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1
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[Snoring]
2
00:00:05,863 --> 00:00:07,337
[Gasps] Wake up!
3
00:00:07,357 --> 00:00:09,478
[Sighs] Why can't I have
a normal alarm clock?
4
00:00:09,498 --> 00:00:13,429
You have one.
And these batteries never die.
5
00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:17,485
Like you loved me before
6
00:00:17,505 --> 00:00:19,750
You should probably get ready,
or you're gonna be late for school.
7
00:00:19,770 --> 00:00:22,639
But I want to finish watching
the Boyz II Men video.
8
00:00:22,674 --> 00:00:24,279
This time instead
just come to my bed
9
00:00:24,310 --> 00:00:26,743
You know, your dad's the
first white guy I ever dated.
10
00:00:26,779 --> 00:00:28,512
And, baby, just don't...
11
00:00:28,547 --> 00:00:29,947
School's giving you a choice of activities
12
00:00:29,982 --> 00:00:32,458
for your fifth-period elective.
13
00:00:32,478 --> 00:00:35,986
- I chose piccolo.
- Piccolo?! But I wanted leatherwork!
14
00:00:36,021 --> 00:00:39,562
I was gonna craft myself
a pair of timbos or maybe a saddle.
15
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:40,991
No, you're learning piccolo.
16
00:00:41,026 --> 00:00:43,994
- Why?!
- All: Because I said so!
17
00:00:44,863 --> 00:00:45,829
Can I borrow some money?
18
00:00:45,864 --> 00:00:47,664
There's a cd sale at Sam Goody's.
19
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:48,932
Oh...
20
00:00:48,968 --> 00:00:51,220
Don't you get your allowance on Friday?
21
00:00:52,071 --> 00:00:53,670
Please, daddy?
22
00:00:54,474 --> 00:00:56,634
Anything for my little princess.
23
00:00:56,654 --> 00:00:57,975
Okay.
24
00:00:58,010 --> 00:01:01,771
Well, I at least need you
to take out the garbage.
25
00:01:05,984 --> 00:01:07,718
Have a good day, boys.
26
00:01:07,753 --> 00:01:09,853
You're going to work, dad, not jail.
27
00:01:10,724 --> 00:01:13,090
I agree with Eddie. It's a little much.
28
00:01:13,642 --> 00:01:15,528
Uh, Evan? Where's Evan?
29
00:01:15,548 --> 00:01:18,300
He started power-walking to school
with the neighborhood ladies.
30
00:01:19,404 --> 00:01:22,299
I'm thinking we go up
high street this morning.
31
00:01:22,334 --> 00:01:23,467
[Women groan]
32
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Pain is weakness leaving the body, girls!
33
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S02E02
Boy II Man
34
00:01:28,908 --> 00:01:30,040
Fresh off the boat
35
00:01:30,076 --> 00:01:31,675
I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go
36
00:01:31,710 --> 00:01:33,677
If you don't know,
homey, now you know
37
00:01:33,712 --> 00:01:35,179
Fresh off the boat
38
00:01:35,214 --> 00:01:37,681
Homey,
you don't know where I come from
39
00:01:37,716 --> 00:01:38,849
But I know where I'm goin'
40
00:01:38,884 --> 00:01:39,883
I'm fresh off the boat
41
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sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:41,987 --> 00:01:43,053
[School bell rings]
43
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:46,356
Barefoot Dave: "They're just like
little purple tennis balls."
44
00:01:46,392 --> 00:01:48,859
Anyway, that's how my mom
tried to sell me on plums.
45
00:01:48,894 --> 00:01:50,727
Man, you had a weekend!
46
00:01:50,763 --> 00:01:53,363
Oh, no. Here come the 8th graders.
47
00:01:56,679 --> 00:01:58,135
Man!
48
00:01:58,170 --> 00:01:59,403
Ugh!
49
00:02:00,290 --> 00:02:02,249
My cheese tool!
50
00:02:07,089 --> 00:02:09,323
Hey, is it cool if I sit with you guys?
51
00:02:09,807 --> 00:02:12,349
Yeah, sure! We got plenty of room.
52
00:02:12,384 --> 00:02:13,450
Unh!
53
00:02:15,855 --> 00:02:17,821
Repeating 8th grade sucks.
54
00:02:17,857 --> 00:02:19,656
All my friends are in high school,
55
00:02:19,692 --> 00:02:22,726
and the new 8th graders hate me
because I picked on them last year
56
00:02:22,761 --> 00:02:24,728
when they were all dumb 7th graders.
57
00:02:24,763 --> 00:02:25,762
No offense.
58
00:02:25,798 --> 00:02:26,864
All: None taken.
59
00:02:26,899 --> 00:02:28,365
I'm sitting on the floor.
60
00:02:28,400 --> 00:02:30,033
And now I have to get tutored
61
00:02:30,069 --> 00:02:31,735
during my 5th-period elective.
62
00:02:31,770 --> 00:02:32,903
I feel you, girl.
63
00:02:32,938 --> 00:02:35,506
For my elective, I have to take piccolo.
64
00:02:35,541 --> 00:02:38,274
Oh,
like that puppet that becomes a real boy.
65
00:02:39,242 --> 00:02:40,198
Yep.
66
00:02:41,714 --> 00:02:44,020
Sorry, Nicole. Won't happen again.
67
00:02:44,884 --> 00:02:46,083
[Clatter]
68
00:02:46,118 --> 00:02:49,019
Are they... afraid of you?
69
00:02:49,054 --> 00:02:50,769
Those ding-wads?
70
00:02:50,789 --> 00:02:53,023
[Chuckles] They better be.
71
00:02:53,058 --> 00:02:56,360
You clown jockeys looking at something?!
72
00:03:00,065 --> 00:03:01,131
[Doorbell rings]
73
00:03:02,076 --> 00:03:04,234
Hey, Jessica! What's going on?
74
00:03:04,270 --> 00:03:06,403
Stephen King book club, remember?
75
00:03:06,438 --> 00:03:07,738
"Pet Sematary"?
76
00:03:07,773 --> 00:03:10,741
I brought hush puppies we
can bury in our mouths.
77
00:03:10,776 --> 00:03:12,609
[Chuckles]
78
00:03:12,645 --> 00:03:15,090
I haven't even started it.
79
00:03:15,110 --> 00:03:16,947
I've been going through
these parenting guides,
80
00:03:16,982 --> 00:03:19,151
looking for some help with Nicole.
81
00:03:19,785 --> 00:03:21,718
"Daughter, we're in this together."
82
00:03:21,754 --> 00:03:23,387
But you're not even her real mother.
83
00:03:23,422 --> 00:03:24,688
You're her stepmother.
84
00:03:24,723 --> 00:03:26,523
All you have to do is day-drink
and criticize her weight.
85
00:03:26,559 --> 00:03:28,992
Marvin only sees her
as daddy's little girl,
86
00:03:29,028 --> 00:03:32,496
- so I have to be the strict parent...
- Mm.
87
00:03:32,531 --> 00:03:33,630
Which I hate.
88
00:03:33,666 --> 00:03:35,799
Because we have made so
much progress as friends.
89
00:03:35,834 --> 00:03:37,935
Why are Americans so obsessed
90
00:03:37,970 --> 00:03:39,603
with being friends with their children?
91
00:03:39,638 --> 00:03:41,405
I have no children friends.
92
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:44,575
- Okay, sure, but don't...
- Look, your job isn't to be buddy-buddy.
93
00:03:44,610 --> 00:03:46,743
It's to do what's best for Nicole,
94
00:03:46,779 --> 00:03:48,682
even if she doesn't like it.
95
00:03:49,448 --> 00:03:50,447
Do you play chess?
96
00:03:50,482 --> 00:03:51,615
No.
97
00:03:51,650 --> 00:03:53,617
Oh,
but Marvin and I did meet playing twister.
98
00:03:53,652 --> 00:03:55,419
[Sighs deeply]
99
00:03:56,488 --> 00:03:58,055
Okay, so, in chess,
100
00:03:58,090 --> 00:04:00,824
you have to think several moves ahead.
101
00:04:00,859 --> 00:04:02,759
Like how Eddie doesn't
want to learn piccolo
102
00:04:02,795 --> 00:04:06,496
but I'm making him because
2,000 marching-band scholarships
103
00:04:06,532 --> 00:04:09,333
go unclaimed every year at colleges!
104
00:04:09,368 --> 00:04:13,070
That may work with Eddie,
but Nicole's a teenager now,
105
00:04:13,105 --> 00:04:15,305
so I can't just force
her to do what I want.
106
00:04:15,341 --> 00:04:17,374
Horse dumplings! Of course you can!
107
00:04:17,409 --> 00:04:19,843
Children are never too
old to be controlled!
108
00:04:19,878 --> 00:04:21,111
It's just like chess.
109
00:04:21,146 --> 00:04:23,847
Children are the pawns,
and you are the queen.
110
00:04:23,882 --> 00:04:25,015
And as the queen,
111
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:27,870
you control all the other
pieces on the board.
112
00:04:28,652 --> 00:04:31,555
Then the king just stands around
and takes credit for your work.
113
00:04:31,590 --> 00:04:32,856
[Sighs]
114
00:04:32,891 --> 00:04:34,958
Standing, shorts.
115
00:04:34,994 --> 00:04:35,959
[Chuckles]
116
00:04:35,995 --> 00:04:37,561
I could do this all day. [Chuckles]
117
00:04:37,596 --> 00:04:39,463
Ah, would you look at that, huh?
118
00:04:39,498 --> 00:04:40,872
[Children giggling]
119
00:04:41,195 --> 00:04:43,734
That's what I see every
time I look at Nicole.
120
00:04:43,769 --> 00:04:45,435
No matter how old she gets,
121
00:04:45,471 --> 00:04:46,770
she'll always be daddy's little girl.
122
00:04:46,805 --> 00:04:48,472
[Giggling continues] Must be nice.
123
00:04:48,507 --> 00:04:50,240
She probably still hugs you.
124
00:04:50,276 --> 00:04:52,042
Every day.
125
00:04:52,077 --> 00:04:53,176
I'll tell you,
126
00:04:53,212 --> 00:04:55,859
there's something magical
about having a girl.
127
00:04:55,879 --> 00:04:58,882
I have always wondered
what it would be like.
128
00:05:01,020 --> 00:05:02,286
[Laughs] [Giggles]
129
00:05:02,321 --> 00:05:05,422
Forever and ever
130
00:05:05,457 --> 00:05:07,824
I love you so
[Both laughing]
131
00:05:07,860 --> 00:05:11,728
Forever and ever
132
00:05:11,764 --> 00:05:14,197
Want to let you know
133
00:05:14,971 --> 00:05:18,235
Just what you mean to me
134
00:05:18,270 --> 00:05:21,638
And all your charms
135
00:05:21,674 --> 00:05:23,940
You've got that magic touch
136
00:05:23,976 --> 00:05:25,876
A magic smile
137
00:05:25,911 --> 00:05:27,010
Just because she's married
138
00:05:27,046 --> 00:05:29,146
doesn't mean she can get fat.
139
00:05:29,181 --> 00:05:31,081
[Sniffles]
140
00:05:31,116 --> 00:05:34,284
So magical.
141
00:05:36,125 --> 00:05:38,088
I can't believe I've got to go to tutoring.
142
00:05:38,123 --> 00:05:40,057
At least you don't have to go to piccolo.
143
00:05:40,092 --> 00:05:42,025
Why do I have to learn instruments?
144
00:05:42,061 --> 00:05:43,360
I am an instrument.
145
00:05:43,395 --> 00:05:44,361
[Scats]
146
00:05:44,396 --> 00:05:46,129
That's all I have so far.
147
00:05:46,165 --> 00:05:47,397
[British accent] Afternoon, Nicole.
148
00:05:47,433 --> 00:05:49,766
Ooh, this must be your tutor.
149
00:05:49,802 --> 00:05:52,035
Normally,
the older students tutor the younger ones,
150
00:05:52,071 --> 00:05:53,957
but you're obviously the exception.
151
00:05:53,977 --> 00:05:56,673
My wife's Asian, so I get it.
152
00:05:56,709 --> 00:05:58,775
- Tutor?! No, I...
- Yes!
153
00:05:58,811 --> 00:06:01,176
Uh, Eddie's my tutor. Just one second.
154
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,915
Tutor?! I can't teach!
155
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:08,418
I can educate sucka MCs,
but that's not the same!
156
00:06:08,454 --> 00:06:10,387
No, listen, I-it'll be awesome.
157
00:06:10,422 --> 00:06:12,356
This way,
you and me can just hang out all period
158
00:06:12,391 --> 00:06:14,391
and, like, listen to music and stuff.
159
00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:16,193
Yeah.
160
00:06:16,228 --> 00:06:17,227
That could be dope.
161
00:06:17,262 --> 00:06:19,696
And this way, I can get out of piccolo!
162
00:06:19,732 --> 00:06:21,898
My mom will love that I'm tutoring.
163
00:06:21,934 --> 00:06:24,601
How can you not love tutoring?!
164
00:06:24,636 --> 00:06:26,803
Because it's one step away from teacher,
165
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:28,605
which is one missed paycheck away
166
00:06:28,640 --> 00:06:31,441
from homeless man with dirty
dog and socks for gloves.
167
00:06:31,477 --> 00:06:33,343
That doesn't even make any sense.
168
00:06:33,379 --> 00:06:35,713
It doesn't have to make sense.
You know why?
169
00:06:35,924 --> 00:06:37,686
Because you said so!
170
00:06:39,351 --> 00:06:41,785
You better not be going into
the kitchen to eat ravioli!
171
00:06:46,950 --> 00:06:48,750
[Footsteps approaching]
172
00:06:48,785 --> 00:06:50,652
- Hey, sweetie!
- No!
173
00:06:50,687 --> 00:06:52,349
But you don't even know what I'm asking.
174
00:06:52,369 --> 00:06:55,116
You called me "sweetie,"
so you probably want something extravagant
175
00:06:55,136 --> 00:06:57,610
like a boat or a new party shirt.
176
00:06:57,883 --> 00:06:59,683
Let's have another baby... a girl one!
177
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:02,197
Are you crazy?! Shop is closed!
178
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:05,400
[Sighs]
179
00:07:05,435 --> 00:07:07,385
Emery: A daughter?
180
00:07:08,526 --> 00:07:11,787
- I have horrible news.
- Grandma finally caught that bird?
181
00:07:11,842 --> 00:07:14,176
Worse. Dad wants a daughter.
182
00:07:14,952 --> 00:07:16,278
[Sighs] That is worse.
183
00:07:16,313 --> 00:07:19,197
If we get a sister,
she'll take over our room.
184
00:07:19,396 --> 00:07:21,583
We'd have to move in with Eddie.
185
00:07:21,619 --> 00:07:24,050
But only until he goes to college.
186
00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:27,990
[Both laugh]
187
00:07:28,025 --> 00:07:29,725
[Breathing heavily] [Laughs]
188
00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:31,660
- Eddie in college?!
- It just came out!
189
00:07:31,695 --> 00:07:32,694
It just came out!
190
00:07:32,730 --> 00:07:33,829
[Doorbell rings]
191
00:07:35,350 --> 00:07:37,566
[Inhales deeply] Jessica, I did it!
192
00:07:37,601 --> 00:07:39,663
- Aah! Whoo! [Laughs]
- You did what?
193
00:07:39,683 --> 00:07:41,870
Oh, Nicole asked me for money.
194
00:07:42,078 --> 00:07:43,505
And I didn't give her any!
195
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:45,774
Good, because you are the queen.
196
00:07:45,809 --> 00:07:46,808
You tell her "no."
197
00:07:46,844 --> 00:07:48,377
[Inhales deeply] Uh, well...
198
00:07:48,412 --> 00:07:49,378
[Water running]
199
00:07:49,413 --> 00:07:51,427
Nicole: Honey! Where's your purse?!
200
00:07:51,447 --> 00:07:53,487
Can't hear you! I'm in the shower!
201
00:07:53,507 --> 00:07:55,283
I'm working up to "no."
[Chuckles nervously]
202
00:07:55,319 --> 00:07:56,685
But I didn't give her any money.
203
00:07:56,720 --> 00:07:57,986
Okay, well, it's a start.
204
00:07:58,022 --> 00:07:59,454
I give you a c-minus.
205
00:07:59,490 --> 00:08:01,857
Learning to be a good parent takes time.
206
00:08:01,892 --> 00:08:03,659
[Gasps] Speaking of learning,
207
00:08:03,694 --> 00:08:06,595
Nicole says Eddie is a fantastic tutor.
208
00:08:06,942 --> 00:08:08,263
Eddie who?
209
00:08:08,298 --> 00:08:09,898
[Laughs]
210
00:08:09,933 --> 00:08:12,906
Jessica! You joke machine!
211
00:08:12,926 --> 00:08:15,897
Your son has been tutoring
her every day this week.
212
00:08:15,917 --> 00:08:18,106
[Chuckles] Another
master chess move by you.
213
00:08:18,142 --> 00:08:20,201
Getting Eddie to study more...
214
00:08:20,425 --> 00:08:22,472
You really are the queen.
215
00:08:24,515 --> 00:08:27,182
You're still tutoring?! I told you to stop!
216
00:08:27,217 --> 00:08:28,583
Wait, how did you know?!
217
00:08:28,619 --> 00:08:30,052
I know everything!
218
00:08:30,087 --> 00:08:32,487
You're taking piccolo!
219
00:08:32,523 --> 00:08:34,122
You're going to ride that metal mouth tube
220
00:08:34,158 --> 00:08:35,957
all the way to money town!
221
00:08:35,993 --> 00:08:37,759
No!
222
00:08:41,398 --> 00:08:43,285
What did you just say?
223
00:08:44,626 --> 00:08:45,701
I said "no."
224
00:08:45,736 --> 00:08:47,202
Tutoring is the one chance I get
225
00:08:47,271 --> 00:08:48,470
to hang out with Nicole alone.
226
00:08:48,505 --> 00:08:49,638
I'm not switching.
227
00:08:49,673 --> 00:08:51,306
Yes, you are.
228
00:08:51,341 --> 00:08:53,775
I will call the school
and have them switch you.
229
00:08:53,811 --> 00:08:54,876
Even if you switch me,
230
00:08:54,912 --> 00:08:56,878
you can't physically force me to play it.
231
00:08:56,914 --> 00:08:58,280
I will tape it to your mouth.
232
00:08:58,315 --> 00:09:00,552
I will breathe through my nose.
233
00:09:01,420 --> 00:09:02,768
Your move, mom.
234
00:09:04,321 --> 00:09:05,554
[Crickets chirping]
235
00:09:05,589 --> 00:09:07,689
I can't believe Eddie defied me like that!
236
00:09:07,725 --> 00:09:10,355
You know who wouldn't have
disrespected you like that?
237
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:11,193
A girl.
238
00:09:11,228 --> 00:09:13,495
The closest I ever came
to defying my mother
239
00:09:13,530 --> 00:09:15,764
was when I wanted to pick out my own shoes!
240
00:09:17,624 --> 00:09:20,789
_
241
00:09:22,352 --> 00:09:24,406
You know whose shoes you could pick out?
242
00:09:24,441 --> 00:09:25,781
A baby girl's.
243
00:09:25,801 --> 00:09:27,542
Cowboy boots or...
244
00:09:27,562 --> 00:09:28,548
Maybe I was too aggressive in my opening
gambit...
245
00:09:28,568 --> 00:09:29,478
One with a buckle and a strap.
246
00:09:29,513 --> 00:09:31,079
- Oh, uh, Mary Janes.
- Going at him made him defensive.
247
00:09:31,115 --> 00:09:32,347
That's what they're called.
248
00:09:32,382 --> 00:09:33,381
- So cute.
- I need to fall back.
249
00:09:33,417 --> 00:09:35,150
- On a girl...
- I need to outmaneuver him.
250
00:09:35,185 --> 00:09:37,552
- Which we could create...
- Make Eddie think he chose the piccolo.
251
00:09:37,588 --> 00:09:39,121
- In under one minute.
- Huh?
252
00:09:39,156 --> 00:09:40,989
What?
253
00:09:41,024 --> 00:09:43,458
Deidre: Your father does
not want another baby, Evan.
254
00:09:43,494 --> 00:09:45,293
He seems pretty serious about it.
255
00:09:45,329 --> 00:09:47,262
Trust me, he just thinks he does.
256
00:09:47,297 --> 00:09:48,997
- Mm.
- I'm sure it's hormones.
257
00:09:49,032 --> 00:09:51,356
It's probably just his time of the month...
258
00:09:51,376 --> 00:09:53,268
You know, when the mortgage is due. Mm-hmm.
259
00:09:53,303 --> 00:09:54,302
Just get him a puppy...
260
00:09:54,338 --> 00:09:56,471
something small and cute
he can take care of.
261
00:09:56,507 --> 00:09:57,739
- That's all he really wants.
- Mm-hmm.
262
00:09:57,775 --> 00:09:59,708
Yeah, Richard brought up
the baby talk last spring.
263
00:09:59,743 --> 00:10:00,942
I just bought him a drill.
264
00:10:00,978 --> 00:10:02,144
[Laughter]
265
00:10:03,313 --> 00:10:08,132
So, you must be Eddie's mother,
or "mu-chin," yes?
266
00:10:08,430 --> 00:10:10,614
My wife's from Asia, so, I, uh...
267
00:10:10,634 --> 00:10:13,828
I would like you to give Eddie
more tutoring students, please.
268
00:10:14,163 --> 00:10:17,325
Ah, you see, one-on-one instruction
269
00:10:17,361 --> 00:10:21,096
is, uh, very much at the
core of the tutoring process,
270
00:10:21,131 --> 00:10:24,699
so while I'm sure Eddie
excels in all subjects [Sighs]
271
00:10:24,735 --> 00:10:26,668
A-a-and likely a stringed instrument...
272
00:10:26,703 --> 00:10:29,127
my wife plays viola...
273
00:10:29,147 --> 00:10:32,572
uh, I just can't assign
him more than one student.
274
00:10:33,677 --> 00:10:36,578
Oh, of course. I understand your rule...
275
00:10:36,613 --> 00:10:37,546
Yes.
276
00:10:37,581 --> 00:10:39,688
For white students.
277
00:10:40,632 --> 00:10:41,516
I'm listening.
278
00:10:41,552 --> 00:10:43,852
As the husband of an Asian wife,
279
00:10:43,887 --> 00:10:47,789
I'm sure you're familiar
with the tale of Zong Dingbo.
280
00:10:48,959 --> 00:10:51,860
Oh, yeah. Zong Din... yes.
281
00:10:51,895 --> 00:10:54,162
Asking Eddie to tutor only one student
282
00:10:54,198 --> 00:10:56,131
is wasting his potential.
283
00:10:56,166 --> 00:10:58,099
It would be like asking Zong Dingbo
284
00:10:58,135 --> 00:11:00,802
to carry the ghost only
halfway into the town.
285
00:11:00,838 --> 00:11:02,137
[Both laugh]
286
00:11:02,172 --> 00:11:04,139
Oh, yeah, yeah.
No, I see what you mean. Yeah, yeah.
287
00:11:04,174 --> 00:11:05,273
Yeah. You'll fix it!
288
00:11:05,309 --> 00:11:06,908
I will. Yes.
289
00:11:06,944 --> 00:11:08,462
You know, you and my wife
should grab lunch.
290
00:11:08,482 --> 00:11:09,878
- No.
- No.
291
00:11:09,913 --> 00:11:11,980
[Indistinct conversations]
292
00:11:12,015 --> 00:11:13,915
When did you start wearing glasses?
293
00:11:13,951 --> 00:11:15,684
3rd grade, but I never felt safe enough
294
00:11:15,719 --> 00:11:17,638
to wear them at school until now.
295
00:11:17,658 --> 00:11:19,855
When the details come into focus,
296
00:11:19,890 --> 00:11:22,834
some of us are less
attractive than I thought.
297
00:11:24,661 --> 00:11:27,262
His name is Captain Fuzz.
298
00:11:27,297 --> 00:11:29,965
He's a pilot for continental airlines.
299
00:11:30,688 --> 00:11:32,901
Eddie, check it out.
I got the new Boyz II Men CD.
300
00:11:32,936 --> 00:11:36,198
We can play it during tutoring
while I finish drawing on your hand.
301
00:11:37,799 --> 00:11:38,940
Word.
302
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:40,942
Pizza today, lads.
303
00:11:41,984 --> 00:11:43,545
Are you wearing a skirt?
304
00:11:43,580 --> 00:11:46,248
No. It's a kilt, like in "Braveheart."
305
00:11:46,283 --> 00:11:49,651
Dude, that's too far.
You're gonna get us all killed.
306
00:11:54,855 --> 00:11:55,724
Hey, Nicole.
307
00:11:55,759 --> 00:11:56,803
[Inhales deeply]
308
00:11:56,823 --> 00:12:00,028
I know you didn't just say
hi to me and not my friends.
309
00:12:00,063 --> 00:12:01,363
Uh, uh, uh, uh...
310
00:12:01,431 --> 00:12:02,664
"uh, uh, uh."
311
00:12:02,699 --> 00:12:04,114
Bye!
312
00:12:08,305 --> 00:12:09,852
We're invincible.
313
00:12:09,872 --> 00:12:12,089
My boy's in a history dress!
314
00:12:13,043 --> 00:12:14,242
[School bell rings]
315
00:12:20,453 --> 00:12:22,269
Nicole:
You would look good in one of those.
316
00:12:22,289 --> 00:12:23,518
Probably.
317
00:12:24,635 --> 00:12:27,656
Yo, wrong classroom!
I'm tutoring up in here!
318
00:12:27,691 --> 00:12:29,324
Oh, these are your new students.
319
00:12:29,359 --> 00:12:31,226
But tutoring's supposed to be one-on-one.
320
00:12:31,261 --> 00:12:33,194
Yes, but we both know
321
00:12:33,230 --> 00:12:36,197
you can handle more than one student.
322
00:12:36,233 --> 00:12:39,567
Zong Dingbo. Yeah?
323
00:12:39,587 --> 00:12:42,988
Did he just have a stroke?
324
00:12:43,008 --> 00:12:46,471
Hey, I don't know you. You're new.
My dad's in the military.
325
00:12:46,491 --> 00:12:48,343
We just got transferred here,
but don't worry.
326
00:12:48,378 --> 00:12:50,094
I'm a lover, not a fighter.
327
00:12:50,516 --> 00:12:52,814
[Laughs] That's so funny.
328
00:12:52,849 --> 00:12:54,402
That wasn't funny.
329
00:12:54,422 --> 00:12:56,184
[As Arnold Schwarzenegger]
"It's not a tumor!"
330
00:12:56,219 --> 00:12:57,285
[Laughs]
331
00:12:57,321 --> 00:12:59,154
That's... you're... you're killing me.
332
00:12:59,189 --> 00:13:01,289
[Laughs]
333
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:04,993
Oh, how was school today?
334
00:13:05,028 --> 00:13:07,495
Terrible. Tutoring sucks.
335
00:13:07,531 --> 00:13:09,230
I'm never doing it again.
336
00:13:11,902 --> 00:13:13,168
Checkmate.
337
00:13:16,157 --> 00:13:19,276
We belong together
338
00:13:19,311 --> 00:13:22,176
Eddie, I called you for dinner five times!
339
00:13:22,196 --> 00:13:23,613
I'm not hungry!
340
00:13:25,084 --> 00:13:27,984
Why do you playwith my heart?
341
00:13:28,020 --> 00:13:30,220
End of the road
342
00:13:30,255 --> 00:13:33,603
Still, I can't let you go
343
00:13:33,623 --> 00:13:35,492
Here you go, dad.
344
00:13:35,527 --> 00:13:36,793
It's unnatural
345
00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:39,778
Why are you handing me my
own drill with a bow on it?
346
00:13:39,798 --> 00:13:41,198
For your hormones.
347
00:13:41,233 --> 00:13:42,999
Drill your feelings away!
348
00:13:43,035 --> 00:13:44,167
Aww.
349
00:13:44,203 --> 00:13:46,103
This bow would look so cute on a baby girl.
350
00:13:46,138 --> 00:13:47,737
[Chuckles]
go to the end of the road
351
00:13:47,773 --> 00:13:49,272
[Sighs]
352
00:13:50,314 --> 00:13:53,243
I found this in the sink.
353
00:13:53,628 --> 00:13:55,998
this in the pantry.
354
00:13:56,018 --> 00:13:57,314
And these...
355
00:13:57,349 --> 00:14:00,083
In between the magazines in the bathroom!
356
00:14:00,119 --> 00:14:03,520
Oh, calendars with cute baby
girls dressed as vegetables.
357
00:14:03,555 --> 00:14:04,821
How did these get everywhere?
358
00:14:04,857 --> 00:14:06,389
Do you know what baby girls turn into?
359
00:14:06,425 --> 00:14:08,959
Teenage girls, and, Louis, trust me,
360
00:14:08,994 --> 00:14:10,460
neither of us want that.
361
00:14:10,496 --> 00:14:13,029
Are you sure? I mean, come on.
362
00:14:13,065 --> 00:14:14,569
I don't think that's cute!
363
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:17,267
I think it's freaky! It's like a curse!
364
00:14:17,302 --> 00:14:20,537
It's like this poor baby angered some witch
365
00:14:20,572 --> 00:14:23,340
who cursed her to be
trapped in a cabbage body!
366
00:14:23,375 --> 00:14:25,775
And now she needs an emperor's kiss
367
00:14:25,811 --> 00:14:27,391
to release her from the curse,
368
00:14:27,411 --> 00:14:30,747
but the emperors are gone...
replaced by democracy.
369
00:14:31,041 --> 00:14:35,619
So this poor cabbage baby
is left alone in the fields
370
00:14:35,654 --> 00:14:37,283
to be pecked at by crows.
371
00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:39,020
And then a photographer comes along,
372
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:40,891
and he takes a photograph of her,
373
00:14:40,926 --> 00:14:42,826
and he sells it for lots of money,
374
00:14:42,861 --> 00:14:46,730
but he leaves her alone
to a life of misery!
375
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:50,267
For who could ever love
a cabbage-faced baby?
376
00:14:50,302 --> 00:14:53,370
You just don't understand
377
00:14:53,405 --> 00:14:56,373
- February's a carrot.
- Shop is closed!
378
00:14:56,408 --> 00:14:58,975
When I can't sleep at night
379
00:14:59,011 --> 00:15:01,578
Without holding you tight
380
00:15:01,613 --> 00:15:03,513
Girl, each time I try
381
00:15:03,549 --> 00:15:06,616
I just break down and cry
382
00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:08,251
Pain in my head
383
00:15:08,287 --> 00:15:11,188
Oh, I'd rather be dead
384
00:15:11,223 --> 00:15:14,524
Spinning around and around
385
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:17,227
Although we've come
386
00:15:17,446 --> 00:15:22,132
To the end of the road
387
00:15:22,167 --> 00:15:27,037
Still, I can't let you go
388
00:15:27,072 --> 00:15:29,139
It's unnatural
389
00:15:29,174 --> 00:15:31,608
You belong to me
390
00:15:31,643 --> 00:15:34,711
I belong to you
391
00:15:34,746 --> 00:15:36,313
Come
392
00:15:36,348 --> 00:15:41,051
To the end of the road
393
00:15:41,086 --> 00:15:45,789
Still, I can't let you go
394
00:15:45,824 --> 00:15:48,058
It's unnatural
395
00:15:48,093 --> 00:15:50,527
You belong to me
396
00:15:50,562 --> 00:15:52,295
I belong to you
397
00:15:52,331 --> 00:15:53,697
I don't...
398
00:15:54,866 --> 00:15:58,101
Enough little man boyz!
You've been in here for days!
399
00:15:58,136 --> 00:15:59,846
Come to dinner now!
400
00:16:06,395 --> 00:16:09,125
[Humming "End of the road"]
401
00:16:16,355 --> 00:16:18,750
It's unnatural
402
00:16:18,770 --> 00:16:20,971
You belong to me
403
00:16:20,991 --> 00:16:24,594
I belong to you
404
00:16:24,630 --> 00:16:27,264
Both:
although we've come
405
00:16:27,299 --> 00:16:31,411
To the end of the road
406
00:16:31,431 --> 00:16:35,105
Still, I can't let go
407
00:16:35,636 --> 00:16:37,808
It's unnatural
408
00:16:37,828 --> 00:16:39,905
You belong to me
409
00:16:39,925 --> 00:16:42,379
I belong to you
410
00:16:42,414 --> 00:16:44,147
Together:
come
411
00:16:44,182 --> 00:16:48,518
To the end of the road
412
00:16:48,553 --> 00:16:51,788
Still, I can't let it go
413
00:16:51,823 --> 00:16:53,223
Whoa-whoa-whoa
414
00:16:53,258 --> 00:16:55,191
It's unnatural
415
00:16:55,227 --> 00:16:57,460
You belong to me
416
00:16:57,496 --> 00:17:00,930
I belong to you
417
00:17:00,966 --> 00:17:03,853
[Humming "end of the road"]
Girl. I'm here for you.
418
00:17:04,437 --> 00:17:06,736
All those times at night
when you just hurt me
419
00:17:06,772 --> 00:17:09,172
and just ran off with that other fella...
420
00:17:09,207 --> 00:17:10,640
Baby, I knew about it.
421
00:17:10,676 --> 00:17:12,275
I just didn't care.
422
00:17:12,311 --> 00:17:13,910
[Humming continues]
423
00:17:13,945 --> 00:17:15,485
[Crickets chirping] [Doorbell rings]
424
00:17:16,043 --> 00:17:17,147
[Sighs] Ready for book club?
425
00:17:17,182 --> 00:17:18,643
I finally finished it! [Chuckles]
426
00:17:18,663 --> 00:17:20,283
This is why we flush our hamsters.
427
00:17:20,319 --> 00:17:22,118
I can't right now.
428
00:17:22,154 --> 00:17:23,720
Uh, something's wrong with Eddie.
429
00:17:23,755 --> 00:17:26,022
He's depressed. He won't eat.
430
00:17:26,058 --> 00:17:27,457
He won't listen to me.
431
00:17:27,492 --> 00:17:29,184
I don't know what to do.
432
00:17:29,204 --> 00:17:31,785
I even bought this parenting book.
433
00:17:32,703 --> 00:17:34,831
"Advanced chess strategy."
434
00:17:34,866 --> 00:17:37,167
The forward was written by a computer.
435
00:17:37,779 --> 00:17:40,405
Well, Eddie's upset because of Nicole.
436
00:17:40,715 --> 00:17:43,206
Ever since she started hanging
out with that new kid, Chris.
437
00:17:43,241 --> 00:17:44,240
How do you know that?
438
00:17:44,276 --> 00:17:46,843
Because I talked to her... as a friend.
439
00:17:46,878 --> 00:17:48,945
I mean,
I know your policy on children friends,
440
00:17:48,980 --> 00:17:51,781
but maybe that's what
Eddie needs right now.
441
00:17:51,817 --> 00:17:53,083
He has friends.
442
00:17:53,118 --> 00:17:56,653
He has Dave, uh, the scrawny one...
443
00:17:56,688 --> 00:17:58,054
Big red.
444
00:17:58,090 --> 00:18:01,124
Jessica, you can't fix this.
445
00:18:01,159 --> 00:18:03,893
What Eddie needs from you
right now is just to know
446
00:18:03,929 --> 00:18:06,529
that he's not the first
person to go through it.
447
00:18:10,171 --> 00:18:12,068
[Alarm clock ringing]
448
00:18:12,104 --> 00:18:13,570
[Ringing stops]
449
00:18:13,605 --> 00:18:16,339
I thought you might like
this alarm clock better.
450
00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,597
The lazy dog tells you when to get up.
451
00:18:19,006 --> 00:18:21,344
[Sighs] It doesn't matter.
452
00:18:23,315 --> 00:18:25,048
[Sighs]
453
00:18:25,083 --> 00:18:28,781
You know, I once had my heart broken, too.
454
00:18:29,501 --> 00:18:32,441
When Oscar Chow dumped me in college...
455
00:18:32,461 --> 00:18:35,109
I was devastated.
456
00:18:35,129 --> 00:18:37,976
I thought I would never feel happy again.
457
00:18:37,996 --> 00:18:40,830
I lost weight. My grades suffered.
458
00:18:40,866 --> 00:18:42,903
I cut my hair.
459
00:18:43,468 --> 00:18:45,733
It was the worst 20 minutes of my life.
460
00:18:47,917 --> 00:18:49,606
How did you get over it?
461
00:18:49,890 --> 00:18:51,791
I realized that...
462
00:18:52,387 --> 00:18:54,906
Life is a lot like chess.
463
00:18:55,514 --> 00:18:57,747
You can't win every game.
464
00:18:57,783 --> 00:19:00,217
But you also can't give up when you lose.
465
00:19:00,391 --> 00:19:03,987
You know, if Oscar Chow hadn't dumped me,
466
00:19:04,022 --> 00:19:06,445
I never would have met your father.
467
00:19:06,718 --> 00:19:09,051
And I wouldn't be here.
468
00:19:09,212 --> 00:19:11,461
Exactly.
469
00:19:11,496 --> 00:19:13,463
And that would be tragic.
470
00:19:14,762 --> 00:19:18,968
Like the 2,000 marching-band scholarships
471
00:19:19,004 --> 00:19:22,071
that go unclaimed every year!
472
00:19:22,493 --> 00:19:24,974
[Sighs] Non... Stop!
473
00:19:25,010 --> 00:19:26,209
[Chuckles]
474
00:19:26,244 --> 00:19:29,312
Louis,
I found more calendars in the garbage.
475
00:19:29,457 --> 00:19:32,282
Yeah, I threw them out. I changed my mind.
476
00:19:32,473 --> 00:19:35,391
We don't need another baby.
477
00:19:35,887 --> 00:19:37,520
What made you change your mind?
478
00:19:37,556 --> 00:19:39,556
I overheard you talking to Eddie,
479
00:19:39,591 --> 00:19:40,957
and it made me think...
480
00:19:40,992 --> 00:19:43,927
if I had a daughter and
she had her heart broken,
481
00:19:43,962 --> 00:19:46,611
I'd hunt the boy down who
did it and murder him.
482
00:19:46,631 --> 00:19:49,820
You were right.
I don't want a teenage girl.
483
00:19:51,269 --> 00:19:52,902
Checkmate.
484
00:19:52,938 --> 00:19:54,137
[School bell rings]
485
00:19:54,172 --> 00:19:56,172
[Indistinct conversations]
486
00:19:58,905 --> 00:20:00,343
[As beavis] I am Cornholio!
487
00:20:00,378 --> 00:20:01,744
[Laughs]
488
00:20:02,566 --> 00:20:05,215
[Piccolo playing "Nuthin' but a 'g' thang"]
489
00:20:07,385 --> 00:20:10,260
["Nuthin' but a 'g' thang" continues]
490
00:20:13,959 --> 00:20:17,627
[Dr. Dre's "Nuthin' but a 'g' thang" plays]
491
00:20:17,662 --> 00:20:19,863
1, 2, 3 and to the 4
492
00:20:19,898 --> 00:20:22,866
Snoop doggy dogg and
Dr. Dre is at the door
493
00:20:22,901 --> 00:20:25,389
Ready to make an entrance,
so back on up
494
00:20:26,456 --> 00:20:30,035
And that's why I always play monopoly...
495
00:20:30,055 --> 00:20:31,457
as the boot.
496
00:20:34,698 --> 00:20:36,398
Nicole: Hey.
497
00:20:38,002 --> 00:20:39,734
Why isn't Nicole sitting with us?
498
00:20:39,770 --> 00:20:42,829
I don't think she's gonna be
sitting with us anymore, guys.
499
00:20:43,475 --> 00:20:46,041
But I'm wearing a kilt.
500
00:20:46,076 --> 00:20:49,141
Do you understand?! I'm not wearing pants!
501
00:20:50,779 --> 00:20:52,180
Well, gentlemen...
502
00:20:52,216 --> 00:20:55,050
[Dramatic music plays]
503
00:20:55,743 --> 00:20:58,019
It's been a pleasure seeing you.
504
00:20:59,606 --> 00:21:02,311
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
505
00:21:02,361 --> 00:21:06,911
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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