 --> 00:19:44,535
What? You wouldn't sacrifice
your own life for your sons?
407
00:19:44,536 --> 00:19:47,015
Those two pillocks? No way!
Oh, that's nice.
408
00:19:47,016 --> 00:19:49,335
So, the boys could be
dying of starvation in here,
409
00:19:49,336 --> 00:19:52,215
and you wouldn't let them eat you?
Charming. Yes, charming, Dad.
410
00:19:52,216 --> 00:19:55,655
Why can't they eat you?
Because I'm their mother.
411
00:19:55,656 --> 00:19:57,375
Definitely makes sense.
412
00:19:57,376 --> 00:20:01,376
Oh, my God! Grandma. Grandma!
Grandma! Mum!
413
00:20:05,456 --> 00:20:09,255
The Goodman residence.
414
00:20:09,256 --> 00:20:10,615
Jacqueline?
415
00:20:10,616 --> 00:20:13,095
We're in here! We're in here!
416
00:20:13,096 --> 00:20:16,615
You're in there? Yes!
What are you doing in there?
417
00:20:16,616 --> 00:20:20,616
It's a bit complicated.
Do you want me to let you out?
418
00:20:20,936 --> 00:20:24,936
Oh, for fuck's sake! Jonny!
419
00:20:25,616 --> 00:20:29,495
Yeah! It's Supergranny!
Oh! Thanks, Nellie.
420
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:32,535
What happened? You saved us.
From eating each other.
421
00:20:32,536 --> 00:20:34,135
I am waking that man up now,
422
00:20:34,136 --> 00:20:36,375
and I do not care
if it bloody well kills him!
423
00:20:36,376 --> 00:20:38,815
Careful, Jackie. Grandma,
have you seen Jonny's tattoo?
424
00:20:38,816 --> 00:20:42,816
Don't. Adam! Very pretty.
425
00:20:43,976 --> 00:20:47,976
Show us your eagle. What?!
Nothing.
426
00:20:49,296 --> 00:20:52,575
OK, Jim, time to wake up now!
427
00:20:52,576 --> 00:20:56,576
Oh, my God! Oh, dear!
That's better.
428
00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:59,575
Ah! Jim! Wake up! Wake up!
429
00:20:59,576 --> 00:21:02,575
Actually, no, Martin,
no, we shouldn't wake him.
430
00:21:02,576 --> 00:21:05,535
What?! It's too dangerous.
431
00:21:05,536 --> 00:21:08,375
But he's weeing on your face.
432
00:21:08,376 --> 00:21:11,135
Ah, come on.
433
00:21:11,136 --> 00:21:15,136
Jackie!
Quick, quick, quick. Shhh.
434
00:21:17,496 --> 00:21:19,935
But, Jackie,
your lovely painting.
435
00:21:19,936 --> 00:21:23,415
I know, Martin. And it really was
lovely, wasn't it boys?
436
00:21:23,416 --> 00:21:26,815
Yeah. I'm sorry, darling.
437
00:21:26,816 --> 00:21:30,495
I spent hours on that.
438
00:21:30,496 --> 00:21:34,496
I... Happy anniversary, anyway.
Yeah.
439
00:21:37,096 --> 00:21:41,096
Ahh, isn't that nice?
440
00:21:41,214 --> 00:21:43,614
Jackie? What?
441
00:21:43,714 --> 00:21:46,497
Penetration?
442
00:21:46,549 --> 00:22:11,760
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443
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