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1
00:00:03,696 --> 00:00:05,463
Look at you boys.
2
00:00:05,498 --> 00:00:08,399
I can't believe the
school year's almost over.
3
00:00:08,434 --> 00:00:09,801
In fact, stand against the wall.
4
00:00:09,835 --> 00:00:11,369
I want to see how much you've grown.
5
00:00:11,403 --> 00:00:13,471
You've never measured us before.
6
00:00:13,506 --> 00:00:16,040
Yeah, but the last family who
lived here measured their kids.
7
00:00:16,075 --> 00:00:17,375
Let's see how you stack up against
8
00:00:17,409 --> 00:00:20,278
Howie, Jack, and Kimmy Pozlacek.
9
00:00:20,312 --> 00:00:21,513
What happened to Kimmy?
10
00:00:21,547 --> 00:00:24,349
At a certain point,
she just disappeared altogether.
11
00:00:24,383 --> 00:00:25,950
Did she go to college?
12
00:00:25,985 --> 00:00:27,252
She was so short.
13
00:00:27,286 --> 00:00:29,487
I'm so proud of you boys.
14
00:00:29,522 --> 00:00:32,957
Evan's finishing third grade,
Eddie seventh,
15
00:00:32,992 --> 00:00:35,026
and Emery's graduating elementary school
16
00:00:35,060 --> 00:00:36,995
as the fifth-grade valedictorian.
17
00:00:37,029 --> 00:00:38,730
He gets to give a speech.
18
00:00:38,764 --> 00:00:40,331
Okay, let's talk graduation presents.
19
00:00:40,366 --> 00:00:42,167
What are you getting me?
Can I have Jordans?
20
00:00:42,201 --> 00:00:43,234
No, we're not getting you
21
00:00:43,269 --> 00:00:45,570
another pair of basketball heels.
22
00:00:45,604 --> 00:00:47,373
We're getting you something better.
23
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:48,673
- Yes!
- Awesome!
24
00:00:48,707 --> 00:00:50,675
By Santa's beard!
25
00:00:52,545 --> 00:00:53,778
What?
26
00:00:53,812 --> 00:00:56,648
You are invited to the Cattleman's Ranch
27
00:00:56,682 --> 00:01:00,785
Rib-Eye on the Future
Graduation Buffet Dinner,
28
00:01:00,819 --> 00:01:02,187
featuring all-you-can-eat chicken.
29
00:01:03,275 --> 00:01:06,925
If it's Rib-Eye on the Future,
why are we having chicken?
30
00:01:06,959 --> 00:01:10,094
Because chicken is the
steak of the future.
31
00:01:10,665 --> 00:01:13,164
Wow.
32
00:01:13,199 --> 00:01:15,733
S02E23 The Manchurian Dinner Date
33
00:01:15,768 --> 00:01:16,901
Fresh off the boat
34
00:01:16,936 --> 00:01:18,603
I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go
35
00:01:18,637 --> 00:01:20,738
If you don't know,
homey, now you know
36
00:01:20,773 --> 00:01:22,006
Fresh off the boat
37
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:24,342
Homey,
you don't know where I come from
38
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,877
But I know where I'm goin'
39
00:01:25,911 --> 00:01:27,077
I'm fresh off the boat
40
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,639
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
41
00:01:28,681 --> 00:01:31,015
So, our big graduation present
42
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:35,186
is dinner at your restaurant,
which we eat at all the time?
43
00:01:35,965 --> 00:01:37,155
That's incredible!
44
00:01:37,189 --> 00:01:38,289
[Chuckles]
45
00:01:38,324 --> 00:01:39,991
We'll go to your graduation,
then eat after.
46
00:01:40,025 --> 00:01:42,660
And you can each invite one
friend to bring with you.
47
00:01:42,695 --> 00:01:44,729
Great! I'll invite my friend J.J.
48
00:01:44,763 --> 00:01:46,364
No. J.J.'s too chicken crazy.
49
00:01:46,398 --> 00:01:48,533
And he goes through
napkins like wildfire.
50
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,567
Very well.
51
00:01:49,602 --> 00:01:51,469
Then I'll invite Mommy.
52
00:01:51,503 --> 00:01:54,706
Oh, I would love to go with you,
my angel.
53
00:01:54,740 --> 00:01:56,241
Good. That's one less mouth to feed.
54
00:01:56,275 --> 00:01:58,509
My boo, Alison,
is performing at Emery's graduation
55
00:01:58,544 --> 00:02:00,078
with the Orlando Youth Orchestra.
56
00:02:00,112 --> 00:02:01,646
We can give her a ride to dinner.
57
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:03,715
Great. So Eddie's
bringing his girlfriend.
58
00:02:03,749 --> 00:02:06,012
Girlfriend?! What girlfriend?
59
00:02:07,004 --> 00:02:08,978
Um... Alison?
60
00:02:09,442 --> 00:02:11,356
I've mentioned her several times.
61
00:02:11,390 --> 00:02:13,324
I just said "my boo, Alison"?
62
00:02:13,359 --> 00:02:15,226
"Boo"? That's the word of a ghost.
63
00:02:15,261 --> 00:02:17,729
Eddie,
I had no idea you had a girlfriend.
64
00:02:17,763 --> 00:02:20,565
In fact,
I don't understand most of what you say.
65
00:02:21,047 --> 00:02:21,899
Sho' nuff.
66
00:02:21,934 --> 00:02:22,967
What? I...
67
00:02:23,002 --> 00:02:25,036
Don't worry.
I met Alison at the Fall Ball.
68
00:02:25,070 --> 00:02:26,137
She's a great girl.
69
00:02:26,171 --> 00:02:27,805
Yeah, Mom. You'll love her.
70
00:02:27,840 --> 00:02:30,475
Really?
Think about how many people I love.
71
00:02:31,410 --> 00:02:32,847
Do the math.
72
00:02:33,469 --> 00:02:35,747
Have your brothers help you do the math.
73
00:02:43,389 --> 00:02:44,689
[School bell rings]
74
00:02:44,723 --> 00:02:45,790
- I know, right?
- Yeah.
75
00:02:45,824 --> 00:02:47,358
[Gasps] That's what I was saying!
76
00:02:47,393 --> 00:02:48,893
Hey, Alison. Hey, Nicole.
77
00:02:48,927 --> 00:02:50,428
- What's up?
- Just hanging out.
78
00:02:50,462 --> 00:02:52,563
Talking about something
other than a man.
79
00:02:52,598 --> 00:02:53,898
It's called the Bechdel test.
80
00:02:53,932 --> 00:02:55,867
We learned about it when
we were studying feminism.
81
00:02:55,901 --> 00:02:57,368
We'd tell you more, but we'd fail.
82
00:02:57,403 --> 00:02:58,569
Cool, cool.
83
00:02:58,604 --> 00:02:59,804
So, Alison,
my parents are throwing a dinner
84
00:02:59,838 --> 00:03:00,938
after Emery's graduation,
85
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,573
and they said I could bring a date.
86
00:03:02,608 --> 00:03:05,209
Great!
I'm so excited to finally meet your mom.
87
00:03:05,244 --> 00:03:06,544
Oh, Mrs. Huang?
88
00:03:06,578 --> 00:03:07,712
You're gonna love her.
89
00:03:07,746 --> 00:03:09,614
I hung out with her
when I babysat Eddie.
90
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,016
We were more like co-babysitters.
91
00:03:12,051 --> 00:03:14,952
No, she paid me to watch you.
92
00:03:14,987 --> 00:03:16,254
Later.
93
00:03:16,593 --> 00:03:18,389
Don't be nervous. Parents love me...
94
00:03:18,424 --> 00:03:20,391
My mom wants me to date a Chinese girl.
95
00:03:20,816 --> 00:03:22,760
What? She said that?
96
00:03:22,795 --> 00:03:24,762
She's been saying that for a long time.
97
00:03:24,797 --> 00:03:27,932
If we talk to our baby,
he'll learn the sound of our voices.
98
00:03:27,966 --> 00:03:31,436
Hey, little baby, this is your b?�ba.
99
00:03:31,470 --> 00:03:32,537
[Doorbell rings]
100
00:03:32,571 --> 00:03:34,205
Uh, that must be your buffalo wings.
101
00:03:34,239 --> 00:03:35,707
Be right there!
102
00:03:37,676 --> 00:03:41,412
Baby, this is your mother.
103
00:03:41,447 --> 00:03:44,182
You're going to date a Chinese girl.
104
00:03:44,216 --> 00:03:45,917
I thought she'd gotten over that,
105
00:03:45,951 --> 00:03:48,353
but I guess she didn't
understand we were dating.
106
00:03:48,387 --> 00:03:50,054
How can she not understand?
107
00:03:50,089 --> 00:03:51,222
I don't know!
108
00:03:51,256 --> 00:03:54,398
I said you were my boo,
my fly girl, my fine shorty.
109
00:03:54,694 --> 00:03:56,646
I don't know how much
clearer I could have been.
110
00:03:56,741 --> 00:03:58,329
So, is she gonna hate me?
111
00:03:58,364 --> 00:03:59,364
[Sucks in air]
112
00:03:59,398 --> 00:04:00,898
I really would love to say no here.
113
00:04:01,805 --> 00:04:04,168
[Scoffs] Well,
maybe it won't be tha bad.
114
00:04:04,203 --> 00:04:06,386
I mean, once she meets you at the
dinner, I'll bet...
115
00:04:06,428 --> 00:04:08,906
No. No way. Now that I know this,
I can't meet your mom
116
00:04:08,941 --> 00:04:10,842
for the first time at
a graduation dinner.
117
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:11,943
It's too much pressure.
118
00:04:11,977 --> 00:04:14,112
What if I set up a
casual hang at my place?
119
00:04:14,146 --> 00:04:16,447
Then you can meet her
in a controlled setting!
120
00:04:16,482 --> 00:04:18,583
Yeah, that's good.
I'll bring her a lemon cake.
121
00:04:18,617 --> 00:04:20,251
Everybody loves lemon cake, right?
122
00:04:20,285 --> 00:04:22,687
[Sucks in air] I don't.
123
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,155
I wouldn't.
124
00:04:24,189 --> 00:04:25,857
Mnh-mnh.
125
00:04:27,025 --> 00:04:28,493
[Door opens, closes]
126
00:04:28,527 --> 00:04:31,712
There he is, Mr. Valedictorian.
127
00:04:31,765 --> 00:04:32,797
How's your big speech coming?
128
00:04:32,831 --> 00:04:34,999
Great. I thought I'd thank
all the people at school
129
00:04:35,033 --> 00:04:36,234
for being so nice.
130
00:04:36,268 --> 00:04:37,969
I have a question for you.
131
00:04:38,716 --> 00:04:40,271
If Lincoln gave the Gettysburg Address
132
00:04:40,305 --> 00:04:42,373
and just said things were "nice,"
133
00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:44,626
do you think we'd still have slavery?
134
00:04:44,964 --> 00:04:45,676
What?
135
00:04:45,711 --> 00:04:48,780
Speeches have the ability
to effect real change.
136
00:04:48,814 --> 00:04:50,047
Lincoln knew that.
137
00:04:50,082 --> 00:04:51,682
Guess who else knows that.
138
00:04:51,717 --> 00:04:53,684
- Diane Keaton?
- Me.
139
00:04:53,719 --> 00:04:56,020
I am known for my
inspirational speeches.
140
00:04:56,054 --> 00:04:57,355
So let's go out there
141
00:04:57,389 --> 00:04:59,757
and let's win one for
Charlie Sheen's brother!
142
00:04:59,792 --> 00:05:03,227
Ladies, if we build it, they will come!
143
00:05:03,262 --> 00:05:04,295
[All cheering]
144
00:05:04,329 --> 00:05:07,198
As we approach Eddie's third birthday,
145
00:05:07,232 --> 00:05:09,834
we should get him the
greatest gift of all...
146
00:05:09,868 --> 00:05:11,569
A human sibling.
147
00:05:11,603 --> 00:05:13,571
Jessica: Oh, yeah, I forgot to tell you.
148
00:05:13,605 --> 00:05:14,639
I'm already pregnant.
149
00:05:14,673 --> 00:05:16,407
Wh...
150
00:05:16,442 --> 00:05:19,448
There is great power in public speaking,
151
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,112
if you know how to harness it.
152
00:05:21,146 --> 00:05:22,413
Can you teach me?
153
00:05:22,448 --> 00:05:23,965
I'd be honored.
154
00:05:24,249 --> 00:05:25,702
But I'm busy.
155
00:05:26,318 --> 00:05:27,919
Of course I will! See?
156
00:05:27,953 --> 00:05:30,321
In two sentences,
I made you feel three feelings...
157
00:05:30,389 --> 00:05:31,756
Disappointment and elation.
158
00:05:31,790 --> 00:05:33,057
What's the third feeling?
159
00:05:33,091 --> 00:05:34,459
Curiosity.
160
00:05:43,317 --> 00:05:46,517
_
161
00:05:46,672 --> 00:05:47,638
What do you mean?
162
00:05:47,803 --> 00:05:49,005
_
163
00:05:49,153 --> 00:05:52,188
_
164
00:05:52,303 --> 00:05:53,111
_
165
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,278
I don't have a suit.
166
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:56,314
I have two blazers, three khakis,
167
00:05:56,348 --> 00:05:58,416
and six shirts that I mix and match
168
00:05:58,450 --> 00:06:00,251
to create 36 different looks.
169
00:06:00,449 --> 00:06:02,758
_
170
00:06:02,940 --> 00:06:05,156
Isn't a suit complicated to make?
171
00:06:05,190 --> 00:06:06,858
[Chuckles]
172
00:06:07,031 --> 00:06:09,373
_
173
00:06:09,521 --> 00:06:11,846
_
174
00:06:11,964 --> 00:06:13,097
Hmm.
175
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:16,501
I wanted to play video games,
176
00:06:16,535 --> 00:06:18,803
but Alison insisted
we have a study date.
177
00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,639
I guess being with Alison just
makes me a better student.
178
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,107
Does she do C.L.C.?
179
00:06:23,141 --> 00:06:24,942
Uh, no.
180
00:06:24,977 --> 00:06:27,078
Hmm.
181
00:06:27,112 --> 00:06:29,113
- What are you writing?
- Nothing.
182
00:06:30,148 --> 00:06:32,500
Can I talk to you for a second?
183
00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,755
[Sighs] Try not to be too
judgmental about Eddie's girlfriend.
184
00:06:37,789 --> 00:06:39,390
I know you want him to
date a Chinese girl,
185
00:06:39,424 --> 00:06:40,491
but this is Florida.
186
00:06:40,526 --> 00:06:42,059
His options are limited.
187
00:06:43,729 --> 00:06:45,963
Well, then he should wait
until he goes to college.
188
00:06:45,998 --> 00:06:48,497
He could find a Chinese
girl at Northwestern.
189
00:06:49,001 --> 00:06:50,134
Georgia Tech.
190
00:06:50,168 --> 00:06:51,135
[Doorbell rings]
191
00:06:51,169 --> 00:06:53,538
- Oh!
- Right on time.
192
00:06:53,572 --> 00:06:56,774
That's another thing about Alison...
so punctual.
193
00:07:00,479 --> 00:07:02,613
Um...
194
00:07:03,815 --> 00:07:06,884
Oh, hi! You must be Mr. and Mrs. Huang.
195
00:07:06,919 --> 00:07:08,580
I'm Alison.
196
00:07:09,187 --> 00:07:11,622
Eddie, you didn't tell me
your girlfriend was Chinese.
197
00:07:12,199 --> 00:07:13,891
Oh!
198
00:07:14,441 --> 00:07:17,695
I almost lost my balance from joy.
199
00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:25,226
Hi. Um,
have we met before? Because I thought...
200
00:07:25,285 --> 00:07:27,601
Oh, yes. We met at the Fall Ball.
201
00:07:27,684 --> 00:07:29,188
Nice to see you again, Mr. Huang.
202
00:07:29,222 --> 00:07:30,489
Please, please. Come in.
203
00:07:30,523 --> 00:07:34,026
Louis,
you didn't tell me Alison was Chinese.
204
00:07:34,060 --> 00:07:36,328
This is the only surprise
you've ever given me
205
00:07:36,362 --> 00:07:38,073
that I have liked.
206
00:07:38,565 --> 00:07:41,867
I'd like to present you with
a traditional gift of oranges.
207
00:07:41,901 --> 00:07:43,635
I buy them wholesale.
208
00:07:43,670 --> 00:07:45,237
[Whispering] Yes.
209
00:07:45,271 --> 00:07:47,339
Eddie, shut the door. Shut the door.
210
00:07:47,373 --> 00:07:49,475
Shut the door! Shut the door!
211
00:07:51,578 --> 00:07:53,869
[Normal voice] I'll just
put these in the kitchen.
212
00:07:55,415 --> 00:07:56,748
Who are you?
213
00:07:56,783 --> 00:07:58,884
- Are you Eddie?
- Yes.
214
00:07:58,918 --> 00:08:01,320
I'm Audrey,
Alison's friend from Youth Orchestra.
215
00:08:01,354 --> 00:08:03,255
Call her. She'll explain everything.
216
00:08:03,289 --> 00:08:06,825
Alison,
I have so many questions for you.
217
00:08:06,860 --> 00:08:08,794
Where do you live?
Where is your family from?
218
00:08:08,828 --> 00:08:11,396
Well, uh, we live near Thornton Park,
219
00:08:11,431 --> 00:08:13,365
which is right over by...
220
00:08:14,968 --> 00:08:18,038
Um, are you crying?
221
00:08:18,582 --> 00:08:21,006
I've been waiting for you.
222
00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,542
Come on. Come on. Let's go.
223
00:08:25,078 --> 00:08:26,745
[Telephone rings]
224
00:08:26,779 --> 00:08:27,946
I'm sorry!
225
00:08:27,981 --> 00:08:29,781
Why is there a Chinese
girl here saying she's you?
226
00:08:29,816 --> 00:08:30,949
I freaked out.
227
00:08:30,984 --> 00:08:33,018
All that talk about
your mom got in my head,
228
00:08:33,052 --> 00:08:34,319
so I sent my friend Audrey.
229
00:08:34,354 --> 00:08:36,688
She plays second-chair
piccolo in orchestra with me.
230
00:08:36,723 --> 00:08:38,991
Eddie, get off the phone!
You're being rude!
231
00:08:39,025 --> 00:08:40,759
And lose the bowls on the table.
232
00:08:40,793 --> 00:08:42,594
I'm gonna put out the good chips.
233
00:08:42,629 --> 00:08:44,897
I'm gonna tell her the truth.
This is crazy!
234
00:08:44,931 --> 00:08:47,165
No, you can't! She'll hate me even more!
235
00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:48,700
Well, what was your plan?
236
00:08:48,735 --> 00:08:50,536
I didn't have one! I panicked!
237
00:08:50,570 --> 00:08:54,773
Hey, Eddie.
Uh, Alison wanted to talk to you.
238
00:08:54,807 --> 00:08:56,900
- That's not Alison.
- Whew.
239
00:08:57,247 --> 00:08:58,110
I didn't want to say anything.
240
00:08:58,144 --> 00:09:00,112
I'm usually great with faces.
241
00:09:00,146 --> 00:09:01,079
Me, too.
242
00:09:01,114 --> 00:09:02,281
Do you use the Eyes-Mouth Method
243
00:09:02,315 --> 00:09:03,882
or the Most Prominent Feature?
244
00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:06,084
Both of you, shut your eyes-mouth.
245
00:09:06,119 --> 00:09:07,052
No one cares.
246
00:09:07,086 --> 00:09:08,987
Is that Audrey? Say hi for me.
247
00:09:09,022 --> 00:09:11,223
[Sighs] Alison says hi.
248
00:09:11,257 --> 00:09:12,691
Tell her, "Hi, Al."
249
00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:15,394
Your mom wanted me to tell you
to come join us in the kitchen.
250
00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:19,028
She's gonna make dumplings while
I quiz you with flashcards.
251
00:09:19,499 --> 00:09:21,300
I have to go deal with this.
252
00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:23,235
Okay,
but promise me you won't say anything.
253
00:09:23,269 --> 00:09:25,304
We'll figure something
out tomorrow at school.
254
00:09:25,338 --> 00:09:26,238
Fine.
255
00:09:27,895 --> 00:09:29,575
So, quick quesh...
256
00:09:29,609 --> 00:09:30,576
That's not Alison.
257
00:09:30,610 --> 00:09:32,177
She panicked and sent her friend Audrey.
258
00:09:32,211 --> 00:09:34,446
[Chuckles] I knew it wasn't her.
259
00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:37,516
I'm good with faces.
I use the Mouth-Chin Method.
260
00:09:37,550 --> 00:09:39,151
[Sighs]
261
00:09:43,496 --> 00:09:44,535
_
262
00:09:44,651 --> 00:09:46,491
Perfect? Look at this sleeve.
263
00:09:46,526 --> 00:09:48,894
Can we move some of this over here?
264
00:09:49,037 --> 00:09:50,703
_
265
00:09:50,797 --> 00:09:53,432
That's not even a real ruler.
That's Bubble Tape.
266
00:09:56,769 --> 00:09:58,904
[School bell rings]
267
00:09:58,938 --> 00:10:02,140
Well, I hope you're happy.
My mom loves you.
268
00:10:02,175 --> 00:10:03,398
She does?!
269
00:10:03,509 --> 00:10:06,069
Oh. Right. That's not good.
270
00:10:06,564 --> 00:10:09,848
Having a Chinese girl come to
my house and pretend she's you?
271
00:10:09,882 --> 00:10:11,617
This is untenable, dawg!
272
00:10:11,651 --> 00:10:12,784
"Untenable"?
273
00:10:12,819 --> 00:10:14,620
I learned it from Audrey's flashcards.
274
00:10:14,654 --> 00:10:15,587
It was a long night.
275
00:10:15,622 --> 00:10:16,722
I'm sorry.
276
00:10:16,756 --> 00:10:18,991
I just really wanted
your mom to like me.
277
00:10:19,025 --> 00:10:21,360
I get it. But we have to come clean.
278
00:10:21,394 --> 00:10:24,296
Come over tonight.
We'll tell my mom it was a joke.
279
00:10:24,330 --> 00:10:26,465
I'll introduce you, pop in a movie,
280
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:28,200
and boom... Problem solved.
281
00:10:28,234 --> 00:10:30,502
A movie? How is that gonna fix anything?
282
00:10:30,536 --> 00:10:31,870
My mom's a huge Denzel fan.
283
00:10:31,904 --> 00:10:34,506
I was saving "Malcolm X"
for when I did something really bad,
284
00:10:34,540 --> 00:10:36,208
like turn our van into a low-rider.
285
00:10:36,242 --> 00:10:37,709
But these are desperate times.
286
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:44,149
And now, your valedictorian,
287
00:10:44,183 --> 00:10:46,218
Emery... Emery... Emery... Emery...
288
00:10:46,252 --> 00:10:48,787
Huang... Huang... Huang... Huang.
289
00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:50,589
[Imitates crowd cheering]
290
00:10:53,059 --> 00:10:54,259
That's your cue.
291
00:10:54,293 --> 00:10:55,994
Oh. Great.
292
00:10:56,029 --> 00:10:57,262
Wait.
293
00:10:57,296 --> 00:11:00,298
Where are your visual aids?
Your charts? Your props?
294
00:11:00,333 --> 00:11:02,067
I don't have any.
[Sighs]
295
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:04,569
Emery,
you don't just speak to people's ears.
296
00:11:04,604 --> 00:11:05,904
You speak to their eyes.
297
00:11:05,938 --> 00:11:08,573
Give me your speech.
I'll show you how it's done.
298
00:11:08,608 --> 00:11:09,741
[Clears throat]
299
00:11:09,776 --> 00:11:12,811
"Good afternoon,
Palms Elementary School."
300
00:11:12,845 --> 00:11:15,013
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
301
00:11:15,048 --> 00:11:16,481
Dad, that's my speech!
302
00:11:18,051 --> 00:11:19,518
Dad!
303
00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:23,822
I had prepared some remarks,
304
00:11:23,856 --> 00:11:27,626
but instead,
I'm going to speak from the heart.
305
00:11:27,660 --> 00:11:31,096
And then the real
speech is on your hand.
306
00:11:31,964 --> 00:11:33,398
Ohh.
307
00:11:33,433 --> 00:11:35,333
- That's good.
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:11:35,368 --> 00:11:37,769
And you swapped out my speech
with the pages you ripped up.
309
00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:40,664
Right?
310
00:11:41,142 --> 00:11:43,121
Hey, what's that alien's name?
311
00:11:48,548 --> 00:11:49,748
You ready?
312
00:11:49,782 --> 00:11:51,016
I'm ready.
313
00:11:51,784 --> 00:11:52,984
Hello, Mother.
314
00:11:53,019 --> 00:11:54,653
- Funny story.
- Eddie!
315
00:11:54,687 --> 00:11:57,422
Hi. Your mom called and
invited me to play mahjong.
316
00:11:57,457 --> 00:11:59,191
She insisted that I come over.
317
00:11:59,225 --> 00:12:00,258
Insisted.
318
00:12:00,293 --> 00:12:02,928
I love this girlfriend of yours, Eddie.
319
00:12:02,962 --> 00:12:05,230
She never feeds Grandma any good tiles.
320
00:12:05,264 --> 00:12:06,398
[Chuckles]
321
00:12:07,537 --> 00:12:09,813
_
322
00:12:09,912 --> 00:12:12,567
_
323
00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:14,072
Who's this?
324
00:12:14,107 --> 00:12:15,574
Hi. I'm, uh...
325
00:12:15,608 --> 00:12:18,009
She's, uh, selling Girl Scout cookies.
326
00:12:18,044 --> 00:12:19,144
Cookies? Cookies?
327
00:12:19,178 --> 00:12:20,512
Nope, we're all good.
328
00:12:20,546 --> 00:12:23,515
Thanks, stranger!
See yourself out! Byebye!
329
00:12:25,318 --> 00:12:26,618
Eddie!
330
00:12:27,677 --> 00:12:30,155
You didn't ask Alison
if she wanted cookies.
331
00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:31,356
Alison?
332
00:12:31,390 --> 00:12:33,859
Do you have anything lemon?
333
00:12:33,893 --> 00:12:35,660
[Gasps] I love lemon.
334
00:12:41,831 --> 00:12:42,865
Hi, Eddie.
335
00:12:42,899 --> 00:12:45,000
Change your mind about those Thin Mints?
336
00:12:45,034 --> 00:12:47,469
I'm sorry.
I just... My mom looked so happy.
337
00:12:47,503 --> 00:12:49,571
I don't know. I just panicked.
338
00:12:49,606 --> 00:12:51,306
- Where's Audrey?
- Still at my house.
339
00:12:51,341 --> 00:12:52,975
I said I had to go to the bathroom,
340
00:12:53,009 --> 00:12:54,576
turned on the water,
and crawled out the window.
341
00:12:54,611 --> 00:12:55,844
[Water running]
342
00:12:55,879 --> 00:12:57,145
Eddie, hurry up!
343
00:12:57,180 --> 00:12:59,715
Are you in line for the bathroom?
344
00:12:59,749 --> 00:13:01,383
Yeah. I like waiting in line.
345
00:13:01,417 --> 00:13:03,452
It's like being in a really slow parade.
346
00:13:03,486 --> 00:13:05,954
You know what I hate? Line cutters.
347
00:13:05,989 --> 00:13:07,256
You know who they're really cutting?
348
00:13:07,290 --> 00:13:08,724
- Themselves.
- Themselves.
349
00:13:08,758 --> 00:13:10,025
Evan: Come on! [Knocking on door]
350
00:13:10,059 --> 00:13:11,860
[Whimpering]
351
00:13:13,963 --> 00:13:16,798
Your mom's so happy with Audrey.
I'd just be a disappointment.
352
00:13:17,045 --> 00:13:19,301
I guess tomorrow at your
brother's graduation,
353
00:13:19,335 --> 00:13:21,837
we just pretend we
don't know each other.
354
00:13:21,871 --> 00:13:24,106
Yeah, I guess.
355
00:13:25,208 --> 00:13:26,508
Well, I better get going.
356
00:13:26,542 --> 00:13:28,844
If the water bill's too high,
we all get grounded.
357
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:37,920
What a crowd.
358
00:13:37,954 --> 00:13:40,255
I don't know which I like more,
the pomp or the circumstance.
359
00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:47,396
Alison!
360
00:13:47,430 --> 00:13:49,298
Alison!
361
00:13:49,332 --> 00:13:52,401
[Sighs] We need to get your
girlfriend some pork bone stew,
362
00:13:52,435 --> 00:13:53,402
help her hearing.
363
00:13:53,436 --> 00:13:54,636
Alison!
364
00:13:54,671 --> 00:13:56,271
Hey.
365
00:14:04,047 --> 00:14:05,147
Hi, Eddie.
366
00:14:05,181 --> 00:14:06,281
Hi, Reba.
367
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,150
I heard about your dating mess.
368
00:14:08,184 --> 00:14:09,751
It's the talk of the band.
369
00:14:09,786 --> 00:14:11,887
Sounds like the whole thing's FUBAR.
370
00:14:12,855 --> 00:14:14,523
Fudged Up Beyond All Reba.
371
00:14:15,245 --> 00:14:16,458
Have a nice summer.
372
00:14:16,492 --> 00:14:17,726
You, too.
373
00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:20,529
Hopefully when I get back,
you'll have realized...
374
00:14:20,563 --> 00:14:23,699
Those girls are poison
375
00:14:23,733 --> 00:14:26,468
Never trust a big
butt and a smile
376
00:14:26,502 --> 00:14:28,270
Poison.
377
00:14:28,304 --> 00:14:30,105
Poison.
378
00:14:31,227 --> 00:14:32,874
Reba.
379
00:14:33,519 --> 00:14:35,744
Why aren't you wearing your new suit?
380
00:14:35,778 --> 00:14:36,945
Good question.
381
00:14:36,980 --> 00:14:39,581
Why aren't I wearing my new suit,
Grandma?
382
00:14:39,717 --> 00:14:42,685
_
383
00:14:42,885 --> 00:14:49,891
Welcome to the Palms Elementary
School class of 1996 graduation!
384
00:14:49,926 --> 00:14:52,194
[Applause]
385
00:14:52,228 --> 00:14:54,896
And before we begin,
a quick announcement.
386
00:14:54,931 --> 00:14:57,599
Uh, Billy Sanders,
I've just been informed
387
00:14:57,633 --> 00:15:01,770
that you got a "D"
on your last art project, so...
388
00:15:07,910 --> 00:15:09,811
You let us down, Billy!
389
00:15:09,846 --> 00:15:12,447
[Door closes] Okay!
390
00:15:12,482 --> 00:15:18,653
Please give a warm welcome to
your valedictorian, Emery Huang!
391
00:15:18,688 --> 00:15:21,356
Yeah, that's my boy! [Laughs]
392
00:15:21,391 --> 00:15:23,058
[Applause]
393
00:15:23,092 --> 00:15:24,259
Good afternoon.
394
00:15:25,895 --> 00:15:30,999
Fourscore and three semesters ago...
395
00:15:32,635 --> 00:15:35,270
I'm sorry. I can't do this.
396
00:15:35,304 --> 00:15:36,705
[Audience murmuring]
397
00:15:36,739 --> 00:15:38,073
He's doing it.
398
00:15:38,107 --> 00:15:39,474
I'd prepared a speech,
399
00:15:39,509 --> 00:15:42,277
but instead I wanted to
speak from the heart.
400
00:15:42,311 --> 00:15:44,546
So, I'd like to take a few moments
401
00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:46,014
to recognize the people
402
00:15:46,049 --> 00:15:49,184
who helped me become the person I am...
my family.
403
00:15:50,553 --> 00:15:52,421
My dad for giving me the confidence
404
00:15:52,488 --> 00:15:53,688
to come out of my shell.
405
00:15:54,472 --> 00:15:55,724
My grandma.
406
00:15:56,038 --> 00:15:59,072
_
407
00:15:59,262 --> 00:16:01,163
[Chuckles]
408
00:16:01,197 --> 00:16:02,864
And my little brother, Evan,
409
00:16:02,899 --> 00:16:05,700
for teaching me that
class comes in all sizes.
410
00:16:05,735 --> 00:16:06,701
[Gasps]
411
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:09,104
He said my name in the microphone.
412
00:16:09,138 --> 00:16:10,238
I'm famous!
413
00:16:10,273 --> 00:16:12,340
And my mom for always
wanting what's best
414
00:16:12,375 --> 00:16:14,643
for me and my brothers.
415
00:16:14,677 --> 00:16:15,777
And my brother Eddie
416
00:16:15,812 --> 00:16:18,280
for being honest and
always speaking his mind.
417
00:16:19,949 --> 00:16:22,951
And thank you to everyone
else who supported me.
418
00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:25,620
You've all been real, real nice.
419
00:16:25,655 --> 00:16:27,089
[Applause]
420
00:16:27,123 --> 00:16:28,457
[Sighs]
421
00:16:29,892 --> 00:16:31,783
- That's not my girlfriend!
- I don't like your girlfriend!
422
00:16:32,228 --> 00:16:36,264
And now a medley by the
Orlando Youth Orchestra.
423
00:16:36,299 --> 00:16:38,667
[Orchestra playing]
424
00:16:38,701 --> 00:16:40,635
Wait. I thought you loved my girlfriend.
425
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:42,287
She's perfect.
426
00:16:42,584 --> 00:16:45,807
I just didn't realize
how boring that would be.
427
00:16:45,842 --> 00:16:46,908
She's like tofu.
428
00:16:46,943 --> 00:16:49,478
She absorbs flavor. Got none of her own.
429
00:16:50,379 --> 00:16:53,281
You need someone with more personality,
Eddie.
430
00:16:53,316 --> 00:16:55,150
Like you.
431
00:16:55,184 --> 00:16:56,384
I'm confused.
432
00:16:56,419 --> 00:16:58,520
She's not your girlfriend?
433
00:16:58,554 --> 00:17:00,055
No. The real Alison freaked out
434
00:17:00,089 --> 00:17:02,457
when I told her you wanted
me to date a Chinese girl.
435
00:17:02,492 --> 00:17:06,194
I suppose you don't have to
date someone who is Chinese.
436
00:17:06,229 --> 00:17:10,132
She just has to act Chinese in here.
437
00:17:11,367 --> 00:17:14,569
So, if the girl I met isn't
your girlfriend, then who is?
438
00:17:14,604 --> 00:17:16,438
The one playing 2Pac on the piccolo.
439
00:17:16,472 --> 00:17:19,141
["California Love" playing]
440
00:17:22,745 --> 00:17:24,980
First-chair piccolo.
441
00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:32,072
Whoo!
[Applause]
442
00:17:34,266 --> 00:17:37,993
And now I'd like to introduce
our next valedictorian,
443
00:17:38,027 --> 00:17:39,694
Chica Cohen.
444
00:17:39,729 --> 00:17:41,196
[Applause]
445
00:17:41,230 --> 00:17:43,165
Next valedictorian?
446
00:17:43,199 --> 00:17:45,467
At our school, everyone is valedictorian
447
00:17:45,501 --> 00:17:47,269
so they don't feel left out.
448
00:17:47,303 --> 00:17:49,415
They're pal-edictorians.
449
00:17:51,987 --> 00:17:53,074
Hi, Mom!
450
00:17:53,142 --> 00:17:55,143
Oh, oh, that's...
That's the light, dear.
451
00:17:55,178 --> 00:17:56,611
Oh, okay.
452
00:17:56,646 --> 00:17:59,147
Hi, Mom! It's me... Chica!
453
00:17:59,182 --> 00:18:01,783
California
454
00:18:01,817 --> 00:18:04,252
Knows how to party
455
00:18:04,287 --> 00:18:07,255
California knows how to party
456
00:18:07,290 --> 00:18:09,558
So, in order to make a
good first impression,
457
00:18:09,592 --> 00:18:11,660
you used a Chinese double...
Very clever.
458
00:18:11,694 --> 00:18:14,296
- It's exactly what I would have done.
- Thank you.
459
00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:16,364
So, how did you get so good at piccolo?
460
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,265
Practice.
461
00:18:17,300 --> 00:18:18,667
To be honest, I started playing
462
00:18:18,701 --> 00:18:21,469
because there are a lot of
unclaimed piccolo scholarships.
463
00:18:21,504 --> 00:18:22,671
Yes.
464
00:18:22,705 --> 00:18:25,307
Mom, are you ever gonna
let me talk to Alison?
465
00:18:25,341 --> 00:18:27,742
Be a gentleman and go
get us some more chicken.
466
00:18:28,554 --> 00:18:31,346
You have to start training them young.
467
00:18:31,380 --> 00:18:32,714
Okay.
468
00:18:33,419 --> 00:18:35,884
Eddie, I'm gonna need you to
take it easy on the thighs.
469
00:18:35,918 --> 00:18:37,624
We're running low.
470
00:18:41,591 --> 00:18:44,929
I'm sorry,
but the good food is for graduates only.
471
00:18:47,830 --> 00:18:49,631
Thanks for everything, Dad.
472
00:18:49,665 --> 00:18:51,299
Your "tearing up the speech"
trick worked.
473
00:18:51,334 --> 00:18:52,567
No, it didn't.
474
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:54,869
I could tell you weren't reading
the speech off your hands.
475
00:18:54,904 --> 00:18:56,338
I'm sorry.
476
00:18:56,372 --> 00:18:58,673
In the moment, everything I'd
written just didn't feel right.
477
00:18:58,708 --> 00:19:00,208
I had to use my own words.
478
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:02,110
An off-the-cuff emotional speech?
479
00:19:02,144 --> 00:19:03,979
Even Lincoln had to write his down.
480
00:19:04,013 --> 00:19:05,180
You're a natural.
481
00:19:05,214 --> 00:19:07,882
Hmm. Maybe one day you
could teach me something.
482
00:19:07,917 --> 00:19:09,150
I'd be honored.
483
00:19:10,052 --> 00:19:11,286
But I'm busy.
484
00:19:12,088 --> 00:19:14,122
- See what I did there?
- I like what you did.
485
00:19:15,858 --> 00:19:16,925
Hi, Emery.
486
00:19:16,959 --> 00:19:19,094
Thanks for inviting me to be your date.
487
00:19:19,128 --> 00:19:20,362
Thanks for saying yes.
488
00:19:20,396 --> 00:19:22,330
We have so many shared interests.
489
00:19:22,365 --> 00:19:24,022
Is that chicken?
490
00:19:32,508 --> 00:19:34,042
Jessica.
491
00:19:35,177 --> 00:19:37,879
She's really going to
town on those thighs.
492
00:19:40,816 --> 00:19:45,220
Why can't Emery find a nice girlfriend,
like Eddie did?
493
00:19:49,692 --> 00:19:51,693
Grandma? What's going on?
494
00:19:51,727 --> 00:19:53,461
[Frank Sinatra's
"Come Fly With Me" plays]
495
00:19:54,764 --> 00:19:56,765
Come fly with me
496
00:19:56,799 --> 00:20:00,535
Let's fly, let's fly away
497
00:20:01,537 --> 00:20:05,407
If you can use some exotic booze
498
00:20:05,441 --> 00:20:08,677
There's a bar in far Bombay
499
00:20:08,711 --> 00:20:10,512
Come fly with me
500
00:20:10,546 --> 00:20:14,449
Let's fly, let's fly away
501
00:20:15,228 --> 00:20:17,852
M'Mommy, shall we hit the buffet?
502
00:20:18,329 --> 00:20:19,587
Nice suit.
503
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:30,183
I can't believe I've never seen
"Malcolm X."
504
00:20:30,251 --> 00:20:32,185
You know, in ancient Roman times,
505
00:20:32,219 --> 00:20:34,320
his name would have been Malcolm 10.
506
00:20:34,355 --> 00:20:36,823
Denzel looks good in glasses.
507
00:20:36,857 --> 00:20:39,192
Is there a Mrs. X?
508
00:20:39,226 --> 00:20:40,393
Yeah. Betty Shabazz.
509
00:20:40,428 --> 00:20:42,128
She went on to become an educator
510
00:20:42,163 --> 00:20:43,329
and civil rights leader.
511
00:20:43,364 --> 00:20:44,898
Oh.
512
00:20:44,932 --> 00:20:47,367
Malcolm X sure can give a speech.
513
00:20:47,401 --> 00:20:50,904
Malcolm X wasn't afraid
to bring the hammer down
514
00:20:50,938 --> 00:20:53,306
when he saw a great injustice.
515
00:20:53,340 --> 00:20:55,542
Which brings me to the water bill.
516
00:20:55,576 --> 00:20:56,443
[Gasps]
517
00:20:56,477 --> 00:20:57,844
- Go! Run!
- Go, go!
518
00:20:57,878 --> 00:21:00,113
So, I was looking at it...
519
00:21:00,447 --> 00:21:03,201
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
520
00:21:03,251 --> 00:21:07,801
Repair and Synchronization by
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