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1
00:00:01,392 --> 00:00:02,557
And, for the last time,
2
00:00:02,593 --> 00:00:06,346
the olives in the salad bar
are for eating, not wearing.
3
00:00:06,517 --> 00:00:07,889
[As Mr. Burns] Excellent.
4
00:00:08,074 --> 00:00:09,802
And no more
"Simpsons" impressions.
5
00:00:09,900 --> 00:00:11,232
[As homer Simpson] D'oh.
6
00:00:11,268 --> 00:00:14,402
And, finally, I'm flying back
to D.C. this weekend
7
00:00:14,437 --> 00:00:16,004
to spend the holiday
with my family,
8
00:00:16,039 --> 00:00:17,672
but the restaurant
will still be open,
9
00:00:17,707 --> 00:00:19,574
so I'm going to need
you all to work.
10
00:00:19,609 --> 00:00:21,142
You're making us work
on Valentine's Day?
11
00:00:21,177 --> 00:00:22,677
I already have tickets
to see Morrissey.
12
00:00:22,712 --> 00:00:24,651
No, he's talking about
Presidents' Day.
13
00:00:24,681 --> 00:00:27,782
Which is always
the third Monday in February.
14
00:00:27,817 --> 00:00:29,984
I'm kind of a history "boof."
15
00:00:30,053 --> 00:00:31,920
I'm talking about
Chinese New Year.
16
00:00:31,955 --> 00:00:34,789
But you also have to work
those other holidays, as well.
17
00:00:34,824 --> 00:00:36,424
You guys have your own new year?
18
00:00:36,459 --> 00:00:39,027
Yeah. We get together with
family, have a big dinner.
19
00:00:39,062 --> 00:00:42,063
There's decorations,
dragon dances, fireworks.
20
00:00:42,098 --> 00:00:44,866
I mean, you should see
how crazy it gets in Chinatown.
21
00:00:44,901 --> 00:00:47,702
[Fireworks squealing
and exploding]
22
00:00:47,737 --> 00:00:49,737
[Man coughing]
23
00:00:49,773 --> 00:00:52,974
If you can breathe properly
the next day, you weren't there.
24
00:00:53,009 --> 00:00:55,343
S02E11
Year of the Rat
25
00:00:55,378 --> 00:00:56,511
Fresh off the boat
26
00:00:56,546 --> 00:00:58,212
I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go
27
00:00:58,248 --> 00:01:00,348
If you don't know, homey,
now you know
28
00:01:00,383 --> 00:01:01,616
Fresh off the boat
29
00:01:01,651 --> 00:01:03,952
Homey, you don't know
where I come from
30
00:01:03,987 --> 00:01:05,486
But I know where I'm goin'
31
00:01:05,522 --> 00:01:06,796
I'm fresh off the boat
32
00:01:06,869 --> 00:01:08,664
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:09,359 --> 00:01:11,326
[Vacuum whirring]
34
00:01:13,096 --> 00:01:14,862
[Whirring stops]
Honey: Jessica, open the door!
35
00:01:14,898 --> 00:01:16,864
[Doorbell ringing,
pounding on door]
36
00:01:19,369 --> 00:01:22,070
I have been ringing this bell
for half an hour.
37
00:01:22,105 --> 00:01:24,405
What is going on?
Did you commit a murder in here?
38
00:01:24,441 --> 00:01:27,875
A murder? On carpet? Come on.
39
00:01:27,911 --> 00:01:28,977
[Laughs]
40
00:01:30,213 --> 00:01:32,313
Chinese New Year
is in a few days,
41
00:01:32,349 --> 00:01:34,582
and it's tradition
to clean our home
42
00:01:34,617 --> 00:01:36,551
to welcome in good fortune.
43
00:01:36,586 --> 00:01:37,852
Oh.
44
00:01:37,887 --> 00:01:39,020
Our new year's tradition
is to get drunk
45
00:01:39,055 --> 00:01:40,355
and shoot guns in the air.
46
00:01:40,390 --> 00:01:42,824
Thank you so much for taking
care of things while we're gone.
47
00:01:42,859 --> 00:01:44,025
There's not much to do.
48
00:01:44,060 --> 00:01:45,426
Just water the tomato plant
49
00:01:45,462 --> 00:01:48,796
and move the kitchen bamboo
out of the sun hourly.
50
00:01:48,832 --> 00:01:50,832
If the moon is strong,
then at night, too.
51
00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:52,066
Mm-hmm.
52
00:01:52,102 --> 00:01:53,935
Why did you pack this?
53
00:01:53,970 --> 00:01:54,736
What do you mean?
54
00:01:54,771 --> 00:01:56,337
[Sighs] We're traveling.
55
00:01:56,373 --> 00:01:58,473
We need travel-sized toiletries.
56
00:01:58,508 --> 00:01:59,941
[Laughs]
57
00:02:00,010 --> 00:02:01,376
Look how fun it is.
58
00:02:01,411 --> 00:02:02,276
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
59
00:02:02,312 --> 00:02:03,578
Look at this little nivea.
60
00:02:03,613 --> 00:02:06,314
It's more container than lotion,
but I don't even care.
61
00:02:06,349 --> 00:02:08,383
I'm ready for
my new year's haircut.
62
00:02:08,418 --> 00:02:10,485
Oh, that's another
new year's tradition.
63
00:02:10,520 --> 00:02:13,321
You don't want to cut your hair
too soon after the new year,
64
00:02:13,356 --> 00:02:16,391
because you might be getting
rid of any good luck
65
00:02:16,426 --> 00:02:17,592
you just received.
66
00:02:17,627 --> 00:02:20,028
Oh, kind of like how
you don't want to shower
67
00:02:20,063 --> 00:02:22,497
after garth Brooks
signs your boobs?
68
00:02:22,532 --> 00:02:23,598
Yeah.
69
00:02:23,633 --> 00:02:24,999
I brought some photos.
70
00:02:25,035 --> 00:02:28,369
I want half Anthony Mason,
half kwam? the boy genius.
71
00:02:28,405 --> 00:02:31,472
How about flowbee setting
number 3?
72
00:02:33,343 --> 00:02:34,976
[Vacuum whirring]
73
00:02:36,579 --> 00:02:38,446
I'm so excited
for Chinese New Year.
74
00:02:38,481 --> 00:02:40,715
It's gonna be great
to see the whole family.
75
00:02:40,750 --> 00:02:43,518
And to get all those
red envelopes full of cash!
76
00:02:48,158 --> 00:02:49,190
[Gasps]
77
00:02:49,225 --> 00:02:51,192
I'm gonna buy
a snoopy sno-cone machine.
78
00:02:51,227 --> 00:02:52,493
I'm gonna buy a fedora
79
00:02:52,562 --> 00:02:55,329
and bring back the golden age
of railway travel.
80
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:56,464
Mm.
81
00:02:57,529 --> 00:02:58,399
Listen, guys.
82
00:02:58,435 --> 00:03:00,935
I did the math, and even if
I get one red envelope
83
00:03:00,970 --> 00:03:02,437
from every adult in the family,
84
00:03:02,472 --> 00:03:04,839
I still won't have enough money
to buy the new Jordans.
85
00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:07,675
That's why if you guys give me
three of your envelopes each,
86
00:03:07,744 --> 00:03:10,211
I'll give you this gently used
castle grayskull.
87
00:03:10,246 --> 00:03:11,646
The trapdoor doesn't work,
88
00:03:11,681 --> 00:03:13,915
but he-man wouldn't
fall for that anyways.
89
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:15,149
Hey.
90
00:03:15,185 --> 00:03:17,552
_
91
00:03:22,292 --> 00:03:24,258
Eddie, I overslept!
Get up, get up!
92
00:03:24,294 --> 00:03:25,226
We have to go to the airport!
93
00:03:25,261 --> 00:03:27,261
- What time is it?
- 5:00 A.M.!
94
00:03:27,297 --> 00:03:29,597
The flight doesn't leave
until 2:00 in the afternoon.
95
00:03:29,632 --> 00:03:31,632
Exactly! We're late!
96
00:03:31,668 --> 00:03:33,968
Emery! Evan!
Just eat some toothpaste!
97
00:03:34,003 --> 00:03:35,203
No time to brush!
98
00:03:35,238 --> 00:03:36,237
Ugh!
99
00:03:39,609 --> 00:03:41,175
Why are you dressed so nice?
100
00:03:41,211 --> 00:03:43,811
I'm trying to get bumped up
to first class.
101
00:03:46,616 --> 00:03:47,482
No.
102
00:03:47,517 --> 00:03:49,817
It's too early for this.
103
00:03:50,987 --> 00:03:52,520
All right,
I turned off the sprinklers,
104
00:03:52,555 --> 00:03:53,921
locked the doors,
got the tickets.
105
00:03:53,957 --> 00:03:55,389
And I've got breakfast
for the car,
106
00:03:55,425 --> 00:03:56,691
snacks, lunch, and dried plums.
107
00:03:56,726 --> 00:03:57,825
We're all set.
108
00:03:57,861 --> 00:03:59,760
Bye, Evan. happy new year.
109
00:03:59,796 --> 00:04:03,097
Bye, girls. Don't forget...
Keep that heart rate above 125.
110
00:04:03,133 --> 00:04:05,833
And don't you forget to bring me
back a commemorative thimble.
111
00:04:05,869 --> 00:04:07,768
You know it.
112
00:04:10,907 --> 00:04:12,540
Oh, damn it. We forgot...
113
00:04:12,641 --> 00:04:13,897
_
114
00:04:14,467 --> 00:04:15,628
_
115
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:19,069
_
116
00:04:21,751 --> 00:04:23,751
Why did we
have to park so far away?
117
00:04:23,786 --> 00:04:25,987
It wasn't that far.
118
00:04:26,022 --> 00:04:27,321
We took two buses, a tram,
119
00:04:27,357 --> 00:04:29,223
then had to run across
the freeway.
120
00:04:29,259 --> 00:04:31,993
Good. So now you're tired,
so you'll sleep on the plane.
121
00:04:32,028 --> 00:04:34,295
And look, no lines.
122
00:04:34,330 --> 00:04:36,964
I can't wait to see everybody.
123
00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:38,866
I hope they're karaoke'ing
when we get there,
124
00:04:38,902 --> 00:04:40,735
because I'm gonna grab the Mike
125
00:04:40,770 --> 00:04:42,737
and I'm gonna
slide right into...
126
00:04:42,772 --> 00:04:47,375
What's love got to do,
got to do with it?
127
00:04:47,410 --> 00:04:50,978
What's love
but a second-hand emo...
128
00:04:51,014 --> 00:04:51,979
Hi.
129
00:04:52,015 --> 00:04:52,847
Good morning.
130
00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:54,115
Where are you all
flying to today?
131
00:04:54,150 --> 00:04:56,651
Oh, uh, Washington, D.C.,
for the holiday.
132
00:04:56,686 --> 00:04:58,619
A popular destination
for Presidents' Day.
133
00:04:58,655 --> 00:05:00,788
Are you traveling with
any hazardous materials?
134
00:05:00,823 --> 00:05:02,823
No, just a bag of fireworks,
a pocket knife,
135
00:05:02,859 --> 00:05:05,126
and some cr??me br??l?e torches
we're giving as gifts.
136
00:05:05,161 --> 00:05:08,111
That's all fine. Just as long as
you're not bringing any citrus.
137
00:05:09,666 --> 00:05:10,831
Oh.
138
00:05:10,867 --> 00:05:12,733
Oh, no. I'm afraid
you've missed your flight.
139
00:05:12,769 --> 00:05:14,335
What? No, that's impossible.
140
00:05:14,370 --> 00:05:15,836
It doesn't leave till 2:00 P.M.
141
00:05:15,872 --> 00:05:17,405
2:00 P.M. yesterday.
142
00:05:20,210 --> 00:05:23,211
I thought you said
that our flight was on Friday.
143
00:05:23,246 --> 00:05:25,012
It is. Friday the 15th.
144
00:05:25,048 --> 00:05:26,086
Mnh-mnh.
145
00:05:26,234 --> 00:05:29,483
The 15th was yesterday.
146
00:05:29,519 --> 00:05:31,619
Oh.
147
00:05:31,654 --> 00:05:33,521
Are we gonna miss
Chinese New Year?
148
00:05:33,556 --> 00:05:36,791
We don't have to run across
the freeway again, do we?
149
00:05:36,826 --> 00:05:37,959
[Sighs]
150
00:05:40,776 --> 00:05:41,841
I'm sorry, Connie.
151
00:05:41,877 --> 00:05:44,844
We won't be coming to D.C.
for new year's.
152
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:45,979
Why?
153
00:05:47,682 --> 00:05:50,650
Because I messed up
the days on the tickets.
154
00:05:52,621 --> 00:05:54,320
No, don't put big auntie
on the phone.
155
00:05:54,356 --> 00:05:55,355
Don't put big...
156
00:05:55,390 --> 00:05:57,824
[inhales sharply]
Hi, big auntie.
157
00:05:57,859 --> 00:05:58,691
[Sighs]
158
00:05:58,727 --> 00:06:01,127
No, we're not coming.
159
00:06:01,163 --> 00:06:02,595
Why?
160
00:06:03,832 --> 00:06:06,766
Because I messed up
the days on the tickets.
161
00:06:08,270 --> 00:06:09,936
Mm-hmm.
162
00:06:09,971 --> 00:06:11,204
No, I called.
163
00:06:11,239 --> 00:06:14,107
Six last-minute tickets to D.C.
are too expensive.
164
00:06:14,142 --> 00:06:17,010
I guess everybody's going there
for Presidents' Day.
165
00:06:17,253 --> 00:06:19,986
Yes, even five last-minute
tickets are too expensive.
166
00:06:20,039 --> 00:06:23,057
Five?
Who does she suggest to cut?
167
00:06:25,126 --> 00:06:26,572
Tell everyone to send
the red envelopes
168
00:06:26,614 --> 00:06:29,202
in the mail today so we can
get them by new year's.
169
00:06:29,349 --> 00:06:31,397
They're not gonna send cash
in the mail.
170
00:06:31,450 --> 00:06:34,373
It's time you boys learned
what all dogs are born knowing.
171
00:06:34,405 --> 00:06:35,756
Postal workers are thieves.
172
00:06:35,819 --> 00:06:37,030
No, they're not.
173
00:06:37,065 --> 00:06:41,267
Neither snow nor rain nor heat
nor gloom of night...
174
00:06:41,302 --> 00:06:42,542
Emery, please.
175
00:06:42,585 --> 00:06:44,812
How's the family gonna get us
our red envelopes?
176
00:06:44,864 --> 00:06:45,561
They're not.
177
00:06:45,614 --> 00:06:47,473
The only ones you're
going to get are from us.
178
00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,614
Mom and dad's envelopes...
Those are the worst!
179
00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,486
Read the back.
180
00:06:59,521 --> 00:07:01,054
We wrote you a message.
181
00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:04,151
_
182
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:06,092
Wha...
183
00:07:06,128 --> 00:07:09,027
That means the only money we're
gonna get this year is from...
184
00:07:12,834 --> 00:07:14,668
Grandma.
185
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:18,238
I'm really sorry.
186
00:07:18,273 --> 00:07:19,973
I feel terrible.
187
00:07:20,008 --> 00:07:22,442
I should have
double-checked the tickets.
188
00:07:22,477 --> 00:07:24,944
Just when you think you've
micro-managed everything.
189
00:07:24,980 --> 00:07:27,147
But, you know, we can
make the most of this.
190
00:07:27,182 --> 00:07:29,482
I know you were really looking
forward to seeing everyone,
191
00:07:29,518 --> 00:07:31,751
but we can celebrate here,
just us.
192
00:07:31,787 --> 00:07:33,053
It's not the same, Louis.
193
00:07:33,088 --> 00:07:36,022
There's no fireworks.
There's no parade.
194
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:38,258
It's not gonna feel
like new year's.
195
00:07:38,293 --> 00:07:40,794
Well, maybe we could find
something like that here.
196
00:07:40,829 --> 00:07:41,928
I doubt it.
197
00:07:41,963 --> 00:07:44,030
People here don't care
about this holiday.
198
00:07:44,066 --> 00:07:44,898
That's not true.
199
00:07:44,933 --> 00:07:45,965
We know there are
200
00:07:46,001 --> 00:07:48,501
other Chinese people
in the area, remember?
201
00:07:48,537 --> 00:07:49,703
[Beeping]
202
00:07:54,976 --> 00:07:57,877
Yeah, one other Chinese guy
in Orlando, and he's deaf.
203
00:07:57,913 --> 00:07:59,312
He's here somewhere.
204
00:07:59,347 --> 00:08:02,015
If we just had a, I don't know,
some sort of
205
00:08:02,050 --> 00:08:04,884
a list of people's names
in the area
206
00:08:04,920 --> 00:08:06,686
and a way
to get in touch with them.
207
00:08:08,457 --> 00:08:10,457
There's got to be at least
one Chinese person
208
00:08:10,492 --> 00:08:11,591
listed in here.
209
00:08:11,626 --> 00:08:14,427
Uh, let's start with "Yang."
210
00:08:14,463 --> 00:08:17,564
It's like
Chinese people's "Smith."
211
00:08:18,633 --> 00:08:20,333
Hmm. Nothing.
212
00:08:20,368 --> 00:08:22,502
How about "Ma"?
213
00:08:22,537 --> 00:08:23,770
Uh...
214
00:08:25,107 --> 00:08:26,139
Nope.
215
00:08:26,174 --> 00:08:28,241
Liang?
216
00:08:31,646 --> 00:08:33,880
Together: Hi, grandma!
217
00:08:33,915 --> 00:08:35,515
We made you
your favorite snack...
218
00:08:35,550 --> 00:08:36,950
Mountain dew and combos.
219
00:08:37,635 --> 00:08:39,091
_
220
00:08:39,207 --> 00:08:41,387
Are you upset
that we missed our flight?
221
00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:42,975
_
222
00:08:43,165 --> 00:08:46,416
_
223
00:08:55,303 --> 00:08:57,137
I hate to see grandma so down.
224
00:08:57,172 --> 00:08:58,538
We have to cheer her up.
225
00:08:58,607 --> 00:09:00,974
Yeah, so she can be generous
with the red envelopes,
226
00:09:01,009 --> 00:09:02,742
and we can get paid!
227
00:09:02,778 --> 00:09:05,311
No, because she's our
grandmother and she's sad.
228
00:09:05,347 --> 00:09:07,313
Right.
We're saying the same thing.
229
00:09:07,349 --> 00:09:08,782
Whatever our motivation,
230
00:09:08,817 --> 00:09:11,518
we need to get grandma happy,
like, yesterday.
231
00:09:11,553 --> 00:09:12,986
What does she like?
232
00:09:13,021 --> 00:09:14,454
She loves "Garfield."
233
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:16,289
Yeah, what else?
What does it mean?
234
00:09:16,324 --> 00:09:18,224
What does it mean
to like "Garfield"?
235
00:09:18,260 --> 00:09:20,593
It means she likes things
that are small, cute, and funny.
236
00:09:20,629 --> 00:09:22,695
[Snaps fingers] That's the
first thing you've said all day
237
00:09:22,731 --> 00:09:24,045
that makes sense.
238
00:09:27,769 --> 00:09:29,636
Hey, how ya doin' today?
239
00:09:29,671 --> 00:09:30,970
Having fun?
240
00:09:31,039 --> 00:09:34,607
Speaking of fun, what's the deal
with fun-sized candy bars?
241
00:09:34,643 --> 00:09:35,809
What?
242
00:09:35,844 --> 00:09:38,511
Of all the sizes,
aren't they the least fun?
243
00:09:38,547 --> 00:09:40,580
You know what I wish
was fun-sized?
244
00:09:40,615 --> 00:09:42,382
My homework!
245
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,233
_
246
00:09:44,328 --> 00:09:46,207
_
247
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:49,989
Anyone here from New Jersey?
248
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:55,128
No Changs, no Chins, no Chus.
249
00:09:55,163 --> 00:09:56,796
You know, we need to start
from the beginning.
250
00:09:56,865 --> 00:09:58,198
Here, let me try.
251
00:09:58,233 --> 00:10:00,033
[Scoffs] Jessica, why would
you have any more luck...
252
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:03,770
Boom. Asian-American association
of Orlando.
253
00:10:03,805 --> 00:10:05,572
A.A.A.O.O.
254
00:10:05,607 --> 00:10:07,674
Ay-oh.
255
00:10:07,709 --> 00:10:08,975
Like the Fonz.
256
00:10:09,010 --> 00:10:10,076
[Chuckles] No, it's like
257
00:10:10,111 --> 00:10:11,578
"Who's the Boss?"
Like Tony Danza.
258
00:10:11,613 --> 00:10:12,679
Ey-o.
259
00:10:12,714 --> 00:10:14,080
Ay-oh. Ey-o.
260
00:10:14,115 --> 00:10:15,548
[As Tony Micelli] Hey, Angela.
261
00:10:15,584 --> 00:10:17,150
I'm calling them.
262
00:10:18,620 --> 00:10:19,719
[Dial tone]
263
00:10:19,754 --> 00:10:21,688
[Dialing]
264
00:10:21,723 --> 00:10:23,323
[Sighs]
265
00:10:23,358 --> 00:10:25,291
[Ringing]
266
00:10:25,327 --> 00:10:27,760
Rick: Hello. Asian-American
association of Orlando.
267
00:10:27,796 --> 00:10:29,229
[Gasps] It's real!
268
00:10:29,264 --> 00:10:30,630
Yes, hello!
269
00:10:30,665 --> 00:10:34,534
We are Louis and Jessica Huang.
We live in Orlando.
270
00:10:34,569 --> 00:10:36,469
Oh, my gosh, the Huangs!
271
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:38,338
We've been trying to get
in touch with you for months!
272
00:10:38,373 --> 00:10:39,739
Have you not been getting
our mailers?
273
00:10:39,774 --> 00:10:40,573
Mm...
274
00:10:40,609 --> 00:10:41,374
- Thieves.
- Thieves.
275
00:10:41,409 --> 00:10:42,709
[Chuckles]
276
00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:46,379
Uh, we are going to be in town
for Chinese New Year,
277
00:10:46,414 --> 00:10:48,214
and we were wondering
if you're doing anything.
278
00:10:48,250 --> 00:10:49,983
We're having a huge party.
279
00:10:50,018 --> 00:10:51,684
It's the biggest day
of the year.
280
00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:53,920
We would be so excited
if you'd join us.
281
00:10:53,955 --> 00:10:56,014
[Both laugh]
282
00:10:58,093 --> 00:11:02,428
What if God was one of us?
283
00:11:03,665 --> 00:11:08,434
Just a slob like one of us?
284
00:11:08,470 --> 00:11:15,608
Just a stranger on a bus,
trying to make his way...
285
00:11:15,644 --> 00:11:17,944
[Lock clicks]
286
00:11:17,979 --> 00:11:19,379
Eddie: I can't wait.
287
00:11:19,414 --> 00:11:22,215
We're gonna be drowning
in a sea full of red envelopes.
288
00:11:22,250 --> 00:11:24,617
Why would grandma care
about fun-sized stuff?
289
00:11:24,653 --> 00:11:27,587
I should have started with jokes
about Filipino food.
290
00:11:27,622 --> 00:11:31,090
Ah, looks like they already
got started with the fireworks.
291
00:11:31,126 --> 00:11:33,826
Ignoring fire codes...
So Chinese.
292
00:11:33,862 --> 00:11:35,328
[Laughs]
293
00:11:35,363 --> 00:11:37,764
[Russian music playing]
294
00:11:43,705 --> 00:11:46,339
_
295
00:11:49,444 --> 00:11:52,111
There's so much oil
in this food.
296
00:11:52,147 --> 00:11:55,748
My son Raj
is addicted to cocaine.
297
00:11:57,786 --> 00:11:59,819
This one means "understanding."
298
00:11:59,854 --> 00:12:03,456
What?
No, this means "understanding."
299
00:12:04,492 --> 00:12:06,459
What's going on?
Where are all the...
300
00:12:06,494 --> 00:12:07,961
Rick: Chinese people!
301
00:12:07,996 --> 00:12:09,862
Welcome, Huangs.
302
00:12:09,898 --> 00:12:11,397
And happy new year.
303
00:12:11,433 --> 00:12:12,598
I'm Rick.
304
00:12:12,634 --> 00:12:14,367
Ni hao.
305
00:12:15,737 --> 00:12:19,539
The length and depth of my bow
expresses my deep appreciation.
306
00:12:19,574 --> 00:12:21,908
Uh, I think that's more
of a Japanese thing,
307
00:12:21,943 --> 00:12:23,977
but, uh, thank you, Rick.
[Chuckles]
308
00:12:24,012 --> 00:12:25,411
We spoke on the phone,
I believe.
309
00:12:25,447 --> 00:12:27,647
I'm one of the founding members
of the triple-a double-o.
310
00:12:27,682 --> 00:12:30,550
I thought this was
an Asian organization?
311
00:12:30,585 --> 00:12:31,617
Oh, it is.
312
00:12:31,653 --> 00:12:33,119
Everyone here is Asian.
313
00:12:33,154 --> 00:12:35,121
Or hoping to associate with one.
314
00:12:35,156 --> 00:12:36,189
[Chuckles]
315
00:12:36,224 --> 00:12:39,959
I myself was born
on a layover in Thailand.
316
00:12:39,995 --> 00:12:42,895
Well, I guess technically
India and parts of Russia
317
00:12:42,931 --> 00:12:44,831
are in Asia, but we assumed...
318
00:12:44,866 --> 00:12:47,033
That there would be
some Chinese people
319
00:12:47,068 --> 00:12:48,568
celebrating Chinese New Year.
320
00:12:48,603 --> 00:12:51,070
We don't have any
Chinese members yet.
321
00:12:51,106 --> 00:12:53,906
But we did get the kid
who played short round
322
00:12:53,942 --> 00:12:56,809
to send us an autographed
picture for our wall.
323
00:12:56,845 --> 00:12:58,478
Very cool of him.
324
00:12:58,695 --> 00:13:00,711
_
325
00:13:01,397 --> 00:13:03,370
_
326
00:13:03,708 --> 00:13:05,766
_
327
00:13:05,820 --> 00:13:07,687
- Man: What'd she say?
- Man 2: I think she likes it.
328
00:13:07,722 --> 00:13:09,689
I don't care
what kind of people are here.
329
00:13:09,724 --> 00:13:11,391
As long as they have
red envelopes,
330
00:13:11,426 --> 00:13:12,225
I'm cool with it.
331
00:13:12,260 --> 00:13:13,259
Ooh, red envelopes.
332
00:13:13,294 --> 00:13:14,994
What is that? Like a party game?
333
00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:17,463
You don't even know
about red envelopes?
334
00:13:17,499 --> 00:13:20,033
Well, what do you have planned
for Chinese New Year?
335
00:13:20,068 --> 00:13:22,068
Oh, it is going to be epic.
336
00:13:22,103 --> 00:13:25,405
We just got these
"year of the rat" glasses.
337
00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:27,907
There's also gonna be
an authentic dragon dance.
338
00:13:27,942 --> 00:13:33,046
And at midnight Beijing time,
we're gonna drop the rat.
339
00:13:33,081 --> 00:13:35,681
Uh, that's not a real thing.
340
00:13:35,717 --> 00:13:37,350
See, this is what
I was talking about.
341
00:13:37,385 --> 00:13:39,018
They're having
a Chinese New Year's party,
342
00:13:39,054 --> 00:13:41,187
but nobody cares enough
to get it right.
343
00:13:41,222 --> 00:13:43,389
Y'all ready for this?
["Get ready for this" plays]
344
00:13:43,425 --> 00:13:46,292
Who's ready for a dragon dance?!
345
00:13:51,066 --> 00:13:52,799
The guy in the suit
is my brother, Mark.
346
00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:54,600
He's a male stripper.
347
00:13:54,636 --> 00:13:57,236
["Get ready for this" continues]
348
00:13:57,272 --> 00:13:59,305
[Cheering]
349
00:14:08,298 --> 00:14:09,431
Happy New Year!
350
00:14:09,466 --> 00:14:10,565
I wish we could...
351
00:14:10,601 --> 00:14:12,400
[fireworks squealing]
I said, Happy New...
352
00:14:12,436 --> 00:14:14,035
[fireworks exploding]
Damn it, Happy New Year!
353
00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:14,936
[Beep]
354
00:14:14,972 --> 00:14:15,827
[Sighs]
355
00:14:15,901 --> 00:14:19,407
I wish we were there so they
could annoy me in person.
356
00:14:19,476 --> 00:14:22,744
What's the deal
with disappointment?
357
00:14:24,748 --> 00:14:26,148
I don't have a joke.
358
00:14:26,183 --> 00:14:27,729
I just want to know.
359
00:14:28,679 --> 00:14:31,032
Happy new year! [Chuckles]
360
00:14:31,064 --> 00:14:32,588
What's so happy about it?
361
00:14:32,623 --> 00:14:33,856
No red envelopes.
362
00:14:33,891 --> 00:14:34,823
No family.
363
00:14:34,859 --> 00:14:36,125
No parade.
364
00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:37,392
Bubkes.
365
00:14:37,428 --> 00:14:39,895
But we do have pork buns.
366
00:14:39,930 --> 00:14:41,330
You found pork buns?
367
00:14:41,365 --> 00:14:42,765
Uh, no, jelly doughnuts.
368
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,399
Same basic concept, though.
369
00:14:44,435 --> 00:14:46,668
Dough filled with something
delicious. [Chuckles]
370
00:14:46,704 --> 00:14:49,037
I'm too sad to eat doughnuts.
371
00:14:50,141 --> 00:14:52,107
I'll eat the jelly, though.
372
00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:55,611
[Sighs]
373
00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:57,412
Come on, guys.
374
00:14:57,448 --> 00:14:59,448
Look, sure,
I messed up the plane tickets,
375
00:14:59,517 --> 00:15:01,316
and sure,
Chinese New Year is ruined,
376
00:15:01,352 --> 00:15:04,019
but that doesn't mean we still
can't have fun as a family.
377
00:15:04,054 --> 00:15:05,687
Tonight, to celebrate,
378
00:15:05,723 --> 00:15:08,290
the Huangs are going to
Cattleman's Ranch for dinner!
379
00:15:08,325 --> 00:15:09,925
And this time, it's personal...
380
00:15:09,960 --> 00:15:11,727
Pan pizzas. You each get one.
381
00:15:13,130 --> 00:15:14,663
Sure, fine. [Sighs]
382
00:15:14,698 --> 00:15:16,431
At least I don't have to cook.
383
00:15:16,467 --> 00:15:18,300
I just want this day to be over.
384
00:15:20,538 --> 00:15:23,772
Well, another year without
a snoopy sno-cone machine.
385
00:15:24,299 --> 00:15:26,632
I guess I should
tell my business partners.
386
00:15:42,927 --> 00:15:44,326
Louis!
387
00:15:44,361 --> 00:15:45,828
What is that?
388
00:15:45,863 --> 00:15:47,763
I just thought, you know,
for Presidents' Day.
389
00:15:47,798 --> 00:15:50,399
You know I hate animals
doing people things.
390
00:15:50,434 --> 00:15:51,400
Well, what are you doing here?
391
00:15:51,435 --> 00:15:52,401
I-I thought
you were out of town.
392
00:15:52,436 --> 00:15:54,069
No, there's been
a change of plans.
393
00:15:54,104 --> 00:15:55,704
Okay, so here's what we need.
394
00:15:55,739 --> 00:15:57,973
[Chinese drums playing]
395
00:16:03,914 --> 00:16:06,648
Emery: Whoa, lion dancers!
396
00:16:11,388 --> 00:16:12,855
Awesome! Wow!
397
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:14,423
Look at that.
398
00:16:21,198 --> 00:16:22,598
[Laughs]
399
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:24,233
Whoa!
400
00:16:24,268 --> 00:16:27,102
[Drumming continues]
401
00:16:33,344 --> 00:16:34,409
[Applause]
402
00:16:34,445 --> 00:16:35,744
Whoo!
403
00:16:37,281 --> 00:16:38,579
That's awesome!
404
00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:42,431
_
405
00:16:47,491 --> 00:16:49,157
Louis, how did you...
406
00:16:49,193 --> 00:16:51,560
I wanted you to have
a real Chinese New Year.
407
00:16:51,595 --> 00:16:55,230
How did you find people
who care about Chinese New Year?
408
00:16:55,266 --> 00:16:57,699
You found the bus guy.
409
00:16:57,735 --> 00:16:59,101
[Gasps]
410
00:16:59,136 --> 00:17:00,802
Mitch?
411
00:17:00,838 --> 00:17:02,204
Nancy?!
412
00:17:02,239 --> 00:17:04,273
They spent all day rehearsing.
413
00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:07,242
We decided to go with
the Southern lion-style dance.
414
00:17:07,278 --> 00:17:08,510
[Chuckles]
415
00:17:08,545 --> 00:17:09,845
Mitch got the lion costume.
416
00:17:09,880 --> 00:17:11,044
I used to work at Epcot.
417
00:17:11,081 --> 00:17:12,981
I still have the key
to the costume locker.
418
00:17:13,017 --> 00:17:15,150
The drummers I got on loan
from the high school.
419
00:17:15,185 --> 00:17:16,184
Jessica: Oh.
420
00:17:16,220 --> 00:17:18,086
And honey brought
all the lanterns.
421
00:17:18,122 --> 00:17:19,888
They're from
Janet Jackson's "If" video.
422
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,690
My hairdresser used to be
her prop guy.
423
00:17:21,725 --> 00:17:23,625
Oh, and Sandy
has got some stories.
424
00:17:23,661 --> 00:17:24,393
Oh, yeah.
425
00:17:24,428 --> 00:17:25,460
[Laughter]
426
00:17:25,496 --> 00:17:27,429
Deidre brought oranges
and tangerines.
427
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:30,499
I have three trees in my yard
that are really flourishing.
428
00:17:30,534 --> 00:17:32,434
My secret... human urine.
429
00:17:32,469 --> 00:17:35,070
Carol-Joan brought
illegal fireworks.
430
00:17:35,139 --> 00:17:38,006
My son is troubled, but he knows
where to buy explosives.
431
00:17:38,042 --> 00:17:38,974
[Laughs]
432
00:17:39,009 --> 00:17:40,542
Hector made fish and dumplings.
433
00:17:40,577 --> 00:17:43,011
He did a great job,
and with such short notice.
434
00:17:43,047 --> 00:17:45,314
It gave me an idea
for a Chinese fast-food chain.
435
00:17:45,349 --> 00:17:49,284
Could call it "Pronto Panda"
or, uh, "Panda Chop-Chop"
436
00:17:49,320 --> 00:17:51,653
or "Panda Train, limited stops."
437
00:17:51,689 --> 00:17:53,388
How about Panda Express?
438
00:17:53,424 --> 00:17:56,224
I like my names better.
439
00:17:56,260 --> 00:18:00,829
And for you boys, your father
told us about red envelopes.
440
00:18:00,864 --> 00:18:02,130
Sno-cone! Thank you!
441
00:18:02,166 --> 00:18:03,732
Eddie: Loot! [Laughs]
442
00:18:05,736 --> 00:18:07,536
Look on the back.
443
00:18:08,672 --> 00:18:10,238
"Be the change"?
444
00:18:10,274 --> 00:18:12,441
Your father said you liked
handwritten messages
445
00:18:12,476 --> 00:18:13,775
on nice stationery.
446
00:18:13,811 --> 00:18:15,510
[Chuckles]
447
00:18:15,546 --> 00:18:16,812
Goodbye, Jordans.
448
00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:19,214
I guess I have to wait
another year until I can dunk.
449
00:18:19,249 --> 00:18:21,483
Why did you all go
to all this trouble?
450
00:18:21,518 --> 00:18:23,285
It's not even your holiday.
451
00:18:23,320 --> 00:18:25,687
Louis said you were upset about
missing Chinese New Year,
452
00:18:25,723 --> 00:18:28,390
so we wanted to help.
453
00:18:28,425 --> 00:18:30,792
It's not that people didn't care
enough to get it right.
454
00:18:30,828 --> 00:18:33,028
It's that they didn't know.
455
00:18:33,063 --> 00:18:36,131
Also, it's you,
so if we don't get it right,
456
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,165
we're gonna hear about it.
457
00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,333
Yeah, that's true.
458
00:18:38,369 --> 00:18:40,002
[Laughter]
459
00:18:40,037 --> 00:18:43,305
So, I've always been curious,
why the color red?
460
00:18:43,340 --> 00:18:44,873
Thank you for asking.
461
00:18:44,908 --> 00:18:48,410
The color red represents
good luck and happiness.
462
00:18:48,445 --> 00:18:49,411
Marvin: Ah.
463
00:18:49,446 --> 00:18:50,979
Why do you serve dumplings?
464
00:18:51,015 --> 00:18:53,415
Well, dumplings
are a similar shape
465
00:18:53,450 --> 00:18:56,351
to ancient
silver and gold pieces.
466
00:18:56,387 --> 00:19:00,188
So when you eat them, it's like
you're taking in wealth.
467
00:19:00,224 --> 00:19:01,189
Ah. Ooh.
468
00:19:01,225 --> 00:19:03,058
I like that.
[Indistinct talking]
469
00:19:03,093 --> 00:19:04,626
So the Chinese word for fish
470
00:19:04,661 --> 00:19:06,762
is a homonym for the word
"surplus."
471
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:07,896
And why lions?
472
00:19:07,931 --> 00:19:10,098
They're used to summon
wealth and good fortune.
473
00:19:10,134 --> 00:19:12,234
I thought red was for
wealth and good fortune.
474
00:19:12,269 --> 00:19:14,870
And you said the haircuts were
for wealth and good fortune.
475
00:19:14,905 --> 00:19:17,706
We like wealth and good fortune.
476
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,341
I could listen to this
all night.
477
00:19:19,376 --> 00:19:22,310
Each year corresponds
to one of 12 different animals
478
00:19:22,346 --> 00:19:23,712
in the Chinese zodiac.
479
00:19:23,747 --> 00:19:25,781
I am the year of the dog.
480
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:26,982
What kind of animal am I?
481
00:19:27,017 --> 00:19:28,150
What year were you born?
482
00:19:28,185 --> 00:19:28,984
Pass.
483
00:19:29,820 --> 00:19:31,319
Are some zodiac signs better...
484
00:19:31,355 --> 00:19:32,921
You know what? Enough for today.
485
00:19:32,956 --> 00:19:34,156
Great questions!
486
00:19:34,191 --> 00:19:36,691
No more! Thank you!
487
00:19:36,727 --> 00:19:37,759
[Sighs]
488
00:19:37,795 --> 00:19:39,795
Isn't it nice
our friends care so much?
489
00:19:39,830 --> 00:19:41,563
Mm-hmm. Hmm.
490
00:19:41,598 --> 00:19:44,266
Ooh, maybe throwing
a Chinese New Year party
491
00:19:44,301 --> 00:19:46,201
at Cattleman's
becomes our new tradition.
492
00:19:46,236 --> 00:19:49,237
Yeah, maybe.
493
00:19:49,710 --> 00:19:52,771
_
494
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:54,945
_
495
00:19:58,148 --> 00:19:59,714
Grandma, that's very generous,
496
00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:01,183
but all we need is your love.
497
00:20:01,218 --> 00:20:02,417
I'll take Emery's!
498
00:20:02,453 --> 00:20:05,720
No! I was just expressing
a sentiment, you animal!
499
00:20:05,756 --> 00:20:06,688
No!
500
00:20:06,723 --> 00:20:07,802
[Laughs]
Give it to me!
501
00:20:07,866 --> 00:20:09,934
_
502
00:20:10,094 --> 00:20:10,892
[Laughs]
503
00:20:12,385 --> 00:20:15,429
Thanks, everybody,
for a great Chinese New Year.
504
00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:17,751
But the celebration
wouldn't be complete
505
00:20:17,846 --> 00:20:19,809
without the grand finale.
506
00:20:19,904 --> 00:20:20,590
Fireworks!
507
00:20:20,625 --> 00:20:22,892
[Laughter] Jessica:
Ooh, we have fireworks!
508
00:20:22,927 --> 00:20:24,827
Verbal fireworks!
509
00:20:25,263 --> 00:20:26,362
[Laughter]
510
00:20:26,397 --> 00:20:27,630
Have you ever noticed
511
00:20:27,665 --> 00:20:29,965
how American and Chinese dogs
speak differently?
512
00:20:30,001 --> 00:20:33,569
American dogs go,
"bow-wow, bow-wow."
513
00:20:33,604 --> 00:20:37,006
Chinese dogs go,
"wong-wong, wong-wong!"
514
00:20:37,041 --> 00:20:38,174
[Laughs]
515
00:20:38,209 --> 00:20:39,575
You know,
that's funny because it's true.
516
00:20:39,610 --> 00:20:41,035
[Laughter]
517
00:20:41,098 --> 00:20:43,072
What's the deal with Capri Suns?
518
00:20:43,135 --> 00:20:45,981
I have to puncture
a foil pouch with a straw.
519
00:20:46,017 --> 00:20:49,118
Hello, I'm a child,
not a registered nurse.
520
00:20:49,153 --> 00:20:50,119
[Laughter]
521
00:20:50,154 --> 00:20:51,520
Oh, he's bringing out
the big guns.
522
00:20:51,556 --> 00:20:53,389
[Rim shot]
523
00:20:53,424 --> 00:20:55,025
What else? What else?
524
00:20:55,120 --> 00:20:55,776
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
525
00:20:55,826 --> 00:21:00,376
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
36726
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