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1
00:00:40,450 --> 00:00:41,449
Come on, Grandma.
2
00:00:41,450 --> 00:00:42,649
Ooh, thanks, Dolly.
3
00:00:42,650 --> 00:00:43,689
Three hours later.
4
00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:44,769
Three days later.
5
00:00:44,770 --> 00:00:47,129
Oh, don't forget my yoghurts
are in the boot.
6
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,729
Oh, yes, the yoghurts.
7
00:00:48,730 --> 00:00:50,729
Grandma, you do know none of us
eat yoghurts?
8
00:00:50,730 --> 00:00:53,329
I know.
So why did you buy so many?
9
00:00:53,330 --> 00:00:55,409
They were half price.
10
00:00:55,410 --> 00:00:57,449
What are we going to do
with 36 of them?
11
00:00:57,450 --> 00:00:59,489
Oh, God, why won't it open?
12
00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:01,649
Crazytits?
13
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,529
Do you have to call her that?
14
00:01:03,530 --> 00:01:04,489
It's Liz, actually.
15
00:01:04,490 --> 00:01:05,729
Yeah, Crazytits Liz.
16
00:01:05,730 --> 00:01:07,289
Stop texting me!
17
00:01:07,290 --> 00:01:08,729
Have you worked out what to do?
18
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:09,529
No.
19
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:11,009
I've told you should do dump her.
20
00:01:11,010 --> 00:01:12,369
I can't just dump her.
21
00:01:12,370 --> 00:01:14,689
Body in the Thames. Please open!
22
00:01:14,690 --> 00:01:16,729
I can't dump her,
it's her birthday tomorrow.
23
00:01:16,730 --> 00:01:17,769
Whose birthday is it?
24
00:01:17,770 --> 00:01:20,289
Jonny's incredibly old girlfriend,
who's also his boss.
25
00:01:20,290 --> 00:01:21,329
Oh, Crazytits?
26
00:01:21,330 --> 00:01:24,329
Excellent. The boot's stuck,
Grandma, Dad'll have to do it.
27
00:01:24,330 --> 00:01:25,609
Oh, OK, Dolly.
28
00:01:25,610 --> 00:01:26,769
She's not old.
29
00:01:26,770 --> 00:01:27,809
What?
30
00:01:27,810 --> 00:01:29,569
Liz, she's not incredibly old.
31
00:01:29,570 --> 00:01:30,609
She's 83.
32
00:01:30,610 --> 00:01:31,289
43.
33
00:01:31,290 --> 00:01:33,609
Why don't you take her out dancing?
34
00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:34,729
What?
35
00:01:34,730 --> 00:01:37,249
For her birthday.
Women love dancing.
36
00:01:37,250 --> 00:01:39,969
Yeah, old women love dancing. Ow!
37
00:01:39,970 --> 00:01:43,729
When I was younger,
before I met Sidney,
38
00:01:43,730 --> 00:01:47,729
if a man asked me to dance, somehow
I always ended up in bed with them.
39
00:01:49,530 --> 00:01:50,969
Ha-ha!
40
00:01:50,970 --> 00:01:51,889
Hi, Mum!
41
00:01:51,890 --> 00:01:53,369
Hello, Dolly.
42
00:01:53,370 --> 00:01:54,729
Ah, come in!
43
00:01:54,730 --> 00:01:56,569
Hi, boys. What?
44
00:01:56,570 --> 00:02:00,529
Nothing.
45
00:02:00,530 --> 00:02:02,929
Do you like my new style?
46
00:02:02,930 --> 00:02:05,209
Oh, it's lovely, Mum.
47
00:02:05,210 --> 00:02:08,929
Thank you, Jackie.
They're very good there.
48
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,209
You should go.
49
00:02:10,210 --> 00:02:11,409
I'm OK, thanks.
50
00:02:11,410 --> 00:02:14,209
But they specialise in problem hair.
51
00:02:14,210 --> 00:02:17,689
Right, go through, Mum.
52
00:02:17,690 --> 00:02:19,129
Are you all right?
53
00:02:19,130 --> 00:02:20,649
Hmm?
Crazytits.
54
00:02:20,650 --> 00:02:22,849
Oh, Crazytits.
55
00:02:22,850 --> 00:02:25,329
Will you please stop
calling her Crazytits?!
56
00:02:25,330 --> 00:02:26,809
God! What is that smell?
57
00:02:26,810 --> 00:02:27,929
Jesus!
58
00:02:27,930 --> 00:02:30,649
Oh, it's that cupboard.
Your dad's been using it to...
59
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,529
Don't open it! Oh!
60
00:02:31,530 --> 00:02:32,929
Oh, Christ!
61
00:02:32,930 --> 00:02:35,769
Oh, I told you!
Is that fish hanging up in there?
62
00:02:35,770 --> 00:02:37,089
What?!
63
00:02:37,090 --> 00:02:38,649
Oh, my God!
64
00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,049
Your dad's been drying fish.
65
00:02:40,050 --> 00:02:42,409
Drying fish?
What's he drying fish for?
66
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:44,609
Because he wants my house
to smell like a sewer.
67
00:02:44,610 --> 00:02:45,849
Hello, bambinos.
68
00:02:45,850 --> 00:02:46,769
A sewer!
69
00:02:46,770 --> 00:02:47,889
Ow!
70
00:02:47,890 --> 00:02:49,809
What are you doing in there?
71
00:02:49,810 --> 00:02:51,649
I'm not in there.
72
00:02:51,650 --> 00:02:54,169
Why are you drying fish
in a cupboard?
73
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:56,009
Because that's what you do.
74
00:02:56,010 --> 00:02:57,729
If you want to get sectioned.
75
00:02:57,730 --> 00:02:59,649
Bloody thing, screaming in my ear.
76
00:02:59,650 --> 00:03:01,849
No, my father used to do this
years ago.
77
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:03,769
Cor, it's delicious.
78
00:03:03,770 --> 00:03:04,849
Is it?
79
00:03:04,850 --> 00:03:07,809
And of course the Portuguese...
been doing it for centuries.
80
00:03:07,810 --> 00:03:09,889
Of course, the Portuguese!
81
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,169
The Portuguese.
82
00:03:11,170 --> 00:03:12,649
You never had dried fish before?
83
00:03:12,650 --> 00:03:14,729
Not from a cupboard.
84
00:03:15,770 --> 00:03:17,009
Not another text!
85
00:03:17,010 --> 00:03:18,409
Who's that? Crazytits?
86
00:03:18,410 --> 00:03:20,809
Dad!
Is that the old woman he's seeing?
87
00:03:20,810 --> 00:03:21,849
She's not an old woman.
88
00:03:21,850 --> 00:03:23,249
How old is she again? 53?
89
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:24,089
Er, no, 63.
90
00:03:24,090 --> 00:03:25,369
43! She's 43.
91
00:03:25,370 --> 00:03:26,609
43.
92
00:03:26,610 --> 00:03:28,649
Imagine living through
two World Wars.
93
00:03:28,650 --> 00:03:30,489
She's almost as old as you, Jackie.
94
00:03:30,490 --> 00:03:31,689
Oh, thank you, Martin!
95
00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:34,649
It's her birthday tomorrow.
We're going out for dinner.
96
00:03:34,650 --> 00:03:37,089
What are you going to do about her?
Where's my sherry?
97
00:03:37,090 --> 00:03:40,929
All right, Mum! Blimey!
Adam, get Grandma her sherry.
98
00:03:40,930 --> 00:03:44,929
Ugh, always me!
99
00:03:46,090 --> 00:03:47,809
What am I going to do about her,
Mum?
100
00:03:47,810 --> 00:03:49,689
She definitely knows something's up.
101
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,609
How can I finish with her
on her birthday?
102
00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:54,729
You can't finish with her
on her birthday.
103
00:03:54,730 --> 00:03:55,769
Can't I?
Can't he?
104
00:03:55,770 --> 00:03:56,969
No!
105
00:03:56,970 --> 00:03:58,769
Great, so I have to get her
a nice present
106
00:03:58,770 --> 00:04:01,129
and then she'll be happy,
then I'll have to act happy,
107
00:04:01,130 --> 00:04:02,849
and then I'm stuck with her again.
108
00:04:02,850 --> 00:04:04,609
You could get her
a horrible present.
109
00:04:04,610 --> 00:04:06,729
But then she'll be upset
and I'll have to be nice,
110
00:04:06,730 --> 00:04:09,169
and then she'll be happy,
then I'm stuck with her again.
111
00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:10,929
Again! I can't bloody win!
112
00:04:10,930 --> 00:04:12,369
You could just kill her.
113
00:04:12,370 --> 00:04:14,209
I'll do that then.
114
00:04:14,210 --> 00:04:15,889
It's not too hard to kill
an old lady.
115
00:04:15,890 --> 00:04:17,689
Just creep up behind them
and go, "BOO!"
116
00:04:17,690 --> 00:04:18,529
Argh!
117
00:04:18,530 --> 00:04:20,489
Oh, sorry, Grandma.
118
00:04:20,490 --> 00:04:23,489
I told him he should just
take her out dancing.
119
00:04:23,490 --> 00:04:25,769
Did you, Mum?
120
00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:27,249
It's not quite as easy as that.
121
00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:30,609
Yes, it is. I'll show you.
122
00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:31,689
What?
123
00:04:31,690 --> 00:04:32,889
How to dance. Come on!
124
00:04:32,890 --> 00:04:34,809
Grandma, you're not going
to show me...
125
00:04:34,810 --> 00:04:36,489
Just a little dance.
126
00:04:36,490 --> 00:04:38,809
What a wonderful idea!
127
00:04:38,810 --> 00:04:41,449
Ah, go on Jonny, have
a little dance with your grandma.
128
00:04:41,450 --> 00:04:43,009
Go on!
129
00:04:43,010 --> 00:04:44,249
It'll make her happy.
130
00:04:44,250 --> 00:04:45,689
Where's the music?
131
00:04:45,690 --> 00:04:47,969
Er, there's a radio machine
in the kitchen.
132
00:04:47,970 --> 00:04:49,009
Radio machine!
133
00:04:49,010 --> 00:04:50,729
Come on then.
134
00:04:50,730 --> 00:04:51,849
How is this happening?
135
00:04:51,850 --> 00:04:53,329
Ooh, stop it! It'll cheer you up.
136
00:04:53,330 --> 00:04:54,369
Really won't.
137
00:04:54,370 --> 00:04:57,049
Now then, here we go.
138
00:04:57,050 --> 00:04:59,009
Hold on to my waist.
139
00:04:59,010 --> 00:05:00,009
Really?
140
00:05:01,650 --> 00:05:03,009
Is it loud enough?
141
00:05:03,010 --> 00:05:04,449
Yes!
142
00:05:04,450 --> 00:05:07,449
Oh, lovely music.
143
00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:08,569
Lovely!
144
00:05:08,570 --> 00:05:11,089
One, two, three, one, two, three.
145
00:05:11,090 --> 00:05:14,089
Um, I think that's
the music for the news.
146
00:05:14,090 --> 00:05:15,329
Keep going, Pissface.
147
00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:16,409
Shut up, Pusface.
148
00:05:16,410 --> 00:05:17,729
Where's the digital camera?
149
00:05:17,730 --> 00:05:19,929
Oh, yes, the camera.
150
00:05:19,930 --> 00:05:22,769
One, two, three, one, two, three.
151
00:05:22,770 --> 00:05:24,129
'The headlines...'
It is the news.
152
00:05:24,130 --> 00:05:26,449
One, two, three, one, two, three.
153
00:05:26,450 --> 00:05:27,569
Mum!
154
00:05:27,570 --> 00:05:28,089
What?
155
00:05:28,090 --> 00:05:29,329
We are dancing to the news.
156
00:05:29,330 --> 00:05:30,849
Smile!
157
00:05:30,850 --> 00:05:34,009
It's not music. It's not.
158
00:05:34,010 --> 00:05:37,969
Ah! Well done, Grandma!
159
00:05:37,970 --> 00:05:41,609
Oh, thank you.
160
00:05:41,610 --> 00:05:43,849
So, that's what you should do.
161
00:05:43,850 --> 00:05:47,609
You should take your girlfriend
out dancing.
162
00:05:47,610 --> 00:05:48,369
Agreed.
163
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,449
OK, Grandma, I'll do that.
164
00:05:50,450 --> 00:05:52,809
And then you bring her back home
165
00:05:52,810 --> 00:05:56,809
and make passionate love
to her all night.
166
00:06:00,130 --> 00:06:02,729
Just let that seep in a bit,
should be OK.
167
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,289
Thanks, Dad.
168
00:06:04,290 --> 00:06:06,969
Yeah, it's just basic
fluid mechanics really,
169
00:06:06,970 --> 00:06:09,289
simple coefficients of viscosity.
170
00:06:09,290 --> 00:06:11,969
Right, I'll remember that.
171
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,009
See you later.
172
00:06:13,010 --> 00:06:15,689
Oh, Adam? Any, er...? Females?
173
00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:17,089
Please!
174
00:06:17,090 --> 00:06:18,329
Your brother's got a female.
175
00:06:18,330 --> 00:06:19,529
Correction, old woman.
176
00:06:19,530 --> 00:06:21,369
You can learn a lot
from an older lady.
177
00:06:21,370 --> 00:06:23,089
What, like how to dance to the news?
178
00:06:23,090 --> 00:06:27,089
Look, all I'm saying is maybe
you should consider other options.
179
00:06:27,290 --> 00:06:29,089
Other options?
180
00:06:29,090 --> 00:06:31,249
Like, I don't know. Divorcees?
181
00:06:31,250 --> 00:06:32,249
Sorry?
182
00:06:32,250 --> 00:06:33,049
Or widows.
183
00:06:33,050 --> 00:06:34,089
Widows?!
184
00:06:34,090 --> 00:06:37,529
OK, I'm going to go inside now
and set myself on fire.
185
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:38,849
Dinner's read...
186
00:06:38,850 --> 00:06:41,249
Why are you doing that now?
187
00:06:41,250 --> 00:06:42,089
What?
188
00:06:42,090 --> 00:06:45,449
Oh!
189
00:06:45,450 --> 00:06:46,849
Come on, Mum.
190
00:06:46,850 --> 00:06:48,809
What's he doing out there?
191
00:06:48,810 --> 00:06:51,129
Ah, fixing the stupid boot.
Why he couldn't wait.
192
00:06:51,130 --> 00:06:53,089
Oh.
193
00:06:53,090 --> 00:06:57,089
My yoghurts.
194
00:06:57,530 --> 00:07:01,529
All done. Ah, bleeding thing!
195
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:13,089
There they are.
196
00:07:15,930 --> 00:07:17,249
Oooh!
197
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:18,409
Ooh. Agh.
198
00:07:18,410 --> 00:07:20,729
Right.
199
00:07:20,730 --> 00:07:23,169
HELP! Oh!
200
00:07:23,170 --> 00:07:25,489
Help!
201
00:07:25,490 --> 00:07:28,129
We have no idea, Val.
She was here a minute ago.
202
00:07:28,130 --> 00:07:29,769
She's definitely not on the roof.
203
00:07:29,770 --> 00:07:32,569
Done the bedrooms. And the loos.
204
00:07:32,570 --> 00:07:34,649
I'll call you back.
205
00:07:34,650 --> 00:07:36,289
So, what are we going to do?
206
00:07:37,130 --> 00:07:38,169
Oh, that must be her.
207
00:07:38,170 --> 00:07:40,609
Coming, Mummy!
208
00:07:40,610 --> 00:07:42,849
Mummy?
209
00:07:42,850 --> 00:07:46,209
Oh, sorry, Jim, it's a terrible
time. I've lost my mother.
210
00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:50,209
We're very sorry to hear that,
Jackie, aren't we Wilson?
211
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:52,729
No, she's not dead. We've lost her.
212
00:07:52,730 --> 00:07:54,129
We can't find her anywhere.
213
00:07:54,130 --> 00:07:56,209
Have you looked on the roof?
214
00:07:56,210 --> 00:07:57,689
She's not on the roof, Jim.
215
00:07:57,690 --> 00:07:59,969
Well, just wanted to let you know,
216
00:07:59,970 --> 00:08:03,969
your car appears to be making
a terrible moaning noise.
217
00:08:04,170 --> 00:08:06,289
OK, well, thanks, Jim.
218
00:08:06,290 --> 00:08:10,289
It's almost as if it could talk.
219
00:08:11,050 --> 00:08:14,809
Argh! Help!
220
00:08:14,810 --> 00:08:18,809
It's OK, Mum.
You are such an idiot, Martin!
221
00:08:19,090 --> 00:08:20,729
OK, I can just drill into it.
222
00:08:20,730 --> 00:08:24,409
And drill right into my mother's
skull? No, you don't!
223
00:08:24,410 --> 00:08:26,369
What's that noise?
224
00:08:26,370 --> 00:08:28,289
Nothing, Mum!
225
00:08:28,290 --> 00:08:30,649
I can survive, I think.
I've got 36 yoghurts.
226
00:08:30,650 --> 00:08:31,889
OK, Grandma!
227
00:08:31,890 --> 00:08:33,329
But I might need a spoon.
228
00:08:33,330 --> 00:08:34,609
Have you called the police?
229
00:08:34,610 --> 00:08:37,369
I'm not calling the police.
They'll think we're murderers!
230
00:08:37,370 --> 00:08:40,009
No need, Jackie.
I can smash her out.
231
00:08:40,010 --> 00:08:41,409
You're not smashing up my car!
232
00:08:41,410 --> 00:08:43,049
Do you want to kill my mother?
233
00:08:43,050 --> 00:08:44,769
Jonny, call the locksmith.
234
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:46,849
Oh, yeah, the locksmith
that I know!
235
00:08:46,850 --> 00:08:48,129
Just Google it, you div.
236
00:08:49,490 --> 00:08:50,849
Crazytits?
237
00:08:50,850 --> 00:08:52,009
I could always call Mike.
238
00:08:52,010 --> 00:08:53,529
Jim, please, it's an emergency.
239
00:08:53,530 --> 00:08:55,729
Mike Sullivan. He's a locksmith.
240
00:08:55,730 --> 00:08:56,769
What?
241
00:08:56,770 --> 00:08:57,929
He's a friend of mine.
242
00:08:57,930 --> 00:09:00,649
Mike Sullivan will
get your mother out in no time.
243
00:09:00,650 --> 00:09:03,689
Really? Well, call him, quick!
It's all right, Mum!
244
00:09:03,690 --> 00:09:07,609
Unfortunately I don't have his
number because Wilson did something
245
00:09:07,610 --> 00:09:08,889
to my phone with his bottom.
246
00:09:08,890 --> 00:09:10,129
Oh, great.
247
00:09:10,130 --> 00:09:11,889
He doesn't live far, I know the way.
248
00:09:11,890 --> 00:09:15,889
Right, come on.
249
00:09:17,010 --> 00:09:21,009
How about this?
250
00:09:26,130 --> 00:09:30,129
This way, everybody!
Mike Sullivan will save her!
251
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:34,049
Mummy, we're at the locksmith's now.
252
00:09:34,050 --> 00:09:36,049
He's going to get you out
in one minute!
253
00:09:36,050 --> 00:09:37,569
It's so dark.
254
00:09:37,570 --> 00:09:39,529
Just try to keep breathing!
255
00:09:39,530 --> 00:09:43,529
Argh!
256
00:09:44,810 --> 00:09:47,449
Don't worry, Jackie.
Mike Sullivan's the man!
257
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:51,449
Oh, here he comes.
258
00:09:52,650 --> 00:09:56,369
Locks.
259
00:09:56,370 --> 00:09:57,609
Hello, Mike.
260
00:09:57,610 --> 00:09:59,889
Hello, Jim. Everything all right?
261
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:02,089
Yes.
262
00:10:02,090 --> 00:10:05,809
No, it isn't. My mother's trapped
in our boot, so...
263
00:10:05,810 --> 00:10:06,889
Sorry?
264
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:07,969
Could you get her out?
265
00:10:07,970 --> 00:10:09,209
She's in the boot.
266
00:10:09,210 --> 00:10:11,049
Um...
267
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:13,289
Adam, go and stay with Grandma,
will you?
268
00:10:13,290 --> 00:10:15,129
Sure.
269
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:17,009
Well, are you going
to let her out then?
270
00:10:17,010 --> 00:10:18,449
Well, how am I going to do that?
271
00:10:18,450 --> 00:10:19,729
With your tools. Come on!
272
00:10:19,730 --> 00:10:20,529
My tools?
273
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,489
Your tools, your locksmith tools.
274
00:10:22,490 --> 00:10:25,129
Locksmith tools?
I'm not a locksmith.
275
00:10:25,130 --> 00:10:26,209
What?!
276
00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,809
I'm a town planner.
277
00:10:28,810 --> 00:10:30,569
Are you?
278
00:10:30,570 --> 00:10:31,209
Yes.
279
00:10:31,210 --> 00:10:33,329
I thought you were a locksmith.
280
00:10:33,330 --> 00:10:36,129
Why?
281
00:10:36,130 --> 00:10:38,329
The locks.
282
00:10:38,330 --> 00:10:41,209
Why aren't you
a shitting locksmith?!
283
00:10:41,210 --> 00:10:44,449
OK, I'm slamming the door now.
284
00:10:44,450 --> 00:10:48,449
Um, something's happened!
285
00:10:56,170 --> 00:11:00,169
I tried to stop them.
286
00:11:00,730 --> 00:11:03,003
She's got yoghurts.
287
00:11:12,070 --> 00:11:15,269
220 bloody pounds! I knew
I should have used that hammer.
288
00:11:18,231 --> 00:11:19,750
You all right now, Mum?
289
00:11:19,751 --> 00:11:21,870
Yes.
290
00:11:21,871 --> 00:11:25,790
This is a very
fashionable restaurant.
291
00:11:25,791 --> 00:11:27,470
Ummm...
292
00:11:28,224 --> 00:11:29,383
Oh, not now!
293
00:11:29,384 --> 00:11:32,743
Yes, not now!
294
00:11:32,744 --> 00:11:34,583
She's cut her own hair.
295
00:11:34,584 --> 00:11:35,783
Why would she do that?
296
00:11:35,784 --> 00:11:37,063
Because you ruined her life?
297
00:11:37,064 --> 00:11:39,623
Come on, Grandma.
Let's take you home.
298
00:11:39,624 --> 00:11:41,623
Am I going in the boot again?
299
00:11:41,624 --> 00:11:43,143
Only if you ask nicely.
300
00:11:44,584 --> 00:11:45,583
One minute.
301
00:11:46,061 --> 00:11:46,860
What?
302
00:11:46,861 --> 00:11:49,860
I did turn the oven off?
303
00:11:50,209 --> 00:11:51,248
Ooh!
304
00:11:51,579 --> 00:11:55,478
Adam, open the back door.
Jonny, take Grandma upstairs!
305
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:56,598
All right!
306
00:11:56,599 --> 00:11:58,478
Ooh, Martin, get the chicken out.
307
00:11:58,577 --> 00:11:59,456
What?
308
00:11:59,546 --> 00:12:00,585
The chicken!
309
00:12:03,706 --> 00:12:05,665
Shit on the bloody thing!
310
00:12:05,666 --> 00:12:09,665
Yes, shit on the bloody thing.
311
00:12:11,506 --> 00:12:13,105
Looking forward to dinner.
312
00:12:13,106 --> 00:12:14,145
Mm.
313
00:12:15,186 --> 00:12:16,665
Crazytits?
314
00:12:16,666 --> 00:12:18,265
She wants to "pop round".
315
00:12:18,266 --> 00:12:20,345
Oh, I'll switch the stairlift on.
316
00:12:20,346 --> 00:12:24,345
Thanks-but-we're-very-busy.
317
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:25,825
Shame!
318
00:12:25,826 --> 00:12:27,225
How's Grandma?
319
00:12:27,226 --> 00:12:30,025
Still lying down.
She's a little confused.
320
00:12:30,026 --> 00:12:31,305
Oh, poor Grandma.
321
00:12:31,306 --> 00:12:34,665
She just asked if I could get her
something from duty-free.
322
00:12:34,666 --> 00:12:38,265
There, who says we can't still have
a delicious Friday night dinner, eh?
323
00:12:38,266 --> 00:12:39,305
Um, me.
324
00:12:39,306 --> 00:12:40,345
And me.
325
00:12:40,346 --> 00:12:43,225
Some lovely dried fish.
326
00:12:43,226 --> 00:12:46,305
They probably needed a couple more
days under the stairs, but...
327
00:12:46,306 --> 00:12:48,225
Dried fish from under the stairs.
328
00:12:48,226 --> 00:12:50,105
Aw! At least you tried.
329
00:12:50,106 --> 00:12:51,585
Thank you. Aw.
330
00:12:51,586 --> 00:12:52,985
And failed.
331
00:12:52,986 --> 00:12:56,985
Raw carrots and some crisps.
They might be a bit stale, though.
332
00:12:57,106 --> 00:12:58,145
They are.
333
00:12:58,146 --> 00:13:01,585
Look, a lovely bit of squirrelfish!
334
00:13:08,546 --> 00:13:10,065
Can definitely taste the cupboard.
335
00:13:10,066 --> 00:13:12,145
Yup, cupboard.
336
00:13:12,146 --> 00:13:13,385
So, have you decided, then?
337
00:13:13,386 --> 00:13:14,625
Hmm?
338
00:13:14,626 --> 00:13:16,025
What you're going to do about Liz?
339
00:13:16,026 --> 00:13:17,065
Mm.
340
00:13:17,066 --> 00:13:18,665
Yeah, I have, actually.
341
00:13:18,666 --> 00:13:20,505
Put her in a home?
342
00:13:20,506 --> 00:13:23,305
I'm going to give it another go.
Really?! Really?!
343
00:13:23,306 --> 00:13:25,505
And you were conscious when you made
that decision, were you?
344
00:13:25,506 --> 00:13:28,505
AYeah, give it another go.
345
00:13:28,506 --> 00:13:30,225
OK.
346
00:13:30,226 --> 00:13:32,065
He's staying with Crazytits?
347
00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:33,305
Thank you, Dad. Yeah.
348
00:13:33,306 --> 00:13:35,465
No, it's her birthday
and I'm going to be nice
349
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:39,465
and get her a nice present
and then just... see how it goes.
350
00:13:39,586 --> 00:13:41,385
Cool.
351
00:13:41,386 --> 00:13:45,385
I'm sticking with Liz.
352
00:13:48,666 --> 00:13:52,065
Oh, my God - she's so annoying!
353
00:13:52,066 --> 00:13:54,625
She goes on about the '70s the whole
time, as if she was there,
354
00:13:54,626 --> 00:13:55,745
which she was.
355
00:13:55,746 --> 00:13:57,425
She's got a thing
called a breadmaker
356
00:13:57,426 --> 00:13:58,945
so she can make her own bread.
357
00:13:58,946 --> 00:14:02,945
I didn't even know you could make
your own bread. And her best friend - who's an utter cock, by the way...
358
00:14:03,386 --> 00:14:06,145
he drives a black cab, but he's not
a taxi driver - it's his own car!
359
00:14:06,146 --> 00:14:07,985
It's OK, Jonny. Calm down.
360
00:14:07,986 --> 00:14:09,145
That guy does sound like a cock.
361
00:14:09,146 --> 00:14:11,505
TNo, I can't do it any more.
I've got to go round to her now.
362
00:14:11,506 --> 00:14:17,345
I've got to see her. I've got to talk to her.
Oh, my God.
363
00:14:17,346 --> 00:14:18,825
What?
She's outside.
364
00:14:18,826 --> 00:14:19,505
What?!
365
00:14:19,506 --> 00:14:20,305
She's outside?!
366
00:14:20,306 --> 00:14:22,705
She's outside, she's outside!
367
00:14:22,706 --> 00:14:24,865
Oh, please don't say it's true.
It's true!
368
00:14:24,866 --> 00:14:26,185
Shit! What am I going to do?
369
00:14:26,186 --> 00:14:27,225
She's locking her car.
370
00:14:27,226 --> 00:14:29,465
Don't worry, Jonny.
Just talk to her like a man.
371
00:14:29,466 --> 00:14:31,105
Yeah, like a really old man -
she'll understand you then.
372
00:14:31,106 --> 00:14:33,745
Shut up! Yes, shut up!
She's coming up the drive!
373
00:14:33,746 --> 00:14:35,025
Just tell her how you feel.
374
00:14:35,026 --> 00:14:36,105
Suicidal.
375
00:14:36,106 --> 00:14:38,705
But you were going to go round
and talk to her a second ago.
376
00:14:38,706 --> 00:14:39,945
Getting closer...
377
00:14:39,946 --> 00:14:42,825
That was before. This is now.
I can't just talk to her.
378
00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:45,825
About to press the doorbell. Please!
Doorbell pressed.
379
00:14:45,826 --> 00:14:47,825
Oh, God! And let the agony begin!
380
00:14:47,826 --> 00:14:49,825
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
381
00:14:49,826 --> 00:14:53,345
It's OK, Jonny, it's OK.
Don't worry!
382
00:14:53,346 --> 00:14:54,785
Calm down. It'll be fine.
383
00:14:54,786 --> 00:14:55,665
It won't be fine.
384
00:14:55,666 --> 00:14:56,785
Shit, shit, shit!
385
00:14:56,786 --> 00:14:58,385
Martin, go and put your shirt on.
386
00:14:58,386 --> 00:14:59,985
Oh, bleeding hell!
387
00:15:00,586 --> 00:15:02,065
Well, go on, just open the door!
388
00:15:02,066 --> 00:15:04,145
Just go on, Jonny.
389
00:15:04,146 --> 00:15:07,825
OK, I can do it. I can do it.
390
00:15:07,826 --> 00:15:09,665
No, I can't do it. I've got to hide!
391
00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:10,745
Hide?!
Yes, hide!
392
00:15:12,466 --> 00:15:13,865
Coming! Move, you bloody...
393
00:15:13,866 --> 00:15:16,145
Oh, I'm so sorry,
I appear to be in your way!
394
00:15:16,146 --> 00:15:17,625
Adam!
395
00:15:17,626 --> 00:15:19,545
Mum, open the door! Open the door!
396
00:15:19,546 --> 00:15:21,025
Out the way - I want to hide!
397
00:15:21,026 --> 00:15:22,985
Don't be so stupid.
I'm opening it now.
398
00:15:22,986 --> 00:15:24,025
I'm hiding in here.
399
00:15:24,026 --> 00:15:25,705
Ah, Christ - it stinks!
400
00:15:25,706 --> 00:15:27,105
Enjoy!
401
00:15:27,106 --> 00:15:28,505
Tell her I had to go away!
402
00:15:28,506 --> 00:15:30,505
Jonathan!
What are you doing in there?
403
00:15:30,506 --> 00:15:31,545
Let go!
404
00:15:31,546 --> 00:15:32,865
Come here!
405
00:15:32,866 --> 00:15:34,785
Owww! God, you little sod.
406
00:15:34,786 --> 00:15:38,785
Sorry, Dad.
407
00:15:39,506 --> 00:15:40,545
Hello.
408
00:15:40,546 --> 00:15:42,585
Hi, I'm Liz.
409
00:15:42,586 --> 00:15:44,585
Of course, Liz.
410
00:15:44,586 --> 00:15:47,265
Sorry to come round like this,
but is Jonny in?
411
00:15:47,266 --> 00:15:51,265
Um, wha... Well, he was, but...
412
00:15:51,506 --> 00:15:55,505
Argh! Shitting fish!
413
00:15:56,626 --> 00:16:00,625
Hello, babe.
414
00:16:01,626 --> 00:16:05,625
Yes, and since 1945 they've closed
over 90% of the British shipyards.
415
00:16:08,066 --> 00:16:11,425
90%.
416
00:16:11,426 --> 00:16:13,025
Terrible.
417
00:16:13,026 --> 00:16:14,945
Ah, here he is.
418
00:16:14,946 --> 00:16:15,745
Hello.
419
00:16:15,746 --> 00:16:16,785
Hi, Pissface.
420
00:16:16,786 --> 00:16:18,345
Got rid of that fishy smell?
421
00:16:18,346 --> 00:16:19,305
Yes, thank you.
422
00:16:19,306 --> 00:16:20,425
It's a medical problem.
423
00:16:20,426 --> 00:16:21,385
Thank you again.
424
00:16:21,386 --> 00:16:24,065
Sorry, Jonny.
425
00:16:24,066 --> 00:16:28,065
Oh. Thanks, Dad.
426
00:16:28,666 --> 00:16:29,985
You all right?
427
00:16:29,986 --> 00:16:33,545
Yeah. It's really nice to properly
meet your mum and dad.
428
00:16:33,546 --> 00:16:35,145
And future brother-in-law!
429
00:16:35,146 --> 00:16:37,825
Well...!
430
00:16:37,826 --> 00:16:39,705
What happened
to your hand, by the way?
431
00:16:39,706 --> 00:16:40,945
I was bitten.
432
00:16:40,946 --> 00:16:41,705
Bitten?
433
00:16:41,706 --> 00:16:42,625
Jonny bit him.
434
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:43,785
Yes, he bit me.
435
00:16:43,786 --> 00:16:46,585
Ooh, happy birthday
for tomorrow.
436
00:16:46,586 --> 00:16:48,465
Oh yes, happy birthday!
437
00:16:48,466 --> 00:16:50,225
Thanks. How did you know?
438
00:16:50,226 --> 00:16:52,865
Jonny hasn't stopped talking
about it all night. Have you, Jonny?
439
00:16:52,866 --> 00:16:55,745
No.
440
00:16:55,746 --> 00:16:59,385
Well, do you like my hair?
441
00:16:59,386 --> 00:17:01,305
Um, it's very short.
442
00:17:01,306 --> 00:17:02,345
Don't you like it?
443
00:17:02,346 --> 00:17:03,385
Yeah, no, it's...
444
00:17:03,386 --> 00:17:05,505
Oh, God, do you think
it makes me look like a man?
445
00:17:05,506 --> 00:17:07,305
Of course not. Don't be silly, love.
446
00:17:07,306 --> 00:17:10,425
I knew I shouldn't have cut it
myself. It's too short, isn't it?
447
00:17:10,426 --> 00:17:13,785
It is a bit short.
Martin! No, it's lovely. No!
448
00:17:13,786 --> 00:17:16,625
Really... different.
449
00:17:16,626 --> 00:17:18,185
Um, Mum, can I just get something
from the...
450
00:17:18,186 --> 00:17:20,385
What?
451
00:17:20,386 --> 00:17:21,705
Oh!
452
00:17:21,706 --> 00:17:23,185
One second, Liz.
453
00:17:23,186 --> 00:17:24,825
One second, babe.
454
00:17:24,826 --> 00:17:28,025
One second.
455
00:17:28,026 --> 00:17:32,025
Actually,
your hair is particularly short.
456
00:17:32,506 --> 00:17:34,265
What am I going to do?!
457
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:36,385
She definitely looks like a man.
Shut up, Adam!
458
00:17:36,386 --> 00:17:39,025
Mum, I don't want
to see her any more.
459
00:17:39,026 --> 00:17:41,985
Well, you'll just have to act
like a grown-up and speak to her.
460
00:17:41,986 --> 00:17:44,265
But speak loudly, cos of her terribly old ears.
Adam!
461
00:17:44,266 --> 00:17:45,665
Can't you just speak to her for me?
462
00:17:45,666 --> 00:17:47,145
No! Go back in there!
463
00:17:47,146 --> 00:17:48,185
Please!
464
00:17:48,186 --> 00:17:49,225
Both of you!
465
00:17:49,226 --> 00:17:53,225
Can I just say, this might be the
greatest night of my entire life!
466
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:57,105
Is everything OK?
467
00:17:57,106 --> 00:17:58,545
Yeah.
468
00:17:58,546 --> 00:18:02,545
Oh yes, it's fantastic!
469
00:18:02,746 --> 00:18:05,945
I don't think I've ever met anyone
who's cut their own hair.
470
00:18:05,946 --> 00:18:08,945
Martin, why don't you go
and finish the washing-up?
471
00:18:08,946 --> 00:18:12,945
Yes, my little Reichsfuhrer!
472
00:18:15,146 --> 00:18:16,185
Jonny, shall we...?
473
00:18:16,186 --> 00:18:17,345
Hello, all.
474
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,385
Oh, hi, Grandma. Um, this is...
475
00:18:19,386 --> 00:18:20,425
Got a visitor!
476
00:18:20,426 --> 00:18:22,745
This is my mother.
Feeling better now, Mum?
477
00:18:22,746 --> 00:18:23,785
Yes.
478
00:18:23,786 --> 00:18:26,865
It's a beautiful morning.
479
00:18:26,866 --> 00:18:27,905
Um...
480
00:18:27,906 --> 00:18:28,945
Grandma, this is...
481
00:18:28,946 --> 00:18:31,385
Who's this nice young man?
482
00:18:31,386 --> 00:18:32,425
Sorry?
483
00:18:32,426 --> 00:18:33,185
What?
484
00:18:33,186 --> 00:18:34,225
What?
485
00:18:34,226 --> 00:18:37,025
Who is this nice young man?
486
00:18:37,026 --> 00:18:41,025
This is Liz, Grandma, my...
girlfriend.
487
00:18:41,026 --> 00:18:42,945
What?
488
00:18:42,946 --> 00:18:44,265
It's Liz, Mum.
489
00:18:44,266 --> 00:18:46,865
No, this man. Who is this man?
490
00:18:46,866 --> 00:18:48,465
She's not a man.
491
00:18:48,466 --> 00:18:49,545
I'm Liz. I'm Jonny's girlfriend.
492
00:18:49,546 --> 00:18:50,585
She's a girl.
493
00:18:50,586 --> 00:18:52,105
She's a girl, Mum.
494
00:18:52,106 --> 00:18:52,905
I'm a girl.
495
00:18:52,906 --> 00:18:53,745
It's a girl?
496
00:18:53,746 --> 00:18:54,425
Yes! Yes!
497
00:18:54,426 --> 00:18:56,305
I'm a girl. I'm a woman!
498
00:18:56,306 --> 00:18:58,545
Ignore her, love -
she's not been well.
499
00:19:00,786 --> 00:19:02,905
Yes!
500
00:19:02,906 --> 00:19:04,265
It's a girl!
501
00:19:04,266 --> 00:19:05,345
Yes!
502
00:19:05,346 --> 00:19:06,345
You're... you're a girl.
503
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:07,225
Yes.
504
00:19:07,226 --> 00:19:08,265
You're a girl.
505
00:19:08,266 --> 00:19:09,305
OK, Mum.
506
00:19:09,306 --> 00:19:13,225
Lovely girl!
507
00:19:13,226 --> 00:19:15,265
OK...
508
00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:16,985
And what is your name, young lady?
509
00:19:16,986 --> 00:19:17,905
Liz.
510
00:19:17,906 --> 00:19:19,265
Lips.
511
00:19:19,266 --> 00:19:20,345
Liz.
512
00:19:20,346 --> 00:19:23,345
What a lovely girl.
513
00:19:23,346 --> 00:19:24,865
Hello, Grandma.
514
00:19:24,866 --> 00:19:26,985
Have you met Jonny's girlfriend?
515
00:19:26,986 --> 00:19:28,025
Yes!
516
00:19:28,026 --> 00:19:29,025
Yes.
517
00:19:29,026 --> 00:19:30,225
She's a girl!
518
00:19:30,226 --> 00:19:33,585
Well, she was the last time
I checked! Aah!
519
00:19:33,586 --> 00:19:36,985
Maybe you two would like to have
a quiet chat somewhere. Um...
520
00:19:36,986 --> 00:19:38,625
Yes! Good idea.
521
00:19:38,626 --> 00:19:40,665
Jonny?
522
00:19:41,746 --> 00:19:45,745
OK.
523
00:19:45,986 --> 00:19:49,985
They locked me in the boot.
524
00:19:52,786 --> 00:19:56,505
Jonny. Have you got something
you want to tell me?
525
00:19:56,506 --> 00:19:57,305
What?!
526
00:19:57,306 --> 00:19:59,225
Is everything OK?
527
00:19:59,226 --> 00:20:00,785
Yeah, course it is.
528
00:20:00,786 --> 00:20:04,745
Yeah, yeah, everything's...
529
00:20:04,746 --> 00:20:06,225
I'm sorry. It's not you - it's me.
530
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,065
Well, it is me, but it's also... you.
531
00:20:08,066 --> 00:20:11,905
Wh-what I mean is I like you. I
really like you. And I work with you.
532
00:20:11,906 --> 00:20:14,425
Well, for you, and that's
not awkward - that's great.
533
00:20:14,426 --> 00:20:17,745
It's really... great. And... you're
older than me. Quite a bit older,
534
00:20:17,746 --> 00:20:20,865
actually, but you're not too old.
No, but you are... older, and...
535
00:20:20,866 --> 00:20:23,705
you've got a breadmaker and stuff.
That doesn't mean anything.
536
00:20:23,706 --> 00:20:27,705
Cos, you know, I like bread. I
really like bread, and I like toast. I love toast, really! Don't I, Mum?
537
00:20:28,626 --> 00:20:30,745
Don't I?
538
00:20:30,746 --> 00:20:33,465
Mummy?
539
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,585
Um...
540
00:20:35,586 --> 00:20:38,425
Jonny...
541
00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:40,505
what are you trying to say?
542
00:20:40,506 --> 00:20:44,505
I'm sorry, but I don't want
to go out with you any more.
543
00:20:48,306 --> 00:20:50,105
Ohhh.
544
00:20:50,106 --> 00:20:51,345
It's OK, dear.
545
00:20:54,306 --> 00:20:56,865
Come on, love.
546
00:20:56,866 --> 00:21:00,865
I'm sorry.
547
00:21:04,866 --> 00:21:06,265
Leaving so soon?
548
00:21:06,266 --> 00:21:09,905
What? Yeah, I'm going.
Stop it! Stop what?
549
00:21:09,906 --> 00:21:10,585
Open the door.
550
00:21:10,586 --> 00:21:11,705
What door?
551
00:21:11,706 --> 00:21:13,545
Just open the door! Seriously, Adam!
552
00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:17,545
I'll bite you! I will!
I bit Dad and I will bite you!
553
00:21:23,066 --> 00:21:24,385
Give me my keys!
554
00:21:24,386 --> 00:21:24,985
Pardon me?
555
00:21:24,986 --> 00:21:26,025
My keys!
556
00:21:26,026 --> 00:21:27,825
I want to go home! Give me my keys!
557
00:21:27,826 --> 00:21:30,385
Do you mean these?
558
00:21:30,386 --> 00:21:32,065
Bastard!
559
00:21:32,066 --> 00:21:33,185
Ow!
560
00:21:33,186 --> 00:21:35,465
Just give them to me,
you bloody piece of bloody shit!
561
00:21:35,466 --> 00:21:37,705
They won't reach.
You'll have to come in and get them.
562
00:21:37,706 --> 00:21:38,465
Open the door!
563
00:21:38,466 --> 00:21:41,105
I can't at the moment. You'll
have to come in through the side.
564
00:21:41,106 --> 00:21:42,505
That's through the kitchen!
Is it?
565
00:21:42,506 --> 00:21:43,545
Liz is in the kitchen!
566
00:21:43,546 --> 00:21:44,145
Is she?!
567
00:21:44,146 --> 00:21:45,545
I hate you so bloody much!
568
00:21:45,546 --> 00:21:48,545
Aw!
569
00:21:48,546 --> 00:21:50,105
Aw, you'll find someone else.
570
00:21:50,106 --> 00:21:51,145
Really?
571
00:21:51,146 --> 00:21:53,585
Yeah. What do you think, Adam?
572
00:21:53,586 --> 00:21:55,545
Of course you will,
573
00:21:55,546 --> 00:21:58,585
but I've got a feeling
Jonny will come right back for you.
574
00:21:58,586 --> 00:22:01,345
Do you think?
575
00:22:01,346 --> 00:22:02,825
Jonny!
576
00:22:02,826 --> 00:22:04,145
Um...
577
00:22:04,146 --> 00:22:05,545
Excuse me.
578
00:22:05,546 --> 00:22:09,545
Sorry, I just, um...
left my keys in the...
579
00:22:11,066 --> 00:22:12,145
Give me my fucking keys!
580
00:22:12,146 --> 00:22:13,105
Get off me!
581
00:22:13,106 --> 00:22:14,145
Let me go, you sod!
582
00:22:14,146 --> 00:22:15,185
Aw...
583
00:22:15,186 --> 00:22:17,145
Oh, boys! Oh!
584
00:22:17,146 --> 00:22:21,065
Adam! Jonny! Jon! Jonny! Martin?!
585
00:22:21,066 --> 00:22:23,505
What? Oh, you stupid prannies!
586
00:22:23,506 --> 00:22:25,705
Get up!
587
00:22:25,706 --> 00:22:26,905
Stop it!
588
00:22:29,666 --> 00:22:30,905
Stop it!
589
00:22:38,426 --> 00:22:40,825
Young man,
590
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:43,225
would you like a yoghurt?
591
00:22:46,865 --> 00:23:12,383
Subtitles by MemoryOnSmells
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592
00:23:12,433 --> 00:23:16,983
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