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1
00:00:43,300 --> 00:00:45,699
Beat you, Pus-face. Got here first!
2
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:49,699
No, I promise I won't tell them.
3
00:00:49,940 --> 00:00:51,099
Jonny's hungover.
4
00:00:51,100 --> 00:00:52,299
Run over?
5
00:00:52,300 --> 00:00:53,339
Hungover.
6
00:00:53,340 --> 00:00:56,379
Oh, your mum'll love that!
7
00:00:56,380 --> 00:00:58,339
Just T-shirt
and knickers today, Dad?
8
00:00:58,340 --> 00:01:00,139
Yes. Merry Christmas, bambino.
9
00:01:00,140 --> 00:01:01,739
And that's your Christmas outfit?
10
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:02,619
My bottom was hot.
11
00:01:02,620 --> 00:01:03,659
Right.
12
00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:06,579
Yeah, it was really over-heating.
13
00:01:06,580 --> 00:01:08,819
Hi, Bobble. Happy Crimbo!
14
00:01:08,820 --> 00:01:10,179
Hi, Mum.
15
00:01:10,180 --> 00:01:11,779
House looks nice.
16
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:14,579
Oh, thanks, they're gorgeous.
17
00:01:14,580 --> 00:01:16,779
Martin, has your bottom
cooled down yet?
18
00:01:16,780 --> 00:01:17,939
Not yet.
19
00:01:17,940 --> 00:01:20,819
Well, why don't you stick
it in the freezer?!
20
00:01:20,820 --> 00:01:22,259
Vase.
21
00:01:22,260 --> 00:01:23,299
Where's Jonny?
22
00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,299
Yeah, you'd have thought
he'd get here first,
23
00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:27,019
since he's technically
drink driving.
24
00:01:27,020 --> 00:01:27,899
What?
25
00:01:27,900 --> 00:01:29,059
He's hungover.
26
00:01:29,060 --> 00:01:30,059
Hungover?!
27
00:01:30,060 --> 00:01:31,899
Apparently, Jonny's hungover.
28
00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,259
Is there an echo in here?
29
00:01:33,260 --> 00:01:35,419
Why's he always
hungover on Christmas Day?
30
00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:36,819
He knows the family are coming.
31
00:01:36,820 --> 00:01:38,259
So selfish.
32
00:01:38,260 --> 00:01:39,739
Happy Christmas.
33
00:01:39,740 --> 00:01:42,259
Here he is.
Happy Christmas, Pissface!
34
00:01:42,260 --> 00:01:43,619
I'm really not happy.
35
00:01:43,620 --> 00:01:44,779
Jackie?
36
00:01:44,780 --> 00:01:45,939
What?
37
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:47,579
It's almost room temperature.
38
00:01:47,580 --> 00:01:50,019
Great.
39
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:51,579
Hi.
40
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:53,059
Merry Christmas, bambino.
41
00:01:53,060 --> 00:01:54,299
Feeling fresh?
42
00:01:54,300 --> 00:01:55,379
Get off!
43
00:01:55,380 --> 00:01:58,019
So you got drunk last night,
did you?
44
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,619
You said you wouldn't tell.
45
00:02:00,780 --> 00:02:03,459
I make all this effort for Christmas
and you're just going to be
46
00:02:03,460 --> 00:02:06,099
moping around like Mr Misery face,
feeling crap.
47
00:02:06,100 --> 00:02:07,379
I don't feel crap.
48
00:02:07,380 --> 00:02:08,619
Immediately proved wrong.
49
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:10,299
Excuse me,
can I get a drink of water?
50
00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,819
All right, I'll get it.
51
00:02:12,820 --> 00:02:16,819
I'm not going to do anything.
52
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:21,539
What?
53
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:23,939
Yeah. Hot bum.
54
00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:25,059
Here.
55
00:02:25,060 --> 00:02:26,659
Thanks.
56
00:02:26,660 --> 00:02:29,259
Argh! You bastard.
57
00:02:29,260 --> 00:02:30,139
Hair of the dog.
58
00:02:30,140 --> 00:02:31,179
Adam!
59
00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,779
This is vodka. How did you...?
60
00:02:32,780 --> 00:02:35,819
A skill Magill!
61
00:02:35,820 --> 00:02:38,099
The drains smell of faeces again.
62
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:41,699
Lovely, Martin. It's Christmas Day!
63
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,059
Here we are.
64
00:02:43,060 --> 00:02:44,299
Oi.
65
00:02:44,300 --> 00:02:45,859
So who's coming today?
66
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:47,299
You know who's coming - Grandma.
67
00:02:47,300 --> 00:02:48,139
Cool.
68
00:02:48,140 --> 00:02:49,459
And Horrible Grandma.
69
00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:51,779
Oh, Horrible Grandma.
I thought she was ill.
70
00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,779
Hm, she got better.
71
00:02:54,780 --> 00:02:55,579
Who's better?
72
00:02:55,580 --> 00:02:56,699
Your mother.
73
00:02:56,700 --> 00:02:58,899
Yeah, I know. Horrible Grandma.
74
00:02:58,900 --> 00:03:00,379
Horrible Grandma's coming?
75
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:01,099
Yes.
76
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:04,099
Oh, when will she die?
77
00:03:04,100 --> 00:03:07,259
Jonny,
that's a terrible thing to say.
78
00:03:07,260 --> 00:03:08,619
Is it?
79
00:03:08,620 --> 00:03:12,059
No, not really.
Martin, when will your mother die?
80
00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:13,699
In about an hour, hopefully.
81
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,499
She's not bringing
her dead dog, is she?
82
00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:19,179
Unfortunately, yes.
83
00:03:19,180 --> 00:03:20,939
How is that thing still alive?
84
00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:22,899
It must be like 900 by now.
85
00:03:22,900 --> 00:03:25,859
It's got cobwebs in its arse.
86
00:03:25,860 --> 00:03:27,059
Nearly done.
87
00:03:27,060 --> 00:03:30,299
And your mother better not go on
about my horrible dry turkey again.
88
00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,739
What? No, I'm sure she won't.
89
00:03:31,740 --> 00:03:34,699
Well, she does it every Christmas.
What's wrong with my turkey?
90
00:03:34,700 --> 00:03:35,739
It's lovely.
91
00:03:35,740 --> 00:03:37,499
I know, Jackie. It's delicious.
92
00:03:37,500 --> 00:03:40,379
Boys, my turkey's not horrible
and dry, is it?
93
00:03:40,380 --> 00:03:41,139
No, not at all.
94
00:03:41,140 --> 00:03:42,259
Not one bit.
95
00:03:42,260 --> 00:03:46,259
Good. Well, she better keep
her mouth shut, then.
96
00:03:47,020 --> 00:03:48,459
It is dry though, isn't it?
97
00:03:48,460 --> 00:03:49,539
Oh, my God, it's dry.
98
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,259
So dry!
99
00:03:51,260 --> 00:03:53,379
Oh, and er, bring the jug through,
will you?
100
00:03:53,380 --> 00:03:56,139
I'll be right through, love.
101
00:03:56,140 --> 00:03:58,419
Oh, boys, could you
help me a moment?
102
00:03:58,420 --> 00:03:59,459
What is it?
103
00:03:59,460 --> 00:04:00,779
Garage, surprise.
104
00:04:00,780 --> 00:04:02,379
What? You've got Rudolph in there?
105
00:04:02,380 --> 00:04:04,139
Yes. Rudolf Hess!
106
00:04:09,020 --> 00:04:10,539
No need to wear any trousers.
107
00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,459
Adam, can you come here?
108
00:04:12,460 --> 00:04:16,459
OK.
109
00:04:17,220 --> 00:04:18,499
Da-da!
110
00:04:18,500 --> 00:04:19,979
Wow, it's lovely, Mum.
111
00:04:19,980 --> 00:04:23,819
Ah, do you think so?
And there's holly and glitter.
112
00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:25,779
Yeah, yeah, it's great...
113
00:04:25,780 --> 00:04:27,459
What?
114
00:04:27,460 --> 00:04:28,779
Nothing.
115
00:04:28,780 --> 00:04:30,419
Come on, what?
116
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:33,459
Well, I know I say it every year,
but don't you think
117
00:04:33,460 --> 00:04:35,819
it's a bit weird that we do
all this Christmassy stuff?
118
00:04:35,820 --> 00:04:37,299
No. Why's it weird?
119
00:04:37,300 --> 00:04:39,539
Er, maybe because we're Jewish.
120
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:42,659
Don't be silly. It's a tradition.
121
00:04:42,660 --> 00:04:44,219
A Christian tradition.
122
00:04:44,220 --> 00:04:47,899
It's not a Christian tradition,
it's a tradition-tradition.
123
00:04:47,900 --> 00:04:50,659
A tradition-tradition that
celebrates the birth of Christ.
124
00:04:50,660 --> 00:04:51,699
No, it doesn't.
125
00:04:51,700 --> 00:04:53,539
Er, it does.
126
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:57,539
Well, yes, OK, it does, but
Christmas is just, you know, fun.
127
00:04:58,420 --> 00:04:59,059
Fun?
128
00:04:59,060 --> 00:05:00,179
Yeah, family.
129
00:05:00,180 --> 00:05:02,099
Fun or family?
They're quite different.
130
00:05:02,100 --> 00:05:03,619
Oh, just put the crackers out.
131
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:06,659
- The Jewish crackers
or the Christian crackers? - Shut up!
132
00:05:06,660 --> 00:05:10,419
Surprise!
133
00:05:10,420 --> 00:05:13,059
I'm sorry, you're not bringing
that thing into my house?
134
00:05:13,060 --> 00:05:14,139
What? Why not?
135
00:05:14,140 --> 00:05:16,859
Martin, we've never had
a tree before. Never.
136
00:05:16,860 --> 00:05:18,059
Yeah, well, now we have.
137
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,259
Please, I will be sick.
138
00:05:19,260 --> 00:05:22,579
But it was half price.
The man with the van was practically giving them away.
139
00:05:22,580 --> 00:05:24,659
I don't care about
the man with the van.
140
00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:25,939
It, it's not right.
141
00:05:25,940 --> 00:05:29,859
Not right? But we do the turkey,
we do the crackers.
142
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:31,859
Stop it, Adam. That's different.
143
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:34,699
This is just... wrong.
144
00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:35,779
Because?
145
00:05:35,780 --> 00:05:39,779
Because we're... Jewish.
146
00:05:42,220 --> 00:05:43,339
Heave.
147
00:05:43,340 --> 00:05:44,659
- Jesus!
- Heave.
148
00:05:44,660 --> 00:05:45,699
Argh.
149
00:05:45,700 --> 00:05:46,739
Heave.
150
00:05:46,740 --> 00:05:49,339
- Please stop saying that word.
- Heave.
151
00:05:49,340 --> 00:05:53,339
Heave!
152
00:05:55,300 --> 00:05:56,899
Done.
153
00:05:56,900 --> 00:05:57,939
Done?
154
00:05:57,940 --> 00:05:59,219
Done.
155
00:05:59,220 --> 00:06:00,659
That's it, then, is it?
156
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,899
What do you mean?
157
00:06:01,900 --> 00:06:03,219
That's our Christmas tree?
158
00:06:03,220 --> 00:06:05,019
What do you think it is?
A cement mixer?
159
00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:06,219
Aren't you meant to decorate it?
160
00:06:06,220 --> 00:06:08,419
What? No, it's fine. It's fine.
161
00:06:08,420 --> 00:06:10,939
Yes, it's fine, if you just
want a tree inside your house!
162
00:06:10,940 --> 00:06:13,379
Well, what are we meant to
decorate it with, dummkopf?
163
00:06:13,380 --> 00:06:15,419
Er, how about some baubles?
164
00:06:15,420 --> 00:06:18,299
Where am I going to get bleeding
baubles from, you pillock?
165
00:06:18,300 --> 00:06:20,139
All right. You're the one that
bought a Christmas tree.
166
00:06:20,140 --> 00:06:21,259
Correction, "a tree".
167
00:06:21,260 --> 00:06:22,499
Yeah, "a tree".
168
00:06:22,500 --> 00:06:23,859
I hate it.
169
00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:25,219
You haven't even looked at it.
170
00:06:25,220 --> 00:06:27,699
I'm looking at it right now
and I hate it.
171
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,859
How can you hate a tree?
172
00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:33,059
That's like saying, "I hate air".
173
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:35,539
Martin, it's horrible.
Get rid of it.
174
00:06:35,540 --> 00:06:36,739
Are you mad?
175
00:06:36,740 --> 00:06:39,179
I just hate it, and you know
who'll hate it the most.
176
00:06:39,180 --> 00:06:40,659
- Who?
- Your mother.
177
00:06:40,660 --> 00:06:41,459
Horrible grandma.
178
00:06:41,460 --> 00:06:42,579
Oh, yeah, she'll hate it.
179
00:06:42,580 --> 00:06:44,779
- Yeah, well, my mother hates everything.
- True.
180
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,459
- She hates the boys.
- Also true.
181
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:49,219
You'll have to say
it's a Hanukkah bush.
182
00:06:49,220 --> 00:06:50,819
I'm not saying it's a Hanukkah bush.
183
00:06:50,820 --> 00:06:52,739
I'm not.
184
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:56,179
What's wrong with it?
185
00:06:56,180 --> 00:06:57,539
You all right, Grandma?
186
00:06:57,540 --> 00:06:59,779
Oh, yes, dolly.
187
00:06:59,780 --> 00:07:02,179
Careful of Boadicea. Careful.
188
00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:04,499
Er, it's wearing a nappy?
189
00:07:04,500 --> 00:07:05,619
It bit me.
190
00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:08,819
She doesn't like you.
191
00:07:08,820 --> 00:07:10,059
Take my bag.
192
00:07:10,060 --> 00:07:11,099
Torture equipment.
193
00:07:11,100 --> 00:07:13,299
And you, take that.
194
00:07:13,300 --> 00:07:14,379
Body parts.
195
00:07:14,380 --> 00:07:17,979
But don't drop it.
196
00:07:17,980 --> 00:07:19,259
Hello, Cynthia.
197
00:07:19,260 --> 00:07:23,259
Give her some air,
give her some air.
198
00:07:23,420 --> 00:07:24,619
Nice drive?
199
00:07:24,620 --> 00:07:28,619
She said my hair was slutty.
200
00:07:30,340 --> 00:07:32,979
Dirty mirror. Where's my boy?
201
00:07:32,980 --> 00:07:34,699
Hello, Mum.
202
00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:36,699
Well,
don't you give your mother a kiss?
203
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:39,259
Er, sorry.
204
00:07:39,260 --> 00:07:40,579
You're fatter.
205
00:07:40,580 --> 00:07:43,819
Yes, well, er,
I've been eating the furniture!
206
00:07:45,460 --> 00:07:49,459
Martin, no-one likes a smart arse.
207
00:07:49,460 --> 00:07:50,939
OK.
208
00:07:50,940 --> 00:07:52,579
Right, shall we?
209
00:07:52,580 --> 00:07:54,779
Doesn't the house look nice?
210
00:07:54,780 --> 00:07:57,419
All this fuss
for a Christian holiday.
211
00:07:57,420 --> 00:07:59,179
We're supposed to be Jewish.
212
00:07:59,180 --> 00:08:00,659
Um, what shall I do with this?
213
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:03,179
Give it to her.
214
00:08:03,180 --> 00:08:04,579
Um.
215
00:08:04,580 --> 00:08:05,819
What is it?
216
00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:08,019
Are you still
doing your turkey this year?
217
00:08:08,020 --> 00:08:09,699
Um, yes.
218
00:08:09,700 --> 00:08:13,699
Well, I shall be eating that, then.
219
00:08:18,700 --> 00:08:22,699
Martin.
220
00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:24,299
Surely, she wouldn't.
221
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:28,299
Martin, in there is turkey, all
right? She's brought her own turkey.
222
00:08:28,780 --> 00:08:29,339
Wow.
223
00:08:29,340 --> 00:08:30,459
Yes, wow.
224
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,419
You don't want me
to say anything, do you?
225
00:08:32,420 --> 00:08:33,779
Why? You're not scared
of your own mother, are you?
226
00:08:33,780 --> 00:08:34,939
Yes.
227
00:08:34,940 --> 00:08:36,579
Excellent!
228
00:08:36,580 --> 00:08:39,539
No, it's OK, don't do anything.
229
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:42,579
I just...
I just can't believe her.
230
00:08:42,580 --> 00:08:45,219
Is my turkey really
that horrible and dry?
231
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:50,539
Oh, not on Christmas Day.
232
00:08:50,540 --> 00:08:54,219
Your poor mum.
233
00:08:54,220 --> 00:08:56,139
Ah, so moist.
234
00:08:56,140 --> 00:08:57,299
So moist.
235
00:08:57,300 --> 00:09:01,099
Lovely moist turkey.
236
00:09:01,100 --> 00:09:05,099
♪ Away in a manger
No crib for a bed
237
00:09:06,340 --> 00:09:09,299
♪ The little Lord Jesus... ♪
238
00:09:09,300 --> 00:09:13,299
Yes, Jim, er, sorry, er,
we don't really do carols.
239
00:09:14,420 --> 00:09:15,739
Carols, no.
240
00:09:15,740 --> 00:09:18,699
Because we're, you know, Jewish.
241
00:09:18,700 --> 00:09:20,179
Carols.
242
00:09:20,180 --> 00:09:22,979
Just about to have
your Christmas lunch, are you?
243
00:09:22,980 --> 00:09:25,739
Oh, yes.
244
00:09:25,740 --> 00:09:27,579
With anyone in particular?
245
00:09:27,580 --> 00:09:29,299
Some friends.
246
00:09:29,300 --> 00:09:30,379
Some friends?
247
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:32,579
Yes, um...
248
00:09:32,580 --> 00:09:34,699
Nigel...
249
00:09:34,700 --> 00:09:38,699
Nigelson and...
250
00:09:40,220 --> 00:09:42,139
Hello, Jim.
251
00:09:42,140 --> 00:09:44,179
Oh, someone's been
having an early tipple.
252
00:09:44,180 --> 00:09:48,139
That, that'll be Wilson.
Just a couple of brandies.
253
00:09:48,140 --> 00:09:52,139
No, I wanted to give you all er...
254
00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:55,219
a little something
for the festivities.
255
00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:59,219
Oh, thank you, Jim,
you didn't need to.
256
00:09:59,420 --> 00:10:03,139
Aw!
257
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:07,139
"From Jim and Wilson,
your best friends".
258
00:10:07,500 --> 00:10:10,179
"Best friends".
259
00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:11,379
And...
260
00:10:11,380 --> 00:10:12,539
What is it?
261
00:10:12,540 --> 00:10:15,179
It's er, £30.
262
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,459
£30?
263
00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,019
Yes, £30.
264
00:10:18,020 --> 00:10:19,419
Jim, really, that was...
265
00:10:19,420 --> 00:10:20,379
Strange.
266
00:10:20,380 --> 00:10:21,459
Unnecessary.
267
00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:24,059
Well, you see,
Wilson has sort of been
268
00:10:24,060 --> 00:10:26,939
doing his business in one
of your drains recently.
269
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:28,259
- Has he?
- Faeces.
270
00:10:28,260 --> 00:10:30,899
And the man said it would probably
cost about £30 to
271
00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:33,059
unblock it all, so...
272
00:10:33,060 --> 00:10:34,139
Right.
273
00:10:34,140 --> 00:10:36,619
£30.
274
00:10:36,620 --> 00:10:40,619
£30.
275
00:10:42,940 --> 00:10:45,259
♪ Deck the halls
with boughs of holly... ♪
276
00:10:45,260 --> 00:10:47,179
Thanks, Jim.
277
00:10:47,180 --> 00:10:50,579
♪ ..Fa, la, la, la, la, la, la... ♪
278
00:10:50,580 --> 00:10:52,379
Wilson.
279
00:10:54,540 --> 00:10:55,939
It's clever, isn't it?
280
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:58,739
It works off a standard
nine-volt alkaline battery.
281
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,459
Yeah, thanks, Mum and Dad.
282
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:02,859
I might turn it off just for now.
283
00:11:02,860 --> 00:11:04,299
- Really?
- Oh!
284
00:11:04,300 --> 00:11:05,739
Oh, really?
285
00:11:05,740 --> 00:11:07,979
Battery.
286
00:11:07,980 --> 00:11:10,539
But um, great presents, everyone.
287
00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:13,579
Yeah, thanks. Apart from Horrible
Grandma, who gave us nothing.
288
00:11:13,580 --> 00:11:14,739
As usual.
289
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,659
Can you pass me that bag?
290
00:11:16,660 --> 00:11:19,539
Here you go, Horrible Grandma.
291
00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:23,259
Oh, presents?
292
00:11:23,260 --> 00:11:24,859
Oh, not presents.
293
00:11:24,860 --> 00:11:27,139
Mum, I didn't know your asthma
had got that bad?
294
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:28,979
Here, my darling.
295
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:30,299
Um, why is she putting...
296
00:11:30,300 --> 00:11:33,419
Lungs. Rotted away, they have.
297
00:11:33,420 --> 00:11:35,419
That's why her breath
always smells of egg.
298
00:11:37,020 --> 00:11:39,259
You want to do your business,
don't you?
299
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:41,899
I'll put her in
the garden for a bit.
300
00:11:41,900 --> 00:11:43,179
OK.
301
00:11:43,180 --> 00:11:47,179
Let's get your panties off.
302
00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:51,299
Here. Go on.
303
00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:53,339
Go on.
304
00:11:53,340 --> 00:11:57,339
It's only a pee pee.
305
00:11:57,660 --> 00:12:01,659
Martin, bring her.
306
00:12:03,820 --> 00:12:05,859
Make sure the crows
don't get to her.
307
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,059
Who? The dog or your mother?!
308
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,299
Here, put this on.
309
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,019
Argh!
310
00:12:11,020 --> 00:12:12,659
Look, dog pissface.
311
00:12:12,660 --> 00:12:15,059
Stop it.
312
00:12:15,060 --> 00:12:18,259
You're revolting.
313
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,419
Oh, nearly forgot.
314
00:12:20,420 --> 00:12:22,179
Jonnyboo, one more.
315
00:12:22,180 --> 00:12:26,179
More?
316
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,139
Um.
317
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:34,139
Well, try it on.
318
00:12:38,140 --> 00:12:39,459
Well?
319
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,459
It's really fashionable.
320
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:44,739
Ignore him.
Go and look in the mirror.
321
00:12:44,740 --> 00:12:47,219
Crisp?
322
00:12:47,220 --> 00:12:51,219
Prannies!
323
00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,539
Horrible jumper.
324
00:12:54,540 --> 00:12:56,659
Thank you.
325
00:12:56,660 --> 00:12:59,419
Oh, you look so handsome in that.
326
00:12:59,420 --> 00:13:01,099
What is it? A cow?
327
00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,859
It's not a cow. It's a dragon.
328
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:05,059
A dragon?
329
00:13:05,060 --> 00:13:07,419
Yes.
You always said you liked dragons.
330
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:08,779
Really? When?
331
00:13:08,780 --> 00:13:10,619
Always. You've always loved dragons.
332
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,979
Have I? Maybe when I was four.
333
00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:15,019
Oh, what?
So you don't like dragons any more?
334
00:13:15,020 --> 00:13:18,059
Well, I don't like them
and I don't not like them.
335
00:13:18,060 --> 00:13:19,019
They're dragons.
336
00:13:19,020 --> 00:13:20,099
Does he like it?
337
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:21,379
It's fine, Martin.
338
00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:22,659
What is it? A cow?
339
00:13:22,660 --> 00:13:23,899
- A dragon.
- A dragon.
340
00:13:23,900 --> 00:13:24,699
Fantastic.
341
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:26,619
Well, obviously,
you hate your presents.
342
00:13:26,620 --> 00:13:30,619
Jackie...
343
00:13:30,660 --> 00:13:31,979
Why did you have to...
344
00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:34,899
What? All I said was,
"I don't like dragons".
345
00:13:34,900 --> 00:13:37,499
Yeah, well,
maybe it was the way you said it.
346
00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:40,099
In what way am I supposed to say
"I don't like dragons"?
347
00:13:40,100 --> 00:13:44,099
No, Jonathan.
You used to love dragons.
348
00:13:44,580 --> 00:13:45,619
Jesus.
349
00:13:45,620 --> 00:13:48,699
It's Christmas.
It's your Christmas jumper.
350
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:52,699
Take it.
351
00:13:58,340 --> 00:14:01,139
Sorry, Mum. I do still love dragons.
352
00:14:01,140 --> 00:14:05,139
See. Oh, good boy.
353
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:06,819
Yes, good boy.
354
00:14:06,820 --> 00:14:08,299
Get off.
355
00:14:08,300 --> 00:14:11,019
Now, can we all just have
a nice Christmas?
356
00:14:11,020 --> 00:14:11,579
Hanukkah.
357
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:12,699
Hanukkah.
358
00:14:12,700 --> 00:14:14,699
Right, liquid refreshment, anyone?
359
00:14:14,700 --> 00:14:16,699
Oh, yes, please, sherry.
360
00:14:16,700 --> 00:14:17,939
Mum, drink?
361
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,619
I'll have a sherry too,
but from my bottle.
362
00:14:20,620 --> 00:14:23,299
Of course.
363
00:14:23,300 --> 00:14:24,899
Oh, I nearly forgot.
364
00:14:24,900 --> 00:14:26,579
What? What?
365
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:29,179
Pus-face.
366
00:14:29,180 --> 00:14:30,339
What is it?
367
00:14:30,340 --> 00:14:31,579
It's from me.
368
00:14:31,580 --> 00:14:34,139
I thought we weren't getting
each other presents this year.
369
00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:36,339
Yeah, I know but
I just thought you'd really like it.
370
00:14:36,340 --> 00:14:37,659
Oh, thanks, Jonny.
371
00:14:37,660 --> 00:14:39,899
Isn't that nice, Mum?
372
00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:41,019
Lovely.
373
00:14:41,020 --> 00:14:42,419
By the way, I made it myself.
374
00:14:42,420 --> 00:14:43,299
You made it?
375
00:14:43,300 --> 00:14:46,379
You made it? Ah, Martin, he made it.
376
00:14:46,380 --> 00:14:47,499
What is it?
377
00:14:47,500 --> 00:14:51,499
Well, open it.
378
00:14:53,340 --> 00:14:55,179
Argh! You tit!
379
00:14:55,180 --> 00:14:57,779
Yeah, I made it last night.
I must give you the recipe.
380
00:14:57,780 --> 00:14:59,539
Jonny!
381
00:14:59,540 --> 00:15:02,099
Jacqueline, you gave birth to pigs.
382
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:05,739
Thank you.
Look at the mess you've made.
383
00:15:05,740 --> 00:15:07,579
It's not funny.
384
00:15:07,580 --> 00:15:10,099
It is very funny!
385
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:12,259
What am I going to do
with all this shit all over me?
386
00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:13,979
Yeah, wait... What is it?
387
00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,339
- Spaghetti.
- Bolognese?
388
00:15:15,340 --> 00:15:18,699
Yup. Ay Carumba.
389
00:15:18,700 --> 00:15:20,139
Dad!
390
00:15:20,140 --> 00:15:22,859
Oh.
391
00:15:22,860 --> 00:15:24,379
What?!
392
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:28,419
What's that noise?
393
00:15:28,420 --> 00:15:30,539
Is that Boadicea?
394
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:31,939
No, it's just Wilson.
395
00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:33,019
Wilson?
396
00:15:33,020 --> 00:15:35,339
Oh, yeah, there's Boadicea.
397
00:15:35,340 --> 00:15:36,659
Well, is she all right?
398
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:39,899
Yeah. Don't worry.
Wilson's looking after her...
399
00:15:42,020 --> 00:15:42,836
from behind.
400
00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,150
It's OK, Boadicea, it's OK.
401
00:15:50,347 --> 00:15:52,546
I really am so sorry, Jackie.
402
00:15:52,547 --> 00:15:54,826
You should be ashamed of yourself.
403
00:15:54,827 --> 00:15:56,626
Yes, well...
404
00:15:56,627 --> 00:15:58,626
I didn't know Wilson had it in him.
405
00:15:58,627 --> 00:16:00,666
Boadicea did.
406
00:16:00,667 --> 00:16:03,746
Also, he had been drinking, so...
407
00:16:03,747 --> 00:16:06,586
Martin, show Jim out, would you?
408
00:16:06,587 --> 00:16:09,826
Come on, Jim.
409
00:16:09,827 --> 00:16:12,026
Well...
410
00:16:12,432 --> 00:16:13,911
Bye, all.
411
00:16:13,912 --> 00:16:14,951
Bye.
412
00:16:15,420 --> 00:16:16,959
Thanks for raping Grandma's dog.
413
00:16:17,028 --> 00:16:18,667
On Christmas Day.
414
00:16:18,668 --> 00:16:20,107
Sweet man.
415
00:16:20,108 --> 00:16:24,107
Awful man.
416
00:16:36,308 --> 00:16:38,587
Nice?
417
00:16:38,588 --> 00:16:41,427
Yeah, lovely bit of squirrel.
418
00:16:41,428 --> 00:16:42,467
Yeah.
419
00:16:42,468 --> 00:16:43,667
Yeah.
420
00:16:43,668 --> 00:16:46,027
Very nice, Jackie.
421
00:16:46,028 --> 00:16:48,787
Oh, Jon-Jon, could I have
some more water, please?
422
00:16:48,788 --> 00:16:50,347
Me too.
423
00:16:50,348 --> 00:16:51,427
And me.
424
00:16:51,428 --> 00:16:53,947
Here.
425
00:16:53,948 --> 00:16:57,947
Thanks.
426
00:17:03,548 --> 00:17:06,187
You really won't try
any of my turkey, Cynthia?
427
00:17:06,188 --> 00:17:10,187
No, thank you, I'm happy with mine.
It's nice and moist.
428
00:17:11,548 --> 00:17:14,947
Well, Jackie,
we love your turkey. Don't we?
429
00:17:14,948 --> 00:17:18,947
Yeah.
430
00:17:22,308 --> 00:17:24,667
I can't breathe.
431
00:17:24,668 --> 00:17:25,787
I can't breathe!
432
00:17:25,788 --> 00:17:26,987
Oh, my god!
433
00:17:26,988 --> 00:17:29,067
Turkey's stuck. Turkey!
434
00:17:29,068 --> 00:17:30,427
Do something, Martin!
435
00:17:30,428 --> 00:17:31,427
It's OK, Adam.
436
00:17:31,428 --> 00:17:33,227
So dry!
437
00:17:33,228 --> 00:17:36,667
Right! Come here!
438
00:17:36,668 --> 00:17:37,747
Bloody hell!
439
00:17:37,748 --> 00:17:38,307
Martin!
440
00:17:38,308 --> 00:17:41,307
That's it! That's it!
441
00:17:41,308 --> 00:17:44,107
Careful!
442
00:17:44,108 --> 00:17:46,107
It's OK, Bobble! Oh, my God!
443
00:17:46,108 --> 00:17:47,867
I know what to do.
444
00:17:47,868 --> 00:17:49,627
Here, breathe!
445
00:17:49,628 --> 00:17:51,187
Christ!
446
00:17:51,188 --> 00:17:52,267
Keep breathing, Bobble.
447
00:17:52,268 --> 00:17:54,507
Give it back!
Do you want to kill her?
448
00:17:54,508 --> 00:17:55,547
Yes, please!
449
00:17:55,548 --> 00:17:57,667
Never mind the stupid dog! What?
450
00:17:57,668 --> 00:17:59,227
Breathe in.
451
00:17:59,228 --> 00:18:01,227
Breathe in all that lovely
dog slobber!
452
00:18:01,228 --> 00:18:04,707
Argh!
453
00:18:05,788 --> 00:18:09,787
Classic, classic!
454
00:18:10,588 --> 00:18:12,307
Oh, God!
455
00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:16,307
Oh, and, er... here's your mother's
extra-moist turkey.
456
00:18:18,548 --> 00:18:22,547
Boys.
457
00:18:23,388 --> 00:18:24,707
Mmm!
458
00:18:24,708 --> 00:18:25,747
Mmm!
459
00:18:25,748 --> 00:18:29,747
Oh, so good!
460
00:18:29,748 --> 00:18:33,747
Boys, I think you'd better...
461
00:18:34,788 --> 00:18:37,267
Right, lovely! Thank you.
462
00:18:37,268 --> 00:18:38,787
Thanks a lot.
463
00:18:38,788 --> 00:18:41,627
But Jackie,
we were only, um... testing it.
464
00:18:41,628 --> 00:18:43,867
Yeah. Just testing it.
465
00:18:43,868 --> 00:18:45,227
You'd better go inside.
466
00:18:45,228 --> 00:18:47,027
What? Why?
467
00:18:47,028 --> 00:18:50,907
I think there's going to be a fight.
468
00:18:50,908 --> 00:18:53,147
And if you'd spent a bit more
time worrying
469
00:18:53,148 --> 00:18:57,147
about your grandchildren rather than
that crappy old fleabag of yours...
470
00:18:58,188 --> 00:19:01,827
All you care about is that
prostitute hairdo of yours.
471
00:19:01,828 --> 00:19:02,707
Prostitute?
472
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:04,147
Prostitute?
You heard me!
473
00:19:04,148 --> 00:19:05,307
- Mum.
- Mummy!
474
00:19:05,308 --> 00:19:06,947
- Let go!
- I will not.
475
00:19:06,948 --> 00:19:08,907
- Right!
- Whoa!
476
00:19:08,908 --> 00:19:09,947
Let go!
477
00:19:09,948 --> 00:19:11,027
Martin, do something!
478
00:19:11,028 --> 00:19:13,027
Ladies! R-r-right.
479
00:19:13,028 --> 00:19:15,387
Ah! Ah!
480
00:19:15,388 --> 00:19:16,587
Ah! Ah!
481
00:19:16,588 --> 00:19:17,987
Argh!
482
00:19:17,988 --> 00:19:21,987
There.
483
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:28,307
Here.
484
00:19:28,308 --> 00:19:29,867
You all right now?
485
00:19:29,868 --> 00:19:31,307
I'm OK, Jackie.
486
00:19:31,308 --> 00:19:33,347
Sorry, Nellie.
487
00:19:33,348 --> 00:19:36,947
It's OK, Martin.
488
00:19:36,948 --> 00:19:40,947
Here, Cynthia. Are you OK?
489
00:19:45,548 --> 00:19:49,547
Cynthia?
490
00:19:50,268 --> 00:19:54,267
Round two.
491
00:19:57,188 --> 00:20:01,187
Come on, Cynthia, it's Christmas.
492
00:20:02,348 --> 00:20:03,667
You all right, Grandma?
493
00:20:03,668 --> 00:20:04,827
Yeah, Grandma?
494
00:20:04,828 --> 00:20:06,507
Mum, I've said I'm sorry.
495
00:20:06,508 --> 00:20:10,507
It's all right, Martin. Leave her.
496
00:20:11,228 --> 00:20:12,987
Mum, cheer up, please.
497
00:20:12,988 --> 00:20:16,067
Maybe just leave her.
498
00:20:16,068 --> 00:20:18,547
Wait. I know what to do.
499
00:20:18,548 --> 00:20:20,387
What?
500
00:20:20,388 --> 00:20:22,427
What?
501
00:20:22,428 --> 00:20:23,947
Mum!
502
00:20:23,948 --> 00:20:26,067
No! Martin!
503
00:20:26,068 --> 00:20:27,107
Tickle time!
504
00:20:27,108 --> 00:20:28,227
No-o-o-o!
505
00:20:29,668 --> 00:20:31,867
Wu-hu-hu-hu-hu-hey-hey!
506
00:20:31,868 --> 00:20:33,827
Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
507
00:20:38,388 --> 00:20:41,227
Oh! Oh!
508
00:20:41,228 --> 00:20:42,307
Bloody tree!
509
00:20:42,308 --> 00:20:46,307
Hanukkah bush.
510
00:20:48,028 --> 00:20:51,827
Um... Grandma?
511
00:20:51,828 --> 00:20:55,227
I think your dog's just died.
512
00:20:55,228 --> 00:20:59,227
Oh!
513
00:20:59,228 --> 00:21:00,147
Good Christmas?
514
00:21:00,148 --> 00:21:04,147
Wonderful.
515
00:21:04,428 --> 00:21:07,667
Oh, well. She did have a good life,
I suppose.
516
00:21:07,668 --> 00:21:10,867
Not really. Her lungs were riddled
with holes,
517
00:21:10,868 --> 00:21:14,867
and she had an ulcerated colon.
518
00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:17,107
Still...
519
00:21:17,108 --> 00:21:21,107
Ow! Shit on it! Shit on it!
520
00:21:21,708 --> 00:21:23,227
What happened?
521
00:21:23,228 --> 00:21:27,227
The bleeding thing's still alive!
522
00:21:30,868 --> 00:21:33,787
It's all right, my darling!
It's all right!
523
00:21:33,788 --> 00:21:36,187
Jackie, can I have another sherry?
524
00:21:36,188 --> 00:21:38,307
In a minute, Mum!
525
00:21:38,308 --> 00:21:39,627
Hello, all!
526
00:21:39,628 --> 00:21:43,627
Who's that?
527
00:21:43,828 --> 00:21:46,747
It's just... the back door was open.
528
00:21:46,748 --> 00:21:47,987
You're dressed as...
529
00:21:47,988 --> 00:21:49,067
Jesus!
530
00:21:49,068 --> 00:21:51,027
No, Father Christmas.
531
00:21:51,028 --> 00:21:53,107
Is that the same man from before?
532
00:21:53,108 --> 00:21:54,547
- Different.
- Different.
533
00:21:54,548 --> 00:21:57,107
Yes, I'm a... different man.
534
00:21:57,108 --> 00:21:58,147
Good.
535
00:21:58,148 --> 00:22:00,347
Do you do that every year?
536
00:22:00,348 --> 00:22:04,347
No, it's more a... It's a disguise.
537
00:22:04,428 --> 00:22:07,747
No, I just thought I'd bring you all
a little peace offering
538
00:22:07,748 --> 00:22:11,747
because of the whole,
you know, dog incident.
539
00:22:12,148 --> 00:22:16,147
Right.
540
00:22:20,348 --> 00:22:21,627
Orange squash.
541
00:22:21,628 --> 00:22:25,627
You just add water.
542
00:22:28,428 --> 00:22:32,147
So, are you, um...
Are you all on your own today?
543
00:22:32,148 --> 00:22:36,147
Oh! Oh... got Wilson
back at the house, so...
544
00:22:36,308 --> 00:22:38,507
It's Christmas Day.
545
00:22:38,508 --> 00:22:42,507
Christmas Day...
546
00:22:47,268 --> 00:22:50,227
Do you fancy a mince pie?
547
00:22:50,228 --> 00:22:54,227
Oh, Jackie...
A mince pie with you...
548
00:22:54,428 --> 00:22:56,107
and... and the others!
549
00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:58,987
How exciting!
550
00:22:58,988 --> 00:23:00,667
Here.
551
00:23:00,668 --> 00:23:04,667
Thank you.
I'm still a different man.
552
00:23:09,668 --> 00:23:13,667
Mmm. Mmm.
553
00:23:15,268 --> 00:23:19,267
Um, Jim... you know I said
we don't really do carols?
554
00:23:19,868 --> 00:23:23,867
Because you're all of
the Jewish persuasion?
555
00:23:23,908 --> 00:23:25,187
Er, that's right.
556
00:23:25,188 --> 00:23:29,187
Well, I was wondering
how you feel about...
557
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:33,307
maybe singing us one?
558
00:23:33,308 --> 00:23:37,307
Singing you a carol?
A Christmas carol?
559
00:23:41,148 --> 00:23:45,147
Well, I suppose
I could perhaps try this one.
560
00:23:46,188 --> 00:23:50,187
♪ Silent night
561
00:23:51,508 --> 00:23:55,147
♪ Holy night
562
00:23:55,148 --> 00:23:58,827
♪ All is calm
563
00:23:58,828 --> 00:24:02,827
♪ All is bright
564
00:24:04,628 --> 00:24:08,627
♪ Round yon virgin mother and child
565
00:24:12,828 --> 00:24:16,827
♪ Holy infant so tender and mild
566
00:24:21,428 --> 00:24:25,427
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace
567
00:24:30,468 --> 00:24:34,467
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace. ♪
568
00:24:47,908 --> 00:24:50,027
Beautiful.
569
00:24:50,028 --> 00:24:51,387
Beautiful.
570
00:24:51,388 --> 00:24:54,707
Really beautiful.
571
00:24:54,708 --> 00:24:55,827
Yeah.
572
00:24:55,828 --> 00:24:57,187
Yeah.
573
00:24:57,188 --> 00:25:01,187
Yeah.
574
00:25:01,708 --> 00:25:05,707
Thanks, Jim.
575
00:25:10,868 --> 00:25:12,787
Grandma?
576
00:25:12,788 --> 00:25:14,587
Yes?
577
00:25:14,588 --> 00:25:15,991
Your dog's died again.
578
00:25:17,282 --> 00:25:21,751
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579
00:25:21,801 --> 00:25:26,351
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