Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:06,100 --> 00:00:08,967
"The head of the family
is the one with the tail."
2
00:00:09,003 --> 00:00:10,169
[Chuckles]
3
00:00:10,204 --> 00:00:12,271
God, I want to see this.
4
00:00:12,307 --> 00:00:13,673
Finding everything okay, Louis?
5
00:00:13,708 --> 00:00:15,240
Oh, uh, yep. [Chuckles]
6
00:00:15,276 --> 00:00:17,009
Thanks, Corey. Just browsing.
7
00:00:17,044 --> 00:00:18,777
In the Critter Capers section?
8
00:00:18,812 --> 00:00:20,044
Oh. [Chuckles]
9
00:00:20,079 --> 00:00:22,847
I thought it said "Criterion Capers."
10
00:00:22,882 --> 00:00:23,366
[Chuckles]
11
00:00:23,419 --> 00:00:27,736
Like silent French police dramas.
12
00:00:27,885 --> 00:00:28,781
[French accent] Inspector.
13
00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:29,994
[Chuckles]
14
00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:33,257
[Normal voice] Oh,
here's the movie I was looking for.
15
00:00:33,293 --> 00:00:34,391
"La Choffey."
16
00:00:34,427 --> 00:00:35,592
"La Chouffe."
17
00:00:35,628 --> 00:00:38,395
Gnome's folly. It's a great choice.
18
00:00:38,431 --> 00:00:39,663
See, this is why
19
00:00:39,699 --> 00:00:42,199
you're one of our favorite customers,
Louis.
20
00:00:42,234 --> 00:00:43,266
Y-You get film.
21
00:00:43,302 --> 00:00:44,401
Most of the other
people who come in here,
22
00:00:44,437 --> 00:00:46,637
they just want the
latest Mel Gibson movie
23
00:00:46,672 --> 00:00:48,439
or something with cars fighting.
24
00:00:48,474 --> 00:00:50,106
But not you.
25
00:00:50,142 --> 00:00:51,141
You're one of us.
26
00:00:51,176 --> 00:00:52,608
I really am.
27
00:00:52,644 --> 00:00:55,578
Oh, okay,
you have a $2 late fee on "Das Boot."
28
00:00:55,613 --> 00:00:57,447
But, uh,
since you're a fellow cinephile,
29
00:00:57,482 --> 00:00:58,715
I'm just gonna go ahead
30
00:00:58,750 --> 00:01:00,616
and das boot that
right off your account.
31
00:01:00,652 --> 00:01:01,818
[Laughs]
32
00:01:01,853 --> 00:01:03,686
I understand that reference.
33
00:01:03,722 --> 00:01:06,055
Uh, and your other rentals
are due back Tuesday.
34
00:01:06,982 --> 00:01:08,023
Other rentals?
35
00:01:08,059 --> 00:01:10,024
Somebody from your
family came in last week
36
00:01:10,060 --> 00:01:11,493
and rented a bunch of movies.
37
00:01:11,528 --> 00:01:12,861
What? Who?
38
00:01:12,896 --> 00:01:16,164
Our store policy says we can't
reveal our customers' identities
39
00:01:16,199 --> 00:01:18,066
or any specifics on the account,
40
00:01:18,101 --> 00:01:21,035
but I can tell you they
have terrible taste.
41
00:01:21,794 --> 00:01:24,639
If it were up to me,
they'd be due back never.
42
00:01:24,675 --> 00:01:25,806
But it's not.
43
00:01:25,842 --> 00:01:27,508
So, it's Tuesday.
44
00:01:29,245 --> 00:01:31,612
S02E22
Gotta Be Me
45
00:01:31,647 --> 00:01:32,813
Fresh off the boat
46
00:01:32,849 --> 00:01:34,448
I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go
47
00:01:34,484 --> 00:01:36,617
If you don't know,
homey, now you know
48
00:01:36,652 --> 00:01:37,951
Fresh off the boat
49
00:01:37,987 --> 00:01:40,388
Homey,
you don't know where I come from
50
00:01:40,423 --> 00:01:41,922
But I know where I'm goin'
51
00:01:41,957 --> 00:01:43,256
I'm fresh off the boat
52
00:01:43,372 --> 00:01:45,452
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
53
00:01:46,378 --> 00:01:47,827
Eddie, up now! School!
54
00:01:47,863 --> 00:01:49,796
Eddie: Who's Eddie?
55
00:01:49,831 --> 00:01:50,897
I'm Dorf.
56
00:01:50,932 --> 00:01:54,401
"Leonard, keep your eye on the ball."
57
00:01:54,436 --> 00:01:57,437
I don't know who that is,
but I don't have time for jokes.
58
00:01:57,472 --> 00:01:59,538
Stop playing invalids and get dressed.
59
00:02:02,348 --> 00:02:03,751
Okay, who was it?
60
00:02:04,511 --> 00:02:05,778
Who used my card to rent movies?
61
00:02:05,809 --> 00:02:06,745
Just tell me who it was.
62
00:02:06,781 --> 00:02:08,747
I won't be mad.
63
00:02:08,783 --> 00:02:10,081
[Sighs] Come on.
64
00:02:10,117 --> 00:02:12,651
I know one of you took my card,
went to the video store,
65
00:02:12,686 --> 00:02:14,420
embarrassed me in front of Corey.
66
00:02:14,455 --> 00:02:16,288
Louis,
nobody knows what you're talking about.
67
00:02:16,323 --> 00:02:17,855
Let the boys focus on their breakfast.
68
00:02:17,891 --> 00:02:19,223
Staring contest.
69
00:02:19,258 --> 00:02:21,091
I didn't know.
It's too early to compete.
70
00:02:21,127 --> 00:02:23,027
Too late. I'm staring at you!
71
00:02:23,062 --> 00:02:24,361
Eddie, stop distracting Evan.
72
00:02:24,397 --> 00:02:26,096
He has a spelling test. He needs to eat.
73
00:02:26,132 --> 00:02:28,399
You can still eat, right, Evan?
74
00:02:34,239 --> 00:02:35,859
I never wanted this.
75
00:02:36,640 --> 00:02:38,074
I'll wait outside.
76
00:02:38,109 --> 00:02:39,576
[Sighs]
77
00:02:40,355 --> 00:02:41,344
Game over.
78
00:02:41,379 --> 00:02:43,012
Now move.
79
00:02:43,048 --> 00:02:44,848
We tied!
80
00:02:44,883 --> 00:02:46,249
Okay, come on. We got to go.
81
00:02:46,284 --> 00:02:47,551
Let's go. Come on, please.
82
00:02:47,586 --> 00:02:48,985
Mom. I need you to sign this.
83
00:02:49,773 --> 00:02:50,820
I'm not gonna sign another doctor's note
84
00:02:50,855 --> 00:02:52,788
granting you permission
to eat two lunches.
85
00:02:52,824 --> 00:02:56,058
It's my permission slip for
my history-class field trip.
86
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:58,527
Field trips are just paid
vacations for teachers.
87
00:02:58,563 --> 00:03:01,029
I don't pay taxes so they
can walk around a museum
88
00:03:01,065 --> 00:03:02,164
telling our children
89
00:03:02,199 --> 00:03:04,299
that a painting of a
soup can is beautiful.
90
00:03:04,335 --> 00:03:05,434
What?! But...
91
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,135
When your class goes on the field trip,
92
00:03:07,171 --> 00:03:09,036
you can just do CLC in the library.
93
00:03:09,072 --> 00:03:10,472
End of discussion. Okay.
94
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:12,974
You never let me do anything.
95
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:14,308
[Sighs]
96
00:03:14,344 --> 00:03:16,878
Louis, I'm going with Honey to
the mall to run some errands.
97
00:03:16,913 --> 00:03:18,680
Maybe I'll eat a pretzel or a doughnut.
98
00:03:18,715 --> 00:03:20,348
Okay! Just finishing my coffee,
99
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:22,316
and then I'm off to work like normal.
100
00:03:22,352 --> 00:03:23,351
[Door closes]
101
00:03:23,386 --> 00:03:25,586
Just as soon as I find those tapes.
102
00:03:25,621 --> 00:03:26,720
Creepin' up on ya
103
00:03:26,755 --> 00:03:28,154
Creepin', creepin' up on ya
104
00:03:28,190 --> 00:03:29,155
Creepin' up on ya
105
00:03:29,191 --> 00:03:30,457
Creepin', creepin' up on ya
106
00:03:30,493 --> 00:03:31,458
Creepin' up on ya
107
00:03:31,494 --> 00:03:32,993
Creepin', creepin' up on ya
108
00:03:33,028 --> 00:03:34,227
Don't try to put me down,
I don't feel pain and sorrow
109
00:03:34,262 --> 00:03:35,261
The sun will come out!
110
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:36,730
Yeah tomorrow, tomorrow
111
00:03:36,765 --> 00:03:39,199
I bet your bottom dollar that
tomorrow, there'll be sun
112
00:03:39,234 --> 00:03:41,434
Showin' gratitude,
my attitude is kind of rude
113
00:03:41,470 --> 00:03:44,169
I walk with a frown
while I puff my cigar
114
00:03:44,205 --> 00:03:45,404
Creepin' up on ya
115
00:03:45,439 --> 00:03:46,839
Creepin', creepin' up on ya
116
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:49,609
What the hell?
117
00:03:50,452 --> 00:03:52,311
So many nipples.
118
00:03:56,150 --> 00:03:57,817
Ah! Don't lift him by the neck, Louis.
119
00:03:57,852 --> 00:03:59,317
Lift him by the sphenoid.
120
00:03:59,352 --> 00:04:00,318
Uh-huh.
121
00:04:00,353 --> 00:04:01,419
Uh-huh.
122
00:04:01,454 --> 00:04:03,254
Uh, Marvin, I actually just came over
123
00:04:03,289 --> 00:04:05,490
to ask your advice about something.
124
00:04:05,526 --> 00:04:07,859
Uh, okay. What a beauty.
125
00:04:07,895 --> 00:04:10,495
You know,
I got him when he was drinking water.
126
00:04:10,531 --> 00:04:12,497
Pow. That's why his tongue's out.
127
00:04:12,533 --> 00:04:14,966
[Chuckles] Anyway, what were you saying?
128
00:04:15,002 --> 00:04:17,467
Oh, um, does Honey ever...
129
00:04:17,503 --> 00:04:19,102
look at other men?
130
00:04:19,138 --> 00:04:20,103
Why?
131
00:04:20,139 --> 00:04:21,271
What the hell did you hear?
132
00:04:21,306 --> 00:04:22,272
Nothing.
133
00:04:22,307 --> 00:04:24,241
Uh, it's just... I found some tapes
134
00:04:24,276 --> 00:04:26,376
under Jessica's side of the bed.
135
00:04:27,279 --> 00:04:28,546
Shirtless-men tapes.
136
00:04:28,581 --> 00:04:30,147
Shirtless-men tapes?
137
00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,049
Action movies.
138
00:04:32,084 --> 00:04:34,183
Stallone, Schwarzenegger, Van Damme.
139
00:04:34,218 --> 00:04:35,484
Oh. [Chuckles] Uh-huh.
140
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:37,887
And you're worried that
you're not giving Jessica
141
00:04:37,923 --> 00:04:41,223
the macho action-movie
energy she clearly craves.
142
00:04:41,259 --> 00:04:42,324
[Laughs]
143
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,561
You know, now that I hear it out loud,
144
00:04:44,596 --> 00:04:46,362
it does sound kind of crazy.
145
00:04:46,397 --> 00:04:47,430
No, it doesn't.
146
00:04:47,465 --> 00:04:49,198
You should be worried.
147
00:04:49,233 --> 00:04:51,199
- What?
- She probably kept it a secret from you
148
00:04:51,234 --> 00:04:53,301
because she didn't want
to hurt your feelings,
149
00:04:53,336 --> 00:04:55,470
which you shouldn't even
have in the first place.
150
00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:57,573
Maybe you're right, Marvin.
151
00:04:58,542 --> 00:05:01,476
Tonight, I'm going to sit her
down and really talk it out.
152
00:05:01,511 --> 00:05:02,510
Talk?
153
00:05:02,546 --> 00:05:04,446
That's what got you into this mess.
154
00:05:04,481 --> 00:05:07,247
They're action heroes,
not talking heroes.
155
00:05:07,283 --> 00:05:10,150
You want to solve the problem,
you got to act.
156
00:05:10,186 --> 00:05:12,486
You think I took that stag to tea
157
00:05:12,521 --> 00:05:15,856
and floated the idea of
mounting his head on my wall?
158
00:05:15,892 --> 00:05:17,391
No. I just did it.
159
00:05:17,426 --> 00:05:18,525
Pow!
160
00:05:18,561 --> 00:05:21,228
You want to stop Jessica
from watching those tapes?
161
00:05:21,263 --> 00:05:24,664
You got to show her you
can be that kind of a man.
162
00:05:24,700 --> 00:05:25,799
Pow.
163
00:05:26,890 --> 00:05:27,400
Pow.
164
00:05:27,435 --> 00:05:28,868
- Pow!
- Pow!
165
00:05:28,904 --> 00:05:30,070
[Chuckles]
166
00:05:32,528 --> 00:05:34,808
I'm telling you, it was him!
167
00:05:34,843 --> 00:05:37,577
Why would Steven Tyler be at
the Sharper Image in Orlando?
168
00:05:37,613 --> 00:05:39,879
Because he wants a fogless shave mirror,
Honey.
169
00:05:39,915 --> 00:05:41,847
Anyway, how's everything else?
170
00:05:41,882 --> 00:05:43,515
How are your boys doing?
171
00:05:43,550 --> 00:05:44,683
Fine. Eddie's mad at me
172
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:46,251
because I won't let him go
on his history field trip.
173
00:05:46,286 --> 00:05:48,353
The one to Colonial Floridatowne?
174
00:05:48,388 --> 00:05:50,489
Believe me,
you're doing the right thing.
175
00:05:50,524 --> 00:05:52,124
I chaperoned when Nicole went,
176
00:05:52,159 --> 00:05:54,693
and let's just say the
bathrooms are very realistic.
177
00:05:54,729 --> 00:05:57,229
Did you just say Colonial Floridatowne?
178
00:05:57,264 --> 00:05:59,664
They are literally wood sheds
with a hole in the ground.
179
00:05:59,699 --> 00:06:01,866
I love colonial American history!
180
00:06:01,901 --> 00:06:05,169
Colonial Americans were
like the Chinese of today.
181
00:06:05,204 --> 00:06:07,538
Their struggle, their work ethic,
182
00:06:07,573 --> 00:06:10,407
their ability to use every
single part of the buffalo.
183
00:06:10,443 --> 00:06:12,944
I mean,
you've seen my porcelain colonial mice.
184
00:06:15,280 --> 00:06:16,847
What the...?
185
00:06:16,882 --> 00:06:18,181
Colonial Americans survived
186
00:06:18,216 --> 00:06:19,850
under the harshest of circumstances,
187
00:06:19,885 --> 00:06:22,886
and for that, they deserve our respect.
188
00:06:22,921 --> 00:06:24,021
Look at this one.
189
00:06:24,056 --> 00:06:26,422
Proud, hard-working,
190
00:06:26,458 --> 00:06:28,224
holding out her milk jug to the world
191
00:06:28,260 --> 00:06:31,294
as if to say,
"Show me your worst, America.
192
00:06:31,329 --> 00:06:32,928
I'll still have milk."
193
00:06:34,062 --> 00:06:36,098
This one looks a little
bit like Sally Field,
194
00:06:36,134 --> 00:06:37,366
don't you think?
195
00:06:37,401 --> 00:06:40,469
I think that one looks
a lot like Sally Field.
196
00:06:43,007 --> 00:06:44,373
Where's your brother?
197
00:06:44,408 --> 00:06:46,942
He's playing Super Mario in his room.
198
00:06:46,978 --> 00:06:49,077
He says it's nice to start
the day with a victory.
199
00:06:49,112 --> 00:06:50,378
Eddie, you're gonna be late!
200
00:06:50,413 --> 00:06:53,815
Stop playing Italian Maintenance
Twins and get in here!
201
00:07:04,260 --> 00:07:05,793
[Grunts]
202
00:07:06,710 --> 00:07:10,197
Later, I'm going to dig a
trash pit and burn this.
203
00:07:10,232 --> 00:07:12,332
Louis, what are you doing?
Put a shirt on.
204
00:07:12,367 --> 00:07:14,168
I feel more comfortable this way.
205
00:07:14,203 --> 00:07:15,569
You hate being shirtless.
206
00:07:15,604 --> 00:07:17,337
You wear a t-shirt in the ocean.
207
00:07:17,372 --> 00:07:18,305
[Sighs]
208
00:07:18,340 --> 00:07:19,740
I'm trying to give you
209
00:07:19,775 --> 00:07:22,709
the macho action-movie
energy you clearly crave.
210
00:07:22,744 --> 00:07:24,343
What are you talking about?
211
00:07:24,999 --> 00:07:26,779
I found your tapes, Jessica.
212
00:07:26,815 --> 00:07:28,514
The ones you keep hidden
under our mattress.
213
00:07:28,549 --> 00:07:30,216
Your action-movie tapes.
214
00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:31,851
I don't watch action movies.
215
00:07:31,886 --> 00:07:34,653
The only movies I watch
are riveting Denzel dramas
216
00:07:34,689 --> 00:07:35,788
about legal briefs.
217
00:07:35,824 --> 00:07:36,789
"Where are the legal briefs?
218
00:07:36,825 --> 00:07:38,758
Who has the legal briefs?
219
00:07:38,793 --> 00:07:41,559
Julia Roberts, get me the legal briefs."
220
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:44,462
Okay, so if you didn't rent them,
who did?
221
00:07:44,497 --> 00:07:45,731
Probably your mother.
222
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:47,132
I already searched her room.
223
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:49,034
All I found was a Chow YunFat calendar.
224
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:51,970
Somebody in this house is lying to me,
225
00:07:52,005 --> 00:07:53,438
and I'm gonna find out who.
226
00:08:00,227 --> 00:08:01,678
Forgetting something?
227
00:08:01,714 --> 00:08:04,148
Uh, why are you giving me this?
228
00:08:04,183 --> 00:08:05,149
I changed my mind.
229
00:08:05,184 --> 00:08:07,118
You can go on your history field trip.
230
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:08,418
Really?
231
00:08:08,454 --> 00:08:10,121
Thanks, Mom.
232
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,122
Wait.
233
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,223
Why are you wearing a hat?
234
00:08:12,258 --> 00:08:16,268
Because I'm coming with
you as parent chaperone.
235
00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:18,194
We leave at first light.
236
00:08:28,940 --> 00:08:32,074
Aha!
237
00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:33,642
Emery?
238
00:08:34,718 --> 00:08:36,894
I can explain.
239
00:08:39,776 --> 00:08:40,975
Are you mad?
240
00:08:41,010 --> 00:08:44,945
Oh, uh, [Chuckles] no,
no, I'm not, uh, mad.
241
00:08:44,981 --> 00:08:48,954
I-I-I-I-I-I'm just, um, well...
242
00:08:49,996 --> 00:08:54,588
you know, Emery, you're at an age where,
uh, your body...
243
00:08:54,623 --> 00:08:56,523
A-a-and by that I mean...
244
00:08:56,559 --> 00:09:01,662
Uh, uh, uh, a father's love knows no...
245
00:09:02,937 --> 00:09:07,434
Greg Louganis is a wonderful...
And Broadway.
246
00:09:07,469 --> 00:09:10,236
Uh, although we may not live
in the best state for...
247
00:09:10,271 --> 00:09:12,771
The tapes were research for school.
248
00:09:12,807 --> 00:09:14,807
[Laughs] I knew it.
249
00:09:14,842 --> 00:09:17,543
I knew it was homework-related.
250
00:09:17,579 --> 00:09:18,578
Not exactly.
251
00:09:18,613 --> 00:09:21,647
You know how I've always
made friends easily?
252
00:09:21,683 --> 00:09:24,016
Well, there's been a change at school.
253
00:09:24,051 --> 00:09:26,151
It's like it happened overnight.
254
00:09:26,187 --> 00:09:29,053
And I'm tapping five mana to
cast Ancestral Tentacle Grab,
255
00:09:29,089 --> 00:09:30,488
dealing two damage to all your...
256
00:09:30,524 --> 00:09:32,257
Oops.
257
00:09:32,292 --> 00:09:34,359
[Chuckles nervously]
258
00:09:36,330 --> 00:09:37,729
[Deep voice] You guys are dorks.
259
00:09:37,764 --> 00:09:40,632
I'm gonna go throw bottles at a train.
260
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,701
Suddenly, all of my friends
are acting like tough guys.
261
00:09:43,736 --> 00:09:47,037
All they want to talk about is cars,
fire,
262
00:09:47,072 --> 00:09:48,872
and throwing things at other things.
263
00:09:48,907 --> 00:09:50,006
And that's not me.
264
00:09:50,042 --> 00:09:52,142
I don't even know how to
hang with them anymore.
265
00:09:52,177 --> 00:09:54,010
Puberty strikes hard and quick,
266
00:09:54,046 --> 00:09:56,947
like a large soda halfway through
"Schindler's List."
267
00:09:56,982 --> 00:09:59,250
Anyway, that's why I rented the tapes.
268
00:09:59,285 --> 00:10:02,151
The video store has a whole
section on tough guys.
269
00:10:02,186 --> 00:10:04,987
And I was hoping they might
help me figure it out.
270
00:10:05,022 --> 00:10:06,856
But I know what I'm gonna do.
271
00:10:06,891 --> 00:10:09,492
I've decided to write a poem.
272
00:10:09,527 --> 00:10:11,127
A poem?
273
00:10:11,162 --> 00:10:12,194
For class.
274
00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:14,230
I'm gonna tell an epic
story through verse
275
00:10:14,266 --> 00:10:17,566
and show that brains are
as valuable as brawn.
276
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:18,767
Big no to that.
277
00:10:18,802 --> 00:10:20,835
Luckily, as a small-business owner
278
00:10:20,871 --> 00:10:22,804
who relies on customer service,
279
00:10:22,839 --> 00:10:25,574
I understand the mechanics of
getting people to like you.
280
00:10:25,609 --> 00:10:27,409
You find out what makes them tick,
281
00:10:27,444 --> 00:10:29,444
and then you use that to relate to them.
282
00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:31,045
Like, uh, these boys at school...
283
00:10:31,081 --> 00:10:32,213
How do they speak to each other?
284
00:10:32,249 --> 00:10:34,182
Well, they mostly just insult each other
285
00:10:34,217 --> 00:10:35,683
and make jokes about farts.
286
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,184
Like, "Who farted?
287
00:10:37,219 --> 00:10:39,253
Did you fart? No, I farted.
288
00:10:39,289 --> 00:10:40,588
Fart, fart, fart."
289
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:41,989
[Laughs]
290
00:10:42,024 --> 00:10:44,292
That's a funny joke.
291
00:10:44,327 --> 00:10:45,593
[Laughs]
292
00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:47,628
So, they have a sense of humor.
293
00:10:47,664 --> 00:10:48,796
Good.
294
00:10:48,831 --> 00:10:50,831
That'll be the key to
winning their respect.
295
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:54,601
[Colonial music playing]
296
00:10:54,636 --> 00:10:57,904
And group five is Huang, Masterson,
297
00:10:57,939 --> 00:11:00,206
Stone, Selby, and Pew.
298
00:11:00,241 --> 00:11:01,941
Your chaperone will be Mrs. Huang.
299
00:11:01,976 --> 00:11:03,543
Mother goose!
300
00:11:03,578 --> 00:11:05,645
Wait, Brian, your last name is Pew?
301
00:11:05,681 --> 00:11:07,681
How long have we been friends?
302
00:11:07,716 --> 00:11:09,014
It's cool that we're all together.
303
00:11:09,049 --> 00:11:11,116
Cool? My mom is our chaperone.
304
00:11:11,151 --> 00:11:12,884
- So?
- It'll still be fun, right?
305
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,953
No way. My mom hates fun!
306
00:11:14,988 --> 00:11:16,922
Boys.
307
00:11:16,957 --> 00:11:18,290
Here we go.
308
00:11:18,326 --> 00:11:21,026
We're not even inside yet,
and she's already starting...
309
00:11:21,061 --> 00:11:23,128
- We're going rogue.
- What?!
310
00:11:23,163 --> 00:11:25,463
I looked at the map,
and turns out your class is only hitting
311
00:11:25,498 --> 00:11:27,398
the educational parts of Floridatowne,
312
00:11:27,434 --> 00:11:29,767
which doesn't leave any
time for the good stuff.
313
00:11:29,803 --> 00:11:32,169
So we're going to forge our own way.
314
00:11:32,205 --> 00:11:34,806
It's what the colonials would have done.
315
00:11:34,841 --> 00:11:35,906
Come on!
316
00:11:36,902 --> 00:11:38,509
What are you waiting for, Pew?
317
00:11:38,545 --> 00:11:40,345
Follow her.
318
00:11:41,348 --> 00:11:42,512
[Laughter]
319
00:11:42,548 --> 00:11:44,514
You forgot to wipe.
320
00:11:44,550 --> 00:11:45,716
[Laughter]
321
00:11:45,751 --> 00:11:47,150
Hey, Chad.
322
00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:48,184
Want to hear a joke?
323
00:11:48,220 --> 00:11:49,553
Your face looks like a butt,
324
00:11:49,588 --> 00:11:51,621
and whenever you talk,
it sounds like a fart.
325
00:11:51,657 --> 00:11:53,122
[Chuckling]
326
00:11:53,158 --> 00:11:55,759
[Chuckles nervously]
327
00:12:04,068 --> 00:12:06,502
And that's how colonial women used milk
328
00:12:06,537 --> 00:12:09,705
to get out even the most
stubborn of household stains.
329
00:12:09,741 --> 00:12:10,939
Now, who wants to help me
330
00:12:10,975 --> 00:12:13,376
get the blood out of this undershirt?
331
00:12:13,411 --> 00:12:14,844
[Indistinct shouting]
332
00:12:14,879 --> 00:12:16,711
Jessica: Come on, come on!
333
00:12:16,747 --> 00:12:19,347
Some of the busiest
rhymes ever made by man
334
00:12:19,383 --> 00:12:21,549
Are goin' into this mike,
written by this hand
335
00:12:21,585 --> 00:12:23,385
Are comin' out of this mouth,
made by this tongue
336
00:12:23,420 --> 00:12:25,286
I'll tell you now my name,
my name is Young
337
00:12:25,321 --> 00:12:26,821
But so you think that it's your
destiny to get the best of me
338
00:12:26,857 --> 00:12:28,356
But I suggest to be quiet, bro
339
00:12:28,392 --> 00:12:29,991
Don't even try it from
the east and west of me
340
00:12:30,026 --> 00:12:31,860
All: Whoa.
Takin' it to never
breakin' it to even shakin' it
341
00:12:31,895 --> 00:12:33,727
Groovin' it to always movin' it,
'cuz I'm not fakin' it
342
00:12:33,763 --> 00:12:35,696
Pullin'
out rhymes like books off the shelf
343
00:12:35,731 --> 00:12:37,431
Born in England, raised in Hollis,
taught to go for myself
344
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:39,733
Aha!
This is stone-cold rhymin',
no frills, no fluffs
345
00:12:39,769 --> 00:12:41,835
And it's no accident that these
rhymes sound tough
All: Whoa!
346
00:12:41,871 --> 00:12:43,203
I'm goin' off, baby,
there's no turnin' back
347
00:12:43,238 --> 00:12:45,506
I'm on your TV, on your album,
cassette and 8-track
348
00:12:45,541 --> 00:12:47,608
And when the show is finally
finished, I'll be takin' my bow
349
00:12:47,643 --> 00:12:48,842
My name is Young,
and yo, I got know-how
350
00:12:48,878 --> 00:12:50,110
Wow, that was fun.
351
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:52,879
Who knew that making candles
was a career possibility?
352
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:54,614
Goodbye, architecture.
353
00:12:54,649 --> 00:12:56,783
And I got a kiss from
the midwife's assistant.
354
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,284
You didn't get a kiss from her.
355
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,286
You just asked her
where the bathroom was.
356
00:13:00,321 --> 00:13:01,421
We had a connection.
357
00:13:01,456 --> 00:13:03,022
Eddie, your mom is so fun.
358
00:13:03,057 --> 00:13:05,324
She makes my mom look
straight-up garbage.
359
00:13:06,260 --> 00:13:07,692
Nobody tell my mom I said that.
360
00:13:07,728 --> 00:13:09,327
I was just wrapped up in the moment.
361
00:13:09,362 --> 00:13:10,529
Yeah, Eddie.
362
00:13:10,564 --> 00:13:12,096
This field trip would've
sucked without your mom.
363
00:13:12,132 --> 00:13:13,465
I vote we all pool our money
364
00:13:13,500 --> 00:13:15,033
and buy her some fancy chocolates.
365
00:13:15,068 --> 00:13:16,167
Sea salt or something.
366
00:13:16,202 --> 00:13:17,502
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
367
00:13:17,538 --> 00:13:18,770
Yeah, you guys are right.
368
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,673
Hey, Mom. You were fun today.
369
00:13:21,708 --> 00:13:22,841
Oh, thank you, Eddie.
370
00:13:22,876 --> 00:13:24,975
I'm glad you and your
friends had a good time.
371
00:13:25,010 --> 00:13:26,310
You know, that Big Red...
372
00:13:26,345 --> 00:13:28,111
He has a real talent for tanning meat.
373
00:13:28,147 --> 00:13:31,014
No, I mean, you were fun today.
374
00:13:31,050 --> 00:13:32,149
What is that all about?
375
00:13:32,184 --> 00:13:34,217
Are you jealous your friends
had fun with your mom?
376
00:13:34,253 --> 00:13:35,185
No.
377
00:13:35,220 --> 00:13:36,520
You were fun today,
378
00:13:36,556 --> 00:13:38,589
which means you've always
been capable of having fun.
379
00:13:38,624 --> 00:13:39,924
You just chose not to.
380
00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:41,491
Where was Fun Mom when I
wanted to keep that gecko
381
00:13:41,526 --> 00:13:43,192
that got into Grandma's room?
382
00:13:43,227 --> 00:13:45,995
Or when I spilled my Slurpee on
the moving walkway in the airport?
383
00:13:46,030 --> 00:13:48,064
You could've been fun this entire time.
384
00:13:53,572 --> 00:13:55,872
[Telephone rings]
385
00:13:55,907 --> 00:13:58,174
[Telephone beeps]
386
00:13:58,209 --> 00:14:00,509
Hello?
387
00:14:02,312 --> 00:14:04,813
Eddie got into a fight?
388
00:14:04,849 --> 00:14:06,281
Eddie got into a fight?
389
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:09,651
Madeline, what did I tell you
about keeping me in the loop?
390
00:14:09,687 --> 00:14:12,053
We had two vomits and a sprained ankle,
391
00:14:12,089 --> 00:14:13,321
but no fights today.
392
00:14:13,357 --> 00:14:14,723
Really? Two vomits?
393
00:14:14,758 --> 00:14:16,991
It's taco day.
394
00:14:17,026 --> 00:14:18,225
Wait.
395
00:14:18,260 --> 00:14:20,995
If Eddie didn't get into a fight,
then who...
396
00:14:21,030 --> 00:14:23,397
Oh, no.
397
00:14:24,133 --> 00:14:26,433
[Door opens]
398
00:14:27,504 --> 00:14:29,804
Oh, my God. What happened?
399
00:14:29,839 --> 00:14:31,205
[Scoffs]
400
00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:33,272
You came so late that I missed a
Tony Little Gazelle Masterclass
401
00:14:33,308 --> 00:14:35,141
that I paid $45 for.
402
00:14:35,176 --> 00:14:36,209
You know that expression,
403
00:14:36,244 --> 00:14:38,144
"Oh, if you work out,
everything else will"?
404
00:14:38,179 --> 00:14:39,212
[Scoffs]
405
00:14:39,247 --> 00:14:41,581
Well, that is not true.
406
00:14:41,617 --> 00:14:44,384
Oh, and Emery was in a fight.
407
00:14:49,230 --> 00:14:51,764
You know,
this isn't really as bad as it seems.
408
00:14:51,800 --> 00:14:53,666
[Chuckles] So you got punched.
409
00:14:53,702 --> 00:14:55,982
Everybody gets punched at
some point in their lives.
410
00:14:56,074 --> 00:14:59,305
Your mom got punched by a lady
at the yogurt shop last week.
411
00:14:59,340 --> 00:15:01,139
- This is all your fault.
- My fault?
412
00:15:01,175 --> 00:15:03,275
Instead of handling things my own way,
413
00:15:03,311 --> 00:15:05,678
I took your advice,
and look what happened.
414
00:15:05,713 --> 00:15:08,061
Thanks a lot, Dad.
415
00:15:08,816 --> 00:15:10,416
[Sighs]
416
00:15:11,652 --> 00:15:14,919
Yo, Evan, want to hear a secret?
417
00:15:14,954 --> 00:15:17,588
If it's that you wipe your hands
on my towel, I already know.
418
00:15:17,624 --> 00:15:19,324
How do you know about that?
419
00:15:19,359 --> 00:15:21,793
I know what a damp towel feels like,
Eddie.
420
00:15:21,828 --> 00:15:22,960
Whatever.
421
00:15:22,995 --> 00:15:24,429
I'm trying to tell you a real secret.
422
00:15:24,464 --> 00:15:26,230
Mom is fun.
423
00:15:26,265 --> 00:15:27,632
That's not a secret.
424
00:15:27,667 --> 00:15:30,201
I've been telling you that for years.
425
00:15:30,236 --> 00:15:31,702
Not your nerd version of fun.
426
00:15:31,737 --> 00:15:33,169
Like actually fun.
427
00:15:33,205 --> 00:15:35,605
Today at my field trip, she...
428
00:15:35,641 --> 00:15:36,457
Boys!
429
00:15:36,602 --> 00:15:39,075
What are you,
waitresses at a small-town diner?
430
00:15:39,110 --> 00:15:40,176
Stop chatting.
431
00:15:40,212 --> 00:15:41,511
Evan, finish your homework in your room.
432
00:15:41,547 --> 00:15:42,779
Eddie, take out the trash.
433
00:15:42,848 --> 00:15:44,293
Okay, Mommy.
434
00:15:44,966 --> 00:15:47,516
Oh, cool, you're back to being zero fun.
435
00:15:47,552 --> 00:15:48,784
Awesome.
436
00:15:48,820 --> 00:15:52,120
Maybe I'll experience Fun Mom
again in another 12 years.
437
00:15:52,156 --> 00:15:54,390
You think I don't want to be Fun Mom?
438
00:15:54,425 --> 00:15:56,158
I would love to be Fun Mom.
439
00:15:56,193 --> 00:15:57,593
So then do it.
440
00:15:57,628 --> 00:15:58,761
Eddie, we had fun today
441
00:15:58,796 --> 00:16:00,696
because I didn't have
to spend every minute
442
00:16:00,732 --> 00:16:03,065
chasing after you and nagging you.
443
00:16:03,100 --> 00:16:04,866
You think Fun Mom could
get you to do your homework
444
00:16:04,901 --> 00:16:06,934
and clean your room?
445
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:07,902
No way.
446
00:16:07,937 --> 00:16:10,872
That's what this mom is for.
447
00:16:10,907 --> 00:16:13,742
This mom gets things done.
448
00:16:13,777 --> 00:16:16,611
No juice boxes until you
finish your homework.
449
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:19,313
Your discipline is the
only reward I need.
450
00:16:23,318 --> 00:16:27,220
[Man speaking French]
451
00:16:32,309 --> 00:16:33,093
Mom.
452
00:16:33,128 --> 00:16:35,095
I did the right thing, right?
453
00:16:35,130 --> 00:16:35,925
With Emery.
454
00:16:36,044 --> 00:16:36,822
_
455
00:16:36,914 --> 00:16:38,629
_
456
00:16:38,695 --> 00:16:39,909
_
457
00:16:40,001 --> 00:16:41,044
What do you mean?
458
00:16:41,162 --> 00:16:44,091
_
459
00:16:44,205 --> 00:16:45,714
I don't do that.
460
00:16:45,846 --> 00:16:47,204
_
461
00:16:47,366 --> 00:16:49,793
_
462
00:16:50,512 --> 00:16:52,077
Go, you 'Guanas!
463
00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:53,078
[All cheering]
464
00:16:53,114 --> 00:16:54,714
Go, you Barn Owls!
465
00:16:54,749 --> 00:16:55,814
[All cheering]
466
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:58,082
Why do they call it women's basketball?
467
00:16:58,118 --> 00:17:00,084
It's just basketball, am I right?
468
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,352
[All cheering]
469
00:17:01,388 --> 00:17:03,789
Oh, my God, you're right.
470
00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:06,291
I hate women's basketball.
471
00:17:06,326 --> 00:17:07,054
[Chuckles]
472
00:17:07,160 --> 00:17:08,994
_
473
00:17:09,456 --> 00:17:13,492
_
474
00:17:13,593 --> 00:17:15,902
_
475
00:17:15,994 --> 00:17:17,986
_
476
00:17:18,103 --> 00:17:19,870
Do you really think I change who I am
477
00:17:19,906 --> 00:17:21,086
to get people to like me?
478
00:17:21,192 --> 00:17:24,384
_
479
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:28,111
[ Soft music playing]
480
00:17:28,147 --> 00:17:32,982
Now I understand the difference
between a movie and a film.
481
00:17:35,307 --> 00:17:37,620
Louis: How's that eye?
482
00:17:37,656 --> 00:17:38,721
It's okay.
483
00:17:38,757 --> 00:17:40,089
And don't worry... I told Mom
484
00:17:40,124 --> 00:17:42,291
that I got it from looking
too hard through my telescope.
485
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,327
I think she was proud?
486
00:17:44,362 --> 00:17:49,397
I, uh, shouldn't have told you
to act like somebody you're not.
487
00:17:49,433 --> 00:17:51,166
You're your own person,
you're not ashamed of it,
488
00:17:51,201 --> 00:17:52,601
and that's your strength.
489
00:17:52,636 --> 00:17:54,202
Tell that to the boys at my school.
490
00:17:54,237 --> 00:17:55,337
They're just too busy
491
00:17:55,372 --> 00:17:57,372
trying to figure out
who they are to notice.
492
00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,875
You may feel like you're falling
behind the curve right now,
493
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:02,210
but trust me, you are way ahead of it.
494
00:18:03,347 --> 00:18:04,420
Thanks, Dad.
495
00:18:04,552 --> 00:18:06,955
You know, maybe I just need
to change my tactics.
496
00:18:07,060 --> 00:18:07,641
Good.
497
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:10,174
And deliver my poem in a
completely different way.
498
00:18:10,266 --> 00:18:10,728
Oh.
499
00:18:10,820 --> 00:18:12,987
I need to show Chad and those other boys
500
00:18:13,022 --> 00:18:15,857
that you don't need to fight all
your battles with your fists.
501
00:18:15,892 --> 00:18:18,192
Sometimes you can use the
power of rhymed verse.
502
00:18:18,227 --> 00:18:19,326
Okay.
503
00:18:19,362 --> 00:18:20,927
Just be smart about it, all right?
504
00:18:20,963 --> 00:18:22,462
Don't worry, Dad.
505
00:18:22,498 --> 00:18:24,030
That's who I am.
506
00:18:25,968 --> 00:18:28,635
You guys are missing
the gnome's funeral!
507
00:18:28,670 --> 00:18:31,204
I wonder if there's a "La Chouffe 2."
508
00:18:32,207 --> 00:18:33,907
Eddie, up now.
509
00:18:33,942 --> 00:18:35,041
School.
510
00:18:36,545 --> 00:18:39,311
I heard what you said yesterday,
and I get it.
511
00:18:39,346 --> 00:18:41,547
Sometimes, I can be a little much.
512
00:18:41,582 --> 00:18:42,715
Sometimes?
513
00:18:42,750 --> 00:18:44,950
- More like...
- Not now.
514
00:18:44,986 --> 00:18:46,118
Yes, Mommy.
515
00:18:46,153 --> 00:18:48,053
I understand now that the only reason
516
00:18:48,088 --> 00:18:49,655
why I have any fun around here
517
00:18:49,690 --> 00:18:51,390
is because you're not having any,
518
00:18:51,425 --> 00:18:52,525
and that's not fair.
519
00:18:52,560 --> 00:18:54,192
That's why I got myself
ready this morning.
520
00:18:54,228 --> 00:18:57,529
I even packed my own lunch...
Six Oreos and a tortilla.
521
00:18:57,564 --> 00:18:58,830
Thank you, Eddie.
522
00:18:58,865 --> 00:19:01,265
Even though I can tell you didn't shower
523
00:19:01,300 --> 00:19:03,735
because you smell like
a pepperoni pizza,
524
00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:04,869
I'm proud of you.
525
00:19:06,039 --> 00:19:08,907
But that means we're 30
minutes ahead of schedule.
526
00:19:10,276 --> 00:19:11,675
[Super Mario plays on TV]
527
00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,944
Am I the green janitor
or the red janitor?
528
00:19:13,979 --> 00:19:16,112
Neither, Mom. You died five minutes ago.
529
00:19:16,148 --> 00:19:18,715
You've just been pressing
buttons for no reason.
530
00:19:20,318 --> 00:19:23,253
"And for who but the
flowers and the trees
531
00:19:23,288 --> 00:19:27,024
doth man speak and sing
his many whimsies."
532
00:19:27,059 --> 00:19:28,991
Poetry's for 'ginas.
533
00:19:29,027 --> 00:19:32,386
"And though a fist may crush and sprain,
534
00:19:32,478 --> 00:19:36,498
there is no weapon like the brain."
535
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:41,003
This poem was written by a
clearly sensitive student.
536
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:43,773
Our very own Chad.
537
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:47,475
Lovely work, Chad. [Laughter]
538
00:19:47,510 --> 00:19:48,677
No.
539
00:19:48,712 --> 00:19:50,144
That wasn't me, I swear!
540
00:19:50,180 --> 00:19:51,913
No need to be bashful, Chad.
541
00:19:51,949 --> 00:19:53,514
It was a beautiful poem.
542
00:19:53,550 --> 00:19:55,316
[Laughter]
543
00:19:56,334 --> 00:19:58,053
I really like that poem.
544
00:19:58,088 --> 00:19:59,120
Me, too.
545
00:19:59,155 --> 00:20:00,789
There's real power in rhymed verse.
546
00:20:01,572 --> 00:20:04,024
Oops. I dropped my pencil.
547
00:20:05,227 --> 00:20:07,695
[Deep voice] Let's go
spray-paint some turtles.
548
00:20:13,174 --> 00:20:14,473
Oh, hey, Louis.
549
00:20:14,508 --> 00:20:16,841
We just got an amazing Danish film in.
550
00:20:16,877 --> 00:20:18,477
"Cosette and the Gentle Clown."
551
00:20:18,512 --> 00:20:20,679
It tells the story of a young girl,
Cosette,
552
00:20:20,714 --> 00:20:23,715
who leaves her oppressive
mining village to apprentice...
553
00:20:24,517 --> 00:20:26,710
I'm renting "Beethoven."
554
00:20:27,264 --> 00:20:29,019
I think maybe you meant to get
"Amadeus."
555
00:20:29,055 --> 00:20:30,154
That's over in...
556
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:32,022
No, I didn't.
557
00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:33,924
I don't want to watch "Amadeus."
558
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:36,160
"Amadeus" looks boring.
559
00:20:36,691 --> 00:20:38,929
Just like all the movies you recommend.
560
00:20:38,965 --> 00:20:41,064
From now on, I'm only renting
561
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:44,067
the kind of movies that I like.
562
00:20:44,103 --> 00:20:48,638
Movies about animals... acting... crazy.
563
00:20:48,673 --> 00:20:50,273
Whatever, man.
564
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:57,401
Yeah!
565
00:20:58,048 --> 00:21:01,319
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
566
00:21:01,369 --> 00:21:05,919
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
39897
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